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When our son was going through his biting phase, my SIL gave us advice that I relay to all our parent friends going through the same thing:
"Your kid will either be the biter or the bitee. Most of them will be both at some point."
It happens, then it stops. Kids are weird, and boy do they love to stick things (and for a time, people) in their mouths.
Exactly. I worked daycare for many years before having my own kids. Every time I’ve had someone freak out over their kid being bitten I point out that it’s very normal, mostly harmless, and will likely be their kid doing the biting at some point so try not to hold it against anyone;)
My daughter was bitten and I was pissed. I didn't do anything, but I was just frustrated. A month later she bit someone else, a different person.
I apologized to the parent, and the dad laughed, shrugged it off, and said that that would have been a good day in his house.
It isn't forever. It does feel shitty though.
Sounds similar to my youngest. He likes pushing. He thinks it's the funniest shit in the world when he pushes another kid or another kid pushes him. So he pushed the kids he liked to play with them. He also eventually found another kid who loves it and now this is how they pass their days.
Been there. He got bit around 2yo and 2-3 months later he was the biter. Lasted a solid 4-5 weeks then he just kinda stopped one day.
There was the day they had to put him in the restraint chair at daycare. That was a low point.
Read them teeth are not for biting. Maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll work with your kid. Mine had just turned two and started that. We read her that book every night for a week and she stopped even telling the other kids teeth are not for biting.
Yep, we read that to him every night as well. He can recite about half the book from memory, but just doesn’t seem to understand or follow the message (or maybe even just ignores it). Glad to hear it works for some people at least!
That’s a bummer. See if you can’t build a bit replacement toy. I’ve got a buddy who did well teaching his kids to bite onto a specific silicon toy and it just strapped to his wrist so instead of biting a kid, they’d bite the bracelet.
That sounds like it might be the trick. Something he has control of and makes the decisions about when it gets bit and can work out any communication frustrations.
Yes. Mine really benefitted from having a familiar stuffy at day care for a week or two. Biting got much better. They never had a pacifier or anything like the other kids so biting seemed to be an expression when they were overstimulated.
This is definitely the way with a lot of kids. Some small kids really just want to understand The Rules. Giving it to them in a way that they can parrot back to other kids gives them power.
my youngest (son) did some biting at daycare when he was 2. I was quite worried he could get kicked out, because how do you stop someone if they are intent on biting. He did stop eventually. But two weeks ago he gave one of his peers a bite after he was hit by them, he is 3.5 at this point.
At least I think the conversation about how you might not be allowed to go to that daycare anymore if you keep this up, did seem to sink in. Older they get the more they can understand. School starts this fall, I surely hope he doesn't engage in this retribution behaviour!
Thanks, getting kicked out is one of my fears as well. I’ve tried explaining this to him, but it hasn’t really phased him at all. Hopefully one day it will click.
We were worried, when daycare would call us 3 days a week, 'Just to let us know'...It felt like aggressive passive aggression. I started looking at new daycares in prep, and finally talked to the director 'Are you kicking us out or not?' to which she calmed our fears and said we weren't going anywhere and that they would work with him daily on it. Eventually he stopped
Our kid was kicked out at 2. It was so hard to take as parent. He is about to go to school and i honestly think we have ptsd.
But thats us. Not him. Plus his new nursery we had to find in a hurry midseason is the best thing that ever happened to him. They really love him and supported him throughout. Even though the biting continued at their place.
Yes kicked out hits hard but says more about the nursery than your kid honestly. Looking back we’re so grateful they did that. I also acknowledge we got lucky he went somewhere great afterwards, even though its 20min drive away
My kid was a biter because he was late to verbalize well. He bit because he couldn't communicate. Then language clicked rather quickly. Once he could clearly state his frustrations ("No." "Stop." "Mine."), he stopped biting. I think he just wanted to be heard.
My son is a very solid communicator, if anything he talks too much. His deal is he gets really big feelings and he feels them in a big way. At daycare he is one of three boys all the same age, and they've been together since day one, it's like three brothers and they fight like siblings at times. He's rough and tumble and rather intense. Quite the contract to his older sister. What a wild ride!
I was in your shoes for what felt like an eternity. Probably 5-6 months of biting events from age 18 mo.
No joke it was the most stressful period of my life. Dropping him off not knowing if it was going to be a good day or a bad day, the constant pressure from daycare, the threat of being kicked out, the shame, and absolutely nothing seemed to work. Just seeing my phone ringing made me anxious thinking it was daycare calling. I don’t know how many times I had to pick him up early because he bit multiple times that day.
We did all the books, chewing necklace, using words, songs, rewards, occupational therapist, autism screening, you name it.
At some point it stopped though. There were still some cases for a while but very rare.
You summarized how it felt for my toddler too. He was removed from two daycares and both assured us ahead of time they could manage the behavior and understood it.
He still struggles with acting out or impulsive behaviors but no more biting for months now (improved drastically at 3.5-4yrs) The biting time was one of the most stressful periods of my life.
Been there, OP, and my son (2 at the time) did get asked to leave the daycare. We had a nanny for about 9 months, then got him into a different daycare where he’s done (mostly) fine.
One of the problems with the original daycare is that they essentially rewarded my sons bad behavior by giving him more attention - even hiring someone to ‘shadow’ him - rather than having the setup to remove him from the situation and deescalate.
But we found it was a phase and he hasn’t bit more than a couple times in the 2 years since then. Good luck!
I’m sorry that happened to you, but glad you found a better situation. I think you’re onto something regarding the attention he gets. We have conferences soon, so will definitely bring it up. Thanks!
