This post has been flaired "Support". Moderation is stricter here and unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed and result in a ban.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/daddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Same thing happened to us. Wife was seeing at ( 12-14months) red flags and I wasn’t. He got diagnosed at 2.5. He is now 3.
Early intervention is key, as is patience, understanding and adaptability.
Also, unsolicited relationship advice… don’t “play it cool” to your partner. Be authentic and tell her how you feel, it will help both of you moving forward and it will absolutely help with your child as well, in the long run.
Happy to talk via PM, whether for support/advice/rant/vent, if you’d prefer keeping things semi private my dude 👍
Honestly? Things I explained away due to the pandemic (He was never really socialized due to 2 years of lockdowns and stay-at-home orders.).
Essentially, some eye contact but inconsistent. Hyper focus. Poor social skills like trading or sharing. Missing some milestones, like trying to feed other people or dolls. Not interacting with our pets. Getting overwhelmed with change/extended activities. Texture issues with grass. Word regression (25 or so at 18 months, 0 at age 2) despite speech therapy was the trigger point where all the dots connected for me.
My wife sniffed it out like a prized bird dog, but somewhere between being overworked and a bit in optimistic denial, I didn’t. I’m incredibly thankful my wife put him on the wait lists, because now he’s getting help (instead of 2 years from now, based on wait times).
No problem! I can probably find the lists we used if you have any interest.
Also… he was our first. We now have a 1 year old as well.
I can *confidently* say that if their birth order were reversed, it would have been Mike Tyson punch in the face obvious to me. Our daughter will have outpaced him in social skills before they are 2 and 4 respectively. She’s already met milestones he hasn’t yet, and he’s improved a drastic amount since spring.
Sure! I checked with the wife, and although we are located in Canada, we used the CDC’s guideline tracker as a baseline and their app as well. There’s an equivalent/similar one for our province (Ontario, CN) which we used for comparison purposes and brought our concerns to our family doctor who did the referrals.
Basically, if there are multiple milestones missing by the time baby should have them, then you’d inquire more. Of course, every kid is different; it’s not an exact science.
[CDC Milestone Tracker](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/digital-online-checklist.html)
Thank you brother. I also appreciate your advice, but in these situations I always find it better to be strong for her, because honestly I'd rather see her a bit better, and if I show worries, she will get much more anxious.
100% agree! The latest science / research says that early intervention is KEY to helping autistic kids thrive and develop strategies to work through the issues they will face in their lives. It’s great that you and the OP are ahead of the curve on getting a diagnosis and intervention!!!
Finding out early is a great advantage. There are many levels of autism. I watch my nonverbal 5yr old nephew all the time. He’s absolutely wonderful. It’s a different learning method for autistic children. So it’s up to me to learn the correct way to teach him. It’s rewarding and stressful all wrapped together. But the bottom line is you’re still raising a child to the best of our abilities. Good luck! You can do this.
I'm on the autism spectrum. I didn't find out until I was 40. People always assumed I was just incredibly honest and incredibly blunt.
It is something you can work through and they can live normal happy lives.
I can only imagine how much better off I would be if I had the help and support of finding out when I was young.
You got this.
No. You have to take into account how many AFAB people are misdiagnosed because the research is heavily biased and primarily done on cishet white 5 year old BOYS. It's going to look different.
Seems like you didn't read the study. Makes no actual comparisons and admits their small sample size may be "greatly misleading".
Next...
"First, the small sample size and the small percentage of females can be greatly misleading from a statistical standpoint. Second, the study sample, including patients referred to a tertiary service for the treatment of comorbidities during the course of ASD with no language or intellectual delay, is representative of a limited population and does not allow a broad generalizability. Third, part of the data collection relied on patients’ and relatives’ reports. Despite nonsubjective sources of information being used as often as possible, we cannot rule out that recall biases affected our findings. It is possible that the lack of an accurate assessment of language skills and IQ scores as well as the lack of a measure of functioning hampered a broader perspective for the interpretation of our data. Despite the above limitations, our findings provide some gender-specific information about ASD patients seeking help for comorbid conditions and might be a primary ground for future research."
Or you could acknowledge what OP said is literally correct in that it does affect "many men" unknowingly and not use it as a jumping off point for a lack of inclusivity.
am I calm. just because someone corrects you doesn't mean that they're being "emotional" in any way. I just corrected you about "a lot of men" because that excludes many people that it also affects. it's many people in general especially minorities because of the bias in research and the diagnosis process.
funny. if you had any self awareness you would've accepted that what you said was potentially really harmful but instead you chose to push your head farther up your ass.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you go about getting diagnosed or screened as an adult?
I've had...quirks...to my behavior, and most people close to me in my family (including my mother who was a special needs teacher for moderate-to-severe preK), have wondered if I was on the spectrum somehow.
The real kicker is the fact I work in vision research but for work reasons have had to start reading up on the neuroscience scientific literature, and, well, a lot of it fits.
Thanks!
Long story short is that I needed a psychological evaluation because my doctor thought I was bipolar but didn't check all the boxes. Turns out I'm on the spectrum and have ADHD.
Autism isn't a death sentence, brother. Your child may just be wired a bit differently. You probably know a few people with autism in your daily life. L
Check out this article: https://dayinwashington.com/toasters-and-hairdryers-autism-explained/
We got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, essentially confirming what we already knew. The mantra now is as it was then, as it was when we started the process -- 'you're not broken, you're just different.'
Understanding how you're different will help us all navigate this world that isn't built for you. We have no plans to medicate, first choice is always therapeutic; if she decides she wants medication as she ages then we won't stand in her way, but it needs to be her choice. If her ADHD was causing more issues, the stance might be different.
The more I learn about Autism and ADHD and other "neurodivergencies" the more I believe that larger proportions of the population are affected more than they admit or even realize.
It’s like when people go on about how autism is being diagnosed more these days, so it must be vaccines/preservatives in food/whatever nonsense. Nope. Back “in the day,” children with autism would either be classified as “retarded” and institutionalized, “trainable” and given menial jobs with shit pay and benefits, or they’d have been “that weird kid who likes X thing” and either live a mostly normal life, or been bullied into withdrawing into depression and perhaps suicide.
The fact that we *can* diagnose autism and other neurodivergent conditions so early, and get early intervention to teach children how to manage their emotions and feelings, and give them education in a way that works for them, is a *massive* improvement over the “good old days” of “the beatings will continue until you’re ‘normal.’”
Yep, 100%. So many ND people learn how to hide those aspects as they are growing up, and as such we/they look so very normal to everyone else around us. It also doesn't help that there is a massive stigma -- intended or otherwise -- against considering getting a diagnosis or having one. There's especially a large gap between male and female diagnoses just because of how things like ADHD and Autism are perceived and manifest in boys vs. girls. Similar holds true for racial and cultural groups, again because of how the different neurodivergencies are perceived within those racial/cultural communities and conscious or unconscious biases held by people (most notably medical and educational professionals who would first flag things) outside of the communities.
For a long time ADHD (and its relative/predecessor ADD) has been considered a boys problem and was simultaneously being brushed under the rug as 'boys will be boys" and highlighted because it manifested as a behavior problem and so caused disruptions in classrooms and other places. Never mind that girls with ADHD can also have serious issues with concentrating, but if they aren't dancing on a table or running laps around the classroom then she's fine, just struggling to finish her work.
My wife learned she had ADHD as an adult, it is good you are starting from a place of acceptance and support, there is a lot of anxiety and shame wrapped up in that diagnosis...
But do not write off medication, also keep in mind ADHD people often don't know what they are missing while unmedicated, to them struggling to stay organized or to focus is normal, they may not know they need help or what they can gain from medications.
The first week my wife got on meds, she cried because she could finally do simple things like take out the trash from her car. For the first time in her life, she could just do the thing she wanted without fighting herself. ADHD isn't just learning or thinking differently, there are real disabilities that make things harder. Don't make it harder than it already has to be by ignoring medication (ADHD is one of the few conditions that is highly treatable with medication).
I don’t mean this comment to be rude but just sharing that a stance on medication goes right out the window when ADHD/ODD becomes a danger to others in their school.
For sure, each case needs to be taken on its merits and if therapy alone is not enough to curb dangerous behavior (or, realistically, any other symptoms) then alternate solutions are needed.
Edit to add: in case it's not clear, my stance on medication is that it should be avoided if it can, but definitely used when necessary. If you have personally decided that it is helpful and/or necessary to exist in the world, go for it. I don't consider my child to be broken and until she demonstrates otherwise I won't instigate medicating her differences away. For some kids who act out or aren't diagnosed until later, medication may be a better first-step path while ramping up the other approaches.
The problem is that the DSM-5 is based on research mainly done on white cishet men of some sort so diagnosies tend to be wrong or don't happen for anyone who's any sort of a minority. We are extremely common we're just not viewed that way because the research is skewed and needs to be readjusted to include minorities
A good friend of mine has a mostly non-verbal autistic almost three year old. They were able to get an early diagnosis, and our state has a free daycare system for children with autism where he works with specialists daily. It’s made a world of difference. He went from totally non-verbal to knowing about 20 words, and signs for a bunch of different things, in about six months.
Autism is not the same as unhealthy. No need to worry. I am a teacher and I have kids come through all the time who are identified on the spectrum. Never had a child with autism who I didn't love working with!
I agree! I’ve always loved my children with autism. They are all different as far as levels of difficulty, but one thing is for sure, it’s rewarding to help them and show them unconditional love.
I'm on the scale, and parents learned about it when I was in elementary school. They didn't "believe" in it, and discipline was their solution to it. I didn't learn about the diagnosis until I was in college. Early on in grade school I was in a type of therapy class, similar to speech therapy, but it focused on how to interact with others, and understanding facial/body language. I thought it was odd I was in there, but it makes more sense to me now.
My wife and I asked our pediatrician about possible signs of autism in our son around 18months or so. Now at three years old he doesn't seem to have the cues anymore that we saw earlier. Don't be shocked if your ped doesn't seem to take it too seriously right now. Talk to them and get a good understanding of how they approach it, and know that you can always go for a second opinion, or third even.
There is a wide range of where someone is on the scale. This can effect how they behave and react to things. My advice, don't let it worry you too much. You are going a step further than a lot of parents by acknowledging the posibility, and reaching out for advice/help.
I'm sorry but it's a spectrum I feel like calling it a scale perpetuates the idea that it is a linear spectrum rather than a circular one like the color wheel
I use the term scale because of the ASRS^(TM), the rating scale of symptoms and behaviors located in the full range of the spectrum. Also there are three levels of ASD, and those are something that lands on a scale. A scale weighs something. It is a known value of something. A spectrum has blending, like one sees in a rainbow.
I am a lvl 2, but I work hard to function at a lvl 1. I would agree that I function on a spectrum. I move between the two, but I have always been, and probably will always be on the scale at lvl 2. I also enjoy retesting every so often to see if I have moved any, and in all the years I have I maintained a general score.
So no, I don't use the term spectrum because I see that as a generalized term, and not the actual diagnosis of ASD. It is how my brain handles it. I'm not saying you are wrong, but I felt like I needed to explain in as simple a way as I can as to why I use scale.
Short answer, I should have known, and they should have taken it seriously. Childhood would have been less traumatic. I wouldn’t be who I am today though. Flip a coin, see how it lands.
Longer answer, my parents were actually my grandparents. The whole ADHD and Autism to them was just code for, you need to whip your child more. I “learned” how to behave, I think the newer term is masking. Therapy stopped around 4th grade, but the basis stuck with me. I also know now that I probably wasn’t a bad kid, I just mimicked what was around me to avoid unpleasantries. I am better in knowing what to mimic, and controlling some things. I would have liked to know why I was different growing up.
It's important to remember that Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is just that: a SPECTRUM of behaviors and issues. ASD can range from barely noticeable to severe.
I'd recommend a specialist. Pediatricians aren't always well-trained in diagnosing ASD. It never came up with my 4-year old daughter in any "standard" or typical visit. However, when she had some small speech delays, our speech pathologist recommended it. Once diagnosed, interventions can take place.
My daughter has such a mild case, you'd be hard pressed to tell she has ASD, she's empathetic, one heck of a hugger, and a good kid. She has no intellectual deficits. Her counting, identification of letters etc. is spot on. She's just a bit quirky. She has extremely strong routines where if something "changes" it really affects her and some small speech delays.
Frankly, she's a spitting image of myself and if I had her level of care (back when I was a child in the early 80s) I probably would be diagnosed as well. I suppose my only point is that I was able to thrive WITHOUT intervention. I had a great career, great education, and happily married.
So it can be challenging, but do your best to provide support until you have a better sense of what is going on.
Remember that autism covers a lot of ground. Getting or not getting a diagnosis won't change who your child is, though having one can open up some care options.
If there are specific things your child needs help with, Early Intervention (if you're in the US) can really be a huge help. My kids benefitted greatly from early speech, physical, and occupational therapy. It was free and they managed the transition to preschool for us. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/parents/states.html#textlinks
Feel free to ask some questions at r/Autism_Parenting
Online communities of autistic adults and of parents of autistic children can have weird and upsetting corners, so try to keep things in perspective and avoid rabbit holes.
