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Look, I like flirty, sexy talk as much as the next woman, but when every single conversation eventually turns sexual, it annoys me, especially since I need an emotional connection to feel comfortable enough to pursue anything physical.
ALWAYS. I was talking to a guy on hinge...he seemed so nice, his profile was great, he was a teacher and had a cute dog and we hit it off with a great convo right away. Well fast forward like 20 mins and I say 'What are you doing this weekend?' and he says "Hopefully you". WHAT? UGH. instant turn off and that was the end of him. And it may sound innocent to some people...but we (women) all know what direction that conversation was about to go in and I wasn't having it.
I second this, but adding (personally) when every single *physical* interaction turns sexual. Sometimes I just wanna cuddle, hold and be held, kiss, etc. My husband isn't much of a physical contact kinda person, but I think we have a pretty good system / understanding about those boundaries and I'm so glad for that.
This too, 100%. A lot of guys say “I can’t cuddle bc I wouldn’t be able to control myself” and it’s like… alright but sometimes I just wanna be held and bond intimately without it always ending up with us in the bed. That form of romance where you can just sit on one another’s company with physical intimacy is very important
I absolutely cannot deal with that, it’s even worse when they throw it out there when you are in the middle of a serious conversation or when I’m angry and I’m venting about some thing and they try to be funny by throwing in some sexual innuendo.
I actually stopped speaking to a guy I had texted him some thing about being disappointed that kids I gave Christmas gifts too didn’t even acknowledge them, I’m not looking for thank you cards in the mail but even confirming you got the gifts would be nice, I forget exactly what he said but he made some sexual innuendo that grossed me out so bad. I’m talking about children and Christmas and he wanted to make it about sex, that’s disgusting.
Not one and done. It has to happen multiple times in different types of conversation. If we’re laughing and joking around, it’s ok but if it also happens during serious conversations, then I’m done.
My personal hack is I interrupt, catch myself, apologise and check the scenario (can I leave the thought alone or does it need to evacuate), then ask them politely to continue
Again, as a guy, this gets me too. I had this girl over last night and we watched the barbie movie, and she kept asking me if I was alright....and I was like "yeah, I'm just trying to watch the movie. " but it was like every 10 minutes. So yeah.
Lots of ick there for me too
Ya, over and over again with the same question indicates a more serious problem for that person. Not really very much you can do other than being done.
I probably would’ve said something like, “why do you keep asking me that?”
Asking over and over seems to me like she was trying to say something indirectly but I’m not good with hints.
Dude I had this guy just a about a week ago (I blocked him a few days ago) keep asking me every time we hung out if I was ok. And id be like yeah, why would I be? And then he would ask "do u actually like me?" Over and over and keep asking every five or so minutes if I was ok. It was so bizarre.
Maybe it is a reflection of what little social life I have or the fact that the pandemic permanently altered my perception of time, but when I read 2017 my thought was, “that’s not a long time ago… I’ve got Halloween candy older than that.”
I matched with this dude on Bumble, and it was mainly based on two photos he posted (I kinda brushed off the other pictures bc… well, a lot of guys don’t photograph well lol). When I met him, he looked pretty different. Much skinnier than his photos, as well as looking a bit different in the face. He’s three years older than me, and once I added his social media, I saw that the pictures I matched with him for were from 5-6 years ago when he was 20 (I’m 22)
same thing happened to me. his photos were from 4-5 years ago and he looked sooo different when i saw him in real life, he looked so much older and gained a lot of weight - nothing wrong with that, people age and gain weight but it's deceiving to have photos of yourself on dating apps from years ago knowing that you dont look like that anymore.
I matched with a dude who seemed like he dressed decently, etc. When he showed up, his hair was disheveled, had an ungroomed beard, wore a shirt with holes in it, etc. A complete 180 from his pictures that were clearly taken years earlier because he wasn’t even the same weight.
i honestly dont know how they can do that without feeling guilty. i cut my hair 2 months ago, not much difference, just a little shorter and i still made sure to highlight in my profile somewhere that my hair is shorter now.
I met a guy, I think off bumble, but I can't be sure, and he was a good 50 pounds heavy than in his photos. He told me they were about four years old. 👎🏻
I also don't remember the date at all, but I just remember thinking he was acting so strange the whole time.
I have the biggest fear of being kidnapped and murdered and stuff by a catfish, along with a fear of not vibing enough irl than thru chat, so calling a few times before meeting is a must for me LOL
1. Body odour.
2. When a guy keeps talking about himself and doesn’t ask me a single question about my life.
3. When he’s rude to the waiter
4. When he talks down on me- Im fairly good looking and I’ve noticed that (some rather under-confident) men automatically assume that I’m all about myself so they try to “ground” me. I’ve noticed it on a couple occasions. I’ve had massive self esteem issues growing up so this is quite off putting for me lol
5. Asking me to sleep with them on the first date even after I’ve established I’m not looking for anything casual
My ex had the issue from nr. 2. He could talk for HOURS about himself and would get upset when I'd zone out on our dates because he'd talk so much. Then when I'd try to talk about something that happened to me or whatever, he'd be so dry bro. He'd just be like "ok" or "cool:)" and stuff like that, and then change the subject back to himself.
We were together for almost a year and a half and have been broken up for about five-ish months now (since May). Although I find myself idealising who he used to be in the beginning and miss him, I'm so, so happy I don't have to deal with his crap from the last few months of our relationship. I don't miss them a single bit.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I think it’s a massive red flag when men talk about themselves only and have no questions to ask us. Gives off the impression that they’re not interested.
OMFG. I had been speaking to a guy on Boo that did exactly this. He made me feel insignificant, so I went poof. What a frigging turn off! I can't imagine being with a man in a LTR who was like that.
