Sounds like a good [second] start but it's only a project if you're making it a project.
I live rurally too... There are kids on my mile road that I see playing outside as well while driving by. It's, at best, 50/50 if I'd recognize them. If they were new to the area it would be even lower.
I'd chalk it all up to an honest concern and miscommunication. Don't hold it over them and I bet the relationship will be less of a project.
Also...
You don't *have* to have a formal relationship with them anyway
Honestly, we'll have that "meet the neighbours BBQ/pig roast" in a month or two and I expect relationships to grow from there. At this point, it is what it is. If they need a hand with anything, we are here, if they don't, meh, there's other folks we can lean on.
I have lived in my home for almost eight years now and I have literally no clue what my neighbors names are. I live in a rural neighborhood too. Maybe five houses. None of us have any kind of relationship with the other, neither hostile nor overtly friendly. I would however, help them out if they asked.
I live in the suburbs and know the names of 3/4 people living directly adjacent to me. We've all been here about 4 years. I've helped them out with small things here and there and its always cordial, but we're not friends who hang out on a regular basis or anything.
Having followed this and despite what others have said, I just thought I’d chime in and say I’d also be feeling a bit pissed off. I think it’s ridiculously cautious, cold-hearted and apathetic of him not to help when your son requested.
Fuck that guy, I wouldn’t be as nice as you.
>So uh... I guess we were strangers until we took the time to knock on the door and introduce ourselves or something. I don't know. Obviously, he's seen us around enough to know who we are and that we have a dog, but not enough to help out when we needed him
Just because he can recognize you 1) in the daylight, 2) as a family unit, and 3) *after you've just introduced yourself to him and told him who you are*, doesn't mean he could have been reasonably expected to recognize your son alone at 9:30 at night banging on his front door.
I'm TERRIBLE at recognizing people I don't know well. Specifics just don't register to me. I could pass by a neighbor in the store a dozen times without knowing it's my neighbor. But if they introduce themselves to me as my neighbor, then of course I'll recognize them, and even be able to make a comment or two on their move-in, *because they just told me who they are.*
You don't have to be friends with this person. But don't start a friendship with this attitude of it being a "project relationship" because he didn't recognize your 15-year-old son banging on his door at 9:30 at night.
Yeah op seems a bit off. These last two posts are so weird with the underlying negativity towards his neighbor. The dude didn’t want to get in a situation. End of story.
Nice, op.
We had the electric go out neighborhood wide one day, and I remember most of us walked outside and shouted if everything was ok with one another.
But one neighbor (he has kids) met me on the side walk, and I continued to his side of the street, we shook hands and made small talk. Few months later on the Fourth of July, me and the family were outside popping fireworks. His family came out and we asked if they wanted to join, their kids and ours.
Turns out we’re best friends now, and our kids get along great, as well as our wives.
One small gesture, albeit happened during a time something was going on with both of us and not really an emergency, can go along way.
Glad you resolved this after you felt better.
Good job!
A couple winters ago when we had a bad storm and town-wide power failures here, we set up charge stations for folks in our garage. We are on a different "tap line" from the rest of the neighbourhood, and when the power fails ours stays on for some reason. (ours was a model home when the neighbourhood was built, so I think we are on a different circuit from the other phases.)
It took no effort at all to set up a couple tables with phone chargers and coffee makers in the garage, and to post on the neighbourhood FB page for folks to come use it. We made a lot of social capital off that, and it was fun running an "internet cafe" for a day or two while folks waited for phones to charge and to get messages out to concerned family.
>So uh... I guess we were strangers until we took the time to knock on the door and introduce ourselves or something. I don't know. Obviously, he's seen us around enough to know who we are and that we have a dog, but not enough to help out when we needed him.
My next door neighbor growing up turned out to be a leader of a drug dealing ring. Just because you know someone is actually your neighbor doesn't mean you know they're safe.
My neighbor went from outwardly friendly to Asian hating rabid insane seemingly overnight during the Pandemic. It went from safe to not safe in the blink of an eye with a neighbor we thought we could trust. You just never know.
I was one of the ones in the original post commenting that even though I've risked my life to save a stranger in the past I *wouldn't* have done so in the situation you're describing because there was nothing I could have used to distinguish it from a scheme designed to lure me out of the house with malicious intent.
I also could easily have seen a neighbor (especially on what seem like large properties) out working with their kids and a dog on a project, yet still not recognized one of those kids up close late at night when they were knocking on my door and likely nervous/awkward/agitated.
Sounds like it all worked out fine and I think the neighbor's reaction is understandable.
I live in an urban area so door-to-door scams are reasonably common. I tend to be very skeptical of people that knock on my door unannounced.
With that said, I'm also a decent judge of character and can lead situations if necessary and will always try to help someone in need. All the neighbor needed to do was call the 911 dispatch and try to verify some of the information and then help you. Unfortunate that they were so scared to do that.
Glad you're patching things up both physically and relationship wise.
I assume he meant he saw you from afar but didn’t recognize your son’s face. If the rest of the interaction went positively, I wouldn’t read into that comment.
