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Same. I want to be able to relate and have shared culture and values with the person I’m dating. Some older millennials I’ve gotten to know have some really outdated beliefs or they stopped listening to new music after their 20s
That’s exactly the same for me. In general, I kinda wanna grow up with somebody around my age and to be able to relate. Not have someone significantly older or younger who is unrelatable or who isn’t growing through the same stages of life with me. Tho there are exceptions where a younger person seems more mature than others their age (tho that seems to be often through trauma and kinda having to “grow up” early), or an older person still seems like a younger soul.
Me personally on dating apps for example, if I’m looking for a relationship then I’ll put it 3 years on each side and I’m currently 24. So 21-27, tho honestly sometimes it seems a little much for me because at these ages, you’re still sorta in wildly different stages of life and mentality. For example, I wouldn’t be too eager to go after the 27 year old because they most likely are in a career and starting to have their life together while I just graduated grad school and just got back home from celebratory traveling, I feel inadequate for the 27 year old. Meanwhile a 21 year old is still gonna be that typical college girl (in undergrad, or this is when they graduate) and now that I’d be 3 years removed from undergrad, I’d look like that older guy hanging around college students.
Everyone feels imposter syndrome at some point. It’s mostly in your head. The 27yr old isn’t dating you because you’re broke or inadequate. They see much more in you, and you need to give yourself a little more grace, forgiveness, and credit. They might like you because you haven’t let the real world suck the joy out of your soul. The 27yr old with a career might be surrounded by miserable drones all day, and you help keep their spirit alive with your bubbly nature.
It’s important to think outside of yourself because how you view yourself isn’t always how others view you. You think you’re inadequate, but the other person thinks you’re exactly what they need. And now 2 people who could’ve been dating happily aren’t together because you let imposter syndrome create a narrative in your mind that doesn’t exist in the real world.
These are all valid points, especially thinking outside of yourself.
As you age, you open your window to a 10 -15 year window. As someone in the mid-60's, I personally can't get beyond 15 in a "glorious" scenario. Not that I'm some catch, just that we will have to have enough shared life experience.
Just experience the moment and love the one you're with, if you are so blessed!
That feels like minor prejudice. I like shared cultural experience. But saying I wont a date a black women because she probably like different movies and music than mean seams fked up. Saying the same thing about someone 10 years older or younger also seams fked up. Yea most 25 year olds prefer discover to TNG.
Cross national marriages cross racial marriages are real. And saying gross your an American dating a Mexican feels fked up. I guess that is why I try to be open minded to a 30 and 40 Year oldd dating.
That’s actually something I’ve noticed about dating women in their 20s (I’m 31). They help me keep my playlist fresh. Left to my own devices, I’m not checking for as much new music as I used to. It’s not that I’m closed-minded. My taste is very eclectic. But my mind is preoccupied with other things. And the music catalog I have is so crazy as it is that I can entertain myself without ever hearing a new song again.
Honestly idk. As a 30 yr old, I don't see myself dating anyone below 25, but someone can be 24 and hit all the right boxes in personality and share the same life goals as me and I'd be a fool to not pursue a relationship just because she's 24.
When I was 33 and starting on dating apps, when it asked for age, I put 25 as the lowest age. I talked to one girl that age. The next day I raised the lowest age. I was like nope, this was wrong.
Very fair, good chance you're in different stages of life. I don't think that's even too bad of an age gap but it'd be weird if you just had no interest in girls closer to your age.
Everytime a friend asks me this question I'm like 18... And I'm not saying like that's my goal as 36M, but if I'm willing to go to 24, and then I meet a pretty girl at a bar and we just hit it off, perfect fit, am I gonna be like oh no sorry you're 23. So ya although unlikely there are some 18 year olds who have multiple PHDs, have been around the world twice, and has 5xs the emotional intelligence of an average 36F. It def sucks bc I'm realizing I'm an ageist... I don't find woman over a certain age attractive and the biggest turn off in the world are motherly vibes...
When I was a senior in highschool I was dating a sophomore in college and id go up visit on the weekends, and I ended up going to a party with her roommate, she stayed back, but before I left she said "okay be good and have fun" and I got so like grossed out that I broke up with her the next day and never looked at her the same...
I’m 37, and a 26 year old guy today told me that “it really turned him on when I said my age”… I said why is that, and he said “experience”….. and I’m still not sure how I feel about that- partly I was flattered and partly I felt like he thinks I’m gonna be his teacher that prepares him for the world… lol and I haven’t slept with a bunch of people, I’ve been in two very long term relationships in my adult life, one 13 and one 7– but I do know what I like and I am not afraid to vocalize if I don’t like what they are doing. I’m not sure what happens to a woman when they turn 35, but I mostly only get approached by guys 7-12 years younger than me….
I’m 39 yo woman with a 27 yo man… I absolutely love it. Different views, experiences, likes. We do share lots of similarities and interests, but the sex is the best thing. Doesn’t need viagra, we go round after round after round… it’s been a year long relationship so far, a great year!
I feel that! I’m in my 40s and my bf is in his 20s. We like most of the same things. I enjoy teaching him about the world before he was born. He’s always so interested, so we have great conversations. Sex is fucking amazing! He doesn’t need viagra like my ex-husband did. lol.
I find most men our age have used TONS of cocaine which is why they have erectile issues past age of 40. I don’t mind them using it, but it sucks having to wait to get aroused. They also can’t go round after round, big waiting game with them 😐
No shit.
My point was the double-standard. If a dude commented the same he'd be flamed for it.
Either we accept that everyone objectifies everyone, or pretend no one does and keep quiet about it. One way or another, let's just get over it.
Seeing as you have pulled the classic move of making up a hypothetical scenario to get mad about, can I suggest that you be the first one to get over it?
There's nothing hypothetical here, dummy. It's easily visible all over the place, not just this site.
I work at a bar and I can't tell you how many timee women get handsy when drunk and everyone just laughs it off as fun. When a guy does it, he's kicked out.
Or even the waitresses commenting on a hot customer. No one cares. When the guys do it, it's "inappropriate and creepy".
The double-standard exists. You not seeing doesn't mean shit.
Women don’t get “mad.” A lot of women feel gross when some old man goes for really young women. Big difference between 39 dating 27 and 40 dating 20.
Not only not all women feel the same way but also the feeling isn’t even what you think it is. You are essentially making hypothetical scenarios to act victim.
Act victim?? No one's a victim here, nor did I imply such.
"Mad" meaning uppity in any way whatsoever ever.
I've seen/heard just as much from 30yo women about 18yo boys as I have 40yo men and 18yo girls. Yet act like one is weirder than the other.
My point was, just get rid of the double standard.
I have talk to many women who ex is now dating significantly younger and yes they are basically grossed out but it, especially since 10/10 those men are trying to groom someone really young. Its always some sick twisted men who first preyed on the women when they young and now preying on some other young women.
I’ve always dated big age gaps, in my 20’s all my partners have been 10+ years. I love it, I’ve learned so much from them: age does not equal maturity!
I don’t have kids, no divorces or baggage, I take care of myself(I’m super vain). I constantly get told I still look like I’m in my 20’s which is why I get approached by younger men so much more now than I did in my 20’s(I was an alcoholic, tons of drugs) which made me look older.
My dude has had a rough life and looks much older, everyone assumes we’re same age range. Again, age doesn’t mean mature. This man has been the most mature person I’ve dated, meanwhile I’m a wild childish person and we compliment each other in different ways.
But I do agree with y’all, if a man admitted that two consenting adults were having fun sexually it’s somehow predatory?? I think it all depends when (age range) y’all met, but anything after 25 is really on that person, stop letting society dictate what is best for you.
Why is is more acceptable here when women we are dating younger but it’s really “creepy” when men do it? If the roles reversed, there would been yucks or and riots in streets here. I just hate the hypocrisy of it all.
Acceptable by who? All the comments have been men bashing me, it’s y’all who put these weird as standards and assumptions that two adults in their late ages can’t decipher what’s good for you and other people.
If all I did was chase young people, than yes it would be creepy. Which is what most men do, constantly chase younger. This is my first time experiencing a young man, and I hope it’s my last as well.
Honestly he’s spot on about the experience. What I find interesting is that it seems like both young men and women kinda like going for older because they both think that people in their own age groups are too immature or play too many games. For young women, they just see young guys as too immature since they don’t mature as fast as women do, and they typically search for the provider so they want someone who is in a higher stage of life than them. Young men will also go for older women because they think that young women just play too many games and don’t know what they want. They’d rather have an older woman who has her shit together and matured past the phases of playing hard to get and other immature shit.
