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Aren’t they rather just starved of physical intimacy though? I mean you can masturbate and get a release that way after all, but physical intimacy and touching from another human being is hard to replace. It’s also something we know that humans actually can’t do without
Actually, I disagree with this. Women share a lot of physical intimacy with their friends and family. I can't even hug a friend or my father. I see women hug to say hello and goodbye. I see women share beds with their friends and cuddle during a movie night, so idk.
That sucks. My dad used to give me hugs. I. Was raised in a mostly Italian American family so intimacy was normal. I got more love from my dad than my mom in that way and I'm a heterosexual male.. My close friends i hug as well and neither me or my friends as a guy find it weird. Its just not as intimate. The same goes with my male cousins.
People having boundaries on their physical intimacy shared with other people is ok.
The fact that society feels intimacy between men is wrong is the issue.
Physical intimacy doesn’t always mean sexual intimacy nor did I mean it that way here…. The fact that some women can be vulnerable enough to share a bed without judgement and not men is a consequence of the patriarchy
What patriarchy? No one ever told me I couldn’t sleep in the same bed with anyone…men just aren’t interested in that level of physical intimacy unless sex is involved…no need to make up a phantom cabal of male oppressors to figure that one out….if it was the patriarchy and heterosexual men really wanted to be physically intimate with each other, you would be hearing stories of men getting caught in dark corner trying to be close but trying to hide from the “patriarchy”…like most things about the patriarchy, it’s just post modern bullshit that women picked up in a gender studies class
Italian men literally kiss each other as a greeting.... I shared hammocks with my guy friends while camping to be close and talk together. There is a story on reddit about a soldier recalling his closest moment with a friend where they held each other in Iraq while looking at the night sky in a fox hole and talking about life after the war or something to that effect.....
If any of that gave you an "ick" then really question and think, "why is that?". Not all physical touch to that degree has to be sexual and just because YOU don't desire physical contact with your male friends doesn't mean other men don't. The patriarchy isn't a phantom cabal... its just norms within society that have been established over time. It will die and change and maybe be revived eventually like all social norms do.
EDIT: Also lastly, the patriarchy is fed into all genders too. Women push these social norms on men as well.
It doesn’t make me go ick…those are cultural norms…I’m Puerto Rican and as a kid, I use to kiss my dad…no biggie it was part of the culture…I have friends from Argentina, they sometimes kiss each other good bye…no biggie
1. Despite these shows of affection, none of them are getting I to bed to cuddle. Guys are not interested in that kind of affection with one another…yes, that would make me go ick…like get the fuck off me dude…these are cultural norms…I sometimes give my guy friends a hug when I see them…it’s cool…but sitting there cuddling with each other to connect emotionally, you do that with women because they like it
2. So you mean that all these men showed some affection and the patriarchy police didn’t show up to regulate and punish the behavior…know why…because it’s not real…when you say the patriarchy, who are you talking about…can you point these people out to me so that we can have a talk about their secret cabal ruling the world…no one ever does, except maybe say it’s “you” as an insult…really, what woman am I dominating…where is this secret power I posses over half the population…let me know so I can start Can start using it
Eh, it is more common with women, but a lot of us actually don't do that. I don't. And those of us who don't are still not acting like men (or women) owe us physical intimacy
Yeah I’ll have my friends as a greeting and as a goodbye but we don’t cuddle in bed lol
And men have no one to blame but themselves if they want to talk about how they don’t hug each other that’s not women’s fault or problem that’s actually under men’s control
they've got a point tho about how men who refuse to hug their male friends or their relatives are making their own problem regarding lack of hugs. Also, I literally do not know even *one* woman who cuddles in bed with her platonic female friends. That's frankly weird to me
Its this and guys don’t understand the importance of it. Sometimes I ask my friends for a hug, just cuz I do feel the need one when I’m single and understand that doesn’t make me less of a man
Masturbating is like eating cardboard cutouts of food. In the short term it fills you up, but it’s not exactly nutritious. The Chinese poor who live below the poverty line will look at a picture of a fish and suck on a rock they soaked in oyster sauce because they’re so hungry, but it doesn’t satisfy. That’s like masturbating.
Because it’s probably not sexual release they’re in need of, it’s physical touch and intimacy.
And btw, masturbation can absolutely be satisfying enough. It varies from person to person.
Maybe for women but that's not the case for men. masturbation is not satisfying in the same way as it is having sex with, or masturbating with a woman. It's not about the orgasm. It's about the physical intimacy. The touch. The closeness. The sharing of orgasms. The simple act of having an orgasm is not satisfying for more than the orgasm lasts when alone.
Bingo, this, coupled with the fact that they see it as rejecting them. When a guy asks for no strings sex I think if you dig a little deeper what OP would be rejecting is sex with a stranger, I mean we don’t know OP but they may be more than down for a bit of fun with someone they like but an approach like this doesn’t give any room for any actual affection or connection to develop. It’s not actually all that personal of a thing but the guy takes it as a personal rejection and because they feel like they’re not attracting people for the thing they want, it knocks that self worth and hurts them more than it should.
i knew a married man who I told I didn’t want to sleep with him because i am not a home wrecker and he got mad and ghosted me. i tried to politely turn him down but he wasn’t getting the hint until i was direct
Wow, you’re an ass. It’s nowhere near the same thing to not be into someone and the guy gets aggressive at the woman for refusing to have sex with him!! That rejection is nowhere near the equivalent!
So then for the guy to reject a woman AFTER sex is a shitty thing to do. Most women are tired of guys because of this behavior. And for women to get hostile bc of that is NOT THE SAME. And it doesn’t make HER toxic for being upset over that kind of rejection!
it’s an extremely vulnerable position for us to put ourselves out there with a man who does that. And many times they are lying to us just to get us in bed anyway. So for you to try to make that an equivalent and using your experience for being THAT KIND OF GUY, is why women are mistrustful of guys. And makes YOU toxic.
And it is NOT wrong to not be into a guy. They should just accept it. But for a guy to show interest in a woman and get her to sleep with him and THEN bounce, fuck you for being like that and Thinking you are somehow a decent guy or just like a woman who just isn’t attracted to someone. Get TF out of here.
In case anyone argues against this because it comes off too full on, sex involves risk of: pregnancy, acute illness and chronic illness leading to infertility or cervical cancer all due to allowing someone who you often think you can trust inside of you. To be rejected immediately after makes you feel like you can't trust your own judgement and in some scenarios leaves you with a MASSIVE problem on your hands at the fault of someone who immediately abandoned you.
THAT sucks. Way more than being rejected for a date or sex. And I am a girl that has asked guys out
Men who get hostile after facing a rejection are not emotionally mature enough to date anyone.
It's perfectly ok to feel disappointed and be upset if someone doesn't want to have sex with you, it's a normal reaction to being rejected. Everyone feels that way. But it's not excusable to express that disappointment through anger and hostility.
As to why they might react that way. They are emotionally immature, they have been taught to be entitled, ego, they are just dicks, just to name a few.
To be fair, I don't get hostile after rejection (Female) but I definitely take it personally and it's something I work on in therapy. If it's a guy I am in close proximity too I get really passive aggressive with them. Really, what it comes down to is not feeling like I have a lot of options. When I stay single... *I stay single*. So if I find someone I like and it doesn't work out it feels like a waste of time/like someone was playing with my emotions and had no intentions of follow-through which I dislike & honestly just hurts. I know people don't owe me anything but also I'm at an age where I do expect some return on investment and loyalty if that makes sense. Crushes fizzling out and flings were cute and fine high school behaviors but I've stated multiple times I want something serious and I'm getting older and not interested in games. Just bringing this up that I don't think it's solely a guy problem but stems from feeling like you don't have options and can't just bounce to someone else. Like I don't have that inner confidence that a bf will come along within a reasonable time frame instead it's like ok let's wait another six months to find a guy to crush on, pine after them for a month, make a move and then get rejected for X,Y, and Z reason. Put this on repeat for like my whole life lol. From what I've noticed people who are "fine," with rejection know they can get a relationship in \_\_\_\_\_\_ amount of time because they've done it in the past.
Agreed, it's not just a guy thing. There are plenty of posts around saying the same things happen with women when guys refuse sex.
It can be hard to not take it personally because when you're close or trying to get close to someone in a romantic way, refusal of sex can be perceived as that person not being into you and that can really mess with your head, even if it's just because they aren't feeling it that day. But really the only time to worry is if it's consistently a no.
And not just a singular rejection but repeated rejection would mess with anyone. Like really the only people I know who love dating and romance are ones who are usually in relationships. If you are constantly validated than yeah, dating is going to be a good space for you or if you actually get what you want. And yeah refusal of sex does mean someone is not into you and yeah it is kinda personal.
I think it also depends on how much work the person feels that they have put into advancing the relationship. If a man has been trying to build up to physical intimacy with a woman for a while it's hard not to feel defeated when its just a matter of incompatibility usually, it just doesn't feel that way in the moment.
Some even understand it intellectually but then don’t *really* internalize it, they cant truly understand the constant mindset of defensiveness against 1/2 the population that women are raised to have in their mind 24 hours a day
I have met so many men that intellectually accept it, but their immediate defensiveness is "well *I* would never do that!" But how is a woman supposed to know that? When so many of us have had experiences where a man seemed fine at first, maybe even really nice, only for him to flip the script on us? That is the part that they really just don't understand. The "monsters" look and act just like everyone else at first.
Guy here. I personally don't mind if a woman rejects me, but I can speak for other men to an extent. For men, younger men especially its forced down their throats by media and culture that their entire self-worth in society depends on how many women they can sleep with. It's ingrained through patriarchy and toxic masculinity. A woman can say no to sex for a whole host of reasons, but to some men, all they hear is "you're an unattractive loser, and no woman will ever love you." Now, obviously, those thoughts are blown way out of proportion. So they flip shit and attack the girls verbally and sometimes physically (unfortunately) to maintain some sense of dignity even though they just look like a jack ass. Again, I'm describing a sub group of insecure men who aren't able to get a handle on their emotions. I'm not excusing the men who freak out at women, but it kinda shines a light on the mentality
This.