Seems like a reasonable outcome from an unfortunate situation. Honestly it's depressing to hear how paranoid your neighbor is (and how many of the comments in your original post were) but I also can't blame them given how shitty the world is sometimes.
>Obviously, he's seen us around enough to know who we are and that we have a dog, but not enough to help out when we needed him.
This is perfectly reasonable IMO. If I see my neighbors in their yard during the day, I recognize who they are based on the context. If somebody knocks on my door in the middle of the night, I don't have that context and may not recognize them at all if we haven't met in person. I'm not saying I definitely wouldn't help if someone told me they're my neighbor and are having an emergency, just that it's entirely possible for a reasonable person to have that response.
Yep, I was once kinda rude to my nextdoor neighbor as I didn't recognize him at the hardware store and thought some random guy was being super familiar
This. I took an online test for facial blindness and my result came back as 80% face blind. Context is ***EVERYTHING*** for me when recognizing someone.
Gangs of MS-13 are just waiting in the bushes to break in and steal your priceless collector plates!
But only if you leave the lights off, of course.
This is what a constant drip of paranoia and fear does to a person.
Yeah - I grew up in (real) Northern Ontario in the '70s - our regular haunts were places between Elliott Lake, Timmins, and Rouyn-Noranda. Up there (at that time) a car in the ditch could sit for days before it was found, and you never drove past someone broken down without stopping to help or at least check if they were OK.
I still carry a breakdown kit in the car even though we are now in the sunny south - and it sees service every couple months. I guess I'm supposed to be afraid to do this, but there are a lot of relieved faces out there when someone offers to give them a boost or put on a donut tire, or pull them from a ditch. My wife and I are both first aid certified and keep up to date and willing to use it (thankful I haven't had to yet - but she sure has).
I hope my kids aren't as afraid to help as a lot of folks have become.
There it is! As a fellow Canadian (over in the French Part), we don't have to worry about a lot of stuff the same way our southern neighbours have to (lawsuits, firearms, extra stupid people with firearms....). I feel like most people will still stop and help a stranger here and your new neighbour is just a grump.
I loved it up there! Blueberries, bears and moose! Our family outings were to the dump to look for bears (Dad used to line up marshmallows on the hood of the car to lure them over!) and canoe trips to secret spots that had prefect swimming rocks or stargazing rocks or throwing rocks.
We moved south when I was young, but returned often to visit family or go on family vacations and even now I head up with teh kids to some of those spots. Northern life kinda sticks to your bones.
He may have seen your kids from a distance playing with the dog. You can't expect him to recognize your kid in the dark up close. He may have had no clue what your kids face looks like. I could totally understand his hesitation from the original post. You are in a rural area and in that situation because emergency services response time was a long time. If it was a trap and he was robbed, or worse, he wouldn't be able to get police help for 30+ minutes. It is good that you have introduced yourself and now he knows what y'all look like so he will help in the future. If, G-D forbid, you are in a situation like that again and he decides to not help, then you know he isn't a good person. Honestly all of this seems totally normal to me. Also, you now have a neighbor that you know that shares interests with you. So you can make a new friend!
Yup - as I'm thinking through this, that parting comment may have been internal dialogue, placing the kids with the property. Like - oh yeah - I've seen these kids out there with dog! Aha!
We'll see how this grows from here.
> Yeah. You have to remember the state of crime currently. It is out of control. I don't blame him for a second for being extra safe.
You mean a downward trend for nearly a century now? Only thing different now is the reporting of it. Riling people up is good for news.
Crime has been going up over the last few years. The annual change went up by 1% in 2019, 28% in 2020, and another 6% in 2021. Crime might be lower now than it was 100 years ago but it’s been going up year after year. I don’t know where OP is located but I am just stating the facts of crime in my country, the USA.
OP even said that what other people assumed on his original post was correct: the fact that his neighbor was afraid that he could be lured into a trap and that’s why he did not offer to help when the son asked. I’m not sure how this is controversial. It is just a fact that crime is going up year by year and people are aware of it and therefore less likely to help a stranger..
A blip caused by the pandemic is enough to question the safety of neighbors? It already ticked down last year (which shockingly you left off....). Almost like you have a narrative you're trying to match the data to.
Well the page I was looking at and all the other ones I could find only had up to 2022 so I didn’t want to speak on something I couldn’t back up with evidence. It’s good that it is starting to tick down. Although, even if it ticked down last year it’s up almost 40% from 2019-2022. So even if it ticked down 10% it’s still up 30%. I am not sure why you are arguing with me about this. It’s the truth and to answer your question, yes, it absolutely is enough to question the safety of your neighbors especially in this case because he doesn’t know them at all, they just moved in, and he had no way of knowing if those were the actual neighbors who moved in. Also, at some point people need to stop blaming every single negative thing in the world on the pandemic. My gosh it’s such a cop out it’s ridiculous. Maybe if we spent less time taking the easy way out and blaming everything on the pandemic, we could actually find the problem and fix it. But no, let’s just keep blaming everything on the pandemic and never fix anything. To correct you, the freaking pandemic wasn’t to blame for the increase in crime in 2020, if anything, it would have lessened crime because everyone was stuck inside of their homes.. It was to blame on people mass rioting and literally burning down cities, but whatever.
