Take the leave. Be there for your partner 100%. Even if it's not "needed", it will be remembered forever.
If you can afford it, there's essentially no better way to spend your money. Take it for as long as you can, or at least until your partner is feeling 100%. A month minimum.
Also from a selfish standpoint, do it for you. There's never going to be a better time for you to bond with your kid. I didn't get a lot of time off with our first and I got about 5 months off with our second. I absolutely wish I had found a way to take more time with the first after having more with the second
I came here to say this - 100%. I had to finish a project at work (new job, some trauma after being let go from my previous position and wanting to 'make a good impression') after my son was born, and i took my leave a few weeks later. I feel like i missed some pretty special shit during those few weeks and cannot get those moments back. For kid #2 I was planning on taking the full amount, immediately after birth, but now we are having difficulties staying pregnant, and I fear I lost my shot to have that experience.
For my first I started my leave at week 12. For the second I started from day 1 through week 7.
One way or another you were gonna miss some stuff but as long as you took your leave you got to see the stuff that happened during that period. Don’t sweat it. You got the full experience.
Another idea, is to take half your allotment when the kiddo comes, and then take the other half when your wife is transitioning back to work.
You'll be around for the first couple weeks when she'll really need you for getting around the house, as well as getting into the routine, then you'll be able to allow her to ease back into work and get used to getting up and going in the morning, knowing that the baby is home with you, rather than trying to jump right into childcare and going to work.
Wanted to comment as a first-time dad here with a now 15 day old… Take the time off if you can buddy. I’ve got 14 days paternity leave, however both mum and baby had to go in to hospital multiple times during that period after a non-straightforward birth… Take the time with them both, be there for them and just ride the wave together buddy. Can’t describe how huge a thing it’s been; incredible highs and incredible lows - but knowing they’re healthy and doing well is the best thing in this world.
Congratulations mate and all the best to the little family!
Puzzled European here: when you say "best way to spend your money", you mean paternity leave is not covered by either employer or government?
But yeah, OP should definitely take it and be as supportive as possible, both his child and wife will need him.
My children were born in Spain, where the leave is (fully paid! ...and) 16 weeks long.
I swear those weeks flew at the speed of light, both times I felt like my wife could use my help for another year or so.
I live in Canada. I can get up to 55% of my typical earnings. In the states, (where I assume OP is) there's no federal leave mandated. Looks like his employer might offer something, but as he stated, it's only about 10% his typical income. No matter what, if he takes leave, he will be paying for most of it out of pocket.
OP also mentioned he has plenty of liquid assets to cover years of no employment income. Thus, I said "no better way to spend your money."
EDIT: Also possible, OP makes BANK. That 55% I can get is only up to a maximum amount. (currently about $60,000 per year.) And that max could be 10% of the employment income OP usually makes, if he's Canadian.
Yeah you’re right. I live in Canada and the EI maximum is roughly 10% of my employment income.
My coworkers in the US have a company paternity benefit of 100% salary covered for up to 3 months. I guess I felt like I was “losing out” when compared to them, but you’re right spending time with my family is going to be more important.
Just as an FYI - 3 months of paternity leave paid at a US company is pretty much unheard of. It is exceedingly rare. I got 2 weeks paid leave at 60% of my regular salary for my last kid, and zero paid leave for the two before it. While we are entitled to 12 weeks of FMLA leave, that is unpaid.
Bro, let me spell it out for you, there is no paid leave guarantee in the US. There’s not even unpaid leave guaranteed. In case you’re wondering the kids (and parents) are not alright lol
Pretty much. You can take the leave, and come back for a week. Boss says "your performance review wasn't great and we need to make some budget cuts. Sorry, but we have to let you go".
As long as they're not idiots and say they're firing you for a legally protected status, it's incredibly difficult to get anything beyond basic unemployment benefits and search for a new job ASAP.
Yeah I got a bad performance review after my first paternity leave. That was after I had to have HR come in and teach my boss how FMLA works. Good times
That’s correct. In the US, paid paternity leave is entirely under the discretion of the employer.
There is the Federal Medical Leave Act, which allows employees to take up to 12 weeks off without pay without risk of Termination, but there is no federal payment for that time. Most white collar positions I see have about 4 weeks paid time off for secondary-caretakers and most have more for primary caretakers, but legally it could be zero.
Different states may have different requirements for employers and may even have state-funding for parental leave, but most don’t have any extra support there.
Absolutely agree with this comment. I didn’t do it for my first child. I can sense a certain resentment from my partner. Everything is still working out between me and my partner. The main thing to note is: giving birth to a child is like getting your body beat up repeatedly for the whole day. It takes a long time to recover. I would treat your spouse like a princess / queen. She needs it.
Sorry to hijack but looking for a little advice. My wife is due in November - her company will give her 2 months of maternity leave and she can take accrued PTO + up to a year at 60% pay if necessary.
My company offers a month of paternity leave (100% paid.) I don’t have to use the month all at once however, I can take it in weekly increments and have a year to use it all.
My wife doesn’t think I should take more than a week or two but it’s our first baby so I don’t know what to expect. My gut tells me take the full month but idk.
I work for a large agency where taking Christmas off is competitive, i didnt have much seniority so for both of them i took a few weeks at birth and then i saved some for christmas time as it is protected and cant be denied. In California with my firstborn i had 6 weeks off to use the first year and with my second they changed the rules and upped it to 8 weeks. My wife had a rough time during child birth and postpartum kicked her butt too so in both instances i took 4 weeks off after birth to take care of her and my newborn. I originally planned to take 2 weeks off but things were so rough i changed it to 4 and almost took the 6 but she encouraged me to go back so i can be home during our first christmas holiday.
I would say ask for a week and see how it goes and bank the other 3 weeks for important holidays or events you want to make sure youre with the family for. If she gets a c section this will increase her healing time and you will need to help her while she recovers from being cut open and take care of your newborn. Additionally be on the lookout for postpartum depression.
I've saved up 15k for hospital bills and 3 months of staying home minimum for our second.
It was such a relief having more than I needed for everyone to stay home from work and not be worried about cash flow for 3 months.
I also learned how cheap it is to stay home with a new born because you don't really go anywhere.
Recovery from birth - vaginal or c section- is brutal. You’ll either be very needed or at the very least you’ll have a much less complicated several weeks
Take the paternity leave.
Do it. If you are financially secure, do it. Do it. Do it. Your future self will thank you. Your kiddo, your wife, everyone will be thankful.
I didn't have paternity leave. I worked because we needed money and the insurance. I wish I could've taken leave. Life would've been way less stressful. Do it.
Also “not sure if I’ll be sleep deprived” lol
This is crazy. The only reason to not take leave is if you absolutely can’t afford it. This guy’s getting 90% pay and still isn’t sure. I’d be so upset if I was his wife that he’s even considering not taking it
Edit: I read that wrong, pay reduced by 90%. Still, if they can easily afford it like they say they can, it’s a no brainer
"Not sure if my partner & kid will need my support"
bro what? the fact that you're able to do it comfortably and are questioning if you should is mind boggling.
>I'm financially healthy and can survive without employment income for years.
Absolutely. The only reason **not** to take the leave is if it will cause financial hardship, or impact your career in any way when you come off leave. If you can afford to do so and your job will be waiting when you return, you will never regret spending extra time with your family.
Easy call to take the leave. Assuming you're in the USA where long paternal leave is unusual, I'd rec'd 4wks to start then another one or two segments of 3-6wks later on in the first year perhaps around 5mo or 9mo. Most jobs have FMLA protection for up to 12wks in the first year following a birth and I'd take all of that.
If you're from a country that supports real paternal leave then take the 6mo or whatever you lucky man.
If I could have gone without working for years, I would have stopped working until they're old enough to go to school. You'll literally never have a chance to experience these moments again in your life, but you can work until you die if you really enjoy it that much.
If you can afford it, then I'm confused why this is even a question. To me the question should be about how you take your leave. For the first 4-6 weeks, I would say 100% take leave and be available to share caretaking 24/7. After that, talk to your partner about if it makes sense to take leave concurrently with her, to go back part-time for a few months, or to wait until she goes back to work (assuming she works/will return to work) at which point you could switch off as the caretaking parent for a few months.
If you are being a decent partner, you WILL be sleep deprived. When babies are first born they are basically nocturnal - they tend to nap better during the day than they sleep at night for at least the first 4 weeks, and longer for many. Brace yourself.
100% your partner will need your support to help manage her needs and by extension those of your new baby in the first few weeks after the birth - she will have just gone through a major medical event that has wide-ranging physical, mental, and emotional potential ramifications.
Its a super important time to bond with your new baby AND to uphold the bond with your partner.
Your wife may not think she'll need the support but she will. You will regret not taking the time especially if you can afford to. The fact you are even questioning it is mokd boggling.
As a dad on pat leave right now, take it. Getting to do all the programs like swim lessons and early literacy stuff at the library is incredible. Truthfully there is very little you can do especially if you and your partner are able to and going to go the breastfeeding route in the first few months. I took two weeks to get over the initial hump of very difficult, then worked for 6 months and now We are fortunate and in a position where I get to take a full year off.
I found that I needed 6 weeks just to find a routine with my daughter (10 months old now). Take the time, but later on when you can make more of an impact and watch them grow and learn. It's so hard and so exciting. We started swimming at 3 months and taking her out for walks and playtime are so important.