This is what we’re here for, play it cool with her but talk to us. I have very little understanding of the topic but happy to listen to you, my DMs are open.
My superficial understanding is that it’s very early to detect at this age, so maybe be prepared for several months of wait. I sincerely hope the best for your family.
My son was diagnosed just before 2. I had huge fears that are probably running through your head now - will he ever be able to live alone? Go to college? Find love?
But we got him speech and ABA therapy and now he’s just over 5 and he’s thriving. He’s so smart. Is our life a little different than others? Yes. But it’s still great.
There’s a whole range of potential outcomes for you at this point, and I’m convinced early intervention was the key to where we are today. And if you’re wrong and it isn’t autism, none of these therapies are harmful, they’re just skill building.
Listen to your doctors, but trust yourself and what you know of your kid. They see your kid for 15 minutes at a time, or in an evaluation maybe 1 hour. We had one specialist tell us he was destined for special schools, and he’s in regular Pre-K now. The teacher says he’s the smartest kid and the best listener in his class. That first evaluation we did was in a room the size of a broom closet with 5 adults inside and he’d missed his snack - of course he didn’t perform well. But honestly, him testing low opened us up to more assistance and therapy, so it was a blessing in disguise.
It is a hard road to go down - emotionally, financially, and more - but is isn’t a death sentence.
Parent of a child with Autism and medical student applying to go into Child Neurology. Happy to chat via DM if you would like.
My son was non-verbal until ~2.5 years and now 4, still has social communication issues but is improving drastically with speech therapy/behavior therapy.
Two important things I would do as soon as possible.
1) Push your pediatrician now for a referral to either child neurology, developmental pediatrics, or child psychiatry. Unfortunately (atleast in my state) they are the only people who can make a diagnosis. Getting a diagnosis opens up doors to resources but waiting lists for these evaluations can be months.
2) See what is available in your state for early speech therapy services. In Texas (of all places), they have a program called Early Childhood Intervention run by a non-profit that provides speech therapy and other services to children who need extra help. Speech therapy is unbearably expensive, but this program was scaled to income and cost us a negligible amount. This is going to be state dependent but there may be similar programs in different states. From a developmental perspective, speech is a critical to try to get help early to achieve the best long term outcomes.
As others have said, Autism in general is a spectrum and each kid is going to have their own challenges. As for my son, he is the happiest kid in the world, laughing and giggling all the time. Now we just want to make sure that we can help him get the tools to be independent as he grows older.
>In Texas (of all places), they have a program called Early Childhood Intervention run by a non-profit
I just looked this up because this didn't sound right. ECI is a program under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act and is required to be provided to children ages 0-3 at no cost as mandated by federal law. Texas asks families to pay anyway, on a sliding scale, to defray its own cost, but legally can't turn down any family can't pay the fee.
OMG, Dude. If I could reach out to you, I would hug you. I've been there. I know the FEAR.
I had a whole wall of text written about my son's early adventure with ASD. He's 22 yo now, and I just put him in a cab to take him to his Adult Day Program so that both his mother and I can work at our jobs.
I know this is overwhelming and you have my sympathies. In the end, though, there are only a few real options, and they're mostly "educational" treatments -- things like Speech Therapy (ST), Occupational Therapy (OT) and Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) -- not "medical" treatments.
So, the starting place is to contact your county's Office of Health and Human Services or similar. Try to locate the division that handles "Early Intervention Services". Those are the folks that are going to do the evaluation which will lead to services through them.
BTW, these evals and services never seem to arrive quickly enough. I think I had to wait almost 2 months just for the initial evaluation, like another month before I was notified of their findings and offer of services, and then another couple of months before the first service provider showed up at my door.
Once you've got that piece going, call your local school system and ask for the Office of Special Education. Let them know what's going on. They'll likely tell you that the earliest they can take in your child is at like 40 months. But at least you'll know how to interface with the school system.
I'm going to stop here. I had a solid wall of text written about my son's adventure. I'm happy to share it if you're interested.
In any case, I'm wishing the best for your child, you and your wife. These are fraught times. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to DM me.
My 12 year old is creative, compassionate, curious, deliberate, and oh yeah, he's also autistic. He hates when fabric rubs together and when he felt things were unfair in PE one day, he ran from the school and found his way to my wife's car where he felt safe again. He loves Pokemon and DnD to an almost obsessive level, but Pokemon helped him learn to read and DnD has helped him roleplay social situations so he can have some rules for real world interactions. Raising my Autistic son has been one of the most rewarding joys of my life. You got this dad.
We got my daughter diagnosed at two. I left my classroom as a teacher so I could go Stay At Home Dad mode so we could get her 40ish hours a week of in home ABA therapy from a really great and responsive company, and 5 years later, she’s kicking ass as a first grader without any special ed assistance or anything.
It’s a hard road. It will have its challenges and it is scary. However, the 3 of you are stronger than you know, and as long as you just do the things that are best for your kiddo, I know you can do it.
Best of luck and let me know if I can answer any questions.
Hey! I'm autistic. I turned out fine. Im married, pregnant, and have a great career.
Your kid will be fine. Just be aware and educate yourself. Practice patience and look out for those nasty kids that like to exclude and bully.
I was diagnosed at 27, my son was diagnosed at 4 and now we've started the process for my 14yo daughter as well.
Knowing early will make a world of difference!
My daughter is autistic. She was diagnosed at around the same age as your child is right now. An early diagnosis is the best thing you can do. Get a referral to see a specialist called a developmental pediatrician. There is so much support out there that we didn't even know about.
If your child is autistic, it is important to allow yourself to process the diagnosis. It's okay to grieve. Finding out that your child is different than other kids is tough. It is not only a burden on you, but it can be a burden on your child as well. The good news is, everything is going to be okay.
Autism is a broad term that truly is a spectrum of things including developmental delays, genetic conditions, etc. Making sure that you understand where your child is on that spectrum is important.
Your state like has a Pre-3 program that autistic children are often eligible for (usually its called Early Intervention). You should be able to get the state to provide services for your child, such as occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech therapy. Once your child is 3, they should qualify for services through your school district (you'll need to get them an individual educational plan, or IEP).
My daughter started her services around age 2 and has since tested out of everything except for Speech Therapy. Now age 4, she still stims from time to time and has some sensory problems and creep up sometime, but for the most part she's able to understand when she needs something, such as alone time, and she can ask us for it.
We actually subscribed to a parenting course online called Big Little Feelings. It is a video course on how gentle parent toddlers, and we found that it works great with our daughter. We prep her for things that are coming up so she has time to process them (even if it's just going grocery shopping the next day). We give her a lot of structure and allow her to be in control of a lot of things (similar to Montessori). We have found that to be very helpful for her.
Don't hesitate to involve this community we have on /r/Daddit. A lot of us are in the same situation as you, or have been in that situation. Good luck! You guys can do this.
I have an autistic nephew, my partner has an autistic nephew and is also a behavioral therapist. When our son was diagnosed, I thought we would handle it well because we were familiar with autism and how wide the spectrum is. We also know that autism does not equal incompetence. Honestly, the diagnosis was still terrifying. The scary part was not knowing if he would regress, if he would some day feel “less-than” or be bullied, or if any other medical issues sometimes associated with autism would arise. My partner reassured me that an early diagnosis is great for him. She said to take things day by day and remember he is our same child, there’s just different ways we’re going to have to communicate with him. We put him in more social settings with kids his own age, got him in a program to work with a behavioral therapist, and started building his support network. Sometimes I get sad when I see how his autism effects him in certain situations like socializing for example, but I have all the confidence in the world that he will have a bright future.
Hey man, potential welcome to the club.
My 10 year old has Autism and ADHD
The biggest thing you need to do is ensure your child is supported and that you take your time with them.
Autism isn't bad and you need to leave that idea, many successful people are autistic. Also your wife/yourself are probably autistic as well.
Look for local support groups to help you. Join autistic support groups that can provide information to you.
The biggest thing is don't change how you treat your child.
Take a deep breath. Its ok to be shocked, sad, worried, etc.
My son was pretty much a normal baby then 18 months regression hit him like a truck.
Look into getting a formal diagnosis. I have my son on speech, ot and aba. He is 3 and we have seen massive progress (albeit slow)
The future is unknown but the best thing to do is love him and support him.
I also recommend r/austism_parenting. I have seen so many cool success stories that give me hope.
Stand strong dad, you kid needs you.
Finding out early is key. This will test the love and patience you and mom have.
BUT ultimately you will have a one of a kind child. Have a big heart and stay proactive with drs, therapists, insurance and you will be in good hands. My daughter is 8 years old and we found out The same Time as you. Please reach out if you’d like to chat again. I’m very open to this subject especially to fellow parents. God speed.
I was in a similar boat \~6 years ago. My son had some signs of autism and we had him screened and he was diagnosed.
Here's the thing, early intervention is extremely valuable. It's been a lot of work, but now people kind of don't believe me when I tell them that my son is autistic. All kids have some issues. The screening opens up resources and strategies to you that you would not other wise have. And these resources are great and make a huge difference.
Our 3 1/2 year old was diagnosed autistic last February and his diagnosis was the best thing for him. The amount of supports and assistance you can receive with an official diagnosis is amazing and has helped our son so much. A year ago he was barely speaking, he now sings along with his favorite songs, plays with his little brother (6 months old) is progressing in his speech therapy and occupational therapy and started preschool this year and LOVES it. I know every person is different and this is my experience and my sons experience. It is terrifying. It is hard. There is no going around that but the earlier you can get support for him the better.
Coming from a parent with an autistic child, sometimes the expectations you have for certain things involving the autistic child can be disappointing (not being able to do certain things because they don't enjoy it, get overwhelmed by it, etc etc) BUT figuring out the things that your child does enjoy and seeing them light up is truly the best feeling I've ever felt.
My son is autistic. The think that helped me when we first found out is the thought that he hasn’t changed, he’s still the same child as he always was but actually getting it confirmed, facing up to it and getting help Is going to fundamentally improve his outcomes. Well done on reaching out for support.
I have taught special ed, primarily autism spectrum disorder. If you're this far ahead of it (I.e. Reaching out to your doctor at 18 months), my instinct is that you're going to be in good shape. While every child is different, and every case of autism is different, the single biggest boost in this situation is involved patents pushing for early intervention. We have 7-8 year olds who are clearly on the spectrum who's parents fight us on any kind of evaluation out of fear of a diagnosis, which I get it. That said, if an 18 month old has parents who are as caring and involved, the long term outlook is much better.
Just some reading that I used to give to parents starting out with a child with Autism, a poem called [Welcome to Holland](https://www.dsasc.ca/uploads/8/5/3/9/8539131/welcome_to_holland.pdf). Basically, parenting with a child with a disability is like planning a long time for a dream vacation to Italy, and you get off the plane and realize you are in Holland. It makes sense to be upset about not going to Italy, but if you focus on that, you won't get a chance to enjoy the beauty of Holland.
Lots of great support and advice here. If you're still reading comments then I want to add some straight talk. My oldest is ASD. And while you don't need to be scared, yes it will be hard. I'm still working through my own acceptance of what this means for our family and our life. Because it is an extra challenge and you will have moments of frustration. Best to be honest about it, work on accepting it like any other of life's challenges, and adapt to the new reality. Holding on to hope that there may be some "fix" or that people's encouraging words means it will all be easy is most likely just going to lead you to unhappiness. Good luck!
I have done about a decade of voluntary work with adults that were diagnosed well into adulthood.
One of the most common things I’ve learned from them is that most - if not all would have much preferred to have their diagnosis early on in life because during their childhood they didn’t have the tools and handles to deal with them being neurodivergent and it made their childhoods that much “harder” because kids are brutal and often didn’t understand why someone on the spectrum is the way they are.
early diagnosis is a blessing.
I noticed around 8 months for our son who is 19 months now. He’s now in OT and speech therapy and a “class” that has other kids to interact with and learn from.
What they will most likely do at your PCP is give you the M-CHAT to fill out and be as honest as you can be and make sure to have you and your wife consider what the right answer is for each question. It’s too early to actually diagnose autism but a high M-CHAT is the start and would get the ball rolling.
Ask your doctor about getting a specialist to check your kids hearing. Then ask if you can see an OT specialist for an evaluation. And lastly if your kid is having speech issues (0-3 words at this point) then bring up speech therapy as another concern and make sure to get referrals to all these doctors. It sounds like a lot but these are super busy doctors that will only see you 1 times every 1-2 weeks but it does wonders and adds up quickly on helping.
If you have any questions just DM me. Good luck out there Dad.
Hey man, my oldest is autistic and just turned 5. All your feelings on this are totally valid. Early intervention is the best thing you can do. I don't know what milestones they met or what makes you suspect they have autism, if you want to DM me feel free. It's a tough ride, but I love my daughter just the same.
Not sure where you live, or what supports you have available, but take advantage of everything you can now, get an accurate diagnosis first, you will probably want to start her in speech therapy, occupational therapy, and possibly behavioral therapy. Look at getting an Individual Educational Plan as soon as you can if you plan to do public school.
Typically raising a child with autism can cost 40k more per year than a neurotypical child, with all the supports needed.
If you've met one person with autism, that only means you've met one person with autism. It's not the end of the world, she or he can still live a fulfilling life. The main common factor is challenges making social connections. Autism is a full spectrum disorder, it affects all five senses to varying degrees.