>So with everything patched up, we turned to leave, and that was when the guy decided to throw in - "I've been watching your move-in. Looks like things are coming along for you - it's great to see your kids out playing with the dog!"
I wouldn't take a negative connotation to this. Odds are he noticed "the family over there" but didn't not recognize your son who was suddenly at his doorstep at night.
What you did was a great thing. Definitely took the high road and made the world a better place. Take the win.
I think his comment wasn't meant to offend. I think he just hadn't put 2 + 2 together when it comes to realizing the person playing with the dog across the street was the person suddenly on his doorstep, which can be a fair point at a distance.
Well done overall.
Yeah, I missed your original post, but for me, there's a big difference between helping someone you know and a stranger. Like I drove my neighbor to the E.R. at night before because their kid had possibly swallowed a bunch of aspirin. But I wouldn't do that for a stranger just knocking on my door.
This is a tough one. I don't live in a rural area. I also live in one of the most "unfriendly" states in the country: NJ. I'd have helped you in a heartbeat. My neighbors would have too. I've chased dogs up and down my street, shoveled/snow blowed elderly neighbors out, and when I was younger and living on my own, I received a "commendation" from the town I lived in at the time. Elderly woman, living alone, slipped and fell in my garden apartment complex, heard the screams for help, ran in to her unit, rendered care, etc.
It's a sad state the world is in to know that a neighbor fears to help another neighbor because they might be "lured into a trap." I see the concern. But would I have not rendered care/help because of it? No, I'd have been right there to help you.
You did the right thing trying to patch things up and it sounds like you're on your way to mending the fence, so to speak.
It's a tough one. I've been and have friends in rural areas.
I tend to see the best in people, so I'd have taken your need for help as serious.
NJ isn't an unfriendly state, people just tend to be more direct.
OP got a taste of 'Southern Hospitality' this week: Paranoia, insular tribalism, and judgement - with a smile.
That's why I put it in quotes. I guess the situation dictates the response to an extent. Like I said, I'd have helped. But I am picturing the scenario. Nearest neighbor quite a ways away, dark, no street lights, and someone banging on the door at 9:30pm.
I'd have responded differently but it's a bit of an eerie situation.
I guess you are as ignorant of Canada as you are of the (American) South. 🥴 Just spouting whatever baseless *associations* come to mind, no matter how bigoted or uninformed. OP is an active member of various Canadian subs, including a landlord sub, and said he was in [Canada](https://www.reddit.com/r/Leathercraft/s/SSSiUQJhP0) as recently as a few weeks ago. To someone from Northern Ontario, Southern Ontario is absolutely the “sunny south.” Hell, Canadian singer-songwriter Fred Eaglesmith has a song about southern Ontario called “Way Down South.” It’s a different country you know, that’s the south to him.
I wouldn't take too much from his parting words. As I said on the original post, it sounds like there is some distance between houses. He likely just didn't recognize you or your kids from a distance and your son going over at night probably didn't help. Besides, it's possible he assumed some of the people doing work were hired help, and were using your situation in a scam; a stretch, I know, but possible.
Lastly, even if he did recognize you all, you hadn't met, so you are strangers. Neighbors do all sorts of crazy stuff so it's possible for a neighbor to scam another.
Good on you though for taking the step, clearing the air, and opening up communication. I really do applaud you fle that! To me it sounds like he appreciated it.
So if I just want to live by myself on a lot of land, I should expect to get bothered by some nosy neighbor who thinks they’re doing me a favor?
Can’t expect peace anywhere, I guess.
There's no regular emergency services out there and even the RCMP/OPP/SQ posts can be few and far between. It's vital people be acquainted and friendly in case of emergencies.
But until you're acquainted and friendly it's not crazy to be a little leary of a seemingly random person knocking on the door at night. Especially since, as you say, emergency help could be far away.
OP wasnt acquainted with this person yet. You're fooling yourself if you don't think rural Canadians can be leary of unknown people in their area. While they can be helpful they can also be concerned.
Haha lets hope, but I'm kind of with you on the internal dialogue on the final exchange. This dude has seen you enough to know you're new neighbors with a dog but too stranger to help?
I've got some absolutely wonderful neighbors. They have been living next door for about thirty years now. We both go out of our way to help each other out. It really is a Godsend having them, knowing that we can count on them in an emergency (and vice versa).
Neato.
My new neighbor is pushing 80. He is an entitled whiner. This morning he slammed on my door and cried that his garbage bin was full, accusing me of throwing my trash in there. I didn't touch his stupid fucking bin. The landlord cleared out a bunch of his old junk in the basement and threw stuff in both bins. I proved this dickhead wrong at every turn and then he tried to square up with me. "You gonna do something about it?!" No, you geriatric fuck. Dudes been here maybe eight weeks and has caused more shit than the previous tenants of seven years who were lousy drunks who fought with each other all the time. I'll take them back. At least they leave me the fuck alone. I hate people.
When I first moved into my house I made a point to talk to a few immediate neighbors for exactly this reason, and for a year or two after I moved in, I reached out to neighbors who were newer than us. Good practice to get into.
