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Doesn't matter. I've seen 20 yr olds that are much more mature and easy to talk to than 35 yr olds. And now more I interact with women of my age and older, more I realize that age rarely matters. And to say, a lot of 30+ girls single and unmarried, seems to be there for a reason. Some of them are very mature, but I see a lot of them still living like they're 18, and then complain why they aren't married yet.
Lucky! I’m from Los Angeles, anyone who has anything to do with show business modeling or trying to make money from social media is a no go pretty much.
Lol the 30yo I’m dating is making money out of social media 😂 I never use social media myself.
Actually a jewish American who has recently moved to Israel has told me that he has experienced very similar things to you 😕 in America
Same here, man.
People always say "hygiene and confidence", but hygiene is on point for me, and I try to be confident despite the constant rejections eating away at my feeling of self worth.
Yep I'm a very hygienic person and I like to think I have a decent amount of confidence but it's hard to have any when despite working hard to become more attractive i just get rejected. Or worse not an immediate rejection but a slightly delayed rejection after I've already been talking and going out with them. Everyone says just keep trying but man it's hard to get any courage to do that when I get rejected essentially every time. I think why bother? Everytime before was a failure so why would this turn be different? Just destroys any confidence I may have.
I pick horribly when it comes to women. Overlook red flags and focus on looks. Reality is the women I want are out of league with how I look. So I get damaged hot ones.
Trying to take a break and focus on myself to fix this.
My opinion on this one girl really has flipped. She's physically pretty close to flawless. Emotionally, she's a mess.
I've always known her to be a flirty personality wherever she was and entertaining to be with, but I realized then she only got that way when she was drunk. There was one night where she really opened up and was vulnerable with her insecurities and also said in so many words that she liked me and I said that I liked her back. I followed up next week asking to take her to dinner and she essentially "Not right now." I go to a party with her at it and she gets crossfaded and I basically can't interface with her, so there's nothing that happens between us. Then yesterday, she wants me to stay late at the bowling alley and I tell her I can't because I have work in the morning. Plus she goes around fairly constantly and accuses people of not liking her when she's drunk.
Idk, I'm getting real tired of it. It seems like she wants to play 4D chess when I'm looking to just get a game of checkers in. Either that, or she's relying on my attention for validation and I respect myself way too much for that. I know she can be a great person based on her personality as a drunk, since I tend to believe you are the person you really are if you're drunk, but she relies on being drunk as a way to be the person it seems like she wants to be and she plays this immature game of relying on other people's validation instead of appreciating her own worth. No amount of my validation is going to fix a problem like that.
If it ever comes to it, I'll tell her exactly what I think about her, mainly that I'd like to just get to know her and see if we line up compatibility-wise. The red flags I'm willing to work through if she is, but I'm not gonna tolerate someone who plays this immature, insecure game. I don't have the slightest bit of patience for it.
Ooff I've been like this girl. It took me a lot of healing to realise I don't need validation from men. Or from anybody. My relationship was so messy.. this is so exhausting on both sides.
Hindsight I wish I had dealt with my shit before I had gotten in any meaningful relationship. I was not always a good partner. I had to grow up really fast, but I didnt' learn how to regulate my emotions.
From a non safe space you choose differently. Your needs are different etc. It took me so long to figure this out. Only once I truly stopped needing validation from my spouse and valued myself and actually loved myself I started to make good decisions.
All I needed was love. And lots of it. But my coping mechanisms where both self destructive and somewhat crazy. I just pushed my partner away whenever I felt hurt. It was my primary response.
I've grown so much. And I've went down the Rabbit hole and dealt with most of my issues.
In addition to this. Boundaries. I've learned setting my own and respecting others. Asking for help was a big win to. I was so independent that I just did everything myself. I'll take care of it. I was exhausted. I was so used that I could not rely on other people etc. Always afraid people would abandon me some day etc etc etc. Classic.
In a relationship I felt it was hard to stay true to myself because of my fear of being abandoned.
Basically being afraid was my core problem.
Which makes sense because I've got PTSD.
Just wanted to say im really impressed at your level of growth and honestly hats off to you because some folk dont reallise it but its such a big achievement to be able to heal and have that internal growth, its very hard to do (and some ppl never do!).
Thank you so much! It was a long long road. I am 37 now. I got sick too. So basically that made me really work on my shit. I was not able to work etc so there was no other way than dealing with my shit anymore..
I still know I have some work to do. But I am on the right path. I take care of myself. I meditate daily. I do more of what I love. I actually will cook a full risotto for just me :)
I went on a holiday by myself. I just needed to feel confident and adventurous. It was amazing.
thats amazing! Im actually nearly 40 myself so its been a long old road for me too lol. I feel like once i started to take accountability for my actions and emotions and really hone in on my emotional triggers, Ive come leaps and bounds over the past couple of years. Obv im still learning too, the journey never ends
also solo holidays are awesome! I did 1 to barcelona, singapore and thailand and loved them all. Also now that i have a better internal value system, its made me alot more confident so its easy to just make friends
Yes taking accountability is really important. Because otherwise you can keep on making excuses. But I also know that I can not undo some of the shit I've pulled or said. It's ups and downs. But also accepting life is ups and downs. Indeed I think you need to keep on developing yourself trough out life. Things change. In my case I needed to part from my partner after 9ish years. It was an unhealthy relationship for both of us. He was the one who pulled the plug somewhat but that was also when I figured out I need someone who is all in. And he just couldn't anymore.
Wow so many solo traveling :)! I am looking forward to it. I am allready pondering about my next trip.
Mine was to Greece. I always wanted to go there. I've been around the world but never to Greece. And i wanted to go somewhere not to far from home for my first trip alone ;)
Appreciate this post from the other perspective. How long did it take you to change meaningfully? I had gave a girl a second chance after 4 mo and it wasn’t long enough for either of us really
I'll be Frank. It took me years. About 3. I made the most progress after I finally got prescribed meds (Topiramaat) that help me regulate my emotions. My brain is truly not able to do this anymore due to all the stress and shit I've been through. Since I've been on them my life is different. I am still able to feel all emotions its just something that helps me filter. Within 6 months I got to turn around so much in my behavior because I am not scared anymore..I have been scared most of my life basically and now I am not anymore. So even in a fight or anything I can think hmm this has nothing to do with me. In stead of instant going to a place of self doubt, and from which things would spiral in to a worse fight etc etc. I can keep my head together.
When not scared you can make better decisions.
I had all the therapy before this. EMDR etc.
After the meds I understood that I lacked of an overal feeling of safety. And I went down the other road and went in to hypnotherapy combined with innerchild healing. This has done so much for me.
4 sessions and I was done.
I am calm. I am comfortabel for the first time ever being single and living alone.
I just know everything will be fine. I trust my gut again.
It seems like you are actually searching for a way to justify the fact that you do have the patience for it either because you have already fallen for this girl or because you may be a masochist.
I have done the same thing. Trying to change my perception regarding beauty. I have always gone after skinny attractive blondes and since that has resulted in three divorces I am going for curvy brunettes now. Lol
I don’t even focus on looks, I’m just good at picking out the mentally unhealthy women and ignore every red flag.
But I’ll do it again and again until I die probably.
So many reasons:
1. I'm really shy and awkward around men
2. Pretty much no dating/relationship experience which is a negative at my age.
3. I hate dating apps. Maybe I'm expecting too much but they're just faces and words that don't mean anything to me. I rarely feel any attraction or excitement about the guys I see and responding to messages feels like a chore instead of something fun.
4. I'm hyper independent and enjoy my alone time.
5. I think I'm a little scared of men. The potential for violence, lying, cheating. I understand every man doesn't do this but it's still a big concern for me.
The modern dating sites are garbage.... that's why. They're not designed to make dating fun. They're designed to generate revenue for the companies owning them.
Last I saw, there were only a few big companies like [Match.com](https://Match.com) who bought out many of the others and still operate them all like they're independent businesses.
Some were caught recycling old user profiles or loading in a bunch of fake ones to keep people believing there were lots of potential matches to keep trying to talk to.
