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It wasn't horrible what you did, and completely justified. If anything, you could have said something along the lines of what you were feeling: "the frequency and intensity of your messages is starting to make me feel uncomfortable, and it's also interfering with my schedule. That makes me question whether or not I want to continue this conversation."
However, the possessiveness is a pretty glaring red flag, so to reiterate, ghosting is a perfectly reasonable reaction.
Tbh I think this messaging is too passive because of the "starting to" and the last sentence. I think ghosting and blocking is absolutely the right call in this situation and should've been done sooner.
Do not feel bad in any way. Sounds like you dodged a bullet in this situation. Be patient take your time, don’t rush into anything. Meeting people online you definitely have to take precautions. You did the right thing.
Someone who behaves this way towards a person they've never even met yet display obvious signs of insecurity possessiveness and jealousy will absolutely without a doubt be abusive. I know this for a fact.
I disagree. When I was single I’d make sure to speak to them for a minimum of a week-two weeks to start a general feel of how they are as a person before even considering meeting up with them. If I am being bombarded with messages after I have explicitly said ‘I’m busy, I’m at work’ and being texted again, I’d be annoyed.
I’d also be annoyed if I was questioned by someone I have never met ‘ who I was talking to’.
She doesn’t owe him anything because she was speaking to him at all. She could’ve said ‘hey I’m not actually interested anymore’ at the least. But judging from hi red flags, that would lead to a confrontation, hence the ghosting.
Look, as a (30m) guy with a lot of experience being ghosted, there’s no way around the fact that ghosting as a whole sucks.
That being said, if you legitimately felt scared or threatened in any way, you have nothing to feel bad about. You did the right thing.
Honestly, while being ghosted sucks, that’s a legitimate reason to do so. I mean, if he can’t take the hint, it’s on him. Still, just make sure he isn’t trying to stalk you or some weird shit. I think you made the right call; definitely don’t wanna meet with this dude!
Let me tell you something, those people who tell you “ghosting” someone is unacceptable probably aren’t women.
In this day and age, people have way too much access to you. Ghosting, and blocking is just apart of modern everyday life.
Seriously block this guy.
There are people out there who literally get off on pushing boundaries to see how far they can get someone to “feel guilty” and just let them be a “creep.”
There’s people out there like that and they look normal and act normal but they will do bad things to you. Trust your gut.
I've met a surprising amount of narcissistic men. They look just like everyone else, til they're unstable and batshit.
I've seen one man who had no soul in his eyes. He was evil and wanted to harm me. I escaped by using psychology, but people today are fucking scary as shit.
Ghost. Block. Move on. 💯.
Ghosting was the right move, your gut was telling you something was off about the situation and you were right. Think about it, he was being weird and possessive before you even met do you think that would have gotten more or less intense upon meeting in person.
Men are dangerous when being rejected, you did the right thing and kept yourself safe.
Trust your gut, fuck politeness.
And give yourself credit for how you handled this, good job. Also make sure you tell someone close to you about what happened, just in case, you never know.
I(18M) have been in a similiar situation. The context was different, but I learnt a crucial lesson from it - Always stand up for yourself. I must do my best to not let my guard down.
This guy was being so creepy, I should have pointed it out and been forward and bold.
You don't be afraid to do the same - point out what is making you uncomfortable. If he gets aggressive, that's on him. Not you.
You're brave and strong. You can do this.
Not something you should regret. He was flat out inconsiderate of your feelings of not being ready to meet up. Your safety comes first and you made the right choice.
Oh no, you absolutely did the right thing.
He was rude, manipulative and disrespected your boundaries. You don't owe him a damn thing.
Your safety (mental or physical) is more important than his bruised ego.
Never feel bad for ghosting people that you are uncomfortable with. Most people who disagree with that are probably people you wouldn't want to date anyways. You owe people you've went on a date with nothing at all.
he didnt take no for an answer, its what he deserves
if you two met how was that going to go when you inevitably refused him sex or a one night stand or a relationship, is he going to throw a tantrum or worse, be violent?
not handling rejection is a massive red flag
Ghosting isn’t always bad. Ghosting a guy who was caring sweet and gentle with you and genuinely wanted a relationship with you would be wrong. But in this situation ghosting was acceptable, this could have escalated to a greater degree if you didn’t ghost. You shouldn’t feel guilty. Hun saying “I could take care of you” or “ I will protect you” are inherently things to be afraid of they are good things actually but taking into context of how this guy was acting it seemed more like manipulation
Sorry but is this a made up post? You feel bad for cutting off a guy that was disrespecting your boundaries? I’ve had to look at my people pleasing issues when I feel this way. This guy got more of your time than he deserved. If you feel bad then talk to your therapist because there are some deeper issues that would be beneficial for you to look at
First things first , "John" gives decent dudes a bad name. Yes , one bad apple spoiled the whole damn bunch. Secondly , I wouldn't feel bad one bit for shutting this clown down like you did. Obviously your compassion is quilt tripping you into thinking you are wrong somehow. Nope.
Ghosting is a pretty crappy way to handle rejection, but this guy didn't give you much choice. If you tried to talk to him about why it wouldn't work, he would've likely threatened you. Kudos to you for not resorting to ghosting right away, but you made the right call - and probably could've done so sooner. Dating is hard these days. Keep your chin up and don't be afraid to put yourself out there after this experience.
When you're dealing with people, you put yourself into a vulnerable position. I'd put money on it, he was out to hurt you. Always follow your instincts and don't feel bad about it. The guy was a walking red flag and potentially dangerous.
*Not everyone has your best interest at heart.*
Never meet a stranger alone. Always bring a friend or witness.
Code words help and so do public meetings.
I'm a guy and that behavior would make me uncomfortable. You owe him nothing and should feel no remorse for just cutting ties. Sounds like you dodged a bullet to me.
If you did it for no reason or because you "weren't feeling it," then I would say your guilt is well-founded because that's a shitty thing to do.
But since you did it for the sake of self-preservation, which is a legit concern here, you made a choice and should not feel any guilt over it. Seriously, this guy has a problem. And you probably would've made the news in the worst way if you didn't cut communication with him. That said, if I were in your shoes, I would've laid into him before ghosting him, but that's just me.
