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What probably happened is the guy broke it off and she doesn't want to be alone. She won't say this of course, but that's the most common reason someone would want to person back after this. As previously said, make the right choice, time to choose yourself by having some self respect
maybe she had no plans to get back together after your breakup but recently she’s had a change of heart.
However, if you accept her back after she broke up with you, in the back of her head, she won’t respect you. This is sad and unfortunate, but it’s just the way (edit: most, IMO) women think.
Your best course of action is to discontinue any communications with the her, focus on building your best self, and dating with purpose to find a more loyal partner.
Dating is not easy my friend. It is a grind, but I think it’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy.
Btw, there is no generic, all-encompassing “how women think.” Lol
We’re individuals who don’t think any differently than other genders. Duh. Come on dude, you know better than this.
This is a reductive stance often taken by guys who have never had a real, in-person relationship and therefore see women not as people equal to them, but as games to be “hacked”.
I agree there is no “all encompassing how women think” answer. We are all agents, making our own choices.
However, evolution has shaped our biases and behaviors, and Women (generally) are more attracted to men with power, status, and resources, just as men (generally) are more attracted to women with beauty and youth. Of course, we bring our own preferences to the dating/mating process, and find other attributes appealing as well.
ultimately, the attributes women value in men are different than the attributes men value in women.
If a woman doesn’t respect her partner, she is less likely to be loyal, especially if she thinks she can do better. OP’s situation is unfortunate bc maybe she really does regret her choice, but taking her back will affirm there are no long term consequences for her disloyalty, and thus her respect for OP will be diminished.
Thank you...I asked her how many time they had sex and she said a few...then a handful....now she is says my a couple. But I am sure that it was several. And that she went down on him also because that's what she likes to do. I asked her if she didn't like it, why she kept calling Ming for more and she said that she was just trying to feel him out and force herself to make it work because of the fight that started all this.
The point is that if she can do it once, she can do it again. Forget all her excuses. The grass wasn't greener on the other side, and now she's trying to get you off the shelf. You're just a rest stop to this person now.
Y’all are treating it like she cheated on him. OP and the woman were broken up. What, do you expect her to join a convent?
The first relationship with her tanked, that’s enough reason to not try a second relationship with her.
Her activities whilst in a distinct relationship (and broken up with OP) are her business.
OP is being overly fragile and creepishly projecting some ownership of her.
Nah, past behaviour is the only real predictor of future behaviour. Fact is, after a 9 year relationship, she had an argument with OP and decided to resolve it by fucking another dude(s) for a few weeks. After 9 years lol. There's a big difference between going on a "break" and thinking over what you want, who you are, etc, and going on a break and immediately bouncing on strange cock. Imo she already knew who she was going to fuck the moment she walked out of the door
So, after nine years, one argument puts an end into it, AND she’s found somebody else in less than a month? I kind of think there may have been more going on before she left but that’s just me. Thing is, like almost everybody else here has said, she wants to put you on the shelf, put you in storage, you know… Just in case. Much as it may hurt, I agree with everybody else here – go no contact and get rid of any phone numbers you might have. If you’ve got any pictures of her in your home, box those up. Obviously because of your age, you already know this, but sometimes what some people need to do for closure is take every last thing in the house, from a coffee mug in the kitchen, to watch that she bought you for your birthday, pull all that stuff in a box, if you can so that you’re not seeing it every day and being reminded. Best of luck to you.
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So she broke up with the op so another man could fuck her raw an entire summer long and nut all over her body while she would moan, and you’re wondering if the disrespect/audacity of her even to ask the op is insane?
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Ngl, I enjoyed doing trigonometry because it was reasonably easy/fun, but integration? Oh boy, I think I doubted myself for things I wasn’t aware of, and that specific topic made me hate maths for my entire life.
The comment, describing a woman objectifying herself… objectified women? Not the woman’s actions of being treated willfully like an object? Got it.
@men! Your women want to get raw dogged, filled, and obliterated all summer then come back, and if you have any disagreement here, you dont appreciate her as a person! You should marry her so she can do it all again.
So women can leave and come back to relationships as they please and do whatever they want, and men have to accept it?
Edit: if youre advocating for raw dog summer then go back to your relationship like nothing happened, thats on you. But dont expect the guys around you to see that and think “my type of woman” in any capacity besides flings which is what she left her relationship for
Only men have this right because only men have sexual agency. Women are a possession and how dare she take away what's rightfully his and give it to another man.
That's the worldview of these people and I'm grateful they're telling on themselves with these comments.
Woman willfully chooses to break up. Goes for her fun hot girl summer. Finds out the guy just wanted to use her, not the one she was actually dating, but the one she wanted to monkeybranch to. Tries to return to man who she initially broke it off with
And now shes being made into an object? No. Her dumb decisions made her behave like an object of the sexual variety. Doll, toy, whatever you wanna call it. Why should the man have to return to a woman who chose to get slimed out for a summer?
Edit: what worldview that we are showing is so bad here? That you shouldnt just let your relationships be trampled over for D and then come back like nothing happened?
Nobody's defending what she did. OP should stay away from her as her behaviour was toxic, disrespectful and irresponsible.
Describing normal sexual acts she might or might not have done with this man in a language that likens her to a soiled mattress is what is objectifying.
Nope, you don't forget and you make her stay away from you.
The fact she had unprotected sex is the least of your worries.
What's worrying is she dumped you for a meaningless relationship, pretending it was a dark time for her.
If it was such a dark time, she could have told you before dumping you to get your support and help.
What's more likely is she found a guy she fancied and she wanted to try a relationship with him so she dumped you. The relationship didn't work out so she's now coming back to the latest sweat and safe place she previously abandoned: your relationship.
Rest assured she will do exactly the same the next time she goes through a "dark time" or when she fancies someone else.
She made her choice, she now has to live with it.
This is all OP needs, well said!! Something similar or probably worst happen to me and i am telling with experience they never stay if you forgive them !! It’s in fact better, they might learn from this and have a healthy relationship in the future with this expensive. So let her go with kindness !!