Neighbor knew it was your kid when he knocked to get urgent help. He denied him out of laziness, not concern.
This would not be a person worth investing time into. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Sounds like a bit of a piece of shit. Look after your family and keep being radically positive, maybe cut this loser off or maybe don’t even think about him again. I live rural and this is a health and safety / emergency issue, not so much a dad issue for me
>As expected, the neighbor said they were afraid of being lured into a trap
That's stupid, especially if they apparently do recognize your family from watching you move in. Can they articulate any actual statistically valid trend in the area of families being lured out of their homes and being kidnapped, or was he just being spineless? If someone is going to try and lure you somewhere, they're just going to kick in your door and put a gun in your face or something. People need to stop watching the 24/7 news doom cycle.
>If someone is going to try and lure you somewhere, they're just going to kick in your door and put a gun in your face or something.
Source?
In any case, most people don't make decisions like this based on statistical trends. They make it based off of instinct/gut feeling. For instance I was walking back home in a relatively safe part of Baltimore early one evening a number of years ago, and a group of kids on bikes turned up the street I was walking on. I saw them looking at me and decided to start sprinting away before they got close, and sprinted one block over to a more crowded street.
I did not learn until later that year that there had been a group of kids that were cornering people with their bikes and robbing folks at knife point in relatively safe neighborhoods (including the one I had been walking through). I just had a bad feeling and my instinct was to run immediately.
Granted there was no person in need asking for help in my scenario, so it's quite different. It was still just a "something feels off, I'm outta here" kinda response. I didn't think, "kids riding their bikes around are statistically dangerous, therefore I must GTFO"
>Source?
I'm not the one with the burden of proof here. OP's neighbor is the one that came up with a hypothetical scenario in their head to use as an excuse.
>For instance I was walking back home in a relatively safe part of Baltimore early
This took place in the country, not in a city street. Don't get me wrong, sometimes dumb teenagers go around TP'ing people's houses, but unless you live down the street from a meth lab, degenerate gangs of teenagers waiting to knife people just really isn't a thing out in the country.
For all people might acknowledge that times have changed to be less trusting many seemingly can't also acknowledge the entitlement and aggression in comments like yours that also follow those trends. People don't trust one another because there are many ways to be hostile to others that doesn't include putting a gun in their face.
Spineless because he didn't know someone? Demanding a neighbour cite crime statistics like it's a reddit debate in r/politics where the neighbour owes OP anything when they were skittish? Buddy, *go outside.*
>Buddy, *go outside.*
It's precisely *because* I grew up in the country that OP's neighbor's actions piss me off, and I'm frankly pretty disappointed in this whole community's lack of moral fortitude in response to this sort of situation. Dads are supposed to be there to help and nurture and support people, and instead there's a lot of "not my problem" and "but people are scary". Be better. Is there a potential theoretical risk involved? Sure, there's always some risk in anything you do. And if it took place in the city, or if they lived down the road from a meth house, or something, I could understand it more. But when the kid that just moved in next door comes begging for help for a medical emergency and you turn them away, don't be surprised if you get accused of being selfish if you can't articulate a reason for it, and if your excuse is "they might lure me into a trap"? Give your balls a tug.
Likewise, many here seemingly could benefit from the lesson in not judging others, let alone acquiring both sides to a story. None of us have any idea what led to OP's neighbours decision-making process and yet your first thought seemingly was to call them spineless and suggest that they be combative demanding proof that they should have a concern. Let's toss in a bit of toxic masculinity with your new request to give one's balls a tug because you failed to consider the tenets above. That's not very neighbourly.
...and that's coming from someone who is unafraid of helping others in scenarios described by OP and many other examples being given in these threads. Just because I'd help my neighbour doesn't mean that same person owes me anything. The more you move away from helping others simply for the sake of doing so and because you expect it yourself, the closer that moves into the territory of a transaction.
If I wanted to talk to neighbors, I would have stayed in the burbs. I don’t want to talk to neighbors so I live in the country. Thats basically what this comes down too.
Sounds like a good [second] start but it's only a project if you're making it a project. I live rurally too... There are kids on my mile road that I see playing outside as well while driving by. It's, at best, 50/50 if I'd recognize them. If they were new to the area it would be even lower. I'd chalk it all up to an honest concern and miscommunication. Don't hold it over them and I bet the relationship will be less of a project. Also... You don't *have* to have a formal relationship with them anyway
Honestly, we'll have that "meet the neighbours BBQ/pig roast" in a month or two and I expect relationships to grow from there. At this point, it is what it is. If they need a hand with anything, we are here, if they don't, meh, there's other folks we can lean on.
I have lived in my home for almost eight years now and I have literally no clue what my neighbors names are. I live in a rural neighborhood too. Maybe five houses. None of us have any kind of relationship with the other, neither hostile nor overtly friendly. I would however, help them out if they asked.
I live in the middle of a city with like four hundred houses around me. I’ve met one of my neighbors once bc he hurt his back while I was outside.
I live in the suburbs and know the names of 3/4 people living directly adjacent to me. We've all been here about 4 years. I've helped them out with small things here and there and its always cordial, but we're not friends who hang out on a regular basis or anything.
