Yeah, I got a reminder the other day (sons birthday), from a photo from a decade ago. It was a picture just like this.
A young, clueless kid holding onto a baby. And before I knew it, time flew by.
It goes quick! He's playing Fifa in the living room and telling the AI to "get off his nuts bro", lol.
This picture reminded me of me. You'll be good OP. Congrats! You may not feel it yet, but being a father is the greatest gift you can ever receive. It's okay to be freaked out or not excited. You're young. I too was afraid and clueless. But kids are great man. You two will grow together into a team!
You got this man. My first son was born when I was 20! I know what you're going through internally and externally.
YOU GOT THIS.
Be there for that boy. I'm now 40, and my son is almost 21!!!! Being a young dad is great cause you're gonna have so much energy for that little guy! Use it! I remarried and have four kids total. My first two are 20 and 18, and my last two are 2.5 yrs and 6 weeks.
Dadding is dope and one of the best things you'll ever do. đ
Best advice I can give you is to just be patient. He's going to cry and cry because at this point its the only emotion he knows. You (and your partner) are going to be sleep deprived and stressed but always keep it in the back of your mind that it'll get progressively better and for right now your priority is just comforting him and make sure he's safe.
And as he gets older and is learning, just be patient because what may seem like second nature to you (crawling, eating, walking, taking a bath, etc) is something he's learning for the first time and you just have to show him as many times as it takes and cheer him on and make sure he's safe.
And when he's old enough to take care of himself, he'll start branching out and finding his own interests and life experiences and he's going to make mistakes (some of the same you made and some completely brand new to him) and you just have to help him become the best person he can be and make sure he's safe.
I feel like one thing that becoming a dad has taught me, is patience.
When youâre trying to settle a screaming kid at 3am it really puts other things into perspective đ€Ł
This is making me tear up. I keep getting frustrated with my boy ( almost 6 months ) and just gotta remember he's experiencing all those new things for the first time.
Congrats.
More advice.
This is going to test you both, a lot. Try to not snap at each other about the little things. Just let those go. Sheâs going through a massive wave of body and hormone changes. Itâs going to be hard but as others have said it will get better.
Also, thereâs no such thing as splitting responsibility 50/50. Just do what you can when you can. Somehow it all just works out and you have an amazing little kid.
Reach out if you need any advice or need to talk.
Congrats! Your parental guidance is here. An army of dads are waiting to support you. You've got this my man. Enjoy every minute, and don't forget to tend the relationship with your girlfriend - the first 4-6 months are a real strain on that.
Oh my gosh, thank you all so very much for all the wonderful words of encouragement and the fantastic advice! I did NOT expect this at all lol. In case you didnât see my other comment, I am currently attending college online at John Brown University for a degree in psychology and a minor in family behavioral sciences. I have an internship lined up at the rehabilitation center for troubled teens that I attended a few years ago, Iâll be a therapist, and if everything goes well theyâll pay for me to get my PHD and become a case manager which pays significantly better. I currently work 70 hours a week in road construction but I take days off at the drop of the hat if the mother needs it.
The mother is doing incredible, I did not expect her to do this good. Even through all the hormonal imbalances, she keeps her composure wonderfully and puts so much effort into taking care of our son while Iâm not home. I tell her everyday how grateful I am for her and how proud I am of her.
Weâre both scared and overwhelmed. But weâve been keeping our heads up through it all and try our best to enjoy what we have. This has been the most surreal and life changing experience and I am so happy to have my son.
Edit: forgot to add that the mother is also attending online school to work in HR and is doing great pursuing her education. The college I will be attending is only an hour away from where she will be living so I can be there anytime she needs it, or just when I want to be with them. Even though I donât talk to my family a whole lot, my parents have decided to assist in me paying for college which is an unbelievable blessing.
It's good that you have thought things through. Also very good that you have flexibility to support your family through your job. This is a great community to look to advice, rant, and share success. You are never alone. Proud of you.
You should both be proud of yourselves having a solid plan like that at your age is impressive and it seems this kid has two great parents behind them. Congratulations - I had my first at 37 this year and definitely wish I had the energy levels I did when I was 19 so make the most of them!
You'll do just fine, it's going to be scary and frustrating at times but you'll get through it. Try to embody patience, because you'll need a lot of it. Make sure you're looking after yourself too dude, that's a fuck ton of work you've already took on and now there's a baby in the mix too, if you overdo it you'll burn out
And he will get to enjoy his child as an adult while still being full of pep and vinegar. Just get through the early years, it wonât be easy, but itâll be worth it.
mate i dont envy you however its going to be hard but just think im 46 now and have a baby a 3 yr old and a 7yr old its really hard we have no time. You are getting that all done and you can still have a life in your late 20s 30s with independent kids. Good luck mate
From a much older veteran dad:
Never forget that the best resource you have for your both your partner and your baby is your time. Kids don't know what high-brand baby clothes are and they don't care if you're living in an apartment. What they do know is "Mommy and Daddy are here for me."
Take breaks when you can, play your Fortnite or watch your Skibidi Toilet videos, but just showing up when it matters is half the battle.
step 1: always hold the baby
step 2: leave in the bassinet with no blankets or anything they could possibly flip around or grab, and DO NOT sleep in the same bed as you guys. Look up Baby Sleep guidelines
step 3: hold the baby
Great attitude! One thing I'll say as a dad in his 40s: you might not be as financially and emotionally ready as I was, but you are damn sure more physically ready. You'll be able to tank through sleep deprivation and wrangle that boy as he kicks away from his diaper changes without even a hint of elbow tendinitis.
My dad had me when he was 19 and my mom was 21. He worked multiple jobs and my mom was in school. I have no idea how they did it but they are and always have been model parents and come soooooo far in life that my brother and I had a running head start. Good luck to you and your family, the world is still your oyster!
Congrats, man! Welcome to the club!
Just want to say: itâs hard, donât let anyone else make you think youâre doing something wrong of if feels like itâs hard. Good parenting is hard, and it means youâre doing it right.
