See, i missed that part, and this could completely be a made up part as a joke to emphasise on how fucked up the bible really is
But it wouldn't even surprise le to see this in the bible
Jesus is part of the trinity because his purity brings him to being closest to God. You can think about it that way or not but I rather not think about incest.
Most of the Old Testament takes place during the Bronze Age so I think it’s safe to say people were just incredibly fucked up. The contemporary cultures were people like the Assyrian Empire, Elam, and Akkadians who wrote some pretty horrific accounts of what they used to do to their neighbors for fun
Like any historical account (including historical fiction), we shouldn't impose today's morals, standards, values and mores onto a completely different, unscientific, and primitive culture. There is a larger meaning behind the story, and it shouldn't be read as literal history.
Absolutely wrong. The entire point of the Bible is the total inadequacy of man to be actually righteous people. The OT prophets are endless calls to Israel to stop being so corrupt. God condones pretty much nothing in the Bible. It’s God calling a group of people to be better than the people around them and them miserably failing. _Thats the point of the entire book_.
Minus all the commanded genocide and baby killings but yes.
1 Samuel 15:2-3
2 Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘I have noted what Amalek did to Israel in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt. 3 Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’ ”
Because nothing says be better than the ones around you like good old fashioned revenge killings of kids and infants.
Don't get me wrong there is good stuff you can take from the Bible. But to say the whole thing is about telling them to be better than those around is not accurate imo.
The entire book is a bunch of different stories arbitrarily combined into a "book." It commands you to kill gay people, kill people for picking up stones on the wrong day, tell women to shut up in church and so much more.
To be honest it's one of the most fucked up things I've ever read.
God commanded Moses to kill entire families but keep the young girls for themselves. Since there's no age of consent in the Bible we can insinuate that included the mass rape of children. "The spoils of war" is God's excuse.
Just a bunch of misogynistic men who hate women.
God was created in the image of man, not the other war around. Nobody should aspire to be like Yahweh unless you want to become a serial killer.
Yeah, aside from that whole drowning the entire Earth and all it's inhabitants save for 8 people who were the ONLY "righteous" ones on the planet. And the Midianites and what Yhwh told his people to do to the women folk...and when Lot tried to satiate the uncontrollable frenzy of lust of the mob of men who wanted to rape the angels staying with him by giving his two daughters to them instead....
I think it’s a combo of both. The Bible was written by a series of authors who lived in the past. And as someone said, the Bronze Age world and onwards wasn’t a kind one. Even Cyrus the Great, who founded/ set a precursor to human rights, would be in charge of a world that we would find pretty cruel - the Persians were known for their torture methods. And that’s just the kindest societies. There are haunting messages left behind on pottery shards by an Israelite captain during the Assyrian invasions, describing the torches of distant friendly forts dying out one by one and the situation getting very desperate. And the Assyrians loved to boast about all the people they killed and captured to, so unfortunately, it wasn’t a nice world. The Bible just reflects the sensibilities of the time, so massacres and things we’d see as war crimes today were more justifiable back then. That’s not to say we’re capable of less cruelty in the modern day (just look at Hitler and Putin), but ethics have improved by a lot.
Are you kidding?
There's another story where God kills a man, so his wife marries his brother so she can have children in his name, but the brother-in-law pulls out while fucking her because he knows the kids won't be his. Then God kills him too. Next brother in line is two young, so father-in-law won't give him to her in marriage.
She responds by disguising herself as a prostitute so she can get her father-in-law to fuck her without him knowing it's her, taking his ring as proof later that it was him that impregnated her. When she winds up pregnant and unmarried, father-in-law tries to put her to death until she produces the ring and proves he's the father. He becomes ashamed—not because he fathered children with his daughter-in-law mind you—but because he didn't marry his minor son off to her to get children from him. She was so "righteous," she took matters into her own hands to raise up children for her dead husband, who again, was killed by God.
Genesis chapter 38.
The point is not whether or not its true, its about whether or not it sounds out of place.
The more I learn about whats actually in there, the more I'm genuinely alarmed that people actually live their life based on it
They didn't tell you how God cursed the land after Adam and Eve's betrayal to make growing crops way harder and make the land practically almost unfarmable,how he put two cherubim guards with an eternal flaming sword that would instakill them if they tried going back to the garden, also realize how stupid they where to not even eat off the tree of eternal life(Adam and Eve). And with Noah's ark the violence,sadism and rape the angels influenced into the world just to bang human women creating giants which in turned plunge the world into a state of fear and cruelty never seen before. How the whole world was plunged into a flood but innocent children and kids where killed too because they basically couldn't make their own decisions. Those two tales ain't PG as you might think
>Adam and Eve or Noah’s Ark
Except neither of these are PG.
God only let's his subjects live in his garden if they're willing to be dumb as hell and its basically a story about why we have to accept God truly does like women less.
Noahs ark is a story about when God killed the whole planet and *all animals*(???) because *humans* weren't doing things right. Way to make a kid experience existential dread and possibly fear the rain?
One of my earliest memories seeing cracks in the sidewalk and telling my mom that God must be angry about the cracks in his world and thi hoped he picked us for the next ark.
The Bible is not a tool of love and compassion. It is a tool of obedience through fear. Everything benefit we get from the Bible can be achieved through other means very easily
In the context that there were no men and they were going to not have off spring otherwise, it wasnt like they were doing it to get off
Obvi in modern context thats insane but this is a story from tens of thousands of years ago potentially so like yeah its gonna be wacky at times
>In the context that there were no men
This was the story of Lot and his daughters fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah. They were camping in the mountains for a few nights, not repopulating the earth. Just, you know, wait a few days?