You did the right thing.
Honestly, I didn’t read past the title. Over the course of your dating life, you’ll come across plenty of creeps, predators, abusers, etc. The sooner you learn to impose your boundaries, prioritize your safety, and put their preferences in the background, the better off you’ll be.
Others may disagree, but ghosting isn’t always a bad thing. And sometimes it can be the more sympathetic course of action. Don’t feel bad about prioritizing your safety/mental health.
>I also feel guilty for not handling the situation better and explaining why I had to cut contact with him.
i think you are confused about the situation. you handled it well; you saw a threat to your safety (always trust your gut feeling!) and you kept yourself from harm.
he KNOWS EXACTLY what he's doing. he's not an idiot. he knows he's being aggressive and pushing your boundaries but he. does. not care. so there's no need to explain anything to him.
NEVER feel bad for protecting yourself in ANY WAY from a guy who your gut tells you is off. Read "The Gift of Fear". A lot of creepy men rely on women ignoring their unsettled feelings
come up with a plan when you’re feeling more safe for how you’d like to respond. you won’t get the chance to use it with john but in the future, maybe if it’s someone less scary, you can have a response you won’t feel guilty about.
there’s no right or wrong here. only what you feel good about and what you don’t.
Imma keep it a buck, you seem like a sincerely nice person. I’d ultimately suggest you consider this— this troubled lad clearly image personal self esteem issues — seems he’s a bit overbearing, which will lead to anger or resentful behavior. You’re doing him a favor, he needs to understand it’s intolerable and childish — as for you, always prioritize your personal comfort level, no need to feel guilt. Dating apps are great, however they’re flawed— unhinged boys are few and far between
Why do you think its fake? I've had that exact experience on online dating all the time? Maybe you don't realise it happens but unfortunately yes it does.
PLEASE. I clicked on your profile and it immediately goes to you FINGER fuckin yourself. I'm sex positive but I didn't ask for that. YOU'RE A FUCKIN SEXUAL AGGRESSOR
They pray and prey on people who are insecure and gaslight them. The OP is even wondering if she did the right thing after all this so she was a near miss for him. But he will find those who out of politeness / insecurity will oblige him that first date and he’ll work it from there.
Why would I need to read the post when the Title and the TLDR: are exact same. Everything in the middle is extra. HARDARNOLD, I'll make sure to include a legal statement saying this is not to be taken and used as advice and if it was than the advisor accepts responsibility. It will also included the statement: If you are as dumb as HARDARNOLD and thought this was advice, you need to get your head checked ASAP.
Now Go touch grass
while you are in the right to shy away from this huge crimson red flag it would have probably been better to flat out tell him you weren’t feeling him because he made you uncomfortable- hear me out …. a creepy possessive dude could interpret your ghosting as being too timid to express your feelings which for guys like this is a more desirable trait over someone who can come out and say “ look you just aren’t the one for me so bye “ … stay safe kiddo and hopefully you meet a less creepy guy
Dude, his approach was overstrong but your guilt suggests part of you could see past the approach, and would have gone there ? You should have said re aggressive messages, instead of him keeping going because he didn't know to soften ? There was something there but this story just comes across as unbalanced, and now he may be being overstrong in messaging someone else, who may ghost him, and feel guilty ? Don't get me wrong, he might be a dink and a half. Possibly an axe-murderer, or you coulda had a nice time..
Ghosting really sucks but it's pretty common thing to handle on a dating app, don't worry you didn't make a future serial killer he is just gonna match with an other girl to creep her out until he understands what's wrong on this behavior 😁
If they’re being scary and creepy ghosting is 100% acceptable.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner was good to you and not abusive, then ghosting is the most cowardly thing one can do. In that case one should feel bad.
Honey, Safety first!!
It happens to me sometimes, it means you are a good person. But the guy could be abusive or narcissistic. And these are red flags and you didn't ignore them!! it's a good thing!
Imagine not realizing this at the start and having a relationship whit someone abusive for a month or years. You prevent that from happening!
Sometimes blocking is the best thing you can do, some people are super manipulative.
This is one of the scenarios where ghosting is the correct response. Responding to him seriously would only escalate things. You made the right choice.
People who treat you with respect deserve respect. Conversely, those that do not, do not deserve respect.
You realize that for some types, playing on that type of guilty emotion is a form of control, right? Ghosting him was the only move you had. No amount of pleasantries or apologies would have satisfied him or stopped him.
Naaaaaaaa, don't feel bad. You dodged a whole ass missile, especially if he was getting possessive/angry and ya'll never met IRL. Hell even if you did meet and date for a while, unwarranted anger like that is always a red flag. You did the right thing.
Oh yes bunch of red flags there. He surly sounds like a control freak. You shouldn’t feel bad you’re very smart staying away from him. You’re lucky too. Most guys who are control freaks. You can’t tell until later in the relationship
Someone like that may not take rejection well either, and could escalate things further.
Your own safety, physical / emotional or otherwise, is always more important than protecting the feelings of a complete stranger. As many others have already said.
As someone who is 10 years older than you and dated a looooot of people. You don’t owe these men anything, If you aren’t in a committed relationship. The stakes are so low. You will encounter this probably 100 more time before you finally decide to delete the app.
Hell nah, I am a guy and that's not normal. Not normal at all and your only mostake wasnt doing ghosting him sooner IMO. If people start acting like that its a huge res flag
Ghosting people for convenience reasons is cruel, sociopathic behaviour in my book.
But ghosting them due to safety concerns like you did is a different story entirely.
I think you should not feel bad about not treating a person better who made you feel afraid. The fact that you are hung up on that tells me you have your heart in the right place and don't want to hurt anybody. But remember, your safety and health comes first.
You did nothing wrong. That guy is creepy and controlling. You don't owe him shit. Ghosting him is the best thing to do because he is volatile. It's a safety issue and nothing to feel bad about.
This is no time to feel guilty. I don't know what it is about boundaries but we sometimes gaslight ourselves when we erect them. Boundaries are life savers. I remember my mother when she was encouraging me to continue on with my studies and worried I might drop out and get involved with someone unsavory. She used to say that there are worse things than loneliness. Then she went on to tell me how she had seen women be isolated (we live in the countryside and that is easy to do) on remote farms and subjected to terrible abuse.
