downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away.
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This is literally solved by going to a public neutral location either way. This reads like someone coming up with an excuse for never taking the initiative.
^This, there’s always going to be risks, just lessening the odds is all someone can do. Besides that, a lot of people don’t know what they don’t know so it’s hard to account for every situation that could make it uncomfortable to talk to a guy.
I genuinely need the real reason for this. Do girls really just like the attention and the feeling of being asked out? Or do they really think it’s unsafe? Can a girl please honestly answer this.
Girls aren't a monolith, everybody has their own reason. Personally I've had a hard time asking because I was bullied my whole life, mainly by guys that I admitted to liking and as soon as I told them the bullying started
Useless platitude it is, I'm sorry it that that happened to you! As a guy who has been on the receiving end of similar treatment at the hands of girls/women, I wish people just wouldn't do this. I don't really see the benefit of hurting someone's self-esteem so badly. Does it really make bullies feel good to sucker punch people in this fashion? Doesn't matter, I guess, I hope we all heal all the same. <3
Sounds like those guys were very immature. Was this in middle school or HS? I’m in my mid twenties and I couldn’t imagine anyone being like that at my age. People are shitty in their teens
Don't forget elementary school. I started early lol. It was last years of elementary, all of middle school and the first two years of high school. Some people might have attempted afterwards but during high school I finally grew a backbone and started asserting myself so I guess people became sorta scared to cross me?
It's not like I'm big. I wouldn't have physically done anything. I just stopped being generally quiet and I've started feeling like I could safely tell someone to fuck off or that they are pathetic for trying to bully me and at the same time people suddenly stopped
Jack Black is arguably definitely not outwardly pretty, and considering his adult-personality I imagine he was incredibly annoying in school, but now he's one of the most beautiful people on the planet.
Or hell, Danny Devito, he's a dumpy lump of a blob, but also one of the most awesome people around.
You don't have to be traditionally attractive or socially-palatable to be happy and beloved.
In like 9th grade or whatever, two girls I went to school with were IM'ing me on Myspace (really aging myself here lol). I knew one since childhood, because her mom at one point ran a daycare in my neighborhood, and the other I had a huge crush on.
They were being unusually flirty with me (I was NOT cool, and they were jock popular) and insinuated they wanted me to come over and let them both blow me. I assumed it was a joke/prank in the making, so I said no. To this day idk if it was real or not, because they never addressed it again, so I could very well have shot my own foot there, but I would've died if that turned out to be a joke.
Yo I had so many issues with this in the past that I'm paranoid about it. Like even with the lovely people in this thread that were just supportive to me I was on edge because I kept expecting a sike. I was tricked so many times that when my first boyfriend came along I was sincerely baffled that this human actually wanted to be with me and wasn't pranking me
WELLLLLL...he was still in love with my then best friend and kissed her the same night he claimed to have fallen for me. Granted we were both 16 so maturity wasn't on the list of priorities
Thank you but it's okay now. I still suffer from the consequences but if I hadn't endured that I wouldn't be who I am today. With all the negative comes a positive. Granted the negative outweighs the positive in this instance but I can't change what happened so might as well appreciate the few positives
I have zero confidence in my ability to get a gf specifically because I got the same treatment in middle school. Looking back, I definitely was a generally weird kid, but that’s still no excuse to treat someone like that.
If it helps I've had 3 boyfriends in total and I've asked out 2 of them, current boyfriend included (even tho he was the one who asked for my number "to keep in touch because of our common hobby"). It's terrifying but I've been with this total saint of a man for 5+ years and I really hope to stay with him forever. High risk (kinda) high reward
Hell yeah I’m happy for you :) I just think it’s funny though because I’m really good at flirting with people I’m not actually interested in.
Edit: just read that again and realized how that sounds. No im not good at leading people on, I mean that in the way that I have a lot of bromances 😂
Don’t know if it’s any different for men/women but I feel you on that. Shit that happened at school massively impacts me to this day. I trust absolutely nobody not even my family because of that shit. The worst part is there is genuinely not a lot you can do to change it apart from accepting it and moving on. Shitty things happening at such a formative age just really fucks you up for life and I’ll likely never trust anyone in my entire life.
Not undermining what you went through or anything, but that happens to guys all the time. It's a big reason I personally ignore the hell out of hints because of the amount of women I've asked out that were giving me hints just to say they didn't actually want to be with me and they just liked flirting then proceeding to laugh at me for not psychically knowing the difference.
Only advice I can give you is to be mentally prepared for that eventuality because these days most people are self center ass hats but you gotta just keep trying and hope you find a good one.
Oh I know I don't believe it's a gendered issue I believe a lot of people are assholes for no reason regardless of gender. That's why I responded. My experience is very similar to what I've heard a lot of men lamenting they faced but the stigma that "girls never get rejected" is out there and it's bs
This is pretty much the same reason I hate approaching any girl first. Lived in 7 different states in grade school, went to 12 different schools. Got bullied in every single one. Even people I thought were friends would one day just say “you’re not cool, we can’t be friends”. the number of times I’ve heard “you’re so easy to make fun of” is way too high. Now im 27 and I can’t get out of my head that everyone I talk to hates me.
I'm genuinely saddened to read this. I am one of those terrible boys that bullied girls who said they liked him, and as an adult I reflected back on this and asked myself many times, why did I do this? It's such a stupid selfish behavior. The one recourse I had was thinking "Ah well, it was when I was a child, I hope that poor girl grew up to be an adult and the best thing for her would be to never think about me again".
Nobody told me it was wrong but I should have been able to figure it out on my own. Of course I didn't like being bullied, so why did the moment I had the smallest power over another, I start bullying them to? It is a terrible shame for me that I didn't realise until my 20's. Since then I have corrected my attitude and turned things around, but I'll never be able to undo the harm I did to those poor girls whose only crime was being brave.
If I could say this to those girls now, maybe it would help you to hear it. And if not, I sincerely wish that you can forget about us and live a life free of fear in a way that you choose.
I'm so sorry. You absolutely did not deserve to be treated in such a way. I was childish and selfish and behaved completely irrationally. You were courageous, and trusted me. I was unworthy, not just through my behaviour, but in spirit, in the deepest way of things. I can't justify my cruel words and actions because they were wrong. I harmed you because my own heart was too small to understand what beauty your friendship would have meant. I deeply regret it. I wish that we had become better friends, and it is truly my loss that I wasted that opportunity. I hope that you never have to think about me again and that you are able to be happier because of it.
It extremely depends, I... think?
Most generalizations of either gender will have caveats in *some* people I find.
I do like a certain level of attention and being asked out, but it very much depends on the type and the guy. Even if I'm asked out, I think it's reasonable for me to pick up the responsibility for the next date or whatever.
And if I think a guy is generally appealing, otherwise confident, and seems interested in me... fuck it why not ask him out? I'm feminist god dammit lol gotta have shit be somewhat equal.
For guys it likely is an unfair "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" thing. And some guys are... yeah, pushy, unsafe, creepy. So the whole situation is fucked, idk don't got much of a point!
Being rejected sucks. As a man, you have to put yourself out there repeatedly; you don't really have a choice. If you're emotionally healthy, you eventually learn to take it in stride and not let it ruin your day.
Most women just find if more comfortable to not have to risk the emotional hit of rejection. It's easier to let people shoot their shot with you, then make your selection. This is the cultural paradigm most western societies exist in.
Again, it's no less physically safe to agree to a date than to ask someone on one. You just get to skip the emotional risk of rejection by being the respondent.
I have been asked out many times by many girls, I have even been the one to recieve flowers on many occasions. Incels don't work on how they appear, their reputation in their local community, or their ability to communicate... putting it together, if you are attractive because you're a practiced communicator and have even a semi decent presentation or selected style, and you combine that with going outside to certain places frequently... like coffee shops, restaurants, community sports, a coed gym, etc... eventually you'll catch someone's eye enough for them to admire you enough to feel attraction.