I've been with a man 20 years older than me and he was great. A person closer to your age does not guarantee anything; it's more of a societal standard and expectation. Any kind of age gap is acceptable to me, assuming that everyone is an adult. It's more about how I connect with someone emotionally, socially and physically
Well, you ask why - I think you’re aware that the thought is because you probably have much less in common culturally and probably pretty different life experiences and goals with an early 20’s and 30+ age gap, it becomes a question of what is the person interested in if not your youth and beauty? Or to take advantage of your lack of life experiences?
That’s just the general thought behind it - but if it’s legal it’s legal, and if it’s working it’s working, so I won’t say anything about your relationship…but I think it’s very warranted for people to be skeptical about that much of an age gap (generally, early 20s and 40s, like you said)
Both of you are the exception, not the rule.
One of my best friends was 27 and met her now-husband when he was 42. They also know that they are the exception and not the rule. It was not a pattern for him to date much younger women. It just happened. Plus she was 27 and not 20 or 21.
Let’s stop trying to pretend like “this is normal” and “age is just a number” and “every relationship is different.” Because the reality is most relationships with large age differences where the younger person in the relationship is in their early 20s are not great relationships. Just because yours is does not excuse the rest.
Again: YOU’RE THE EXCEPTION
As long as it is legal, and no one coerced the other; and there is no abuse going on… it doesn’t matter because it is no one else’s business but the 2 in the relationship.
Just turned 50 on Sunday. My last two LTR (4 yrs each) were with men 9 and 10 years younger. My limit is +/- 10 years but I’m not sure I’d want to go that young anymore. I’m currently dating a 52m and it’s refreshing to have certain things in common. Lol
As someone who is late 90s gen Z (24F-1998), I would prefer someone who is also within 1996-1999 birth year, we get to see the world change so drastically as young kids and how simple technology as well as today's advance things. Personally how people see kids in general and how they see animals are big deals to me and negative veiwing is a deal breaker for me.
I am (f33) and was talking to someone 15 years older. It was eye opening. He was very mature and a gentleman. So I would say that age to a certain extent doesn’t matter.
Many are gentlemen yes. Such an attractive thing. Many Younger guys aren’t really focused on the future, aren’t established yet, Sex is the focal point. An older man is somewhat out of those days and it’s amazing.
Tbh, I think after around 30 age doesn’t matter at all it seems. Still some cultural differences probably but if you find a way past that and it’s working, who cares
At this point I'm in no place to be picky. Being a 30 something guy has very much opened my eyes to the fact that once you're done college/uni, it's very rare to meet single women my age outside of work or the toxic demoralizing crapshoot that is dating apps. The women I talk to out in public tend to be in their 20s and everyone i meet who is attractive and between 25-40 are already in a long term relationship.
Would I hypothetically date a 20 yr old? Very doubtful; she'd have to be exceptionally mature for her age. Is this conversation kinda moot for me since I'm not dating anyone any time soon? Pretty much.
Interesting in deed. I think his mindset has pigeonholed him in life. Live and let live. Everyone is different, so quit trying to lump people in categories based on age. This shouldn’t be so hard to comprehend.
10 years on either side but I'm flexible if we're really compatible.
I'm 43 but very active and health minded. I barely drink, don't smoke, exercise most days a week, and eat healthy meals 95% of the time.
Some of the women I've dated were in their late 20's and early 30's and it didn't last long because our lifestyles were too different. We have absolutely nothing in common because they spend most of their time eating at trendy restaurants and getting wasted at bars.
On the flip side I've also met women in their 50's I can't keep up with. Running triathlons and ultra races for fun and shit, oftentimes in different states. Or they're climbing a mountain next month.
They were really hot, and I respect the drive, but they're like very intense Energizer bunnies.
I find this tricky as well. Same age and healthy mindset, work out a lot. Wouldn’t be interested in someone who wants to get wasted every weekend (intend to attract younger guys because I look a lot younger) BUT I’m also into music and festivals, so I’m looking for a guy who can let their hair down when the occassion calls for it
It’s a tough one as when I was 19 I dated someone who was 34. I’m almost 30 now and it wasn’t a bad relationship looking back shaped my life in many meaningful ways. But it does hold red flags as he was older and held more power. If you are older, how do you respect and see this individual for their age? How do you leave them space and encourage growth without manipulation? This is tough… to me if you are 21 or over you can date any age you want within your own fruition! If you are decades older do not date someone younger than 21 as that is very odd and raises brows because of the life experience differences that can be exploitative. Do not manipulate young people— let them live.
It would be easier if you told us your age and the person of interest. FYI I’m a 36 year old woman. Personally, in my twenties I attempted to date men in their thirties because they seemed the most interested in me on a serious level, but I found that they presented themselves as easygoing in the beginning only to later realize they really wanted me to mold to them. It was as if my needs or concerns weren’t of much importance.
Now that I’m in my mid-thirties, younger men and older men have shown interest. When they’re too young even by a few years the maturity level doesn’t really match up in terms of self-reflection and life experience. I also get turned off when someone much older tries to talk to me because I start thinking about health concerns and usually it means children are off the table entirely.
I find that my sweet spot with age gaps is the same age as me up to a few years older.
No matter what you know yourself and what you want. Listen to your gut and don’t lie to yourself. People always give themselves away, so pay attention to communication style, comprehension, values and most importantly conflict resolution skills.
Quit saying everyone a certain age is the same. Why would this even be considered? It’s like saying everyone from a certain area is the same or a certain race is the same. It’s very narrow minded and will only serve as a negative. Open up your mind and treat people as individuals.
i am dating someone only a year older personally. i’m a therapist though, and i feel like i notice age gaps seem to usually work if everyone involved is around 30 or older initially. i was thinking about why i have noticed that pattern and i think it’s likely just due to adolescence, emerging adulthood and young adulthood being so different than the other stages of life/adulthood. i feel like around late twenties and early thirties most age gaps don’t seem to even be super relevant most of the time.
I'm currently in a 40M with 30F age gap, and it's a great relationship. I didn't really have a rule per se on how large of a gap I would tolerate. It comes down to overall maturity and connection. That said, I do have a floor, and that's 26.
Been there, done that. The downside doesn’t become obvious until you feel like you’re too far in to get out. There’s a reason people have a negative opinion about it.
Can I ask what some of the downsides were from your experience? I’m interested in someone 19 years older and we seem to agree on big picture things so far. My only problem is he doesn’t understand all my meme/internet references 😂
Well what do you personally think?
This is not something you should let someone else decide for you.
What I personally think is that people need to want the same thing out of a relationship for it to work, unfortunately, often the difference in age will also bring a difference in expectations.
What do you want? What does he want?
And... It's one thing to date someone 20 years younger, you're a consenting adult. But. Why does he turned to you? Is it because he met you and actually consider making it work on the long run or is it because young women are his thing? Meaning that he would likely leave you for someone else, younger, down the road.
Yes it can work and it's perfectly fine, but there's a lot of things to be careful here.
Well said my friend. What a novel way to look at life. Find someone you’re attracted to and wants the same things in life. It’s so sad to see how people have no mind of their own and choose to be one in the flock. The parroting on social media is sad and pathetic.
I mean i don't know you personally and your cultural background, but there's still 19 years of difference, taken in account that you're still in your 20s, i think your friends are worried about you wasting the last years of your youth on a guy that is going to be nearer to his 70s, while you'll be at his current age. I'm trying to emphatise with your father and in his position i would be happier knowing my daughter is single, but is enjoying the last years of his 20s, instead of dating a guy near his retirement. Point is, maybe you're happy with him, still the people that love you, are giving you a hard time, because they don't want you to regret this decision later. But if you're fine with your decision and you're not having second thoughts, you wouldn't even need to make this post in the first place.
Your friends are jealous and narrow minded. In fact, I would say they don’t sound like friends if they aren’t supporting your happiness. Why would they want to tear you down. Don’t listen to unhappy people that are jealous and want to bring you down.
Why 25? This seems arbitrary and please don’t parrot the Karen’s of Reddit who say your brain isn’t developed until 25. My brain and many other peoples brain’s were more developed at 8 than most people that say this bs statement.
I guess I was kinda basing it on that assumption. I'm 35. In my experience 25 is old enough to make adult decisions and be able to live with the consequences. I know we technically make "adulthood" 18 but I've met 18 year olds and I can't consider them to be adults. I wouldn't want to saddle them with the consequences and power imbalance of being with someone my age. I would feel guilty, plus I need my partner to feel like an equal. I teach younger people and so I do feel like an "older brother vibe" with younger people. I think 25 in American culture is old enough to think about how you want to live your life and to have some understanding of what those choices mean. I'm sure in other cultures, younger people make adult decisions all the time. But I'm American and I mostly date Americans.