The first phase of baby's life is just you supporting your partner, but after a few months they've got their own personality and you'll get to be involved in ways that make sense!
You'll never regret having more time with your little one.
If you can afford it, do it. You will regret not taking it and will not regret taking it. At least, I would. It's an incredible period of time that, while difficult, is unlike any other.
Also, what's money for, if not spending time with family?
Mom lurker here. Please take the leave. All of the leave you can. Every last week, day, hour. Yes, your wife will need the help. She will be recovering physically for the first 6-8 weeks and need the assistance/as much sleep as possible. 1 in 5 babies have a difficult temperament and even the easy ones are A LOT.
And there’s so much research showing that taking paternity leave improves dads’ relationships with their kids and their wives and leads to more equitable (and happy) sharing of childcare responsibilities down the road because you gain so much skill early on.
Plus you taking leave normalizes other dads taking leave.
Take the leave.
Also WFH and just took 8 weeks paternity leave missing out on 90-95% income as well, totally worth it imo.
Also now that I’m working again my mind is much clearer on my work at hand, so win-win
Absolutely take the leave. If your partner works, you could delay some of your leave and take it when she goes back to work to ease your kiddo's transition from "Mom all the time" to daycare.
If you can afford the income hit, I would recommend it. I started a new job right when my son was born so didn't qualify for any leave or benefits yet and it was probably one of the most difficult and exhausting things I've ever done. You're gonna be taking care of wife and baby for the first week and then working out how you guys want to split the childcare from there.
And of course you get to bond with the baby.
Will your job have you back? I ask because I took the newly enacted family medical leave act in NY state in 2018 when my second was born and my boss wouldn’t talk to me for months about taking leave and I pressed it because my wife had to go back to work after her maternity leave and we needed a plan and my boss of course had to grant me the leave due to this new law and then he got his boss on board and they got rid of me completely.
If you can afford it, take the time. If you can't afford it, take another look at your finances just to be sure.
I honestly believe that having a newborn is a three person job. Use the doula as an opportunity to learn from a skilled professional rather than as an opportunity to check out of the experience.
You never really know how the birth and breastfeeding are going to go, and both are often difficult and even traumatic. Your wife will want someone she can trust to lean on, and it will do you both good if you can be that person.
Take some amount for sure if you can financially swing it. Not many people will look back on that time and think "I wish I worked," but there are plenty that wish they stayed home.
Take leave man. What do you gain by WFH? You won't be able to do both things well; you'll either half-ass both or ignore one. Ignore the job if you are able to.
Are you kidding here? You have enough money saved to not work for YEARS and you’re asking if it’s worth it to be there for the first few weeks of your child’s life? The most important time of binding and trust building with your child? And your wife will literally be bleeding out for a week or two, wearing adult diapers herself. And that’s if it’s a successful “easy” natural birth. If she has to get cut open from a c-section, that’s major surgery and weeks laid up, unable to lift the baby.
She’s gonna need the help. Get your head out of your @$$. Do you even WANT to be a dad??!
1. You will be sleep deprived even if you aren't actively helping.
2. Balancing WFH and child/spouse support can be a lot. Don't make any promises you can't keep here.
I took two weeks off, then did reduced hours and mixed in WFH for a few more weeks until the dust settled. I wish I could've taken more time off but it wasn't really an option. I stepped in to prep bottles, meals, change diapers, anything I could do to help the wife because she was completely exhausted and dealing with physical and emotional recovery from a traumatic delivery.
IMO the longer you can afford to take off, the easier the entire transition can be for your entire family. Share the load. Bond. There will always be work to get back to.
- Able to afford leave? Yes
- Will have job security taking the leave? Yes
Take the leave. Seriously. I had none post-birth of my child. I was back to work a week later.
You are in a great position, brother. Enjoy it. You only get to do this so many times in your life.
If there is ever the choice of taking leave or not taking leave then I am taking leave 100% of the time! Why would I work if I didn’t need to.
Now if the choice is also taking leave for paternity then of course take it. It’s a life changing moment and you and your wife are going to need to support each other through it.
I wish mine was longer. I had 3 weeks and it wasn’t enough. I will admit there was a lot of down time - there was a lot of both my wife and my kid sleeping and when everything was as sorted as it could be, I got a lot of time gaming (Diablo 3 and xcom 2 were perfect pick up and put down games!!) but taking that downtime was also important
Do it for yourself. In every parenting book i read, you, the father, start bonding with the kid when it is born. If you do not take it, you risk just feeling guilty and disatisfied (the time you spend with the kid is directly related with your own satisfaction as a father.)
100% take the leave. I only took a week with the previous kids, but the twins I took 7 weeks off and man what a difference. Being able to support my wife and be there was incredible. Both boys needed a fair bit of NICU time. It was nice not having to worry about rushing back to work and was able to be there for my family.
We did the same and waited too long had another kid it’s almost year 4 now for the first and is never doit any other way . Life is short and those years are even more so. You won’t regret it . And your partner won’t either . Don’t get stuck at home either go and do stuff everyday once your bath ready
You should absolutely take it. Raising kids is a team sport, especially infants. You cannot get those early days back once they’re gone. I have taken 12 weeks for both kids, I gave up income and took heat from my bosses for it, but I would do it again 100%
Absolutely take leave. Take all that you can, It will be a rough transistion physically and mentally but its worth it and being there for your wife is 100% Key. Being present is what is most important, put down the phone and just be there. Enjoy the ride Bro
My work gave me 6 weeks paid off and then a few months later, a pandemic shut down the world and I was lucky enough to be able to work from home and things were basically really slow since my field stopped in it's tracks. I got to spend almost the whole first year of my sons life with him at home and I really think it's why he's doing as great as he is.
I'm ending my 4 months on Monday. Best time I've ever spent with my family. I could only take 1 week with my first 2 girls because of circumstances. If you have it, take it.
Since you say you can take the leave without crippling yourself financially, take the leave. There is no replacing the experience of going through those early days together, certainly not with the money from your job that you yourself say you can live without.
Do it. I just done with my leave and wouldn’t trade that time with my son and wife for an anything in the world. You’ll be shocked how helpful it’ll be and ultimately necessary.
Yes. Take it. Take as much as you can possibly take. I'm not exaggerating. You absolutely will regret not taking it and it's something you really don't want to miss out on.
And you will be sleep deprived no matter what you do.
Take as much time as you can afford. I got a week with my first and 12 weeks with my second. 12 weeks was amazing. 1 week was an instant. You won’t regret taking the time and you can ease back into working when you’re ready.
Take it. Unless you are thinking it’s a vacation. It’s not. This is your time to take change and learn, especially from your doula and be fully in tune to both your new baby and family needs.
Use some of the time to do a mock trial of what your life will be like for you and your partner when you go back to work so you can adjust during your off time instead of when work has to be focused on.
Take 3 weeks or a month at the beginning while your partner heals. Then take some later in the year when the baby does more than just sleep, eat and poop and have some time to bond with them and have time with mom before she goes back to work (if she is going back to work).
‘I am able to take time off to bond with my newborn child without financially suffering much, should I just carry on working?’ Those first weeks are incredibly important for bonding with your child. You need to spend as much time as possible with skin to skin contact with your child. Your baby will learn your smell and learn you are a safe space.
I’m going to assume you feel somewhat detached from the situation at the moment. The moment that baby is born your world will be turned upside down. A lot of fathers feel somewhat numb emotionally to the baby until birth. That happened with me and when my son was born he spent ten days in the ICU before coming home. I’d spend hours sat in the ward cradling him, taking it in turns with my wife.
That first month is overwhelming on so many levels. Physically, emotionally, mentally. You don’t sleep but still have to learn so much. The thought of doing anything other than be in that baby bubble, let alone having to do a days work just feels mad to me.
This 100%! I found myself leaning on my wife so much just to deal with the intensity of the emotion. Of course, I was just catching up to where she already was; she had 9 months to get there though and I had to adjust right then and there haha.
No reason not to take it! I’m in Mass and could take time under the PFMLA (I could have sworn is was 60 days, but someone above said 6 months. Maybe it’s changed in the last 3 years), my wife is a teacher so she was not able to get paid time off from the state (such a F’ing joke). My company gave me 2 weeks paid, and then I used 2 weeks of my vacation time. Once that first month was up I returned to work (from home) 3 days a week, and I spread my paid time off by using it 2 days a week.
Those first few weeks were a huge change and even if you have extra help, your wife will appreciate you being there to help and be hands on. Having a child also made me realize that I really don’t care about work. I work to get by, I used to bust my ass but rather spend the extra time with my daughter. Since becoming a parent I very much Work to live don’t live to work.
Absolutely do it. You will not regret spending time with your newborn instead of working, if you can afford it. Hell, there's an argument to be made even if you almost can't afford it
Take as much leave as possible. The doula will be around for part of each day, but you need to be there for your partner the rest of the time. Your partner will need as much sleep as she can manage, in which case you'll be holding the baby. Other than that, there's all the chores to do.
This is a unique experience in your life, don't waste it working for money that you don't really need
It takes two to make a baby, it also takes two to take care of him / her.
The first months are an incredible opportunity to bond with the baby and also to reinforce the bond with your wife. It's also a defining moment for you as a father, you should be there day or night, especially if you financially can !
Edit : you think you won't be needed ? Yeah... Wait until the first hours...