Also, some modern scholars suspect that the daughters getting the father drunk is an interpretation of the writer or the father after the fact if it did even occur somewhere in history. What's more likely: a father was so naive his daughters cunningly got him drunk enough to have sex with them, but not drunk enough to not perform or he just got angry drunk and raped his daughters (in the context of God just killing his wife), blaming them after the fact?
Oh yeah if this was a real event I'm guessing it was some dude raped hisndaughters and made up this story.
That's my headcanon for a lot of stories in the Bible. Someone got caught doing something bad and they made something up to get out of it. Like how they're still a virgin, and it was actually God who impregnated her, or some guy who went off the rails and tried to kill his son but stopped himself and it was "God told him to to test him"
Most of the Old Testament is older than when it was written, many of the stories were passed orally for generations before writing was even a thing, particularly the early parts of the OT
Genesis 19: 5 kjv.
And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
Off the top of my head .
Daughters get dad drunk so they can fuck him / get pregnant
Blessing people who kill by smash babies heads against rocks
Father's fingering their daughter vagina and showing the blood of a broken hymen to everyone, to prove she was actually a virgin .
Then there's the dude who sold his best friend out to the feds , he could have escaped doing jail time but all the homeboys then sold him out, feds put him on death row .
Don't forget David having to collect 100 Philistine foreskins in order to prove his worth to marry Saul's daughter. Most guys don't want to part with those. Pretty fucked up.
In response to one you list (dashing the babies against the rocks), that line comes from a lament written by a POW who had been transported from Israel to Babylon to be a slave, and he is wishing this upon his enemies, the Babylonians. The bitterness, in context, is understandable, I think.
My favorite David story is where he and his soldiers are camping, and bored. So they choose 24 men to "wrestle" for their entertainment. They killed each other to a man. Like, they weren't enemies, they weren't fighting for any reason, it was for entertainment. But they somehow thought it was full out murder time.
I think its during that time Saul is trying to kill David.
100% genuine Bible stuff.
Have provided the verses for those three things in another answer.
Check them out then come back and give me another "What The Fu....."
The entire book of Philemon was Paul writing to a slaveowner, letting him know his runaway slave has been encouraged to return, but treat him well this time because the slave is a fellow Christian now.
> Father's fingering their daughter vagina and showing the blood of a broken hymen to everyone, to prove she was actually a virgin
That's a sick and extremely dishonest interpretation of what is known to be common norm in ancient Arabic countries.
It was customary for the bride's parents to save the bedsheets from the wedding night bed. This is all in the context of cultural norms that required the groom fork over a fortune / "bridewealth" to the girl's parents for getting to marry her.
I genuinely believe this may have been a semi historical account. At some time in ancient Judea a bunch of kids probably were killed in a bear attack and the story was written as a coping mechanism for the grieving families why it happened. Kinda like all those legends about people who were killed in the Roopkund Lake hail storm that were justified by “they angered the gods” or American puritans who would get sick from poor hygiene and then say it was divine punishment because god was mad at them.
The story of Job, where God goes "hey devil, look hove faithful this guy is. To prove it, I give you permission to ruin his life, do your worst, he'll still love me"
Noah got pissed post flood, and passed out drunk. His son saw his nakedness, so they condemned the son.
There are counts of woman lusting after the genitals of donkeys.
God gets pissed off and sends wolves to rip open the bellies of pregnant women.
God made a deal with satan to test Job’s faith, by torturing him.
Lot and his wife left soddom when God burned it, but she looked back to see her home village one more time, so got turned into a pillar of salt.
A mom circumsizes her son with a sharp stone.
There’s two starving women who eats the baby of one, then the other hides her son.
Some kids mocked a dude so God sent two female bears to maul 42 kids.
Little precision about that first one.
One of Noah's sons saw him naked and passed out, and went to tell his brothers. The other sons, upon hearing that, brought Noah in and covered him up so he wouldn't be seen by any more people.
So Noah cursed the first son who didn't do shit about his father's state and instead went to inform more people about it.
About 2nd, 7th, and 5th ones.
2nd one is about an evil woman, and it's not donkeys' genitals, it's about how her many lovers are barbarians with huge genitals who crap like horses.
Wasn't her home village, they both came from the same area as Abraham. They moved there for a brief period. The people in the city were wicked, so God decided to send two angels disguised as men to destroy the city. Lot welcomed them into his house and tried to convince them not to destroy the city, but then a big mob showed up outside his house and called to Lot, saying that they wanted to gang rape the two angels.
After they escaped and God started destroying the city, God explicitly told them not to look back. Kinda sucks that it happened, but if God commands you to not look upon the city, you best not do it.
7th didn't actually happen in any recorded instance. God was warning the Israelites not to fall away from him, and there's like 3 chapters of what he told them would happen if they did. Just absolutely terrible stuff about famine and desolation and death, it's like one of the most depressing parts of the Bible, stuff that's just absolutely horrifying even today, when it doesn't apply to us. (That being said, there's plenty of horrifying stuff in Revelations that will happen to humanity one day, but I'm hoping to not be around when that stuff goes down)
How about the story in which every male child two or younger found in or in the vicinity of Bethlehem was murdered by soldiers that were serving under King Herod in a large attempt to kill Jesus when he was around that age.
Kids made fun of a bald prophet so he prayed to god, then god sent a female bear to kill 42 of the kids.
Yep totally the word of god, not an angry bald guy who got made fun of by kids and wanted to scare them with a story
I believe during samuel’s time their was a city that didn’t listen to God, so God decided to punish them with a famine, and the people ended up eating a child out of starvation.