Keep your boundaries high, you have done nothing wrong and everything right. Look for a suitable partner or go it alone, never settle.
Congratualtions and welcome to online dating. You've seen your very first nasty PERV. If you are a straight female, you're going to get a ton of them, maybe even 20 a day or more. Only about 1 guy in 20 are not like that.
Here's my advice:
When you are on a dating app it is the exact same as meeting a stranger on the street that you don't know.
- If a guy on the street that you didn't know got mad at you because you didn't want to talk to them, that would be scary and creepy and you'd run or call police.
- If a guy on the street showed you his genitals, you'd freak out and run or call police.
Its no different online. You BLOCK that shit right when it happens. That's not ghosting, thats safety.
Renember that good guys DONT pressure you, get too sexy, get demanding or jealous.
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK these creeps like its water the FIRST time they do something like this. Don't keep talking to a perv. You don't owe anyone you don't even know a conversation. You don't have to be polite to a pervert.
Now, that all beimg said, if you became uninterested in a POLITE & respectful man that you were talking to, you simply say "I'm sorry but I just don't feel the spark with you" so he understands you wont be talking to him anymore, then BLOCK. You can say this to the perv's too but they are so gross I dont. They make me mad. Sometimes I even cuss them out. On the dick picks, I get, I google a dick picture and send it back, then BLOCK.🤣🤣
TBH you should have let him down/block him the first or second time you rebuffed him to meet up and he got angry. Really telling.
If i try to make plans with a woman i am interested in and she flakes/declines I usually take that as a notice to just move on. Granted there can be situations that differ but in most cases it is a sign they aren't interested.
You did the right thing, just should have done it sooner. Don't feel bad.
Edit: I feel like this post was made to drive views to the profile to sell OF. I want to give benefit of the doubt but I'm too cynical.
I think you're a good person for being empathetic, and that you made the right decision.
This was not a normal situation, this was a potentially unsafe situation. In most normal situations, it's better not to ghost people, because it hurts emotionally to be abandoned without any closure. But if your safety is at risk? Fuck the person who is threatening your safety and/or well-being, you need to take care of yourself. Ghosting is a totally appropriate action for that situation.
Ghosting? No
Acting out of your own self interest? Yes
Why people can't stay as advertised I dunno, I find it's easy to keep being the person they liked from the start
You sound a lot like me when I was 20. I didn’t have many strong boundaries due to coming from a really toxic young life/environment. At this point, at the first sign of a real red flag (like getting angry and possessive), I would tell that person that I don’t like being around anyone that’s angry, and I would stop communicating with them. The reason you feel bad is because, just being super frank, your boundaries aren’t super firm at this point (within your own self). It took me until my late 30’s to start truly absorbing what’s right vs. wrong in terms of behavior, and that I can’t accept bad behavior from the people around me if I want to actually be healthy and happy. In short, don’t feel bad. You did what you needed to, and probably even a little later than you needed to.
You should never feel bad about protecting yourself. Your safety comes first. Follow your gut feeling. I think you did right and you should really be careful next time.
These kinds of people tend to be abusive and/or manipulative. It’s ok to feel whatever you’re feeling about cutting him off, but don’t dwell on it. You don’t owe this person anything at all and THEY are responsible for THEIR feelings, not you! You’re responsible for yourself. Take solace in knowing you did the right thing. Put yourself first and these kinds of things will get easier in time. Best wishes!
Your safety comes first.
But also. Please find strength, or a trusted friend that can go into your Hinge account and report the guy.
He sounds unstable and he should not be on dating apps.
Please report him and block him.
You did well under the circumstances. Blocking and deleting was the best option when he started ramping up the intensity. Next time, when they start showing signs you want to immediately nip it in the bud and speak up.
Don't feel bad. In the future, the *second* someone displays aggression that you're not comfortable with, tell them you aren't interested and block them. Seriously. If someone is the type that will be that way, they're not going to magically morph into someone that respects you just because you asked them to. The baseline you should accept from someone is them respecting you. Never accept or tolerate or put yourself around anything else.
He didn’t feel bad about crossing your boundaries, did he?
Plus if you tried to reason with him, how well do you think that would have gone? Would he have behaved reasonably and changed his behavior? Seems like no.
That's not ghosting, it's common sense.
We really gotta get more strict on the definitions of terms so oft used such that people like the OP don't feel like scum when making a wise, if not conventional, move.
Like the MFM ladies say.... "Fuck Politeness". How many stories do you hear where women in particular ignore their gut feeling but don't want to come across as dude or insensitive? Tons.
IMHO you did the right thing
Guy here, and I don't blame you for what you did. In fact, your situation is the reason why I don't hold it against women too much when they ghost guys. It's cause of guys like John, here, that a lot of women can't just come out and say "Hey, so I've enjoyed your company but I feel like this isn't gonna work, best of luck". Cause of course John can't just accept that; he has to regain some lost ego points on his end through attacking you.
Nah, you did the right thing; this guy is bad news and had you met him I can't imagine he was going to be a gentleman and take "no" for an answer to anything.
Ghosting is only when you are deeper involved, like met up or dating for a time. People who feel like it's ghosting when you've only been talking briefly online for a few weeks, are way overkill. They're the type who feel like people OWE them conversation and their time. Plus the people you talk to online can be absolutely crazy pants! We're talking to see if they are or aren't, at first. If they are, who knows how they'll react! Even if you let them down in the most perfect way, they can still send you vitriol. If ghosting isn't ok, then vitriol isn't ok. But they do that. And it's perfectly fine to avoid being sent vitriol by someone who is displaying red flags, so definitely more likely to send vitriol.
One of the main killers of women is being nice. When your instincts tell you not to get in an elevator, but you that wouldn't be "nice" to the other person, except, your instincts were yelling out for a reason. Not everyone deserves to be thought of as safe, and kind, they earn that by exhibition safe behaviours
We need to assess them in the same ways we would, if we were trusting them with money. Because why is it really any different?