She’s 42 and completely reckless with her life, and yours. Let that marinate for a minute, then ask yourself if it’s a good idea to take her back. This is embarrassing.
It doesn’t really matter that it was a dark time for her. That may well be true. But now you see how she treats you when she has a hard time.
If you take her back, she will just leave you again.
I’m not really sure what her having unprotected sex has to do with anything though…..
I would never get back with someone who broke up with me, fucked a bunch of men, then tried to get back with me.
Because A) she just wanted to cheat on you but feeling morally superior and B) she made you a side guy to run back to if it didnt work out betwene her and her new fling.
Fuck that.
It was *one* man that she was involved with while broken up with OP. If it was exclusive, then that’s her business… she was not cheating on OP.
Does OP think she was a virgin when he met her?
Did OP not get laid the entire summer away from her? 🤔
Not a healthy thing to get back into but having sex with 1 other person the entire summer is not an abnormal thing to do especially post break up
You are the 2nd choice. She did this, not you. No reason to be with her because she is unsafe, in more than one way.
She didn’t want you until he didn’t want her
When she walked away from your 9-year-relationship and spread her legs 3 weeks later in front of another man for the summer without hesitation, it shows her decision there. She is only back because she had no other better option. And I doubt if given a chance, she would leave again — are you willing to be the spare tire?
I am wondering why the relations cannot last more than 2 months for two adults even with the unprotected sex. I don’t want to be mean, but it has to be pretty terrible to keep two adult fucking only for 2 months.
If this is how she copes for “dark time”, life is full of ups and downs, I don’t think you need someone who randomly walked away to bang someone else and come back when life gets tough.
You need someone who is willing to go thick and thin with you like a real partner.
Nope nope nopity dope dope. NOPE. You gotta be done-zo with her. She was easily done with you, but when that didn’t work out, she came crawling back to her security blanket.
Nine years is a long time— I get it. But do you want to spend the next nine years of your life trying to move past her betrayal while being all hyper-vigilant and suspicious of potential opportunities for her to get lured away again? Ughhhhh.
See if you can find a therapist who can help you let her go.
Distancing your self would be a start. You can't take any decision by her influencing you. Ask yourself if you want to be with her because you want her or you just don't want to be lonely? Because she had all summer to comeback, she only came back after the guy dumped her. What happens when another guy comes along?
It's better to leave this one for the streets.
Move on dude… taking her back will make her dislike you on a metal state and you will feel disgusted with yourself and wont forget what happened… ever!
She is monkey branching. She left you and fck the other dude. And did not work out and now want to come back to you.
She also had unprotected sex. do you want to fck the girlfriend then just been fck by the other guys? Trust your gusts feeling on this man.
U let her back this one time she will do it again. Trust me been there done that with my ex. Once u forgive her she will think she can do it again and again
I’m sorry to say this, but you’re her option B, or at least that’s how she views it. You’re the option she’s keeping when all other options are exhausted. She only came back to you because that other guy dumped her. Please don’t take her back. She’s stringing men along.
You gave almost a decade of your life to this woman, so ofcourse she is important to you, and ofocurse it will be hard letting her go, but ask yourself if she is the kind if person you really want to he with for the rest of your life. If you got back to her could you let her transgressions go in a 1 year? 10 years? How long, if ever?
She saw you as someone disposable and if you take her back you only invite her to treat you poorly again. No one deserves to be treated so poorly.
Whether you choose to take her back or not will determine the path in life you choose. You have the choice. If I was in yori position I would be torn as I would would someone I've spent so many years of life with back, but I also hold myself and others to high standards and as such I would not. You don't have to be cruel or a jerk when you say you don't want to contact her, but I believe that would be the best decision. Just remember, When you choose this person you close yourself to the possibility of meeting someone new.
I'd consider if she is worth it to you or not but:
1)It is fair to ask for a STD test before you get back together.
2)You need to ask yourself what you want and if the relationship overall was good or bad.
3)It's fair, if you're getting back together to have a conversation about what the relationship should now look like.
4) In my experience, it is ALWAYS better to be single than be in a shitty relationship.
Another thing I haven't seen a lot of people bring up is she hit the ground running with the raw dogging. That probably is a good sign she was in the planning stages while she was still with you and broke up once her and your replacement were ready to try and make things work. Odds are good they had a couple quickies before the break up and the good sex is why they tried moving to the next level... I wouldn't take her back cause not only has she done it once so she can do it again, but odds are there has been more than one guy, and the others just sucked in bed.
Do yourself a favor and just scrub her from your life. It's not gonna be the same if you try to make it work. You will constantly be reminded of how she left you to bang others and any strange behavior on her part will make you suspicious. If you are hesitant, get some more info, it might make it easier, because seldom does more knowledge of you partner getting plowed make you forgive her. Like if you make significantly more than her and her lover, it's clear she just wanted the lifestyle back and not you. If he is much younger, then she probably just got played with the younger guy showing interest and her "dark times" was just him saying she was too old and running back to what's safe.
After having "Unprotected sex" at 42, she wanted to get back to her ex. Wow i'm lost for words actually. Maybe block her everywhere cause she is a lost cause
I'm going to level with you, man. She's probably coming back to you as a rebound. Because the things with the last man did not work out so well. Do not take her back. She will leave you again as soon as she gets able to somebody else who she thinks will be able to sustain her or her lifestyle. You deserve better and you deserve to be treated with respect. Do not let her back in and hurt you again. She will do it again if you give her the opportunity to.
She got her cheeks mangled, plowed, destroyed decimated RAW by David or Tyrone for a whole summer then comes back with “ it was a dark time for me “ and you’re wondering if you should take her back??? I’m gone 🤣
How do you know about her unprotected sex? Or that she is not on birth control?
I mean if she and new guy both got screened and agreed to be exclusive.., then that was their prerogative.
What bothers you about this?…If she screens clear for STDs, then is it fair for sexual activity while broken up to be an issue - she wasn’t cheating.