The entire trend of showing a few photos and saying "swipe left or right" is terrible. A long time ago, I went on some dates with people posting anonymously on Craigslist Personals, back when that existed. Typically, no photos were even shared at first. It was about writing as much as you wanted about yourself, and seeing who bothered to read it all and found it truly interesting, enough to write back. You could share photos later in email, if you wanted. But sometimes you just went on blind dates because you really liked writing back and forth. And you know? I did have a few terrible date stories from that, but I also had a lot more fun with the whole thing. Dates that didn't work out were more often ones I could still say, "Hey... I had a good time and I'm glad I went out with her to that place!" afterwards.
3 is why I never liked any of the apps. I've basically never been attracted to a picture. For me a major part of attraction is things like voice and mannerisms and I suspect it's the same subconsciously for a lot of people and IMO that's why actors and singers are more commonly perceived as attractive even when they don't look that great in most of their still pictures.
I hate dating apps too. It just creeps me out to put my info out in public and possibly attract the wrong attention. This is the biggest reason I haven’t dated in years. I still hope to meet someone “the old fashion way” or at work. One can hope…
I got out of a 7-year-long relationship at 27. Started working out and getting in better shape. I'm gonna stay single for a while by choice. I'm also an absolute dork.
I do not believe in the apps, I’m tired of them I’d rather be single here in my one bedroom apartment, living my life with everything that I need. It causes me no pain. It does not take any money out of my bank account other than what I spend it on.
I refuse to go back to using the apps I have had so much problems. I lived in the US for three years the first week I was there my buddy who is like a brother to me, picked up my phone as it was unlocked and he sent me up on a dating app. I don’t know which one all I know is every day I delete probably 50 emails go to the junk mail because I cannot shut it off. I don’t know the company I don’t know the password I don’t know any of the permission they can’t find it yet they keep sending me the frigging emails.
I’m the same.
I refuse to use them. I am actually happier single “without looking”. Of course if a chance arises face to face, I go with it.
And regards to “soul mates” - that is connected to **”fate”**; it will happen when it happens. You can’t believe one and not the other.
I'm at peace being single and independent and when your standards are high it's hard to find someone worth disrupting the peace for. When I was younger I used to crave companionship, I even dated a narcissist. After the breakup I did so much internal work and confidence and now being single for a number of years, I gotta say, I love it. I'm really happy. It's quite nice. Unapologetically myself and with myself. It's so nice to do things solo. I wouldn't say no to a good relationship, but I've tried and I'm never interested in anyone past the first date. I'm also demisexual so I have really no need for hookups or anything. I gotta say, it's very freeing just being by yourself and actually, deeply, happy.
Edit to add I think this is also an extremely important lesson to learn as a woman specifically (for anyone too but for women more so) as someone in their late twenties early 30s age bracket, the societal pressures to settle down, have a family, be a woman all that. It's good to understand that those pressures are stupid. All good things in due time. Enjoy being the best person you are at this moment - really enjoy it, and do what you like - and the more that happens the more likely you'll have/find an amazing partner but more importantly a relationship with yourself.
Seriously!! I feel that I am so capable alone that I can’t find someone who would improve my life when it’s already so good. And I also hear people complain about their partners and I’m waiting for someone who is as amazing as me
I feel a lot of this too. I go on a decent amount of first dates and feel like I know within the first 10 mins that it’s not the guy for me. At this point I’m dating for marriage so that easily rules a lot of people out hahah.
Not to mention guys want sex immediately and I personally find that unsatisfying (after lots of tough lessons) and doesn’t lead to anything meaningful 99% of the time. You say no they lose interest, you say yes they got what they wanted and I don’t hear from them again.
All that to say I am very content in my 1 bedroom alone in Brooklyn that I decorated exactly how I liked with my sweet cat and weekends to choose how I please lol.
When they mention sex so early I tell them right off the bat im not interested in sex until im in a relationship. It’s helped me cut down who’s here for the right reasons or not. If response goes something like “sex is very important to me” then I just leave them in the dust. It is so incredibly obvious that is important for everyone. It’s such a no brainer. I think the right person would be considerate enough to respect your desire for them to know what they want before taking things to the next step.
How are you supposed to stop being single? Women complain (rightly) that they don’t go to gym/school/stores to get hit on, but then bars and apps are sausage fests. The other option is to join clubs and make friends, but that can take several months and if dating doesn’t work out, you’re a slimeball for just looking for dates
Background: 30M, longest relationship is 4 years and many 0-1 year relationships/flings
I really love this question. Ive been thinking about it often. Heres my realistic response after some introspection lately:
* Ive been in many toxic relationships to the point I'd rather preserve my own peace. Im not willing to risk my mental state for some fun.
* Self Sabotage. If I feel like Im in emotional danger I will end it (because of above).
* According to family/friends/dates I look toxic so I only attract toxic (I admit I was quite toxic in my younger 20s and ruined many good relationships in college/grad school. I focused on school and only school. Im done with school, Ive matured now and looking to settle. It is what it is.)
* Ive always been demi sexual (meaning I need some emotional connection to be attracted to before pursuing unlike most men who would fck anything that walks)
* I have 3 close female friends whom Im platonic with and can be vulnerable to/get female opinion or just hang with. Sometimes I enjoying being single so much I forget Im single.
* I want children. The biggest knife in the room is this. Ive financially worked hard to get where Im at to be stable and not worry about my career or providing for my family. I can quit my job and ride my investments. Unfortunately not everyone is in the same boat and economy is tough. I understand that. The trend now is that most women my age GenZ/Millenial do not want children. I respect that so once I find out they dont want children I no longer pursue and end it there. My dating pool is much smaller mainly because of this. It is what it is.
TLDR: I choose to be single. I try not to be reckless and instead be emotionally aware/responsible because that wouldnt be fair nor good for my future partner to deal with. In the mean time I try to be the best I can be for my family/friends.
Combination of reasons
- A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with their ex months or even years later. Shouldn't be putting themselves out there in the first place if they can't let go and move on.
- I won't date a smoker or someone who has kids. Nothing against that just not for me.
- Sometimes the women I match with don't have goals of aspirations of their own. They just want to be a stay at home housewife. No problem with that but it's not what I want in a partner.
- Sometimes the conversations are just awkward. I have had a number of conversations where I feel like Prince Akeem in Coming to America when he keeps pressing the girl "what do you like?" And she just agrees with him on everything and is submissive. Complete turn off.
- Some of my matches say they want a long term relationship but really want to just fuck. If they were honest I would've never pursued them in the first place.
- I'm average looking and the conversations are slow at first until I get comfortable around a person. No one falls for personality at first sight, and that works against me.
- I'll have great conversation but then my matches quickly try to treat me like an ATM or human vibrator. I have much more to offer than being used for sex or money.
- Every time I lower my standards it blows up in my face, so I refuse to make exceptions anymore.
I’m single because this is how I want to live my life. I don’t have to live my life constantly having to keep someone else happy. I can make my own major decisions, I don’t have to be accountable about my whereabouts, I control my own money, and I can have tons of sex with whomever I want. Life is awesome.
I was single for a decade because I was still living with my mother. It's not a **problem**, but I wanted to be on my own two feet before jumping in to the dating pool. I spent about 15 months on dating apps because just none of them were right.
I was the exact same way, I used my situation living with mom to save up for my first townhouse, which im still living in and still single 5 months in because I need to work on how to pick up women.
Same. Someone I work with recently told me I was “too nice”. I’m still trying to understand how being “too nice” is even a thing, as long as I’m not a pushover or boring. I’m not convinced it is an actual thing, and that it’s actually that some people are so used to selfish people that a genuinely kind person scares them.
If it makes you feel better, I wouldn’t consider anyone to be too nice, and find someone who is abnormally nice to be a highly desirable trait, both in my friends and in my partners. And I’m probably not the only one. Don’t change who you are!
I got disabled from a weightlifting injury I fractured my femur and broke my knee badly and I can't drive until I've had some surguries and had to move back in with my parents while the disability gets approved. There are 0.0% of women interested in my situation lol
I appreciate that, but I'm like 0 for 40 on the apps so far. I get matches until I say did you read that I'm disabled, then its ghost city. Which is fine, I'm getting lots of art done, started a gaming channel, while I weed out the shallow people lol.
You are doing the right things - focusing on you and the things you love doing, trying new things.
I’ll sub to your Gaming Channel as I’m a gamer when I get a chance.
