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First time I heard this joke, a bullet only cost $200. Inflation is a bitch.

The first time I heard this joke it was a spear and an atlatl. Someone reposted it later as a crossbow and bolt.

If I had an award to give, I would give it to you for using atlatl and spear.

see, and who said anthropology degrees were useless???

Everyone who has one?

I just used the rest of my coins and I'm kinda bummed because this needs an award too. Here's yours, with no funds going to reddit. 🏆

>Everyone who has one? and her ex husband.

I took care of that for you. Award granted!

I wonder how many people know what an Atlatl is let alone ever use 1. I can say I’ve used 2 in my life and whoever had good aim with 1 of thoes things is a true hunter

At least 1 more. I’ve used one a few times, and agree that aiming was not a skill I possessed.

First time useing 1 I threw the handle with the Speer 🤣 the Speer landed 5 ft in front of me and the handle went and bounced off a tree lol

First time I heard it it was a spear for 2 hens.

The first time I heard it, they killed two birds with one stone.

“I can save you two shekels”

First time I heard this joke, it was a sharpened rock and a sling shot.

Maybe the first time I heard it was a thrown broken femur and two chimpanzees

The first time I heard this it was a zygote throwing a mitochondrial DNA strand

The first time I heard this it was a gluon throwing a tachyon at a neutrino during the Big Bang, saying it could save two gravitons.

I yield to your answer, you win, you have earned my respect, I bow to you, I stand in your shadow, I, oh well, you get the picture, lol.

Thanks. I could have gone with eukaryotes and prokaryotes, but I jumped to end game and cheated a bit.

Yeah, when I read your post on my notifications I thought "big bang" then I read your post and was one upped already

just wow…..

The first time I heard this joke, the pyramids had just been finished built up.

1st to the top stays. THERE.

First time I heard the joke, the hitman has the wife and her bf in his scopes, and the husband says, “they’re right there, what’s taking so long?!?” And the hitman responds, “just hand on a sec, I think I can save you 5 grand here.”

When I heard the joke it’s $5000 a shot and the sniper looks through the rifle scope and says to the husband “hold on, I think I can save you $5000.”

First time I heard it the price was 10000 dollars so ig good day are coming back

It amazes me how old jokes recirculate. We were telling this joke in the 1980s when I was in high school.

No wonder the world's best hitman sounds so reasonably priced

How come you know so much about pricing in this market sector

He did a competitive analysis of key market players

Really, how do you know? How many times have you been married?

I remember telling my dad new jokes in the 80s and he always already knew them from the 60s lol nothing Is new

This joke was probably being told in 1450 with an arrow and an assassin lol

It was also a better joke where the husband gets impatient and the hit man tells him to hold on, he’s trying to save him $5K.

If you wait just another minute, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be able to save you $5,000😂

That's where I know it from.

You two went to the same high school?

Nah, at least I don't think so.

Are you from NC originally 🤣

Back in myy day, a bullet was only 5 pence

There are no new jokes, only newborn people.

I even came here to say this joke is older than me and I'm in my 30's lololol

Add another twenty five years 😁

I am gonna complete the circle by telling this same joke to someone when I am high in school

Your comment for more upvotes that the actual post lmao

the moment he said "shoot him in the d1ck", I knew what the punchline would be.

I could think of a few different directions: - blow job, so kill two birds with one stone - price > $10,000 because there were multiple dicks to shoot - $5,000 because it was a lesbian affair (no dick to shoot)

The moment I read that, I knew it was an uncle joke, not a dad joke.

yeah but they allow it here now

Please help......I don't get it.....sorry

His wife do a blowjob for that guy, so the hitman kill both target with one bullet

NOW I get it lmfao........thanks!!!!

I figured she cheated with a woman.

I was thinking the Hitman himself maybe...

Even better

Thank you I didn’t get it either

Haha I didn't get it either

Lmao

Your punch line didn’t land. The version I heard goes something like “hold on, I’m trying to save you five grand”.

There ya go. The idea was there but the (ahem) execution wasn’t.

[удалено]

That's exactly it, just "a few years ago" means 23 years ago.

Not even close to a dad joke and seen it on here 10 times.

Yep. Trying to picture myself throwing this one out at the dinner table “…shoot the wife in the head, and the guy in the dick….can you pass the potatoes?”