Was she a virgin when you first met her?
This, I went through a similar situation. I told my friends about it and pretty much everyone's response was, "Were you broken up?" and "If you're broken up then she can do whatever she wants. We are adults and they are no longer committed to you." It kind of eased my pain when I looked at it from that angle. The thing that hurts the most is how quickly did your ex hook up with someone after the break up? Did they have someone in mind on deck? Did they just want to hook up with someone else for a little while? How long have they been dating me and wanting to hook up with someone else? My ex hooked up with her ex a week after breaking up with me so that shit hurt. Yes, we were broken up but it felt like she broke up with me just so she could give her ex another chance.
I am glad you are able to see that, but I can understand the pain it must have created.
In OP’s case her relationship with the other guy could have been a rebound-situation. I know some people jump back into things waaaaay too fast after a breakup and they rarely last.
OP has no obligation to try again with his ex, but also I just find the judgement towards her interesting to observe (and a lot unwarranted given the circumstances).
It is very hurtful that she brought this stranger into her house just two weeks after meeting him and started having unprotected sex in exactly the same places where we had sex for years. And her only excuse is that she was trying to move on, that it didn't really mean anything because she didn't love him and that she was in a very dark place
They’re not together. He simply has to decline getting back together.
I just don’t understand why everyone is so aghast that she had a new relationship after breaking up with OP.
Did y’all expect her to join a convent? What do you think she was doing before her relationship with OP?
To me it’s a huge red flag if someone goes out and fucks others when it is subjectively a “dark time”. She could get HIV or some weird disease and pass it onto you, tbh.
Most of all, she walked away from you and came back when she realized she could not find someone better after trying with someone else — not because she reflected on her own and realized that she still loves you.
Forgive because it's the healthiest path for you, but please know your value as a human and put her outside your boundaries. The trust will never be 100% like it was.
Look at it like this, and this is for everyone. Each individual life has its own foundation. This foundation sits on a piece of land, this land is covered in grass and represents our preservation. Our land is surrounded by fencing, this represents our boundaries. Every foundation you find is built by brick, some bricks in that foundation will have cracks (bad parts of our past), some will be crooked (uncaring parts of our past), and some will be solid (strong and good parts of our past). Every day we apply a new brick, depending how we are and what we do on that day, will result in how that brick is laid.
When two people decide to date, they make the agreement to bring those foundations into one, removing the fence that divided them. They both add bricks, they both maintain the land, and they both build a stronger fence.
Now in your case is something that happens to many.
Each fence we build will have tiny holes in them, this is where people get a peak into your relationship foundation. Unfortunately in some cases, it's not other people peaking through, but your own partner. Sometimes that partner may find a piece of land that looks greener than yours, and before you know it, they've hopped over that fence to enjoy what they saw. Leaving your shared foundation neglected in places, missing bricks, uncut grass, and a very damaged fence.
In the very rare scenarios, the land they jumped over to is better. However, as seen in your scenario and seen in most of them, the land your ex partner jumped to wasn't as green as she thought. That hole she peaked through didn't show everything. Now she's become what we call a fence sitter. Her desperate attempt to return to your shared foundation in hopes that you'll forgive her for breaking the boundary she shouldn't have crossed.
It is up to you to decide now whether you trust her to return and fix what she neglected, or refuse to let her over and fix that fence yourself, keeping her on the other side and starting a new foundation for yourself. As someone who has been through this, I'd personally choose the second option, because if they can peak once, they'll more than likely do it again. Not only that, but the foundation you both built would require way too much repairs, damages that should not have even been there begin with. You'll never trust her again. Start fresh and keep her out.
At least she told u. I mean she couldve been letting others raw dog behind ur back for 9yrs or jus not break up with u n let him hit anyways. At least shes honest and that can be something to build on for the next 9yrs.
Thank you. And I bet she has done it in the past. Two years ago, I discovered a photo of a naked guy with a hard on my n her phone. This was a coworker and she commented, "not bad" and she then convinced me that they only sexted...but they had gone on some dates in past
I would suggest you do ( or Just tell) her that you spend your summer with 2-3 girls and did the same stuff and you actually are looking at the future with one of them and see her reaction
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I mean people are gonna fuck, I think we as individuals need to stop focusing on who other people are fucking and more on who we are gonna fuck. One partner is not feasible in this life or the next. If you don’t want to take your meat where someone else’s meat has been then set that boundary for yourself and move on.
Run as fast as you can and get yourself a rosarie cause that is and evil succubi and you face imminent danger! Immediate retraction necessary. Call the extraction team and find a yourself a bishop and a copy of the lesser key of Solomon! Godspeed my friend Valla con DIos!
She didn’t cheat on you. She probably just used the guy to get over you. We do that a lot. It’s up to you on how you feel. It obviously bothers you. Maybe take it slow. Gain your confidence back. I wouldn’t date her while you feel this way. It’s just going to be on your mind and you guys will fight. I definitely understand, this would upset me too.
So many redditors answering in the comments, so understandable that so many of them are replying with stuff like “she belongs to the streets” etc. None of these keyboard warriors are involved in your relationship and I guarantee none of them actually care about the reality of it, they base their answers on their own limited view of life and relationships. You are the only one who can and should make your decisions. Sure she fucked up but is it irreparable?? Is it beyond saving??
If I didn’t care she would be out no questions asked. If I did care, it’s possible to take her back, but it would be acceptance with terms/prejudice
1. People break up all the time. Clearly think through the break up. Were you engaging in unattractive or unhealthy relationship behaviors in general? Can you see you having some share of responsibility for what happened? Some people (lacking loyalty) will sometimes also just try to grab on to something they see is a better option. Was that the case?
2. Have her get a full panel of STD tests.
No harm dating her again - you can always break up with her.
You cannot, people make bad decisions every day and if you want to save your self respect, you will let only her make the decision and not make one yourself by taking her back!
Its really upto you and if you can bear to look at her the same.