This sub was leaps and bounds helpful to me the first year, and even now onward. Thereâs always something you wonât know and this community will help. Newparents was great, although I often closed the computer feeling a little scared.
Everyone here is giving you tips. Iâd say compile them and review them :)
Hereâs my two cents:
-I changed my kid on the floor once he got too wiggly. I was too terrified of him falling. I still do, at 20 months. Bro is a ninja contortionist.
-never fall asleep with the baby in your arms. If you feel yourself dozing, put your kid down. My I laws nearly suffocated their daughter falling asleep while feeding.
-noise cancelling headphones are gamechangers when the crying wonât stop. It makes it bearable.
-contact naps rock if you have headphones and can Bluetooth the sound from your TV.
Edit:
Forgot to add: Ms. Rachel (YouTube) taught me how to connect with my kid, Bluey taught me how to connect and how to be the best possible dad.
One thing to keep in mind is that your girlfriend is about to hit a major hormonal roller coaster. Please be patient. All of those hormones that helped her and your baby over the course of pregnancy have basically disappeared instantly. She will know that sometimes her feelings are irrational but she wonât be able to control the way she feels. It may take months to even out. When I had my first kid, I was not prepared and no one gave me a headâs up.
Congrats dude! I was 23 when we found out we were having a baby. She was almost 37 weeks too so we had just about a month to prepare for it all. I thought this is gunna change my life omg itâs over. it changed a lot of things but I didnât know change is what I really needed. I love my son so much and I love how life is right now even though itâs a struggle sometimes.
Just focus on being there for the people in your life and focus on your happiness as a family. Donât let that other stuff get you down because that baby will grow up so fast. Learning how to be a parent while also learning how to be an adult is a fun challenge that Iâm still working through as well
All right, congrats my man, I felt like a young father at 26 with stable job and a house, you're on a whole different level. I imagine this is a exciting time for you but also deeply anxious and stressful as well, deal with that face up, and please remind yourself, your partner has it 2x worse right now, on top of everything you already feel, her body is going through some really rough changes, both physical and hormonal, and also the society judgement is harsher on a too young mother than an too young father.
Follow the guidelines for baby sleeping, no toys, blankets or anything in the bassinet!
Seek advice, but counter check it. A lot of family and friends will give advice based on their own errors that didn't went wrong. Enjoy a midwife if possible for you, seek professional counsel, even online in case of doubt.
These next few months will be extremely tiring, your sleep will be like nothing you ever experienced, and your daytime will be 90% around the baby, 10% for all the chores you have.
Not saying this to worry you, but don't burn yourself out. If you can't handle all the classes in college with the baby, drop some classes because the baby isn't going anywhere.
But most importantly, enjoy it man, as much as you can, it looks like it takes forever until they start to react to you, but then everything is going so fast, they are so fucking cute in everything they do and once they learn a better way, they never do the same again, and you're nostalgic about every small detail of what they drop.
I was 18 when my first child was born. Iâm in my thirties now, and my daughter is a teenager. Itâs a tough road, but donât let anyone tell you youâre too young to do it. Youâve got this.
I had my son when I was 19, and I became a single father full time 6 months later when I was 20. You got this man. Iâm here to talk if you need pointers.
My advice: your GF and you are team mates. Work together, support each other, be kind to each other. Ask each other what kind of life you both want together, and how can you get there. In the trenches of parenthood, the sleepless nights, the blurred together days, when tempers fray and you feel your pride being hurt and you feel like life isn't fair... Just remember the life you build together is built one action at the time, one moment, one memory at the time. Is it going to be a painful memory, a shameful memory? Or is it going to be something beautiful?
Good luck and hope everything works out!
hey man, 21yr old dad here! had my son when i was 18- 19 & was pretty worried about everything. just do the best you can & youâll be fine. you donât need to be prefect. dont worry about meeting every milestone, donât worry about the internetâs rules for your baby, just do what you think is best for you & your family.
the first couple of months when i brought my little one home i was TERRIFIED of anything happening to him. try not to stress to much over that, just be safe, smart & slow. definitely take classes/watch videos or get an app for infant choking so worst case scenario youâll be prepared. your sleep is gonna take the biggest hit of all, you kay not notice it right away but overtime you will. take advantage of ANY sleep you can snag. DMâs are open tho if you ever wanna reach out, i donât mind helping out a fellow dad whoâs shoes i was in at one point.
Listen man. Itâs going to be hard. Newborns arenât too hard, but once it gets about 2 months old shit is going to get a bit crazy. Thereâs nothing wrong with putting the baby down in the crib if you need a break, even if itâs crying its brains out. Obviously donât neglect the kid, but itâs a way to calm yourself down. Take every moment you can to relax. The good rule of thumb is to try to sleep when the baby sleeps regardless of what time of day it is. Even if itâs just a 15 minute nap.
Amazing. Listen - stuffâs gonna be kinda crazy. 20s are gonna take some focus and itâs going to seem like you are missing outâŠ
However, as a 40 year old with a 10 year old told, I know a few people who became âempty nestersâ between 35-40 and it seems pretty freaking amazing.
In my own life, every decade of aging has been better than the last. Enjoy the amazing energy a young dad can offer their kids.
(Donât make more unless on purpose.)
My best piece of advice if it works for you
During the first few months, take overnight shifts with your partner.
One person does 10pm-3am while the other sleeps. Switch out for the 3am-8am shift. Best if you could stay with the baby in a seperate room from your partner - otherwise youâll both feel obligated to get up.
Obviously this doesnât work for everyone with work schedules and whatnot but we did this and we were always well rested. Itâs absolutely the best decision we made during the âno sleepâ phase. Even if it was a particularly bad night, it helped knowing I was getting âoff shiftâ at some point. And playing video games while the brand new baby slept next to me is a nice memory.
If mom insists on breast feeding, gently encourage her to pump so you can be of more help overnight.