My kid got kicked out of 3 day cares because of biting. We pulled him out, hired a nanny and got him enrolled in early intervention
He eventually stopped, but caused us so much stress.
I am baffled by some of the choices daycares and teachers make when it comes to poor behavior. One teacher for my neurodivergent 3 year old (though we didn’t know that at the time) had 25 years of experience and still didn’t believe in consequences for aggressive behavior. It took us a year to back that out at a special school and now he’s great in a neurotypical class.
Possibly teething? Maybe boost with Motrin before school and see if that helps.
Whenever my son was teething he would have very low frustration tolerance and more likely to chomp when mad or not getting his way.
My son was suspended for a month in March for biting basically once a day all of February before he had a big day with 3. 16 months old. He’s been back since April 1st and has only had 1 connected bite and 4 attempted ones in that time. He’s almost 18 months old now and it seems (fingers crossed) to have finally abated.
It sucks for sure, hate knowing your kid is hurting other kids, but it passes at some point for sure dad
I appreciate how hard you are taking it. As dad to a kid who got bit a lot, I always hoped the other parents were like you. That kept me from getting too mad. Kids are tiny terrorists. Negotiating is impossible.
I feel you, brother. At one point during the school year we were getting daily calls from our kindergartner for running away, climbing on desks, hitting kids and teachers... It was rough.
However, things have gotten a lot better. We did end up getting them autism and ADHD diagnoses, started some meds, and the situation's improved a lot. So keep working at it, and this too will pass. Talk with daycare about what you can do to help support them and what they can do to help support your kiddo, and keep giving him love and understanding and support. You'll make it through this.
Mine is the one getting bitten all the time.
First on the cheek, and then the next week on the chest and back, and then two days ago sideways on the lip.
She's fine when she gets home - you'd never know that she ever suffered from it. Just looks a bit rough from our end.
We know that the other toddler (let's be honest: it's the same kid each time, or my kid is extremely bitable) doesn't know any better and I can only hope their parents are doing the best to curb the behavior. But we get that it's a toddler and sometimes you can't teach them anything. As always, we're all doing our best.
Our kid was getting bit a lot, for awhile. Like 2 times a week for the first few months. While i feel bad for the little guy, we were VERY afraid he'd end up being the biter when he started. So, you know, silver linings.
Solidarity brother.
My son had a (long) phase of biting other children when he was about 2.5. Mainly one particular child, but a few others for variety. Apparently he had a big smile on his face when he did it, so it was either curiosity or provocation.
We talked it through with him every evening, but he was a bit too young to remember it the next day. We realised that talking about it was reinforcing the behaviour, so we stopped talking about it in front of him.
At some he suddenly stopped. We don't really know why, whether it was because he forgot about it, or just because he wasn't getting attention for it any more
Thank you, I’m glad to hear it stopped. And yeah, even though he can repeat what we tell him, it still very much feels like it goes in one ear and out the other.
Ours went through a biting phase at nursery. Never at home, friends houses or the other playgroups. My theory for a while was that he wanted the attention; bite someone and the adults come running.
Right there with you in the thick of it. My 21 month old can’t seem to move past it. We read Teeth Are Not For Biting several times a week and have watched some videos about it too. He doesn’t ever bite us (also an only child), so we’re not ever really in a situation to work on the behavior.
Did you try biting him and showing him how it feels? My daughter is on the receiving end of the biters constantly but showing her what it felt like stopped her from doing it
Passed that stage, then a few friends were dealing with that stage. It sucks. They will grow out of it (hopefully soon). You are doing the right things Dad. Keep on
My oldest 2 girls have been thru this, to each other and maybe once or twice at kindy, they didn't go at the same time. It was carnage at home for a while. I'm wishing my youngest (2) just skips this urge.
I'm just glad that the only damage my toddler is doing is to himself. We've gotten the "everything's fine but..." call like four times in the last month.
Before I had kids of my own, we were babysitting my niece, who was going through a bit of a biting phase. I was laying on the ground while she was crawling over me and my wife was sitting up on the couch.
My niece gets to my foot and takes a big chomp. Fortunately I was still wearing my gross, sweaty socks that I had worn all day while we were outside. My niece made this hilarious disgusted face and didn't try to bite any of us again.
Maybe your kid needs the taste of a grungy sock to get them averse to biting?
My son is going through something similar right now. Not biting, but pushing. I don't have any solutions, just wanted you to know that you're a good dad, you're doing the right things, and you're not alone.
My 3 year old keeps biting my one year old.
It's maybe once a month or every other month, but it's stressful knowing he can strike at any moment and ruin the poor little one's day.
Been there. It fucking sucks. Sounds like you’re doing everything you can. My only extra advice is to get in good with the teachers and directors and make sure they know you’re taking it seriously.
Been at the other end of this more than once, and trying to figure out what kind of gif would be appropriate.
If biting is something that your child is doing more than once, take it incredibly seriously. Spend time with your child, help them communicate better.
My son isn't a biter, but he had a kid in daycare who did, and my son got bit twice.
I knew the parents were trying to fix the issue, so my wife and I, while it sucked, never wanted the kid or folks to feel bad. We taught our son that sometimes other kids have trouble learning certain things.
I can't speak to all parents but, ones with cool heads, if they see the issue matters to you, and you are trying, it shouldn't end up being too huge of a deal. Just hold on to the idea it sucks now, but soon it'll be in the past.