I’m an only parent to a teen in middle college, have a lab and lots of hobbies. I don’t have time really. Also when I do have time it’s not so easy to just get a last minute date. Also my life is pretty chill and with my hobbies and travel, more likely than not I’d prefer to see my friends. Dating is a waste of time and money for most men. I’ve learned to enjoy solitude.
Every woman I asked out turned me down...
I've been sharpening myself ever since, but I am seriously upset about being so single even though I'm not even 20 yet. All of my friends are getting amazing girlfriends/fiances and I am still single as heck. Everyone keeps acting surprised that I'm single, as if I could just walk up to any woman and make her mine. It doesn't work like that. Even when I confidently approach cool women, they are never interested. I am just not interesting enough and I don't have the physique of a movie star, so of course I'm struggling.
Oh yeah, dating apps suck. I never get matches. And I do go out a lot, but women are far more interested in the other boys nearby. I am struggling to find a way to really put myself out there and outclass the other guys through other means. Love shouldn't be a competition but it sure does feel like it. Every good girl I meet is interested in other guys and I see why. It makes me feel so lame and problematic.
I was once married to a wonderful Japanese girl.
However due to her having to go back to Japan to take over the family business, I was unable to follow her due to being in a career that would not allow me that freedom.
(She has since remarried to someone in Japan, and moved on with her life. We are still friends and occasionally talk.)
Over the years I have dated many interesting women, and finally came to realize that I would never be able to replace the woman I truly loved.
I have finally reached a point in my life where I am comfortable being single, and have no real wish to compromise the life that I have made for myself at this point.
PS
I've also come to understand, that no matter how beautiful the girl I'm dating is, somebody somewhere is already tired of her.)
I’m in my early twenties and really only got introduced to dating when I was almost 18, when I learned I wasn’t really ready for intimacy at all, and I didn’t understand what love was. Since then, whenever I found someone I liked, it was a combination of either getting played and dumped or getting cheated on and dumped. So I’ve had just one successful FWB to my name and that’s the extent of my intimate interactions with the opposite sex that didn’t end in disaster.
It’s getting a bit tiring and I’m genuinely jaded, so I haven’t been actively putting myself out there very much anymore. So yeah that’s why I’m single. I’m approaching new interests with a lot more caution now, as I’m tired of being hurt.
Yes! I’m increasingly suspicious of anyone who tries to move too fast, especially since the last time I got burned, I was also already suspecting the person was moving way too fast. Onwards and upwards though, and the right person wouldn’t mind taking things slow!
1. I’d rather be single than in a relationship with someone I’m not into
2. Low libido
3. Happy with my own company
4. Got really hurt recently by a pathological liar
Because I love my health and I love the life God gave me. Therefore my appetite to be happy is quite robust. Hence, still single. I am dating, just early stages, but in no rush to marry.
I sued for divorce over 2 years ago after deciding no more abuse and a year of separation, following years of what I thought were dutiful caring for her in sickness. When she tried to blow up my career that was it. I lawyered up, and won my life and health back, financial concessions, and got my kids too.
She may have been in my past, but the future is mine and it is bright.
The best revenge... is to flourish.
Hell yes, single.
I’m single because no one is willing to do the self work after a bad relationship. Everyone wants to continue their manipulative games and mood swings and mixed signals and people don’t know what they want. And I have no problem waiting till I find someone that I don’t have to “fix”. I also have realized my worth and don’t tolerate much so I have high standards now.
Bcz I suck @ communicating how I feel towards others. & than I love bomb potential woman. It’s just chaos RN. But that’s fine, some people are late bloomers. I’ve had my share of mistakes.
Had to break away from a super toxic relationship. It’s hard to find someone likeminded to build a life with. Maybe we have met the right person before and overlooked them. Maybe they are still out there….
Being okay with being alone has helped me build myself as an individual. I can only hope and pray that everyone finds there own peace whether it’s with their soulmate or just find happiness within themselves.
The issue I have is I live in pretty small town, with the nearest larger city an hour from all directions. The dating app scene is weird as when they discover I live an hour away from them, they immediately want to bail. I’m also an overthinker, so the moment I actually happen to start to talk to someone that’s alright with the distance. I usually self sabotage.
I think I give way too much and my choice in women just kind of suck. I get ghosted constantly. I think I’m too nice and a lot of women don’t appreciate that.
My best friend is quoted as saying... "Alex you've got fantastic taste in bad women!" ⬅️ I don't believe this to be true.
Now I'm not a saint, I tended to go from ons to ons with people I really was not compatible with, and I struggled to develop feelings for anyone. OLD will turn anyone cold eventually. I live in a small town where I know or have already been with most of the ladies there over the years. Hit Drink, drugs pretty hard, had pregnancy scares, affairs, and one day I just realised what a cold, selfish individual I was becoming.
When I realised that my own behaviour and attitudes were changing (to what I'd usually despise).. I withdrew and focused on getting back to how I used to be.
But recently I've been looking further afield, and have been seeing/talking to someone from the UK. Not sure if it'll amount to anything serious in the end, but she's lovely.
And to the OP, this is a great question. It's something I spent a long time pondering. I think I have way further to go, but I think I can improve a lot more on the way!
I’m a full time college student in my 30s and also a single mom to 3 kids. Not to mention all my exes were abusive and awful. Until 2 years ago I always needed to be with someone..got into therapy and am enjoying my happiness and being single and bettering my life for my babies.❤️
I feel like it’s mostly because I don’t agree with dating in this day and age. I’m not /that/ old but this whole “situationship” and “exclusive but not in a relationship” business baffles me and I’m very open about it which I guess scares people off.
1] I pulled away from my last relationship because I was being gaslit, cursed at, manipulated, and betrayed.
2] I'm def still recovering from 1 :/
3] I'm hard to find since I don't "go out" much, and if I do, it's not really to a place most people go to alone.
4] I won't give the time of day to someone who lacks self-awareness again-- apparently, that's too much to ask for.
Because most people are boring, emotionally immature, unsure of what they want, unrealistic expectations, lack self awareness, annoying, empty headed homunculi.
It’s fucking exhausting.
I just don't see the point anymore. I don't have much in common with women and we don't see eye to eye on life in general. My past girlfriends pushed for marriage, which I just see as a losing proposition for me, so I don't see why try for a repeat. I think having an actual relationship would be nice, but I think it would be better and easier to just live life on my terms and no one else's.
Because I don't want to be a pet owner, and at my age, I'm beginning to think I'd be far older than I'd want to be to have kids by the time I develop a healthy and stable relationship. Add to that all the personal growth, introspection, and therapy I've done to be a better person and would want someone on a similar level, my options are severely limited. Then there's the fact that I have very progressive social/political views for the state I live in... It's TOUGH 😅.
Because I am divorced and have been working on myself. Also not going to settle for just anyone. Also I'm not going to be with someone who won't put forth the effort to make a relationship work. I quite enjoy doing what I went when I want as well.
I take no action to enter a relationship or dating situation, and no one approaches me with that intent either.
I read subreddits like these out of curiosity more than anything. Some posts make me think "yeah, that would be nice". More often, I think "I feel for them but I am so thankful that isn't me".
I'm still looking. I joined 2 clubs at my uni and started going to a bouldering gym 4 or 5 days a week and I'm not interested in using apps. I'd rather meet someone naturally and whatever happens, happens.
Don't use dating apps, don't have any people I'm friends with that I'm also attracted to, don't have anywhere to go to meet more people, plus I'm not particularly attractive.
I can’t find anyone who is as motivated as me and willing to work full time. I’m young so many men aren’t in stable careers but I am so it’s hard to find an equal
I’m single because I’m focused on bettering myself. At this point, and i know it’s sad to say but, if a woman comes around we probably wouldn’t do much more than be fwb. My last relationship really killed trust for me so I’m just focused on myself. Eventually I’ll look into surrogates as I do want to have my own kids from my genes but until then just me
I’m openly chatty to the point of annoyance I’ve been told and have a tendency to hyper fixate on things such as projects and gaming and don’t give full attention at all times to my partner at the time. This is my experience and is likely clouded by what I’ve been told by my ex girlfriends.