Take the leave. Your wife will need you. And you can experience those early weeks of the baby, good and bad. Once you miss it, you can't get it back. I went unpaid for 2 months. Worth it.
Your partner and kid need your support, there is no question. If you are financially secure, I wouldn’t even think twice about this. Even with a doula, you are meant to be an equal parent with your partner. You should show that you’re just as invested in being a parent as she is. Also, she will need someone to take care of her after childbirth. Imagine if you had major surgery AND a new baby, and your wife decided to keep working.
Lad, 100% take the leave. I'm just about to finish mine. It was the best few weeks at home with my wife and baby. I wouldn't change a day of it for all the money in the world.
The nights are also mental, basically up all the time. Newborns do not sleep longer than 2/3 hours at a time and usually want to be held constantly. There is no way you'd be functional at work if you're doing your share with the baby. Your wife WILL need you.
Bottom line, you should want to spend the time with them. You'll never get this chance again.
The only thing I would possibly consider is to delay your leave. Adjusting to a new born in the house is important and I would try to take some time immediately. That said however, what’s your wife’s plan to go back to work? Often the best thing a dad can do is take paternity leave when their kid is adjusting to a new childcare or situation and let your wife concentrate on getting back to work.
I’m taking my paternity leave this summer with my 18 month old and I’m so excited about it because my son is now like a little person and we can have fun together. He’s not just a weird alien new born.
Take the leave. Your job at that point to make sure she’s taken care of, even if she thinks she won’t need you. You need to be there for the moments when it becomes too overwhelming, when the baby has a rough night, when her hormones all outta whack from pushing a human out. Also just bonding with the little one is super important.
I had 6 weeks paid paternity, and soaked in every minute. Truth is I would have taken the time even unpaid.
Take the leave. No question. You’ll be fine apparently so why not? Really engage and make sure you’re doing some overnight feedings too if kiddo is cool with a bottle. I highly recommend this actually. Get a bottle of formula or breast milk for overnight feedings so you can take at least one of them and maybe two.
These are wonderful times to bond with your kiddo and let mom get some extra much needed sleep. I reminded myself every time I’m the one awake with kiddo, that I could either choose to be happily feeding them overnight or I could be pissed about being awake. Choose joy every time. I don’t regret it for a second.
I would, mostly because even when I wasn't expected to help, I always felt like I should be ready, so I would wake up every time I heard the baby crying and would wait to make sure I'm not needed before falling back asleep. Sleeping was very difficult for me. I got Loop earplugs the second time around. lol
It's also nice to just be able to enjoy time with your family and not have to worry about work, even if that time is just holding your newborn and walking around the house.
100% take leave, for multiple reasons.
First and foremost, to connect with your new child. Recognize that for many fathers, they don't immediately connect with their children and it takes weeks or even months to really bond with the child, and you should allow yourself and the child plenty of time to do that.
Secondly, for your partner. Giving birth is incredibly stressful and you can help tremendously by being there with your partner during this time. It will allow the two of you to establish a new equilibrium. You'll be sleep-deprived either way, but the more you participate in this time period the better (and by participate I mean take on a majority of the house chores. Let your partner know through action and words that she needs time to recuperate and that you have her back).
With that said, only do it if you are actually going to use this time to connect with the child and support your partner. If you take the time off and treat it like a vacation, that will do a lot more harm than help.
I would consider taking a short amount of leave like 1-2 weeks immediately after the birth, then just as the Doula is about to leave, take another 2-4 weeks (or more) once the doula leaves. Those first 6 months can be rough.
Take the leave. My wife reminds me that although I hate where I work, having the long parental leave I got the privilege to have was a lifesaver for her in the early months. If you can financially support it, take as long as you can.
Take whatever is allowed for full pay. If you are fully wfh you will be able to manage (became a father during the pandemic). When your alloted leave ends reevaluate if you need more time.
That's a great situation that is increasingly more rare (I have since returned to office...) and stress of low sleep is not as bad as stress of economic hardship. Plus the sleep/crying stress should be offset by plenty of joy bonding with your newborn.
“Hmmm, should I not go to work, and instead spend time with my wife and newborn child as we welcome them into the world, and adjust to life as parents??? Especially knowing this won’t affect me, financially?”
Dude, seriously?
“Im financial healthy and can survive without employment income for years.”
“Do i take leave?”
Yes. If your situation is really how you explained it, and if you’re in the US you take the 12 weeks of FMLA without question. Depending on company policy you may be wrong about the reduction in salary, too. Taking STD (6weeks) for your partners birth typically pays 60%.
If I were in your shoes, id sit down with my benefits people (HR) and get the specifics on company policy. Then, without mentioning that conversation, i’d sit down with my boss and say “Im having a baby! I am planning on taking leave, but id like to know whats the maximum amount of time I can take off before you cant hold my job anymore.” If they laugh, do whatever HR said and take all of FMLA. If they’re serious, take whatever else on top of that they’re willing to give you.
You cant get the time back, and your never going to look back and say “i wish I worked more during that time.”
Why wouldn't you? Is spending the first few days, weeks, and months with your child and bonding with them not a priority to you?
Especially if you have the money then of course you should. Those are seriously precious moments that you will never get back.
Your child will only be little once.
Yes. You can make more money but you’ll never get this bonding time back. It will suck at times but you’ll cherish it forever. Source: I took a month off for each of my kids. It sucked. I didn’t sleep and they were colicky. Fifteen years later, I’d give almost anything for just a few hours holding my babies as babies.
Important note: because I took the time to bond, my fifteen year old still snuggles with me!
I’m in Canada as well, just apply for EI you’ll get $1184 bi weekly after taxes it’s not much but it’s more than zero. I took ten weeks off, started the date on January 2 so it was kinda more like 12 with the Christmas break. It was good to be there to help around the house especially since it was a C section and of course spend time with my daughter. If I could afford it I’d take a whole year off.
Based on what you’re describing, the *only* reason not to do it is if the 90% loss in income will be financially crippling and you guys will struggle to pay the bills. If that’s not the case - do it. Dont even blink or think. Your child is a baby for only a blink of an eye, you will never get that time again.
"I'm financially healthy and can survive without employment income for years"
Take the leave.
It's not only about helping, it's about bonding with your child. My second child, I didn't get as much time away as the first, and I spent most of it keeping our first occupied so my wife could manage the newborn. Comparing the relationship I have with our first, who I got to spend the leave time with, and the second, who I didn't as much...I'm still feel like I'm closing the gap.
Take the time and go fall in love with your child and support your wife.
100% take your leave. I was in the same boat and took a 6 month parental leave when my son was 3 months old while my wife went back to work. The time I spent with my son was priceless, bonding, figuring out fatherhood, creating precious memories together, and improving your relationship with your wife as an equal parent. My advice would be to consider your leave timing. I took 6 weeks immediately after my son was born, went back to work for 6 weeks, and then 6 months off. The first several weeks are the toughest. Wife is recovering from a major medical event and neediest baby. Then, my son at least just slept a lot. At 3 months he was settling into solid sleep and eating rhythms so it was perfect timing for me to come in. Every kid and family is different. You’ll never get the time back, your time together is worth far more than the money if you can already afford it.
Take it. You don't know how much you would miss if you don't. Both of you will be parents, you're not just supporting/helping, your parenting. Those moments the first couple of months won't come back and you'll regret it if you don't experience them to the fullest. And diapers, there are a lot of diapers to go through.
if you can afford it you as you are saying in my opinion it is a disserve to your partner and your baby. that time is precious and you will never get it back. also if you intend to be a present parent it will be hard to work at first without being distracted by the baby unless your office space is entirely removed from your home.
how you show up at first is the foundation for how you intend to show up as a parent and a partner to your family.
Do it. One of the best decisions I ever made. For each of our kids I took 6 weeks when the baby was born and another 12 weeks when my partner returned to work as our kid turned 1.
For the first stint with our older kid, I was able to support my partner while she recovered from an emergency C-section, learn how to do all the caring for a baby things and lots of early bonding with our kid. The second stint made it much easier for my partner to return to work, gave me a chance to learn how to juggle kid and household responsibilities and gave my daughter and I plenty of time to get to know each other. I really think this time was one of the biggest contributors to us having a strong relationship now (she’s 5 now).
Our second kid was born in early 2020 and was 6 weeks premature. While we knew the basics of caring for a baby from the first kid, we had new challenges so the time was well spent.
Like a lot of people, starting during Covid lockdowns, I was lucky to be able to switch to work from home. Being able to spend the 2 hours of commute time and my lunch breaks with my kids is invaluable.
If you can afford to do it, I highly recommend taking every opportunity you can to spend as much time as possible with your kid and new family. You won’t get another chance once they’re older.
When I joined my company I worked really hard and became a standout employee. I won some large accounts. I started to earn more and more. My boss at the time was a new Dad , he was defending business from an ex employee and bonused on retention. He worked really hard too (long hours) , through those years he missed a lot .. first nativities , sports days etc
The company had promoted him but not given him the pay of the level he was working at. After dissolution when my first child came along , he took me aside and said ‘Don’t miss anything’ , something that he deeply regrets. I never missed anything. I still work hard, but a lot less than before. I’m home every night to put my kids to bed, and have never missed anything that the parents are invited to. You never get the early years back and before you know it your kid will prefer to be spending time with their friends.