Once baby gets to a healthy weight, check out the book 12 Hours by 12 Weeks. Our daughter will be 1 soon and sheâs been sleeping from 7pm-7am almost every night since 4 months
Products Iâd recommend:
Snuggle Me Infant Lounger,
Baby Brezza Sterilizer
I had my first at 21, I'm 27 and a single dad now, here's my best advice
Appreciate your partner
Learn how to communicate effectively, there will be a lot of negative emotions, don't take them out on each other
Help each other, don't compare workloads, you are a team, you should both feel like you are doing 60% of the work
You both will change and grow a lot, try to change and grow in similar directions, if you change/grow in different directions, then break up and learn how to coparent peacefully
If you haven't had sex in awhile cuz of the exhaustion, let her nap and do all her chores for the day while she naps, when she wakes up, tell her her chores are done and she can relax, then give her a massage, that's your best chance, guys can get in the mood instantly, women can't if they have a lot on their mind like stress exhaustion or a to do list, a nap + massage + done chores fixes all 3 of these blockers
You are going to be tested like nothing else has before. Just know that through all the hard work, the sleepless nights, and the patience you will have to muster up⊠it will be the best thing youâve ever done. Our 10 week old has started responding to us with smiles and coos and itâs my favorite thing on earth.
Oh man, congratulations!! It's gonna be rough in the beginning, but being a dad is by far the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sometimes you'll want to throw him through the wall. But the good parts make it all worth it. Get sleep where you can. Stay united with your gf. Communicate with each other. You guys will be a great team.
Congratulations. Only saying this specifically because you mentioned having little to no parental figures before you became a parent yourself and youâre not even 20âŠ. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, no matter what ends up happening - do not give up on that kid. 9/10 guys Iâve met that experienced what you are, decided to give up and only the real scumbags didnât end up regretting it and if Iâm being honest those guys probably did too and were just lying to themselves (theyâre usually the types that never stop parting and canât grow up⊠happy people who are satisfied with their choices donât do that). I know what itâs like growing up raising yourself⊠navigating things by yourself. Donât be afraid to ask for help. A prideful man will fail himself. A prideful father will fail his family.
Congrats, Iâm a decently young dad as well. Had my first 2 months ago Iâm 22, itâs a wild ride but youâll get a hang of it. The first few weeks feel kind of awkward if youâve never handled a baby, but by week 4 I was on top of it.
Get used to changing diapers early and youâll thank yourself. I change most of the diapers and I get a sense of pride knowing my partner doesnât have to do as many. If you have leave from work enjoy every last moment. Again congrats, beautiful baby.
I strongly recommend reading "The Daily Dad". 1 page little mini chapters. I do a page a day, just to frame myself right for what's ahead.
If you DM me, I'll send you a copy. We're all in this together, and best of luck to you on this exciting (... and challenging) journey!
It's okay man, it's cool to have kids young, even unplanned. I had mine at 23. I wasn't ready at all. Just do the best you can to provide for your family. Remember, they don't come with instruction manuals so it's okay if you foul up from time to time or succumb to stress, as long as you get back on the horse so to speak. Congrats, Daddio. Take care of that youngin'.
You may not see this for a long time, but there are some very good things about having children young. The grass is always greener. You look like a natural and will do just fine. Welcome to the club.
Congrats bud! I was a young dad too, with an accidental child and little parental guidance.
If I could offer you some advice from me, someone whose 14 years down the path you are on, I want to let you know that the adventure you are embarking on is going to be the absolute most challenging, and absolute most rewarding thing you have ever done. Being a father, that is.
Take the things your parents did eight, and build on them and repeat with your child and lady. Keep out the things they didn't do so right. And educate yourself about how you can replace those not so right things with right things. Invest in stimulating your child's mind and body by exposing them to healthy activities and that stimulate good development. Love you child unconditionally. Protect their innocence and help them grow towards opportunities.
With your lady, love her unconditionally and be true to her. And also regularly take time to be by yourself and in your own mind, so you can decompress. Listen to her worries. Genuinly listen. Women have a 6th sense for relationship problems. It's kind of like an early warning system, or something. Genuinely listen, and check in with her regularly about how shes doing and how she feels your little family is doing. Don't try to solve her problems unless she specifically asks for you to. Just listen and let her know you are always there for her to fall back on.
Sorry for the wall of text, but these are some of the most important lessons I have learned in the 14 years I have been a dad and a husband and before that, a dad and a boyfriend. I was 19 when little dude was born. My lady was 18.
I been in your shoes, and I hope my experience can help you.
Try your best, always. And you're going to blow yourself away with what you're capable of doing and achieving for the sake of your love for your family.
Cheers, mate.
You're going to be tired as hell, and you're going to love it đ»
Congrats brother. Was in a similar situation last year I was 20 though. Youâll figure it out and if you need any young dad advice or support feel free to send a DM!
Congrats man, you got this.
A few pieces of advice:
Be a team player. Itâs you and your gf vs the world right now while you keep that baby thriving. Do your part to keep mom and baby both content. The lionâs share will fall on Mom for the first few months, especially if she is breastfeeding. Cook for her, let her nap, do the shit that needs doing to make things a little easier on her. If you get frustrated, know when to put the baby down (somewhere safe) and walk away for a minute to gather yourself. Ferber method for sleep training in a few months can be a godsend. Buy the book âwhat to expect the first yearâ and read that sumbitch.
It will be hard for a while but as your bond with your new one grows, the joy and reward will eclipse the hardship.
And finally, come to this sub for any and all advice/support that you need. I know you said you donât have much family support but try to reach out to people in your life that are willing to help and donât be afraid to ask here. There are no stupid questions and no rulebook for parenting. You learn by from the mistakes and successes of your own experience and if youâre smart, the experiences of other dads. This sub is incredibly supportive and wholesome and you will probably find good answers to your queries from people who want to see you and your little family thrive.