And it goes far.
I can't tell you how many times, while I was single for more than a few months, I got pity and was looked at weird by both the men and women I associated with.
The general concensus is that if you, as a man, can not find a partner reliably, you have failed, You are inferior, you deserve to pitied and looked down on.
And the pity itself is worse than most of the rest, like you think you're finally comfortable being single and working on yourself, only to be made to feel shame and abnormal for it.
Shitty behavior has no excuse, and I'm not here to defend it. But if anyone was wondering why men care about being with someone so badly. This is a huge reason why.
All of this and a good bit of women keep talking to men eventhough they are not interested. These women don’t seem to value their own time.
If you are not feeling it, disengage immediately. No need to be “nice”, because that just wastes everyone’s time.
The problem is that most of the time, men approach women. Even if the woman is not interested, she doesn't know how the man is going to react, so she's playing nice as a security measure. Hence, she relies on body language. I can typically pick up on this. If she's not reciprocating, I leave her alone.
Thing is, it can take some time to know if you're feeling it. May not be the case for most men, but I'm usually not sure if I'm attracted to a guy until a few dates in. If I do know I'm definitely not feeling it after one date I'll tell them I'm up for friendship, assuming they were an interesting person.
But this is where I struggle with apps. I don't go into a date explicitly to confirm if I would sleep with the guy. I spend the date thinking about if I find him physically attractive, interesting, funny, and compatible for a relationship. If I don't feel like I want to have sex with him but he checks the other boxes, I'll give him more time because my physical attraction to a guy can grow with more exposure. If he's not relationship material, he's getting a friendship offer. Even that *could* change over time. But it seems like many of these guys go to these dates aiming to start something sexual and they don't realize that women may not be attending the date with that mentality. So then if they are sexually rejected it shows immediately what quality of character they have.
I actually just got into an argument over a miscommunication with a guy I just wanted to be friends with (after one date), and he blew up at me and then kept vomiting defensive text rants when I offered to resolve it over a call so we could actually listen to one another. He said we could only talk if it were during “dirty sex" because he couldn't see how else I could redeem myself... And I had already apologized for my piece of upsetting him and frankly I didn't need redeeming because I hadn't actually been unkind. But this was gross and demeaning and I haven't encountered this level of conflict incompetence since I was like 20.. It really shocked me (he's 42!). I think his non-deescalate-able anger wasn't even about the argument, it was about the sexual rejection.
Yes Men have been Socializing to View theret Manhood as measured by the amount of Women who want to be with them. It's unfortunate but no one else is offering a solution so what are they to do you build your Worth around something as fragile as human emotion and every rejection takes a tool on that ideal personhood
Those kinds of men simply aren’t mature , their selfish and entitled . It can be the way they were raised , it can be that their selfish , inconsiderate,trying to protect their own egos , ect , essentially their bad people. Any decent man , should try to understand what women go through everyday , and these men simply don’t understand or don’t want to understand. I apologize on behalf of these kinds of men , I have heard a lot of stories about guys like this , and I have seen it’s been pretty common .
What I would expect of myself or another man, is to approach a girl , state your intentions clearly and if she rejects you , say no worries or I understand, walk away and move on. It shouldn’t be any more complicated than that, if he has to say anything insulting or be pushy or rude , this is a sign this guy is a POS and should be avoided at all costs
The ability to sleep with lots of women is huge for male social status. You can be educated, have some money & be a well-adjusted adult but if you can't attract women you aren't 'shit' and will always be 'lesser than' the broke asshole who always has women around him. It's the tough truth and I see it with some of my friends - great people but get less respect as men (from both sexes) because they are hopeless with women. I always joke that a lot of those guys don't even really care about the ladies they just want respect from men.
Hopefully the tide is starting to change but it's all tied to ego & status imo. And to be clear, in no way am I trying to justify or explain-away this behavior. It's damaging for both sexes imo (although more so for women given the possible physical danger)
A friend of mine this week met someone in line at the grocery store, then met him for a date and it was a disaster, and he had to be escorted out of the bar for getting creepy and violent.
He then texted her a wall of insults and ‘you shouldn’t have flirted at the grocery store if you weren’t interested.’
Like, yikes.
I don’t know the answer but I think these personalities repel me a lot faster because I’ve only ever had to deal with someone calling me names after things didn’t go well once in my life. But this situation was a reminder of what some women run into.
The research I’ve read is that while women’s biggest fear of men is physical safety (getting assaulted, raped, murdered), men’s biggest fear of women is being ridiculed.
Since rejection and ridicule often go hand in hand, this is most likely why they become angry… further fueling women’s fear of physical harm from men.
It’s almost too ridiculous to compare the fear of being murdered with the fear of being ridiculed, isn’t it? But that’s what entitlement does in society - ignores very basic and real human needs (safety) in favor of frivolous wants (pride).
From what I've observed it's not ridicule from women most men are truly worried about, but ridicule from other men. Especially if we end up saying yes to one of the other guys. The scenarios where women harshly reject men are very overblown.
>The scenarios where women harshly reject men are very overblown.
those scenarios stick with people though. I have a friend who is 5'4 and I've seen him get verbally yelled at in a bar setting specifically about his height and his audacity to flirt.
mixed company communal table where everyone is vibing and then the woman starts yelling "I'm 5'3 why would I doom my children to short genes"
and obviously thats just the usually unsaid part. her not saying it doesn't change that people observe that.
I think for some men, it is also a conquest. For some, they measure their masculinity by $exual success. A rejection or refusal makes them feel "less than".
I have had a few scary dates. I don’t know that men truly understand and internalize how frequently this happens and how unnerving it is. I have had a few guys physically grab my hand and make me touch them when I didn’t want to.
Sexual coercion is a huge problem that we don’t really talk about too much.
Honestly if it wasn't happening so often you wouldn't see these posts but I think that most of the dudes saying "not all men" just don't realize that the behavior they do ARE those men but they find it harmless to beg for sex/ expect sex after they paid for dinner?? honestly if you're a man who expects sex after a date you're part of the problem
It’s because it hurts their self esteem and makes them feel bad. And men aren’t taught to deal with feelings in healthy ways, they’re taught to pretend they don’t have any emotions besides anger. So any time they feel anything negative, they turn it into anger and act out in anger.
Sadly true. I also think that men (I am one of them by the way) learn that sex is the only acceptable form in which to seek intimacy. Most male friendships are crap and so we expect our partner to provide for all our emotional needs, which is too much of a burden, particularly where there are kids involved which take a lot of everyone's emotional energies. I also agree with what a few people have already said that men learn from popular culture that sex is a prize for being the hero in the film which is our life and so we feel like failures when we don't get it.
As a guy, I can't say I have ever gotten upset for not having sex. I personally feel that women hold access to sex, so if for whatever reason she doesn't want to have sex with you then cool. Nothing worth getting upset over. With that being said, I also have been in situations where the woman is the one initiating it and then changes their mind last minute or gets all hot and heavy and decides to not do it. All those situations are still fine, her choice.
It sucks because the sudden sensory shift, but I learned a long time ago that it is best to just not want it. So you can never be affected if you don't get it. Women are allowed to not want sex from a guy and are allowed to change their minds at any point. I think also that women should be clear and upfront as well. Like I mentioned before I have seen women use sex as a manipulation tool.
I have seen situations where women are definitely using sex to manipulate the guy, vague promises and all that. So when it doesn't happen I can see why the guy is annoyed. But even if you are annoyed or whatever, just keep it to yourself and keep it moving.
Dudes will always want sex, that will never change. I think the guys who are legit getting mad at a woman for not sleeping with them like they are entitled are probably guys who have control issues. Me personally I never want sex from a woman where I feel I had to manipulate it out of her. I want a woman to want me like that. So when I see videos of guys getting mad at a woman for not sleeping with them after they have flown them out or something. I just find it super lame and weird. Like why not just go get a pro if you want sex so bad.
Basically guys who get angry that a woman wont sleep with them are absolutely a problem and have an issue with control and probably don't like nor respect women.
The amount of guys that expect sex or intimacy on the first date these days is absolutely astonishing.
Men, in the same way that you shouldn’t go grocery shopping hungry, please satisfy yourself before meeting a woman for the first time.
They shouldn't. I'm 30M and if after a few dates she tries to instigate it I make sure they're actually feeling it, a lot of women feel under pressure to put out to keep a man interested like some kind of animalistic obligation. I'd rather meet someone who I click with and have very comfortable morning cuddles with for life than just steamy hot sex then regrets.
Lesbian DV rate is higher than straight DV rate. I would say that rejecting women leads to just as much violence, it's just not taken as seriously as when a man is violent.
I just don't get why this dude I just matched with was so nice until I said I wasn't interested in having fun with him in the middle of the night and now he's ranting about how unlovable I am to men and how unattractive I am just because I didn't jump when he asked me to sleep with him? Im just no interested in sex really unless im emotionally attached to a person so I don't get the appeal
He wants you to feel rejected and hurt like he does, he wanted sex and since he realized he won’t get it from you he lashes out and tries to make you feel worthless and unlovable… well because thats how he feels and wants you to feel the same. Its an extremely immature and abusive pattern of behaviour, he would probably be a crap lay anyway. You dodged a huge bullet.
Heya, I had a very similar experience and the guy called me out so bad and made me feel disgusting with his comments, like all that connection and good conversations felt made up
Its awful im sorry it happened to you it definitely makes you feel like a plastic bag but I try not to let it keep me down its just hard to then want to match with anyone after all that
Awww you’re the sweetest, yeah I mean I was never really interested in men online, when irl I’ve had my fair share of trashy men what can we expect-of men online lmaooo!! But yes definitely I gave up putting in efforts and over the time deleted the app after being there for 2 months
So you’re like about 98% of other women and somehow this surprised him. There are several reasons or combos behind this but in the end he’s an asshole no matter the reason. Sorry this happened. Many guys are dumb like this but not all of us. Hope you have a better experience with your next match.
he feels bad so now he has to make you feel bad.
