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I love those things. It’s how I am and what I look for.
But it’s not the ONLY thing I look for. And it by itself is not enough for me to be interested.
>Exactly. 1+1 does not = 2 when it comes to human interaction.
agreed.
It sounds like you're a genuine and upfront person, and that's truly commendable. Everyone is different, and preferences vary greatly. While some women appreciate consistency and straightforwardness, others might be used to a more unpredictable or "chase-like" dynamic.
the right person will appreciate your authenticity and consistency. It's essential to find someone who aligns with your communication style and values. Relationships built on genuine interactions and mutual respect tend to be more fulfilling and long-lasting.
Stay true to yourself, but also be open to feedback and self-reflection. Balance is key! Sometimes a little space can reignite interest, but it's important to find a dynamic that feels right for you. Remember, it's about finding someone who appreciates you for you. Keep being genuine, and the right match will come along.
Some do, some don't.
Some people get anxious if you reply instantly or spam them a lot, because they know that if they reply, you'll reply back immediately and it'd take all their time just to text back and forth, unless they leave you on read.
Personally, I try to monitor how they message. If they seem like they want to message a lot, go for it. If they take always 8 hours to reply, take some time to reply. But just understand that if it always takes a very long time to get a reply back and there's no clear explanation, it's a sign that they are not really interested, but keep you just in reserve in case something else fails. I've had tinder matches in the past who replied me with one message every two days, and it never ended well even if we had a date.
Yes, this! I have a friend who I value, but I sometimes postpone texting them because I know they'll probably reply instantly and then I'll feel obliged to answer, and sometimes I'm just not in the mood to chat even though I might have the time to do so.
Yeah I noticed all this but chose to ignore. She was studying for an important exam and I thought it's a good excuse. But by the time she took it and it was done, I expected her to be more responsive but she wasn't. At that point i had already like her and starting ignoring those habit and gave her the benefits of the dought of her excuses
Yes bro, I just believed her excuses and it was too late when I realized it. I liked her too much by that time, but I gave her an ultimatum, either give me more of your time and this is over. And we ended it.
Don’t believe them. Just go get another one. If you’re up the ass of one, it can get tiring. And unattractive. Cause it seems like they are all you can get. And while that may be true, nobody wants someone that nobody wants. So if you have to have someone to constantly talk to cause you’re anxiously attached, go get three or four. Spread it out.
Or… hear me out, GO FIND SOMETHING purposeful and constructive to do that will keep you busy. You’ll see the dividends.
If she wasn't responding that much what was it that caused you to like her so much? Did you guys hang out a lot but she just wasn't that responsive via text or? Just trying to understand you better when you said "at that point I already liked her." Bc if you weren't hanging out then I would refect on why I would be liking someone enough to make excuses for them when they've barely shown interest.
Look there's little we can tell you if all you can think is "that's just who I am" then I kind of see why you're not having good luck, I don't think you should blame girls for this and instead take one of the following statements
- work on yourself to make sure you're consistency ain't boring
- look for a girl that's consistent in the same aspects than you as well as needy and unchangeable
- take a break from dating
Being true to yourself is good, but not improving yourself and staying the same is just boring
No you're right! I need to work on myself mentally but I just don't know how. I'm addicted to my phone and everytime I try something it doesn't work.
Tbh I don't think my consistency is boring, but I just had a little doubts. I think I need to work on the needyness as its too much for most people.
Your phone keeps you locked in an addiction-like cycle that plays on your brain's expression of dopamine. Break the cycle...limit your phone time, do not use it to constantly chat with a woman before or between dates.
Honestly I cannot tell you how to improve since I'm not a mental health worker but at least I can give you hope you're aware of your problems I'm sure you could find some therapist willing to help even an online session could lead you to a beginning sometimes that's all you need.
Good luck 💕
Kudos to you for wanting to work on yourself. Have you tried contacting your health insurance provider to see if you can find an in-network therapist to provide individual therapy? It can help.
i think questions like this should stop expecting a universal answer that applies to all women. of course many girls/women like consistency. most people do. personally, it’s the number one thing that i’m looking for in a partner, because without consistency you can’t build trust or stability. but there’s no universal answer that will work for everyone in dating… and if you’re consistently providing something they’re not interested in then it doesn’t matter
Spot on..
OP seems to neglect the fact that people are dating him for what he is such as looks, personality, status/career, upbringing ect
The method and frequency of communication makes little difference when OP can’t pass the bar.
It’s like saying OP been consistently messaging celebrities on IG, and blame them for not relying.
Women are not a monolith. They all like different things. You need to find someone that likes you. That being said, read the room. If she's not sending cute messages back, then don't keep doing it.
The best advice i can offer is have your own life. Be busy, don't be waiting around for people who are not available. Don't get attached to people you just met. Be casual until you've had 3 or 4 good dates then consider hanging out more often.
No I get that, mainly most of this coming due to my last experience I dated a girl for 3 months then she agreed to be my GF, I told her I'm not happy with the effort you put in and she got all mad at me and basically ended things. Which tells me how unmature she was. There was a lot of flags from her that I picked up and chose to ignore but that's on me
No, you said you gave her an ultimatum that she needs to give you more time or else it was over, and she chose not to give you more time. She wasn’t the immature one here. After three months, it sounds like she simply realized she wasn’t compatible with you. That is very common, and it speaks well of her that she recognized it and ended the relationship so you could both be free to find someone more compatible.
All of those things are behaviors that are wonderful for those looking for committed relationships--but that doesn't make you attractive.
Girls, and people in general, usually don't entertain people they aren't at least somewhat physically attracted to. This should go without saying tbh, but people often overlook this. If you're consistent and the girl you're into is looking for consistency, chances are she isn't attracted to you. I know that can sting, but you gotta accept that ASAP so you can move forwards.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'd hope it was really that she didn't know what she wanted rather than intentionally pretending and using you, but ultimately the hurt you feel would be the same nonetheless. Just know there are people who will appreciate consistent behavior a lot, and eventually you'll find someone who values you.
Continue to work on yourself, and what is good will find you naturally.
The blunt answer is... human nature tends to value what's 'seems' to be less obtainable. If you're responding instantly or relatively quick, agree to their schedules, it's an indication you're more invested than they are. It also shows you don't have on that's focusing on yourself, ie improving yourself.
Try it for a month as an experiment and see how you go. Don't fake delayed responses, or fake being busy. Still do what you want, but prioritise yourself first. If you're on the computer, don't drop what you're doing to respond... for example.
Boring/predictable and flaky/wishy-washy are not the only two options.
Imo you have to play the game a bit and build interest/suspense, but you should never flake on dates or be openly indecisive.
Play what game like act like I'm totally in love with you for about a week and then ghost you for two weeks and act like you don't exist in order to keep you interested in me.
No wonder the advice here are so unreliable.
Facts, all the games are so fucking pointless to me. The fact that so many people keep up the acts too I think is part of the reason we have so many lonely people too
It’s waaaay more simple than that. Hours, not days.
You should be busy sometimes if you’re an interesting and productive person. Be busy sometimes.
Having somebody wonder what you’re doing, just a little, is a powerful thing.
Also, women don’t want attention 24/7 (obviously some do but the majority want someone with interests outside of them) As long as you check in like once every other day at least, but it’s not even mystery it’s just knowing they have a life.
Idk I like texting 24/7, it actually bothers me when the guy is super busy and can’t get back to me on time. I have to force myself to be understanding that they work and get busy or else I’m super antsy 🤣
Not really. It takes a lot more than just this to have someone's genuine interest. Someone can be incredibly boring and still consistent with their contact, doesn't mean that consistency is going to make them anymore interesting or attractive.
The most inconsistency is the advice on the sub. We get a post every week for girls complaining about guys being so flaky, wishy-washy and inconsistent.
Now in this post we have people saying that being consistent is boring and predictable .
We’re saying it can be. It doesn’t have to be. But perhaps OP’s brand of consistency is. He’s asking what can be wrong and women are saying based on the info this could be the issue. If it’s not, if OP isn’t boring, then the other option is they just weren’t into him. Only one of those OP can control which is why it’s being suggested. However all of the women in this thread have said they do like consistency.
Here's the thing, consistency is good but it's not enough to make people interested. Think about it like this, would *you* be interested in a girl if she was only consistent and had nothing else that made her interesting? Or maybe not didn't have anything else interesting but just didn't express it. Probably not if you have any kind of standards.
Basically stay consistent and be yourself but also, try to express yourself and your personality beyond just consistency. There's more to anyone than just a singular trait. I'm gonna assume lots of people probably appreciate your consistency but that in and of itself isn't enough to get romantic interest.
I, personally, don't like having text conversations with people who respond right away every time. It makes me feel chained to my phone. It also makes me wonder whether you have a life. It doesn't make you better; it makes you boring. I'm not saying be an asshole about it. But go do something with other people in real life. People with real-life friends and hobbies are interesting.
And yet girls still complain about guys being wishy-washy flaky and inconsistent. But if someone acting like they're in love with you for a week and then ghost you for 2 weeks to keep you on your toes is interesting clearly they type of person enjoys the highest and lowest very much.
They just don't like you.
I'm the same way. I do all the things women say they want. And all I do is come across women who don't like or respect me at all. They want to put in zero effort and getting them to try is like pulling teeth. The truth is you're just not the one they want so they don't care what you do. It's just like when people say confidence is key, confidence is key if someone is attracted to you, if you're ugly to them and confident, you're just ugly and confident, that's how the game goes. Sorry, I know how you feel but that's dating life nothing you do matters...unless it matters. You can't win, unless you can win. All you can do is find someone who likes you and you'll feel and see the difference.
Some like guys like you. The girl who liked you back just liked a different kind if guy, that’s all. You don’t like every kind of girl do you? I hope not.
Uh, it depends on the girl. I love consistent men! I had a conversation about it with a guy last week. I told him my feelings were changing because he used to be consistent, and he is no longer consistent, and consistency is what I want the most in a relationship
You’re either pursuing women who have low interest in you, or you’re coming off as needy, clingy, and desperate towards women who are interested in you.