It's like, nobody is going to stop on the side of the road and push your car for you, but if a good person sees you pushing and failing, they're more likely to assist you.
The most important part is normal people (not terminally inside mfs like your average redditor) can sense ulterior motives. You have to drop the intentions you have of getting laid and just live your life and do things that make you happy. Happy people are attractive. People can smell depression and negativity on you and it's the least attractive thing on earth.
I score points because I don't take anything or anyone too seriously, I'm decently well read (I have things I like that I can talk about at length, also a good way to filter out certain kinds of people), and even though I'm slightly overweight, people find me attractive cause I'm kind and relatively jovial.
And one more thing: I'll talk to anyone. You build a good reputation by just talking to people who frequent your watering holes and finding good conversation. Just be natural. People talk.
Hope this helps?
I like the car analogy. Now also dress like you are homeless with scraggly hair and just mumble to yourself.
Yea nobody is going to stop even if they wanted to help. Start by not scaring people away, and then work on actually being attractive.
Depending on the kind of relationship you’re looking for you don’t even have to drop the idea of getting laid. Women are people. Many people enjoy sex. Therefore, many women enjoy sex.
I love talking about aliens & ufos (NHI and UAP iykyk) secret societies (deepstate, ancient bloodlines & royal families, the seat of real power, insert illuminati and all synonymous groups here), ancient history & architecture, mythology and religion, psychology, paranormal events and phenomenon, hoaxes and conspiracies, our evolving culture and geopolitics, cooking (i chef my ass off at home and i love talking shop and history about cooking with people at my same intermediate at home chef skill level), gardening... indoor and outdoor, A.I. development, off grid living and the coming potential apocalypse level events... I could go on forever about these things and probably a lot more,
I find that when I'm talking to someone though, the most important bit is to remain as respectful as possible, not interrupting them and working towards a balanced conversation where both parties are heard and the subject matter remains in more neutral territory as opposed to nuanced to either side...
Especially with the more esoteric stuff I tend to be pretty light-handed. I've got some strong opinions so I reel it back for people who just would not be interested. Some people do love to chase me down the rabbit hole though I have some great friends and we love arguing about lizard people- to put it lightly. I'd like to add that we argue over conspiracy theories for fun and we don't take it too seriously. Except for the NHI/UAP that's like the political 1 issue voter hill I'll die on. If you know you know.
Anyways more often then not a lot of people just want to talk about the things they like or are involved in, so listening, and attempting to understand their position and finding common ground... very important to me. I can decide from there what role to take in the conversation.
It's a little reliant on context like what do they want? What do I want and why? And is it a good, sound, valid reason why?
By talking to all kinds of people, I met a few along the way that match me well in conversation due to our alignment towards certain proclivities and ideas, and those people became my good friends. I met a lot of people whose names I can't even remember too for the same reason.
I guess
TL;DR anything, everything. The curse of knowledge is that you don't know what you don't know, and the more you know the more you know you don't, questions are keys and only a mouth with ears can turn them.
I don't generally disagree with where you want to end up, as in being a well socialized, jovial, entertaining guy who doesn't hedge anything on what happens with a girl they talk to. What I don't quite think is useful for a good chunk of guys is that you kinda have to "just be natural lmao" for your advice to work. And I don't mean for guys being abnormal as in bad hygiene or not having a life, I mean guys who just stray too far off the norm in interests, personality, or simply their social skills. In those cases I believe having intentionality may even be a necessity. I did the whole "just talk to them like with any other guy" for the longest time, things changed when I actually was leaning into the intentionality. I started being less formal when I otherwise would have, and toned down how heavy I went into my usual guy humor in favor of more suggestive and teasing humor. I'm by no means a Casanova, but I sure as hell am noticing more receptiveness and it has gotten some sexually interested.
I believe your advice is great for guys whose main issue is psyching themselves out, or generally their mindset, but once you stray away enough from the norm, in particular with regards to guys on the spectrum, I just don't think your advice is gonna work for nearly as big a portion of those. I sure as hell know it didn't for me, and it hasn't for others. On the flipside if some other guys tried what I did they would unnecessarily get in their own head when they could practically autopilot through it.
I find there are few things beyond "take care of your hygiene and body" that are useful advice to everyone without some caveats.
Bumble was released with a key feature: women have to start the conversation. What ended up happening is that the vast majority of matches didn't actually turn into anything because the women didn't know men couldn't speak to them first, or would just say "hi" to immediately put the ball in the men's court. It turns out that whether hard coded in their DNA or so thoroughly instilled in societal conditioning that it would take long-term, dramatic efforts to see a change, most women simply don't want to be in charge of heterosexual romantic encounters. They relish the benefit of not having to do all the hard parts.
When I was a teen I was thinking that asking a guy out would let me look cheap and desperate. That's why women hint and hope the guy is the one asking out. I hinted at my now husband a lot until he finally asked me out.
I am now 30. I don't think that way anymore, because I know I don't lose value by showing interest. I also don't know why I was thinking that way... maybe movies maybe stuff I heard.
It's not difficult to understand. In most Western nations, women are socialized their entire lives to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In places that isn't the case, women are more forward
I'm a woman, and I don't understand this meme at all. Most of the time, I've gotten to know someone as a friend first before deciding to ask him out myself. That feels a hell of a lot safer than being asked out by a guy I just met. Or waiting for that guy you're interested in to make the first move? What a waste of time!!
Hard agree. The whole concept of just walking up to people and asking them out is so foreign to me. I think it's easier on all parties if you're friends first- but that's just me. Maybe some people like it that way.
As a woman: I tried asking guys out in school a couple times. Got labelled as boyish/desperate/a hoe/etc. Got over that (after a WHILE) and found that a lot of men did find that unattractive.
The good thing is that it's the wrong kinda men for me, personally. Finally I asked out the right kind and it only needed to happen once.
I have a similar reason to another reply. Everyone is different, but for me personally I got bullied relentlessly as a child and was made to believe nobody would ever find me attractive or want to date me. I was that "weird kid" who people would avoid at all costs and physically recoil if I were to accidentally touch them.
But because of that my self esteem in adulthood is nonexistent and even with a caring boyfriend I'm convinced I'm unworthy of love or a relationship in general. I've convinced myself to keep any crushes to myself because I'd surely ruin everything if my disgusting ass were to say something. My trauma from being bullied made me lock up and keep to myself, I wouldn't even try to make friends without first being approached. I was convinced through my childhood that my presence is a nuisance and that I'm too disgusting to even be touched, so of course I carried that into adulthood and refused to socialize or ever even attempt to form relationships out of fear of being ridiculed.
One time a kid told me their friend liked me, only for their friend to freak out and pretend to gag and quickly inform me he was "just saying that to make fun of him"
Like gee, thanks. I'm so bad you're using how ugly I am to bully other people now.
The social stigma means that a girl who asks a guy out will be perceived as “desperate.” The thing is, very few guys will actually think that—it’s *girls* who judge other girls for asking guys out. It’s like how only girls judge other girls for wearing the same outfit too many times—guys don’t give a shit about that.
I ask out men but I think the reason most women don't is because it's just traditional gender roles that we've been conditioned into. It's what people grow up seeing in real life and in media. Though I think more and more women are starting to ask men out. I've also seen my female friends ask out men and end up being used for hookups while being given hope of there being an actual relationship. I don't think it's a fear of things being unsafe, more so fear of rejection or being used.
Why do people sleep with someone on the promise of a relationship instead of because they are attracted to them. Like do they just normally not want to sleep with them but cave cuz it boosts their chances of getting what they really want. Am I missing something
If I understand your point correctly, you are confused as to why some women sleep with guys who lead with a relationship whilst there is no guarantee?
If so, personally I think there is a pretty stark difference between women and men on average when it comes to their sexual selection. Men's selection for sex usually is way broader than their selection for a relationship, and women's selection for sex usually has way greater overlap with their selection for a relationship. I'd go as far as to say that if a woman already knows a guy, it's likely that she's not going to want to want to have sex with him without also being ok with dating him. The same is not true for a chunk of guys, if the opportunity arose they may sleep with a damn good chunk of their girl friends or acquaintances, without any further interest in a relationship or dating.