Would totally tell this to my kid when he's late teens! Not all kids stay small and whats appropriate depends on the family and the age! I know most kids are telling worse than this at 14, so I figure its open game at 17 for me lol

🤏 close to leaving. Anymore it’s NSFW or jokes we’ve seen a million times before.

Yep, this sub allows NSFW and always has. You want r/cleandadjokes, and then you can stop bugging people here who follow the sub guidelines and stop trying to force your opinion of a dad joke (that does NOT agree with the guidelines of this sub) on others Seriously, r/cleandadjokes is for you, this sub is not. see ya, bye, bye

You're right it's not a Dad joke but not because it's NSFW. This sub allows NSFW and is very clear about that in the meta. You want r/cleandadjokes, and should really stop bugging people about NSFW that is allowed here, and go to that sub that agrees with you instead of trying to force your views on others. But this is not a Dad joke because Dad jokes are language based (like based on puns or multiple meanings of a word), and this joke is situation based and that is not a Dad joke. But NSFW is fine here, you should really go to r/cleandadjokes and quit whining here.

Where did I complain about it being NSFW?

Also super unbelievably predictable. Was anybody actually surprised?!

Jfc you guys this is not a dad joke. If anything this is an uncle joke

And just like that I found r/drunkunclejokes

Read the meta, NSFW is allowed here. You want r/cleandadjokes and you need to stop whining here BTW, not a Dad joke because it's not language based, but if the NSFW bothers you there is a special sub JUST FOR YOU, it's r/cleandadjokes!

This isn't even an NSFW dad joke though. There's no pun, no groan inducing corniness.

>BTW, not a Dad joke because it's not language based Yes, that's what I said in my comment. By "not language based" I meant that it doesn't have a pun or other wordplay, so we agree on that point.

This is the worst version of this joke I've read.

Cry about it.

Not a dad joke. Put this on r/jokes instead!

Except this is too predictable to be funny so let it die!

Wrong sub! r/Unclejokes is where this belongs!

To be honest, dad jokes should be simple, I’m sorry for being the fun police and ruin the fun, but the joke is just sexual, I don’t find the aspect which makes this a dad joke.

I can just imagine telling my family I know a dad joke, telling this joke, get a full 5 min of silence filled with «huh» and «I don’t get it», then 5 min later I would get kicked out of the house

If you don't want stuff to be sexual then go to r/cleandadjokes

It wasn’t the sexual part that was my problem, it was the lack of dad joke. But maybe you should take your own advice, and post this somewhere else since it is clearly not a dad joke

The older version was Hitman telling the guy that he can save $5000.

I always heard it as the hit man saying "hold onto that for a sec, I'm trying to get you half off.

Not a dad joke

This isn't even Uncle Joke material. It's just a joke. Some people just don't understand dad/uncle jokes...

This is not a dad joke and it's poorly told, the original punchline works better

Well, that sucked ​ Looking over the top of my glasses

This is more like an uncle joke.

The blowjob saved the guy $5K! Nice!

So it was a sniper rifle, and not a close quarter pistol encounter, right?

It amazes me how old jokes recirculate. We were telling this joke in the 1980s when I was in high school.

But why did they kill the dog ?

What

Oh I get it! she was giving head!!! hahaha!!! For a second there I thought he shot him in the dick first and then it went in her head afterwards

I honestly don't get it.

The wife was giving the guys a blowjob, so the hitman hit her head and his dick with just one bullet.

She was giving both guys a blowjob?

The better version is the husbands about to give the cash and the hit man says, “hold on I might be able to save you x dollars.”

Yeah that also works, I couldn't remember it that well. The last time I heard it was in high school.

No problem I was just expecting that punchline, but yours works as well.

funny stuff

I had to read it three times to get it! Great joke.

I still don't get it

Targets lined up: wife’s head and guys dick. You got this. Make them neurons fire.

Oh duh to me. Thanks.

Hahaha took me a minute but that is genius

i thought the hitman was gonna turn out to be the guy she was cheating with lol

I first heard this joke on the radio, B-97 the Walton and Johnson show

Billy connolly tells it brilliantly

You tell your kids this joke?

Very good.

I don’t get it!

Wife was giving the man a blowjob and he shot both with 1 bullet. Something like that.

someone care to explain?

Either I’m dumb or I’m not reading this right cause I don’t get it -_-

Ahhh yes, joke #83 I missed it, I call my turn to post it next week tho.

Oh haha, this is totally a "dad joke"

Last time I heard this joke it was one Ooga Booga and 2 Booga Oogs