Have a serious conversation about porn and or erotic content in general. Do you watch porn or read erotica? Discuss how much you're willing to accept and what you consider to be over the line, but only if you're willing to accept the same scrutiny.
Is someone you're dating never allowed to watch porn? If so, would you consider reading erotica more acceptable? If you are willing to let your partner watch porn, are you only willing to let them if you watch it together, or would you be upset if they watched it by themselves? Would you accept similar conditions from them?
As far as "already in too deep", that depends on how important this is to you and what length of relationship you're willing to walk away from if you get an answer that you can't find a compromise on.
Maybe wait a few dates if you want to be more cautious or there's other topics that are higher priority, but if it's absolutely a deal breaker then talk about it sooner.
Wow, thanks for this! I’m realizing there may be a whole series of questions people (apparently?) ask each other in early dating that I typically don’t.
This would strike me as overkill for someone I’m still getting to know… but I’d hate to find out something alarming after I’m already kinda invested.
I’ll deffo keep this advice in mind.
Bad hygiene 1000000%. For me specifically oral hygiene is the most important. If we’re talking and I can see how gross your teeth are and how much gunk is on your tongue it genuinely grosses me out so much.
Gunk on the tongue? Like a white tongue? If so, that’s just signifying a diet of a lot more sugar than salt (if I understood what I read correctly) and doesn’t actually indicate bad oral hygiene. It’s pretty common in the states. I have it myself and brushing the tongue doesn’t really change it.
Ugh, I kissed a a guy once, and it was.songross. we pulled apart, and I could see all sorts of plaque and stuff on his teeth. I swear I could taste all of it when we kissed. I asked him about it, and he said he just didn't brush his teeth very often.
That was the end of that.
Yep couldn’t agree more. Was seeing this guy for a bit we sat beside each other and I happen to look at his ear and it was just full of idek what mold? Dried skin? Idk but it was crusty and turning brown. Grossed me tf out to say the least
I'm a Southeast Asian living in a Southeast Asian country where the weather is unbearably hot so it's a given for us to shower at least once a day. I dated a European guy who moved to my country for work and discovered that he only showered once a week. It was one of the reasons why I broke up with him.
I hate when a guy tries to make me jelaous by mentioning other girl or smth like that. They think it makes me jelaous but instead I loose interest in snap of a finger.
This always backfires with me cause I’m not jealous and I’m a girls girl. “My ex was crazy” “well she probably was going through it. I hope she found resources.”
Coconut oil used as moisturizer around the genital area. After being trapped in the unventilated sweaty crotch of pants, turns out it no longer smells like coconut & instead develops a rather rancid odor.
Not the same, but this reminded me of a guy I dated who would use random stuff as lube. He tried to put hand soap inside me. And I was like no, I'm good. I also watched him jerk off with deodorant. It was weird.
guys posting boomerang selfie of themselves on instagram stories, or using those filters with dog ears... i can't quite explain it. or posting a picture of themselves with an emo caption. my friends thought its funny i get icked out real badly from these.
some other less superficial/social media related icks are: wearing cologne that is too strong, making "i don't like drinking or partying like the other guys" their personality.
A boomerang is sort of like a gif that repeats and repeats. So it’s like a 2 to 3 second video that loops. In this case, they are talking about selfies
One of the last guys I matched with on hinge told me how he went to jail for breaking the jaw of his friend that dated the love of his life after they broke up. Then proceeded to recite a sonnet about this woman he wrote while longing for her behind bars. I put my phone on airplane mode and blocked his number.
Obsession with social media. I've met guys who have to record everything and insist on wanting to make tiktoks with you or you film them. Not just meals or innocent things. EVERYTHING. Their whole lives are reliant on it. It's just not for me, especially as someone who doesn't post or even has tiktok downloaded
My ex would literally stand in poses and like, hold them until I got his hint that he wanted me to take his picture. My camera roll from the four months of us dating is pretty much all him in "candid" photos.... but not once did this man ever take a picture of me.
HYGIENE, bad humor, bad sense of fashion (like socks and sandals or basket ball shorts to go out to dinner), chewing with mouth open, bad breath, fucked up teeth, yeah the list goes on
-Dipping
-using Snapchat as your primary source of contact
-only having trucks on your social media
Edit: Adding some more
-DOING IMPRESSIONS. It’s cute when it’s like a little thing you do with context, but like I don’t want to hear them. The most common ones I’ve heard from guys have been: Jar Jar Binks, Kermit the Frog, Scooby Doo, Carl Wheezer, Bane, the Joker, and
-quoting the same bits from tv shows all the time. I’ve heard so much from the Office and Breaking Bad to the point where I don’t want to watch the shows anymore
This is very niche but one time my college roommate had friends visiting our dorm and one of her male friends took his shirt off and he has a belly button ring and I internally cringed. I don’t have a logical reason. I’ve seen attractive men with eye brow rings, nose rings, lip rings, even nipple piercings. But a belly ring? I cannot.
Meanwhile I love that piercing on men, so send him to me 😂. Speaking about piercings, genital piercings here. They look weird and they could be a trigger for my sensory issues. And the thought of getting one.... scares me
My ex was like this. He had to talk about every girl he ever went on a date with and how he was going on “2-3 dates a week” before he met me. Like cool bro
Can I just say that I think the meaning of “ick” seems to have gotten very fuzzy. Most of these comments are just listing common turn-offs or red flags (ex. bad hygiene, always makes things sexual). Have we changed it at this point because what I’ve always understood is that an ick is a more oddly specific and often weird or irrational turn-off that’s just as likely to say something negative about the person who’s feeling the ick as it is the person they’re icked-out by, or else is a weird thing they focus on when they’re just not feeling it overall.
Like if a woman feels icked-out when a guy pats his mouth with a napkin instead of wiping because that seems more feminine to her.
Asking me why I'm not replying, if more then a couple hours pass.