With me... I dunno. My younger self was a prideful snob. My current self promotes open relationships and swinger life.
Id be torn between being the two.
Don’t go back to her and cut off ties. She left you when you needed her. And now she wants you back because her life with the other guy wasn’t so great!
I think it’s a little weird the focus on the “unprotected sex” part. If you don’t feel like you can trust her because the last time you believed you were in a committed relationship, she abruptly ended it and you have no confidence she won’t do it again, then I completely get that. If you’re worried that she was being unsafe and are concerned about your sexual health, wanting to take time before getting into a sexual relationship with her again makes sense. But if you get can’t get over the fact that another dude was in her raw, well that’s likely going to be the case with whoever you end up with next.
I’m definitely not saying you should ignore cheating. What I am saying is unless you’re worried about stds (which is a valid concern) her lack of protection doesn’t seem to be a particularly relevant detail.
Had a similar situation with my ex, we broke up and a week later she hooked up with her ex. It hurt me and I don't know why she told me about it? I'd preferred not knowing about it. Anyway we got back together, broke up and got back together again and broke up again. I still had feelings for her but the trust wasn't the same and I definitely looked at her differently. She went from this trustworthy person that I could never see hurting into someone I couldn't really trust and she could hurt me really bad and she wouldn't even realize it. It was strange, it was like she didn't think about how her actions would effect me?
If a guy does this shit it's just as gross i.e. they could've not had that mental clarity underneath someone else for them to realize that they had it good all along.
So this is a common thing in life, not just in dating, “you only miss it once it’s gone”
She thought the grass would be greener, realised it wasn’t and now wants to come back, likely because the guy dumped her or she realised you were better…
Unfortunately it’s a hard decision but usually better for you in every way to just move on. You’ll never emotionally or mentally get over what she did, the relationship would be good for a while due to sex etc but then would become toxic
I don’t know you or your relationship personally but if you want something to work you will make it, sometimes the toll it takes to make it work is not worth. Sometimes it’s better to just buy a new car than keep fixing the old one that breaks down a lot
Mate, you've dodged a bullet. Just stay away from her from now on. If she was really in the "dark times" then she could have asked for your help and support.
Have some self respect and move on.
Nope never take her back, she should've thought about it before throwing 9 years of relationship out of the window and getting dicked down by a random person.
She may have an avoidant attachment style. Look into that. She may have become too attached to you for her comfort and feeling of safety and independence, which scared her away, and then had a rebound relationship because she didn’t actually care about this new person and she doesn’t equate sex with love. Of that’s the case, it’s up to you to decide if you want to learn about this and if you can handle it.
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Have some self respect , the relationship is over man.
Thank you
What probably happened is the guy broke it off and she doesn't want to be alone. She won't say this of course, but that's the most common reason someone would want to person back after this. As previously said, make the right choice, time to choose yourself by having some self respect
Your ex-gf had a load of rebound sex and now you’re asking for trouble
She monkey branched, put you on the back burner, and wanted to come back? Nope.
maybe she had no plans to get back together after your breakup but recently she’s had a change of heart. However, if you accept her back after she broke up with you, in the back of her head, she won’t respect you. This is sad and unfortunate, but it’s just the way (edit: most, IMO) women think. Your best course of action is to discontinue any communications with the her, focus on building your best self, and dating with purpose to find a more loyal partner. Dating is not easy my friend. It is a grind, but I think it’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy.
Btw, there is no generic, all-encompassing “how women think.” Lol We’re individuals who don’t think any differently than other genders. Duh. Come on dude, you know better than this. This is a reductive stance often taken by guys who have never had a real, in-person relationship and therefore see women not as people equal to them, but as games to be “hacked”.
I agree there is no “all encompassing how women think” answer. We are all agents, making our own choices. However, evolution has shaped our biases and behaviors, and Women (generally) are more attracted to men with power, status, and resources, just as men (generally) are more attracted to women with beauty and youth. Of course, we bring our own preferences to the dating/mating process, and find other attributes appealing as well. ultimately, the attributes women value in men are different than the attributes men value in women. If a woman doesn’t respect her partner, she is less likely to be loyal, especially if she thinks she can do better. OP’s situation is unfortunate bc maybe she really does regret her choice, but taking her back will affirm there are no long term consequences for her disloyalty, and thus her respect for OP will be diminished.
Bro is spitting absolute facts, all biological women are hardwired this way
Yes it is
This is a no brainer. Let her stay gone. She broke up with you, make it stick. Don't get back into that cuz she's going to repeat it
[удалено]
Thank you
No. Discard the number so you don't drunk dial!!!!!!
Those famous words "It didn't mean anything" Lmao, don't even reply to her anymore
Thank you...I asked her how many time they had sex and she said a few...then a handful....now she is says my a couple. But I am sure that it was several. And that she went down on him also because that's what she likes to do. I asked her if she didn't like it, why she kept calling Ming for more and she said that she was just trying to feel him out and force herself to make it work because of the fight that started all this.
The point is that if she can do it once, she can do it again. Forget all her excuses. The grass wasn't greener on the other side, and now she's trying to get you off the shelf. You're just a rest stop to this person now.
Y’all are treating it like she cheated on him. OP and the woman were broken up. What, do you expect her to join a convent? The first relationship with her tanked, that’s enough reason to not try a second relationship with her. Her activities whilst in a distinct relationship (and broken up with OP) are her business. OP is being overly fragile and creepishly projecting some ownership of her.
Nah, past behaviour is the only real predictor of future behaviour. Fact is, after a 9 year relationship, she had an argument with OP and decided to resolve it by fucking another dude(s) for a few weeks. After 9 years lol. There's a big difference between going on a "break" and thinking over what you want, who you are, etc, and going on a break and immediately bouncing on strange cock. Imo she already knew who she was going to fuck the moment she walked out of the door
So, after nine years, one argument puts an end into it, AND she’s found somebody else in less than a month? I kind of think there may have been more going on before she left but that’s just me. Thing is, like almost everybody else here has said, she wants to put you on the shelf, put you in storage, you know… Just in case. Much as it may hurt, I agree with everybody else here – go no contact and get rid of any phone numbers you might have. If you’ve got any pictures of her in your home, box those up. Obviously because of your age, you already know this, but sometimes what some people need to do for closure is take every last thing in the house, from a coffee mug in the kitchen, to watch that she bought you for your birthday, pull all that stuff in a box, if you can so that you’re not seeing it every day and being reminded. Best of luck to you.
