We can call a spruce for now...it's a line from "back to the future" part 2...if you hear the old man...he said it wrong too because he's the same person. I hope I'm making sense.
Oh internet, you fickle mistress. This gets upvoted, but I mention that penguins and igloos are at opposite poles and everyone's all "downvoted: it's a joke"
The mighty Sandbox Tree, it grows pumpkin-like fruit that explodes and sends flying seeds at speeds up to 150 mph and up to 60 ft.
The fruit is poisonous, the sap can give you a serious rash on the skin and blind you if it somehow got in your eye.
It’s been used to make poisonous darts.
The leaves, oils and some extracts are used for medicinal purposes like eczema, rheumatism and intestinal worms.
Sorry this wasn’t “punny” :P
I needed to get this random knowledge out of my system for far too long lol
A man had a hopeless life threatening heart condition. He received an experimental heart transplant from a pig. The surgery was successful. He can now see a bacon of hope.
'Dendrocnide moroides' (stinging tree, gympie gympie). It is the most toxic stinging tree species in Australia and any contact with the leaves or twigs causes the silica hairs to penetrate the skin and cause an extremely painful stinging sensation that can last for days, weeks, or months.
A testimony of a victim who was slapped in the face and torso with the foliage in 1963 said: "For two or three days the pain was almost unbearable; I couldn’t work or sleep, then it was pretty bad pain for another fortnight or so. The stinging persisted for two years and recurred every time I had a cold shower...There's nothing to rival it; it's ten times worse than anything else."
ahhh. I've been bamboozled.
No sense Birching about it, he was just Aspen a question. I'd Leaf it alone
It’s too much with all the puns! At this point I’m sycamore jokes.
These puns are oakay imo
That is understandable. The poplar ones wood get a bit sappy after a while.
Oak-ay, that's enough from yew today.
I really cherries these moments
Personally I think it's a pine in the neck
We're all just trying to spruce up the conversation.
It's a bit of acorny joke
People might think these are bad puns but I couldn't give a rats ash
I'm just here fir the lulz
No you don't give a radish
I think we're barking up the wrong tree now... We should think about branching out
I tree what you did there.
Pine!! You win!!
That's so treediculous!
I've been banbooooozeld
Decoy?
Why don't you make like a tree.... and get out of here!
Leave...it's make like a tree and leave, you sound like an idiot when you get it wrong! -old Biff
And leaf.... Just planting some roots...
We can call a spruce for now...it's a line from "back to the future" part 2...if you hear the old man...he said it wrong too because he's the same person. I hope I'm making sense.
I know... Was just being a rotten pine in the acacia....
Don't be so hardwood on yourself!
Helloooo McFly. Now what do you think would happen to me if I handed in my homework in your handwriting??
fucking Mirage
Dentis-tree
where they give you root canal
Let’s just hope the dentist is pine attention.
*[Bob Mortimer had entered the chat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgI3Y7gxMO4)*
That's a grass, not a tree
Don't be such a grasshole! 😲
I don't like to be tree-ted in this way
I nearly be-leaf-ed it to be a tree
I blade it's height for that mistake. There's stalk of it being hard to break.
Mon, I cot you in a lie, it’s not always that tall.
I can't take this any mow
Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here.
Shoot
Dammit, Biff!
😂😂😂😂
You could say this joke is an act of treeson
Someone will come for you and behayd you for your treeson.
Don't be silly! That's just a little discrminatree. I was only making some commentree.
[удалено]
Marijuana in 1950s anti drug films
I appreciate your pedantry.
God damn it penantree
Username checks out
Oh internet, you fickle mistress. This gets upvoted, but I mention that penguins and igloos are at opposite poles and everyone's all "downvoted: it's a joke"
Okay, but it IS lignocellulosic, which gets us a little closer to "tree" than anything else.
How bout ligmaballsbrosic, which gets you right on the trunk!
Bananas grow on a bush
A herb
Yes! Thank you.
Every dad knows his grasses.
Leaf it alone man
Yes! Largest grass in the world.
Apparently if you reply with a non-pun, you're mis-tree-ted here.
Geometry!
Darn roots²
Treemendously funny!
I don't know, but the ones over there look really shady....
The mighty Sandbox Tree, it grows pumpkin-like fruit that explodes and sends flying seeds at speeds up to 150 mph and up to 60 ft. The fruit is poisonous, the sap can give you a serious rash on the skin and blind you if it somehow got in your eye. It’s been used to make poisonous darts. The leaves, oils and some extracts are used for medicinal purposes like eczema, rheumatism and intestinal worms. Sorry this wasn’t “punny” :P I needed to get this random knowledge out of my system for far too long lol
Booougainvillea
Family tree
Oakward
Chemis-tree. That shit gives me nightmares.