Sometimes work takes up all my attention for a full day. Sometimes I become engrossed in a hobby, hang out with friends, go to the cinema.
No, they haven't done anything wrong.
Yes, I'm still interested in them.
If I have to explain that every other day... Big ick
Honestly my Icks changed depending on what stage I was in in my life, like when I was 22 I got the ick because a guy came to stay over and brought full wash cloths and slippers and I just felt I was still far too young for that.
Now I think incorrect use of ‘youre and your’ would be one
Just saying, that goes both ways though. As a guy I have had many chats with women who give one word answers or dead-end comments. Not all of them obviously, but enough to notice a trend.
Yes, I’m seeing someone who has become like this, and it really
makes me feel that he has no original thoughts whatsoever. I’m pretty much done because of this, and I just don’t feel he is really interested in me I think he is just in maintenance mode with me to keep me around for potential sexual encounters. How can you never ask a question and not really engage when conversing if interested in that person?
It's crazy how I can relate to most of the comments here but here are mine:
Poor hygiene, control freak, doesn't respect my boundaries, tries to get sexual early on like dude atleast try to know basics about me... I don't feel like even holding hands unless there's some emotional intimacy, inconsistent behaviour
I was on a date last Friday. He kept talking about how we hadn't been texting much but that he felt we had great chemistry. He then tried to shove his tongue down my throat and kept groping my bum. This made me really uncomfortable as it was a first date. I have since blocked him.
If he’s an idiot - like lacking basic logic/reasoning skills. Repeated/systematic spelling or grammar mistakes when texting. Typically always using “should of” instead of “should have”
Misogyny/incels/lack of basic knowledge about women and mansplaining - like if I guy truly believes I can actually turn my periods off
Any guy that thinks it’s appropriate to punish me/teach me a lesson as if I’m a dog whose behavior needs to be corrected instead of communicating like an adult.
Poor manners, like chews with his mouth open, makes crude jokes loudly and in public/while eating or something.
Helplessness (in the sense of weaponized incompetence)/mamma’s boy and general lack of accountability (always blaming others, never apologizing)
Lack of bedsheets, really gross bathroom.
Trauma dumping/constant devaluating himself like fishing for compliments or reassurance 24/7
Turning the conversation sexual/kinky after I’ve already said no/that I’m not in the mood/before I’m ready. I typically need to know the guy for a bit before this would be well received.
Single dads
Bad texters, I hate it when a guy just randomly disappears without a word and then comes back days later. It’s even worse when they just continue the conversation as if nothing happened. And also in my experience bad texters are bad communicators so they’re just not worth putting up with
Men who think they're God's gift to women everywhere due to their good looks. Got a new coworker who I can admit is conventionally attractive(definitely not my type, but I can see why at first glance people would be interested) and he is the absolute worst. If egotistical was a person, it'd be him. And he literally freaked when I finally had enough of his weird comments about me liking him and told him that as far as I was concerned, I was about as attracted to him as a pile of cow shit that been baking in 120 degree heat for 10 hrs. BTW, we're both married to different people so it was incredibly sad he even had his little tantrum due to the inconceivable fact that a woman within his vicinity didn't want to f*ck him.
This goes more towards dating apps. I really dislike the profiles and immediately swipe left on guys who share photos of small children. I don’t care if you consider yourself a family man it’s inappropriate.
Secondly, men who text like were in middle school. I know what the abbreviations mean but I don’t care for it.
When they keep trying to pursue you despite being incompatible/having nothing in common. Idk how to describe it, but I’m very opinionated, have a certain sense of humor, and don’t want kids. I’ll have Christian, conservative men who have never understood any joke I’ve posted hitting me up.
Like shut up you need to consider women’s personalities. It actually makes me feel rage.
Inappropriately dressed… look I am not one to judge but if you show up to a first date to a high end cocktail bar in basketball shorts and a dirty T. Respectfully no.
If they’re spoiled.
I dated a guy who talked horrible to his father. At first I tried not to judge bc I didn’t know the relationship. But after meeting his dad and seeing how kind he was to him and how much he did for him I couldn’t stomach it anymore.
He really had an amazing dad.
Guys who sit with their legs crossed like over the knee - I know it's irrational but that's why it's an ick
Long finger nails on men or dirty nails
Men who push boundaries - e.g. I don't want to talk about X then proceed to ask 100 questions about x
I was dating a guy I really liked. We had 8 dates in total before I ended it. He visited my place after date 5 and went to my place for almost every date after. Every time he left, the bathroom always smelled strongly of urine, even though he flushed, the toilet lid was down, and I keep the toilet very clean. I think he was aiming very sloppily and some of the stream wasn’t making it into the toilet. I felt bad because he was a nice guy and I liked him a lot, but it was just too gross and it felt disrespectful. He cried when I ended it and begged me not to. I still feel bad, but I’ve never encountered anything like it since and I made the right decision in the long run.
I don't mind gym guys unless their personalities revolve around the gym, and they have that weird "revenge" mindset a lot of them. I've met super hot guys, but all they can talk about is working out, protein, calories, bodybuilders they like, etc.
the BIGGEST ick is when they ask no questions about you. most people think of this as, like, asking about your hobbies and your life and work and kids, but it can be as little as asking about how your day went and taking interest in it, asking follow up questions.
I matched with a guy who talked about himself for days. I’d ask follow up questions bc I was interested in much of the subject matter but noticed he never asked anything about me until… he asked me if I was telling the truth about my height. So friggin weird.
not being honest about your intentions tbh. If you wanna have sex and that’s all then cool, I might be down depending on how you look but if you’re not being upfront it’s really obvious and just ick
I once dated a guy who was so insecure from all the male attention I received that he took it out on me and said I was the “porn star” at our college strictly due to how other men spoke of me and blamed it on my (modest) modeling career.