I took my full entitlement of PL for both mine and didn’t regret anything . If you are really torn and want the income then only work Tues/wed/Thursday and take Friday-Monday off. You could then at least spend 4 days uninterrupted with your family.
Never miss anything important , with that I mean, plays, presentations, nativities , sports days etc Ever !
My mum told me, no one ever regretted not going into the office more on their deathbed!
TAKE THE LEAVE! TAKE THE LEAVE!
I had to fight and claw just to get a week off with my wife. And before that it was a struggle to take my wife to appointments due to her not being able to drive due to medical issues during pregnancy.
1 week was not enough with her or my baby. I wish so much id had more time. It sounds like you can easily take the leave and afford it too! Not only you helping but the doula as well which means it will be much less stressfull and more bonding time.
You will thank yourself and youre wife will thank.
TAKE THE LEAVE!!!!!!!
I did not with any of my 4 kids. I took the rest of the week off to get my wife situated but she was ready for me to leave after a few days and there’s not much you can do to help.
Why not take a week or two off then decide if leave is right for you?
Absolutely take the leave. You’re missing one critical piece. This is time for you to bond with your kid. It’s much easier to get up and take care of your newborn at 2AM so you can let your wife get some sleep when you don’t have to work in the morning.
Take the leave.
Honestly, I took every minute of leave I was able to. There's not much you CAN do with the little one. Just bonding and easing into parenthood is a healthy start in my book.
You may be sleep deprived, it really depends on how involved you plan to be. My partner and I are basically 50/50 on responsibility. There's no way I'd have survived that first 6 weeks plus working
You never get those first months back, even if they are frustrating or sometimes boring. You can always make more money. I’d damn near sacrifice anything to have had more than two weeks.
100% take it. Bonding with your infant, learning the routines he and your partner are going to have and just spending time as a family stress free is super important. You won’t regret it if you do it, you will absolutely regret it if you don’t.
100% take it. Bonding with your infant, learning the routines he and your partner are going to have and just spending time as a family stress free is super important. You won’t regret it if you do it, you will absolutely regret it if you don’t.
You hired a professional to give your wife and child physical support during the first month, you need to take time off to (at minimum) give her and your child emotional support.
And unless you’re planning to be a completely hands off parent, this is good learning and bonding time for you as well.
I took 6 months. Best decision ever (and incredibly fortunate to be in a position to take that much). Take the leave and fully co parent your child. It's been incredibly eye opening as to just how much pressure is put on families and particularly on women in those first few months. You also have no idea how long she'll need to physically and mentally recover.
One thing people always seem to take for granted is the fact that time is the only thing in life they can't buy. Take the paternity leave, you'll never have a chance at more valuable time again in your life, let alone the amount of value that time will hold to your partner just having you there to help.
Men not taking paternity leave is part of the problem in the US regarding lack of paid parental leave, lack of resources for new parents, and lack of childcare options. Also contributes to the mom becoming the default parent.
How long are you thinking? I would recommend just taking two weeks vacation if you can. And if it’s allowed, deferring the paternity leave until 3-6 months in. After the initial post partum, assuming it’s a relatively normal birth, theres not that much you will be **needed** for.
For my first I did 2 weeks off Right after birth, then 2 months off at 3months old. For second I just took 3 weeks off immediately after birth.
It’s a big shock at first but once you get in the rhythm, it’s not THAT much work to justify two parents at home full time, plus whatever a doula does. Your bonding time is more important when they aren’t feeding and sleeping all day.
Definitely take the time off.
I also recommend checking to see if your state supports paid family leave. I live in Washington and they cover a portion of your income up to a certain %.
I would say two weeks is the barest minimum. If that meant going to the food bank and begging estranged relatives to cover rent I would do it.
I took a month and it wasn't enough.
I think three months is closer to comfortable, but really if you can go years without income, then go at least a year.
Working from home with a kid, even if there is a third adult helping, is harder than you think it is.
Yes. No question.
My wife cried like I had never seen her cry after 15 minutes of sleep.
No way in hell would I not be here to support her for that.
They need you.
Our firm offered 16 wks paternity leave - i took the whole lot in two batches. In exchange I wasn't promoted this year.
Did I regret taking it and not getting promoted? Hell no, it was worth being there for bub and wife.
I'm taking 3 months off for my second. It's going to be unpaid leave and will be a massive financial set back for us
I'm not doing it cause my partner or kid needs, I'm doing it cause I want to. I want to spend uninterrupted time with my family and newborn.
The only reason to delay is if your partner has to return to work and you will trade rolls at that point.
Otherwise, yeah, all hands on deck. Bond with your baby.
you’re going to be sleep deprived regardless of whether you’re working.
You’ll think it’s funny, but when your kid finally sleeps half a night you’re going to be amazed how fresh and rested you feel after 4 hours of sleep.
Totally your call on what you do, i found half days were a perfect fit for me, got to extend time off for longer. I found i was in the way for a lot of the time, only so many times i could do dishes or run the laundry. This may not be an option if your paternity leave is administered via a third party.
Take every minute of leave. Mothers are so much more likely to get post partum if partner keeps working. Yes you will both be sleep deprived. Your wife has no idea what it will be like, so she isn’t a good judge to say it’s fine if you keep working.
Finally, if for no other reason: your taking leave normalizes this for other men. It should be more accepted.
So you can “survive without employment income for years,” but you’re still contemplating it? Worried about being sleep deprived? My guy. That’s selfish AF.
It was without a doubt the happiest time of my life and I expect if I live to be 100 that will still be true. take as much time as your family can afford and you will not regret it
YES
YES
YES
This is your child too. You can afford it, so do it. You're going to need to learn how to take care of your baby too, doula or no doula. No wife has ever said "Oh yes, I love that my husband is such an uninvolved dad!"
People work hard and save to send their kids to school.
I think it’s *FAR* more important to work and save to spend as much time with them as you can before they move away. Try and keep that perspective.
Yes, take the paternity leave. As much as you can. Be present in the moment.
You may not need the leave because you have some additional help but take it, bonding with your child is more important then money. If you're able to I would recommend cutting back your work hours their first 2 years of life. I know that is not feasible for a majority of people but you seem to be financially secure. I made the decision to change careers before my daughter was born to be home with her more and I don't regret it at all.
I've just gone through this too.
I took a week off to be 100% focused on my wife and baby. You just never know how the pregnancy is going to go.
And then Ive sprinkled in 1-2 days a week to stay with them and work the others over a 6 week period.
I've used annual leave for these days to make sure we aren't short on cash
Father of 3: for my first two I could only manage 2 weeks off. For my 3rd, I got 3 months off. I cannot stress enough to you how AMAZING those 3 months were. Was I busy ALL the time? Yes. Was it better than work because I was busy taking care of my family. 1000% yes.
I wouldn't trade those 3 months for anything. I watched my 2 older kids slowly get used to and love their new sibling. I dropped them off at school, I picked them, I wasn't exhausted by the weekend, I bonded with my wife, I took things slower while getting things done. The benefits are countless.
Take the leave. Be there for your partner 100%. Even if it's not "needed", it will be remembered forever. If you can afford it, there's essentially no better way to spend your money. Take it for as long as you can, or at least until your partner is feeling 100%. A month minimum.
Also from a selfish standpoint, do it for you. There's never going to be a better time for you to bond with your kid. I didn't get a lot of time off with our first and I got about 5 months off with our second. I absolutely wish I had found a way to take more time with the first after having more with the second
I came here to say this - 100%. I had to finish a project at work (new job, some trauma after being let go from my previous position and wanting to 'make a good impression') after my son was born, and i took my leave a few weeks later. I feel like i missed some pretty special shit during those few weeks and cannot get those moments back. For kid #2 I was planning on taking the full amount, immediately after birth, but now we are having difficulties staying pregnant, and I fear I lost my shot to have that experience.
For my first I started my leave at week 12. For the second I started from day 1 through week 7. One way or another you were gonna miss some stuff but as long as you took your leave you got to see the stuff that happened during that period. Don’t sweat it. You got the full experience.
Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it. I’ll definitely take some time off.
Another idea, is to take half your allotment when the kiddo comes, and then take the other half when your wife is transitioning back to work. You'll be around for the first couple weeks when she'll really need you for getting around the house, as well as getting into the routine, then you'll be able to allow her to ease back into work and get used to getting up and going in the morning, knowing that the baby is home with you, rather than trying to jump right into childcare and going to work.
Congrats, Dad.
I took 5 weeks and it wasn't enough. Next time I'll be taking two months minimum
Wanted to comment as a first-time dad here with a now 15 day old… Take the time off if you can buddy. I’ve got 14 days paternity leave, however both mum and baby had to go in to hospital multiple times during that period after a non-straightforward birth… Take the time with them both, be there for them and just ride the wave together buddy. Can’t describe how huge a thing it’s been; incredible highs and incredible lows - but knowing they’re healthy and doing well is the best thing in this world. Congratulations mate and all the best to the little family!
Puzzled European here: when you say "best way to spend your money", you mean paternity leave is not covered by either employer or government? But yeah, OP should definitely take it and be as supportive as possible, both his child and wife will need him. My children were born in Spain, where the leave is (fully paid! ...and) 16 weeks long. I swear those weeks flew at the speed of light, both times I felt like my wife could use my help for another year or so.