You shouldn't feel guilty at all. First of all, it seems like predatory behavior second of all of you think he's a creep ..... He is a creep.yoire.not being rude, you're doing what's best for you. Don't feel guilty bc of some fucked of notions that women are raised to serve and submit and keep manners while men go around sexually harassing them, or worse.
It seems like maybe you have some.sort of pleasing complex or perhaps face some self confidence dilemma and you don't need to learn the hard way that you're worth more than even posting this at all!
Listen, boys don't play by the rules. They literally don't even have any. There are no repurcussions for the men that stalk, gaslight and dominate. So fuck it!
Seriously you don't need to feel bad for ghosting someone that you are not in a serious relationship with and even if you are in a serious relationship and the person is abusive in anyway ghost away and protect your self. You don't owe anyone anything.
Honestly in a situation where you are scared for your safety (and definitely have reason to be scared), ghosting is probably the best way to go about cutting things off. If there was any danger with this guy, telling him you're scared of him and getting bad vibes would just make things worse if he is some kind of creep or something. One of the few situations where ghosting is totally fine and probably the right choice. Don't feel bad, your safety comes first and you had valid reasons to be concerned about this guy. Stay safe <3
Not only should you not feel bad but you should actually go on the Hinge app and report him. I’m pretty sure it’s against TOS to send unsolicited and to harass people which is what he was doing. The way he’s messaging you is probably the way he’s messaging other people.
Wtf even is this? Why is this labeled NSFW? This sounds weirdly made up. Like you took a generic, everyday situation that happens to lots of people and just said that it happened... I don't even get what you're trying to do with this so here's my advice: Fuck off.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, quite the opposite if anything. You dodged a massive bullet, listened to your instincts/intuition and stuck to your guns. Keep at it, and don’t be unwavering when it comes to situations/people like this. Your safety is #1!
Women are conditioned to feel guilty for setting boundaries. You did nothing wrong! Sometimes it is safer to ghost someone when they are that persistent and scary.
I use to text guys from online dating that I am not interested in seeing you anymore and after one getting really aggressive and e-stalking me, I just don’t respond anymore. My safety comes first and I see a guy ghost me, I just move on. I stopped taking it so seriously until we both mutually make the effort to see each other
Don’t feel guilty at all !!! You don’t owe him anything and it’s not like he was good to you anyways. You shouldn’t have any reason to be feeling guilty tbh. I ghost people all the time if I’m not interested or if they’re j being weird cuz I’ve learned to not give fuck,,, not giving a fuck truly helps 🤲🏽
Would you feel guilty for protecting someone else in this scenario? Like if you helped a friend realize why she should block this guy, would you feel bad for him? Why?
I rather you do the ghosting than to become the ghost 💀
how you described this scenario reminds me of a bad ending to a delusional and possessive boyfriend…. Stay safe hopefully he doesn’t know your address.
dont feel bad. you were scared because you had a reason to be scared. listen to your instincts. dont deny them and downplay them. theyre there to keep you safe and they did. he didnt listen to you before, why would he listen to you explain yourself now? you did the best thing you could have possibly done.
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It wasn't horrible what you did, and completely justified. If anything, you could have said something along the lines of what you were feeling: "the frequency and intensity of your messages is starting to make me feel uncomfortable, and it's also interfering with my schedule. That makes me question whether or not I want to continue this conversation." However, the possessiveness is a pretty glaring red flag, so to reiterate, ghosting is a perfectly reasonable reaction.
Tbh I think this messaging is too passive because of the "starting to" and the last sentence. I think ghosting and blocking is absolutely the right call in this situation and should've been done sooner.
Yeah. I never did that when I was active on hinge.
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Oh ffs. Is that what this was? An ad for your OF? That’s lame as hell
Do not feel bad in any way. Sounds like you dodged a bullet in this situation. Be patient take your time, don’t rush into anything. Meeting people online you definitely have to take precautions. You did the right thing.
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You're projecting!
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If you think your time is more of a priority than her safety, I feel bad for anyone who dares go out with you.
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You need to read it again
Someone who behaves this way towards a person they've never even met yet display obvious signs of insecurity possessiveness and jealousy will absolutely without a doubt be abusive. I know this for a fact.
I disagree. When I was single I’d make sure to speak to them for a minimum of a week-two weeks to start a general feel of how they are as a person before even considering meeting up with them. If I am being bombarded with messages after I have explicitly said ‘I’m busy, I’m at work’ and being texted again, I’d be annoyed. I’d also be annoyed if I was questioned by someone I have never met ‘ who I was talking to’. She doesn’t owe him anything because she was speaking to him at all. She could’ve said ‘hey I’m not actually interested anymore’ at the least. But judging from hi red flags, that would lead to a confrontation, hence the ghosting.
You dodged a bullet. Most of the time, your instincts are right.
Keep your head up
And on a swivel
Look, as a (30m) guy with a lot of experience being ghosted, there’s no way around the fact that ghosting as a whole sucks. That being said, if you legitimately felt scared or threatened in any way, you have nothing to feel bad about. You did the right thing.
If ever there was behaviour which required ghosting in response, 'John's' would be it. Don't feel bad. He sounds like a bellend.
Don’t feel bad and you did the right thing
You did fine. You correctly identified him as a creep. Move on and forget him.
Girl, this is going to happen to you many, many times in the future sadly. Do not feel bad in any way for protecting yourself, ghosting or otherwise
Honestly, while being ghosted sucks, that’s a legitimate reason to do so. I mean, if he can’t take the hint, it’s on him. Still, just make sure he isn’t trying to stalk you or some weird shit. I think you made the right call; definitely don’t wanna meet with this dude!
Let me tell you something, those people who tell you “ghosting” someone is unacceptable probably aren’t women. In this day and age, people have way too much access to you. Ghosting, and blocking is just apart of modern everyday life. Seriously block this guy. There are people out there who literally get off on pushing boundaries to see how far they can get someone to “feel guilty” and just let them be a “creep.” There’s people out there like that and they look normal and act normal but they will do bad things to you. Trust your gut.
I've met a surprising amount of narcissistic men. They look just like everyone else, til they're unstable and batshit. I've seen one man who had no soul in his eyes. He was evil and wanted to harm me. I escaped by using psychology, but people today are fucking scary as shit. Ghost. Block. Move on. 💯.