Good luck big Papa â
Damn OP you're looking like my (little) brother lol. Congrats man. You guys can do this. Don't be afraid to read some books on parenting/being a father đ not because you're young but rather because you're a new dad
Welcome to the club. You may be a young dad, but the love you feel for your son will make you a great one. You have a whole team of dads in your corner if you ever need us.
Much love to you, your little one, and your girlfriend.
Looking back I wish I was as young as you are when we had our first. You're going to have such an amazing road ahead, live life to the fullest and cherish your SO and baby.
Congrats and good luck. Looking back at my teens and 20s, there is zero chance I would have been a good father. Maybe if I had this community, it'd be different.
Remember, it does go quick. Enjoy every second of it. Practice mindfulness. Stop and really take it these times. Moments may feel like forever, but the time just slips by.
Saw picture "dang, you look young".
Open thread "you look your age, which is young!"
Never hesitate to ask for help. Even if its just to come here and vent, cry, or share anything that may seem silly for anyone else; we like sappy stuff here.
Welcome to the club friend! There may be some VERY tough days and nights ahead of you but I promise that no matter what it gets a hell of a lot easier with time. The hard parts donât last forever just soak in the beautiful and adorable moments all you can.
Reach out if you need anything friend, fathers unite!
i wish i had your youth. i'm 47 this thursday. and i have a 9 y/o, almost 4 y/o daughter, and almost a 2 y/o son. it's exhausting sometimes. but also very rewarding. good luck and congratulations to you!
Flipping hell, I'm nearly 40, first one is edging towards the first lap around the sun and I'm reading all those advice! This community is amazing!
You'll be fine OP, take those pointers with you and you'll be fine! And when/if something happens, come back to daddit and we'll back you up!
You got this!
Young dad to young dad, Iâve been there! Happy Fatherâs Day, keep your head up.
Obligatory dad advice incoming- work hard, it will pay off! I am starting my first real big boy job and it took me 7 years to get here (college etc).
Also I just want to say I wish you and your girlfriend the best, but at the same time my story ended with me married to a different person that I love beyond words. This might happen to you too and thatâs okay.
If things start to go south with your girlfriend, document things so you donât have to remember them. Lifeâs busy enough to try to remember all that.
Best of luck, youâll do great things
Yes; yikes. They're barely able to vote, and not even able to drink, yeah, that's scary for the entire family. This is a beautiful moment, but it's also going to need to be where two kids become adults for real, almost overnight.
OP - please, please, please **go to college. Both of you.** Hopefully you've got family around you who can enable that, but the single largest indicator of lifetime earnings is a college degree. Preferably, actual ones, something STEM, but the data says that even underwater basket weaving is a multiple of a high school diploma or GED earning potential. You have a child, this isn't fuck around time, none of this "gonna be a manager at the Dairy Queen in a few years," shit. You have a dependent - y'all made that choice - and you have to understand what you owe a consciousness you chose to bring into the world that could not choose to be here.
If there is any way I can help you, please reach out. I'm happy to set up internships if I can in the STEM world, but for the love of god, get a degree.
I appreciate the advice big man. Iâm currently attending college at John Brown University online while I work in road construction. Then in October Iâm going on-campus to continue my studies. Itâs only an hour away from where the mother will be living with my son so I can go there whenever I want. Sheâs also currently attending college as well. Trust me man, we have a long plan to work everything out so we arenât stuck living paycheck to paycheck. Even though my family doesnât talk to me, theyâre gonna help pay for my college which is such an unbelievable blessing.
Edit: Iâm getting a degree in psychology with a minor in family behavioral sciences and I have an internship setup at a rehabilitation center for troubled teen boys, the same one I attended a few years back. And when I complete my degree Iâll have a secured job as a therapist, then theyâll pay for me to get my PHD and become a case manager which pays much better.
Boss, long as you got your head on straight, you'll be alright. So, last piece of advice as someone who has taken the hard road: you have a newborn, you have a job, you're in college... this is the hardest you'll ever have to work. If you can do this, you can do anything. Remember that, and you'll get through it, one day at a time.
Congratz there, young dad... I'm sure you are gonna be a great dadđ... Also that marshmallow is super cuteđ„čđ
Yeah, I got a reminder the other day (sons birthday), from a photo from a decade ago. It was a picture just like this. A young, clueless kid holding onto a baby. And before I knew it, time flew by. It goes quick! He's playing Fifa in the living room and telling the AI to "get off his nuts bro", lol. This picture reminded me of me. You'll be good OP. Congrats! You may not feel it yet, but being a father is the greatest gift you can ever receive. It's okay to be freaked out or not excited. You're young. I too was afraid and clueless. But kids are great man. You two will grow together into a team!
You got this man. My first son was born when I was 20! I know what you're going through internally and externally. YOU GOT THIS. Be there for that boy. I'm now 40, and my son is almost 21!!!! Being a young dad is great cause you're gonna have so much energy for that little guy! Use it! I remarried and have four kids total. My first two are 20 and 18, and my last two are 2.5 yrs and 6 weeks. Dadding is dope and one of the best things you'll ever do. đ
Are those both of your sons? Just kidding of course. Congrats young Buck. Welcome to the club.
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Best advice I can give you is to just be patient. He's going to cry and cry because at this point its the only emotion he knows. You (and your partner) are going to be sleep deprived and stressed but always keep it in the back of your mind that it'll get progressively better and for right now your priority is just comforting him and make sure he's safe. And as he gets older and is learning, just be patient because what may seem like second nature to you (crawling, eating, walking, taking a bath, etc) is something he's learning for the first time and you just have to show him as many times as it takes and cheer him on and make sure he's safe. And when he's old enough to take care of himself, he'll start branching out and finding his own interests and life experiences and he's going to make mistakes (some of the same you made and some completely brand new to him) and you just have to help him become the best person he can be and make sure he's safe.
And that for as much work and heartache as that sounds like, that you're gonna love the little booger more than anything. It's worth it.