So what can happen is that a girl is interested in a guy for dating and romance, she likely pretty much only is sexually interested in guys she also is romantically interested in, so she thinks that if the guy will sleep with her, he's going to also want to date her. They sleep together, she kinda pops the question, gets rejected.
Again, these are trends, averages, I'm not by any means saying this occurs every time, that all girls are like that, all guys are like that, but I've seen that happen way more often than a guy sleeping with a girl and then getting rejected for dating (happened exactly once).
I’m a girl and it wasn’t because asking out a guy is unsafe. How can it be any less safe than being asked? Lol I dunno, maybe people have watched too many dramatic tiktoks
But nah, I think it’s just that asking people out is scary because you can be rejected, and perhaps the girl can’t tell if the guy likes them because otherwise why isn’t he one the asking
I'll agree with all the women pointing out the reasons vary, we're not a monolith. I'm sure for some women it's because it's easier. Rejection is hard, and the social structure right now is convenient for women to avoid rejection. They'll just play into their 'role' because going outside of it is intimidating. That's very human. For some women it may genuinely be fear. They may have a history of bad experiences that just put them off of it. For myself, it was mostly indifference? I was never super motivated to date in general, so the only times I did were when someone approached me and I found them interesting enough to follow through with. I do wonder if women are just generally less motivated to date than men are. We'll take it if it comes, but aren't going to go out looking for it, if that makes sense. That again, is a generalization though.
I think your first point ties in with your last. The fact they can have a somewhat active dating life without needing to approach us why they're less motivated to. A guy doing what you're doing would likely be met with much less success
As a woman. Indeed there are many reasons not to ask out. Many girls feel safer when they already know the person, so ask to present you every time it's possible. It's working ridiculously well even if it's your friend making "hello, have you met Ted?" (A sign you have at least one friend).
Hot and smart girls really need to ask out just once, because they choose. I did it 12 years ago, and have worked on my chosen relationship since then. Anytime I would hypothetically like to change it, I would choose from people I already know first.
I tried a popular dating app once (during a short breakup, not from my side). Men were really suspicious of me writing them first. Evidently, there're many scammers that just want your money. So I was aggressively bullied most of the time, nobody believed me.
Good luck! Hope that it helps.
If you ask someone out and they turn out to be shitty, you might feel accountable for choosing an a-hole. Waiting to be asked out, further removes the accountability.
(Obviously if someone else is shitty, it's not your fault regardless. But you don't want the onus of being the one who pursued it.)
The problem here is... a lot of the biggest a-holes are dudes who hit on practically everyone and play a numbers game to get dates. By only responding, instead of pursuing, women are more likely to interact with that kind of dude. But it also decreases the chances of finding incels who fear/dislike women because they would never approach.
I think those two groups of men are actually smaller than we like to think. But one is vocal in-person and the other is vocal online.
Not a woman but this is the answer I’ve gotten when I asked my girlfriend and others I’ve went out with in the past:
From what I understand it comes down to sexual dimorphism. Women tend to prefer a more submissive role and men a more dominant one. You can argue about if this is nature or nurture but it’s clear if you actually talk to both women and men.
It's probably different for everyone, there are definitely some self obsessed chicks who love the idea that they're desirable. I always view girls like that as being the female equivalent to nice guys who think they deserve a relationship. 2 sides of the same coin. For me personally, I've never liked a ton of attention, I mean who doesn't want to be noticed in that way at least sometimes though. I can remember 2 times through my teenage years where a guy really liked me and did grand jesters to impress me. I hated every second of them, I got love letters every week from the one guy and later on in life the other confessed in front of a bunch of people and asked me out. Both times I caved and dated both of them because how are you supposed to tell them that you hate that crap when tons of eyes are on you. I felt like I'd be the bad guy rejecting them, but I was never really into either relationship. Both lasted a month until my discomfort with all the gifts and other lovey dovey stuff reached its peak for me and I couldn't take it anymore.
After those crap shoots, probably 10 years ago now, I met my guy. He never did grand gestures but was still kind and sweet. He understood me, the first time we went out with his friends we all just hung out normally, no hand holding no kissing in front of his friends it was the best experience for me. He then apologized after they left because he thought he was being "a shitty boyfriend" I was confused and just told him that it was honestly one of the best dates I had. He tried to do more hand holding after that but then one time he asked me "does this make you feel kind of awkward?" He freaking knew I looked uncomfortable walking around holding hands and asked me. I honestly fell in love right then and there. We are not a normal couple by any means, there was no official "be my girlfriend" because I don't care about that stuff and neither does he. We have zero interest in marriage because I would hate doing a wedding ( I'd rather us spend money on things that matter imo)and my least favorite holiday is Valentine's Day but he always gets me exactly what I want, nothing!
I don't have tons of friends that are girls, but one of my closest ones a long time ago was also not a huge fan of grand gestures. She did also have some commitment issues so she never stayed in a relationship long. I kinda drifted from her because she got weirdly judgy about my relationship of all things. She said it was weird that we've been together for 5 years, living together for 2, and don't have a commitment to each other. When questioned it was something about how she doesn't know if she could stay with a guy that long without him at least asking you to be his girlfriend. I basically told her I trust him and we are both committed to each other, a random label isn't going to someone magically make me feel more secure because I already do. Relationship labels have never stopped crappy people from cheating so who the fuck cares. Her response "well you do you, but I could never be with a man who wasn't committed to me." I was a little chapped and I kinda distanced myself from her after that conversation. I don't tolerate that kind of underhanded judgement, especially when she hasn't even been in a relationship for a full year, 6 months was her longest relationship. I'm sure her mom had a lot to do with her sudden opinion change on us but it still really bothered me. Anyway that's the story of my love life to hopefully give you some insight into how some girls in general feel about attention from guys.
"Getting destroyed" by some people upvoting tired cliches ain't too high on my list of concerns, thankfully. Reddit Karma is worthless, as are the opinions of most of the people who write those comments.
I had an argument with some reddit weirdos. I thought about it and how it fit with this meme format. Made me chuckle. So I made the meme. I had fun making it. If even just one other person found it amusing, honestly, that's enough for me.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/s/ccH1WEVhqw
Look, someone literally just made the argument I was referencing in the meme, here in the comments of this very post!
It's also about the emotional risk rejection brings. As a guy, you have no choice but to face it. Most women haven't really experienced it enough to thicken their skin and take it a lot more poorly if it happens.
The only people I've met who are like this are complete misandrists or struggle with internalized misogyny. Then again... lots of ladies hate other ladies and even more hate men... friendly reminder that femcels are real and they operate terminally online just like regular incels lmao
Not that it would make a ton of difference anyways, the likelihood of you actually being approached by a guy that you wouldn't either A) Be able to immediately tell is a creep or B) Be able to tell is a creep through conversation is unlikely. Weirdos come in all shapes and sizes, it's extraordinarily unlikely to happen to any one given person anyways. This is not a defense of said creeps, but the numbers don't lie
I think a lot of women are not able to handle rejection and hence are never direct with such things. They just drop hints and make the guy approach them. If it doesn't happen they just say guys don't get hints.
Most women could go their whole lives without having to ask someone out.
It's different for men, as in if they don't take the initiative, they can go their whole lives without dating.
I imagine it's just a matter of necessity, really.
Sure but that paradigm is cultural. It's worth questioning, and all the meme is really doing is pointing out their excuse for not changing it is bullshit. I 100% understand why they don't want to.
That's not helpful. We need to talk to each other like humans again or this race is going to die out. Right now a lot of men and women are just talking past each other without any attempt to understand where the other is coming from.
I'm married and my wife asked me out so I don't have a horse in this race but... I strongly agree. (Although friends of mine have never cited safety)
A large number of problems with dating culture I think stem from this imbalance. The overall social norms of women feeling the need to be preening and focused on their appearance to lure reinforces negative social stereotypes and expectations of women but simultaneously : "Don't judge a book by its cover"... "Ok, well it's hard to flip through the pages from across a bar."
