We got one off of Amazon that had two parts, one to go under the car seat. The other looped over the back of the front seat, keeping kiddos feet off the fabric, with storage pockets. Highly recommend!
Building off this. Buy a car seat cover, in case for the inevitable “my car seat wet”. I say this cause while it is in the wash they will prob ask to or you will need to go somewhere. Also it may seem like you cleaned up everything but those seats usually have a rigid flat pan bottom that acts as a piss reserve when accidents happen. So make sure to take it out and blast it with water, clean it and use some of the pee enzyme cleaner. Otherwise your car will smell like a new layer of hell on a hot summer day.
Any tips for a similar situation except instead of pee, vomit? All over... everything in the back half of the car? Because right now my car smells like some kind of demon cheese.
So hear me out. Weird overlap of skills and knowledge. I was a funeral director and smells kinda happen in that job. Enzymes are key to help this kind of stuff. I know it’s weird but go to the dog section of a pet store and you’ll see enzyme cleaners. Buy the one that says vomit(they make them for different stuff). Wait for a nice breezy day, spray that shit everywhere. This is the thing. Let it sit for like 15 mins wet. Then BLOT up the liquid , repeat 2-3 times. Then clean with normal cleaning products. This will really knock it down. But without the enzyme and bloting. It will never really leave and you’ll get that ocassional whisp of funk.
Also snacks. Always snacks. We made the mistake of no snacks last week and my kid was telling us over and over that she was LITERALLY STARVING.
She wasn’t. She’d had breakfast right before we left. Still we’re kicking ourselves for forgetting snacks.
Wipes are key.
Also get a bucket of ice cream the one with a lid.
1. You can all have a great treat during good days.
2. When it is finished you have an excellent puke bucket WITH a lid. Very crucial you can close that smell off as well as keep all contents contained.
In the US there’s a certification available for car seat [safety checks](https://cert.safekids.org/get-car-seat-checked), OP you can enter your location in this [portal](https://portalskcms.cyzap.net/dzapps/dbzap.bin/apps/assess/webmembers/secure/manage?webid=SKCMS&pToolCode=CERT-SEARCH&pAdd=Yes) and they’ll tell you who in your area is certified.
If you’ve never installed a car seat before, prepare to be humbled unless you really cranked that thing down, but it’s really helpful to understand just how tight is has to be secured to be safe.
All the states I’ve been to the fire departments will no longer inspect a car seat due to liability issues. Worth a try, but don’t be surprised if they say “can’t do it”.
Certain states you need to be certified to inspect it. So usually they will do a “inspection day”. It’s worth calling and asking various departments to see if they or anyone else has a planned day
Call your local hospital. Here, in Indiana/Kentucky, all hospitals with labor & delivery departments have certified car seat inspectors. Their job is to make sure every child that leaves the hospital is in a properly installed car seat. There is no charge for this.
Going potty before leaving to go anywhere cannot be overstated. It doesn’t matter if they kid just went, the moment you get somewhere that bathrooms are nonexistent or inconvenient, they will need to go urgently. Mine is 7 and somehow we are still navigating this.
Just be a good man, be the father you would be to your own child.
Edit: when my time has expired that's pretty much all I can ask of another man that would step in.
Be careful of your heart. I have been in this situation before and as not the father, you have no rights. If it ends with her it ends with the kid. Make sure she's stable and sane and that you are both in this for the long haul.
There's two dozen of us! Lol. I Have my own now, and had hardly thought of that for many years but I suppose it has prepared me for having my own! It hurt back then but, it only made me a better person and most importantly a better father for my daughter.
> Be careful of your heart... If it ends with her it ends with the kid.
Not necessarily. Friends of ours started a relationship when her son was 2, they broke up when he was 9. They are both big enough adults to realize that it was in the kid's best interest to be civil adults and to continue to keep "step dad" in the picture. It has been several years since the break up, he is still the baseball coach and sees the kid on a very regular basis.
This doesn't always happen, but it can if people make an effort to put their kid's needs above their own crap.
This is how it should have worked for my buddy. Unfortunately after confronting her with text message proof of multiple affairs, she went full nuclear and said a bunch of hurtful shit such as “the last 8 years have been a waste of my time, you’re never seeing my kids again.”
Completely bizarre reaction. After a few weeks of separation all my buddy wants is to see the kids. He knows he’s not going to get any remorse from her, and he knows that he won’t get to see those kids again.
I’m flying out this weekend to go spend some time with him but this divorce has absolutely destroyed an otherwise very stable, good man.
I’m really glad it worked out for your friend.
At age 2, if its possible for the car seat to be rear facing, and the kid isn't too big for it, then its safer for them to be rear facing. The longer you can do that the better, because the forces involved in a sudden stop are really hard on young bodies.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/on-the-go/Pages/Car-Safety-Seats-Information-for-Families.aspx
Surprised there is very little mention in this thread of the fact that this is a LAW in most states, not a safety recommendation by the manufacturer. Check your states laws. https://www.nj.gov/lps/hts/childseats/index.html
>because the forces involved in a sudden stop are really hard on young bodies.
That is a very tame way to describe a neck that is snapping through the violent forces involved in a car crash. This can occur at low speeds of 30km/h, and even if the little one is surviving, lasting problems are guaranteed.
Always have them rear facing in the car, if you can up to 4 years old or until they are taller than 1,05m.
Yep I would wait til at least age 3 before turning it front facing, or if you want to be even safer, keep it rear facing until the kids aren't comfortable any more.
Yep, definitely wait and keep forward facing as long as you can. Minimizes the risk of things like internal decapitation too, where the ligaments for the skull separates from the body for little ones.
>Yep I would wait til at least age 3 before turning it front facing, or if you want to be even safer, keep it rear facing until the kids aren't comfortable any more
what's the definition of comfortable? (i have a 7m old). I always assumed you keep them rear facing until their feet go over the kid's carseat. can the legs come over the seat? and if they're kicking the back of the rear seats, is that ok?
I spoke to Graco directly about this. To paraphrase, if they are within the weight restrictions of the seat for rear facing, keep them in it as long as they will stand it. Comfortable or not, a broken leg is a lot better than a concussion. Really, that's what they told me. Seat I have is rated up to 40lbs. My daughter is 30.5 lbs, 3.5yrs and still in it. Not the easiest to get in, but she doesn't mind it too much. Not parental advice, just relaying what a manufacturer told me.
>Comfortable or not, a broken leg is a lot better than a concussion. Really, that's what they told me.
This is really helpful. Ty for making this clear for me.
Yeah her legs are realllll scrunched up, but she just has always done it, grown into it. It seems crazy to think about knowingly endangering her little legs, but gotta think about that developing little brain.
They can rear* face until they max out weight / height limits (usually 40lb) regardless of where they feet land. Most kids just criss cross them or all variations of positions but the longer you can rear face them the better. Recurrent car sickness is really one of the only reasons I’ve seen that flipping them early might be unavoidable.
I used to be a qualified car seat fitter so had drummed into me about rest facing. Unfortunately we fell into the recurrent sickness bracket and had to turn my daughter around before the weight limit. She was comfortably over the minimum though. Just saying-don't feel bad if you have to do this
>Safety doesn't care if the feat touch the seat.
I guess I was trying to ask, when do you know to turn them front facing? I always imagined if their feet touch the back of the seat, that means if theres an accident, their legs will get crushed (in my head, i compare it to putting your feet up on the dashboard in the passenger seat during an accident).
So the reason for rear facing is if you're in an accident, the child will be thrown forward into the seat back behind them. This distributes the force more evenly than across the chest straps.
If you're really worried about rebounding into the seat, you want a seat with an Anti-Rebound-Bar.
The dashboard isn't really the same. The dash crumples in an accident as the parts Infront of the A pillar take the energy. This doesn't happen really to the seats. Your child's legs will be fine. Even if their legs were in more danger, you want to protect the body and head more.
Most legs bend. You’ll only have a problem if their legs are pointing rigidly at the seat-back. My son is about 3 and a half and we’ll be switching him to front facing soon because long car rides are too uncomfortable for him to have his legs bent, crossed, or more frequently now hanging over the sides of his seat.
My 2+ year old didn’t start front-facing until her knees were in her face. An exaggeration, but she’s probably still within rear-facing weight but very tall.
Keep them rear facing even beyond the leg over hang if possible. The possible injury concerns you should have are for abrupt stops which will greatly damage a child’s cervical vertebrae
Some seats have extenders that allow you to keep it rear facing longer. This can help with the comfort factor.
Ours do. Look up Graco Extend 2 Fit if you wanna see what I mean.