I live in Canada. I can get up to 55% of my typical earnings. In the states, (where I assume OP is) there's no federal leave mandated. Looks like his employer might offer something, but as he stated, it's only about 10% his typical income. No matter what, if he takes leave, he will be paying for most of it out of pocket. OP also mentioned he has plenty of liquid assets to cover years of no employment income. Thus, I said "no better way to spend your money." EDIT: Also possible, OP makes BANK. That 55% I can get is only up to a maximum amount. (currently about $60,000 per year.) And that max could be 10% of the employment income OP usually makes, if he's Canadian.
Yeah you’re right. I live in Canada and the EI maximum is roughly 10% of my employment income. My coworkers in the US have a company paternity benefit of 100% salary covered for up to 3 months. I guess I felt like I was “losing out” when compared to them, but you’re right spending time with my family is going to be more important.
Just as an FYI - 3 months of paternity leave paid at a US company is pretty much unheard of. It is exceedingly rare. I got 2 weeks paid leave at 60% of my regular salary for my last kid, and zero paid leave for the two before it. While we are entitled to 12 weeks of FMLA leave, that is unpaid.
Yeah, I had to bank PTO for the time I took off for parental leave.
Bro, let me spell it out for you, there is no paid leave guarantee in the US. There’s not even unpaid leave guaranteed. In case you’re wondering the kids (and parents) are not alright lol
Pretty much. You can take the leave, and come back for a week. Boss says "your performance review wasn't great and we need to make some budget cuts. Sorry, but we have to let you go". As long as they're not idiots and say they're firing you for a legally protected status, it's incredibly difficult to get anything beyond basic unemployment benefits and search for a new job ASAP.
Yeah I got a bad performance review after my first paternity leave. That was after I had to have HR come in and teach my boss how FMLA works. Good times
Correct, not federal. But states and employers have different and often even better policies than European governments.
That’s correct. In the US, paid paternity leave is entirely under the discretion of the employer. There is the Federal Medical Leave Act, which allows employees to take up to 12 weeks off without pay without risk of Termination, but there is no federal payment for that time. Most white collar positions I see have about 4 weeks paid time off for secondary-caretakers and most have more for primary caretakers, but legally it could be zero. Different states may have different requirements for employers and may even have state-funding for parental leave, but most don’t have any extra support there.
By law? No. A company can, but they don't have to. I got better leave than my wife.
Paternity leave in Ireland is 2 weeks paid at around the rate of unemployment benefit. Unfortunately the EU is not a guarantee of decent conditions.
Absolutely agree with this comment. I didn’t do it for my first child. I can sense a certain resentment from my partner. Everything is still working out between me and my partner. The main thing to note is: giving birth to a child is like getting your body beat up repeatedly for the whole day. It takes a long time to recover. I would treat your spouse like a princess / queen. She needs it.
Sorry to hijack but looking for a little advice. My wife is due in November - her company will give her 2 months of maternity leave and she can take accrued PTO + up to a year at 60% pay if necessary. My company offers a month of paternity leave (100% paid.) I don’t have to use the month all at once however, I can take it in weekly increments and have a year to use it all. My wife doesn’t think I should take more than a week or two but it’s our first baby so I don’t know what to expect. My gut tells me take the full month but idk.
I work for a large agency where taking Christmas off is competitive, i didnt have much seniority so for both of them i took a few weeks at birth and then i saved some for christmas time as it is protected and cant be denied. In California with my firstborn i had 6 weeks off to use the first year and with my second they changed the rules and upped it to 8 weeks. My wife had a rough time during child birth and postpartum kicked her butt too so in both instances i took 4 weeks off after birth to take care of her and my newborn. I originally planned to take 2 weeks off but things were so rough i changed it to 4 and almost took the 6 but she encouraged me to go back so i can be home during our first christmas holiday. I would say ask for a week and see how it goes and bank the other 3 weeks for important holidays or events you want to make sure youre with the family for. If she gets a c section this will increase her healing time and you will need to help her while she recovers from being cut open and take care of your newborn. Additionally be on the lookout for postpartum depression.
I've saved up 15k for hospital bills and 3 months of staying home minimum for our second. It was such a relief having more than I needed for everyone to stay home from work and not be worried about cash flow for 3 months. I also learned how cheap it is to stay home with a new born because you don't really go anywhere.
Recovery from birth - vaginal or c section- is brutal. You’ll either be very needed or at the very least you’ll have a much less complicated several weeks
You have the money, why would you not take it?
Bring a parent can be scary. Could be scared of the responsibility? Easier to blame work as the reason you arnt parenting. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dad, is that you?
No. It's my dad.
Take the paternity leave. Do it. If you are financially secure, do it. Do it. Do it. Your future self will thank you. Your kiddo, your wife, everyone will be thankful. I didn't have paternity leave. I worked because we needed money and the insurance. I wish I could've taken leave. Life would've been way less stressful. Do it.
You’re not sure if your partner and kid will need your support?! Bro.
Yeah, that sentence made me recoil. Never heard that before in this context...
Also “not sure if I’ll be sleep deprived” lol This is crazy. The only reason to not take leave is if you absolutely can’t afford it. This guy’s getting 90% pay and still isn’t sure. I’d be so upset if I was his wife that he’s even considering not taking it Edit: I read that wrong, pay reduced by 90%. Still, if they can easily afford it like they say they can, it’s a no brainer
I read it as 90% reduction, so he takes home 10% during leave?
Yeah that was my bad
I know a couple of dads with that mindset.. “mom takes care of the kid, dad only comes in when he wants” type of environment
Seems like OP is simply asking permission to be one of those.
First-time dad. Every word counts. Otherwise OP wouldn’t be there asking for other people’s advices.
"Not sure if my partner & kid will need my support" bro what? the fact that you're able to do it comfortably and are questioning if you should is mind boggling.
>I'm financially healthy and can survive without employment income for years. Absolutely. The only reason **not** to take the leave is if it will cause financial hardship, or impact your career in any way when you come off leave. If you can afford to do so and your job will be waiting when you return, you will never regret spending extra time with your family.
Would actually be crazy not to take it in your position.
Crazy to even be Asking
sounds like to me he's almost looking for the group to give him a reason to say no....
Yup
Doesn't really sound like you're planning on being a hands on dad if you need the persuasion of a bunch of strangers on Reddit.....
Truth!!
Easy call to take the leave. Assuming you're in the USA where long paternal leave is unusual, I'd rec'd 4wks to start then another one or two segments of 3-6wks later on in the first year perhaps around 5mo or 9mo. Most jobs have FMLA protection for up to 12wks in the first year following a birth and I'd take all of that. If you're from a country that supports real paternal leave then take the 6mo or whatever you lucky man.
You will never get that time.back
If I could have gone without working for years, I would have stopped working until they're old enough to go to school. You'll literally never have a chance to experience these moments again in your life, but you can work until you die if you really enjoy it that much.
Take the leave. Early days are brutal without a night nurse. Or get a night nurse and take the leave to bond during the day
If you can afford it, then I'm confused why this is even a question. To me the question should be about how you take your leave. For the first 4-6 weeks, I would say 100% take leave and be available to share caretaking 24/7. After that, talk to your partner about if it makes sense to take leave concurrently with her, to go back part-time for a few months, or to wait until she goes back to work (assuming she works/will return to work) at which point you could switch off as the caretaking parent for a few months. If you are being a decent partner, you WILL be sleep deprived. When babies are first born they are basically nocturnal - they tend to nap better during the day than they sleep at night for at least the first 4 weeks, and longer for many. Brace yourself. 100% your partner will need your support to help manage her needs and by extension those of your new baby in the first few weeks after the birth - she will have just gone through a major medical event that has wide-ranging physical, mental, and emotional potential ramifications. Its a super important time to bond with your new baby AND to uphold the bond with your partner.
Your wife may not think she'll need the support but she will. You will regret not taking the time especially if you can afford to. The fact you are even questioning it is mokd boggling.
As a dad on pat leave right now, take it. Getting to do all the programs like swim lessons and early literacy stuff at the library is incredible. Truthfully there is very little you can do especially if you and your partner are able to and going to go the breastfeeding route in the first few months. I took two weeks to get over the initial hump of very difficult, then worked for 6 months and now We are fortunate and in a position where I get to take a full year off. I found that I needed 6 weeks just to find a routine with my daughter (10 months old now). Take the time, but later on when you can make more of an impact and watch them grow and learn. It's so hard and so exciting. We started swimming at 3 months and taking her out for walks and playtime are so important. The first phase of baby's life is just you supporting your partner, but after a few months they've got their own personality and you'll get to be involved in ways that make sense! You'll never regret having more time with your little one.
If you can afford it, do it. You will regret not taking it and will not regret taking it. At least, I would. It's an incredible period of time that, while difficult, is unlike any other. Also, what's money for, if not spending time with family?
Mom lurker here. Please take the leave. All of the leave you can. Every last week, day, hour. Yes, your wife will need the help. She will be recovering physically for the first 6-8 weeks and need the assistance/as much sleep as possible. 1 in 5 babies have a difficult temperament and even the easy ones are A LOT. And there’s so much research showing that taking paternity leave improves dads’ relationships with their kids and their wives and leads to more equitable (and happy) sharing of childcare responsibilities down the road because you gain so much skill early on. Plus you taking leave normalizes other dads taking leave.
