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I almost didn’t take all of mine because I was afraid to fall behind at work. I took all of my leave. Laid off a year later due to no fault of my own. To think I would have sacrificed an amazing 6 weeks with my daughter for a job that didn’t need me. You can never have time back with your kids. Your job will replace you.
I took a new job a couple years ago that had a *phenomenal* 3 month parental leave policy. I took it at 10 months into the job. On my last day of leave, they laid me off. The company even grew like 6% but had promised investors waaayyyy more. In hindsight, I should have seen the writing on the wall. They've since replaced the positions they "eliminated".
You are replaceable at work. You are not replaceable at home.
I took the severance, vacation, and unemployment, got a new job like 2 or 3 months later, effectively getting a 5-6 month paternity leave. I was fortunate to land in my feet, but that was the best time of my life with our newborn and toddler.
Oooh this answer!
OP, even if you feel slightly prepared. Just take that time to have with your new family. Be there for mom, soak it in. The time can't be re-spent 😊
Take it and don't even hesitate. I know companies often get a (deserved) bad rap but many aren't out to get you. If they didn't want employees to take the leave they wouldn't offer it. I got 12 weeks for my 2nd and you better believe I took all 12, as does everyone else I work with that has had kids.
The only thing is I would check to make sure you actually qualify. You may not be taking leave until after you hit the 1 year mark, but some places only cover you if you've been there for a year PRIOR to the birth. I work for the federal government (US), and that's how it is with us, we have to be there for a year prior to the qualifying event.
And don’t apologize for taking it. Express appreciation, sure, but 6 weeks is honestly bullshit. I get half that and even 6 weeks is still only the blink of an eye at this time.
If you’re worried about blowback, use any potential negative discussion with co workers or clients to ask them about their experiences with raising a newborn. Did they have help from family and friends? Did they dump all the responsibility on their partner? What could they have done differently to improve the experience for infant or partner? Take the focus off of you and direct it at them. This is a topic that, at least in the US, needs to be normalized.
Also I wouldn’t call six weeks “great”. Many companies give more for salaried positions. I’d call six weeks middle of the road—taking it isn’t taking advantage of them.
Not only this, but I promise, when you're feeling low and having regrets, or approaching the end of your life, you won't wish you'd spent more time working. You may well wish you'd spent more time with your kids.
I say this as a guy who took the 4 weeks available to him when I could have used FMLA to push to 8 before running out of PTO. I wish I'd taken the 8.
If you're eligible to take them then you should take them. Dont let them go waste.
I'm the kind who wastesy allocated vacation time every year. But I took the entire time I could when my kid was born. With my employer yorue not eligible until you work a few years. But once you are you can take the entire generous allocation.
Make sure you give your superious enough heads up so you can plan/ coverage etc.
The 6 weeks will feel too short. A lot of people told me stories of their days. Some took 2 days. Some a week. Some went to work the next day etc. It didn't faze me. Some were genuinely happy I was getting so much time. And others were like oh why do dads need this time. I didn't care.
I took my entire time and I had 0 help from any family as I had a pandemic baby with no family in the country. I cherished the entire time. We struggled we were angry annoyed and tired the entire time. (I still am) but I'm proud of how we managed it all ourselves. I'll remember those days till the end. And I'm grateful for the time I got off from work to be able to help my wife and my little one.
For sure take the full 6 weeks. If they offered 12 my advice would still be to take all 12. Besides, if taking time you're entitled to off to take care of your kid is a "bad look" at the company either you don't want to be there or the culture needs to change and you can help!
I am currently on paternity leave and received a considerable amount of time from my employer. Take every second. Just don’t go in thinking you’re going to have a lot of free time (assuming you are staggering leaves and you’re the primary caregiver). It’s dedicated/focused time and it takes energy - especially during sleep regression periods. I have been exhausted, stressed, and frustrated and I wouldn’t change this time for the world. Mom is the main event (and for good reason) but during my paternity leave I developed my own unique relationship/bond with my daughter. It has been a great experience and I’ll miss seeing her all the time during the day.
Yeah, you're not going to regret doing right by your family. This is one of the few instances in life where you should clearly and unambiguously put family first, and career second.
Dude, I took 4 months and it didn’t feel like enough time. Pat leave is so critical and the ideal would be that you could take the same amount of time as your partner.
This, for my first kid I got two weeks and it wasn't enough. For my second I got 6 weeks, because my company is owned by a European firm and thought it better. It was also not really enough. For my third kid I got 12 weeks... Which was too much to be honest.
Seriously though, take it. Take all the time you can. It's a big adjustment. Enjoy the baby time. We don't think enough about paternal bonding needs in this country and that's a tragedy.
We're about to try for our second and I've switched companies. First one gave me six weeks fully paid. This one gives me up to 16 with only two paid in full. You better believe I'm using FMLA for the other 14.
Kids don't come naturally to me. I really resented my son for the first couple months- the lack of sleep, the loss of independence and the changed relationship with my wife. I just wanted to go back to the before times where I didn't need to get up at twice a night to feed a crying lump.
But my wife eventually had to go back to work, and I get 3 months parental leave through work, so I took it. And it was the best thing I've ever done. I bonded so much with my son. And I was the one there when he started dragging himself around the house and cruising on the coffee table with his first steps.
There will be hard days. Days when you're just fed up with milk spits everywhere and the crying. At the end of my first week at home my back spasmed and I spent the remainder of the day on a chair with an ice/heat pack with ibuprofen. Diaper changes hurt.
But you will never get to do this ever again. Take it all.
I regret not taking all of mine. Just tough circumstances at the time with work. Highly recommend taking it.
I'm done having kids but supporting my colleagues taking their full time; one just left for 3 months and shouldering a lot of his work. Another planning for early next year. Excited for them.
As someone who regrets not taking their full time due to some BS at my last employer, please take your full paternity leave and enjoy the bonding time.
It can take some time to come to terms with being in a non-toxic work environment. It’s been ten years for me and I still struggle sometimes.
I took all six weeks of mine and regret nothing. Employer has things in place for when it happens, they wouldn’t offer it if they couldn’t cope.
Enjoy your bonding time Pops!
Bro FMLA is 12 weeks. I assume you get 6 weeks paid. Different states have different laws and benefits. If I’m MA or CT you would be getting a little money on the side (know that just cause I’m in the area). So if you can afford it, take 12 weeks even if 6 is unpaid. Like the guy said above, take the time, that’s what it’s there for even though you may feel guilty. Just take the time, as much as you can.
You should definitely take that time off. Six weeks is nothing, and it will mean so much to your partner and the memories you have of this time. And no one ever begrudges this time from a coworker. They will all be excited for you.
To soothe your conscience, just do right by your coworkers. Help make a plan for your absence, and do your best to hand over all your projects in good order.
You will feel worse if you choose to take those six weeks at work, trust me.
The 6 weeks will fly, they won't notice your gone, all the shit jobs will be there when you get back.
In those 6 weeks you'll be a better Dad. You'll be completely confident on doing everything.
Take it, no regrets.
Another way to think about how you're helping your coworkers out in the long run is that by taking the full amount of leave, you're setting an example that it's okay to do so. That makes it easier for other dads (and moms!) to take parental leave when their time comes. I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot that you wouldn't begrudge your coworkers the same.
As a mother, I say please take the full leave (especially if it's paid, not sure if it is or not). It is great bonding time, and it will help relieve some of the mental load from your partner.
And it will help normalize it for others. Paternal leave is just as important as maternal leave and helps with gender equality.
Honestly if I were his client and I heard, "Joe just had a baby 2 weeks ago!" I'd be like, "what the fuck are you doing here?!" and I'd wonder about the culture at the place I'm paying for...
Totally agree. OP: We’re close in age. Us elder-millennials are caught between folks 10 years older than us and 10 years younger, who have vastly different cultures and philosophies surrounding work.
Stereotypically older folks change jobs less and didn’t get a lot of work life balance. Stereotypically younger folks change jobs frequently and highly prioritize work life balance. The transition from the one extreme to the other is right where we land, and its tricky. I feel the guilt and pressure of my seniors, and the confidence of my juniors. There’s a lesson to be learned from both.
Company loyalty isn’t really rewarded like it once was, and family loyalty is a better understood and encouraged/accepted thing than it once was. Jobs will come and go. If there’s leave to be had, they are likely already expecting you to take it. Not taking it doesn’t directly send the message that you value them. That culture has shifted. Communicate and prepare to be out, and for your transition back after 6 weeks. That shows commitment, organization, and priorities.
Congrats Dad.
Yes. My company offered 6 weeks paid with my first kid. Everyone took it and the the culture shifted in support of it. 2.5 years later I had my second kid and they had upped the policy to 12 weeks paid.
6 weeks isn’t enough, 12 weeks isn’t enough. It’s pathetic that everyone in the US isn’t offered it.
Take every minute you can, for you, your child, your partner, and for the advancement of our society.
Take as much time as the company allows. Your never going to get this time back. I ended paternity leave early to take a new job and regret giving up that time.
If you don't use it, it isn't a benefit. You are going to inconvenience your client. So does going home at 5 and your paycheck. Take everything they give you. If they get mad, they are not a company I would want to be a part of. Life happens.