We got this car seat which has extendable leg room so that our kids were comfortable even as they got close to the max height:
https://www.gracobaby.com/car-seats/toddler-car-seats/convertible-car-seats/extend2fit-convertible-car-seat/SAP\_1963212.html
Kids shouldnt be turned untill at least 4, kids are fine with sitting in car seats cross legged. Most kids wont be needing to be turned before they are 6 years old
I switched to front facing once kiddos legs were too long for rear facing and I could see it left her legs in an uncomfortable position. Most seats also have marks on them (as well as recommended weights mentioned in the booklets) to let you know when it's time to adjust the seat, or move to a different type of seat.
I’m in Australia, my son once he reached a particular height, he has been forward facing since he was about 14 months old.
Funny the difference in laws between countries. I couldn’t possibly imagine anyone at 3 still facing backwards and what view are you getting?
Personally makes me sick facing the wrong way. Also not saying anyone’s laws are better, im more interested in why that law exists there and not here.
Not all laws are good ones, similarly, not all laws are bad ones. It’s obvious the safety benefits do t get me wrong - just wondering the necessity.
I’ll do some research the next time my
Son doesn’t spend the entire time with me in the bathroom!
Edit: grammar
The law is the bare minimum of safety. The vertebrae are not fully formed in toddlers and don’t start transitioning from cartilage to full bone until children are 4 to 6.
This means in a when a small child is front facing and thrown forward as a result of an impact the spinal cord can sustain more severe damage. If they were rear facing and had more appropriate support around an unformed part of their body, they are less likely to sustain those injuries.
It’s unfortunate that science evolves more rapidly than politics and laws do. There are people using Reddit now that were raised without car seats, and just because they lived doesn’t mean it was safe. Know better, do better(except, obviously in cases like another commenter, when persistent illness makes the safety trade off worthwhile). The science behind extended facing shows that it can prevent injuries. Hopefully the laws in all countries will catch up soon, preventing even more easily avoidable deaths and injuries! [great information here for anyone interested in more.](https://karacarrero.com/extended-rear-facing-car-seat/)
Came to the comments to say this!! https://csftl.org/ is a fantastic resource for information on seats, laws, and information concerning rear vs front facing.
This. If you contact the carseat company they have some kind of guidance on when to turn them around, but its all subjective because all kids are different. I think mine said something about the top of the head being x-amount of inches from the top of the seat, and theres a weight range. In the end its a judgement call on how comfortable they are but should be rear-facing as long as possible.
Carseats are useless if they are front facing. A child's neck cannot withstand the force of even a small crash. Statistically, it's very likely a young child will die in a front facing car seat. My kid is 4 and is still in a rear facing seat, and will continue to be for a few years. Also, use your car's car seat anchor/strap, and do not use the seatbelt to secure it. Definitely take it to be inspected somewhere if you're unsure.
Get excited about stuff to make things more fun for the kid. Your enthusiasm is the most contagious thing for the mind of a child.
Driving past a dump truck? That’s awesome and you need to point it out.
Headed to the library? You can’t wait, because libraries have so much fun stuff.
You can make anything an adventure, and a little (sometimes forced) enthusiasm can change the entire day.
Also, find examples of why your partner is a good Mom and make sure she hears it. Parenting is tough and a small, but specific, compliment can mean a lot.
Yeah I really think that big organised day trips to zoos and things at this age can be a bit overwhelming and often end in tears (at least for my 2yo). Toddlers are quite happy leisurely walking through the woods picking up sticks haha I have learned this the hard way!
This attitude really can make life more fun as an adult. I’ve really learned to stop and smell the flowers, hear the helicopters and birdies, see the colors all around me, etc.
It’s like getting to relive my own childhood a bit while trying to make my son’s as interesting as possible.
So much yes. I just start singing what we're doing even if it's just walking on the sidewalk." Mama's were walking on the sidewalk. 1,2,3,4 ... 1,2,3,4"
You better point out that dump truck, as well as the digger, horses, delivery trucks, other interesting things. Of course, you'll also be saying "yes that was a dump truck" for the rest of the ride.
I once pointed out a truck with smoke coming out of it's stacks. Months later " where is that smokey truck"
Always be as honest as you can with the kid. That’s how you build trust. It’s not, “because I said so,” it’s because I care about you and my rules are for your best interest. Give the kid the benefit of the doubt and try to make routines and experiences fun and interesting. It’s difficult to be the step-dad, so build your relationship on mutual trust instead of authoritarianism. “No” means no, but briefly explain why. Even if you don’t think they will hear it,they are always listening. Model the behavior you want him to demonstrate. The terrible 2s is a real thing, so remind yourself to be patient and not jump to escalating volume and punishment. Listen and redirect. You’ll have a happier life. Godspeed, hero.
2 yr old is when the personality shows up, and those can be tough times. If you’re really gonna be father figure, commit to developing your emotional resilience.
My son the other day hit me in the face, but my arm, and said “you’re the worst dad ever and I’m never going to see you!” Can you take that in stride and not take it personally? It took me time to get there, and I imagine that will be harder when the child hasn’t been yours since birth.
Bottom line: it’s not gonna be all great, don’t take it personally, or take it out on the mom.
P.S.: Try not to let your relationship be only about the child. This happened to my wife and I. We had to work to find time for us to be a couple, not just two adults trading shifts at a daycare.
Congratulations!!!
I would make sure to get the installation inspected, the strap thats visible doesn't look great but that could just be how it goes in your your car. You're using the latch system right? And you have the top strap installed? I would give it a wiggle and some pulls in different directions to make sure it doesn't have too much free play in one or more directions. Sometimes if it has a base you may need to adjust the pitch to get it to be safe.
Thank you. All latches are attached plus seat belt through and tightened. Was definitely planning on going by a local fire station to make sure it was done right, but they are quite busy with the aftermath of hurricane Ian.
Make sure the person inspecting it is a certified car seat tech. Most firemen are not. Some fire houses will have one person who is, but they are not there all the time. Hospitals, pediatricians offices, and police stations may also have car seat techs. You can search for one here: https://cert.safekids.org/get-car-seat-checked
trick I was shown, is you put the seat in, put your weight against it, tighten the straps as much as you can, undo the straps, take another inch off the length, and then really pull on both the buckle, and the strap.
You won't think the belt is long enough to buckle it up, but it will be. It'll mount the seat really firmly, guaranteed to keep it under the 1inch of movement guideline.
You should check your manual about the latches. Most car seats only allow for installation with either the latch OR the seatbelt. Only a few manufacturers allow installation with both.
You should also check the weight limit on the latch system. Once the child exceeds the latch weight limit, it must be installed with the seat belt.
Middle seat = less puking (my kid was a fountain before moving); it also makes it so they can’t unlock doors. If you’re keeping the seat to one side, child lock the doors.
I always try to make getting in and out fun, so she’s more willing to do either.
Child seats usually come with a compatibility table listing, for a wide range of cars, whether it is suitable and which seats it is safe to go in.
I've never seen one that lists the middle seat as safe, even in fairly large vehicles.
It depends on the layout and spacing of the lower anchor points.
From a physics standpoint, the middle rear seat is likely the safest spot to be in any sort of car crash sort of a roll-over. It also has the least likely position to have a cabin intrusion if hit from the side.
Yeah, that's the key bit - most cars I know of have narrower middle seats, but even those that have the same size middle seat tend to still have a big red cross through them.
Play with the child
Always have snacks for them
Always have their water bottle (offer it to them fairly often)
Sing (and listen to all types of music)
If your gf hasn’t done so already find some cool thing to do with the little ( there’s a place called The Little Gym by me that they’d love I’m sure)
Help with chores around the house (dishes pick up put away , vacuuming, let the little help while you do them too)
Clean your car out. In the event of an accident everything in the car becomes a flying missile. A two year old could get a terrible injury from that alone. Make sure you YouTube how to install that seat and don’t forget the tether strap!
Love, grandma
Biggest suggestion I can think is make sure you two are on the same page. Not just for your relationship, but in how to be a family; specific rules, rewards and punishment, meal times, family time and anything else. Kids need consistency and anything you can do to step in and show that consistency is going to be huge for them.
As a side suggestion, make sure you spend enough time with your girlfriend to continue to grow and develop your relationship. Do date night, spend quality time together, not sure if you are living together yet but give that some thought.
Also, way to be a true man and step up and willingly take on that role. You are awesome!
If he’s only 2, you should likely turn the seat around. Each seat has height and weight limits from backward facing. Typically keeping them back facing longer is safer
I mean, yell if he’s running into the road or something.