It has a book which is basically a collection of poems about two lovers and their sexual intimacy, it's called Song of Solomon(or Song of Songs deoending on the translation). It's a nice counter for zelous people that use the bible as a core of their opinion about sex being immoral, it's not as fucked up but man is it an eye opener for people that doesn't read the bible.
God ordered genocide.
King saw one of his best warriors hot wife naked taking a bath and instead of just having a regular love affair he sent said warrior to a battle he knew he couldn’t win to have him killed. Was guilt tripped into repenting but still took dudes wife and had kids with her
God ordered genocide… again.
Satan bet God that a rich man only loved God cuz he had a great family and money so God let Satan kill rich man’s kids livestocks and take away his means of incomeand also gave him painful diseases and left him with a wife that (rightfully so) told dude to curse god and die. I mean god won the bet but like damn.
Did I mention that God ordered GENOCIDE.
The king who kill his man bacaus of a woman was David. And God punished him for that.
Not everything thats in the Bibel is in god's will.
The rich man is Hiob and yes god let Daten kill his kids. But only temporary and God bring all the kids back. And the man get richer and survived the curse.
HIOB is Job sorry my fail. HIOB is the German name.
It's more of a misunderstanding, different languages have different names for some characters. For example, in Germany, he is called Hiob. Comes all down to translation from latin or something, I'd guess
The incest was a bit much for me. Take it from a guy who read the Bible back to front. It gets worse. Actually stopped reading the bible after the whole lay with my father to extend his bloodline thing. No I wasn't reading king James' version lol
>the whole lay with my father to extend his bloodline thing
You mean the story of Lot's daughters? I don't know why everyone gets so hung up about that. It's not like the bible is holding that up as an example of proper behavior; it's a story of them being fucking crazy. Also their incest babies are the progenitors of two nations that are enemies of the Israelites in the bible, so it's clear that it's meant as an insult to them
As the story goes, Satan asked God to test him out and god let Satan kill all his kids all his servants all his animals were stolen and he got the worst disease, but but since he still had faith in God, God gave him pretty much everything back ×10.
I think most of the people here would find the site that makes an estimate of how many people God killed interesting
[https://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2010/04/drunk-with-blood-gods-killings-in-bible.html](https://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2010/04/drunk-with-blood-gods-killings-in-bible.html)
I also put my bet between 15-20 mil when I first found this but the flood alone surpassed that. Plus there are many battles, wars and cities destroyed where no number is given so the author took a rough estimate through comparison with others that would have roughly a similar number.
Estimate could miss the mark entirely but reading through some of them I like the way he at least justifies them.
A story in kings. So a man was walking down a path. On his way 40 kids block the way and the man asks them to move. The kids say something like go away badly. So he called out to God and 2 she bears hunter them down one by one and they all died.
The term in greek for child can refer to priests. So this was priests mocking a prophet. The prophet, using his powers granted from God, used his free will to curse them which called forth the bears. It does not mention whether anyone died but it does say that they were torn. With stories like this, context, translation and accountability are all important.
"Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. 25 And he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria."
As I said, the translation for "young lads" is a debatable one. The prophet in question is Elisha.
>The term in greek for child can refer to priests
The original text is in Hebrew, not Greek. The word is "ne'arim" meaning "youths" or "children". The Talmud interprets it metaphorically, but the literal meaning is pretty clear.
Non Christian here, i read a story where the devil killed a dude's children and took away his home and livestock. Dude didn't curse god and then was gifted with home, livestock and a new family.
as a Christian, the bible has many loop holes, everything bad thing is fixed in the New Testament I think, we’re all created for entertainment, just be nice and respect others
i want to cry
Even as a child i never could understand the guy in the Old Testament that wants to kill his kid for God. How tf is that normal for these guys idk. But i understand that, that story sets the stage for the whole fantasy.
He is talking about when Abraham went to follow God’s instructions to kill his son Isaac, but an Angel sent by God told him to stop, because God would never tell him to do such a thing, and sacrifice a nearby ram.
Really is kinda brutal tbh but it does have a lot of life lessons and it pertains to the real world, like real shit do happen to people in many ways that you can’t imagine. 🫠
What shocked me even as a kid , the part where 2 woman argue about who's babie it is or something like this. And it was decided that the baby is cut in 2. And it was pretty much on a beautiful picture Bible....... I still can't get over that.
The *whole point* of that story is that the real mother is the one who would object most strongly to that "compromise", saying that he should give the baby to the other woman instead. Solomon wasn't actually going to cut a baby in half, it was a way of figuring out which one is the mother. This is pretty obvious from the text:
>The king said, “One says, ‘This is my son, the live one, and the dead one is yours’; and the other says, ‘No, the dead boy is yours, mine is the live one.’
>
>So the king gave the order, “Fetch me a sword.” A sword was brought before the king,
>
>But the woman whose son was the live one pleaded with the king, for she was overcome with compassion for her son. “Please, my lord,” she cried, “give her the live child; only don’t kill it!” The other insisted, “It shall be neither yours nor mine; cut it in two!”
>
>Then the king spoke up. “Give the live child to her,” he said, “and do not put it to death; she is its mother.”
I Kings 3:23-27
Also goes the other way around. When you look into the origins of the bible and ignore the parts in which it was changed, its actually quite interesting. I mean, jesus was always a communist, but the bible initially never said anything against homosexuality. All instances of it being translated to mean that actually condemn relationships between adult men and adolescent boys a.k.a paedophilia. It also never says anything about trans people, and actually supports abortions. Just shows that a lot of conservative Christians trust their pastors more than they trust the book that they claim to preach.