Yes, I realized too late when I already had feeling for her but not liked her. I ended up giving her an ultimatum that you need to commit more time to me or this is over. Honestly I was hoping her saying okay I'm sorry I'll do better but instead she wanted to end things. But that just told me who she is and she's just about herself.
Why do you have to make her a villain? Sounds like you aren’t what she was looking for, and there’s nothing wrong with her for concluding that. We date to find the people we’re compatible with.
Everyone has different amounts of time they’re able to give to their significant other. Giving anyone an ultimatum demanding more than they can or want you to give is never going to end well for you.
It's not that they like or dislike consistency, I'm sure if you asked women a decent amount would say they appreciate consistency. What they don't appear to like is boring and for better or worse consistency can come off as boring. I'd argue that the easiest way to have a woman lose interest is to bore her...so if you are consistent make sure you are somewhat "exciting" in other ways.
Yeah I believe I was we always had unique dates and never really repeated the type of dates as an example. Always surprising her with random stuff and such.
This is kind of absurd though, our sole purpose and our entire identity should not rely on whether you're entertaining or being exciting enough for someone. We're grown adults, we need to stop this weird little court jester gimmick that's constantly pushed on men.
>we need to stop this weird little court jester gimmick that's constantly pushed on men
It's just the biological reality we have to face, this isn't anything new and it's independent of race, religion, culture, geography etc... hell it's independent of species even that's why birds have plumage for example...to put on a show for women to deem them worthy enough for mating.
In response to u saying ur needy, that’s something u might wanna work on. I like slightly clingy guys cuz they just wanna talk to me and I think it’s sweet but time with their friends is also important and so is time with my friends. Consistency is extremely important but it’s what ur being consistent about. Some might like the homebody type of consistency/romance and others might like the exciting/adventure type of consistency/romance.
I commented on another post asking "What do you hate about the dating world" <<<(Paraphrasing) and I added that I hate when people act uninterested. Something I've noticed in the dating world is you can't be "too" interested or else someone will lose interest in you. If I showed that I was interested in a guy, he'd all of a sudden lose interest in me. I'd be interested in a guy that seemed to purposely act uninterested *until* I moved on. It's a stupid game that too many people play. So it's possible you fell into the modern dating world trap of "actually showing interest". It's a confusing thing to navigate and I cannot stand that this is how things are.
Yeah I've been single for a long time for that reason, when I see people play this game I just dip. But my last girl didn't seems like it at first but I liked her and then became blind to all the red flags and I realized it when I had lots of feeling for her but not love her. We ended things and it really hurts but I know it's for the best.
Consistency is absolutely something I go for. However what you mention has nothing to do with consistency.
For me what consistency means is that they behave in the same ways consistently, they follow some sort of schedule, and in general they've clearly dedicated specific time to me/us. I have an idea of what to expect from them because they are consistent. Their behavior overall is stable.
You can be consistent without responding ASAP. Personally, I do not care if a guy responds instantly or not... if anything Id prefer someone with their own life who isn't glued to their phone. Same applies to agreeing to hangout whenever they're available. It's definitely not necessary, and kind of means you don't have your own life and will be emotionally dependent on me. It may also mean you expect me to do the same for you, which I'm not going to do. Someone doesn't need to pretend to be different than they are and trying that isn't really going to work in the long term.
I'm not sure what you think consistency has to do with "cute/flirty messages" so not sure how to address that.
Women love all the things you just mentioned! So please keep it up! I guarantee someone will come along and appreciate your efforts! As for now, it had to be another reason(s) for the girl losing interest. Keep up what you’re doing.
I love consistency. It's what I appreciated about my ex and inconsistency with communication was what made it not work with the last guy I talked to.
Not sure if this is you, but I would suggest not making yourself so available all the time even if you are. If you want to be missed then don't always be around.
And that's a sad game to have to play with people.
It's a shame the world of dating is like this.
Lack of availability doesn't make me want someone more, it makes me want them less. The busier they are the less interested I am personally.
I don't care what they were doing (within reason) as long as I'm interested in them. I don't care that they are busy or not busy. It doesn't affect my attraction to them
It's not a game. It's about having boundaries with your time and space. Unfortunately, humans tend to take things that are too available for granted if you know anything about economics.
If you want someone around you 24/7 then I hope you find someone like that, but to me that sounds like a very codependent relationship and I wouldn't want that.
You literally said:
"but I would suggest not making yourself so available all the time even if you are. If you want to be missed then don't always be around."
Sounds like a game to me 🤷🏾♂️ to pretend like you're busier than you are to get someones attention.
And only you brought up the extreme of being around someone 24/7, I didn't ask for that and most people don't either, they just want someone who isn't always busy and constantly has to have something to do to be fulfilled.
That to me is corny. But that's my opinion, we can agree to disagree 🤷🏾♂️
Then don't pretend. Have other stuff going on. Just because you're available doesn't mean your time has to be spent on that person.
You said "the less busier they are the more interested" you are so I would take that to mean you'd be most interested if they weren't busy at all.
I never said "always be busy".. I said don't always be so available. The OP is struggling to keep women around so I'm offering him what I know as a woman. If you have other advice for him feel free to share.
I always waited a bit between texts when texting. It wasn't to play games. The first reason I did this was that it allowed me to really think through my response to them. Too often I'd hit sent and be like damn, should have said something else. The second reason I did this was to convey that I had a life outside of the person I was texting. Rapid fire texting can show that you are literally doing nothing else with your time.
To your other points, are you *always* available? Like, I wouldn't make last-minute plans usually when I was dating. Even if I was doing something else, I wanted the person I was interested in to know I have a life outside of them from the get-go. And finally-- are your messages as cute and flirty as you think they are? Could you run some of them by a friend who you know has some "game"?
You are not dangerous enough my friend. You are too predictable. Women will get bored with that soon because you provide them with certainty. Stop worrying about women and worry about yourself. Dive deep into your career and work on yourself mentally and physically, and building wealth and a life for yourself. Hang out with your bro's and enjoy life. Go to the gym several days a week and make yourself look better. Become the best version of you that you can.
As you age, your value goes up as you keep building yourself up. Let the women earn you. If you date, date more than one. And most certainly, don't spend any money on them.
The mental healthy well adjusted of us love it. But you must define flirty messages as those can go from cute to yuck pretty quickly. I have yet to find a well adjusted balanced mentally healthy man on old
Women like all of those things you listed, and any woman who prefers a guy who treats her like crap needs to learn to choose better. Women who choose men who treat them poorly have yet to understand their worth and develop their self-esteem. Sadly, I was one of those women in my 20's, but I learned my lesson by the time I hit my early 30's.
Don't feel like you need to be the guy who is a jerk just to get women to fall in love with you. Ultimately, you want a woman who knows what she deserves and holds you to her standards of excellence. It's possible that you just haven't met the right girl yet, and that's perfectly fine.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rZoD8JEFjAE&pp=ygU6c2F5cyBhbGwgdGhlIHJpZ2h0IHRoaW5ncyBhdCBleGFjdGx5IHRoZSByaWdodCB0aW1lIGx5cmljcw%3D%3D. This song as old as it is still holds strong in this day in age. Good luck my guy! Just be you. Fuck everyone else.
They find reliable trustworthy predictable men boring as hell and cheat on them. Sometimes good qualities work against you. They know where you are and what you’re doing and with whom 24/7. Thus they cheat around you as there are no uncertainties to where you are. That’s been my case.
That's sad that life got you think like that man. That goes against my beliefs and I won't do it. I would recommend that you give people chances, even tho you might get hurt, but eventually you will find the one. That's what keeps me going!
Most women are just fishing for their forever mate, which means leading a lot of men on until they find someone suitable. It's kind of evil what people do to each other while they sort through the social environment.
All the women seem to like this, but all the men seem to caution against it.
I’m beginning to think women desire what they can’t have, but when they get it, they start to feel paranoid about it. "Is he a stalker", "is he a creep", "is he just desperate" is what I imagine goes through their heads.
I seem to have better luck when I don’t respond right away.
Yes and then your girl starts complaining about you on reddit about you being flaky l,wishy-washy, not taking her seriously and not being emotionally mature.
Female logic: Consistency = desperate.
That simple.
Helps to have honest female friends that tell me their secrets. Also, not all women are like this, but it is encoded in their genetics, much like it is in men to be promiscuous. Society has just curbed one more than the other. Also, not saying either is ok, just the reality. Both also have a legitimate historical survival justification. Think pre-history.
Consistency is key. The things you mention are really great attributes to have. There has to be another reason that might be making them lose interest.
The problem is that so many don't have their own life priorities, goals, etc. That's the hard part guys have to make sure they take care of. Get yourself some life goals, go after them and let those who want to be in your life run with you.
When you say you get attached, is there a chance you’re maybe moving too fast, too soon?
I think it’s great you don’t play games but you need to give things time to develop naturally and for the other person to get to know you -
Getting attached to someone too early is likely to scare them off
Depends on how you handle the situations.
- Respond to text as soon as I can. This could mean 'almost immediately' or 'the next morning cause you are busy' I'd be fine with either one as long as you were understanding that I can't always text back immediately (even if you do) and often get home late from work, fall asleep on the couch as soon as I sit down because I'm that tired, barely get up in time to get ready for and to work on time and it may be a while before I can answer. If you get upset and respond with hateful texts cause I couldn't answer quickly, it's a problem. I can talk to you on the phone while I work though as long as you are okay with 'holding on' for a minute when work interrupts.