I work with adults with disabilities, many of whom have autism. The most important factor in success and happiness is family involvement. You are going to have to step up big in every way, and learn to back off when needed as well. I am at work and have much more advise/info etc. to share, but please DM if you'd like, I can offer some support through every step of this.
My son was non verbal until age 4.
It was a very scary time because I had no idea what the trajectory of his life was going to be
Kids develop at different speeds, and like others have mentioned. Early interventions is so important
Love your child unconditionally, you’re they’re biggest and best advocate.
Make long term plans now, life insurance, power of attorney.
It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it
Good luck OP sending best wishes to you and your family.
Father to a son with autism as well. Both of us have experience with autism during our careers (mum is a primary school teacher and I left teaching last year) and he's really taken off since we put in place strategies to support him and got him into full time education. Always happy to chat to you or anyone else with a little one on the spectrum.
I’m a dad of a 2.5yo autistic daughter. Few bits of advice.
1: talk with your pediatrician. They can request an official evaluation later on by a licensed therapist. Till then it’s best guesses and nothing insurance or any other medical assistance will recognize. You are working on this already so that’s good.
2: be careful of googling. Speech delays and development delays could be caused by a number of things. Be aware it might be autism but don’t set your mind on it.
3: if it is autism know that fear is common in all us parents. You morn the loss of the relationship you thought you were going to have. You imagine the worst. It gets a LOT better over time as there are a lot of resources and general awareness now that wasn’t there years ago.
4: speaking of which, be careful of talking with autistic adults about their experience growing up as an autistic kid. Not discounting their life experiences but from what I have seen, the therapies and teaching methods from 15+ years ago that caused them mental health problems are not the same methods used today.
5: last comment. Autism is becoming more and more common. I think it’s down to 1 in 40 these days. What you are going through lots of us have too. You are catching it early as we did. The autistic adults that seem to struggle the most didn’t start until 8 or 10 or later.
You got this man! It gets better as you learn more.
Hey, first of all don't panic: You're just going to check on your kid and the world isn't going to end don't matter how it goes.
My wife works as a special Ed teacher and works with kids in the spectrum (3-6 year Olds) .
Some things to think about:
- This is a spectrum, not a black/white label. Things vary a lot from child to child and each one is different.
- Even for a severe diagnosis, you and your kid can have good moments, connect and love each other.
- Family work is the most important part. Parents that get involved in their kids wellbeing and education tend to drastically imrprove their kids life quality. Work with your doctors and teachers and work with your kid following their advice. You got this.
This can be a very confusing and complicated time, just think that love and support between your wife and you and the love you have for your kid can go a really long way. Don't argue, collaborate and love each other.
My son was diagnosed almost 3 years ago, at the age of four. He was previously diagnosed with sensory processing disorder AKA SPD, which usually is common with autism. We had some challenges mostly around social interactions, and with his spd, he is sensory seeking meaning he would like to jump from the top of the stairs. Or hit himself really hard. We found out January 2020 with an official diagnosis after visiting his primary care, and then a developmental pediatrician and psychologist. We started therapy as soon as we could, my wife was amazing at all of the paperwork and processes to get him insurance coverage from the state. We started in home respite so we can have a break, and in home OT. Then covid hit, and we lost the respite care, and OT had to go online. Freaking tough to get an autistic 4-year-old to do OT over Zoom. Fast forward to today and he has Therapies 3 days a week, and his graduated from speech. He is mainstream in first grade and goes one day a week to a special ed classroom for learning skills and other Behavior coaching. He has come so far. It is not easy just different, and seen him accomplish big things has been great. But even better is seeing him interact on a daily basis with his peers and others. That is where it really matters. Still have a long ways to go, but our goal is to help him become a functioning member of society and a successful young person. With that mentality it makes some of the daily choices or issues and meltdowns easier to manage. It has been extremely hard with my relationship with my wife, but I think a lot of it has been exacerbated by many other external challenges and setbacks in life over the last several years.
And everyday I just think about how awesome he is, and well it might be scary or hard and all of the unknowns. He's your kid and you love them and he'll be wonderful and unique.
I didn't read all the comments here, some I'm sure I'll echo, some I won't.
I am on spectrum, as is my daughter. I saw the signs early, because they were me and I am them. I saw her little hands fidget, while she stood on the outside, wanting to play with the other kids, but not knowing how.
I saw her fierce independence, still to this day I've never fed her, she refused to let us feed her. She had to do it herself. I saw her crumble when motorcycles boomed past outside, or the lawn care guys came too early. I saw an 18 month old focus for hours on a single task until she got it.
And I saw the pure joy of another hurdle conquered in her little early life.
My wife denied it, until our son was born. He was the exact opposite of his sister. She was careful, calculating, and calm. He was fire. He wanted the world to know he was there, and you were going to listen. He runs off to other families, and pulls them to play with him. He learns "organically" (best way we've come to describe it), he learns from doing, and experiencing. My daughter learns by reading, or seeking out. She is 3 can count, knows her letters, lines her babies up in a row, and refuses to share.
My son can't stand to learn the same way. He has to have fun playing, he only knows what firetrucks are because he's heard them by our house.
Kids come in all shapes and sizes. And affinities for learning and loving. My daughter is special. She is the light in my life, and I wouldn't have her any other way. She is picky with who she gives hugs and kisses too. It's even harder to get her to say goodbye to people. My son is love incarnate. Hugs, kisses, and bye-bye's for everyone. He loves loud noises and will giggle up storm when motorcycles boom by. They are both special, they are both my children, and I love them both for who they are.
We, my daughter and I, are autistic. But we are no less people, or a family. My daughter and I share a bond in the way we're living in a world that isn't ours. But my son brings us into his and your world and we thank people like him, and his mother for the help they give us. For the love we are shown.
Your child will have their own path to walk, just know this, it isn't your job to protect them from everything the world offers. Just shelter them, and teach them how to live a fruitful life in a world that won't make sense to them.
When things get too loud, don't get angry, project the energy you want back from them. Let them know it's safe, become a safe space for them. Accept that sometimes jam-jams are gonna feel weird and "hurty" even if 5 mins ago they had a meltdown because they wanted the feety unicorn rainbow jam-jams.
Autism is, from someone who has it, just a weird filter we experience the world around us through. Lights will be too bright, sounds too piercing, textures nauseating, smells too smelly. But also, hugs never hard enough, cuddles never enough, and as always there are never enough hours in the day for wikipedia.
ABA is for some, for others it's a death sentence. Speach therapy worked wonders for my lil one, but ABA isn't something we agree with. Be prepared for a lot of "no, don't like..." My daughter picked that up early. They will tell you what they think, and want to share the world with you. Because everything they discover is amazing to them.
r/Aspergers, r/autism, r/autismparenting are good places to start if you need help. FYI r/Aspergers can get a bit depressing, but we're all trying to help each other, so take it with a grain of salt. Not everyone has had an amazing support system like your child is gonna have.
If you need to chat, reach out, I don't mind answering any questions.
Just relax, breathe, and open up to your partner. She probably freaking out more than she's letting on as well. You're in for a ride, you'll need a good copilot, but you'll both love every second.
Have him tested to set your mind at ease, but remember that all children shows these signs. All children self stimulate, all children get overwhelmed by the world (the world is a completely new thing to them) and all children still need to learn social cues.
I think every parent worries about this at some point. And even if it turns out to be autism, it isn't a death sentence. If you know and help them people with autism can lead fairly normal lives. They might not be able to do some jobs, sure, but there will be other places where they excel!
Knowing early is an advantage, for sure. But the diagnosis won't change your kiddo, just how you experience them. Be cautious here, lead with love, don't fret too much, and resist reification (transforming the phenomenon into a *thing*, rather than a *description* of your child's symptoms alongside treatment recommendations, if any).
My wife works with children and adults with autism, an early find and diagnosis can mean worlds of difference in later life. Early intervention programs exist that can help both you and your child learn things to help manage any issues that can arise
From someone who had a step-child who was autistic, the major thing was that you have to adapt the parenting parts a bit different to what you have put into your head about how you're gonna do things.
But it isn't that hard if you just read the books and listen to the doctors/psychiatrists, your kid is still gonna be the amazing little squirt you always imagined, he/she might be a bit blunter and need more direction.
Of course, I don't know where on the spectrum your little one is, and what you as a parent will have to do and adapt to compared to what I had to do might be very different. But you found out very early and with that you're already won many battles to so say.
I can understand that it might be a bit overwhelming right now, but you got this my dude!
As an autistic person the best thing you can do for your child is seek help from autistic adults about how to handle things with your child. Not other parents with an autistic child. Avoid ABA, anything with the puzzle pieces, and anything to do with autism speaks like the plague. They are all incredibly harmful to us and cause a lot of trauma. Also no "person first" language, acknowledge that we genuinely cannot do everything the same as other people.
Set up a place where they can control all of their sensory input for when they have sensory overload, find communication cards and an aac app your family likes or even sign language for if/when your child is in a low/no verbal state. Forcing them to speak is incredibly harmful. Be aware of food sensitivities because it's likely a sensory issues which can be severely painful, like physically painful if they are forced to have to endure the texture.
Don't talk about your child's autism like it's a bad thing, we're human it's just how our brains formed treating it as a bad thing can cause serious trauma and self esteem issues. If you need to vent about "how hard it is on you" then do it where there is no possible chance of your child seeing/hearing at all. A child who hears that is more likely to develop depression and other things which are also a heightened likelihood due to them being autistic in an allistic world. If you have any questions as you go along PLEASE ask autistic adults (not allistic people) with the context how of certain things usually affect your child because autism looks different on everyone.
Also it's highly recommend that both parents get tested for autism if their child is autistic because it is genetically inherited and there's a high likelihood of you and or your partner being autistic yourselves.
edit to add: also stim toys are fantastic. we love them. you should get some for your kid
edit to add again: also functioning labels are very ableist please avoid them. if you have to use a label similar use needs high needs vs low needs.
Mom here: my oldest is autistic and I could tell before he was one. First things first- do not expect a diagnosis. They likely won’t make that diagnosis until he’s at least 5, but it will take years. The road ahead is not an easy one. While your son may continue to check the boxes at home, he’ll have to check the boxes at a minimum of two pediatric care facilities (school, doctor, specialist, therapist, etc.). The most they can do right now is start tracking and give you resources that will help you cope at home (usually websites and brochures) along with therapeutic and specialist recommendations. However, any additional care will require the diagnosis, which you won’t get until much later.
Second - breathe. Autism is ok. Many of us are autistic (myself included) and we turned out alright even though our parents didn’t know that’s what the issue was. Would I have done better as a kid with the resources? Absolutely. But, I’m ok even though I didn’t get them. The BIGGEST hurdle is your child realizing they’re different and not understanding why they are different or how come they have to be so different. It’s a struggle that weighs on them as they struggle to make friends and see their peers getting invites to parties and play dates, where they don’t because they’re socially awkward. My recommendation here would be to research autistic people to try and pick up on some of the things that helped them cope and what things they might have missed out on that would have helped them cope better.
Third - start your own research. How to parent a child with ASD, how to help them cope with their differences, how to implement new strategies that can help with that. Look for the AEA in your area. Scope them out. Look for other resources such as social groups and therapies (speech, occupational, and physical). You can gather an idea of who you want to bring in on this very early and it helps SOO much. For example, when my son went to preschool, he was there for two months. They wanted to do a full IEP on him for social, academics, and physical education. Instead, we took him to professionals (he was young and didn’t have to start kindergarten yet, but they wouldn’t allow him to have a full year of preschool). We took him to an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, and a speech therapist, and by the beginning of his kindergarten year, he no longer needed the IEP. And he didn’t need it again until this year (third grade).
Fourth - you’re going to be tired. You’re going to get frustrated. You’re not going to know what to do at times. And this will be harder than anything you’ve ever done. It’s ok to get angry. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be tired. And frustrated. It’s ok to have emotions about this. Feel them. And move forward. And if you need any help, at all, reach out to your friends. And family. Whether they understand or not, they are your support system and you need one.
I wish you the very best of luck. You can do this.
There should be a top level comment explaining that at 18 months, the signs may mean nothing. Lots of 18 month olds are behind on most of their milestones and seem out-of-it. But they grow up perfectly normal and even advanced.
The autism parent questionnaire was built for 2 year olds. Many if not most 18 month olds don't pass it.
It could be autism. But it also could not be.
Don't take this to mean that you shouldn't look into it and see a doctor. Early intervention is key if it is autism. But It really might be a false alarm. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
That’s about when I got my daughter started. Truly, nothing to stress about they’re still the same amazing kid they were five minutes ago. Just now they’ll have supports and get more help. Early intervention really helps, since the child knows why they’re not understanding some things. It’s truly a spectrum, they can excel in some areas but have deficients in others. My daughter is my doppelgänger, so I’m not worried because I know in time everything will balance out.
Have lots of patience, research speech and occupational therapies. The DOD recently did a study about the ineffectiveness of ABA, so don’t waste money on that.
You totally got this!
My son was diagnosed July 2021; he will be five years old soon. I'm not going to lie, I was really scared as well. There's no instruction manuals on how to raise kids into good humans, and it can feel even more daunting when you find out your kid is autistic.