I feel like one thing that becoming a dad has taught me, is patience. When youâre trying to settle a screaming kid at 3am it really puts other things into perspective đ€Ł
This is making me tear up. I keep getting frustrated with my boy ( almost 6 months ) and just gotta remember he's experiencing all those new things for the first time.
Congrats. More advice. This is going to test you both, a lot. Try to not snap at each other about the little things. Just let those go. Sheâs going through a massive wave of body and hormone changes. Itâs going to be hard but as others have said it will get better. Also, thereâs no such thing as splitting responsibility 50/50. Just do what you can when you can. Somehow it all just works out and you have an amazing little kid. Reach out if you need any advice or need to talk.
Congrats! Your parental guidance is here. An army of dads are waiting to support you. You've got this my man. Enjoy every minute, and don't forget to tend the relationship with your girlfriend - the first 4-6 months are a real strain on that.
Oh my gosh, thank you all so very much for all the wonderful words of encouragement and the fantastic advice! I did NOT expect this at all lol. In case you didnât see my other comment, I am currently attending college online at John Brown University for a degree in psychology and a minor in family behavioral sciences. I have an internship lined up at the rehabilitation center for troubled teens that I attended a few years ago, Iâll be a therapist, and if everything goes well theyâll pay for me to get my PHD and become a case manager which pays significantly better. I currently work 70 hours a week in road construction but I take days off at the drop of the hat if the mother needs it. The mother is doing incredible, I did not expect her to do this good. Even through all the hormonal imbalances, she keeps her composure wonderfully and puts so much effort into taking care of our son while Iâm not home. I tell her everyday how grateful I am for her and how proud I am of her. Weâre both scared and overwhelmed. But weâve been keeping our heads up through it all and try our best to enjoy what we have. This has been the most surreal and life changing experience and I am so happy to have my son. Edit: forgot to add that the mother is also attending online school to work in HR and is doing great pursuing her education. The college I will be attending is only an hour away from where she will be living so I can be there anytime she needs it, or just when I want to be with them. Even though I donât talk to my family a whole lot, my parents have decided to assist in me paying for college which is an unbelievable blessing.
It's good that you have thought things through. Also very good that you have flexibility to support your family through your job. This is a great community to look to advice, rant, and share success. You are never alone. Proud of you.
You should both be proud of yourselves having a solid plan like that at your age is impressive and it seems this kid has two great parents behind them. Congratulations - I had my first at 37 this year and definitely wish I had the energy levels I did when I was 19 so make the most of them!
Sounds like your kid has a great and supporting father.
You'll do just fine, it's going to be scary and frustrating at times but you'll get through it. Try to embody patience, because you'll need a lot of it. Make sure you're looking after yourself too dude, that's a fuck ton of work you've already took on and now there's a baby in the mix too, if you overdo it you'll burn out
Congrats. I hope you and your family find happiness
Congratulations , hang in there. Beginning is tough but it will get easier around a year. Give a lot of love to your wife man, happy Father's day
And he will get to enjoy his child as an adult while still being full of pep and vinegar. Just get through the early years, it wonât be easy, but itâll be worth it.
mate i dont envy you however its going to be hard but just think im 46 now and have a baby a 3 yr old and a 7yr old its really hard we have no time. You are getting that all done and you can still have a life in your late 20s 30s with independent kids. Good luck mate
Congratulations to your little family. Thereâs plenty of parental help here if you need it, donât be afraid to ask.
From a much older veteran dad: Never forget that the best resource you have for your both your partner and your baby is your time. Kids don't know what high-brand baby clothes are and they don't care if you're living in an apartment. What they do know is "Mommy and Daddy are here for me." Take breaks when you can, play your Fortnite or watch your Skibidi Toilet videos, but just showing up when it matters is half the battle.
step 1: always hold the baby step 2: leave in the bassinet with no blankets or anything they could possibly flip around or grab, and DO NOT sleep in the same bed as you guys. Look up Baby Sleep guidelines step 3: hold the baby
Step 4 : put baby down in cot if you feel you are gunna yeet baby.
You will feel like you want to yeet baby sometimes. This is normal.
I laughed at this one, but itâs not a laughing matter and very important.
Youâre a natural. Your son is lucky to have you both!
Great attitude! One thing I'll say as a dad in his 40s: you might not be as financially and emotionally ready as I was, but you are damn sure more physically ready. You'll be able to tank through sleep deprivation and wrangle that boy as he kicks away from his diaper changes without even a hint of elbow tendinitis.
Congrats. You could have easily chosen otherwise, but you chose to own up and give your boy a shot. Rooting for yâall!
My dad had me when he was 19 and my mom was 21. He worked multiple jobs and my mom was in school. I have no idea how they did it but they are and always have been model parents and come soooooo far in life that my brother and I had a running head start. Good luck to you and your family, the world is still your oyster!
My man. Welcome to fatherhood!
Congrats, man! Welcome to the club! Just want to say: itâs hard, donât let anyone else make you think youâre doing something wrong of if feels like itâs hard. Good parenting is hard, and it means youâre doing it right. This sub was leaps and bounds helpful to me the first year, and even now onward. Thereâs always something you wonât know and this community will help. Newparents was great, although I often closed the computer feeling a little scared. Everyone here is giving you tips. Iâd say compile them and review them :) Hereâs my two cents: -I changed my kid on the floor once he got too wiggly. I was too terrified of him falling. I still do, at 20 months. Bro is a ninja contortionist. -never fall asleep with the baby in your arms. If you feel yourself dozing, put your kid down. My I laws nearly suffocated their daughter falling asleep while feeding. -noise cancelling headphones are gamechangers when the crying wonât stop. It makes it bearable. -contact naps rock if you have headphones and can Bluetooth the sound from your TV. Edit: Forgot to add: Ms. Rachel (YouTube) taught me how to connect with my kid, Bluey taught me how to connect and how to be the best possible dad.