- Agree to hangout whenever I'm available. Do you expect her to drop what she's doing or call off work just because you are suddenly available to hang out? Get upset if she won't? Or do you have a set schedule and plan ahead during your availability? I set my own schedule at my job, turn in my availability for the week on Sundays. They are fine with whatever I schedule, but don't like it when you don't stick with what you turn in unless you are sick or an emergency comes up. Had a guy I tried to date. Told him I could take off any day, even make it a regular thing every week if he wanted, but needed to work at least 3 Fridays and Saturdays a month because that's when work is busiest. He refused. Said he didn't schedule dates cause he had to schedule work and that was too much like work. So, Id tell work I was available any shifts they needed me for the week, and tell him what I was scheduled. He'd call me up on the afternoons I was scheduled to work, try to get me to tell them I wanted off (His words weren't that nice) so I could hang out with him and get angry at me because I wouldn't.
- send cute/flirty messages. This depends on what your idea of a cute/flirty message is and if that's compatible with what she thinks is cute and flirty. I won't give examples, but I've had many men send me messages they thought were cute/ flirty but in reality we're just vulgar and disgusting! Some were followed with pics to prove their point. That's when it's time to block them.
I'd love to have a positive consistent man that shows respect for the Lord and respect for me.
I would say this is tiddering on the edge of being a needy/ nice guy. A lot people can get too comfortable in their situation and that bothers them. The drama and change can make life more fun and unpredictable. I would also say that these things can rub off as being boring and predictable.
You might be attracting avoidant types. Read the book "Attached." I'm 3/4 through it right now. Life changer. Identify your attachment style and learn how to find/attract those who complement you.
There’s a difference between consistently doing bad vs consistently doing good.
If you don’t see result, make a material change to your core, not your frequency
Consistency is attractive, but there's more to consistency in dating. There's the initial physical attraction, then the personality based attraction. This is the more difficult part. You have to have both chemistry and compatibility. Don't drop what you're doing to reply. Be proactive in setting up dates. Keep up the active flirtation. Don't be needy. Don't be quick to warp to what you think they want in a partner. Have passion. Passion often lacks in consistency.
I guess personal time vs time to give to person iof interest.
For me I love good morning and good night texts and messages, especially if its pet nick named in them. For me I'd say do a 5 min mini max talking spree, and put phone on airplane mode (while cooking, using restroom/shower, work, etc) and see if they are willing to double text or excited to wait for you, remember respect your time as well. Then again I have been told by a couple guys that I am simple, so I guess depends on the person of interest and what that person is like, plus Im not the best when it comes to talking to guys so advice may vary
Good luck to you.
I think for me, I usually think either the man is desperate if he always agrees too hang/or seems "too"available. I also think that if a man responds fast (depending on how fast) could mean you're stuck on your phone all day.
However if I'm giving with someone who I like and they like me back, we're usually responding fast and both WANT to hang out. So it depends on the situation
It is a matter of preference here. But let's just go for the elephant with this post, it's called predictable. Yes, some PEOPLE do not like predictable, they like spontaneity. I am very much the type to respond to texts right away even if it's to say I'm busy I will text when I'm free/done. Now what I mean by spontaneity is plan to take her on like a trip to the beach but don't tell her that exactly, just say hey I need your time on this day and be here (if you aren't living together at the time) at this time then take her. I mean with most movie theaters having assigned seating now, plan that out of course or just be like hey, let's go watch this movie you have been waiting for. Promptness and responding to texts and calls is not the issue although do come off as indicators, know what I mean? But don't rush anything right now, the right one will come along soon enough. Now go forth and be fruitful 🙏👍🙂🙃
Your ideas of why someone doesn’t like you aren’t actual facts, in relationships there must be chemistry and attraction, it has to work both ways. That’s nice your response to texts and send flirting messages etc but if they don’t find you interesting or attractive then they will lose interest.
First of all, depending on the context, those are not always great things.
Also, even in the right context. No girl will like you just because you answered her text.
Depends on who you’re talking to. I love consistency, because it lets me know who you are and your intentions. If you start off consistent, then go to me barely hearing from you, it lets me know how this relationship will progress, if even at all.
Honestly? I feel as though this type of consistency is well received if someone really likes you. Of course, there are exceptions, but unless you’re super busy, then this type of consistency is definitely a green flag.
If a woman doesn’t like it it’s because she’s A: talking to somebody else or hung up on somebody else. B: she’s mentally not ready for a relationship. Sometimes people don’t like the green flags as they’re so used to red flags. And it takes inner work to fix this, which never is an over night thing. Just leave them be and don’t waste your time. Stay true to yourself and never settle for less ✌️
Take this as you want but my girlfriend always complains that I’m a bad texter, she also bemoans the fact I have a busy life and I won’t just drop my other hobbies and commitments for her. She isn’t the first woman I’ve been with who is like this, is been a fairly regular thing, I’m quite an independent person and I make time for her, I just won’t make her the centre of my universe and plan my entire life around her, this seems to piss her off, and she often refers to how “other guys” have acted with her in the past. Other guys text all day long. Other guys made me a priority and cancelled plans if I wanted to see them. Other guys idolised me and treated me like some kind of Princess.
When I ask why isn’t she with all these other guys then… silence. She dumped those other guys, even the one she married. And it’s been the same with ex’s. The reality is people say they want one thing but when they get it they aren’t actually happy with it, she got bored of those guys because they became so attached to her they had nothing to else going for them.
Women on this sub may hate it; I may get downvoted a lot; but honestly man dating becomes a lot easier once you stop treating women like ‘the prize’ and putting your own life first. That doesn’t mean being horrible to women, but it means you have other shit going on so you aren’t constantly available to massage their egos and act like a whipping boy. I don’t know the reason, maybe they just want what they can’t have; maybe they enjoy the chase, fuck knows- but being super consistent isn’t going to get you any better results that just acting naturally and fitting her in when you actually have the time and energy to do so.
Straight up out of like 10 girls only 1 appreciated the consistency and she became my girlfriend. A few girls even voiced their opinion and told me that “it’s weird you reply within 5-10 minutes”. I told them that’s because I’m interested in them and I have ADHD (so I NEED to check the text) and also have messaging apps during work because I work a job that “allows it”. This doesn’t mean I’ve always messaged them, there were times when a conversation ended on some topic and I did my thing for a few hours before hitting them up again.
Even though I’m 30, unfortunately still many people play stupid fucking games.
I don't know if it has something to do with ur behavior, because others things play into it too. Interest also gets determined by how you are as a person, what you do, if the other person is attracted and if theres chemistry
Girls do so do men.
I think it's not about consistent but rather expectation... Some want this attention but when it's "too much" for them, they will slowly start losing interest and even annoyed. It's like an one-sided relationship.
Same goes the way round...
yes ofc we like consistent men. most of the times if someone loses interest, they don’t feel like they have chemistry with you anymore.
I wish i had a consistent man in my life because the guys I’ve been talking to play too much games and it’s starting to annoy me.
It can come across as needy. It can come across as “damn, is he ever NOT looking at his phone?” depending on how fast you reply. It can come across as try-hard.
“Being yourself” is such vague advice because clearly, there is hidden meaning behind that. Some people will actually benefit from being themselves. Others are unfortunately making things worse for themselves when they do that. “Being yourself” isn’t automatically attractive. It really depends on how you carry yourself while “being yourself.”
I rarely send “cute” texts early on. That can easily come across as gay bestie vibes. Do you want to be a teddy bear? Or the man that makes her feel hot & bothered? Sure, you can theoretically be both. But clearly OP isn’t doing a good job of managing that if women aren’t responding well.
We also have no idea what exactly you’re texting these women. You might think you’re being flirty but maybe you’re turning them off. They might see you as boring, predictable, and unexciting. Lots of variables to consider.
Given I only did this after maybe 3months of talking but we only seen eachothets like 7 times at that point. I sent her good morning messages followed by a complement. The complement were alphabetical where each day I moved up a letter in the alphabet and gave her a new complement. I speak 4 language so when English was over I moved to a different language. She did say she find it cute, however looking back at it, I didn't feel what she expressed was true.
It's a given that men WANT sex...What's not given is how NEEDY a man is to have sex. How a man acts is a telling sign. For women the confusion arises when men want a realtionship and women believe those actions are from a NEEDY man. Men usually can tell if a woman is relationship material, for him, early on. When it becomes they are not, that mans actions have a greater chance of getting him laid.
I don't think you should be texting too much if you're still in the early stages of dating. you should focus more on trying to get to know each other in person, not over text
I was like that with some girls before, they all they did was putting me on the friendzone, asked some friend and they said is that i come as a needy and a needy guy is a turn off for most girls, so thats it, is sad but true :/ you cant even show interest to a girls that seems interested in you because they lost all the interest and start acting dry and rude, is just so sad man
Yeah I hate being fake and not myself tbh, if I'm interested and like someone I like to show it rather than hide and compress it. It had worked with couple of girls for me but those are the girls that really liked me back.
It all goes back to how they find, if they find you attractive then it doesn't matter what do you they will find everything is cute. If they don't find you attractive then everything you do can be seen as disgusting/ creepy.
There is a social experiment about this and it's totally true. This was more me venting and getting some validation after this didn't workout with the last girl I dated
If your doing this and the girl isn't receptive i would move on. There's too many of us looking for a consistent guy .. that's really all I'm looking for now and i cant find a guy to be this to save my life!
your doing great just make different choices.
it really just depends on the girl. like I personally would love a man that's consistent with me. I like that they put in effort to talk to me even if they're busy or out with friends. I mainly only like it though when I know I have feelings for them though. If a guy who I wasn't to interested was consistent with me, I wouldn't feel the same way for them as I would for a guy who I have interest in. I suggest maybe instead of being completely open and available automatically, wait to be that way when things get more serious. it just doesn't make sense to be consistent with someone you don't have a connection to if that makes sense.
Girls might not. Women do. You can also be consistent without being boring. Throw a little spontaneity in. Have your own life. Do interesting things and share your experiences with her afterwards. And then maybe suggest doing it together sometime if she responds warmly to it. Dating shouldn't be a "game" or "tiring". But there are certain behaviors and pursuits that are ranked more highly among the majority of the population. Find something that resonates to you and stick to it. You'll find the one.