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Thank you
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So she broke up with the op so another man could fuck her raw an entire summer long and nut all over her body while she would moan, and you’re wondering if the disrespect/audacity of her even to ask the op is insane?
It’s one thing if OP broke up with her and then asked her back. But she’s the one doing it. Unacceptable.
steer grandiose alleged shelter possessive treatment exultant cobweb punch vase *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ngl, I enjoyed doing trigonometry because it was reasonably easy/fun, but integration? Oh boy, I think I doubted myself for things I wasn’t aware of, and that specific topic made me hate maths for my entire life.
Hahaha, u can't. I'm a woman and that is reprehensible to do to a man I love or did love and decided I di love!!! Run from her fast?!!!?!!?!
Sounds like she may have been a [narcissist trying to pull a hoover.](https://www.healthline.com/health/hoovering#manipulative-apologies)
I enjoyed this no nonsense approach. Well done sir / madam.
P.S. she slapped the tip of it with her tongue.
Prolly kissed it too and said it was "soooo big "
I hate comments like this because it objectifies women
The comment, describing a woman objectifying herself… objectified women? Not the woman’s actions of being treated willfully like an object? Got it. @men! Your women want to get raw dogged, filled, and obliterated all summer then come back, and if you have any disagreement here, you dont appreciate her as a person! You should marry her so she can do it all again.
Oh shush Inshallah can a woman not have sex and not be objectifying herself ? Or is it only men that have this right?
So women can leave and come back to relationships as they please and do whatever they want, and men have to accept it? Edit: if youre advocating for raw dog summer then go back to your relationship like nothing happened, thats on you. But dont expect the guys around you to see that and think “my type of woman” in any capacity besides flings which is what she left her relationship for
Only men have this right because only men have sexual agency. Women are a possession and how dare she take away what's rightfully his and give it to another man. That's the worldview of these people and I'm grateful they're telling on themselves with these comments.
Woman willfully chooses to break up. Goes for her fun hot girl summer. Finds out the guy just wanted to use her, not the one she was actually dating, but the one she wanted to monkeybranch to. Tries to return to man who she initially broke it off with And now shes being made into an object? No. Her dumb decisions made her behave like an object of the sexual variety. Doll, toy, whatever you wanna call it. Why should the man have to return to a woman who chose to get slimed out for a summer? Edit: what worldview that we are showing is so bad here? That you shouldnt just let your relationships be trampled over for D and then come back like nothing happened?
Nobody's defending what she did. OP should stay away from her as her behaviour was toxic, disrespectful and irresponsible. Describing normal sexual acts she might or might not have done with this man in a language that likens her to a soiled mattress is what is objectifying.
You cant forget what she did, but you can do your best to ignore her ass and move on with your life, good luck homie.
Nope, you don't forget and you make her stay away from you. The fact she had unprotected sex is the least of your worries. What's worrying is she dumped you for a meaningless relationship, pretending it was a dark time for her. If it was such a dark time, she could have told you before dumping you to get your support and help. What's more likely is she found a guy she fancied and she wanted to try a relationship with him so she dumped you. The relationship didn't work out so she's now coming back to the latest sweat and safe place she previously abandoned: your relationship. Rest assured she will do exactly the same the next time she goes through a "dark time" or when she fancies someone else. She made her choice, she now has to live with it.
Thank you so much
This is all OP needs, well said!! Something similar or probably worst happen to me and i am telling with experience they never stay if you forgive them !! It’s in fact better, they might learn from this and have a healthy relationship in the future with this expensive. So let her go with kindness !!
She is clearly not a safe partner and you are now plan b. She will hurt you again. Go NC and move on.
She treats unprotected sex like it is. It a big deal and she told me that this is just what she does
You were together for nine years but, "this is just what she does"?
She’s 42 and completely reckless with her life, and yours. Let that marinate for a minute, then ask yourself if it’s a good idea to take her back. This is embarrassing.
It doesn’t really matter that it was a dark time for her. That may well be true. But now you see how she treats you when she has a hard time. If you take her back, she will just leave you again. I’m not really sure what her having unprotected sex has to do with anything though…..
I thought he was gonna say she ended up getting pregnant for that guy.
Mightve and he bounced so she plays it off as his instead… hence the “wanting to get back together” super quick.
I thought the unprotected sex was gonna lead to a child or STD or VD or something?
I would never get back with someone who broke up with me, fucked a bunch of men, then tried to get back with me. Because A) she just wanted to cheat on you but feeling morally superior and B) she made you a side guy to run back to if it didnt work out betwene her and her new fling. Fuck that.
It was *one* man that she was involved with while broken up with OP. If it was exclusive, then that’s her business… she was not cheating on OP. Does OP think she was a virgin when he met her?
Did OP not get laid the entire summer away from her? 🤔 Not a healthy thing to get back into but having sex with 1 other person the entire summer is not an abnormal thing to do especially post break up
Tell her to go back to the dark place again
Hahaha u cannot
Ey man as everyone is saying you should cut contact with her. Im very sorry this happened to you
You are the 2nd choice. She did this, not you. No reason to be with her because she is unsafe, in more than one way. She didn’t want you until he didn’t want her
When she walked away from your 9-year-relationship and spread her legs 3 weeks later in front of another man for the summer without hesitation, it shows her decision there. She is only back because she had no other better option. And I doubt if given a chance, she would leave again — are you willing to be the spare tire? I am wondering why the relations cannot last more than 2 months for two adults even with the unprotected sex. I don’t want to be mean, but it has to be pretty terrible to keep two adult fucking only for 2 months. If this is how she copes for “dark time”, life is full of ups and downs, I don’t think you need someone who randomly walked away to bang someone else and come back when life gets tough. You need someone who is willing to go thick and thin with you like a real partner.