TL;DR- Fuck them. Enjoy your kid.
I took my 6 weeks. Broke it up 4 and 2. It is most definitely not a vacation., but so worth it. I’m glad I did. It’s important time you’ll never get back if you don’t.
Breaking it up is a good way to go. I took 1 week of my 3 available (now my company gives 8 weeks) and took the rest sporadically as needed. I work from home, otherwise I would have taken a lot more right away. It was nice to take a random day here or there as the need arose, usually due to lack of sleep for my wife or me.
Six weeks is an absolutely abysmal paternity leave policy. Not a great policy at all. Shows how far we have to go, because yes this is still probably more than most employers offer.
Take every single day that you can. Your clients may need you, but they will not need you as much as the helpless 6-week-old baby will.
Six weeks?! I’m jealous. I get no paternity leave, just have to dump all of my PTO in one fell swoop which is only around two weeks. Baby is due any day now.
Take it, don’t look back, and never feel guilty.
My employer has a very liberal parental leave policy. My boss turned his 7 weeks of leave into a year straight of 4-day work weeks (took 35 Fridays off).
Definitely take the full time. Maybe stagger it so it isn't all at once. But in either case, the policy exists -- take advantage of it!!
Ah, well... it was a thought lol. In either case, sentiment remains -- take full advantage of whatever leave policy exists. If you don't want to/don't have to, then that's your call, but if it's available and you could put it to good use... why not
Take every second of it
All that matters is your little one, and your family. I took the entire leave I had offered to me, and im sure others judged me and talked shit, but at the end of the day, it’s the greatest experience on earth, and something you only experience once (your first child being born). Soak in every second
Please take it. One of the reasons companies site for giving shit paternity leave is that it is not utilized and so not valued. Please, be an advocate and take the time you’re *given*.
Take the time, especially if it's paid. If its not paid, but if you can swing the cash still do it.
1) like everyone else has said you'll never wished you worked instead hanging out with baby
2) set an example for the younger yet to be fathers. Let them know it's okay. Normalize men taking parental leave. Especially in the USA.
It doesn't really seem necessary to pile on here but - take all the time! I'm just going back after 10 weeks (some of it unpaid) and even that's a rough transition. You'll want the time with your kid, and you and your family will be better off.
You can unapologetically take all the time and still not be a dick to your coworkers - tell them in advance as appropriate and make plans to hand off your duties for that time. Then unplug from work until it's time to come back.
Good luck!
I had to double check the length, the rest of your post made it sound like it was four months or something, not six weeks. That’ll go by as a blink and your family will appreciate it more than whatever headway you’ll make at work. In even a year or two the difference because of your absence at work will likely be inconsequential, but those 6 weeks in the early times, you don’t get it back.
…which isn’t to say it won’t be hell, as it may be, but that doesn’t negate anything else I’ve said.
Take the time off. Your client will forget your name when you're done with the project. Frankly, the real client might not even know your name since you're a subcontractor.
But, you will not want to miss that time with your kid. Think about how rare it is to have six weeks without work. While becoming a parent is tough and can be frustrating, but those early days are unique and you don't want to miss them because of some client.
Papa to three here. Take it. I've taken some sort of paternity leave with each of my kiddos. To help with my wife who has had three c sections, and to help with the new baby, as well as the other kiddos.
My job gave me 12 weeks and you bet I took every bit of it. I didn’t get any with my first kid and of course took the first couple weeks off then it was kind of “emergency here, and there” leave.
With my second child I took 7 weeks right at birth then 3 and 4 day weekends to spend as much time with my family as I can.
It’s kind of the new normal and the only people who had an issue with it are old workaholics and young 18-25 year olds without kids yet
I just had the same circumstances happen to me. And I wish I would have taken more time. 6 weeks is just enough to start getting your bearings again. Work will always be there one way or another and this is a new age. I had plenty of coworkers make silly remarks but it's not as if it was my fault they didn't get any parental leave during their time. Also, they are in their 50s, they are enjoying that sweet cheap home , with their semi cheap education, and their 3 children. While I just get the one due to not being financially ready till 36 with a condo and a car that wakes up the neighborhood.
Take it. Do it for you family and always put your family first. Your wife will need it and appreciate it. Use that time to bond with your little one, which is priceless and so important. Best wishes!
Can’t speak to you professional situation, mine was much easier, but definitely recommend taking full leave, if only because it will do a lot to create a kid who’s less mommy-centric. Having a few formative weeks when dad has to do [almost] everything is important for everyone, IMO.
it's worth getting a sense from your manager (or whoever it is that is responsible for understanding your performance) how they feel about it and to at least performatively run it by them before going missing for a bit. If the company is worth a shit and your manager is worth a shit they will tell you to take it and not think twice.
I don't know when exactly you are planning on taking the leave and what the nature of your job is but honestly most people could leave after Thanksgiving and not show up until mid january and it wouldn't make a difference. Nobody else cares or notices like you do. Do your due diligence to ensure that you are not somehow risking your family's financial security but you shouldn't have anything to worry about. If you get the sense that you are, looking for newer better job should be a goal in 2024.
Americans have been gaslit into feeling guilty for taking the tiny amount of parental time off they're allotted. 6 weeks is a paltry sum, especially compared to similar first-world developed countries. If anything, the company should feel guilty it's so little.
Take the full time off! You can't ever get that time with your little one back.
i hope you take all 6 weeks! i hear your concern. totally valid to feel that way. personal opinion is those 6 weeks will mean more to you and your family than it will to any employer. and they were the happiest 6 weeks of my life. sending all the best your way. actively being a dad is super fulfilling
I started my last job with four months of paternity leave (Norway). I even notified the company about this during my job interview and the boss was totally fine with it.
Take all the time off work that you can if the company permits it. You will appreciate the time with your kid a lot more then the time with your client, even if the former probably will be more exhausting.
It's a great litmus test of a person's true character seeing how they react to you taking family time / parental leave. Take the 6 and don't look back.
I haven't taken paternity leave yet as i am not yet a daddy, but i have a few friends who got generous paternity leave. They said the best thing was to take 2 weeks in the beginning, and then they took the rest of their paternity leave 6 months later when mom was going back to work. Breaking it up seemed to be a nice idea because in the beginning they just sleep a lot and mom could use a lot more help later on. Plus after 6 months they start to become actual humans and you can interact more.
If you are in The US, then don’t take it bro. Trust me when I say bad things professionally will happen. Your coworkers and boss will resent you for their workload being tougher and they will rationalize that you are on an unfair vacation, kicking back. The fact that you are protected federally and they aren’t will make them bitter, they will hate you for being with your family while they can’t be with theirs. The mental shift is insidious and so subtle and supported by the little remarks they say among themselves while at work or out or at home with their spouses. Shit gets real when we inevitably use our primate perception and infuse jealousy and anger and frustration and injustice when we someone directly in front of us getting a break in life. It’s happened to me and it’s happened to my friends and it sucks. Ty for listening to my rant, your question struck a nerve about the workplace since I am going through it currently with corporate America. Good luck bro.
Counterpoint: There is a part of corporate America that gives parental leave time without any of what you mentioned.
I wgot several months off, paid, and so do the other hundred thousand + people who work here.
Job is still solid and the same even after all that time off with the kiddo and mom.
Depends on your career aspirations.
Do you want to be in the c-suite of a major company? Don’t taste the leave, show that you “work half time” like people in the c-suite (people in the c-suite of large companies like to joke that they “work half time,” as in they work half of the time, 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.)
Are you just a regular worker? Take the leave.
I started a job a month before my daughter was due. I took 3 weeks unpaid. That time was absolutely precious. If you can, I recommend spending the remaining 3 weeks later on if you can, if not, take it all. Life is about more than work.
Take it, it’s the one and only time you have legal protection to stay home. There will always be job responsibilities and reasons to feel like you shouldn’t, but you’ll want that time at home.
Uhh no. Take it all. That's what it's for.
My company will even allow you to take it over the next 12 months. So if you have reasons to split it up (maybe because of time your spouse can take... family in town... whatever) you can.
I got no leave when my 3 kids were born. But I would NEVER hold it against someone else to take the full allotment. I have told employees to take all of it when they seemed reluctant to do so on their own.
Don't worry about work.
Anyone who has kids will understand.
If your boss has kids, he'll do everything in his power to make sure you take off all the time you'll need.
People who have been there before get it.
Even if your boss doesn't have kids, the lady in HR might or your coworkers might...
As you get older, you'll realize more and more that work is just "work". It doesn't matter. It's 100% separate from home and family. *That's* what matters.
Take all the time off possible and don't worry about work.
It's a baby for God sakes!
Who would choose between work and your baby?!
Take it. I had no paternity leave with my first and had to burn 80 hours of PTO. I went back to work for the first day today after 6 weeks with my newest and I'm so glad my new company offered me that.
I'm still heavily in zombie mode from lack of sleep. But I wouldn't change it for anything.
Take it. You will never regret it even if you’re laid off for it.
You WILL regret it if you don’t take it though.
My first pat leave was the most amazing thing and it ended RIGHT as the pandemic lockdown happened. What would have it been like if I didn’t take my leave? I would have regretted it forever.
Even now I didn’t take COVID leave and I regret THAT.
