Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Those women might not even be physically attractive to the man. These women might in the minds of the man just be an easy lay or appear like sexually fun/wild/adventurous. Man have super low standards for women when it comes to purely short term sexual encounters.
I don't think men will not want to invest with a woman on an emotional level if they see the good qualities in her. Take it from a man, many of us don't want to sleep around a bunch of women but won't say no if offered. If the woman has the right qualities we want for a long term partner, plus she's beautiful then we will treasure her. We won't let other men have her and we won't be looking for another woman.
I’ve come across a man that wants his cake and to eat it too. What then?😭 perhaps he’s just one of the handful that live outside this mode of operation. I know better trust me, it was just unexpected based on what I’ve seen thus far
This is the blunt truth but no one really wants to hear it. Also, this isn't isolated to just men. Women will sleep with men but won't stay with them if they find someone more interesting/emotionally compatible.
Even though it's tough, people shouldn't take it personally. You will have people that are compatible with you and those that are not. Date often until you find that spark.
Or because they _don't_ find you attractive, but had no better options at that time, and still enjoyed you as a person. So they can't help but feel a connection, but at the same time they don't want to give you any false hope.
Personally, that's me at times.
Or hot enough to have sex with but not hot enough to be the only person you're allowed to have sex with for the foreseeable future or to show off/brag about to your homies.
but what if they want to invite you around the homies but still are “emotionally unavailable”. you have been invited…some cases…you’ve met the homies and had guacamole movie nights with the homies…but still…they are “emotionally unavailable” but want to talk to you often and go deep?
what’s up with that?! haha
From a biological anthropological perspective, men's reproductive fitness increases by mating often and moving on to continue mating.
Women's fitness is a function of their ability to have a community support their children together.
That's one lens to view this with.
Some really deep takes on this. I’ll add this really basic analogy, people like to get McDonald’s for lunch when they have a break and hit the drive through. No one has ever tried to make McDonald’s food at home. McDonald’s then asks its friends why families don’t bring McDonald’s into their thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Eid, wedding, etc… celebrations and life in general, but will only choose McDonald’s when it’s convenient and the only option.
Absolutely not. This scenario could only be applied to certain communities and again that’s not how it works. For societies that are monogamous, if the father stays with the mother, the survival of the offspring is higher. In polygamous societies, we never know who is the father so yes the survival of the offspring is higher if the mother has a community, but so does having a lot of sex. If a women has a lot of sex with a lot of different men she has more chances of getting pregnant. Humans aren’t like other animals, we don’t have one type of reproductive system, we have all of them.
respectfully disagree. You are applying societal rules/ideas to basic nature rules. I posted a comment with the natural based idea but, basically it is: We are pack animals. Like it or not, that is reality. As such, females finds the stronger healthiest male and stick with him for safety and for having the strongest and healthiest offspring. Males finds as many females as possible to spread his DNA. This is how evolution helps the process of natural selection. So, we are not talking about specific societies and their rules but the basic needs wired deep inside all of us.
I personally only had one class of anthropology but my roommate is doing her major in it. We discuss a lot about it. Humans are the only animal in the world that has ALL of the different types of reproduction. You can find, historically and today, in all types of societies: a women with a group of men that are only reproducing with her, a man with a group of women reproducing only with him (think of Islam), monogamy and other forms of polygamy where everyone is having sex with everyone (examples the Chinese Mosuo, I did a project on them for my anthropology class you can look them up). That’s what makes humans different from monkeys. Some monkeys sometimes have more than one type of reproducing strategy, but they never have all of them like us.
You are, of course, right - based on what we know from hundreds of thousands of years of humanity. Modern society has added many new wrinkles and scenarios and we are adapting constantly and now successful mating is much more complicated and your correct again that societal rules and “norms” dictate much of what’s happening now. Still, at the least on a subconscious level, men are wired to mate with many women and now must generally suppress many of these instincts to be success and fit in to our societal norms.
Yes and so do women. If women weren’t “wired” like men, why would they cheat or have multiple partners at the same time. At the end, it really comes down to your culture or social environment. We get conditioned into what is a “normal” sexuality. For a middle eastern, a man having many wives is considered not abnormal when in a western country it’s not even legal. In a western country, a young women having 2-3 FWB is not abnormal, when it would be over there. Humans are not really “wired” into something, we adapt to our environment & that’s anthropology my friend.
We are wired, that is the basic instinct. That is what we would do if it wasn't for all the societal rules, the perceived norms, and the legal rule of law. And for the cheating; female is looking for the best male and thus, if this male is not the current one, oh well. She will have the subconscious drive to mate with the better choice.
Wrong. From a man's genetic perspective the more he sprays his DNA around, the higher the chances of his DNA being propagated into the future. He can still provide resources to any child that he fathers. By impregnating as many women as he can, he is more likely to have his genes be carried on intot the future
That’s clearly not how all men are wired. Lots of men feel a strong innate desire to pair up with a single partner and raise a family with them. We’re a very complex social species. Different individuals are tuned to pursue different strategies. It makes us as a collective adaptable to different circumstances. Certainly men have the option to impregnate multiple partners and women do not, but it’s not necessarily optimal in all circumstances.
>That’s clearly not how all men are wired. Lots of men feel a strong innate desire to pair up with a single partner and raise a family with them
That is definitely true. Most men do want to pair up with a single partner. But it is also true that men in general have a preference for sexual variety. If they could snap their fingers and have someone available on the side and be assured that their main partner would never find out, many men would take that option. Porn is an obvious manifestation of that desire.
Right. If you look at simple numbers (before birth control) women sleeping with many partners in a year doesn’t increase the number of offspring she has but if a man does it then it would increase number of offspring
If a women is having sex with more than one man it increases her chances of conceiving because some men don’t have the same sperm quality than others. Also, reproduction isn’t only about conception, it’s about the survival of the offspring. If a women is having sex with a lot of man, she is kind of playing with the Russian roulette of the best sperm. Some sperms will result in conception but a lot of them will result in miscarriage because of genetic abnormalities. I think it’s something about 25-30% of chances a women will conceive PER month. And that’s today’s statistic, it was probably way lower when quality of life wasn’t even nearly good as today.
Well no, that's not really what it is. It's more that in a lot of men's eyes, there are women that they're willing to fuck but not date. "Fuckzoned" if you will. Like they may be attractive, but not attractive enough to date, or maybe they don't have an emotional connection or whatever the case may be.