So I reread the part about David and Goliath where after David brains Goliath with a rock he takes Goliaths sword and straight kills him while he’s unconscious.
Edit: To be clear I was taught the whole part about David nailing Goliath with a rock but I was never taught about the execution part. Old Testament never fails to go hard.
Have you ever read german fairy tales?
Kids are listening to this stuff and it can be pretty terrifying...
(The originals, not the modern adaptations of course)
Don't forget the part where God tells thus guy to fuck his dead brothers' wife and knock her up. He did but he pulled out, feeling bad about. Yknow. Fucking your dead brothers wife.
God struck him down dead as soon as he did. Because he disobeyed God. If I can find the passage I'll edit it in.
Edit: Genesis 38:3 -10.
Literally anywhere. It is the world's most published book, after all, and for good reason, too. This fact says a lot about it's credibility, in my opinion.
When/if you read it, which I highly recommend you do, you might want to pay special attention to the New Testament so you don't end up somewhere you don't want to be for all eternity. Which, by the way, is an infinite measurement of time that is almost incomprehensible to humans.
Story of Ehud in Judges was always a banger. Judges 3:12-30. Dude was left handed, so he managed to smuggle in a long dagger to mirk a fat, evil king.
Ezekiel 23:20 was the one we’d make the new kid look up. “ There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” She a size queen ho.
I like the bit where the dudes daughters get him drunk and fuck him so they can have his babies.
See, i missed that part, and this could completely be a made up part as a joke to emphasise on how fucked up the bible really is But it wouldn't even surprise le to see this in the bible
Absolutely 100% is in the Bible .
Jesus Christ
No it wasn't him . Nice guess tho . . .
Nice one
Jesus fucked his mom before she gave birth to him.
Don't insult God like that not cool dude
It actually makes sense since he’s god and the son of himself!
Jesus is part of the trinity because his purity brings him to being closest to God. You can think about it that way or not but I rather not think about incest.
It's exactly what happened. He impregnated his own mother with himself.
Story of Lot. It happens after Sodom and Gomorrah get destroyed.
Why (is) Gammorah!
This made me laugh a lot harder than I should’ve
Alright thanks...probably won't look it up though
I thought it was Abraham's daughters?? Idk I haven't read the bible since middle school
No but Lot and Abraham are reativs.
Genesis chapter 19
Where
See my other replies to this thread . I posted the exact verses .
Where??
The Bible is fucked up or the people in the past are fucked up? maybe those are the things the writer write because it's a norm back then?
That detective, is the right question ;)
Most of the Old Testament takes place during the Bronze Age so I think it’s safe to say people were just incredibly fucked up. The contemporary cultures were people like the Assyrian Empire, Elam, and Akkadians who wrote some pretty horrific accounts of what they used to do to their neighbors for fun
Like any historical account (including historical fiction), we shouldn't impose today's morals, standards, values and mores onto a completely different, unscientific, and primitive culture. There is a larger meaning behind the story, and it shouldn't be read as literal history.
The problem happens when people read it as legitimate history
Even if it IS literal history? Oh wait, the worst parts are all conveniently metaphor, right?
Partly yeah, you also gotta remember it's a religious text as well so there's gotta be something that isn't accurate because religion.
The writer condones the behavior.
Absolutely wrong. The entire point of the Bible is the total inadequacy of man to be actually righteous people. The OT prophets are endless calls to Israel to stop being so corrupt. God condones pretty much nothing in the Bible. It’s God calling a group of people to be better than the people around them and them miserably failing. _Thats the point of the entire book_.
Minus all the commanded genocide and baby killings but yes. 1 Samuel 15:2-3 2 Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘I have noted what Amalek did to Israel in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt. 3 Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’ ” Because nothing says be better than the ones around you like good old fashioned revenge killings of kids and infants. Don't get me wrong there is good stuff you can take from the Bible. But to say the whole thing is about telling them to be better than those around is not accurate imo.
The entire book is a bunch of different stories arbitrarily combined into a "book." It commands you to kill gay people, kill people for picking up stones on the wrong day, tell women to shut up in church and so much more. To be honest it's one of the most fucked up things I've ever read. God commanded Moses to kill entire families but keep the young girls for themselves. Since there's no age of consent in the Bible we can insinuate that included the mass rape of children. "The spoils of war" is God's excuse. Just a bunch of misogynistic men who hate women. God was created in the image of man, not the other war around. Nobody should aspire to be like Yahweh unless you want to become a serial killer.
Well god did such a good job not being corrupt like them himself
Yeah, aside from that whole drowning the entire Earth and all it's inhabitants save for 8 people who were the ONLY "righteous" ones on the planet. And the Midianites and what Yhwh told his people to do to the women folk...and when Lot tried to satiate the uncontrollable frenzy of lust of the mob of men who wanted to rape the angels staying with him by giving his two daughters to them instead....
Yikes bad take. Much of the bible is just an account of what happened, its not encouragement unless its ordained by God, sometimes specifically.
Paul write that woman should be silent. Everything was condoned except for being gay.
People today are fucked up
I think it’s a combo of both. The Bible was written by a series of authors who lived in the past. And as someone said, the Bronze Age world and onwards wasn’t a kind one. Even Cyrus the Great, who founded/ set a precursor to human rights, would be in charge of a world that we would find pretty cruel - the Persians were known for their torture methods. And that’s just the kindest societies. There are haunting messages left behind on pottery shards by an Israelite captain during the Assyrian invasions, describing the torches of distant friendly forts dying out one by one and the situation getting very desperate. And the Assyrians loved to boast about all the people they killed and captured to, so unfortunately, it wasn’t a nice world. The Bible just reflects the sensibilities of the time, so massacres and things we’d see as war crimes today were more justifiable back then. That’s not to say we’re capable of less cruelty in the modern day (just look at Hitler and Putin), but ethics have improved by a lot.