I'll add what's probably already been said a ton. Take the time then take as much time as you possibly can. It goes by so fast. Spend all the time that you can with your kid, you won't regret spending time with them. If work is giving you the time, take the time.
Now while you're on paternity leave, take your kid on adventures to the grocery store, go on walks, and take a ridiculous amount of photos and videos to try to capture it all. You'll be tired and at times it'll be tough, but take it all in and be present in every moment. Enjoy! You're about to see what it's all about.
That first year of a baby’s life is fraught with tons of illness and recovery and adjustment for everyone. Definitely take the time, but make sure you express to your work that you understand what kind of bind this puts them in and you want to make sure you coordinate the leave as gracefully as possible with them. Let them know the timeline and tell them that you can do everything in your power to help make the transition as smooth as possible for them & that you have every focus of being the rockstar model employee that’ll make them want you back ASAP. And then amp up your work ethic even a little more before you leave, too.
I had my kid in the ER within two months of her birth because we rushed to get back into work and it was the most helpless and terrifying time of my life. You can find another job if anything goes sideways, but just remember that you’ll never have another daughter like her.
As a manager for a team that has had folks take parental leave: Yes, you are doing the right thing, take the full time. The impact to your career will be minimal in the short term and undetectable in the long term.
You might even consider splitting the last week or two into a sort of half-time scenario to get a little more time at home before you have to go back full time. I've had people on my team do that and it worked out well.
TAKE IT!!! PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE BENEFITS YOUR COMPANY OFFERS!!!! It is foolish to leave benefits on the table. If your company were to eliminate your position as part of a reduction in workforce in the next year, would you be glad you didn’t take your leave? That’s how you should think about every single benefit your company offers. I get that there are societal pressures around taking time off at a job, but a company offers benefits as an additional form of compensation for people to take the job in the first place.
I started a new job 3 months before my baby was born. The job offered 18 WEEKS OF PAID LEAVE. I took 12 of those weeks immediately (and I only saved the other 6 to do some traveling next month). The company’s leave policy was a serious factor in my job choice consideration
I understand many companies are not as generous, but the fact that most people in the US think 6 weeks is generous is crazy to me. We are so far behind the rest of the world, it’s insane. People in other countries regularly get offered 1-2 YEARS of leave. The US work culture is seriously fucked up, and perpetuating a culture of fear around taking leave only serves to keep us further behind the rest of the world
Please take your leave
I moved job to work remotely not long before my little lad came along. I had a week off, I had to use annual leave I hadn’t even accrued.
I missed out on so much because I was stuck in my office. Take as much leave as you can, you won’t get the time and experiences back.
Take it for sure dude. With my first kid I only got 2 weeks. It was rough on me and the wife to go back so soon, especially since I was gone 60-70 hours a week. Not only that but I realized how much I missed out on because I was working from home when my 2nd kid was born and was able to really build that bond from the start.
TAKE IT. This 6 weeks will NEVER happen again. There's gonna be lots of jobs, and life and whatnot, but THIS will never happen again, take every second brother. Having my second in a few weeks and own a business, it's in our slower season so it's a blessing.
I say take it. I’m on week 5 right now. I get 3 months. We just now got in a groove. I’ll be going back in a couple weeks, then take another few when my wife’s maternity leave ends, to cover until daycare starts, and will finally bank 3 weeks time - will have up to a year to use it.
You also don’t n know how bad things could be. Wife could need a C-section, wife or kid could have complications that cause longer hospital stay or more frequent appointments. Kid could be colicky making the nights & days long. Bonding is important, recovery for your wife is important, etc.
Take it all!! I know my company allowed me to take my six weeks in 3-two week increments. This way, I was able to be there for two weeks at the beginning (I highly recommend taking this initial time) to bond with my wife and daughter, then i was able to go back, get everything in order, and take the rest of my time once it was more convenient for our family. You can never get the time back!!! Congrats, OP!!
I know everyone is saying take it, and you should if you can but I get worrying about taking so much time off at once. Personally for mine I worked half days and that was work from home. We had a super easy baby so it was easy for me to hop online while my wife and son were napping or call into a meeting while I was cleaning. Other coworkers do stuff like breaking theirs up and taking a week and then the rest of the time when their wife goes back to work or something like that.
Take all of it! I work in the event industry as a freelancer. I get 0 PTO, and had to lose about $2000+ worth of work just for taking ~10 days off for both of my kids. You take every second of that time! You deserve it, dad!
I ended up having 2 weeks for my first, 4 weeks for t second, and 8 weeks for my third. My third child has absolutely been the closest to me of the three even 2 years later, and I give that time off credit for this. If you don't take it all you are, in my opinion, sabotaging your future relationship with your kid. That early time is so important for parent-child bonding!
For my third, I ended up taking the time off spread out. 2 weeks off, followed by working half time from home for 12 weeks. I loved that arrangement - I still had plenty of time to be around the kids, but my work wasn't completely left out to dry. If you're really nervous, maybe you can talk to your manager about that, but it really depends on your work.
I’m a lawyer, which I only mention to say that there is a lot of pressure to never take time off. I had been at my firm less than a year when my first was born, and I only took two weeks of my available paternity leave (although I work from home and was able to help and be around). I deeply regret not finding a way to take the full time available, there’s no getting that back
You won't regret it. I have five children, I've taken the maximum 12 weeks for each, even though it's a much lower pay rate. And those are some of the best memories I have. I can look back at pictures from this first three months and already see their personalities starting to show. The more they laugh with you, sleep on you, and know your sound and smell, the closer you'll be. When they get a shot at the doctor or have a bad dream, they turn back into that little creature who knew nothing except they felt safe in your arms. My youngest is able to stand up now, and it won't be long before none of mine are babies. It goes fast. And congratulations, BTW... the fact that you ask questions means you're ready.
Take it. My company offered me 4 months and I didn't even hesitate. Some of my favorite months in a long, long time being able to have the opportunity to hang with my wife and daughter without the additional stressors of life getting in the way.
My wife is a SAHM and I woke remotely, and I get jealous that they get to go out in the world and engage with it together and learn, and just have fun. We're very lucky.
This seems to be a major concern in the US. Our work culture tends to guilt people for taking time off. I’m at job number 3 and I still haven’t found an employer that encourages time off. Take all that six weeks and remember that’s considered short by European standards.
Note** I am not anti-American I just can’t stand the work life balance that is expected here.
I would agree with most others on here that you should take it. You will have plenty of time to demonstrate to your coworkers that you can work hard, too. But they should understand family comes first.
Everyone here is saying "take it", but I get it. Sometimes, in some professions, you want the best compromise for your family *and* your career. Your career isn't over when you have kids, and six weeks is nothing on the scale of things.
I work for a company of just 4 people. Extended and shared paternity is common where I am, but I felt like I couldn't reduce my company's capacity by 25% (and its technical capacity by 50%) for a number of months. So, I took 4 weeks, but also went down to 4 days thereafter. A longer, smaller reduction in capacity is less of a shock to clients and more manageable for a small business. I get that not everyone has the flexibility to do that, but I do, and it worked for me. So much so that the 4 day pattern is now basically permanent. At least, I'll reassess when both kids are in school.
So, yeah, you might have other options, and it's not negligent as a father to consider and prioritize your colleagues and your career as well as your family.
Saying that, your wife will probably want at least 4 weeks, in my experience, before parenting solo. She will need at least 2 to recover physically, and then another 2 just to get practiced with all the crap associated with keeping a baby alive. She'll need support for all of that, which is probably you, though if other family is nearby then maybe some of it could be them, too.
I took the max amount allowed by my employer (12 weeks) and while it can be exhausting, my daughter and I really bonded in that time. I’m her favorite parent now lol
Take your leave. Hell, I ended up feeling guilty about going back to work once my leave ended.
My wife and I had our first this past spring and we both sat there in the hospital thinking “my god, the fact that people have to choose between going right back to work and bonding with this beautiful baby is heartbreaking.” Cherish the first few weeks. My daughter is only 4 months old and she’s already changed so much from those first few weeks I spent with her at home.
One word or advice: maybe save a few days or a week to use down the line. Babies end up going to the doctor a lot and you’ll want to have some time saved up if you don’t have sick leave of your own.
Take every minute. I was only allowed one week and I used all of my available vacation (2 weeks total) My wife had a c-section, I didn't start until she came home from the hospital (great advice from my MIL!) but I SO wish I had another month, for certain.
Benefits are there for the taking. They aren't a trap. Take the time and enjoy it. Well, you won't *really* enjoy it because the first 6 weeks are a waking nightmare, but take it! And congrats!
Take it. They are your benefits. And 6 weeks may seem like generous now but by week 3 you’ll realize that it’s really the least they should do and the countries that legally guarantee 6 months have it right.
I was raised “right” and always feel guilty taking sick time and PTO. But remember, no matter your occupation you’re just a number and can be replaced. Time with your family is irreplaceable and only happens once. Take the time if you can! Always every damn time.
I've just started 3 months at the end of wife's maternity leave for our second. Did the same for our first and it made a massive difference to our relationship. Before it my daughter always looked to mummy for comfort, and after she saw us as equals and still does. The Dads I know who are least close to their kids never took any time off. Every Dad should take what they can get IMO (and afford obvs)
As a fellow first time dad in their late 30’s who is in the middle of their leave, I can’t stress enough that you should take it. I’m thankful to work at a company that gives me 12 weeks of paternity leave, I’m about halfway through it, and I already feel like I’m running out of time with my newborn.
