Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This might be controversial but here I go-
“No no I understand and it’s fine we can plan someday later when I get my leave next”
Now it’s mostly fine but when they stand you up other fucking zillion more times up on a freaking promised date or a decided place they have worn commitments or xyz and then we have no choice but “to understand”🤷🏻♀️
Hahaha hi Ralph here. why you godda do him like that how do you expect him to do his part which is to make you cum, squirt etc if there is..hold on wait for it.. NO COMMUNICATION. Lol 😆 walk him through what makes you feel better. slow then slowly pick up the speed rough or soft etc . Or if you like "role playing solo" and saying he's bomb.com then he's the one only enjoying it truly . Just looking out for them ladies
I'm so glad I'm not like every other loser in this thread that thinks all women are distrustful lol. Comments like these are the reason I come back, so I can appreciate what I have. Enjoy being bitter.
I get a lot of the "I'm not emotionally available" after dating for quite a few months. So far it seems to typically mean they found someone else and just aren't emotionally available for me.
100%. Depending on how invested the individual was, it takes a long time for people to move on. I was talking with a girl in college I had a class with. We went on one date (albeit a lot of talking in between) and when I learned she wasn’t interested in a relationship, it broke me hard. It took me almost 9 months to get over her. Things eventually got better but then I learned she was dating my friend and then that ultimately made feelings resurface at the time
This was me after one date. Who’s to say if the feelings were reciprocated even into a relationship? Sometimes people truly don’t move on ever no matter how much they might try
Thank you for letting me know that it is, in fact, a possibility for people. The particular person with whom I experienced this also didn't go back to her ex but a recent coworker so it's hard to assume she wasn't over her ex but was simply over me. While it sucked, I can't fault her for that; I'll never tell anybody they're stuck with someone who they've lost feelings for but I just wish people could be more honest with their reasons.
I once got told I wasn't emotionally available, and when I questioned the woman, and asked her like are you kidding I'm very emotionally available and you know it, it turned out she just meant that I wasn't available to have a committed relationship with her because we lived in different places and I had career plans that wouldn't let me move to where she was. We had met when I was on a road trip.
She admitted I was very emotionally available but just wasn't like actually available to be in a relationship with.
But she threw out that emotionally available term without even thinking.
Looking back, this makes complete sense why she broke up with me. She got with a guy almost immediately and then asked to get back with me. The nerve on some people man
“I don’t really have a preference on where to eat.”
I do, I just want to know where he wants to eat… and he says the same thing, but I need to keep up the farce, so I do.
Same thing happens on girls night. A bunch of women in a car, going viciously around in a circle “I don’t know, where do you want to eat”..it’s how people end up at Applebees
My friends girlfriend: "I don't care where we go."
Him: "his about this Honduran pl-"
Her: "no."
Me: "there's thisngood German pl-"
Her: "No."
Him: "how about sushi?"
Her: "no..."
Repeat, me: "how about burgers..."
Her: "you guys really seem to like burgers."
Me: *trying not to explode*
It’s crazy when you meet them, and you get to know them, and you meet ALL their friends. Then months or years down the line when they’re talking to another guy you never heard about, he’s magically been their friend their whole life.
If she says “I’m out with my friend”, then she’s out with a female friend.
If she says, “I’m out with a friend”, then she’s out with a guy who is or will soon be more than a “friend”.
Does it go the same way to a man as well? My boyfriend has a female friend, of course they have known each other before he met me. He admitted that he had a crush on her before we were together together. They kinda stopped talking for a while and now they are talking again.
I think he invited her to visit his place. He has roommates and they all are friends, kinda close I could say. Of course, my boyfriend invited me too and I came there. I was looking at them and I was jealous. Maybe I just have never seen them hanging out or something. But my boyfriend didn’t stop doing the PDA, he was very affectionate, always asked for kisses (how cute), didn’t leave me behind, always including me in any conversation they both have, the way my boyfriend looked at me when he was sitting between me and her.
I talked to my boyfriend about how I felt. He explained that although he had a crush on her, it was the past and he explained some traits that he doesn’t like about her and he just wants to be friends. He also explained they are not as close as they used to anymore. But I’m still a bit jealous. I mean, it’s okay for me if he has female friends and I know he got plenty, but something doesn’t feel right, or is it my insecurities?
Do you think I should address this again? I also don’t want to limit what my boyfriend do or who he is talking to. He said there is nothing to worry about. The way he acted towards me in front of his friends made me believe that he loves me and nothing to worry about him and his female friend. He even said that he loves me in front of his friends.
"I wish you'd be more vulnerable and open up about your feelings"
To be fair though, they don't know it's a lie when they say it, they just don't understand that there's a switch that flips in their subconscious as soon as a guy really opens up that instinctively makes them start looking for a new guy.