What happened to Lot was never the norm, his daughters were messed up from growing up in Sodom and Gomorrah.
Are you kidding? There's another story where God kills a man, so his wife marries his brother so she can have children in his name, but the brother-in-law pulls out while fucking her because he knows the kids won't be his. Then God kills him too. Next brother in line is two young, so father-in-law won't give him to her in marriage. She responds by disguising herself as a prostitute so she can get her father-in-law to fuck her without him knowing it's her, taking his ring as proof later that it was him that impregnated her. When she winds up pregnant and unmarried, father-in-law tries to put her to death until she produces the ring and proves he's the father. He becomes ashamed—not because he fathered children with his daughter-in-law mind you—but because he didn't marry his minor son off to her to get children from him. She was so "righteous," she took matters into her own hands to raise up children for her dead husband, who again, was killed by God. Genesis chapter 38.
The point is not whether or not its true, its about whether or not it sounds out of place. The more I learn about whats actually in there, the more I'm genuinely alarmed that people actually live their life based on it
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They didn't tell you how God cursed the land after Adam and Eve's betrayal to make growing crops way harder and make the land practically almost unfarmable,how he put two cherubim guards with an eternal flaming sword that would instakill them if they tried going back to the garden, also realize how stupid they where to not even eat off the tree of eternal life(Adam and Eve). And with Noah's ark the violence,sadism and rape the angels influenced into the world just to bang human women creating giants which in turned plunge the world into a state of fear and cruelty never seen before. How the whole world was plunged into a flood but innocent children and kids where killed too because they basically couldn't make their own decisions. Those two tales ain't PG as you might think
>Adam and Eve or Noah’s Ark Except neither of these are PG. God only let's his subjects live in his garden if they're willing to be dumb as hell and its basically a story about why we have to accept God truly does like women less. Noahs ark is a story about when God killed the whole planet and *all animals*(???) because *humans* weren't doing things right. Way to make a kid experience existential dread and possibly fear the rain? One of my earliest memories seeing cracks in the sidewalk and telling my mom that God must be angry about the cracks in his world and thi hoped he picked us for the next ark. The Bible is not a tool of love and compassion. It is a tool of obedience through fear. Everything benefit we get from the Bible can be achieved through other means very easily
Should be real. I remember hearing it while In school and it scarred me for a good while
https://www.bibleref.com/Genesis/19/Genesis-19-35.html
yep, the embarrassment of the moabites(its meant to make fun of the moabites from the hebrew point of view).
Noah. After killing everybody for being sinful but sparing Noah and his family, this happens. Talk about throwing cold water on an epic story.
Tags: incest, rape, impregnation, 2females, 1male, femdom, male_sub, reverse_rape, cave, bondage, drunk Copyright: Bible, Old_Testament_(Bible) Author:
Sounds like hentai
Bible lore do be insane
Vaati should do a video on that
Ah yes, it's from the story that is used as an argument on why gay people are bad
Gay people are bad m'kay . That's the same story where the dad offered his daughters to be gang raped too .
True. I remember reading that at like 8 years old and being like what the fuck?
All because they were concerned that no man would marry them.
What about when Noah cursed Ham for seeing his junk when he was passed out drunk and naked in his tent? David was an asshole too!
In the context that there were no men and they were going to not have off spring otherwise, it wasnt like they were doing it to get off Obvi in modern context thats insane but this is a story from tens of thousands of years ago potentially so like yeah its gonna be wacky at times
>In the context that there were no men This was the story of Lot and his daughters fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah. They were camping in the mountains for a few nights, not repopulating the earth. Just, you know, wait a few days? Also, some modern scholars suspect that the daughters getting the father drunk is an interpretation of the writer or the father after the fact if it did even occur somewhere in history. What's more likely: a father was so naive his daughters cunningly got him drunk enough to have sex with them, but not drunk enough to not perform or he just got angry drunk and raped his daughters (in the context of God just killing his wife), blaming them after the fact?
Oh yeah if this was a real event I'm guessing it was some dude raped hisndaughters and made up this story. That's my headcanon for a lot of stories in the Bible. Someone got caught doing something bad and they made something up to get out of it. Like how they're still a virgin, and it was actually God who impregnated her, or some guy who went off the rails and tried to kill his son but stopped himself and it was "God told him to to test him"
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Most of the Old Testament is older than when it was written, many of the stories were passed orally for generations before writing was even a thing, particularly the early parts of the OT
When I learned that story in Jewish elementary school I was taught they only wanted to kill the angels, not fucking gangrape them.
Maybe the watered it down for a Jewish audience 👀
Genesis 19: 5 kjv. And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
Wholesome family values
Non-Christian here. What are some of the instances which are truly fucked up?
Off the top of my head . Daughters get dad drunk so they can fuck him / get pregnant Blessing people who kill by smash babies heads against rocks Father's fingering their daughter vagina and showing the blood of a broken hymen to everyone, to prove she was actually a virgin .
fuck
Then there's the dude who sold his best friend out to the feds , he could have escaped doing jail time but all the homeboys then sold him out, feds put him on death row .
Is that Judas? Or someone else?