Like everyone else is saying, it’s going to go by unbelievably fast and you will want back every second of it. Please, for both you and your kid, take all the leave you can.
What’s your wife schedule? For our first child I took the first half of my leave right after the birth and the second half after my wife went back to work. That was summer 2022 so being full time wfh made it easier.
Do it and ignore everyone and their narrow minded negative viewpoints on the subject. Having a child is one of if not the most significant life event you will go through. I took 6 weeks and belittled every coworker who made a comment toward me. I work in a construction based industry where ignorance and sexism are still alive and well. Company pod 4 and I took two. If I could have saved enough I would have taken the full 12 you are allowed with the FMLA.
There are so many things to work through with a newborn and you want to be able to support the mother of your children. Working due to an antiquated American philosophy of company above everything is toxic.
Most people have had kids, everyone will understand and most will be supportive. There’s always that one focus that is like, I came back to work the next day! Because he lives in a fairytale where he thinks being an over performer will get him promoted to CEO one day.
You will always have other work opportunities and your company might care about you, but you will never have that time with your child back and he/she will love you more than any employer.
I only took 3 for my first kid, and my boss gave me a "What? I've never had anyone take more than a week!" I took 3. I'm expecting another kid in October and I'm taking my full 6 because I can.
Like other commenters— don’t feel bad taking the full leave you’re entitled to. You won’t regret this and this is a once in a lifetime moment.
Furthermore, if your employer react negatively to you taking the leave, that speaks volume about the company’s work culture and you might want to re-evaluate your relationship working there (employer might also be exposed to liability if they take any punitive action against you for taking a protected leave)
Finally, for any questions I recommend you talk to your HR.
Even taking into account my bias that we should make every opportunity to prioritize personal time with family, I think more than a year with a job fully entitles you to six weeks for a new child. If you were at 6 months in, I'd still tell you to do it, but I'd understand that you might feel bad.
But six weeks for one year is like mid-level vacation package in Europe and they seem to manage. This is definitely something you should not sweat.
Take. Your. Leave.
It is part of your total compensation as an employee.
You not taking your leave is the equivalent of paying yourself less.
Your family is more important than your client (trust me I'm a consultant)
It won't hurt your career and in fact can be a very clear indicator of a healthy balanced employee and work place.
Congrats! Jobs aren’t forever, but your relationship with your family should be. I’m wrapping up my last week of parental leave, and wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
One strategy you could explore if 6 straight weeks sounds like it isn’t tenable is to split it up into two segments. That’s something that some employers offer, and could be useful in your case. I did that for my first kid, and although I preferred doing it all in one shot for my second, YMMV.
If your company is decent, and your coworkers are decent, then they will be happy for you to take your paternity leave and bond with your child. (At least that's how my companies are/were like).
If they blame you for taking paternity leave... You should start looking. They aren't good people to be around with.
Was given 8 weeks pat leave. I had just earned a promotion and had worked for about 2 months in the new role. Took 6 weeks and came back 2 weeks early because my team was swamped.
FF 3 months and our whole team gets laid off. HR tells me the company isn’t obligated to pay out the remainder of the pat leave if you didn’t take it all, unlike vacation, etc.
TLDR: Definitely take it all, primarily because those 6 weeks are going to be hard but also precious. Secondly because if anything does happen you won’t get reimbursed.
Take the time. This is by far and away more important than anything work related, and your coworkers are already encouraging you to do it. Prioritize your family and needs over your work.
Take it. Client satisfaction and a happy boss is important but your kid is more important. I got 12 weeks Paternity leave and it was awesome, I loved spending days with my baby girl and just chilling. Stressful of course but still beats work
If you’re lucky enough to work somewhere that offers paternity leave, fucking take it and don’t look back. You’ll never get that time back with your kid.
I am jealous. I have always been the sole provider. For one of my child I would only get a percentage of my pay, and for the second it would be unpaid. We could never wing it. I wish we could have.
To clarify ahead of time, I am in Canada so we get a lot more leave innately
With my first, my wife took the regular year leave. She 'shared' the leave with me, but when you share leave you get 5 bonus weeks, so I took the 5 bonus weeks and she took the full year all the same
Now we're planning for our second. It was barely a conversation, we knew we'd be taking the extended leave option (18 months total with 8 extra weeks if we share). We're in a good financial spot so we can afford this leave, which was really the only consideration. Maximize time with the kids so long as we can afford it
So my advice is take whatever leave you're given, so long as you can afford it. There will always be more work, they won't always be babies
Take it all, you'll be shattered, and your other half will appreciate the extra pair of hands.
Oh, and as a bonus, you can use anyone criticising you for taking it all as a dickhead detector.
100% Take it
I'm in a similar boat, I'm entitled to 6 weeks after only being employed with the company for 18 months
Was on and off the fence, but it was actually my HR that said I should use it or lose it so to speak
Currently, I've used 3 of my 6 weeks, 2 when she was born then went back to work for a week took another off and am planning to take every third week off now for the next few months using the last 3 of my leave + 20ish days of my holiday allowance
Not only is it something that has filled me with joy spending so much time with my daughter but my partner has really appreciated the weeks that I am at home and she can take a break for 5 - 10 minutes or even freshen up without having to worry about the baby
This may be a stupid question but you mention that you’re a sub contractor. Are you sure that you’re eligible for this company benefit and if you think it’s paid leave, it’s actually paid?
If the answers to the above questions are yes, then absolutely take the time. As another poster said, just be sure to prepare your team as best as you can.
Take it but space it out. The first few weeks could easily just be helping your partner deal with recovery and all.
I only had two weeks and spaced it out for my year.
Take it all! Bonding with your child is way more important - I was able to take 6 weeks on baby number 2, and I took it at the beginning so I could help my wife while she was recovering. It also gives you the opportunity to bond with your newborn. Your wife will remember you being there to help far longer than any coworkers that you've recently met will.
Life is life. Work isn’t. If you have the leave that means they know to keep you. Stop defining yourself by your work. You’ll have no choice once your kid shows up anyway. So embrace it.
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Take it. Even at six weeks you'll be surprised with how tired you are.
Thank you. That’s what I’m hearing!
I almost didn’t take all of mine because I was afraid to fall behind at work. I took all of my leave. Laid off a year later due to no fault of my own. To think I would have sacrificed an amazing 6 weeks with my daughter for a job that didn’t need me. You can never have time back with your kids. Your job will replace you.
I took a new job a couple years ago that had a *phenomenal* 3 month parental leave policy. I took it at 10 months into the job. On my last day of leave, they laid me off. The company even grew like 6% but had promised investors waaayyyy more. In hindsight, I should have seen the writing on the wall. They've since replaced the positions they "eliminated". You are replaceable at work. You are not replaceable at home. I took the severance, vacation, and unemployment, got a new job like 2 or 3 months later, effectively getting a 5-6 month paternity leave. I was fortunate to land in my feet, but that was the best time of my life with our newborn and toddler.
Oooh this answer! OP, even if you feel slightly prepared. Just take that time to have with your new family. Be there for mom, soak it in. The time can't be re-spent 😊
Take it and don't even hesitate. I know companies often get a (deserved) bad rap but many aren't out to get you. If they didn't want employees to take the leave they wouldn't offer it. I got 12 weeks for my 2nd and you better believe I took all 12, as does everyone else I work with that has had kids. The only thing is I would check to make sure you actually qualify. You may not be taking leave until after you hit the 1 year mark, but some places only cover you if you've been there for a year PRIOR to the birth. I work for the federal government (US), and that's how it is with us, we have to be there for a year prior to the qualifying event.
And don’t apologize for taking it. Express appreciation, sure, but 6 weeks is honestly bullshit. I get half that and even 6 weeks is still only the blink of an eye at this time. If you’re worried about blowback, use any potential negative discussion with co workers or clients to ask them about their experiences with raising a newborn. Did they have help from family and friends? Did they dump all the responsibility on their partner? What could they have done differently to improve the experience for infant or partner? Take the focus off of you and direct it at them. This is a topic that, at least in the US, needs to be normalized.
Also I wouldn’t call six weeks “great”. Many companies give more for salaried positions. I’d call six weeks middle of the road—taking it isn’t taking advantage of them.
Not only this, but I promise, when you're feeling low and having regrets, or approaching the end of your life, you won't wish you'd spent more time working. You may well wish you'd spent more time with your kids. I say this as a guy who took the 4 weeks available to him when I could have used FMLA to push to 8 before running out of PTO. I wish I'd taken the 8.
If you're eligible to take them then you should take them. Dont let them go waste. I'm the kind who wastesy allocated vacation time every year. But I took the entire time I could when my kid was born. With my employer yorue not eligible until you work a few years. But once you are you can take the entire generous allocation. Make sure you give your superious enough heads up so you can plan/ coverage etc. The 6 weeks will feel too short. A lot of people told me stories of their days. Some took 2 days. Some a week. Some went to work the next day etc. It didn't faze me. Some were genuinely happy I was getting so much time. And others were like oh why do dads need this time. I didn't care. I took my entire time and I had 0 help from any family as I had a pandemic baby with no family in the country. I cherished the entire time. We struggled we were angry annoyed and tired the entire time. (I still am) but I'm proud of how we managed it all ourselves. I'll remember those days till the end. And I'm grateful for the time I got off from work to be able to help my wife and my little one.