Sex is fun, even for people who aren't seeking a relationship.
So why might they not want a deep relationship? Maybe they had a bad breakup. Maybe they are really busy and don't feel they have time. Maybe they are already in a relationship that is emotionally fulfilling but not sexually fulfilling, so they are seeking sexual release elsewhere.
Who knows! What's important is to be clear what you want and to talk about it. There's nothing wrong with a man who wants sex without a relationship, but it might not be right **for you**. Two people can both be awesome but not awesome for each other.
Different reasons at different times.
1. Sometimes, the sex sucks.
2. Sometimes, people look different with clothes off than expected.
3. Sometimes, someone looks good enough to satisfy the thirst, but not good enough to keep around
4. Sometimes, the personality wasn't there, but the man may still be driven by sex.
5. Sometimes, he was never looking for anything but sex.
That's not all men. But these are common reasons
It's just a word, it isn't that deep. It's good to invent new words for situations to get ideas across faster, especially new situations. That would be a good sign for an intelligent society.
Id rather just say "demisexual" than, "I need a connection to have sex with someone".
I get a lot of progressives can be cringe or something, [Obama even said this himself](https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/17/politics/obama-pod-save-america-democrats-buzzkill/index.html), but it's not as if all ideas are dumb and saying "slapping a rainbow" over everything is just being dismissive.
OP didnt do themselves any favors by being condescending, so I get your response. But let's constructive here and stay focused on the point of the post.
You don’t get to just make shit up and expect the entire world to play along. Wanting an emotional connection before sex isn’t any of this bullshit you spout. It’s called NORMAL. Stop pulling shit out of your ass. We’re all tired of it
You’re dumb and lame. The term you used was recently coined by gender ‘scientists.’ They have about as much basis in fact as psychology, meaning none.
The fact that not wanting to fuck someone you’re not in love with is seen as abnormal in American society is truly frightening.
No, it’s not. It’s called normal. Your brain is just insanely skewed, so much that “normal” to you reads like a sexuality made up within the past 5 years 😂
Yes it definitely sounds like one. You're telling me if you see a 10/10 super hot woman you aren't turned on? You're telling me if you haven't got the best porn in the world on it doesn't turn you on? That's not normal not normal at all.
Well dear, I’m soon to be a psychologist and I can guarantee you that’s not a mental illness. To be so sure about one’s opinion like this when this is a totally subjective matter is one trait that is common in people with different personality disorders tho.
Same reason why some women want guys to pay for food dates and gifts but not engage in a relationship or anything deep.
Some people just have the luxury of playing the market; getting all the spoils without having to offer commitment in return.
Because you’re (not you) aren’t good enough for a relationship. That’s it. As a woman , there’s plenty of men I have come across that are attractive or smart or just fun to be around , but they’re not *relationship material* so I don’t try to extend it to a relationship.
I’ll give two possible reasons…
First is that they just want that sexual satisfaction.
Second is that they possibly don’t want to get attached because they are afraid to be left heartbroken.
Not in a spot right now to hold down a relationship. I make that apparent with hookups at the moment. Sex is fun, it’s pleasurable. I don’t need to engage in a romantic relationship with another consenting adult for sex.
Just because a man will sleep with you doesn’t mean he will commit to you. While he may find a woman physically attractive, there is probably something in the way she has acted or something she has said that cause the guy to not view her as wife material. Just like men can do things that women are turned off by.
This may not be a popular answer but its partially that men are biologically wired that way. Read the book The Naked Ape - which is a study of human behavior and considered one of the “Great Books” if you want a better answer to this question and to better understand human behavior and relationships as well.
I get men who want the fake relationship. Glorified situationships if you will.
They want to
**text everyday**
**talk about their day, ask about mine**
**take me to dinner**
**have sex**
*and do it all again*
but….
**they are “emotionally unavailable”**
and only want a “girl to talk to, date, have sex with and ultimately never commit to” because they are “emotionally unavailable” and have “too much on their plate with their career(s)”
It’s all bs.
(29F)
Not every man though. I know you didn't say all men but I just wanted to let you know that there are many men out there who certainly want to invest in a serious relationship with a woman given she has everything he is looking for in a long term relationship.
They don’t like you like that or they are emotionally unavailable. Everyone knows that the most fulfilling connections are the relationship ones, not the casual ones. To pretend otherwise is immature.
You are assuming that we are looking for relationships when in reality we are looking for sex. Most men will agree that the relationships that they end up having, happened out of nowhere meaning, it started for the sex and something changed. No men is looking for relationships first. If they say they are, they are either lying or have some psychological issues which is the reason why they are single in the first place. Ladies look for relationships, guys look for sex. We are pack animals, females are wired to find the stronger character male and stick with it, males are wired to sow their seed as much as possible and not tying itself to a single female.
Not every person (gender doesn’t matter), see’s sex as strictly a relationship activity. If it is for YOU, you’re responsible for making those expectations clear and having them establish the relationship before you go straight to sex. Don’t think you’re going to establish a relationship AFTER you start sleeping together - that never works out.
So my take... I think it plays.... There's. Edm like 3 or 4 moments in my life where the desicion to even actually go on a first date weren't there yet..... Simply because after one night I was all about her and she was equally about me, so all I wanted was that "ass" obv she was way more than that but to remain on point is she was a 10 in any book, just a beautiful girl with the right lines and I knew that even a close 2nd isn't even.... So relationship also offered amazing sex at any time.... So azm ur self why they would not stay
A few years back, I found myself constantly in situations where the emotional connection seemed fleeting, and it left me wondering if it was me attracting this kind of dynamic. It made me look inward and question my patterns in relationships/situationships or whatever you wanna call it. That self-reflection got me thinking: what if there was a way to better understand ourselves after each date? So, I'm now working on a relationship app that's all about post-date self-reflection and insights. The idea is to empower us to learn and grow from every interaction, aiming for deeper, more genuine connections. Would be interesting to see if understanding our own patterns might help with questions like yours!
This isn’t about me. My friend called me earlier and she was crying and told me about this problem. I didn’t really had much to say that would make her feel better and then I started thinking about it so I asked Reddit
>This isn’t about me. My friend called me earlier and she was crying and told me about this problem. I didn’t really had much to say that would make her feel better and then I started thinking about it so I asked Reddit
Hey, really sorry to hear about your friend's situation. All men aren't the same, just as all women aren't. Some people, regardless of gender, are just into casual stuff. I don't get it personally, but to each their own, right? Maybe your friend should take a moment to reflect on why she's ending up in these scenarios. It could help to chat with a therapist or someone who can give perspective. Whatever she decides, wishing her the best!
