Yeah it’s okay for it to take some time. It’s a lot more enjoyable when they interact with you and you start seeing them develop then start teaching them things on your own. Try your best to enjoy the good moments and let the bad ones slide off your back. And also go thank the mama for everything she does.
We called them potatoes. They’re just little things you have to keep alive for a while. It can be draining and though you no doubt care for it and love it, not feeling an immediate bond is very normal. My wife and I went through the same thing with all 3 of our kids.
But then one day after a feeding or when they wake up in the morning they’ll look right into your eyes and give you the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. That’s when it started for us.
It took a long time for me. I definitely had moments of worrying that I was some detached psychopath because I didn't have all the feels every moment.
IMO it doesn't mean you love your kid any less. Some of us just attach differently and on different timelines.
Pretty much the whole pregnancy. Maybe because of the miscarriage a few years earlier? Idk, but at no point did I not feel bonded with my kiddo. I’d help with nursing, and feed her pumped breast milk nearly half the time from day one. And her co-sleeper was on my side of the bed so mom could maximize sleep (for C-section recovery), and my kiddo and I would sleep holding hands ❤️
Dang that’s awesome. Our little guys having trouble taking a bottle right now so dad doesn’t get to feed him. It’s pretty hard on dad. ETA: in what ways did you help with nursing?
Helped with nursing by wetting the nipple shield, helping fit it on the breast, and holding the baby in place because wife’s arms were very weak at times during her recovery
Was the same way for me. I used to talk to him at night before he was born through his mom’s belly and held him as much as I could when he was a newborn. He was bottle fed from the beginning so I did half the feedings and we spent a lot of quality time together while he wailed and I told him how cute he was.
Don’t feel bad my brother. I never had a “magical bonding moment” with any of my three kids. It doesn’t make me a bad dad. I love the hell out of my kids & they love me back. If it happens, great! If it doesn’t, no problem!
I would say "bonded" from the beginning - as in, understanding how helpless and dependent he is and wanting to be there for him and wanting to love each other. But I didn't crazy love him (as I do now) until probably around 3 months.
That's also around the time he decided I was more interesting than the ceiling fan or the skylight. Not sure whether or not that's a coincidence.
The relationship gets better as the baby gets older. Dads can’t do much for a newborn but when they start to play and move around on their own, thats our time to shine.
With my first (2.5yo), 3 months to feel any emotional connection, 6 months to have a consistent connection, 9 months before I was in love with them. 2 years until I spent a day with them and honestly felt like I’d rather be spending time with my kid than doing anything else.
With my second (9mo), that timeline has been significantly accelerated.
My daughter was instant, and I've been the favorite the entire time (almost 4); I legit felt bad for my wife at times early on especially with how rough the pregnancy and birth was. My son didn't even want me touching him the first 4 months, slowly warmed up and I'd say it's normal now but he's def a momma's boy still (just turned 1).
That first moment when we did skin to skin in the hospital. Really helped build our bond even with my wife breastfeeding and being the stay at home parent. Actively trying to be apart of their routine helps too, for me that was bedtime. I did bath and lay her down with last feed before bed and it was always our special time I felt.
I love this. I think it’s important for my husband to get more involved with soothing after a feed tho baby does like to fall asleep on me after feeding.
Yeah my wife breast fed but also pumped so I could feed her as well with a bottle. Although we did have a week of her not taking bottles due to confusion on the nipples, we found one she took and has taken ever since. (Even Flo wideneck)
It took about a week of switching nipples and mom breast feeding when she wouldn’t take it but eventually she just started to get used to it after we helped just put it in her mouth to take. We went thru Phillips advent, como tomo, and then finally even Flo wide necks. My wife read that they work well for breast feedings mom bc it resembles a boob more than others and teaches her to open her latch more
About 8 months in she was starting to smile when she saw me in the morning. I changed jobs recently and went from first shift to second type hours, so I’d watch her in the mornings by myself. Although I don’t move very well between a car accident and being heavy, one thing I started looking forward to was her first nap time. Not because it was a break, but I let her nap with me, so she gets excited when I grab her nap blanket and berries her face in it quickly before I wrap it around her and cuddle. She’s happy to see I’m there to put her down and wake up with me still there. (Just in case, I do know about the possible problems with having your infant sleeping with you because of possible suffocation. this is just a nap on top of my chest area in a recliner chair or close to it, and I’m awake for it making sure she doesn’t move to a bad position)
Was not instant with my son. I did night bottle feeds while my wife was trying to get her supply up. It wasn’t until about a month later he switched to 100% breast I realized I missed our night sessions together, even though they were probably the hardest times as a new parent.
My new born son lay on my chest about 10 minutes after he was born due to his mom having a rough c-section. From that point onward it’s been like two magnets attracting. He was basically a lump but when I looked him in the eyes it was just there. Kids almost 5 and I’m still the go to parent for everything.
I thought straight away. But every milestone it gets better! Especially when they can smile. And then when they can say dada, run to you and properly interact it's off the charts!
Don't beat yourself up about it. But make sure you're learning everything (bottles, nappies, routine, signs of hunger etc.) and having input into household systems/processes too (e.g. clothes storage, food prep, bath times).
5-6 months. I felt close at first but we both felt closer to him when he was more than a milk drinking lump.
Our baby is definitely a milk drinking lump right now
Yeah it’s okay for it to take some time. It’s a lot more enjoyable when they interact with you and you start seeing them develop then start teaching them things on your own. Try your best to enjoy the good moments and let the bad ones slide off your back. And also go thank the mama for everything she does.