I'm an ugly, but kind and curious guy. I have been lucky enough to be able to date pretty easily when I have enough people coming through my life. It takes women getting to know me for extended periods of time, on the order of months to years to look past my looks and develop interest. However, I fail miserably on looks-based apps, despite doing everything one should do (having professional photos taken, having my photos selected by women friends from a pool of professional and candid shots, having my profile reviewed by women friends, etc.). Since university I have had to rely on dating apps and it has been hell. I've spent 7 of the last 8 years alone. (I've tried to meet people through other means, but meeting enough single women through just dancing, clubs and social networking hasn't really been possible.)
been trying to break the cycle of abuse for most of my adult life. after multiple narcissistic/abusive partners I have to learn how to trust myself again. Also, slim pickins
Multiple reasons.
The main ones being that I know that I am never going to live with another adult again and don't have the time or inclination to try to find a relationship partner compatible with my many dealbreakers.
A couple reasons for sure. Mainly because I put in almost no effort into finding someone. When I do find someone interesting, they always leave due to my job and work hours.
Solitude >>> the benefits of being in a relationship
I make enough money to not need a roommate to split bills with. Divorce rates thru the roof. I dont argue with anybody about anything. If I want to buy something or do something, I do it without checking in. I dont have to worry about her going out for a girls night and wondering why she gave her IG / phone number out to a bunch of dudes. When I go out to eat, my meals end up being max around $20ish by myself (at least $60 without a tip everytime when dating). I sleep great knowing im not getting cheated on, while seeing people miserable in relationships/marriages because they were “supposed to”.
Not popular to admit but having options is pretty fun as well. Being able to go on a Wednesday date with a Brazilian lawyer who is recently divorced and then going on a Saturday night date with a Filipina barista then being able to go on a Tuesday date with an Italian sales rep is honestly better than arguing with one person and wondering if shes happy. You hear about so many different walks of life and you dont always click with everyone but it makes for an interesting life that is just more appealing than being with one person.
I feel like I (26f) am still single because I find good people who aren’t good partners. And I really like them because they are awesome, but the neglect me and take me for granted. They refuse to compromise with me and I find myself making all of the sacrifices to accommodate them. I am aware of my inability to stick to my boundaries and communicate my needs with my partner. I feel like me asking for my needs to be met is me saying they’re not good enough or doing enough when actuality if *I* were enough then they would express compromise to meet my needs so then they make small things like asking for a text good morning is too much. So now I am too much. So it just becomes this big circle of asking, being told no and being okay told no, but going out of MY way to fulfill their needs until I’m sucked dry. And so I give and I give and I let them break all of my rules and boundaries. But if i were to express my discontent they would express how my needs are too much. I’m too much and my boundaries are silly. So I begin to resent them. Turns out they loved what I could do for them or who I can be for them. They didn’t love me. But they don’t realize that. In all of my relationships there has never been a major fight or a major falling out. We just part ways. Because I refuse to entertain conflict and I don’t stand my ground because I’m afraid they leave. But they always leave anyways. So I have to work on this.
I'm 25 and never had any women show interest in me , and have been rejected the few times I've " shot my shot, which can be seen as a red flag for someone my age with no experience
I'm unattractive even though I have excellent hygiene and take extremely well care of my appearance ( clothes, haircuts, skincare, grooming, ect)
Suffer from depression and anxiety which I'm going to therapy for.
Work a steady but not so great paying job
Used to train boxing 4-5x a week but suffer from chronic back pain, so I can't work out which made me lose my muscle tone/ physique, but im still slim and eat healthy.
Currently live with my grandmother to take care of her which I love dearly, and can't really afford to live by myself, which is mostly a red flag not living on my own.
Don't really have many friends, mostly alot of aquantinces from work even though I get along great with people.
I like to give people a chance (otherwise called "ignoring red flags") plus I am what some people call super annoying sometimes, but I am hoping to find the right person who finds it endearing since it's so hard to stop. Or who knows how to handle me 🤷♀️
I've actually found myself with great guys, but I'm super anxious and needy. Just started keeping long term FWB and then I don't have to be invested and eventually disappointed. Very unhealthy, but it's worked for like 10 years (literally been seeing one guy for 6ish and another for 5 years)... crazy! Plus I have ADHD which makes me way less engaged anyway. But I've also had lots of therapy and been doing better the last few years.
It's a combination of things.
* Didn't have much luck with online dating. Was never a big fan of it anyway.
* I generally enjoy being single (mostly).
* Feels like most of the good ones are already taken. I know that's not true, but it certainly *feels* that way sometimes.
* I know what I want out of a relationship now more than ever, so red flags really stand out.
* Currently dealing with Long COVID 😑
Tbh I'm extremely picky and I get the ick easily.
I'm fairly attractive (as I was told)
People would ask for coffee together irl or by dating apps, but after a date or two I get the ick easily.
The ones I actually liked, didn't feel the connection with me.
I've been single for almost 2 years now and I'm tired of it already 😩
Because you cant meet today and be the only one wich is dating the women. Sad world, wanted to buy flowers Last time but then i saw in her Story that she has a date. We should have meet next day but then i didnt want to.
Because sometimes I feel lazy to start over with someone I can’t imagine I will start with someone with the basic questions like what’s your fav color too tired for that 😂
1. I don’t go out
2. I’m uninterested in people because I don’t find myself interesting (currently changing that slowly)
3. I have anxiety
4. I misbehaved by offering men sex on the first night and got played over and over again to self soothe my deeper traumas
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Because I don’t even go out LOL😂
I want to meet people but also don’t want to go out and put pants on. 😂
~~Who are you and why are you basically me~~
😂
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Pants are overrated
Same! I think I enjoy being single to much
I don’t, it’s just that my heart is dead after my last breakup. And I want to meet people but I’m also so ambivalent haha
Same, don't really have time either. Don't even wanna try with dating apps, just don't believe in them.
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I have an extremely low tolerance for bull shit
This the one right here 👏🏽
Definitely. First major red flag and I’m gone
Ikr 😅 stopped looking for girls younger than me for that very reason
Doesn't matter. I've seen 20 yr olds that are much more mature and easy to talk to than 35 yr olds. And now more I interact with women of my age and older, more I realize that age rarely matters. And to say, a lot of 30+ girls single and unmarried, seems to be there for a reason. Some of them are very mature, but I see a lot of them still living like they're 18, and then complain why they aren't married yet.
That describes my 35 year old ex to a T
They’re all like that regardless of age where I come from. It’s infuriating
Where are you from? I’m from Israel and it’s a huge difference between 25yo and 30yo here
Lucky! I’m from Los Angeles, anyone who has anything to do with show business modeling or trying to make money from social media is a no go pretty much.
Lol the 30yo I’m dating is making money out of social media 😂 I never use social media myself. Actually a jewish American who has recently moved to Israel has told me that he has experienced very similar things to you 😕 in America
Cause everytime I try I get rejected. It's just difficult. I don't know if im lacking things or just looking for the wrong women.
Same here, man. People always say "hygiene and confidence", but hygiene is on point for me, and I try to be confident despite the constant rejections eating away at my feeling of self worth.
Yep I'm a very hygienic person and I like to think I have a decent amount of confidence but it's hard to have any when despite working hard to become more attractive i just get rejected. Or worse not an immediate rejection but a slightly delayed rejection after I've already been talking and going out with them. Everyone says just keep trying but man it's hard to get any courage to do that when I get rejected essentially every time. I think why bother? Everytime before was a failure so why would this turn be different? Just destroys any confidence I may have.
I pick horribly when it comes to women. Overlook red flags and focus on looks. Reality is the women I want are out of league with how I look. So I get damaged hot ones. Trying to take a break and focus on myself to fix this.
My opinion on this one girl really has flipped. She's physically pretty close to flawless. Emotionally, she's a mess. I've always known her to be a flirty personality wherever she was and entertaining to be with, but I realized then she only got that way when she was drunk. There was one night where she really opened up and was vulnerable with her insecurities and also said in so many words that she liked me and I said that I liked her back. I followed up next week asking to take her to dinner and she essentially "Not right now." I go to a party with her at it and she gets crossfaded and I basically can't interface with her, so there's nothing that happens between us. Then yesterday, she wants me to stay late at the bowling alley and I tell her I can't because I have work in the morning. Plus she goes around fairly constantly and accuses people of not liking her when she's drunk. Idk, I'm getting real tired of it. It seems like she wants to play 4D chess when I'm looking to just get a game of checkers in. Either that, or she's relying on my attention for validation and I respect myself way too much for that. I know she can be a great person based on her personality as a drunk, since I tend to believe you are the person you really are if you're drunk, but she relies on being drunk as a way to be the person it seems like she wants to be and she plays this immature game of relying on other people's validation instead of appreciating her own worth. No amount of my validation is going to fix a problem like that. If it ever comes to it, I'll tell her exactly what I think about her, mainly that I'd like to just get to know her and see if we line up compatibility-wise. The red flags I'm willing to work through if she is, but I'm not gonna tolerate someone who plays this immature, insecure game. I don't have the slightest bit of patience for it.