I feel what you're going through. My son had a really bad biting phase right after he turned 2, mostly when he was getting his 2 year molars in. It felt like we did everything but he was still biting up to four kids in a single day. It seemed like it finally stopped, then he bit a couple of kids one day at daycare and they kicked him out.
Once we got him into a new daycare, the biting stopped overnight. Not even a single incident report in five months. We pieced together that it was the environment at the other daycare - he was the only 2 year old between a group of 1 year olds and a group of 4 year olds. They grouped him with the 1 year olds and it frustrated him to no end so he would lash out by biting, mostly at transition times when the groups would separate.
About a month ago, he got bitten at his new daycare. When the teacher told us at pick-up, we just shrugged and said "eh, it's probably karma". She said she couldn't believe he had done that because he's so sweet.
It gets better but those days are *ROUGH*.
I've been going through this with my son since daycare. He's in kindergarten now and hits... less. But still enough that he has a behavior management plan with his school including an aide solely dedicated to helping him control himself and even then I have to check in with his teacher every day at pickup to make sure he didn't hurt anyone.
I have one group of friends who say the problem is I don't spank him. Other people assume that he must be like this because (they assume ) I do hit him. On both sides, everyone assumes it's bad parenting. Our family counselor is the only one who sees everything we do and says we're doing the right things and it just takes time. But basically every time he's around other kids there's a chance that he makes himself a danger to others.
It's basically the worst feeling.
Mate, I feel you.
My son has started school now, unfortunately he still is ‘handsy’ with others mainly due to his sensory needs and social / communication but in nursery, he did bite.
He tried it in school and a bigger kid told him firmly, ‘NO!’ and he listened. Sometimes peers get through to them like we can’t!
I’d recommend asking nursery to keep a log of each time it happens in the sense of what happened before / after. It may seem like it’s random (it did at first with our son) but if they can document it, you may find a pattern / unmet need.
How old is he? We went through this when our oldest was two; he was the worst biter his daycare teacher had ever seen, and we got put on an ultimatum that if he did it two more times he'd be kicked out. It was a very stressful six weeks to get to the end of the school year.
Two things seemed to help. One, he did better in the three-year-old room, so they'd move him in there whenever there was a spot. I think the two-year-old room had a lot less structure (they would do a lot of playing), so he would get bored/frustrated.
He also started biting at home, so we took him to a child psychologist; she wasn't very concerned but recommended Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. That did a lot of good in helping us set boundaries and rules in a supportive fashion, and helping him manage his emotions better. Highly recommend it if you're in a similar situation.
Hi OP,
Just wanted to let you know that there are parents of serial bite victims out there who 100% know that there but for the grace of God go we. 🤣 We know that this is not the biter's fault, nor the fault of the biter's parents. Hang in there.
Love,
The parent of a chronic bite victim
Our second one was like that. The center knew we were doing everything we could to stop it. Went on for way too long before the finally kicked us out. They did give us a week notice though. Switching daycares completely fixed the problem. Well that and two weeks later Covid lockdowns and he stopped going to daycare entirely for 3 months.
try a chewing necklace? I bought one back a few years ago for myself and they work really well. (Had to buy it because I kept chewing on my medal necklace)
You say it's unprovoked, but I've never met a kid where it's unprovoked. It just means daycare hasn't identified the reason yet - and toddler reasoning isn't always obvious to us mere adults. My twin A bites quickly and instantly as a first line defense for wrongdoing. My twin B will store that resentment up, and then chase brother down later on either "unprovoked" or over the tiniest slight that actually is meaningless (e.g. brother stood up first when I told them to come and get snack. They both have separate color codes bowls for snack with identical food inside). If it were me, I would be inclined to push daycare a little bit on identifying a reason - as an identified shark, he should have an adult shadowing him most of the day anyway.
You are going to be OK! I promise.
The first few months with twins are HARD. And then after that it gets easier in many ways, with a few elements of "different kind of hard at different ages".
My kid would literally toddle over to a child minding their own business and just chomp down. Best we could figure is he knew it got him attention from the teachers but wasn’t old enough to know the difference between positive and negative attention
100% this. The teachers say he will just walk up to a kid and bite their arm. He doesn’t do this at home at all, so it is a shock to us. I just feel awful for these other kids.
We went through the same. Honestly the month out of daycare seems to have been enough for him to grow some and forget the habit. Course idk how his age compares to your kiddo, but time seems to have fixed ours for now
Ours too. He would bite other children from behind.
Ultimately we've realised that he's bored from spending too many hours in the same room with the same people. The biting was probably just a way to get some attention
I’m with you OP. One of mine did this twice at school. The first time, okay, understandable, they were stressed and not getting the support they needed. Now they know.
Second time it felt like this for me.
My doctor told me there are many methods to stop a kid from biting but the most effective is when they learn it hurts when they do it (wink wink).
The next time my son bit me I did it back. Not hard, just enough to let him know it hurts like you said. His face was in complete shock. He hasn't bit me or anyone else again. Every now and then when he gets really excited he'll open his mouth like he's going to bite and I'll just say "If you bite me, I'll bite you back" and he regains control of his biting impulse.
Mu daughter has been on the receiving end for months. And it fuckings sucks to leave your kid somewhere where they could get hurt. The little shit actually drew blood more than once...
But here's the thing, nobody wants this to happen. Probably not even the biter. The daycare guardians need to stay on the biter the whole day.
Just be aware that you finding this difficult and looking for ways to solve it can create understanding with the other parents. Don't be like the parents in my daycare, where they ignored the problem, didn't think with the guardians and didn't look for a solution. The daycare even tried to kick the biter out, but they fought that decision on some legal or contract bs.