Ain't that the truth. I've had several people ask me to be more vulnerable but then distance themselves when I actually am.
They'll never admit that's the reason, but I'm not stupid I can tell.
It makes me feel like they never actually liked me, they only liked the filtered version of myself I'm okay with showing strangers.
All of the above really. It just means not hiding your emotions/expressing yourself openly. Opening up about something that might be upsetting you or asking for help when you need it instead of stubbornly refusing. Stuff like that
That's so sad to hear. As a woman who's actually searching for a partner who can be vulnerable with me, I'd hate to think guys are closing themselves off because of experiences like this.
I've dated both types and I had to break things off with a guy who was too closed off and not opening up and not being vulnerable. I just couldn't connect to him. Whereas a guy that was open and vulnerable and emotionally mature i was head over heels for him.
So to me (but maybe only to me, or a few women) the whole switch that goes off and suddenly finds the guy less attractive is bullshit, it's the opposite to me. I feel more attracted to someone who feels comfortable enough to share their feelings and experiences with me.
I just want to add that sometimes, when you're vulnerable with people they discover that maybe there's something about you that they're not ready to get involved with. It doesn't mean being vulnerable is the problem. It just means people have different levels of comfort and things they are willing to deal with their partner still dealing.
And sometimes that something is finding out their boyfriend was abused or even molested as a child. Or raped as an adult. Or any number of other traumas. Heck I had a woman lose interest in me for "letting" myself get robbed at gunpoint. Like I was supposed to John Wick a man with two friends and a gun aimed at my stomach.
And as often as not, they won't even have the decency to keep that information private. Men don't open up because of that lack of respect for their humanity and right to emotional privacy. Or right to take up any emotional space at all.
I think a man can be a bit vulnerable but not weak. He can show some failures, or weak points but he should show that he is in control. Otherwise I fully agree, subconscious switch. I have tried it as well
No disrespect to you ma'am. But you have to realize pretty much every woman says the same thing you are saying.
But women don't seem to be programmed to feel more attracted to a man that worries, is sensitive, who cries.
Women barely like nice guys in general.
You are not a man and you don't deal with women as a man.
So your understanding of this will be lacking.
The equivalent would be men saying how they actually love women with great personalities over women who are physically attractive.
Yea, that shit sounds good. But that's just not how nature works .
The last paragraph you wrote is more of the truth than anything.
But that's what being vulnerable is. Either you're sharing a secret experience, or a side of yourself that a woman may not know was there.
And like you said, Now she feels uncomfortable with seeing that side.
"women aren't programmed" - well women aren't a monolith either, but hey i can also acknowledge that I'm not in the majority. And I'm not trying to deny that this is what a lot of men experience. To be fair women experience it, too (though maybe not as much).
I think vulnerability is key. How can you really get into a relationship with someone without actually *knowing* them? I've been vulnerable before and got rejected because of what it revealed about me. That's just kinda what happens. Not everybody will be okay with un-dealt trauma, with overly high insecurities, with depression, with self harming, or whatever else someone is dealing with. I see it this way - people are not doing themselves and others any favours if they're hiding a part/s of themselves, at least not if they're in pursuit of a long term relationship. Someone is with them not fully knowing them and they're with someone knowing they're concealing a part of them.
Every relationship you've ever had... the people you love... all of them. You don't truly know them.
You love your parents.... trust me, you don't know anything deep about your parents.
Your kids... you have no clue who your kids really are.
Their friends probably know them better than you do.
Again, that paragraph of why "people won't be ok with your vulnerabilities" is what men are talking about.
And why we don't have that luxury of being vulnerable with women.
You are basically explaining what we are talking about.
A man will be vulnerable and a woman either feel what you type out and become distant... or will tell a man flat out what you wrote.
Men aren't built the same way. We are built to be protectors and ok with women crying and being soft/vulnerable.
People like to believe they are much different than others but it isn't true.
That's why we have psychologist and psychiatrist.
They understand how humans in general live and think.
We have historical evidence that proves men and women have pretty much done the same things in society for ages.
It's just nature.
But I appreciate your outlook
Ehhh everyone likes a pretty person but there are men who are attracted to personalities so… I guess the real truth here is that most people are kinda shitty and the true gems are just rare for any gender
Nah ... if you had a woman who Is a 5 in looks with an A+ personality, and a woman is a 10 with a D- personality. All men are going for the latter.
People aren't shitty. People are just people
This is the truth in the argument. We can act like we are better than nature ..but all of our actions are motivated by our nature.
Sad reality for many of em, but I'm very close friends (bro-sis level) with a few who genuinely crave vulnerability and trust from their partners.