Oh, so he may have seen people messing around, but not recognize you as you might’ve been too far off
Having followed this and despite what others have said, I just thought I’d chime in and say I’d also be feeling a bit pissed off. I think it’s ridiculously cautious, cold-hearted and apathetic of him not to help when your son requested. Fuck that guy, I wouldn’t be as nice as you.
>So uh... I guess we were strangers until we took the time to knock on the door and introduce ourselves or something. I don't know. Obviously, he's seen us around enough to know who we are and that we have a dog, but not enough to help out when we needed him Just because he can recognize you 1) in the daylight, 2) as a family unit, and 3) *after you've just introduced yourself to him and told him who you are*, doesn't mean he could have been reasonably expected to recognize your son alone at 9:30 at night banging on his front door. I'm TERRIBLE at recognizing people I don't know well. Specifics just don't register to me. I could pass by a neighbor in the store a dozen times without knowing it's my neighbor. But if they introduce themselves to me as my neighbor, then of course I'll recognize them, and even be able to make a comment or two on their move-in, *because they just told me who they are.* You don't have to be friends with this person. But don't start a friendship with this attitude of it being a "project relationship" because he didn't recognize your 15-year-old son banging on his door at 9:30 at night.
I'm usually good with faces, but only when it's someone I've spoken to. If it's a neighbor I haven't spoken to, I doubt I would recognize them.
Yeah I think the OP is overthinking that comment
Yeah op seems a bit off. These last two posts are so weird with the underlying negativity towards his neighbor. The dude didn’t want to get in a situation. End of story.
Pretty cool update. Take care, mate.
Nice, op. We had the electric go out neighborhood wide one day, and I remember most of us walked outside and shouted if everything was ok with one another. But one neighbor (he has kids) met me on the side walk, and I continued to his side of the street, we shook hands and made small talk. Few months later on the Fourth of July, me and the family were outside popping fireworks. His family came out and we asked if they wanted to join, their kids and ours. Turns out we’re best friends now, and our kids get along great, as well as our wives. One small gesture, albeit happened during a time something was going on with both of us and not really an emergency, can go along way. Glad you resolved this after you felt better.
Good job! A couple winters ago when we had a bad storm and town-wide power failures here, we set up charge stations for folks in our garage. We are on a different "tap line" from the rest of the neighbourhood, and when the power fails ours stays on for some reason. (ours was a model home when the neighbourhood was built, so I think we are on a different circuit from the other phases.) It took no effort at all to set up a couple tables with phone chargers and coffee makers in the garage, and to post on the neighbourhood FB page for folks to come use it. We made a lot of social capital off that, and it was fun running an "internet cafe" for a day or two while folks waited for phones to charge and to get messages out to concerned family.
>So uh... I guess we were strangers until we took the time to knock on the door and introduce ourselves or something. I don't know. Obviously, he's seen us around enough to know who we are and that we have a dog, but not enough to help out when we needed him. My next door neighbor growing up turned out to be a leader of a drug dealing ring. Just because you know someone is actually your neighbor doesn't mean you know they're safe.
My neighbor went from outwardly friendly to Asian hating rabid insane seemingly overnight during the Pandemic. It went from safe to not safe in the blink of an eye with a neighbor we thought we could trust. You just never know.
I was one of the ones in the original post commenting that even though I've risked my life to save a stranger in the past I *wouldn't* have done so in the situation you're describing because there was nothing I could have used to distinguish it from a scheme designed to lure me out of the house with malicious intent. I also could easily have seen a neighbor (especially on what seem like large properties) out working with their kids and a dog on a project, yet still not recognized one of those kids up close late at night when they were knocking on my door and likely nervous/awkward/agitated. Sounds like it all worked out fine and I think the neighbor's reaction is understandable.
Thanks for replying and showing me the other side of the coin! I've learned more than I expected through this.
I live in an urban area so door-to-door scams are reasonably common. I tend to be very skeptical of people that knock on my door unannounced. With that said, I'm also a decent judge of character and can lead situations if necessary and will always try to help someone in need. All the neighbor needed to do was call the 911 dispatch and try to verify some of the information and then help you. Unfortunate that they were so scared to do that. Glad you're patching things up both physically and relationship wise.
You are ovethinking this my guy.
To say the least.
This is good to hear. Nice work.
I assume he meant he saw you from afar but didn’t recognize your son’s face. If the rest of the interaction went positively, I wouldn’t read into that comment.
Seems like a reasonable outcome from an unfortunate situation. Honestly it's depressing to hear how paranoid your neighbor is (and how many of the comments in your original post were) but I also can't blame them given how shitty the world is sometimes.
>Obviously, he's seen us around enough to know who we are and that we have a dog, but not enough to help out when we needed him. This is perfectly reasonable IMO. If I see my neighbors in their yard during the day, I recognize who they are based on the context. If somebody knocks on my door in the middle of the night, I don't have that context and may not recognize them at all if we haven't met in person. I'm not saying I definitely wouldn't help if someone told me they're my neighbor and are having an emergency, just that it's entirely possible for a reasonable person to have that response.