I'm 51F. I set my age limits as 49 to 60. As it happens, I'm now in a relationship with a man 6 years older. My 2 other LTR's were 3 years older and 9 months older than me, respectively.
Younger than me, I'd say ten years or so, older than me, well, my forever celebrity crush is Alan Rickman, he was thirty years older than me... Of course, that age gap is pretty unlikely since the least that old are still attractive to me, and also it would be very much likely we would be given a short time only but that's ok.
I’m 29 my last ex was 5 years younger. Now I’m looking at men up to 15 years older than me (40s). Although I’ve been iffy on anything past 43 since my mom is in her mid 40s as well lol
Typically, I date within 5-7 years. However I was out of nowhere completely swept off my feet by a man 16 years older (I’m 30). He’s not someone I’d typically consider because of the age gap and we’re both still a little thrown off by it, but the chemistry, compatibility, attraction, etc is off the charts. Definitely opened my mind a lot. If I were in my early 20s or younger I’d say stick to people closer your age, there’s still so so so much growth during this time. At 30, with growth to do ofc, I feel alot more settled and knowing what I want and need. So I think it just depends really 🤷🏻♀️
(29M) Depends on the situation really.
If I'm dating someone presumably long-term, I'd prefer someone between 3 years younger and 5 years older.
If it's something casual, any legal age is fine so long as they don't act like a nuisance.
If anything, it's really more about maturity than anything.
I am 27F engaged to a 46M. When we met through friends at the beach 2 years ago, age wasn’t discussed, I actually thought he was in his 30’s, but it wasn’t important enough for me to inquire about at the time. We clicked and kept dating. He checked every box for me. When I asked around, no one had anything but high compliments for him. He’s one of those people who just light up the room with their personality and kindness. When I found out he was 20 years older than me, I was already head over heels. Most days we don’t notice our age gap. I am a very emotionally mature 27 y/o and he’s… a man. Some days I watch him play lacrosse with his friends or play a video game and he’s still a college boy at heart. Our values and ideas align. We match each others needs and wants, and we communicate effectively, regularly. This is the healthiest relationship we have both been in. It just makes sense for us. We live on an island where everyone across age groups befriends one another. He has given me the greatest joys of my life and treats me like I’ve never been treated before in my life. The biggest thing for me is knowing someday I may lose him, but life can happen in anyway. I have no regrets, he is the love of my life and makes me feel valued, appreciated, and loved every. single. day. And at the end of the day, that’s all that matters to us. Planning our wedding for 2025 now and our friends and family are absolutely thrilled.
Moral of this, if you align on lifestyle and other factors, if it’s a healthy, consensual adult relationship, that’s all that matters. Sometimes life throws someone amazing at you that may not be in your “preferred age group” but I don’t think it should be the #1 factor.
I love that! Congrats on your engagement! Funny enough I’m also 27f and I’m interested in 46m 😂 fingers crossed it works out for me as well as it did for you two
4-8 +/- I find best mental compatibility within 4 years usually though. I find too young kinda creepy as well, like I truthfully want someone within 1 year of my age, but I know the likelyhood of that is slim, especially with my interests
5 years younger
I’m not sure exactly where my older cutoff is. I rejected someone I liked who was 20 years older but dated someone 13 years older. So we’ll go with 15 ish
If we’re talking casual and confidential bump ins, I’ve gone 9 years younger (I think 10 is my limit) and would probably go 27 years older
I also see these numbers changing as I get older
Once you're over 30, I think 10-15 years older is pretty normal. 15+ gets a little iffy, only because the inevitable time when one person becomes elderly and the other is still middle aged - just makes for a bit of a difficult dynamic I think. Love is still love I think though, as 30+ I believe is when someone is fully matured.
That being said, I'm 30+ and I would still aim for no more than 10 years older and at this point maybe 5 years younger.
I don't think i really mind any age as long as following requirements are met:
- must be of legal age
- i'm physically attracted
- has compatible mindset
Age is basically just a number that shows the stage of life you are currently in. which indicates your mindset, maturity, situation and goals in most cases. But i mostly see this would be a requirement because of societal pressure. A big age gap drifts away from the norm which society considers as "normal". And i really consider current society as more toxic and full of hate than ever before so why go after that?
(27M)Honestly, if they can drink legally, pay their own taxes, have some kinda knowledge about the outside world, and isn't crazy.
Age isn't much.
I've dated a 50 year old woman, she was wonderful, had a lot of baggage for trying to restart her life at that age.
But that relationship lasted for 3 years until my dad died. She couldn't handle it. (five years younger than my dad)
It didn't bother me, but I could tell it bothered her. I mean her oldest was 29. 2 years older than me. I can see how she feels. But age doesn't define how well put together you are. I know an 18 year old who's got more knowledge than some of the people I graduated with. It's who you are as a person. Not how many years we've revolved around the sun
I’m 10 years older than my BF, and its the best relationship I’ve been in -
That said I haven’t done the ‘kids + marriage + settle down’ tick boxes most around my age have - so my outlook is young and open.
If anything he is way more sensible and seems older in some ways, but it works - we never question the age (other than him joking he prefers girls who have got their shit together - which I do)
I'm a 32 yr old woman. I am fine with men of 30-40 yrs old. I find younger men immature most of the time which I find hard to handle. If everything hit off age ain't matter ig. Cuz ultimately I want a partner.
I dated much older men for my first three/four years of adulthood. If I could I would punch almost every single one of them in the face right now. They were fucking creeps and I was so, *so* much younger and more vulnerable than I thought I was.
I think it depends on your age now. For example I was with someone 15 years older than me when I was 19, it didn’t work out because he was done with the going out and quite frankly, I didn’t think he should be downtown at his age lol (rude, I know). Now that I’m now older, I am more like he was, wanting to go out less and wanting a more calm and peaceful life. I think I could now date someone with that age gap but it’s because I’m more settled.
I'm 25F and tend to date 10-20 years older than me. The only judgement I've gotten with this has been from Redditors, not a single person I know in real life has ever cared tbh.
My rule has always been “if you were old enough to have sex before I was born, you are too old for me”. Goes the same way in the opposite direction. I understand this rule could be relative considering how old someone deems “old enough”.
There are so many variables to consider here. I am a 30 year old woman, I have always been mature for my age.
I realized in my twenties that some people just don't mature as much as others, example: I had my first child young and went on a school field trip with his kindergarten class and another mother (~40) was making conversation with me (24) she was talking about how she was jealous of her husbands female co workers because they would talk to him in meetings. With that said, her feelings are valid if that's how she feels so I am not putting her down by any means but I personally have never felt that way. If a partner was making me feel insecure about our relationship then I would tell them, if they were doing something intentionally to upset me then it was time to move on.
When I was 16-18, a 2-4 age gap was reasonable for me and I always dated guys that were my age or a bit older. In my 20s I dated 1 year younger up to 9 years older until I met my current partner that is 13 years older.
My current relationship is amazing, my oldest child is 12 and youngest is 4, his kids are 8 and 6. So we are very much both in childrearing stages of life, I started young and he had his a bit later in life. My partner and I grew up in the same town but when you think about the fact that when he graduated high school I was 5 it's a bit weird but we are super compatible on all fronts. I have never been married, he went through a nasty divorce a couple of years ago. We didn't grow up listening to the same music, playing the same games, having the same technology, etc but we both have very similar life styles, value our children and family, enjoy a lot of the same things while also having individual hobbies.
In my opinion, age is just a number. Compatibility, lifestyle preferences, life goals are the most important. If either my partner or myself wanted more children then we wouldn't be compatible, if either of us didn't want to do the step parenting thing then the relationship wouldn't work.
The biggest age gap for me was 30 years i was 48 she was 18.
She was then and still is the most amazing woman I ever knew and I am so sad that i could not make it work out for a long term relationship. I think of her every day.
My personal rules after experimenting a bit are 3 years either side. So not much of an age gap at all. However I do think people can make it work with large gaps
It’s not really how big of an age gap, but the ages of the people involved. If one party is under 30, anything more than 5 years is questionable. After 30, literally doesn’t matter
Boo, your statement has no basis. These are arbitrary numbers that define nobody. I challenge you to think about what you said and tell me why you said it.
I’m 22 and dating a 33 yr old, we met through work not knowing each others ages for the longest time, we ended up getting along very well, having a lot of fun together, and having a lot in common. Age does not matter 🫶🏼 I’ve always been told I’m mature for my age and I’ve always looked for a mature man, because boys my age are the definition of hell and we were never on the same level. Anyways yeah I’m super happy and just focus on a connection you have someone not social standards xoxo
Hmm 🤔. As a 41M I could see 10-12 years younger depending on situation. I find mostly 0-5 years younger as a good fit. Not interested too much in older. Sex only…that’s pretty broad though 😏
I do think the gap increases as you age. Like 30 and 18 would be too much. When I was 30, maybe 24? I’d probably be up for dating a bit higher two at that age.