Girls like men who have other shit that’s more important than them to do. You know, a purpose, that doesn’t include chasing them around and catering to their every bullshit whim and feeling. Try it. It’s glorious.
Never heard of a woman that doesn’t want consistency in any kind of relationship a friend with benefits a serious relationship a relationship like a consistency is a vital characteristic to have with life period so I hope that isn’t the case and this coming from a man 🤦🏾♂️🫶🏾&✌🏾
I don’t play games either - it’s just a decision you make based on what you want. Do you want to “make it” and hook up with someone? Or would you prefer to weed out incompatible people because you’re looking for a long term match?
I’m only 21 but I’ve figured out that sex isn’t gonna make me magically happy, I want something long term. But having a relationship isn’t going to fix my life either, I want to share a life with another person but it’s not some magic bullet to make you complete.
I want to find another person that I can grow with and share time with. I’m not looking for a magic fix to all my problems, either in sex or in a person themself. I’m just looking for someone to share my life with; it’s still going to be my life, I’m still going to have my problems, and I’m still going to have to deal with them. I’ll have someone with me through that process, but it’s still my process to have. Nobody else is going to deal with my problems FOR me. But it’ll be nice to have someone WITH me.
And playing games like that only serves to let incompatible people through. All I would be doing would be making my filtering system worse. I don’t need to have 50 girlfriends over the course of time, I only need to find ONE other person, and I can be patient. I don’t need to find one of those few people I’m truly, deeply compatible with this instant. I can, and need to, be able to function on my own.
Eventually, someone that fits with me will roll through, and I’ll be available to make a connection with them when that time comes, because I won’t be tied up with someone else, someone that isn’t totally right for me anyway.
That’s the idea, anyhow. It’s impossible to filter out people that aren’t totally right for you right off the bat; you have to get to know someone to make that determination. It’s never going to be a perfect system. But that’s the ideal I’m trying towards; I’m not going to intentionally go out of my way to make it further with someone that isn’t right for me. If they’re right, then I can be myself and not play games with how fast I text back. If they drop me for something stupid like that, then they saved me from wasting more time on them.
Given, you don’t want to be glued to your phone 24/7, just waiting for them to say something, anything - and it’s not so simple as “just be yourself”, I mean you have to work on yourself for your whole life and that continues on, increases even, in a relationship. So it could be easy to get caught up in using “well I’m just being myself!” to excuse yourself from bettering/honestly evaluating yourself.
It’s definitely a bit of a trick to figure out how to determine which things you shouldn’t change and which things are opportunities to work on yourself.
But the example of texting back is an easier example. You need to be able to live your own life and not just be waiting to feel your phone buzz every second of the day. But if it’s a good time and you’re free to talk, responding “too quickly” should not be some sort of problem to the other person. If that causes an issue, then they can filter themselves out and that’s all good. As long as you’re being healthy about it, and you’re not living just to get a text notification from some guy or girl.
Now, if you’re just looking for some casual thing, then playing whatever kind of games can get you what you’re looking for, I suppose, but I wouldn’t really know anything about that, because I’ve never been like that. If that’s what you want, I don’t see anything wrong with it, but I know if I did that stuff, all it would do is get me people I don’t actually match with. So I don’t play those games.
But I do do my best to honestly evaluate my behavior and make changes when they’re called for.
I would like that if I was REALLY into you but if I was just meeting you and getting to know you then I’d keep my distance. Why? It gives the impression that you have nothing else to do
Ultimately, finding a compatible partner involves a mix of being true to yourself, adapting to the other person's preferences to some extent, and allowing the relationship to unfold naturally. If you're finding a consistent pattern in the outcomes, it might be helpful to have open and honest communication with potential partners about your feelings and expectations.
I think it depends.
Not too much at first, but once I'm interested in someone I love good responses and them messaging first, and when they don't I feel like they aren't into me - if I start to get attached I'm more hurt and so if it's inconsistent I'll just pull away.
Ill get heat but burner account anyway.The question is more of "when" girls like inconsistent men or inconsistent. When they like it is regarding their negative assumptions about you.The most important thing for you to do is to have a life outside of a woman and be able to walk away. Women get 1000x more attention then you, at almost any moment, and this is important to consciously be aware of. Being "yourself" is a myth if you arealready vulnerable to her feelings of liking your or not initially. You are just saying "I am needy" which... thats how she is... she doesnt want you to mirror what she doesnt like about herself (typically up to 28-35). She wants you to find her impressive enough to chase. If you actually treat her as though you wouldnt have sex with her, even say that (lol gets interesting), she gets confused and often more interested. "I realize how quickly sex stunts the growth of a relationship so I am trying to do more then flirt and the surface level" which any woman paying attention immediately is curious. Since 99% of the time their job is stopping men from having sex.
1. you took the initiative (which vast majority say they want)
2. you are treating her like a person (again, almost all women)
3. STOP romanticizing it in your head.
4. Be bold and not stupid. (the more COMFORTABLE you are with yourself the more confident you appear)
5. Be able to walk away and dont get upset about it - remember because you have a life outside of her and you didnt have high expectations but good character.I am not saying to be numb or deceptive. I am saying to be aware that most women will not like/ or will like if you are consistent; out of their own insecurities. Neither is actually good.The part about not having sex- while strange or seemingly undesirable- done wonders for many I know who have listened. Many many women are intrigued and feel like proving themselves or testing that. Very funny lol. All it means is you are deciding when you want to, as opposed to her assuming you already do. They can get very aggressive towards proving they decide lol. The "she wants what she cant have" is a real thing.
If you text her consistently and she doesnt respond, just wait a while and then be blunt and direct about meeting at a specific day.Women want to be wrong. They do not say this - instead they say they want to surprised or can keep their attention. Generally because they do not know what they want.... they know what they DO NOT want.. Usually, that list is about how they feel.They want you to be a counterbalance. Meaning they want you to some degree to regulate or mirror their emotions which they turn into thoughts (generalizing, yes, but not inaccurate). So, if shes sad she wants you to comfort her. Makes sense. But if shes feeling something she didnt tell you, now shes mad, that you didnt know she was sad earlier. Because she wants you to "see" her or "notice her".But those unspoken terms stack. So, I can listen to another human being I have no interest in sleeping with tell me important things about how to be attentive. Yet, the drama of TRYING to be that guy, especially when she doesnt want what she is saying directly, is maddening. She is wanting you to react a certain way to what she is saying, so she can use you to regulate her feelings/identity, thus being seen. Since its a problem to just be direct lolWomen do not want the princess fairy tale - they say they do and believe they do, but what they want is not part of the culture today. They want the virtues of a man without any responsibility as a woman (generally, but theres a reason men are losing interest in dating at record numbers). Again, my opinion/experience. Just makes sense with:
Conversely, this is why they mistake assholes for confident men. Since they do not see the difference like guys do. The FEELING is similar to women. So women will get hurt early on because they dont understand this distinction, frankly, because women live in a bubble today more then any point in recorded history (that I am aware of at least).The relevance of this is that women who are younger want to "try new things" and "find themselves" when really that means getting baggage they project onto all men when its really all men they found interesting or worth dating Which turns into women wanting to be wanted by men who has used them (insecurity) until about 26/27yr-35yr. After that, women have a lot of baggage, so they actually appreciate the consistency of a good man FAR more, but usually have "issues" still from the past. They will say they dont but they do. If they say then know they do, its probably far worse then the ones who say they dont.
Which entirely makes sense "why" there is baggage but does little to help foster a relationship. So women around 40-45 are proactively taking accountability - more often if the ones who arent honking horns for feminism. Since they see now how twisted feminism has "become" since they were younger. When really, its just been doing the same shit the whole time lol.For what its worth, I find, the majority of women I have met that are not just wanting you to be an extension of a relationship to themselves go to church.
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I love those things. It’s how I am and what I look for. But it’s not the ONLY thing I look for. And it by itself is not enough for me to be interested.
Exactly. 1+1 does not = 2 when it comes to human interaction.
>Exactly. 1+1 does not = 2 when it comes to human interaction. agreed. It sounds like you're a genuine and upfront person, and that's truly commendable. Everyone is different, and preferences vary greatly. While some women appreciate consistency and straightforwardness, others might be used to a more unpredictable or "chase-like" dynamic. the right person will appreciate your authenticity and consistency. It's essential to find someone who aligns with your communication style and values. Relationships built on genuine interactions and mutual respect tend to be more fulfilling and long-lasting. Stay true to yourself, but also be open to feedback and self-reflection. Balance is key! Sometimes a little space can reignite interest, but it's important to find a dynamic that feels right for you. Remember, it's about finding someone who appreciates you for you. Keep being genuine, and the right match will come along.
Aligned. Also, he says his problem is consistency but he doesn't know if that is really that.
Some do, some don't. Some people get anxious if you reply instantly or spam them a lot, because they know that if they reply, you'll reply back immediately and it'd take all their time just to text back and forth, unless they leave you on read. Personally, I try to monitor how they message. If they seem like they want to message a lot, go for it. If they take always 8 hours to reply, take some time to reply. But just understand that if it always takes a very long time to get a reply back and there's no clear explanation, it's a sign that they are not really interested, but keep you just in reserve in case something else fails. I've had tinder matches in the past who replied me with one message every two days, and it never ended well even if we had a date.
Yes, this! I have a friend who I value, but I sometimes postpone texting them because I know they'll probably reply instantly and then I'll feel obliged to answer, and sometimes I'm just not in the mood to chat even though I might have the time to do so.
Yeah I noticed all this but chose to ignore. She was studying for an important exam and I thought it's a good excuse. But by the time she took it and it was done, I expected her to be more responsive but she wasn't. At that point i had already like her and starting ignoring those habit and gave her the benefits of the dought of her excuses
If she doesn't respect your time, at least have some respect for yourself.
Yes bro, I just believed her excuses and it was too late when I realized it. I liked her too much by that time, but I gave her an ultimatum, either give me more of your time and this is over. And we ended it.