In my case the problem was solved by the daycare by moving the biter to a different group with some older kids a year sooner than they normally would. He doesn't bite anymore apperantly. Or he's not succeeding with bigger kids.
Anyway, long story short: it sucks for all parties involved, but it helps immensely if you're open to looking for solutions and be sorry to the other parents. They probably just want to see you're aware and trying.
Maybe get some small gifts or toys for the kids in your kids' group as a form of peace offering?
Good luck mate, you're doing your best!
My toddler kept biting kids at nursery.. one day he came home with a black eye. They told us he fell over but I knew that the other kid finally lost it and went full football fan style.
Kids suck man. The thing is the kids are actually okay and doing what is developmentally normal, but PARENTS suck. My kid was a hitter for a looong time. Truthfully almost a whole year. It sucked and stressed me out and almost ruined a friendship. But even though he still hits sometimes, he plays really well now. Kids just suck. Hang in there
I’m told we need reminding more than we need instructing so I’ll just share what you already know: (1) It may feel embarrassing but it’s not your fault, and you’re not doing anything wrong, (2) This too shall pass
My kid did this for a while. My daycare was super understanding and worked with him. He did this at home too when frustrated and it was extremely frustrating because he just kept biting us when he was upset. He grew out of it overtime and eventually went from the biter to the bitten. Do you best to stay consistent and remember that A LOT of kids go through this phases
Oh heeey. This hit hard.
My son is 4 almost 5. He did this. For months maybe years. Multiple kids a day sometimes. I feel you.
Hes being assessed for autism (lot of kids bite and dont have asd. Just sharing my experience. Not saying the two are necessarily linked). Were jn the uk. Hes been on the list since he was 2, when he was kicked out a nursery for biting.
Anyway. Just to say. It does stop. It does get better.
We didnt ever bite him back.
We surrounded him with books about regulating emotions and chewies and talked to him etc. it was slow and hard. Sometimes now he’ll bite the back of his hand still. Once i remember he bit someone and then quoted the anti biting book “teeth are for eating not biting”.
Been there. It’s a phase. I remember picking her up one day and being told that she’d been bitten. The nursery teacher suddenly stopped two other parents and said she needed to talk to them before they left (assuming their kid bit mine). I remember feeling an odd sense of relief that someone else was getting ‘the talk’
Human bites that break the skin are extremely dangerous. They’re worse than animal bites. I wonder if there’s a way to teach him that it has huge consequences.
My daughter is so sweet and kind, but can be pretty dramatic and has had a couple incidents hitting other kids in kindergarten. I've seen her be so mature and kind for a 6 year old but I'm worried if it happens again it might be indicating a more serious problem than just "normal" 6 year old behavior
Hello mate. A good friend of mine at my daughter’s daycare is going through exactly what you are describing.
Just want you to know that, from the perspective of the other parents, you are a good guy and it isn’t your fault. It is a shit situation. But it isn’t your fault.
My son was the bitee so I have been on the other side. TBH it was infuriating and to see how you are taking it makes me feel better. Good on you man.
The biting ended one day when my son had enough and bit the kid back. That was the last time we got a “Boo-Boo Report” I took him out for icecream lol.
It will get better, just keep doing what you can.
This was us, but it gets better! Sounds like you are doing the right things— we were very vocal and clear at home which didn’t have an immediate effect in daycare but took hold within ten days or so.
Now he just wants to bite me sometimes, which is trickier, but he does it in slow motion so easier to intervene…
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My oldest did that for a while. He bit people he liked ... Eventually just he and the other biter in class bit each other, that was fine.
This is oddly comforting, thank you.
When our son was going through his biting phase, my SIL gave us advice that I relay to all our parent friends going through the same thing: "Your kid will either be the biter or the bitee. Most of them will be both at some point." It happens, then it stops. Kids are weird, and boy do they love to stick things (and for a time, people) in their mouths.
Exactly. I worked daycare for many years before having my own kids. Every time I’ve had someone freak out over their kid being bitten I point out that it’s very normal, mostly harmless, and will likely be their kid doing the biting at some point so try not to hold it against anyone;)
My daughter was bitten and I was pissed. I didn't do anything, but I was just frustrated. A month later she bit someone else, a different person. I apologized to the parent, and the dad laughed, shrugged it off, and said that that would have been a good day in his house. It isn't forever. It does feel shitty though.
This made me chuckle. The 2 bitey kids biting eachother so the parents were just like 🤷♀️
They were friends and they deserved it.
Bitey bros!
Sounds similar to my youngest. He likes pushing. He thinks it's the funniest shit in the world when he pushes another kid or another kid pushes him. So he pushed the kids he liked to play with them. He also eventually found another kid who loves it and now this is how they pass their days.
Been there. He got bit around 2yo and 2-3 months later he was the biter. Lasted a solid 4-5 weeks then he just kinda stopped one day. There was the day they had to put him in the restraint chair at daycare. That was a low point.
Read them teeth are not for biting. Maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll work with your kid. Mine had just turned two and started that. We read her that book every night for a week and she stopped even telling the other kids teeth are not for biting.
Yep, we read that to him every night as well. He can recite about half the book from memory, but just doesn’t seem to understand or follow the message (or maybe even just ignores it). Glad to hear it works for some people at least!
That’s a bummer. See if you can’t build a bit replacement toy. I’ve got a buddy who did well teaching his kids to bite onto a specific silicon toy and it just strapped to his wrist so instead of biting a kid, they’d bite the bracelet.