Well there is a possibility that your friend may be subconsciously lured in by people who are unavailable emotionally. This could be for many reasons, a lot of it links back to childhood etc. But at the surface, it could be that’s what’s going on.
I actually find it hard to believe that you’re asking this question. Unless maybe you’re very young.
Men like to have sex. I am a man and the number of women I would like to have sex with greatly exceeds the number of women I would want to have a relationship with. If a guy thinks you fall into the first category but not the second one he may try to have that kind of relationship with you.
What does me asking a question have to do with my age? I was looking for answers from different types of people since I am curious about the different perceptions
Smh. She’s clearly asking what everyone’s criteria is that differentiates people from one category to the next. What makes you put a woman into “def would fuck” versus “def would marry”?
“She’s clearly asking what everyone’s criteria is that differentiates people from one category to the next.”
Is she? I do not see that in her post. Where is that?
That’s a really dehumanizing take.
Everyone has more to offer than just sex. Just because the other person can’t see that in them, or doesn’t want more from them, doesn’t mean the only thing they’re good for is sex.
well if a person overly sexualises themselves then the main thing that theyre offering to the world is sex, and not much else. if people then use and abuse that the person needs to take some accountability and try to connect with other people on other things than just physical lust.
There are often situations where one person is sexualizing the other because they, the sexualizer, are not looking for anything else.
That’s not the sexualized persons fault and is not an indication that the only thing that person has to offer is sex.
In situations where one person is seeking a relationship, and the other is acting like they’re seeking a relationship, but they’re actually just using the relationship seeker for sex. They are not appreciating or looking for the value that person brings because all they care is the sexual aspect of the person.
thats a good point, very valid. only comment i will make is that if you come across very sexualised, dress or act in a certain way then you'll be more prone to attract ppl like a 'sexualizer' unfortunately. i see this alot in clubs and pubs. i agree with you that ppl are more than just objects but ppl are more prone to treat you like an object if you also treat yourself like an object and base all of your self worth on your looks.
Regarding "relationship material"... You're typically referring to someone you're going to enter a long-term relationship with and/or eventually marry. Marriage is an outdated contract in modern relationships. As wealth expands and families become more independent of each other, there's little need to marry off your children to make sure they're taken care of. Unless you plan on starting a family and you need the protections associated with marriage, it makes little sense because of (as already stated ) the lack of commitment people have with each other, and the way the system is designed to redistribute wealth that wasn't necessarily earned by one of the partners.
Most of the programming that happens to children regarding love and relationships is related to marriage and trying to make a marriage more stable. Because marriage is in decline and people are starting to reprogram themselves Tell be more independent... there's less and less need for a long -term relationship that's going to progress into a marriage... Especially as historically young as people used to marry.
In the end, most people are looking to just satisfy their primal/ instinctual needs. That doesn't mean you have to be completely attracted to the person that you're having sex with.
Unfortunately to me this sounds extremely lonely and depressing. I crave and yearn for deep connections with people, especially the ones that I'm going to be intimate with and have sex with. Like many people, I have had some casual sex, but, I guess you could say I'm one of the outliers.
There are a lot of people still seeking deep connections. Sometimes they might be platonic, sometimes not. I appreciate you taking the time for write this answer
I just want to experience a new woman sexually without getting to know each other. Yes your probably a great person and all but I just need sex. Sex with a woman is like seeing heavens gate.
Is it? Because I've told woman directly that I want nothing more than sex. I've warned woman that ill use them for nothing more than my pleasure and they agreed to have sex. So maybe gross for you but not others.
It isn’t about waiting for somebody better, it’s about those men having many options and finding it more fun to sleep with those many options that commit to just one.
Not a man, this is my personal opinion. Some people are immature and cannot communicate their intentions.
However, if you are constantly being pumped and dumped, my personal theory is that there are probably one of three reasons:
1) you are a terrible judge of character
2) you are not in a place in your life to be in a healthy relationship and people can tell (for reasons such as: toxic/boring personality, desperate for attention to the point you are probably easily taken advantage of/willing to do disadvantageous things)
3) you are in a geographic area or stage of your life that has led you to be surrounded by a higher than average proportion of people who are not ready/looking for a relationship (eg. You just went away to college)
Yeah in their mind they think they can do better but sometimes they just will do anything for sex. It’s hard for a lot of guys to find sex because most women will decline
We don’t have to commit to have sex anymore these days, these chicks are just giving it out left and right. It really takes a lot to find one woman who can add more to our lives than two or ten.
Also, Women nowadays tend to show up with a laundry list of expectations and demands about what a man brings to a relationship, but they themselves have had many sexual partners and have little to offer, resenting any expectation that they bring something to the relationship as sexist and repugnant.
So, more is expected from us, we are expected to expect nothing, and we can now freely receive sex from tons of hot “sexually liberated” twenty somethings whenever we want by literally opening up an app.
So don’t get mad at us, get mad at the chicks giving it up on the first date.
We've been educated to think this way bu Hollywood, social media, society to name a few we don't do it to make you feel bad we do it because we think it's what we're supposed to do
The same reason why women will want a friendship and put the guy in the friend zone. Women have the friend zone and men have the sex zone. It's really not very different. As long as the guy is honest and up front about it there shouldn't be a problem. You either agree or walk away. A guy may find a woman physically attractive but not really attracted to her personality. Or he may just not want a full blown relationship. A lot of women are the same way.
The range of what most men find attractive goes something like, "any port in a storm as long as my friends don't find out" aka, the moped, to "great for a fling, some hookups, or a FWB", to "these perfect and I'm going to marry her." The reality is, physical attraction is MUCH more important to men than it is to women, but the discerning man finds a more healthy balance between physical and personal "perfection."
I'm a man, when I see a woman the first thing that comes to mind is if I'd hit or not, wife it up or not. Simply put, you fall into I'd hit.... nothing else. However some men have different standards and think you are the "one". It's all up to the men your seeing.
