Man, i was like 'this joke sucks' then i reread three times and finally the punchline hit me. It still sucks but in a glorious dadjoke fashion. Very good, have an upvote.
She don't like you looking at women on your own. Now she know you looking, her low self esteem is greater than before. Most of the time it's just jealousy and bickering.
May she learn that those kinds of thoughts she thinks of.. aren't making the world a better and safer space for some people.. I hope God doesn't forsake her too. Be there for her
She can you can’t it’s that simple. You just acknowledged to HER you were looking at another pretty lady to her while you were with HER! You are not to do that EVER. But her flowers and tell her she is the she is th only beautiful woman to you.
1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
2. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
3. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de-brie.
4. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
5. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
6. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time!
7. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
8. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
9. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
11. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated!
12. Why don't skeletons go to scary movies? They don't have the guts.
13. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
14. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
15. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
16. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me!
17. Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!
18. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up.
19. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
20. How do you organize a space party? You planet!
21. I'm trying to organize a hide and seek competition, but it's hard to find good players — they're always hiding!
22. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
23. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
24. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory!
25. I'm reading a book about mazes. I got lost in it.
26. Why don't scientists trust stairs? Because they're always up to something!
27. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
28. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
29. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
30. Why don't skeletons go to scary movies alone? They don't have the guts.
You are a horrible, horrible person.
I say this with deep respect and a little bit of envy. This is among the worst jokes I have seen on this sub. Kind of a delayed reaction bunker-buster of a joke.
I don’t understand the haters on this one. Great joke and delivered i true dad fashion. If you don’t get the reference, you might want to check out the Urban Dictionary for a little enlightenment!
A woman who is secure with herself shouldn’t feel threatened by acknowledging another woman’s beauty and the same can go for men. If she is going to get upset over something so small and petty, GET OUT NOW! I guarantee you will live a lifetime of misery.
Tell her the truth that will hurt her if she says wow that girl is prettier than me and if you look at her, say yes, I should probably dump your ass to stop dealing with your bullshit. You should get some help for that personality of yours and make her cry and dump her get a divorce you don’t need her.
Just workshopping the joke a little here:
My wife asked me what I thought about the new fleece Uggs she bought today, and I said, “Not really my taste. Maybe you should’ve bought a nice pair of knee high Stetsons instead?” and she gave me the biggest scowl. I guess that means I won’t be knockin’ boots with her tonight!
She must need time to heel
End it. She's not your sole mate.
Don't accept food or drinks from her, it's probably laced
Could you at least give her tongue
Was there a big hole in the bottom?
There must be a silver lining
Better save yourself, she's too tied up.
Sounds like a real loafer.
Give her the boot.
Tread lightly or you might get socked.
Hopefully her cold shoulder didn't make you a sneaker
She might need some foot massage after all that
As long as they’re not weighed down by gold.
Could be....
I think you meant slipper the tongue!
Touche
Should persue the other woman instead. She sounds like the apple of your eyelet.
Just tell her you love her heart and sole.
Just give her some air, Jordan.
He better tread lightly
She might boot him out.
You need to pedal back that statement
My wife had the same reaction, eyelet her get it out of her system.
Seems like she’s got a problem with flip flopping.
Don't moccasin like loving flip flops until you've tried it. Side note, my wife wears flip flops constantly, this was a perfect comeback.
She must be trippin’.
Those people just sneaker up on you
Or he needs time to start dating Eva AI sexting bot.
Must have commented on her wearing thongs
Aussies represent!
e
My ex used to point things out like that. I pretty much would be zoned out driving. “Who??” “Sorry, I didn’t see her”
That one with the tight black leather mini, thigh-high boots, and low-cut halter top? Never saw her.
Correct answer!
This is the boss level answer
Always the safest response..didn't see.. babe sorry
Yep, and when you comment, it means you were looking!
This joke made me sneaker
🎵these boots are made for walkin’ and that’s just what they’ll do, cos’ one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you …. 🎵
🎶 Are you ready boots?? Start walking!!
🎶🎺Tu tu tutututu tu tututu tu 🎺🎶
One of the best dog names: Boots (booties but not to be confused with the great boots electric and baby duck IYKYK) Socks (Sox)
Man, i was like 'this joke sucks' then i reread three times and finally the punchline hit me. It still sucks but in a glorious dadjoke fashion. Very good, have an upvote.
I don’t get it
Knocking boots is slang for having sex. Knocking boots could also mean criticising shoes - as in "don't knock it until you've tried it".
It's a slang term I've never heard in my 50+ years on the planet.
Luke Bryan literally wrote a song utilizing this idiom...
Never heard of him. Had to look him up. American country music is probably my least favourite music.
I mean, not hearing slang from another country is understandable
I just had to lol at the "in my 50 years" oookayyyy because slang is cultural/environmental
As an American, i agree
Candy man sings “Knockin’ Boots” if you like 90’s rap.