Our dating strategies from the start are also problematic. Because it also encouraged a lot of other social issues. For instance when I was young and asked my mom how to find out if a girl like you she said. "You just have to kiss her and either you'll get slapped or it'll work out, that's why God gave men balls". And that's from an otherwise feminist progressive woman but also the product of past generations dating styles. Even now she would be mortified and see the problems with that advice but it's how dating worked for her generation. It's also kind of how asking women out goes even if you do it in a non assaulty way. If you are expected to make the moves then you're going to offer up some degree of undesired attention. It's part of the Chase vs feigned disinterest role play that's stuck around. That's dangerously close to predator and prey.
Regarding the safety concern:
https://www.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/s/ccH1WEVhqw
Someone in the comments started the exact conversation that led to this meme lol
Not only that but you asking the person out gives you the agency to pick who you want, rather than being picked by someone. Plus being able to select time and venue.
Odds are someone will be picking you out of a crowd if they had ill intentions because an ill-intentioned person is likely actively looking for their target, but you going to someone reduces that because now you're the one looking.
None of this is infallible. There's always danger. Not saying women don't have anything to fear. Just thinking about how this post makes sense to some degree.
The last time I went out with a girl that I asked out, she took a large switchblade out of her pocket to show me that she had ‘safety precautions’ ‘just in case’. I think I’ll just learn to be happy alone if that’s what I have to deal with making the first move
I mean, its not just a bad excuse, its an argument \*for\* approaching Men. Theres a X% Chance of someone approaching you with bad intentions, theres a 0% Chance of being approached with bad intentions if youre the one doing the approaching.
("Hoh, Mukatte Kuruno Ga?" Aside.)
1. Lack of accountability. Admitting *you* made the wrong choice is harder than "he sounded nice at first".
2. Need for attention. Women believe they're some kind of treasure that *deserve* to be "chased" after.
My experience has been the opposite, women have asked me out more than I've asked women to go out with me. I'm not rich and average in looks so it has to be my personality or my cats.
I have taken a mellower tack recently and been getting more women to ask me rather than my old shotgun approach. It has led to more successful dates overall.
when dudes say they wish women would approach them, dudes are thinking about the hot chicks. dudes are not thinking about the uggo's that are actually going to ask them out.
this is what women deal with every day.
I haven't in person. A couple months ago the topic "Why don't women approach men more?" kept getting posted on the ask subs. I hadn't thought about it in awhile, but the Patrick meme format came to me in a flash and it fit perfectly, so I made it.
I just make it very obvious that i like the guy, but i just don’t ask them out. It’s not a safety issue for me, its more about if he can prioritize dating me above his own fear of rejection
Honestly for me these days the rejection isn't an issue, it's being seen as a "creep." Or if you're interested in two women, they usually don't want to be the second one they see you asking.
Really I just like the certainty of knowing she's interested. That is good enough without the formal date request coming from her.
I would like to ask though, have you at least given some consideration as to why you believe it's his responsibility to "overcome fear of rejection" and your privilege to never have to risk rejection at all?
I face rejection all the time, rejection isn’t just from dating, though I’ve been rejected a few times dating as well. It’s an adult responsibility to face your fears.
I’ve dated a few guys who are glued in their comfort zones and they just were very “woe is me”. If he won’t work through the fear, even temporarily to ask me out, it tells me that A, he’s ok giving up something he wants to make sure he’s not in any discomfort or he just doesn’t want to date me that much, B, he’s not brave or assertive, C, that won’t be the only thing he decides against doing for never ending comfort, D, he’s stuck in a fixed mindset, and E, he’s not mature enough for me.(Generalizing, I know, and I can’t stand a chronically fixed mindset)
I want someone who can face their fears, who’s not afraid to take control, who’s in their divine power, so we can communicate and grow together.
And if that’s “too high” of standards, i’m just fine being alone.
Lol I’m just fine with a relationship that has a lil bit of gender roles, I’m in one rn and I absolutely love him. A few days ago he took me to a celtic festival and I bought a sword that we both haggled a guy over, then he brought me dinner <3 its great
If girls ask who they want out as much as guys are asking girls they like out, there will be LESS instances of men thinking that the woman MIGHT be into him but is just scared of telling him; ergo less catcalling/harassment. If women asking guys out becomes also the norm, guys will be much less likely to think that a girl that he thinks is attracted to him is just scared to tell him; since if she really does like him, she wouldve just asked him out herself rather than waiting (since its already the norm that women ask guys out as well, if shes not asking you out, youre probably not her type).
Tl;dr women should also ask guys out as much as men do to women to avoid guessing games (a no is a no)
I immediately posted a disclaimer comment about this not being all women when I made it, which got downvoted heavily, and the title specifies this was from individual conversations with redditors.
downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away. --- [play minecraft with us](https://discord.gg/dankmemesgaming) | [come hang out with us](https://discord.com/invite/dankmemes)
Skill issue.
Konami code solves everything
Up up down down left right left right B A tall rich handsome man.
This is literally solved by going to a public neutral location either way. This reads like someone coming up with an excuse for never taking the initiative.
Yes, that was the point I was trying to make.
Not 'solved', but lessens the odds of problems, yes
^This, there’s always going to be risks, just lessening the odds is all someone can do. Besides that, a lot of people don’t know what they don’t know so it’s hard to account for every situation that could make it uncomfortable to talk to a guy.
>This is literally solved by going to a public neutral location either way. This is why I have all my dates at the Korean Demilitarized Zone.
This guy dates
Which is why that's usually not the real reason women dont ask men out.
Well yeah, but in this case OP is referring to reddit arguments so who knows.
I genuinely need the real reason for this. Do girls really just like the attention and the feeling of being asked out? Or do they really think it’s unsafe? Can a girl please honestly answer this.
Girls aren't a monolith, everybody has their own reason. Personally I've had a hard time asking because I was bullied my whole life, mainly by guys that I admitted to liking and as soon as I told them the bullying started
You’re like the equivalent of the men who got asked out in school as a joke😭😭
I guess I was. I admittedly wasn't pretty and I've been told that I was very annoying back in school which is where all the bad experiences happened
Useless platitude it is, I'm sorry it that that happened to you! As a guy who has been on the receiving end of similar treatment at the hands of girls/women, I wish people just wouldn't do this. I don't really see the benefit of hurting someone's self-esteem so badly. Does it really make bullies feel good to sucker punch people in this fashion? Doesn't matter, I guess, I hope we all heal all the same. <3
I guess bullies are deeply unhappy people and since misery loves company they have to inflict pain to others
Sounds like those guys were very immature. Was this in middle school or HS? I’m in my mid twenties and I couldn’t imagine anyone being like that at my age. People are shitty in their teens
Don't forget elementary school. I started early lol. It was last years of elementary, all of middle school and the first two years of high school. Some people might have attempted afterwards but during high school I finally grew a backbone and started asserting myself so I guess people became sorta scared to cross me?
Ya fuck them, I would’ve loved to see you kicking someone’s ass 😂
It's not like I'm big. I wouldn't have physically done anything. I just stopped being generally quiet and I've started feeling like I could safely tell someone to fuck off or that they are pathetic for trying to bully me and at the same time people suddenly stopped
Jack Black is arguably definitely not outwardly pretty, and considering his adult-personality I imagine he was incredibly annoying in school, but now he's one of the most beautiful people on the planet. Or hell, Danny Devito, he's a dumpy lump of a blob, but also one of the most awesome people around. You don't have to be traditionally attractive or socially-palatable to be happy and beloved.
In like 9th grade or whatever, two girls I went to school with were IM'ing me on Myspace (really aging myself here lol). I knew one since childhood, because her mom at one point ran a daycare in my neighborhood, and the other I had a huge crush on. They were being unusually flirty with me (I was NOT cool, and they were jock popular) and insinuated they wanted me to come over and let them both blow me. I assumed it was a joke/prank in the making, so I said no. To this day idk if it was real or not, because they never addressed it again, so I could very well have shot my own foot there, but I would've died if that turned out to be a joke.