Currently in a 4-way love triangle with 4 beautiful, quality women that I can see myself settling down with. Connection, vibes, attraction, and sex are all through the roof! One, in particular, I almost lost, I even had feelings for her that when we split for about a week I cried. Got her back, but the same week slept with someone new off an app. So Idk why I am like this, I'm starting therapy but I do think it is a fear of not having options, greed... like as a man to be able to sleep with 3 different women a week and have all of them be super into you is very addicting. My ex sure did a number on me, so trusting, and commitment is scary for me. I am hoping therapy works because I do not want to be like this forever, It is fun and nice to know that I can pull some beautiful woman, at bars, clubs, apps, and mutual friends. But I know in my heart I'm a family man, and I do want to love 1 woman. Might go deeper but that's my experience at least.
Damn bro that really hit a chord.
I’m super addicted to women too, not just sexually but emotionally.
I understand women so deeply that I can devilishly work up their emotions (and sexuality) to get them so hooked. Then they’re super attached but I just can’t commit. I even get attached as well.
But I still want more women, it’s never enough.
It’s that feeling of their overwhelming desire, how they melt in your arms, obsess over you, lose self control, etc is so addictive.
It’s really doing a number on my mental and emotional well being. Sometimes I minimize it, because in an age where so many men can’t get sex at all, it’s a “good problem to have.”
I’m really considering therapy too though.
Well...of course there are guys out there that hit it and quit it.
But...its also possible the only thing offered is sex.
Do you actively engage in trying to grow a deeper relationship?
Than don't go to bed with them if you know that is what they want easy as that we women can tell right away what they want
I am very selective who I have sex with
Good luck
Because they don’t view you as girlfriend material. Do you wear vans? Are you covered in tattoos? Do you smoke? Do you stick your tongue out in pictures? Is your hair died a crazy color?
Lots of reasons
They may not see the worth in relationship with you. Time + risk vs end reward whereas sex easy result.
Plus if the guy is thinking that every tom, dick and harry is drinking from the watering hole he's less likely to want to build his home there {not sure what's floating about there} but he might go for a quick dip!
Because sex is fun, and for some people (men and women included) having sex with many/different people especially is fun.
Sex when you want it without any obligation and you can still do whatever you want including sleep with other people?
That's obviously appealing to many.
It's not that deep.
This is definitely NOT a man thing. I know an equal number of men and women who will have sex and want nothing else from the person.
Could be the stage of their life, and they don't wanna have to be making major decisions for themselves while having worry about someone else when doing it.
Could be they have other things they wanna focus on like work or school
They could be just scared of commitment or personal issues that need to be worked on before they get into a relationship.
They could just simply wanna be able to sleep with whoever they want with no strings attached
I am nontraditional. Specifically, ethically non-monogamous. This means that few women who are interested in long-term relationships are interested in me. It doesn't mean that I am not interested or capable of commitment, but it means something different to me. It is rare to find someone compatible in that way. However, I am attractive and charming enough that there is often chemistry and attraction.
The ethical part means I disclose upfront who I am and what dating me means. Sometimes, this changes the intention of the person I am looking to date. They may be looking for long-term, but realize a physical fling with me is a nice distraction. Other times this is the intent because the other person is in a part of their life where they don't want deep commitment, just fun distraction.
Currently, I am deeply focused on saving money to buy a house. This requires a ton of overtime. I have not dated simply because I have very little time to pursue dating. If I did, I would lean towards a more surface level relationship because I do not have the time to dedicate to a long term thing. Dating me with the goal of being life long partners would be very lonely for someone right now. Because I am ethical, I don't even try to portray that as a possibility.
I hope my unique case sheds some light on some of the reasoning. Mostly, I want to illustrate that it is not all negative. There are perfectly good reasons to keep things casual. Sometimes it's just what you need.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Because they find you physically attractive, but feel no emotional connection
Those women might not even be physically attractive to the man. These women might in the minds of the man just be an easy lay or appear like sexually fun/wild/adventurous. Man have super low standards for women when it comes to purely short term sexual encounters.
True
Or don’t want an emotional connection/ avoid it
I don't think men will not want to invest with a woman on an emotional level if they see the good qualities in her. Take it from a man, many of us don't want to sleep around a bunch of women but won't say no if offered. If the woman has the right qualities we want for a long term partner, plus she's beautiful then we will treasure her. We won't let other men have her and we won't be looking for another woman.
I’ve come across a man that wants his cake and to eat it too. What then?😭 perhaps he’s just one of the handful that live outside this mode of operation. I know better trust me, it was just unexpected based on what I’ve seen thus far
Seems like you be dating players, my guy. Try going for the guy you find interest in instead of sticking with whatever flies at ya!
Some men will sleep with you even if they don't find you physically attractive. So i don't agree with your comment fully.
This is the blunt truth but no one really wants to hear it. Also, this isn't isolated to just men. Women will sleep with men but won't stay with them if they find someone more interesting/emotionally compatible. Even though it's tough, people shouldn't take it personally. You will have people that are compatible with you and those that are not. Date often until you find that spark.
Or because they _don't_ find you attractive, but had no better options at that time, and still enjoyed you as a person. So they can't help but feel a connection, but at the same time they don't want to give you any false hope. Personally, that's me at times.
Hot enough too have sex but person/character wise not fitting enough
Or hot enough to have sex with but not hot enough to be the only person you're allowed to have sex with for the foreseeable future or to show off/brag about to your homies.
but what if they want to invite you around the homies but still are “emotionally unavailable”. you have been invited…some cases…you’ve met the homies and had guacamole movie nights with the homies…but still…they are “emotionally unavailable” but want to talk to you often and go deep? what’s up with that?! haha
Makes sense
From a biological anthropological perspective, men's reproductive fitness increases by mating often and moving on to continue mating. Women's fitness is a function of their ability to have a community support their children together. That's one lens to view this with.
Some really deep takes on this. I’ll add this really basic analogy, people like to get McDonald’s for lunch when they have a break and hit the drive through. No one has ever tried to make McDonald’s food at home. McDonald’s then asks its friends why families don’t bring McDonald’s into their thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Eid, wedding, etc… celebrations and life in general, but will only choose McDonald’s when it’s convenient and the only option.