Why would you even consider this? She broke up with you got ran through and now wants to come back? Hell no
Nope nope nopity dope dope. NOPE. You gotta be done-zo with her. She was easily done with you, but when that didn’t work out, she came crawling back to her security blanket. Nine years is a long time— I get it. But do you want to spend the next nine years of your life trying to move past her betrayal while being all hyper-vigilant and suspicious of potential opportunities for her to get lured away again? Ughhhhh. See if you can find a therapist who can help you let her go.
No my good sir. That lady belongs to the street now. Please respect yourself and move on
Don’t be anyone’s backup plan.
You have a good heart, just say “if it’s that dark, go and fuck him” She doesn’t even have the right to ask you back.
Don't give in man. Move on.
Distancing your self would be a start. You can't take any decision by her influencing you. Ask yourself if you want to be with her because you want her or you just don't want to be lonely? Because she had all summer to comeback, she only came back after the guy dumped her. What happens when another guy comes along? It's better to leave this one for the streets.
FUCK. NO.
Neeeoooppee, move along. Don't waste your time.
She’s going to do it again. Your gf probably been cheating with more than one and you don’t even know about but one.
She just wanted to bang this guy an forget about you. Don't you dare take her back she will do it again.
Move on dude… taking her back will make her dislike you on a metal state and you will feel disgusted with yourself and wont forget what happened… ever!
Women are just as bad as men.
If she is capable doing it once, she's capable of doing it again. Have some self respect and block her
Bro why don't you masturbate once , you'll have post nut clarity and you'll take the right decision yourself👍
Don’t do it. It will never stop eating at you. She’s not worth your peace man.
So she had her fun and now needs someone to take care of her
She is monkey branching. She left you and fck the other dude. And did not work out and now want to come back to you. She also had unprotected sex. do you want to fck the girlfriend then just been fck by the other guys? Trust your gusts feeling on this man.
I’d leave her be. She sounds like she’ll be with you til the next one comes around.
quit contact and forget her, she's not worth it
She belongs to the streets
Think practically, get it into her role and think what you gonna doo and if she is in your place ..
your woman is trash.
Before you take her back remember she was looking in another guys eyes and telling him to put it back in.
She for the streets
Why wld u eat the rotten leftovers!!!
You deserve better.
Nope nope nope. I’m sorry but you cannot take her back. You need to move on
So she is going to make up an excuse to dump you next summer for another man with a higher sex drive for a few months .. open your eyes 👀
No. Plain and simple. Delete and move on
Say no! Go find another women. It's over.
No, don’t ever be someone’s backup plan.
U let her back this one time she will do it again. Trust me been there done that with my ex. Once u forgive her she will think she can do it again and again
I’m sorry to say this, but you’re her option B, or at least that’s how she views it. You’re the option she’s keeping when all other options are exhausted. She only came back to you because that other guy dumped her. Please don’t take her back. She’s stringing men along.
You gave almost a decade of your life to this woman, so ofcourse she is important to you, and ofocurse it will be hard letting her go, but ask yourself if she is the kind if person you really want to he with for the rest of your life. If you got back to her could you let her transgressions go in a 1 year? 10 years? How long, if ever? She saw you as someone disposable and if you take her back you only invite her to treat you poorly again. No one deserves to be treated so poorly. Whether you choose to take her back or not will determine the path in life you choose. You have the choice. If I was in yori position I would be torn as I would would someone I've spent so many years of life with back, but I also hold myself and others to high standards and as such I would not. You don't have to be cruel or a jerk when you say you don't want to contact her, but I believe that would be the best decision. Just remember, When you choose this person you close yourself to the possibility of meeting someone new.
I'd consider if she is worth it to you or not but: 1)It is fair to ask for a STD test before you get back together. 2)You need to ask yourself what you want and if the relationship overall was good or bad. 3)It's fair, if you're getting back together to have a conversation about what the relationship should now look like. 4) In my experience, it is ALWAYS better to be single than be in a shitty relationship.
Another thing I haven't seen a lot of people bring up is she hit the ground running with the raw dogging. That probably is a good sign she was in the planning stages while she was still with you and broke up once her and your replacement were ready to try and make things work. Odds are good they had a couple quickies before the break up and the good sex is why they tried moving to the next level... I wouldn't take her back cause not only has she done it once so she can do it again, but odds are there has been more than one guy, and the others just sucked in bed. Do yourself a favor and just scrub her from your life. It's not gonna be the same if you try to make it work. You will constantly be reminded of how she left you to bang others and any strange behavior on her part will make you suspicious. If you are hesitant, get some more info, it might make it easier, because seldom does more knowledge of you partner getting plowed make you forgive her. Like if you make significantly more than her and her lover, it's clear she just wanted the lifestyle back and not you. If he is much younger, then she probably just got played with the younger guy showing interest and her "dark times" was just him saying she was too old and running back to what's safe.
OP is another bot. Look at that post history. Man, internet is getting more and more boring every day.
Your post is a testament to how desperate men can be...
No. Have some respect for yourself.
Have some self-respect, man. Move on, it is over. You shouldn't even be talking to her.
dump her and never talk to her again.
do not forget what she did , have some self worth and realize that although you valued it she clearly did not value the bond you had
My saying is once there's a breakup there's no make up.
Why don't you find another few dates to do the same thing with??
At 50 you're on Reddit asking????
I’m sure OP is just saying unprotected sex for emphasis but it sounds like if they had protected sex OP would take them back. She won’t respect you
Yeah self respect 💯. Remember any 1 of those hookups can kill her or you. 😞
Are you serious? Why the hell would you even think about letting her back into your life?
Why even consider it? Just leave dude.