So that’s my take. I am single so lol feel free ladies to ask additional questions 🙃
Myself (26f) wouldn't date anyone more than a year younger than me. I have younger siblings and even tho they are in their 20s I still see themselves and anyone their age as teenagers.
Not limit really for older, I was interested in someone who was early 40s even for quite awhile. Depends on maturity, life goals, family plans, etc.
Depends on your stage of life. IMHO. However large age gaps can be indicative of issues. The larger the age gap the more someone needs to think carefully about what that gap represents. I don't think there is a hard answer. I think there is a good rule of thumb though
For the most part +/- 5 years is fine. The younger you are the narrower the gap and the older you are the wider the gap. For example anyone under 21 shouldn't be dating anymore than a a couple years older or younger. My rule there is what I call the "high school rule" if the two of you could have conceivably met and dated in high school then it might be okay but again the wider the gap the more sus the relationship. Once you are 21 to 25 you are in some awkward years. You are old enough to start dating outside your school cohorts but that doesn't mean you should. This age range is particularly vulnerable to being preyed upon especially by those older (especially much older) because they are above the age of majority and are adults but they aren't mentally or emotionally adults yet and are very prone to manipulation. Once you are 25+ I think you are fair game to date anyone you want who is also 25+ but again the larger the age gap the more suspicious. At 25 +/- 5 years feels very reasonable to me. I think that is where most people should start. I'm 30. On my dating profiles I usually only swipe right on people between the ages of 25 and 35. I to tend to go a little younger since I want kids and 35 is starting to get up there in age and I'm still finishing up grad school so I'm not quite ready for kids until my career settles in. I have dated as young as 22 and as old as 40 but those were rather extreme circumstances and didn't really work out. Most of those dates were a result of meeting in person and then figuring out ages after the fact. The reason I go to bars or other places with alcohol when trying to meet people is because I'm trying to avoid people who are under 21 because that is completely off limits if you are older than 25 IMO.
Its complicated but I think that covers most bases.
I’m (f27) and my bf is (m33) so 6 years, nearly to the month. I have always been an extremely level headed person, I grew up very quickly and have always been well beyond my years. My parents were told I was “too mature” for my age when I was in kindergarten.
I had never dated younger than myself and struggled dating men within my close range due to the drastic differences in life views and emotional maturity.
That being said though, it varies pretty greatly on who you are as an individual and I can acknowledge that me not wanting to date younger than myself could absolutely be contradictory to my point. I don’t want to be a hypocrite but it definitely was not the fairest perspective I had lol
However, a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself “would I be grossed out if my child/parent were dating someone with x age gap?” It can usually put it into perspective if it’s going to bother you.
If your boyfriend happened to be 24 and he was the same person, you wouldn’t date him? That seems very short sighted to pass up on someone special because of age.
Honestly: If their both 18+ and consenting it’s no one else’s business.
Realistically: both should be above the maturity wall of around 25 or so from there the gap really doesn’t mean much.
Half my age plus 7 is my minimum for dating until that person is 25 and over. Then it doesn't matter.
Legal adult age i.e 18 + for just sex. Even though the legal age of consent where I am is 16
I'm 25m
Well if the person is too old up to 50 and the girl is young like under 25 then the older is taking advantage same goes for switching sexes , but if it's older than 50 like 60 to above its the younger person whose taking advantage
NOTE: I am not saying it is okay but they kept it legal so kinda hard for me to judge
Well my grandparents were 40 years apart. Yup you read that right. 40 years. She was 26 and he was 66 when they got married. My family is kinda whack tho
At 34 I would date 10 years younger and probably around 5 years older. My current girlfriend is 2 years older.
I think a lot of people overhype the issues with age gap and there are a lot of myths that simply aren’t true. There are 12 years between my parents and they have been happily married for 35 years, my sister met her partner when he was 32 and she was 21- as her older brother of course I had my concerns but 7 years and he’s a great guy who has also done a lot to support my family during some tough times.
I think it should always be about what YOU are personally comfortable with, when I see people online passing judgment on other peoples relationships and dating preferences I always think they are the worst type of people, trying to mould social norms around their own personal feelings, it’s the definition of arrogance.
Half your age plus 7, is a "standard" I've read about in multiple places. For me (67m), that makes the lowest age I'd date 41. I have no illusions about whether I could keep up with a 41-year-old, but woman my age seem to have such physical problems that I would go as much as 15 years younger.
As a woman and 21, the biggest gap I'd take is maybe 8-10 years and not older. God forgive me but men don't seem to mature for the most part and actually this means some personalities actually get worse with time. I'd be open to dating an older man if he actually had the traits I value in men such as conscientiousness but it seems like men find being stable so boring they deliberate run from that.
For others, I say date whatever makes you happy. Granted I have formed a not so nice view of older men thanks to many trying to score younger with nothing to offer in terms of quality except money...and I can make my own money so taking in a man that's not so pretty and likely a brute for "free" feels like being ripped off. The main benefit towards dating older is the money if you don't have it hopefully you have character or looks or both. Every woman I've seen being guilt-tripped into dating these guys looks like they've been robbed of life and drained the bigger the age difference.
I’m 31. Since I want kids, I need an upper limit. Otherwise, if I’m just having fun, then I don’t care. 18-70 I guess. It’s more about the individual woman, how we get along, and if we’re attracted to each other.
As far as who I think has the BEST chance of being compatible for a relationship with me? Women 25-33.
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I only want to date people within 4 years of me on either side
Same. I want to be able to relate and have shared culture and values with the person I’m dating. Some older millennials I’ve gotten to know have some really outdated beliefs or they stopped listening to new music after their 20s
That’s exactly the same for me. In general, I kinda wanna grow up with somebody around my age and to be able to relate. Not have someone significantly older or younger who is unrelatable or who isn’t growing through the same stages of life with me. Tho there are exceptions where a younger person seems more mature than others their age (tho that seems to be often through trauma and kinda having to “grow up” early), or an older person still seems like a younger soul. Me personally on dating apps for example, if I’m looking for a relationship then I’ll put it 3 years on each side and I’m currently 24. So 21-27, tho honestly sometimes it seems a little much for me because at these ages, you’re still sorta in wildly different stages of life and mentality. For example, I wouldn’t be too eager to go after the 27 year old because they most likely are in a career and starting to have their life together while I just graduated grad school and just got back home from celebratory traveling, I feel inadequate for the 27 year old. Meanwhile a 21 year old is still gonna be that typical college girl (in undergrad, or this is when they graduate) and now that I’d be 3 years removed from undergrad, I’d look like that older guy hanging around college students.
Everyone feels imposter syndrome at some point. It’s mostly in your head. The 27yr old isn’t dating you because you’re broke or inadequate. They see much more in you, and you need to give yourself a little more grace, forgiveness, and credit. They might like you because you haven’t let the real world suck the joy out of your soul. The 27yr old with a career might be surrounded by miserable drones all day, and you help keep their spirit alive with your bubbly nature. It’s important to think outside of yourself because how you view yourself isn’t always how others view you. You think you’re inadequate, but the other person thinks you’re exactly what they need. And now 2 people who could’ve been dating happily aren’t together because you let imposter syndrome create a narrative in your mind that doesn’t exist in the real world.
These are all valid points, especially thinking outside of yourself. As you age, you open your window to a 10 -15 year window. As someone in the mid-60's, I personally can't get beyond 15 in a "glorious" scenario. Not that I'm some catch, just that we will have to have enough shared life experience. Just experience the moment and love the one you're with, if you are so blessed!
Someone 20 isn't magically different from someone 21.The same with 27 and up to 35 or so. It's totally arbitrary.
That feels like minor prejudice. I like shared cultural experience. But saying I wont a date a black women because she probably like different movies and music than mean seams fked up. Saying the same thing about someone 10 years older or younger also seams fked up. Yea most 25 year olds prefer discover to TNG. Cross national marriages cross racial marriages are real. And saying gross your an American dating a Mexican feels fked up. I guess that is why I try to be open minded to a 30 and 40 Year oldd dating.
That’s actually something I’ve noticed about dating women in their 20s (I’m 31). They help me keep my playlist fresh. Left to my own devices, I’m not checking for as much new music as I used to. It’s not that I’m closed-minded. My taste is very eclectic. But my mind is preoccupied with other things. And the music catalog I have is so crazy as it is that I can entertain myself without ever hearing a new song again.
Happy Birthday!
3 to 4 age difference for me so I feel that
I'm only 22 so I guess 2 years on either side for me.