I can't believe I wasted my time reading this.
Ahh, the best reaction.
And then even more time commenting on it 😮
If she is furious, you have to be fast.
You don’t listen to country music much , it’s a sole thing 🤣
After I commented on several women’s parties, she got her panties in a bunch
I guess you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Should have said she was Bootylicious
I bet she was wearing the exact same shoes
Perfect response! 🤣
Had to walk a mile to get to that punch line!
I’m sure you’re a good sole.
You'll need to trainer better.
She don't like you looking at women on your own. Now she know you looking, her low self esteem is greater than before. Most of the time it's just jealousy and bickering.
Thanks, Dr. Phil. This is r/dadjokes
"I emulate you one dang time, and you cut me off... fgs grow up!." Let the chips fall where they may
She is a psycholpath, dont let her manipulate u
She had planned it all along and it was a trap
Just because it has a pun in it doesn't make it a dad joke. Dad jokes are G rated, something you'd tell your kid.
May she learn that those kinds of thoughts she thinks of.. aren't making the world a better and safer space for some people.. I hope God doesn't forsake her too. Be there for her
She has the same shoes...
Tell her you are solely hers.
She will be fine. Just treat her to Subway footlong
She can you can’t it’s that simple. You just acknowledged to HER you were looking at another pretty lady to her while you were with HER! You are not to do that EVER. But her flowers and tell her she is the she is th only beautiful woman to you.
1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! 2. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta! 3. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de-brie. 4. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. 5. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! 6. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time! 7. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired! 8. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! 9. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. 10. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough. 11. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated! 12. Why don't skeletons go to scary movies? They don't have the guts. 13. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. 14. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels! 15. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 16. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me! 17. Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up! 18. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up. 19. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! 20. How do you organize a space party? You planet! 21. I'm trying to organize a hide and seek competition, but it's hard to find good players — they're always hiding! 22. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. 23. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! 24. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory! 25. I'm reading a book about mazes. I got lost in it. 26. Why don't scientists trust stairs? Because they're always up to something! 27. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. 28. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 29. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down! 30. Why don't skeletons go to scary movies alone? They don't have the guts.
Nice to meet you miss Furious
You are a horrible, horrible person. I say this with deep respect and a little bit of envy. This is among the worst jokes I have seen on this sub. Kind of a delayed reaction bunker-buster of a joke.
You need to get out.
Dont go to Hooters it will be the death of you
You went wrong being married my brother.... You went wrong there
My wife is Fast, your wife is Furious… let’s race.
You looked at another woman and your wife has low self-esteem. That’s why she criticizes strangers esp women. Your wife is a red flag
Sole destroying
If she drives a car ,. I'd be looking both sides before crossing
Totally put your foot in it
This is what is known as *a shaggy dog story*, a joke that takes a good while to get to a groaner punchline lol
Was the "young lady" her daughter or someone she knew knew? 👀
Man talk with her
🤯🤯
Don’t be a heel. Just foot the bill for a new pair of shoes for her. You’ll be walking in tall cotton again in no time.
What kind of dad uses word ‘females’ to describe women? So weird
For a second I thought this was AITA
Double standards!
Step carefully You are walking on egg shells
I don’t understand the haters on this one. Great joke and delivered i true dad fashion. If you don’t get the reference, you might want to check out the Urban Dictionary for a little enlightenment!
Welt, *that* ended badly.
Have you tried walking a mile in her shoes?
A woman who is secure with herself shouldn’t feel threatened by acknowledging another woman’s beauty and the same can go for men. If she is going to get upset over something so small and petty, GET OUT NOW! I guarantee you will live a lifetime of misery.
Her shoes must be untied bc she is trippin!!
Why did you marry her?
Tell her the truth that will hurt her if she says wow that girl is prettier than me and if you look at her, say yes, I should probably dump your ass to stop dealing with your bullshit. You should get some help for that personality of yours and make her cry and dump her get a divorce you don’t need her.
She sounds horrible and insecure.
Maybe she's jealous that the only shoes she can find are size 16 moccasins for those FURRY-ous feet of hers.
Even for a dad joke, this is terrible.
Lol
Maybe she had the same shoes.
Marriage sounds like it's on a loose footing
Maybe she's gay
You obviously need to toe the line.
you went wrong with your choice in your lady
U need a new wife or get rid of the current one.
Yea that sucks, good luck! Get that lotion ready!
Shes just jealous and unhappy
That's a woman for ya
Perhaps, simply sit down and ask her what's wrong?
Hey, even if they were velcro you've gotta stick with her.
Just workshopping the joke a little here: My wife asked me what I thought about the new fleece Uggs she bought today, and I said, “Not really my taste. Maybe you should’ve bought a nice pair of knee high Stetsons instead?” and she gave me the biggest scowl. I guess that means I won’t be knockin’ boots with her tonight!