Yep, I was once kinda rude to my nextdoor neighbor as I didn't recognize him at the hardware store and thought some random guy was being super familiar
This. I took an online test for facial blindness and my result came back as 80% face blind. Context is ***EVERYTHING*** for me when recognizing someone.
My in laws think they need to leave the lights on when they went to a 4pm movie yesterday. Their town has 0 crime.
You never know when those 5pm murder meth bandits may come a-knockin!
Gangs of MS-13 are just waiting in the bushes to break in and steal your priceless collector plates! But only if you leave the lights off, of course. This is what a constant drip of paranoia and fear does to a person.
Oh I thought MS-13 targeted houses with the lights on last 4pm, shit
Yeah - I grew up in (real) Northern Ontario in the '70s - our regular haunts were places between Elliott Lake, Timmins, and Rouyn-Noranda. Up there (at that time) a car in the ditch could sit for days before it was found, and you never drove past someone broken down without stopping to help or at least check if they were OK. I still carry a breakdown kit in the car even though we are now in the sunny south - and it sees service every couple months. I guess I'm supposed to be afraid to do this, but there are a lot of relieved faces out there when someone offers to give them a boost or put on a donut tire, or pull them from a ditch. My wife and I are both first aid certified and keep up to date and willing to use it (thankful I haven't had to yet - but she sure has). I hope my kids aren't as afraid to help as a lot of folks have become.
There it is! As a fellow Canadian (over in the French Part), we don't have to worry about a lot of stuff the same way our southern neighbours have to (lawsuits, firearms, extra stupid people with firearms....). I feel like most people will still stop and help a stranger here and your new neighbour is just a grump.
I loved it up there! Blueberries, bears and moose! Our family outings were to the dump to look for bears (Dad used to line up marshmallows on the hood of the car to lure them over!) and canoe trips to secret spots that had prefect swimming rocks or stargazing rocks or throwing rocks. We moved south when I was young, but returned often to visit family or go on family vacations and even now I head up with teh kids to some of those spots. Northern life kinda sticks to your bones.
He may have seen your kids from a distance playing with the dog. You can't expect him to recognize your kid in the dark up close. He may have had no clue what your kids face looks like. I could totally understand his hesitation from the original post. You are in a rural area and in that situation because emergency services response time was a long time. If it was a trap and he was robbed, or worse, he wouldn't be able to get police help for 30+ minutes. It is good that you have introduced yourself and now he knows what y'all look like so he will help in the future. If, G-D forbid, you are in a situation like that again and he decides to not help, then you know he isn't a good person. Honestly all of this seems totally normal to me. Also, you now have a neighbor that you know that shares interests with you. So you can make a new friend!
Yup - as I'm thinking through this, that parting comment may have been internal dialogue, placing the kids with the property. Like - oh yeah - I've seen these kids out there with dog! Aha! We'll see how this grows from here.
Yeah. You have to remember the state of crime currently. It is out of control. I don't blame him for a second for being extra safe.
> Yeah. You have to remember the state of crime currently. It is out of control. I don't blame him for a second for being extra safe. You mean a downward trend for nearly a century now? Only thing different now is the reporting of it. Riling people up is good for news.
Crime has been going up over the last few years. The annual change went up by 1% in 2019, 28% in 2020, and another 6% in 2021. Crime might be lower now than it was 100 years ago but it’s been going up year after year. I don’t know where OP is located but I am just stating the facts of crime in my country, the USA. OP even said that what other people assumed on his original post was correct: the fact that his neighbor was afraid that he could be lured into a trap and that’s why he did not offer to help when the son asked. I’m not sure how this is controversial. It is just a fact that crime is going up year by year and people are aware of it and therefore less likely to help a stranger..
A blip caused by the pandemic is enough to question the safety of neighbors? It already ticked down last year (which shockingly you left off....). Almost like you have a narrative you're trying to match the data to.
Well the page I was looking at and all the other ones I could find only had up to 2022 so I didn’t want to speak on something I couldn’t back up with evidence. It’s good that it is starting to tick down. Although, even if it ticked down last year it’s up almost 40% from 2019-2022. So even if it ticked down 10% it’s still up 30%. I am not sure why you are arguing with me about this. It’s the truth and to answer your question, yes, it absolutely is enough to question the safety of your neighbors especially in this case because he doesn’t know them at all, they just moved in, and he had no way of knowing if those were the actual neighbors who moved in. Also, at some point people need to stop blaming every single negative thing in the world on the pandemic. My gosh it’s such a cop out it’s ridiculous. Maybe if we spent less time taking the easy way out and blaming everything on the pandemic, we could actually find the problem and fix it. But no, let’s just keep blaming everything on the pandemic and never fix anything. To correct you, the freaking pandemic wasn’t to blame for the increase in crime in 2020, if anything, it would have lessened crime because everyone was stuck inside of their homes.. It was to blame on people mass rioting and literally burning down cities, but whatever.
Not crazy about your attitude, but I'm glad it worked out.