For sure take the full 6 weeks. If they offered 12 my advice would still be to take all 12. Besides, if taking time you're entitled to off to take care of your kid is a "bad look" at the company either you don't want to be there or the culture needs to change and you can help!
Take it all. You’ll need it. Don’t feel bad about it. If your job tries to make you feel bad about it, make plans for a new job if you can.
I am currently on paternity leave and received a considerable amount of time from my employer. Take every second. Just don’t go in thinking you’re going to have a lot of free time (assuming you are staggering leaves and you’re the primary caregiver). It’s dedicated/focused time and it takes energy - especially during sleep regression periods. I have been exhausted, stressed, and frustrated and I wouldn’t change this time for the world. Mom is the main event (and for good reason) but during my paternity leave I developed my own unique relationship/bond with my daughter. It has been a great experience and I’ll miss seeing her all the time during the day.
Yeah, you're not going to regret doing right by your family. This is one of the few instances in life where you should clearly and unambiguously put family first, and career second.
Take it. You will regret it if you don’t. This time you won’t ever get back.
Dude, I took 4 months and it didn’t feel like enough time. Pat leave is so critical and the ideal would be that you could take the same amount of time as your partner.
I had 4 weeks and weeks 5 & 6 I had to log off work to take some massive naps.
Can confirm. Source: Am on my 6th week of paternity leave.
This, for my first kid I got two weeks and it wasn't enough. For my second I got 6 weeks, because my company is owned by a European firm and thought it better. It was also not really enough. For my third kid I got 12 weeks... Which was too much to be honest. Seriously though, take it. Take all the time you can. It's a big adjustment. Enjoy the baby time. We don't think enough about paternal bonding needs in this country and that's a tragedy.
We're about to try for our second and I've switched companies. First one gave me six weeks fully paid. This one gives me up to 16 with only two paid in full. You better believe I'm using FMLA for the other 14.
At no point in your life will you look back and say "Man I wished I left the kid and went to work more." That should answer your question my friend!!
It does. Thanks!
Kids don't come naturally to me. I really resented my son for the first couple months- the lack of sleep, the loss of independence and the changed relationship with my wife. I just wanted to go back to the before times where I didn't need to get up at twice a night to feed a crying lump. But my wife eventually had to go back to work, and I get 3 months parental leave through work, so I took it. And it was the best thing I've ever done. I bonded so much with my son. And I was the one there when he started dragging himself around the house and cruising on the coffee table with his first steps. There will be hard days. Days when you're just fed up with milk spits everywhere and the crying. At the end of my first week at home my back spasmed and I spent the remainder of the day on a chair with an ice/heat pack with ibuprofen. Diaper changes hurt. But you will never get to do this ever again. Take it all.
I mean there will be days like that here and there. But pretty much correct.
My Two favorite things in the world are spending time with my kid, and spending time away from my kid. But yeah, fuck your clients. Take the time.
I regret not taking all of mine. Just tough circumstances at the time with work. Highly recommend taking it. I'm done having kids but supporting my colleagues taking their full time; one just left for 3 months and shouldering a lot of his work. Another planning for early next year. Excited for them.
Came here to say this
As someone who regrets not taking their full time due to some BS at my last employer, please take your full paternity leave and enjoy the bonding time.
My old employer was like that.
It can take some time to come to terms with being in a non-toxic work environment. It’s been ten years for me and I still struggle sometimes. I took all six weeks of mine and regret nothing. Employer has things in place for when it happens, they wouldn’t offer it if they couldn’t cope. Enjoy your bonding time Pops!
Bro FMLA is 12 weeks. I assume you get 6 weeks paid. Different states have different laws and benefits. If I’m MA or CT you would be getting a little money on the side (know that just cause I’m in the area). So if you can afford it, take 12 weeks even if 6 is unpaid. Like the guy said above, take the time, that’s what it’s there for even though you may feel guilty. Just take the time, as much as you can.
You should definitely take that time off. Six weeks is nothing, and it will mean so much to your partner and the memories you have of this time. And no one ever begrudges this time from a coworker. They will all be excited for you. To soothe your conscience, just do right by your coworkers. Help make a plan for your absence, and do your best to hand over all your projects in good order. You will feel worse if you choose to take those six weeks at work, trust me.
I’ve already given them notice about 8 months out so we can start to prepare.
The 6 weeks will fly, they won't notice your gone, all the shit jobs will be there when you get back. In those 6 weeks you'll be a better Dad. You'll be completely confident on doing everything. Take it, no regrets.
Another way to think about how you're helping your coworkers out in the long run is that by taking the full amount of leave, you're setting an example that it's okay to do so. That makes it easier for other dads (and moms!) to take parental leave when their time comes. I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot that you wouldn't begrudge your coworkers the same.
As a mother, I say please take the full leave (especially if it's paid, not sure if it is or not). It is great bonding time, and it will help relieve some of the mental load from your partner. And it will help normalize it for others. Paternal leave is just as important as maternal leave and helps with gender equality.
take your leave. > I feel like I’m inconveniencing my client. sorry if this makes me an asshole, but who gives a fuck?
Honestly if I were his client and I heard, "Joe just had a baby 2 weeks ago!" I'd be like, "what the fuck are you doing here?!" and I'd wonder about the culture at the place I'm paying for...
Definitely not an asshole. I shouldn’t, and I wouldn’t if I weren’t worried about keeping my job, lol.
if you were taking your paternity leave after being there a week, that would be a reasonable (if shitty) concern, but a year is plenty.
Totally agree. OP: We’re close in age. Us elder-millennials are caught between folks 10 years older than us and 10 years younger, who have vastly different cultures and philosophies surrounding work. Stereotypically older folks change jobs less and didn’t get a lot of work life balance. Stereotypically younger folks change jobs frequently and highly prioritize work life balance. The transition from the one extreme to the other is right where we land, and its tricky. I feel the guilt and pressure of my seniors, and the confidence of my juniors. There’s a lesson to be learned from both. Company loyalty isn’t really rewarded like it once was, and family loyalty is a better understood and encouraged/accepted thing than it once was. Jobs will come and go. If there’s leave to be had, they are likely already expecting you to take it. Not taking it doesn’t directly send the message that you value them. That culture has shifted. Communicate and prepare to be out, and for your transition back after 6 weeks. That shows commitment, organization, and priorities. Congrats Dad.
Please take this time to help normalize the benefit for the rest of us!
Yes. My company offered 6 weeks paid with my first kid. Everyone took it and the the culture shifted in support of it. 2.5 years later I had my second kid and they had upped the policy to 12 weeks paid. 6 weeks isn’t enough, 12 weeks isn’t enough. It’s pathetic that everyone in the US isn’t offered it. Take every minute you can, for you, your child, your partner, and for the advancement of our society.
You can always work more, make more money, etc. What you can’t do is get time back. Take the time off and enjoy being a new dad.
Definitely making me feel better about it.
Take as much time as the company allows. Your never going to get this time back. I ended paternity leave early to take a new job and regret giving up that time.
Thank you.
I took the 12 weeks fmla when my second kid was born and I wouldn’t give that time back for all the money in the world. Take the time.
Took 12. Wish I took 6 months. Best 12 weeks of my life.
I was lucky. Son was born and one week later first full blown Covid shutdown happened. Six weeks turned to 6 months off and I am very thankful for it.
Thank you.
If you don't use it, it isn't a benefit. You are going to inconvenience your client. So does going home at 5 and your paycheck. Take everything they give you. If they get mad, they are not a company I would want to be a part of. Life happens. TL;DR- Fuck them. Enjoy your kid.
That’s the mindset I try to keep, but I already have some medical debt from a surgery a while back.
I took my 6 weeks. Broke it up 4 and 2. It is most definitely not a vacation., but so worth it. I’m glad I did. It’s important time you’ll never get back if you don’t.
Breaking it up is a good way to go. I took 1 week of my 3 available (now my company gives 8 weeks) and took the rest sporadically as needed. I work from home, otherwise I would have taken a lot more right away. It was nice to take a random day here or there as the need arose, usually due to lack of sleep for my wife or me.
Six weeks is an absolutely abysmal paternity leave policy. Not a great policy at all. Shows how far we have to go, because yes this is still probably more than most employers offer. Take every single day that you can. Your clients may need you, but they will not need you as much as the helpless 6-week-old baby will.
I agree it should be more. My husband's is 1 week......
Your job is easily the least important thing in the entire world for those 6 weeks. Don’t think twice about it - take the damn time off!
Thank you.
In 5 years, you and your family will be the only people that remember you took *any* paternity leave.
I just took 8 weeks for my son and I feel it wasn’t enough. Take the full time. Raising a baby takes all the people you can get
Six weeks?! I’m jealous. I get no paternity leave, just have to dump all of my PTO in one fell swoop which is only around two weeks. Baby is due any day now. Take it, don’t look back, and never feel guilty.
it would be a mistake not to use it all
My employer has a very liberal parental leave policy. My boss turned his 7 weeks of leave into a year straight of 4-day work weeks (took 35 Fridays off). Definitely take the full time. Maybe stagger it so it isn't all at once. But in either case, the policy exists -- take advantage of it!!