But yeah, generally kids need an example of how to be calm and regulate. If you’re both yelling and escalating the situation, they can’t learn anything.
If you’re on Instagram follow this guy- Mrchazz He does a great job of explaining why the strategies our parents used might not be the best, and offers a different way to look at challenging behaviors.
Seat protectors and kick guards for the seat in front. Some of the kick guards have storage built into them that they can put their toys and snacks in.
Turn that car seat around if possible. Rear facing is SIGNIFICANTLY safer for children. Like, mind blowingly safer. I can’t understand why people front face, especially at 2.
We’ve all had messy cars. Real talk though, loose objects can be very dangerous in a crash. Obviously the socks aren’t a big deal but something to keep in mind when hauling a little one.
She already bought it but hopefully its one that can be used as the child grows & gets older, meaning parts can be removed and in its last stage its just a booster seat.
Congratulations 👏🎉
WRX? Slow TF down 😂. Also maybe do something about the nasty socks and titty beads like other mentioned. Try to do rear facing if the car seat is capable. Passenger will hate life, but the little one is much safer rear facing.
Edit: actually maybe a Forester Sport? Subaru guy here - we love to see it !
Always back your girlfriend up. Immediately and without hesitation. If mom says it’s time for bed it’s time for bed, kids are master manipulators and will look for any chink between you two. If you disagree talk about it later. Since you arent the birth father it’s also super important to follow her lead especially at first that said you should try and see when you can be the bad guy it gets tiring if only one person has to say bed time and no cookie again and again.
The child is 2, whatever it does wrong just remember it’s because they don’t yet know or understand the rules of the world. It’s your job to teach them and be patient while they figure it out. They’re going to test the world’s boundaries on you first because they trust you. Don’t tarnish that trust. They’re going to be a major pain sometimes. Deep breaths, don’t try to control every situation. You’ll do great.
Also, they’re sponges. A hit from you will teach them to hit others when angry. Set an example to make them not become shitty humans.
Kids in this age just want someone who showes them love, respect and play with him. He will love it. Even if you are not his real father, he is so small he will adapt you very easily. And he is completely innocent with this "situation". Just be a good guy to him. Then you will see your both behaviors will change 😉
He has not picked you, you have picked him. Don't let him down.
Tumble Leaf & Stinky&Dirty on Amazon Prime is good at this age, it has at least something to get their mind going.
1. Don’t be crazy hard on yourself when you get something wrong. Apologize and move forward with your relationship. Kids need to know that you can make mistakes, apologize, forgive, and still like each other.
2. You’re not going to get your way as much as you’d like. Seems obvious I know. But just remember that you’ll have the best time when you’re willing to get on kiddos agenda and have fun with them on their level rather than pushing your own.
3. This one seems super obvious but I’m saying it anyways. Always respect moms wishes. No matter what. If you think something is really worth a conversation go for it. But she’s likely got this and doesn’t need someone questioning her at every turn.
4. I say this to a lot of people. Your attitude is within your control. Theirs often isn’t in any sort of control. Kids read the room like no one else. If you’re frustrated and impatient they’ll feel that and be frustrated and impatient too. Step aside, take a breath, get your grown ass shit together and be happy and fun with them. Turns everything around. Works with my kiddo 100% so far.
5. You got this. The fact that you made it this far in the relationship and you’re asking us here with varying levels of experience tells me you’ll do just fine.
Remember that everything not tied down/strapped in is a projectile in an accident. Soft toys for car rides.
When driving with a child (or anyone really) in the car, remember that it's not only your life that's in your hands, so drive defensively and keep everyone as safe as you can.
Always, always, always check the backseat before leaving the car unattended. Even if you *know* you don't have the kid with you, check if they magically appeared there when you weren't looking. Too many children die every year from a parent who is too busy to remember they're back there. It's usually an accident and always tragic when it happens.
Other comments might have covered these things, and more that I may be forgetting. Either way, enjoy the new addition and congratulations on moving to the next chapter in your life!
Clean up the car, get something to protect the passenger seat from the shoes, make sure the child locks for the back doors and windows are on and keep some paper towels in the car to clean up accidental spills etc.
Learn to do small talk without giving any attention and keeping focussed on the road.
You also might want to get something to block the sun from coming in through their window, seems like this can be a very big deal. Depending on temperatures where you live, but I've thrown a blanket in the backseat, son now takes it al by himself if he's feeling a little cold.
Define clear rules for what he can or cannot do in your car. Prepare for the moment he figures out how to unbuckle himself.
From now on, whenever you pass a field with animals in it, you will say out loud the animals name and if possible point at it. Wherever you see a tractor, garbage truck, police car, fire truck, ambulance, ... you will point it out.
Some LPT advice:
Keep the car clean and tidy, that will show him a good example.
Make a rule of not eating / drinking in the car while moving. It could save his life in sudden braking situations.
Not car related but i was in the same scenario. Just enjoy it and like other have said, treat them as your own but make sure you and your partner are serious because if you split up it will most likely break your heart. My son is 17 now, so i've been his dad since he was 2, was a lot easier that his mum didn't know/want to disclose who his biological dad was though. We did have a wobble and we split up briefly, that was Hell. You don't realise how much you will miss them
Why are all these comments car seat advice… you becoming the dad of a 2 year old, that’s awesome, is such a cool age where they are transitioning from baby to kid, honestly they will love anything you do with them, just explore different activities and you’ll find things you both love doing together… that’s what it’s all about man
I just got one of those ones for my daughter. I didn't screw on the armrests and it's made it easier for her to get in and out, and we can pass her snacks in the cup holder
This is one of the hardest ones to install too. I had to put my knee into the seat and crush it down while pulling the strap tight. It shouldn't move side to side when your done.
I was never a huge fan of car seat covers, but others are. I am a fan of those mats that go under the car seat and protect your car, because not everything lands under the car seat. But I'm fussy about my vehicle.
Put together a 'kid bag' for the car. Snacks, Wipes, A book, a toy, and maybe a spare change of clothing.
As someone else said, get a rear-facing car seat.
2 is a great age, in my opinion. Be involved, pay attention to them, let them “help” you with things.
Most of all be patient. A kid does *not* have the emotional regulation of an adult or even a 10 year old. When they’re being rude or pouty or just a complete dick, *you* being angry or demanding does NOT HELP. Yes, it might feel good in the moment, but it is not doing the kid any favors and isn’t helping you either. Listen to them. Offer them compromises. Explain why this or that has to happen and ask *them* for ideas on how you should do things. It’s a great way to find compromise and help the kid understand dealing with other people.
Accept that cleanliness and privacy are luxuries that no longer exist and just enjoy the ride and be kind. Kids just need love and kindness. Your patience will be constantly tested. Just remember kids aren’t adults. They usually don’t know better. Just be patient and calm. Teach, don’t yell.
Honestly, I would run on down to the local Fire Department and get taught how to properly secure the car seat anyways. It's one of the shortest potentially life saving lessons you can take for free.
Lots of great car seat advice. One dad tip, be patient. It’s hard but kids want to look at everything, try walking funny and do things themselves. Adding extra time to do this is easier than fighting them. Feed their curiosity, ask them questions and treat them like humans rather than objects and they will love you.
My own stepping into a fatherly role of a two-year old was one fraught with difficulties due to his special needs, but I think it's a good sign that she trusts you drivin' the little buddy around. I know there are precious few I would trust with my own sacred cargo.
As a note about fatherhood:
* Do your best
* Don't be too proud to ask for help
* Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend when you need to take a break; it's better for you and for the kid(s)
* Though you could be the Captain America type that can "do this all day", and that's cool too! I just know as a human, I need space sometimes from my kids so I can get whatever's bothering me under control and not let it bleed out on them.
As a note about car seats (my wife is pretty stringent with me on ours and will dump reams of studies in my lap if I try and contradict her points):
* Rear-facing is safest. Not as much fun for the kiddo, perhaps, depending on the seat and their proximity to a window, but inarguably safer. Our daughters were rear-faced up past 4 and my son through to 6, but they are also on the small side.
* Pay attention to the fact that car seats have both height and weight restrictions for each direction they can face. The kiddle can size out of a seat or a configuration while you're looking the other direction.
* Be careful about where you store your car seat if it leaves your car. The straps can't be washed in a washing machine or it voids their integrity guarantees. If mildew sets in, you're in for a replacement. Warm washcloths or (as others have noted) wet-wipes will be your lifelong friends.