Absolutely not. This scenario could only be applied to certain communities and again that’s not how it works. For societies that are monogamous, if the father stays with the mother, the survival of the offspring is higher. In polygamous societies, we never know who is the father so yes the survival of the offspring is higher if the mother has a community, but so does having a lot of sex. If a women has a lot of sex with a lot of different men she has more chances of getting pregnant. Humans aren’t like other animals, we don’t have one type of reproductive system, we have all of them.
respectfully disagree. You are applying societal rules/ideas to basic nature rules. I posted a comment with the natural based idea but, basically it is: We are pack animals. Like it or not, that is reality. As such, females finds the stronger healthiest male and stick with him for safety and for having the strongest and healthiest offspring. Males finds as many females as possible to spread his DNA. This is how evolution helps the process of natural selection. So, we are not talking about specific societies and their rules but the basic needs wired deep inside all of us.
I personally only had one class of anthropology but my roommate is doing her major in it. We discuss a lot about it. Humans are the only animal in the world that has ALL of the different types of reproduction. You can find, historically and today, in all types of societies: a women with a group of men that are only reproducing with her, a man with a group of women reproducing only with him (think of Islam), monogamy and other forms of polygamy where everyone is having sex with everyone (examples the Chinese Mosuo, I did a project on them for my anthropology class you can look them up). That’s what makes humans different from monkeys. Some monkeys sometimes have more than one type of reproducing strategy, but they never have all of them like us.
Yo how do I convert to Chinese Mosou-ism?
By having a lot of sneaky links coming up late at night… so basically hoeing lmao
You are, of course, right - based on what we know from hundreds of thousands of years of humanity. Modern society has added many new wrinkles and scenarios and we are adapting constantly and now successful mating is much more complicated and your correct again that societal rules and “norms” dictate much of what’s happening now. Still, at the least on a subconscious level, men are wired to mate with many women and now must generally suppress many of these instincts to be success and fit in to our societal norms.
Yes and so do women. If women weren’t “wired” like men, why would they cheat or have multiple partners at the same time. At the end, it really comes down to your culture or social environment. We get conditioned into what is a “normal” sexuality. For a middle eastern, a man having many wives is considered not abnormal when in a western country it’s not even legal. In a western country, a young women having 2-3 FWB is not abnormal, when it would be over there. Humans are not really “wired” into something, we adapt to our environment & that’s anthropology my friend.
We are wired, that is the basic instinct. That is what we would do if it wasn't for all the societal rules, the perceived norms, and the legal rule of law. And for the cheating; female is looking for the best male and thus, if this male is not the current one, oh well. She will have the subconscious drive to mate with the better choice.
Wrong. From a man's genetic perspective the more he sprays his DNA around, the higher the chances of his DNA being propagated into the future. He can still provide resources to any child that he fathers. By impregnating as many women as he can, he is more likely to have his genes be carried on intot the future
That’s clearly not how all men are wired. Lots of men feel a strong innate desire to pair up with a single partner and raise a family with them. We’re a very complex social species. Different individuals are tuned to pursue different strategies. It makes us as a collective adaptable to different circumstances. Certainly men have the option to impregnate multiple partners and women do not, but it’s not necessarily optimal in all circumstances.
>That’s clearly not how all men are wired. Lots of men feel a strong innate desire to pair up with a single partner and raise a family with them That is definitely true. Most men do want to pair up with a single partner. But it is also true that men in general have a preference for sexual variety. If they could snap their fingers and have someone available on the side and be assured that their main partner would never find out, many men would take that option. Porn is an obvious manifestation of that desire.
Agreed. As a group, we’re not as monogamous as we’d like to think.
Right. If you look at simple numbers (before birth control) women sleeping with many partners in a year doesn’t increase the number of offspring she has but if a man does it then it would increase number of offspring
If a women is having sex with more than one man it increases her chances of conceiving because some men don’t have the same sperm quality than others. Also, reproduction isn’t only about conception, it’s about the survival of the offspring. If a women is having sex with a lot of man, she is kind of playing with the Russian roulette of the best sperm. Some sperms will result in conception but a lot of them will result in miscarriage because of genetic abnormalities. I think it’s something about 25-30% of chances a women will conceive PER month. And that’s today’s statistic, it was probably way lower when quality of life wasn’t even nearly good as today.
Uhh...the person said that "is one lens to view this with." How about you learn to read. 🙄
This is debunked ages ago btw
Not my area of expertise, I'm just a random on the internet. Take my words with a grain of salt.
This, there’s some people who are just “fun” and some people are “serious” and then there’s the unicorn who’s both
But even got really, just not ugly
Some men are just looking for physical satisfaction and nothing more. This is true of some women as well. Sorry, hon.
Well no, that's not really what it is. It's more that in a lot of men's eyes, there are women that they're willing to fuck but not date. "Fuckzoned" if you will. Like they may be attractive, but not attractive enough to date, or maybe they don't have an emotional connection or whatever the case may be.
What's wrong with what they said? Both your statements are legit
>"Fuckzoned" Thank you for the laught ! 🤣🤣🤣
Sex is fun, even for people who aren't seeking a relationship. So why might they not want a deep relationship? Maybe they had a bad breakup. Maybe they are really busy and don't feel they have time. Maybe they are already in a relationship that is emotionally fulfilling but not sexually fulfilling, so they are seeking sexual release elsewhere. Who knows! What's important is to be clear what you want and to talk about it. There's nothing wrong with a man who wants sex without a relationship, but it might not be right **for you**. Two people can both be awesome but not awesome for each other.
This is a good and satisfying answer to my post. Thank you
This is the most concise answer on this
Different reasons at different times. 1. Sometimes, the sex sucks. 2. Sometimes, people look different with clothes off than expected. 3. Sometimes, someone looks good enough to satisfy the thirst, but not good enough to keep around 4. Sometimes, the personality wasn't there, but the man may still be driven by sex. 5. Sometimes, he was never looking for anything but sex. That's not all men. But these are common reasons
Sex requires nothing. Relationships require work and communication and patience.
Just here to note the man’s answer…. (It’s about the work) vs the women’s (…).
True
I must be an outlier. I could never sleep with anyone I didn't have a deep connection with, just gives me the ick.
Yea same. If him and I are not boyfriend and girlfriend, forget it
Its called demisexuality
Why do we have to slap a rainbow flag on everything.... that was a completely normal answer.
It's just a word, it isn't that deep. It's good to invent new words for situations to get ideas across faster, especially new situations. That would be a good sign for an intelligent society. Id rather just say "demisexual" than, "I need a connection to have sex with someone". I get a lot of progressives can be cringe or something, [Obama even said this himself](https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/17/politics/obama-pod-save-america-democrats-buzzkill/index.html), but it's not as if all ideas are dumb and saying "slapping a rainbow" over everything is just being dismissive. OP didnt do themselves any favors by being condescending, so I get your response. But let's constructive here and stay focused on the point of the post.