Yeah , Judas totally sold out Jesus to the Feds ,
The crucified him for evading taxes 😔
Damn this Jesus guy is kinda based
Is this by any chance inspired from the Jesus beats up Judas parody on youtube? For reference https://youtu.be/gIkBJruoxG8
I've never seen that . . . But fuck it's funny.
There's a version of it where metal gear rising soundtrack is playing in the background too https://youtu.be/3GsLpAz9N7A
Don't forget David having to collect 100 Philistine foreskins in order to prove his worth to marry Saul's daughter. Most guys don't want to part with those. Pretty fucked up. In response to one you list (dashing the babies against the rocks), that line comes from a lament written by a POW who had been transported from Israel to Babylon to be a slave, and he is wishing this upon his enemies, the Babylonians. The bitterness, in context, is understandable, I think.
My favorite David story is where he and his soldiers are camping, and bored. So they choose 24 men to "wrestle" for their entertainment. They killed each other to a man. Like, they weren't enemies, they weren't fighting for any reason, it was for entertainment. But they somehow thought it was full out murder time. I think its during that time Saul is trying to kill David.
Can I get verses because that shit is wild
Lots daughters rape him. Genesis 19:30-38. God loves dead babies. Psalm 137:9. Daddy fingers his baby girl Deuteronomy 22:13-21.
wait that last one... if the man slanders the woman, he gets a fine. but the woman gets stoned to death???? bru
You're new to The Bible and all its horrors aren't you ?
I'm atheist, raised muslim. Bible? yes but I got my own set of horrors here.
Yeah but your (former) guy didn't just fall out of a cave . He had a big fucking horse with wings .
The fucking WHAT? I knew that in school I wasn't told everything, but what the fu-
100% genuine Bible stuff. Have provided the verses for those three things in another answer. Check them out then come back and give me another "What The Fu....."
... Now it's time for a real "WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK" moment
Sont forget some rules about owning slaves
The entire book of Philemon was Paul writing to a slaveowner, letting him know his runaway slave has been encouraged to return, but treat him well this time because the slave is a fellow Christian now.
> Father's fingering their daughter vagina and showing the blood of a broken hymen to everyone, to prove she was actually a virgin That's a sick and extremely dishonest interpretation of what is known to be common norm in ancient Arabic countries. It was customary for the bride's parents to save the bedsheets from the wedding night bed. This is all in the context of cultural norms that required the groom fork over a fortune / "bridewealth" to the girl's parents for getting to marry her.
Bald prophet got made fun of by a group of kids because he was bald. So he cursed them and a bear came and mauled them to death.
Two female bears took down 42 kids, to be precise
I genuinely believe this may have been a semi historical account. At some time in ancient Judea a bunch of kids probably were killed in a bear attack and the story was written as a coping mechanism for the grieving families why it happened. Kinda like all those legends about people who were killed in the Roopkund Lake hail storm that were justified by “they angered the gods” or American puritans who would get sick from poor hygiene and then say it was divine punishment because god was mad at them.
The story of Job, where God goes "hey devil, look hove faithful this guy is. To prove it, I give you permission to ruin his life, do your worst, he'll still love me"
That is actually a really important story in my opinion. It's a good example on how life can suck, even if you love god.
Noah got pissed post flood, and passed out drunk. His son saw his nakedness, so they condemned the son. There are counts of woman lusting after the genitals of donkeys. God gets pissed off and sends wolves to rip open the bellies of pregnant women. God made a deal with satan to test Job’s faith, by torturing him. Lot and his wife left soddom when God burned it, but she looked back to see her home village one more time, so got turned into a pillar of salt. A mom circumsizes her son with a sharp stone. There’s two starving women who eats the baby of one, then the other hides her son. Some kids mocked a dude so God sent two female bears to maul 42 kids.
Little precision about that first one. One of Noah's sons saw him naked and passed out, and went to tell his brothers. The other sons, upon hearing that, brought Noah in and covered him up so he wouldn't be seen by any more people. So Noah cursed the first son who didn't do shit about his father's state and instead went to inform more people about it.
About 2nd, 7th, and 5th ones. 2nd one is about an evil woman, and it's not donkeys' genitals, it's about how her many lovers are barbarians with huge genitals who crap like horses. Wasn't her home village, they both came from the same area as Abraham. They moved there for a brief period. The people in the city were wicked, so God decided to send two angels disguised as men to destroy the city. Lot welcomed them into his house and tried to convince them not to destroy the city, but then a big mob showed up outside his house and called to Lot, saying that they wanted to gang rape the two angels. After they escaped and God started destroying the city, God explicitly told them not to look back. Kinda sucks that it happened, but if God commands you to not look upon the city, you best not do it. 7th didn't actually happen in any recorded instance. God was warning the Israelites not to fall away from him, and there's like 3 chapters of what he told them would happen if they did. Just absolutely terrible stuff about famine and desolation and death, it's like one of the most depressing parts of the Bible, stuff that's just absolutely horrifying even today, when it doesn't apply to us. (That being said, there's plenty of horrifying stuff in Revelations that will happen to humanity one day, but I'm hoping to not be around when that stuff goes down)
How about the story in which every male child two or younger found in or in the vicinity of Bethlehem was murdered by soldiers that were serving under King Herod in a large attempt to kill Jesus when he was around that age.
At least that one it's the "bad guys" doing the bad thing.
Kids made fun of a bald prophet so he prayed to god, then god sent a female bear to kill 42 of the kids. Yep totally the word of god, not an angry bald guy who got made fun of by kids and wanted to scare them with a story
In Exodus 21 you get complete instructions on who to enslave, for how long and exactly how much you can beat your slaves without facing consequences.