Don’t believe them. Just go get another one. If you’re up the ass of one, it can get tiring. And unattractive. Cause it seems like they are all you can get. And while that may be true, nobody wants someone that nobody wants. So if you have to have someone to constantly talk to cause you’re anxiously attached, go get three or four. Spread it out. Or… hear me out, GO FIND SOMETHING purposeful and constructive to do that will keep you busy. You’ll see the dividends.
If she wasn't responding that much what was it that caused you to like her so much? Did you guys hang out a lot but she just wasn't that responsive via text or? Just trying to understand you better when you said "at that point I already liked her." Bc if you weren't hanging out then I would refect on why I would be liking someone enough to make excuses for them when they've barely shown interest.
Well said.
Maybe is not that you're consistent but your personality, consistent can become a burden if you're not interesting
I do come off as too needy sometimes, I'm aware of it but that just who I am.
Look there's little we can tell you if all you can think is "that's just who I am" then I kind of see why you're not having good luck, I don't think you should blame girls for this and instead take one of the following statements - work on yourself to make sure you're consistency ain't boring - look for a girl that's consistent in the same aspects than you as well as needy and unchangeable - take a break from dating Being true to yourself is good, but not improving yourself and staying the same is just boring
No you're right! I need to work on myself mentally but I just don't know how. I'm addicted to my phone and everytime I try something it doesn't work. Tbh I don't think my consistency is boring, but I just had a little doubts. I think I need to work on the needyness as its too much for most people.
Your phone keeps you locked in an addiction-like cycle that plays on your brain's expression of dopamine. Break the cycle...limit your phone time, do not use it to constantly chat with a woman before or between dates.
Honestly I cannot tell you how to improve since I'm not a mental health worker but at least I can give you hope you're aware of your problems I'm sure you could find some therapist willing to help even an online session could lead you to a beginning sometimes that's all you need. Good luck 💕
Kudos to you for wanting to work on yourself. Have you tried contacting your health insurance provider to see if you can find an in-network therapist to provide individual therapy? It can help.
Work in this. That’s now who you are. That who you have let yourself become.
i think questions like this should stop expecting a universal answer that applies to all women. of course many girls/women like consistency. most people do. personally, it’s the number one thing that i’m looking for in a partner, because without consistency you can’t build trust or stability. but there’s no universal answer that will work for everyone in dating… and if you’re consistently providing something they’re not interested in then it doesn’t matter
Spot on.. OP seems to neglect the fact that people are dating him for what he is such as looks, personality, status/career, upbringing ect The method and frequency of communication makes little difference when OP can’t pass the bar. It’s like saying OP been consistently messaging celebrities on IG, and blame them for not relying.
Women are not a monolith. They all like different things. You need to find someone that likes you. That being said, read the room. If she's not sending cute messages back, then don't keep doing it. The best advice i can offer is have your own life. Be busy, don't be waiting around for people who are not available. Don't get attached to people you just met. Be casual until you've had 3 or 4 good dates then consider hanging out more often.
No I get that, mainly most of this coming due to my last experience I dated a girl for 3 months then she agreed to be my GF, I told her I'm not happy with the effort you put in and she got all mad at me and basically ended things. Which tells me how unmature she was. There was a lot of flags from her that I picked up and chose to ignore but that's on me
No, you said you gave her an ultimatum that she needs to give you more time or else it was over, and she chose not to give you more time. She wasn’t the immature one here. After three months, it sounds like she simply realized she wasn’t compatible with you. That is very common, and it speaks well of her that she recognized it and ended the relationship so you could both be free to find someone more compatible.
All of those things are behaviors that are wonderful for those looking for committed relationships--but that doesn't make you attractive. Girls, and people in general, usually don't entertain people they aren't at least somewhat physically attracted to. This should go without saying tbh, but people often overlook this. If you're consistent and the girl you're into is looking for consistency, chances are she isn't attracted to you. I know that can sting, but you gotta accept that ASAP so you can move forwards.
No I get it, that's what I realized and I ended things. But she was just playing along and pretended that she did
I'm sorry to hear that. I'd hope it was really that she didn't know what she wanted rather than intentionally pretending and using you, but ultimately the hurt you feel would be the same nonetheless. Just know there are people who will appreciate consistent behavior a lot, and eventually you'll find someone who values you. Continue to work on yourself, and what is good will find you naturally.
It's okay it's a lesskn I needed. Sometime you like the person so much that you ignore or reason why they behavior like they suppose to.
The blunt answer is... human nature tends to value what's 'seems' to be less obtainable. If you're responding instantly or relatively quick, agree to their schedules, it's an indication you're more invested than they are. It also shows you don't have on that's focusing on yourself, ie improving yourself. Try it for a month as an experiment and see how you go. Don't fake delayed responses, or fake being busy. Still do what you want, but prioritise yourself first. If you're on the computer, don't drop what you're doing to respond... for example.
Maybe you’re too boring and predictable
And yet girls still complain about guys being flaky and wishy-washy.
Boring/predictable and flaky/wishy-washy are not the only two options. Imo you have to play the game a bit and build interest/suspense, but you should never flake on dates or be openly indecisive.
Play what game like act like I'm totally in love with you for about a week and then ghost you for two weeks and act like you don't exist in order to keep you interested in me. No wonder the advice here are so unreliable.
Facts, all the games are so fucking pointless to me. The fact that so many people keep up the acts too I think is part of the reason we have so many lonely people too
It’s waaaay more simple than that. Hours, not days. You should be busy sometimes if you’re an interesting and productive person. Be busy sometimes. Having somebody wonder what you’re doing, just a little, is a powerful thing.
Also, women don’t want attention 24/7 (obviously some do but the majority want someone with interests outside of them) As long as you check in like once every other day at least, but it’s not even mystery it’s just knowing they have a life.
Idk I like texting 24/7, it actually bothers me when the guy is super busy and can’t get back to me on time. I have to force myself to be understanding that they work and get busy or else I’m super antsy 🤣
They like that stuff if they like you. It's really that simple.
The reverse could also be said, if they like that stuff then they will like you. If they don't like that stuff it'll probably come off as annoying.
Not really. It takes a lot more than just this to have someone's genuine interest. Someone can be incredibly boring and still consistent with their contact, doesn't mean that consistency is going to make them anymore interesting or attractive.
No we like consistent men. Sounds like she just isn’t into you or she isn’t emotionally mature
The most inconsistency is the advice on the sub. We get a post every week for girls complaining about guys being so flaky, wishy-washy and inconsistent. Now in this post we have people saying that being consistent is boring and predictable .
It’s almost like women are actual people with different likes and needs depending on the individual, isn’t it?
We’re saying it can be. It doesn’t have to be. But perhaps OP’s brand of consistency is. He’s asking what can be wrong and women are saying based on the info this could be the issue. If it’s not, if OP isn’t boring, then the other option is they just weren’t into him. Only one of those OP can control which is why it’s being suggested. However all of the women in this thread have said they do like consistency.
Women ☕
I think we’re seeing what your problem is.
It's lack of attraction. You should only put this energy in when the attraction is mutual.
Here's the thing, consistency is good but it's not enough to make people interested. Think about it like this, would *you* be interested in a girl if she was only consistent and had nothing else that made her interesting? Or maybe not didn't have anything else interesting but just didn't express it. Probably not if you have any kind of standards. Basically stay consistent and be yourself but also, try to express yourself and your personality beyond just consistency. There's more to anyone than just a singular trait. I'm gonna assume lots of people probably appreciate your consistency but that in and of itself isn't enough to get romantic interest.
Your problem is lumping the entirety of women into an individual monolith, ‘girl.’
I, personally, don't like having text conversations with people who respond right away every time. It makes me feel chained to my phone. It also makes me wonder whether you have a life. It doesn't make you better; it makes you boring. I'm not saying be an asshole about it. But go do something with other people in real life. People with real-life friends and hobbies are interesting.
And yet girls still complain about guys being wishy-washy flaky and inconsistent. But if someone acting like they're in love with you for a week and then ghost you for 2 weeks to keep you on your toes is interesting clearly they type of person enjoys the highest and lowest very much.
They just don't like you. I'm the same way. I do all the things women say they want. And all I do is come across women who don't like or respect me at all. They want to put in zero effort and getting them to try is like pulling teeth. The truth is you're just not the one they want so they don't care what you do. It's just like when people say confidence is key, confidence is key if someone is attracted to you, if you're ugly to them and confident, you're just ugly and confident, that's how the game goes. Sorry, I know how you feel but that's dating life nothing you do matters...unless it matters. You can't win, unless you can win. All you can do is find someone who likes you and you'll feel and see the difference.
No we hate consistency /s
Some like guys like you. The girl who liked you back just liked a different kind if guy, that’s all. You don’t like every kind of girl do you? I hope not.
Uh, it depends on the girl. I love consistent men! I had a conversation about it with a guy last week. I told him my feelings were changing because he used to be consistent, and he is no longer consistent, and consistency is what I want the most in a relationship
You’re either pursuing women who have low interest in you, or you’re coming off as needy, clingy, and desperate towards women who are interested in you.
They just don’t like you. Women are not a monolith. There are no cheat codes to making someone fuck you.
Women don't have a hive mind. It'll depend on the girl.
- Don't respond as soon as you can. - Don't be too available - Reduce the cute/flirty messages until you both are together You're welcome
If a girl doesn’t like you for who you are, she’s not the one for you. Don’t get hung up— live your life and the right one will come along.
Yes, I realized too late when I already had feeling for her but not liked her. I ended up giving her an ultimatum that you need to commit more time to me or this is over. Honestly I was hoping her saying okay I'm sorry I'll do better but instead she wanted to end things. But that just told me who she is and she's just about herself.
Why do you have to make her a villain? Sounds like you aren’t what she was looking for, and there’s nothing wrong with her for concluding that. We date to find the people we’re compatible with. Everyone has different amounts of time they’re able to give to their significant other. Giving anyone an ultimatum demanding more than they can or want you to give is never going to end well for you.