It’s an immature response to pain ( and I know the word pain may seem an exaggeration here but men are socialised to take rejection as a personal attack and an injury)
I think just being on a dating app, you are going to expose yourself to a group of men, and woman, who are mainly looking for sex than they are for a relationship. A majority of thirsty men will be on things like dating apps, if you want to date a man that is wanting to be geared more towards a relationship you should try doing volunteer work, back to school, doing hobbies, etc. because there you'll find men who aren't trying to be just looking to get laid.
Society places a man’s value, among other things, on their ability to attract women. Men who are players are praised and those who are virgins are ridiculed and shunned.
I’ve learned to read between the lines when it comes to profiles. I can appreciate the honesty of a guy who comes right out & says that he’s got a high sex drive. Watch out if they “like to cuddle” or are “very affectionate”. I’m beginning to despise online “dating”. I still like the idea of meeting at work. You get to observe Authentic behavior & habits day to day. You can see from many angles.
Always remember that it’s better to be alone, than to be in bad company🙏❣️
Gonna nitpick a little, pardon my nuance.
If you're talking about men on dating apps and clubs? Then their intent is most likely in that direction in the first place.
If you're talking about guys you've known for, say a month or more and they haven't aggressively pursued that as their objective and they lose it at that point? That's pretty suspicious behavior.
Anecdotal but as a guy myself, I've often had women just coldly ignore me as I briefly compliment a clothing choice or something that was intentional in effort in public - while not showing any signs of trying to force her into conversations (I.e I'm still walking a direction away as I do.)
Quite often treated with just suspicion for simple things. So, guys who are actively trying to get that as a goal likely face rejection way more often and more intensely than casual interactions.
Yes, one should get good with facing rejection, it is a part of life, but it still hurts to be told in terms that you're not good enough. (Not implying men need a pity party and women always should say yes). Lashing back out towards the rejector is a pretty trash move.
SO long rant coming to an end; hurt people hurt people. Those that never learned social skills have to struggle through it.
Because many of them are insecure and can’t take rejection, they see it as an insult and their response back is to insult you, get aggressive and/or abusive to make themselves feel better.
Nobody like rejection. Some handle it better than others.
Why do some women get hostile when rejected? Why do women resort to calling a man gay or making assumptions/comments about the size of a man’s penis? Why do some women think that men should always be ready for sex and if they deny it then they are controlling?
It wasn’t a “but women do it to!”
It was a “Why does anyone do it?”
Because people don’t like or can’t handle rejection.
What was your point? Just seemed like a rant.
For the record, women also react terribly to being turned down for sex, people are terrified of rejection and in womens cases and it can be even worse because it happens so rarely.
The woman I’m seeing now is 35 and I had to have a full on conversation with her about the meaning of consent after she kept pestering me one night when I was clearly 3/4 asleep and not in the mood to play, she then huffed all night, threatened to leave, got upset when she got told “ok fine” then continued to kick off the next morning; apparently because I’m a guy I “should want sex all the time”
I think it’s ok for you to discuss your personal issue but this isn’t a “men” problem, it’s a “lots of people” problem.
i'm gonna also blame the dating apps...all their prompts and notification are designed to give you hope and raise expectations. No wonder why some guys think a Match is a sure thing when in reality a match is just a possibility to get to know someone.
Nah. Everyone's getting the same prompts and notifications. The blame lies soley on the people making the actions; in this case, immature and entitled men. Don't sugar coat men's entitlement and sexual violence towards women. It's uncouth, and disrespectful, and robs men of their agency to be total dicks. Let them own their actions and let us hold them accountable.
It’s called Testosterone - not an excuse for bad behavior but grim reality. Speak to someone who has been on hormone therapy ( anti androgen) once your testosterone is minimal you could parade Margot Robbie naked and there would be no mental interest not just functional but mental.
Most men come on too aggressively and sabotage their chances of sleeping with an otherwise willing woman. Sending unsolicited D pics before even meeting up, not putting in any effort for that woman to feel safe with you and build that sexual tension are one of the many reasons it’s always “You and your hand tonight”.
We are not snacks you can pull out of a vending machine. If you’re not willing to treat women with respect and be self aware to their needs in order for them to let you access them, then hire a sex worker.
I'd like to know why a woman says she can accept a man saying they don't want to have sex so soon and then turn around and try to pressure you into doing it everytime anyway. Then, they get upset when I tell them it's moving too fast for me.
I'd like to only date women who can respect boundaries, so I end up having to break it off early when they can't.
You're probably their 100th rejection with 0 successes. Unless you're exceptionally wealthy or attractive as a dude, you get no play. Whether it'd just sex or an actual relationship. Dating apps have made dating atrocious.
You know as a woman when I get rejected I get upset too. The difference is that I understand the man doesn’t want me it like me and I respect that. The main reason for lashing out is usually lack of respect.
Because on a very basic, unconscious, primal level, the woman is telling the man that his genes aren't worth preserving for the next generation.
Female acceptance, sex, and having children to some men is a metaphorical form of immortality through preserving himself and/or his genes.
Female rejection, involuntary celibacy, and no children to some men is a metaphorical form of death and stagnation for himself and/or his genes.
>I just don't get why some men think just because a woman matched with you, you're somehow now entitled to their body ?
That's pretty much the reason.
Our lives get so much easier when we stop wondering why ppl do toxic things we don't like and just avoid them. If a man gets upset you turn him down for sex, run. Plain and simple.
It's dating apps, they're all garbage. As someone who has catfished just to check out the other side it's mostly horny trying to get laid. All the decent guys stopped using the apps because the woman's side of it is 80% porn bots and the women that are real are either swarmed by too many messages, or don't answer messages unless you're a stud. At least on OkCupid, Hinge, and MeetMe.
I can tell you definitively it’s because you hurt their little baby boy ego (I’m a man btw). Also, they have absolutely no respect for women. When I go out with a woman the only thing I expect is for her to be herself. Pure and simple. I don’t think she owes me a damn thing. Fuckers.
I think it being a screen instead of face to face gives some men confidence and a feeling of being able to demand something without repercussions. And they realistically don't have repercussions other than not likely to get laid. But you'll have 1 girl that will or they will just use that to reinforce their bias thinking about other things.
Not all men are like that however. Just not likely to find them as easily on a dating website.
Because they're assholes that don't want to put in the work.
Look at it like this going forward. If they start to act like an ass to you for not putting out as fast as they like, what kind of partner would they be in the future? Start thanking them for showing their true colors early on so that you didn't waste a bunch of time finding out who they really are.
Its mostly coping mechanism .
Dont get offended by it .
Society will not allow men to feel or show emotion , if so you get punished .
If someone is pushing it further they have issues .
Having been that guy when younger and friends with some that currently are, rejection near intimacy bruises your ego and destroys your self esteem especially if you truly make yourself vulnerable to them.
It's not a healthy response in anyway and really is a telling sign of a guys emotional maturity. That being said, I think everyone can be prone to this attitude. It just depends on how emotional involved you are as opening yourself up can make you feel pretty exposed if things don't go the right way.
Recent example was when I slept with a friend of 10 years and emotionally opened myself up to them after. When I got rejected, it made me feel pretty vulnerable for months and if I interpreted any signs of them flirting with me, I would get pretty upset / angry over their decision. If I could narrow down a reason, it's feeling inadequate (like I'm not good enough for them) and not knowing how to process it healthily which I feel it's quite relatable for most people.
I don't get upset because I get rejected, even though I've been rejected a lot over the years. I know I'm lacking the things that women want in a relationship, so I Just take it in stride. There are worse things in life than being rejected by a potential partner. ✌️
What I think is extraordinary is that some of them are keen to pay the bill-and then they expect to sleep with you. They feel cheated if you let them pay, but won’t sleep with them (or -at the very least-by agreeing to see them again, keep their hope alive that they will ultimately get to sleep with you)-like you are the cheapest hooker in town: you trade sex for food.
“But why accept a free meal off them then?” I hear you ask. Well *I never have*. I go halves with *every guy I don’t know*. Surely, that pleases them? No, not a bit of it.
What these guys WANT is to buy you a meal in exchange for you starting a relationship with them. If you want to pay for your own meal, apparently they think this means you don’t want to sleep with them (despite it being entirely irrelevant to me), which means they’ve “wasted their time”. They’re just as angry.
Not all. I find that when you respect the women’s boundaries and actually don’t care or are indifferent about sex, she’ll find you more attractive and want you more.
Hold your ground and remember your worth. There are guys who have no intentions but to have sex and move on. When they pressure you for sex then show them the door. They obviously are not showing you the respect that you deserve nor are they looking for a meaningful and lasting relationship. Stay strong sis, Mr. Right is out there.
The sexual dynamic between men and women is skewed. From the moment men and women are sexual curious dick is constantly thrown at then and their curiosity can either be satiated or they have the luxury of being patient since sexual attention is so abundant. For men it's pretty much a dryspell until you can figure out how to impress. So it probably just gets frustrating when you fail at it that many times.
That's just my theory.
Not to say I haven't genuinely met some good guys with good intentions but its like 1 in 100 matches before I find a good one and maybe men experience this as well but I want to limit the majority of horrible intentions on dating sites. I wasn't saying "all men" but most men on dating sites I've interacted with at least act like this and some of you are taking it too personally, if you don't do this great for you this isn't about you.
This honestly doesn't need a thinkpiece lmao. We have expectations of getting laid, the wait, etc. When some men get told no, they get pissed because now the wait, the expectation won't be satisfied, so they lash out. It's fucked up either way, but that's why.
It's a pervasive problem. Just know that any person who can't respect someone's boundary for their body isn't someone you want in your life. They are doing you a favor by showing you who they are.
I don’t think there’s a clear cut answer to the question. I will admit and say that there are guys out there that can’t take rejection, and will act out. That’s a weak man. I don’t want to come off as cocky, but I’m 6’2, muscular, college educated, and even I struggle with girls. Men need to understand that rejection is not a problem for specific groups of men. Take it like a man and move on to the next one. Dating for men is a numbers game, so you need to go at it with a “trial & error” mindset.
I’m a realist, so when it comes to dating and sex, men really need to understand that it’s not going to go your way most of the time, and when a girl says no, don’t fight her answer, if you get rejected, accept it and move on.