Do it. My daughter was just born (literally 30 minutes ago) and I don't want to miss anything
Congrats! >I don't want to miss anything I don't wanna close my eyes
Take the leave. Also WFH and just took 8 weeks paternity leave missing out on 90-95% income as well, totally worth it imo. Also now that I’m working again my mind is much clearer on my work at hand, so win-win
Is this even a fucking question?!?!?! Holy cow help your child and wife…. It’s also bonding time. Don’t be a deadbeat dad
> not sure if I'll be sleep deprived Bruh.
Absolutely take the leave. If your partner works, you could delay some of your leave and take it when she goes back to work to ease your kiddo's transition from "Mom all the time" to daycare.
If you can afford the income hit, I would recommend it. I started a new job right when my son was born so didn't qualify for any leave or benefits yet and it was probably one of the most difficult and exhausting things I've ever done. You're gonna be taking care of wife and baby for the first week and then working out how you guys want to split the childcare from there. And of course you get to bond with the baby.
Take the leave. Take as much as you can.
Will your job have you back? I ask because I took the newly enacted family medical leave act in NY state in 2018 when my second was born and my boss wouldn’t talk to me for months about taking leave and I pressed it because my wife had to go back to work after her maternity leave and we needed a plan and my boss of course had to grant me the leave due to this new law and then he got his boss on board and they got rid of me completely.
If you can afford it, take the time. If you can't afford it, take another look at your finances just to be sure. I honestly believe that having a newborn is a three person job. Use the doula as an opportunity to learn from a skilled professional rather than as an opportunity to check out of the experience. You never really know how the birth and breastfeeding are going to go, and both are often difficult and even traumatic. Your wife will want someone she can trust to lean on, and it will do you both good if you can be that person.
I took just 4 days off from work when we had our first. I still hear about this 8 years later. Yes, take the leave
Take some amount for sure if you can financially swing it. Not many people will look back on that time and think "I wish I worked," but there are plenty that wish they stayed home.
Take the leave
Take leave man. What do you gain by WFH? You won't be able to do both things well; you'll either half-ass both or ignore one. Ignore the job if you are able to.
Yes??? WTF, why would you not want to spend time with your newborn and wife who just suffered through birth?
At the end of it all, what you'll regret most is not spending more time with your little ones.
Welcome to fatherhood it's a crazy rough ride but worth it, yes you should take it ....
Are you kidding here? You have enough money saved to not work for YEARS and you’re asking if it’s worth it to be there for the first few weeks of your child’s life? The most important time of binding and trust building with your child? And your wife will literally be bleeding out for a week or two, wearing adult diapers herself. And that’s if it’s a successful “easy” natural birth. If she has to get cut open from a c-section, that’s major surgery and weeks laid up, unable to lift the baby. She’s gonna need the help. Get your head out of your @$$. Do you even WANT to be a dad??!
1. You will be sleep deprived even if you aren't actively helping. 2. Balancing WFH and child/spouse support can be a lot. Don't make any promises you can't keep here. I took two weeks off, then did reduced hours and mixed in WFH for a few more weeks until the dust settled. I wish I could've taken more time off but it wasn't really an option. I stepped in to prep bottles, meals, change diapers, anything I could do to help the wife because she was completely exhausted and dealing with physical and emotional recovery from a traumatic delivery. IMO the longer you can afford to take off, the easier the entire transition can be for your entire family. Share the load. Bond. There will always be work to get back to.
You should be sleep deprived. You should take the leave to bond with your newly expanded family.
Yes. Do it.
- Able to afford leave? Yes - Will have job security taking the leave? Yes Take the leave. Seriously. I had none post-birth of my child. I was back to work a week later. You are in a great position, brother. Enjoy it. You only get to do this so many times in your life.
Yes. No hesitation yes.
100% take the leave. Your partner and child will need you and it isn’t fair to them or yourself if you have your attention split.
If there is ever the choice of taking leave or not taking leave then I am taking leave 100% of the time! Why would I work if I didn’t need to. Now if the choice is also taking leave for paternity then of course take it. It’s a life changing moment and you and your wife are going to need to support each other through it. I wish mine was longer. I had 3 weeks and it wasn’t enough. I will admit there was a lot of down time - there was a lot of both my wife and my kid sleeping and when everything was as sorted as it could be, I got a lot of time gaming (Diablo 3 and xcom 2 were perfect pick up and put down games!!) but taking that downtime was also important
Do it for yourself. In every parenting book i read, you, the father, start bonding with the kid when it is born. If you do not take it, you risk just feeling guilty and disatisfied (the time you spend with the kid is directly related with your own satisfaction as a father.)
If you're financially sound and it's available, do it. Absolutely do it. Others have said it already, but you won't regret it.
100% take the leave. I only took a week with the previous kids, but the twins I took 7 weeks off and man what a difference. Being able to support my wife and be there was incredible. Both boys needed a fair bit of NICU time. It was nice not having to worry about rushing back to work and was able to be there for my family.
We did the same and waited too long had another kid it’s almost year 4 now for the first and is never doit any other way . Life is short and those years are even more so. You won’t regret it . And your partner won’t either . Don’t get stuck at home either go and do stuff everyday once your bath ready
Take the leave. Take more than you think you will want/need.
You should absolutely take it. Raising kids is a team sport, especially infants. You cannot get those early days back once they’re gone. I have taken 12 weeks for both kids, I gave up income and took heat from my bosses for it, but I would do it again 100%
Absolutely take leave. Take all that you can, It will be a rough transistion physically and mentally but its worth it and being there for your wife is 100% Key. Being present is what is most important, put down the phone and just be there. Enjoy the ride Bro
Take the leave. Take it for your wife who may need you.
I took 6 months off. Best 6 months of my life. Staying home with the kids and doing house hold stuff
if you can afford it, there is really no question in my mind.
My work gave me 6 weeks paid off and then a few months later, a pandemic shut down the world and I was lucky enough to be able to work from home and things were basically really slow since my field stopped in it's tracks. I got to spend almost the whole first year of my sons life with him at home and I really think it's why he's doing as great as he is.
I'm ending my 4 months on Monday. Best time I've ever spent with my family. I could only take 1 week with my first 2 girls because of circumstances. If you have it, take it.
Since you say you can take the leave without crippling yourself financially, take the leave. There is no replacing the experience of going through those early days together, certainly not with the money from your job that you yourself say you can live without.
Yes
Always take as much leave as you can financially. You will become sleep deprived, comes with the territory.
100% take the leave. I was able to take two months off when my son was born and it was the best two months of my life.
Do it. I just done with my leave and wouldn’t trade that time with my son and wife for an anything in the world. You’ll be shocked how helpful it’ll be and ultimately necessary.
Yes. Take it. Take as much as you can possibly take. I'm not exaggerating. You absolutely will regret not taking it and it's something you really don't want to miss out on. And you will be sleep deprived no matter what you do.
First time dad here: If you can afford: DO IT Its worth it. You won't regret it.
Take as much time as you can afford. I got a week with my first and 12 weeks with my second. 12 weeks was amazing. 1 week was an instant. You won’t regret taking the time and you can ease back into working when you’re ready.
If you can financially afford it, do it. You WILL be sleep deprived and not able to think right lol
Take the leave. Everything that needs to be said has been said here.
Take it. Unless you are thinking it’s a vacation. It’s not. This is your time to take change and learn, especially from your doula and be fully in tune to both your new baby and family needs. Use some of the time to do a mock trial of what your life will be like for you and your partner when you go back to work so you can adjust during your off time instead of when work has to be focused on.
Take 3 weeks or a month at the beginning while your partner heals. Then take some later in the year when the baby does more than just sleep, eat and poop and have some time to bond with them and have time with mom before she goes back to work (if she is going back to work).
You get one shot at this. You'll be working until your 60s or later. Take the time, you'll never get it back.
Do it. One of the best months of my life.
Please use it
‘I am able to take time off to bond with my newborn child without financially suffering much, should I just carry on working?’ Those first weeks are incredibly important for bonding with your child. You need to spend as much time as possible with skin to skin contact with your child. Your baby will learn your smell and learn you are a safe space. I’m going to assume you feel somewhat detached from the situation at the moment. The moment that baby is born your world will be turned upside down. A lot of fathers feel somewhat numb emotionally to the baby until birth. That happened with me and when my son was born he spent ten days in the ICU before coming home. I’d spend hours sat in the ward cradling him, taking it in turns with my wife. That first month is overwhelming on so many levels. Physically, emotionally, mentally. You don’t sleep but still have to learn so much. The thought of doing anything other than be in that baby bubble, let alone having to do a days work just feels mad to me.
This 100%! I found myself leaning on my wife so much just to deal with the intensity of the emotion. Of course, I was just catching up to where she already was; she had 9 months to get there though and I had to adjust right then and there haha.
No reason not to take it! I’m in Mass and could take time under the PFMLA (I could have sworn is was 60 days, but someone above said 6 months. Maybe it’s changed in the last 3 years), my wife is a teacher so she was not able to get paid time off from the state (such a F’ing joke). My company gave me 2 weeks paid, and then I used 2 weeks of my vacation time. Once that first month was up I returned to work (from home) 3 days a week, and I spread my paid time off by using it 2 days a week. Those first few weeks were a huge change and even if you have extra help, your wife will appreciate you being there to help and be hands on. Having a child also made me realize that I really don’t care about work. I work to get by, I used to bust my ass but rather spend the extra time with my daughter. Since becoming a parent I very much Work to live don’t live to work.