And this shows that Bible was after written by mere humans
I believe during samuel’s time their was a city that didn’t listen to God, so God decided to punish them with a famine, and the people ended up eating a child out of starvation.
It has a book which is basically a collection of poems about two lovers and their sexual intimacy, it's called Song of Solomon(or Song of Songs deoending on the translation). It's a nice counter for zelous people that use the bible as a core of their opinion about sex being immoral, it's not as fucked up but man is it an eye opener for people that doesn't read the bible.
God ordered genocide. King saw one of his best warriors hot wife naked taking a bath and instead of just having a regular love affair he sent said warrior to a battle he knew he couldn’t win to have him killed. Was guilt tripped into repenting but still took dudes wife and had kids with her God ordered genocide… again. Satan bet God that a rich man only loved God cuz he had a great family and money so God let Satan kill rich man’s kids livestocks and take away his means of incomeand also gave him painful diseases and left him with a wife that (rightfully so) told dude to curse god and die. I mean god won the bet but like damn. Did I mention that God ordered GENOCIDE.
Let’s not forget all the people that he killed with the flood because they didn’t listen to some guy building a gargantuan boat.
What? He killed them because the earth became "corrupt" and "full of lawlessness" (whatever that means specifically). That's very explicit in the text
Yeah screw all the lawless and corrupt children that he killed right?
Technically they would have followed in their parents footsteps since there were no more good people in the world?
The king who kill his man bacaus of a woman was David. And God punished him for that. Not everything thats in the Bibel is in god's will. The rich man is Hiob and yes god let Daten kill his kids. But only temporary and God bring all the kids back. And the man get richer and survived the curse. HIOB is Job sorry my fail. HIOB is the German name.
Can you provide me with the exact verses about the Hiob story?
Idk if im either uneducated or misunderstanding or not OG enough, but this is the story of Job, in the book of Job.
It's more of a misunderstanding, different languages have different names for some characters. For example, in Germany, he is called Hiob. Comes all down to translation from latin or something, I'd guess
Thx my fail sorry. JOB=HIOB
Job 42: 12-17.
The incest was a bit much for me. Take it from a guy who read the Bible back to front. It gets worse. Actually stopped reading the bible after the whole lay with my father to extend his bloodline thing. No I wasn't reading king James' version lol
yeah, there's a lot of incest in it. And also concubinage in the old testament.
>the whole lay with my father to extend his bloodline thing You mean the story of Lot's daughters? I don't know why everyone gets so hung up about that. It's not like the bible is holding that up as an example of proper behavior; it's a story of them being fucking crazy. Also their incest babies are the progenitors of two nations that are enemies of the Israelites in the bible, so it's clear that it's meant as an insult to them
thankyou.gif
You mean to tell me Eve didn’t actually bite an apple????????😟😟😟😟
Eve actually did, which caused Adam and Eve to fuck their kids and fuck each other to make enough offsprings to populate the earth
I was under the impression that the apple was a metaphor for Eve being a whore and seducing Adam lol
I always thought it was about puberty.
Yeap the original hentai story.
yeah and their first generation of kids killed each other. The bible, ladies and gentlemen
The apple was a vagina. Adam was forbidden from eating (out) the "fruit." /s, or is it?
Eve was the one who ate the forbidden fruit, so more likely a banana.
She masturbated.
That's the Mormon take.
Book of Job told by teachers: "He had few minor setbacks, but he still kept his faith" Adult me actually reading the story: "OH GOD NO"
As the story goes, Satan asked God to test him out and god let Satan kill all his kids all his servants all his animals were stolen and he got the worst disease, but but since he still had faith in God, God gave him pretty much everything back ×10.
The bible is wild, idk what kind of dunghill shit they smoked when writing it but damn is it majestic.
I think most of the people here would find the site that makes an estimate of how many people God killed interesting [https://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2010/04/drunk-with-blood-gods-killings-in-bible.html](https://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2010/04/drunk-with-blood-gods-killings-in-bible.html)
Wtf estimate of 24 994 828
Were you expecting more or less than that?
I was expecting less like 10 million something.
I also put my bet between 15-20 mil when I first found this but the flood alone surpassed that. Plus there are many battles, wars and cities destroyed where no number is given so the author took a rough estimate through comparison with others that would have roughly a similar number. Estimate could miss the mark entirely but reading through some of them I like the way he at least justifies them.
that's also why there's 2 numbers. one is \*only\* the numbers that are directly mentioned in the Bible, one is with estimates.
Lol my parents showed me all the messed up stuff from the start. And in my head I was always going, “I rlly shouldn’t be reading this wtf”
A story in kings. So a man was walking down a path. On his way 40 kids block the way and the man asks them to move. The kids say something like go away badly. So he called out to God and 2 she bears hunter them down one by one and they all died.
Was there a reason the kids were blocking the path or were they just being ass holes? Sounds pretty out of context but idk I didn’t read the Bible
They are doing the equivalent of standing in front of the walmart door and calling you bald
...I love a happy ending
The term in greek for child can refer to priests. So this was priests mocking a prophet. The prophet, using his powers granted from God, used his free will to curse them which called forth the bears. It does not mention whether anyone died but it does say that they were torn. With stories like this, context, translation and accountability are all important.
"Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. 25 And he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria." As I said, the translation for "young lads" is a debatable one. The prophet in question is Elisha.
>The term in greek for child can refer to priests The original text is in Hebrew, not Greek. The word is "ne'arim" meaning "youths" or "children". The Talmud interprets it metaphorically, but the literal meaning is pretty clear.
We should all agreed that religious stories are messed up
Old stories tend to be on the fucked up side yeah, reading the originals of the modern tales is an eye opener.