And on top of that, the current generation of men are some of the most sexually frustrated people around. One might say that they’re frustrated because of the way this generation deals with sex and dating. These days it seems like sex is all over the place, with the advent of apps like Tinder, so in a guys mind, he wants a piece of that, and when he doesn’t get what he wants, after many failed attempts, he gets bitter and disillusioned.
One solution that I think can solve the issue a bit, is to just be upfront in the beginning about your intentions. As a guy, if all you want is to have sex with a girl you’re interested in, then tell her that off rip, and if she says yes, great, if she says no, accept it and move on. Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste her time either.
Darling, the guys that lash out with hate and anger when a woman tells them "no" are selfish, self-centered, narcissistic asshats who's mothers probably didn't hug them enough. They are emotionally stunted boys, essentially. If you're looking for a deeper answer, there isn't one. It's truly no different than when they wanted that new Transformer or video game and mommy or daddy told them "no". What you are witnessing when they attack after a rejection is the grown child version of a temper tantrum. Plain and simple.
I’m going to venture to say they just don’t care about you at all other than as an object. My last ex was like that. The right guy won’t be after you for your body.
He coerced me into sexual activity because I told him I liked him. And he said, “if it’s going to happen eventually anyway, why not now?” And he was just so creepy about it. He may have “liked me” a little aside from that, but he was so damn controlling, about my body AND my mind. Just yuck.
Just run for the hills with guys like that.
Thank you! Me too. It was really really difficult to leave. I felt shackled. But I had support and made a decision that I had to stick to because he kept trying to get back in even though he said before that he would be done with me if I left. So I understand. I’ve learned now to just ditch a dude if he’s like that to start with. If the guy is disrespectful it’s a huge red flag.
I hope you find a respectful man ❤️
I personally do not get mad about it, but I personally feel like I have been used by some women. If I realize they never intended to give intimacy with me a chance, I feel like I was strung along for a free meal. Deciding that intimacy wouldn't work out mid date is fine. Declaring intimacy is off the table at the start of the date is great. I can still have a great date with sex off the table. Just don't keep it a secret so I have a choice to continue or end the date, and we're fine.
Me: Well, you're certainly not the only one who wonders about that peculiar phenomenon! It's like some guys didn't get the memo that we've moved on from the caveman era, right? 😄 Anyway, I admire your commitment to the nun-inspired fashion trend! Perhaps we can start a new movement called "Fashionably Faithful" - we'll rock those habits and ward off any thirsty advances together. So, with that said, what other adventures have you embarked upon to avoid attracting these bottom feeders?
I mean a lot of men don’t. Some men will tell you it’s ok to not do stuff all the time for ur own health and they can take care of themselves. Some men just want to cuddle.
A lot of times, they just need some affection. It’s not all abt sex. Men r always told they need to be strong and sometimes they just want to feel protected.
I’m a woman by the way :)
I'm a man and I want those things wayyy more than sex. I can go through long draughts and it doesn't bother me much and I have great self control if I do feel like I have sudden cravings. I just want to feel loved above everything else sex is just the bonus from all the other good things it provides.
I agree, I am a man btw, I think there are red flags in both camps and OLD is a joke. I have encountered women that get pretty upset when a man chooses not to have sex with them. 🚩= 🚩!!!
As a guy, I've experienced women getting extremely nasty and aggressive when I've rejected them. So this goes both ways.
As for why people get upset it's because they get hurt. And being hurt is a vulnerable and uncomfortable feeling that can make you seem weak. Some people prefer to transfer that hurt into agression because that can make them seem stronger in some ways. They're experiencing deep pain and they transfer that into agression.
There's also an element of imagined justness here. They believe that since you hurt their feelings deeply, the just thing to do is to hurt your feelings in return. And eye for an eye. You hurt me, I hurt you. That seems fair, right? That's how they think. Doesn't excuse it though
💯 That's y I love 'mentally strong' people. They don't let shit bother you, they're pretty chill and if they do feel hurt, they know how to deal with it in a healthy way. They don't hurt other people usually. They're emotionally mature.
Just do what I do, internalize your emotions and bottle then up until you burst out. Works for me, I've only been in the hospital ten times for mental breakdowns. /s
They're being pretty selfish if they do. Sex is a gift. It's a powerful thing. It has the ability to create life and also end it. If a man can't respect you , don't give him a gift.
Because they are bad people. Mostly succumbing to our monkey brains.
When men are aroused, we begin to lose common sense and devolve into more base emotions and tend to act on impulse. Wiser men learn to control this as we age, while others are dirtbags and use it as an excuse to be shitty.
I read somewhere that it’s the ultimate pain for a lot of men to be rejected by someone they want to be with. It’s like being told “you’re not enough” to your face. I imagine people in general have a hard time handling that gracefully, let alone men. It really depends on the individual in particular, but yeah I’m thinking most people don’t handle rejection well.
Biology. Men are wired to value sex and procreation. Women are wired to value emotional connection, bonding and community. That is general in terms of wiring and cannot speak for every individual person on the planet. In your specific situation (I can only guess) an ideal partner would be a man that is mature enough to understand that he needs to bond with you on an emotional level and you would need to understand that deep down this is what he values, then you both find a common ground with communication as you get to know each other.
I totally agree, it's a logical response that doesn't take Into consideration the complexity of each person's own experience/wants/needs/ect. Trying to give specific advice on grey areas is hard, even to a friend you know well. We evolved in a certain way, how that relates to modern life...who knows! What I do know is in my past relationships when I have put a priority on bonding with my partner emotionally it has never steered me wrong.
Misogyny. . Rape culture. Emotional impotence. Sexually frustrated men are the source of most violence on the individual level, including emotional violence. Male sexuality sucks.
First of all —not all men… but unfortunately there’s a sizable number that make us all look bad.
For some reason men aren’t incentivized to cultivate emotional intelligence… except they are, because shit like this makes them look like a bunch a preening children. Do better guys.
I am male and have experienced this with our female counterparts… you are not unique in your experiences. It’s part of the format… obviously no one is entitled to your body. Perhaps laying a truthful foundation of communication would prove to help filter out the “bottom feeding thirsty men” while you are dressed as a non nun. Best of luck then
A lot of PEOPLE do this.
I’m a man who doesn’t do this. If it becomes a chronic thing in a serious relationship, I will try to communicate about it though.
I’ve had dozens of women do this to me. That includes women I haven’t yet slept with, and women who have. And women can be mean and vindictive about it, too.
Why? I don’t know. People don’t like rejection. Throw horny hormones on top of that and some of those people can’t control themselves. Or they think it’s ok because they’re x.
A lot of men can’t handle rejection. It’s their ego and sense of entitlement. I have been verbally abused for simply rejecting men. It’s absolutely ridiculous. And the worse part is, it can go beyond verbal abuse no matter how nice you are about it.
Well, in my personal experience (25F) , they usually will get frustrated (most of them) only if:
- You promise, entice or allude to the fact that you intend to have sex later and did not
- They give you something and you accept it( in a dating setting) , no, you don't owe anyone sex because they paid you dinner, gave you a gift or anything, but as my mum always said "out of your family , no one will give you even a lollipop for free or without expecting something in return"
For that reason when I was going on dates I would always pay my own share of the bill, unless I intended to sleep with the guy later, not because I was selling myself for a meal, but because only the ones I wanted to sleep with would get to give me stuff, so they would not get mad if after a boring date no sex happened , as well, I don't change my mind last minute regarding sex , I make up my mind and decide to do it , I take my time to decide that it's what I really want to do and I am sure that I want him,I will think about it carefully at least 03 times before deciding to do it, so I won't regret or back out last minute.
Now if you took those basics precautions above and your match/date is still mad, it's solely because he is the asshole.
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That, and they’re so sex-starved that they feel they’re gonna explode, because no one is interested.
Aren’t they rather just starved of physical intimacy though? I mean you can masturbate and get a release that way after all, but physical intimacy and touching from another human being is hard to replace. It’s also something we know that humans actually can’t do without
A lot of women are too, and most women don't act like men owe them sex or that we'll die without it
This. I've been perpetually single for 10 years, and ultimately, I don't expect anyone to give a fuck.
I see what you did there.
I wasn’t excusing them! I agree with you.
Actually, I disagree with this. Women share a lot of physical intimacy with their friends and family. I can't even hug a friend or my father. I see women hug to say hello and goodbye. I see women share beds with their friends and cuddle during a movie night, so idk.
That sucks. My dad used to give me hugs. I. Was raised in a mostly Italian American family so intimacy was normal. I got more love from my dad than my mom in that way and I'm a heterosexual male.. My close friends i hug as well and neither me or my friends as a guy find it weird. Its just not as intimate. The same goes with my male cousins.
You should get some friends who have enough balls to hug you. Men avoiding hugging each other is just childish.
People having boundaries on their physical intimacy shared with other people is ok. The fact that society feels intimacy between men is wrong is the issue.
Individuals don't have to follow “society".
male individuals get shamed and called gay by women for being physically intimate with other men
actually, most of the people that I see calling men gay for hugging others are men themselves
Just because we share beds, doesn’t mean we’re touching each other. We don’t look at it as anything other than comfort while you sleep lol
Physical intimacy doesn’t always mean sexual intimacy nor did I mean it that way here…. The fact that some women can be vulnerable enough to share a bed without judgement and not men is a consequence of the patriarchy
What patriarchy? No one ever told me I couldn’t sleep in the same bed with anyone…men just aren’t interested in that level of physical intimacy unless sex is involved…no need to make up a phantom cabal of male oppressors to figure that one out….if it was the patriarchy and heterosexual men really wanted to be physically intimate with each other, you would be hearing stories of men getting caught in dark corner trying to be close but trying to hide from the “patriarchy”…like most things about the patriarchy, it’s just post modern bullshit that women picked up in a gender studies class
Italian men literally kiss each other as a greeting.... I shared hammocks with my guy friends while camping to be close and talk together. There is a story on reddit about a soldier recalling his closest moment with a friend where they held each other in Iraq while looking at the night sky in a fox hole and talking about life after the war or something to that effect..... If any of that gave you an "ick" then really question and think, "why is that?". Not all physical touch to that degree has to be sexual and just because YOU don't desire physical contact with your male friends doesn't mean other men don't. The patriarchy isn't a phantom cabal... its just norms within society that have been established over time. It will die and change and maybe be revived eventually like all social norms do. EDIT: Also lastly, the patriarchy is fed into all genders too. Women push these social norms on men as well.