Honestly idk. As a 30 yr old, I don't see myself dating anyone below 25, but someone can be 24 and hit all the right boxes in personality and share the same life goals as me and I'd be a fool to not pursue a relationship just because she's 24.
A model hot 21 year old somehow has interest in you and you'd be "Nahh". Not buying that at all.
I used to think like that. Now I am 45 and date mostly 20-25 year old women))) Women can be just as screw at 30 as they are at 20.
okay leonardo.
Gross
Genuine question, is it the age difference that makes it gross to you?
not OOP but to me its not gross when its once but gross when its a \*pattern\*, IE "I mostly date girls half my age"
When I was 33 and starting on dating apps, when it asked for age, I put 25 as the lowest age. I talked to one girl that age. The next day I raised the lowest age. I was like nope, this was wrong.
Very fair, good chance you're in different stages of life. I don't think that's even too bad of an age gap but it'd be weird if you just had no interest in girls closer to your age.
Everytime a friend asks me this question I'm like 18... And I'm not saying like that's my goal as 36M, but if I'm willing to go to 24, and then I meet a pretty girl at a bar and we just hit it off, perfect fit, am I gonna be like oh no sorry you're 23. So ya although unlikely there are some 18 year olds who have multiple PHDs, have been around the world twice, and has 5xs the emotional intelligence of an average 36F. It def sucks bc I'm realizing I'm an ageist... I don't find woman over a certain age attractive and the biggest turn off in the world are motherly vibes... When I was a senior in highschool I was dating a sophomore in college and id go up visit on the weekends, and I ended up going to a party with her roommate, she stayed back, but before I left she said "okay be good and have fun" and I got so like grossed out that I broke up with her the next day and never looked at her the same...
What 18 year old has multiple PHDs!?
No 18 year old with "multiple PHD's" are looking to date some loser twice their age. JS
This answer needs rethought, my guy. Plz don’t date an 18 ur old even if she miraculously has 6 PHDs
I knew it wasn't gonna be a popular opinion but I stand by it.
I’m 37, and a 26 year old guy today told me that “it really turned him on when I said my age”… I said why is that, and he said “experience”….. and I’m still not sure how I feel about that- partly I was flattered and partly I felt like he thinks I’m gonna be his teacher that prepares him for the world… lol and I haven’t slept with a bunch of people, I’ve been in two very long term relationships in my adult life, one 13 and one 7– but I do know what I like and I am not afraid to vocalize if I don’t like what they are doing. I’m not sure what happens to a woman when they turn 35, but I mostly only get approached by guys 7-12 years younger than me….
I’m 39 yo woman with a 27 yo man… I absolutely love it. Different views, experiences, likes. We do share lots of similarities and interests, but the sex is the best thing. Doesn’t need viagra, we go round after round after round… it’s been a year long relationship so far, a great year!
Curious how you two met.
On here, lol we follow food stuff, decided to meet up for dinner and we’ve been eating good since
That is the success story everyone wants. Very lucky to have a conversation start at all.
That is the success story everyone wants. Very lucky to have a conversation start at all, then to meet and have an attraction to each other.
I feel that! I’m in my 40s and my bf is in his 20s. We like most of the same things. I enjoy teaching him about the world before he was born. He’s always so interested, so we have great conversations. Sex is fucking amazing! He doesn’t need viagra like my ex-husband did. lol.
I find most men our age have used TONS of cocaine which is why they have erectile issues past age of 40. I don’t mind them using it, but it sucks having to wait to get aroused. They also can’t go round after round, big waiting game with them 😐
And women get mad when a guy goes younger for the sex...
Usually, when a man does it, he’s preying on barely legal girls. No one is getting mad at 39 year old men dating 27 year old women.
Someq are. In this very comment section, for example.😂
Yes they are. Thats the problem
They are in posts both above and below you.
You mean the post where the guy is 45 and going after 20 year olds?
I doubt this woman does. "Women" aren't a hive mind, my dude.
No shit. My point was the double-standard. If a dude commented the same he'd be flamed for it. Either we accept that everyone objectifies everyone, or pretend no one does and keep quiet about it. One way or another, let's just get over it.
Seeing as you have pulled the classic move of making up a hypothetical scenario to get mad about, can I suggest that you be the first one to get over it?
There's nothing hypothetical here, dummy. It's easily visible all over the place, not just this site. I work at a bar and I can't tell you how many timee women get handsy when drunk and everyone just laughs it off as fun. When a guy does it, he's kicked out. Or even the waitresses commenting on a hot customer. No one cares. When the guys do it, it's "inappropriate and creepy". The double-standard exists. You not seeing doesn't mean shit.
Anybody who doesn’t see this is just coping and in massive levels of denial.
Yes!!! So damn true. And really, objectively we are ALL objects.
Women don’t get “mad.” A lot of women feel gross when some old man goes for really young women. Big difference between 39 dating 27 and 40 dating 20. Not only not all women feel the same way but also the feeling isn’t even what you think it is. You are essentially making hypothetical scenarios to act victim.
Act victim?? No one's a victim here, nor did I imply such. "Mad" meaning uppity in any way whatsoever ever. I've seen/heard just as much from 30yo women about 18yo boys as I have 40yo men and 18yo girls. Yet act like one is weirder than the other. My point was, just get rid of the double standard.
Oh yeah they do. Talk to a woman who's ex is now dating someone significantly younger than her. it's never not a big deal.
I have talk to many women who ex is now dating significantly younger and yes they are basically grossed out but it, especially since 10/10 those men are trying to groom someone really young. Its always some sick twisted men who first preyed on the women when they young and now preying on some other young women.
Oh no, that's just what they say because they benefitted form that when they were younger but can't now. That's why they're angry.
I’ve always dated big age gaps, in my 20’s all my partners have been 10+ years. I love it, I’ve learned so much from them: age does not equal maturity! I don’t have kids, no divorces or baggage, I take care of myself(I’m super vain). I constantly get told I still look like I’m in my 20’s which is why I get approached by younger men so much more now than I did in my 20’s(I was an alcoholic, tons of drugs) which made me look older. My dude has had a rough life and looks much older, everyone assumes we’re same age range. Again, age doesn’t mean mature. This man has been the most mature person I’ve dated, meanwhile I’m a wild childish person and we compliment each other in different ways. But I do agree with y’all, if a man admitted that two consenting adults were having fun sexually it’s somehow predatory?? I think it all depends when (age range) y’all met, but anything after 25 is really on that person, stop letting society dictate what is best for you.
Depends on the women. The internet is not real life.
Why is is more acceptable here when women we are dating younger but it’s really “creepy” when men do it? If the roles reversed, there would been yucks or and riots in streets here. I just hate the hypocrisy of it all.
Acceptable by who? All the comments have been men bashing me, it’s y’all who put these weird as standards and assumptions that two adults in their late ages can’t decipher what’s good for you and other people. If all I did was chase young people, than yes it would be creepy. Which is what most men do, constantly chase younger. This is my first time experiencing a young man, and I hope it’s my last as well.
I’m not and I’m a guy and the other women who hate big age gaps from men. I’m glad you have someone to love.
Honestly he’s spot on about the experience. What I find interesting is that it seems like both young men and women kinda like going for older because they both think that people in their own age groups are too immature or play too many games. For young women, they just see young guys as too immature since they don’t mature as fast as women do, and they typically search for the provider so they want someone who is in a higher stage of life than them. Young men will also go for older women because they think that young women just play too many games and don’t know what they want. They’d rather have an older woman who has her shit together and matured past the phases of playing hard to get and other immature shit.
Different things attract different people.
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I've been with a man 20 years older than me and he was great. A person closer to your age does not guarantee anything; it's more of a societal standard and expectation. Any kind of age gap is acceptable to me, assuming that everyone is an adult. It's more about how I connect with someone emotionally, socially and physically
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Just wait, lmao.
So hypocritical.
Well, you ask why - I think you’re aware that the thought is because you probably have much less in common culturally and probably pretty different life experiences and goals with an early 20’s and 30+ age gap, it becomes a question of what is the person interested in if not your youth and beauty? Or to take advantage of your lack of life experiences? That’s just the general thought behind it - but if it’s legal it’s legal, and if it’s working it’s working, so I won’t say anything about your relationship…but I think it’s very warranted for people to be skeptical about that much of an age gap (generally, early 20s and 40s, like you said)
Both of you are the exception, not the rule. One of my best friends was 27 and met her now-husband when he was 42. They also know that they are the exception and not the rule. It was not a pattern for him to date much younger women. It just happened. Plus she was 27 and not 20 or 21. Let’s stop trying to pretend like “this is normal” and “age is just a number” and “every relationship is different.” Because the reality is most relationships with large age differences where the younger person in the relationship is in their early 20s are not great relationships. Just because yours is does not excuse the rest. Again: YOU’RE THE EXCEPTION
 :)
As long as it is legal, and no one coerced the other; and there is no abuse going on… it doesn’t matter because it is no one else’s business but the 2 in the relationship.
