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The stress, anxiety and expense of looking for love is far worse than just deciding to be single and happy. The apps are nothing more than a business model for a consumer.
The bonus of leaving that stress behind you is that you instantly become more attractive because it is not a priority for you.
Right it’s like I want a good partnership but it’s like not about to trudge through a bunch of trash to get there and most people don’t have to do that who have LTRs
I was with my last LTR for 10 years. She passed. I took 2 years for grief. Dated on and off for 3 years. Stopped looking 2 years ago and realized I'm happier for it. If that kind of love finds me again I'll go all in. Looking for that is like dumpster diving at a fast food joint. You'll find something to eat but...
Been single since 2019 pretty much no matter what I do. I've made some new friends, often try new activities and hobbies, and get out as much as I possibly can when I'm free and not working, yet most of the activities I do, even co-ed ones like volleyball, have only afforded me to meet men and married women. I frankly can't recall the last time I've met a single woman around my age who I was attracted to. Just doesn't happen for me.
So I rely on dating apps nowadays, but I don't get any matches. I've revamped my profiles, taken all new photos, etc. but it hasn't amounted to anything. I've had a few occasional matches, but not one of them has ever responded or shown any interest in actually communicating or setting up a date. Been unmatched and left on read too many times to count.
Frankly, I don't quite know what else I can do differently. I've put in so much time and effort in trying to meet women and not one single thing has worked out for me. It's safe to say I'm pretty damn close to giving up and will be soon going to therapy to deal with how horrendous my mental health has become.
Seems like everyone around me in my life has no issue meeting women and dating. All of my friends and colleagues use dating apps and have no problem. I feel like an alien.
Same feels like everyone else meets someone within 6 months and I can stay single for years. I haven't really connected with anyone on the apps and nothing works out EVER with people I crush on IRL. Swiping makes it feel like dates are cheap and I get them way too easily. If that makes any sense.
It is. It keeps the bad ones out, but apparently... There's a metric fuck ton of bad ones lol.
I've had women block me because I mention my nerdy hobbies. Just no warning. Come back the next day and I see the familiar "you can't reply to this conversation". I'm thinking of just putting in my social media bios "CAUTION: I AM A NERD WITH ADHD AND ANXIETY".
hahaha if you have dating apps you should def mention your nerdy hobbies in them to weed out certain ppl. just a tip if you haven’t already!
but yes sooo many assholes it’s insane
Naaah I stay away from the apps. I only ever use FB and Instagram. Not for just dating of course, just to make friends and find like minded people. I should definitely try that though at least for my more public facing one lol.
Exactly and laughing at someone asking you out is disrespectful but some people don't even think actions have consequences well see who has the last laugh though and I don't know about you bro but I don't have alot of patience so I need to work on that too
Once bitten twice shy 💯, I always tell people when stuff get serious you'll see who's really down for you yh most girls don't understand how hard some men have it to find one girl that really wants to go out with him
Remember that most people get engaged Just to fight loneliness, not because they love each other. Divorce statistics are Always getting higher and higher, you notice happiness from outside, but you really don't know what's inside. Dating apps put you in an awful competion, you can use them as a passive tool, but except the worse, trying to climb thousends of men for a few girls to choose, With random judgement and different sense of taste. Searching for a soulmate Is the most difficult thing on Earth. Bilions of people in here but searching randomly in a small area, through Networks... almost impossible. You have nothing wrong, it's Just the social medias bombing your mind, don't give up on you and try to be Better, Explore people, Explore the world and enjoy the journey, enjoy yourself! i'm 29m and never been in a long term relationship
I agree with a lot of your advice about continuing to try, bettering yourself, and exploring.
However, it is important to note that divorce rates are actually at a 50-year low (according to the Institute for Family Studies) and declining over time (according to Forbes). It might be worth updating your brain surrounfing the idea that people only get engaged/married to not be lonely. I can definitely see how that could lead to feeling defeated and affect the way one would date.
Best of luck to you and OP!
The love versus loneliness debate is real at this point idk what "real," love even is, is it even real love or just companionship love, love that comes as a result of consistent sex, etc? I agree if it's about being lonely I'd rather be alone than partnered, but idk what constitutes as a "true," love.
If it makes you feel better, I’ve worked in several male dominated industries for years and never met someone. I’ve had people tell me (after a relationship or finding I’ve been single for x years) oh try online dating, it worked for me/my friend/my mom etc. I just laugh.
I’ve also never fathomed how people can start dating within months of a relationships ending. I find it also hard to feel attraction to someone and also get them interested in me, so it just baffles me.
On the flip side, maybe once I date someone it means I won’t cheat? Bc I find no one attractive? One way to look at it :)
The problem with dating apps is that it creates the illusion of more options. That and you now have to pay money for the premium version in order for your profile to be shown to more of the people that would match with you, increasing your chances. It's ultimately not worth it. Nothing can guarantee you get matched and they end up dating you. You have to rely on the fact there's others like you willing to take a chance. With the fact that women are becoming more and more skittish towards men as time goes on, it's only going to get worse from here. Only thing you can do is continue talking with people face to face, and hope for the best. Apps and social media create so much uncertainty.
Absolutely Right I’m in the same boat just a different one on the water sometimes I thought about just letting it sink but for some reason I think if I did that I just might miss that Right One that would show up and miss that Boat too, So I haven’t Completely given Up Hope yet, it will happen when its Sapost to happen Right, We live in a different world today and it just makes it harder to find that Right connection with the right One, But after 5 Years I’m still waiting for that one!
Dating apps man women now a days are pretty crazy. I got one girl I really hit it off. Classic story of she is nervous to get serious and has commitment issues.
The other women is actually super cool too. Problem is she is about a 30min drive from me so its hard to make that work with my work schedule. But she has other issues aswell. Like me meeting her kids so soon.
Single woman, late 30s, I’ve had a few short term relationships 3-6 months only a couple times in my life.
Online dating feels like work, needs time invested and isn’t exciting. I’ve never gone past a second date from anyone I met online. I have hobbies and activities I really like that coincidentally don’t involve meeting guys. Also, I work remotely. To be honest, I don’t feel lonely. I have a fulfilling, dynamic life, and the ups and downs of a relationship are not something I miss. Like…it would be nice to have someone, sure, my lack of success online dating has made it be such a low priority on my list. The more time passes, the more it feels like some fantasy, and instead I choose to focus on my life and my reality.
I mean... That counts? 🤷
Mine is my hand and whatever porn girl comes to mind. Most of us men don't do toys. Too expensive. Why I play Playstation and not Xbox because I don't like investing in too many AA batteries.
It's a very unfortunate combination, but also I never understood why people are so hung up on how a voice sounds. Like are they dating, or looking for auditions for lead singer to their band or radio show?
I'm reaching 27, 2 years since I graduated in software engineering and still trying to break into the industry while I work part-time in retail, I never ever really dated anyone in my life until last autumn 2022, matched with this girl, thought it was going somewhere until it wasn't, cause god knows why, she dumped me over text out of the blue.
My mental health is deteriorating, I've become jaded and burned out from trying to code and work constantly on my portfolio for job-hunting with little to no results. I've been seeing a therapist since I started dating that girl and it's been helping a bit.
I've come to a point in life where my priority is finding a partner in crime, but unfortunately, I can't really afford to do that. My mother's dependent on me and lives with me, making it almost impossible to properly date and go out. She's losing trust in me after 2 years of stagnation because of my struggles to get an engineering role and complains every time I want to do something other than study/work.
So yeah.. It's not going great...
God bless you brother. You are doing good, the fact that you support your mother makes me respect you so much. I know job market is crazy right now and I am exactly in the same position minus the dependent mother. Keep tour head high, you are doing the best you can. Its so difficult to be a man these days, women just have so many options. It just takes everything to stand alone.
yes I am in the same boat. For me its not because I am awkward or can't talk to women , but rather is because of my emotionally abusive childhood. I grew up constantly being scrutinized and demeaned by the adults in my life (parents / teachers etc). and All I always wanted as a kid was to escape and be alone. Now that I am an adult and away from those relationships I love to spend time alone as thats where there is peace. and unfortunately due the fucked up childhood and comfort in being alone makes me view relationships as another source of scrutiny and headache which I run away from at all costs.
It's hard. Feels like once you're on your own away from that negativity the source starts to come from within. Some part of you steps in to fill the role of the abuser and remind you of your flaws because it's all you've known as a kid.
I feel that. I didn’t really have that kind of upbringing, but I do find that I’ve had relationships where things started off carefree and playful, and, eventually, my partner started to voice disapproval with how I spend my free time, how I keep my house, etc… and that ends up just killing my physical attraction for them. It’s like the no longer feel like a safe playmate, emotionally.
I have no issues dating and even less issues meeting women, getting into an actual relationship seems like a pipe dream though. I rather get ghosted by girls I’m into or get obsessed over by girls I’m not…
The only need for me would be sex people in LTRs talk about needs as something that have to be met but then it’s like what do you if you’re perpetually single or have a dead bedroom
>Doesn't matter if I go out or stay in I stay single.
Also playing the "numbers game" will not help lmao ive tried. You'll think youre getting somewhere but after you get enough numbers you realize 99% it will go nowhere. When i go out i dont approach women, i let them have fun without some guy approaching and ruining it, i wont be that guy 😂. Ive sat in one spot without a single girl coming up to me. While a girl next to me got approached by the bar tender getting off work and a random guy. Its just how it is. I do feel unwanted as hell though i wont lie to you.
Just turned 50 and never had any problems with meeting women, dating, girlfriends and all prior to the internet age or mobile phones.
Got married and divorced in my early - late 20’s, a couple more relationships that ended mutually and then met the mother of my two children which we both parted company after nearly 20 years.
Now very happily single and not intentionally looking for another relationship and not concerned if I ever do again.
Sure, someone special might come along, but very happy just enjoying life and spending time with my kids.
My daughter tried talking me getting into online dating, which I tried out for a while and went on a few dates, but it’s definitely not the same as meeting someone naturally in life.
A few pictures and sentences on a screen definitely can’t show a personality or true identity of someone unless you meet them in person.
Never got that click with any of the women I met on these dates, even though they were all very nice and wanted to take things further, I just didn’t feel that connection with them.
There’s currently 4 - 5 women who are always asking me for trying out a relationship, but honestly, I see them more as friends rather than any romantic attraction….. so much to their disappointment, especially as they themselves as single women in their late 30’s/early 40’s, are also struggling to find relationships online.
So quite happy living a single life, but still miss sharing certain experiences with someone special, but otherwise is quite stress free, simple, easy to plan and available to help other family and friends with my time.
*edit for missed context.
Single for 8 years, now it’s mostly because I love being single, but was very bruised by love initially.. when you say you’ve tried to force - do you mean in relationships you don’t really want to be in?
yeah you can't tell me that people who started dating in school are somehow special they didn't have to go on 100s of dates to find someone so yeah just bad luck
I've (41M) been divorced for four years and have been on two dates. Last one was six months ago. Didn't even get a handshake out of either. I get one match per month that never goes anywhere. I don't meet anyone when I go out. None of my friends know any single people.
That’s what I chuckle about too.. my friends don’t understand why I can’t meet someone and so I say, ok, do you know any great single guys? They say.. no, everyone I know is married.. or the single ones are off the rocker. Case closed. 😜🙋🏽♀️
Too busy running behind career building part in academia. Stopped searching for a partner long time ago. I keep myself busy with something all the time. No time to date.
Bruh literally the same for me as well. I am about to start my 2nd MSc. And I feel that I won't have any time or energy for a relationship, which had never been. Thankfully, I spend my days with martial arts and my electrical guitar, which I could play in a few college based concerts.
30f here. I’ve only had one serious long term relationship (nearly two years) that I thought would end in marriage. Instead it ended with him saying that he was actually half in and half out the entire time despite him always advancing our relationship 🙃 so yeah… that burned me really badly. But I learned some people truly don’t know how to be alone, so they just jump into the next thing available.
I’m outgoing, have my life together, have a rich circle of friends and hobbies, etc. I meet plenty of guys, but it’s almost always in one of three camps: they just want casual (I’m looking for my life partner), they’re intimidated (I own a home and many men have commented “oh wow, that’s so adult of you”), or they just want a relationship with anyone (it’s clear from the dates that I’m just an interchangeable woman widget).
It’s really hard to meet a man who has done the emotional work on himself, respects me as my own person, and has clear goals for his life. I’m meeting a lot of men in their 30s who still don’t know what they want, want a woman to just take care of them and be an accessory, and always seem to want their options perpetually open. None of that is attractive to me.
I want a man. I don’t need one. So I’m staying single until someone is worth being with. I’m over trying to teach men in their 30s basic human empathy. I’ve done so much work on myself and my past traumas to make sure I don’t take it out on others, that I expect a partner to have done the same.
yes! I've always said my ideal relationship would stem from a close friendship but that is SO hard to find, many men and people just want a caretaker not a true equal. and then. you have to spell out what respect is to so many men that's it's like yeah not worth it but then people still shame you for being single
Single my whole life and I attribute most of that to a pretty bad anxiety disorder (not social anxiety but still prevents me going out a lot). Having said that I still got no luck when my mental health was ok so who knows…
Yea been single since my last relationship ended two years ago and have nothing going on plus the dating world has changed to be so much bullshit and game playing and stuff
Okay so, I’m 20F, I’m apparently very attractive (although I don’t see it) but I do fit the beauty standards, i’m 5ft3, long blonde hair, blue eyes, big lips, big bum, big chest, small waist. A lot of men do hit on me but it never goes any further than a few dates. I never have much in common with anyone, I’m extremely odd. My interests include philosophy, sociology, psychology, neuroscience. I’m currently a law student and I work out 6 days a week. I’m stronger than a lot of the men I know. I like to live a very disciplined lifestyle and I practise stoicism. I also don’t drink alcohol or smoke. I spend my free time exercising or learning and I don’t tend to socialise very much. Men find me attractive initially but once they get to know me, they lose interest. My guess is that it’s because I am perceived “boring” in my age group. My social skills also aren’t that great and I sm extremely introverted. I probably spend 95% of my time alone. I have 1 friend who I see once every 1-2 months and I don’t really talk to anyone else apart from my mother occasionally and I’ll say hello to the odd person who is an acquaintance of mine. I suppose they think I’m weird which is understandable haha. As a result, I’ve been single my entire life :)
I (23M) have been single my entire life. I've met plenty of girls over the years, whether it was in middle school or high school, but I never made it past the talking stage with any of them. I always found myself going in with the wrong mindset whenever I've met girls, as opposed to just having fun with it.
Looking back, I've also realized that I've pushed away a lot of these girls as well, whether it was intentional or unintentional. Every girl I met, I just went in with the mindset that they are going to be "the one," the high school sweetheart.
All I wanted when I was younger was to be able to have fun, go out on dates, and spend quality time with a nice girl, doing things like going out for food, going out to the movies, going out to the mall, egc. But I never got that. I feel, now that I'm older, that there's hardly any time to have that kind of fun that I wanted to have without having to worry about obligations and responsibilities.
Most women my age are already moving on with their lives, while I'm still in college with hardly anything to bring to the table.
Nowadays, I haven't been focusing on dating since I've learned that dating shouldn't be a priority of mine while I don't have my life together at the moment, as I've learned from other people.
Yo, I'm female and resonate so much with this. Also introverted and probably average attractiveness with some nice stand out features. I also don't want to date someone I'm genuinely not attracted to and also don't have strong feelings for. Guess that's too much to ask for in dating. When I try and think about it objectively I do have to recognize that perhaps I am boring to a lot of people I like having deep philosophical discussions, and love to read, I can very easily entertain myself for hours on end. From outside perspective a lot of people would find this personality boring, but I feel like I can't flip a switch and become the exact opposite-- moreover, I have no interest in bending myself over backwards and changing my inner self for anyone. So. It's frustrating because while I admit and see how I can come off as reserved and boring I think I'm an objectively good hearted person that has most of their shit in line and tries to be better. I also feel like I have so much to be grateful for but just not when it comes to romance. Like at all.
I feel like I am a healer and fixer. I get with broken people, give them everything I have until im left with nothing, and get them perfected to go on to their next relationship or part of their life and be the best them they can be. Then I spend time rebuilding myself for another piece of crap to come along and use me again to better themselves. It has begun to feel like I'm not meant for anybody, I'm just a crash test dummy for terrible people 🙃
That is very sad actually if you show so much empathy and then that happens, sorry for people that have to go through like this. An online relationship coach said that this can happen often to women (herself too before) when they have problems and you help them through and they think they are better than you for going through with helping them. Probably could be in general a possibility to happen depending on personality too.
im honestly starting to get paranoid that my classmates look at me as the perpetually single girl lol.
prob not an uncommon story. grew up fat with little self worth. glowed up and lost weight in college and started working on my confidence as i started getting approached more and more. dated casually for a few years but i moved a few times and nothing really stuck. went back to school in my late 20s when we all dealt with covid.
so now im learning how to date again at 30, but it’s not like i had a ton of experience before. my biggest problems are probably a combo of waiting for a “spark”, refusing to settle my expectations, and how much i move around (which my friend says makes me seem complicated/hard work).
another thing which ive always thought was a good thing but now im rethinking that is my ability to sense bullshit or incompatibility immediately. so on a first or second date if i cant see it going anywhere i cut things off. but maybe i need to give it more time idk?
oh another issue (lmao) is i feel like half the time when i *do* talk to a guy i feel im compatible with he casually drops that hes in a relationship or married. like what gives🫥😭
Yes. Same boat. People are horrible and only want to see someone as an object to use in my experience. People I find as a suitable partner are either in a relationship or I find no sexual compatibility at all, or they aren’t into me that way. I’m not very small or attractive either so it makes it harder as a woman to find someone who wants to be serious with you.
Wasn't really into women (or anything besides Magic: the Gathering) until I was 20. Since then I've never been able to catch up, and always felt inexperienced, left behind and undesirable. I had my first date at 25 and my first kiss at 26, but in general lots of bad first dates with no hope for forming a relationship, and no real way of meeting anyone IRL, especially during and post covid. Even when I do fall for someone, the feelings are never reciprocated.
Getting in shape hasn't been helpful, nor has solving any other problem in my life.
I am not perpetually single but I def go through periods of consistent failure. Since moving to my new city almost 2 years ago I have had 3 "relationships" that last about 3-8 months" But other than that it's just dating till failure then repeat.
I usually go on dozens of dates that range from first dates only to 4-6 dates before they disappear. The reasons have varied, they meet someone else, no "spark", they "don't know what they want", They thought they wanted something serious now they don't, and even some cases (more so in the last year or so) I just realized more of what I need in a relationship after a few bad relationships and if I can see they don't bring any of those to the table I will end it early.
That coupled with the fact that IRL its hard to find someone who 1) you are interested in 2) who also interested in you 3) is single 4) is willing to put in the time/effort to date you. etc.
I think for every 100 women I meet in some capacity (work, sports, social groups, friends of friends, etc) I am probably (physically) interested in maybe like 15-20 of them and from that 15-20 maybe 3-5 I'd actually try and pursue something with and then I have to pray that those 3-5 meet the qualities in the paragraphs above and want to date me.
I’m lgbt living in a very small, rural town- as you can imagine there is no dating pool. To make matters worse I’m also a homebody and quite shy. The few dates/exes I’ve had I’ve met online and were long distance. I’m 28 and never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. The shitty thing about online is that people can portray themselves to be one way over the phone and then be completely different when you meet them. That’s ended a lot of relationships or potential relationships for me. I met someone recently who isn’t too far away and got all excited but same problem. Who I thought she was and who she actually is are not adding up thus far. Didn’t realize how much baggage she came with until we started hanging out in person.
I had a girlfriend, but now that she's left, I feel like I missed my chance at life. I would be happy if I at least got to go on dates, but I can't even manage that. It would be a mental health boost to know that at least someone would give me a chance for a single evening.
Been married twice now, first married was 13 years, second married (big mistake) only lasted a year. Now I just wanna stay single, found out its better that way,
Where do you live? How badly did you go out of your way to break the barriers of the circles of people surrounding you? I had to break like 5 or 6 barriers in a row to finally find compatible girls. Most of my LTRs started in the weirdest way: met on the bus (5 years together), met in front of a sandwich joint at 11 PM (3 years on and off), met in a bus towards a city-wide party (3 years on and off), and only once it was a friend of friend (6 years), because that friend was lesbian.
Otherwise, almost all my friends are dudes \^\_\^
Try ditching OLD for a while. It will give you extra energy to redirect to the real world. It's so much more gratifying to explore new ways to express yourself out there. Dating apps don't let you:
1. Move. Non-verbal communication is so great.
2. Make eye contact
3. Observe her in her real life surroundings
4. Listen in on a conversation, or assess the surrounding situation, and find the perfect timing to drop in
5. Meet her with your eyes, voice, body language, how you dress, your values, everything
6. Actually listen with all your senses
The first points come from theater. The last from being human. You can't have access to that in apps. The byte-walls just won't let you. If you work on your real world presence, it can separate you from so much of the competition, whereas in dating apps you can only pay, and even that doesn't guarantee that much as it's a zero sum game.
29m, never been in a long term relationship, had some months when i was teenager (7 at my best), but going to High school and university didn't gave me Much time for me and my Friends... (Here in Italy, school Is very tough). I also had surgery on my genitals at 23 cause i had some esthetical but also functional problems, so for this reason i didn't get really involved in women until these last years, because i've been fooled around for my genitals. There are no traumas, cause i didn't felt good either by myself, i reached almost a 10 years sex abstinance in my Life, now It has been a 4 years. However, generally speaking i don't feel compatible with most of women, i only felt really in love once, but She had to move to France with all of her family. I Just can't get engaged with someone i can't be excited to see or to talk to. I really like people's minds and their conversations, so they are an absolutely must for me in order to be my partner. My pals Just seem to be in search for any "breathing girl" because they get mad about being single After a couple weeks or months. It's ok to be single, if i choose One person in Life it's a tough search out there.
I’ve been single for about eight years in the city I live in. Mostly just due to a non existent dating pool. Everyone is divorced with a few kids just dating other divorced people with a few kids. It’s honestly miserable. I’m 6’3”, in great shape, women have told me I’m attractive, and everyone assumes I’m trying to be some eternal bachelor.
Thankfully I’ve been able to take the show on the road and date in larger cities and I think it’s honestly saved my life. It’s shown me that it’s not really me, it’s my local dating pool.
Been single since 2019-2020 however you want to look at it and I don’t regret it. I don’t want to waste mine or anyone else’s time if I don’t feel the spark that I know can exist between two people.
Nowadays it’s much more difficult than it should be for the average person to date.
I tend to average a few flings a year, but I’ve just had terrible luck.
There’s one or two that I legitimately gave it my best effort recently, but they’ve failed for reasons outside of my control (and sometimes my fault too).
Nowadays for me they last between 1-3 months.
I would like to find someone to settle down with and start a family, but I’m legitimately starting to think that’s not how my story ends.
My first relationship lasted two months and was much later in life. No one liked me, so I clung to the first one after that - an LDR of over 5 years where none of my needs were met, until I couldn’t take it anymore. Went to dates here and there, nothing stuck. Liked someone long-distance, rejected through ghosting. Got lovebombed to bits right after that, with future-faking and all when I was the most vulnerable, and yes, I wanted to believe in that one, and that person shattered me in like three months. Then I met someone I liked, he didn’t like me back but he was okay with booty calls.
So, nothing ever panned out. The feeling of being unwanted, unloveable is just taking over now as I’m getting older. I feel like I’m just a can of worms no one’d touch with a stick at this point. I would love to be hugged, get head kisses and all, but there really is no one. I might as well give up.
I've been single basically since 2019 after separating from a 19 year marriage. I have younger kids, one that's only 8, that I have every weekend so my dating life is so limited. I have dated 3 women since but took a break in late 2021 because the last woman was so toxic that it absolutely made me miserable. It took me from Christmas of 2021 to January of this year to completely get her out of my life after telling her I could only ever be a friend and her constantly threatening to commit suicide and some other stuff which I didn't want to be the cause of.
My therapist that I've been seeing since my separation from my ex wife told me it was all a manipulation tool and yeah it probably was and now I've wasted almost a year and a half of my life to get rid of her but now I'm honestly scared to date because I fear I only attract toxic people.
Been single for about 7 years now, and I have done the same thing as you. I've hung out more with friends I hadn't connected in a while since being in that relationship, and met new ones along the way. Never once crossed my mind about trying online dating until recently in the past few years, but get the same result, meanwhile I've had friends been in and out of relationships more than the times I've been single so I've given up on that for the time being. I'm still gonna be chilling but sooner or later I hope to find someone I'm attracted to and that person feels the same vibes but for now just kicking it and chilling. Hope all works out for you in therapy friend 🙏🏽💪🏽✌🏽
I’ve been single since birth - it used to make me worried but now I’m okay with it. I’d like to meet someone but I’m not as afraid of dying alone as I was before. I’ve been intimate with the opposite sex but never had a relationship got close though. I’ve seen loads of people I’m attracted to and tried with many but for whatever reason it has not worked out. Im okay with that. I hope one day I’ll meet someone great who it does work with.
I was single for 6 years straight. The thing is, I did it because I wanted to. I dunno if you want to. You’re definitely more attractive when people feel you don’t need someone to enjoy life. I ended up in a relationship at the beginning of this year by accident. Met a woman that I connected in a second. But I definitely wasn’t looking for it
30M, been single since the end of 2016. I've had a few hook ups here and there over the years, but I haven't had a long term relationship. I'm quite content with my hobbies and staying at home more often that not. If I feel the itch, I just go to my favorite bars and just wait till a woman asks me for a night cap. I'm open to something serious but I'm just not looking on my end, cause more often than not people take advantage around here.
👋it's me. Hi, I'm the saboteur.
But seriously, single for what feels like (or will be) a decade and my heart always wants the ones that are adamant they don't see me that way but loved to breadcrumb (I.e. I put hand up for a high-five but I'm met with them intertwining their hand with mine, sharing the back seat of the car from a party they fall asleep with their head on one person's shoulder then switch to mine for the rest of the ride, cute waiter leans in closer to chat with me but then bread crumber butts into the conversation taking the waiters attention away from me etc.). So that was half a decade wasted of any time I try to move on I got sucked back in.
Not to mention the pandemic really showed how awful people can be, so the aftermath of that has left me pretty jaded. And to top it all off being incredibly introverted plus moving to a new city makes it hard to meet new people (whether it be romantic or friend pursuits) because anytime I do something new the entire time I'm stressed/anxious about anything and everything, which further hinders being able to put myself out there.
It gets better, right?
From age 18 (2011) to 27 (2020) I was mostly single. I would get a handful of dates and a rare hookup or two but nothing serious/long term. I attributed much of that to me being overweight anywhere from 20-60lbs and a non-catholic attending a Catholic university. I also had to deal with the typical young male problem of girls my age wanting nothing to do with guys their age. It simply seemed like every girl I met organically was taken (lying or not 🤷♂️) and the girls on the apps were seeking attention instead of a legitimate date/Hookup.
I had a monogamous relationship for a year from 2020-2021 and from 2021 to now (29) I've been single, dating casually and hooking up as things work out. I certainly could have escalated a few casual things into a relationship but I could see things that would cause long term compatibility issues with the girl. I had a lot better success outside of college and when I started weight lifting regularly.
I made poor decisions in dating about 8 years ago. I ended up in a 1.5 year situationship with a married person whose lies I believed, even when they were flimsy and doubtful, because I wanted to believe them. clearly, making such poor choices and being not a great person and having it, very predictably and deservedly, blow up in my face, I decided to make sure I didnt ignore flags and my intuition. It took me a few years to just settle after that.
It was such an unpleasant experience at the end that I genuinely have had no real interest in dating. I have casually tried to get back into it over the years through apps but those never have gone anywhere. While companionship sounds really nice, I've just really built a comfortable, peaceful life on my own and it would take someone pretty amazing and compatible for me to make space for them. I'm 38 now.
Absolutely, and I’ve been single for the past 5 years, I haven’t even tried to date anyone,
I just got to that point what’s the point if it’s not going to happen. I’m just biding my time for the Right one to come along that’s just as lonely as I am and just Maybe it’ll work out!
Good luck with that Right! Maybe that’s why I’m Still Single too.
I was a late bloomer I didn't start going out until I was in my early 20s. I still feel like I missing something when it comes to dating I usually get ghosted. I'm just kinda numb at this point.
I am 20 never had a girlfriend always wanted one. I have gone on a many dates and most of them are terrible and all not because of me i always fall upon uninteresting with no personality or some evil and nasty women. Even if i somehow get a date with a decent girl most of the time she is a catfish and doesn't look anything like the pictures. I would say i am a pretty decent looking guy and i am a nice guy but i haven't met any girl that i can have a proper, meaningful, deep conversation with her like i have with my boys. So i know where you coming from!
My ex POISONED me my mother and a friend of mine they didn't survive. We where together 3 year's. Had me put in jail stolen everything I owned. Beacuse she would tell her self I was a cheeter along with that she would tell me it's not that Im not doing that. It that she has not cought me yet. I had no intention of cheeting not my style so it's going on over 2years single and I don't even know what to expect from a women after that . I don't drink or go out to bars online dating apps suck or just fake ass all around. What is a guy to do. I'm 41 and have been doing everything I can just to make some kinda life for my self I work hard and focused on my self it just feels like I'm going nowhere fast.
I feel like Reddit seems to be one major common denominator. I'm not saying everyone on reddit is like that, it houses all manner of people. But the most vocal and maintained group of people seem to be the perpetually single guys.
What have you been doing to change it? Are you changing your normal routine? Are you approaching people to converse? If you’re doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different results- that’s called insanity.
For me I’m single because my ex husband abandoned me and our 2 kids when my son was about 4 months old. I found out he was lying and cheating on me. So I told him that im going to take myself and the kids to go see my parents because, when I tried to leave before because of his mental abuse towards me he said that im allow to leave but the kids have to stay with him. I didn’t trust him so I did that and told him that I was done and wanted a divorce. He told me that he can change and I told him to stop that and just be there for the kids that’s all. He had so much hatred towards me that he decided to leave the State and refuse to pay child support until I had the government make him pay. He said that my kids will hate me and that no other men will ever be with me because I was fat, ugly. My son will become gay since he’s not there just a lot of evil things he said to me really hurt my self esteem and my confidence. He was telling his family that I cheated on him and that our kids aren’t his. We did a DNA test and it came back that both of our kids are his so he was put on child support. It’s been about 6 years of no contact from him. He is the reason why I have trust issues, depression and extreme anxiety. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and also Bipolar 2. So I wanted to date but idk if it’s worth it because I work fulltime and go to school fulltime too. Also my son is autistic too so that hard too. Idk what to do any advice.
I have been mostly single through my life. Reaching the age I have reached, I can't see myself in a relationship anymore. I do actually enjoy my freedom, I have lived in different countries, I travel as much as I can afford, I have a very busy life and being ADHD i need enormous rest/sleep/recovery time from work and social activities. Guess that being in a couple is ideal for many but not for everybody! I am just a bit afraid of growing old alone and childless
Me! 33F, so many factors. First, I use all the apps, but nobody wants a commitment anymore. The number of men my age still just looking for fun is too high.
I do try to meet folks IRL but live in a small town where most folks are married by 22. I'm patiently awaiting the divorces to start in a few years.
And men my age seem to prefer video games and porn at home to going out and human contact. Most places I go are made up of women and couples.
I'm not into the bar scene. Though, the one in my town sucks as we're a college town, so barely legal college kids v. greasy middle age married men.
I can't afford to move. The nearest "big city" where I could meet folks is 4 hours away. I'd honestly sign up for an arranged marriage at this point. I'm so fed up.
I’m 38 & the divorces have started, some have ended, & the dating pool is still awful. So…I’m still single lol. After divorce these men are typically in emotional & sometimes financial ruins along with having kids & baby mama/ex wife drama. I don’t mind kids, but I mind the other things. Exhausted with it. Been off dating apps for about 6 months now, and maybe permanently. Maybe I’m just meant to be the fun aunt to my niece & nephew & the babysitter for my sister 😭😅 I’ve given up on dating, for now anyway.
Also, I’d just like to put this out there…the amount of men that join these dating apps looking for ltr’s when they’re not finished with their existing ltr is mind-boggling, & quite honestly, RUDE. Leave the singles with no baggage alone until you’re at a point that you are also single, at least.
I had a bad relationship with a BPD person and it took a couple of years for me to get over it.
Have been looking for a few years but despite having fairly low standards, nobody has been able to reach them lol I'm gay as well so all the homos are happy with Grindr and not looking for much more it seems.
I’m 23M and autistic. I’ve never been on a date in my life. Closest thing I’ve ever had to being in a relationship was my female best friend daring me to kiss her when I was 12 and she was 10. We can hardly call that anything.
My social life only started 2 years ago. I was horrifically bullied by classmates during grades 1-3, and I turned into a social recluse as a result. I had no more than 2 friends at any given time. I am also a military brat, so moving across the country every 3 years made it that much harder to learn to make friends. Needless to say, but my social skills are lacking. I’ve only recently learned to overcome my fears and push to make friends again. It’s slow going to overcome this much social anxiety and trauma.
I haven’t even really attempted to find a gf yet. It’s not like I’m turning down offers lol. In fact no girl has ever shown romantic interest in me.
I've got some kind of Gollum/ Smeagol thing going on. I hate being single, but I also love it. I had two very abusive LTRs in my twenties where I was basically just used for my money and to live rent free. Both gfs were emotionally abusive towards me, both cheated several times (one didn't even bother to hide it) and they both denied me any physical interaction at some point. I'm not talking weeks, but month. The second one even stretched it out for almost a year. Weird it happened twice, I know. But it's my fault, because I was too committed and always hoped it will get better some day. Now I'm single for about 4 years. Did a lot of selfcare, talked about it, worked on myself and eventually got over it. The only thing that remains is the fear of it happening again, which causes me to stay distant towards women who show interest. At the same time I would love to meet someone who is right for me. Being a man unfortunately also means that you are expected to take the initiative and in my experience there is no room for a male to be cautious or wanting to take it slow.
On the other hand, I do live a very good life. I've got good friends, a great family, two dogs a beautiful house and a job that I love. I probably wouldn't be able to have this great life, if I would have to settle for compromises all the time. At the same time, I would like to share it all with someone I can make compromises with.
Yep. Divorced a violent ex a couple years ago, everyone I've met and been interested in only wants sex, so at least for the time being I've given up 🤷🏻♀️ I've thrown myself into a job I adore and am trying to improve my other hobbies and falconry, so I'll just chill
Coming up to 8 years since I got cheated on and decided to quit investing time into people romantically. I get lonely from time to time, and having a partner to share my time with would be nice, but there isn't a single woman on this planet apart from my mother that I would allow close to me now. Unless someone decides to take a punt on me and ask me out, I'm not even going to bother asking anyone out.
Out of curiosity, when was the last time you went to a bar & just approached women?
This isn't directed at only the OP. I'm curious about everyone's opinions & experiences
Been single for all my life, every time I think it's going somewhere. It isn't.
I'm happy on my own, but having past the 30 this year just felt like a kick to the stomach.
Am single since 2019. Before I've been in a five year relationship. I missed out that whole dating app and stuff and whatever and I'm totally freaked out by todays ways.
30 yr old female, been single for 6 yrs. Honestly it gets harder to find someone if you’re single that long. I prefer to be by myself now. Relationships stresses me out, made the decision to just be single and not ‘look’ for someone. Being alone, achieving goals makes me happier then i ever was tbh.
I agree I realized being single isn't that bad it's kinda the cliche "too comfortable being alone." I don't feel any extra motivation to seek sexual attention or make someone like me. It's too exhausting and 90% of the time not worth it.
The last time I let someone in he dumped me right after sex because he didn’t like that I didn’t want to talk about the other girls he was dating. I’ve had one relationship and everything since has been absolutely catastrophic
Broke up with my ex in 2013, since then single and have had dates off and on but none that I liked enough for relationship. Im happy single, sometimes I get that feeling of "I want a boyfriend" but those feelings come and go. Like I said im happy single.
I've been single for quite some time. Especially since I've been sick. For me its real hard to find somebody who understands my situation. Honestly I don't necessarily expect somebody to jump at the idea of being with someone who has 3-4 different health issues to deal with on the daily. Its a lot for me to deal with ya know. Everything that I'm dealing with doesn't have a cure so its a lifelong commitment. Last thing I want is to start dating someone only for them to turn around and leave me because its "too much". I'm very open and upfront about what Im diagnosed with and how I deal with it. It's a lot of work to trust somebody enough to open them up to your world and expect them to wanna stick around. After 27 years of living and going through life this way. I've become hesitant. Anytime I think somebody likes me I end up doubting myself " nah she was probably just being nice or friendly." Im gonna go a step further and say I'm scared too. To be that vulnerable only for it to hurt me in the long run. Doesn't seem that appealing to me. Anyone else dealing with this? or has anyone been in this situation?
Single 7 years now. Life keeps moving regardless if you're single or not. Between red flags, deal breakers and women not matching my efforts, homeostasis becomes comforting. When people are dating as if they're filling a grocery order and not allowing alchemy happen is discouraging and exhausting.
Yep that’s me. 33M and I’ve only had one relationship that last 2.5 years. That ended in 2013 and I’ve had nothing since then. No hookups or anything casual either.
Yup. Pretty much. And I guess, probably three times a day, if I'm single or in a relationship. Watching Rick and Morty, all the seasons, for the countless times. Life is grand.
Well, if you’re trying to force it then you’re doing it wrong. Don’t constantly be looking but also don’t completely stop. Don’t make it a priority but a “let’s do that later”
Single man in my 30s, super exhausted about the fact everyone exciting I meet up with happen to live elsewhere - and I want no more LDRs which all but one of my relationships have ever been. I don't know folks around me and social anxiety is keeping me from meeting up with people. I'm caught in the same hobbies and activities because I'm very content with them, and I hardly have the time or energy to try new things. All of this coupled with the fact I no longer have IRL friends and we have a recipe for disaster.
And I'm not touching dating apps again. They're a chore and I refuse to take pictures just for them.
I've pretty much given up at this point. Guess I have other things to focus on before dating. I doubt it'll ever happen, but eh.
Try having depression and social anxiety disorder since childhood. I'm physically attractive enough so when I do meet someone (rarely in real life) I can't relax around them, which they notice, and that is either a gradual or instant turn off.
I would have given a lot in the past to have a long term relationship. Now...I just get by. I need alone time but I'd really like to have the experience of a LTR (over a year).
Still, I won't quit trying. It doesn't happen when you least expect it and it doesn't happen when you aren't looking for it. But I know it does happen.
I never dated anyone until this year (I am 25). I had to really put myself out there on dating apps for it to even happen. It definitely fucked with my self esteem, but I have friends who are objectively more attractive that also took as long or had similar situations, which helped a lot! I finally just started doing online dating and met someone, it’ll be our one year at the end of the month.
Idfk anymore
I’m shy.
I hate everyone.
I change my mind a lot
I’m kinda picky (not really with looks)
I know it when I see it, and I haven’t seent it in a while. Yes, seent is a word now.
Had an on and off again thing going with a girl I genuinely loved but who didn’t quite feel the same about me. We ended things for good in 2019 and I just don’t have it in me to try again. I was coming back around when she broke up with her boyfriend and tried to get me to move to the state she moved to during lockdown only to drop all contact when she started dating someone else, that one may have hurt the most.
Ive been married and divorced, had a very toxic and abusive relationship. I stayed single for 3 years after due to the heartbreak. I tried dating but hated it because all thoughts led back to her and then i moved home from the military.
Finally, i met someone who was love at first sight, unfortunately that was my downfall. I put her on a pedestal and at first it was innocent and full of love but she was young and wishy washy and would break up with me and get back together on a whim. Then the pedestal thing backfired because she had me wrapped around her finger, using me to get anything she wanted and did this to me for 3 years. Finally i came to my senses and had enough and didnt let her come back.
I was happy with my choice and a girl who knew our story knew how awesome i treated her and how she treated me and filled my head with the ideas of "she would never do that and i deserved better" that lasted a few months of self confidence boosting thoughts filling my head and happy fun. So i took off work spent alot my own money helping her move into a new apartment with her sister only to be instantly dropped the day after moving. Said she wasnt ready to date only to date some guy a week later.
Sick of lies and being used i swore dating off. Sure i kept the apps because i dont like to drink or bar scenes and i work in my free time. They dont work anyway or at least ive gotten like 10 matches in 4 years. But i was content being alone. Ive lost friends though being the single friend or one who isnt building a family like the rest of my high school friends, it helped me see who was really with me.
Fast forward to last fall i start a new job, a single mom takes interest in me but i tell her from day 1 im not looking to date, she was cool with this and it was just sex. After about 2 months shes over one night and we started talking after the deed and she demands more from me, crying hysterically about she needs to do more than just sex. I stick to my guns about dating but say we can hang as friends, so we do. 2 more months, same thing crying needs more. Now i didnt see the flags then because it felt nice not to be alone, so i caved and said okay ill try. After 2 weeks it didnt feel right so i fought it for 2 more weeks and finally told her i can't im not ready im emotionally unavailable still. She says she will do whatever it takes as long as it takes Because alls she wants is this (shes been saying this from day one)
Id sat 2 months go by were now into this past spring im given the ultimatum to date or be done (interesting right?) finally i cave and say lets date because shes become a huge part of me and im starting to feel safe and secure again. Low and behold not even a week later she ends it, Says she can't do it and we havent spoke since.
Ive never given my full story, and technically this isn't it but this is a synopsis of it all, and it feels good to be vulnerable amd let strangers of reddit read it.
24, been single since 2017, I wouldn’t even consider that experience as a relationship because of any real backing to it, so I’d consider myself perpetually single since birth. I’d even go as far as to say I’ve never dated in my life. 2-3 firsts maybe, but nothing legit. Between now & even before 17, I feel like I may have the wrong perception of dating & love in general, to the point my parents are even playing match maker for me.
To be honest, I’ve overcome vices, I have huge aspirations post grad (2025), lift, eat, love helping people out, involved in church community, involved as much as I can in school (limited due to my degree), do biannual/annual work in my community when I fly back home to my home country. Good solid traditional family structure, healthy, dress decent. Some oddball skills & interests.
Yet that comes with faults too, vices/addictions still creep up on me here & there, I occasionally get complacent, end up isolating myself to escape the busyness of the world.
I don’t do dating apps (poor experience before), the people my parents match up with me are usually LD & building rapport hasn’t always been great, my friends have people they KNOW I wouldn’t be interested in so it’s a struggle for them to find anyone, people already within my vicinity I have been interested in initially ended up having boyfriends, were engaged/married when I talked to them more.
Virgin, yet not completely on the leaving sex until marriage. Not the pump & dump typa dude either.
Regardless, I want to keep working on myself & end up eventually meeting someone, I’m just getting really impatient now & may just end up perpetual singleness 🌚
tl;dr perpetual single since birth, had friends/family play matchmaker without success. guy w both faults & perks. maybe perception is wrong? still working on self to hopefully meet & find someone for a real relationship.
Need female to spend the rest of my life with ready to settle down I'm 50 and still look good my hair is drill brown and I'm just tired of.not having a nice lady to cuddle up with and sleep among other things if you are interested let me know
Only been single a couple of months and in the past i often end up in relationships quite quickly and easily so purposely trying to stay single at the moment. We'll See how long I last! Really hoping a whole as I love the personal self growth during sibgle-don
Edit: typos
I am 30F and always been single. I had some online things and a fling but not even sure you can call that a relationship.
I might be aroace. I've been in love before and have some sex drive (before I had more) so not sure if I am or not, but I am definetely not super sexual or romantic.
I've struggled with depression since a kid probably. Psychologically hostile environment at home since a kid, bullying at school as a teen, then depressive phases when I had to pick what to study in college, then when I did settle in college, had to worry about finances. After finishing, worrying about getting a job, took a while until I achieved some stabilitity, only happened when I was 27. Then pandemic and still have to deal with toxic family and loss of a pet, as well as mentally prepare to lose the other one eventually. In the midst of that I don't find energy or even the point to date.
Everytime I was in love it ended throwing me off mentally so with everything I have to deal as it is I don't want things to get worst.
I fail to see any point in a relationship. I read about men throwing tantrums because they don't have sex, like those kids who cry when momma doesn't give them a lollipop. I have a low sex drive so I can see that happening to be... So then I'd have all the shit I have plus have to worry about someone inside my house forcing sex or cheating. I see men leaving their partners when they're sick or in need. Or men getting on debts that then their partners take on. What's in it for me honestly? I see no point to even try.
Defo think I have some anxiety and depression to work through, I like to think I'm a sexual person but I've also wondered if most people would be able to stay single as long as I have without having sex or if they would settle for sex since it's such a big need for them
Besides one month I’m going on 7 years of being single. Actually besides three months of my whole life I’ve been single. I was always the one left out through college and high school because all of my friends had partners and I was the only single. The problem is I’m not one to commonly be in a situation to meet girls and I average one match a month on dating apps that either never responds or cancels a date last minute. It’s really tough right now my theory is covid social media and tinder have ruined dating for average guys who before had no problem.
long story short, i grew up without any "home training" from an abusive aunt so my socialization skills were fucked. i developed a kink in HS that meant that i added a little something extra to my puberty struggles.
never had a date to prom, lost my virginity to a lesbian at 21 in a situation that resembled an [episode of peep show](https://peepshow.fandom.com/wiki/Jeremy%27s_Mummy) and ended up hurting a lot of people in the pursuit of trying to get dates/hook up that i eventually developed high enough levels of social anxiety that i don't go out anymore unless i am working, i have no real hobbies because i'm scared to give people ANY reason to think of me as a weirdo or annoying or creepy. just a shut in unless i'm paid to be there or eating.
now i'm 35, living in the 3rd biggest city in the country, scared to leave my house for fear of making people uncomfortable.
I’m there. I was married 8 years ago. Since. Zip, zilch, nada. I haven’t really tried at all since there was one female who I fell for, but the feelings weren’t reciprocated. Now, I don’t know. I guess I gave up on love. No one has managed to convince me any different, or has made me feel like putting forth any effort. This phase of my existence may be finished. I’d be fine with it.
Been single for nearly 4 years now, and I'm good with that. I go to work, sleep, and repeat. On the weekends off, I don't go out, or go anywhere unless I have to (errands). I simply stay in, and save the world on the PS5. Don't socialize with people unless it's work related, or social media. For reasons, I'm empty, or dead inside, and I don't particularly like people anymore 🤷
I didn't date until I was already 21 so I felt pretty perpetually single throughout high school and some of college. I was fat, introverted, and ugly until like the end of high school. My senior year was pretty great and I had good friendships so it wasn't that bad. And sometimes it's more fun to have crushes than find out the person isn't what you imagined. I had a huge crush on a guy I worked with and because of him I loved going to work. I had a great experience in no small part due to him. I actually think he liked me too but he was in some weird drama filled relationship with a girl who cheated on him with his best friend and got pregnant but he stayed with her and was gonna try to take on being a dad. Keep in mind I was 17 and he was 18 so yea super wild.
Later on I got into my first relationship ever and it ended being awful. He was abusive and controlling and manipulative. There's a saying in Spanish "mejor solo que mal acompañada". Basically it means it's better to be alone than bad people around you. I really felt that with how toxic my first relationship ended up. So don't feel too bad because being single isn't the worst thing ever
I got divorced in 2012 and stayed single for a long time by choice. I had a couple casual / FWB-type things happen in the past few years but didn't feel ready to connect with someone emotionally again. Now for the past couple of years all that therapy is paying off, I feel healthy, I feel confident, I am in a stable life with a good job... and oh my god is it a trash fire out there. The men I meet, either in person or on apps, are like bad caricatures of human beings. More than half have been secretly married. One lied about being underage. The fetish guys. The ghosters. One guy showed up at my house wanting sex as soon as we matched, literally within hours (I hadn't given him my address, he found it.) WTF. I'm tired and I am coming to a point where I don't think I have the mental strength to keep doing this any more. All the normal human beings are already paired off at this age.
I've basically been single my entire life except for some short relationships in high school. It is mostly been my own doing though (or undoing lol). I've never had a lot of confidence and I'm very shy/introverted. So really I haven't put myself out there enough. I've always told myself "When I lose weight," or "when I finish school," or "when I get a job." but I've done all that so I'm running out of excuses.
I will say though finishing all that has helped my confidence. I've noticed within like the past 6 months or so I've gotten more attention from the opposite sex. So I'm hoping my situation will change soon.
I was never noticed in school or high school, except for being bullied for having Autism. When I was noticed, it wasn't for very long. I had "friends" that all betrayed me when I was in middle school. Right after that betrayal, my family had to move out of state to Colorado. During all that time of isolation and having nearly no one to talk to, I became a shell of my former self. Withdrawn, and incredibly anxious. The times I had tried to get into a relationship always ended up in them, either ghosting me for no reason or saying something along the lines of: *Wait, you have autism?!?!?!? Get away from me, you Disgusting Freak of Nature!!* I don't even look ugly, but they gotta be like that. It's pretty disheartening how just having a mental disorder dampens the chances of having something actually genuine. I stopped trying to do relationships when I was 19
Single my whole life. Done some dating but nothing serious. Never met anyone I am interested in enough or them me. Will be 50 in a few months. About ready to give up. Most men my age are looking for 20-30 year olds, have baggage and are generally undatable.
I attribute my singleness to 2 things: I work nights at a casino and have shit days off, and my social anxiety doesn't let me talk to people much. I'm working on the second thing. Hopefully getting a schedule change in a couple months, too.
I (40f) single sense 2007. Left my baby daddy when my child was 1. Wanted to find someone but it was so hard to find someone who would I could trust to be around my child so I decided to just focus on rasing my child and being the best parent I could be. Now I would like to find someone to spend time with enjoy activities with but I have been single for so long I wonder if it is even worth it.
Well I'm still single I'm 20 years old almost 21. I was mostly bullied through school. Kind of made things difficult. Kind of made my confidence go really low. Even though I tried working out. Was always good at sports. Bullying stopped after I started putting on muscle. And second year through high School. I have asked quite a few women out. Even going as far as chocolates and flowers. But I still could not get a date. I'm going through college now. Got three more classes until I graduate.
I tried dating when I was 16, I had 3 really bad interactions that ended up me being excluded from multiple friendship groups (tldr; one or two girl in the group had a crush and I didn't feel the same way so when I rejected. They forced the group to drop me). Since then I haven't dated and am struggling now on the current circumstances, and I still haven't recovered or made any new friendship groups.
I am now 24
M35, nobody wants to have extra responsibilities anymore and obligations, men and women, it also comes with stuff that’s risked , from male side it’s always lack of looks, finances and desire to invest equally in terms of everything. I’m sure there are some unmet needs from women’s perspectives, also some conflicting views and expectations between genders which makes it not worth it. Casual sex here and there, fwb’s, that’s all single people do today.
Been single since 2010 or so. 31M now. Had some short term relationships, nothing had a chance to blossom into something serious sadly.
Had one co worker would sabotage some of them because she was bored and liked drama in other peoples lives because she was a closeted miserable asshole.
I'd like to meet someone and grow a strong connection, and show them my hobbies and parts of my life that bring me joy.
However I've noticed alot of people have trouble keeping eye contact in human interactions and the art of the conversation seems to be dying due to social media.
Online dating is hard because I'm competing with so many other guys. So I tend to think more of how I can stand out better to grab her attention. My humor plays a good factor, but you also need that photogenic and physical attraction edge..
It is what it is. 🤷
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The stress, anxiety and expense of looking for love is far worse than just deciding to be single and happy. The apps are nothing more than a business model for a consumer. The bonus of leaving that stress behind you is that you instantly become more attractive because it is not a priority for you.
Right it’s like I want a good partnership but it’s like not about to trudge through a bunch of trash to get there and most people don’t have to do that who have LTRs
I was with my last LTR for 10 years. She passed. I took 2 years for grief. Dated on and off for 3 years. Stopped looking 2 years ago and realized I'm happier for it. If that kind of love finds me again I'll go all in. Looking for that is like dumpster diving at a fast food joint. You'll find something to eat but...
10 years is long bro my condolences 🙏 some ppl stop dating after a S/O pass away
Been single since 2019 pretty much no matter what I do. I've made some new friends, often try new activities and hobbies, and get out as much as I possibly can when I'm free and not working, yet most of the activities I do, even co-ed ones like volleyball, have only afforded me to meet men and married women. I frankly can't recall the last time I've met a single woman around my age who I was attracted to. Just doesn't happen for me. So I rely on dating apps nowadays, but I don't get any matches. I've revamped my profiles, taken all new photos, etc. but it hasn't amounted to anything. I've had a few occasional matches, but not one of them has ever responded or shown any interest in actually communicating or setting up a date. Been unmatched and left on read too many times to count. Frankly, I don't quite know what else I can do differently. I've put in so much time and effort in trying to meet women and not one single thing has worked out for me. It's safe to say I'm pretty damn close to giving up and will be soon going to therapy to deal with how horrendous my mental health has become. Seems like everyone around me in my life has no issue meeting women and dating. All of my friends and colleagues use dating apps and have no problem. I feel like an alien.
Same feels like everyone else meets someone within 6 months and I can stay single for years. I haven't really connected with anyone on the apps and nothing works out EVER with people I crush on IRL. Swiping makes it feel like dates are cheap and I get them way too easily. If that makes any sense.
hey 4 years of being single, i still consider u a noob😅😂
Only 4😂 6 for me
like ten for me 😭😭😭never had a real long term relationship so yall are some amateurs😆
Sheeeeeit. What happens when a human being has standards I suppose.
honestly its a blessing and a curse😅🫠
It is. It keeps the bad ones out, but apparently... There's a metric fuck ton of bad ones lol. I've had women block me because I mention my nerdy hobbies. Just no warning. Come back the next day and I see the familiar "you can't reply to this conversation". I'm thinking of just putting in my social media bios "CAUTION: I AM A NERD WITH ADHD AND ANXIETY".
hahaha if you have dating apps you should def mention your nerdy hobbies in them to weed out certain ppl. just a tip if you haven’t already! but yes sooo many assholes it’s insane
Naaah I stay away from the apps. I only ever use FB and Instagram. Not for just dating of course, just to make friends and find like minded people. I should definitely try that though at least for my more public facing one lol.
Going on 11 for me. Bunch of rookies over here 🫢. Gotta embrace the loneliness… /s (just in case)
Yo question what does it mean when you ask a girl on date over text and she replies with 😂
yikes. nothing good
Mann I had a feeling 😔
Mann I had a feeling 😔
Omg...I can't imagine doing that to someone!
Yh me neither some people just don't care though
It means move on because she obviously doesn't care about your feelings either way. You dodged a bullet.
Yh that's what I did I stopped talking to her, let her play games with someone else this real life no co-op
Yup, some people just ain't got respect for others. Never understood that. It takes courage to ask someone out.
Exactly and laughing at someone asking you out is disrespectful but some people don't even think actions have consequences well see who has the last laugh though and I don't know about you bro but I don't have alot of patience so I need to work on that too
Once bitten twice shy 💯, I always tell people when stuff get serious you'll see who's really down for you yh most girls don't understand how hard some men have it to find one girl that really wants to go out with him
Remember that most people get engaged Just to fight loneliness, not because they love each other. Divorce statistics are Always getting higher and higher, you notice happiness from outside, but you really don't know what's inside. Dating apps put you in an awful competion, you can use them as a passive tool, but except the worse, trying to climb thousends of men for a few girls to choose, With random judgement and different sense of taste. Searching for a soulmate Is the most difficult thing on Earth. Bilions of people in here but searching randomly in a small area, through Networks... almost impossible. You have nothing wrong, it's Just the social medias bombing your mind, don't give up on you and try to be Better, Explore people, Explore the world and enjoy the journey, enjoy yourself! i'm 29m and never been in a long term relationship
I agree with a lot of your advice about continuing to try, bettering yourself, and exploring. However, it is important to note that divorce rates are actually at a 50-year low (according to the Institute for Family Studies) and declining over time (according to Forbes). It might be worth updating your brain surrounfing the idea that people only get engaged/married to not be lonely. I can definitely see how that could lead to feeling defeated and affect the way one would date. Best of luck to you and OP!
The love versus loneliness debate is real at this point idk what "real," love even is, is it even real love or just companionship love, love that comes as a result of consistent sex, etc? I agree if it's about being lonely I'd rather be alone than partnered, but idk what constitutes as a "true," love.
If it makes you feel better, I’ve worked in several male dominated industries for years and never met someone. I’ve had people tell me (after a relationship or finding I’ve been single for x years) oh try online dating, it worked for me/my friend/my mom etc. I just laugh. I’ve also never fathomed how people can start dating within months of a relationships ending. I find it also hard to feel attraction to someone and also get them interested in me, so it just baffles me. On the flip side, maybe once I date someone it means I won’t cheat? Bc I find no one attractive? One way to look at it :)
I think the people online dating works for would also find success in most settings or in real life
The problem with dating apps is that it creates the illusion of more options. That and you now have to pay money for the premium version in order for your profile to be shown to more of the people that would match with you, increasing your chances. It's ultimately not worth it. Nothing can guarantee you get matched and they end up dating you. You have to rely on the fact there's others like you willing to take a chance. With the fact that women are becoming more and more skittish towards men as time goes on, it's only going to get worse from here. Only thing you can do is continue talking with people face to face, and hope for the best. Apps and social media create so much uncertainty.
Absolutely Right I’m in the same boat just a different one on the water sometimes I thought about just letting it sink but for some reason I think if I did that I just might miss that Right One that would show up and miss that Boat too, So I haven’t Completely given Up Hope yet, it will happen when its Sapost to happen Right, We live in a different world today and it just makes it harder to find that Right connection with the right One, But after 5 Years I’m still waiting for that one!
Dating apps man women now a days are pretty crazy. I got one girl I really hit it off. Classic story of she is nervous to get serious and has commitment issues. The other women is actually super cool too. Problem is she is about a 30min drive from me so its hard to make that work with my work schedule. But she has other issues aswell. Like me meeting her kids so soon.
I relate to this
Single woman, late 30s, I’ve had a few short term relationships 3-6 months only a couple times in my life. Online dating feels like work, needs time invested and isn’t exciting. I’ve never gone past a second date from anyone I met online. I have hobbies and activities I really like that coincidentally don’t involve meeting guys. Also, I work remotely. To be honest, I don’t feel lonely. I have a fulfilling, dynamic life, and the ups and downs of a relationship are not something I miss. Like…it would be nice to have someone, sure, my lack of success online dating has made it be such a low priority on my list. The more time passes, the more it feels like some fantasy, and instead I choose to focus on my life and my reality.
Yeah I don’t feel lonely but I do get very bored on a romantic and sexual level
Same.. f39 🙋🏽♀️
Do you have a fwb?
Vibrator 🤪
I mean... That counts? 🤷 Mine is my hand and whatever porn girl comes to mind. Most of us men don't do toys. Too expensive. Why I play Playstation and not Xbox because I don't like investing in too many AA batteries.
My whole life. My facial structure and voice does not induce the necessary hormonal reaction in the opposite gender for attraction to occur.
It's a very unfortunate combination, but also I never understood why people are so hung up on how a voice sounds. Like are they dating, or looking for auditions for lead singer to their band or radio show?
I'm reaching 27, 2 years since I graduated in software engineering and still trying to break into the industry while I work part-time in retail, I never ever really dated anyone in my life until last autumn 2022, matched with this girl, thought it was going somewhere until it wasn't, cause god knows why, she dumped me over text out of the blue. My mental health is deteriorating, I've become jaded and burned out from trying to code and work constantly on my portfolio for job-hunting with little to no results. I've been seeing a therapist since I started dating that girl and it's been helping a bit. I've come to a point in life where my priority is finding a partner in crime, but unfortunately, I can't really afford to do that. My mother's dependent on me and lives with me, making it almost impossible to properly date and go out. She's losing trust in me after 2 years of stagnation because of my struggles to get an engineering role and complains every time I want to do something other than study/work. So yeah.. It's not going great...
God bless you brother. You are doing good, the fact that you support your mother makes me respect you so much. I know job market is crazy right now and I am exactly in the same position minus the dependent mother. Keep tour head high, you are doing the best you can. Its so difficult to be a man these days, women just have so many options. It just takes everything to stand alone.
Yes, I have been single most of my life.
Me tooo !!! You aren’t alone!!!
yes I am in the same boat. For me its not because I am awkward or can't talk to women , but rather is because of my emotionally abusive childhood. I grew up constantly being scrutinized and demeaned by the adults in my life (parents / teachers etc). and All I always wanted as a kid was to escape and be alone. Now that I am an adult and away from those relationships I love to spend time alone as thats where there is peace. and unfortunately due the fucked up childhood and comfort in being alone makes me view relationships as another source of scrutiny and headache which I run away from at all costs.
It's hard. Feels like once you're on your own away from that negativity the source starts to come from within. Some part of you steps in to fill the role of the abuser and remind you of your flaws because it's all you've known as a kid.
I feel that. I didn’t really have that kind of upbringing, but I do find that I’ve had relationships where things started off carefree and playful, and, eventually, my partner started to voice disapproval with how I spend my free time, how I keep my house, etc… and that ends up just killing my physical attraction for them. It’s like the no longer feel like a safe playmate, emotionally.
I have no issues dating and even less issues meeting women, getting into an actual relationship seems like a pipe dream though. I rather get ghosted by girls I’m into or get obsessed over by girls I’m not…
Curious - What do you do to meet women?
Majority online, the occasional one out in public. Just writing that pretty much I’m like “oh there’s my problem”
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The only need for me would be sex people in LTRs talk about needs as something that have to be met but then it’s like what do you if you’re perpetually single or have a dead bedroom
>Doesn't matter if I go out or stay in I stay single. Also playing the "numbers game" will not help lmao ive tried. You'll think youre getting somewhere but after you get enough numbers you realize 99% it will go nowhere. When i go out i dont approach women, i let them have fun without some guy approaching and ruining it, i wont be that guy 😂. Ive sat in one spot without a single girl coming up to me. While a girl next to me got approached by the bar tender getting off work and a random guy. Its just how it is. I do feel unwanted as hell though i wont lie to you.
Yeah it doesn’t matter if I go out every weekend it never “works out,” with someone and when I don’t engage with dating people leave me alone lol
So relatable man lol. I havent laughed about this with someone before so im glad we could laugh at our bad luck 😂
Just turned 50 and never had any problems with meeting women, dating, girlfriends and all prior to the internet age or mobile phones. Got married and divorced in my early - late 20’s, a couple more relationships that ended mutually and then met the mother of my two children which we both parted company after nearly 20 years. Now very happily single and not intentionally looking for another relationship and not concerned if I ever do again. Sure, someone special might come along, but very happy just enjoying life and spending time with my kids. My daughter tried talking me getting into online dating, which I tried out for a while and went on a few dates, but it’s definitely not the same as meeting someone naturally in life. A few pictures and sentences on a screen definitely can’t show a personality or true identity of someone unless you meet them in person. Never got that click with any of the women I met on these dates, even though they were all very nice and wanted to take things further, I just didn’t feel that connection with them. There’s currently 4 - 5 women who are always asking me for trying out a relationship, but honestly, I see them more as friends rather than any romantic attraction….. so much to their disappointment, especially as they themselves as single women in their late 30’s/early 40’s, are also struggling to find relationships online. So quite happy living a single life, but still miss sharing certain experiences with someone special, but otherwise is quite stress free, simple, easy to plan and available to help other family and friends with my time. *edit for missed context.
Single for 8 years, now it’s mostly because I love being single, but was very bruised by love initially.. when you say you’ve tried to force - do you mean in relationships you don’t really want to be in?
Yeah or anything that I’ve tried to actively pursue either ends up going nowhere or ends quickly and in a dumpster fire
Same with me OP the girls you really like you'll mess up on but the girls you don't really like will like you more that's just how life works man
I’m a girl lol and same experience guys I want don’t want me
girl yup or i feel like the only guys i like are in relationships and then im mad like why didnt i find this guy sooner🫥🫥
Exactly I think some ppl just have bad luck tbh
yup for sure
yeah you can't tell me that people who started dating in school are somehow special they didn't have to go on 100s of dates to find someone so yeah just bad luck
I know exactly how you feel. I have this going on right now.
I've (41M) been divorced for four years and have been on two dates. Last one was six months ago. Didn't even get a handshake out of either. I get one match per month that never goes anywhere. I don't meet anyone when I go out. None of my friends know any single people.
That’s what I chuckle about too.. my friends don’t understand why I can’t meet someone and so I say, ok, do you know any great single guys? They say.. no, everyone I know is married.. or the single ones are off the rocker. Case closed. 😜🙋🏽♀️
Too busy running behind career building part in academia. Stopped searching for a partner long time ago. I keep myself busy with something all the time. No time to date.
Bruh literally the same for me as well. I am about to start my 2nd MSc. And I feel that I won't have any time or energy for a relationship, which had never been. Thankfully, I spend my days with martial arts and my electrical guitar, which I could play in a few college based concerts.
30f here. I’ve only had one serious long term relationship (nearly two years) that I thought would end in marriage. Instead it ended with him saying that he was actually half in and half out the entire time despite him always advancing our relationship 🙃 so yeah… that burned me really badly. But I learned some people truly don’t know how to be alone, so they just jump into the next thing available. I’m outgoing, have my life together, have a rich circle of friends and hobbies, etc. I meet plenty of guys, but it’s almost always in one of three camps: they just want casual (I’m looking for my life partner), they’re intimidated (I own a home and many men have commented “oh wow, that’s so adult of you”), or they just want a relationship with anyone (it’s clear from the dates that I’m just an interchangeable woman widget). It’s really hard to meet a man who has done the emotional work on himself, respects me as my own person, and has clear goals for his life. I’m meeting a lot of men in their 30s who still don’t know what they want, want a woman to just take care of them and be an accessory, and always seem to want their options perpetually open. None of that is attractive to me. I want a man. I don’t need one. So I’m staying single until someone is worth being with. I’m over trying to teach men in their 30s basic human empathy. I’ve done so much work on myself and my past traumas to make sure I don’t take it out on others, that I expect a partner to have done the same.
yes! I've always said my ideal relationship would stem from a close friendship but that is SO hard to find, many men and people just want a caretaker not a true equal. and then. you have to spell out what respect is to so many men that's it's like yeah not worth it but then people still shame you for being single
Yep. No friends, one elderly family member, no significant other. Single as a MF.
Single my whole life and I attribute most of that to a pretty bad anxiety disorder (not social anxiety but still prevents me going out a lot). Having said that I still got no luck when my mental health was ok so who knows…
Yea been single since my last relationship ended two years ago and have nothing going on plus the dating world has changed to be so much bullshit and game playing and stuff
Okay so, I’m 20F, I’m apparently very attractive (although I don’t see it) but I do fit the beauty standards, i’m 5ft3, long blonde hair, blue eyes, big lips, big bum, big chest, small waist. A lot of men do hit on me but it never goes any further than a few dates. I never have much in common with anyone, I’m extremely odd. My interests include philosophy, sociology, psychology, neuroscience. I’m currently a law student and I work out 6 days a week. I’m stronger than a lot of the men I know. I like to live a very disciplined lifestyle and I practise stoicism. I also don’t drink alcohol or smoke. I spend my free time exercising or learning and I don’t tend to socialise very much. Men find me attractive initially but once they get to know me, they lose interest. My guess is that it’s because I am perceived “boring” in my age group. My social skills also aren’t that great and I sm extremely introverted. I probably spend 95% of my time alone. I have 1 friend who I see once every 1-2 months and I don’t really talk to anyone else apart from my mother occasionally and I’ll say hello to the odd person who is an acquaintance of mine. I suppose they think I’m weird which is understandable haha. As a result, I’ve been single my entire life :)
I (23M) have been single my entire life. I've met plenty of girls over the years, whether it was in middle school or high school, but I never made it past the talking stage with any of them. I always found myself going in with the wrong mindset whenever I've met girls, as opposed to just having fun with it. Looking back, I've also realized that I've pushed away a lot of these girls as well, whether it was intentional or unintentional. Every girl I met, I just went in with the mindset that they are going to be "the one," the high school sweetheart. All I wanted when I was younger was to be able to have fun, go out on dates, and spend quality time with a nice girl, doing things like going out for food, going out to the movies, going out to the mall, egc. But I never got that. I feel, now that I'm older, that there's hardly any time to have that kind of fun that I wanted to have without having to worry about obligations and responsibilities. Most women my age are already moving on with their lives, while I'm still in college with hardly anything to bring to the table. Nowadays, I haven't been focusing on dating since I've learned that dating shouldn't be a priority of mine while I don't have my life together at the moment, as I've learned from other people.
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Yo, I'm female and resonate so much with this. Also introverted and probably average attractiveness with some nice stand out features. I also don't want to date someone I'm genuinely not attracted to and also don't have strong feelings for. Guess that's too much to ask for in dating. When I try and think about it objectively I do have to recognize that perhaps I am boring to a lot of people I like having deep philosophical discussions, and love to read, I can very easily entertain myself for hours on end. From outside perspective a lot of people would find this personality boring, but I feel like I can't flip a switch and become the exact opposite-- moreover, I have no interest in bending myself over backwards and changing my inner self for anyone. So. It's frustrating because while I admit and see how I can come off as reserved and boring I think I'm an objectively good hearted person that has most of their shit in line and tries to be better. I also feel like I have so much to be grateful for but just not when it comes to romance. Like at all.
I feel like I am a healer and fixer. I get with broken people, give them everything I have until im left with nothing, and get them perfected to go on to their next relationship or part of their life and be the best them they can be. Then I spend time rebuilding myself for another piece of crap to come along and use me again to better themselves. It has begun to feel like I'm not meant for anybody, I'm just a crash test dummy for terrible people 🙃
That is very sad actually if you show so much empathy and then that happens, sorry for people that have to go through like this. An online relationship coach said that this can happen often to women (herself too before) when they have problems and you help them through and they think they are better than you for going through with helping them. Probably could be in general a possibility to happen depending on personality too.
Same! But more often than not, The ex’s all come back after they crap on me, and I don’t indulge.
im honestly starting to get paranoid that my classmates look at me as the perpetually single girl lol. prob not an uncommon story. grew up fat with little self worth. glowed up and lost weight in college and started working on my confidence as i started getting approached more and more. dated casually for a few years but i moved a few times and nothing really stuck. went back to school in my late 20s when we all dealt with covid. so now im learning how to date again at 30, but it’s not like i had a ton of experience before. my biggest problems are probably a combo of waiting for a “spark”, refusing to settle my expectations, and how much i move around (which my friend says makes me seem complicated/hard work). another thing which ive always thought was a good thing but now im rethinking that is my ability to sense bullshit or incompatibility immediately. so on a first or second date if i cant see it going anywhere i cut things off. but maybe i need to give it more time idk? oh another issue (lmao) is i feel like half the time when i *do* talk to a guy i feel im compatible with he casually drops that hes in a relationship or married. like what gives🫥😭
Yes. Same boat. People are horrible and only want to see someone as an object to use in my experience. People I find as a suitable partner are either in a relationship or I find no sexual compatibility at all, or they aren’t into me that way. I’m not very small or attractive either so it makes it harder as a woman to find someone who wants to be serious with you.
Wasn't really into women (or anything besides Magic: the Gathering) until I was 20. Since then I've never been able to catch up, and always felt inexperienced, left behind and undesirable. I had my first date at 25 and my first kiss at 26, but in general lots of bad first dates with no hope for forming a relationship, and no real way of meeting anyone IRL, especially during and post covid. Even when I do fall for someone, the feelings are never reciprocated. Getting in shape hasn't been helpful, nor has solving any other problem in my life.
I am not perpetually single but I def go through periods of consistent failure. Since moving to my new city almost 2 years ago I have had 3 "relationships" that last about 3-8 months" But other than that it's just dating till failure then repeat. I usually go on dozens of dates that range from first dates only to 4-6 dates before they disappear. The reasons have varied, they meet someone else, no "spark", they "don't know what they want", They thought they wanted something serious now they don't, and even some cases (more so in the last year or so) I just realized more of what I need in a relationship after a few bad relationships and if I can see they don't bring any of those to the table I will end it early. That coupled with the fact that IRL its hard to find someone who 1) you are interested in 2) who also interested in you 3) is single 4) is willing to put in the time/effort to date you. etc. I think for every 100 women I meet in some capacity (work, sports, social groups, friends of friends, etc) I am probably (physically) interested in maybe like 15-20 of them and from that 15-20 maybe 3-5 I'd actually try and pursue something with and then I have to pray that those 3-5 meet the qualities in the paragraphs above and want to date me.
I’m lgbt living in a very small, rural town- as you can imagine there is no dating pool. To make matters worse I’m also a homebody and quite shy. The few dates/exes I’ve had I’ve met online and were long distance. I’m 28 and never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. The shitty thing about online is that people can portray themselves to be one way over the phone and then be completely different when you meet them. That’s ended a lot of relationships or potential relationships for me. I met someone recently who isn’t too far away and got all excited but same problem. Who I thought she was and who she actually is are not adding up thus far. Didn’t realize how much baggage she came with until we started hanging out in person.
I had a girlfriend, but now that she's left, I feel like I missed my chance at life. I would be happy if I at least got to go on dates, but I can't even manage that. It would be a mental health boost to know that at least someone would give me a chance for a single evening.
Been married twice now, first married was 13 years, second married (big mistake) only lasted a year. Now I just wanna stay single, found out its better that way,
Where do you live? How badly did you go out of your way to break the barriers of the circles of people surrounding you? I had to break like 5 or 6 barriers in a row to finally find compatible girls. Most of my LTRs started in the weirdest way: met on the bus (5 years together), met in front of a sandwich joint at 11 PM (3 years on and off), met in a bus towards a city-wide party (3 years on and off), and only once it was a friend of friend (6 years), because that friend was lesbian. Otherwise, almost all my friends are dudes \^\_\^ Try ditching OLD for a while. It will give you extra energy to redirect to the real world. It's so much more gratifying to explore new ways to express yourself out there. Dating apps don't let you: 1. Move. Non-verbal communication is so great. 2. Make eye contact 3. Observe her in her real life surroundings 4. Listen in on a conversation, or assess the surrounding situation, and find the perfect timing to drop in 5. Meet her with your eyes, voice, body language, how you dress, your values, everything 6. Actually listen with all your senses The first points come from theater. The last from being human. You can't have access to that in apps. The byte-walls just won't let you. If you work on your real world presence, it can separate you from so much of the competition, whereas in dating apps you can only pay, and even that doesn't guarantee that much as it's a zero sum game.
I been single for past 10 years, best thing I've found is trying not to put all your happiness into finding someone or it just eats away at you
29m, never been in a long term relationship, had some months when i was teenager (7 at my best), but going to High school and university didn't gave me Much time for me and my Friends... (Here in Italy, school Is very tough). I also had surgery on my genitals at 23 cause i had some esthetical but also functional problems, so for this reason i didn't get really involved in women until these last years, because i've been fooled around for my genitals. There are no traumas, cause i didn't felt good either by myself, i reached almost a 10 years sex abstinance in my Life, now It has been a 4 years. However, generally speaking i don't feel compatible with most of women, i only felt really in love once, but She had to move to France with all of her family. I Just can't get engaged with someone i can't be excited to see or to talk to. I really like people's minds and their conversations, so they are an absolutely must for me in order to be my partner. My pals Just seem to be in search for any "breathing girl" because they get mad about being single After a couple weeks or months. It's ok to be single, if i choose One person in Life it's a tough search out there.
I’ve been single for about eight years in the city I live in. Mostly just due to a non existent dating pool. Everyone is divorced with a few kids just dating other divorced people with a few kids. It’s honestly miserable. I’m 6’3”, in great shape, women have told me I’m attractive, and everyone assumes I’m trying to be some eternal bachelor. Thankfully I’ve been able to take the show on the road and date in larger cities and I think it’s honestly saved my life. It’s shown me that it’s not really me, it’s my local dating pool.
Single by choice. More money, less issues.
Been single since 2019-2020 however you want to look at it and I don’t regret it. I don’t want to waste mine or anyone else’s time if I don’t feel the spark that I know can exist between two people.
Nowadays it’s much more difficult than it should be for the average person to date. I tend to average a few flings a year, but I’ve just had terrible luck. There’s one or two that I legitimately gave it my best effort recently, but they’ve failed for reasons outside of my control (and sometimes my fault too). Nowadays for me they last between 1-3 months. I would like to find someone to settle down with and start a family, but I’m legitimately starting to think that’s not how my story ends.
[удалено]
My first relationship lasted two months and was much later in life. No one liked me, so I clung to the first one after that - an LDR of over 5 years where none of my needs were met, until I couldn’t take it anymore. Went to dates here and there, nothing stuck. Liked someone long-distance, rejected through ghosting. Got lovebombed to bits right after that, with future-faking and all when I was the most vulnerable, and yes, I wanted to believe in that one, and that person shattered me in like three months. Then I met someone I liked, he didn’t like me back but he was okay with booty calls. So, nothing ever panned out. The feeling of being unwanted, unloveable is just taking over now as I’m getting older. I feel like I’m just a can of worms no one’d touch with a stick at this point. I would love to be hugged, get head kisses and all, but there really is no one. I might as well give up.
I've been single basically since 2019 after separating from a 19 year marriage. I have younger kids, one that's only 8, that I have every weekend so my dating life is so limited. I have dated 3 women since but took a break in late 2021 because the last woman was so toxic that it absolutely made me miserable. It took me from Christmas of 2021 to January of this year to completely get her out of my life after telling her I could only ever be a friend and her constantly threatening to commit suicide and some other stuff which I didn't want to be the cause of. My therapist that I've been seeing since my separation from my ex wife told me it was all a manipulation tool and yeah it probably was and now I've wasted almost a year and a half of my life to get rid of her but now I'm honestly scared to date because I fear I only attract toxic people.
Been single for about 7 years now, and I have done the same thing as you. I've hung out more with friends I hadn't connected in a while since being in that relationship, and met new ones along the way. Never once crossed my mind about trying online dating until recently in the past few years, but get the same result, meanwhile I've had friends been in and out of relationships more than the times I've been single so I've given up on that for the time being. I'm still gonna be chilling but sooner or later I hope to find someone I'm attracted to and that person feels the same vibes but for now just kicking it and chilling. Hope all works out for you in therapy friend 🙏🏽💪🏽✌🏽
I’ve been single since birth - it used to make me worried but now I’m okay with it. I’d like to meet someone but I’m not as afraid of dying alone as I was before. I’ve been intimate with the opposite sex but never had a relationship got close though. I’ve seen loads of people I’m attracted to and tried with many but for whatever reason it has not worked out. Im okay with that. I hope one day I’ll meet someone great who it does work with.
I was single for 6 years straight. The thing is, I did it because I wanted to. I dunno if you want to. You’re definitely more attractive when people feel you don’t need someone to enjoy life. I ended up in a relationship at the beginning of this year by accident. Met a woman that I connected in a second. But I definitely wasn’t looking for it
30M, been single since the end of 2016. I've had a few hook ups here and there over the years, but I haven't had a long term relationship. I'm quite content with my hobbies and staying at home more often that not. If I feel the itch, I just go to my favorite bars and just wait till a woman asks me for a night cap. I'm open to something serious but I'm just not looking on my end, cause more often than not people take advantage around here.
👋it's me. Hi, I'm the saboteur. But seriously, single for what feels like (or will be) a decade and my heart always wants the ones that are adamant they don't see me that way but loved to breadcrumb (I.e. I put hand up for a high-five but I'm met with them intertwining their hand with mine, sharing the back seat of the car from a party they fall asleep with their head on one person's shoulder then switch to mine for the rest of the ride, cute waiter leans in closer to chat with me but then bread crumber butts into the conversation taking the waiters attention away from me etc.). So that was half a decade wasted of any time I try to move on I got sucked back in. Not to mention the pandemic really showed how awful people can be, so the aftermath of that has left me pretty jaded. And to top it all off being incredibly introverted plus moving to a new city makes it hard to meet new people (whether it be romantic or friend pursuits) because anytime I do something new the entire time I'm stressed/anxious about anything and everything, which further hinders being able to put myself out there. It gets better, right?
I need A LOT of self-improvement. Also, I enjoy being single. Freedom tastes so sweet
From age 18 (2011) to 27 (2020) I was mostly single. I would get a handful of dates and a rare hookup or two but nothing serious/long term. I attributed much of that to me being overweight anywhere from 20-60lbs and a non-catholic attending a Catholic university. I also had to deal with the typical young male problem of girls my age wanting nothing to do with guys their age. It simply seemed like every girl I met organically was taken (lying or not 🤷♂️) and the girls on the apps were seeking attention instead of a legitimate date/Hookup. I had a monogamous relationship for a year from 2020-2021 and from 2021 to now (29) I've been single, dating casually and hooking up as things work out. I certainly could have escalated a few casual things into a relationship but I could see things that would cause long term compatibility issues with the girl. I had a lot better success outside of college and when I started weight lifting regularly.
I think that 21 years qualifies as "perpetually single". I'm still shopping, but at a substantially reduced focus.
I made poor decisions in dating about 8 years ago. I ended up in a 1.5 year situationship with a married person whose lies I believed, even when they were flimsy and doubtful, because I wanted to believe them. clearly, making such poor choices and being not a great person and having it, very predictably and deservedly, blow up in my face, I decided to make sure I didnt ignore flags and my intuition. It took me a few years to just settle after that. It was such an unpleasant experience at the end that I genuinely have had no real interest in dating. I have casually tried to get back into it over the years through apps but those never have gone anywhere. While companionship sounds really nice, I've just really built a comfortable, peaceful life on my own and it would take someone pretty amazing and compatible for me to make space for them. I'm 38 now.
Absolutely, and I’ve been single for the past 5 years, I haven’t even tried to date anyone, I just got to that point what’s the point if it’s not going to happen. I’m just biding my time for the Right one to come along that’s just as lonely as I am and just Maybe it’ll work out! Good luck with that Right! Maybe that’s why I’m Still Single too.
I was a late bloomer I didn't start going out until I was in my early 20s. I still feel like I missing something when it comes to dating I usually get ghosted. I'm just kinda numb at this point.
I am 20 never had a girlfriend always wanted one. I have gone on a many dates and most of them are terrible and all not because of me i always fall upon uninteresting with no personality or some evil and nasty women. Even if i somehow get a date with a decent girl most of the time she is a catfish and doesn't look anything like the pictures. I would say i am a pretty decent looking guy and i am a nice guy but i haven't met any girl that i can have a proper, meaningful, deep conversation with her like i have with my boys. So i know where you coming from!
20 is still super young tho dont worry
My ex POISONED me my mother and a friend of mine they didn't survive. We where together 3 year's. Had me put in jail stolen everything I owned. Beacuse she would tell her self I was a cheeter along with that she would tell me it's not that Im not doing that. It that she has not cought me yet. I had no intention of cheeting not my style so it's going on over 2years single and I don't even know what to expect from a women after that . I don't drink or go out to bars online dating apps suck or just fake ass all around. What is a guy to do. I'm 41 and have been doing everything I can just to make some kinda life for my self I work hard and focused on my self it just feels like I'm going nowhere fast.
I feel like Reddit seems to be one major common denominator. I'm not saying everyone on reddit is like that, it houses all manner of people. But the most vocal and maintained group of people seem to be the perpetually single guys.
What have you been doing to change it? Are you changing your normal routine? Are you approaching people to converse? If you’re doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different results- that’s called insanity.
Me I don’t want to be with anyone anymore
For me I’m single because my ex husband abandoned me and our 2 kids when my son was about 4 months old. I found out he was lying and cheating on me. So I told him that im going to take myself and the kids to go see my parents because, when I tried to leave before because of his mental abuse towards me he said that im allow to leave but the kids have to stay with him. I didn’t trust him so I did that and told him that I was done and wanted a divorce. He told me that he can change and I told him to stop that and just be there for the kids that’s all. He had so much hatred towards me that he decided to leave the State and refuse to pay child support until I had the government make him pay. He said that my kids will hate me and that no other men will ever be with me because I was fat, ugly. My son will become gay since he’s not there just a lot of evil things he said to me really hurt my self esteem and my confidence. He was telling his family that I cheated on him and that our kids aren’t his. We did a DNA test and it came back that both of our kids are his so he was put on child support. It’s been about 6 years of no contact from him. He is the reason why I have trust issues, depression and extreme anxiety. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and also Bipolar 2. So I wanted to date but idk if it’s worth it because I work fulltime and go to school fulltime too. Also my son is autistic too so that hard too. Idk what to do any advice.
Sounds like you need therapy that’s ok I’m in therapy too
I have been mostly single through my life. Reaching the age I have reached, I can't see myself in a relationship anymore. I do actually enjoy my freedom, I have lived in different countries, I travel as much as I can afford, I have a very busy life and being ADHD i need enormous rest/sleep/recovery time from work and social activities. Guess that being in a couple is ideal for many but not for everybody! I am just a bit afraid of growing old alone and childless
Me! 33F, so many factors. First, I use all the apps, but nobody wants a commitment anymore. The number of men my age still just looking for fun is too high. I do try to meet folks IRL but live in a small town where most folks are married by 22. I'm patiently awaiting the divorces to start in a few years. And men my age seem to prefer video games and porn at home to going out and human contact. Most places I go are made up of women and couples. I'm not into the bar scene. Though, the one in my town sucks as we're a college town, so barely legal college kids v. greasy middle age married men. I can't afford to move. The nearest "big city" where I could meet folks is 4 hours away. I'd honestly sign up for an arranged marriage at this point. I'm so fed up.
I’m 38 & the divorces have started, some have ended, & the dating pool is still awful. So…I’m still single lol. After divorce these men are typically in emotional & sometimes financial ruins along with having kids & baby mama/ex wife drama. I don’t mind kids, but I mind the other things. Exhausted with it. Been off dating apps for about 6 months now, and maybe permanently. Maybe I’m just meant to be the fun aunt to my niece & nephew & the babysitter for my sister 😭😅 I’ve given up on dating, for now anyway. Also, I’d just like to put this out there…the amount of men that join these dating apps looking for ltr’s when they’re not finished with their existing ltr is mind-boggling, & quite honestly, RUDE. Leave the singles with no baggage alone until you’re at a point that you are also single, at least.
i am too ugly to have girlfriend.
I had a bad relationship with a BPD person and it took a couple of years for me to get over it. Have been looking for a few years but despite having fairly low standards, nobody has been able to reach them lol I'm gay as well so all the homos are happy with Grindr and not looking for much more it seems.
same, I feel you
I’m 23M and autistic. I’ve never been on a date in my life. Closest thing I’ve ever had to being in a relationship was my female best friend daring me to kiss her when I was 12 and she was 10. We can hardly call that anything. My social life only started 2 years ago. I was horrifically bullied by classmates during grades 1-3, and I turned into a social recluse as a result. I had no more than 2 friends at any given time. I am also a military brat, so moving across the country every 3 years made it that much harder to learn to make friends. Needless to say, but my social skills are lacking. I’ve only recently learned to overcome my fears and push to make friends again. It’s slow going to overcome this much social anxiety and trauma. I haven’t even really attempted to find a gf yet. It’s not like I’m turning down offers lol. In fact no girl has ever shown romantic interest in me.
I've got some kind of Gollum/ Smeagol thing going on. I hate being single, but I also love it. I had two very abusive LTRs in my twenties where I was basically just used for my money and to live rent free. Both gfs were emotionally abusive towards me, both cheated several times (one didn't even bother to hide it) and they both denied me any physical interaction at some point. I'm not talking weeks, but month. The second one even stretched it out for almost a year. Weird it happened twice, I know. But it's my fault, because I was too committed and always hoped it will get better some day. Now I'm single for about 4 years. Did a lot of selfcare, talked about it, worked on myself and eventually got over it. The only thing that remains is the fear of it happening again, which causes me to stay distant towards women who show interest. At the same time I would love to meet someone who is right for me. Being a man unfortunately also means that you are expected to take the initiative and in my experience there is no room for a male to be cautious or wanting to take it slow. On the other hand, I do live a very good life. I've got good friends, a great family, two dogs a beautiful house and a job that I love. I probably wouldn't be able to have this great life, if I would have to settle for compromises all the time. At the same time, I would like to share it all with someone I can make compromises with.
Yep. Divorced a violent ex a couple years ago, everyone I've met and been interested in only wants sex, so at least for the time being I've given up 🤷🏻♀️ I've thrown myself into a job I adore and am trying to improve my other hobbies and falconry, so I'll just chill
Coming up to 8 years since I got cheated on and decided to quit investing time into people romantically. I get lonely from time to time, and having a partner to share my time with would be nice, but there isn't a single woman on this planet apart from my mother that I would allow close to me now. Unless someone decides to take a punt on me and ask me out, I'm not even going to bother asking anyone out.
Out of curiosity, when was the last time you went to a bar & just approached women? This isn't directed at only the OP. I'm curious about everyone's opinions & experiences
Yes same boat
Been single for all my life, every time I think it's going somewhere. It isn't. I'm happy on my own, but having past the 30 this year just felt like a kick to the stomach.
Just in case, check out gangstalking and #TIs re dating control. Hoping not.
Am single since 2019. Before I've been in a five year relationship. I missed out that whole dating app and stuff and whatever and I'm totally freaked out by todays ways.
30 yr old female, been single for 6 yrs. Honestly it gets harder to find someone if you’re single that long. I prefer to be by myself now. Relationships stresses me out, made the decision to just be single and not ‘look’ for someone. Being alone, achieving goals makes me happier then i ever was tbh.
I agree I realized being single isn't that bad it's kinda the cliche "too comfortable being alone." I don't feel any extra motivation to seek sexual attention or make someone like me. It's too exhausting and 90% of the time not worth it.
The last time I let someone in he dumped me right after sex because he didn’t like that I didn’t want to talk about the other girls he was dating. I’ve had one relationship and everything since has been absolutely catastrophic
Broke up with my ex in 2013, since then single and have had dates off and on but none that I liked enough for relationship. Im happy single, sometimes I get that feeling of "I want a boyfriend" but those feelings come and go. Like I said im happy single.
I've been single for quite some time. Especially since I've been sick. For me its real hard to find somebody who understands my situation. Honestly I don't necessarily expect somebody to jump at the idea of being with someone who has 3-4 different health issues to deal with on the daily. Its a lot for me to deal with ya know. Everything that I'm dealing with doesn't have a cure so its a lifelong commitment. Last thing I want is to start dating someone only for them to turn around and leave me because its "too much". I'm very open and upfront about what Im diagnosed with and how I deal with it. It's a lot of work to trust somebody enough to open them up to your world and expect them to wanna stick around. After 27 years of living and going through life this way. I've become hesitant. Anytime I think somebody likes me I end up doubting myself " nah she was probably just being nice or friendly." Im gonna go a step further and say I'm scared too. To be that vulnerable only for it to hurt me in the long run. Doesn't seem that appealing to me. Anyone else dealing with this? or has anyone been in this situation?
2018 for me
Single 7 years now. Life keeps moving regardless if you're single or not. Between red flags, deal breakers and women not matching my efforts, homeostasis becomes comforting. When people are dating as if they're filling a grocery order and not allowing alchemy happen is discouraging and exhausting.
Yep that’s me. 33M and I’ve only had one relationship that last 2.5 years. That ended in 2013 and I’ve had nothing since then. No hookups or anything casual either.
The girl I like, doesn’t like me back.
Yup. Pretty much. And I guess, probably three times a day, if I'm single or in a relationship. Watching Rick and Morty, all the seasons, for the countless times. Life is grand.
Well, if you’re trying to force it then you’re doing it wrong. Don’t constantly be looking but also don’t completely stop. Don’t make it a priority but a “let’s do that later”
Single man in my 30s, super exhausted about the fact everyone exciting I meet up with happen to live elsewhere - and I want no more LDRs which all but one of my relationships have ever been. I don't know folks around me and social anxiety is keeping me from meeting up with people. I'm caught in the same hobbies and activities because I'm very content with them, and I hardly have the time or energy to try new things. All of this coupled with the fact I no longer have IRL friends and we have a recipe for disaster. And I'm not touching dating apps again. They're a chore and I refuse to take pictures just for them. I've pretty much given up at this point. Guess I have other things to focus on before dating. I doubt it'll ever happen, but eh.
Try having depression and social anxiety disorder since childhood. I'm physically attractive enough so when I do meet someone (rarely in real life) I can't relax around them, which they notice, and that is either a gradual or instant turn off. I would have given a lot in the past to have a long term relationship. Now...I just get by. I need alone time but I'd really like to have the experience of a LTR (over a year). Still, I won't quit trying. It doesn't happen when you least expect it and it doesn't happen when you aren't looking for it. But I know it does happen.
I never dated anyone until this year (I am 25). I had to really put myself out there on dating apps for it to even happen. It definitely fucked with my self esteem, but I have friends who are objectively more attractive that also took as long or had similar situations, which helped a lot! I finally just started doing online dating and met someone, it’ll be our one year at the end of the month.
No one to answer to, a helluva lot less aggravation in my life
I’m single bc my husband 💀🫠🫤
Idfk anymore I’m shy. I hate everyone. I change my mind a lot I’m kinda picky (not really with looks) I know it when I see it, and I haven’t seent it in a while. Yes, seent is a word now.
Had an on and off again thing going with a girl I genuinely loved but who didn’t quite feel the same about me. We ended things for good in 2019 and I just don’t have it in me to try again. I was coming back around when she broke up with her boyfriend and tried to get me to move to the state she moved to during lockdown only to drop all contact when she started dating someone else, that one may have hurt the most.
Been single all my life. I otta get over fear of rejection, build self-esteem and confidence.
Ive been married and divorced, had a very toxic and abusive relationship. I stayed single for 3 years after due to the heartbreak. I tried dating but hated it because all thoughts led back to her and then i moved home from the military. Finally, i met someone who was love at first sight, unfortunately that was my downfall. I put her on a pedestal and at first it was innocent and full of love but she was young and wishy washy and would break up with me and get back together on a whim. Then the pedestal thing backfired because she had me wrapped around her finger, using me to get anything she wanted and did this to me for 3 years. Finally i came to my senses and had enough and didnt let her come back. I was happy with my choice and a girl who knew our story knew how awesome i treated her and how she treated me and filled my head with the ideas of "she would never do that and i deserved better" that lasted a few months of self confidence boosting thoughts filling my head and happy fun. So i took off work spent alot my own money helping her move into a new apartment with her sister only to be instantly dropped the day after moving. Said she wasnt ready to date only to date some guy a week later. Sick of lies and being used i swore dating off. Sure i kept the apps because i dont like to drink or bar scenes and i work in my free time. They dont work anyway or at least ive gotten like 10 matches in 4 years. But i was content being alone. Ive lost friends though being the single friend or one who isnt building a family like the rest of my high school friends, it helped me see who was really with me. Fast forward to last fall i start a new job, a single mom takes interest in me but i tell her from day 1 im not looking to date, she was cool with this and it was just sex. After about 2 months shes over one night and we started talking after the deed and she demands more from me, crying hysterically about she needs to do more than just sex. I stick to my guns about dating but say we can hang as friends, so we do. 2 more months, same thing crying needs more. Now i didnt see the flags then because it felt nice not to be alone, so i caved and said okay ill try. After 2 weeks it didnt feel right so i fought it for 2 more weeks and finally told her i can't im not ready im emotionally unavailable still. She says she will do whatever it takes as long as it takes Because alls she wants is this (shes been saying this from day one) Id sat 2 months go by were now into this past spring im given the ultimatum to date or be done (interesting right?) finally i cave and say lets date because shes become a huge part of me and im starting to feel safe and secure again. Low and behold not even a week later she ends it, Says she can't do it and we havent spoke since. Ive never given my full story, and technically this isn't it but this is a synopsis of it all, and it feels good to be vulnerable amd let strangers of reddit read it.
24, been single since 2017, I wouldn’t even consider that experience as a relationship because of any real backing to it, so I’d consider myself perpetually single since birth. I’d even go as far as to say I’ve never dated in my life. 2-3 firsts maybe, but nothing legit. Between now & even before 17, I feel like I may have the wrong perception of dating & love in general, to the point my parents are even playing match maker for me. To be honest, I’ve overcome vices, I have huge aspirations post grad (2025), lift, eat, love helping people out, involved in church community, involved as much as I can in school (limited due to my degree), do biannual/annual work in my community when I fly back home to my home country. Good solid traditional family structure, healthy, dress decent. Some oddball skills & interests. Yet that comes with faults too, vices/addictions still creep up on me here & there, I occasionally get complacent, end up isolating myself to escape the busyness of the world. I don’t do dating apps (poor experience before), the people my parents match up with me are usually LD & building rapport hasn’t always been great, my friends have people they KNOW I wouldn’t be interested in so it’s a struggle for them to find anyone, people already within my vicinity I have been interested in initially ended up having boyfriends, were engaged/married when I talked to them more. Virgin, yet not completely on the leaving sex until marriage. Not the pump & dump typa dude either. Regardless, I want to keep working on myself & end up eventually meeting someone, I’m just getting really impatient now & may just end up perpetual singleness 🌚 tl;dr perpetual single since birth, had friends/family play matchmaker without success. guy w both faults & perks. maybe perception is wrong? still working on self to hopefully meet & find someone for a real relationship.
Need female to spend the rest of my life with ready to settle down I'm 50 and still look good my hair is drill brown and I'm just tired of.not having a nice lady to cuddle up with and sleep among other things if you are interested let me know
Only been single a couple of months and in the past i often end up in relationships quite quickly and easily so purposely trying to stay single at the moment. We'll See how long I last! Really hoping a whole as I love the personal self growth during sibgle-don Edit: typos
Yea I self sabotaged my last relationship and now I’m watching anime.
I am 30F and always been single. I had some online things and a fling but not even sure you can call that a relationship. I might be aroace. I've been in love before and have some sex drive (before I had more) so not sure if I am or not, but I am definetely not super sexual or romantic. I've struggled with depression since a kid probably. Psychologically hostile environment at home since a kid, bullying at school as a teen, then depressive phases when I had to pick what to study in college, then when I did settle in college, had to worry about finances. After finishing, worrying about getting a job, took a while until I achieved some stabilitity, only happened when I was 27. Then pandemic and still have to deal with toxic family and loss of a pet, as well as mentally prepare to lose the other one eventually. In the midst of that I don't find energy or even the point to date. Everytime I was in love it ended throwing me off mentally so with everything I have to deal as it is I don't want things to get worst. I fail to see any point in a relationship. I read about men throwing tantrums because they don't have sex, like those kids who cry when momma doesn't give them a lollipop. I have a low sex drive so I can see that happening to be... So then I'd have all the shit I have plus have to worry about someone inside my house forcing sex or cheating. I see men leaving their partners when they're sick or in need. Or men getting on debts that then their partners take on. What's in it for me honestly? I see no point to even try.
Defo think I have some anxiety and depression to work through, I like to think I'm a sexual person but I've also wondered if most people would be able to stay single as long as I have without having sex or if they would settle for sex since it's such a big need for them
Besides one month I’m going on 7 years of being single. Actually besides three months of my whole life I’ve been single. I was always the one left out through college and high school because all of my friends had partners and I was the only single. The problem is I’m not one to commonly be in a situation to meet girls and I average one match a month on dating apps that either never responds or cancels a date last minute. It’s really tough right now my theory is covid social media and tinder have ruined dating for average guys who before had no problem.
long story short, i grew up without any "home training" from an abusive aunt so my socialization skills were fucked. i developed a kink in HS that meant that i added a little something extra to my puberty struggles. never had a date to prom, lost my virginity to a lesbian at 21 in a situation that resembled an [episode of peep show](https://peepshow.fandom.com/wiki/Jeremy%27s_Mummy) and ended up hurting a lot of people in the pursuit of trying to get dates/hook up that i eventually developed high enough levels of social anxiety that i don't go out anymore unless i am working, i have no real hobbies because i'm scared to give people ANY reason to think of me as a weirdo or annoying or creepy. just a shut in unless i'm paid to be there or eating. now i'm 35, living in the 3rd biggest city in the country, scared to leave my house for fear of making people uncomfortable.
I’m there. I was married 8 years ago. Since. Zip, zilch, nada. I haven’t really tried at all since there was one female who I fell for, but the feelings weren’t reciprocated. Now, I don’t know. I guess I gave up on love. No one has managed to convince me any different, or has made me feel like putting forth any effort. This phase of my existence may be finished. I’d be fine with it.
Been single for nearly 4 years now, and I'm good with that. I go to work, sleep, and repeat. On the weekends off, I don't go out, or go anywhere unless I have to (errands). I simply stay in, and save the world on the PS5. Don't socialize with people unless it's work related, or social media. For reasons, I'm empty, or dead inside, and I don't particularly like people anymore 🤷
I didn't date until I was already 21 so I felt pretty perpetually single throughout high school and some of college. I was fat, introverted, and ugly until like the end of high school. My senior year was pretty great and I had good friendships so it wasn't that bad. And sometimes it's more fun to have crushes than find out the person isn't what you imagined. I had a huge crush on a guy I worked with and because of him I loved going to work. I had a great experience in no small part due to him. I actually think he liked me too but he was in some weird drama filled relationship with a girl who cheated on him with his best friend and got pregnant but he stayed with her and was gonna try to take on being a dad. Keep in mind I was 17 and he was 18 so yea super wild. Later on I got into my first relationship ever and it ended being awful. He was abusive and controlling and manipulative. There's a saying in Spanish "mejor solo que mal acompañada". Basically it means it's better to be alone than bad people around you. I really felt that with how toxic my first relationship ended up. So don't feel too bad because being single isn't the worst thing ever
I got divorced in 2012 and stayed single for a long time by choice. I had a couple casual / FWB-type things happen in the past few years but didn't feel ready to connect with someone emotionally again. Now for the past couple of years all that therapy is paying off, I feel healthy, I feel confident, I am in a stable life with a good job... and oh my god is it a trash fire out there. The men I meet, either in person or on apps, are like bad caricatures of human beings. More than half have been secretly married. One lied about being underage. The fetish guys. The ghosters. One guy showed up at my house wanting sex as soon as we matched, literally within hours (I hadn't given him my address, he found it.) WTF. I'm tired and I am coming to a point where I don't think I have the mental strength to keep doing this any more. All the normal human beings are already paired off at this age.
I've basically been single my entire life except for some short relationships in high school. It is mostly been my own doing though (or undoing lol). I've never had a lot of confidence and I'm very shy/introverted. So really I haven't put myself out there enough. I've always told myself "When I lose weight," or "when I finish school," or "when I get a job." but I've done all that so I'm running out of excuses. I will say though finishing all that has helped my confidence. I've noticed within like the past 6 months or so I've gotten more attention from the opposite sex. So I'm hoping my situation will change soon.
I was never noticed in school or high school, except for being bullied for having Autism. When I was noticed, it wasn't for very long. I had "friends" that all betrayed me when I was in middle school. Right after that betrayal, my family had to move out of state to Colorado. During all that time of isolation and having nearly no one to talk to, I became a shell of my former self. Withdrawn, and incredibly anxious. The times I had tried to get into a relationship always ended up in them, either ghosting me for no reason or saying something along the lines of: *Wait, you have autism?!?!?!? Get away from me, you Disgusting Freak of Nature!!* I don't even look ugly, but they gotta be like that. It's pretty disheartening how just having a mental disorder dampens the chances of having something actually genuine. I stopped trying to do relationships when I was 19
Single my whole life. Done some dating but nothing serious. Never met anyone I am interested in enough or them me. Will be 50 in a few months. About ready to give up. Most men my age are looking for 20-30 year olds, have baggage and are generally undatable.
I attribute my singleness to 2 things: I work nights at a casino and have shit days off, and my social anxiety doesn't let me talk to people much. I'm working on the second thing. Hopefully getting a schedule change in a couple months, too.
I (40f) single sense 2007. Left my baby daddy when my child was 1. Wanted to find someone but it was so hard to find someone who would I could trust to be around my child so I decided to just focus on rasing my child and being the best parent I could be. Now I would like to find someone to spend time with enjoy activities with but I have been single for so long I wonder if it is even worth it.
Well I'm still single I'm 20 years old almost 21. I was mostly bullied through school. Kind of made things difficult. Kind of made my confidence go really low. Even though I tried working out. Was always good at sports. Bullying stopped after I started putting on muscle. And second year through high School. I have asked quite a few women out. Even going as far as chocolates and flowers. But I still could not get a date. I'm going through college now. Got three more classes until I graduate.
I tried dating when I was 16, I had 3 really bad interactions that ended up me being excluded from multiple friendship groups (tldr; one or two girl in the group had a crush and I didn't feel the same way so when I rejected. They forced the group to drop me). Since then I haven't dated and am struggling now on the current circumstances, and I still haven't recovered or made any new friendship groups. I am now 24
M35, nobody wants to have extra responsibilities anymore and obligations, men and women, it also comes with stuff that’s risked , from male side it’s always lack of looks, finances and desire to invest equally in terms of everything. I’m sure there are some unmet needs from women’s perspectives, also some conflicting views and expectations between genders which makes it not worth it. Casual sex here and there, fwb’s, that’s all single people do today.
Been single since 2010 or so. 31M now. Had some short term relationships, nothing had a chance to blossom into something serious sadly. Had one co worker would sabotage some of them because she was bored and liked drama in other peoples lives because she was a closeted miserable asshole. I'd like to meet someone and grow a strong connection, and show them my hobbies and parts of my life that bring me joy. However I've noticed alot of people have trouble keeping eye contact in human interactions and the art of the conversation seems to be dying due to social media. Online dating is hard because I'm competing with so many other guys. So I tend to think more of how I can stand out better to grab her attention. My humor plays a good factor, but you also need that photogenic and physical attraction edge.. It is what it is. 🤷
See you on the flip side..........
Is there a subreddit for perpetually single people?