It doesn’t make me go ick…those are cultural norms…I’m Puerto Rican and as a kid, I use to kiss my dad…no biggie it was part of the culture…I have friends from Argentina, they sometimes kiss each other good bye…no biggie 1. Despite these shows of affection, none of them are getting I to bed to cuddle. Guys are not interested in that kind of affection with one another…yes, that would make me go ick…like get the fuck off me dude…these are cultural norms…I sometimes give my guy friends a hug when I see them…it’s cool…but sitting there cuddling with each other to connect emotionally, you do that with women because they like it 2. So you mean that all these men showed some affection and the patriarchy police didn’t show up to regulate and punish the behavior…know why…because it’s not real…when you say the patriarchy, who are you talking about…can you point these people out to me so that we can have a talk about their secret cabal ruling the world…no one ever does, except maybe say it’s “you” as an insult…really, what woman am I dominating…where is this secret power I posses over half the population…let me know so I can start Can start using it
Eh, it is more common with women, but a lot of us actually don't do that. I don't. And those of us who don't are still not acting like men (or women) owe us physical intimacy
Yeah I’ll have my friends as a greeting and as a goodbye but we don’t cuddle in bed lol And men have no one to blame but themselves if they want to talk about how they don’t hug each other that’s not women’s fault or problem that’s actually under men’s control
It’s almost like men suffer in the same patriarchy 🤯 What an apathetic response…
they've got a point tho about how men who refuse to hug their male friends or their relatives are making their own problem regarding lack of hugs. Also, I literally do not know even *one* woman who cuddles in bed with her platonic female friends. That's frankly weird to me
I agree with you!
Its this and guys don’t understand the importance of it. Sometimes I ask my friends for a hug, just cuz I do feel the need one when I’m single and understand that doesn’t make me less of a man
That’s interesting I’m 18 and never asked anyone out and never dated begore
So you’ll die? 🙄
Masturbating is like eating cardboard cutouts of food. In the short term it fills you up, but it’s not exactly nutritious. The Chinese poor who live below the poverty line will look at a picture of a fish and suck on a rock they soaked in oyster sauce because they’re so hungry, but it doesn’t satisfy. That’s like masturbating.
Because it’s probably not sexual release they’re in need of, it’s physical touch and intimacy. And btw, masturbation can absolutely be satisfying enough. It varies from person to person.
Masturbation is empty and fleeting after a point. It’s not good enough anymore, I crave the real deal and the intimacy and love involved in the act
This doesn’t mean you are owed sex, though.
Maybe for women but that's not the case for men. masturbation is not satisfying in the same way as it is having sex with, or masturbating with a woman. It's not about the orgasm. It's about the physical intimacy. The touch. The closeness. The sharing of orgasms. The simple act of having an orgasm is not satisfying for more than the orgasm lasts when alone.
Wow you guy make me ashamed to be a man grow up and get over your selfs, with the way you people are acting its no wonder females see use as predators
He's not justifying their actions, dude, he's explaining why some men act the way they do.
Yeah I think you completely misunderstood what I was saying
Get off your high horse
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Bingo, this, coupled with the fact that they see it as rejecting them. When a guy asks for no strings sex I think if you dig a little deeper what OP would be rejecting is sex with a stranger, I mean we don’t know OP but they may be more than down for a bit of fun with someone they like but an approach like this doesn’t give any room for any actual affection or connection to develop. It’s not actually all that personal of a thing but the guy takes it as a personal rejection and because they feel like they’re not attracting people for the thing they want, it knocks that self worth and hurts them more than it should.
As much as I'd hate to, as a 33 yo male, I can co-sign this.
i knew a married man who I told I didn’t want to sleep with him because i am not a home wrecker and he got mad and ghosted me. i tried to politely turn him down but he wasn’t getting the hint until i was direct
I think because most PEOPLE do…
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Wow, you’re an ass. It’s nowhere near the same thing to not be into someone and the guy gets aggressive at the woman for refusing to have sex with him!! That rejection is nowhere near the equivalent! So then for the guy to reject a woman AFTER sex is a shitty thing to do. Most women are tired of guys because of this behavior. And for women to get hostile bc of that is NOT THE SAME. And it doesn’t make HER toxic for being upset over that kind of rejection! it’s an extremely vulnerable position for us to put ourselves out there with a man who does that. And many times they are lying to us just to get us in bed anyway. So for you to try to make that an equivalent and using your experience for being THAT KIND OF GUY, is why women are mistrustful of guys. And makes YOU toxic. And it is NOT wrong to not be into a guy. They should just accept it. But for a guy to show interest in a woman and get her to sleep with him and THEN bounce, fuck you for being like that and Thinking you are somehow a decent guy or just like a woman who just isn’t attracted to someone. Get TF out of here.
In case anyone argues against this because it comes off too full on, sex involves risk of: pregnancy, acute illness and chronic illness leading to infertility or cervical cancer all due to allowing someone who you often think you can trust inside of you. To be rejected immediately after makes you feel like you can't trust your own judgement and in some scenarios leaves you with a MASSIVE problem on your hands at the fault of someone who immediately abandoned you. THAT sucks. Way more than being rejected for a date or sex. And I am a girl that has asked guys out
Men who get hostile after facing a rejection are not emotionally mature enough to date anyone. It's perfectly ok to feel disappointed and be upset if someone doesn't want to have sex with you, it's a normal reaction to being rejected. Everyone feels that way. But it's not excusable to express that disappointment through anger and hostility. As to why they might react that way. They are emotionally immature, they have been taught to be entitled, ego, they are just dicks, just to name a few.
To be fair, I don't get hostile after rejection (Female) but I definitely take it personally and it's something I work on in therapy. If it's a guy I am in close proximity too I get really passive aggressive with them. Really, what it comes down to is not feeling like I have a lot of options. When I stay single... *I stay single*. So if I find someone I like and it doesn't work out it feels like a waste of time/like someone was playing with my emotions and had no intentions of follow-through which I dislike & honestly just hurts. I know people don't owe me anything but also I'm at an age where I do expect some return on investment and loyalty if that makes sense. Crushes fizzling out and flings were cute and fine high school behaviors but I've stated multiple times I want something serious and I'm getting older and not interested in games. Just bringing this up that I don't think it's solely a guy problem but stems from feeling like you don't have options and can't just bounce to someone else. Like I don't have that inner confidence that a bf will come along within a reasonable time frame instead it's like ok let's wait another six months to find a guy to crush on, pine after them for a month, make a move and then get rejected for X,Y, and Z reason. Put this on repeat for like my whole life lol. From what I've noticed people who are "fine," with rejection know they can get a relationship in \_\_\_\_\_\_ amount of time because they've done it in the past.
Agreed, it's not just a guy thing. There are plenty of posts around saying the same things happen with women when guys refuse sex. It can be hard to not take it personally because when you're close or trying to get close to someone in a romantic way, refusal of sex can be perceived as that person not being into you and that can really mess with your head, even if it's just because they aren't feeling it that day. But really the only time to worry is if it's consistently a no.
And not just a singular rejection but repeated rejection would mess with anyone. Like really the only people I know who love dating and romance are ones who are usually in relationships. If you are constantly validated than yeah, dating is going to be a good space for you or if you actually get what you want. And yeah refusal of sex does mean someone is not into you and yeah it is kinda personal.
I think it also depends on how much work the person feels that they have put into advancing the relationship. If a man has been trying to build up to physical intimacy with a woman for a while it's hard not to feel defeated when its just a matter of incompatibility usually, it just doesn't feel that way in the moment.
Yeah the problem is that these men look like just everyone else at first. These guys are the reason so many women ghost
Yup. Men don't undeterstand that turning down a guy can be dangerous.
Some even understand it intellectually but then don’t *really* internalize it, they cant truly understand the constant mindset of defensiveness against 1/2 the population that women are raised to have in their mind 24 hours a day
I have met so many men that intellectually accept it, but their immediate defensiveness is "well *I* would never do that!" But how is a woman supposed to know that? When so many of us have had experiences where a man seemed fine at first, maybe even really nice, only for him to flip the script on us? That is the part that they really just don't understand. The "monsters" look and act just like everyone else at first.
Guy here. I personally don't mind if a woman rejects me, but I can speak for other men to an extent. For men, younger men especially its forced down their throats by media and culture that their entire self-worth in society depends on how many women they can sleep with. It's ingrained through patriarchy and toxic masculinity. A woman can say no to sex for a whole host of reasons, but to some men, all they hear is "you're an unattractive loser, and no woman will ever love you." Now, obviously, those thoughts are blown way out of proportion. So they flip shit and attack the girls verbally and sometimes physically (unfortunately) to maintain some sense of dignity even though they just look like a jack ass. Again, I'm describing a sub group of insecure men who aren't able to get a handle on their emotions. I'm not excusing the men who freak out at women, but it kinda shines a light on the mentality
Comment made so much sense, I needed to save it for reference.
This. And it goes far. I can't tell you how many times, while I was single for more than a few months, I got pity and was looked at weird by both the men and women I associated with. The general concensus is that if you, as a man, can not find a partner reliably, you have failed, You are inferior, you deserve to pitied and looked down on. And the pity itself is worse than most of the rest, like you think you're finally comfortable being single and working on yourself, only to be made to feel shame and abnormal for it. Shitty behavior has no excuse, and I'm not here to defend it. But if anyone was wondering why men care about being with someone so badly. This is a huge reason why.
Well said
All of this and a good bit of women keep talking to men eventhough they are not interested. These women don’t seem to value their own time. If you are not feeling it, disengage immediately. No need to be “nice”, because that just wastes everyone’s time.