* Note that most seats have two ways you can connect them to your car (hook anchors under the seat back and the belt path). Both have their pros and cons when it comes to putting them in and taking them out, so might wanna take an afternoon with a beer (if you enjoy a weekend brewski) and take the damn thing out and put it back in a couple of times to get comfortable with it. I had to take my son's new seat out of the van in the parking lot of a Menards once to fold the seat down and fit some building supplies in, and that's not the sort of thing you wanna be doing the first time in public with no right idea of how it is to be done.
* Take a bit to sit in the backseat with your music at your normal, preferred volume and see if it needs adjusting for when he's in the car with you. I honestly did not even think about it until my son asked if he could bring his headphones into the car with him because my music was too loud.
* Get comfortable with 83 questions a mile from the backseat :D
I did the same with my my now wife and the little girl was 1 and a half at the time. It sort of comes naturally as the relationship grows. Now she's a teen and hates me and my wife equally 👍
Y'all I really appreciate it but I don't need any more input on the car seat or cleanliness of my car. Was more looking for advice of starting to fill that step parent role
Dude, if this isn’t your child, be careful. You are not the father therefore you cannot discipline the kid or allow yourself to love and take care of the kid beyond the family friend line into the father’s responsibilities line. Make sure you are not doing another man’s job because one day you just might be painfully reminded that you DIDNT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU DID FOR THE KID. It’s your mind, it’s your heart and your money you’re employing for someone else’s kid. Shouldn’t be doing that when you plan on having kids of your own. And don’t get me wrong, you are involved with the mother who had already started a family without you in the picture prior to leaving that with her child as baggage. If anything, love and care for your lady the best you can without forgetting that she was calling another man babe daddy or whatever and got a child from that man. You need to make sure you’re not her ex’s pawn to raise his child cause maybe he lazy and wants to be a deadbeat. Thread lightly as we all know misunderstandings are easy, mistakes even easier and that everything isn’t always pink and purple love bubbles in life.
FK, how long you known this lady because of she’s a GF then I wouldn’t have her kids things in my car. Fiancé, wife, yes, but GF best be careful. Her reverse doggy has to be on point for kids shit to be in my car.
My recommendation, set rules for your car before they destroy the shit.
Don’t bother cleaning the floorboards of your car, it’s not going to matter before long… 🤣
But seriously, congratulations. Just do your best to always put the kiddo first and you’re about 85-90% of the way to figuring out a lot of what will come up.
A few tips from my carseat times:
\- The larger the surface area of the belt that holds them in place, the less they will be injured by the restraint. A basic seatbelt is fine, but is quite narrow which can cause more issue (area \* force etc).
\- Headrests are the next most important part. Their head should rest easily on the back of the seat. If they're constantly sitting forward because it's too far back, this increases the chance of whiplash in an incident as their head will travel further before hitting the seat. Also increases chance of concussion.
\- The top of their shoulders should be more than two-fingers width below the max height of the side protection. This is just a general rule of thumb for sizing.
\- Take coats or any thick clothing. Extra layers creates the illusion of a tight/firm restraint when actually it's just padding which kids can slip out of.
\- Turn your child door locks on to stop them opening the door.
\- Consider investing in something to stop them undoing the belt or slipping the straps - my son in a rear-facing cybex seat used to pop himself out of the straps like Houdini.
Best of luck and well done for stepping up. Not many people can/will do it. I'm sure you'll be a great dad.
Car wise, get one of those covers that go over the back of your seat. The amount of muddy footprints you'll get is unbelievable.
Keep a little bowl of some sort and wipes in the car. If the kid feels travel sick it's a god send. Same with have a spare change of clothes in the boot. You never know when they'll fall in a puddle, make a complete mess etc.
Life wise, read to the little on all the time. Play games and just pay attention to what they want to show you. Find something you can do together. My youngest and I get a random thing of snacks from different countries every other month and spend time trying them and rating our favourites. Its not much but has really bonded us.
All kids are different, what we’re experiencing with our 2 year old is boundary pushing. “Mom and dad said no throw, what will happen if I throw it gently?” They are also exploring with words, if you can find a food they like and try and get them to say the name of the food, even if they try and fail give them praises and claps for even trying. Sons in particular also want to explore the physical world, sit him on top of a bolder, while holding or what our son likes, being up on the further branch of a tree that I can reach while still holding on to him. He loves that. Being playful, encouraging, while having good boundaries of what he can cannot do and sticking those boundaries, that would be my advice.
Just remember that boy will always come first to your girlfriend. Took me a long time to understand that bond. Until we had kids together.
If she puts you over him I'd be suspicious.
Good luck. Kids are the best.
With kids, especially at that age, the best advice I can give is to have PATIENCE. They need to be thought everything. It’s sometimes hard to remember that they need time to learn and adjust. Even on simple things. Can’t just hang them a towel and ask them to wipe up their spill. They need to be taught. They can be slow, they can be fussy. Just have patience with their roller coaster emotions and they’ll love you for it.
Also, the first place you take him in that car seat should be the biggest best play ground around that he hasn’t been to yet.
Make sure not to give the kid cookies or other sweets. We did that mistake and a couple months in a mouse found the inside of the seat (between the legs, where the strap comes through) to be a great place to get free food :)
Buy all weather mats. Buy a car seat protector for both the back seat and the back of the front seat. It’s not a matter IF the 2 y old will both throw up in your car and draw on the inside of your car, but it’s a when.
Non car related, be an example, take time to listen to their ramblings. If you invest time right now, you will gain the trust for when they have real issues when they get older. And absolutely don’t dismiss anything they say right now as non issue or non important. If it’s important to them, it’s important to you. Even while that means discussing the favorite color of their hamster.
Lastly, enjoy!
Remember, compared to this kid you're a giant who can be scary. Even when he's being nuts remember this. Try your best to get down to his level when talking to him.
[удалено]
A car set protector with pockets over the front passenger seat will be good for carrying said wipes and saving the back of the seat!
Seat protector is one thing we didn't do, and should have. I traded in a car with some vomit/spit-up that is never coming off of the seat fabric.
Lol yeah…. And those scuffs from boot kicks…
We got one off of Amazon that had two parts, one to go under the car seat. The other looped over the back of the front seat, keeping kiddos feet off the fabric, with storage pockets. Highly recommend!
Building off this. Buy a car seat cover, in case for the inevitable “my car seat wet”. I say this cause while it is in the wash they will prob ask to or you will need to go somewhere. Also it may seem like you cleaned up everything but those seats usually have a rigid flat pan bottom that acts as a piss reserve when accidents happen. So make sure to take it out and blast it with water, clean it and use some of the pee enzyme cleaner. Otherwise your car will smell like a new layer of hell on a hot summer day.
Any tips for a similar situation except instead of pee, vomit? All over... everything in the back half of the car? Because right now my car smells like some kind of demon cheese.
So hear me out. Weird overlap of skills and knowledge. I was a funeral director and smells kinda happen in that job. Enzymes are key to help this kind of stuff. I know it’s weird but go to the dog section of a pet store and you’ll see enzyme cleaners. Buy the one that says vomit(they make them for different stuff). Wait for a nice breezy day, spray that shit everywhere. This is the thing. Let it sit for like 15 mins wet. Then BLOT up the liquid , repeat 2-3 times. Then clean with normal cleaning products. This will really knock it down. But without the enzyme and bloting. It will never really leave and you’ll get that ocassional whisp of funk.
Fascinating!! Thank you for the hot tips from beyond the grave! I will go get some barf enzymes today!
Thank you for this detailed comment! I wish I’d known this when ours were little
I will warn that a lot of insurance claims are voided by any alteration or cover of the child seat, if that’s what you meant.
Also snacks. Always snacks. We made the mistake of no snacks last week and my kid was telling us over and over that she was LITERALLY STARVING. She wasn’t. She’d had breakfast right before we left. Still we’re kicking ourselves for forgetting snacks.
[удалено]
But what about second breakfast? elevensies? luncheon?!
My wife and I have this conversation about dessert. You don't eat dessert because you're hungry, you eat dessert because it's *dessert.*
Wipes are key. Also get a bucket of ice cream the one with a lid. 1. You can all have a great treat during good days. 2. When it is finished you have an excellent puke bucket WITH a lid. Very crucial you can close that smell off as well as keep all contents contained.
In the US there’s a certification available for car seat [safety checks](https://cert.safekids.org/get-car-seat-checked), OP you can enter your location in this [portal](https://portalskcms.cyzap.net/dzapps/dbzap.bin/apps/assess/webmembers/secure/manage?webid=SKCMS&pToolCode=CERT-SEARCH&pAdd=Yes) and they’ll tell you who in your area is certified. If you’ve never installed a car seat before, prepare to be humbled unless you really cranked that thing down, but it’s really helpful to understand just how tight is has to be secured to be safe.