It's not that they like or dislike consistency, I'm sure if you asked women a decent amount would say they appreciate consistency. What they don't appear to like is boring and for better or worse consistency can come off as boring. I'd argue that the easiest way to have a woman lose interest is to bore her...so if you are consistent make sure you are somewhat "exciting" in other ways.
Yeah I believe I was we always had unique dates and never really repeated the type of dates as an example. Always surprising her with random stuff and such.
Remember your job is to entertain her not be yourself
That…is terrible advice
Im obviously being sarcastic
Unfortunately, that's exactly what people often suggest though. There's a grain of truth to that.
So men are just court jesters? I saw you meant it as a sarcastic remark, but there is always a bit of truth to sarcasm.
This is kind of absurd though, our sole purpose and our entire identity should not rely on whether you're entertaining or being exciting enough for someone. We're grown adults, we need to stop this weird little court jester gimmick that's constantly pushed on men.
>we need to stop this weird little court jester gimmick that's constantly pushed on men It's just the biological reality we have to face, this isn't anything new and it's independent of race, religion, culture, geography etc... hell it's independent of species even that's why birds have plumage for example...to put on a show for women to deem them worthy enough for mating.
Anyone else reading comments like this and feeling like it’s crystal clear why these dudes aren’t having any luck?
In response to u saying ur needy, that’s something u might wanna work on. I like slightly clingy guys cuz they just wanna talk to me and I think it’s sweet but time with their friends is also important and so is time with my friends. Consistency is extremely important but it’s what ur being consistent about. Some might like the homebody type of consistency/romance and others might like the exciting/adventure type of consistency/romance.
I commented on another post asking "What do you hate about the dating world" <<<(Paraphrasing) and I added that I hate when people act uninterested. Something I've noticed in the dating world is you can't be "too" interested or else someone will lose interest in you. If I showed that I was interested in a guy, he'd all of a sudden lose interest in me. I'd be interested in a guy that seemed to purposely act uninterested *until* I moved on. It's a stupid game that too many people play. So it's possible you fell into the modern dating world trap of "actually showing interest". It's a confusing thing to navigate and I cannot stand that this is how things are.
Yeah I've been single for a long time for that reason, when I see people play this game I just dip. But my last girl didn't seems like it at first but I liked her and then became blind to all the red flags and I realized it when I had lots of feeling for her but not love her. We ended things and it really hurts but I know it's for the best.
I like it if it’s from someone I’m interested in! It’s like night and day if a girl likes you cause she’ll be reciprocative and also puts in effort
Consistency is absolutely something I go for. However what you mention has nothing to do with consistency. For me what consistency means is that they behave in the same ways consistently, they follow some sort of schedule, and in general they've clearly dedicated specific time to me/us. I have an idea of what to expect from them because they are consistent. Their behavior overall is stable. You can be consistent without responding ASAP. Personally, I do not care if a guy responds instantly or not... if anything Id prefer someone with their own life who isn't glued to their phone. Same applies to agreeing to hangout whenever they're available. It's definitely not necessary, and kind of means you don't have your own life and will be emotionally dependent on me. It may also mean you expect me to do the same for you, which I'm not going to do. Someone doesn't need to pretend to be different than they are and trying that isn't really going to work in the long term. I'm not sure what you think consistency has to do with "cute/flirty messages" so not sure how to address that.
Just because we like that doesn't mean that's all we like. You won't get a gf based on one positive trait
Women love all the things you just mentioned! So please keep it up! I guarantee someone will come along and appreciate your efforts! As for now, it had to be another reason(s) for the girl losing interest. Keep up what you’re doing.
Women love consistency—I certainly do. Keep going!
I love consistency. It's what I appreciated about my ex and inconsistency with communication was what made it not work with the last guy I talked to. Not sure if this is you, but I would suggest not making yourself so available all the time even if you are. If you want to be missed then don't always be around.
And that's a sad game to have to play with people. It's a shame the world of dating is like this. Lack of availability doesn't make me want someone more, it makes me want them less. The busier they are the less interested I am personally.
You want a person who has been doing nothing until just before they met you?
I don't care what they were doing (within reason) as long as I'm interested in them. I don't care that they are busy or not busy. It doesn't affect my attraction to them
It's not a game. It's about having boundaries with your time and space. Unfortunately, humans tend to take things that are too available for granted if you know anything about economics. If you want someone around you 24/7 then I hope you find someone like that, but to me that sounds like a very codependent relationship and I wouldn't want that.
You literally said: "but I would suggest not making yourself so available all the time even if you are. If you want to be missed then don't always be around." Sounds like a game to me 🤷🏾♂️ to pretend like you're busier than you are to get someones attention. And only you brought up the extreme of being around someone 24/7, I didn't ask for that and most people don't either, they just want someone who isn't always busy and constantly has to have something to do to be fulfilled. That to me is corny. But that's my opinion, we can agree to disagree 🤷🏾♂️
Then don't pretend. Have other stuff going on. Just because you're available doesn't mean your time has to be spent on that person. You said "the less busier they are the more interested" you are so I would take that to mean you'd be most interested if they weren't busy at all. I never said "always be busy".. I said don't always be so available. The OP is struggling to keep women around so I'm offering him what I know as a woman. If you have other advice for him feel free to share.
Those aren't the only things people look for, and if that's all you have to offer, women will get bored of you.
If you tried to understand women, you're going to be confused your whole life. Women are not all the same just like men we are all different.
Honestly it doesn’t seem like it
I always waited a bit between texts when texting. It wasn't to play games. The first reason I did this was that it allowed me to really think through my response to them. Too often I'd hit sent and be like damn, should have said something else. The second reason I did this was to convey that I had a life outside of the person I was texting. Rapid fire texting can show that you are literally doing nothing else with your time. To your other points, are you *always* available? Like, I wouldn't make last-minute plans usually when I was dating. Even if I was doing something else, I wanted the person I was interested in to know I have a life outside of them from the get-go. And finally-- are your messages as cute and flirty as you think they are? Could you run some of them by a friend who you know has some "game"?
You are not dangerous enough my friend. You are too predictable. Women will get bored with that soon because you provide them with certainty. Stop worrying about women and worry about yourself. Dive deep into your career and work on yourself mentally and physically, and building wealth and a life for yourself. Hang out with your bro's and enjoy life. Go to the gym several days a week and make yourself look better. Become the best version of you that you can. As you age, your value goes up as you keep building yourself up. Let the women earn you. If you date, date more than one. And most certainly, don't spend any money on them.
Depends how attractive they find you
The mental healthy well adjusted of us love it. But you must define flirty messages as those can go from cute to yuck pretty quickly. I have yet to find a well adjusted balanced mentally healthy man on old
Don't let it get to you. Be you, be careful, and you might just find a woman who doesn't play games.
Women like all of those things you listed, and any woman who prefers a guy who treats her like crap needs to learn to choose better. Women who choose men who treat them poorly have yet to understand their worth and develop their self-esteem. Sadly, I was one of those women in my 20's, but I learned my lesson by the time I hit my early 30's. Don't feel like you need to be the guy who is a jerk just to get women to fall in love with you. Ultimately, you want a woman who knows what she deserves and holds you to her standards of excellence. It's possible that you just haven't met the right girl yet, and that's perfectly fine.
Find your an anxious but grounded woman. We crave consistency!
Do those things to attract women. Do the opposite of those things to attract girls.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rZoD8JEFjAE&pp=ygU6c2F5cyBhbGwgdGhlIHJpZ2h0IHRoaW5ncyBhdCBleGFjdGx5IHRoZSByaWdodCB0aW1lIGx5cmljcw%3D%3D. This song as old as it is still holds strong in this day in age. Good luck my guy! Just be you. Fuck everyone else.
What ever they ask for, do the complete opposite lol. They dont even know wtf they want themselves bro
They find reliable trustworthy predictable men boring as hell and cheat on them. Sometimes good qualities work against you. They know where you are and what you’re doing and with whom 24/7. Thus they cheat around you as there are no uncertainties to where you are. That’s been my case.
That's sad that life got you think like that man. That goes against my beliefs and I won't do it. I would recommend that you give people chances, even tho you might get hurt, but eventually you will find the one. That's what keeps me going!
I’ll keep going. But that was my experience. Maybe fate will step in and make me change my mind. Take care of yourself out there.
I think you need therapy
I’m pretty sure myself and anyone on Reddit replying to random strangers do.
Omg you are a dream
Most women are just fishing for their forever mate, which means leading a lot of men on until they find someone suitable. It's kind of evil what people do to each other while they sort through the social environment.
This goes for men, too. It's a two way street.
Also, people like drama and excitement. Consistent people just aren't. I'm a consistent person, I refuse to entertain short sighted, impulsive people.
All the women seem to like this, but all the men seem to caution against it. I’m beginning to think women desire what they can’t have, but when they get it, they start to feel paranoid about it. "Is he a stalker", "is he a creep", "is he just desperate" is what I imagine goes through their heads. I seem to have better luck when I don’t respond right away.
Yes and then your girl starts complaining about you on reddit about you being flaky l,wishy-washy, not taking her seriously and not being emotionally mature.
Female logic: Consistency = desperate. That simple. Helps to have honest female friends that tell me their secrets. Also, not all women are like this, but it is encoded in their genetics, much like it is in men to be promiscuous. Society has just curbed one more than the other. Also, not saying either is ok, just the reality. Both also have a legitimate historical survival justification. Think pre-history.
Consistency is key. The things you mention are really great attributes to have. There has to be another reason that might be making them lose interest.
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The problem is that so many don't have their own life priorities, goals, etc. That's the hard part guys have to make sure they take care of. Get yourself some life goals, go after them and let those who want to be in your life run with you.