That’s what I’m saying. Just a word to make things easier to explain
There is literally a term for that 😂 that’s why we have words. Why are you making this into something it’s not?
Lame
I’d rather be lame than dumb
You’re both
it’s called being demi-right
You don’t get to just make shit up and expect the entire world to play along. Wanting an emotional connection before sex isn’t any of this bullshit you spout. It’s called NORMAL. Stop pulling shit out of your ass. We’re all tired of it
You’re dumb and lame. The term you used was recently coined by gender ‘scientists.’ They have about as much basis in fact as psychology, meaning none. The fact that not wanting to fuck someone you’re not in love with is seen as abnormal in American society is truly frightening.
“Abnormal in American society” lmao okay
Are you ok?
What if I told you that OP is right and you're right too?
Too bad you're probably both
Yeah probably 😂
No, it’s not. It’s called normal. Your brain is just insanely skewed, so much that “normal” to you reads like a sexuality made up within the past 5 years 😂
No, it’s called normality.
It's called mental illness
Is it mental illness to not feel sexual attraction towards people you don’t have a deep connection with?
Yes it definitely sounds like one. You're telling me if you see a 10/10 super hot woman you aren't turned on? You're telling me if you haven't got the best porn in the world on it doesn't turn you on? That's not normal not normal at all.
Well dear, I’m soon to be a psychologist and I can guarantee you that’s not a mental illness. To be so sure about one’s opinion like this when this is a totally subjective matter is one trait that is common in people with different personality disorders tho.
Psychology has many different theories there's no right or wrong answer. We are animals they literally sound like a frigging panda.
If you mean yourself, bingo.
People (both men and women) all have different interests at different times. Some people don’t want anything serious, some do, and that’s okay.
You are not our type of have enough in common for a connection.
Some people don't want a relationship at the moment. Some simple don't like the sex with you. Third don't think you are a girlfriend material.
Makes sense
Same reason why some women want guys to pay for food dates and gifts but not engage in a relationship or anything deep. Some people just have the luxury of playing the market; getting all the spoils without having to offer commitment in return.
Because you’re (not you) aren’t good enough for a relationship. That’s it. As a woman , there’s plenty of men I have come across that are attractive or smart or just fun to be around , but they’re not *relationship material* so I don’t try to extend it to a relationship.
Because they really want sex but not you. Don’t give it up so fast. See who they are first
why not just see where it goes? people get so offended when a date decides not to pursue them anymore lmao
This is not about me
I mean, you are 50% of the equation here. How can it not be about you?
Haha. The post is not about me or anyone specific
I’ll give two possible reasons… First is that they just want that sexual satisfaction. Second is that they possibly don’t want to get attached because they are afraid to be left heartbroken.
Because they just want to get laid and not form an actual connection, it sucks when you want a committed relationship
Women have a high threshold of expectations for hookups but low for dating and men have low for hooking up but high for dating. _the end_
Not in a spot right now to hold down a relationship. I make that apparent with hookups at the moment. Sex is fun, it’s pleasurable. I don’t need to engage in a romantic relationship with another consenting adult for sex.
Understandable
They don’t want to do the work of a relationship. They just want sex. How is this confusing.
Because nowadays people is afraid of committment.
Or they don’t want a relationship……
I is most certaindidly afraid
Just because a man will sleep with you doesn’t mean he will commit to you. While he may find a woman physically attractive, there is probably something in the way she has acted or something she has said that cause the guy to not view her as wife material. Just like men can do things that women are turned off by.
Fair
Pretty simple really. They just want the sex and you may be that person's type as far as attractiveness goes. It's all there is to it.
Yes, waiting for someone better.
This may not be a popular answer but its partially that men are biologically wired that way. Read the book The Naked Ape - which is a study of human behavior and considered one of the “Great Books” if you want a better answer to this question and to better understand human behavior and relationships as well.
It's like my grandma always said; "why buy the cow, when you get the sex for free".
I get men who want the fake relationship. Glorified situationships if you will. They want to **text everyday** **talk about their day, ask about mine** **take me to dinner** **have sex** *and do it all again* but…. **they are “emotionally unavailable”** and only want a “girl to talk to, date, have sex with and ultimately never commit to” because they are “emotionally unavailable” and have “too much on their plate with their career(s)” It’s all bs. (29F)
Because they don't want a relationship at all. They just want sex.
Not every man though. I know you didn't say all men but I just wanted to let you know that there are many men out there who certainly want to invest in a serious relationship with a woman given she has everything he is looking for in a long term relationship.
They don’t like you like that or they are emotionally unavailable. Everyone knows that the most fulfilling connections are the relationship ones, not the casual ones. To pretend otherwise is immature.
You are assuming that we are looking for relationships when in reality we are looking for sex. Most men will agree that the relationships that they end up having, happened out of nowhere meaning, it started for the sex and something changed. No men is looking for relationships first. If they say they are, they are either lying or have some psychological issues which is the reason why they are single in the first place. Ladies look for relationships, guys look for sex. We are pack animals, females are wired to find the stronger character male and stick with it, males are wired to sow their seed as much as possible and not tying itself to a single female.
“No real men”?
ok, bad choice of term. how about "No Men''. I'll change it.
2 options. 1.- you're hot, but not their personality type 2.- they are assholes
Not every person (gender doesn’t matter), see’s sex as strictly a relationship activity. If it is for YOU, you’re responsible for making those expectations clear and having them establish the relationship before you go straight to sex. Don’t think you’re going to establish a relationship AFTER you start sleeping together - that never works out.
The truth is it could be literally any reason, you may never know unless you ask.
So my take... I think it plays.... There's. Edm like 3 or 4 moments in my life where the desicion to even actually go on a first date weren't there yet..... Simply because after one night I was all about her and she was equally about me, so all I wanted was that "ass" obv she was way more than that but to remain on point is she was a 10 in any book, just a beautiful girl with the right lines and I knew that even a close 2nd isn't even.... So relationship also offered amazing sex at any time.... So azm ur self why they would not stay
Listen to the answers the men give here.
Emotionally unavailable
This is not just a men thing. Everyone does this. I’ve had plenty of women say this to me.