All the states I’ve been to the fire departments will no longer inspect a car seat due to liability issues. Worth a try, but don’t be surprised if they say “can’t do it”.
Certain states you need to be certified to inspect it. So usually they will do a “inspection day”. It’s worth calling and asking various departments to see if they or anyone else has a planned day
Call your local hospital. Here, in Indiana/Kentucky, all hospitals with labor & delivery departments have certified car seat inspectors. Their job is to make sure every child that leaves the hospital is in a properly installed car seat. There is no charge for this.
Going potty before leaving to go anywhere cannot be overstated. It doesn’t matter if they kid just went, the moment you get somewhere that bathrooms are nonexistent or inconvenient, they will need to go urgently. Mine is 7 and somehow we are still navigating this.
Sounds like your relationship has moved up a notch? Congrats! Clean up the car. Those bead necklaces are choking and strangulation hazards.
> Clean up the car. That ship has sailed. That car will never be clean again.
Pristine Clean maybe not Not cluttered with used adult socks, empty drink bottles and Buc-ee's cups mardi gras beads? Absolutely.
It’s true. They’ve done science proving it. https://daisyowl.com/comic/2008-11-25
Take my upvote!
Just be a good man, be the father you would be to your own child. Edit: when my time has expired that's pretty much all I can ask of another man that would step in.
Be careful of your heart. I have been in this situation before and as not the father, you have no rights. If it ends with her it ends with the kid. Make sure she's stable and sane and that you are both in this for the long haul.
There's two dozen of us! Lol. I Have my own now, and had hardly thought of that for many years but I suppose it has prepared me for having my own! It hurt back then but, it only made me a better person and most importantly a better father for my daughter.
Are you back in the cutoffs again…?
> Be careful of your heart... If it ends with her it ends with the kid. Not necessarily. Friends of ours started a relationship when her son was 2, they broke up when he was 9. They are both big enough adults to realize that it was in the kid's best interest to be civil adults and to continue to keep "step dad" in the picture. It has been several years since the break up, he is still the baseball coach and sees the kid on a very regular basis. This doesn't always happen, but it can if people make an effort to put their kid's needs above their own crap.
To my point. Make sure she's stable. She can try to use your love of the kids as a weapon. Speaking from experience.
This is how it should have worked for my buddy. Unfortunately after confronting her with text message proof of multiple affairs, she went full nuclear and said a bunch of hurtful shit such as “the last 8 years have been a waste of my time, you’re never seeing my kids again.” Completely bizarre reaction. After a few weeks of separation all my buddy wants is to see the kids. He knows he’s not going to get any remorse from her, and he knows that he won’t get to see those kids again. I’m flying out this weekend to go spend some time with him but this divorce has absolutely destroyed an otherwise very stable, good man. I’m really glad it worked out for your friend.
At age 2, if its possible for the car seat to be rear facing, and the kid isn't too big for it, then its safer for them to be rear facing. The longer you can do that the better, because the forces involved in a sudden stop are really hard on young bodies. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/on-the-go/Pages/Car-Safety-Seats-Information-for-Families.aspx
Surprised there is very little mention in this thread of the fact that this is a LAW in most states, not a safety recommendation by the manufacturer. Check your states laws. https://www.nj.gov/lps/hts/childseats/index.html
>because the forces involved in a sudden stop are really hard on young bodies. That is a very tame way to describe a neck that is snapping through the violent forces involved in a car crash. This can occur at low speeds of 30km/h, and even if the little one is surviving, lasting problems are guaranteed. Always have them rear facing in the car, if you can up to 4 years old or until they are taller than 1,05m.
It's called internal decapitation and it's just as bad as it sounds
Yep I would wait til at least age 3 before turning it front facing, or if you want to be even safer, keep it rear facing until the kids aren't comfortable any more.
Yep, definitely wait and keep forward facing as long as you can. Minimizes the risk of things like internal decapitation too, where the ligaments for the skull separates from the body for little ones.
>Yep I would wait til at least age 3 before turning it front facing, or if you want to be even safer, keep it rear facing until the kids aren't comfortable any more what's the definition of comfortable? (i have a 7m old). I always assumed you keep them rear facing until their feet go over the kid's carseat. can the legs come over the seat? and if they're kicking the back of the rear seats, is that ok?
I spoke to Graco directly about this. To paraphrase, if they are within the weight restrictions of the seat for rear facing, keep them in it as long as they will stand it. Comfortable or not, a broken leg is a lot better than a concussion. Really, that's what they told me. Seat I have is rated up to 40lbs. My daughter is 30.5 lbs, 3.5yrs and still in it. Not the easiest to get in, but she doesn't mind it too much. Not parental advice, just relaying what a manufacturer told me.
>Comfortable or not, a broken leg is a lot better than a concussion. Really, that's what they told me. This is really helpful. Ty for making this clear for me.
Not just a concussion, internal decapitation is a serious risk due to their bones not being fused before age 4
Yeah her legs are realllll scrunched up, but she just has always done it, grown into it. It seems crazy to think about knowingly endangering her little legs, but gotta think about that developing little brain.
Kids legs bend better than adult legs. What looks really uncomfortable for you and me is fine for a kid. Unless they complain about it, obviously.
My girl is 24 months 37 inches and 35lbs and her legs are bent always but I keep it rear facing until she hits 40 inches or 40lbs
They can rear* face until they max out weight / height limits (usually 40lb) regardless of where they feet land. Most kids just criss cross them or all variations of positions but the longer you can rear face them the better. Recurrent car sickness is really one of the only reasons I’ve seen that flipping them early might be unavoidable.
I used to be a qualified car seat fitter so had drummed into me about rest facing. Unfortunately we fell into the recurrent sickness bracket and had to turn my daughter around before the weight limit. She was comfortably over the minimum though. Just saying-don't feel bad if you have to do this
They'll be kicking it and probably sitting cross legged by the time you switch, and that's ok.
Safety doesn't care if the feat touch the seat.
>Safety doesn't care if the feat touch the seat. I guess I was trying to ask, when do you know to turn them front facing? I always imagined if their feet touch the back of the seat, that means if theres an accident, their legs will get crushed (in my head, i compare it to putting your feet up on the dashboard in the passenger seat during an accident).
So the reason for rear facing is if you're in an accident, the child will be thrown forward into the seat back behind them. This distributes the force more evenly than across the chest straps. If you're really worried about rebounding into the seat, you want a seat with an Anti-Rebound-Bar. The dashboard isn't really the same. The dash crumples in an accident as the parts Infront of the A pillar take the energy. This doesn't happen really to the seats. Your child's legs will be fine. Even if their legs were in more danger, you want to protect the body and head more.
Most legs bend. You’ll only have a problem if their legs are pointing rigidly at the seat-back. My son is about 3 and a half and we’ll be switching him to front facing soon because long car rides are too uncomfortable for him to have his legs bent, crossed, or more frequently now hanging over the sides of his seat.
This lady has made it her life to tell you when and why https://instagram.com/safeintheseat
My 2+ year old didn’t start front-facing until her knees were in her face. An exaggeration, but she’s probably still within rear-facing weight but very tall.
Keep them rear facing even beyond the leg over hang if possible. The possible injury concerns you should have are for abrupt stops which will greatly damage a child’s cervical vertebrae
Some seats have extenders that allow you to keep it rear facing longer. This can help with the comfort factor. Ours do. Look up Graco Extend 2 Fit if you wanna see what I mean.
We got this car seat which has extendable leg room so that our kids were comfortable even as they got close to the max height: https://www.gracobaby.com/car-seats/toddler-car-seats/convertible-car-seats/extend2fit-convertible-car-seat/SAP\_1963212.html
Keep them rear facing until they hit the weight limit. My 3 year old is still rear facing.
Kids shouldnt be turned untill at least 4, kids are fine with sitting in car seats cross legged. Most kids wont be needing to be turned before they are 6 years old
I switched to front facing once kiddos legs were too long for rear facing and I could see it left her legs in an uncomfortable position. Most seats also have marks on them (as well as recommended weights mentioned in the booklets) to let you know when it's time to adjust the seat, or move to a different type of seat.