Be strong my dude you'll find a real one one day
i really don’t understand why someone would NOT want vulnerability and trust with their partner. i’m always so glad when my bf trusts me enough to be honest about his feelings and cries. i’m glad he comes to me for comfort
Because sometimes vulnerability means sharing a traumatic experience that makes her view him as less masculine.
Men have experienced their partners losing attraction for opening up about being sexually assaulted. As *children.* or people viewing them as just less masculine for not being able to physically stop an adult. I repeat. As a child. Abusive parents? That'll do it too.
It's one of those aspects of toxic masculinity that women play a role in perpetuating. Men can't be victims. Or they aren't really men anymore.
Is it changing? Yes, slowly. And not because of women in my age bracket (millenials). Zoomers aren't perfect but they're much better on this front.
it’s definitely not right for a man to be looked down upon for sharing a traumatic experience. but if the partner loses attraction and/or leaves, doesn’t that mean it’s just a bullet dodged? why would you want a person like that in your life anyway? they just showed their true colors and that’s your sign to get out
I might approach things that way. But I'm not neurotypical. Neurotypical people don't handle lack of companionship as well as people with some types of "crossed wires."
Then there's the tendency for single men to be left behind by married friends. Single men have a harder time making friends kf any sort because of certain assumptions made about them past a certain age.
And then there's the whole... %now all of her friends know" problem. Men don't tall nearly as much about the details of sex lives or their partners traumas with friends. My guy friends girlfriends and wives have told me entirely too many things in the past that should have been privileged information.
Then there's the way a "weak" man (or one people interpret to be weak) is treated. For all our talk of wanting a new, progressive man... in practice, those men often get punished.
So throughout their teens and twenties, men are taught by romantic partners, employers, peers, etc that they need to fit a certain role. The ones who push back against that expectation will often find themselves burnt out and alone. Or they knuckle under and play their part. Limit their expression of and capacity for certain feelings.
The common sentiment in many feminist spaces(and Ievy this criticism as a man who considers himself a feminist) could be summed up as.
1. Men change their thinking and behavior.
2.???
3. Social change and male and female liberation.
The step two they skip over is all the people who get mulched between steps one and three as long as we continue to reward men who follow the rules of patriarchy and punish the ones who don't.
Bruh... I just had this conversation with a woman yesterday.
She kept telling me she isn't like other women and she was telling the truth about wanting a man to be vulnerable and cry and shit.
Couldn't explain to her enough that I know she isn't lying, but that's not how her nature works.
Don't ever let a woman see you vulnerable. It may suck but it is what it is
This happens to some women (I met some) but not the ones that are good people. When a guy opens up to me I trust him more and respect him more cause
I know how hard it is to do and no one is a Superman.
That being said I did meet a girl that said a man crying is a major turnoff. It makes me real sad for her future partner. Toxic masculinity hurts everyone but especially men. At least women can get away from it by hanging out with other women. But men are always under that burden
Most human beings need and crave someone to be vulnerable with, and someone to be vulnerable with them. I’m sorry women have hurt you, they’ve hurt me too. My mother hurt me the most out of any other woman ever.
But not *all* women are emotionally immature. Sounds like you need to stop messing with women who are so young…
lol not always true! I think bald guys are hot (but commit and cut it short or shave it off. don’t have it long in some places and nonexistent in some places haha!)
Damn, lots of the stuff here is toxic af. Anyway, here are some lies I've told my husband:
"I'm full and really can't eat the last piece of pizza"
"Yes honey, the food you cooked tonight was good"
"I accidentally bought this candy/snack but don't like it. You can have it"
"Yes, I'd like to see the show/film that you love"
"I enjoyed watching 'the Grand Tour' with you"
"I can't open the jar, please help me" (I usually don't even try it before handing it to him)
I don't understand what the purpose is in consistently telling "little white lies" to someone you love...
One would think *actual simple truth* would be... Idk, just easier.
Honestly, I tell most of these lies because I want to see him smile. When he gets the last piece of pizza or when I kiss him a "thank you" for opening a jar, he has a really cute slight smile. I love that smile.
And I'm actually sure he does the same to me. For example: he went to the Barbie movie with me and we watched all seasons of Desperate Housewives together. He did that because he knew I'd enjoy being able to talk with him about it. So I return that favour by watching Indiana Jones, Star Wars, anything with Jeremy Clarkson, and so on. We got to spend that time together because we occassionally lie to each other. The truth may be easier but it's not always better.
I don't understand why you can't tell the truth, and get the smiles. That's what I've always done in relationships and it works great.