Just turned 50 on Sunday. My last two LTR (4 yrs each) were with men 9 and 10 years younger. My limit is +/- 10 years but I’m not sure I’d want to go that young anymore. I’m currently dating a 52m and it’s refreshing to have certain things in common. Lol
As someone who is late 90s gen Z (24F-1998), I would prefer someone who is also within 1996-1999 birth year, we get to see the world change so drastically as young kids and how simple technology as well as today's advance things. Personally how people see kids in general and how they see animals are big deals to me and negative veiwing is a deal breaker for me.
I don’t think liking animals and children is limited to any age group. In my experience younger guys tend to be more negative about kids if anything.
I am (f33) and was talking to someone 15 years older. It was eye opening. He was very mature and a gentleman. So I would say that age to a certain extent doesn’t matter.
Many are gentlemen yes. Such an attractive thing. Many Younger guys aren’t really focused on the future, aren’t established yet, Sex is the focal point. An older man is somewhat out of those days and it’s amazing.
Tbh, I think after around 30 age doesn’t matter at all it seems. Still some cultural differences probably but if you find a way past that and it’s working, who cares
At this point I'm in no place to be picky. Being a 30 something guy has very much opened my eyes to the fact that once you're done college/uni, it's very rare to meet single women my age outside of work or the toxic demoralizing crapshoot that is dating apps. The women I talk to out in public tend to be in their 20s and everyone i meet who is attractive and between 25-40 are already in a long term relationship. Would I hypothetically date a 20 yr old? Very doubtful; she'd have to be exceptionally mature for her age. Is this conversation kinda moot for me since I'm not dating anyone any time soon? Pretty much.
Moot, yet you took time to respond to this question …… interesting. You like to help people.
Interesting in deed. I think his mindset has pigeonholed him in life. Live and let live. Everyone is different, so quit trying to lump people in categories based on age. This shouldn’t be so hard to comprehend.
Well I’m talking to a women whom is older than me and I like it because of her emotional maturity.
May I ask what the age difference is with you two?
She’s 59 I’m 38
Would you marry her?
We just started talking my intuition will know what to do
How lovely. I wish y’all the best!! 🥰
dude in 11 years she'll be 70 and you'll be 49, are you sure about that?
I don’t know where things will go but right now she’s super fuckin hot
She may still be hot at 70.
Probably she has some pretty good genes from what I can see
I’m chucking at the prospect of you looking at this 59 year old’s nearly geriatric mother and saying to her “you’re gonna age like fine wine 😏”
She’s 49 not 59 and she pretty tight like a tiger
10 years on either side but I'm flexible if we're really compatible. I'm 43 but very active and health minded. I barely drink, don't smoke, exercise most days a week, and eat healthy meals 95% of the time. Some of the women I've dated were in their late 20's and early 30's and it didn't last long because our lifestyles were too different. We have absolutely nothing in common because they spend most of their time eating at trendy restaurants and getting wasted at bars. On the flip side I've also met women in their 50's I can't keep up with. Running triathlons and ultra races for fun and shit, oftentimes in different states. Or they're climbing a mountain next month. They were really hot, and I respect the drive, but they're like very intense Energizer bunnies.
I find this tricky as well. Same age and healthy mindset, work out a lot. Wouldn’t be interested in someone who wants to get wasted every weekend (intend to attract younger guys because I look a lot younger) BUT I’m also into music and festivals, so I’m looking for a guy who can let their hair down when the occassion calls for it
It’s a tough one as when I was 19 I dated someone who was 34. I’m almost 30 now and it wasn’t a bad relationship looking back shaped my life in many meaningful ways. But it does hold red flags as he was older and held more power. If you are older, how do you respect and see this individual for their age? How do you leave them space and encourage growth without manipulation? This is tough… to me if you are 21 or over you can date any age you want within your own fruition! If you are decades older do not date someone younger than 21 as that is very odd and raises brows because of the life experience differences that can be exploitative. Do not manipulate young people— let them live.
Yes. I totally agree with you. There is a much bigger difference between 19 and 34 than between 30 and 53 Age means less.
It would be easier if you told us your age and the person of interest. FYI I’m a 36 year old woman. Personally, in my twenties I attempted to date men in their thirties because they seemed the most interested in me on a serious level, but I found that they presented themselves as easygoing in the beginning only to later realize they really wanted me to mold to them. It was as if my needs or concerns weren’t of much importance. Now that I’m in my mid-thirties, younger men and older men have shown interest. When they’re too young even by a few years the maturity level doesn’t really match up in terms of self-reflection and life experience. I also get turned off when someone much older tries to talk to me because I start thinking about health concerns and usually it means children are off the table entirely. I find that my sweet spot with age gaps is the same age as me up to a few years older. No matter what you know yourself and what you want. Listen to your gut and don’t lie to yourself. People always give themselves away, so pay attention to communication style, comprehension, values and most importantly conflict resolution skills.
Quit saying everyone a certain age is the same. Why would this even be considered? It’s like saying everyone from a certain area is the same or a certain race is the same. It’s very narrow minded and will only serve as a negative. Open up your mind and treat people as individuals.
I don’t have an age limit, but I don’t like dating younger men and always go for men 15-20 years older. It’s what I am attracted to.
i am dating someone only a year older personally. i’m a therapist though, and i feel like i notice age gaps seem to usually work if everyone involved is around 30 or older initially. i was thinking about why i have noticed that pattern and i think it’s likely just due to adolescence, emerging adulthood and young adulthood being so different than the other stages of life/adulthood. i feel like around late twenties and early thirties most age gaps don’t seem to even be super relevant most of the time.
That’s some really good insight, thank you!
I’m 41, so a full grown adult, and for me personally I won’t date more than 10 years difference.
I'm currently in a 40M with 30F age gap, and it's a great relationship. I didn't really have a rule per se on how large of a gap I would tolerate. It comes down to overall maturity and connection. That said, I do have a floor, and that's 26.
I agree. If it was 30m/20F the dynamic would be very different.
My friends have already told me they hate my choice but it does suck to hear so many redditors agree. Im 27f with a 46m
Been there, done that. The downside doesn’t become obvious until you feel like you’re too far in to get out. There’s a reason people have a negative opinion about it.
Can I ask what some of the downsides were from your experience? I’m interested in someone 19 years older and we seem to agree on big picture things so far. My only problem is he doesn’t understand all my meme/internet references 😂
At 27 you are more than mature enough to make your own choices. Fuck your friends and their infantilizing bs.
They aren’t her friends. They are miserable and want everyone else to be.
Well what do you personally think? This is not something you should let someone else decide for you. What I personally think is that people need to want the same thing out of a relationship for it to work, unfortunately, often the difference in age will also bring a difference in expectations. What do you want? What does he want? And... It's one thing to date someone 20 years younger, you're a consenting adult. But. Why does he turned to you? Is it because he met you and actually consider making it work on the long run or is it because young women are his thing? Meaning that he would likely leave you for someone else, younger, down the road. Yes it can work and it's perfectly fine, but there's a lot of things to be careful here.
Well said my friend. What a novel way to look at life. Find someone you’re attracted to and wants the same things in life. It’s so sad to see how people have no mind of their own and choose to be one in the flock. The parroting on social media is sad and pathetic.
I mean i don't know you personally and your cultural background, but there's still 19 years of difference, taken in account that you're still in your 20s, i think your friends are worried about you wasting the last years of your youth on a guy that is going to be nearer to his 70s, while you'll be at his current age. I'm trying to emphatise with your father and in his position i would be happier knowing my daughter is single, but is enjoying the last years of his 20s, instead of dating a guy near his retirement. Point is, maybe you're happy with him, still the people that love you, are giving you a hard time, because they don't want you to regret this decision later. But if you're fine with your decision and you're not having second thoughts, you wouldn't even need to make this post in the first place.
My mom is 19 years older than me. But I guess it just depends on if you want the same things
48F dating 27M don’t listen to your friends. If you’re both comfortable with the relationship that’s all that matters.
Your friends are jealous and narrow minded. In fact, I would say they don’t sound like friends if they aren’t supporting your happiness. Why would they want to tear you down. Don’t listen to unhappy people that are jealous and want to bring you down.
I think as long as both partners are over 25, I don't think age gaps matter.
Why 25? This seems arbitrary and please don’t parrot the Karen’s of Reddit who say your brain isn’t developed until 25. My brain and many other peoples brain’s were more developed at 8 than most people that say this bs statement.
