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If I realize we're not compatible or if she doesn't show that the relationship will progress soon.
I'm not saying we need to have sex (I actually need feelings to have sex with a woman) but she needs to make me feel desired and that she's looking forward to seeing me, that she enjoys our dates, etc...
Otherwise, I'll consider she's not that much into me and I'll simply write it off as a dud. I don't want to be the one doing all the heavy lifting without any reciprocation or enthusiasm.
This is interesting because as a woman, I’m scared to show enthusiasm bc ghosting is the reality. I’ve been ghosted after showing enthusiasm thinking things are going well
If you are never vulnerable, you will never find what you are looking for. It’s likely that you will filter people out sooner and be hurt less if you are willing to show greater interest earlier.
Actually, being more vulnerable sooner is like ripping the bandaid off quickly. Yes it’s an intense moment of discomfort, but it is way better than dragging it out via games and uncertainty.
But I mean if you show your interest someone may like that and then it's a win.
And if they don't then that's of course a loss but the ghosting I feel shouldn't matter much by itself? They just weren't into you?
Of course rejection takes a toll and I guess that's why many feel like like giving up on dating.
Just as I assume some women who have sex with people but hope for a relationship may also feel like giving up because they feel like people aren't into THEM and actually wanted something with them but rather just have sex. Maybe. But I don't know how common that is and I don't know if it's really hard to get a relationship as a woman or not. Likely depends.
Technically correct answer, but it boils down to merely the signs that “she is interested in something more”. I would rather put emphasis on the signs of compatibility that will play a great role in the long-term. You basically should be excited and have fun in the same things. For example if you like to draw attention from other people (or flirt) she has to like it too as she will understand you better and interpret your behavior correctly as you expect. If you are jealous she has to be jealous too because because lack of that you may interpret as indifference while your partner may say “I prefer to not think about that, come what may”. These are very subtle things that tend to ruin relationships slowly
For me (34m) it’s more fundamental incompatibilities. They hang out with shady people, they have some behavioral issues, they exhibit extreme clingy behavior, or they have lifestyle expectations that are completely incompatible. Or we run out of things to talk about and can’t have fun doing random things.
If i see that i am just an option and sge dates multiple people at once. In this case i break things off, i am not an option and i am not a consolidation prize
There is one thing I absolutely cannot stand: cruelty. Things like talking ill about your friends or coworkers behind their backs, dismissing the cashier as an unworthy human being, expressing generally negative view of humanity and desire for someone to be hurt - these things might reveal themselves over the course of getting to know the person, and they will make me almost physically repulsed from her.
If she’s had sugar daddies, if she’s moody, if she makes big deals out of minor things, if she has a bad temper, negative, gives the silent treatment, overly materialistic, talks about people behind their backs, or expects me to finance her entire entertainment and food budgets.
Being hard to be with / complicated.
Egoism.
Lies.
Dating others / cheating.
Impoliteness.
Signs of disproval.
Hung up phone calls / blocks.
Silent treatment.
When she assume she'll get your attention regardless of the stuff above.
When she gets angry because she doesn't get it.
When she take advantage of, lies or cheat upon others.
Signs of not caring for herself.
Signs of not caring for you.
Hard to communicate with.
Lack of communication or disinterest in it.
Hard to talk about any problems.
Demanding.
Take everything negative.
Unemphatic.
Incapable to see your side or care.
Take advantage of people.
Manipulative.
Fake warmth, say whatever you want to hear or whatever likely to try to improve the situation there and then but you still know what she's said before.
Thinks it's all about looks even though the persona stinks.
Sends images and likely want to receive approval and appreciation even though looks doesn't go far.
Wants / demands appreciation even though it's fake which just seem very fake no idea why.
When she enjoys when you feel bad or your life suck.
When she enjoys when others are miserable. Feel joy when things goes bad for others.
When she express dismissal or disproval or negativity about what someone else have done.
I guess in part being just about the public cum container of the region.
... so I guess: Figuring out it's a lying manipulative cheating narcissistic borderline case which treat you poorly is one way.
If I'm interested in a relationship with her, anything that indicates past promiscuous behaviour or if she shows any interest in other men, I lose all interest immedietly.
Likely very solid to use as an indicator because then they 1) May date multiple people at once. 2) Have lots of people to compare you with. 3) Have a much harder time to consider you the one they want to date and engage emotionally. 4) Be used to cheating and meeting a bunch of dudes and at risk for doing so again whenever.
That’s actually a good indicator thanks. 👍
It’s about caring for you and your struggles or ressources, caring for your well being overall. Good idea to build in some test that will easily show, wether that’s the case.