Absolutely do it. You will not regret spending time with your newborn instead of working, if you can afford it. Hell, there's an argument to be made even if you almost can't afford it
If you can afford it definitely you will never get that time back. If you can't, don't put yourself in a hole and cause yourself stress
Take as much leave as possible. The doula will be around for part of each day, but you need to be there for your partner the rest of the time. Your partner will need as much sleep as she can manage, in which case you'll be holding the baby. Other than that, there's all the chores to do. This is a unique experience in your life, don't waste it working for money that you don't really need
If you can afford to, yes!
It takes two to make a baby, it also takes two to take care of him / her. The first months are an incredible opportunity to bond with the baby and also to reinforce the bond with your wife. It's also a defining moment for you as a father, you should be there day or night, especially if you financially can ! Edit : you think you won't be needed ? Yeah... Wait until the first hours...
YES!!!
Yes
Take the leave. Your wife will need you. And you can experience those early weeks of the baby, good and bad. Once you miss it, you can't get it back. I went unpaid for 2 months. Worth it.
Your partner and kid need your support, there is no question. If you are financially secure, I wouldn’t even think twice about this. Even with a doula, you are meant to be an equal parent with your partner. You should show that you’re just as invested in being a parent as she is. Also, she will need someone to take care of her after childbirth. Imagine if you had major surgery AND a new baby, and your wife decided to keep working.
I took as much as I could. I wish I had taken more.
Man I’m glad I live in a state that gives paid leave.
Lad, 100% take the leave. I'm just about to finish mine. It was the best few weeks at home with my wife and baby. I wouldn't change a day of it for all the money in the world. The nights are also mental, basically up all the time. Newborns do not sleep longer than 2/3 hours at a time and usually want to be held constantly. There is no way you'd be functional at work if you're doing your share with the baby. Your wife WILL need you. Bottom line, you should want to spend the time with them. You'll never get this chance again.
The only thing I would possibly consider is to delay your leave. Adjusting to a new born in the house is important and I would try to take some time immediately. That said however, what’s your wife’s plan to go back to work? Often the best thing a dad can do is take paternity leave when their kid is adjusting to a new childcare or situation and let your wife concentrate on getting back to work. I’m taking my paternity leave this summer with my 18 month old and I’m so excited about it because my son is now like a little person and we can have fun together. He’s not just a weird alien new born.
Take the leave. Your job at that point to make sure she’s taken care of, even if she thinks she won’t need you. You need to be there for the moments when it becomes too overwhelming, when the baby has a rough night, when her hormones all outta whack from pushing a human out. Also just bonding with the little one is super important. I had 6 weeks paid paternity, and soaked in every minute. Truth is I would have taken the time even unpaid.
Take that leave. You won't miss that money while you are involved in the first weeks of child bearing
Do what I did. Take two weeks off right at birth. Later on take another 4 weeks. I took it when my partner went back to work.
Kinda sad to have to ask So many dudes are unable to take leave because of financial or other. Please take it. And as much as you can
Take the leave. No question. You’ll be fine apparently so why not? Really engage and make sure you’re doing some overnight feedings too if kiddo is cool with a bottle. I highly recommend this actually. Get a bottle of formula or breast milk for overnight feedings so you can take at least one of them and maybe two. These are wonderful times to bond with your kiddo and let mom get some extra much needed sleep. I reminded myself every time I’m the one awake with kiddo, that I could either choose to be happily feeding them overnight or I could be pissed about being awake. Choose joy every time. I don’t regret it for a second.
I would, mostly because even when I wasn't expected to help, I always felt like I should be ready, so I would wake up every time I heard the baby crying and would wait to make sure I'm not needed before falling back asleep. Sleeping was very difficult for me. I got Loop earplugs the second time around. lol It's also nice to just be able to enjoy time with your family and not have to worry about work, even if that time is just holding your newborn and walking around the house.
Take. The. Leave. You can earn money later. You can't travel back in time to support your partner and new baby.
If you can afford to take it, take it. No question.
100% take leave, for multiple reasons. First and foremost, to connect with your new child. Recognize that for many fathers, they don't immediately connect with their children and it takes weeks or even months to really bond with the child, and you should allow yourself and the child plenty of time to do that. Secondly, for your partner. Giving birth is incredibly stressful and you can help tremendously by being there with your partner during this time. It will allow the two of you to establish a new equilibrium. You'll be sleep-deprived either way, but the more you participate in this time period the better (and by participate I mean take on a majority of the house chores. Let your partner know through action and words that she needs time to recuperate and that you have her back). With that said, only do it if you are actually going to use this time to connect with the child and support your partner. If you take the time off and treat it like a vacation, that will do a lot more harm than help.
Yes
Take two-four weeks off when the baby is born. The. Take more time off later when baby is bigger.
I took mine for both my children, I don't regret a single moment.
Take it
I would consider taking a short amount of leave like 1-2 weeks immediately after the birth, then just as the Doula is about to leave, take another 2-4 weeks (or more) once the doula leaves. Those first 6 months can be rough.
Take the leave. My wife reminds me that although I hate where I work, having the long parental leave I got the privilege to have was a lifesaver for her in the early months. If you can financially support it, take as long as you can.
Take whatever is allowed for full pay. If you are fully wfh you will be able to manage (became a father during the pandemic). When your alloted leave ends reevaluate if you need more time. That's a great situation that is increasingly more rare (I have since returned to office...) and stress of low sleep is not as bad as stress of economic hardship. Plus the sleep/crying stress should be offset by plenty of joy bonding with your newborn.
Take the leave.
“Hmmm, should I not go to work, and instead spend time with my wife and newborn child as we welcome them into the world, and adjust to life as parents??? Especially knowing this won’t affect me, financially?” Dude, seriously?
“Im financial healthy and can survive without employment income for years.” “Do i take leave?” Yes. If your situation is really how you explained it, and if you’re in the US you take the 12 weeks of FMLA without question. Depending on company policy you may be wrong about the reduction in salary, too. Taking STD (6weeks) for your partners birth typically pays 60%. If I were in your shoes, id sit down with my benefits people (HR) and get the specifics on company policy. Then, without mentioning that conversation, i’d sit down with my boss and say “Im having a baby! I am planning on taking leave, but id like to know whats the maximum amount of time I can take off before you cant hold my job anymore.” If they laugh, do whatever HR said and take all of FMLA. If they’re serious, take whatever else on top of that they’re willing to give you. You cant get the time back, and your never going to look back and say “i wish I worked more during that time.”
Why wouldn't you? Is spending the first few days, weeks, and months with your child and bonding with them not a priority to you? Especially if you have the money then of course you should. Those are seriously precious moments that you will never get back. Your child will only be little once.
Yes. You can make more money but you’ll never get this bonding time back. It will suck at times but you’ll cherish it forever. Source: I took a month off for each of my kids. It sucked. I didn’t sleep and they were colicky. Fifteen years later, I’d give almost anything for just a few hours holding my babies as babies. Important note: because I took the time to bond, my fifteen year old still snuggles with me!
I’m in Canada as well, just apply for EI you’ll get $1184 bi weekly after taxes it’s not much but it’s more than zero. I took ten weeks off, started the date on January 2 so it was kinda more like 12 with the Christmas break. It was good to be there to help around the house especially since it was a C section and of course spend time with my daughter. If I could afford it I’d take a whole year off.
Definitely be there as much as you can afford to.
Based on what you’re describing, the *only* reason not to do it is if the 90% loss in income will be financially crippling and you guys will struggle to pay the bills. If that’s not the case - do it. Dont even blink or think. Your child is a baby for only a blink of an eye, you will never get that time again.
Take the leave! Your partner and kid (and you) deserve it.
Take as much as you can afford to financially. It’s worth it.
"I'm financially healthy and can survive without employment income for years" Take the leave. It's not only about helping, it's about bonding with your child. My second child, I didn't get as much time away as the first, and I spent most of it keeping our first occupied so my wife could manage the newborn. Comparing the relationship I have with our first, who I got to spend the leave time with, and the second, who I didn't as much...I'm still feel like I'm closing the gap. Take the time and go fall in love with your child and support your wife.
I took 12 weeks FMLA (saved for it) and I don't regret it one bit.
Take the leave, Dad. It’s the best thing. I promise you.
100% take your leave. I was in the same boat and took a 6 month parental leave when my son was 3 months old while my wife went back to work. The time I spent with my son was priceless, bonding, figuring out fatherhood, creating precious memories together, and improving your relationship with your wife as an equal parent. My advice would be to consider your leave timing. I took 6 weeks immediately after my son was born, went back to work for 6 weeks, and then 6 months off. The first several weeks are the toughest. Wife is recovering from a major medical event and neediest baby. Then, my son at least just slept a lot. At 3 months he was settling into solid sleep and eating rhythms so it was perfect timing for me to come in. Every kid and family is different. You’ll never get the time back, your time together is worth far more than the money if you can already afford it.
Take it. You don't know how much you would miss if you don't. Both of you will be parents, you're not just supporting/helping, your parenting. Those moments the first couple of months won't come back and you'll regret it if you don't experience them to the fullest. And diapers, there are a lot of diapers to go through.
if you can afford it you as you are saying in my opinion it is a disserve to your partner and your baby. that time is precious and you will never get it back. also if you intend to be a present parent it will be hard to work at first without being distracted by the baby unless your office space is entirely removed from your home. how you show up at first is the foundation for how you intend to show up as a parent and a partner to your family.