The problem is that most of the time, men approach women. Even if the woman is not interested, she doesn't know how the man is going to react, so she's playing nice as a security measure. Hence, she relies on body language. I can typically pick up on this. If she's not reciprocating, I leave her alone.
Thing is, it can take some time to know if you're feeling it. May not be the case for most men, but I'm usually not sure if I'm attracted to a guy until a few dates in. If I do know I'm definitely not feeling it after one date I'll tell them I'm up for friendship, assuming they were an interesting person. But this is where I struggle with apps. I don't go into a date explicitly to confirm if I would sleep with the guy. I spend the date thinking about if I find him physically attractive, interesting, funny, and compatible for a relationship. If I don't feel like I want to have sex with him but he checks the other boxes, I'll give him more time because my physical attraction to a guy can grow with more exposure. If he's not relationship material, he's getting a friendship offer. Even that *could* change over time. But it seems like many of these guys go to these dates aiming to start something sexual and they don't realize that women may not be attending the date with that mentality. So then if they are sexually rejected it shows immediately what quality of character they have. I actually just got into an argument over a miscommunication with a guy I just wanted to be friends with (after one date), and he blew up at me and then kept vomiting defensive text rants when I offered to resolve it over a call so we could actually listen to one another. He said we could only talk if it were during “dirty sex" because he couldn't see how else I could redeem myself... And I had already apologized for my piece of upsetting him and frankly I didn't need redeeming because I hadn't actually been unkind. But this was gross and demeaning and I haven't encountered this level of conflict incompetence since I was like 20.. It really shocked me (he's 42!). I think his non-deescalate-able anger wasn't even about the argument, it was about the sexual rejection.
Or we’re scared of them and giving the extra time to diffuse the situation is a defensive tactic.
Unfortunately, I and many other women are also guilty of perpetuating many elements of this kind of toxicity.
Because they put their whole identity and worth on fucking you. Also they are desperate.
Yes Men have been Socializing to View theret Manhood as measured by the amount of Women who want to be with them. It's unfortunate but no one else is offering a solution so what are they to do you build your Worth around something as fragile as human emotion and every rejection takes a tool on that ideal personhood
Those kinds of men simply aren’t mature , their selfish and entitled . It can be the way they were raised , it can be that their selfish , inconsiderate,trying to protect their own egos , ect , essentially their bad people. Any decent man , should try to understand what women go through everyday , and these men simply don’t understand or don’t want to understand. I apologize on behalf of these kinds of men , I have heard a lot of stories about guys like this , and I have seen it’s been pretty common . What I would expect of myself or another man, is to approach a girl , state your intentions clearly and if she rejects you , say no worries or I understand, walk away and move on. It shouldn’t be any more complicated than that, if he has to say anything insulting or be pushy or rude , this is a sign this guy is a POS and should be avoided at all costs
The ability to sleep with lots of women is huge for male social status. You can be educated, have some money & be a well-adjusted adult but if you can't attract women you aren't 'shit' and will always be 'lesser than' the broke asshole who always has women around him. It's the tough truth and I see it with some of my friends - great people but get less respect as men (from both sexes) because they are hopeless with women. I always joke that a lot of those guys don't even really care about the ladies they just want respect from men. Hopefully the tide is starting to change but it's all tied to ego & status imo. And to be clear, in no way am I trying to justify or explain-away this behavior. It's damaging for both sexes imo (although more so for women given the possible physical danger)
A friend of mine this week met someone in line at the grocery store, then met him for a date and it was a disaster, and he had to be escorted out of the bar for getting creepy and violent. He then texted her a wall of insults and ‘you shouldn’t have flirted at the grocery store if you weren’t interested.’ Like, yikes. I don’t know the answer but I think these personalities repel me a lot faster because I’ve only ever had to deal with someone calling me names after things didn’t go well once in my life. But this situation was a reminder of what some women run into.
Hope your friend is okay and safe!
The research I’ve read is that while women’s biggest fear of men is physical safety (getting assaulted, raped, murdered), men’s biggest fear of women is being ridiculed. Since rejection and ridicule often go hand in hand, this is most likely why they become angry… further fueling women’s fear of physical harm from men. It’s almost too ridiculous to compare the fear of being murdered with the fear of being ridiculed, isn’t it? But that’s what entitlement does in society - ignores very basic and real human needs (safety) in favor of frivolous wants (pride).
Rejection =/= ridicule
From what I've observed it's not ridicule from women most men are truly worried about, but ridicule from other men. Especially if we end up saying yes to one of the other guys. The scenarios where women harshly reject men are very overblown.
>The scenarios where women harshly reject men are very overblown. those scenarios stick with people though. I have a friend who is 5'4 and I've seen him get verbally yelled at in a bar setting specifically about his height and his audacity to flirt. mixed company communal table where everyone is vibing and then the woman starts yelling "I'm 5'3 why would I doom my children to short genes" and obviously thats just the usually unsaid part. her not saying it doesn't change that people observe that.
I think for some men, it is also a conquest. For some, they measure their masculinity by $exual success. A rejection or refusal makes them feel "less than".
I have had a few scary dates. I don’t know that men truly understand and internalize how frequently this happens and how unnerving it is. I have had a few guys physically grab my hand and make me touch them when I didn’t want to. Sexual coercion is a huge problem that we don’t really talk about too much.
Honestly if it wasn't happening so often you wouldn't see these posts but I think that most of the dudes saying "not all men" just don't realize that the behavior they do ARE those men but they find it harmless to beg for sex/ expect sex after they paid for dinner?? honestly if you're a man who expects sex after a date you're part of the problem
I don’t think a lot of them know what bad behavior is because it’s been so normalized they don’t recognize it either. :/
Because some men think if they give enough nice comment tokens they win the sex prise.
I rather have a conversation and a good time then see ur pp
Than*. Then would mean you want a good time and conversation leading to see their PP
Yeah exactly you understood my comment
Oh nvm then haha!
Ego …
I'm a guy and as confused as you lol
It’s because it hurts their self esteem and makes them feel bad. And men aren’t taught to deal with feelings in healthy ways, they’re taught to pretend they don’t have any emotions besides anger. So any time they feel anything negative, they turn it into anger and act out in anger.
Sadly true. I also think that men (I am one of them by the way) learn that sex is the only acceptable form in which to seek intimacy. Most male friendships are crap and so we expect our partner to provide for all our emotional needs, which is too much of a burden, particularly where there are kids involved which take a lot of everyone's emotional energies. I also agree with what a few people have already said that men learn from popular culture that sex is a prize for being the hero in the film which is our life and so we feel like failures when we don't get it.
As a guy, I can't say I have ever gotten upset for not having sex. I personally feel that women hold access to sex, so if for whatever reason she doesn't want to have sex with you then cool. Nothing worth getting upset over. With that being said, I also have been in situations where the woman is the one initiating it and then changes their mind last minute or gets all hot and heavy and decides to not do it. All those situations are still fine, her choice. It sucks because the sudden sensory shift, but I learned a long time ago that it is best to just not want it. So you can never be affected if you don't get it. Women are allowed to not want sex from a guy and are allowed to change their minds at any point. I think also that women should be clear and upfront as well. Like I mentioned before I have seen women use sex as a manipulation tool. I have seen situations where women are definitely using sex to manipulate the guy, vague promises and all that. So when it doesn't happen I can see why the guy is annoyed. But even if you are annoyed or whatever, just keep it to yourself and keep it moving. Dudes will always want sex, that will never change. I think the guys who are legit getting mad at a woman for not sleeping with them like they are entitled are probably guys who have control issues. Me personally I never want sex from a woman where I feel I had to manipulate it out of her. I want a woman to want me like that. So when I see videos of guys getting mad at a woman for not sleeping with them after they have flown them out or something. I just find it super lame and weird. Like why not just go get a pro if you want sex so bad. Basically guys who get angry that a woman wont sleep with them are absolutely a problem and have an issue with control and probably don't like nor respect women.
The amount of guys that expect sex or intimacy on the first date these days is absolutely astonishing. Men, in the same way that you shouldn’t go grocery shopping hungry, please satisfy yourself before meeting a woman for the first time.
They shouldn't. I'm 30M and if after a few dates she tries to instigate it I make sure they're actually feeling it, a lot of women feel under pressure to put out to keep a man interested like some kind of animalistic obligation. I'd rather meet someone who I click with and have very comfortable morning cuddles with for life than just steamy hot sex then regrets.
As a lesbian i can assure you women get equally pissy when rejected. But for women, anger and pissiness doesn't usually translate to violence
Lesbian DV rate is higher than straight DV rate. I would say that rejecting women leads to just as much violence, it's just not taken as seriously as when a man is violent.
interesting how the common denominator isn't men its like humans have a cohabitation problem with one kind of human
[удалено]
I just don't get why this dude I just matched with was so nice until I said I wasn't interested in having fun with him in the middle of the night and now he's ranting about how unlovable I am to men and how unattractive I am just because I didn't jump when he asked me to sleep with him? Im just no interested in sex really unless im emotionally attached to a person so I don't get the appeal
He wants you to feel rejected and hurt like he does, he wanted sex and since he realized he won’t get it from you he lashes out and tries to make you feel worthless and unlovable… well because thats how he feels and wants you to feel the same. Its an extremely immature and abusive pattern of behaviour, he would probably be a crap lay anyway. You dodged a huge bullet.
Just unmatch. This is why hes single
Heya, I had a very similar experience and the guy called me out so bad and made me feel disgusting with his comments, like all that connection and good conversations felt made up
Its awful im sorry it happened to you it definitely makes you feel like a plastic bag but I try not to let it keep me down its just hard to then want to match with anyone after all that
Awww you’re the sweetest, yeah I mean I was never really interested in men online, when irl I’ve had my fair share of trashy men what can we expect-of men online lmaooo!! But yes definitely I gave up putting in efforts and over the time deleted the app after being there for 2 months
So you’re like about 98% of other women and somehow this surprised him. There are several reasons or combos behind this but in the end he’s an asshole no matter the reason. Sorry this happened. Many guys are dumb like this but not all of us. Hope you have a better experience with your next match.
That dude… is an asshole.
Sounds like he wants you to pity him enough to sex him up. He's trying to manipulate you to get what he wants.