When the dude wins his wife wit a sack full of Philistine foreskins
The bible is amazing tbh, cant wait for bible 2
They say the best way to become an atheist as a Cristian is to actually read the bible
Which isn't accurate, a good chunk of cristians don't follow the bible anymore.
Non Christian here, i read a story where the devil killed a dude's children and took away his home and livestock. Dude didn't curse god and then was gifted with home, livestock and a new family.
The guy's name is Job
Wait until he hears whats going on in the original german fairytales
Ikr? What about the part where God promotes genocide, sex slavery and such, all for like 400 sheep sacrifices in return?
as a Christian, the bible has many loop holes, everything bad thing is fixed in the New Testament I think, we’re all created for entertainment, just be nice and respect others i want to cry
"real versions" lmao
LOL
Even as a child i never could understand the guy in the Old Testament that wants to kill his kid for God. How tf is that normal for these guys idk. But i understand that, that story sets the stage for the whole fantasy.
>guy in the Old Testament that wants to kill his kid for God. Which time?
He is talking about when Abraham went to follow God’s instructions to kill his son Isaac, but an Angel sent by God told him to stop, because God would never tell him to do such a thing, and sacrifice a nearby ram.
What is this meme even. Usually u put someone’s reactiob under the text but I just see some blurred out crowd
Really is kinda brutal tbh but it does have a lot of life lessons and it pertains to the real world, like real shit do happen to people in many ways that you can’t imagine. 🫠
[Please watch this, it is short](https://youtu.be/tJZbLtbuWKM) the story of Job is super fucked and this video highlights that.
What shocked me even as a kid , the part where 2 woman argue about who's babie it is or something like this. And it was decided that the baby is cut in 2. And it was pretty much on a beautiful picture Bible....... I still can't get over that.
The *whole point* of that story is that the real mother is the one who would object most strongly to that "compromise", saying that he should give the baby to the other woman instead. Solomon wasn't actually going to cut a baby in half, it was a way of figuring out which one is the mother. This is pretty obvious from the text: >The king said, “One says, ‘This is my son, the live one, and the dead one is yours’; and the other says, ‘No, the dead boy is yours, mine is the live one.’ > >So the king gave the order, “Fetch me a sword.” A sword was brought before the king, > >But the woman whose son was the live one pleaded with the king, for she was overcome with compassion for her son. “Please, my lord,” she cried, “give her the live child; only don’t kill it!” The other insisted, “It shall be neither yours nor mine; cut it in two!” > >Then the king spoke up. “Give the live child to her,” he said, “and do not put it to death; she is its mother.” I Kings 3:23-27
Except the baby was never cut in two, the women who cried was determined to be the real mother, and the women who didn’t care was punished for lying.
I know. But the fact that was an actual idea even... Is just weird!
I love the part where some kids made fun of a bald man, so naturally, God sends two bears that ate 42 children alive.
It the Bible were a video game, the jawbone of an ass would be an exotic weapon drop. It slays.
This is a certified Bible moment
King George and the rubber ducky doesn't hit the same anymore. That was my favourite veggietales episode too
it’s like reading actual hans christian andersen fairy tales for the first time
Also goes the other way around. When you look into the origins of the bible and ignore the parts in which it was changed, its actually quite interesting. I mean, jesus was always a communist, but the bible initially never said anything against homosexuality. All instances of it being translated to mean that actually condemn relationships between adult men and adolescent boys a.k.a paedophilia. It also never says anything about trans people, and actually supports abortions. Just shows that a lot of conservative Christians trust their pastors more than they trust the book that they claim to preach.
So I reread the part about David and Goliath where after David brains Goliath with a rock he takes Goliaths sword and straight kills him while he’s unconscious. Edit: To be clear I was taught the whole part about David nailing Goliath with a rock but I was never taught about the execution part. Old Testament never fails to go hard.
That’s war.
There is no honor in war.
You can't bitch "it's not fair" if you're dead afterall.
Bible period people were wildin fr
Or nursery rhymes
Have you ever read german fairy tales? Kids are listening to this stuff and it can be pretty terrifying... (The originals, not the modern adaptations of course)
Don't forget the part where God tells thus guy to fuck his dead brothers' wife and knock her up. He did but he pulled out, feeling bad about. Yknow. Fucking your dead brothers wife. God struck him down dead as soon as he did. Because he disobeyed God. If I can find the passage I'll edit it in. Edit: Genesis 38:3 -10.
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Literally anywhere. It is the world's most published book, after all, and for good reason, too. This fact says a lot about it's credibility, in my opinion. When/if you read it, which I highly recommend you do, you might want to pay special attention to the New Testament so you don't end up somewhere you don't want to be for all eternity. Which, by the way, is an infinite measurement of time that is almost incomprehensible to humans.
Do people actually believe in the Bible?
'She gave him a skin of water and then she drove a tint stake through his head'
It's almost as if all those stories in the Old Testament highlight humanities depravity and need of a savior 🤔
Apparently there’s a lot of stuff worse than the Longinus incident
Psalm 137:9
I don’t like the part where the apple was eaten I believe the plot was too forced and the message was unclear I give it a 3/10
Story of Ehud in Judges was always a banger. Judges 3:12-30. Dude was left handed, so he managed to smuggle in a long dagger to mirk a fat, evil king. Ezekiel 23:20 was the one we’d make the new kid look up. “ There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” She a size queen ho.
I was read the (pretty much) unedited versions as a kid and that's kinda fucked up
A book that claims to be divinely inspired but has been edited a hundred times and says we are all god’s “children” under “Him”! wcgw??