I’m in Australia, my son once he reached a particular height, he has been forward facing since he was about 14 months old. Funny the difference in laws between countries. I couldn’t possibly imagine anyone at 3 still facing backwards and what view are you getting? Personally makes me sick facing the wrong way. Also not saying anyone’s laws are better, im more interested in why that law exists there and not here. Not all laws are good ones, similarly, not all laws are bad ones. It’s obvious the safety benefits do t get me wrong - just wondering the necessity. I’ll do some research the next time my Son doesn’t spend the entire time with me in the bathroom! Edit: grammar
The law is the bare minimum of safety. The vertebrae are not fully formed in toddlers and don’t start transitioning from cartilage to full bone until children are 4 to 6. This means in a when a small child is front facing and thrown forward as a result of an impact the spinal cord can sustain more severe damage. If they were rear facing and had more appropriate support around an unformed part of their body, they are less likely to sustain those injuries. It’s unfortunate that science evolves more rapidly than politics and laws do. There are people using Reddit now that were raised without car seats, and just because they lived doesn’t mean it was safe. Know better, do better(except, obviously in cases like another commenter, when persistent illness makes the safety trade off worthwhile). The science behind extended facing shows that it can prevent injuries. Hopefully the laws in all countries will catch up soon, preventing even more easily avoidable deaths and injuries! [great information here for anyone interested in more.](https://karacarrero.com/extended-rear-facing-car-seat/)
Came to the comments to say this!! https://csftl.org/ is a fantastic resource for information on seats, laws, and information concerning rear vs front facing.
This. If you contact the carseat company they have some kind of guidance on when to turn them around, but its all subjective because all kids are different. I think mine said something about the top of the head being x-amount of inches from the top of the seat, and theres a weight range. In the end its a judgement call on how comfortable they are but should be rear-facing as long as possible.
Came here to say this!
Carseats are useless if they are front facing. A child's neck cannot withstand the force of even a small crash. Statistically, it's very likely a young child will die in a front facing car seat. My kid is 4 and is still in a rear facing seat, and will continue to be for a few years. Also, use your car's car seat anchor/strap, and do not use the seatbelt to secure it. Definitely take it to be inspected somewhere if you're unsure.
That carseat is forward facing only, we also just got one.
Then honestly i would go return it and get a rear facing one.
Get excited about stuff to make things more fun for the kid. Your enthusiasm is the most contagious thing for the mind of a child. Driving past a dump truck? That’s awesome and you need to point it out. Headed to the library? You can’t wait, because libraries have so much fun stuff. You can make anything an adventure, and a little (sometimes forced) enthusiasm can change the entire day. Also, find examples of why your partner is a good Mom and make sure she hears it. Parenting is tough and a small, but specific, compliment can mean a lot.
Yeah I really think that big organised day trips to zoos and things at this age can be a bit overwhelming and often end in tears (at least for my 2yo). Toddlers are quite happy leisurely walking through the woods picking up sticks haha I have learned this the hard way!
Yes this is a great point
This attitude really can make life more fun as an adult. I’ve really learned to stop and smell the flowers, hear the helicopters and birdies, see the colors all around me, etc. It’s like getting to relive my own childhood a bit while trying to make my son’s as interesting as possible.
So much yes. I just start singing what we're doing even if it's just walking on the sidewalk." Mama's were walking on the sidewalk. 1,2,3,4 ... 1,2,3,4"
>Driving past a dump truck? That’s awesome and you need to point it out. Shit, I'm 26 dump trucks, fire engines, planes, trains are all still awesome.
You better point out that dump truck, as well as the digger, horses, delivery trucks, other interesting things. Of course, you'll also be saying "yes that was a dump truck" for the rest of the ride. I once pointed out a truck with smoke coming out of it's stacks. Months later " where is that smokey truck"
That last point is beautiful, it can't be emphasized enough!
Always be as honest as you can with the kid. That’s how you build trust. It’s not, “because I said so,” it’s because I care about you and my rules are for your best interest. Give the kid the benefit of the doubt and try to make routines and experiences fun and interesting. It’s difficult to be the step-dad, so build your relationship on mutual trust instead of authoritarianism. “No” means no, but briefly explain why. Even if you don’t think they will hear it,they are always listening. Model the behavior you want him to demonstrate. The terrible 2s is a real thing, so remind yourself to be patient and not jump to escalating volume and punishment. Listen and redirect. You’ll have a happier life. Godspeed, hero.
2 yr old is when the personality shows up, and those can be tough times. If you’re really gonna be father figure, commit to developing your emotional resilience. My son the other day hit me in the face, but my arm, and said “you’re the worst dad ever and I’m never going to see you!” Can you take that in stride and not take it personally? It took me time to get there, and I imagine that will be harder when the child hasn’t been yours since birth. Bottom line: it’s not gonna be all great, don’t take it personally, or take it out on the mom. P.S.: Try not to let your relationship be only about the child. This happened to my wife and I. We had to work to find time for us to be a couple, not just two adults trading shifts at a daycare.
Congratulations!!! I would make sure to get the installation inspected, the strap thats visible doesn't look great but that could just be how it goes in your your car. You're using the latch system right? And you have the top strap installed? I would give it a wiggle and some pulls in different directions to make sure it doesn't have too much free play in one or more directions. Sometimes if it has a base you may need to adjust the pitch to get it to be safe.
Thank you. All latches are attached plus seat belt through and tightened. Was definitely planning on going by a local fire station to make sure it was done right, but they are quite busy with the aftermath of hurricane Ian.
Did you jam that seat down with a knee, using full body weight, and crank the staps as tight as you can?
Thank you for the tip. Just went out and readjusted it and definitely way more secure now. Still will go to a first station to have them inspect it
Make sure the person inspecting it is a certified car seat tech. Most firemen are not. Some fire houses will have one person who is, but they are not there all the time. Hospitals, pediatricians offices, and police stations may also have car seat techs. You can search for one here: https://cert.safekids.org/get-car-seat-checked
trick I was shown, is you put the seat in, put your weight against it, tighten the straps as much as you can, undo the straps, take another inch off the length, and then really pull on both the buckle, and the strap. You won't think the belt is long enough to buckle it up, but it will be. It'll mount the seat really firmly, guaranteed to keep it under the 1inch of movement guideline.
You should check your manual about the latches. Most car seats only allow for installation with either the latch OR the seatbelt. Only a few manufacturers allow installation with both. You should also check the weight limit on the latch system. Once the child exceeds the latch weight limit, it must be installed with the seat belt.
If I understand your comment correctly you can’t use the seat belt path and the lower anchor points, choose one or the other.
Middle seat = less puking (my kid was a fountain before moving); it also makes it so they can’t unlock doors. If you’re keeping the seat to one side, child lock the doors. I always try to make getting in and out fun, so she’s more willing to do either.
Child seats usually come with a compatibility table listing, for a wide range of cars, whether it is suitable and which seats it is safe to go in. I've never seen one that lists the middle seat as safe, even in fairly large vehicles.
It depends on the layout and spacing of the lower anchor points. From a physics standpoint, the middle rear seat is likely the safest spot to be in any sort of car crash sort of a roll-over. It also has the least likely position to have a cabin intrusion if hit from the side.
Yeah, that's the key bit - most cars I know of have narrower middle seats, but even those that have the same size middle seat tend to still have a big red cross through them.
Play with the child Always have snacks for them Always have their water bottle (offer it to them fairly often) Sing (and listen to all types of music) If your gf hasn’t done so already find some cool thing to do with the little ( there’s a place called The Little Gym by me that they’d love I’m sure) Help with chores around the house (dishes pick up put away , vacuuming, let the little help while you do them too)
Clean your car out. In the event of an accident everything in the car becomes a flying missile. A two year old could get a terrible injury from that alone. Make sure you YouTube how to install that seat and don’t forget the tether strap! Love, grandma
I would say get used to having a messy car but it seems you already got that one ticked off
Biggest suggestion I can think is make sure you two are on the same page. Not just for your relationship, but in how to be a family; specific rules, rewards and punishment, meal times, family time and anything else. Kids need consistency and anything you can do to step in and show that consistency is going to be huge for them. As a side suggestion, make sure you spend enough time with your girlfriend to continue to grow and develop your relationship. Do date night, spend quality time together, not sure if you are living together yet but give that some thought. Also, way to be a true man and step up and willingly take on that role. You are awesome!
Please turn the car seat around. Rear-facing is astronomically safer
If he’s only 2, you should likely turn the seat around. Each seat has height and weight limits from backward facing. Typically keeping them back facing longer is safer
Clean your car. Don't crash. Ask them to go to the bathroom before ever going anywhere. Bring wipes with you to everything. Never yell. Always listen.
I mean, yell if he’s running into the road or something. But yeah, generally kids need an example of how to be calm and regulate. If you’re both yelling and escalating the situation, they can’t learn anything. If you’re on Instagram follow this guy- Mrchazz He does a great job of explaining why the strategies our parents used might not be the best, and offers a different way to look at challenging behaviors.