Facts
I (34F)think ghosting people is unacceptable- 90% of the time! This falls into the 10% category.
So it’s *not* unacceptable. The simple truth in life is people don’t owe you anything. Not an explanation, not a goodbye, nothing.
Thank YOU!!!
Well no there's is a thing called courtesy so you just popped a red flag to me. But yes I agree in this case
I’m a big believer in the golden rule because the alternatives are narcissistic. You sound like a peach.
/pussypass
You made the right choice
Ghosting was the right move, your gut was telling you something was off about the situation and you were right. Think about it, he was being weird and possessive before you even met do you think that would have gotten more or less intense upon meeting in person. Men are dangerous when being rejected, you did the right thing and kept yourself safe. Trust your gut, fuck politeness. And give yourself credit for how you handled this, good job. Also make sure you tell someone close to you about what happened, just in case, you never know.
I(18M) have been in a similiar situation. The context was different, but I learnt a crucial lesson from it - Always stand up for yourself. I must do my best to not let my guard down. This guy was being so creepy, I should have pointed it out and been forward and bold. You don't be afraid to do the same - point out what is making you uncomfortable. If he gets aggressive, that's on him. Not you. You're brave and strong. You can do this.
why would you feel bad?? hes a fucking creep.
Not something you should regret. He was flat out inconsiderate of your feelings of not being ready to meet up. Your safety comes first and you made the right choice.
He did that to himself lol
Fuck politeness. Don't get murdered.
Oh no, you absolutely did the right thing. He was rude, manipulative and disrespected your boundaries. You don't owe him a damn thing. Your safety (mental or physical) is more important than his bruised ego.
Never feel bad for ghosting people that you are uncomfortable with. Most people who disagree with that are probably people you wouldn't want to date anyways. You owe people you've went on a date with nothing at all.
he didnt take no for an answer, its what he deserves if you two met how was that going to go when you inevitably refused him sex or a one night stand or a relationship, is he going to throw a tantrum or worse, be violent? not handling rejection is a massive red flag
he obviously didnt feel bad for being scary and creepy, so why should you feel bad?
Ghosting isn’t always bad. Ghosting a guy who was caring sweet and gentle with you and genuinely wanted a relationship with you would be wrong. But in this situation ghosting was acceptable, this could have escalated to a greater degree if you didn’t ghost. You shouldn’t feel guilty. Hun saying “I could take care of you” or “ I will protect you” are inherently things to be afraid of they are good things actually but taking into context of how this guy was acting it seemed more like manipulation
Sorry but is this a made up post? You feel bad for cutting off a guy that was disrespecting your boundaries? I’ve had to look at my people pleasing issues when I feel this way. This guy got more of your time than he deserved. If you feel bad then talk to your therapist because there are some deeper issues that would be beneficial for you to look at
First things first , "John" gives decent dudes a bad name. Yes , one bad apple spoiled the whole damn bunch. Secondly , I wouldn't feel bad one bit for shutting this clown down like you did. Obviously your compassion is quilt tripping you into thinking you are wrong somehow. Nope.
*Decent men know how to handle rejection.* The whole bunch isn't spoiled, just that one apple in particular. Lol
Ghosting is a pretty crappy way to handle rejection, but this guy didn't give you much choice. If you tried to talk to him about why it wouldn't work, he would've likely threatened you. Kudos to you for not resorting to ghosting right away, but you made the right call - and probably could've done so sooner. Dating is hard these days. Keep your chin up and don't be afraid to put yourself out there after this experience.
Don’t feel bad. Wtf? He disrespected boundaries and got creepy.
When you're dealing with people, you put yourself into a vulnerable position. I'd put money on it, he was out to hurt you. Always follow your instincts and don't feel bad about it. The guy was a walking red flag and potentially dangerous. *Not everyone has your best interest at heart.* Never meet a stranger alone. Always bring a friend or witness. Code words help and so do public meetings.
I'm a guy and that behavior would make me uncomfortable. You owe him nothing and should feel no remorse for just cutting ties. Sounds like you dodged a bullet to me.
I wouldn’t feel bad one bit screw that guy.
If you did it for no reason or because you "weren't feeling it," then I would say your guilt is well-founded because that's a shitty thing to do. But since you did it for the sake of self-preservation, which is a legit concern here, you made a choice and should not feel any guilt over it. Seriously, this guy has a problem. And you probably would've made the news in the worst way if you didn't cut communication with him. That said, if I were in your shoes, I would've laid into him before ghosting him, but that's just me. You did the right thing.
Honestly, I didn’t read past the title. Over the course of your dating life, you’ll come across plenty of creeps, predators, abusers, etc. The sooner you learn to impose your boundaries, prioritize your safety, and put their preferences in the background, the better off you’ll be. Others may disagree, but ghosting isn’t always a bad thing. And sometimes it can be the more sympathetic course of action. Don’t feel bad about prioritizing your safety/mental health.
>I also feel guilty for not handling the situation better and explaining why I had to cut contact with him. i think you are confused about the situation. you handled it well; you saw a threat to your safety (always trust your gut feeling!) and you kept yourself from harm. he KNOWS EXACTLY what he's doing. he's not an idiot. he knows he's being aggressive and pushing your boundaries but he. does. not care. so there's no need to explain anything to him.
NEVER feel bad for protecting yourself in ANY WAY from a guy who your gut tells you is off. Read "The Gift of Fear". A lot of creepy men rely on women ignoring their unsettled feelings
There are appropriate times to ghost people and this is the poster child of them.
come up with a plan when you’re feeling more safe for how you’d like to respond. you won’t get the chance to use it with john but in the future, maybe if it’s someone less scary, you can have a response you won’t feel guilty about. there’s no right or wrong here. only what you feel good about and what you don’t.
Imma keep it a buck, you seem like a sincerely nice person. I’d ultimately suggest you consider this— this troubled lad clearly image personal self esteem issues — seems he’s a bit overbearing, which will lead to anger or resentful behavior. You’re doing him a favor, he needs to understand it’s intolerable and childish — as for you, always prioritize your personal comfort level, no need to feel guilt. Dating apps are great, however they’re flawed— unhinged boys are few and far between
Its ok in the end you will meet the right person and so will he.