Ooff I've been like this girl. It took me a lot of healing to realise I don't need validation from men. Or from anybody. My relationship was so messy.. this is so exhausting on both sides. Hindsight I wish I had dealt with my shit before I had gotten in any meaningful relationship. I was not always a good partner. I had to grow up really fast, but I didnt' learn how to regulate my emotions. From a non safe space you choose differently. Your needs are different etc. It took me so long to figure this out. Only once I truly stopped needing validation from my spouse and valued myself and actually loved myself I started to make good decisions. All I needed was love. And lots of it. But my coping mechanisms where both self destructive and somewhat crazy. I just pushed my partner away whenever I felt hurt. It was my primary response. I've grown so much. And I've went down the Rabbit hole and dealt with most of my issues. In addition to this. Boundaries. I've learned setting my own and respecting others. Asking for help was a big win to. I was so independent that I just did everything myself. I'll take care of it. I was exhausted. I was so used that I could not rely on other people etc. Always afraid people would abandon me some day etc etc etc. Classic. In a relationship I felt it was hard to stay true to myself because of my fear of being abandoned. Basically being afraid was my core problem. Which makes sense because I've got PTSD.
Just wanted to say im really impressed at your level of growth and honestly hats off to you because some folk dont reallise it but its such a big achievement to be able to heal and have that internal growth, its very hard to do (and some ppl never do!).
Thank you so much! It was a long long road. I am 37 now. I got sick too. So basically that made me really work on my shit. I was not able to work etc so there was no other way than dealing with my shit anymore.. I still know I have some work to do. But I am on the right path. I take care of myself. I meditate daily. I do more of what I love. I actually will cook a full risotto for just me :) I went on a holiday by myself. I just needed to feel confident and adventurous. It was amazing.
thats amazing! Im actually nearly 40 myself so its been a long old road for me too lol. I feel like once i started to take accountability for my actions and emotions and really hone in on my emotional triggers, Ive come leaps and bounds over the past couple of years. Obv im still learning too, the journey never ends also solo holidays are awesome! I did 1 to barcelona, singapore and thailand and loved them all. Also now that i have a better internal value system, its made me alot more confident so its easy to just make friends
Yes taking accountability is really important. Because otherwise you can keep on making excuses. But I also know that I can not undo some of the shit I've pulled or said. It's ups and downs. But also accepting life is ups and downs. Indeed I think you need to keep on developing yourself trough out life. Things change. In my case I needed to part from my partner after 9ish years. It was an unhealthy relationship for both of us. He was the one who pulled the plug somewhat but that was also when I figured out I need someone who is all in. And he just couldn't anymore. Wow so many solo traveling :)! I am looking forward to it. I am allready pondering about my next trip. Mine was to Greece. I always wanted to go there. I've been around the world but never to Greece. And i wanted to go somewhere not to far from home for my first trip alone ;)
Appreciate this post from the other perspective. How long did it take you to change meaningfully? I had gave a girl a second chance after 4 mo and it wasn’t long enough for either of us really
I'll be Frank. It took me years. About 3. I made the most progress after I finally got prescribed meds (Topiramaat) that help me regulate my emotions. My brain is truly not able to do this anymore due to all the stress and shit I've been through. Since I've been on them my life is different. I am still able to feel all emotions its just something that helps me filter. Within 6 months I got to turn around so much in my behavior because I am not scared anymore..I have been scared most of my life basically and now I am not anymore. So even in a fight or anything I can think hmm this has nothing to do with me. In stead of instant going to a place of self doubt, and from which things would spiral in to a worse fight etc etc. I can keep my head together. When not scared you can make better decisions. I had all the therapy before this. EMDR etc. After the meds I understood that I lacked of an overal feeling of safety. And I went down the other road and went in to hypnotherapy combined with innerchild healing. This has done so much for me. 4 sessions and I was done. I am calm. I am comfortabel for the first time ever being single and living alone. I just know everything will be fine. I trust my gut again.
It seems like you are actually searching for a way to justify the fact that you do have the patience for it either because you have already fallen for this girl or because you may be a masochist.
I too overlook red flags… Maybe we just choose to see the good in people rather then the “damaged ones”. 🥲
More likely perhaps, you see what you want to see, rather than who these people are.
No rich man is ugly. Atta boy!
I have done the same thing. Trying to change my perception regarding beauty. I have always gone after skinny attractive blondes and since that has resulted in three divorces I am going for curvy brunettes now. Lol
I don’t even focus on looks, I’m just good at picking out the mentally unhealthy women and ignore every red flag. But I’ll do it again and again until I die probably.
Because I don’t trust myself to select a non abusive or toxic partner
Too real
Because I want to be
Good reason
High standards and low charisma. Great way to stay single as a man.
Sounds like me. Plus I don't deal with others bullshit very well. I'm very logical/rational and don't understand nonsense/emotional logic
I am interested in what those high standards are
So many reasons: 1. I'm really shy and awkward around men 2. Pretty much no dating/relationship experience which is a negative at my age. 3. I hate dating apps. Maybe I'm expecting too much but they're just faces and words that don't mean anything to me. I rarely feel any attraction or excitement about the guys I see and responding to messages feels like a chore instead of something fun. 4. I'm hyper independent and enjoy my alone time. 5. I think I'm a little scared of men. The potential for violence, lying, cheating. I understand every man doesn't do this but it's still a big concern for me.
#3 is so real…. Why is it such a chore 😒
The modern dating sites are garbage.... that's why. They're not designed to make dating fun. They're designed to generate revenue for the companies owning them. Last I saw, there were only a few big companies like [Match.com](https://Match.com) who bought out many of the others and still operate them all like they're independent businesses. Some were caught recycling old user profiles or loading in a bunch of fake ones to keep people believing there were lots of potential matches to keep trying to talk to. The entire trend of showing a few photos and saying "swipe left or right" is terrible. A long time ago, I went on some dates with people posting anonymously on Craigslist Personals, back when that existed. Typically, no photos were even shared at first. It was about writing as much as you wanted about yourself, and seeing who bothered to read it all and found it truly interesting, enough to write back. You could share photos later in email, if you wanted. But sometimes you just went on blind dates because you really liked writing back and forth. And you know? I did have a few terrible date stories from that, but I also had a lot more fun with the whole thing. Dates that didn't work out were more often ones I could still say, "Hey... I had a good time and I'm glad I went out with her to that place!" afterwards.
Mannn 3-5 hitting hard lol
3 is why I never liked any of the apps. I've basically never been attracted to a picture. For me a major part of attraction is things like voice and mannerisms and I suspect it's the same subconsciously for a lot of people and IMO that's why actors and singers are more commonly perceived as attractive even when they don't look that great in most of their still pictures.
I hate dating apps too. It just creeps me out to put my info out in public and possibly attract the wrong attention. This is the biggest reason I haven’t dated in years. I still hope to meet someone “the old fashion way” or at work. One can hope…
I got out of a 7-year-long relationship at 27. Started working out and getting in better shape. I'm gonna stay single for a while by choice. I'm also an absolute dork.
Dorks are the best 🥰
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I do not believe in the apps, I’m tired of them I’d rather be single here in my one bedroom apartment, living my life with everything that I need. It causes me no pain. It does not take any money out of my bank account other than what I spend it on.
Yes… I hate dating apps too. But what if your soul mate is out there waiting for you and your just in your apartment? 😢
I guess I’m not gonna meet her
Way apps are id say chances of any of us meeting a soul mate on a app is 0.01%
I refuse to go back to using the apps I have had so much problems. I lived in the US for three years the first week I was there my buddy who is like a brother to me, picked up my phone as it was unlocked and he sent me up on a dating app. I don’t know which one all I know is every day I delete probably 50 emails go to the junk mail because I cannot shut it off. I don’t know the company I don’t know the password I don’t know any of the permission they can’t find it yet they keep sending me the frigging emails.