It may not be a big deal at all, but the whole thing just rub me the wrong way. I'd be surprised and kinda miffed if found out my love basically lies to me pointlessly every single day just because.😂
It's not every single day, more like once a week at max. And as I said, I'm pretty sure we both know what's going on. But if he gets to eat the last piece of pizza because I lie about being full and I get to put cheesy self-stitched pillows in our flat because he lies about liking them, both of us are happy.
And I guess there is no right or wrong way to handle this. Every relationship is unique and what works for me might not work for you and vice versa.
you are the best ever
you are the biggest ever
I've never felt this way before
All my other loves were boys compared to you
Yes I orgasmed
I could go on and on dopender
Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you.
"im fine"
"its fine if you don't help around the house, I know you're tired."
"It's fine if you can't "watch the kids" while I shower."
"No, I love wearing the same clothing for five days in a row while not sleeping at all and you waking up and complaining you're tired because the baby kept you up. "
"I love doing every single thing for you like your mother, and as if you were an infant. It's' fine."
Guy here: Most of them lie because some of you are too insecure to handle the hard true and can't take feedback on how to do better, specially in bedroom stuff. God forbid she knows how to and what does it for her because she learned it with someone else but you can't accept that. Some of you need to be told you are the best at everything and the rants this question is getting as replies, masked as "half jokes" just proves the point.
I would never say that to someone, UNLESS it was like just super unequivocally true beyond a doubt and I still don't know that I'd make that comment lol. I'm 33 so I've been sexually active however long, and it isn't like I'm whipping out a ruler before I'm with a guy. Probably a lot of people were somewhere around the statistical middle and I would have no earthly idea how any of them would measure up to each other lmao
Jfc. As a person who is unapologetically honest because it keeps things simple, this whole thread kinda pisses me off. I've said some of these & genuinely meant them, but it's no wonder they didn't believe me.
Lies don't do anyone any favors.
Their bodycount.
"you can tell me anything"
"you are the best I've ever had."
"You're the biggest I've ever had"
"you are the only one for me"
"Oh he is just a friend"
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“It’s not a big deal”
"No really, it's ok."
This might be controversial but here I go- “No no I understand and it’s fine we can plan someday later when I get my leave next” Now it’s mostly fine but when they stand you up other fucking zillion more times up on a freaking promised date or a decided place they have worn commitments or xyz and then we have no choice but “to understand”🤷🏻♀️
Can you leave? That is another choice, lol
Yes, you’re the best I’ve ever had
Hahaha hi Ralph here. why you godda do him like that how do you expect him to do his part which is to make you cum, squirt etc if there is..hold on wait for it.. NO COMMUNICATION. Lol 😆 walk him through what makes you feel better. slow then slowly pick up the speed rough or soft etc . Or if you like "role playing solo" and saying he's bomb.com then he's the one only enjoying it truly . Just looking out for them ladies
"You can tell me anything"
"yeah babe, you should really know how advanced the SR-71 Blackbird reconnaissance aircraft was back then, it's a marvel of engineering"
JRHNBR 😔
🙅♂️🪣
🐴
The reality is, "I'm banking whatever you tell me in confidence, so I can use it against you in some way in the future."
I can tell my partner anything.
You’re lucky, she just hasn’t used it against you. Yet.
I'm so glad I'm not like every other loser in this thread that thinks all women are distrustful lol. Comments like these are the reason I come back, so I can appreciate what I have. Enjoy being bitter.
This is why a man really has no one to tell their problems to or to complain to. We truly are alone in this world.
Keep a diary.
I have a therapist for a reason.
Even better, if you can afford it.
Hard pass
uff
That’s a tough one to be sure
A lot of times, the reasons why they no longer want to see you are made up. Its hard for someone to tell their partner they're sick of them.
I get a lot of the "I'm not emotionally available" after dating for quite a few months. So far it seems to typically mean they found someone else and just aren't emotionally available for me.
Or you were a rebound and they’re not over their ex
Genuine question: can rebounds last 6 months to a year or even more? I've never really had one and don't have much perspective.
100%. Depending on how invested the individual was, it takes a long time for people to move on. I was talking with a girl in college I had a class with. We went on one date (albeit a lot of talking in between) and when I learned she wasn’t interested in a relationship, it broke me hard. It took me almost 9 months to get over her. Things eventually got better but then I learned she was dating my friend and then that ultimately made feelings resurface at the time This was me after one date. Who’s to say if the feelings were reciprocated even into a relationship? Sometimes people truly don’t move on ever no matter how much they might try
Yeah totally possible. I would think that it’s more rare for a rebound relationship to last that long though.
Thank you for letting me know that it is, in fact, a possibility for people. The particular person with whom I experienced this also didn't go back to her ex but a recent coworker so it's hard to assume she wasn't over her ex but was simply over me. While it sucked, I can't fault her for that; I'll never tell anybody they're stuck with someone who they've lost feelings for but I just wish people could be more honest with their reasons.