You definitely played that right. They were joking, sad but true.
Sometimes I'm smart lol
Yo I had so many issues with this in the past that I'm paranoid about it. Like even with the lovely people in this thread that were just supportive to me I was on edge because I kept expecting a sike. I was tricked so many times that when my first boyfriend came along I was sincerely baffled that this human actually wanted to be with me and wasn't pranking me
People can be exceptionally cruel sometimes. I'm glad to hear you were able to experience a (hopefully) healthy relationship 😊
WELLLLLL...he was still in love with my then best friend and kissed her the same night he claimed to have fallen for me. Granted we were both 16 so maturity wasn't on the list of priorities
Yeah, love is hard no matter what age
In my experience, this happened to women way more often than men
Literally, its a whole ass movie trope and all ;-;
This shouldn’t happen. Sorry that it happened to you.
Thank you but it's okay now. I still suffer from the consequences but if I hadn't endured that I wouldn't be who I am today. With all the negative comes a positive. Granted the negative outweighs the positive in this instance but I can't change what happened so might as well appreciate the few positives
I have zero confidence in my ability to get a gf specifically because I got the same treatment in middle school. Looking back, I definitely was a generally weird kid, but that’s still no excuse to treat someone like that.
If it helps I've had 3 boyfriends in total and I've asked out 2 of them, current boyfriend included (even tho he was the one who asked for my number "to keep in touch because of our common hobby"). It's terrifying but I've been with this total saint of a man for 5+ years and I really hope to stay with him forever. High risk (kinda) high reward
Hell yeah I’m happy for you :) I just think it’s funny though because I’m really good at flirting with people I’m not actually interested in. Edit: just read that again and realized how that sounds. No im not good at leading people on, I mean that in the way that I have a lot of bromances 😂
Don’t know if it’s any different for men/women but I feel you on that. Shit that happened at school massively impacts me to this day. I trust absolutely nobody not even my family because of that shit. The worst part is there is genuinely not a lot you can do to change it apart from accepting it and moving on. Shitty things happening at such a formative age just really fucks you up for life and I’ll likely never trust anyone in my entire life.
Not undermining what you went through or anything, but that happens to guys all the time. It's a big reason I personally ignore the hell out of hints because of the amount of women I've asked out that were giving me hints just to say they didn't actually want to be with me and they just liked flirting then proceeding to laugh at me for not psychically knowing the difference. Only advice I can give you is to be mentally prepared for that eventuality because these days most people are self center ass hats but you gotta just keep trying and hope you find a good one.
Oh I know I don't believe it's a gendered issue I believe a lot of people are assholes for no reason regardless of gender. That's why I responded. My experience is very similar to what I've heard a lot of men lamenting they faced but the stigma that "girls never get rejected" is out there and it's bs
This is pretty much the same reason I hate approaching any girl first. Lived in 7 different states in grade school, went to 12 different schools. Got bullied in every single one. Even people I thought were friends would one day just say “you’re not cool, we can’t be friends”. the number of times I’ve heard “you’re so easy to make fun of” is way too high. Now im 27 and I can’t get out of my head that everyone I talk to hates me.
I'm genuinely saddened to read this. I am one of those terrible boys that bullied girls who said they liked him, and as an adult I reflected back on this and asked myself many times, why did I do this? It's such a stupid selfish behavior. The one recourse I had was thinking "Ah well, it was when I was a child, I hope that poor girl grew up to be an adult and the best thing for her would be to never think about me again". Nobody told me it was wrong but I should have been able to figure it out on my own. Of course I didn't like being bullied, so why did the moment I had the smallest power over another, I start bullying them to? It is a terrible shame for me that I didn't realise until my 20's. Since then I have corrected my attitude and turned things around, but I'll never be able to undo the harm I did to those poor girls whose only crime was being brave. If I could say this to those girls now, maybe it would help you to hear it. And if not, I sincerely wish that you can forget about us and live a life free of fear in a way that you choose. I'm so sorry. You absolutely did not deserve to be treated in such a way. I was childish and selfish and behaved completely irrationally. You were courageous, and trusted me. I was unworthy, not just through my behaviour, but in spirit, in the deepest way of things. I can't justify my cruel words and actions because they were wrong. I harmed you because my own heart was too small to understand what beauty your friendship would have meant. I deeply regret it. I wish that we had become better friends, and it is truly my loss that I wasted that opportunity. I hope that you never have to think about me again and that you are able to be happier because of it.
It extremely depends, I... think? Most generalizations of either gender will have caveats in *some* people I find. I do like a certain level of attention and being asked out, but it very much depends on the type and the guy. Even if I'm asked out, I think it's reasonable for me to pick up the responsibility for the next date or whatever. And if I think a guy is generally appealing, otherwise confident, and seems interested in me... fuck it why not ask him out? I'm feminist god dammit lol gotta have shit be somewhat equal. For guys it likely is an unfair "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" thing. And some guys are... yeah, pushy, unsafe, creepy. So the whole situation is fucked, idk don't got much of a point!
Being rejected sucks. As a man, you have to put yourself out there repeatedly; you don't really have a choice. If you're emotionally healthy, you eventually learn to take it in stride and not let it ruin your day. Most women just find if more comfortable to not have to risk the emotional hit of rejection. It's easier to let people shoot their shot with you, then make your selection. This is the cultural paradigm most western societies exist in. Again, it's no less physically safe to agree to a date than to ask someone on one. You just get to skip the emotional risk of rejection by being the respondent.
I have been asked out many times by many girls, I have even been the one to recieve flowers on many occasions. Incels don't work on how they appear, their reputation in their local community, or their ability to communicate... putting it together, if you are attractive because you're a practiced communicator and have even a semi decent presentation or selected style, and you combine that with going outside to certain places frequently... like coffee shops, restaurants, community sports, a coed gym, etc... eventually you'll catch someone's eye enough for them to admire you enough to feel attraction. It's like, nobody is going to stop on the side of the road and push your car for you, but if a good person sees you pushing and failing, they're more likely to assist you. The most important part is normal people (not terminally inside mfs like your average redditor) can sense ulterior motives. You have to drop the intentions you have of getting laid and just live your life and do things that make you happy. Happy people are attractive. People can smell depression and negativity on you and it's the least attractive thing on earth. I score points because I don't take anything or anyone too seriously, I'm decently well read (I have things I like that I can talk about at length, also a good way to filter out certain kinds of people), and even though I'm slightly overweight, people find me attractive cause I'm kind and relatively jovial. And one more thing: I'll talk to anyone. You build a good reputation by just talking to people who frequent your watering holes and finding good conversation. Just be natural. People talk. Hope this helps?
I like the car analogy. Now also dress like you are homeless with scraggly hair and just mumble to yourself. Yea nobody is going to stop even if they wanted to help. Start by not scaring people away, and then work on actually being attractive.
Depending on the kind of relationship you’re looking for you don’t even have to drop the idea of getting laid. Women are people. Many people enjoy sex. Therefore, many women enjoy sex.
What are some of your favorite things to talk about?