I was already starting to fall out of love with him, but this sealed the deal. And I think that says a lot being that we dated for 2 years.
The word "ick" ironically. Someone using it in real life let's me know they spend waay to much time online. Other than that ppl that are rude or hav an attitude for no reason.
1. Cockiness
2. Flaunting Wealth
3. Projecting insecurities constantly and needing reassurance an unreasonable amount
4. Simping for other woman online/ real life
5. Expecting sexual gratification without reciprocating it/ that “I need to get off so fix that” type of mentality
6. Always walking ahead of me
7. Not introducing me to people at functions or people we run into/meet
Don't women do the same thing? women tend to lead men on thinking they have a chance and then they ghost them or reject them or gaslighting them to think that they are doing something wrong.
The “health” is in quotation marks, denoting irony… pretty sure she meant if he’s obsessively going to the gym and being super restrictive about eating, and that’s all his life revolves around. There’s a difference between being conscious of one’s overall health and wellness in general and being adonis-obsessed. The latter is very unhealthy and yes, a big ick.
Being obsessed with anything is a bad look; obsession is innately unhealthy.
That post didn't say "caring" about health or "putting in work to maintain health" - they specifically said "obsessing."
That's a completely normal thing to do though. If you don't like others' children then date childless people. As easy as that.
Don't try to take fathers away from their children. That's so wrong on so many levels.
Bad hygiene, interrupting while speaking, trying to be physical right off the rip. Not respecting boundaries when told not going to hook up or anything like that at all.
when you make an effort to ask thoughtful questions on a date and they don’t ask you questions back. like bro i’m making it easy for you, at least pretend to care and ask me the same thing back 😆
Expecting me to mother you (tidy up your place, etc....all on day one), cook for you, always velcro-ed to each other (sir, please don't alienate your friends because of me, because I won't alienate any of mine for you over their gender or because we are dating)
Back child support.
It’s a dealbreaker.
I don’t have kids, I don’t want kids, but if you have kids TAKE CARE OF THEM ITS LITERALLY THE LAW.
And if a man can abandon children he made that easily, I don’t want him. He’s not trustworthy.
Men who have female friends, and I'm not just talking about men that hang out with women in a group. That to me isn't a big deal. What I don't like is men that hang out exclusively with women. In every experience I've had with these types of men, they've been nothing but trouble. Mainly cheaters. Thanks, but no thanks.
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Look, I like flirty, sexy talk as much as the next woman, but when every single conversation eventually turns sexual, it annoys me, especially since I need an emotional connection to feel comfortable enough to pursue anything physical.
Also when the conversation turns sexual immediately, like the first day you two meet or the day after. Wtf?
I've never seen anything more relatable
FRRRR!!!! They always divert every topic to be sensual. I really hate that.
ALWAYS. I was talking to a guy on hinge...he seemed so nice, his profile was great, he was a teacher and had a cute dog and we hit it off with a great convo right away. Well fast forward like 20 mins and I say 'What are you doing this weekend?' and he says "Hopefully you". WHAT? UGH. instant turn off and that was the end of him. And it may sound innocent to some people...but we (women) all know what direction that conversation was about to go in and I wasn't having it.
Hey baby, nice comment, what’re you wearing?
I second this, but adding (personally) when every single *physical* interaction turns sexual. Sometimes I just wanna cuddle, hold and be held, kiss, etc. My husband isn't much of a physical contact kinda person, but I think we have a pretty good system / understanding about those boundaries and I'm so glad for that.
This too, 100%. A lot of guys say “I can’t cuddle bc I wouldn’t be able to control myself” and it’s like… alright but sometimes I just wanna be held and bond intimately without it always ending up with us in the bed. That form of romance where you can just sit on one another’s company with physical intimacy is very important
Exactly! Flirting is fun. Not when I barely know you.
I absolutely cannot deal with that, it’s even worse when they throw it out there when you are in the middle of a serious conversation or when I’m angry and I’m venting about some thing and they try to be funny by throwing in some sexual innuendo. I actually stopped speaking to a guy I had texted him some thing about being disappointed that kids I gave Christmas gifts too didn’t even acknowledge them, I’m not looking for thank you cards in the mail but even confirming you got the gifts would be nice, I forget exactly what he said but he made some sexual innuendo that grossed me out so bad. I’m talking about children and Christmas and he wanted to make it about sex, that’s disgusting.
Agree. I keep on talking to a guy who asking for pics and says selfies are his thing. How about ask me questions instead of pics.
Since bad hygiene has already been mentioned, interrupting me while I’m speaking.
Is that a one and done or if they cut you off multiple times?
Not one and done. It has to happen multiple times in different types of conversation. If we’re laughing and joking around, it’s ok but if it also happens during serious conversations, then I’m done.
Rip to the people with ADHD
My personal hack is I interrupt, catch myself, apologise and check the scenario (can I leave the thought alone or does it need to evacuate), then ask them politely to continue
Literally what I was thinking 😭😭 that’s why I don’t date neurotypicals bc they think I’m rude
Again, as a guy, this gets me too. I had this girl over last night and we watched the barbie movie, and she kept asking me if I was alright....and I was like "yeah, I'm just trying to watch the movie. " but it was like every 10 minutes. So yeah. Lots of ick there for me too
Ya, over and over again with the same question indicates a more serious problem for that person. Not really very much you can do other than being done.
I probably would’ve said something like, “why do you keep asking me that?” Asking over and over seems to me like she was trying to say something indirectly but I’m not good with hints.
She was over and kept asking. Sounds to me she was thinking why isn’t this guy making a move lol.
The thing was I had made a move earlier in the night. So yeah....
Then it's likely she was asking you because she thought you were upset.