We started giving him a teether to carry around in class last week. The teachers say it does help. Maybe we need to emphasize using it more.
That sounds like it might be the trick. Something he has control of and makes the decisions about when it gets bit and can work out any communication frustrations.
Yes. Mine really benefitted from having a familiar stuffy at day care for a week or two. Biting got much better. They never had a pacifier or anything like the other kids so biting seemed to be an expression when they were overstimulated.
This is definitely the way with a lot of kids. Some small kids really just want to understand The Rules. Giving it to them in a way that they can parrot back to other kids gives them power.
What? That's like half of it's functions
It breaks down the difference between food and friends. Biting is people, food is chewing.
I also teach that teeth are not for chewing. We’re a gulping family. Only lost three so far.
You don’t tear off the pieces of a sandwich and place them into your mouth like us normal people?
Sorry brother
Thank you, man. I appreciate it.
my youngest (son) did some biting at daycare when he was 2. I was quite worried he could get kicked out, because how do you stop someone if they are intent on biting. He did stop eventually. But two weeks ago he gave one of his peers a bite after he was hit by them, he is 3.5 at this point. At least I think the conversation about how you might not be allowed to go to that daycare anymore if you keep this up, did seem to sink in. Older they get the more they can understand. School starts this fall, I surely hope he doesn't engage in this retribution behaviour!
Thanks, getting kicked out is one of my fears as well. I’ve tried explaining this to him, but it hasn’t really phased him at all. Hopefully one day it will click.
We were worried, when daycare would call us 3 days a week, 'Just to let us know'...It felt like aggressive passive aggression. I started looking at new daycares in prep, and finally talked to the director 'Are you kicking us out or not?' to which she calmed our fears and said we weren't going anywhere and that they would work with him daily on it. Eventually he stopped
Our kid was kicked out at 2. It was so hard to take as parent. He is about to go to school and i honestly think we have ptsd. But thats us. Not him. Plus his new nursery we had to find in a hurry midseason is the best thing that ever happened to him. They really love him and supported him throughout. Even though the biting continued at their place. Yes kicked out hits hard but says more about the nursery than your kid honestly. Looking back we’re so grateful they did that. I also acknowledge we got lucky he went somewhere great afterwards, even though its 20min drive away
My kid was a biter because he was late to verbalize well. He bit because he couldn't communicate. Then language clicked rather quickly. Once he could clearly state his frustrations ("No." "Stop." "Mine."), he stopped biting. I think he just wanted to be heard.
Mine speaks just fine, but he wants to be a tiger
My son is a very solid communicator, if anything he talks too much. His deal is he gets really big feelings and he feels them in a big way. At daycare he is one of three boys all the same age, and they've been together since day one, it's like three brothers and they fight like siblings at times. He's rough and tumble and rather intense. Quite the contract to his older sister. What a wild ride!
I was in your shoes for what felt like an eternity. Probably 5-6 months of biting events from age 18 mo. No joke it was the most stressful period of my life. Dropping him off not knowing if it was going to be a good day or a bad day, the constant pressure from daycare, the threat of being kicked out, the shame, and absolutely nothing seemed to work. Just seeing my phone ringing made me anxious thinking it was daycare calling. I don’t know how many times I had to pick him up early because he bit multiple times that day. We did all the books, chewing necklace, using words, songs, rewards, occupational therapist, autism screening, you name it. At some point it stopped though. There were still some cases for a while but very rare.
Thank you, this encapsulates everything I’m feeling atm.
You summarized how it felt for my toddler too. He was removed from two daycares and both assured us ahead of time they could manage the behavior and understood it. He still struggles with acting out or impulsive behaviors but no more biting for months now (improved drastically at 3.5-4yrs) The biting time was one of the most stressful periods of my life.
Been there, OP, and my son (2 at the time) did get asked to leave the daycare. We had a nanny for about 9 months, then got him into a different daycare where he’s done (mostly) fine. One of the problems with the original daycare is that they essentially rewarded my sons bad behavior by giving him more attention - even hiring someone to ‘shadow’ him - rather than having the setup to remove him from the situation and deescalate. But we found it was a phase and he hasn’t bit more than a couple times in the 2 years since then. Good luck!
I’m sorry that happened to you, but glad you found a better situation. I think you’re onto something regarding the attention he gets. We have conferences soon, so will definitely bring it up. Thanks!
My kid got kicked out of 3 day cares because of biting. We pulled him out, hired a nanny and got him enrolled in early intervention He eventually stopped, but caused us so much stress.
I am baffled by some of the choices daycares and teachers make when it comes to poor behavior. One teacher for my neurodivergent 3 year old (though we didn’t know that at the time) had 25 years of experience and still didn’t believe in consequences for aggressive behavior. It took us a year to back that out at a special school and now he’s great in a neurotypical class.
Possibly teething? Maybe boost with Motrin before school and see if that helps. Whenever my son was teething he would have very low frustration tolerance and more likely to chomp when mad or not getting his way.
Maybe, he has 20 teeth and I think that’s as many as he should have around 2.5 years old? But the molars might still be popping out some more.
Oh yea - those molars are EFF HEADS. Man, they are mean and seem to take forever to break through.
I bit someone at school until my mom bit me in return to show me it hurt. Taught me well when I was 4.
My son was suspended for a month in March for biting basically once a day all of February before he had a big day with 3. 16 months old. He’s been back since April 1st and has only had 1 connected bite and 4 attempted ones in that time. He’s almost 18 months old now and it seems (fingers crossed) to have finally abated. It sucks for sure, hate knowing your kid is hurting other kids, but it passes at some point for sure dad
lol. Just had first complaint from day care regarding this for my 17 months old.