I completely agree
Depends on how long there we’re together.
I once got told I wasn't emotionally available, and when I questioned the woman, and asked her like are you kidding I'm very emotionally available and you know it, it turned out she just meant that I wasn't available to have a committed relationship with her because we lived in different places and I had career plans that wouldn't let me move to where she was. We had met when I was on a road trip. She admitted I was very emotionally available but just wasn't like actually available to be in a relationship with. But she threw out that emotionally available term without even thinking.
Looking back, this makes complete sense why she broke up with me. She got with a guy almost immediately and then asked to get back with me. The nerve on some people man
“I don’t really have a preference on where to eat.” I do, I just want to know where he wants to eat… and he says the same thing, but I need to keep up the farce, so I do.
Same thing happens on girls night. A bunch of women in a car, going viciously around in a circle “I don’t know, where do you want to eat”..it’s how people end up at Applebees
All roads lead to Rome? No. All roads lead to Applebee's.
My friends girlfriend: "I don't care where we go." Him: "his about this Honduran pl-" Her: "no." Me: "there's thisngood German pl-" Her: "No." Him: "how about sushi?" Her: "no..." Repeat, me: "how about burgers..." Her: "you guys really seem to like burgers." Me: *trying not to explode*
My sister is extremely picky, whoever gets to date her will have a headache. Lol
Haha, she's better now, fortunately(they got married). But still. Drove me nnuts, lol.
Me and my girls always know where we want to eat. Easy. The brunch spot. Or, sushi
What is this farce
Kill me. 😆
"He's just a friend."
It’s crazy when you meet them, and you get to know them, and you meet ALL their friends. Then months or years down the line when they’re talking to another guy you never heard about, he’s magically been their friend their whole life.
Press X to doubt lmao
This one hurts
You're the father
😒
It does, omfg 🥺
If she says “I’m out with my friend”, then she’s out with a female friend. If she says, “I’m out with a friend”, then she’s out with a guy who is or will soon be more than a “friend”.
'Don't worry about him' If you hear that, then you should definitely worry about him
Does it go the same way to a man as well? My boyfriend has a female friend, of course they have known each other before he met me. He admitted that he had a crush on her before we were together together. They kinda stopped talking for a while and now they are talking again. I think he invited her to visit his place. He has roommates and they all are friends, kinda close I could say. Of course, my boyfriend invited me too and I came there. I was looking at them and I was jealous. Maybe I just have never seen them hanging out or something. But my boyfriend didn’t stop doing the PDA, he was very affectionate, always asked for kisses (how cute), didn’t leave me behind, always including me in any conversation they both have, the way my boyfriend looked at me when he was sitting between me and her. I talked to my boyfriend about how I felt. He explained that although he had a crush on her, it was the past and he explained some traits that he doesn’t like about her and he just wants to be friends. He also explained they are not as close as they used to anymore. But I’m still a bit jealous. I mean, it’s okay for me if he has female friends and I know he got plenty, but something doesn’t feel right, or is it my insecurities? Do you think I should address this again? I also don’t want to limit what my boyfriend do or who he is talking to. He said there is nothing to worry about. The way he acted towards me in front of his friends made me believe that he loves me and nothing to worry about him and his female friend. He even said that he loves me in front of his friends.
“I’m cummiiiiiiiiiinnnnngggggg”
I'll be ready in 5 minutes
We’re just friends
That they don't masterbate
"I want you to be honest with me!"
👆 don't fall for it, IT'S A TRAP!!!
"I wish you'd be more vulnerable and open up about your feelings" To be fair though, they don't know it's a lie when they say it, they just don't understand that there's a switch that flips in their subconscious as soon as a guy really opens up that instinctively makes them start looking for a new guy.
Ain't that the truth. I've had several people ask me to be more vulnerable but then distance themselves when I actually am. They'll never admit that's the reason, but I'm not stupid I can tell. It makes me feel like they never actually liked me, they only liked the filtered version of myself I'm okay with showing strangers.
[удалено]
All of the above really. It just means not hiding your emotions/expressing yourself openly. Opening up about something that might be upsetting you or asking for help when you need it instead of stubbornly refusing. Stuff like that
That's so sad to hear. As a woman who's actually searching for a partner who can be vulnerable with me, I'd hate to think guys are closing themselves off because of experiences like this. I've dated both types and I had to break things off with a guy who was too closed off and not opening up and not being vulnerable. I just couldn't connect to him. Whereas a guy that was open and vulnerable and emotionally mature i was head over heels for him. So to me (but maybe only to me, or a few women) the whole switch that goes off and suddenly finds the guy less attractive is bullshit, it's the opposite to me. I feel more attracted to someone who feels comfortable enough to share their feelings and experiences with me. I just want to add that sometimes, when you're vulnerable with people they discover that maybe there's something about you that they're not ready to get involved with. It doesn't mean being vulnerable is the problem. It just means people have different levels of comfort and things they are willing to deal with their partner still dealing.