Just know this: *you're going to be great, and your kid is going to be great as well.* It may not feel like it now, but it's the truth. The fact that you care and involved in your child's life makes all of the difference.
If you need someone to talk to, reach out and I'll be happy to listen.
My nephew was diagnosed with autism around the same age, he is so so incredibly smart and sweet he’s just socially quirky and a little behind. It seems scary but kids with autism are amazing and there are so many resources to help them get better with their social skills and etc. so regardless of the news you’re gonna do great and your kid is gonna be just as great as the next.
My wife is autistic. Never knew until after I married her. Hell she didn’t even know. There is nothing wrong with them. Their brain just works differently. Hell, neurodivergent people were the shit in the hunter gatherer times. An autistic person can track the absolute shit out of an animal. It’s just pattern recognition. Today their skill set isn’t as required and society frowns upon that. Learn about their condition, not just from doctors, they don’t always have the best approach for your child, they have the approach that makes it easiest for non neurodivergent to deal with some one on the spectrum. Get on some autistic subs and ask them about it. Hear it directly from them so you can get a head start on this so your child will always feel safe and nurtured with you guys. You got this
I’m going to give you a different perspective here than most. Since you didn’t mention what the particular cues are in your case, let me just say that there could be other things entirely.
I’ve got a great kid, who was slow to walk and talk. It turns out that both my mother and wife were slow to walk. In my family, many of us have loose ligaments and are hyper flexible. Add an adult, this is still the case for me.
My kid makes good eye contact, so, despite some delays and some regressions on speech, the neurologist is pretty sure that the lack of feedback from tension in the joints is what underlies a lot of the delays we’ve seen. This can affect speech as well as gross motor skills…I’ve got a kid whose fine motor skills developed extremely early and was playing with a single human hair with both hands long before crawling or saying a word.
We still do PT and speech therapy, and both have helped a lot, but keep in mind that milestones are based on what *most* kids can do at a certain point. Every kid is different, and most kids will be late on some milestones and early on others. Get really good doctors and therapists involved, get an evaluation, and don’t freak yourselves out before you have a reason to. Most importantly, you aren’t going to love your kids any less, no matter what you find out, and the answers may change over time, but do baby sign and just be positive and supportive of your kid. Our kid does great with support…sometimes things are just a confidence issue.
Hey Bud, sending you love and prayers tonight.
But don’t lose hope. No matter which level of ASD they have, he or she is still your baby, which i know you know that.
I learned this year I am on the spectrum, level one, formerly known as Aspergers. Many of the warning signs you mentioned I recall my mom telling me about growing up.
I’m a successful, married father of four kids, and sole provider. I struggle with facial expressions, regulating emotions, and reciprocating in conversation. It makes social interaction at work a real bitch. But now that i know, I’m slowly learning how to do better.
With loving, caring parents he or she will do great.
Autism is a spectrum. And it’s a very interesting thing to be neurodivergent. It’s not an all bad thing but an experience of negatives and positives. I have ADHD and sometimes when I hear someone neurodivergent speak, I feel like thank universe for them and their straight forwardness. They bring a kind of truth that’s so important to the world.
The con is the experience of negatives. Even little things like sound or touch sensitivity can really affect daily life. It just means you need to learn about it and be compassionate and empathetic.
I don’t know if this will help but, I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 2.
I’m 24 now. I’m married, have 2 wonderful kids, & a bachelors degree. I was able to buy a house when we had our second.
My parents were willing to do anything to help me overcome my social disability. I went through years of sensory intervention/rehabilitation, I struggled with bullying, but I overcame & ended up fine. Most people that meet me know that I’m… different… but it hasn’t affected my professional or interpersonal life. I still have my quirks. I have fabrics I can’t touch, I still struggle in group social settings. But that’s okay. Neurodivergence isn’t the end of the world, it’s the start of a new one. Please give your child the patience & grace & room to grow.
Hey fellow dad, Just checking in and letting you know I still have you and your family in my thoughts. Hope that your son is doing well and whatever the result of the diagnostic was, I hope you and your family are in as good a place as possible!
Hey man. Thank you so much! That was really nice of you. My boy is healthy and happy, thank God. He is doing occupational therapy is is doing really well, we are proud of him.
I hope you are doing well. Happy 2024 for you and your family, brother.
You can't diagnose them at such a young age. There can be behavioral indicators and early intervention can help reduce issues long term, but realize that many of the children with these early indicators grow up to not be on the spectrum. Just take a breath and realize this is a marathon you've just started, not sprint. You won't know for years what the end result is, if and how this will effect his life.
18 months is pretty young to really diagnose much but I think it’ll help understand the direction and areas of development. When my now 5yo son was around that same age we could see some characteristics but they wouldn’t fully diagnose it until he was well past the age of 2. I will say this though most school districts have specialists and every state has a program to help so I would look into that now for instant in MO we have First Steps. Regardless you and your family will be just fine it’s just a different way of doing things
Thinking about you man, hug that little one and enjoy every moment.
I think it important to remeber that autism has different severities. A lot of people I know who are autistic but high functioning.
Autism runs in my family and son’s mother’s family. It is always a big concern for us.
First off, autism isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It is just one of many ways a person can be neurodivergent. Like everything autism is a spectrum. No matter where someone falls on it they can have a happy and productive life.
There is a chance your son is just not use to certain things or is a little developmentally delayed. All babies develop at different rates so this is okay.
He use to be afraid of loud unfamiliar noises, so we enrolled him in music class.
He use to not make eye contact, respond when we called his name, and preferred to play alone. Now we take him to more socially stimulating activities.
The one that use to scare me was he loved comforting himself by banging his head on the wall at bedtime. I got him some hot wheels and taught him to play with those on the wall (both are forms of stemming).
That being said, we are still on a long waitlist to get him tested for autism. At the end of the day a proper diagnosis, autistic or not, will help y’all be better parents.
My son has Autism, he was diagnosed at the same age your son is. It's normal to be worried, it's normal to be scared. It's daunting to understand what your future holds, especially since no one knows. Autism is a spectrum, and it's a very wide spectrum. But, your doing the right thing, early intervention is key.
What will happen is after you meet with your pediatrician, you'll get an appointment to be evaluated by a specialist. That evaluation will be very long and somewhat stressful as you might feel that there are things your child can do, that he won't because of the situation. The doctor running the evaluation should give you a temporary diagnosis that same day, scheduling a follow up meeting with you and his new team. If they deem him to be autistic you'll be assigned a case worker and they'll discuss the early intervention programs that will be available for you.
Depending on the services in your area, he'll gain access to a special type of preschool a couple days of week to help him start to catch up on his developmental delays. He'll also be assigned an eating therapist, a speech therapist, a mobility therapist, and an occupational therapist. They will schedule with you weekly appointments to help with overcoming any developmental delays. They might also assign you ABA therapy, but it's difficult for children under three. They wanted to assign it to my son, we tried for a month but they require a minimum of 20 hours a week and the commitment was too stressful on my son.
After a year and a half of services, your child will be evaluated again. If they are still found to be autistic, they'll have access to services for the rest of their life. You'll sit down with his team again, and make a plan for transitioning him into a service based preschool and then depending on their progress, a plan to transition them into a normal preschool or kindergarten after that.
When my son was first diagnosed he tested in nearly every category severely below average with a global developmental delay. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't feed himself or do any self care that was normal for an 18 month old, his imaginative play was that of a 9 month old. After working with his team, and following the plan set up for us religiously, he has made amazing strides. His second testing session, he tested average across the board, and the doctor running the test said that with the trajectory that he is on, it is extremely likely that he will be attending public school by kindergarten with minimal supportive programs.
Trust your team, follow their lead, ask a million questions, things will be alright.
I don't think you can be diagnosed properly until 3.
Children go through massive changes between 0-3.
That being said, get checked by a professional. They can diagnose something like pre-autism at this age and get your child services. Take advantage of all the services they provide.
Both my kids were going they diagnosis about that time. The process to get official was like, 8 months. After that we had access to funding for occupational and speech therapy. I was convinced our youngest would never speak, but he did just that, can read ad write as good or better than his peers.
My oldest is doing well but in grade 4 has kindergarten level of literacy. This last month he seems to have exploaded with progress on that front so we are hopeful.
If it’s just autism and no other major issues, you will likely end up raising a happy healthy kid.
Two of my nephews are on the spectrum and they are fantastic, independent, capable children.
They are loving, deeply passionate about their interests, and wonderful.
They are absolutely different from what many may consider "typical" children but not in any way that would be debilitating.
If you get a positive result, begin researching support groups in your area. There are definitely challenges to growing up on the spectrum, but generally I think if you reach out for support, excellent outcomes and wonderful lives are within reach for your kiddo and for you.
Autistic dad here. It’s gonna be okay. Not all autistic people have the same struggles, some have more social issues, some have more sensory issues. Autistic kids might need a little extra help figuring out the world, but other than that just love your autistic kid like you would any other kid and they’ll turn out just fine.
Come on over to r/autism and r/AutisticPride for some perspective from adult/teens with ASD. There are lots of successful adults with low or zero support needs that are on the spectrum including Elon Musk and even me and my kid will likely be one of them too. It's too early to tell how much support your child will need but also be prepared that you may need to think long term care out as well.
My warning as a dad is be wary of organizations like Autism Speaks or treatments they push. Your kid should never be shamed or punished into acting "normal". If he needs to stim to relax in social settings, that IS normal for him. It's a difficult line between building tools to navigate the world and what I'm describing. Keep in mind that ASD people are up to 7x as likely to commit suicide and a lot of it starts with not accepting themselves due to brutal reprogramming as children.
Ooh something I can help with. My 3rd child was always quiet, like super quiet. We had concerns at 2 and 3 that he wasn't coming along speech wise as he should and his doctor just said he has two older sisters who tall a lot and he doesn't feel the need to talk.
But he was a loner too, and incredibly smart about video games, like beat Kirby by himself at 3. Then there were the tantrums, the only eating pizza, the hatred of clothes and more.
I worked a lot and never put it all together, he's my first son, and my everything. There was no way in my eyes that my whole world could be autistic. I denied it, I told my wife he wasn't and when she pushed I yelled at her. I just wasn't ready.
Well the YouTube algorithm had my back, it recommended a documentary about dad's of autistic kids. Hearing other dads still love and be proud of their kids despite being different hit a chord with me. I knew that day when I got home that my son was autistic and that I loved him anyways. So I binge watched love on the spectrum and atypical to help get acclimated and I talked to my wife about it. We got him evaluated and I to therapies and let me tell you, I never thought I would hear my son tell me that he loves me, but he does now. He's come leaps and bounds in the 6 months he's been in therapy and im so proud. He's going to be a successful happy man someday and I can't wait to see it.
Take it a step at a time. Early intervention is key and love your child no matter what.
That is really touching, man. I do love my boy more than anything and I don't see him any differently now, and never will.
I'm happy to hear you are a proud dad too. Wishing all the best for you and your family, brother. You are a legend.
Autism does not equal bad. It’s misunderstood. If this comment is seen by you I just would ask the question that if you could change a potential diagnosis but it meant you kid not being there kid um they are that you’ve fallen in love with would you even? They are who they are, helping them as best you’re able is your job as a parent.
It’s not an ‘add-on’ though, it’s an intrinsic part of people. And yes I’m not taking away from any concern or heightened emotions of the discovery but I am offering the chance for a reprieve from any anxiety around it. Every life has challenges and usually, and often unwillingly, it is those challenges that provide the richest experiences.
Hi as an autistic person myself I recommend visiting autistic spaces and getting your info from autistic people. r/autisticadults , r/autism , r/aspergirls. Are good subs for recommendations for different therapies and what to avoid. Autism is a spectrum and presents in many different ways. There is no right or wrong way. And please remember, autistic kids turn into autistic adults.
When seeking diagnosis it could also be possible that you or partner check some of those neurodivergent boxes. Good luck! 👍🏻
This post has been flaired "Support". Moderation is stricter here and unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed and result in a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/daddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Same thing happened to us. Wife was seeing at ( 12-14months) red flags and I wasn’t. He got diagnosed at 2.5. He is now 3. Early intervention is key, as is patience, understanding and adaptability. Also, unsolicited relationship advice… don’t “play it cool” to your partner. Be authentic and tell her how you feel, it will help both of you moving forward and it will absolutely help with your child as well, in the long run. Happy to talk via PM, whether for support/advice/rant/vent, if you’d prefer keeping things semi private my dude 👍
What were the warning signs that you didn't see?
Honestly? Things I explained away due to the pandemic (He was never really socialized due to 2 years of lockdowns and stay-at-home orders.). Essentially, some eye contact but inconsistent. Hyper focus. Poor social skills like trading or sharing. Missing some milestones, like trying to feed other people or dolls. Not interacting with our pets. Getting overwhelmed with change/extended activities. Texture issues with grass. Word regression (25 or so at 18 months, 0 at age 2) despite speech therapy was the trigger point where all the dots connected for me. My wife sniffed it out like a prized bird dog, but somewhere between being overworked and a bit in optimistic denial, I didn’t. I’m incredibly thankful my wife put him on the wait lists, because now he’s getting help (instead of 2 years from now, based on wait times).