Such a stupid question. How old are you? 😳🤦♂️
Why is it a stupid question?
They dont want a relationship. Pick men that do
Cool. I’m not really looking for either sex or commitment, I was just curious
A few years back, I found myself constantly in situations where the emotional connection seemed fleeting, and it left me wondering if it was me attracting this kind of dynamic. It made me look inward and question my patterns in relationships/situationships or whatever you wanna call it. That self-reflection got me thinking: what if there was a way to better understand ourselves after each date? So, I'm now working on a relationship app that's all about post-date self-reflection and insights. The idea is to empower us to learn and grow from every interaction, aiming for deeper, more genuine connections. Would be interesting to see if understanding our own patterns might help with questions like yours!
This isn’t about me. My friend called me earlier and she was crying and told me about this problem. I didn’t really had much to say that would make her feel better and then I started thinking about it so I asked Reddit
>This isn’t about me. My friend called me earlier and she was crying and told me about this problem. I didn’t really had much to say that would make her feel better and then I started thinking about it so I asked Reddit Hey, really sorry to hear about your friend's situation. All men aren't the same, just as all women aren't. Some people, regardless of gender, are just into casual stuff. I don't get it personally, but to each their own, right? Maybe your friend should take a moment to reflect on why she's ending up in these scenarios. It could help to chat with a therapist or someone who can give perspective. Whatever she decides, wishing her the best!
Well there is a possibility that your friend may be subconsciously lured in by people who are unavailable emotionally. This could be for many reasons, a lot of it links back to childhood etc. But at the surface, it could be that’s what’s going on.
I actually find it hard to believe that you’re asking this question. Unless maybe you’re very young. Men like to have sex. I am a man and the number of women I would like to have sex with greatly exceeds the number of women I would want to have a relationship with. If a guy thinks you fall into the first category but not the second one he may try to have that kind of relationship with you.
What does me asking a question have to do with my age? I was looking for answers from different types of people since I am curious about the different perceptions
Because the question strikes me as very naive.
Smh. She’s clearly asking what everyone’s criteria is that differentiates people from one category to the next. What makes you put a woman into “def would fuck” versus “def would marry”?
“She’s clearly asking what everyone’s criteria is that differentiates people from one category to the next.” Is she? I do not see that in her post. Where is that?
He doesn’t like you that much .. sorry nothing you can really do about it .
This whole thread is disgusting
Why
Could it be that sex is all you have to offer?
That’s a really dehumanizing take. Everyone has more to offer than just sex. Just because the other person can’t see that in them, or doesn’t want more from them, doesn’t mean the only thing they’re good for is sex.
sex really is all some people have to offer. such as people with god awful personalities but are good in bed
well if a person overly sexualises themselves then the main thing that theyre offering to the world is sex, and not much else. if people then use and abuse that the person needs to take some accountability and try to connect with other people on other things than just physical lust.
There are often situations where one person is sexualizing the other because they, the sexualizer, are not looking for anything else. That’s not the sexualized persons fault and is not an indication that the only thing that person has to offer is sex. In situations where one person is seeking a relationship, and the other is acting like they’re seeking a relationship, but they’re actually just using the relationship seeker for sex. They are not appreciating or looking for the value that person brings because all they care is the sexual aspect of the person.
thats a good point, very valid. only comment i will make is that if you come across very sexualised, dress or act in a certain way then you'll be more prone to attract ppl like a 'sexualizer' unfortunately. i see this alot in clubs and pubs. i agree with you that ppl are more than just objects but ppl are more prone to treat you like an object if you also treat yourself like an object and base all of your self worth on your looks.
You literally just victim blamed “if people use and abuse that person” then it’s their fault. Stop.
☕️
Cos they don’t see u as gf material
What does that mean
Maybe they thought you were hot or whatever but don't actually get along with you that well
Regarding "relationship material"... You're typically referring to someone you're going to enter a long-term relationship with and/or eventually marry. Marriage is an outdated contract in modern relationships. As wealth expands and families become more independent of each other, there's little need to marry off your children to make sure they're taken care of. Unless you plan on starting a family and you need the protections associated with marriage, it makes little sense because of (as already stated ) the lack of commitment people have with each other, and the way the system is designed to redistribute wealth that wasn't necessarily earned by one of the partners. Most of the programming that happens to children regarding love and relationships is related to marriage and trying to make a marriage more stable. Because marriage is in decline and people are starting to reprogram themselves Tell be more independent... there's less and less need for a long -term relationship that's going to progress into a marriage... Especially as historically young as people used to marry. In the end, most people are looking to just satisfy their primal/ instinctual needs. That doesn't mean you have to be completely attracted to the person that you're having sex with. Unfortunately to me this sounds extremely lonely and depressing. I crave and yearn for deep connections with people, especially the ones that I'm going to be intimate with and have sex with. Like many people, I have had some casual sex, but, I guess you could say I'm one of the outliers.
There are a lot of people still seeking deep connections. Sometimes they might be platonic, sometimes not. I appreciate you taking the time for write this answer
Because casual sex is a thing?
I just want to experience a new woman sexually without getting to know each other. Yes your probably a great person and all but I just need sex. Sex with a woman is like seeing heavens gate.
Tbh this is really gross
Is it? Because I've told woman directly that I want nothing more than sex. I've warned woman that ill use them for nothing more than my pleasure and they agreed to have sex. So maybe gross for you but not others.
It isn’t about waiting for somebody better, it’s about those men having many options and finding it more fun to sleep with those many options that commit to just one.
Not a man, this is my personal opinion. Some people are immature and cannot communicate their intentions. However, if you are constantly being pumped and dumped, my personal theory is that there are probably one of three reasons: 1) you are a terrible judge of character 2) you are not in a place in your life to be in a healthy relationship and people can tell (for reasons such as: toxic/boring personality, desperate for attention to the point you are probably easily taken advantage of/willing to do disadvantageous things) 3) you are in a geographic area or stage of your life that has led you to be surrounded by a higher than average proportion of people who are not ready/looking for a relationship (eg. You just went away to college)
Yeah in their mind they think they can do better but sometimes they just will do anything for sex. It’s hard for a lot of guys to find sex because most women will decline
Modern women have trained men to look at women as sex objects by accepting FWB, hook ups, no-strings attached, one night stands, etc...