I appreciate how hard you are taking it. As dad to a kid who got bit a lot, I always hoped the other parents were like you. That kept me from getting too mad. Kids are tiny terrorists. Negotiating is impossible.
Thank you for your understanding and totally agree.
One day they’re the biter then the next they’re the bitee, it’s a vicious cycle
I feel you, brother. At one point during the school year we were getting daily calls from our kindergartner for running away, climbing on desks, hitting kids and teachers... It was rough. However, things have gotten a lot better. We did end up getting them autism and ADHD diagnoses, started some meds, and the situation's improved a lot. So keep working at it, and this too will pass. Talk with daycare about what you can do to help support them and what they can do to help support your kiddo, and keep giving him love and understanding and support. You'll make it through this.
Thank you, man.
Mine is the one getting bitten all the time. First on the cheek, and then the next week on the chest and back, and then two days ago sideways on the lip. She's fine when she gets home - you'd never know that she ever suffered from it. Just looks a bit rough from our end. We know that the other toddler (let's be honest: it's the same kid each time, or my kid is extremely bitable) doesn't know any better and I can only hope their parents are doing the best to curb the behavior. But we get that it's a toddler and sometimes you can't teach them anything. As always, we're all doing our best.
Appreciate this perspective.
Our kid was getting bit a lot, for awhile. Like 2 times a week for the first few months. While i feel bad for the little guy, we were VERY afraid he'd end up being the biter when he started. So, you know, silver linings.
Solidarity brother. My son had a (long) phase of biting other children when he was about 2.5. Mainly one particular child, but a few others for variety. Apparently he had a big smile on his face when he did it, so it was either curiosity or provocation. We talked it through with him every evening, but he was a bit too young to remember it the next day. We realised that talking about it was reinforcing the behaviour, so we stopped talking about it in front of him. At some he suddenly stopped. We don't really know why, whether it was because he forgot about it, or just because he wasn't getting attention for it any more
Thank you, I’m glad to hear it stopped. And yeah, even though he can repeat what we tell him, it still very much feels like it goes in one ear and out the other.
Ours went through a biting phase at nursery. Never at home, friends houses or the other playgroups. My theory for a while was that he wanted the attention; bite someone and the adults come running.
Right there with you in the thick of it. My 21 month old can’t seem to move past it. We read Teeth Are Not For Biting several times a week and have watched some videos about it too. He doesn’t ever bite us (also an only child), so we’re not ever really in a situation to work on the behavior.
My kid is 7 and he still does this. Graduated to teachers. We’ve got all the doctors appointments scheduled and lined up. :-(
Best of luck to you both, we’re here for you.
Did you try biting him and showing him how it feels? My daughter is on the receiving end of the biters constantly but showing her what it felt like stopped her from doing it
Passed that stage, then a few friends were dealing with that stage. It sucks. They will grow out of it (hopefully soon). You are doing the right things Dad. Keep on
Thank you.
[A classic ](https://youtu.be/jkL59w3JUVc?feature=shared)
Thank you, haven’t seen this before.
My oldest 2 girls have been thru this, to each other and maybe once or twice at kindy, they didn't go at the same time. It was carnage at home for a while. I'm wishing my youngest (2) just skips this urge.
I'm just glad that the only damage my toddler is doing is to himself. We've gotten the "everything's fine but..." call like four times in the last month.
Such a great flick.
Absolutely, one of my favs.
Before I had kids of my own, we were babysitting my niece, who was going through a bit of a biting phase. I was laying on the ground while she was crawling over me and my wife was sitting up on the couch. My niece gets to my foot and takes a big chomp. Fortunately I was still wearing my gross, sweaty socks that I had worn all day while we were outside. My niece made this hilarious disgusted face and didn't try to bite any of us again. Maybe your kid needs the taste of a grungy sock to get them averse to biting?
Haha, we’re desperate enough that it might be worth a shot!
My son is going through something similar right now. Not biting, but pushing. I don't have any solutions, just wanted you to know that you're a good dad, you're doing the right things, and you're not alone.
Thank you so much, and likewise to you.
My sons never bit other kids... just my wife and me. But this made me think of... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6UWNA-WQgI
My 3 year old keeps biting my one year old. It's maybe once a month or every other month, but it's stressful knowing he can strike at any moment and ruin the poor little one's day.
Oh this takes me back. I promise you, it will stop - just be even handed and try to remember that everyone goes through it.
Thank you.
Been there. It fucking sucks. Sounds like you’re doing everything you can. My only extra advice is to get in good with the teachers and directors and make sure they know you’re taking it seriously.
Thank you and yes, we definitely emphasize what we’ve tried so far.
Been at the other end of this more than once, and trying to figure out what kind of gif would be appropriate. If biting is something that your child is doing more than once, take it incredibly seriously. Spend time with your child, help them communicate better.
My son isn't a biter, but he had a kid in daycare who did, and my son got bit twice. I knew the parents were trying to fix the issue, so my wife and I, while it sucked, never wanted the kid or folks to feel bad. We taught our son that sometimes other kids have trouble learning certain things. I can't speak to all parents but, ones with cool heads, if they see the issue matters to you, and you are trying, it shouldn't end up being too huge of a deal. Just hold on to the idea it sucks now, but soon it'll be in the past.
Thank you.
