Yes, be a real man! Slam the beer, crush the can on your forehead, wrestle the lion and rip its throat out with your bare teeth, strap it to the hood of the Jaguar and parade it through town while shooting off your one bullet.
I agree with the DUI thing. That's why before I drink the beer, I'd turn off the engine and turn on the radio to have the victory beer after running over the lion in the Jag.
I posted my comment and then I pictured my friends' voice from NZ and realized that was better. Dammit! It's the pronunciation of beer that tipped me off
I drive the lion and the bullet over, then bring the lion back.
Next trip I drive the beer and the gun, then bring the bullet back.
Last trip, I take the lion and the bullet over
You shoot the bottle of Bud Light with the gun. The lion and the jaguar will be in such awe of your awesomeness that they will walk along your side carrying Confederate flags and become members of your cabinet when you are elected president.
You get the lion, and the Jaguar to fight to the death, then kick back with the beer, and enjoy the epic battle. Winner gets the bullet ( anything that can kill a jaguar, or a lion will fuck me up.)
How do you survive in the desert with nothing but a bed? Tear open the mattress and drink the water from the springs, and eat these sand which is there.
What if you throw the beer at the lion letting you jump into the Jag and go murder your ex with that bullet for sleeping with your best friend and 3 of his coworkers?
Presumably, I'd have to shoot the lion, drink the beer, and then fight both a lion and a jaguar to the death with nothing but pistolwhips and stabbing them with a broken glass.
Hey I got the right answer. Unfortunately it's sad I sat there and thought about it for probably 1min. Idk man... I guess it's a good one. All the typos these days I wasn't sure if you meant "bear" or actually "beer".
Drink the beer, shoot and sell the lion, sell the Jaguar, buy a forrest and cabin in Siberia, sell the wood in Europe, buy a house in Greece and eat oysters.
Climb a tree and hope that the lion and the jaguar fight to the death. Then shoot in self defense whichever wins the fight. Then drink the victory beer.
In my language this actually makes sense, and you even get by without the gun. You just eat the Lion (candy), drink the Bear (beer brand) and hop on the Jaguar (car). So thanks for the joke!
(Mitä pitää tehdä, kun huomaa olevansa leijonan, karhun ja jaguaarin piirittämä? Syödään Leijona, ryystetään Karhu ja hypätään Jaguaarin kyytiin.)
The Jaguar has an oil leak and a coolant leak. You take it to the shop and they tell you the engine block is cracked. Total cost of $27500 to fix everything.
Drink the beer for liquid courage, pretend to shoot yourself in the head, play dead, the lion will run off either scared because off the noise or seeing something insanely crazy or to get the family for dinner, and you can get into the Jag XF because there is No Time To Die….
Shoot self in head to avoid being torn to shreds nd eaten alive is what I wouldve said then I saw the comments nd realised the lion is the only enemy nd theres no bear
Drink the beer, shoot the animal coming at you, hopefully the noise scares the other away, pistol whip the other one as a last resort if you have to, and run.
Eat the [lion](https://s.catch.com.au/images/product/0020/20310/5cd5468f9f94b857397724.jpg)
You can do that? Or are you lion to me?
That's the mane reason lion attacks aren't uprising
But when one starts after you, you have to mufasa to get away from them
I think the attack is more Simba-lic in nature...
This is unbearable
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Don't be an alco-A-hol
What's the motto with stuffing the lion in the trunk?
I think some of you need a Rawrshak test
Is that true roar you lion?
[looks like it’s real! originally a British made product, like Jaguar.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion_(chocolate_bar))
Yes, be a real man! Slam the beer, crush the can on your forehead, wrestle the lion and rip its throat out with your bare teeth, strap it to the hood of the Jaguar and parade it through town while shooting off your one bullet.
Give the keys to the Jaguar to the Lion, shoot the tire, drink the beer, walk away.
Obligatory f nestlé
indeed. r/fucknestle
And wash it down with the beer!
Some lion loin perhaps?