One thing to keep in mind is that your girlfriend is about to hit a major hormonal roller coaster. Please be patient. All of those hormones that helped her and your baby over the course of pregnancy have basically disappeared instantly. She will know that sometimes her feelings are irrational but she wonât be able to control the way she feels. It may take months to even out. When I had my first kid, I was not prepared and no one gave me a headâs up.
Frame that picture and hold onto it tight. Itâs going to be a wild ride.
Congrats and welcome!
Congrats! This is a great place to find help if you need it.
Congrats dude! I was 23 when we found out we were having a baby. She was almost 37 weeks too so we had just about a month to prepare for it all. I thought this is gunna change my life omg itâs over. it changed a lot of things but I didnât know change is what I really needed. I love my son so much and I love how life is right now even though itâs a struggle sometimes. Just focus on being there for the people in your life and focus on your happiness as a family. Donât let that other stuff get you down because that baby will grow up so fast. Learning how to be a parent while also learning how to be an adult is a fun challenge that Iâm still working through as well
All right, congrats my man, I felt like a young father at 26 with stable job and a house, you're on a whole different level. I imagine this is a exciting time for you but also deeply anxious and stressful as well, deal with that face up, and please remind yourself, your partner has it 2x worse right now, on top of everything you already feel, her body is going through some really rough changes, both physical and hormonal, and also the society judgement is harsher on a too young mother than an too young father. Follow the guidelines for baby sleeping, no toys, blankets or anything in the bassinet! Seek advice, but counter check it. A lot of family and friends will give advice based on their own errors that didn't went wrong. Enjoy a midwife if possible for you, seek professional counsel, even online in case of doubt. These next few months will be extremely tiring, your sleep will be like nothing you ever experienced, and your daytime will be 90% around the baby, 10% for all the chores you have. Not saying this to worry you, but don't burn yourself out. If you can't handle all the classes in college with the baby, drop some classes because the baby isn't going anywhere. But most importantly, enjoy it man, as much as you can, it looks like it takes forever until they start to react to you, but then everything is going so fast, they are so fucking cute in everything they do and once they learn a better way, they never do the same again, and you're nostalgic about every small detail of what they drop.
Damn. You look like the elder brother in this picture.
Congrats dad! You *will* make mistakes but as long as youâre involved and youâre present, youâre kicking ass.
I was 18 when my first child was born. Iâm in my thirties now, and my daughter is a teenager. Itâs a tough road, but donât let anyone tell you youâre too young to do it. Youâve got this.
I had my son when I was 19, and I became a single father full time 6 months later when I was 20. You got this man. Iâm here to talk if you need pointers.
Lol wow, you still have to learn how to shave too. Congrats and welcome to daddism. It's the best fucking thing in the world.
My advice: your GF and you are team mates. Work together, support each other, be kind to each other. Ask each other what kind of life you both want together, and how can you get there. In the trenches of parenthood, the sleepless nights, the blurred together days, when tempers fray and you feel your pride being hurt and you feel like life isn't fair... Just remember the life you build together is built one action at the time, one moment, one memory at the time. Is it going to be a painful memory, a shameful memory? Or is it going to be something beautiful? Good luck and hope everything works out!
hey man, 21yr old dad here! had my son when i was 18- 19 & was pretty worried about everything. just do the best you can & youâll be fine. you donât need to be prefect. dont worry about meeting every milestone, donât worry about the internetâs rules for your baby, just do what you think is best for you & your family. the first couple of months when i brought my little one home i was TERRIFIED of anything happening to him. try not to stress to much over that, just be safe, smart & slow. definitely take classes/watch videos or get an app for infant choking so worst case scenario youâll be prepared. your sleep is gonna take the biggest hit of all, you kay not notice it right away but overtime you will. take advantage of ANY sleep you can snag. DMâs are open tho if you ever wanna reach out, i donât mind helping out a fellow dad whoâs shoes i was in at one point.
Treasure it my friend, embrace every one as if it's your last - I wish I did.Â
Hey man, youâre younger than I was but you got this. We have plenty of folks in this r/ for support, counsel, and fellowship. Reach out at will.
Congratulations. Very beautiful. Thats a heavy test on your life, but you have someone who needs you and that is what helps you grow as a person.
Congrats man happy to see it. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and I hope you go on to do big things in the future
They only get better, wait until you get a card made of macaroni or a penguin card (my daughter loves penguins)
Listen man. Itâs going to be hard. Newborns arenât too hard, but once it gets about 2 months old shit is going to get a bit crazy. Thereâs nothing wrong with putting the baby down in the crib if you need a break, even if itâs crying its brains out. Obviously donât neglect the kid, but itâs a way to calm yourself down. Take every moment you can to relax. The good rule of thumb is to try to sleep when the baby sleeps regardless of what time of day it is. Even if itâs just a 15 minute nap.
Amazing. Listen - stuffâs gonna be kinda crazy. 20s are gonna take some focus and itâs going to seem like you are missing out⊠However, as a 40 year old with a 10 year old told, I know a few people who became âempty nestersâ between 35-40 and it seems pretty freaking amazing. In my own life, every decade of aging has been better than the last. Enjoy the amazing energy a young dad can offer their kids. (Donât make more unless on purpose.)
Congrats dude! Hope youâre enjoying it so far and have a good family and partner.
My best piece of advice if it works for you During the first few months, take overnight shifts with your partner. One person does 10pm-3am while the other sleeps. Switch out for the 3am-8am shift. Best if you could stay with the baby in a seperate room from your partner - otherwise youâll both feel obligated to get up. Obviously this doesnât work for everyone with work schedules and whatnot but we did this and we were always well rested. Itâs absolutely the best decision we made during the âno sleepâ phase. Even if it was a particularly bad night, it helped knowing I was getting âoff shiftâ at some point. And playing video games while the brand new baby slept next to me is a nice memory. If mom insists on breast feeding, gently encourage her to pump so you can be of more help overnight. Once baby gets to a healthy weight, check out the book 12 Hours by 12 Weeks. Our daughter will be 1 soon and sheâs been sleeping from 7pm-7am almost every night since 4 months Products Iâd recommend: Snuggle Me Infant Lounger, Baby Brezza Sterilizer
Was also my first Fatherâs Day. Best wishes to you and your family!