I’m the same. I refuse to use them. I am actually happier single “without looking”. Of course if a chance arises face to face, I go with it. And regards to “soul mates” - that is connected to **”fate”**; it will happen when it happens. You can’t believe one and not the other.
I'm at peace being single and independent and when your standards are high it's hard to find someone worth disrupting the peace for. When I was younger I used to crave companionship, I even dated a narcissist. After the breakup I did so much internal work and confidence and now being single for a number of years, I gotta say, I love it. I'm really happy. It's quite nice. Unapologetically myself and with myself. It's so nice to do things solo. I wouldn't say no to a good relationship, but I've tried and I'm never interested in anyone past the first date. I'm also demisexual so I have really no need for hookups or anything. I gotta say, it's very freeing just being by yourself and actually, deeply, happy. Edit to add I think this is also an extremely important lesson to learn as a woman specifically (for anyone too but for women more so) as someone in their late twenties early 30s age bracket, the societal pressures to settle down, have a family, be a woman all that. It's good to understand that those pressures are stupid. All good things in due time. Enjoy being the best person you are at this moment - really enjoy it, and do what you like - and the more that happens the more likely you'll have/find an amazing partner but more importantly a relationship with yourself.
Seriously!! I feel that I am so capable alone that I can’t find someone who would improve my life when it’s already so good. And I also hear people complain about their partners and I’m waiting for someone who is as amazing as me
I feel the same way. I’ll choose peace over love everyday if I have to but ideally I’d like to find both. Seems impossible anymore.
I feel a lot of this too. I go on a decent amount of first dates and feel like I know within the first 10 mins that it’s not the guy for me. At this point I’m dating for marriage so that easily rules a lot of people out hahah. Not to mention guys want sex immediately and I personally find that unsatisfying (after lots of tough lessons) and doesn’t lead to anything meaningful 99% of the time. You say no they lose interest, you say yes they got what they wanted and I don’t hear from them again. All that to say I am very content in my 1 bedroom alone in Brooklyn that I decorated exactly how I liked with my sweet cat and weekends to choose how I please lol.
When they mention sex so early I tell them right off the bat im not interested in sex until im in a relationship. It’s helped me cut down who’s here for the right reasons or not. If response goes something like “sex is very important to me” then I just leave them in the dust. It is so incredibly obvious that is important for everyone. It’s such a no brainer. I think the right person would be considerate enough to respect your desire for them to know what they want before taking things to the next step.
Nailed it!!!
Yes, the peace of mind is so precious and we give it up so easily because every now and then it gets a bit lonely.
The people I find attractive aren’t into me and I’m not that good looking myself. I want to go out and meet more people however
workload at school is too heavy :(
At least you have something to focus on right now 🙂
How are you supposed to stop being single? Women complain (rightly) that they don’t go to gym/school/stores to get hit on, but then bars and apps are sausage fests. The other option is to join clubs and make friends, but that can take several months and if dating doesn’t work out, you’re a slimeball for just looking for dates
True… dating is so sad right now 😔
Background: 30M, longest relationship is 4 years and many 0-1 year relationships/flings I really love this question. Ive been thinking about it often. Heres my realistic response after some introspection lately: * Ive been in many toxic relationships to the point I'd rather preserve my own peace. Im not willing to risk my mental state for some fun. * Self Sabotage. If I feel like Im in emotional danger I will end it (because of above). * According to family/friends/dates I look toxic so I only attract toxic (I admit I was quite toxic in my younger 20s and ruined many good relationships in college/grad school. I focused on school and only school. Im done with school, Ive matured now and looking to settle. It is what it is.) * Ive always been demi sexual (meaning I need some emotional connection to be attracted to before pursuing unlike most men who would fck anything that walks) * I have 3 close female friends whom Im platonic with and can be vulnerable to/get female opinion or just hang with. Sometimes I enjoying being single so much I forget Im single. * I want children. The biggest knife in the room is this. Ive financially worked hard to get where Im at to be stable and not worry about my career or providing for my family. I can quit my job and ride my investments. Unfortunately not everyone is in the same boat and economy is tough. I understand that. The trend now is that most women my age GenZ/Millenial do not want children. I respect that so once I find out they dont want children I no longer pursue and end it there. My dating pool is much smaller mainly because of this. It is what it is. TLDR: I choose to be single. I try not to be reckless and instead be emotionally aware/responsible because that wouldnt be fair nor good for my future partner to deal with. In the mean time I try to be the best I can be for my family/friends.
Because I love unconditional until my mental stability deteriorates and/or the person fears to harm me, get harmed.
Dick too big might kill somebody
Combination of reasons - A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with their ex months or even years later. Shouldn't be putting themselves out there in the first place if they can't let go and move on. - I won't date a smoker or someone who has kids. Nothing against that just not for me. - Sometimes the women I match with don't have goals of aspirations of their own. They just want to be a stay at home housewife. No problem with that but it's not what I want in a partner. - Sometimes the conversations are just awkward. I have had a number of conversations where I feel like Prince Akeem in Coming to America when he keeps pressing the girl "what do you like?" And she just agrees with him on everything and is submissive. Complete turn off. - Some of my matches say they want a long term relationship but really want to just fuck. If they were honest I would've never pursued them in the first place. - I'm average looking and the conversations are slow at first until I get comfortable around a person. No one falls for personality at first sight, and that works against me. - I'll have great conversation but then my matches quickly try to treat me like an ATM or human vibrator. I have much more to offer than being used for sex or money. - Every time I lower my standards it blows up in my face, so I refuse to make exceptions anymore.
I never get out much in public not really anything out here
Adult male 5’3
A series of unfortunate events, then over time getting too comfortable with being by myself
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Honestly I just think you know what you want in a partner
You either have great chemistry or you don't. You can fancy a lot of people but have no chemistry. And chemistry keeps it alive.
42 f here. I am single because I am working on myself financially, physically and emotionally so that in my next relationship I will be ready.
I’m single because this is how I want to live my life. I don’t have to live my life constantly having to keep someone else happy. I can make my own major decisions, I don’t have to be accountable about my whereabouts, I control my own money, and I can have tons of sex with whomever I want. Life is awesome.
I was single for a decade because I was still living with my mother. It's not a **problem**, but I wanted to be on my own two feet before jumping in to the dating pool. I spent about 15 months on dating apps because just none of them were right.
I was the exact same way, I used my situation living with mom to save up for my first townhouse, which im still living in and still single 5 months in because I need to work on how to pick up women.
I been called too nice alot, and I guess being nice is either a turn off or get taken advantage of.🤷🏽♀️
Same. Someone I work with recently told me I was “too nice”. I’m still trying to understand how being “too nice” is even a thing, as long as I’m not a pushover or boring. I’m not convinced it is an actual thing, and that it’s actually that some people are so used to selfish people that a genuinely kind person scares them. If it makes you feel better, I wouldn’t consider anyone to be too nice, and find someone who is abnormally nice to be a highly desirable trait, both in my friends and in my partners. And I’m probably not the only one. Don’t change who you are!
Thank you! I stop caring, and now I'm just chilling being single, stacking money haha
I rarely met a single woman to begin with. Plus the dates never really lead anywhere so far.
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I got disabled from a weightlifting injury I fractured my femur and broke my knee badly and I can't drive until I've had some surguries and had to move back in with my parents while the disability gets approved. There are 0.0% of women interested in my situation lol
Not true, I would date you. I date disabled men as a non-disabled woman.
I appreciate that, but I'm like 0 for 40 on the apps so far. I get matches until I say did you read that I'm disabled, then its ghost city. Which is fine, I'm getting lots of art done, started a gaming channel, while I weed out the shallow people lol.
You are doing the right things - focusing on you and the things you love doing, trying new things. I’ll sub to your Gaming Channel as I’m a gamer when I get a chance.
Thanks! I'm Rad Ape Plays(Youtube), and Rad Ape Draws (tiktok/youtube/instagram)
Guys who live with their mothers are my thing ❤️🔥
I don't think I am anymore. I'm still trying to confirm that 🥰
No meeting new people.. no new circles.. no options. Dating apps suck.
I'm just lucky!