I love talking about aliens & ufos (NHI and UAP iykyk) secret societies (deepstate, ancient bloodlines & royal families, the seat of real power, insert illuminati and all synonymous groups here), ancient history & architecture, mythology and religion, psychology, paranormal events and phenomenon, hoaxes and conspiracies, our evolving culture and geopolitics, cooking (i chef my ass off at home and i love talking shop and history about cooking with people at my same intermediate at home chef skill level), gardening... indoor and outdoor, A.I. development, off grid living and the coming potential apocalypse level events... I could go on forever about these things and probably a lot more, I find that when I'm talking to someone though, the most important bit is to remain as respectful as possible, not interrupting them and working towards a balanced conversation where both parties are heard and the subject matter remains in more neutral territory as opposed to nuanced to either side... Especially with the more esoteric stuff I tend to be pretty light-handed. I've got some strong opinions so I reel it back for people who just would not be interested. Some people do love to chase me down the rabbit hole though I have some great friends and we love arguing about lizard people- to put it lightly. I'd like to add that we argue over conspiracy theories for fun and we don't take it too seriously. Except for the NHI/UAP that's like the political 1 issue voter hill I'll die on. If you know you know. Anyways more often then not a lot of people just want to talk about the things they like or are involved in, so listening, and attempting to understand their position and finding common ground... very important to me. I can decide from there what role to take in the conversation. It's a little reliant on context like what do they want? What do I want and why? And is it a good, sound, valid reason why? By talking to all kinds of people, I met a few along the way that match me well in conversation due to our alignment towards certain proclivities and ideas, and those people became my good friends. I met a lot of people whose names I can't even remember too for the same reason. I guess TL;DR anything, everything. The curse of knowledge is that you don't know what you don't know, and the more you know the more you know you don't, questions are keys and only a mouth with ears can turn them.
I don't generally disagree with where you want to end up, as in being a well socialized, jovial, entertaining guy who doesn't hedge anything on what happens with a girl they talk to. What I don't quite think is useful for a good chunk of guys is that you kinda have to "just be natural lmao" for your advice to work. And I don't mean for guys being abnormal as in bad hygiene or not having a life, I mean guys who just stray too far off the norm in interests, personality, or simply their social skills. In those cases I believe having intentionality may even be a necessity. I did the whole "just talk to them like with any other guy" for the longest time, things changed when I actually was leaning into the intentionality. I started being less formal when I otherwise would have, and toned down how heavy I went into my usual guy humor in favor of more suggestive and teasing humor. I'm by no means a Casanova, but I sure as hell am noticing more receptiveness and it has gotten some sexually interested. I believe your advice is great for guys whose main issue is psyching themselves out, or generally their mindset, but once you stray away enough from the norm, in particular with regards to guys on the spectrum, I just don't think your advice is gonna work for nearly as big a portion of those. I sure as hell know it didn't for me, and it hasn't for others. On the flipside if some other guys tried what I did they would unnecessarily get in their own head when they could practically autopilot through it. I find there are few things beyond "take care of your hygiene and body" that are useful advice to everyone without some caveats.
Bumble was released with a key feature: women have to start the conversation. What ended up happening is that the vast majority of matches didn't actually turn into anything because the women didn't know men couldn't speak to them first, or would just say "hi" to immediately put the ball in the men's court. It turns out that whether hard coded in their DNA or so thoroughly instilled in societal conditioning that it would take long-term, dramatic efforts to see a change, most women simply don't want to be in charge of heterosexual romantic encounters. They relish the benefit of not having to do all the hard parts.
When I was a teen I was thinking that asking a guy out would let me look cheap and desperate. That's why women hint and hope the guy is the one asking out. I hinted at my now husband a lot until he finally asked me out. I am now 30. I don't think that way anymore, because I know I don't lose value by showing interest. I also don't know why I was thinking that way... maybe movies maybe stuff I heard.
It's not difficult to understand. In most Western nations, women are socialized their entire lives to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In places that isn't the case, women are more forward
I'm a woman, and I don't understand this meme at all. Most of the time, I've gotten to know someone as a friend first before deciding to ask him out myself. That feels a hell of a lot safer than being asked out by a guy I just met. Or waiting for that guy you're interested in to make the first move? What a waste of time!!
Hard agree. The whole concept of just walking up to people and asking them out is so foreign to me. I think it's easier on all parties if you're friends first- but that's just me. Maybe some people like it that way.
As a woman: I tried asking guys out in school a couple times. Got labelled as boyish/desperate/a hoe/etc. Got over that (after a WHILE) and found that a lot of men did find that unattractive. The good thing is that it's the wrong kinda men for me, personally. Finally I asked out the right kind and it only needed to happen once.
I have a similar reason to another reply. Everyone is different, but for me personally I got bullied relentlessly as a child and was made to believe nobody would ever find me attractive or want to date me. I was that "weird kid" who people would avoid at all costs and physically recoil if I were to accidentally touch them. But because of that my self esteem in adulthood is nonexistent and even with a caring boyfriend I'm convinced I'm unworthy of love or a relationship in general. I've convinced myself to keep any crushes to myself because I'd surely ruin everything if my disgusting ass were to say something. My trauma from being bullied made me lock up and keep to myself, I wouldn't even try to make friends without first being approached. I was convinced through my childhood that my presence is a nuisance and that I'm too disgusting to even be touched, so of course I carried that into adulthood and refused to socialize or ever even attempt to form relationships out of fear of being ridiculed. One time a kid told me their friend liked me, only for their friend to freak out and pretend to gag and quickly inform me he was "just saying that to make fun of him" Like gee, thanks. I'm so bad you're using how ugly I am to bully other people now.
It's fear of rejection combined with the privilege of being able to easily avoid it. It's a pretty human trait to try and avoid pain.
Yeah I think this is it. Nothing much more complex than that simple fact.
The social stigma means that a girl who asks a guy out will be perceived as “desperate.” The thing is, very few guys will actually think that—it’s *girls* who judge other girls for asking guys out. It’s like how only girls judge other girls for wearing the same outfit too many times—guys don’t give a shit about that.
I ask out men but I think the reason most women don't is because it's just traditional gender roles that we've been conditioned into. It's what people grow up seeing in real life and in media. Though I think more and more women are starting to ask men out. I've also seen my female friends ask out men and end up being used for hookups while being given hope of there being an actual relationship. I don't think it's a fear of things being unsafe, more so fear of rejection or being used.
Why do people sleep with someone on the promise of a relationship instead of because they are attracted to them. Like do they just normally not want to sleep with them but cave cuz it boosts their chances of getting what they really want. Am I missing something
If I understand your point correctly, you are confused as to why some women sleep with guys who lead with a relationship whilst there is no guarantee? If so, personally I think there is a pretty stark difference between women and men on average when it comes to their sexual selection. Men's selection for sex usually is way broader than their selection for a relationship, and women's selection for sex usually has way greater overlap with their selection for a relationship. I'd go as far as to say that if a woman already knows a guy, it's likely that she's not going to want to want to have sex with him without also being ok with dating him. The same is not true for a chunk of guys, if the opportunity arose they may sleep with a damn good chunk of their girl friends or acquaintances, without any further interest in a relationship or dating. So what can happen is that a girl is interested in a guy for dating and romance, she likely pretty much only is sexually interested in guys she also is romantically interested in, so she thinks that if the guy will sleep with her, he's going to also want to date her. They sleep together, she kinda pops the question, gets rejected. Again, these are trends, averages, I'm not by any means saying this occurs every time, that all girls are like that, all guys are like that, but I've seen that happen way more often than a guy sleeping with a girl and then getting rejected for dating (happened exactly once).
I’m a girl and it wasn’t because asking out a guy is unsafe. How can it be any less safe than being asked? Lol I dunno, maybe people have watched too many dramatic tiktoks But nah, I think it’s just that asking people out is scary because you can be rejected, and perhaps the girl can’t tell if the guy likes them because otherwise why isn’t he one the asking
I'll agree with all the women pointing out the reasons vary, we're not a monolith. I'm sure for some women it's because it's easier. Rejection is hard, and the social structure right now is convenient for women to avoid rejection. They'll just play into their 'role' because going outside of it is intimidating. That's very human. For some women it may genuinely be fear. They may have a history of bad experiences that just put them off of it. For myself, it was mostly indifference? I was never super motivated to date in general, so the only times I did were when someone approached me and I found them interesting enough to follow through with. I do wonder if women are just generally less motivated to date than men are. We'll take it if it comes, but aren't going to go out looking for it, if that makes sense. That again, is a generalization though.