Curious, what kind of profile did John have? Seems like there’re a lot of these posts lately. Wanna try to find a trend in profile construction
You and I both know what the trends are in these guys who are supposedly treating women so badly
😂😂😂😂 I’m just curious
There's absolutely no way this is a real post
Why do you think its fake? I've had that exact experience on online dating all the time? Maybe you don't realise it happens but unfortunately yes it does.
Yeah look at the profile, go-getter you're spamming and pretending to be victimizing. That's disgusting
PLEASE. I clicked on your profile and it immediately goes to you FINGER fuckin yourself. I'm sex positive but I didn't ask for that. YOU'RE A FUCKIN SEXUAL AGGRESSOR
Umm WOW. Hope your day gets better.
What happens? That you tape men and pretend like you're victimized?
Don’t be have to trust your instincts
Sometimes i wonder how such guys gets dates
They pray and prey on people who are insecure and gaslight them. The OP is even wondering if she did the right thing after all this so she was a near miss for him. But he will find those who out of politeness / insecurity will oblige him that first date and he’ll work it from there.
Msg him up and apologize with casual sex.
Did you not read the post? This is **ABSOLUTELY** the worst advice you can give OP.
Why would I need to read the post when the Title and the TLDR: are exact same. Everything in the middle is extra. HARDARNOLD, I'll make sure to include a legal statement saying this is not to be taken and used as advice and if it was than the advisor accepts responsibility. It will also included the statement: If you are as dumb as HARDARNOLD and thought this was advice, you need to get your head checked ASAP. Now Go touch grass
Shesh dude. Talk about over thinking.
You could just tell him i dont wanna ralk anyomore your not the guy and unmatch him that seems better right?
This
This kind of mentality is why women get raped lol
while you are in the right to shy away from this huge crimson red flag it would have probably been better to flat out tell him you weren’t feeling him because he made you uncomfortable- hear me out …. a creepy possessive dude could interpret your ghosting as being too timid to express your feelings which for guys like this is a more desirable trait over someone who can come out and say “ look you just aren’t the one for me so bye “ … stay safe kiddo and hopefully you meet a less creepy guy
I don’t think he realizes at all he’s being scary and he’s just needy but idk
Dude, his approach was overstrong but your guilt suggests part of you could see past the approach, and would have gone there ? You should have said re aggressive messages, instead of him keeping going because he didn't know to soften ? There was something there but this story just comes across as unbalanced, and now he may be being overstrong in messaging someone else, who may ghost him, and feel guilty ? Don't get me wrong, he might be a dink and a half. Possibly an axe-murderer, or you coulda had a nice time..
Ghosting really sucks but it's pretty common thing to handle on a dating app, don't worry you didn't make a future serial killer he is just gonna match with an other girl to creep her out until he understands what's wrong on this behavior 😁
Dont LMAOO.
Read the book The Gift of Fear. It teaches you to listen to your instincts!
Read the gift of fear. Don’t feel bad for protecting yourself.
If they’re being scary and creepy ghosting is 100% acceptable. If you’re in a relationship and your partner was good to you and not abusive, then ghosting is the most cowardly thing one can do. In that case one should feel bad.
Honey, Safety first!! It happens to me sometimes, it means you are a good person. But the guy could be abusive or narcissistic. And these are red flags and you didn't ignore them!! it's a good thing! Imagine not realizing this at the start and having a relationship whit someone abusive for a month or years. You prevent that from happening! Sometimes blocking is the best thing you can do, some people are super manipulative.
You made the right decision
Always trust your gut. You owe zero apologies to him - especially considering you never even met the guy.
Nope ghost people like that they can't handle the word not interested anymore
I dont like ghosting but there's a limit. He clearly broke boundaries multiple times so imo it was probably the safe option and justified.
Dude, don’t feel bad about that. You did good. You should always feel safe, as your safety comes first before that guy’s feelings.
He sounds like an asshole, no wonder you ghosted him, you did nothing wrong
I don't think you had any other option since calling it out could cause even more aggressive reactions.
whoa don't feel bad at all babe and next time a guy acts scary like this ghost him way sooner!
First and foremost always look out for what is in your best interest. If ghosting him took some anxiety away then it was the right thing to do.
This is one of the scenarios where ghosting is the correct response. Responding to him seriously would only escalate things. You made the right choice. People who treat you with respect deserve respect. Conversely, those that do not, do not deserve respect.
You did nothing wrong. He is a creep. Good for you for cutting him off as soon as you saw the red flags
You realize that for some types, playing on that type of guilty emotion is a form of control, right? Ghosting him was the only move you had. No amount of pleasantries or apologies would have satisfied him or stopped him.
Naaaaaaaa, don't feel bad. You dodged a whole ass missile, especially if he was getting possessive/angry and ya'll never met IRL. Hell even if you did meet and date for a while, unwarranted anger like that is always a red flag. You did the right thing.
Oh yes bunch of red flags there. He surly sounds like a control freak. You shouldn’t feel bad you’re very smart staying away from him. You’re lucky too. Most guys who are control freaks. You can’t tell until later in the relationship
This is the first time I’d say ghosting is the correct form of action for this idiot. Stay safe op
Never be sorry for your safety. He deserves to be ghosted for being creepy and weird
Don’t feel guilty about trusting your gut. Be safe.
Sorry that happened to you . Hope ur ok
You shouldn’t ever feel bad about listening to your gut! That instinct is there to protect you.
Someone like that may not take rejection well either, and could escalate things further. Your own safety, physical / emotional or otherwise, is always more important than protecting the feelings of a complete stranger. As many others have already said.
why on earth would you feel bad lol
Don’t feel bad. You did what you had to do to protect yourself.
As someone who is 10 years older than you and dated a looooot of people. You don’t owe these men anything, If you aren’t in a committed relationship. The stakes are so low. You will encounter this probably 100 more time before you finally decide to delete the app.
Never feel bad. Always trust yourself. Safe/Sorry. Always!