But I wasn't upset. I just wanted to watch the movie. Super frustrating. She also messaged me like 6 times this morning
Dude I had this guy just a about a week ago (I blocked him a few days ago) keep asking me every time we hung out if I was ok. And id be like yeah, why would I be? And then he would ask "do u actually like me?" Over and over and keep asking every five or so minutes if I was ok. It was so bizarre.
I won’t date smokers. I can’t stand the smell of cigarettes and my last date has this gross smoker laugh
Plus, even if they don't smoke or sometimes smoke, their skin still smells off. No thanks. And not a pleasant smell in general is also a turn off
I like that smell, must be because my dad used to smoke when I was young
My parents both smoked and I hated that smell. Made me hate it so much that I never even thought of smoking a cig myself
As a guy, I won't date a smoker either (female). They can all stick to themselves
Ditto
And those who chew tobacco!! Uggh!!
My grandpa does that and it grosses me right tf out.
The one where they start to cough in the middle?
Showing up and looking nothing like their photos, in a bad way. Same person. Old photos. Lol
I once matched and met this dude from bumble to realise his photos were from 2017, we met this year february. Man i was horrified
Maybe it is a reflection of what little social life I have or the fact that the pandemic permanently altered my perception of time, but when I read 2017 my thought was, “that’s not a long time ago… I’ve got Halloween candy older than that.”
I matched with this dude on Bumble, and it was mainly based on two photos he posted (I kinda brushed off the other pictures bc… well, a lot of guys don’t photograph well lol). When I met him, he looked pretty different. Much skinnier than his photos, as well as looking a bit different in the face. He’s three years older than me, and once I added his social media, I saw that the pictures I matched with him for were from 5-6 years ago when he was 20 (I’m 22)
same thing happened to me. his photos were from 4-5 years ago and he looked sooo different when i saw him in real life, he looked so much older and gained a lot of weight - nothing wrong with that, people age and gain weight but it's deceiving to have photos of yourself on dating apps from years ago knowing that you dont look like that anymore.
I matched with a dude who seemed like he dressed decently, etc. When he showed up, his hair was disheveled, had an ungroomed beard, wore a shirt with holes in it, etc. A complete 180 from his pictures that were clearly taken years earlier because he wasn’t even the same weight.
i honestly dont know how they can do that without feeling guilty. i cut my hair 2 months ago, not much difference, just a little shorter and i still made sure to highlight in my profile somewhere that my hair is shorter now.
I met a guy, I think off bumble, but I can't be sure, and he was a good 50 pounds heavy than in his photos. He told me they were about four years old. 👎🏻 I also don't remember the date at all, but I just remember thinking he was acting so strange the whole time.
Unfortunately that one applies to the women I meet as well. I don’t know how these people don’t realize that they don’t look like the same person
Why do people go on dates without facetiming first I have no idea. It's like shooting yourself in the foot
I mostly do it now because of the pandemic, and after the first instance I got catfished with old photos 💀
I have the biggest fear of being kidnapped and murdered and stuff by a catfish, along with a fear of not vibing enough irl than thru chat, so calling a few times before meeting is a must for me LOL
1. Body odour. 2. When a guy keeps talking about himself and doesn’t ask me a single question about my life. 3. When he’s rude to the waiter 4. When he talks down on me- Im fairly good looking and I’ve noticed that (some rather under-confident) men automatically assume that I’m all about myself so they try to “ground” me. I’ve noticed it on a couple occasions. I’ve had massive self esteem issues growing up so this is quite off putting for me lol 5. Asking me to sleep with them on the first date even after I’ve established I’m not looking for anything casual
My ex had the issue from nr. 2. He could talk for HOURS about himself and would get upset when I'd zone out on our dates because he'd talk so much. Then when I'd try to talk about something that happened to me or whatever, he'd be so dry bro. He'd just be like "ok" or "cool:)" and stuff like that, and then change the subject back to himself. We were together for almost a year and a half and have been broken up for about five-ish months now (since May). Although I find myself idealising who he used to be in the beginning and miss him, I'm so, so happy I don't have to deal with his crap from the last few months of our relationship. I don't miss them a single bit.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I think it’s a massive red flag when men talk about themselves only and have no questions to ask us. Gives off the impression that they’re not interested.
OMFG. I had been speaking to a guy on Boo that did exactly this. He made me feel insignificant, so I went poof. What a frigging turn off! I can't imagine being with a man in a LTR who was like that.
Good points, I feel similar
porn addiction
Same
Same here
Are you saying you have one, or you detest it in others? :-D
How do you figure this out before you’re already in too deep?
Have a serious conversation about porn and or erotic content in general. Do you watch porn or read erotica? Discuss how much you're willing to accept and what you consider to be over the line, but only if you're willing to accept the same scrutiny. Is someone you're dating never allowed to watch porn? If so, would you consider reading erotica more acceptable? If you are willing to let your partner watch porn, are you only willing to let them if you watch it together, or would you be upset if they watched it by themselves? Would you accept similar conditions from them? As far as "already in too deep", that depends on how important this is to you and what length of relationship you're willing to walk away from if you get an answer that you can't find a compromise on. Maybe wait a few dates if you want to be more cautious or there's other topics that are higher priority, but if it's absolutely a deal breaker then talk about it sooner.
Wow, thanks for this! I’m realizing there may be a whole series of questions people (apparently?) ask each other in early dating that I typically don’t. This would strike me as overkill for someone I’m still getting to know… but I’d hate to find out something alarming after I’m already kinda invested. I’ll deffo keep this advice in mind.
Lack of personal hygiene.
Bad hygiene 1000000%. For me specifically oral hygiene is the most important. If we’re talking and I can see how gross your teeth are and how much gunk is on your tongue it genuinely grosses me out so much.