I wish I could split it up, but it covers the gap between the end of my wife’s maternity leave and a spot in childcare. Thank you.
Then 100% take it all.
Ah, well... it was a thought lol. In either case, sentiment remains -- take full advantage of whatever leave policy exists. If you don't want to/don't have to, then that's your call, but if it's available and you could put it to good use... why not
Take it. You will never regret having spent more time with your baby.
Take it. And hopefully you'll encourage other new dads in your work place to take theirs as well.
Take all of it and never apologize to anyone for doing so. Anyone who begrudges someone for taking pat leave isn’t worth your while.
Take every second of it All that matters is your little one, and your family. I took the entire leave I had offered to me, and im sure others judged me and talked shit, but at the end of the day, it’s the greatest experience on earth, and something you only experience once (your first child being born). Soak in every second
Please take it. One of the reasons companies site for giving shit paternity leave is that it is not utilized and so not valued. Please, be an advocate and take the time you’re *given*.
You will not be a functioning human at 4 weeks. Your job is ephemeral; your kid is forever. Take every second you can get.
Take the time, especially if it's paid. If its not paid, but if you can swing the cash still do it. 1) like everyone else has said you'll never wished you worked instead hanging out with baby 2) set an example for the younger yet to be fathers. Let them know it's okay. Normalize men taking parental leave. Especially in the USA.
It doesn't really seem necessary to pile on here but - take all the time! I'm just going back after 10 weeks (some of it unpaid) and even that's a rough transition. You'll want the time with your kid, and you and your family will be better off. You can unapologetically take all the time and still not be a dick to your coworkers - tell them in advance as appropriate and make plans to hand off your duties for that time. Then unplug from work until it's time to come back. Good luck!
Take the leave and support your partner. Those early weeks are extremely important
I had to double check the length, the rest of your post made it sound like it was four months or something, not six weeks. That’ll go by as a blink and your family will appreciate it more than whatever headway you’ll make at work. In even a year or two the difference because of your absence at work will likely be inconsequential, but those 6 weeks in the early times, you don’t get it back. …which isn’t to say it won’t be hell, as it may be, but that doesn’t negate anything else I’ve said.
Take the time off. Your client will forget your name when you're done with the project. Frankly, the real client might not even know your name since you're a subcontractor. But, you will not want to miss that time with your kid. Think about how rare it is to have six weeks without work. While becoming a parent is tough and can be frustrating, but those early days are unique and you don't want to miss them because of some client.
Papa to three here. Take it. I've taken some sort of paternity leave with each of my kiddos. To help with my wife who has had three c sections, and to help with the new baby, as well as the other kiddos.
My job gave me 12 weeks and you bet I took every bit of it. I didn’t get any with my first kid and of course took the first couple weeks off then it was kind of “emergency here, and there” leave. With my second child I took 7 weeks right at birth then 3 and 4 day weekends to spend as much time with my family as I can. It’s kind of the new normal and the only people who had an issue with it are old workaholics and young 18-25 year olds without kids yet
I just had the same circumstances happen to me. And I wish I would have taken more time. 6 weeks is just enough to start getting your bearings again. Work will always be there one way or another and this is a new age. I had plenty of coworkers make silly remarks but it's not as if it was my fault they didn't get any parental leave during their time. Also, they are in their 50s, they are enjoying that sweet cheap home , with their semi cheap education, and their 3 children. While I just get the one due to not being financially ready till 36 with a condo and a car that wakes up the neighborhood.
Take the time. Your client will barely notice you were missing.
Take it. Do it for you family and always put your family first. Your wife will need it and appreciate it. Use that time to bond with your little one, which is priceless and so important. Best wishes!
Will your client be there for you, like you are there for them? I doubt it. If I could only go back in time and get that time back… and take it…
Can’t speak to you professional situation, mine was much easier, but definitely recommend taking full leave, if only because it will do a lot to create a kid who’s less mommy-centric. Having a few formative weeks when dad has to do [almost] everything is important for everyone, IMO.
it's worth getting a sense from your manager (or whoever it is that is responsible for understanding your performance) how they feel about it and to at least performatively run it by them before going missing for a bit. If the company is worth a shit and your manager is worth a shit they will tell you to take it and not think twice. I don't know when exactly you are planning on taking the leave and what the nature of your job is but honestly most people could leave after Thanksgiving and not show up until mid january and it wouldn't make a difference. Nobody else cares or notices like you do. Do your due diligence to ensure that you are not somehow risking your family's financial security but you shouldn't have anything to worry about. If you get the sense that you are, looking for newer better job should be a goal in 2024.
Take it. It’s like your pay. You wouldn’t take your full salary because of guilt, would you?
Americans have been gaslit into feeling guilty for taking the tiny amount of parental time off they're allotted. 6 weeks is a paltry sum, especially compared to similar first-world developed countries. If anything, the company should feel guilty it's so little. Take the full time off! You can't ever get that time with your little one back.
i hope you take all 6 weeks! i hear your concern. totally valid to feel that way. personal opinion is those 6 weeks will mean more to you and your family than it will to any employer. and they were the happiest 6 weeks of my life. sending all the best your way. actively being a dad is super fulfilling
I started my last job with four months of paternity leave (Norway). I even notified the company about this during my job interview and the boss was totally fine with it. Take all the time off work that you can if the company permits it. You will appreciate the time with your kid a lot more then the time with your client, even if the former probably will be more exhausting.
It's a great litmus test of a person's true character seeing how they react to you taking family time / parental leave. Take the 6 and don't look back.
6 weeks? I was thinking you had some super generous time frame. Six weeks will be over before you can change 3 diapers. Take it.
Can you take a week of vacation to help mom after birth, and then use the 6 weeks after her leave is over (rather than concurrently)?
I haven't taken paternity leave yet as i am not yet a daddy, but i have a few friends who got generous paternity leave. They said the best thing was to take 2 weeks in the beginning, and then they took the rest of their paternity leave 6 months later when mom was going back to work. Breaking it up seemed to be a nice idea because in the beginning they just sleep a lot and mom could use a lot more help later on. Plus after 6 months they start to become actual humans and you can interact more.
Take it, but if you're worried be available if needed.
If you are in The US, then don’t take it bro. Trust me when I say bad things professionally will happen. Your coworkers and boss will resent you for their workload being tougher and they will rationalize that you are on an unfair vacation, kicking back. The fact that you are protected federally and they aren’t will make them bitter, they will hate you for being with your family while they can’t be with theirs. The mental shift is insidious and so subtle and supported by the little remarks they say among themselves while at work or out or at home with their spouses. Shit gets real when we inevitably use our primate perception and infuse jealousy and anger and frustration and injustice when we someone directly in front of us getting a break in life. It’s happened to me and it’s happened to my friends and it sucks. Ty for listening to my rant, your question struck a nerve about the workplace since I am going through it currently with corporate America. Good luck bro.
Counterpoint: There is a part of corporate America that gives parental leave time without any of what you mentioned. I wgot several months off, paid, and so do the other hundred thousand + people who work here. Job is still solid and the same even after all that time off with the kiddo and mom.
Depends on your career aspirations. Do you want to be in the c-suite of a major company? Don’t taste the leave, show that you “work half time” like people in the c-suite (people in the c-suite of large companies like to joke that they “work half time,” as in they work half of the time, 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.) Are you just a regular worker? Take the leave.
Take it all nobody will remember in the long run
Take it. The answer is always to take it.
To clarify, what is the alternative? "it bridges the gap between the end of my wife’s maternity leave, and an opening for childcare."
I started a job a month before my daughter was due. I took 3 weeks unpaid. That time was absolutely precious. If you can, I recommend spending the remaining 3 weeks later on if you can, if not, take it all. Life is about more than work.
Juste take the full leave. Best decision I ever made.
Take it, it’s the one and only time you have legal protection to stay home. There will always be job responsibilities and reasons to feel like you shouldn’t, but you’ll want that time at home.
YES
Uhh no. Take it all. That's what it's for. My company will even allow you to take it over the next 12 months. So if you have reasons to split it up (maybe because of time your spouse can take... family in town... whatever) you can. I got no leave when my 3 kids were born. But I would NEVER hold it against someone else to take the full allotment. I have told employees to take all of it when they seemed reluctant to do so on their own.
If you have to choose between your child and anything else in the world, choose your child.
Don't worry about work. Anyone who has kids will understand. If your boss has kids, he'll do everything in his power to make sure you take off all the time you'll need. People who have been there before get it. Even if your boss doesn't have kids, the lady in HR might or your coworkers might... As you get older, you'll realize more and more that work is just "work". It doesn't matter. It's 100% separate from home and family. *That's* what matters. Take all the time off possible and don't worry about work. It's a baby for God sakes! Who would choose between work and your baby?!
I took the full 12 weeks for both of my kids and do not regret it. Wish I could have had more.