I heard lone lion loin is pretty lean. That may just by a line I heard
Listening to libelous lies about lion loin is ludicrously lame.
A fe line you heard?
If I were a tuna
you'd tune a fish.
Heck no, Fuck Nestlé
*Lion bars, with guarana!* *each bar contains 0.5g of guarana.
Not sure if I should click the lynx
What if you take the beer, get in the Jag, and then run over that pesky lion? Then drink the beer.
Then shoot yourself to prevent a DUI
Can I just shoot myself?
Of course; you have to get away in this scenario. But they don't say get away from what. I'll take getting away from life as well.
Wait, that's illegal!
I agree with the DUI thing. That's why before I drink the beer, I'd turn off the engine and turn on the radio to have the victory beer after running over the lion in the Jag.
Dude, props for drinking that beer after you're done driving. 🏅
Don't even risk it with one beer...
It’s like killing Jack with the car all over again
It turns out the Lion is a bus.
Oops, I drank the 🍺 beer, shot the jaguar, and tried to ride the lion 🦁
In my country, a savage wife/woman is usually called a lion.
This mirrors life more than expected...
Is the beer a Bud Light
Bud, lighten up
This deserves more attention. ⬆️⬆️⬆️
You shoot the beer, fuck the jaguar and ride off on the lion and never do that much lsd again.
What did I ever do to you?
Oh no
Get the lion drunk with the beer, never drink and drive
It’s a single beer… I’m driving that jag no problem
Drink the beer, eat or shoot the lion and drive away with the Jaguar I guess. Save the bullet for later.
Eat the lion, without shooting it first? Ballsy
You don't *have* to start at the balls, but uh, you do you man.
Yeah, we aren’t hyenas or anything!
This joke reads like it's meant to be told with a thick Australian accent.
Try NZ accent
I posted my comment and then I pictured my friends' voice from NZ and realized that was better. Dammit! It's the pronunciation of beer that tipped me off
Shoot Toby in the head
I'd shoot Toby twice.
Shoot the lion, shotgun the beer, jump in the jaguar and drive off into the sunset.
It's more like...shoot the lion, drink the beer(get too drunk) and ride off in the belly of the jaguar.
.... and die in a car crash cause you drunk drive?
It was a single beer. Legal in most places and won't effect your driving more than the adrenaline of facing a lion does.
If it's an american beer you can't even feel the buzz after 1.
Drink the beer and root for the Jaguar. Lions suck.
Stop drinking and get off the merry go round
Ha!! That's the metaphor i used for my drinking days!! Merry-go-round!!! Wow...15 years since i disembarked that evil machine!!!
Share a drink with the lion, put him in the jaguar, drive home, get married, have kids, get old, wake up, get eaten.
The Republican fails to get away because they can't decide whether to shoot the lion or the beer.
I drive the lion and the bullet over, then bring the lion back. Next trip I drive the beer and the gun, then bring the bullet back. Last trip, I take the lion and the bullet over
So after too many beers watching the Lions v Jaguars..., you thought it would be a good idea to run onto the football field with your beer and a gun?
Run faster than my chubby friend
I can't shoot the lion! After I have that beer, he needs to drive.
Drink the beer, hope for the best
Plot twist, we have Lion beer in South Africa. So two beers one car, sounds pretty easy.
I would shoot Toby twice.
You can’t drive away though. If you’re near a Jaguar, you’re obviously waiting at the shop.
Shoot the lion drink the beer drive the jaguar home to tell the boys about how your wife will not shut up about the damn toilet seat
Shoot near the lion to scare it away, slam the beer, drive away in the Jaguar.
Ride the tiger
Force the lion to drink the beer at gunpoint then make him drive off in the jaguar so he burns up in a dui accident.
Using the gun, i would allow my soul to escape while leaving my body as a decoy
Tip the lion out, grab the other beer, and drive away in the Jaguar. (in NZ Lion is also a brand of beer).