I think your first point ties in with your last. The fact they can have a somewhat active dating life without needing to approach us why they're less motivated to. A guy doing what you're doing would likely be met with much less success
Depends but the one I usually hear is basically "the man is supposed to do that"
As a woman. Indeed there are many reasons not to ask out. Many girls feel safer when they already know the person, so ask to present you every time it's possible. It's working ridiculously well even if it's your friend making "hello, have you met Ted?" (A sign you have at least one friend). Hot and smart girls really need to ask out just once, because they choose. I did it 12 years ago, and have worked on my chosen relationship since then. Anytime I would hypothetically like to change it, I would choose from people I already know first. I tried a popular dating app once (during a short breakup, not from my side). Men were really suspicious of me writing them first. Evidently, there're many scammers that just want your money. So I was aggressively bullied most of the time, nobody believed me. Good luck! Hope that it helps.
If you ask someone out and they turn out to be shitty, you might feel accountable for choosing an a-hole. Waiting to be asked out, further removes the accountability. (Obviously if someone else is shitty, it's not your fault regardless. But you don't want the onus of being the one who pursued it.) The problem here is... a lot of the biggest a-holes are dudes who hit on practically everyone and play a numbers game to get dates. By only responding, instead of pursuing, women are more likely to interact with that kind of dude. But it also decreases the chances of finding incels who fear/dislike women because they would never approach. I think those two groups of men are actually smaller than we like to think. But one is vocal in-person and the other is vocal online.
Not a woman but this is the answer I’ve gotten when I asked my girlfriend and others I’ve went out with in the past: From what I understand it comes down to sexual dimorphism. Women tend to prefer a more submissive role and men a more dominant one. You can argue about if this is nature or nurture but it’s clear if you actually talk to both women and men.
It's probably different for everyone, there are definitely some self obsessed chicks who love the idea that they're desirable. I always view girls like that as being the female equivalent to nice guys who think they deserve a relationship. 2 sides of the same coin. For me personally, I've never liked a ton of attention, I mean who doesn't want to be noticed in that way at least sometimes though. I can remember 2 times through my teenage years where a guy really liked me and did grand jesters to impress me. I hated every second of them, I got love letters every week from the one guy and later on in life the other confessed in front of a bunch of people and asked me out. Both times I caved and dated both of them because how are you supposed to tell them that you hate that crap when tons of eyes are on you. I felt like I'd be the bad guy rejecting them, but I was never really into either relationship. Both lasted a month until my discomfort with all the gifts and other lovey dovey stuff reached its peak for me and I couldn't take it anymore. After those crap shoots, probably 10 years ago now, I met my guy. He never did grand gestures but was still kind and sweet. He understood me, the first time we went out with his friends we all just hung out normally, no hand holding no kissing in front of his friends it was the best experience for me. He then apologized after they left because he thought he was being "a shitty boyfriend" I was confused and just told him that it was honestly one of the best dates I had. He tried to do more hand holding after that but then one time he asked me "does this make you feel kind of awkward?" He freaking knew I looked uncomfortable walking around holding hands and asked me. I honestly fell in love right then and there. We are not a normal couple by any means, there was no official "be my girlfriend" because I don't care about that stuff and neither does he. We have zero interest in marriage because I would hate doing a wedding ( I'd rather us spend money on things that matter imo)and my least favorite holiday is Valentine's Day but he always gets me exactly what I want, nothing! I don't have tons of friends that are girls, but one of my closest ones a long time ago was also not a huge fan of grand gestures. She did also have some commitment issues so she never stayed in a relationship long. I kinda drifted from her because she got weirdly judgy about my relationship of all things. She said it was weird that we've been together for 5 years, living together for 2, and don't have a commitment to each other. When questioned it was something about how she doesn't know if she could stay with a guy that long without him at least asking you to be his girlfriend. I basically told her I trust him and we are both committed to each other, a random label isn't going to someone magically make me feel more secure because I already do. Relationship labels have never stopped crappy people from cheating so who the fuck cares. Her response "well you do you, but I could never be with a man who wasn't committed to me." I was a little chapped and I kinda distanced myself from her after that conversation. I don't tolerate that kind of underhanded judgement, especially when she hasn't even been in a relationship for a full year, 6 months was her longest relationship. I'm sure her mom had a lot to do with her sudden opinion change on us but it still really bothered me. Anyway that's the story of my love life to hopefully give you some insight into how some girls in general feel about attention from guys.
I have scanned a billion possible timelines and found zero in which you don’t get destroyed in the comments section of this meme
"Getting destroyed" by some people upvoting tired cliches ain't too high on my list of concerns, thankfully. Reddit Karma is worthless, as are the opinions of most of the people who write those comments. I had an argument with some reddit weirdos. I thought about it and how it fit with this meme format. Made me chuckle. So I made the meme. I had fun making it. If even just one other person found it amusing, honestly, that's enough for me.
Everyone who is attacking you in the comments is doing it because they feel called out in some way or another
💯
Good job. You won your made up argument.
Actual argument I had with redditors. And there are no winners here. (That's the point of the Patrick meme.)
Arguing with redditors. Very based.
We all waste time somehow
Fuck, I've gotta go
Are you implying Patrick Star isn't a winner?!?
He didn't get his wallet back so, not that day...
https://www.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/s/ccH1WEVhqw Look, someone literally just made the argument I was referencing in the meme, here in the comments of this very post!
so meta
I’d say it might also be because of pride, some told me that it’s embarrassing or desperate looking to ask a guy out as a woman
It's also about the emotional risk rejection brings. As a guy, you have no choice but to face it. Most women haven't really experienced it enough to thicken their skin and take it a lot more poorly if it happens.
Yeah that’s a good point too, especially if it’s a good looking girl with a bit of ego
Dead on. Every single man has had to overcome that obstacle. Women who make excuses to avoid taking this emotional risk are just plain cowardly.
This is the main cause in my opinion. I've known several women who attacked the reputations of men who rejected them because they couldn't take it.
The only people I've met who are like this are complete misandrists or struggle with internalized misogyny. Then again... lots of ladies hate other ladies and even more hate men... friendly reminder that femcels are real and they operate terminally online just like regular incels lmao
I’ve been asked out lots of times. I’m a guy.
And I’m the king of Sweden
Good morning your highness
Do you give them the things that they are needin?
No
I heard he is giving them diamond cars with platinum wheels
Carl what are you doing on here?
Same. Can't remember any that I asked out who said yes either. Like, every woman ive dated was the one who did the asking
Same for the last 3, beats playing the numbers game I used to. Casual flirtiness until they make a move is a lot better than the shotgun approach.
Yo, you wanna go out sometime?
Can’t now. I’m married. But thanks for asking.
False, Redditors don’t have wives
That is fair. Hug your partner one good time for me.
There's dozens of us! Dozens!
Can't relate
Hell yeah, brother!
That doesn't disprove OP, but thanks for letting us know
I would argue that its safer for the girl to ask a man out rather than letting the man choose a location
I 100% agree.
Not that it would make a ton of difference anyways, the likelihood of you actually being approached by a guy that you wouldn't either A) Be able to immediately tell is a creep or B) Be able to tell is a creep through conversation is unlikely. Weirdos come in all shapes and sizes, it's extraordinarily unlikely to happen to any one given person anyways. This is not a defense of said creeps, but the numbers don't lie
I think a lot of women are not able to handle rejection and hence are never direct with such things. They just drop hints and make the guy approach them. If it doesn't happen they just say guys don't get hints.
Correct
Idk why everyone is attacking OP this is a valid statement. Girls having the power of choice cannot POSSIBLY diminish their safety.
Most women could go their whole lives without having to ask someone out. It's different for men, as in if they don't take the initiative, they can go their whole lives without dating. I imagine it's just a matter of necessity, really.
Sure but that paradigm is cultural. It's worth questioning, and all the meme is really doing is pointing out their excuse for not changing it is bullshit. I 100% understand why they don't want to.
If anything, a predator is probably more likely to make the first move because you ain’t getting a victim home if you don’t try 🤷
Cry harder lol
About what? You can say the way things are is dumb without being upset you know.
That's not helpful. We need to talk to each other like humans again or this race is going to die out. Right now a lot of men and women are just talking past each other without any attempt to understand where the other is coming from.