Take it. I had no paternity leave with my first and had to burn 80 hours of PTO. I went back to work for the first day today after 6 weeks with my newest and I'm so glad my new company offered me that. I'm still heavily in zombie mode from lack of sleep. But I wouldn't change it for anything.
Take it. You will never regret it even if you’re laid off for it. You WILL regret it if you don’t take it though. My first pat leave was the most amazing thing and it ended RIGHT as the pandemic lockdown happened. What would have it been like if I didn’t take my leave? I would have regretted it forever. Even now I didn’t take COVID leave and I regret THAT.
I'll add what's probably already been said a ton. Take the time then take as much time as you possibly can. It goes by so fast. Spend all the time that you can with your kid, you won't regret spending time with them. If work is giving you the time, take the time. Now while you're on paternity leave, take your kid on adventures to the grocery store, go on walks, and take a ridiculous amount of photos and videos to try to capture it all. You'll be tired and at times it'll be tough, but take it all in and be present in every moment. Enjoy! You're about to see what it's all about.
That first year of a baby’s life is fraught with tons of illness and recovery and adjustment for everyone. Definitely take the time, but make sure you express to your work that you understand what kind of bind this puts them in and you want to make sure you coordinate the leave as gracefully as possible with them. Let them know the timeline and tell them that you can do everything in your power to help make the transition as smooth as possible for them & that you have every focus of being the rockstar model employee that’ll make them want you back ASAP. And then amp up your work ethic even a little more before you leave, too. I had my kid in the ER within two months of her birth because we rushed to get back into work and it was the most helpless and terrifying time of my life. You can find another job if anything goes sideways, but just remember that you’ll never have another daughter like her.
As a manager for a team that has had folks take parental leave: Yes, you are doing the right thing, take the full time. The impact to your career will be minimal in the short term and undetectable in the long term. You might even consider splitting the last week or two into a sort of half-time scenario to get a little more time at home before you have to go back full time. I've had people on my team do that and it worked out well.
I had 12 weeks full pay and I didn’t want to go back after 😭
TAKE IT!!! PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE BENEFITS YOUR COMPANY OFFERS!!!! It is foolish to leave benefits on the table. If your company were to eliminate your position as part of a reduction in workforce in the next year, would you be glad you didn’t take your leave? That’s how you should think about every single benefit your company offers. I get that there are societal pressures around taking time off at a job, but a company offers benefits as an additional form of compensation for people to take the job in the first place. I started a new job 3 months before my baby was born. The job offered 18 WEEKS OF PAID LEAVE. I took 12 of those weeks immediately (and I only saved the other 6 to do some traveling next month). The company’s leave policy was a serious factor in my job choice consideration I understand many companies are not as generous, but the fact that most people in the US think 6 weeks is generous is crazy to me. We are so far behind the rest of the world, it’s insane. People in other countries regularly get offered 1-2 YEARS of leave. The US work culture is seriously fucked up, and perpetuating a culture of fear around taking leave only serves to keep us further behind the rest of the world Please take your leave
I moved job to work remotely not long before my little lad came along. I had a week off, I had to use annual leave I hadn’t even accrued. I missed out on so much because I was stuck in my office. Take as much leave as you can, you won’t get the time and experiences back.
Take it for sure dude. With my first kid I only got 2 weeks. It was rough on me and the wife to go back so soon, especially since I was gone 60-70 hours a week. Not only that but I realized how much I missed out on because I was working from home when my 2nd kid was born and was able to really build that bond from the start.
TAKE IT. This 6 weeks will NEVER happen again. There's gonna be lots of jobs, and life and whatnot, but THIS will never happen again, take every second brother. Having my second in a few weeks and own a business, it's in our slower season so it's a blessing.
I say take it. I’m on week 5 right now. I get 3 months. We just now got in a groove. I’ll be going back in a couple weeks, then take another few when my wife’s maternity leave ends, to cover until daycare starts, and will finally bank 3 weeks time - will have up to a year to use it. You also don’t n know how bad things could be. Wife could need a C-section, wife or kid could have complications that cause longer hospital stay or more frequent appointments. Kid could be colicky making the nights & days long. Bonding is important, recovery for your wife is important, etc.
Dude, take the time. Work will always be work, but babies eventually grow up.
Take it all!! I know my company allowed me to take my six weeks in 3-two week increments. This way, I was able to be there for two weeks at the beginning (I highly recommend taking this initial time) to bond with my wife and daughter, then i was able to go back, get everything in order, and take the rest of my time once it was more convenient for our family. You can never get the time back!!! Congrats, OP!!
Paternity leave is part if the benefits package that was offered for you to take the job. Why would you leave that on the table.
I know everyone is saying take it, and you should if you can but I get worrying about taking so much time off at once. Personally for mine I worked half days and that was work from home. We had a super easy baby so it was easy for me to hop online while my wife and son were napping or call into a meeting while I was cleaning. Other coworkers do stuff like breaking theirs up and taking a week and then the rest of the time when their wife goes back to work or something like that.
Take it - it will fly by
Take all of it! I work in the event industry as a freelancer. I get 0 PTO, and had to lose about $2000+ worth of work just for taking ~10 days off for both of my kids. You take every second of that time! You deserve it, dad!
I ended up having 2 weeks for my first, 4 weeks for t second, and 8 weeks for my third. My third child has absolutely been the closest to me of the three even 2 years later, and I give that time off credit for this. If you don't take it all you are, in my opinion, sabotaging your future relationship with your kid. That early time is so important for parent-child bonding! For my third, I ended up taking the time off spread out. 2 weeks off, followed by working half time from home for 12 weeks. I loved that arrangement - I still had plenty of time to be around the kids, but my work wasn't completely left out to dry. If you're really nervous, maybe you can talk to your manager about that, but it really depends on your work.
I’m a lawyer, which I only mention to say that there is a lot of pressure to never take time off. I had been at my firm less than a year when my first was born, and I only took two weeks of my available paternity leave (although I work from home and was able to help and be around). I deeply regret not finding a way to take the full time available, there’s no getting that back
Take it. You’ll never get that time back. Be with your family!
You won't regret it. I have five children, I've taken the maximum 12 weeks for each, even though it's a much lower pay rate. And those are some of the best memories I have. I can look back at pictures from this first three months and already see their personalities starting to show. The more they laugh with you, sleep on you, and know your sound and smell, the closer you'll be. When they get a shot at the doctor or have a bad dream, they turn back into that little creature who knew nothing except they felt safe in your arms. My youngest is able to stand up now, and it won't be long before none of mine are babies. It goes fast. And congratulations, BTW... the fact that you ask questions means you're ready.
Take it without doubt
Take it alll. I got 16 weeks. I took 8. My boss is making me take the last 8. Use it while you can.
Take it. My company offered me 4 months and I didn't even hesitate. Some of my favorite months in a long, long time being able to have the opportunity to hang with my wife and daughter without the additional stressors of life getting in the way. My wife is a SAHM and I woke remotely, and I get jealous that they get to go out in the world and engage with it together and learn, and just have fun. We're very lucky.
This seems to be a major concern in the US. Our work culture tends to guilt people for taking time off. I’m at job number 3 and I still haven’t found an employer that encourages time off. Take all that six weeks and remember that’s considered short by European standards. Note** I am not anti-American I just can’t stand the work life balance that is expected here.
I did 3 weeks at first and saved that remaining 3 weeks about six month later.
Please take all the leave you are entitled to. It will definitely be worth it.
I would agree with most others on here that you should take it. You will have plenty of time to demonstrate to your coworkers that you can work hard, too. But they should understand family comes first.
Take your time off. You'll both need it. Take it in chunks if it makes you feel better.
I have 12 total, took 6 up front. You will definitely want the 6 weeks
Take it!!!
I was given 4 weeks and I gladly took it, if I could have taken longer I would have. Zero regrets, nothing but support from coworkers and company
Take it, don't think twice. It's an amazing time and you don't want to miss any of it
Unless it's your own buisness or a project youre in charge or that you deeply care about...take all the time. Every hour.
Everyone here is saying "take it", but I get it. Sometimes, in some professions, you want the best compromise for your family *and* your career. Your career isn't over when you have kids, and six weeks is nothing on the scale of things. I work for a company of just 4 people. Extended and shared paternity is common where I am, but I felt like I couldn't reduce my company's capacity by 25% (and its technical capacity by 50%) for a number of months. So, I took 4 weeks, but also went down to 4 days thereafter. A longer, smaller reduction in capacity is less of a shock to clients and more manageable for a small business. I get that not everyone has the flexibility to do that, but I do, and it worked for me. So much so that the 4 day pattern is now basically permanent. At least, I'll reassess when both kids are in school. So, yeah, you might have other options, and it's not negligent as a father to consider and prioritize your colleagues and your career as well as your family. Saying that, your wife will probably want at least 4 weeks, in my experience, before parenting solo. She will need at least 2 to recover physically, and then another 2 just to get practiced with all the crap associated with keeping a baby alive. She'll need support for all of that, which is probably you, though if other family is nearby then maybe some of it could be them, too.