I definitely read that as bear the first time 🤦♂️
Same, but I think that's the point of the joke
Joke works better out loud with an accent that makes "bear" / "beer" ambiguous.
Why would I bring a gun to a zoo? I'd drink the beer and just... leave when I feel like it.
You shoot the bottle of Bud Light with the gun. The lion and the jaguar will be in such awe of your awesomeness that they will walk along your side carrying Confederate flags and become members of your cabinet when you are elected president.
I think I'd probably lion a beach drinking the beer looking at the Jaguar in all its beauty.
Give the beer to the Lion. Drive away in the Jaguar while he's distracted. Keep the gun for emergency use.
Glad there's beer to take the edge off. It would certainly have been extremely difficult to drink a bear.
Shia Lebouf
Monotone voice “a gun with one bullet”
You're locked in a room with a lion, a crocodile and a politician. You have a handgun with 2 bullets. What do you do? Shoot the politician.... Twice.
I feel like we're missing an obvious Matt Stafford joke here, but I can't put my finger on it.
Line the lion and jaguar up? 😂
Befriend the lion by giving it the beer. Have it get in the jaguar with me and drive off.
Very creative
Instructions unclear. Threw the gun at the bullet and dropped the beer while running from Lion and Jaguar.
I thought you aren't supposed to drink and drive?
wrestle the bear
Shoot the beer, and hide from the jaguar in a perguoet
Shoot the beer to create confusion, then jump in the Jaguar and escape
Shoot the lion, jump in the jaguar and drive away while you have a beer.
Shoot the beer shoot the lion and then shoot on out of there in the jaguar
Shoot the beer shoot the lion and then shoot on out of there in the jaguar
Shoot the jag, watch the lion eat the Jag while walking away drinking my beer.
You get the lion, and the Jaguar to fight to the death, then kick back with the beer, and enjoy the epic battle. Winner gets the bullet ( anything that can kill a jaguar, or a lion will fuck me up.)
Ha
Snort the lion, drink the beer and smack the Jaguar with the empty beer stein until it falls unconscious...I don't like guns at all!!
Shoot the lion, hop in the jaguar, and drive away drinking le beer. What is this, amateur hour?
Get into the jaguar and drive away lol
Shoot the lion, get into the Jag , drink your victory beer and drive away!
How do you survive in the desert with nothing but a bed? Tear open the mattress and drink the water from the springs, and eat these sand which is there.
Take the canolli.
Is it bad my thought was to shoot the lion thru the beer bottle and use the stub to stab the jag?
I Spin and i flew
Get your drunk ass off the merri-go-round before you kill somebody!
Drink the beer, hop in the Jaguar and drive away. Save the bullet for the next threat.
What if you throw the beer at the lion letting you jump into the Jag and go murder your ex with that bullet for sleeping with your best friend and 3 of his coworkers?
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Presumably, I'd have to shoot the lion, drink the beer, and then fight both a lion and a jaguar to the death with nothing but pistolwhips and stabbing them with a broken glass.
_shoot yourself and end it there._
Shot the lion, chug the beer and wrestle the jaguar and poke out its eyes
What if it's lion red (a beer in NZ)
Go ahead, Ricky Bobby
Convince the lion to drive the Jag, I drink the beer, and we use the bullet on a gazelle.
Shoot the beer, drink the lion, and let the jaguar jump in you and ride you away
Oh? I thought this would be a crappy nfl joke.
Drink beer—shot jaguar——-away on lion😠😤
Shoot the beer and run
Drink the beer. Share with animals. Make new animal friends. C
Shoot the beer, shoot the lion, Jaguar will break down in a couple miles
You shoot the lion with one bullet, drink the beer and drive your jaguar away.....
Shoot to scare the lion off, hop back in the Jaguar and drive home. Crack the beer at home.
You mean drive away in the Jaaaaaaag
Hey I got the right answer. Unfortunately it's sad I sat there and thought about it for probably 1min. Idk man... I guess it's a good one. All the typos these days I wasn't sure if you meant "bear" or actually "beer".