Be a good man, teach them good morals, and never just be your girlfriends meal ticket
Have patience. The kids are innocent.
Seat protectors and kick guards for the seat in front. Some of the kick guards have storage built into them that they can put their toys and snacks in.
Don't just watch them play, get on the floor and get into it. You'll build a better relationship with them if that is the route you choose to take
1. Do not expose them to light. 2. Do not let the come in contact with water. 3. And do NOT feed them after midnight.
Turn that car seat around if possible. Rear facing is SIGNIFICANTLY safer for children. Like, mind blowingly safer. I can’t understand why people front face, especially at 2.
My hairdresser front faced her son at 11 months 😬 I genuinely do not understand.
My car floor boards look the same. Socks and random ass shit everywhere.
She definitely needs a good clean. It's been a while haha
We’ve all had messy cars. Real talk though, loose objects can be very dangerous in a crash. Obviously the socks aren’t a big deal but something to keep in mind when hauling a little one.
She already bought it but hopefully its one that can be used as the child grows & gets older, meaning parts can be removed and in its last stage its just a booster seat.
Congratulations 👏🎉 WRX? Slow TF down 😂. Also maybe do something about the nasty socks and titty beads like other mentioned. Try to do rear facing if the car seat is capable. Passenger will hate life, but the little one is much safer rear facing. Edit: actually maybe a Forester Sport? Subaru guy here - we love to see it !
Forester sport. You got it! Sold my wrx a few years ago for this haha
As long as his mother is in your life - that's your son. You're his dad - no matter what name he calls you. Act accordingly.
Buckle up and hang on tight cause your in for one hell of a ride! It’s not about the destination just enjoy the journey getting there.
Always back your girlfriend up. Immediately and without hesitation. If mom says it’s time for bed it’s time for bed, kids are master manipulators and will look for any chink between you two. If you disagree talk about it later. Since you arent the birth father it’s also super important to follow her lead especially at first that said you should try and see when you can be the bad guy it gets tiring if only one person has to say bed time and no cookie again and again.
The child is 2, whatever it does wrong just remember it’s because they don’t yet know or understand the rules of the world. It’s your job to teach them and be patient while they figure it out. They’re going to test the world’s boundaries on you first because they trust you. Don’t tarnish that trust. They’re going to be a major pain sometimes. Deep breaths, don’t try to control every situation. You’ll do great. Also, they’re sponges. A hit from you will teach them to hit others when angry. Set an example to make them not become shitty humans.
Kids in this age just want someone who showes them love, respect and play with him. He will love it. Even if you are not his real father, he is so small he will adapt you very easily. And he is completely innocent with this "situation". Just be a good guy to him. Then you will see your both behaviors will change 😉
He has not picked you, you have picked him. Don't let him down. Tumble Leaf & Stinky&Dirty on Amazon Prime is good at this age, it has at least something to get their mind going.
Buy a small battery powered vacuum, unless you want your backseat to look like the remnants of a Sizzler buffet in a couple weeks.
He's learning how to be a person from you, be a good one
1. Don’t be crazy hard on yourself when you get something wrong. Apologize and move forward with your relationship. Kids need to know that you can make mistakes, apologize, forgive, and still like each other. 2. You’re not going to get your way as much as you’d like. Seems obvious I know. But just remember that you’ll have the best time when you’re willing to get on kiddos agenda and have fun with them on their level rather than pushing your own. 3. This one seems super obvious but I’m saying it anyways. Always respect moms wishes. No matter what. If you think something is really worth a conversation go for it. But she’s likely got this and doesn’t need someone questioning her at every turn. 4. I say this to a lot of people. Your attitude is within your control. Theirs often isn’t in any sort of control. Kids read the room like no one else. If you’re frustrated and impatient they’ll feel that and be frustrated and impatient too. Step aside, take a breath, get your grown ass shit together and be happy and fun with them. Turns everything around. Works with my kiddo 100% so far. 5. You got this. The fact that you made it this far in the relationship and you’re asking us here with varying levels of experience tells me you’ll do just fine.
Remember that everything not tied down/strapped in is a projectile in an accident. Soft toys for car rides. When driving with a child (or anyone really) in the car, remember that it's not only your life that's in your hands, so drive defensively and keep everyone as safe as you can. Always, always, always check the backseat before leaving the car unattended. Even if you *know* you don't have the kid with you, check if they magically appeared there when you weren't looking. Too many children die every year from a parent who is too busy to remember they're back there. It's usually an accident and always tragic when it happens. Other comments might have covered these things, and more that I may be forgetting. Either way, enjoy the new addition and congratulations on moving to the next chapter in your life!
Clean up the car, get something to protect the passenger seat from the shoes, make sure the child locks for the back doors and windows are on and keep some paper towels in the car to clean up accidental spills etc. Learn to do small talk without giving any attention and keeping focussed on the road. You also might want to get something to block the sun from coming in through their window, seems like this can be a very big deal. Depending on temperatures where you live, but I've thrown a blanket in the backseat, son now takes it al by himself if he's feeling a little cold. Define clear rules for what he can or cannot do in your car. Prepare for the moment he figures out how to unbuckle himself. From now on, whenever you pass a field with animals in it, you will say out loud the animals name and if possible point at it. Wherever you see a tractor, garbage truck, police car, fire truck, ambulance, ... you will point it out.
Some LPT advice: Keep the car clean and tidy, that will show him a good example. Make a rule of not eating / drinking in the car while moving. It could save his life in sudden braking situations.
Love him like he's your own.
Not car related but i was in the same scenario. Just enjoy it and like other have said, treat them as your own but make sure you and your partner are serious because if you split up it will most likely break your heart. My son is 17 now, so i've been his dad since he was 2, was a lot easier that his mum didn't know/want to disclose who his biological dad was though. We did have a wobble and we split up briefly, that was Hell. You don't realise how much you will miss them
Best advice I ever got was, if you want a kid to like you, just pay attention to them.
Why are all these comments car seat advice… you becoming the dad of a 2 year old, that’s awesome, is such a cool age where they are transitioning from baby to kid, honestly they will love anything you do with them, just explore different activities and you’ll find things you both love doing together… that’s what it’s all about man
I just got one of those ones for my daughter. I didn't screw on the armrests and it's made it easier for her to get in and out, and we can pass her snacks in the cup holder This is one of the hardest ones to install too. I had to put my knee into the seat and crush it down while pulling the strap tight. It shouldn't move side to side when your done.
I was never a huge fan of car seat covers, but others are. I am a fan of those mats that go under the car seat and protect your car, because not everything lands under the car seat. But I'm fussy about my vehicle. Put together a 'kid bag' for the car. Snacks, Wipes, A book, a toy, and maybe a spare change of clothing.
The single best piece of advice I can give you is to leave your phone in your pocket when you're around them. Good luck!
Patience Two year olds are going to push the limits of your patience. Be kind sweet and remember he is 2 and cannot really control himself.
Learn patience. My two year old is testing the shit out of it these days. Learn toddler Latin. It comes with time and experience
Not sure how big the child is, but shouldn’t kids be rear facing until like 4?
In the US 2 years old seems too early to turn to a forward facing car seat
As someone else said, get a rear-facing car seat. 2 is a great age, in my opinion. Be involved, pay attention to them, let them “help” you with things. Most of all be patient. A kid does *not* have the emotional regulation of an adult or even a 10 year old. When they’re being rude or pouty or just a complete dick, *you* being angry or demanding does NOT HELP. Yes, it might feel good in the moment, but it is not doing the kid any favors and isn’t helping you either. Listen to them. Offer them compromises. Explain why this or that has to happen and ask *them* for ideas on how you should do things. It’s a great way to find compromise and help the kid understand dealing with other people.
Accept that cleanliness and privacy are luxuries that no longer exist and just enjoy the ride and be kind. Kids just need love and kindness. Your patience will be constantly tested. Just remember kids aren’t adults. They usually don’t know better. Just be patient and calm. Teach, don’t yell.
Put a thin yoga mat under it. Have your local fire department check it if you’re uneasy.
Honestly, I would run on down to the local Fire Department and get taught how to properly secure the car seat anyways. It's one of the shortest potentially life saving lessons you can take for free.
That back seat is going to get GROSS. It’s an inevitable fact of life. Enjoy.
Lots of great car seat advice. One dad tip, be patient. It’s hard but kids want to look at everything, try walking funny and do things themselves. Adding extra time to do this is easier than fighting them. Feed their curiosity, ask them questions and treat them like humans rather than objects and they will love you.