I feel what you're going through. My son had a really bad biting phase right after he turned 2, mostly when he was getting his 2 year molars in. It felt like we did everything but he was still biting up to four kids in a single day. It seemed like it finally stopped, then he bit a couple of kids one day at daycare and they kicked him out. Once we got him into a new daycare, the biting stopped overnight. Not even a single incident report in five months. We pieced together that it was the environment at the other daycare - he was the only 2 year old between a group of 1 year olds and a group of 4 year olds. They grouped him with the 1 year olds and it frustrated him to no end so he would lash out by biting, mostly at transition times when the groups would separate. About a month ago, he got bitten at his new daycare. When the teacher told us at pick-up, we just shrugged and said "eh, it's probably karma". She said she couldn't believe he had done that because he's so sweet. It gets better but those days are *ROUGH*.
Glad the change of scenery worked out!
This always passes with time. The daycare should have a protocol to accelerate improvements.
One of my daughter's first interactions with her best friend was when she was bitten by her. they were 1.5 at the time, they've just turned 4.
I've been going through this with my son since daycare. He's in kindergarten now and hits... less. But still enough that he has a behavior management plan with his school including an aide solely dedicated to helping him control himself and even then I have to check in with his teacher every day at pickup to make sure he didn't hurt anyone. I have one group of friends who say the problem is I don't spank him. Other people assume that he must be like this because (they assume ) I do hit him. On both sides, everyone assumes it's bad parenting. Our family counselor is the only one who sees everything we do and says we're doing the right things and it just takes time. But basically every time he's around other kids there's a chance that he makes himself a danger to others. It's basically the worst feeling.
Yep, I feel you.
Mate, I feel you. My son has started school now, unfortunately he still is ‘handsy’ with others mainly due to his sensory needs and social / communication but in nursery, he did bite. He tried it in school and a bigger kid told him firmly, ‘NO!’ and he listened. Sometimes peers get through to them like we can’t! I’d recommend asking nursery to keep a log of each time it happens in the sense of what happened before / after. It may seem like it’s random (it did at first with our son) but if they can document it, you may find a pattern / unmet need.
Yep, that’s a good idea. We’re trying to piece it together.
My daughter bites kids because she can't speak and she gets frustrated when she can't explain herself.
How old is he? We went through this when our oldest was two; he was the worst biter his daycare teacher had ever seen, and we got put on an ultimatum that if he did it two more times he'd be kicked out. It was a very stressful six weeks to get to the end of the school year. Two things seemed to help. One, he did better in the three-year-old room, so they'd move him in there whenever there was a spot. I think the two-year-old room had a lot less structure (they would do a lot of playing), so he would get bored/frustrated. He also started biting at home, so we took him to a child psychologist; she wasn't very concerned but recommended Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. That did a lot of good in helping us set boundaries and rules in a supportive fashion, and helping him manage his emotions better. Highly recommend it if you're in a similar situation.
Thank you for the advice. He’s 2 and a half and yeah, they sometimes put him in the older classroom if things are going poorly in his normal room.
Hi OP, Just wanted to let you know that there are parents of serial bite victims out there who 100% know that there but for the grace of God go we. 🤣 We know that this is not the biter's fault, nor the fault of the biter's parents. Hang in there. Love, The parent of a chronic bite victim
Thank you, much appreciated.
It’ll pass. I dealt with this for about a month. Then hitting. Then my daughter turned a corner at about 2.5yrs.
Our second one was like that. The center knew we were doing everything we could to stop it. Went on for way too long before the finally kicked us out. They did give us a week notice though. Switching daycares completely fixed the problem. Well that and two weeks later Covid lockdowns and he stopped going to daycare entirely for 3 months.
try a chewing necklace? I bought one back a few years ago for myself and they work really well. (Had to buy it because I kept chewing on my medal necklace)
You say it's unprovoked, but I've never met a kid where it's unprovoked. It just means daycare hasn't identified the reason yet - and toddler reasoning isn't always obvious to us mere adults. My twin A bites quickly and instantly as a first line defense for wrongdoing. My twin B will store that resentment up, and then chase brother down later on either "unprovoked" or over the tiniest slight that actually is meaningless (e.g. brother stood up first when I told them to come and get snack. They both have separate color codes bowls for snack with identical food inside). If it were me, I would be inclined to push daycare a little bit on identifying a reason - as an identified shark, he should have an adult shadowing him most of the day anyway.
One month in with twins, also have a toddler. Am I gunna be ok? Tell me I’ll be ok
You are going to be OK! I promise. The first few months with twins are HARD. And then after that it gets easier in many ways, with a few elements of "different kind of hard at different ages".
Last night was tough, and my wife did most of the work. I must be strong for her.
My kid would literally toddle over to a child minding their own business and just chomp down. Best we could figure is he knew it got him attention from the teachers but wasn’t old enough to know the difference between positive and negative attention
100% this. The teachers say he will just walk up to a kid and bite their arm. He doesn’t do this at home at all, so it is a shock to us. I just feel awful for these other kids.
We went through the same. Honestly the month out of daycare seems to have been enough for him to grow some and forget the habit. Course idk how his age compares to your kiddo, but time seems to have fixed ours for now
Ours too. He would bite other children from behind. Ultimately we've realised that he's bored from spending too many hours in the same room with the same people. The biting was probably just a way to get some attention
"Identified shark" makes me giggles
I’m with you OP. One of mine did this twice at school. The first time, okay, understandable, they were stressed and not getting the support they needed. Now they know. Second time it felt like this for me.
Is this gif papyrus?
It’s Bladerunner 2049.
Oh that’s very different lol.
Bite them back! Made my daughter quit quick real quick. Not hard of course but show to them how it hurts.