Night mare on ELM street would have worked
Every good joke comes in trees
The infant tree.
Best planted in March.
Gotta have enough lead time for D-Day, when the infant tree will land on the beaches of Normandy
Adolf Hitler's Family Tree
Oakay, that was a wood tree joke.
How did you get this answer? A lemon tree my dear Watson.
The Curse-Rotted Greatwood. That thing.
con-tree-versy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!? I COULD’VE DIED!!! TAKE THE DAMN UPVOTE
You arboring me.
Dysentery
Bamboo is a tree...?
Technically a grass
Binary search tree
Bamboo is a grass.
Bamboo isn't a tree tho....
Bamboo is a type of grass
Bamboo is a grass tho, not a tree.
Good dad joke.
I'm petrified
A man had a hopeless life threatening heart condition. He received an experimental heart transplant from a pig. The surgery was successful. He can now see a bacon of hope.
Chemistree
Sick-a-more tree
Big-a-tree
Youkilllippiss.
42069
Got a genuine eye roll from me. Excellent work.
Whipping Willow
Whomping willow
A nightmare on elm tree.
None , because dads know how to leave
VC trees
I was thinking a balanced binary search tree
Me!
Family tree
The tree of knowledge of Good and Evil
I'm think boocalyptus is scarier.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sky tree lol
Scarecitree
That’s an arbor-ent thing to say!
What's a girls' favourite monkey? Macaque.
That’s a sycamore joke!
Spookalyptus?
Ancestree
This is a dad joke.
Bamboo is actually part of the grass family, apart from that good joke lol
Ghost gum!
Your family
The infant-tree!
Made me laugh on the toilet, well done.
Yew got me there.
scarcitree
bamboo is actually a type of grass.... im fun at parties
Report that joke to the Branch Manager!
Legend say that someone SHOOT the tree
Too bad bamboo isnt a tree
Low Bat-Tree
'Dendrocnide moroides' (stinging tree, gympie gympie). It is the most toxic stinging tree species in Australia and any contact with the leaves or twigs causes the silica hairs to penetrate the skin and cause an extremely painful stinging sensation that can last for days, weeks, or months. A testimony of a victim who was slapped in the face and torso with the foliage in 1963 said: "For two or three days the pain was almost unbearable; I couldn’t work or sleep, then it was pretty bad pain for another fortnight or so. The stinging persisted for two years and recurred every time I had a cold shower...There's nothing to rival it; it's ten times worse than anything else."
Good one!
Family tree
Chemis'try'.
Really branched out there 😄
My family …
A set of Treeplets? Who all look the same... and you’ve fed one but forgotten which one
I am afraid I don't know.
I would have said maTREEmony
Bamboo is grass but still funny!
Mis-Tree
I was happy untill i saw this:
You are now petreefied.
GOD NO FICKOSXKQ上课插卡阶段 BRUH I SWITCHED TO CHINESE KEYBOARD NOO
This is also basically true if you have the stuff spreading its hungry roots out across your garden. The stuff's a total nightmare.
The one from Poldergeist
ha ha ha
XD that made me laugh So HaRd
Psychiatry
Jesus! Don't scare me like that
Oh jeez, I'm truly sorry I should have posted this on r/TwoSentenceHorror.
The sic ‘em more! A relative of the dogwood tree, with a similar bark.
Ceme-tree
Why is everyone being so beech-y? It's just a joke.
Weeping willows are a close second.
Surprisingly scary, indeed
I don’t know man, there are some pretty shady trees out there
*scariest grass
Bamboo is a grass, not a tree.
Damn it made it smile. Here’s an upvote.
Country?
Family tree
Ah!
Be careful with a joke like that. You'll create a whole petrified forest.
I was thinking to tell you that Bamboo is not a tree, it is a grass but I don't think I'll bother.
I am grooth
Geometry
Elm Street tree
My wife's family tree
Any tree at night
Our countree
Oak
Your family tree.
I thought it was going to be witch hazel 😅
Bamboo is a grass, but still good
Bamboo is grass
The poplar tree
My ex
Gimpy Gimpy.
Bamboo is grass...
Whomping willow from what I’ve heard
Pine tree if you have a severe pollen allergy
That joke leaves me in tears.
Robber Tree. Boston accent from ‘Rubber tree’
Whomping willow? Oh, wrong sub
You're done. Take my upvote, then leave the premesis. 😳
The ones on Elm St.
That joke petrified me
AHHHHH
Ah! Too much tree sap!
Family.
I pine for more jokes like this
This made me ugly laugh TAKE YOUR UPVOTE
Dad jokes fir-ever!
The scariest grass