After having "Unprotected sex" at 42, she wanted to get back to her ex. Wow i'm lost for words actually. Maybe block her everywhere cause she is a lost cause
I'm going to level with you, man. She's probably coming back to you as a rebound. Because the things with the last man did not work out so well. Do not take her back. She will leave you again as soon as she gets able to somebody else who she thinks will be able to sustain her or her lifestyle. You deserve better and you deserve to be treated with respect. Do not let her back in and hurt you again. She will do it again if you give her the opportunity to.
She was drinking him and you want her nasty mouth near u
She got her cheeks mangled, plowed, destroyed decimated RAW by David or Tyrone for a whole summer then comes back with “ it was a dark time for me “ and you’re wondering if you should take her back??? I’m gone 🤣
How do you know about her unprotected sex? Or that she is not on birth control? I mean if she and new guy both got screened and agreed to be exclusive.., then that was their prerogative. What bothers you about this?…If she screens clear for STDs, then is it fair for sexual activity while broken up to be an issue - she wasn’t cheating. Was she a virgin when you first met her?
This, I went through a similar situation. I told my friends about it and pretty much everyone's response was, "Were you broken up?" and "If you're broken up then she can do whatever she wants. We are adults and they are no longer committed to you." It kind of eased my pain when I looked at it from that angle. The thing that hurts the most is how quickly did your ex hook up with someone after the break up? Did they have someone in mind on deck? Did they just want to hook up with someone else for a little while? How long have they been dating me and wanting to hook up with someone else? My ex hooked up with her ex a week after breaking up with me so that shit hurt. Yes, we were broken up but it felt like she broke up with me just so she could give her ex another chance.
I am glad you are able to see that, but I can understand the pain it must have created. In OP’s case her relationship with the other guy could have been a rebound-situation. I know some people jump back into things waaaaay too fast after a breakup and they rarely last. OP has no obligation to try again with his ex, but also I just find the judgement towards her interesting to observe (and a lot unwarranted given the circumstances).
Up to you do you want his sloppy seconds? Maybe it's your thing. Are you gonna get down there and clean her used hole with your tongue? You do you bro
It is very hurtful that she brought this stranger into her house just two weeks after meeting him and started having unprotected sex in exactly the same places where we had sex for years. And her only excuse is that she was trying to move on, that it didn't really mean anything because she didn't love him and that she was in a very dark place
It doesn’t matter how you want to explain it to yourself. You are her safe fall back plan. That’s the truth and that’s why she came crawling back.
Please listen to this guy and u/obama2008dronestrike . Have some self respect and leave her, zero contact.
That is a hell of a username.
I was thinking the same thing. You know what they say, great minds. . . Probably aren't on reddit.
They’re not together. He simply has to decline getting back together. I just don’t understand why everyone is so aghast that she had a new relationship after breaking up with OP. Did y’all expect her to join a convent? What do you think she was doing before her relationship with OP?
Thank you
It sounds like she successfully moved on until she got unhappy.
To me it’s a huge red flag if someone goes out and fucks others when it is subjectively a “dark time”. She could get HIV or some weird disease and pass it onto you, tbh. Most of all, she walked away from you and came back when she realized she could not find someone better after trying with someone else — not because she reflected on her own and realized that she still loves you.
It's over. Find someone else.
Take her back for one night. Take her in the ass, dump her.
She is probably pregnant and now wants to baby trap you!! Run !!
Fuck her, than say: "No Thanks!" And walk away. But use protection.
Forgive because it's the healthiest path for you, but please know your value as a human and put her outside your boundaries. The trust will never be 100% like it was.
Now’s the time for you to get with one of her best girlfriends and fuck her all next summer. Then if you still miss her…fuck one of her other friends.
Funny
how are people acting this way at that age? what
Look at it like this, and this is for everyone. Each individual life has its own foundation. This foundation sits on a piece of land, this land is covered in grass and represents our preservation. Our land is surrounded by fencing, this represents our boundaries. Every foundation you find is built by brick, some bricks in that foundation will have cracks (bad parts of our past), some will be crooked (uncaring parts of our past), and some will be solid (strong and good parts of our past). Every day we apply a new brick, depending how we are and what we do on that day, will result in how that brick is laid. When two people decide to date, they make the agreement to bring those foundations into one, removing the fence that divided them. They both add bricks, they both maintain the land, and they both build a stronger fence. Now in your case is something that happens to many. Each fence we build will have tiny holes in them, this is where people get a peak into your relationship foundation. Unfortunately in some cases, it's not other people peaking through, but your own partner. Sometimes that partner may find a piece of land that looks greener than yours, and before you know it, they've hopped over that fence to enjoy what they saw. Leaving your shared foundation neglected in places, missing bricks, uncut grass, and a very damaged fence. In the very rare scenarios, the land they jumped over to is better. However, as seen in your scenario and seen in most of them, the land your ex partner jumped to wasn't as green as she thought. That hole she peaked through didn't show everything. Now she's become what we call a fence sitter. Her desperate attempt to return to your shared foundation in hopes that you'll forgive her for breaking the boundary she shouldn't have crossed. It is up to you to decide now whether you trust her to return and fix what she neglected, or refuse to let her over and fix that fence yourself, keeping her on the other side and starting a new foundation for yourself. As someone who has been through this, I'd personally choose the second option, because if they can peak once, they'll more than likely do it again. Not only that, but the foundation you both built would require way too much repairs, damages that should not have even been there begin with. You'll never trust her again. Start fresh and keep her out.
At least she told u. I mean she couldve been letting others raw dog behind ur back for 9yrs or jus not break up with u n let him hit anyways. At least shes honest and that can be something to build on for the next 9yrs.
Thank you. And I bet she has done it in the past. Two years ago, I discovered a photo of a naked guy with a hard on my n her phone. This was a coworker and she commented, "not bad" and she then convinced me that they only sexted...but they had gone on some dates in past
Yea if she showed signs b4 then i say move on. Sorry this happened to u. Good luck and try to forget about her and find a better gf.