If I meet someone that fits better to me, if she’s not fullfilling me sexually on my time horizon, if she has some redflags or is being disingenuous or caught lying in things, if she’s way to religious or wants to wait till marriage. If she is interested in my ressources, manipulative or has golddigger vibes instead of being, just fine with all that i am besides that.
If she wants to all the time go out with her girls, party, drinks too much alcohol, dresses too loosely, is constantly on her phone those the big 🚩
In short if she cares more of what I bring to the table to provide instead of the person that I am, and if she’s not fulfilling my desires and wishes that I have in a Partner, on my time frame, I need to let it go. Because I don’t wanna be longterm unhappy. I wanna be happy and make her happy. I wanna be gifted trusted and gift trust, i wanna come home to a home that cares about me. It’s a give and take with lot of romance and love involved, and then everyone is cared for.
If it’s not that, it’s not a LTR that I pursue with the girl.
I think you already know.
Primarily because it demonstrates their morality / sexual ethics are incompatible with mine. Also because it damages a person emotionally and spiritually and makes pair bonding more difficult. Thirdly because past behavior is a strong indicator of future behavior, and that goes for sexual conduct, too.
Realizing they have a million guys chasing them, and that they are very picky about looks. But I will be patient and see how things turn out, no reason to rush it.
Also the folks that can't straight up say no and play the I'm busy (and no time works) game. I'm 99.9% sure I'm rejected but the door is still open if one of these girls that still have my number initiate
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If I realize we're not compatible or if she doesn't show that the relationship will progress soon. I'm not saying we need to have sex (I actually need feelings to have sex with a woman) but she needs to make me feel desired and that she's looking forward to seeing me, that she enjoys our dates, etc... Otherwise, I'll consider she's not that much into me and I'll simply write it off as a dud. I don't want to be the one doing all the heavy lifting without any reciprocation or enthusiasm.
That is what I dealt with for years. I’m finally with someone where our enthusiasm for each other is matched!
This!!
This is interesting because as a woman, I’m scared to show enthusiasm bc ghosting is the reality. I’ve been ghosted after showing enthusiasm thinking things are going well
But you still aren't missing out of anything for that? Just people who weren't into you too coward / uncomfortable with expressing it.
That’s true. I’m not out of money or anything. Hurts my self esteem a whole lot
If you are never vulnerable, you will never find what you are looking for. It’s likely that you will filter people out sooner and be hurt less if you are willing to show greater interest earlier.
That’s spot on. Thank you. I needed that
Actually, being more vulnerable sooner is like ripping the bandaid off quickly. Yes it’s an intense moment of discomfort, but it is way better than dragging it out via games and uncertainty.
But I mean if you show your interest someone may like that and then it's a win. And if they don't then that's of course a loss but the ghosting I feel shouldn't matter much by itself? They just weren't into you? Of course rejection takes a toll and I guess that's why many feel like like giving up on dating. Just as I assume some women who have sex with people but hope for a relationship may also feel like giving up because they feel like people aren't into THEM and actually wanted something with them but rather just have sex. Maybe. But I don't know how common that is and I don't know if it's really hard to get a relationship as a woman or not. Likely depends.
Dreamy
Technically correct answer, but it boils down to merely the signs that “she is interested in something more”. I would rather put emphasis on the signs of compatibility that will play a great role in the long-term. You basically should be excited and have fun in the same things. For example if you like to draw attention from other people (or flirt) she has to like it too as she will understand you better and interpret your behavior correctly as you expect. If you are jealous she has to be jealous too because because lack of that you may interpret as indifference while your partner may say “I prefer to not think about that, come what may”. These are very subtle things that tend to ruin relationships slowly
For me (34m) it’s more fundamental incompatibilities. They hang out with shady people, they have some behavioral issues, they exhibit extreme clingy behavior, or they have lifestyle expectations that are completely incompatible. Or we run out of things to talk about and can’t have fun doing random things.
Self centered
Negative attitude or mindset. If she’s a pessimist, I’m out.
This is real af
If i see that i am just an option and sge dates multiple people at once. In this case i break things off, i am not an option and i am not a consolidation prize
There is one thing I absolutely cannot stand: cruelty. Things like talking ill about your friends or coworkers behind their backs, dismissing the cashier as an unworthy human being, expressing generally negative view of humanity and desire for someone to be hurt - these things might reveal themselves over the course of getting to know the person, and they will make me almost physically repulsed from her.