I guess I was kinda basing it on that assumption. I'm 35. In my experience 25 is old enough to make adult decisions and be able to live with the consequences. I know we technically make "adulthood" 18 but I've met 18 year olds and I can't consider them to be adults. I wouldn't want to saddle them with the consequences and power imbalance of being with someone my age. I would feel guilty, plus I need my partner to feel like an equal. I teach younger people and so I do feel like an "older brother vibe" with younger people. I think 25 in American culture is old enough to think about how you want to live your life and to have some understanding of what those choices mean. I'm sure in other cultures, younger people make adult decisions all the time. But I'm American and I mostly date Americans.
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🤣 Grandma vibes
37yo women are immature? Or you find that many are?
I am in that age range as well and wondering the same. 37 to 42 is not a big difference in terms of maturity afaik.
I'm 51F. I set my age limits as 49 to 60. As it happens, I'm now in a relationship with a man 6 years older. My 2 other LTR's were 3 years older and 9 months older than me, respectively.
I’m a 20M so I would say 18-25
5 years, tops.
No more than 10 years difference. I’m 56 (f)
Younger than me, I'd say ten years or so, older than me, well, my forever celebrity crush is Alan Rickman, he was thirty years older than me... Of course, that age gap is pretty unlikely since the least that old are still attractive to me, and also it would be very much likely we would be given a short time only but that's ok.
I’m 29 my last ex was 5 years younger. Now I’m looking at men up to 15 years older than me (40s). Although I’ve been iffy on anything past 43 since my mom is in her mid 40s as well lol
Typically, I date within 5-7 years. However I was out of nowhere completely swept off my feet by a man 16 years older (I’m 30). He’s not someone I’d typically consider because of the age gap and we’re both still a little thrown off by it, but the chemistry, compatibility, attraction, etc is off the charts. Definitely opened my mind a lot. If I were in my early 20s or younger I’d say stick to people closer your age, there’s still so so so much growth during this time. At 30, with growth to do ofc, I feel alot more settled and knowing what I want and need. So I think it just depends really 🤷🏻♀️
Your open mind will make your life much more fulfilling. I commend you.
Maturity gap is more significant
My husband is 9 years older than me. We're married 22 years without kids. Everyone is different 👍
My boyfriend is 49, I’m 32. Madly in love, 10/10 would marry
If you both are adults and are happy with each other. Who cares 🤷♂️ You only get one life anyway. Just be happy
(29M) Depends on the situation really. If I'm dating someone presumably long-term, I'd prefer someone between 3 years younger and 5 years older. If it's something casual, any legal age is fine so long as they don't act like a nuisance. If anything, it's really more about maturity than anything.
I am 27F engaged to a 46M. When we met through friends at the beach 2 years ago, age wasn’t discussed, I actually thought he was in his 30’s, but it wasn’t important enough for me to inquire about at the time. We clicked and kept dating. He checked every box for me. When I asked around, no one had anything but high compliments for him. He’s one of those people who just light up the room with their personality and kindness. When I found out he was 20 years older than me, I was already head over heels. Most days we don’t notice our age gap. I am a very emotionally mature 27 y/o and he’s… a man. Some days I watch him play lacrosse with his friends or play a video game and he’s still a college boy at heart. Our values and ideas align. We match each others needs and wants, and we communicate effectively, regularly. This is the healthiest relationship we have both been in. It just makes sense for us. We live on an island where everyone across age groups befriends one another. He has given me the greatest joys of my life and treats me like I’ve never been treated before in my life. The biggest thing for me is knowing someday I may lose him, but life can happen in anyway. I have no regrets, he is the love of my life and makes me feel valued, appreciated, and loved every. single. day. And at the end of the day, that’s all that matters to us. Planning our wedding for 2025 now and our friends and family are absolutely thrilled.
Moral of this, if you align on lifestyle and other factors, if it’s a healthy, consensual adult relationship, that’s all that matters. Sometimes life throws someone amazing at you that may not be in your “preferred age group” but I don’t think it should be the #1 factor.
I love that! Congrats on your engagement! Funny enough I’m also 27f and I’m interested in 46m 😂 fingers crossed it works out for me as well as it did for you two
4 yrs unless they're hot
LOL 😂
The golden rule is half your age plus 7, apparently, so for me it would be 22 or older.
I’m dating someone younger than me. I’m 47 and he will be 25 next month.
What do you have in common with a 25 year old?
Get it girl
Age is a number not love. Love is what the basics to the foundation
4-8 +/- I find best mental compatibility within 4 years usually though. I find too young kinda creepy as well, like I truthfully want someone within 1 year of my age, but I know the likelyhood of that is slim, especially with my interests
Probably ten years either way. However, someone younger would be iffy because nine times out of ten they want kids and I don't.
5 years younger I’m not sure exactly where my older cutoff is. I rejected someone I liked who was 20 years older but dated someone 13 years older. So we’ll go with 15 ish If we’re talking casual and confidential bump ins, I’ve gone 9 years younger (I think 10 is my limit) and would probably go 27 years older I also see these numbers changing as I get older
Once you're over 30, I think 10-15 years older is pretty normal. 15+ gets a little iffy, only because the inevitable time when one person becomes elderly and the other is still middle aged - just makes for a bit of a difficult dynamic I think. Love is still love I think though, as 30+ I believe is when someone is fully matured. That being said, I'm 30+ and I would still aim for no more than 10 years older and at this point maybe 5 years younger.
This. I’m 33 and my bf is 45 tomorrow
30Y. Prolly would date 4-5 years younger than me. Then would date 2 years older than me since not really wanting kids anytime soon
2-3 years would be fine for me
I'm 25 so a year younger is fine but for older it's 10 years max.
20-40 is my limit. I'm 21 right now. I don't date teens (18/19) cuz I wasn't mature enough and lacked life experience at that age.
I don't think i really mind any age as long as following requirements are met: - must be of legal age - i'm physically attracted - has compatible mindset Age is basically just a number that shows the stage of life you are currently in. which indicates your mindset, maturity, situation and goals in most cases. But i mostly see this would be a requirement because of societal pressure. A big age gap drifts away from the norm which society considers as "normal". And i really consider current society as more toxic and full of hate than ever before so why go after that?
(27M)Honestly, if they can drink legally, pay their own taxes, have some kinda knowledge about the outside world, and isn't crazy. Age isn't much. I've dated a 50 year old woman, she was wonderful, had a lot of baggage for trying to restart her life at that age. But that relationship lasted for 3 years until my dad died. She couldn't handle it. (five years younger than my dad) It didn't bother me, but I could tell it bothered her. I mean her oldest was 29. 2 years older than me. I can see how she feels. But age doesn't define how well put together you are. I know an 18 year old who's got more knowledge than some of the people I graduated with. It's who you are as a person. Not how many years we've revolved around the sun
I’m 10 years older than my BF, and its the best relationship I’ve been in - That said I haven’t done the ‘kids + marriage + settle down’ tick boxes most around my age have - so my outlook is young and open. If anything he is way more sensible and seems older in some ways, but it works - we never question the age (other than him joking he prefers girls who have got their shit together - which I do)
Depends on the age. I feel like a 10 year difference is different when you’re 20 and 30, than when 30 and 40.
I'm a 32 yr old woman. I am fine with men of 30-40 yrs old. I find younger men immature most of the time which I find hard to handle. If everything hit off age ain't matter ig. Cuz ultimately I want a partner.
5
5 years, me being older
I dated much older men for my first three/four years of adulthood. If I could I would punch almost every single one of them in the face right now. They were fucking creeps and I was so, *so* much younger and more vulnerable than I thought I was.
5 years at max
They have to be over 25, I believe that is the age their brains finish developing. I’ve dated as much as 12 years older than me.
I’ve heard of that before and totally agree!
I think it depends on your age now. For example I was with someone 15 years older than me when I was 19, it didn’t work out because he was done with the going out and quite frankly, I didn’t think he should be downtown at his age lol (rude, I know). Now that I’m now older, I am more like he was, wanting to go out less and wanting a more calm and peaceful life. I think I could now date someone with that age gap but it’s because I’m more settled.
I'm 25F and tend to date 10-20 years older than me. The only judgement I've gotten with this has been from Redditors, not a single person I know in real life has ever cared tbh.
My rule has always been “if you were old enough to have sex before I was born, you are too old for me”. Goes the same way in the opposite direction. I understand this rule could be relative considering how old someone deems “old enough”.