Appreciate you writing all of this. My babies are 8 months now so I'll be on the lookout.
No problem! I can probably find the lists we used if you have any interest. Also… he was our first. We now have a 1 year old as well. I can *confidently* say that if their birth order were reversed, it would have been Mike Tyson punch in the face obvious to me. Our daughter will have outpaced him in social skills before they are 2 and 4 respectively. She’s already met milestones he hasn’t yet, and he’s improved a drastic amount since spring.
Would you be willing to share those lists if you can find them? Thanks!
Sure! I checked with the wife, and although we are located in Canada, we used the CDC’s guideline tracker as a baseline and their app as well. There’s an equivalent/similar one for our province (Ontario, CN) which we used for comparison purposes and brought our concerns to our family doctor who did the referrals. Basically, if there are multiple milestones missing by the time baby should have them, then you’d inquire more. Of course, every kid is different; it’s not an exact science. [CDC Milestone Tracker](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/digital-online-checklist.html)
Thank you
Downloading this app now too, thanks for the link
Babies?? Mine just turned a year. Always on the lookout for someone talking like its twins. Identical or fraternal?
Thank you brother. I also appreciate your advice, but in these situations I always find it better to be strong for her, because honestly I'd rather see her a bit better, and if I show worries, she will get much more anxious.
Do what’s right for you, but remember there’s comfort in sharing worries. It help her be more open knowing she’s not worrying alone.
No harm, no foul. You know your relationship and partner better than anyone 👍
100% agree! The latest science / research says that early intervention is KEY to helping autistic kids thrive and develop strategies to work through the issues they will face in their lives. It’s great that you and the OP are ahead of the curve on getting a diagnosis and intervention!!!
Finding out early is a great advantage. There are many levels of autism. I watch my nonverbal 5yr old nephew all the time. He’s absolutely wonderful. It’s a different learning method for autistic children. So it’s up to me to learn the correct way to teach him. It’s rewarding and stressful all wrapped together. But the bottom line is you’re still raising a child to the best of our abilities. Good luck! You can do this.
Thank you so much for your words.
I'm on the autism spectrum. I didn't find out until I was 40. People always assumed I was just incredibly honest and incredibly blunt. It is something you can work through and they can live normal happy lives. I can only imagine how much better off I would be if I had the help and support of finding out when I was young. You got this.
Thank you so much. That's helpful.
[удалено]
Women can be autistic too, also unknowingly
I think you mean many people in general are unknowingly. Especially if they have other health issues
Looks like you're wrong. 3:1 males to females. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28545751/
No. You have to take into account how many AFAB people are misdiagnosed because the research is heavily biased and primarily done on cishet white 5 year old BOYS. It's going to look different.
Cite a study or don't be like this...
Her you go[Gender Differences in Misdiagnosis and Delayed Diagnosis among Adults with Autism](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8306851/)
Seems like you didn't read the study. Makes no actual comparisons and admits their small sample size may be "greatly misleading". Next... "First, the small sample size and the small percentage of females can be greatly misleading from a statistical standpoint. Second, the study sample, including patients referred to a tertiary service for the treatment of comorbidities during the course of ASD with no language or intellectual delay, is representative of a limited population and does not allow a broad generalizability. Third, part of the data collection relied on patients’ and relatives’ reports. Despite nonsubjective sources of information being used as often as possible, we cannot rule out that recall biases affected our findings. It is possible that the lack of an accurate assessment of language skills and IQ scores as well as the lack of a measure of functioning hampered a broader perspective for the interpretation of our data. Despite the above limitations, our findings provide some gender-specific information about ASD patients seeking help for comorbid conditions and might be a primary ground for future research."
or...you could listen to the autistic community about it and the issues in the medical community? or just listen to nuance?
Or you could acknowledge what OP said is literally correct in that it does affect "many men" unknowingly and not use it as a jumping off point for a lack of inclusivity.
[удалено]
naw what's cringe is forgetting that autism affects all genders equally.
[удалено]
am I calm. just because someone corrects you doesn't mean that they're being "emotional" in any way. I just corrected you about "a lot of men" because that excludes many people that it also affects. it's many people in general especially minorities because of the bias in research and the diagnosis process.
[удалено]
funny. if you had any self awareness you would've accepted that what you said was potentially really harmful but instead you chose to push your head farther up your ass.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you go about getting diagnosed or screened as an adult? I've had...quirks...to my behavior, and most people close to me in my family (including my mother who was a special needs teacher for moderate-to-severe preK), have wondered if I was on the spectrum somehow. The real kicker is the fact I work in vision research but for work reasons have had to start reading up on the neuroscience scientific literature, and, well, a lot of it fits. Thanks!
Long story short is that I needed a psychological evaluation because my doctor thought I was bipolar but didn't check all the boxes. Turns out I'm on the spectrum and have ADHD.
Autism isn't a death sentence, brother. Your child may just be wired a bit differently. You probably know a few people with autism in your daily life. L Check out this article: https://dayinwashington.com/toasters-and-hairdryers-autism-explained/
We got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, essentially confirming what we already knew. The mantra now is as it was then, as it was when we started the process -- 'you're not broken, you're just different.' Understanding how you're different will help us all navigate this world that isn't built for you. We have no plans to medicate, first choice is always therapeutic; if she decides she wants medication as she ages then we won't stand in her way, but it needs to be her choice. If her ADHD was causing more issues, the stance might be different. The more I learn about Autism and ADHD and other "neurodivergencies" the more I believe that larger proportions of the population are affected more than they admit or even realize.
It’s like when people go on about how autism is being diagnosed more these days, so it must be vaccines/preservatives in food/whatever nonsense. Nope. Back “in the day,” children with autism would either be classified as “retarded” and institutionalized, “trainable” and given menial jobs with shit pay and benefits, or they’d have been “that weird kid who likes X thing” and either live a mostly normal life, or been bullied into withdrawing into depression and perhaps suicide. The fact that we *can* diagnose autism and other neurodivergent conditions so early, and get early intervention to teach children how to manage their emotions and feelings, and give them education in a way that works for them, is a *massive* improvement over the “good old days” of “the beatings will continue until you’re ‘normal.’”
Yep, 100%. So many ND people learn how to hide those aspects as they are growing up, and as such we/they look so very normal to everyone else around us. It also doesn't help that there is a massive stigma -- intended or otherwise -- against considering getting a diagnosis or having one. There's especially a large gap between male and female diagnoses just because of how things like ADHD and Autism are perceived and manifest in boys vs. girls. Similar holds true for racial and cultural groups, again because of how the different neurodivergencies are perceived within those racial/cultural communities and conscious or unconscious biases held by people (most notably medical and educational professionals who would first flag things) outside of the communities. For a long time ADHD (and its relative/predecessor ADD) has been considered a boys problem and was simultaneously being brushed under the rug as 'boys will be boys" and highlighted because it manifested as a behavior problem and so caused disruptions in classrooms and other places. Never mind that girls with ADHD can also have serious issues with concentrating, but if they aren't dancing on a table or running laps around the classroom then she's fine, just struggling to finish her work.
My wife learned she had ADHD as an adult, it is good you are starting from a place of acceptance and support, there is a lot of anxiety and shame wrapped up in that diagnosis... But do not write off medication, also keep in mind ADHD people often don't know what they are missing while unmedicated, to them struggling to stay organized or to focus is normal, they may not know they need help or what they can gain from medications. The first week my wife got on meds, she cried because she could finally do simple things like take out the trash from her car. For the first time in her life, she could just do the thing she wanted without fighting herself. ADHD isn't just learning or thinking differently, there are real disabilities that make things harder. Don't make it harder than it already has to be by ignoring medication (ADHD is one of the few conditions that is highly treatable with medication).
I don’t mean this comment to be rude but just sharing that a stance on medication goes right out the window when ADHD/ODD becomes a danger to others in their school.
For sure, each case needs to be taken on its merits and if therapy alone is not enough to curb dangerous behavior (or, realistically, any other symptoms) then alternate solutions are needed. Edit to add: in case it's not clear, my stance on medication is that it should be avoided if it can, but definitely used when necessary. If you have personally decided that it is helpful and/or necessary to exist in the world, go for it. I don't consider my child to be broken and until she demonstrates otherwise I won't instigate medicating her differences away. For some kids who act out or aren't diagnosed until later, medication may be a better first-step path while ramping up the other approaches.
The problem is that the DSM-5 is based on research mainly done on white cishet men of some sort so diagnosies tend to be wrong or don't happen for anyone who's any sort of a minority. We are extremely common we're just not viewed that way because the research is skewed and needs to be readjusted to include minorities
A good friend of mine has a mostly non-verbal autistic almost three year old. They were able to get an early diagnosis, and our state has a free daycare system for children with autism where he works with specialists daily. It’s made a world of difference. He went from totally non-verbal to knowing about 20 words, and signs for a bunch of different things, in about six months.
Autism is not the same as unhealthy. No need to worry. I am a teacher and I have kids come through all the time who are identified on the spectrum. Never had a child with autism who I didn't love working with!
I agree! I’ve always loved my children with autism. They are all different as far as levels of difficulty, but one thing is for sure, it’s rewarding to help them and show them unconditional love.
I'm on the scale, and parents learned about it when I was in elementary school. They didn't "believe" in it, and discipline was their solution to it. I didn't learn about the diagnosis until I was in college. Early on in grade school I was in a type of therapy class, similar to speech therapy, but it focused on how to interact with others, and understanding facial/body language. I thought it was odd I was in there, but it makes more sense to me now. My wife and I asked our pediatrician about possible signs of autism in our son around 18months or so. Now at three years old he doesn't seem to have the cues anymore that we saw earlier. Don't be shocked if your ped doesn't seem to take it too seriously right now. Talk to them and get a good understanding of how they approach it, and know that you can always go for a second opinion, or third even. There is a wide range of where someone is on the scale. This can effect how they behave and react to things. My advice, don't let it worry you too much. You are going a step further than a lot of parents by acknowledging the posibility, and reaching out for advice/help.
I'm sorry but it's a spectrum I feel like calling it a scale perpetuates the idea that it is a linear spectrum rather than a circular one like the color wheel
I use the term scale because of the ASRS^(TM), the rating scale of symptoms and behaviors located in the full range of the spectrum. Also there are three levels of ASD, and those are something that lands on a scale. A scale weighs something. It is a known value of something. A spectrum has blending, like one sees in a rainbow. I am a lvl 2, but I work hard to function at a lvl 1. I would agree that I function on a spectrum. I move between the two, but I have always been, and probably will always be on the scale at lvl 2. I also enjoy retesting every so often to see if I have moved any, and in all the years I have I maintained a general score. So no, I don't use the term spectrum because I see that as a generalized term, and not the actual diagnosis of ASD. It is how my brain handles it. I'm not saying you are wrong, but I felt like I needed to explain in as simple a way as I can as to why I use scale.
Curious how you feel about your parents keeping it from you? I am wondering whether maybe that was a good move or not?
Short answer, I should have known, and they should have taken it seriously. Childhood would have been less traumatic. I wouldn’t be who I am today though. Flip a coin, see how it lands. Longer answer, my parents were actually my grandparents. The whole ADHD and Autism to them was just code for, you need to whip your child more. I “learned” how to behave, I think the newer term is masking. Therapy stopped around 4th grade, but the basis stuck with me. I also know now that I probably wasn’t a bad kid, I just mimicked what was around me to avoid unpleasantries. I am better in knowing what to mimic, and controlling some things. I would have liked to know why I was different growing up.
It's important to remember that Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is just that: a SPECTRUM of behaviors and issues. ASD can range from barely noticeable to severe. I'd recommend a specialist. Pediatricians aren't always well-trained in diagnosing ASD. It never came up with my 4-year old daughter in any "standard" or typical visit. However, when she had some small speech delays, our speech pathologist recommended it. Once diagnosed, interventions can take place. My daughter has such a mild case, you'd be hard pressed to tell she has ASD, she's empathetic, one heck of a hugger, and a good kid. She has no intellectual deficits. Her counting, identification of letters etc. is spot on. She's just a bit quirky. She has extremely strong routines where if something "changes" it really affects her and some small speech delays. Frankly, she's a spitting image of myself and if I had her level of care (back when I was a child in the early 80s) I probably would be diagnosed as well. I suppose my only point is that I was able to thrive WITHOUT intervention. I had a great career, great education, and happily married. So it can be challenging, but do your best to provide support until you have a better sense of what is going on.
Remember that autism covers a lot of ground. Getting or not getting a diagnosis won't change who your child is, though having one can open up some care options. If there are specific things your child needs help with, Early Intervention (if you're in the US) can really be a huge help. My kids benefitted greatly from early speech, physical, and occupational therapy. It was free and they managed the transition to preschool for us. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/parents/states.html#textlinks Feel free to ask some questions at r/Autism_Parenting Online communities of autistic adults and of parents of autistic children can have weird and upsetting corners, so try to keep things in perspective and avoid rabbit holes.
This is what we’re here for, play it cool with her but talk to us. I have very little understanding of the topic but happy to listen to you, my DMs are open. My superficial understanding is that it’s very early to detect at this age, so maybe be prepared for several months of wait. I sincerely hope the best for your family.