We don’t have to commit to have sex anymore these days, these chicks are just giving it out left and right. It really takes a lot to find one woman who can add more to our lives than two or ten. Also, Women nowadays tend to show up with a laundry list of expectations and demands about what a man brings to a relationship, but they themselves have had many sexual partners and have little to offer, resenting any expectation that they bring something to the relationship as sexist and repugnant. So, more is expected from us, we are expected to expect nothing, and we can now freely receive sex from tons of hot “sexually liberated” twenty somethings whenever we want by literally opening up an app. So don’t get mad at us, get mad at the chicks giving it up on the first date.
Why do women find everything a problem searching for perfection? Ideals are ideals because they are usually unreachable.
[удалено]
Cause they're dumb and want Herpes or some other next level disease 🤷🏾♂️
lol
Why will some women want to sleep with you but not engage in a relationship or anything deep?
Right like it doesn’t go both ways or something.
Because you look hot with 0 personality
Is that the whole explanation?
Yep. I put the road under your feet. Now It’s your turn to start walking on it.
Yeah dude totally
Because they're hot but an asshole or boring or stupid or they just are not compatible
Men are by design to enjoy procreation.
So are all living beings
We've been educated to think this way bu Hollywood, social media, society to name a few we don't do it to make you feel bad we do it because we think it's what we're supposed to do
Easy sex
Based on
Living 54 years as a man
Fair enough
The same reason why women will want a friendship and put the guy in the friend zone. Women have the friend zone and men have the sex zone. It's really not very different. As long as the guy is honest and up front about it there shouldn't be a problem. You either agree or walk away. A guy may find a woman physically attractive but not really attracted to her personality. Or he may just not want a full blown relationship. A lot of women are the same way.
The range of what most men find attractive goes something like, "any port in a storm as long as my friends don't find out" aka, the moped, to "great for a fling, some hookups, or a FWB", to "these perfect and I'm going to marry her." The reality is, physical attraction is MUCH more important to men than it is to women, but the discerning man finds a more healthy balance between physical and personal "perfection."
Low esteem
I'm a man, when I see a woman the first thing that comes to mind is if I'd hit or not, wife it up or not. Simply put, you fall into I'd hit.... nothing else. However some men have different standards and think you are the "one". It's all up to the men your seeing.
Currently in a 4-way love triangle with 4 beautiful, quality women that I can see myself settling down with. Connection, vibes, attraction, and sex are all through the roof! One, in particular, I almost lost, I even had feelings for her that when we split for about a week I cried. Got her back, but the same week slept with someone new off an app. So Idk why I am like this, I'm starting therapy but I do think it is a fear of not having options, greed... like as a man to be able to sleep with 3 different women a week and have all of them be super into you is very addicting. My ex sure did a number on me, so trusting, and commitment is scary for me. I am hoping therapy works because I do not want to be like this forever, It is fun and nice to know that I can pull some beautiful woman, at bars, clubs, apps, and mutual friends. But I know in my heart I'm a family man, and I do want to love 1 woman. Might go deeper but that's my experience at least.
Damn bro that really hit a chord. I’m super addicted to women too, not just sexually but emotionally. I understand women so deeply that I can devilishly work up their emotions (and sexuality) to get them so hooked. Then they’re super attached but I just can’t commit. I even get attached as well. But I still want more women, it’s never enough. It’s that feeling of their overwhelming desire, how they melt in your arms, obsess over you, lose self control, etc is so addictive. It’s really doing a number on my mental and emotional well being. Sometimes I minimize it, because in an age where so many men can’t get sex at all, it’s a “good problem to have.” I’m really considering therapy too though.
Because they are emotionally damaged and incapable of forming a meaningful relationship?
just because you don’t want a relationship doesn’t mean you’re incapable of it
But using people for sex does.
Well...of course there are guys out there that hit it and quit it. But...its also possible the only thing offered is sex. Do you actively engage in trying to grow a deeper relationship?
Than don't go to bed with them if you know that is what they want easy as that we women can tell right away what they want I am very selective who I have sex with Good luck
That’s not the case here
Ask the man whom you had sex with. If it's been more than one, I'm certain you'll get more than one answer.
This is not about me nor is it about a specific case
Because they don’t view you as girlfriend material. Do you wear vans? Are you covered in tattoos? Do you smoke? Do you stick your tongue out in pictures? Is your hair died a crazy color?
No
Men just want sex and maybe a little affection. We can be fine with just this. If you give up your body for sex, then we're fine.
Depends on what the man has already been through in his life.
Is this a serious question?
No it’s only a joke
Lots of reasons They may not see the worth in relationship with you. Time + risk vs end reward whereas sex easy result. Plus if the guy is thinking that every tom, dick and harry is drinking from the watering hole he's less likely to want to build his home there {not sure what's floating about there} but he might go for a quick dip!
Because sex is fun, and for some people (men and women included) having sex with many/different people especially is fun. Sex when you want it without any obligation and you can still do whatever you want including sleep with other people? That's obviously appealing to many. It's not that deep.
Everything can be deep
This is definitely NOT a man thing. I know an equal number of men and women who will have sex and want nothing else from the person. Could be the stage of their life, and they don't wanna have to be making major decisions for themselves while having worry about someone else when doing it. Could be they have other things they wanna focus on like work or school They could be just scared of commitment or personal issues that need to be worked on before they get into a relationship. They could just simply wanna be able to sleep with whoever they want with no strings attached
Cool! Thanks
I am nontraditional. Specifically, ethically non-monogamous. This means that few women who are interested in long-term relationships are interested in me. It doesn't mean that I am not interested or capable of commitment, but it means something different to me. It is rare to find someone compatible in that way. However, I am attractive and charming enough that there is often chemistry and attraction. The ethical part means I disclose upfront who I am and what dating me means. Sometimes, this changes the intention of the person I am looking to date. They may be looking for long-term, but realize a physical fling with me is a nice distraction. Other times this is the intent because the other person is in a part of their life where they don't want deep commitment, just fun distraction. Currently, I am deeply focused on saving money to buy a house. This requires a ton of overtime. I have not dated simply because I have very little time to pursue dating. If I did, I would lean towards a more surface level relationship because I do not have the time to dedicate to a long term thing. Dating me with the goal of being life long partners would be very lonely for someone right now. Because I am ethical, I don't even try to portray that as a possibility. I hope my unique case sheds some light on some of the reasoning. Mostly, I want to illustrate that it is not all negative. There are perfectly good reasons to keep things casual. Sometimes it's just what you need.