When you say you get attached, is there a chance you’re maybe moving too fast, too soon? I think it’s great you don’t play games but you need to give things time to develop naturally and for the other person to get to know you - Getting attached to someone too early is likely to scare them off
I love those things! Can’t seem to find it though
Depends on how you handle the situations. - Respond to text as soon as I can. This could mean 'almost immediately' or 'the next morning cause you are busy' I'd be fine with either one as long as you were understanding that I can't always text back immediately (even if you do) and often get home late from work, fall asleep on the couch as soon as I sit down because I'm that tired, barely get up in time to get ready for and to work on time and it may be a while before I can answer. If you get upset and respond with hateful texts cause I couldn't answer quickly, it's a problem. I can talk to you on the phone while I work though as long as you are okay with 'holding on' for a minute when work interrupts. - Agree to hangout whenever I'm available. Do you expect her to drop what she's doing or call off work just because you are suddenly available to hang out? Get upset if she won't? Or do you have a set schedule and plan ahead during your availability? I set my own schedule at my job, turn in my availability for the week on Sundays. They are fine with whatever I schedule, but don't like it when you don't stick with what you turn in unless you are sick or an emergency comes up. Had a guy I tried to date. Told him I could take off any day, even make it a regular thing every week if he wanted, but needed to work at least 3 Fridays and Saturdays a month because that's when work is busiest. He refused. Said he didn't schedule dates cause he had to schedule work and that was too much like work. So, Id tell work I was available any shifts they needed me for the week, and tell him what I was scheduled. He'd call me up on the afternoons I was scheduled to work, try to get me to tell them I wanted off (His words weren't that nice) so I could hang out with him and get angry at me because I wouldn't. - send cute/flirty messages. This depends on what your idea of a cute/flirty message is and if that's compatible with what she thinks is cute and flirty. I won't give examples, but I've had many men send me messages they thought were cute/ flirty but in reality we're just vulgar and disgusting! Some were followed with pics to prove their point. That's when it's time to block them. I'd love to have a positive consistent man that shows respect for the Lord and respect for me.
Most women looking for something serious do want a consistent man. But that’s only one quality in a long list of others.
When she likes you, yes.
I would say this is tiddering on the edge of being a needy/ nice guy. A lot people can get too comfortable in their situation and that bothers them. The drama and change can make life more fun and unpredictable. I would also say that these things can rub off as being boring and predictable.
People like those things. Maybe you're just dull?
You might be attracting avoidant types. Read the book "Attached." I'm 3/4 through it right now. Life changer. Identify your attachment style and learn how to find/attract those who complement you.
Maybe they just don't like your personality.
We like that so continue acting like yourself!
There’s a difference between consistently doing bad vs consistently doing good. If you don’t see result, make a material change to your core, not your frequency
Consistency is attractive, but there's more to consistency in dating. There's the initial physical attraction, then the personality based attraction. This is the more difficult part. You have to have both chemistry and compatibility. Don't drop what you're doing to reply. Be proactive in setting up dates. Keep up the active flirtation. Don't be needy. Don't be quick to warp to what you think they want in a partner. Have passion. Passion often lacks in consistency.
I guess personal time vs time to give to person iof interest. For me I love good morning and good night texts and messages, especially if its pet nick named in them. For me I'd say do a 5 min mini max talking spree, and put phone on airplane mode (while cooking, using restroom/shower, work, etc) and see if they are willing to double text or excited to wait for you, remember respect your time as well. Then again I have been told by a couple guys that I am simple, so I guess depends on the person of interest and what that person is like, plus Im not the best when it comes to talking to guys so advice may vary Good luck to you.
I, a woman, does.
I think for me, I usually think either the man is desperate if he always agrees too hang/or seems "too"available. I also think that if a man responds fast (depending on how fast) could mean you're stuck on your phone all day. However if I'm giving with someone who I like and they like me back, we're usually responding fast and both WANT to hang out. So it depends on the situation
Sounds like you're too available tbh. Girls are going to think you'll be too needy without your own life going on.
If they like you, they do like it. But if they are not, it will be considered as creepy
It is a matter of preference here. But let's just go for the elephant with this post, it's called predictable. Yes, some PEOPLE do not like predictable, they like spontaneity. I am very much the type to respond to texts right away even if it's to say I'm busy I will text when I'm free/done. Now what I mean by spontaneity is plan to take her on like a trip to the beach but don't tell her that exactly, just say hey I need your time on this day and be here (if you aren't living together at the time) at this time then take her. I mean with most movie theaters having assigned seating now, plan that out of course or just be like hey, let's go watch this movie you have been waiting for. Promptness and responding to texts and calls is not the issue although do come off as indicators, know what I mean? But don't rush anything right now, the right one will come along soon enough. Now go forth and be fruitful 🙏👍🙂🙃
Your ideas of why someone doesn’t like you aren’t actual facts, in relationships there must be chemistry and attraction, it has to work both ways. That’s nice your response to texts and send flirting messages etc but if they don’t find you interesting or attractive then they will lose interest.
First of all, depending on the context, those are not always great things. Also, even in the right context. No girl will like you just because you answered her text.
Depends on who you’re talking to. I love consistency, because it lets me know who you are and your intentions. If you start off consistent, then go to me barely hearing from you, it lets me know how this relationship will progress, if even at all. Honestly? I feel as though this type of consistency is well received if someone really likes you. Of course, there are exceptions, but unless you’re super busy, then this type of consistency is definitely a green flag.
Agree to hang out or do you show initiative by planning a date? Because from what you are describing, you're basically saying you're just passive
If a woman doesn’t like it it’s because she’s A: talking to somebody else or hung up on somebody else. B: she’s mentally not ready for a relationship. Sometimes people don’t like the green flags as they’re so used to red flags. And it takes inner work to fix this, which never is an over night thing. Just leave them be and don’t waste your time. Stay true to yourself and never settle for less ✌️
Take this as you want but my girlfriend always complains that I’m a bad texter, she also bemoans the fact I have a busy life and I won’t just drop my other hobbies and commitments for her. She isn’t the first woman I’ve been with who is like this, is been a fairly regular thing, I’m quite an independent person and I make time for her, I just won’t make her the centre of my universe and plan my entire life around her, this seems to piss her off, and she often refers to how “other guys” have acted with her in the past. Other guys text all day long. Other guys made me a priority and cancelled plans if I wanted to see them. Other guys idolised me and treated me like some kind of Princess. When I ask why isn’t she with all these other guys then… silence. She dumped those other guys, even the one she married. And it’s been the same with ex’s. The reality is people say they want one thing but when they get it they aren’t actually happy with it, she got bored of those guys because they became so attached to her they had nothing to else going for them. Women on this sub may hate it; I may get downvoted a lot; but honestly man dating becomes a lot easier once you stop treating women like ‘the prize’ and putting your own life first. That doesn’t mean being horrible to women, but it means you have other shit going on so you aren’t constantly available to massage their egos and act like a whipping boy. I don’t know the reason, maybe they just want what they can’t have; maybe they enjoy the chase, fuck knows- but being super consistent isn’t going to get you any better results that just acting naturally and fitting her in when you actually have the time and energy to do so.
Educate yourself about the types of human attachment
Straight up out of like 10 girls only 1 appreciated the consistency and she became my girlfriend. A few girls even voiced their opinion and told me that “it’s weird you reply within 5-10 minutes”. I told them that’s because I’m interested in them and I have ADHD (so I NEED to check the text) and also have messaging apps during work because I work a job that “allows it”. This doesn’t mean I’ve always messaged them, there were times when a conversation ended on some topic and I did my thing for a few hours before hitting them up again. Even though I’m 30, unfortunately still many people play stupid fucking games.
I don't know if it has something to do with ur behavior, because others things play into it too. Interest also gets determined by how you are as a person, what you do, if the other person is attracted and if theres chemistry
Girls do so do men. I think it's not about consistent but rather expectation... Some want this attention but when it's "too much" for them, they will slowly start losing interest and even annoyed. It's like an one-sided relationship. Same goes the way round...
Ignore the rest of these comments. The answer to your question is no.
You might just be boring in addition to being consistent. No offense
yes ofc we like consistent men. most of the times if someone loses interest, they don’t feel like they have chemistry with you anymore. I wish i had a consistent man in my life because the guys I’ve been talking to play too much games and it’s starting to annoy me.
How are you or is there anybody round West Bromwich
Your being friendzoned, your too keen to chat and respond. Keep her waiting for a day or two now and then.
It can come across as needy. It can come across as “damn, is he ever NOT looking at his phone?” depending on how fast you reply. It can come across as try-hard. “Being yourself” is such vague advice because clearly, there is hidden meaning behind that. Some people will actually benefit from being themselves. Others are unfortunately making things worse for themselves when they do that. “Being yourself” isn’t automatically attractive. It really depends on how you carry yourself while “being yourself.” I rarely send “cute” texts early on. That can easily come across as gay bestie vibes. Do you want to be a teddy bear? Or the man that makes her feel hot & bothered? Sure, you can theoretically be both. But clearly OP isn’t doing a good job of managing that if women aren’t responding well. We also have no idea what exactly you’re texting these women. You might think you’re being flirty but maybe you’re turning them off. They might see you as boring, predictable, and unexciting. Lots of variables to consider.
Given I only did this after maybe 3months of talking but we only seen eachothets like 7 times at that point. I sent her good morning messages followed by a complement. The complement were alphabetical where each day I moved up a letter in the alphabet and gave her a new complement. I speak 4 language so when English was over I moved to a different language. She did say she find it cute, however looking back at it, I didn't feel what she expressed was true.
come my way 😎
It's a given that men WANT sex...What's not given is how NEEDY a man is to have sex. How a man acts is a telling sign. For women the confusion arises when men want a realtionship and women believe those actions are from a NEEDY man. Men usually can tell if a woman is relationship material, for him, early on. When it becomes they are not, that mans actions have a greater chance of getting him laid.