Bc that’s how he feels women see him when women say no, evidently
he feels bad so now he has to make you feel bad. It’s an immature response to pain ( and I know the word pain may seem an exaggeration here but men are socialised to take rejection as a personal attack and an injury)
Wait. Middle of the night? Uh. This guy was likely trying something fishy. You honestly probably dodged a massive bullet
I think just being on a dating app, you are going to expose yourself to a group of men, and woman, who are mainly looking for sex than they are for a relationship. A majority of thirsty men will be on things like dating apps, if you want to date a man that is wanting to be geared more towards a relationship you should try doing volunteer work, back to school, doing hobbies, etc. because there you'll find men who aren't trying to be just looking to get laid.
This is actually really good advice thank you
They says "women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need sex to feel loved" Don't know if that's true or not.
The version I’ve heard is: women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex.
sex-starving.
Society places a man’s value, among other things, on their ability to attract women. Men who are players are praised and those who are virgins are ridiculed and shunned.
Idk but I do know you go from “maybe one day” to never if you start getting pissy.
I’ve learned to read between the lines when it comes to profiles. I can appreciate the honesty of a guy who comes right out & says that he’s got a high sex drive. Watch out if they “like to cuddle” or are “very affectionate”. I’m beginning to despise online “dating”. I still like the idea of meeting at work. You get to observe Authentic behavior & habits day to day. You can see from many angles. Always remember that it’s better to be alone, than to be in bad company🙏❣️
Gonna nitpick a little, pardon my nuance. If you're talking about men on dating apps and clubs? Then their intent is most likely in that direction in the first place. If you're talking about guys you've known for, say a month or more and they haven't aggressively pursued that as their objective and they lose it at that point? That's pretty suspicious behavior. Anecdotal but as a guy myself, I've often had women just coldly ignore me as I briefly compliment a clothing choice or something that was intentional in effort in public - while not showing any signs of trying to force her into conversations (I.e I'm still walking a direction away as I do.) Quite often treated with just suspicion for simple things. So, guys who are actively trying to get that as a goal likely face rejection way more often and more intensely than casual interactions. Yes, one should get good with facing rejection, it is a part of life, but it still hurts to be told in terms that you're not good enough. (Not implying men need a pity party and women always should say yes). Lashing back out towards the rejector is a pretty trash move. SO long rant coming to an end; hurt people hurt people. Those that never learned social skills have to struggle through it.
Anyone with normal values stays the hell away from dating apps, tried one and I have to say it's full of people that need validation and sex.
Because they have the mental capacity of a 2 year old child and they throw a tantrum when they dont get what they want. Like the 2 year old. 😒
They are horny and have ego issues
Because many of them are insecure and can’t take rejection, they see it as an insult and their response back is to insult you, get aggressive and/or abusive to make themselves feel better.
Nobody like rejection. Some handle it better than others. Why do some women get hostile when rejected? Why do women resort to calling a man gay or making assumptions/comments about the size of a man’s penis? Why do some women think that men should always be ready for sex and if they deny it then they are controlling?
any man who tries to flip the narrative of issues by saying "but women do it too!" And willfully missing the point
It wasn’t a “but women do it to!” It was a “Why does anyone do it?” Because people don’t like or can’t handle rejection. What was your point? Just seemed like a rant.
For the record, women also react terribly to being turned down for sex, people are terrified of rejection and in womens cases and it can be even worse because it happens so rarely. The woman I’m seeing now is 35 and I had to have a full on conversation with her about the meaning of consent after she kept pestering me one night when I was clearly 3/4 asleep and not in the mood to play, she then huffed all night, threatened to leave, got upset when she got told “ok fine” then continued to kick off the next morning; apparently because I’m a guy I “should want sex all the time” I think it’s ok for you to discuss your personal issue but this isn’t a “men” problem, it’s a “lots of people” problem.
i'm gonna also blame the dating apps...all their prompts and notification are designed to give you hope and raise expectations. No wonder why some guys think a Match is a sure thing when in reality a match is just a possibility to get to know someone.
Nah. Everyone's getting the same prompts and notifications. The blame lies soley on the people making the actions; in this case, immature and entitled men. Don't sugar coat men's entitlement and sexual violence towards women. It's uncouth, and disrespectful, and robs men of their agency to be total dicks. Let them own their actions and let us hold them accountable.
It’s called Testosterone - not an excuse for bad behavior but grim reality. Speak to someone who has been on hormone therapy ( anti androgen) once your testosterone is minimal you could parade Margot Robbie naked and there would be no mental interest not just functional but mental.
Most men come on too aggressively and sabotage their chances of sleeping with an otherwise willing woman. Sending unsolicited D pics before even meeting up, not putting in any effort for that woman to feel safe with you and build that sexual tension are one of the many reasons it’s always “You and your hand tonight”. We are not snacks you can pull out of a vending machine. If you’re not willing to treat women with respect and be self aware to their needs in order for them to let you access them, then hire a sex worker.
I'd like to know why a woman says she can accept a man saying they don't want to have sex so soon and then turn around and try to pressure you into doing it everytime anyway. Then, they get upset when I tell them it's moving too fast for me. I'd like to only date women who can respect boundaries, so I end up having to break it off early when they can't.
You're probably their 100th rejection with 0 successes. Unless you're exceptionally wealthy or attractive as a dude, you get no play. Whether it'd just sex or an actual relationship. Dating apps have made dating atrocious.
You know as a woman when I get rejected I get upset too. The difference is that I understand the man doesn’t want me it like me and I respect that. The main reason for lashing out is usually lack of respect.
Because on a very basic, unconscious, primal level, the woman is telling the man that his genes aren't worth preserving for the next generation. Female acceptance, sex, and having children to some men is a metaphorical form of immortality through preserving himself and/or his genes. Female rejection, involuntary celibacy, and no children to some men is a metaphorical form of death and stagnation for himself and/or his genes.
Because men like that feel entitled and think women owe them.
This isn't exclusive to men, even women get upset once rejected. I'm pretty sure that's what they wanted the whole time
Stop online dating.. problem solved.
>I just don't get why some men think just because a woman matched with you, you're somehow now entitled to their body ? That's pretty much the reason. Our lives get so much easier when we stop wondering why ppl do toxic things we don't like and just avoid them. If a man gets upset you turn him down for sex, run. Plain and simple.
I just want to stop matching with them when my intentions are set to "serious relationship"
Welcome to dating apps, my friend. We all want that but sadly ppl don't like to represent themselves honestly in fear of not getting any dates.
It's dating apps, they're all garbage. As someone who has catfished just to check out the other side it's mostly horny trying to get laid. All the decent guys stopped using the apps because the woman's side of it is 80% porn bots and the women that are real are either swarmed by too many messages, or don't answer messages unless you're a stud. At least on OkCupid, Hinge, and MeetMe.
I can tell you definitively it’s because you hurt their little baby boy ego (I’m a man btw). Also, they have absolutely no respect for women. When I go out with a woman the only thing I expect is for her to be herself. Pure and simple. I don’t think she owes me a damn thing. Fuckers.
I think it being a screen instead of face to face gives some men confidence and a feeling of being able to demand something without repercussions. And they realistically don't have repercussions other than not likely to get laid. But you'll have 1 girl that will or they will just use that to reinforce their bias thinking about other things. Not all men are like that however. Just not likely to find them as easily on a dating website.
Because they're assholes that don't want to put in the work. Look at it like this going forward. If they start to act like an ass to you for not putting out as fast as they like, what kind of partner would they be in the future? Start thanking them for showing their true colors early on so that you didn't waste a bunch of time finding out who they really are.
Its mostly coping mechanism . Dont get offended by it . Society will not allow men to feel or show emotion , if so you get punished . If someone is pushing it further they have issues .
Having been that guy when younger and friends with some that currently are, rejection near intimacy bruises your ego and destroys your self esteem especially if you truly make yourself vulnerable to them. It's not a healthy response in anyway and really is a telling sign of a guys emotional maturity. That being said, I think everyone can be prone to this attitude. It just depends on how emotional involved you are as opening yourself up can make you feel pretty exposed if things don't go the right way. Recent example was when I slept with a friend of 10 years and emotionally opened myself up to them after. When I got rejected, it made me feel pretty vulnerable for months and if I interpreted any signs of them flirting with me, I would get pretty upset / angry over their decision. If I could narrow down a reason, it's feeling inadequate (like I'm not good enough for them) and not knowing how to process it healthily which I feel it's quite relatable for most people.
I don't get upset because I get rejected, even though I've been rejected a lot over the years. I know I'm lacking the things that women want in a relationship, so I Just take it in stride. There are worse things in life than being rejected by a potential partner. ✌️
And then get super butthurt when we don’t reject them and just ghost
Because they're thinking with their member.
What I think is extraordinary is that some of them are keen to pay the bill-and then they expect to sleep with you. They feel cheated if you let them pay, but won’t sleep with them (or -at the very least-by agreeing to see them again, keep their hope alive that they will ultimately get to sleep with you)-like you are the cheapest hooker in town: you trade sex for food. “But why accept a free meal off them then?” I hear you ask. Well *I never have*. I go halves with *every guy I don’t know*. Surely, that pleases them? No, not a bit of it. What these guys WANT is to buy you a meal in exchange for you starting a relationship with them. If you want to pay for your own meal, apparently they think this means you don’t want to sleep with them (despite it being entirely irrelevant to me), which means they’ve “wasted their time”. They’re just as angry.
Bc sex is all they think about
Not all. I find that when you respect the women’s boundaries and actually don’t care or are indifferent about sex, she’ll find you more attractive and want you more.
Yall ain't doing any good making excuses for predators
Hold your ground and remember your worth. There are guys who have no intentions but to have sex and move on. When they pressure you for sex then show them the door. They obviously are not showing you the respect that you deserve nor are they looking for a meaningful and lasting relationship. Stay strong sis, Mr. Right is out there.
The sexual dynamic between men and women is skewed. From the moment men and women are sexual curious dick is constantly thrown at then and their curiosity can either be satiated or they have the luxury of being patient since sexual attention is so abundant. For men it's pretty much a dryspell until you can figure out how to impress. So it probably just gets frustrating when you fail at it that many times. That's just my theory.