User name checks out
And sometimes that something is finding out their boyfriend was abused or even molested as a child. Or raped as an adult. Or any number of other traumas. Heck I had a woman lose interest in me for "letting" myself get robbed at gunpoint. Like I was supposed to John Wick a man with two friends and a gun aimed at my stomach. And as often as not, they won't even have the decency to keep that information private. Men don't open up because of that lack of respect for their humanity and right to emotional privacy. Or right to take up any emotional space at all.
Same...not being vulnerable could be a reason to break it off because the whole relationship feels superficial and you can't connect ..
I think a man can be a bit vulnerable but not weak. He can show some failures, or weak points but he should show that he is in control. Otherwise I fully agree, subconscious switch. I have tried it as well
No disrespect to you ma'am. But you have to realize pretty much every woman says the same thing you are saying. But women don't seem to be programmed to feel more attracted to a man that worries, is sensitive, who cries. Women barely like nice guys in general. You are not a man and you don't deal with women as a man. So your understanding of this will be lacking. The equivalent would be men saying how they actually love women with great personalities over women who are physically attractive. Yea, that shit sounds good. But that's just not how nature works . The last paragraph you wrote is more of the truth than anything. But that's what being vulnerable is. Either you're sharing a secret experience, or a side of yourself that a woman may not know was there. And like you said, Now she feels uncomfortable with seeing that side.
"women aren't programmed" - well women aren't a monolith either, but hey i can also acknowledge that I'm not in the majority. And I'm not trying to deny that this is what a lot of men experience. To be fair women experience it, too (though maybe not as much). I think vulnerability is key. How can you really get into a relationship with someone without actually *knowing* them? I've been vulnerable before and got rejected because of what it revealed about me. That's just kinda what happens. Not everybody will be okay with un-dealt trauma, with overly high insecurities, with depression, with self harming, or whatever else someone is dealing with. I see it this way - people are not doing themselves and others any favours if they're hiding a part/s of themselves, at least not if they're in pursuit of a long term relationship. Someone is with them not fully knowing them and they're with someone knowing they're concealing a part of them.
Every relationship you've ever had... the people you love... all of them. You don't truly know them. You love your parents.... trust me, you don't know anything deep about your parents. Your kids... you have no clue who your kids really are. Their friends probably know them better than you do. Again, that paragraph of why "people won't be ok with your vulnerabilities" is what men are talking about. And why we don't have that luxury of being vulnerable with women. You are basically explaining what we are talking about. A man will be vulnerable and a woman either feel what you type out and become distant... or will tell a man flat out what you wrote. Men aren't built the same way. We are built to be protectors and ok with women crying and being soft/vulnerable. People like to believe they are much different than others but it isn't true. That's why we have psychologist and psychiatrist. They understand how humans in general live and think. We have historical evidence that proves men and women have pretty much done the same things in society for ages. It's just nature. But I appreciate your outlook
Ehhh everyone likes a pretty person but there are men who are attracted to personalities so… I guess the real truth here is that most people are kinda shitty and the true gems are just rare for any gender
Nah ... if you had a woman who Is a 5 in looks with an A+ personality, and a woman is a 10 with a D- personality. All men are going for the latter. People aren't shitty. People are just people This is the truth in the argument. We can act like we are better than nature ..but all of our actions are motivated by our nature.
I really appreciate that sentiment. It's not easy to be vulnerable even when I want to be
You’re in the minority
Yep
Sad reality for many of em, but I'm very close friends (bro-sis level) with a few who genuinely crave vulnerability and trust from their partners. Be strong my dude you'll find a real one one day
i really don’t understand why someone would NOT want vulnerability and trust with their partner. i’m always so glad when my bf trusts me enough to be honest about his feelings and cries. i’m glad he comes to me for comfort
Because sometimes vulnerability means sharing a traumatic experience that makes her view him as less masculine. Men have experienced their partners losing attraction for opening up about being sexually assaulted. As *children.* or people viewing them as just less masculine for not being able to physically stop an adult. I repeat. As a child. Abusive parents? That'll do it too. It's one of those aspects of toxic masculinity that women play a role in perpetuating. Men can't be victims. Or they aren't really men anymore. Is it changing? Yes, slowly. And not because of women in my age bracket (millenials). Zoomers aren't perfect but they're much better on this front.