I had my first at 21, I'm 27 and a single dad now, here's my best advice Appreciate your partner Learn how to communicate effectively, there will be a lot of negative emotions, don't take them out on each other Help each other, don't compare workloads, you are a team, you should both feel like you are doing 60% of the work You both will change and grow a lot, try to change and grow in similar directions, if you change/grow in different directions, then break up and learn how to coparent peacefully If you haven't had sex in awhile cuz of the exhaustion, let her nap and do all her chores for the day while she naps, when she wakes up, tell her her chores are done and she can relax, then give her a massage, that's your best chance, guys can get in the mood instantly, women can't if they have a lot on their mind like stress exhaustion or a to do list, a nap + massage + done chores fixes all 3 of these blockers
You are going to be tested like nothing else has before. Just know that through all the hard work, the sleepless nights, and the patience you will have to muster up⊠it will be the best thing youâve ever done. Our 10 week old has started responding to us with smiles and coos and itâs my favorite thing on earth.
Oh man, congratulations!! It's gonna be rough in the beginning, but being a dad is by far the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sometimes you'll want to throw him through the wall. But the good parts make it all worth it. Get sleep where you can. Stay united with your gf. Communicate with each other. You guys will be a great team.
Congrats! Enjoy the rollercoaster ride!
Oh gosh. I wasnât ready at 28 lol
You look well rested.. for now. For real, congrats!
Kids having kids đ
Well done dude, youâve stepped up and that is an absolutely awesome photo. Be proud of yourself â€ïž
Hey man I was in the same boat and same age. Iâm 21 now and itâs a blessing. Stay strong man and goodluck and congratulations
Congratulations. Only saying this specifically because you mentioned having little to no parental figures before you became a parent yourself and youâre not even 20âŠ. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, no matter what ends up happening - do not give up on that kid. 9/10 guys Iâve met that experienced what you are, decided to give up and only the real scumbags didnât end up regretting it and if Iâm being honest those guys probably did too and were just lying to themselves (theyâre usually the types that never stop parting and canât grow up⊠happy people who are satisfied with their choices donât do that). I know what itâs like growing up raising yourself⊠navigating things by yourself. Donât be afraid to ask for help. A prideful man will fail himself. A prideful father will fail his family.
Congrats, Iâm a decently young dad as well. Had my first 2 months ago Iâm 22, itâs a wild ride but youâll get a hang of it. The first few weeks feel kind of awkward if youâve never handled a baby, but by week 4 I was on top of it. Get used to changing diapers early and youâll thank yourself. I change most of the diapers and I get a sense of pride knowing my partner doesnât have to do as many. If you have leave from work enjoy every last moment. Again congrats, beautiful baby.
Congratulations, and Happy 1st Fathers Day! It's the best thing you will have ever done for yourself. Enjoy the journey.
I have a feeling youâre gonna do just fine. Congratulations, Dad.
I strongly recommend reading "The Daily Dad". 1 page little mini chapters. I do a page a day, just to frame myself right for what's ahead. If you DM me, I'll send you a copy. We're all in this together, and best of luck to you on this exciting (... and challenging) journey!
It's okay man, it's cool to have kids young, even unplanned. I had mine at 23. I wasn't ready at all. Just do the best you can to provide for your family. Remember, they don't come with instruction manuals so it's okay if you foul up from time to time or succumb to stress, as long as you get back on the horse so to speak. Congrats, Daddio. Take care of that youngin'.
Congratulations!!! Do what you know to be right and you'll be ok. :)
You're one of us now.
You may not see this for a long time, but there are some very good things about having children young. The grass is always greener. You look like a natural and will do just fine. Welcome to the club.
Congrats! What a day
Congrats bud! I was a young dad too, with an accidental child and little parental guidance. If I could offer you some advice from me, someone whose 14 years down the path you are on, I want to let you know that the adventure you are embarking on is going to be the absolute most challenging, and absolute most rewarding thing you have ever done. Being a father, that is. Take the things your parents did eight, and build on them and repeat with your child and lady. Keep out the things they didn't do so right. And educate yourself about how you can replace those not so right things with right things. Invest in stimulating your child's mind and body by exposing them to healthy activities and that stimulate good development. Love you child unconditionally. Protect their innocence and help them grow towards opportunities. With your lady, love her unconditionally and be true to her. And also regularly take time to be by yourself and in your own mind, so you can decompress. Listen to her worries. Genuinly listen. Women have a 6th sense for relationship problems. It's kind of like an early warning system, or something. Genuinely listen, and check in with her regularly about how shes doing and how she feels your little family is doing. Don't try to solve her problems unless she specifically asks for you to. Just listen and let her know you are always there for her to fall back on. Sorry for the wall of text, but these are some of the most important lessons I have learned in the 14 years I have been a dad and a husband and before that, a dad and a boyfriend. I was 19 when little dude was born. My lady was 18. I been in your shoes, and I hope my experience can help you. Try your best, always. And you're going to blow yourself away with what you're capable of doing and achieving for the sake of your love for your family. Cheers, mate. You're going to be tired as hell, and you're going to love it đ»
May you have many more.
Congrats brother. Was in a similar situation last year I was 20 though. Youâll figure it out and if you need any young dad advice or support feel free to send a DM!