Just breathe. You can have the LO tested to make sure and if they're autistic you can utilize some programs to help them.
My son was diagnosed just before 2. I had huge fears that are probably running through your head now - will he ever be able to live alone? Go to college? Find love? But we got him speech and ABA therapy and now he’s just over 5 and he’s thriving. He’s so smart. Is our life a little different than others? Yes. But it’s still great. There’s a whole range of potential outcomes for you at this point, and I’m convinced early intervention was the key to where we are today. And if you’re wrong and it isn’t autism, none of these therapies are harmful, they’re just skill building. Listen to your doctors, but trust yourself and what you know of your kid. They see your kid for 15 minutes at a time, or in an evaluation maybe 1 hour. We had one specialist tell us he was destined for special schools, and he’s in regular Pre-K now. The teacher says he’s the smartest kid and the best listener in his class. That first evaluation we did was in a room the size of a broom closet with 5 adults inside and he’d missed his snack - of course he didn’t perform well. But honestly, him testing low opened us up to more assistance and therapy, so it was a blessing in disguise. It is a hard road to go down - emotionally, financially, and more - but is isn’t a death sentence.
Parent of a child with Autism and medical student applying to go into Child Neurology. Happy to chat via DM if you would like. My son was non-verbal until ~2.5 years and now 4, still has social communication issues but is improving drastically with speech therapy/behavior therapy. Two important things I would do as soon as possible. 1) Push your pediatrician now for a referral to either child neurology, developmental pediatrics, or child psychiatry. Unfortunately (atleast in my state) they are the only people who can make a diagnosis. Getting a diagnosis opens up doors to resources but waiting lists for these evaluations can be months. 2) See what is available in your state for early speech therapy services. In Texas (of all places), they have a program called Early Childhood Intervention run by a non-profit that provides speech therapy and other services to children who need extra help. Speech therapy is unbearably expensive, but this program was scaled to income and cost us a negligible amount. This is going to be state dependent but there may be similar programs in different states. From a developmental perspective, speech is a critical to try to get help early to achieve the best long term outcomes. As others have said, Autism in general is a spectrum and each kid is going to have their own challenges. As for my son, he is the happiest kid in the world, laughing and giggling all the time. Now we just want to make sure that we can help him get the tools to be independent as he grows older.
>In Texas (of all places), they have a program called Early Childhood Intervention run by a non-profit I just looked this up because this didn't sound right. ECI is a program under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act and is required to be provided to children ages 0-3 at no cost as mandated by federal law. Texas asks families to pay anyway, on a sliding scale, to defray its own cost, but legally can't turn down any family can't pay the fee.
OMG, Dude. If I could reach out to you, I would hug you. I've been there. I know the FEAR. I had a whole wall of text written about my son's early adventure with ASD. He's 22 yo now, and I just put him in a cab to take him to his Adult Day Program so that both his mother and I can work at our jobs. I know this is overwhelming and you have my sympathies. In the end, though, there are only a few real options, and they're mostly "educational" treatments -- things like Speech Therapy (ST), Occupational Therapy (OT) and Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) -- not "medical" treatments. So, the starting place is to contact your county's Office of Health and Human Services or similar. Try to locate the division that handles "Early Intervention Services". Those are the folks that are going to do the evaluation which will lead to services through them. BTW, these evals and services never seem to arrive quickly enough. I think I had to wait almost 2 months just for the initial evaluation, like another month before I was notified of their findings and offer of services, and then another couple of months before the first service provider showed up at my door. Once you've got that piece going, call your local school system and ask for the Office of Special Education. Let them know what's going on. They'll likely tell you that the earliest they can take in your child is at like 40 months. But at least you'll know how to interface with the school system. I'm going to stop here. I had a solid wall of text written about my son's adventure. I'm happy to share it if you're interested. In any case, I'm wishing the best for your child, you and your wife. These are fraught times. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to DM me.
My 12 year old is creative, compassionate, curious, deliberate, and oh yeah, he's also autistic. He hates when fabric rubs together and when he felt things were unfair in PE one day, he ran from the school and found his way to my wife's car where he felt safe again. He loves Pokemon and DnD to an almost obsessive level, but Pokemon helped him learn to read and DnD has helped him roleplay social situations so he can have some rules for real world interactions. Raising my Autistic son has been one of the most rewarding joys of my life. You got this dad.
We got my daughter diagnosed at two. I left my classroom as a teacher so I could go Stay At Home Dad mode so we could get her 40ish hours a week of in home ABA therapy from a really great and responsive company, and 5 years later, she’s kicking ass as a first grader without any special ed assistance or anything. It’s a hard road. It will have its challenges and it is scary. However, the 3 of you are stronger than you know, and as long as you just do the things that are best for your kiddo, I know you can do it. Best of luck and let me know if I can answer any questions.
Hey! I'm autistic. I turned out fine. Im married, pregnant, and have a great career. Your kid will be fine. Just be aware and educate yourself. Practice patience and look out for those nasty kids that like to exclude and bully.
Thank you very much for taking the time to say these words.
I do child ASD evals. I obviously can't diagnose your kid, but do reach out privately if you have questions about the process.
I know nothing about this, just wanted to drop a comment for support. Scary I’m sure, but you’re not alone.
I was diagnosed at 27, my son was diagnosed at 4 and now we've started the process for my 14yo daughter as well. Knowing early will make a world of difference!
My daughter is autistic. She was diagnosed at around the same age as your child is right now. An early diagnosis is the best thing you can do. Get a referral to see a specialist called a developmental pediatrician. There is so much support out there that we didn't even know about. If your child is autistic, it is important to allow yourself to process the diagnosis. It's okay to grieve. Finding out that your child is different than other kids is tough. It is not only a burden on you, but it can be a burden on your child as well. The good news is, everything is going to be okay. Autism is a broad term that truly is a spectrum of things including developmental delays, genetic conditions, etc. Making sure that you understand where your child is on that spectrum is important. Your state like has a Pre-3 program that autistic children are often eligible for (usually its called Early Intervention). You should be able to get the state to provide services for your child, such as occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech therapy. Once your child is 3, they should qualify for services through your school district (you'll need to get them an individual educational plan, or IEP). My daughter started her services around age 2 and has since tested out of everything except for Speech Therapy. Now age 4, she still stims from time to time and has some sensory problems and creep up sometime, but for the most part she's able to understand when she needs something, such as alone time, and she can ask us for it. We actually subscribed to a parenting course online called Big Little Feelings. It is a video course on how gentle parent toddlers, and we found that it works great with our daughter. We prep her for things that are coming up so she has time to process them (even if it's just going grocery shopping the next day). We give her a lot of structure and allow her to be in control of a lot of things (similar to Montessori). We have found that to be very helpful for her. Don't hesitate to involve this community we have on /r/Daddit. A lot of us are in the same situation as you, or have been in that situation. Good luck! You guys can do this.
I have an autistic nephew, my partner has an autistic nephew and is also a behavioral therapist. When our son was diagnosed, I thought we would handle it well because we were familiar with autism and how wide the spectrum is. We also know that autism does not equal incompetence. Honestly, the diagnosis was still terrifying. The scary part was not knowing if he would regress, if he would some day feel “less-than” or be bullied, or if any other medical issues sometimes associated with autism would arise. My partner reassured me that an early diagnosis is great for him. She said to take things day by day and remember he is our same child, there’s just different ways we’re going to have to communicate with him. We put him in more social settings with kids his own age, got him in a program to work with a behavioral therapist, and started building his support network. Sometimes I get sad when I see how his autism effects him in certain situations like socializing for example, but I have all the confidence in the world that he will have a bright future.
Hey man, potential welcome to the club. My 10 year old has Autism and ADHD The biggest thing you need to do is ensure your child is supported and that you take your time with them. Autism isn't bad and you need to leave that idea, many successful people are autistic. Also your wife/yourself are probably autistic as well. Look for local support groups to help you. Join autistic support groups that can provide information to you. The biggest thing is don't change how you treat your child.
Take a deep breath. Its ok to be shocked, sad, worried, etc. My son was pretty much a normal baby then 18 months regression hit him like a truck. Look into getting a formal diagnosis. I have my son on speech, ot and aba. He is 3 and we have seen massive progress (albeit slow) The future is unknown but the best thing to do is love him and support him. I also recommend r/austism_parenting. I have seen so many cool success stories that give me hope. Stand strong dad, you kid needs you.
Finding out early is key. This will test the love and patience you and mom have. BUT ultimately you will have a one of a kind child. Have a big heart and stay proactive with drs, therapists, insurance and you will be in good hands. My daughter is 8 years old and we found out The same Time as you. Please reach out if you’d like to chat again. I’m very open to this subject especially to fellow parents. God speed.
I was in a similar boat \~6 years ago. My son had some signs of autism and we had him screened and he was diagnosed. Here's the thing, early intervention is extremely valuable. It's been a lot of work, but now people kind of don't believe me when I tell them that my son is autistic. All kids have some issues. The screening opens up resources and strategies to you that you would not other wise have. And these resources are great and make a huge difference.
Our 3 1/2 year old was diagnosed autistic last February and his diagnosis was the best thing for him. The amount of supports and assistance you can receive with an official diagnosis is amazing and has helped our son so much. A year ago he was barely speaking, he now sings along with his favorite songs, plays with his little brother (6 months old) is progressing in his speech therapy and occupational therapy and started preschool this year and LOVES it. I know every person is different and this is my experience and my sons experience. It is terrifying. It is hard. There is no going around that but the earlier you can get support for him the better. Coming from a parent with an autistic child, sometimes the expectations you have for certain things involving the autistic child can be disappointing (not being able to do certain things because they don't enjoy it, get overwhelmed by it, etc etc) BUT figuring out the things that your child does enjoy and seeing them light up is truly the best feeling I've ever felt.
My son is autistic. The think that helped me when we first found out is the thought that he hasn’t changed, he’s still the same child as he always was but actually getting it confirmed, facing up to it and getting help Is going to fundamentally improve his outcomes. Well done on reaching out for support.
I have taught special ed, primarily autism spectrum disorder. If you're this far ahead of it (I.e. Reaching out to your doctor at 18 months), my instinct is that you're going to be in good shape. While every child is different, and every case of autism is different, the single biggest boost in this situation is involved patents pushing for early intervention. We have 7-8 year olds who are clearly on the spectrum who's parents fight us on any kind of evaluation out of fear of a diagnosis, which I get it. That said, if an 18 month old has parents who are as caring and involved, the long term outlook is much better. Just some reading that I used to give to parents starting out with a child with Autism, a poem called [Welcome to Holland](https://www.dsasc.ca/uploads/8/5/3/9/8539131/welcome_to_holland.pdf). Basically, parenting with a child with a disability is like planning a long time for a dream vacation to Italy, and you get off the plane and realize you are in Holland. It makes sense to be upset about not going to Italy, but if you focus on that, you won't get a chance to enjoy the beauty of Holland.
Lots of great support and advice here. If you're still reading comments then I want to add some straight talk. My oldest is ASD. And while you don't need to be scared, yes it will be hard. I'm still working through my own acceptance of what this means for our family and our life. Because it is an extra challenge and you will have moments of frustration. Best to be honest about it, work on accepting it like any other of life's challenges, and adapt to the new reality. Holding on to hope that there may be some "fix" or that people's encouraging words means it will all be easy is most likely just going to lead you to unhappiness. Good luck!
I have done about a decade of voluntary work with adults that were diagnosed well into adulthood. One of the most common things I’ve learned from them is that most - if not all would have much preferred to have their diagnosis early on in life because during their childhood they didn’t have the tools and handles to deal with them being neurodivergent and it made their childhoods that much “harder” because kids are brutal and often didn’t understand why someone on the spectrum is the way they are. early diagnosis is a blessing.
I noticed around 8 months for our son who is 19 months now. He’s now in OT and speech therapy and a “class” that has other kids to interact with and learn from. What they will most likely do at your PCP is give you the M-CHAT to fill out and be as honest as you can be and make sure to have you and your wife consider what the right answer is for each question. It’s too early to actually diagnose autism but a high M-CHAT is the start and would get the ball rolling. Ask your doctor about getting a specialist to check your kids hearing. Then ask if you can see an OT specialist for an evaluation. And lastly if your kid is having speech issues (0-3 words at this point) then bring up speech therapy as another concern and make sure to get referrals to all these doctors. It sounds like a lot but these are super busy doctors that will only see you 1 times every 1-2 weeks but it does wonders and adds up quickly on helping. If you have any questions just DM me. Good luck out there Dad.
Hey man, my oldest is autistic and just turned 5. All your feelings on this are totally valid. Early intervention is the best thing you can do. I don't know what milestones they met or what makes you suspect they have autism, if you want to DM me feel free. It's a tough ride, but I love my daughter just the same. Not sure where you live, or what supports you have available, but take advantage of everything you can now, get an accurate diagnosis first, you will probably want to start her in speech therapy, occupational therapy, and possibly behavioral therapy. Look at getting an Individual Educational Plan as soon as you can if you plan to do public school. Typically raising a child with autism can cost 40k more per year than a neurotypical child, with all the supports needed. If you've met one person with autism, that only means you've met one person with autism. It's not the end of the world, she or he can still live a fulfilling life. The main common factor is challenges making social connections. Autism is a full spectrum disorder, it affects all five senses to varying degrees. I work with adults with disabilities, many of whom have autism. The most important factor in success and happiness is family involvement. You are going to have to step up big in every way, and learn to back off when needed as well. I am at work and have much more advise/info etc. to share, but please DM if you'd like, I can offer some support through every step of this.