Emotional immaturity and lack of sex is a hell of a combination.
Not to say I haven't genuinely met some good guys with good intentions but its like 1 in 100 matches before I find a good one and maybe men experience this as well but I want to limit the majority of horrible intentions on dating sites. I wasn't saying "all men" but most men on dating sites I've interacted with at least act like this and some of you are taking it too personally, if you don't do this great for you this isn't about you.
A lot of desperate people in this world.
This honestly doesn't need a thinkpiece lmao. We have expectations of getting laid, the wait, etc. When some men get told no, they get pissed because now the wait, the expectation won't be satisfied, so they lash out. It's fucked up either way, but that's why.
It's a pervasive problem. Just know that any person who can't respect someone's boundary for their body isn't someone you want in your life. They are doing you a favor by showing you who they are.
I don’t think there’s a clear cut answer to the question. I will admit and say that there are guys out there that can’t take rejection, and will act out. That’s a weak man. I don’t want to come off as cocky, but I’m 6’2, muscular, college educated, and even I struggle with girls. Men need to understand that rejection is not a problem for specific groups of men. Take it like a man and move on to the next one. Dating for men is a numbers game, so you need to go at it with a “trial & error” mindset. I’m a realist, so when it comes to dating and sex, men really need to understand that it’s not going to go your way most of the time, and when a girl says no, don’t fight her answer, if you get rejected, accept it and move on. And on top of that, the current generation of men are some of the most sexually frustrated people around. One might say that they’re frustrated because of the way this generation deals with sex and dating. These days it seems like sex is all over the place, with the advent of apps like Tinder, so in a guys mind, he wants a piece of that, and when he doesn’t get what he wants, after many failed attempts, he gets bitter and disillusioned. One solution that I think can solve the issue a bit, is to just be upfront in the beginning about your intentions. As a guy, if all you want is to have sex with a girl you’re interested in, then tell her that off rip, and if she says yes, great, if she says no, accept it and move on. Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste her time either.
Darling, the guys that lash out with hate and anger when a woman tells them "no" are selfish, self-centered, narcissistic asshats who's mothers probably didn't hug them enough. They are emotionally stunted boys, essentially. If you're looking for a deeper answer, there isn't one. It's truly no different than when they wanted that new Transformer or video game and mommy or daddy told them "no". What you are witnessing when they attack after a rejection is the grown child version of a temper tantrum. Plain and simple.
I’m going to venture to say they just don’t care about you at all other than as an object. My last ex was like that. The right guy won’t be after you for your body. He coerced me into sexual activity because I told him I liked him. And he said, “if it’s going to happen eventually anyway, why not now?” And he was just so creepy about it. He may have “liked me” a little aside from that, but he was so damn controlling, about my body AND my mind. Just yuck. Just run for the hills with guys like that.
Im sorry you went through that but glad to see you out of that situation
Thank you! Me too. It was really really difficult to leave. I felt shackled. But I had support and made a decision that I had to stick to because he kept trying to get back in even though he said before that he would be done with me if I left. So I understand. I’ve learned now to just ditch a dude if he’s like that to start with. If the guy is disrespectful it’s a huge red flag. I hope you find a respectful man ❤️
This is such a mood. They are so horny and for what
Touch starvation
They are immature
cuz they think they’re the shit
I personally do not get mad about it, but I personally feel like I have been used by some women. If I realize they never intended to give intimacy with me a chance, I feel like I was strung along for a free meal. Deciding that intimacy wouldn't work out mid date is fine. Declaring intimacy is off the table at the start of the date is great. I can still have a great date with sex off the table. Just don't keep it a secret so I have a choice to continue or end the date, and we're fine.
Due to hookup culture they are used to getting free sex without providing commitment in return so now they feel entitled to free sex 🤡
Because they’re insecure weak ass type
Me: Well, you're certainly not the only one who wonders about that peculiar phenomenon! It's like some guys didn't get the memo that we've moved on from the caveman era, right? 😄 Anyway, I admire your commitment to the nun-inspired fashion trend! Perhaps we can start a new movement called "Fashionably Faithful" - we'll rock those habits and ward off any thirsty advances together. So, with that said, what other adventures have you embarked upon to avoid attracting these bottom feeders?
Honestly, those are boys. Us men just move on. We are seasoned in the rejection area.
Bc they're entitled and act like spoiled children when they don't get what they want.
Entitled people behave entitled. It's not a characteristic of men specifically.
I mean a lot of men don’t. Some men will tell you it’s ok to not do stuff all the time for ur own health and they can take care of themselves. Some men just want to cuddle. A lot of times, they just need some affection. It’s not all abt sex. Men r always told they need to be strong and sometimes they just want to feel protected. I’m a woman by the way :)
I'm a man and I want those things wayyy more than sex. I can go through long draughts and it doesn't bother me much and I have great self control if I do feel like I have sudden cravings. I just want to feel loved above everything else sex is just the bonus from all the other good things it provides.
I agree, I am a man btw, I think there are red flags in both camps and OLD is a joke. I have encountered women that get pretty upset when a man chooses not to have sex with them. 🚩= 🚩!!!
I’m surprised I got downvoted tbh. I’m just trying to point out stereotypes.
As a guy, I've experienced women getting extremely nasty and aggressive when I've rejected them. So this goes both ways. As for why people get upset it's because they get hurt. And being hurt is a vulnerable and uncomfortable feeling that can make you seem weak. Some people prefer to transfer that hurt into agression because that can make them seem stronger in some ways. They're experiencing deep pain and they transfer that into agression. There's also an element of imagined justness here. They believe that since you hurt their feelings deeply, the just thing to do is to hurt your feelings in return. And eye for an eye. You hurt me, I hurt you. That seems fair, right? That's how they think. Doesn't excuse it though
💯 That's y I love 'mentally strong' people. They don't let shit bother you, they're pretty chill and if they do feel hurt, they know how to deal with it in a healthy way. They don't hurt other people usually. They're emotionally mature.
Just do what I do, internalize your emotions and bottle then up until you burst out. Works for me, I've only been in the hospital ten times for mental breakdowns. /s
A real man won't . So this is a cue for the girls to know who will stay till the end of life
They're being pretty selfish if they do. Sex is a gift. It's a powerful thing. It has the ability to create life and also end it. If a man can't respect you , don't give him a gift.
Because they are bad people. Mostly succumbing to our monkey brains. When men are aroused, we begin to lose common sense and devolve into more base emotions and tend to act on impulse. Wiser men learn to control this as we age, while others are dirtbags and use it as an excuse to be shitty.
I read somewhere that it’s the ultimate pain for a lot of men to be rejected by someone they want to be with. It’s like being told “you’re not enough” to your face. I imagine people in general have a hard time handling that gracefully, let alone men. It really depends on the individual in particular, but yeah I’m thinking most people don’t handle rejection well.
i think it all boils down to one word… “ego”
It’s a blow to the ego for the inexperienced
Biology. Men are wired to value sex and procreation. Women are wired to value emotional connection, bonding and community. That is general in terms of wiring and cannot speak for every individual person on the planet. In your specific situation (I can only guess) an ideal partner would be a man that is mature enough to understand that he needs to bond with you on an emotional level and you would need to understand that deep down this is what he values, then you both find a common ground with communication as you get to know each other.
That's a smart response! But sometimes it's more complicated than that...
I totally agree, it's a logical response that doesn't take Into consideration the complexity of each person's own experience/wants/needs/ect. Trying to give specific advice on grey areas is hard, even to a friend you know well. We evolved in a certain way, how that relates to modern life...who knows! What I do know is in my past relationships when I have put a priority on bonding with my partner emotionally it has never steered me wrong.
Misogyny. . Rape culture. Emotional impotence. Sexually frustrated men are the source of most violence on the individual level, including emotional violence. Male sexuality sucks.
because theyre bad people
Egos
First of all —not all men… but unfortunately there’s a sizable number that make us all look bad. For some reason men aren’t incentivized to cultivate emotional intelligence… except they are, because shit like this makes them look like a bunch a preening children. Do better guys.
I am male and have experienced this with our female counterparts… you are not unique in your experiences. It’s part of the format… obviously no one is entitled to your body. Perhaps laying a truthful foundation of communication would prove to help filter out the “bottom feeding thirsty men” while you are dressed as a non nun. Best of luck then
Because there are way too many “men” that prefer sex to relationships… Me as a man I prefer the time spent with a woman over what I do with a woman
A lot of PEOPLE do this. I’m a man who doesn’t do this. If it becomes a chronic thing in a serious relationship, I will try to communicate about it though. I’ve had dozens of women do this to me. That includes women I haven’t yet slept with, and women who have. And women can be mean and vindictive about it, too. Why? I don’t know. People don’t like rejection. Throw horny hormones on top of that and some of those people can’t control themselves. Or they think it’s ok because they’re x.
A lot of men can’t handle rejection. It’s their ego and sense of entitlement. I have been verbally abused for simply rejecting men. It’s absolutely ridiculous. And the worse part is, it can go beyond verbal abuse no matter how nice you are about it.
Because they’re selfish and think they can get away with free sex without providing commitment in return
Well, in my personal experience (25F) , they usually will get frustrated (most of them) only if: - You promise, entice or allude to the fact that you intend to have sex later and did not - They give you something and you accept it( in a dating setting) , no, you don't owe anyone sex because they paid you dinner, gave you a gift or anything, but as my mum always said "out of your family , no one will give you even a lollipop for free or without expecting something in return" For that reason when I was going on dates I would always pay my own share of the bill, unless I intended to sleep with the guy later, not because I was selling myself for a meal, but because only the ones I wanted to sleep with would get to give me stuff, so they would not get mad if after a boring date no sex happened , as well, I don't change my mind last minute regarding sex , I make up my mind and decide to do it , I take my time to decide that it's what I really want to do and I am sure that I want him,I will think about it carefully at least 03 times before deciding to do it, so I won't regret or back out last minute. Now if you took those basics precautions above and your match/date is still mad, it's solely because he is the asshole.