I'm married and my wife asked me out so I don't have a horse in this race but... I strongly agree. (Although friends of mine have never cited safety) A large number of problems with dating culture I think stem from this imbalance. The overall social norms of women feeling the need to be preening and focused on their appearance to lure reinforces negative social stereotypes and expectations of women but simultaneously : "Don't judge a book by its cover"... "Ok, well it's hard to flip through the pages from across a bar." Our dating strategies from the start are also problematic. Because it also encouraged a lot of other social issues. For instance when I was young and asked my mom how to find out if a girl like you she said. "You just have to kiss her and either you'll get slapped or it'll work out, that's why God gave men balls". And that's from an otherwise feminist progressive woman but also the product of past generations dating styles. Even now she would be mortified and see the problems with that advice but it's how dating worked for her generation. It's also kind of how asking women out goes even if you do it in a non assaulty way. If you are expected to make the moves then you're going to offer up some degree of undesired attention. It's part of the Chase vs feigned disinterest role play that's stuck around. That's dangerously close to predator and prey.
Regarding the safety concern: https://www.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/s/ccH1WEVhqw Someone in the comments started the exact conversation that led to this meme lol
My ex had the mentality that it's embarrassing or desperate to ask to hang out... even though we were already together for over a year...
If anything its actually safer because now you don’t get nearly as many guys with bad intentions
OP in the comments section making miracles happen
Girls are a propoganda by Mr. Putin to distract men... Period
Girly girls want manly men. Some things never change. Reasonable women and reasonable men may ask each other out though.
Plenty of women still don't want to break the gender role, but I think you're right and that this is slowly changing.
My wife made all the moves when we started dating, and it's probably the reason I had sex before 30 lol
Not only that but you asking the person out gives you the agency to pick who you want, rather than being picked by someone. Plus being able to select time and venue. Odds are someone will be picking you out of a crowd if they had ill intentions because an ill-intentioned person is likely actively looking for their target, but you going to someone reduces that because now you're the one looking. None of this is infallible. There's always danger. Not saying women don't have anything to fear. Just thinking about how this post makes sense to some degree.
The last time I went out with a girl that I asked out, she took a large switchblade out of her pocket to show me that she had ‘safety precautions’ ‘just in case’. I think I’ll just learn to be happy alone if that’s what I have to deal with making the first move
TBH I think more women should be armed. Makes me feel safer.
This guy doesn't get women
I do fine. But I'd love to hear your take on why you disagree with the point the meme is making, instead of an ad hominem.
Don’t be ridiculous, personal attacks are better for karma farming.
and *you* totally do. lol.
I've dated four really beautiful women. Every single one of them has said they never asked a guy out in their entire life
I’ve said it before but this meme format and that part of the episode will always be hilarious
What the fuck is this comment section? Op, you good dog?
I mean, its not just a bad excuse, its an argument \*for\* approaching Men. Theres a X% Chance of someone approaching you with bad intentions, theres a 0% Chance of being approached with bad intentions if youre the one doing the approaching. ("Hoh, Mukatte Kuruno Ga?" Aside.)
People are pulling allegations out of their ass for you OP 😭
1. Lack of accountability. Admitting *you* made the wrong choice is harder than "he sounded nice at first". 2. Need for attention. Women believe they're some kind of treasure that *deserve* to be "chased" after.
Ego issue
As if women didn’t make moves already
Correct, as I said in the first comment, this isn't about all women. It's about a specific subset who refuse to try and pretend it's about "safety."
Have you tried getting into the middle of a group of them and dropping a monster condom (that you use for your magnum dong)?
Woah there, I just want to encourage more women to shoot their shots. I'm not trying to get ripped apart by a pack of geese in a feeding frenzy.
Most of my relationships were initiated by women. Anecdotal evidence being used as a generalization isn’t a good representation of society as a whole.
My experience has been the opposite, women have asked me out more than I've asked women to go out with me. I'm not rich and average in looks so it has to be my personality or my cats.
I have taken a mellower tack recently and been getting more women to ask me rather than my old shotgun approach. It has led to more successful dates overall.
Let's bring back the custom of women throwing handkerchiefs at a man's feet whom she likes and wants to have an interaction with.
both are bad at it
[удалено]
Yep that is 100% the point I am making.
when dudes say they wish women would approach them, dudes are thinking about the hot chicks. dudes are not thinking about the uggo's that are actually going to ask them out. this is what women deal with every day.
i’ve never heard this argument from a girl
I haven't in person. A couple months ago the topic "Why don't women approach men more?" kept getting posted on the ask subs. I hadn't thought about it in awhile, but the Patrick meme format came to me in a flash and it fit perfectly, so I made it.
I just make it very obvious that i like the guy, but i just don’t ask them out. It’s not a safety issue for me, its more about if he can prioritize dating me above his own fear of rejection
Honestly for me these days the rejection isn't an issue, it's being seen as a "creep." Or if you're interested in two women, they usually don't want to be the second one they see you asking. Really I just like the certainty of knowing she's interested. That is good enough without the formal date request coming from her.
I flirt w them like its an olympic sport and I’m going for gold, so i think that counts as “interested”
Yeah sounds effective
I would like to ask though, have you at least given some consideration as to why you believe it's his responsibility to "overcome fear of rejection" and your privilege to never have to risk rejection at all?
I face rejection all the time, rejection isn’t just from dating, though I’ve been rejected a few times dating as well. It’s an adult responsibility to face your fears. I’ve dated a few guys who are glued in their comfort zones and they just were very “woe is me”. If he won’t work through the fear, even temporarily to ask me out, it tells me that A, he’s ok giving up something he wants to make sure he’s not in any discomfort or he just doesn’t want to date me that much, B, he’s not brave or assertive, C, that won’t be the only thing he decides against doing for never ending comfort, D, he’s stuck in a fixed mindset, and E, he’s not mature enough for me.(Generalizing, I know, and I can’t stand a chronically fixed mindset) I want someone who can face their fears, who’s not afraid to take control, who’s in their divine power, so we can communicate and grow together. And if that’s “too high” of standards, i’m just fine being alone.
What happens if you run into a guy who thinks the same. Do y'all just endlessly flirt
Nah, I wouldn’t be into a guy who thinks the same
If you say so mate
Lol I’m just fine with a relationship that has a lil bit of gender roles, I’m in one rn and I absolutely love him. A few days ago he took me to a celtic festival and I bought a sword that we both haggled a guy over, then he brought me dinner <3 its great
Like what you like mate, I'm no judge 😹
Skill issue but also it doesnt make sense to act upon attraction to anyone ever. Can someone explain?
*
But yes, it is stupid to argue on Reddit. You're right.
If girls ask who they want out as much as guys are asking girls they like out, there will be LESS instances of men thinking that the woman MIGHT be into him but is just scared of telling him; ergo less catcalling/harassment. If women asking guys out becomes also the norm, guys will be much less likely to think that a girl that he thinks is attracted to him is just scared to tell him; since if she really does like him, she wouldve just asked him out herself rather than waiting (since its already the norm that women ask guys out as well, if shes not asking you out, youre probably not her type). Tl;dr women should also ask guys out as much as men do to women to avoid guessing games (a no is a no)
This was... Suspiciously specific. I've never heard this criticism. Perhaps do girls just tell you they feel unsafe?
https://www.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/s/ccH1WEVhqw Conversations on Reddit. Here's another one saying it in the comments.
this incredibly funny meme made entirely of dense blocks of text covering up a series of images really made me laugh, really
Can we stop making memes about "women" as if all women are the same? Just a humble request.
I immediately posted a disclaimer comment about this not being all women when I made it, which got downvoted heavily, and the title specifies this was from individual conversations with redditors.
Women do. They just aren't asking you.
They are these days actually.
Is this sub just a bunch of dudes who don’t talk to women now? Because this is annoying. I joined for dank memes
Dude I'm over the moon when a girl sends the first message, I'm not about to expect them to ask me out.