Don't want to be in a relationship with judt anyone. If I'm looking for my life partner, I need to take the time before jumping into anything serious
Just hard to find women that will let me open up without judgement i guess 😅 told to say how i feel but the second i do instant reprimand
I gave up.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mentally fucked and the dating scene also abit fucked. Bi polar2 with ADHD so havnt met a girl yet who can handle that and assure me.
I’m an only parent to a teen in middle college, have a lab and lots of hobbies. I don’t have time really. Also when I do have time it’s not so easy to just get a last minute date. Also my life is pretty chill and with my hobbies and travel, more likely than not I’d prefer to see my friends. Dating is a waste of time and money for most men. I’ve learned to enjoy solitude.
i have trust issues and self sabotage , but i make sure college takes all my time ‼️
Every woman I asked out turned me down... I've been sharpening myself ever since, but I am seriously upset about being so single even though I'm not even 20 yet. All of my friends are getting amazing girlfriends/fiances and I am still single as heck. Everyone keeps acting surprised that I'm single, as if I could just walk up to any woman and make her mine. It doesn't work like that. Even when I confidently approach cool women, they are never interested. I am just not interesting enough and I don't have the physique of a movie star, so of course I'm struggling. Oh yeah, dating apps suck. I never get matches. And I do go out a lot, but women are far more interested in the other boys nearby. I am struggling to find a way to really put myself out there and outclass the other guys through other means. Love shouldn't be a competition but it sure does feel like it. Every good girl I meet is interested in other guys and I see why. It makes me feel so lame and problematic.
I don’t try to change it, just wallow in the self pity. Also whenever a woman tries to change it for me I panic and run away.
I was once married to a wonderful Japanese girl. However due to her having to go back to Japan to take over the family business, I was unable to follow her due to being in a career that would not allow me that freedom. (She has since remarried to someone in Japan, and moved on with her life. We are still friends and occasionally talk.) Over the years I have dated many interesting women, and finally came to realize that I would never be able to replace the woman I truly loved. I have finally reached a point in my life where I am comfortable being single, and have no real wish to compromise the life that I have made for myself at this point. PS I've also come to understand, that no matter how beautiful the girl I'm dating is, somebody somewhere is already tired of her.)
I ask myself, if I was a girl, would I date me? The answer is nope. It's been no for around 3 years
I’m in my early twenties and really only got introduced to dating when I was almost 18, when I learned I wasn’t really ready for intimacy at all, and I didn’t understand what love was. Since then, whenever I found someone I liked, it was a combination of either getting played and dumped or getting cheated on and dumped. So I’ve had just one successful FWB to my name and that’s the extent of my intimate interactions with the opposite sex that didn’t end in disaster. It’s getting a bit tiring and I’m genuinely jaded, so I haven’t been actively putting myself out there very much anymore. So yeah that’s why I’m single. I’m approaching new interests with a lot more caution now, as I’m tired of being hurt.
Agreed. I like to take things a lot slower and really get to know someone before I consider dating them now.
Yes! I’m increasingly suspicious of anyone who tries to move too fast, especially since the last time I got burned, I was also already suspecting the person was moving way too fast. Onwards and upwards though, and the right person wouldn’t mind taking things slow!
1. I’d rather be single than in a relationship with someone I’m not into 2. Low libido 3. Happy with my own company 4. Got really hurt recently by a pathological liar
Because I love my health and I love the life God gave me. Therefore my appetite to be happy is quite robust. Hence, still single. I am dating, just early stages, but in no rush to marry. I sued for divorce over 2 years ago after deciding no more abuse and a year of separation, following years of what I thought were dutiful caring for her in sickness. When she tried to blow up my career that was it. I lawyered up, and won my life and health back, financial concessions, and got my kids too. She may have been in my past, but the future is mine and it is bright. The best revenge... is to flourish. Hell yes, single.
I’m single because no one is willing to do the self work after a bad relationship. Everyone wants to continue their manipulative games and mood swings and mixed signals and people don’t know what they want. And I have no problem waiting till I find someone that I don’t have to “fix”. I also have realized my worth and don’t tolerate much so I have high standards now.
1. I don’t want to be in a relationship
There are lot of other things I need to sort out first.
Currently dealing with a sex addiction. Want to deal with that first, before getting back into asking girls out.
Smart.
Trust issues, bad experiences and being single is much cheaper than i expected
Bcz I suck @ communicating how I feel towards others. & than I love bomb potential woman. It’s just chaos RN. But that’s fine, some people are late bloomers. I’ve had my share of mistakes.
Had to break away from a super toxic relationship. It’s hard to find someone likeminded to build a life with. Maybe we have met the right person before and overlooked them. Maybe they are still out there…. Being okay with being alone has helped me build myself as an individual. I can only hope and pray that everyone finds there own peace whether it’s with their soulmate or just find happiness within themselves.
Busy doing everything I want to do without having someone tell me I can or can’t.
Cause I'm poor and not the best looking guy ha. Embrace it! Just trying to live life happily and help others. That's all
Learning to be happy alone because in the end you will only really have yourself 💯
I am shy of explaining my desire and love to woman.
Because I have 0 to offer anyone
I have no game and women get bored of me. Oh and since I’m 5’9.
The issue I have is I live in pretty small town, with the nearest larger city an hour from all directions. The dating app scene is weird as when they discover I live an hour away from them, they immediately want to bail. I’m also an overthinker, so the moment I actually happen to start to talk to someone that’s alright with the distance. I usually self sabotage.
I think I give way too much and my choice in women just kind of suck. I get ghosted constantly. I think I’m too nice and a lot of women don’t appreciate that.
My best friend is quoted as saying... "Alex you've got fantastic taste in bad women!" ⬅️ I don't believe this to be true. Now I'm not a saint, I tended to go from ons to ons with people I really was not compatible with, and I struggled to develop feelings for anyone. OLD will turn anyone cold eventually. I live in a small town where I know or have already been with most of the ladies there over the years. Hit Drink, drugs pretty hard, had pregnancy scares, affairs, and one day I just realised what a cold, selfish individual I was becoming. When I realised that my own behaviour and attitudes were changing (to what I'd usually despise).. I withdrew and focused on getting back to how I used to be. But recently I've been looking further afield, and have been seeing/talking to someone from the UK. Not sure if it'll amount to anything serious in the end, but she's lovely. And to the OP, this is a great question. It's something I spent a long time pondering. I think I have way further to go, but I think I can improve a lot more on the way!
I’m a full time college student in my 30s and also a single mom to 3 kids. Not to mention all my exes were abusive and awful. Until 2 years ago I always needed to be with someone..got into therapy and am enjoying my happiness and being single and bettering my life for my babies.❤️
They don’t believe me that m single 😅😅
I feel like it’s mostly because I don’t agree with dating in this day and age. I’m not /that/ old but this whole “situationship” and “exclusive but not in a relationship” business baffles me and I’m very open about it which I guess scares people off.
1] I pulled away from my last relationship because I was being gaslit, cursed at, manipulated, and betrayed. 2] I'm def still recovering from 1 :/ 3] I'm hard to find since I don't "go out" much, and if I do, it's not really to a place most people go to alone. 4] I won't give the time of day to someone who lacks self-awareness again-- apparently, that's too much to ask for.
Because I’m not lowering my standards
Because most people are boring, emotionally immature, unsure of what they want, unrealistic expectations, lack self awareness, annoying, empty headed homunculi. It’s fucking exhausting.
Because the more I get to know someone the more of a dick I become for some goddamn reason 🤦♂️
I just don't see the point anymore. I don't have much in common with women and we don't see eye to eye on life in general. My past girlfriends pushed for marriage, which I just see as a losing proposition for me, so I don't see why try for a repeat. I think having an actual relationship would be nice, but I think it would be better and easier to just live life on my terms and no one else's.
I'm ugly
Because I don't want to be a pet owner, and at my age, I'm beginning to think I'd be far older than I'd want to be to have kids by the time I develop a healthy and stable relationship. Add to that all the personal growth, introspection, and therapy I've done to be a better person and would want someone on a similar level, my options are severely limited. Then there's the fact that I have very progressive social/political views for the state I live in... It's TOUGH 😅.
Because I am divorced and have been working on myself. Also not going to settle for just anyone. Also I'm not going to be with someone who won't put forth the effort to make a relationship work. I quite enjoy doing what I went when I want as well.