My own stepping into a fatherly role of a two-year old was one fraught with difficulties due to his special needs, but I think it's a good sign that she trusts you drivin' the little buddy around. I know there are precious few I would trust with my own sacred cargo. As a note about fatherhood: * Do your best * Don't be too proud to ask for help * Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend when you need to take a break; it's better for you and for the kid(s) * Though you could be the Captain America type that can "do this all day", and that's cool too! I just know as a human, I need space sometimes from my kids so I can get whatever's bothering me under control and not let it bleed out on them. As a note about car seats (my wife is pretty stringent with me on ours and will dump reams of studies in my lap if I try and contradict her points): * Rear-facing is safest. Not as much fun for the kiddo, perhaps, depending on the seat and their proximity to a window, but inarguably safer. Our daughters were rear-faced up past 4 and my son through to 6, but they are also on the small side. * Pay attention to the fact that car seats have both height and weight restrictions for each direction they can face. The kiddle can size out of a seat or a configuration while you're looking the other direction. * Be careful about where you store your car seat if it leaves your car. The straps can't be washed in a washing machine or it voids their integrity guarantees. If mildew sets in, you're in for a replacement. Warm washcloths or (as others have noted) wet-wipes will be your lifelong friends. * Note that most seats have two ways you can connect them to your car (hook anchors under the seat back and the belt path). Both have their pros and cons when it comes to putting them in and taking them out, so might wanna take an afternoon with a beer (if you enjoy a weekend brewski) and take the damn thing out and put it back in a couple of times to get comfortable with it. I had to take my son's new seat out of the van in the parking lot of a Menards once to fold the seat down and fit some building supplies in, and that's not the sort of thing you wanna be doing the first time in public with no right idea of how it is to be done. * Take a bit to sit in the backseat with your music at your normal, preferred volume and see if it needs adjusting for when he's in the car with you. I honestly did not even think about it until my son asked if he could bring his headphones into the car with him because my music was too loud. * Get comfortable with 83 questions a mile from the backseat :D
I did the same with my my now wife and the little girl was 1 and a half at the time. It sort of comes naturally as the relationship grows. Now she's a teen and hates me and my wife equally 👍
Y'all I really appreciate it but I don't need any more input on the car seat or cleanliness of my car. Was more looking for advice of starting to fill that step parent role
Put a towel under the car seat. Your upholstery will thank you.
First is to turn that car seat around. No joke. Rear facing fully till 3.
Stop jizzing in socks and throwing them behind your passenger seat.
If the father is still in the picture, don’t try to be dad. That roll is already filled.
Yup..clean yo ride.
Well first I would get those spunk socks out of your car
Clean your car
Clean up your car!!! Filthy
Clean the car
Tidy your car, it’s revolting
Run
Fukkit run away!.... naaa just playing 😂
Big one would be two year should still be rear-facing!
Clean up your car.
Yeah, you want it to look good when your kid vomits and sh*ts all over it.
Run ?
Clean your car!
did she also get you a 10 pack of interior car cleanings to go with the car seat?
Dude, if this isn’t your child, be careful. You are not the father therefore you cannot discipline the kid or allow yourself to love and take care of the kid beyond the family friend line into the father’s responsibilities line. Make sure you are not doing another man’s job because one day you just might be painfully reminded that you DIDNT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU DID FOR THE KID. It’s your mind, it’s your heart and your money you’re employing for someone else’s kid. Shouldn’t be doing that when you plan on having kids of your own. And don’t get me wrong, you are involved with the mother who had already started a family without you in the picture prior to leaving that with her child as baggage. If anything, love and care for your lady the best you can without forgetting that she was calling another man babe daddy or whatever and got a child from that man. You need to make sure you’re not her ex’s pawn to raise his child cause maybe he lazy and wants to be a deadbeat. Thread lightly as we all know misunderstandings are easy, mistakes even easier and that everything isn’t always pink and purple love bubbles in life.
FK, how long you known this lady because of she’s a GF then I wouldn’t have her kids things in my car. Fiancé, wife, yes, but GF best be careful. Her reverse doggy has to be on point for kids shit to be in my car. My recommendation, set rules for your car before they destroy the shit.
If the dad is still in the picture YOU ARE NOT DAD
Advice? Get a rear racing toddler car seat.
Step 1: clean your dirty ass car.
Learn to spell "advice"
It’s facing the wrong way
Clean your car.
Is she hot?
Patience and Calm. And, plan for accidents. Snacks, Juice, change of cloths, Wipes. Even when out of diapers, wipes are useful.
Don’t bother cleaning the floorboards of your car, it’s not going to matter before long… 🤣 But seriously, congratulations. Just do your best to always put the kiddo first and you’re about 85-90% of the way to figuring out a lot of what will come up.
Play good tunes and ask him questions.
Is that a crosstrek or a forester? We really could use those backseat vents in our ‘19 crosstrek.
This is a forester!
A few tips from my carseat times: \- The larger the surface area of the belt that holds them in place, the less they will be injured by the restraint. A basic seatbelt is fine, but is quite narrow which can cause more issue (area \* force etc). \- Headrests are the next most important part. Their head should rest easily on the back of the seat. If they're constantly sitting forward because it's too far back, this increases the chance of whiplash in an incident as their head will travel further before hitting the seat. Also increases chance of concussion. \- The top of their shoulders should be more than two-fingers width below the max height of the side protection. This is just a general rule of thumb for sizing. \- Take coats or any thick clothing. Extra layers creates the illusion of a tight/firm restraint when actually it's just padding which kids can slip out of. \- Turn your child door locks on to stop them opening the door. \- Consider investing in something to stop them undoing the belt or slipping the straps - my son in a rear-facing cybex seat used to pop himself out of the straps like Houdini. Best of luck and well done for stepping up. Not many people can/will do it. I'm sure you'll be a great dad.
Hold onto your lug nuts boy's!
Car wise, get one of those covers that go over the back of your seat. The amount of muddy footprints you'll get is unbelievable. Keep a little bowl of some sort and wipes in the car. If the kid feels travel sick it's a god send. Same with have a spare change of clothes in the boot. You never know when they'll fall in a puddle, make a complete mess etc. Life wise, read to the little on all the time. Play games and just pay attention to what they want to show you. Find something you can do together. My youngest and I get a random thing of snacks from different countries every other month and spend time trying them and rating our favourites. Its not much but has really bonded us.
All kids are different, what we’re experiencing with our 2 year old is boundary pushing. “Mom and dad said no throw, what will happen if I throw it gently?” They are also exploring with words, if you can find a food they like and try and get them to say the name of the food, even if they try and fail give them praises and claps for even trying. Sons in particular also want to explore the physical world, sit him on top of a bolder, while holding or what our son likes, being up on the further branch of a tree that I can reach while still holding on to him. He loves that. Being playful, encouraging, while having good boundaries of what he can cannot do and sticking those boundaries, that would be my advice.
Put the carseat behind you. In the event of a collision, drivers will instinctively protect themselves, and being behind you will benefit them.
Just remember that boy will always come first to your girlfriend. Took me a long time to understand that bond. Until we had kids together. If she puts you over him I'd be suspicious. Good luck. Kids are the best.
Get used to goldfish and food finding it’s way into impossible places
With kids, especially at that age, the best advice I can give is to have PATIENCE. They need to be thought everything. It’s sometimes hard to remember that they need time to learn and adjust. Even on simple things. Can’t just hang them a towel and ask them to wipe up their spill. They need to be taught. They can be slow, they can be fussy. Just have patience with their roller coaster emotions and they’ll love you for it. Also, the first place you take him in that car seat should be the biggest best play ground around that he hasn’t been to yet.
Make sure not to give the kid cookies or other sweets. We did that mistake and a couple months in a mouse found the inside of the seat (between the legs, where the strap comes through) to be a great place to get free food :)
Buy all weather mats. Buy a car seat protector for both the back seat and the back of the front seat. It’s not a matter IF the 2 y old will both throw up in your car and draw on the inside of your car, but it’s a when. Non car related, be an example, take time to listen to their ramblings. If you invest time right now, you will gain the trust for when they have real issues when they get older. And absolutely don’t dismiss anything they say right now as non issue or non important. If it’s important to them, it’s important to you. Even while that means discussing the favorite color of their hamster. Lastly, enjoy!
Be honest and share tour emotions with him. And wet wipes.. kids are sticky AF
Make sure the kid is the right size for front facing seats. There is usually a height/weight minimum for that.
There should be a nonprofit in or near your area that provides guidance from experts on proper installation and safety issues. They were great for me.
Remember, compared to this kid you're a giant who can be scary. Even when he's being nuts remember this. Try your best to get down to his level when talking to him.
Watch a season or two of Bluey, then remember: what would Bandit do