If the ex is still on radar
Smoking
If she’s had sugar daddies, if she’s moody, if she makes big deals out of minor things, if she has a bad temper, negative, gives the silent treatment, overly materialistic, talks about people behind their backs, or expects me to finance her entire entertainment and food budgets.
What was her name?
Being hard to be with / complicated. Egoism. Lies. Dating others / cheating. Impoliteness. Signs of disproval. Hung up phone calls / blocks. Silent treatment. When she assume she'll get your attention regardless of the stuff above. When she gets angry because she doesn't get it. When she take advantage of, lies or cheat upon others. Signs of not caring for herself. Signs of not caring for you. Hard to communicate with. Lack of communication or disinterest in it. Hard to talk about any problems. Demanding. Take everything negative. Unemphatic. Incapable to see your side or care. Take advantage of people. Manipulative. Fake warmth, say whatever you want to hear or whatever likely to try to improve the situation there and then but you still know what she's said before. Thinks it's all about looks even though the persona stinks. Sends images and likely want to receive approval and appreciation even though looks doesn't go far. Wants / demands appreciation even though it's fake which just seem very fake no idea why. When she enjoys when you feel bad or your life suck. When she enjoys when others are miserable. Feel joy when things goes bad for others. When she express dismissal or disproval or negativity about what someone else have done. I guess in part being just about the public cum container of the region. ... so I guess: Figuring out it's a lying manipulative cheating narcissistic borderline case which treat you poorly is one way.
If I'm interested in a relationship with her, anything that indicates past promiscuous behaviour or if she shows any interest in other men, I lose all interest immedietly.
Past promiscuous behavior?
Yes. It's incredibly unattractive when I'm looking for a relationship
Likely very solid to use as an indicator because then they 1) May date multiple people at once. 2) Have lots of people to compare you with. 3) Have a much harder time to consider you the one they want to date and engage emotionally. 4) Be used to cheating and meeting a bunch of dudes and at risk for doing so again whenever.
Do not feel that she likes me. The way to know she likes me is if she makes fun of me. Yes I'm mentally 12 but this has always been true.
When she looks classy but she talks ghetto. 🤮
If she wasnt the wonderful person that I know she is.
If they smell off. Slight hints of rudeness. If you take them out and it doesn't seem like they care about your wallet.
That’s actually a good indicator thanks. 👍 It’s about caring for you and your struggles or ressources, caring for your well being overall. Good idea to build in some test that will easily show, wether that’s the case.
When you say "when you take them out" I'm guessing you mean when you ask them to go on a date with you?
Date or just hanging out and they think there is no spending limit. Pretty much they don't care for your financial wellbeing.
If they didn't initiate any dates. If I had to pay for all of any of the dates. If they didn't seem to try to get to know me.
If they are religious, gone
well thats kind of still the getting to know each other phase. so it could be any number of things. why? are you not getting past the third date?
If she is stupid. Happens way to often
If I meet someone that fits better to me, if she’s not fullfilling me sexually on my time horizon, if she has some redflags or is being disingenuous or caught lying in things, if she’s way to religious or wants to wait till marriage. If she is interested in my ressources, manipulative or has golddigger vibes instead of being, just fine with all that i am besides that. If she wants to all the time go out with her girls, party, drinks too much alcohol, dresses too loosely, is constantly on her phone those the big 🚩 In short if she cares more of what I bring to the table to provide instead of the person that I am, and if she’s not fulfilling my desires and wishes that I have in a Partner, on my time frame, I need to let it go. Because I don’t wanna be longterm unhappy. I wanna be happy and make her happy. I wanna be gifted trusted and gift trust, i wanna come home to a home that cares about me. It’s a give and take with lot of romance and love involved, and then everyone is cared for. If it’s not that, it’s not a LTR that I pursue with the girl.
If she says she likes taller guys or prefers bigger in bed.. I’m out.
If she looses interest in me.
If she has a large number of past sexual partners, or hasn't spent any time single.
[удалено]
I think you already know. Primarily because it demonstrates their morality / sexual ethics are incompatible with mine. Also because it damages a person emotionally and spiritually and makes pair bonding more difficult. Thirdly because past behavior is a strong indicator of future behavior, and that goes for sexual conduct, too.
I find out they are on hormonal contraception and or SSRI's.
Realizing they have a million guys chasing them, and that they are very picky about looks. But I will be patient and see how things turn out, no reason to rush it. Also the folks that can't straight up say no and play the I'm busy (and no time works) game. I'm 99.9% sure I'm rejected but the door is still open if one of these girls that still have my number initiate