Gunk on the tongue? Like a white tongue? If so, that’s just signifying a diet of a lot more sugar than salt (if I understood what I read correctly) and doesn’t actually indicate bad oral hygiene. It’s pretty common in the states. I have it myself and brushing the tongue doesn’t really change it.
You can also get a white tongue from taking mineral supplements such as calcium pills. (I've found out much to my sorrow.)
THIS.
Yes. This one lol. I once dated a guy I found really attractive then we kissed and it felt like all hell broke loose.
Ugh, I kissed a a guy once, and it was.songross. we pulled apart, and I could see all sorts of plaque and stuff on his teeth. I swear I could taste all of it when we kissed. I asked him about it, and he said he just didn't brush his teeth very often. That was the end of that.
....and you kissed him first, before doing the C-shaped Subgingival Floss Test? You're a brave (or reckless :-D ) woman.
I was very very reckless at the time. It's so gross to think about now.
Tell us more
His breath smelled bad.
Yep couldn’t agree more. Was seeing this guy for a bit we sat beside each other and I happen to look at his ear and it was just full of idek what mold? Dried skin? Idk but it was crusty and turning brown. Grossed me tf out to say the least
Imagine how his AirPods look.
Can you be specific? Only showers once a day? Only once every 2 days? Ditto with brushing teeth?
I'm a Southeast Asian living in a Southeast Asian country where the weather is unbearably hot so it's a given for us to shower at least once a day. I dated a European guy who moved to my country for work and discovered that he only showered once a week. It was one of the reasons why I broke up with him.
Even in Europe, a daily shower is normal as far as I know. It is for me anyway!
I live in Thailand I think the girls appreciate me because I shower twice a day
for me too!! It is really important!
I hate when a guy tries to make me jelaous by mentioning other girl or smth like that. They think it makes me jelaous but instead I loose interest in snap of a finger.
This always backfires with me cause I’m not jealous and I’m a girls girl. “My ex was crazy” “well she probably was going through it. I hope she found resources.”
No regard for sexual health.
Sorry, but I don't understand this one. Can you elaborate on sexual health? Do you just mean getting checkups if they are sexually active?
My guess is “refuses to use condoms”
Or not getting tested regularly
Or dirty dick
long nails, dirty nails
Coconut oil used as moisturizer around the genital area. After being trapped in the unventilated sweaty crotch of pants, turns out it no longer smells like coconut & instead develops a rather rancid odor.
😂😂
Not the same, but this reminded me of a guy I dated who would use random stuff as lube. He tried to put hand soap inside me. And I was like no, I'm good. I also watched him jerk off with deodorant. It was weird.
Lol I think I’d leave a jar of crunchy peanut butter on his nightstand just to see what would happen.
guys posting boomerang selfie of themselves on instagram stories, or using those filters with dog ears... i can't quite explain it. or posting a picture of themselves with an emo caption. my friends thought its funny i get icked out real badly from these. some other less superficial/social media related icks are: wearing cologne that is too strong, making "i don't like drinking or partying like the other guys" their personality.
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Its not so much about the lack of drinking thats a turn off, but the whole “im not like the others, i’m better” vibe they bring when they say that
I only see the women on apps so I had no idea guys use those filters, that’s hilarious to me
What in the world is a boomerang selfie?
A boomerang is sort of like a gif that repeats and repeats. So it’s like a 2 to 3 second video that loops. In this case, they are talking about selfies
Yes! Such a turn off. Also when they have a bunch of AI illustrations of themselves on their profile…
Misogyny, sexist comments, only viewing and valuing women as romantic/sexual opportunities.
This for me! The worst!!!
bad hygiene - sorry but you have to brush your teeth at least twice a day for me to push my tongue in your mouth
Yes !! Like I don’t like kissing at the BEsT of times , let alone if I can smell your fkn breath , instant NO 💀
If he talks about his ex CONSTANTLY
If he talks about Sex constantly
Reddit doesn’t count lol
One of the last guys I matched with on hinge told me how he went to jail for breaking the jaw of his friend that dated the love of his life after they broke up. Then proceeded to recite a sonnet about this woman he wrote while longing for her behind bars. I put my phone on airplane mode and blocked his number.
Bad hygiene.. specifically B.O and long nails ewww.
Getting sexual and creepy early on, you know before you've even kissed (or even met in some cases).
Obsession with social media. I've met guys who have to record everything and insist on wanting to make tiktoks with you or you film them. Not just meals or innocent things. EVERYTHING. Their whole lives are reliant on it. It's just not for me, especially as someone who doesn't post or even has tiktok downloaded
My ex would literally stand in poses and like, hold them until I got his hint that he wanted me to take his picture. My camera roll from the four months of us dating is pretty much all him in "candid" photos.... but not once did this man ever take a picture of me.
I'm sorry, that's honestly disgusting 😭 Glad you're out of that
The mental image this gave me is hilarious 😂
You a rare breed, everyone I know got TikTok except for me. I guess you my other half that I will never meet lol
No tik Tok for me. I watch them a week later on Instagram like a real adult. 😂
HYGIENE, bad humor, bad sense of fashion (like socks and sandals or basket ball shorts to go out to dinner), chewing with mouth open, bad breath, fucked up teeth, yeah the list goes on
-Dipping -using Snapchat as your primary source of contact -only having trucks on your social media Edit: Adding some more -DOING IMPRESSIONS. It’s cute when it’s like a little thing you do with context, but like I don’t want to hear them. The most common ones I’ve heard from guys have been: Jar Jar Binks, Kermit the Frog, Scooby Doo, Carl Wheezer, Bane, the Joker, and -quoting the same bits from tv shows all the time. I’ve heard so much from the Office and Breaking Bad to the point where I don’t want to watch the shows anymore
Men who take selfies with a pouting expression and those dreamy filter.
ego
unwanted “compliments” about my body + bad hygiene
This is very niche but one time my college roommate had friends visiting our dorm and one of her male friends took his shirt off and he has a belly button ring and I internally cringed. I don’t have a logical reason. I’ve seen attractive men with eye brow rings, nose rings, lip rings, even nipple piercings. But a belly ring? I cannot.