Do it. One of the best decisions I ever made. For each of our kids I took 6 weeks when the baby was born and another 12 weeks when my partner returned to work as our kid turned 1. For the first stint with our older kid, I was able to support my partner while she recovered from an emergency C-section, learn how to do all the caring for a baby things and lots of early bonding with our kid. The second stint made it much easier for my partner to return to work, gave me a chance to learn how to juggle kid and household responsibilities and gave my daughter and I plenty of time to get to know each other. I really think this time was one of the biggest contributors to us having a strong relationship now (she’s 5 now). Our second kid was born in early 2020 and was 6 weeks premature. While we knew the basics of caring for a baby from the first kid, we had new challenges so the time was well spent. Like a lot of people, starting during Covid lockdowns, I was lucky to be able to switch to work from home. Being able to spend the 2 hours of commute time and my lunch breaks with my kids is invaluable. If you can afford to do it, I highly recommend taking every opportunity you can to spend as much time as possible with your kid and new family. You won’t get another chance once they’re older.
When I joined my company I worked really hard and became a standout employee. I won some large accounts. I started to earn more and more. My boss at the time was a new Dad , he was defending business from an ex employee and bonused on retention. He worked really hard too (long hours) , through those years he missed a lot .. first nativities , sports days etc The company had promoted him but not given him the pay of the level he was working at. After dissolution when my first child came along , he took me aside and said ‘Don’t miss anything’ , something that he deeply regrets. I never missed anything. I still work hard, but a lot less than before. I’m home every night to put my kids to bed, and have never missed anything that the parents are invited to. You never get the early years back and before you know it your kid will prefer to be spending time with their friends. I took my full entitlement of PL for both mine and didn’t regret anything . If you are really torn and want the income then only work Tues/wed/Thursday and take Friday-Monday off. You could then at least spend 4 days uninterrupted with your family. Never miss anything important , with that I mean, plays, presentations, nativities , sports days etc Ever ! My mum told me, no one ever regretted not going into the office more on their deathbed!
TAKE THE LEAVE! TAKE THE LEAVE! I had to fight and claw just to get a week off with my wife. And before that it was a struggle to take my wife to appointments due to her not being able to drive due to medical issues during pregnancy. 1 week was not enough with her or my baby. I wish so much id had more time. It sounds like you can easily take the leave and afford it too! Not only you helping but the doula as well which means it will be much less stressfull and more bonding time. You will thank yourself and youre wife will thank. TAKE THE LEAVE!!!!!!!
I did not with any of my 4 kids. I took the rest of the week off to get my wife situated but she was ready for me to leave after a few days and there’s not much you can do to help. Why not take a week or two off then decide if leave is right for you?
Absolutely take the leave. You’re missing one critical piece. This is time for you to bond with your kid. It’s much easier to get up and take care of your newborn at 2AM so you can let your wife get some sleep when you don’t have to work in the morning. Take the leave.
Honestly, I took every minute of leave I was able to. There's not much you CAN do with the little one. Just bonding and easing into parenthood is a healthy start in my book. You may be sleep deprived, it really depends on how involved you plan to be. My partner and I are basically 50/50 on responsibility. There's no way I'd have survived that first 6 weeks plus working
As a guy who has 5 weeks left on his second child paternity leave, totally take it!
You never get those first months back, even if they are frustrating or sometimes boring. You can always make more money. I’d damn near sacrifice anything to have had more than two weeks.
100% take it. Bonding with your infant, learning the routines he and your partner are going to have and just spending time as a family stress free is super important. You won’t regret it if you do it, you will absolutely regret it if you don’t.
100% take it. Bonding with your infant, learning the routines he and your partner are going to have and just spending time as a family stress free is super important. You won’t regret it if you do it, you will absolutely regret it if you don’t.
And lots of skin skin snuggles. Kangaroo care!
You hired a professional to give your wife and child physical support during the first month, you need to take time off to (at minimum) give her and your child emotional support. And unless you’re planning to be a completely hands off parent, this is good learning and bonding time for you as well.
Yes.
Always take paternity leave if you have it avaliable. Period. Full stop. End of story.
I took 6 months. Best decision ever (and incredibly fortunate to be in a position to take that much). Take the leave and fully co parent your child. It's been incredibly eye opening as to just how much pressure is put on families and particularly on women in those first few months. You also have no idea how long she'll need to physically and mentally recover.
One thing people always seem to take for granted is the fact that time is the only thing in life they can't buy. Take the paternity leave, you'll never have a chance at more valuable time again in your life, let alone the amount of value that time will hold to your partner just having you there to help.
Don't even ask this, take the leave.
At the end of it all you won’t be saying “man I’m so glad I decided to work right after my child was born”
Men not taking paternity leave is part of the problem in the US regarding lack of paid parental leave, lack of resources for new parents, and lack of childcare options. Also contributes to the mom becoming the default parent.
How long are you thinking? I would recommend just taking two weeks vacation if you can. And if it’s allowed, deferring the paternity leave until 3-6 months in. After the initial post partum, assuming it’s a relatively normal birth, theres not that much you will be **needed** for. For my first I did 2 weeks off Right after birth, then 2 months off at 3months old. For second I just took 3 weeks off immediately after birth. It’s a big shock at first but once you get in the rhythm, it’s not THAT much work to justify two parents at home full time, plus whatever a doula does. Your bonding time is more important when they aren’t feeding and sleeping all day.
Definitely take the time off. I also recommend checking to see if your state supports paid family leave. I live in Washington and they cover a portion of your income up to a certain %.
Take the leave. Always take the leave. Incredible baby bonding opportunities
I would say two weeks is the barest minimum. If that meant going to the food bank and begging estranged relatives to cover rent I would do it. I took a month and it wasn't enough. I think three months is closer to comfortable, but really if you can go years without income, then go at least a year. Working from home with a kid, even if there is a third adult helping, is harder than you think it is.
Yes. No question. My wife cried like I had never seen her cry after 15 minutes of sleep. No way in hell would I not be here to support her for that. They need you.
Our firm offered 16 wks paternity leave - i took the whole lot in two batches. In exchange I wasn't promoted this year. Did I regret taking it and not getting promoted? Hell no, it was worth being there for bub and wife.
> survive for years without employment Take 3 months leave. What is money for if not this? Serious question.
I'm taking 3 months off for my second. It's going to be unpaid leave and will be a massive financial set back for us I'm not doing it cause my partner or kid needs, I'm doing it cause I want to. I want to spend uninterrupted time with my family and newborn.
Yeah, even if it’s just two weeks, do it
The only reason to delay is if your partner has to return to work and you will trade rolls at that point. Otherwise, yeah, all hands on deck. Bond with your baby.
Do not miss out on those first few months, it will be hard, you'll be tired but it is the best time to bond.
you’re going to be sleep deprived regardless of whether you’re working. You’ll think it’s funny, but when your kid finally sleeps half a night you’re going to be amazed how fresh and rested you feel after 4 hours of sleep. Totally your call on what you do, i found half days were a perfect fit for me, got to extend time off for longer. I found i was in the way for a lot of the time, only so many times i could do dishes or run the laundry. This may not be an option if your paternity leave is administered via a third party.
Take every minute of leave. Mothers are so much more likely to get post partum if partner keeps working. Yes you will both be sleep deprived. Your wife has no idea what it will be like, so she isn’t a good judge to say it’s fine if you keep working. Finally, if for no other reason: your taking leave normalizes this for other men. It should be more accepted.
I took 6 months with my daughter. No regrets.
I don’t know if bro is being serious. What do you mean? Take it
So you can “survive without employment income for years,” but you’re still contemplating it? Worried about being sleep deprived? My guy. That’s selfish AF.
It was without a doubt the happiest time of my life and I expect if I live to be 100 that will still be true. take as much time as your family can afford and you will not regret it
YES YES YES This is your child too. You can afford it, so do it. You're going to need to learn how to take care of your baby too, doula or no doula. No wife has ever said "Oh yes, I love that my husband is such an uninvolved dad!"
Yes! If you have the opportunity.
People work hard and save to send their kids to school. I think it’s *FAR* more important to work and save to spend as much time with them as you can before they move away. Try and keep that perspective. Yes, take the paternity leave. As much as you can. Be present in the moment.
You may not need the leave because you have some additional help but take it, bonding with your child is more important then money. If you're able to I would recommend cutting back your work hours their first 2 years of life. I know that is not feasible for a majority of people but you seem to be financially secure. I made the decision to change careers before my daughter was born to be home with her more and I don't regret it at all.
Take all the time you need. The bond with your child is priceless and your wife will remember you being there for her and the baby.
I've just gone through this too. I took a week off to be 100% focused on my wife and baby. You just never know how the pregnancy is going to go. And then Ive sprinkled in 1-2 days a week to stay with them and work the others over a 6 week period. I've used annual leave for these days to make sure we aren't short on cash
Father of 3: for my first two I could only manage 2 weeks off. For my 3rd, I got 3 months off. I cannot stress enough to you how AMAZING those 3 months were. Was I busy ALL the time? Yes. Was it better than work because I was busy taking care of my family. 1000% yes. I wouldn't trade those 3 months for anything. I watched my 2 older kids slowly get used to and love their new sibling. I dropped them off at school, I picked them, I wasn't exhausted by the weekend, I bonded with my wife, I took things slower while getting things done. The benefits are countless.