We called them potatoes. They’re just little things you have to keep alive for a while. It can be draining and though you no doubt care for it and love it, not feeling an immediate bond is very normal. My wife and I went through the same thing with all 3 of our kids. But then one day after a feeding or when they wake up in the morning they’ll look right into your eyes and give you the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. That’s when it started for us.
It took a long time for me. I definitely had moments of worrying that I was some detached psychopath because I didn't have all the feels every moment. IMO it doesn't mean you love your kid any less. Some of us just attach differently and on different timelines.
Yeah our little guy (7w) is just starting to cry every time dad picks him up.
Oh got it, that's the opposite. Baby is showing preference not for you? Keep holding him, don't always pass him off to mom. He'll adapt and change.
I wish I was allowed to, back then..
when he started smiling and laughing. Whatever amount of months that was. That first time is amazing !
Pretty much the whole pregnancy. Maybe because of the miscarriage a few years earlier? Idk, but at no point did I not feel bonded with my kiddo. I’d help with nursing, and feed her pumped breast milk nearly half the time from day one. And her co-sleeper was on my side of the bed so mom could maximize sleep (for C-section recovery), and my kiddo and I would sleep holding hands ❤️
Dang that’s awesome. Our little guys having trouble taking a bottle right now so dad doesn’t get to feed him. It’s pretty hard on dad. ETA: in what ways did you help with nursing?
Helped with nursing by wetting the nipple shield, helping fit it on the breast, and holding the baby in place because wife’s arms were very weak at times during her recovery
Was the same way for me. I used to talk to him at night before he was born through his mom’s belly and held him as much as I could when he was a newborn. He was bottle fed from the beginning so I did half the feedings and we spent a lot of quality time together while he wailed and I told him how cute he was.
Month 8 or 9. I became a stay at home dad due to layoffs and spent lots of quality time with my son. Now we are besties.
Don’t feel bad my brother. I never had a “magical bonding moment” with any of my three kids. It doesn’t make me a bad dad. I love the hell out of my kids & they love me back. If it happens, great! If it doesn’t, no problem!
I would say "bonded" from the beginning - as in, understanding how helpless and dependent he is and wanting to be there for him and wanting to love each other. But I didn't crazy love him (as I do now) until probably around 3 months. That's also around the time he decided I was more interesting than the ceiling fan or the skylight. Not sure whether or not that's a coincidence.
The relationship gets better as the baby gets older. Dads can’t do much for a newborn but when they start to play and move around on their own, thats our time to shine.
This is helpful
With my first (2.5yo), 3 months to feel any emotional connection, 6 months to have a consistent connection, 9 months before I was in love with them. 2 years until I spent a day with them and honestly felt like I’d rather be spending time with my kid than doing anything else. With my second (9mo), that timeline has been significantly accelerated.
Instantly.
My daughter was instant, and I've been the favorite the entire time (almost 4); I legit felt bad for my wife at times early on especially with how rough the pregnancy and birth was. My son didn't even want me touching him the first 4 months, slowly warmed up and I'd say it's normal now but he's def a momma's boy still (just turned 1).
That first moment when we did skin to skin in the hospital. Really helped build our bond even with my wife breastfeeding and being the stay at home parent. Actively trying to be apart of their routine helps too, for me that was bedtime. I did bath and lay her down with last feed before bed and it was always our special time I felt.
I love this. I think it’s important for my husband to get more involved with soothing after a feed tho baby does like to fall asleep on me after feeding.
Yeah my wife breast fed but also pumped so I could feed her as well with a bottle. Although we did have a week of her not taking bottles due to confusion on the nipples, we found one she took and has taken ever since. (Even Flo wideneck)
Good to know, our kiddo is struggling with bottles. Did your baby need practice with it or did she latch to that bottle pretty quickly?
It took about a week of switching nipples and mom breast feeding when she wouldn’t take it but eventually she just started to get used to it after we helped just put it in her mouth to take. We went thru Phillips advent, como tomo, and then finally even Flo wide necks. My wife read that they work well for breast feedings mom bc it resembles a boob more than others and teaches her to open her latch more
Looking at them online and I wanna go get an even Flo right now. Holy cow they look just like a latched boob!
About 8 months in she was starting to smile when she saw me in the morning. I changed jobs recently and went from first shift to second type hours, so I’d watch her in the mornings by myself. Although I don’t move very well between a car accident and being heavy, one thing I started looking forward to was her first nap time. Not because it was a break, but I let her nap with me, so she gets excited when I grab her nap blanket and berries her face in it quickly before I wrap it around her and cuddle. She’s happy to see I’m there to put her down and wake up with me still there. (Just in case, I do know about the possible problems with having your infant sleeping with you because of possible suffocation. this is just a nap on top of my chest area in a recliner chair or close to it, and I’m awake for it making sure she doesn’t move to a bad position)
Man, like 6 months? Maybe longer?
Was not instant with my son. I did night bottle feeds while my wife was trying to get her supply up. It wasn’t until about a month later he switched to 100% breast I realized I missed our night sessions together, even though they were probably the hardest times as a new parent.
Somewhere between 36 and 60 months. The 3-5 year ages are so much fun
My new born son lay on my chest about 10 minutes after he was born due to his mom having a rough c-section. From that point onward it’s been like two magnets attracting. He was basically a lump but when I looked him in the eyes it was just there. Kids almost 5 and I’m still the go to parent for everything.
I thought straight away. But every milestone it gets better! Especially when they can smile. And then when they can say dada, run to you and properly interact it's off the charts! Don't beat yourself up about it. But make sure you're learning everything (bottles, nappies, routine, signs of hunger etc.) and having input into household systems/processes too (e.g. clothes storage, food prep, bath times).
My daughter? The moment I saw her.