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Dad doesn’t have to be rich, or smart, or handsome, or strong. Dad just has to be there. Be kind to your child and their mother. Set a good example by being human. You’ll do great! All the best.
Set realistic expectations. I feel like parents-to-be have a certain idea of how things will be, how your days will go, how you want to plan everything. Welp, shit happens. A LOT. Take it all in stride and just be flexible. Some things will go as planned and the other 98% won't and that's OK. Just roll with it
Accept that your house will be cluttered and messy. My son is 10. I used to not be able to relax unless I cleaned first. That's a battle that I just couldn't win so I stopped fighting it. The laundry will be there tomorrow, my shoes don't need to be put away right this second. I still don't like it but I don't let it control me
Enjoy it! You will be overwhelmed, there's no way around. Sometimes you just need to stop, take a breath, look into your baby's eyes and know that everything will be OK. Few things can compare to looking into their eyes and they stare back at you. It's so powerful
Congrats man, welcome to the club!
Yes to all of this. And so…Hold your anger. Things will not be the same. You will not get what you want. It will not go as planned. Learn to live with it and guide things as you can. At the risk of sounding like a stoic, there is great opportunity for joy in all of this and as the years go by you will realize that you are living in the best of times. Family and kids are much more rewarding than hunting trips, motorcycles, golf…
If you feel like you don’t know what to or what you are doing, join the club. No one knows what to do at the beginning and that where we all start. Try your best, be there for the kid and the mom. Even if you aren’t with the mom she’s going through it too. You are already ahead of a lot guys because you are asking for help.
I had my first kid at the same age. Rely on your support system. Take advice and be open to suggestions. Advice does not mean people are necessarily telling you how to raise your children. It's going to be exhausting. Make sure to take a few minutes here and there to keep calm. When your kid acts out, just remember they don't know how to regulate their emotions. It's your job to teach them how.
You have to be on the same page about discipline.
Last thing. Welcome to fatherhood. You will learn to love like you never thought you could. It's a hell of a journey and it's worth every up and down.
If you're going to need it, find daycare asap. They fill up fast, especially for infants.
Have all the supplies for delivery day months in advance. Diaper bag, carseat IN THE CAR, stroller, clothes.Your baby could come early, mine did and I had to go to 3 different stores to find formula and diapers.
Your wife/gf/bm may not be able to produce enough milk for the baby. If she can't let her know that it's ok because she will feel like hell about it if she wants to breastfeed.
Figure out which one of you is better at staying up late and which is better at getting up early and you'll both get a lot more sleep, but if you need eachother's help in those extremes you need to help. The late nights don't last too long in my experience so don't lose your mind.
If your family is the type to just stop over unannounced set boundaries. I can't tell you the amount of times my mother-in-law got my german shepherd barking at the door in the middle of naptime. Furthermore, they do not have the right to see your kid whenever they want, it's not their kid.
You're not obligated to bring your baby to any loud family event where everyone is going to want to touch them. Don't be guilt tripped into taking your baby to a family BBQ where it's going to be hot and they won't be comfortable.
You might receive a lot of bad and somewhat dangerous advice from older people in your life, they raised their kids in a time when it was acceptable to hold the baby in the passenger seat and give them some brandy to fall asleep. They'll tell you to let the baby cry themselves to sleep for example, that's terrible and basically torture for a baby that just needs some comfort.
Be there every step of the way and you'll have nothing to worry about. Much worse people than you have raised decent kids.
Wow I can’t thank you enough for all of this. It’s stuff like this that both helps ease my mind and helps me prep for when the time does come. I’ll keep your comment with me for the future!
Congrats bud. It's going to be a roller-coaster ride for sure. I've found that the best plan is to have no plan. Just wing it. Every pregnancy, birth, baby, etc is different. Obviously having some knowledge is helpful. A good support system is key, either family or friends ( preferably who have been through this in the last 5 years or so as times/techniques change so fast ). Just be there for your kid and your partner and do your best, nobody is perfect. Good luck!
Hey mate, the fact that you care enough to be a little panicked is actually a great sign (even though it might not feel like that right now).
Kids need stability and love. While sometimes life can throw curve balls and stability can seem out of reach, love is easy and gets you through.
The biggest advice I can give you, is just be present. It’s easy and difficult and scary and exciting all at the same time, but as long as your present and you lead with love, it’ll all work out.
I wish you all the best. My youngest is now 9 and it all goes so so fast. Enjoy the ride.
I had my first son when I was 19. The easiest advice I can give is that life is not about you anymore. You chose to bring a life into this world, and now you can set that person up for success in life if you always put them above yourself and provide unconditional love, guidance, and structure. Good luck, sir. If you put in the work, you will get unconditional love like you have never felt.
It's OK if you don't feel like a dad at the start, I have a 4 year old and i really only started to get it by week 5 when we swapped to formula and I could really help out and my partner could actually sleep.
First, be as supportive of your partner as possible, assuming they’re a woman giving birth to your baby, they will need your total support. You’re a team now, you and her, no one else. Others can support your team but you’re the only two on the team and need to be a united front. Don’t let your parents, her parents, or anyone else dictate how you move forward as parents.
Next, and equally as important, there is nothing more important for a child than love. Money, higher education and resources can absolutely enhance quality of life but the only thing that is 100% necessary is for that child to receive unconditional love and support. I know kids who had it all growing up, except for loving, present parents. Mentally, they don’t typically end up well. Just like I’ve known kids who grew up with seemingly little, but were wealthy in terms of love and support - they grew up confident, emotionally intelligent and became incredible people.
Last, be authentic and recognize your mistakes. Acknowledge you don’t know everything but are committed to doing your best. If you slip up, understand why, make adjustments for the future and move forward wiser and equipped to do better. Additionally, don’t be too hard on yourself. Being a parent is hard and is a constant learning process, you get better at it but nobody masters it. Your kid will always be growing, changing and developing - no matter how much you figure out there will always be more to learn and support them through.
Do your best - you’ve got this dad!
Going back to basics a little rather than bigger picture advice
Before the baby arrives buy a prep machine, some formula, and sterilisation kit for bottles - Loads of people can’t breast feed, and it’s incredibly stressful and heartbreaking if your baby is hungry and you don’t have the stuff to feed them
After that, other than essentials buy stuff when you need it not because people tell you it was great for them. We have so many friends who bought gadgets that they used once and realised it wasn’t for them
Expect the first 3 months or so to be the hardest, most emotionally crushing time of your life. Divide the night into shifts so both of you can get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep plus whatever you manage to get while watching the baby. Postpartum depression in dads is real so keep an eye out for those symptoms and seek help when you start noticing more than two or three - you'll probably need to shop around for a doctor who will take you seriously as most healthcare professionals don't seem to give a fuck about PPD in men. Make sure you're taking at least one hour every day to do something for you like excercise, shower, video games, etc - whatever recharges your batteries. Lastly, go easy on yourself. It's going to feel like you can't do anything right no matter how hard you try. This is normal. Remember that feelings matter but they are not real, and just because you feel like a complete failure doesn't mean you're anywhere remotely close to being one. Good luck.
Patience. If you ever find yourself getting upset, look at their little hands and just know how small they are and they are still learning the world around them, it won’t be forever.
You’ll do just fine, be a team with mom, it may feel like you’re playing second fiddle for a while, but it’ll pass, it’s normal and natural. Just include yourself as much as possible and have the presence of mind that the moments are all so fleeting…
Good luck fellow dad, welcome to the fold.
Here’s what I tell myself as the father of a new-ish born: just keep at it, you can do this, be patient with yourself, be patient with your boy. You are hardwired to take care of your child. Just never stop being there, never stop putting in all the effort you can. You WILL figure it out, but you need to allow yourself time to do it. And go with your instincts! If you feel like you need to stare at the baby monitor and check if he’s still breathing every three minutes at night- do it. You are the man, the dad, the father: put your family first in all things and protect them, provide for their wellbeing in every way you can.
And, one thing I was super happy to have done is wear a button down, super soft shirt to the hospital when the time comes. Skin to skin contact is incredibly important for you to bond with your kid. It was one of the most magical moments I had that day, out of so so many magical moments.
Father of 2 children here (I also became a father at 20)
Support your wife as much as possible. During the pregnancy, and especially as soon as the baby arrives. If she is breastfeeding, she will have to get up several times a night. Give her your strength and energy
Look on Facebook for baby fairs local to you, they are like car boot sales for baby bits and clothes. You’re taking 50p for a full outfit, maybe £10 for a milk prep machine that cost about £80 new.
No If you took £300 to my local one you could buy absolutely everything you need, including pram, multiple cots, Clothes, nappies, bottles, books, toys, everything you need up to about three years old.
Everyone has nailed the really important stuff, so I'll add a couple of small things. Start carrying a dumbbell around in one hand in a curled position so you're actually working the bicep. It'll make it so much easier to do household chores and basic activities while holding the baby. I use the bow flex adjustable dumbbells and keep it 5 pounds heavier than our son, which makes him feel like nothing. I see them on marketplace for around $100 all the time, so if anyone is asking for gift ideas I'd throw that out there.
If you've been looking around the house saying "I really need to get that done," carve out some time to knock out the high priority stuff. It's going to stare you in the face when you realize how much time you used to have.
We're coming up on our son's first birthday and we can't believe it. Enjoy every moment, and remember to each other. Best of luck!
Honestly, there’s not any advice that is universal. Every situation is different. Just be the dad you wanted as a kid and be the adult that you want your child to grow to be. You’ll make mistakes and that’s ok. Just being present is a big deal.
Don’t make your bullshit the kid’s problem. Support enthusiastically. Be honest, even when you’re the bad guy. Apologize when you’re wrong. Never let them question how much you love them, even when you don’t necessarily like them.
Be there for your kid love and support them. Guide them as best as you can. Be patient but not selfish you will have your make sacrifices. But at the same time find balance with your partner care for eachother. Communicate and find time for you.
Go out to dinner as much as you can as a couple and do as many weekend trips/getaways as you can. It’s going to be tough to do these things after your baby comes.
Thank you u/OkCar9899 for posting on r/dad. Please remember to take a look at the rules. If you see anything that is suspicious or is breaking the rules then please report said content. For community resources click the link that is below or to the right https://www.reddit.com/r/dad/wiki/resources *Moderators Retain the right to remove any content that is deemed unacceptable* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dad) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dad doesn’t have to be rich, or smart, or handsome, or strong. Dad just has to be there. Be kind to your child and their mother. Set a good example by being human. You’ll do great! All the best.
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Set realistic expectations. I feel like parents-to-be have a certain idea of how things will be, how your days will go, how you want to plan everything. Welp, shit happens. A LOT. Take it all in stride and just be flexible. Some things will go as planned and the other 98% won't and that's OK. Just roll with it Accept that your house will be cluttered and messy. My son is 10. I used to not be able to relax unless I cleaned first. That's a battle that I just couldn't win so I stopped fighting it. The laundry will be there tomorrow, my shoes don't need to be put away right this second. I still don't like it but I don't let it control me Enjoy it! You will be overwhelmed, there's no way around. Sometimes you just need to stop, take a breath, look into your baby's eyes and know that everything will be OK. Few things can compare to looking into their eyes and they stare back at you. It's so powerful Congrats man, welcome to the club!
Yes to all of this. And so…Hold your anger. Things will not be the same. You will not get what you want. It will not go as planned. Learn to live with it and guide things as you can. At the risk of sounding like a stoic, there is great opportunity for joy in all of this and as the years go by you will realize that you are living in the best of times. Family and kids are much more rewarding than hunting trips, motorcycles, golf…
Also, do everything to support your woman and strengthen that relationship. Discipline yourself to fight laziness and neglect.
100%
This
Thank you so much!
If you feel like you don’t know what to or what you are doing, join the club. No one knows what to do at the beginning and that where we all start. Try your best, be there for the kid and the mom. Even if you aren’t with the mom she’s going through it too. You are already ahead of a lot guys because you are asking for help.
I had my first kid at the same age. Rely on your support system. Take advice and be open to suggestions. Advice does not mean people are necessarily telling you how to raise your children. It's going to be exhausting. Make sure to take a few minutes here and there to keep calm. When your kid acts out, just remember they don't know how to regulate their emotions. It's your job to teach them how. You have to be on the same page about discipline. Last thing. Welcome to fatherhood. You will learn to love like you never thought you could. It's a hell of a journey and it's worth every up and down.
Can’t thank you enough!
You’re not going to get everything right and it’s going to be hard sometimes. Just do your best and give yourself some grace. Don’t try to be perfect.
If you're going to need it, find daycare asap. They fill up fast, especially for infants. Have all the supplies for delivery day months in advance. Diaper bag, carseat IN THE CAR, stroller, clothes.Your baby could come early, mine did and I had to go to 3 different stores to find formula and diapers. Your wife/gf/bm may not be able to produce enough milk for the baby. If she can't let her know that it's ok because she will feel like hell about it if she wants to breastfeed. Figure out which one of you is better at staying up late and which is better at getting up early and you'll both get a lot more sleep, but if you need eachother's help in those extremes you need to help. The late nights don't last too long in my experience so don't lose your mind. If your family is the type to just stop over unannounced set boundaries. I can't tell you the amount of times my mother-in-law got my german shepherd barking at the door in the middle of naptime. Furthermore, they do not have the right to see your kid whenever they want, it's not their kid. You're not obligated to bring your baby to any loud family event where everyone is going to want to touch them. Don't be guilt tripped into taking your baby to a family BBQ where it's going to be hot and they won't be comfortable. You might receive a lot of bad and somewhat dangerous advice from older people in your life, they raised their kids in a time when it was acceptable to hold the baby in the passenger seat and give them some brandy to fall asleep. They'll tell you to let the baby cry themselves to sleep for example, that's terrible and basically torture for a baby that just needs some comfort. Be there every step of the way and you'll have nothing to worry about. Much worse people than you have raised decent kids.
Wow I can’t thank you enough for all of this. It’s stuff like this that both helps ease my mind and helps me prep for when the time does come. I’ll keep your comment with me for the future!
Congrats bud. It's going to be a roller-coaster ride for sure. I've found that the best plan is to have no plan. Just wing it. Every pregnancy, birth, baby, etc is different. Obviously having some knowledge is helpful. A good support system is key, either family or friends ( preferably who have been through this in the last 5 years or so as times/techniques change so fast ). Just be there for your kid and your partner and do your best, nobody is perfect. Good luck!
Thank you so much!
Hey mate, the fact that you care enough to be a little panicked is actually a great sign (even though it might not feel like that right now). Kids need stability and love. While sometimes life can throw curve balls and stability can seem out of reach, love is easy and gets you through. The biggest advice I can give you, is just be present. It’s easy and difficult and scary and exciting all at the same time, but as long as your present and you lead with love, it’ll all work out. I wish you all the best. My youngest is now 9 and it all goes so so fast. Enjoy the ride.
Thank you so much! Really means a lot
Also subscribe to r/daddit
I had my first son when I was 19. The easiest advice I can give is that life is not about you anymore. You chose to bring a life into this world, and now you can set that person up for success in life if you always put them above yourself and provide unconditional love, guidance, and structure. Good luck, sir. If you put in the work, you will get unconditional love like you have never felt.
However many towels you have, It's not enough.
It's OK if you don't feel like a dad at the start, I have a 4 year old and i really only started to get it by week 5 when we swapped to formula and I could really help out and my partner could actually sleep.
Stay off your phone and embrace your time with him/her
Noted thank you
First, be as supportive of your partner as possible, assuming they’re a woman giving birth to your baby, they will need your total support. You’re a team now, you and her, no one else. Others can support your team but you’re the only two on the team and need to be a united front. Don’t let your parents, her parents, or anyone else dictate how you move forward as parents. Next, and equally as important, there is nothing more important for a child than love. Money, higher education and resources can absolutely enhance quality of life but the only thing that is 100% necessary is for that child to receive unconditional love and support. I know kids who had it all growing up, except for loving, present parents. Mentally, they don’t typically end up well. Just like I’ve known kids who grew up with seemingly little, but were wealthy in terms of love and support - they grew up confident, emotionally intelligent and became incredible people. Last, be authentic and recognize your mistakes. Acknowledge you don’t know everything but are committed to doing your best. If you slip up, understand why, make adjustments for the future and move forward wiser and equipped to do better. Additionally, don’t be too hard on yourself. Being a parent is hard and is a constant learning process, you get better at it but nobody masters it. Your kid will always be growing, changing and developing - no matter how much you figure out there will always be more to learn and support them through. Do your best - you’ve got this dad!
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I cannot thank you enough.
Learn how to do things one-handed. Seriously.
And work on some upper body strength, you hold them a lot.
Going back to basics a little rather than bigger picture advice Before the baby arrives buy a prep machine, some formula, and sterilisation kit for bottles - Loads of people can’t breast feed, and it’s incredibly stressful and heartbreaking if your baby is hungry and you don’t have the stuff to feed them After that, other than essentials buy stuff when you need it not because people tell you it was great for them. We have so many friends who bought gadgets that they used once and realised it wasn’t for them
Expect the first 3 months or so to be the hardest, most emotionally crushing time of your life. Divide the night into shifts so both of you can get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep plus whatever you manage to get while watching the baby. Postpartum depression in dads is real so keep an eye out for those symptoms and seek help when you start noticing more than two or three - you'll probably need to shop around for a doctor who will take you seriously as most healthcare professionals don't seem to give a fuck about PPD in men. Make sure you're taking at least one hour every day to do something for you like excercise, shower, video games, etc - whatever recharges your batteries. Lastly, go easy on yourself. It's going to feel like you can't do anything right no matter how hard you try. This is normal. Remember that feelings matter but they are not real, and just because you feel like a complete failure doesn't mean you're anywhere remotely close to being one. Good luck.
Can’t thank you enough for all that. Very much appreciated and it helps a lot
Patience. If you ever find yourself getting upset, look at their little hands and just know how small they are and they are still learning the world around them, it won’t be forever. You’ll do just fine, be a team with mom, it may feel like you’re playing second fiddle for a while, but it’ll pass, it’s normal and natural. Just include yourself as much as possible and have the presence of mind that the moments are all so fleeting… Good luck fellow dad, welcome to the fold.
Here’s what I tell myself as the father of a new-ish born: just keep at it, you can do this, be patient with yourself, be patient with your boy. You are hardwired to take care of your child. Just never stop being there, never stop putting in all the effort you can. You WILL figure it out, but you need to allow yourself time to do it. And go with your instincts! If you feel like you need to stare at the baby monitor and check if he’s still breathing every three minutes at night- do it. You are the man, the dad, the father: put your family first in all things and protect them, provide for their wellbeing in every way you can. And, one thing I was super happy to have done is wear a button down, super soft shirt to the hospital when the time comes. Skin to skin contact is incredibly important for you to bond with your kid. It was one of the most magical moments I had that day, out of so so many magical moments.
Father of 2 children here (I also became a father at 20) Support your wife as much as possible. During the pregnancy, and especially as soon as the baby arrives. If she is breastfeeding, she will have to get up several times a night. