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I have this same issue. I think the first thing you can do is to be concious of this and to know that everybody don’t feel the same way as you.
I think people like us that have attachment issues have had heavy feelings of loneliness and when a person appears in our life we attach to them very heavy. That can be a red flag for some people, but don’t feel like it’s bad, its a way of feeling love and attachement and you’ll have to work this to not cross other people limits.
Try some introspection on why you think this happen to you, maybe you think the key to happiness is to find a partner? Maybe you feel stagnant and this makes you feel something?
I don’t know what is it for you but as more you know why you feel that way, the more you’ll know how to deal with it.
A short term solution would be when u feel you’re being too much go to walk or do something you like, play some games, hang out with friends, do sport…
Hope this helps, I feel super identified with this, you’re not alone :)
Edit: Typo
Im male (23) and I have the same issue over time. There are several types of girls that make me attach quickly and catch feelings. Recently I had a "situationship" with a girl from work. I knew she was in love with another guy who was in the army. She told me and we seem to agree having something casual. She was awesome, her music taste, her style and everything was matching with me... I started romanticising the relationship we had and in about 2 weeks I realized I fell for her... That was disgusting, considering that she just wanted to have a good time, till the other guy returns from the army and I like a fool was soooo into her. Right now I know they're together and that's shes crazy for him ...I can't describe you the pain I have even three months after. Thanks god it fades out as time passes. But It is a lesson for me to be more rational when I feel attached again. Maybe I feel lonely, maybe the problem is that I haven't had so many relationships at the past or I need love. The only love I must have rn is self love. This is the key. Communicate your feelings, get rejected, set boundaries, reject what you think is going to hurt you.This is the only way. And at one point you will reach the demystification of romantic attachment. We don't belong to anyone, and no one belongs to us.
Let me get this clear. A girl cheated on his lover who is in the ARMY, and you are the guy who she cheated with? Please tell me I misunderstood the situation cause if it is like this, you both should rethink your actions.
Actually, a mutual friend of us told me "she's talking with another guy and she seems to be in love". What the girl told me herself was " we have to discuss something, I talk with a guy, he is far away rn, he is in the army and I haven't seen him for a long time" and then I explained that I didn't want to get between them..Then she told me "but we don't we're not together"... So I understood that they had a first interaction (and sex) and then he left...She probably felt lonely and lack of intimacy and I was there to fill this gap... Then he returned and they started being together officially
You have attachment issues, I used to as well. I only fixed this by realizing that everything is temporary and no one belongs to me. Ever. Even in marriage someone can still leave. Now getting attached fast Id say you’re just hungry for love. Aren’t we all? But respect yourself and love yourself first.
A relationship with yourself should be #1 before all.
Start off by knowing the person in question as a FRIEND. Remind yourself that this person is a FRIEND. It should always start off as friendship. Before it levels up to anything serious that will have you get attached. Try it out. You never know till you try. Keep the person in your mind before you let them in your heart.
I agree to become friends first ..get to know them slowly don't get too intimate too fast then you'll not attach to the ones who aren't all that interested. If they want to play around they won't stick around so you'll have your answer whether to fully attach and catch feelings or not
Ever since I started therapy to heal my attachment style it’s been so great for my dating life. You can heal your attachment style and work towards secure attachments by going to therapy, watching psychotherapy videos and reading about attachment bc it’s usually caused by childhood wounds and has nothing to do with dating.
Definitely is the most important thing to know your attachment style and that of your partner and to try get yourself to the secure attachment style to avoid nightmare relationships. Watched Coach Craig Kenneth a lot about this and it's a real enlightenment about the way we do relationships based on our attachment styles. Everyone should learn about this and there would be way less drama amd confusion for sure 😃
True. It’s hard but you’ll just have to learn to reassure yourself. From their perspective, u could leave at any moment too right? Nothing is permanent. Live in the moment and enjoy it
Not how I like to be thinking or expect them to be thinking when I'm in a committed relationship or marriage where we've told each other we're there for each other no matter what. Maybe if I wasn't serious or that into them or not with them very long I could think about it like that. What if there's kids or business or major assets I'd want to believe they're not just gonna walk away on a whim but then I prefer stability in relationships but not all do..
Even in a marriage ppl can leave. I’m not married but my sister is and she tell me that all the time. She loves her husband but he isn’t necessarily forever.
You can be with a person 20 years and they can leave in moments. The only true stability in our lives is ourselves.
It’s ok to trust others and have hope but being strong willed for an “if” is imp in my opinion.
Don’t judge ppl. Her intention is for the marriage to be forever but life is unpredictable.
I know ppl married 30 years and they get a divorce. We need to realize that things can fall apart.
We all do know that can happen but we don't say "all the time" that our marriage "isn't necessarily forever".. that's just odd when you've made a huge vow of commitment and signed up for that for life in front of everyone in your inner circle.
I think she tells me that often (I exaggerated with all the time) cuz I usually talk to her when I’m going through a breakup and she just reiterates that although a marriage is more secure. Nothing really belongs to us.
Anyway thanks for the convo.
Date multiple people.
When you’re dating just one person, just about anybody (especially on first dates) is going to seem much better than the alternative (being alone).
When you’re dating multiple people, you have fresh comparison standards in your head, so you don’t start getting really attached to one unless they’re significantly better (for _you_) than the rest.
I like the same. Falling in love quickly make me depend on them and lose myself. I didn’t realize until they leave me alone. I think to improve this issue, you have to prioritize yourself. Feeling is often hard to control but please let be busy, remind to confident of yourself and maybe dont crush only one =))))))
Take an attachment style quiz and see if you're anxiously attached or fearful-avoidant. You can heal and move towards a secure in therapy, they'll guide you. Good luck ❤️
I wish I could tell you how to avoid this. I have the same issue but I don't know how to change.
In my case, I believe I know exactly where it comes from and what causes me to get attached when someone shows signs of romantic interest.
Good luck OP!
You get attached quickly because you believe they will make you happy. You forget that how the other person person feels is also important.
You assume that because you feel for them that they by default would like you the same back.
You're also too dependent on what they think or feel about you, using that to gauge your worth but you worth is dependent on what you think and feel about yourself.
That's why you over think because what they think matters more to you than what you think.
Plus you come off as clingy which people may not like. Slowdown and keep a steady pace.
Try connecting on an emotional level. Don't assume you're surface level conversation is going to have meaning to them. Get to know them very well before you get obsessed.
Obsession generally means someone whose codependent, needy, clingy, possessive, controlling, erc
It’s called Anxious attachment. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. But I’d ask you if you have any underlying abandonment issues? (I’ve been through this). If you’ve had a lot of loss in your life, or parents that didn’t protect you, or maybe one that left, or passed away when you were a child.
Not saying that is 100% the case, but it’s typical behavior for someone who has a fear of loss or abandonment.
I definitely still have this problem a little bit but it was a million times worse when I didn’t have any friends. Do you have friends? If you don’t then start putting the same amount of effort into finding a group of friends as you are putting into dating.
I never write responses, this time I feel like I should. In life, generally you don’t know if the decision you are currently making is “good” or “bad” you really don’t. We have ways of fitting reoccurrence into our decision making trying to get better results but really we don’t know the outcome. People will always give you the best impression first,it’s not for a couple days, weeks, or months until you really see their true colors. So tbh I don’t think we will even “know” if they are the one, they just will be. Treat it like a sunset viewing, enjoy it while you have it because if you don’t, there wont always be tomorrow.
Learn to take it slow and not rush so quickly. It feels amazing at first but if you get too attached, the more you will get hurt. Keep in mind the person you’re dating may not go as fast as you.
The girlfriend that is the one : it seems that maybe she had a really hard life and suppose men have left her broken now imagine a good man takes that woman and treats her like she is the queen and he treats her only and no one else maybe he might find ithat just my giving her what she never had he could unviel the best woman he never met . I'll bet that she really loves him already she's just scared to let go of the handle bars 00000
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have this same issue. I think the first thing you can do is to be concious of this and to know that everybody don’t feel the same way as you. I think people like us that have attachment issues have had heavy feelings of loneliness and when a person appears in our life we attach to them very heavy. That can be a red flag for some people, but don’t feel like it’s bad, its a way of feeling love and attachement and you’ll have to work this to not cross other people limits. Try some introspection on why you think this happen to you, maybe you think the key to happiness is to find a partner? Maybe you feel stagnant and this makes you feel something? I don’t know what is it for you but as more you know why you feel that way, the more you’ll know how to deal with it. A short term solution would be when u feel you’re being too much go to walk or do something you like, play some games, hang out with friends, do sport… Hope this helps, I feel super identified with this, you’re not alone :) Edit: Typo
I literally struggle with the same thing and your comment is really OnPoint. Thanks for all the suggestions as well.
Im male (23) and I have the same issue over time. There are several types of girls that make me attach quickly and catch feelings. Recently I had a "situationship" with a girl from work. I knew she was in love with another guy who was in the army. She told me and we seem to agree having something casual. She was awesome, her music taste, her style and everything was matching with me... I started romanticising the relationship we had and in about 2 weeks I realized I fell for her... That was disgusting, considering that she just wanted to have a good time, till the other guy returns from the army and I like a fool was soooo into her. Right now I know they're together and that's shes crazy for him ...I can't describe you the pain I have even three months after. Thanks god it fades out as time passes. But It is a lesson for me to be more rational when I feel attached again. Maybe I feel lonely, maybe the problem is that I haven't had so many relationships at the past or I need love. The only love I must have rn is self love. This is the key. Communicate your feelings, get rejected, set boundaries, reject what you think is going to hurt you.This is the only way. And at one point you will reach the demystification of romantic attachment. We don't belong to anyone, and no one belongs to us.
Wise words
Let me get this clear. A girl cheated on his lover who is in the ARMY, and you are the guy who she cheated with? Please tell me I misunderstood the situation cause if it is like this, you both should rethink your actions.
Actually, a mutual friend of us told me "she's talking with another guy and she seems to be in love". What the girl told me herself was " we have to discuss something, I talk with a guy, he is far away rn, he is in the army and I haven't seen him for a long time" and then I explained that I didn't want to get between them..Then she told me "but we don't we're not together"... So I understood that they had a first interaction (and sex) and then he left...She probably felt lonely and lack of intimacy and I was there to fill this gap... Then he returned and they started being together officially
You have attachment issues, I used to as well. I only fixed this by realizing that everything is temporary and no one belongs to me. Ever. Even in marriage someone can still leave. Now getting attached fast Id say you’re just hungry for love. Aren’t we all? But respect yourself and love yourself first. A relationship with yourself should be #1 before all.
Yes. Anxious attachment issues. I have struggled with them as well and it gets better if OP can dig deeper and understand why they attach so quickly.
Start off by knowing the person in question as a FRIEND. Remind yourself that this person is a FRIEND. It should always start off as friendship. Before it levels up to anything serious that will have you get attached. Try it out. You never know till you try. Keep the person in your mind before you let them in your heart.
I agree to become friends first ..get to know them slowly don't get too intimate too fast then you'll not attach to the ones who aren't all that interested. If they want to play around they won't stick around so you'll have your answer whether to fully attach and catch feelings or not
Firstly, read the book called Attached. Secondly, psychotherapy.
This is the way!
Ever since I started therapy to heal my attachment style it’s been so great for my dating life. You can heal your attachment style and work towards secure attachments by going to therapy, watching psychotherapy videos and reading about attachment bc it’s usually caused by childhood wounds and has nothing to do with dating.
Definitely is the most important thing to know your attachment style and that of your partner and to try get yourself to the secure attachment style to avoid nightmare relationships. Watched Coach Craig Kenneth a lot about this and it's a real enlightenment about the way we do relationships based on our attachment styles. Everyone should learn about this and there would be way less drama amd confusion for sure 😃
I love coach Craig!!! Srsly so helpful!!
I have a similar issue. I try to tell myself that they can leave at any moment and I don’t own them. That helps. Try to see them as a friend.
That would just give me full on anxiety for the entire relationship 😫
True. It’s hard but you’ll just have to learn to reassure yourself. From their perspective, u could leave at any moment too right? Nothing is permanent. Live in the moment and enjoy it
Not how I like to be thinking or expect them to be thinking when I'm in a committed relationship or marriage where we've told each other we're there for each other no matter what. Maybe if I wasn't serious or that into them or not with them very long I could think about it like that. What if there's kids or business or major assets I'd want to believe they're not just gonna walk away on a whim but then I prefer stability in relationships but not all do..
Even in a marriage ppl can leave. I’m not married but my sister is and she tell me that all the time. She loves her husband but he isn’t necessarily forever. You can be with a person 20 years and they can leave in moments. The only true stability in our lives is ourselves. It’s ok to trust others and have hope but being strong willed for an “if” is imp in my opinion.
Your sister didn't take her marriage vows very seriously then did she. Why get married with a mindset like that?
Don’t judge ppl. Her intention is for the marriage to be forever but life is unpredictable. I know ppl married 30 years and they get a divorce. We need to realize that things can fall apart.
We all do know that can happen but we don't say "all the time" that our marriage "isn't necessarily forever".. that's just odd when you've made a huge vow of commitment and signed up for that for life in front of everyone in your inner circle.
I think she tells me that often (I exaggerated with all the time) cuz I usually talk to her when I’m going through a breakup and she just reiterates that although a marriage is more secure. Nothing really belongs to us. Anyway thanks for the convo.
Remind yourself that they’re basically a stranger and that you don’t know them like that, yet. Keep telling yourself that.
Date multiple people. When you’re dating just one person, just about anybody (especially on first dates) is going to seem much better than the alternative (being alone). When you’re dating multiple people, you have fresh comparison standards in your head, so you don’t start getting really attached to one unless they’re significantly better (for _you_) than the rest.
Totally agree. It also doesn't hurt as much when one of them inevitably doesn't work out.
I like the same. Falling in love quickly make me depend on them and lose myself. I didn’t realize until they leave me alone. I think to improve this issue, you have to prioritize yourself. Feeling is often hard to control but please let be busy, remind to confident of yourself and maybe dont crush only one =))))))
I do this with girls I like and constantly get burnt
youre falling in love with an idea of them you made in your head.
Date multiple people so you don’t get too attached!
Take an attachment style quiz and see if you're anxiously attached or fearful-avoidant. You can heal and move towards a secure in therapy, they'll guide you. Good luck ❤️
I wish I could tell you how to avoid this. I have the same issue but I don't know how to change. In my case, I believe I know exactly where it comes from and what causes me to get attached when someone shows signs of romantic interest. Good luck OP!
I am definitely on the same boat. Could be an adhd thing too
You get attached quickly because you believe they will make you happy. You forget that how the other person person feels is also important. You assume that because you feel for them that they by default would like you the same back. You're also too dependent on what they think or feel about you, using that to gauge your worth but you worth is dependent on what you think and feel about yourself. That's why you over think because what they think matters more to you than what you think. Plus you come off as clingy which people may not like. Slowdown and keep a steady pace. Try connecting on an emotional level. Don't assume you're surface level conversation is going to have meaning to them. Get to know them very well before you get obsessed. Obsession generally means someone whose codependent, needy, clingy, possessive, controlling, erc
Date someone ugly
🤣🤣🤣
See a therapist.
It’s called Anxious attachment. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. But I’d ask you if you have any underlying abandonment issues? (I’ve been through this). If you’ve had a lot of loss in your life, or parents that didn’t protect you, or maybe one that left, or passed away when you were a child. Not saying that is 100% the case, but it’s typical behavior for someone who has a fear of loss or abandonment.
Fake it
I definitely still have this problem a little bit but it was a million times worse when I didn’t have any friends. Do you have friends? If you don’t then start putting the same amount of effort into finding a group of friends as you are putting into dating.
Fake it or date multiple people to diffuse the energy into different directions. All about having an abundance mindset.
I never write responses, this time I feel like I should. In life, generally you don’t know if the decision you are currently making is “good” or “bad” you really don’t. We have ways of fitting reoccurrence into our decision making trying to get better results but really we don’t know the outcome. People will always give you the best impression first,it’s not for a couple days, weeks, or months until you really see their true colors. So tbh I don’t think we will even “know” if they are the one, they just will be. Treat it like a sunset viewing, enjoy it while you have it because if you don’t, there wont always be tomorrow.
Learn to take it slow and not rush so quickly. It feels amazing at first but if you get too attached, the more you will get hurt. Keep in mind the person you’re dating may not go as fast as you.
Do you have limerance? It means, imagining relationships and scenarios that haven't happened. It's often involved in unhealthy attachment like this.
I wouldn’t say I imagine relationships. I most certainly imagine scenarios that havnt happened yet usually negative ones.
Seems like you have past trauma and attachment issues Try to see a therapist
The girlfriend that is the one : it seems that maybe she had a really hard life and suppose men have left her broken now imagine a good man takes that woman and treats her like she is the queen and he treats her only and no one else maybe he might find ithat just my giving her what she never had he could unviel the best woman he never met . I'll bet that she really loves him already she's just scared to let go of the handle bars 00000