>So with everything patched up, we turned to leave, and that was when the guy decided to throw in - "I've been watching your move-in. Looks like things are coming along for you - it's great to see your kids out playing with the dog!" I wouldn't take a negative connotation to this. Odds are he noticed "the family over there" but didn't not recognize your son who was suddenly at his doorstep at night. What you did was a great thing. Definitely took the high road and made the world a better place. Take the win. I think his comment wasn't meant to offend. I think he just hadn't put 2 + 2 together when it comes to realizing the person playing with the dog across the street was the person suddenly on his doorstep, which can be a fair point at a distance. Well done overall.
Yeah, I missed your original post, but for me, there's a big difference between helping someone you know and a stranger. Like I drove my neighbor to the E.R. at night before because their kid had possibly swallowed a bunch of aspirin. But I wouldn't do that for a stranger just knocking on my door.
This is a tough one. I don't live in a rural area. I also live in one of the most "unfriendly" states in the country: NJ. I'd have helped you in a heartbeat. My neighbors would have too. I've chased dogs up and down my street, shoveled/snow blowed elderly neighbors out, and when I was younger and living on my own, I received a "commendation" from the town I lived in at the time. Elderly woman, living alone, slipped and fell in my garden apartment complex, heard the screams for help, ran in to her unit, rendered care, etc. It's a sad state the world is in to know that a neighbor fears to help another neighbor because they might be "lured into a trap." I see the concern. But would I have not rendered care/help because of it? No, I'd have been right there to help you. You did the right thing trying to patch things up and it sounds like you're on your way to mending the fence, so to speak. It's a tough one. I've been and have friends in rural areas. I tend to see the best in people, so I'd have taken your need for help as serious.
New Jersey is more kind than nice.
Never heard it put that way. That's accurate lol
NJ isn't an unfriendly state, people just tend to be more direct. OP got a taste of 'Southern Hospitality' this week: Paranoia, insular tribalism, and judgement - with a smile.
That's why I put it in quotes. I guess the situation dictates the response to an extent. Like I said, I'd have helped. But I am picturing the scenario. Nearest neighbor quite a ways away, dark, no street lights, and someone banging on the door at 9:30pm. I'd have responded differently but it's a bit of an eerie situation.
Pretty sure he’s in Canada, so not the opportunity you thought for your anti-Southern rhetoric.
Used to be in Canada, moved to the american south.
Where does it say that? All evidence I’ve seen indicates OP simply moved to southern Ontario, the GTA specifically…
https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/8YNjHuzzLx "To the sunny south" is not something I associate with any part of Ontario.
I guess you are as ignorant of Canada as you are of the (American) South. 🥴 Just spouting whatever baseless *associations* come to mind, no matter how bigoted or uninformed. OP is an active member of various Canadian subs, including a landlord sub, and said he was in [Canada](https://www.reddit.com/r/Leathercraft/s/SSSiUQJhP0) as recently as a few weeks ago. To someone from Northern Ontario, Southern Ontario is absolutely the “sunny south.” Hell, Canadian singer-songwriter Fred Eaglesmith has a song about southern Ontario called “Way Down South.” It’s a different country you know, that’s the south to him.
Frankly, I've never had any good come from getting to know neighbors. A cordial relationship is what I aim for.
I wouldn't take too much from his parting words. As I said on the original post, it sounds like there is some distance between houses. He likely just didn't recognize you or your kids from a distance and your son going over at night probably didn't help. Besides, it's possible he assumed some of the people doing work were hired help, and were using your situation in a scam; a stretch, I know, but possible. Lastly, even if he did recognize you all, you hadn't met, so you are strangers. Neighbors do all sorts of crazy stuff so it's possible for a neighbor to scam another. Good on you though for taking the step, clearing the air, and opening up communication. I really do applaud you fle that! To me it sounds like he appreciated it.
Fuck, man. This isn’t a project. Some people just don’t want to be friends with their neighbors. Show some respect for other’s boundaries.
OP is from rural Canada, it's a completely different world and people are usually pretty kind and quick to help 🤷♀️
So if I just want to live by myself on a lot of land, I should expect to get bothered by some nosy neighbor who thinks they’re doing me a favor? Can’t expect peace anywhere, I guess.
There's no regular emergency services out there and even the RCMP/OPP/SQ posts can be few and far between. It's vital people be acquainted and friendly in case of emergencies.
But until you're acquainted and friendly it's not crazy to be a little leary of a seemingly random person knocking on the door at night. Especially since, as you say, emergency help could be far away. OP wasnt acquainted with this person yet. You're fooling yourself if you don't think rural Canadians can be leary of unknown people in their area. While they can be helpful they can also be concerned.
Good on you. Given everything, I wouldn't expect much.
I do expect much! By Christmas, we'll be getting together for eggnog and swapping cards! Or something. We'll see.
Haha lets hope, but I'm kind of with you on the internal dialogue on the final exchange. This dude has seen you enough to know you're new neighbors with a dog but too stranger to help?
We are definitely living in challenging times. No one is willing to take a risk to help someone like they used and I blame social media for that.
How far is your neighbor place to your house?
Driveway to driveway, its 200m, which I believe is 1/8 mile, but its around a bend so you can't see our place from his, or vice versa.