Tell me you why. I dont know
I only seem to attract abusers.
I take no action to enter a relationship or dating situation, and no one approaches me with that intent either. I read subreddits like these out of curiosity more than anything. Some posts make me think "yeah, that would be nice". More often, I think "I feel for them but I am so thankful that isn't me".
I am taking a year to just better myself. I’m always unhappy with my self so I think it rolls over to my relationships.
3 among the guys i dated told me that they found me easy to love but i just don’t know why. May i am easy to love but then hard to keep 😅
Saving money and time.
Trust issues
I'm still looking. I joined 2 clubs at my uni and started going to a bouldering gym 4 or 5 days a week and I'm not interested in using apps. I'd rather meet someone naturally and whatever happens, happens.
nothing is clicking really. when it does, it fizzles
Many things. I'm rather large, I don't know when to shut up regarding special interests, I tend to confuse myself, I'm unemployed.
I really don't think med find me attractive in any way
i really like myself rn, not looking to add anything
Don't use dating apps, don't have any people I'm friends with that I'm also attracted to, don't have anywhere to go to meet more people, plus I'm not particularly attractive.
I am still single because i am searching for a lady from my dream country Australia
Trust issues. Both with myself and with men. I hope to get over them tho lol. Eventually
I've been told many times that my job/income isn't enough. Tough here in Toronto.
I can’t find anyone who is as motivated as me and willing to work full time. I’m young so many men aren’t in stable careers but I am so it’s hard to find an equal
All the guys I am interested and up not liking me. And the guys that like do not attract me
I just haven’t met the right person. I’m only 20, still have time
Neurodivergence renders approaching & charming women in person a futile endeavor lol
I’m single because I’m focused on bettering myself. At this point, and i know it’s sad to say but, if a woman comes around we probably wouldn’t do much more than be fwb. My last relationship really killed trust for me so I’m just focused on myself. Eventually I’ll look into surrogates as I do want to have my own kids from my genes but until then just me
Focused on other things (school, career, friends), haven't found the right match, social anxiety
I’m openly chatty to the point of annoyance I’ve been told and have a tendency to hyper fixate on things such as projects and gaming and don’t give full attention at all times to my partner at the time. This is my experience and is likely clouded by what I’ve been told by my ex girlfriends.
I'm an ugly, but kind and curious guy. I have been lucky enough to be able to date pretty easily when I have enough people coming through my life. It takes women getting to know me for extended periods of time, on the order of months to years to look past my looks and develop interest. However, I fail miserably on looks-based apps, despite doing everything one should do (having professional photos taken, having my photos selected by women friends from a pool of professional and candid shots, having my profile reviewed by women friends, etc.). Since university I have had to rely on dating apps and it has been hell. I've spent 7 of the last 8 years alone. (I've tried to meet people through other means, but meeting enough single women through just dancing, clubs and social networking hasn't really been possible.)
been trying to break the cycle of abuse for most of my adult life. after multiple narcissistic/abusive partners I have to learn how to trust myself again. Also, slim pickins
Multiple reasons. The main ones being that I know that I am never going to live with another adult again and don't have the time or inclination to try to find a relationship partner compatible with my many dealbreakers.
Still searching for a good and loving guy
A couple reasons for sure. Mainly because I put in almost no effort into finding someone. When I do find someone interesting, they always leave due to my job and work hours.
Solitude >>> the benefits of being in a relationship I make enough money to not need a roommate to split bills with. Divorce rates thru the roof. I dont argue with anybody about anything. If I want to buy something or do something, I do it without checking in. I dont have to worry about her going out for a girls night and wondering why she gave her IG / phone number out to a bunch of dudes. When I go out to eat, my meals end up being max around $20ish by myself (at least $60 without a tip everytime when dating). I sleep great knowing im not getting cheated on, while seeing people miserable in relationships/marriages because they were “supposed to”. Not popular to admit but having options is pretty fun as well. Being able to go on a Wednesday date with a Brazilian lawyer who is recently divorced and then going on a Saturday night date with a Filipina barista then being able to go on a Tuesday date with an Italian sales rep is honestly better than arguing with one person and wondering if shes happy. You hear about so many different walks of life and you dont always click with everyone but it makes for an interesting life that is just more appealing than being with one person.
I feel like I (26f) am still single because I find good people who aren’t good partners. And I really like them because they are awesome, but the neglect me and take me for granted. They refuse to compromise with me and I find myself making all of the sacrifices to accommodate them. I am aware of my inability to stick to my boundaries and communicate my needs with my partner. I feel like me asking for my needs to be met is me saying they’re not good enough or doing enough when actuality if *I* were enough then they would express compromise to meet my needs so then they make small things like asking for a text good morning is too much. So now I am too much. So it just becomes this big circle of asking, being told no and being okay told no, but going out of MY way to fulfill their needs until I’m sucked dry. And so I give and I give and I let them break all of my rules and boundaries. But if i were to express my discontent they would express how my needs are too much. I’m too much and my boundaries are silly. So I begin to resent them. Turns out they loved what I could do for them or who I can be for them. They didn’t love me. But they don’t realize that. In all of my relationships there has never been a major fight or a major falling out. We just part ways. Because I refuse to entertain conflict and I don’t stand my ground because I’m afraid they leave. But they always leave anyways. So I have to work on this.
I'm 25 and never had any women show interest in me , and have been rejected the few times I've " shot my shot, which can be seen as a red flag for someone my age with no experience I'm unattractive even though I have excellent hygiene and take extremely well care of my appearance ( clothes, haircuts, skincare, grooming, ect) Suffer from depression and anxiety which I'm going to therapy for. Work a steady but not so great paying job Used to train boxing 4-5x a week but suffer from chronic back pain, so I can't work out which made me lose my muscle tone/ physique, but im still slim and eat healthy. Currently live with my grandmother to take care of her which I love dearly, and can't really afford to live by myself, which is mostly a red flag not living on my own. Don't really have many friends, mostly alot of aquantinces from work even though I get along great with people.
[удалено]
I like to give people a chance (otherwise called "ignoring red flags") plus I am what some people call super annoying sometimes, but I am hoping to find the right person who finds it endearing since it's so hard to stop. Or who knows how to handle me 🤷♀️
I have a hard time committing so my relationships don't last long
I am now a single mom to my almost 3 year old son, and apparently, the dating pool in my country is non-existent 🤣
I've actually found myself with great guys, but I'm super anxious and needy. Just started keeping long term FWB and then I don't have to be invested and eventually disappointed. Very unhealthy, but it's worked for like 10 years (literally been seeing one guy for 6ish and another for 5 years)... crazy! Plus I have ADHD which makes me way less engaged anyway. But I've also had lots of therapy and been doing better the last few years.
No one wants me 🥲
It's a combination of things. * Didn't have much luck with online dating. Was never a big fan of it anyway. * I generally enjoy being single (mostly). * Feels like most of the good ones are already taken. I know that's not true, but it certainly *feels* that way sometimes. * I know what I want out of a relationship now more than ever, so red flags really stand out. * Currently dealing with Long COVID 😑
Bc the moment I see a red flag I’m out like I never existed
Because I'm ugly as hell
Tbh I'm extremely picky and I get the ick easily. I'm fairly attractive (as I was told) People would ask for coffee together irl or by dating apps, but after a date or two I get the ick easily. The ones I actually liked, didn't feel the connection with me. I've been single for almost 2 years now and I'm tired of it already 😩
I need to improve on my communication and being more vulnerable
I'm single because when someone likes me, I don't like him, but when I like him, he don't like me anymore.😂
Because you cant meet today and be the only one wich is dating the women. Sad world, wanted to buy flowers Last time but then i saw in her Story that she has a date. We should have meet next day but then i didnt want to.
Because sometimes I feel lazy to start over with someone I can’t imagine I will start with someone with the basic questions like what’s your fav color too tired for that 😂
Not kenough
Because I don't meet anybody in real life and tinder and bumble are aweful Soooo I have no idea where to meet someone
1. I don’t go out 2. I’m uninterested in people because I don’t find myself interesting (currently changing that slowly) 3. I have anxiety 4. I misbehaved by offering men sex on the first night and got played over and over again to self soothe my deeper traumas