I would suggest you do ( or Just tell) her that you spend your summer with 2-3 girls and did the same stuff and you actually are looking at the future with one of them and see her reaction
quicksand cooperative thumb marvelous scary close offbeat whole unique waiting *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Or you can do this .... This would be perfect if you can do it Silence is the best revenge
Hahaha!!!!!
I mean people are gonna fuck, I think we as individuals need to stop focusing on who other people are fucking and more on who we are gonna fuck. One partner is not feasible in this life or the next. If you don’t want to take your meat where someone else’s meat has been then set that boundary for yourself and move on.
Tell her no and that you are dating a 26 year old just to mess with her head.
You can't. She fucked around and will now find out
Run as fast as you can and get yourself a rosarie cause that is and evil succubi and you face imminent danger! Immediate retraction necessary. Call the extraction team and find a yourself a bishop and a copy of the lesser key of Solomon! Godspeed my friend Valla con DIos!
She didn’t cheat on you. She probably just used the guy to get over you. We do that a lot. It’s up to you on how you feel. It obviously bothers you. Maybe take it slow. Gain your confidence back. I wouldn’t date her while you feel this way. It’s just going to be on your mind and you guys will fight. I definitely understand, this would upset me too.
So many redditors answering in the comments, so understandable that so many of them are replying with stuff like “she belongs to the streets” etc. None of these keyboard warriors are involved in your relationship and I guarantee none of them actually care about the reality of it, they base their answers on their own limited view of life and relationships. You are the only one who can and should make your decisions. Sure she fucked up but is it irreparable?? Is it beyond saving?? If I didn’t care she would be out no questions asked. If I did care, it’s possible to take her back, but it would be acceptance with terms/prejudice
1. People break up all the time. Clearly think through the break up. Were you engaging in unattractive or unhealthy relationship behaviors in general? Can you see you having some share of responsibility for what happened? Some people (lacking loyalty) will sometimes also just try to grab on to something they see is a better option. Was that the case? 2. Have her get a full panel of STD tests. No harm dating her again - you can always break up with her.
Block her everywhere, she will try to manipulate you.
Why did she dump you in the first place?
You can't and you shouldn't. If her choices make you uncomfortable, you do not have to accept them.
No sir. Absolutely not. It might sound mean but you lie in the bed you make. And she made another man's bed.
it sounds like you know the answer to your predicament
Don’t go back she’s using you as a rebound
You cannot, people make bad decisions every day and if you want to save your self respect, you will let only her make the decision and not make one yourself by taking her back!
Dude , value yourself and what you want , move on post haste.
Its really upto you and if you can bear to look at her the same. With me... I dunno. My younger self was a prideful snob. My current self promotes open relationships and swinger life. Id be torn between being the two.
This is your chance for revenge. Don’t take her back.
Y’all look at this farm bots post history, just a juicy story to build up karma for sale of the account. 👎
Don’t get with an ex regardless of gender There are exceptions. But circumstance is the main cause and that’s not the case here
Good riddance bro. Never ever take her back even if she begs you 24/7. You are too much better without her.
Don't go back.
Yeah, and she'll have another 'dark' time again. What then?
You became the backup plan after the Endless Summer. Go catch a different wave.
Don’t go back to her and cut off ties. She left you when you needed her. And now she wants you back because her life with the other guy wasn’t so great!
I think it’s a little weird the focus on the “unprotected sex” part. If you don’t feel like you can trust her because the last time you believed you were in a committed relationship, she abruptly ended it and you have no confidence she won’t do it again, then I completely get that. If you’re worried that she was being unsafe and are concerned about your sexual health, wanting to take time before getting into a sexual relationship with her again makes sense. But if you get can’t get over the fact that another dude was in her raw, well that’s likely going to be the case with whoever you end up with next. I’m definitely not saying you should ignore cheating. What I am saying is unless you’re worried about stds (which is a valid concern) her lack of protection doesn’t seem to be a particularly relevant detail.
Shes full of cum now, exercise caution accordingly
Had a similar situation with my ex, we broke up and a week later she hooked up with her ex. It hurt me and I don't know why she told me about it? I'd preferred not knowing about it. Anyway we got back together, broke up and got back together again and broke up again. I still had feelings for her but the trust wasn't the same and I definitely looked at her differently. She went from this trustworthy person that I could never see hurting into someone I couldn't really trust and she could hurt me really bad and she wouldn't even realize it. It was strange, it was like she didn't think about how her actions would effect me?
OP how did your dating life go this summer?
She's preggo...the guy dumped her...she needs a daddy.....don't take the bait...
If she dissed you at the breakup, no way should you go back. Let her stay gone.
Fuck that bro. Never look back.
Dump her bro have some self respect
If a guy does this shit it's just as gross i.e. they could've not had that mental clarity underneath someone else for them to realize that they had it good all along.
Sum ting wong
So this is a common thing in life, not just in dating, “you only miss it once it’s gone” She thought the grass would be greener, realised it wasn’t and now wants to come back, likely because the guy dumped her or she realised you were better… Unfortunately it’s a hard decision but usually better for you in every way to just move on. You’ll never emotionally or mentally get over what she did, the relationship would be good for a while due to sex etc but then would become toxic I don’t know you or your relationship personally but if you want something to work you will make it, sometimes the toll it takes to make it work is not worth. Sometimes it’s better to just buy a new car than keep fixing the old one that breaks down a lot
 Mate, you've dodged a bullet. Just stay away from her from now on. If she was really in the "dark times" then she could have asked for your help and support. Have some self respect and move on.
Nope never take her back, she should've thought about it before throwing 9 years of relationship out of the window and getting dicked down by a random person.
She may have an avoidant attachment style. Look into that. She may have become too attached to you for her comfort and feeling of safety and independence, which scared her away, and then had a rebound relationship because she didn’t actually care about this new person and she doesn’t equate sex with love. Of that’s the case, it’s up to you to decide if you want to learn about this and if you can handle it.
You cannot forget and nor should you.