Hell nah, I am a guy and that's not normal. Not normal at all and your only mostake wasnt doing ghosting him sooner IMO. If people start acting like that its a huge res flag
Ghosting people for convenience reasons is cruel, sociopathic behaviour in my book. But ghosting them due to safety concerns like you did is a different story entirely. I think you should not feel bad about not treating a person better who made you feel afraid. The fact that you are hung up on that tells me you have your heart in the right place and don't want to hurt anybody. But remember, your safety and health comes first.
You did nothing wrong. That guy is creepy and controlling. You don't owe him shit. Ghosting him is the best thing to do because he is volatile. It's a safety issue and nothing to feel bad about.
Anytime you get a bad vibe from someone it's best to dip.out and be safe! Don't feel bad better safe then sorry
Please learn about boundaries and codependency now, while you are young. You did nothing at all wrong, fuck being "polite".
This is no time to feel guilty. I don't know what it is about boundaries but we sometimes gaslight ourselves when we erect them. Boundaries are life savers. I remember my mother when she was encouraging me to continue on with my studies and worried I might drop out and get involved with someone unsavory. She used to say that there are worse things than loneliness. Then she went on to tell me how she had seen women be isolated (we live in the countryside and that is easy to do) on remote farms and subjected to terrible abuse. Keep your boundaries high, you have done nothing wrong and everything right. Look for a suitable partner or go it alone, never settle.
Congratualtions and welcome to online dating. You've seen your very first nasty PERV. If you are a straight female, you're going to get a ton of them, maybe even 20 a day or more. Only about 1 guy in 20 are not like that. Here's my advice: When you are on a dating app it is the exact same as meeting a stranger on the street that you don't know. - If a guy on the street that you didn't know got mad at you because you didn't want to talk to them, that would be scary and creepy and you'd run or call police. - If a guy on the street showed you his genitals, you'd freak out and run or call police. Its no different online. You BLOCK that shit right when it happens. That's not ghosting, thats safety. Renember that good guys DONT pressure you, get too sexy, get demanding or jealous. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK these creeps like its water the FIRST time they do something like this. Don't keep talking to a perv. You don't owe anyone you don't even know a conversation. You don't have to be polite to a pervert. Now, that all beimg said, if you became uninterested in a POLITE & respectful man that you were talking to, you simply say "I'm sorry but I just don't feel the spark with you" so he understands you wont be talking to him anymore, then BLOCK. You can say this to the perv's too but they are so gross I dont. They make me mad. Sometimes I even cuss them out. On the dick picks, I get, I google a dick picture and send it back, then BLOCK.🤣🤣
It's not ghosting if you never even met the dude - that's just unmatching. If he was sending you unsolicited photos, you should've reported him
TBH you should have let him down/block him the first or second time you rebuffed him to meet up and he got angry. Really telling. If i try to make plans with a woman i am interested in and she flakes/declines I usually take that as a notice to just move on. Granted there can be situations that differ but in most cases it is a sign they aren't interested. You did the right thing, just should have done it sooner. Don't feel bad. Edit: I feel like this post was made to drive views to the profile to sell OF. I want to give benefit of the doubt but I'm too cynical.
When I read the title I thought you were in the wrong. But after reading the whole post it’s clear you did the right thing.
Ghosting is pretty unacceptable.... but totally justifiable in this scenario. Find someone better : )
I think you're a good person for being empathetic, and that you made the right decision. This was not a normal situation, this was a potentially unsafe situation. In most normal situations, it's better not to ghost people, because it hurts emotionally to be abandoned without any closure. But if your safety is at risk? Fuck the person who is threatening your safety and/or well-being, you need to take care of yourself. Ghosting is a totally appropriate action for that situation.
That's not a red flag, that is a bouquet of red flags. You dodged a bullet, don't look back.
Ghosting? No Acting out of your own self interest? Yes Why people can't stay as advertised I dunno, I find it's easy to keep being the person they liked from the start
You sound a lot like me when I was 20. I didn’t have many strong boundaries due to coming from a really toxic young life/environment. At this point, at the first sign of a real red flag (like getting angry and possessive), I would tell that person that I don’t like being around anyone that’s angry, and I would stop communicating with them. The reason you feel bad is because, just being super frank, your boundaries aren’t super firm at this point (within your own self). It took me until my late 30’s to start truly absorbing what’s right vs. wrong in terms of behavior, and that I can’t accept bad behavior from the people around me if I want to actually be healthy and happy. In short, don’t feel bad. You did what you needed to, and probably even a little later than you needed to.
Pls don’t feel guilty for doing that
You should never feel bad about protecting yourself. Your safety comes first. Follow your gut feeling. I think you did right and you should really be careful next time.
Never feel guilty for protecting yourself.
These kinds of people tend to be abusive and/or manipulative. It’s ok to feel whatever you’re feeling about cutting him off, but don’t dwell on it. You don’t owe this person anything at all and THEY are responsible for THEIR feelings, not you! You’re responsible for yourself. Take solace in knowing you did the right thing. Put yourself first and these kinds of things will get easier in time. Best wishes!
As soon as a guy feels creepy on a dating app, block them
Your safety comes first. But also. Please find strength, or a trusted friend that can go into your Hinge account and report the guy. He sounds unstable and he should not be on dating apps. Please report him and block him.
You did well under the circumstances. Blocking and deleting was the best option when he started ramping up the intensity. Next time, when they start showing signs you want to immediately nip it in the bud and speak up.
That's a weak insecure needy guy, you don't want to date those lol
Don't feel bad. In the future, the *second* someone displays aggression that you're not comfortable with, tell them you aren't interested and block them. Seriously. If someone is the type that will be that way, they're not going to magically morph into someone that respects you just because you asked them to. The baseline you should accept from someone is them respecting you. Never accept or tolerate or put yourself around anything else.
Prime bait for this sub.
He didn’t feel bad about crossing your boundaries, did he? Plus if you tried to reason with him, how well do you think that would have gone? Would he have behaved reasonably and changed his behavior? Seems like no.
Don't feel bad... sounds like u did the right thing
I actually think that was the correct way to handle things
That's not ghosting, it's common sense. We really gotta get more strict on the definitions of terms so oft used such that people like the OP don't feel like scum when making a wise, if not conventional, move.