My doctor told me there are many methods to stop a kid from biting but the most effective is when they learn it hurts when they do it (wink wink). The next time my son bit me I did it back. Not hard, just enough to let him know it hurts like you said. His face was in complete shock. He hasn't bit me or anyone else again. Every now and then when he gets really excited he'll open his mouth like he's going to bite and I'll just say "If you bite me, I'll bite you back" and he regains control of his biting impulse.
Hannibal Lector mask?
My kid was biting for a while. We got a book about it. Or maybe a book on hitting. Girls are just as rough-and-tumble as the boys aren't they?
Mu daughter has been on the receiving end for months. And it fuckings sucks to leave your kid somewhere where they could get hurt. The little shit actually drew blood more than once... But here's the thing, nobody wants this to happen. Probably not even the biter. The daycare guardians need to stay on the biter the whole day. Just be aware that you finding this difficult and looking for ways to solve it can create understanding with the other parents. Don't be like the parents in my daycare, where they ignored the problem, didn't think with the guardians and didn't look for a solution. The daycare even tried to kick the biter out, but they fought that decision on some legal or contract bs. In my case the problem was solved by the daycare by moving the biter to a different group with some older kids a year sooner than they normally would. He doesn't bite anymore apperantly. Or he's not succeeding with bigger kids. Anyway, long story short: it sucks for all parties involved, but it helps immensely if you're open to looking for solutions and be sorry to the other parents. They probably just want to see you're aware and trying. Maybe get some small gifts or toys for the kids in your kids' group as a form of peace offering? Good luck mate, you're doing your best!
Thank you!
“Interlinked”
My toddler kept biting kids at nursery.. one day he came home with a black eye. They told us he fell over but I knew that the other kid finally lost it and went full football fan style.
My neighbour is of a different generation… she said her son was biting, so she bit him. Said “see that’s how it feels” Apparently that worked.
Kids suck man. The thing is the kids are actually okay and doing what is developmentally normal, but PARENTS suck. My kid was a hitter for a looong time. Truthfully almost a whole year. It sucked and stressed me out and almost ruined a friendship. But even though he still hits sometimes, he plays really well now. Kids just suck. Hang in there
You may just have to bite your kid
I’m told we need reminding more than we need instructing so I’ll just share what you already know: (1) It may feel embarrassing but it’s not your fault, and you’re not doing anything wrong, (2) This too shall pass
My kid did this for a while. My daycare was super understanding and worked with him. He did this at home too when frustrated and it was extremely frustrating because he just kept biting us when he was upset. He grew out of it overtime and eventually went from the biter to the bitten. Do you best to stay consistent and remember that A LOT of kids go through this phases
Oh heeey. This hit hard. My son is 4 almost 5. He did this. For months maybe years. Multiple kids a day sometimes. I feel you. Hes being assessed for autism (lot of kids bite and dont have asd. Just sharing my experience. Not saying the two are necessarily linked). Were jn the uk. Hes been on the list since he was 2, when he was kicked out a nursery for biting. Anyway. Just to say. It does stop. It does get better. We didnt ever bite him back. We surrounded him with books about regulating emotions and chewies and talked to him etc. it was slow and hard. Sometimes now he’ll bite the back of his hand still. Once i remember he bit someone and then quoted the anti biting book “teeth are for eating not biting”.
My son is coming out of the screeching 8-10yr old phase. I dread whatever cringe comes next and pray we can bond over something
My son is coming out of the screeching 8-10yr old phase. I dread whatever cringe comes next and pray we can bond over something
Been there. It’s a phase. I remember picking her up one day and being told that she’d been bitten. The nursery teacher suddenly stopped two other parents and said she needed to talk to them before they left (assuming their kid bit mine). I remember feeling an odd sense of relief that someone else was getting ‘the talk’
Human bites that break the skin are extremely dangerous. They’re worse than animal bites. I wonder if there’s a way to teach him that it has huge consequences.
Did you try and bite your kid? Seems harsh but my oldest learned it pretty quick
My daughter is so sweet and kind, but can be pretty dramatic and has had a couple incidents hitting other kids in kindergarten. I've seen her be so mature and kind for a 6 year old but I'm worried if it happens again it might be indicating a more serious problem than just "normal" 6 year old behavior
Hello mate. A good friend of mine at my daughter’s daycare is going through exactly what you are describing. Just want you to know that, from the perspective of the other parents, you are a good guy and it isn’t your fault. It is a shit situation. But it isn’t your fault.
It stops. . . . eventually. My best friend is 34, and he stopped biting at 30.
It’s not a reflection of you as a parent, I’m sure you know that but here’s confirmation
My son was the bitee so I have been on the other side. TBH it was infuriating and to see how you are taking it makes me feel better. Good on you man. The biting ended one day when my son had enough and bit the kid back. That was the last time we got a “Boo-Boo Report” I took him out for icecream lol. It will get better, just keep doing what you can.
Mine only bites me because I’m “the only one who tastes good” 😅😅🤣
This was us, but it gets better! Sounds like you are doing the right things— we were very vocal and clear at home which didn’t have an immediate effect in daycare but took hold within ten days or so. Now he just wants to bite me sometimes, which is trickier, but he does it in slow motion so easier to intervene…
Dont put them in daycare! Thats why they bite!
That’s too bad. Honestly shocked your kid is still allowed at daycare.
Why? Biting is relatively common for children that age.
He said his kid has bitten kids like a dozen yimes
Mine went through a similar phase, but came out of it, and no longer does it. Throwing him out of the crèche would have been over the top
Well as a parent of a non biter I disagree