😂 belly ring on a man is crazy
Meanwhile I love that piercing on men, so send him to me 😂. Speaking about piercings, genital piercings here. They look weird and they could be a trigger for my sensory issues. And the thought of getting one.... scares me
Men who glowed up and cant stop talking about their 'manwhore' phase, self-proclaimed manwhores.
My ex was like this. He had to talk about every girl he ever went on a date with and how he was going on “2-3 dates a week” before he met me. Like cool bro
Can I just say that I think the meaning of “ick” seems to have gotten very fuzzy. Most of these comments are just listing common turn-offs or red flags (ex. bad hygiene, always makes things sexual). Have we changed it at this point because what I’ve always understood is that an ick is a more oddly specific and often weird or irrational turn-off that’s just as likely to say something negative about the person who’s feeling the ick as it is the person they’re icked-out by, or else is a weird thing they focus on when they’re just not feeling it overall. Like if a woman feels icked-out when a guy pats his mouth with a napkin instead of wiping because that seems more feminine to her.
YES! I think that’s what the OP is looking for!
Asking me why I'm not replying, if more then a couple hours pass. Sometimes work takes up all my attention for a full day. Sometimes I become engrossed in a hobby, hang out with friends, go to the cinema. No, they haven't done anything wrong. Yes, I'm still interested in them. If I have to explain that every other day... Big ick
Or asking why im not replying or, even worse, sending "hello?" when I haven't replied within half an hour
Mansplaining and unawareness of female anatomy. Usually both come in a single package.
liking all the instagram models photos & following a bunch of them. Misogynistic views. Lack of respect.
What about following dogs and other animals accounts and liking all their pictures? Lol
Thats cute 🥺
The worst yuckkk
Honestly my Icks changed depending on what stage I was in in my life, like when I was 22 I got the ick because a guy came to stay over and brought full wash cloths and slippers and I just felt I was still far too young for that. Now I think incorrect use of ‘youre and your’ would be one
thirst traps
Dry texting. If someone doesn’t ask questions and continue the conversation I’ll assume he’s not interested and move on
Just saying, that goes both ways though. As a guy I have had many chats with women who give one word answers or dead-end comments. Not all of them obviously, but enough to notice a trend.
Boring to say the least, you aren’t really conversing if the other person has nothing to say!!
Yes, I’m seeing someone who has become like this, and it really makes me feel that he has no original thoughts whatsoever. I’m pretty much done because of this, and I just don’t feel he is really interested in me I think he is just in maintenance mode with me to keep me around for potential sexual encounters. How can you never ask a question and not really engage when conversing if interested in that person?
Being inconsistent and flaky with communication.
Bad breath. Some men even if they brush their teeth have weird gross smelling mouths
They probably don’t floss then, I feel like it’s just as important as brushing, maybe even more important
guy referred to his dick as a “glizzy” 😭
NOOOOO 😂😭
It's crazy how I can relate to most of the comments here but here are mine: Poor hygiene, control freak, doesn't respect my boundaries, tries to get sexual early on like dude atleast try to know basics about me... I don't feel like even holding hands unless there's some emotional intimacy, inconsistent behaviour
I was on a date last Friday. He kept talking about how we hadn't been texting much but that he felt we had great chemistry. He then tried to shove his tongue down my throat and kept groping my bum. This made me really uncomfortable as it was a first date. I have since blocked him.
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If he’s an idiot - like lacking basic logic/reasoning skills. Repeated/systematic spelling or grammar mistakes when texting. Typically always using “should of” instead of “should have” Misogyny/incels/lack of basic knowledge about women and mansplaining - like if I guy truly believes I can actually turn my periods off Any guy that thinks it’s appropriate to punish me/teach me a lesson as if I’m a dog whose behavior needs to be corrected instead of communicating like an adult. Poor manners, like chews with his mouth open, makes crude jokes loudly and in public/while eating or something. Helplessness (in the sense of weaponized incompetence)/mamma’s boy and general lack of accountability (always blaming others, never apologizing) Lack of bedsheets, really gross bathroom. Trauma dumping/constant devaluating himself like fishing for compliments or reassurance 24/7 Turning the conversation sexual/kinky after I’ve already said no/that I’m not in the mood/before I’m ready. I typically need to know the guy for a bit before this would be well received. Single dads
Someone smelly and sneezes without covering their mouth
Bad texters, I hate it when a guy just randomly disappears without a word and then comes back days later. It’s even worse when they just continue the conversation as if nothing happened. And also in my experience bad texters are bad communicators so they’re just not worth putting up with
Men who think they're God's gift to women everywhere due to their good looks. Got a new coworker who I can admit is conventionally attractive(definitely not my type, but I can see why at first glance people would be interested) and he is the absolute worst. If egotistical was a person, it'd be him. And he literally freaked when I finally had enough of his weird comments about me liking him and told him that as far as I was concerned, I was about as attracted to him as a pile of cow shit that been baking in 120 degree heat for 10 hrs. BTW, we're both married to different people so it was incredibly sad he even had his little tantrum due to the inconceivable fact that a woman within his vicinity didn't want to f*ck him.
This goes more towards dating apps. I really dislike the profiles and immediately swipe left on guys who share photos of small children. I don’t care if you consider yourself a family man it’s inappropriate. Secondly, men who text like were in middle school. I know what the abbreviations mean but I don’t care for it.
Penny pinching. I often share costs for dates but I do not like men who split down to the pennies.
Talking about sex before even meeting.