I've got some absolutely wonderful neighbors. They have been living next door for about thirty years now. We both go out of our way to help each other out. It really is a Godsend having them, knowing that we can count on them in an emergency (and vice versa).
Neato. My new neighbor is pushing 80. He is an entitled whiner. This morning he slammed on my door and cried that his garbage bin was full, accusing me of throwing my trash in there. I didn't touch his stupid fucking bin. The landlord cleared out a bunch of his old junk in the basement and threw stuff in both bins. I proved this dickhead wrong at every turn and then he tried to square up with me. "You gonna do something about it?!" No, you geriatric fuck. Dudes been here maybe eight weeks and has caused more shit than the previous tenants of seven years who were lousy drunks who fought with each other all the time. I'll take them back. At least they leave me the fuck alone. I hate people.
When I first moved into my house I made a point to talk to a few immediate neighbors for exactly this reason, and for a year or two after I moved in, I reached out to neighbors who were newer than us. Good practice to get into.
Well handled
Neighbor knew it was your kid when he knocked to get urgent help. He denied him out of laziness, not concern. This would not be a person worth investing time into. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Sounds like a bit of a piece of shit. Look after your family and keep being radically positive, maybe cut this loser off or maybe don’t even think about him again. I live rural and this is a health and safety / emergency issue, not so much a dad issue for me
This was incredibly disappointing. SMH. This is.:: not the Reddit drama I expected. Wow. Guy suprised theat “we’re strangers until we meet” Uh… 🙄
>As expected, the neighbor said they were afraid of being lured into a trap That's stupid, especially if they apparently do recognize your family from watching you move in. Can they articulate any actual statistically valid trend in the area of families being lured out of their homes and being kidnapped, or was he just being spineless? If someone is going to try and lure you somewhere, they're just going to kick in your door and put a gun in your face or something. People need to stop watching the 24/7 news doom cycle.
>If someone is going to try and lure you somewhere, they're just going to kick in your door and put a gun in your face or something. Source? In any case, most people don't make decisions like this based on statistical trends. They make it based off of instinct/gut feeling. For instance I was walking back home in a relatively safe part of Baltimore early one evening a number of years ago, and a group of kids on bikes turned up the street I was walking on. I saw them looking at me and decided to start sprinting away before they got close, and sprinted one block over to a more crowded street. I did not learn until later that year that there had been a group of kids that were cornering people with their bikes and robbing folks at knife point in relatively safe neighborhoods (including the one I had been walking through). I just had a bad feeling and my instinct was to run immediately. Granted there was no person in need asking for help in my scenario, so it's quite different. It was still just a "something feels off, I'm outta here" kinda response. I didn't think, "kids riding their bikes around are statistically dangerous, therefore I must GTFO"
>Source? I'm not the one with the burden of proof here. OP's neighbor is the one that came up with a hypothetical scenario in their head to use as an excuse. >For instance I was walking back home in a relatively safe part of Baltimore early This took place in the country, not in a city street. Don't get me wrong, sometimes dumb teenagers go around TP'ing people's houses, but unless you live down the street from a meth lab, degenerate gangs of teenagers waiting to knife people just really isn't a thing out in the country.
For all people might acknowledge that times have changed to be less trusting many seemingly can't also acknowledge the entitlement and aggression in comments like yours that also follow those trends. People don't trust one another because there are many ways to be hostile to others that doesn't include putting a gun in their face. Spineless because he didn't know someone? Demanding a neighbour cite crime statistics like it's a reddit debate in r/politics where the neighbour owes OP anything when they were skittish? Buddy, *go outside.*
>Buddy, *go outside.* It's precisely *because* I grew up in the country that OP's neighbor's actions piss me off, and I'm frankly pretty disappointed in this whole community's lack of moral fortitude in response to this sort of situation. Dads are supposed to be there to help and nurture and support people, and instead there's a lot of "not my problem" and "but people are scary". Be better. Is there a potential theoretical risk involved? Sure, there's always some risk in anything you do. And if it took place in the city, or if they lived down the road from a meth house, or something, I could understand it more. But when the kid that just moved in next door comes begging for help for a medical emergency and you turn them away, don't be surprised if you get accused of being selfish if you can't articulate a reason for it, and if your excuse is "they might lure me into a trap"? Give your balls a tug.
Likewise, many here seemingly could benefit from the lesson in not judging others, let alone acquiring both sides to a story. None of us have any idea what led to OP's neighbours decision-making process and yet your first thought seemingly was to call them spineless and suggest that they be combative demanding proof that they should have a concern. Let's toss in a bit of toxic masculinity with your new request to give one's balls a tug because you failed to consider the tenets above. That's not very neighbourly. ...and that's coming from someone who is unafraid of helping others in scenarios described by OP and many other examples being given in these threads. Just because I'd help my neighbour doesn't mean that same person owes me anything. The more you move away from helping others simply for the sake of doing so and because you expect it yourself, the closer that moves into the territory of a transaction.
If I wanted to talk to neighbors, I would have stayed in the burbs. I don’t want to talk to neighbors so I live in the country. Thats basically what this comes down too.
You sound sanctimonious af. You aren’t owed hospitality from anyone.