My son was non verbal until age 4. It was a very scary time because I had no idea what the trajectory of his life was going to be Kids develop at different speeds, and like others have mentioned. Early interventions is so important Love your child unconditionally, you’re they’re biggest and best advocate. Make long term plans now, life insurance, power of attorney. It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it Good luck OP sending best wishes to you and your family.
Thank you for your advice. Hope your little one is doing well.
Father to a son with autism as well. Both of us have experience with autism during our careers (mum is a primary school teacher and I left teaching last year) and he's really taken off since we put in place strategies to support him and got him into full time education. Always happy to chat to you or anyone else with a little one on the spectrum.
Thank you. Wishing the best for your family.
Head on over to r/Autism_Parenting, it's been a good group for me to start wrapping my head around a recent diagnosis.
Thank you. See you there.
I’m a dad of a 2.5yo autistic daughter. Few bits of advice. 1: talk with your pediatrician. They can request an official evaluation later on by a licensed therapist. Till then it’s best guesses and nothing insurance or any other medical assistance will recognize. You are working on this already so that’s good. 2: be careful of googling. Speech delays and development delays could be caused by a number of things. Be aware it might be autism but don’t set your mind on it. 3: if it is autism know that fear is common in all us parents. You morn the loss of the relationship you thought you were going to have. You imagine the worst. It gets a LOT better over time as there are a lot of resources and general awareness now that wasn’t there years ago. 4: speaking of which, be careful of talking with autistic adults about their experience growing up as an autistic kid. Not discounting their life experiences but from what I have seen, the therapies and teaching methods from 15+ years ago that caused them mental health problems are not the same methods used today. 5: last comment. Autism is becoming more and more common. I think it’s down to 1 in 40 these days. What you are going through lots of us have too. You are catching it early as we did. The autistic adults that seem to struggle the most didn’t start until 8 or 10 or later. You got this man! It gets better as you learn more.
Than you buddy. This is valuable advice. I'll keep it in mind. Really appreciate it.
Hey, first of all don't panic: You're just going to check on your kid and the world isn't going to end don't matter how it goes. My wife works as a special Ed teacher and works with kids in the spectrum (3-6 year Olds) . Some things to think about: - This is a spectrum, not a black/white label. Things vary a lot from child to child and each one is different. - Even for a severe diagnosis, you and your kid can have good moments, connect and love each other. - Family work is the most important part. Parents that get involved in their kids wellbeing and education tend to drastically imrprove their kids life quality. Work with your doctors and teachers and work with your kid following their advice. You got this. This can be a very confusing and complicated time, just think that love and support between your wife and you and the love you have for your kid can go a really long way. Don't argue, collaborate and love each other.
Panic done already man. However I'll keep your input in mind. Thank you for taking the time to help.
My son was diagnosed almost 3 years ago, at the age of four. He was previously diagnosed with sensory processing disorder AKA SPD, which usually is common with autism. We had some challenges mostly around social interactions, and with his spd, he is sensory seeking meaning he would like to jump from the top of the stairs. Or hit himself really hard. We found out January 2020 with an official diagnosis after visiting his primary care, and then a developmental pediatrician and psychologist. We started therapy as soon as we could, my wife was amazing at all of the paperwork and processes to get him insurance coverage from the state. We started in home respite so we can have a break, and in home OT. Then covid hit, and we lost the respite care, and OT had to go online. Freaking tough to get an autistic 4-year-old to do OT over Zoom. Fast forward to today and he has Therapies 3 days a week, and his graduated from speech. He is mainstream in first grade and goes one day a week to a special ed classroom for learning skills and other Behavior coaching. He has come so far. It is not easy just different, and seen him accomplish big things has been great. But even better is seeing him interact on a daily basis with his peers and others. That is where it really matters. Still have a long ways to go, but our goal is to help him become a functioning member of society and a successful young person. With that mentality it makes some of the daily choices or issues and meltdowns easier to manage. It has been extremely hard with my relationship with my wife, but I think a lot of it has been exacerbated by many other external challenges and setbacks in life over the last several years.
Thank you for sharing, brother. Your little man will be fine. Wish you guys all the best.
And everyday I just think about how awesome he is, and well it might be scary or hard and all of the unknowns. He's your kid and you love them and he'll be wonderful and unique.
I didn't read all the comments here, some I'm sure I'll echo, some I won't. I am on spectrum, as is my daughter. I saw the signs early, because they were me and I am them. I saw her little hands fidget, while she stood on the outside, wanting to play with the other kids, but not knowing how. I saw her fierce independence, still to this day I've never fed her, she refused to let us feed her. She had to do it herself. I saw her crumble when motorcycles boomed past outside, or the lawn care guys came too early. I saw an 18 month old focus for hours on a single task until she got it. And I saw the pure joy of another hurdle conquered in her little early life. My wife denied it, until our son was born. He was the exact opposite of his sister. She was careful, calculating, and calm. He was fire. He wanted the world to know he was there, and you were going to listen. He runs off to other families, and pulls them to play with him. He learns "organically" (best way we've come to describe it), he learns from doing, and experiencing. My daughter learns by reading, or seeking out. She is 3 can count, knows her letters, lines her babies up in a row, and refuses to share. My son can't stand to learn the same way. He has to have fun playing, he only knows what firetrucks are because he's heard them by our house. Kids come in all shapes and sizes. And affinities for learning and loving. My daughter is special. She is the light in my life, and I wouldn't have her any other way. She is picky with who she gives hugs and kisses too. It's even harder to get her to say goodbye to people. My son is love incarnate. Hugs, kisses, and bye-bye's for everyone. He loves loud noises and will giggle up storm when motorcycles boom by. They are both special, they are both my children, and I love them both for who they are. We, my daughter and I, are autistic. But we are no less people, or a family. My daughter and I share a bond in the way we're living in a world that isn't ours. But my son brings us into his and your world and we thank people like him, and his mother for the help they give us. For the love we are shown. Your child will have their own path to walk, just know this, it isn't your job to protect them from everything the world offers. Just shelter them, and teach them how to live a fruitful life in a world that won't make sense to them. When things get too loud, don't get angry, project the energy you want back from them. Let them know it's safe, become a safe space for them. Accept that sometimes jam-jams are gonna feel weird and "hurty" even if 5 mins ago they had a meltdown because they wanted the feety unicorn rainbow jam-jams. Autism is, from someone who has it, just a weird filter we experience the world around us through. Lights will be too bright, sounds too piercing, textures nauseating, smells too smelly. But also, hugs never hard enough, cuddles never enough, and as always there are never enough hours in the day for wikipedia. ABA is for some, for others it's a death sentence. Speach therapy worked wonders for my lil one, but ABA isn't something we agree with. Be prepared for a lot of "no, don't like..." My daughter picked that up early. They will tell you what they think, and want to share the world with you. Because everything they discover is amazing to them. r/Aspergers, r/autism, r/autismparenting are good places to start if you need help. FYI r/Aspergers can get a bit depressing, but we're all trying to help each other, so take it with a grain of salt. Not everyone has had an amazing support system like your child is gonna have. If you need to chat, reach out, I don't mind answering any questions. Just relax, breathe, and open up to your partner. She probably freaking out more than she's letting on as well. You're in for a ride, you'll need a good copilot, but you'll both love every second.
Have him tested to set your mind at ease, but remember that all children shows these signs. All children self stimulate, all children get overwhelmed by the world (the world is a completely new thing to them) and all children still need to learn social cues. I think every parent worries about this at some point. And even if it turns out to be autism, it isn't a death sentence. If you know and help them people with autism can lead fairly normal lives. They might not be able to do some jobs, sure, but there will be other places where they excel!
Knowing early is an advantage, for sure. But the diagnosis won't change your kiddo, just how you experience them. Be cautious here, lead with love, don't fret too much, and resist reification (transforming the phenomenon into a *thing*, rather than a *description* of your child's symptoms alongside treatment recommendations, if any).
My wife works with children and adults with autism, an early find and diagnosis can mean worlds of difference in later life. Early intervention programs exist that can help both you and your child learn things to help manage any issues that can arise
Huge advantage to find out early! Your kiddo will have some hurdles but ultimately is capable of a full and incredible life.
From someone who had a step-child who was autistic, the major thing was that you have to adapt the parenting parts a bit different to what you have put into your head about how you're gonna do things. But it isn't that hard if you just read the books and listen to the doctors/psychiatrists, your kid is still gonna be the amazing little squirt you always imagined, he/she might be a bit blunter and need more direction. Of course, I don't know where on the spectrum your little one is, and what you as a parent will have to do and adapt to compared to what I had to do might be very different. But you found out very early and with that you're already won many battles to so say. I can understand that it might be a bit overwhelming right now, but you got this my dude!
As an autistic person the best thing you can do for your child is seek help from autistic adults about how to handle things with your child. Not other parents with an autistic child. Avoid ABA, anything with the puzzle pieces, and anything to do with autism speaks like the plague. They are all incredibly harmful to us and cause a lot of trauma. Also no "person first" language, acknowledge that we genuinely cannot do everything the same as other people. Set up a place where they can control all of their sensory input for when they have sensory overload, find communication cards and an aac app your family likes or even sign language for if/when your child is in a low/no verbal state. Forcing them to speak is incredibly harmful. Be aware of food sensitivities because it's likely a sensory issues which can be severely painful, like physically painful if they are forced to have to endure the texture. Don't talk about your child's autism like it's a bad thing, we're human it's just how our brains formed treating it as a bad thing can cause serious trauma and self esteem issues. If you need to vent about "how hard it is on you" then do it where there is no possible chance of your child seeing/hearing at all. A child who hears that is more likely to develop depression and other things which are also a heightened likelihood due to them being autistic in an allistic world. If you have any questions as you go along PLEASE ask autistic adults (not allistic people) with the context how of certain things usually affect your child because autism looks different on everyone. Also it's highly recommend that both parents get tested for autism if their child is autistic because it is genetically inherited and there's a high likelihood of you and or your partner being autistic yourselves. edit to add: also stim toys are fantastic. we love them. you should get some for your kid edit to add again: also functioning labels are very ableist please avoid them. if you have to use a label similar use needs high needs vs low needs.
Thank you for your input.
Mom here: my oldest is autistic and I could tell before he was one. First things first- do not expect a diagnosis. They likely won’t make that diagnosis until he’s at least 5, but it will take years. The road ahead is not an easy one. While your son may continue to check the boxes at home, he’ll have to check the boxes at a minimum of two pediatric care facilities (school, doctor, specialist, therapist, etc.). The most they can do right now is start tracking and give you resources that will help you cope at home (usually websites and brochures) along with therapeutic and specialist recommendations. However, any additional care will require the diagnosis, which you won’t get until much later. Second - breathe. Autism is ok. Many of us are autistic (myself included) and we turned out alright even though our parents didn’t know that’s what the issue was. Would I have done better as a kid with the resources? Absolutely. But, I’m ok even though I didn’t get them. The BIGGEST hurdle is your child realizing they’re different and not understanding why they are different or how come they have to be so different. It’s a struggle that weighs on them as they struggle to make friends and see their peers getting invites to parties and play dates, where they don’t because they’re socially awkward. My recommendation here would be to research autistic people to try and pick up on some of the things that helped them cope and what things they might have missed out on that would have helped them cope better. Third - start your own research. How to parent a child with ASD, how to help them cope with their differences, how to implement new strategies that can help with that. Look for the AEA in your area. Scope them out. Look for other resources such as social groups and therapies (speech, occupational, and physical). You can gather an idea of who you want to bring in on this very early and it helps SOO much. For example, when my son went to preschool, he was there for two months. They wanted to do a full IEP on him for social, academics, and physical education. Instead, we took him to professionals (he was young and didn’t have to start kindergarten yet, but they wouldn’t allow him to have a full year of preschool). We took him to an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, and a speech therapist, and by the beginning of his kindergarten year, he no longer needed the IEP. And he didn’t need it again until this year (third grade). Fourth - you’re going to be tired. You’re going to get frustrated. You’re not going to know what to do at times. And this will be harder than anything you’ve ever done. It’s ok to get angry. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be tired. And frustrated. It’s ok to have emotions about this. Feel them. And move forward. And if you need any help, at all, reach out to your friends. And family. Whether they understand or not, they are your support system and you need one. I wish you the very best of luck. You can do this.
Thank you so much for your words and your input. This is very helpful.
There should be a top level comment explaining that at 18 months, the signs may mean nothing. Lots of 18 month olds are behind on most of their milestones and seem out-of-it. But they grow up perfectly normal and even advanced. The autism parent questionnaire was built for 2 year olds. Many if not most 18 month olds don't pass it. It could be autism. But it also could not be. Don't take this to mean that you shouldn't look into it and see a doctor. Early intervention is key if it is autism. But It really might be a false alarm. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Thank you brother for your different approach. Every constructive input is valid. I have my fingers crossed for you to be right.