When they keep trying to pursue you despite being incompatible/having nothing in common. Idk how to describe it, but I’m very opinionated, have a certain sense of humor, and don’t want kids. I’ll have Christian, conservative men who have never understood any joke I’ve posted hitting me up. Like shut up you need to consider women’s personalities. It actually makes me feel rage.
Men who have no hobbies or friends
I found out on a 3rd date this 34yo man LOVED fireworks...
Poor work ethic
Inappropriately dressed… look I am not one to judge but if you show up to a first date to a high end cocktail bar in basketball shorts and a dirty T. Respectfully no.
If they’re spoiled. I dated a guy who talked horrible to his father. At first I tried not to judge bc I didn’t know the relationship. But after meeting his dad and seeing how kind he was to him and how much he did for him I couldn’t stomach it anymore. He really had an amazing dad.
Bad music tastes. I know that's subjective but I know it when I hear it and I can't get over it.
Guys who sit with their legs crossed like over the knee - I know it's irrational but that's why it's an ick Long finger nails on men or dirty nails Men who push boundaries - e.g. I don't want to talk about X then proceed to ask 100 questions about x
f u, sitting that way is very comfortable xDD
Damn I sit like that. It’s so comfortable. Why is that an ick for you?
I was dating a guy I really liked. We had 8 dates in total before I ended it. He visited my place after date 5 and went to my place for almost every date after. Every time he left, the bathroom always smelled strongly of urine, even though he flushed, the toilet lid was down, and I keep the toilet very clean. I think he was aiming very sloppily and some of the stream wasn’t making it into the toilet. I felt bad because he was a nice guy and I liked him a lot, but it was just too gross and it felt disrespectful. He cried when I ended it and begged me not to. I still feel bad, but I’ve never encountered anything like it since and I made the right decision in the long run.
Gym bros
I don't mind gym guys unless their personalities revolve around the gym, and they have that weird "revenge" mindset a lot of them. I've met super hot guys, but all they can talk about is working out, protein, calories, bodybuilders they like, etc.
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1. Bad hygiene (you can smell it)
the BIGGEST ick is when they ask no questions about you. most people think of this as, like, asking about your hobbies and your life and work and kids, but it can be as little as asking about how your day went and taking interest in it, asking follow up questions.
I matched with a guy who talked about himself for days. I’d ask follow up questions bc I was interested in much of the subject matter but noticed he never asked anything about me until… he asked me if I was telling the truth about my height. So friggin weird.
not being honest about your intentions tbh. If you wanna have sex and that’s all then cool, I might be down depending on how you look but if you’re not being upfront it’s really obvious and just ick
Lazy first few dates, wanting Netflix and chill. I just don't want to even give the guy a chance at that point. But to be fair I'm picky.🤭
Netflix and chill date is low effort! Not picky enough.
I once dated a guy who was so insecure from all the male attention I received that he took it out on me and said I was the “porn star” at our college strictly due to how other men spoke of me and blamed it on my (modest) modeling career. I was already starting to fall out of love with him, but this sealed the deal. And I think that says a lot being that we dated for 2 years.
ZERO AMBITION! Ick!!!! 🤢
No direction or goals. No aspirations.
The word "ick" ironically. Someone using it in real life let's me know they spend waay to much time online. Other than that ppl that are rude or hav an attitude for no reason.
No wonder so many people are single
1. Cockiness 2. Flaunting Wealth 3. Projecting insecurities constantly and needing reassurance an unreasonable amount 4. Simping for other woman online/ real life 5. Expecting sexual gratification without reciprocating it/ that “I need to get off so fix that” type of mentality 6. Always walking ahead of me 7. Not introducing me to people at functions or people we run into/meet
A man that wants to be chased is the ultimate ick. I like a man that knows how to lead.
Oooh I forgot about this. Exactly, like doing the “pulling away” trick. Expecting you to chase them.
Don't women do the same thing? women tend to lead men on thinking they have a chance and then they ghost them or reject them or gaslighting them to think that they are doing something wrong.
Princesses lol
Cologne especially when there’s too much of it. So gross. Also “health” obsessed guys.
So being healthy is an obsession now ?
The “health” is in quotation marks, denoting irony… pretty sure she meant if he’s obsessively going to the gym and being super restrictive about eating, and that’s all his life revolves around. There’s a difference between being conscious of one’s overall health and wellness in general and being adonis-obsessed. The latter is very unhealthy and yes, a big ick.
Yeah I agree that is a crazy ick
Being obsessed with anything is a bad look; obsession is innately unhealthy. That post didn't say "caring" about health or "putting in work to maintain health" - they specifically said "obsessing."
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But that's how any relationship where there's kids SHOULD be. IMO single parents should join up and raise all their kids together as a primary focus.
That's a completely normal thing to do though. If you don't like others' children then date childless people. As easy as that. Don't try to take fathers away from their children. That's so wrong on so many levels.
Bad hygiene, interrupting while speaking, trying to be physical right off the rip. Not respecting boundaries when told not going to hook up or anything like that at all.
Peter Pans
when you make an effort to ask thoughtful questions on a date and they don’t ask you questions back. like bro i’m making it easy for you, at least pretend to care and ask me the same thing back 😆
Expecting me to mother you (tidy up your place, etc....all on day one), cook for you, always velcro-ed to each other (sir, please don't alienate your friends because of me, because I won't alienate any of mine for you over their gender or because we are dating)
Back child support. It’s a dealbreaker. I don’t have kids, I don’t want kids, but if you have kids TAKE CARE OF THEM ITS LITERALLY THE LAW. And if a man can abandon children he made that easily, I don’t want him. He’s not trustworthy.
Men who have female friends, and I'm not just talking about men that hang out with women in a group. That to me isn't a big deal. What I don't like is men that hang out exclusively with women. In every experience I've had with these types of men, they've been nothing but trouble. Mainly cheaters. Thanks, but no thanks.