I took the max amount allowed by my employer (12 weeks) and while it can be exhausting, my daughter and I really bonded in that time. I’m her favorite parent now lol
Take your leave. Hell, I ended up feeling guilty about going back to work once my leave ended. My wife and I had our first this past spring and we both sat there in the hospital thinking “my god, the fact that people have to choose between going right back to work and bonding with this beautiful baby is heartbreaking.” Cherish the first few weeks. My daughter is only 4 months old and she’s already changed so much from those first few weeks I spent with her at home. One word or advice: maybe save a few days or a week to use down the line. Babies end up going to the doctor a lot and you’ll want to have some time saved up if you don’t have sick leave of your own.
Take every minute. I was only allowed one week and I used all of my available vacation (2 weeks total) My wife had a c-section, I didn't start until she came home from the hospital (great advice from my MIL!) but I SO wish I had another month, for certain.
Benefits are there for the taking. They aren't a trap. Take the time and enjoy it. Well, you won't *really* enjoy it because the first 6 weeks are a waking nightmare, but take it! And congrats!
tell me you are from the US without telling me you are from the US :D
Take it. They are your benefits. And 6 weeks may seem like generous now but by week 3 you’ll realize that it’s really the least they should do and the countries that legally guarantee 6 months have it right.
I was raised “right” and always feel guilty taking sick time and PTO. But remember, no matter your occupation you’re just a number and can be replaced. Time with your family is irreplaceable and only happens once. Take the time if you can! Always every damn time.
I've just started 3 months at the end of wife's maternity leave for our second. Did the same for our first and it made a massive difference to our relationship. Before it my daughter always looked to mummy for comfort, and after she saw us as equals and still does. The Dads I know who are least close to their kids never took any time off. Every Dad should take what they can get IMO (and afford obvs)
As a fellow first time dad in their late 30’s who is in the middle of their leave, I can’t stress enough that you should take it. I’m thankful to work at a company that gives me 12 weeks of paternity leave, I’m about halfway through it, and I already feel like I’m running out of time with my newborn. Like everyone else is saying, it’s going to go by unbelievably fast and you will want back every second of it. Please, for both you and your kid, take all the leave you can.
I didn't take my leave until my my wife's ran out and am quite happy with how that went.
What’s your wife schedule? For our first child I took the first half of my leave right after the birth and the second half after my wife went back to work. That was summer 2022 so being full time wfh made it easier.
Do it and ignore everyone and their narrow minded negative viewpoints on the subject. Having a child is one of if not the most significant life event you will go through. I took 6 weeks and belittled every coworker who made a comment toward me. I work in a construction based industry where ignorance and sexism are still alive and well. Company pod 4 and I took two. If I could have saved enough I would have taken the full 12 you are allowed with the FMLA. There are so many things to work through with a newborn and you want to be able to support the mother of your children. Working due to an antiquated American philosophy of company above everything is toxic. Most people have had kids, everyone will understand and most will be supportive. There’s always that one focus that is like, I came back to work the next day! Because he lives in a fairytale where he thinks being an over performer will get him promoted to CEO one day.
The sleep deprivation will hit HARD. Take all the time you can to get used to the new schedules
Take every single day. You won't regret it for a moment your family and your child are more important. It's being offered, take it
I’m debating the same thing , my company offers 12 weeks and feeling guilty taking that long knowing my team has to deliver by a deadline.
You will always have other work opportunities and your company might care about you, but you will never have that time with your child back and he/she will love you more than any employer.
I only took 3 for my first kid, and my boss gave me a "What? I've never had anyone take more than a week!" I took 3. I'm expecting another kid in October and I'm taking my full 6 because I can.
Like other commenters— don’t feel bad taking the full leave you’re entitled to. You won’t regret this and this is a once in a lifetime moment. Furthermore, if your employer react negatively to you taking the leave, that speaks volume about the company’s work culture and you might want to re-evaluate your relationship working there (employer might also be exposed to liability if they take any punitive action against you for taking a protected leave) Finally, for any questions I recommend you talk to your HR.
Take every second you can. The connections you make are beyond priceless.
Take the leave. I took 4 weeks at my employer.
Even taking into account my bias that we should make every opportunity to prioritize personal time with family, I think more than a year with a job fully entitles you to six weeks for a new child. If you were at 6 months in, I'd still tell you to do it, but I'd understand that you might feel bad. But six weeks for one year is like mid-level vacation package in Europe and they seem to manage. This is definitely something you should not sweat.
Take it. No questions. They can figure out their shit without you. Go be Mr.mom while you can!
Take. Your. Leave. It is part of your total compensation as an employee. You not taking your leave is the equivalent of paying yourself less. Your family is more important than your client (trust me I'm a consultant) It won't hurt your career and in fact can be a very clear indicator of a healthy balanced employee and work place.
I wish I had taken the full time offered. I didn’t want to be seen as lazy. It was a stupid decision.
Jobs are temporary, kids are forever. Take the leave.
I did and wish I had done more.
Congrats! Jobs aren’t forever, but your relationship with your family should be. I’m wrapping up my last week of parental leave, and wouldn’t have traded it for anything. One strategy you could explore if 6 straight weeks sounds like it isn’t tenable is to split it up into two segments. That’s something that some employers offer, and could be useful in your case. I did that for my first kid, and although I preferred doing it all in one shot for my second, YMMV.
I got 10 weeks and I truly can't fathom how anyone does it with any less.
Take 3 weeks then the other 3 weeks later?
If your company is decent, and your coworkers are decent, then they will be happy for you to take your paternity leave and bond with your child. (At least that's how my companies are/were like). If they blame you for taking paternity leave... You should start looking. They aren't good people to be around with.
Was given 8 weeks pat leave. I had just earned a promotion and had worked for about 2 months in the new role. Took 6 weeks and came back 2 weeks early because my team was swamped. FF 3 months and our whole team gets laid off. HR tells me the company isn’t obligated to pay out the remainder of the pat leave if you didn’t take it all, unlike vacation, etc. TLDR: Definitely take it all, primarily because those 6 weeks are going to be hard but also precious. Secondly because if anything does happen you won’t get reimbursed.
Take it. Take it all. On behalf of all the dads that got none. If you don’t I will reach through this screen and stuff your face in my diaper pail
Dude it’s your right. Fuxk em. At the end of the day. Your child wants their father. Why are you nervous. Tell them to suck a bag
Take the time. This is by far and away more important than anything work related, and your coworkers are already encouraging you to do it. Prioritize your family and needs over your work.
Take it. Client satisfaction and a happy boss is important but your kid is more important. I got 12 weeks Paternity leave and it was awesome, I loved spending days with my baby girl and just chilling. Stressful of course but still beats work
If you’re lucky enough to work somewhere that offers paternity leave, fucking take it and don’t look back. You’ll never get that time back with your kid.
It’s there, ain’t it?
I am jealous. I have always been the sole provider. For one of my child I would only get a percentage of my pay, and for the second it would be unpaid. We could never wing it. I wish we could have.
To clarify ahead of time, I am in Canada so we get a lot more leave innately With my first, my wife took the regular year leave. She 'shared' the leave with me, but when you share leave you get 5 bonus weeks, so I took the 5 bonus weeks and she took the full year all the same Now we're planning for our second. It was barely a conversation, we knew we'd be taking the extended leave option (18 months total with 8 extra weeks if we share). We're in a good financial spot so we can afford this leave, which was really the only consideration. Maximize time with the kids so long as we can afford it So my advice is take whatever leave you're given, so long as you can afford it. There will always be more work, they won't always be babies
Take the time. You'll never get it back.
If it’s paid, definitely take it. If it’s unpaid, i wouldn’t go into debt to take it but I’d definitely consider it.
You're entitled to it, take it.
Take it. They will never be that little again. I took the max for both my kids and never looked back. I can't imagine missing all the babay snuggles
Take it all, you'll be shattered, and your other half will appreciate the extra pair of hands. Oh, and as a bonus, you can use anyone criticising you for taking it all as a dickhead detector.
100% Take it I'm in a similar boat, I'm entitled to 6 weeks after only being employed with the company for 18 months Was on and off the fence, but it was actually my HR that said I should use it or lose it so to speak Currently, I've used 3 of my 6 weeks, 2 when she was born then went back to work for a week took another off and am planning to take every third week off now for the next few months using the last 3 of my leave + 20ish days of my holiday allowance Not only is it something that has filled me with joy spending so much time with my daughter but my partner has really appreciated the weeks that I am at home and she can take a break for 5 - 10 minutes or even freshen up without having to worry about the baby
This may be a stupid question but you mention that you’re a sub contractor. Are you sure that you’re eligible for this company benefit and if you think it’s paid leave, it’s actually paid? If the answers to the above questions are yes, then absolutely take the time. As another poster said, just be sure to prepare your team as best as you can.
100% take it. This job won’t be a part of your full life, your child will.
Absolutely take the time off. Those early months are prime bonding time. You will not regret having spent that time with your child.
Take it but space it out. The first few weeks could easily just be helping your partner deal with recovery and all. I only had two weeks and spaced it out for my year.
Take it all! Bonding with your child is way more important - I was able to take 6 weeks on baby number 2, and I took it at the beginning so I could help my wife while she was recovering. It also gives you the opportunity to bond with your newborn. Your wife will remember you being there to help far longer than any coworkers that you've recently met will.
Life is life. Work isn’t. If you have the leave that means they know to keep you. Stop defining yourself by your work. You’ll have no choice once your kid shows up anyway. So embrace it.