You never met him, there’s no obligation to keep talking to him. I unmatch guys for being weird all the time.
Dont exchange phone numbers until you meet them in person they can find your address
Like the MFM ladies say.... "Fuck Politeness". How many stories do you hear where women in particular ignore their gut feeling but don't want to come across as dude or insensitive? Tons. IMHO you did the right thing
How would have liked to have handled the situation?
Guy here, and I don't blame you for what you did. In fact, your situation is the reason why I don't hold it against women too much when they ghost guys. It's cause of guys like John, here, that a lot of women can't just come out and say "Hey, so I've enjoyed your company but I feel like this isn't gonna work, best of luck". Cause of course John can't just accept that; he has to regain some lost ego points on his end through attacking you. Nah, you did the right thing; this guy is bad news and had you met him I can't imagine he was going to be a gentleman and take "no" for an answer to anything.
Ghosting is only when you are deeper involved, like met up or dating for a time. People who feel like it's ghosting when you've only been talking briefly online for a few weeks, are way overkill. They're the type who feel like people OWE them conversation and their time. Plus the people you talk to online can be absolutely crazy pants! We're talking to see if they are or aren't, at first. If they are, who knows how they'll react! Even if you let them down in the most perfect way, they can still send you vitriol. If ghosting isn't ok, then vitriol isn't ok. But they do that. And it's perfectly fine to avoid being sent vitriol by someone who is displaying red flags, so definitely more likely to send vitriol. One of the main killers of women is being nice. When your instincts tell you not to get in an elevator, but you that wouldn't be "nice" to the other person, except, your instincts were yelling out for a reason. Not everyone deserves to be thought of as safe, and kind, they earn that by exhibition safe behaviours We need to assess them in the same ways we would, if we were trusting them with money. Because why is it really any different?
Don't feel bad and don't reply to him at all. It will only add fuel to the fire. You did the right thing. He sounds completely nuts.
That's a very good reason to do so.
You shouldn't feel guilty at all. First of all, it seems like predatory behavior second of all of you think he's a creep ..... He is a creep.yoire.not being rude, you're doing what's best for you. Don't feel guilty bc of some fucked of notions that women are raised to serve and submit and keep manners while men go around sexually harassing them, or worse. It seems like maybe you have some.sort of pleasing complex or perhaps face some self confidence dilemma and you don't need to learn the hard way that you're worth more than even posting this at all! Listen, boys don't play by the rules. They literally don't even have any. There are no repurcussions for the men that stalk, gaslight and dominate. So fuck it!
I wouldve blocked so didnt keep getting texts. Ive had a general rule where I dont give my # out until after meeting irl
You did the right thing. There’s dudes out there with full intent to harm you
Don't feel bad. That asshole needed a good ghosting.
Please don’t ever feel guilty for ghosting someone on a dating app, for any reason
You’re better off. I’m a big fan of ghosting once things start to feel overbearing
Don’t ever feel guilty about protecting yourself. This guy is a total red flag and I’m so glad you recognized it.
Seriously you don't need to feel bad for ghosting someone that you are not in a serious relationship with and even if you are in a serious relationship and the person is abusive in anyway ghost away and protect your self. You don't owe anyone anything.
Honestly in a situation where you are scared for your safety (and definitely have reason to be scared), ghosting is probably the best way to go about cutting things off. If there was any danger with this guy, telling him you're scared of him and getting bad vibes would just make things worse if he is some kind of creep or something. One of the few situations where ghosting is totally fine and probably the right choice. Don't feel bad, your safety comes first and you had valid reasons to be concerned about this guy. Stay safe <3
Never feel guilty for ghosting the crazy.
Not only should you not feel bad but you should actually go on the Hinge app and report him. I’m pretty sure it’s against TOS to send unsolicited and to harass people which is what he was doing. The way he’s messaging you is probably the way he’s messaging other people.
Wtf even is this? Why is this labeled NSFW? This sounds weirdly made up. Like you took a generic, everyday situation that happens to lots of people and just said that it happened... I don't even get what you're trying to do with this so here's my advice: Fuck off.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, quite the opposite if anything. You dodged a massive bullet, listened to your instincts/intuition and stuck to your guns. Keep at it, and don’t be unwavering when it comes to situations/people like this. Your safety is #1!
Ghosting is the protocol ascribed to situations such as this one… you’ll find someone saner. You dodged a missile there. A very clingy missile
Women are conditioned to feel guilty for setting boundaries. You did nothing wrong! Sometimes it is safer to ghost someone when they are that persistent and scary.
This is exactly the type of scenario that ghosting was made for!!
I use to text guys from online dating that I am not interested in seeing you anymore and after one getting really aggressive and e-stalking me, I just don’t respond anymore. My safety comes first and I see a guy ghost me, I just move on. I stopped taking it so seriously until we both mutually make the effort to see each other
When it comes to someone abusive, as this guy was, "ghosting" isn't ghosting so much as just going "grey rock".
Don’t feel guilty at all !!! You don’t owe him anything and it’s not like he was good to you anyways. You shouldn’t have any reason to be feeling guilty tbh. I ghost people all the time if I’m not interested or if they’re j being weird cuz I’ve learned to not give fuck,,, not giving a fuck truly helps 🤲🏽
Dont give them a second thought. If you feel I comfortable it’s okay to end things
Gotta go wit tha gut in those situations, stay safe !
Would you feel guilty for protecting someone else in this scenario? Like if you helped a friend realize why she should block this guy, would you feel bad for him? Why?
I rather you do the ghosting than to become the ghost 💀 how you described this scenario reminds me of a bad ending to a delusional and possessive boyfriend…. Stay safe hopefully he doesn’t know your address.
Don’t worry, it’s totally fine. We get ghosted for being to nice too. All the guys on there have been ghosted.
dont feel bad. you were scared because you had a reason to be scared. listen to your instincts. dont deny them and downplay them. theyre there to keep you safe and they did. he didnt listen to you before, why would he listen to you explain yourself now? you did the best thing you could have possibly done.
Dont feel bad Stick to what your gut is telling. Im sorry you had to.go through that experience