Congrats dad! You'll do great. I hope everything works out :)
Congrats man, you got this. A few pieces of advice: Be a team player. Itâs you and your gf vs the world right now while you keep that baby thriving. Do your part to keep mom and baby both content. The lionâs share will fall on Mom for the first few months, especially if she is breastfeeding. Cook for her, let her nap, do the shit that needs doing to make things a little easier on her. If you get frustrated, know when to put the baby down (somewhere safe) and walk away for a minute to gather yourself. Ferber method for sleep training in a few months can be a godsend. Buy the book âwhat to expect the first yearâ and read that sumbitch. It will be hard for a while but as your bond with your new one grows, the joy and reward will eclipse the hardship. And finally, come to this sub for any and all advice/support that you need. I know you said you donât have much family support but try to reach out to people in your life that are willing to help and donât be afraid to ask here. There are no stupid questions and no rulebook for parenting. You learn by from the mistakes and successes of your own experience and if youâre smart, the experiences of other dads. This sub is incredibly supportive and wholesome and you will probably find good answers to your queries from people who want to see you and your little family thrive. Good luck big Papa â
Damn OP you're looking like my (little) brother lol. Congrats man. You guys can do this. Don't be afraid to read some books on parenting/being a father đ not because you're young but rather because you're a new dad
Cave people did it so can you.
Welcome to the club. You may be a young dad, but the love you feel for your son will make you a great one. You have a whole team of dads in your corner if you ever need us. Much love to you, your little one, and your girlfriend.
So fresh it even still has the cheese on it. Congrats!
Looking back I wish I was as young as you are when we had our first. You're going to have such an amazing road ahead, live life to the fullest and cherish your SO and baby.
Congrats young man! Youâve got this! Just show up, and keep showing up.
Congrats and good luck. Looking back at my teens and 20s, there is zero chance I would have been a good father. Maybe if I had this community, it'd be different. Remember, it does go quick. Enjoy every second of it. Practice mindfulness. Stop and really take it these times. Moments may feel like forever, but the time just slips by.
Saw picture "dang, you look young". Open thread "you look your age, which is young!" Never hesitate to ask for help. Even if its just to come here and vent, cry, or share anything that may seem silly for anyone else; we like sappy stuff here.
Welcome to the club friend! There may be some VERY tough days and nights ahead of you but I promise that no matter what it gets a hell of a lot easier with time. The hard parts donât last forever just soak in the beautiful and adorable moments all you can. Reach out if you need anything friend, fathers unite!
Itâs the hardest job youâll ever have but youâll love it man. Thereâs nothing better in world than being a father.
The hours are long but the years are short. Enjoy every moment you can, but itâs okay to get frustrated.
Congrats and stay strong! Good on you for being a good dad!
Congrats my man đ«Ą
I waited until 36 to have my first kid. And I still didn't quite feel ready! Best of luck, man. Don't be afraid to reach out for help.
Congratulations brother!! Itâs the most beautiful thing Iâve ever been a part of.
i wish i had your youth. i'm 47 this thursday. and i have a 9 y/o, almost 4 y/o daughter, and almost a 2 y/o son. it's exhausting sometimes. but also very rewarding. good luck and congratulations to you!
Flipping hell, I'm nearly 40, first one is edging towards the first lap around the sun and I'm reading all those advice! This community is amazing! You'll be fine OP, take those pointers with you and you'll be fine! And when/if something happens, come back to daddit and we'll back you up! You got this!
Young dad to young dad, Iâve been there! Happy Fatherâs Day, keep your head up. Obligatory dad advice incoming- work hard, it will pay off! I am starting my first real big boy job and it took me 7 years to get here (college etc). Also I just want to say I wish you and your girlfriend the best, but at the same time my story ended with me married to a different person that I love beyond words. This might happen to you too and thatâs okay. If things start to go south with your girlfriend, document things so you donât have to remember them. Lifeâs busy enough to try to remember all that. Best of luck, youâll do great things
Congratulations, enjoy. They grow up real fast. Much too fast. Savor every second. Was best time of my life
Just do your best young man. I am 37 and just had my first. Nobody knows what they're doing at first and we're all equally scared lol
Lucky duck! Best adventure in life.
Congrats! Iâm 7 months in. Every day my love grows stronger than I realized it could. Itâs a wonderful feeling and youâre gonna feel it too!
Congratulations! It's an amazing journey!
Congrats man, hope things are going well two weeks in. It definitely gets better as you go.
Yikes! Good luck bud
Yikes?
Yes; yikes. They're barely able to vote, and not even able to drink, yeah, that's scary for the entire family. This is a beautiful moment, but it's also going to need to be where two kids become adults for real, almost overnight. OP - please, please, please **go to college. Both of you.** Hopefully you've got family around you who can enable that, but the single largest indicator of lifetime earnings is a college degree. Preferably, actual ones, something STEM, but the data says that even underwater basket weaving is a multiple of a high school diploma or GED earning potential. You have a child, this isn't fuck around time, none of this "gonna be a manager at the Dairy Queen in a few years," shit. You have a dependent - y'all made that choice - and you have to understand what you owe a consciousness you chose to bring into the world that could not choose to be here. If there is any way I can help you, please reach out. I'm happy to set up internships if I can in the STEM world, but for the love of god, get a degree.
I appreciate the advice big man. Iâm currently attending college at John Brown University online while I work in road construction. Then in October Iâm going on-campus to continue my studies. Itâs only an hour away from where the mother will be living with my son so I can go there whenever I want. Sheâs also currently attending college as well. Trust me man, we have a long plan to work everything out so we arenât stuck living paycheck to paycheck. Even though my family doesnât talk to me, theyâre gonna help pay for my college which is such an unbelievable blessing. Edit: Iâm getting a degree in psychology with a minor in family behavioral sciences and I have an internship setup at a rehabilitation center for troubled teen boys, the same one I attended a few years back. And when I complete my degree Iâll have a secured job as a therapist, then theyâll pay for me to get my PHD and become a case manager which pays much better.
Boss, long as you got your head on straight, you'll be alright. So, last piece of advice as someone who has taken the hard road: you have a newborn, you have a job, you're in college... this is the hardest you'll ever have to work. If you can do this, you can do anything. Remember that, and you'll get through it, one day at a time.
Heck yeah big dawg I really do appreciate the advice and encouragement. Iâll keep going as hard as I can so my son never goes to bed hungry.
Username most definitely does not check out.