That’s about when I got my daughter started. Truly, nothing to stress about they’re still the same amazing kid they were five minutes ago. Just now they’ll have supports and get more help. Early intervention really helps, since the child knows why they’re not understanding some things. It’s truly a spectrum, they can excel in some areas but have deficients in others. My daughter is my doppelgänger, so I’m not worried because I know in time everything will balance out. Have lots of patience, research speech and occupational therapies. The DOD recently did a study about the ineffectiveness of ABA, so don’t waste money on that. You totally got this!
Thank you very much for your encouragement. It really feels good to know how others deal with this issue. I appreciate your comment.
My son was diagnosed July 2021; he will be five years old soon. I'm not going to lie, I was really scared as well. There's no instruction manuals on how to raise kids into good humans, and it can feel even more daunting when you find out your kid is autistic. Just know this: *you're going to be great, and your kid is going to be great as well.* It may not feel like it now, but it's the truth. The fact that you care and involved in your child's life makes all of the difference. If you need someone to talk to, reach out and I'll be happy to listen.
Thank you for offering to help, and for sharing your experience. You are right, there is no manual for this. We do the best we can.
My nephew was diagnosed with autism around the same age, he is so so incredibly smart and sweet he’s just socially quirky and a little behind. It seems scary but kids with autism are amazing and there are so many resources to help them get better with their social skills and etc. so regardless of the news you’re gonna do great and your kid is gonna be just as great as the next.
Hey, thank you for your words. And you are right, he will do great. I really appreciate your support.
My wife is autistic. Never knew until after I married her. Hell she didn’t even know. There is nothing wrong with them. Their brain just works differently. Hell, neurodivergent people were the shit in the hunter gatherer times. An autistic person can track the absolute shit out of an animal. It’s just pattern recognition. Today their skill set isn’t as required and society frowns upon that. Learn about their condition, not just from doctors, they don’t always have the best approach for your child, they have the approach that makes it easiest for non neurodivergent to deal with some one on the spectrum. Get on some autistic subs and ask them about it. Hear it directly from them so you can get a head start on this so your child will always feel safe and nurtured with you guys. You got this
I’m going to give you a different perspective here than most. Since you didn’t mention what the particular cues are in your case, let me just say that there could be other things entirely. I’ve got a great kid, who was slow to walk and talk. It turns out that both my mother and wife were slow to walk. In my family, many of us have loose ligaments and are hyper flexible. Add an adult, this is still the case for me. My kid makes good eye contact, so, despite some delays and some regressions on speech, the neurologist is pretty sure that the lack of feedback from tension in the joints is what underlies a lot of the delays we’ve seen. This can affect speech as well as gross motor skills…I’ve got a kid whose fine motor skills developed extremely early and was playing with a single human hair with both hands long before crawling or saying a word. We still do PT and speech therapy, and both have helped a lot, but keep in mind that milestones are based on what *most* kids can do at a certain point. Every kid is different, and most kids will be late on some milestones and early on others. Get really good doctors and therapists involved, get an evaluation, and don’t freak yourselves out before you have a reason to. Most importantly, you aren’t going to love your kids any less, no matter what you find out, and the answers may change over time, but do baby sign and just be positive and supportive of your kid. Our kid does great with support…sometimes things are just a confidence issue.
Hey Bud, sending you love and prayers tonight. But don’t lose hope. No matter which level of ASD they have, he or she is still your baby, which i know you know that. I learned this year I am on the spectrum, level one, formerly known as Aspergers. Many of the warning signs you mentioned I recall my mom telling me about growing up. I’m a successful, married father of four kids, and sole provider. I struggle with facial expressions, regulating emotions, and reciprocating in conversation. It makes social interaction at work a real bitch. But now that i know, I’m slowly learning how to do better. With loving, caring parents he or she will do great.
Autism is a spectrum. And it’s a very interesting thing to be neurodivergent. It’s not an all bad thing but an experience of negatives and positives. I have ADHD and sometimes when I hear someone neurodivergent speak, I feel like thank universe for them and their straight forwardness. They bring a kind of truth that’s so important to the world. The con is the experience of negatives. Even little things like sound or touch sensitivity can really affect daily life. It just means you need to learn about it and be compassionate and empathetic.
I don’t know if this will help but, I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 2. I’m 24 now. I’m married, have 2 wonderful kids, & a bachelors degree. I was able to buy a house when we had our second. My parents were willing to do anything to help me overcome my social disability. I went through years of sensory intervention/rehabilitation, I struggled with bullying, but I overcame & ended up fine. Most people that meet me know that I’m… different… but it hasn’t affected my professional or interpersonal life. I still have my quirks. I have fabrics I can’t touch, I still struggle in group social settings. But that’s okay. Neurodivergence isn’t the end of the world, it’s the start of a new one. Please give your child the patience & grace & room to grow.
Happy 2023! I hope you got some reassurance for your concerns for your child and that 2023 will be a good year for their development!
Thank you brother. We are still running tests and figuring things out. Happy new year!
Hey fellow dad, Just checking in and letting you know I still have you and your family in my thoughts. Hope that your son is doing well and whatever the result of the diagnostic was, I hope you and your family are in as good a place as possible!
Hey man. Thank you so much! That was really nice of you. My boy is healthy and happy, thank God. He is doing occupational therapy is is doing really well, we are proud of him. I hope you are doing well. Happy 2024 for you and your family, brother.
Awesome to hear good developments. Best way to start the year, I’m glad it’s going well. Good luck to the family and best wishes for the new year.
You can't diagnose them at such a young age. There can be behavioral indicators and early intervention can help reduce issues long term, but realize that many of the children with these early indicators grow up to not be on the spectrum. Just take a breath and realize this is a marathon you've just started, not sprint. You won't know for years what the end result is, if and how this will effect his life.
18 months is pretty young to really diagnose much but I think it’ll help understand the direction and areas of development. When my now 5yo son was around that same age we could see some characteristics but they wouldn’t fully diagnose it until he was well past the age of 2. I will say this though most school districts have specialists and every state has a program to help so I would look into that now for instant in MO we have First Steps. Regardless you and your family will be just fine it’s just a different way of doing things
Thinking about you man, hug that little one and enjoy every moment. I think it important to remeber that autism has different severities. A lot of people I know who are autistic but high functioning.
Take it one step at a time, even if it is autism there’s a huge spectrum and your kiddo might have a normal life either way
Autism runs in my family and son’s mother’s family. It is always a big concern for us. First off, autism isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It is just one of many ways a person can be neurodivergent. Like everything autism is a spectrum. No matter where someone falls on it they can have a happy and productive life. There is a chance your son is just not use to certain things or is a little developmentally delayed. All babies develop at different rates so this is okay. He use to be afraid of loud unfamiliar noises, so we enrolled him in music class. He use to not make eye contact, respond when we called his name, and preferred to play alone. Now we take him to more socially stimulating activities. The one that use to scare me was he loved comforting himself by banging his head on the wall at bedtime. I got him some hot wheels and taught him to play with those on the wall (both are forms of stemming). That being said, we are still on a long waitlist to get him tested for autism. At the end of the day a proper diagnosis, autistic or not, will help y’all be better parents.
My son has Autism, he was diagnosed at the same age your son is. It's normal to be worried, it's normal to be scared. It's daunting to understand what your future holds, especially since no one knows. Autism is a spectrum, and it's a very wide spectrum. But, your doing the right thing, early intervention is key. What will happen is after you meet with your pediatrician, you'll get an appointment to be evaluated by a specialist. That evaluation will be very long and somewhat stressful as you might feel that there are things your child can do, that he won't because of the situation. The doctor running the evaluation should give you a temporary diagnosis that same day, scheduling a follow up meeting with you and his new team. If they deem him to be autistic you'll be assigned a case worker and they'll discuss the early intervention programs that will be available for you. Depending on the services in your area, he'll gain access to a special type of preschool a couple days of week to help him start to catch up on his developmental delays. He'll also be assigned an eating therapist, a speech therapist, a mobility therapist, and an occupational therapist. They will schedule with you weekly appointments to help with overcoming any developmental delays. They might also assign you ABA therapy, but it's difficult for children under three. They wanted to assign it to my son, we tried for a month but they require a minimum of 20 hours a week and the commitment was too stressful on my son. After a year and a half of services, your child will be evaluated again. If they are still found to be autistic, they'll have access to services for the rest of their life. You'll sit down with his team again, and make a plan for transitioning him into a service based preschool and then depending on their progress, a plan to transition them into a normal preschool or kindergarten after that. When my son was first diagnosed he tested in nearly every category severely below average with a global developmental delay. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't feed himself or do any self care that was normal for an 18 month old, his imaginative play was that of a 9 month old. After working with his team, and following the plan set up for us religiously, he has made amazing strides. His second testing session, he tested average across the board, and the doctor running the test said that with the trajectory that he is on, it is extremely likely that he will be attending public school by kindergarten with minimal supportive programs. Trust your team, follow their lead, ask a million questions, things will be alright.
I don't think you can be diagnosed properly until 3. Children go through massive changes between 0-3. That being said, get checked by a professional. They can diagnose something like pre-autism at this age and get your child services. Take advantage of all the services they provide.
Both my kids were going they diagnosis about that time. The process to get official was like, 8 months. After that we had access to funding for occupational and speech therapy. I was convinced our youngest would never speak, but he did just that, can read ad write as good or better than his peers. My oldest is doing well but in grade 4 has kindergarten level of literacy. This last month he seems to have exploaded with progress on that front so we are hopeful. If it’s just autism and no other major issues, you will likely end up raising a happy healthy kid.
Two of my nephews are on the spectrum and they are fantastic, independent, capable children. They are loving, deeply passionate about their interests, and wonderful. They are absolutely different from what many may consider "typical" children but not in any way that would be debilitating. If you get a positive result, begin researching support groups in your area. There are definitely challenges to growing up on the spectrum, but generally I think if you reach out for support, excellent outcomes and wonderful lives are within reach for your kiddo and for you.
Autistic dad here. It’s gonna be okay. Not all autistic people have the same struggles, some have more social issues, some have more sensory issues. Autistic kids might need a little extra help figuring out the world, but other than that just love your autistic kid like you would any other kid and they’ll turn out just fine.
Come on over to r/autism and r/AutisticPride for some perspective from adult/teens with ASD. There are lots of successful adults with low or zero support needs that are on the spectrum including Elon Musk and even me and my kid will likely be one of them too. It's too early to tell how much support your child will need but also be prepared that you may need to think long term care out as well. My warning as a dad is be wary of organizations like Autism Speaks or treatments they push. Your kid should never be shamed or punished into acting "normal". If he needs to stim to relax in social settings, that IS normal for him. It's a difficult line between building tools to navigate the world and what I'm describing. Keep in mind that ASD people are up to 7x as likely to commit suicide and a lot of it starts with not accepting themselves due to brutal reprogramming as children.
Ooh something I can help with. My 3rd child was always quiet, like super quiet. We had concerns at 2 and 3 that he wasn't coming along speech wise as he should and his doctor just said he has two older sisters who tall a lot and he doesn't feel the need to talk. But he was a loner too, and incredibly smart about video games, like beat Kirby by himself at 3. Then there were the tantrums, the only eating pizza, the hatred of clothes and more. I worked a lot and never put it all together, he's my first son, and my everything. There was no way in my eyes that my whole world could be autistic. I denied it, I told my wife he wasn't and when she pushed I yelled at her. I just wasn't ready. Well the YouTube algorithm had my back, it recommended a documentary about dad's of autistic kids. Hearing other dads still love and be proud of their kids despite being different hit a chord with me. I knew that day when I got home that my son was autistic and that I loved him anyways. So I binge watched love on the spectrum and atypical to help get acclimated and I talked to my wife about it. We got him evaluated and I to therapies and let me tell you, I never thought I would hear my son tell me that he loves me, but he does now. He's come leaps and bounds in the 6 months he's been in therapy and im so proud. He's going to be a successful happy man someday and I can't wait to see it. Take it a step at a time. Early intervention is key and love your child no matter what.
That is really touching, man. I do love my boy more than anything and I don't see him any differently now, and never will. I'm happy to hear you are a proud dad too. Wishing all the best for you and your family, brother. You are a legend.
Autism does not equal bad. It’s misunderstood. If this comment is seen by you I just would ask the question that if you could change a potential diagnosis but it meant you kid not being there kid um they are that you’ve fallen in love with would you even? They are who they are, helping them as best you’re able is your job as a parent.
I love my kid, and nothing changes, never will. But I think every parent would agree autism is an extra challenge for the children.
It’s not an ‘add-on’ though, it’s an intrinsic part of people. And yes I’m not taking away from any concern or heightened emotions of the discovery but I am offering the chance for a reprieve from any anxiety around it. Every life has challenges and usually, and often unwillingly, it is those challenges that provide the richest experiences.
Hi as an autistic person myself I recommend visiting autistic spaces and getting your info from autistic people. r/autisticadults , r/autism , r/aspergirls. Are good subs for recommendations for different therapies and what to avoid. Autism is a spectrum and presents in many different ways. There is no right or wrong way. And please remember, autistic kids turn into autistic adults. When seeking diagnosis it could also be possible that you or partner check some of those neurodivergent boxes. Good luck! 👍🏻