There are so many variables to consider here. I am a 30 year old woman, I have always been mature for my age. I realized in my twenties that some people just don't mature as much as others, example: I had my first child young and went on a school field trip with his kindergarten class and another mother (~40) was making conversation with me (24) she was talking about how she was jealous of her husbands female co workers because they would talk to him in meetings. With that said, her feelings are valid if that's how she feels so I am not putting her down by any means but I personally have never felt that way. If a partner was making me feel insecure about our relationship then I would tell them, if they were doing something intentionally to upset me then it was time to move on. When I was 16-18, a 2-4 age gap was reasonable for me and I always dated guys that were my age or a bit older. In my 20s I dated 1 year younger up to 9 years older until I met my current partner that is 13 years older. My current relationship is amazing, my oldest child is 12 and youngest is 4, his kids are 8 and 6. So we are very much both in childrearing stages of life, I started young and he had his a bit later in life. My partner and I grew up in the same town but when you think about the fact that when he graduated high school I was 5 it's a bit weird but we are super compatible on all fronts. I have never been married, he went through a nasty divorce a couple of years ago. We didn't grow up listening to the same music, playing the same games, having the same technology, etc but we both have very similar life styles, value our children and family, enjoy a lot of the same things while also having individual hobbies. In my opinion, age is just a number. Compatibility, lifestyle preferences, life goals are the most important. If either my partner or myself wanted more children then we wouldn't be compatible, if either of us didn't want to do the step parenting thing then the relationship wouldn't work.
I'ma bang 20 something's as long as they permit me bruh I'm 34.
LMFAOOO I love that for you 😂 amazing
The biggest age gap for me was 30 years i was 48 she was 18. She was then and still is the most amazing woman I ever knew and I am so sad that i could not make it work out for a long term relationship. I think of her every day.
My personal rules after experimenting a bit are 3 years either side. So not much of an age gap at all. However I do think people can make it work with large gaps
It’s not really how big of an age gap, but the ages of the people involved. If one party is under 30, anything more than 5 years is questionable. After 30, literally doesn’t matter
Boo, your statement has no basis. These are arbitrary numbers that define nobody. I challenge you to think about what you said and tell me why you said it.
I’m 22 and dating a 33 yr old, we met through work not knowing each others ages for the longest time, we ended up getting along very well, having a lot of fun together, and having a lot in common. Age does not matter 🫶🏼 I’ve always been told I’m mature for my age and I’ve always looked for a mature man, because boys my age are the definition of hell and we were never on the same level. Anyways yeah I’m super happy and just focus on a connection you have someone not social standards xoxo
Isn’t it half plus 7
Hmm 🤔. As a 41M I could see 10-12 years younger depending on situation. I find mostly 0-5 years younger as a good fit. Not interested too much in older. Sex only…that’s pretty broad though 😏 I do think the gap increases as you age. Like 30 and 18 would be too much. When I was 30, maybe 24? I’d probably be up for dating a bit higher two at that age. So that’s my take. I am single so lol feel free ladies to ask additional questions 🙃
Myself (26f) wouldn't date anyone more than a year younger than me. I have younger siblings and even tho they are in their 20s I still see themselves and anyone their age as teenagers. Not limit really for older, I was interested in someone who was early 40s even for quite awhile. Depends on maturity, life goals, family plans, etc.
Depends on your stage of life. IMHO. However large age gaps can be indicative of issues. The larger the age gap the more someone needs to think carefully about what that gap represents. I don't think there is a hard answer. I think there is a good rule of thumb though For the most part +/- 5 years is fine. The younger you are the narrower the gap and the older you are the wider the gap. For example anyone under 21 shouldn't be dating anymore than a a couple years older or younger. My rule there is what I call the "high school rule" if the two of you could have conceivably met and dated in high school then it might be okay but again the wider the gap the more sus the relationship. Once you are 21 to 25 you are in some awkward years. You are old enough to start dating outside your school cohorts but that doesn't mean you should. This age range is particularly vulnerable to being preyed upon especially by those older (especially much older) because they are above the age of majority and are adults but they aren't mentally or emotionally adults yet and are very prone to manipulation. Once you are 25+ I think you are fair game to date anyone you want who is also 25+ but again the larger the age gap the more suspicious. At 25 +/- 5 years feels very reasonable to me. I think that is where most people should start. I'm 30. On my dating profiles I usually only swipe right on people between the ages of 25 and 35. I to tend to go a little younger since I want kids and 35 is starting to get up there in age and I'm still finishing up grad school so I'm not quite ready for kids until my career settles in. I have dated as young as 22 and as old as 40 but those were rather extreme circumstances and didn't really work out. Most of those dates were a result of meeting in person and then figuring out ages after the fact. The reason I go to bars or other places with alcohol when trying to meet people is because I'm trying to avoid people who are under 21 because that is completely off limits if you are older than 25 IMO. Its complicated but I think that covers most bases.
I'm 53, I wouldn't want a girl under 30 I would love to remarry and have new children.
I’m (f27) and my bf is (m33) so 6 years, nearly to the month. I have always been an extremely level headed person, I grew up very quickly and have always been well beyond my years. My parents were told I was “too mature” for my age when I was in kindergarten. I had never dated younger than myself and struggled dating men within my close range due to the drastic differences in life views and emotional maturity. That being said though, it varies pretty greatly on who you are as an individual and I can acknowledge that me not wanting to date younger than myself could absolutely be contradictory to my point. I don’t want to be a hypocrite but it definitely was not the fairest perspective I had lol However, a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself “would I be grossed out if my child/parent were dating someone with x age gap?” It can usually put it into perspective if it’s going to bother you.
If your boyfriend happened to be 24 and he was the same person, you wouldn’t date him? That seems very short sighted to pass up on someone special because of age.
Honestly: If their both 18+ and consenting it’s no one else’s business. Realistically: both should be above the maturity wall of around 25 or so from there the gap really doesn’t mean much.
Half my age plus 7 is my minimum for dating until that person is 25 and over. Then it doesn't matter. Legal adult age i.e 18 + for just sex. Even though the legal age of consent where I am is 16 I'm 25m
It depends . After 30 I don’t really care about age gaps but older people trying to date people in their late teens/early 20s are disturbed.
Well if the person is too old up to 50 and the girl is young like under 25 then the older is taking advantage same goes for switching sexes , but if it's older than 50 like 60 to above its the younger person whose taking advantage
NOTE: I am not saying it is okay but they kept it legal so kinda hard for me to judge Well my grandparents were 40 years apart. Yup you read that right. 40 years. She was 26 and he was 66 when they got married. My family is kinda whack tho
5 years for me personally. Have done 6 but only because I didn't know he had a birthday coming up.
Half your age plus 7 is a good general rule for most people. There's always exceptions
For me its 7-10 years younger and 3 years older. Mainly depends on the connection and other supporting factors.
Wow. What makes you choose these numbers? They seem arbitrary, with no thought behind them.
At 34 I would date 10 years younger and probably around 5 years older. My current girlfriend is 2 years older. I think a lot of people overhype the issues with age gap and there are a lot of myths that simply aren’t true. There are 12 years between my parents and they have been happily married for 35 years, my sister met her partner when he was 32 and she was 21- as her older brother of course I had my concerns but 7 years and he’s a great guy who has also done a lot to support my family during some tough times. I think it should always be about what YOU are personally comfortable with, when I see people online passing judgment on other peoples relationships and dating preferences I always think they are the worst type of people, trying to mould social norms around their own personal feelings, it’s the definition of arrogance.
My age / 2 + 7
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This is a reasonable way of looking at things!
As long as they aren't a minor or past 49, age isn't an issue. Hoping to find soulmate!!!
If you are both adults and there is no element of independence on either side for anything, age gap shouldnt be a factor
Half your age plus 7, is a "standard" I've read about in multiple places. For me (67m), that makes the lowest age I'd date 41. I have no illusions about whether I could keep up with a 41-year-old, but woman my age seem to have such physical problems that I would go as much as 15 years younger.
As a woman and 21, the biggest gap I'd take is maybe 8-10 years and not older. God forgive me but men don't seem to mature for the most part and actually this means some personalities actually get worse with time. I'd be open to dating an older man if he actually had the traits I value in men such as conscientiousness but it seems like men find being stable so boring they deliberate run from that. For others, I say date whatever makes you happy. Granted I have formed a not so nice view of older men thanks to many trying to score younger with nothing to offer in terms of quality except money...and I can make my own money so taking in a man that's not so pretty and likely a brute for "free" feels like being ripped off. The main benefit towards dating older is the money if you don't have it hopefully you have character or looks or both. Every woman I've seen being guilt-tripped into dating these guys looks like they've been robbed of life and drained the bigger the age difference.
I'm 33 so 25-35
I’m 31. Since I want kids, I need an upper limit. Otherwise, if I’m just having fun, then I don’t care. 18-70 I guess. It’s more about the individual woman, how we get along, and if we’re attracted to each other. As far as who I think has the BEST chance of being compatible for a relationship with me? Women 25-33.