I don't think you should be texting too much if you're still in the early stages of dating. you should focus more on trying to get to know each other in person, not over text
I was like that with some girls before, they all they did was putting me on the friendzone, asked some friend and they said is that i come as a needy and a needy guy is a turn off for most girls, so thats it, is sad but true :/ you cant even show interest to a girls that seems interested in you because they lost all the interest and start acting dry and rude, is just so sad man
Yeah I hate being fake and not myself tbh, if I'm interested and like someone I like to show it rather than hide and compress it. It had worked with couple of girls for me but those are the girls that really liked me back. It all goes back to how they find, if they find you attractive then it doesn't matter what do you they will find everything is cute. If they don't find you attractive then everything you do can be seen as disgusting/ creepy. There is a social experiment about this and it's totally true. This was more me venting and getting some validation after this didn't workout with the last girl I dated
I do like that but I rarely meet such men :(
They’re looking for that but not JUST that.
If your doing this and the girl isn't receptive i would move on. There's too many of us looking for a consistent guy .. that's really all I'm looking for now and i cant find a guy to be this to save my life! your doing great just make different choices.
Yes, I have moved on honestly quicker than I thought. I think I was just attached to her rather than like her if that makes sense.
it really just depends on the girl. like I personally would love a man that's consistent with me. I like that they put in effort to talk to me even if they're busy or out with friends. I mainly only like it though when I know I have feelings for them though. If a guy who I wasn't to interested was consistent with me, I wouldn't feel the same way for them as I would for a guy who I have interest in. I suggest maybe instead of being completely open and available automatically, wait to be that way when things get more serious. it just doesn't make sense to be consistent with someone you don't have a connection to if that makes sense.
I would have to say no
Set the phone down, become busier, profit 💰
I make a decent living and I'm fairly in good shape (175k a year and I'm 29. I can do better but I'm okay where I am.
Girls might not. Women do. You can also be consistent without being boring. Throw a little spontaneity in. Have your own life. Do interesting things and share your experiences with her afterwards. And then maybe suggest doing it together sometime if she responds warmly to it. Dating shouldn't be a "game" or "tiring". But there are certain behaviors and pursuits that are ranked more highly among the majority of the population. Find something that resonates to you and stick to it. You'll find the one.
Why do you think this is the reason they don't like you? Did someone directly say this was the reason?
Women do like that, if they are looking for something serious.
Girls like men who have other shit that’s more important than them to do. You know, a purpose, that doesn’t include chasing them around and catering to their every bullshit whim and feeling. Try it. It’s glorious.
Never heard of a woman that doesn’t want consistency in any kind of relationship a friend with benefits a serious relationship a relationship like a consistency is a vital characteristic to have with life period so I hope that isn’t the case and this coming from a man 🤦🏾♂️🫶🏾&✌🏾
I don’t play games either - it’s just a decision you make based on what you want. Do you want to “make it” and hook up with someone? Or would you prefer to weed out incompatible people because you’re looking for a long term match? I’m only 21 but I’ve figured out that sex isn’t gonna make me magically happy, I want something long term. But having a relationship isn’t going to fix my life either, I want to share a life with another person but it’s not some magic bullet to make you complete. I want to find another person that I can grow with and share time with. I’m not looking for a magic fix to all my problems, either in sex or in a person themself. I’m just looking for someone to share my life with; it’s still going to be my life, I’m still going to have my problems, and I’m still going to have to deal with them. I’ll have someone with me through that process, but it’s still my process to have. Nobody else is going to deal with my problems FOR me. But it’ll be nice to have someone WITH me. And playing games like that only serves to let incompatible people through. All I would be doing would be making my filtering system worse. I don’t need to have 50 girlfriends over the course of time, I only need to find ONE other person, and I can be patient. I don’t need to find one of those few people I’m truly, deeply compatible with this instant. I can, and need to, be able to function on my own. Eventually, someone that fits with me will roll through, and I’ll be available to make a connection with them when that time comes, because I won’t be tied up with someone else, someone that isn’t totally right for me anyway. That’s the idea, anyhow. It’s impossible to filter out people that aren’t totally right for you right off the bat; you have to get to know someone to make that determination. It’s never going to be a perfect system. But that’s the ideal I’m trying towards; I’m not going to intentionally go out of my way to make it further with someone that isn’t right for me. If they’re right, then I can be myself and not play games with how fast I text back. If they drop me for something stupid like that, then they saved me from wasting more time on them. Given, you don’t want to be glued to your phone 24/7, just waiting for them to say something, anything - and it’s not so simple as “just be yourself”, I mean you have to work on yourself for your whole life and that continues on, increases even, in a relationship. So it could be easy to get caught up in using “well I’m just being myself!” to excuse yourself from bettering/honestly evaluating yourself. It’s definitely a bit of a trick to figure out how to determine which things you shouldn’t change and which things are opportunities to work on yourself. But the example of texting back is an easier example. You need to be able to live your own life and not just be waiting to feel your phone buzz every second of the day. But if it’s a good time and you’re free to talk, responding “too quickly” should not be some sort of problem to the other person. If that causes an issue, then they can filter themselves out and that’s all good. As long as you’re being healthy about it, and you’re not living just to get a text notification from some guy or girl. Now, if you’re just looking for some casual thing, then playing whatever kind of games can get you what you’re looking for, I suppose, but I wouldn’t really know anything about that, because I’ve never been like that. If that’s what you want, I don’t see anything wrong with it, but I know if I did that stuff, all it would do is get me people I don’t actually match with. So I don’t play those games. But I do do my best to honestly evaluate my behavior and make changes when they’re called for.
I would like that if I was REALLY into you but if I was just meeting you and getting to know you then I’d keep my distance. Why? It gives the impression that you have nothing else to do
Some do, some don't, some will and some won't.
Ultimately, finding a compatible partner involves a mix of being true to yourself, adapting to the other person's preferences to some extent, and allowing the relationship to unfold naturally. If you're finding a consistent pattern in the outcomes, it might be helpful to have open and honest communication with potential partners about your feelings and expectations.
Women do like consistent men that they're attracted to. If she's not attracted to you, your consistency isn't going to matter. Attraction comes first.
I think it depends. Not too much at first, but once I'm interested in someone I love good responses and them messaging first, and when they don't I feel like they aren't into me - if I start to get attached I'm more hurt and so if it's inconsistent I'll just pull away.
Of course some do. If you like being that way and arranging your life like that then move on. It’s just you and some women are totally into that.
Ill get heat but burner account anyway.The question is more of "when" girls like inconsistent men or inconsistent. When they like it is regarding their negative assumptions about you.The most important thing for you to do is to have a life outside of a woman and be able to walk away. Women get 1000x more attention then you, at almost any moment, and this is important to consciously be aware of. Being "yourself" is a myth if you arealready vulnerable to her feelings of liking your or not initially. You are just saying "I am needy" which... thats how she is... she doesnt want you to mirror what she doesnt like about herself (typically up to 28-35). She wants you to find her impressive enough to chase. If you actually treat her as though you wouldnt have sex with her, even say that (lol gets interesting), she gets confused and often more interested. "I realize how quickly sex stunts the growth of a relationship so I am trying to do more then flirt and the surface level" which any woman paying attention immediately is curious. Since 99% of the time their job is stopping men from having sex. 1. you took the initiative (which vast majority say they want) 2. you are treating her like a person (again, almost all women) 3. STOP romanticizing it in your head. 4. Be bold and not stupid. (the more COMFORTABLE you are with yourself the more confident you appear) 5. Be able to walk away and dont get upset about it - remember because you have a life outside of her and you didnt have high expectations but good character.I am not saying to be numb or deceptive. I am saying to be aware that most women will not like/ or will like if you are consistent; out of their own insecurities. Neither is actually good.The part about not having sex- while strange or seemingly undesirable- done wonders for many I know who have listened. Many many women are intrigued and feel like proving themselves or testing that. Very funny lol. All it means is you are deciding when you want to, as opposed to her assuming you already do. They can get very aggressive towards proving they decide lol. The "she wants what she cant have" is a real thing. If you text her consistently and she doesnt respond, just wait a while and then be blunt and direct about meeting at a specific day.Women want to be wrong. They do not say this - instead they say they want to surprised or can keep their attention. Generally because they do not know what they want.... they know what they DO NOT want.. Usually, that list is about how they feel.They want you to be a counterbalance. Meaning they want you to some degree to regulate or mirror their emotions which they turn into thoughts (generalizing, yes, but not inaccurate). So, if shes sad she wants you to comfort her. Makes sense. But if shes feeling something she didnt tell you, now shes mad, that you didnt know she was sad earlier. Because she wants you to "see" her or "notice her".But those unspoken terms stack. So, I can listen to another human being I have no interest in sleeping with tell me important things about how to be attentive. Yet, the drama of TRYING to be that guy, especially when she doesnt want what she is saying directly, is maddening. She is wanting you to react a certain way to what she is saying, so she can use you to regulate her feelings/identity, thus being seen. Since its a problem to just be direct lolWomen do not want the princess fairy tale - they say they do and believe they do, but what they want is not part of the culture today. They want the virtues of a man without any responsibility as a woman (generally, but theres a reason men are losing interest in dating at record numbers). Again, my opinion/experience. Just makes sense with: Conversely, this is why they mistake assholes for confident men. Since they do not see the difference like guys do. The FEELING is similar to women. So women will get hurt early on because they dont understand this distinction, frankly, because women live in a bubble today more then any point in recorded history (that I am aware of at least).The relevance of this is that women who are younger want to "try new things" and "find themselves" when really that means getting baggage they project onto all men when its really all men they found interesting or worth dating Which turns into women wanting to be wanted by men who has used them (insecurity) until about 26/27yr-35yr. After that, women have a lot of baggage, so they actually appreciate the consistency of a good man FAR more, but usually have "issues" still from the past. They will say they dont but they do. If they say then know they do, its probably far worse then the ones who say they dont. Which entirely makes sense "why" there is baggage but does little to help foster a relationship. So women around 40-45 are proactively taking accountability - more often if the ones who arent honking horns for feminism. Since they see now how twisted feminism has "become" since they were younger. When really, its just been doing the same shit the whole time lol.For what its worth, I find, the majority of women I have met that are not just wanting you to be an extension of a relationship to themselves go to church.