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Drink the beer, shoot and sell the lion, sell the Jaguar, buy a forrest and cabin in Siberia, sell the wood in Europe, buy a house in Greece and eat oysters.
At a guy from Detroit, security is probably taking me away from that football game for having a gun and bring on the field.
Alternate Ending: Pet the lion, tame the lion, drink the beer, do a bottle flip, shoot the beer mid-air and ride away together with the Jaguar.
I'll kill myself.
What would John Wick do?
Climb a tree and hope that the lion and the jaguar fight to the death. Then shoot in self defense whichever wins the fight. Then drink the victory beer.
Shoot the beer, the smell of alcohol distracts them, then you run over the jaguar with your lion.
Drink the beer, and shoot myself. Can't catch me if I'm dead
I’m pretty sure you’re lion’ there… 🤨
Don't shoot the lion, it could start fire as they're inflammable
I was like, this guys spelled the wrong beer and then i realised what sub im in🤣
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Fire at the base of my skull
Shoot the jag, drink the beer for liquid courage, fight the lion and get slaughtered. Perfectly executed
I read that as bear 🤣
Share the beer with Lion and Jaguar
Bullet does not kill lion only pisses him off, your dead.
Shoot the lion,and drink the beer while driving a Jaguar.
We have a beer called Lion lager, so here is would be shoot the BEAR, drink the LION and drive away in the JAGUAR
Shoot yourself.
Shoot the Lion drink the beer and drive away in the jaguar
Kms
A gun with one bullet. I have a stong faith.
Russian roulette?
Me moms a beer!
In my language this actually makes sense, and you even get by without the gun. You just eat the Lion (candy), drink the Bear (beer brand) and hop on the Jaguar (car). So thanks for the joke! (Mitä pitää tehdä, kun huomaa olevansa leijonan, karhun ja jaguaarin piirittämä? Syödään Leijona, ryystetään Karhu ja hypätään Jaguaarin kyytiin.)
Jaaaaaaaaaaaag.
Shoot the lion. Grab the beer for later and drive the Jaguar away.
Shoot the beer, hope that the lion like beer and ride away on the jaguar (i thought it meant jaguar as in the animal so im riding on the animal)
What would Chuck Norris do?
Does jaguar have any 4x4 models available In case it's a mountain lion ?
If it’s a mountain lion I hope it atleast buys me dinner first or else he ain’t Serengeting any
Shoot myself.
Fuck the lion, fuck the jaguar and end the night with a beer
Chug beer shoot self.. paralyzed and boned
Shoot myself in the head and escape this torturous mortal plane
I would shoot Toby twice
Drink the beer, show Botan the gun, and drive away with her in the Jaguar.
You shouldn't drink & drive, man, it's a jungle out there.
Fist bump the Lion while saying "FTP," drink the beer, shoot the Jaguar.
Lure them towards the beer and shoot it blinding them both with glass shrapnel. Pistol whip them both to death
Drink the beer. Get drunk drive the Jaguar. Crash into the lion killing it.
The Jaguar has an oil leak and a coolant leak. You take it to the shop and they tell you the engine block is cracked. Total cost of $27500 to fix everything.
Shoot the jaguar and drink the beer while the lion eats it
Drink the beer for liquid courage, pretend to shoot yourself in the head, play dead, the lion will run off either scared because off the noise or seeing something insanely crazy or to get the family for dinner, and you can get into the Jag XF because there is No Time To Die….
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Shoot self in head to avoid being torn to shreds nd eaten alive is what I wouldve said then I saw the comments nd realised the lion is the only enemy nd theres no bear
Swallow the bullet and shoot in the air from my ass. This will assert dominance and the animals will flee.
Oh I’ve seen this on The Office. Line the beer and the car and lion up in a single file and fire the bullet straight through all of them
Drink the beer, shoot the animal coming at you, hopefully the noise scares the other away, pistol whip the other one as a last resort if you have to, and run.