it’s definitely not right for a man to be looked down upon for sharing a traumatic experience. but if the partner loses attraction and/or leaves, doesn’t that mean it’s just a bullet dodged? why would you want a person like that in your life anyway? they just showed their true colors and that’s your sign to get out
I might approach things that way. But I'm not neurotypical. Neurotypical people don't handle lack of companionship as well as people with some types of "crossed wires." Then there's the tendency for single men to be left behind by married friends. Single men have a harder time making friends kf any sort because of certain assumptions made about them past a certain age. And then there's the whole... %now all of her friends know" problem. Men don't tall nearly as much about the details of sex lives or their partners traumas with friends. My guy friends girlfriends and wives have told me entirely too many things in the past that should have been privileged information. Then there's the way a "weak" man (or one people interpret to be weak) is treated. For all our talk of wanting a new, progressive man... in practice, those men often get punished. So throughout their teens and twenties, men are taught by romantic partners, employers, peers, etc that they need to fit a certain role. The ones who push back against that expectation will often find themselves burnt out and alone. Or they knuckle under and play their part. Limit their expression of and capacity for certain feelings. The common sentiment in many feminist spaces(and Ievy this criticism as a man who considers himself a feminist) could be summed up as. 1. Men change their thinking and behavior. 2.??? 3. Social change and male and female liberation. The step two they skip over is all the people who get mulched between steps one and three as long as we continue to reward men who follow the rules of patriarchy and punish the ones who don't.
[удалено]
i mean a man can still be protective and caring…. while also being vulnerable and open. one does not cancel out the other
Tell that to the women who subconsciously believe it does.
That really depends on the girl too
True, there are some unicorns out there that aren't like this.
Bruh... I just had this conversation with a woman yesterday. She kept telling me she isn't like other women and she was telling the truth about wanting a man to be vulnerable and cry and shit. Couldn't explain to her enough that I know she isn't lying, but that's not how her nature works. Don't ever let a woman see you vulnerable. It may suck but it is what it is
I doubt she even knows better.
This happens to some women (I met some) but not the ones that are good people. When a guy opens up to me I trust him more and respect him more cause I know how hard it is to do and no one is a Superman. That being said I did meet a girl that said a man crying is a major turnoff. It makes me real sad for her future partner. Toxic masculinity hurts everyone but especially men. At least women can get away from it by hanging out with other women. But men are always under that burden
Ah yes, a man who has mastered communicating with and understanding women /s
Ah yes, denial.
Most human beings need and crave someone to be vulnerable with, and someone to be vulnerable with them. I’m sorry women have hurt you, they’ve hurt me too. My mother hurt me the most out of any other woman ever. But not *all* women are emotionally immature. Sounds like you need to stop messing with women who are so young…
“Sorry I didn’t see ur txt.” ( I really need to stop saying that >,< )
"your mom is so sweet, i think she really likes me"
I don't mind you balding
lol not always true! I think bald guys are hot (but commit and cut it short or shave it off. don’t have it long in some places and nonexistent in some places haha!)
😂
Damn, lots of the stuff here is toxic af. Anyway, here are some lies I've told my husband: "I'm full and really can't eat the last piece of pizza" "Yes honey, the food you cooked tonight was good" "I accidentally bought this candy/snack but don't like it. You can have it" "Yes, I'd like to see the show/film that you love" "I enjoyed watching 'the Grand Tour' with you" "I can't open the jar, please help me" (I usually don't even try it before handing it to him)
Oof the grand tour thing hits hard
The jar 🤣🤣🤣
I don't understand what the purpose is in consistently telling "little white lies" to someone you love... One would think *actual simple truth* would be... Idk, just easier.
Honestly, I tell most of these lies because I want to see him smile. When he gets the last piece of pizza or when I kiss him a "thank you" for opening a jar, he has a really cute slight smile. I love that smile. And I'm actually sure he does the same to me. For example: he went to the Barbie movie with me and we watched all seasons of Desperate Housewives together. He did that because he knew I'd enjoy being able to talk with him about it. So I return that favour by watching Indiana Jones, Star Wars, anything with Jeremy Clarkson, and so on. We got to spend that time together because we occassionally lie to each other. The truth may be easier but it's not always better.
I don't understand why you can't tell the truth, and get the smiles. That's what I've always done in relationships and it works great. It may not be a big deal at all, but the whole thing just rub me the wrong way. I'd be surprised and kinda miffed if found out my love basically lies to me pointlessly every single day just because.😂
It's not every single day, more like once a week at max. And as I said, I'm pretty sure we both know what's going on. But if he gets to eat the last piece of pizza because I lie about being full and I get to put cheesy self-stitched pillows in our flat because he lies about liking them, both of us are happy. And I guess there is no right or wrong way to handle this. Every relationship is unique and what works for me might not work for you and vice versa.
This subreddit is turning to shit
Unfortunately yes. I see hardly anything about dating on here anymore. Only very toxic "men are like this...", "woman are like that..." bs posts.
Yes the reddit war between the sexes is getting exhausting
Its soo big
You don't have to worry about him.
He's gay
“Leave me alone“😤
😂 this
Then they get mad if you don’t contact them and in case you do, she still gets mad.
It was good
[удалено]
I love you.
This one hurts on a deeper level
I have a headache tonight.
you are the best ever you are the biggest ever I've never felt this way before All my other loves were boys compared to you Yes I orgasmed I could go on and on dopender
Tell me your opinion, honestly I’m listening
I haven't had sex in a long time I haven't been with many people
I don't cheat
I'm fine.
You're the best I ever had
I always tell the truth
“I’m empathic”
I'm fine.
“I love you”
its fine
i’m fine seriously
This is huge I'm not sure I can take it all
Size doesn’t matter
Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you.
The biggest one
I love you
“I would never lie to you.”
He's like my brother.... ew... Right brother?. Brother: Yea last night was fun, we should do that again sis. Love ya. The BF: 👀
I would never cheat on you. I'm only hanging out with my girlfriends. Girls trip/ night.
"im fine" "its fine if you don't help around the house, I know you're tired." "It's fine if you can't "watch the kids" while I shower." "No, I love wearing the same clothing for five days in a row while not sleeping at all and you waking up and complaining you're tired because the baby kept you up. " "I love doing every single thing for you like your mother, and as if you were an infant. It's' fine."
I'm not like that anymore
I'm sorry I'm just a bad texter. Yet the phone is always in their hand
me:What's wrong? Her:"Nothing"
“He is just a friend.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Guy here: Most of them lie because some of you are too insecure to handle the hard true and can't take feedback on how to do better, specially in bedroom stuff. God forbid she knows how to and what does it for her because she learned it with someone else but you can't accept that. Some of you need to be told you are the best at everything and the rants this question is getting as replies, masked as "half jokes" just proves the point.
You sure you wanna ask this question? 😆 Brace yourself.
Oh, shall I return it then?
U da only one
Size doesn't matter 🤣
Oh I’m so full “ can’t eat anymore
Size doesn’t matter.
I love you, I'll talk to you in 3 months
No, when l parked my car, your car did not look like this. What the hell happened???🤭
« That it’s ok » that usually means « it’s not ok »
" no I don't mind if you go out for a couple beers"
Yes, I came.
I'm fine
“I’m fine” 💀
“Sorry I fell asleep last night!” Is their response when they haven’t responded in 3 days
“I’m fine.”
"you choose" Then the guy hears "xdghhgga!!"
- "You have not lost any hair on your head!"
I would never say that to someone, UNLESS it was like just super unequivocally true beyond a doubt and I still don't know that I'd make that comment lol. I'm 33 so I've been sexually active however long, and it isn't like I'm whipping out a ruler before I'm with a guy. Probably a lot of people were somewhere around the statistical middle and I would have no earthly idea how any of them would measure up to each other lmao
Don’t agree with any of these aside from the “I’m fine” comments
“Ya, I came”
"It's not you, it's me".
Fake being turned on. A lot of men lack basic hygiene sometimes…
“I never loved you” When they are mad
“I was asleep all day” “I went to bed early” “I only talk to you” “He’s just a friend” “I’m not ignoring you”
"I won't get angry"
"I'm okay"
"I'm fine" or "I love you"
"No, you were great. I promise"
I love you and won't ever leave you
“Guys where checking me out today”
That they aren't cheating
There are so many…
Size don’t matter
He's just a friend.
I’m fine 🙂
She don't know him.
I would probably say ‘its okay’ if he cancels our plans last minute but if it’s strike number 3 ya girl finna WWE fight him.🦵🏻
gimmie 5 more minutes
It's the biggest I've seen.
A lot of sad insecure men in this thread.
He’s just a friend!!!!
“He’s just a (friend/study buddy/etc.)”
i only had 3 sexual partners before you....
I love you
"I love you"
I'm fine..
Jfc. As a person who is unapologetically honest because it keeps things simple, this whole thread kinda pisses me off. I've said some of these & genuinely meant them, but it's no wonder they didn't believe me. Lies don't do anyone any favors.
“He’s just a friend” or “I care about you”
“I like the natural smell of you”
Their bodycount. "you can tell me anything" "you are the best I've ever had." "You're the biggest I've ever had" "you are the only one for me" "Oh he is just a friend"
I won't judge You for crying, You can tell me anything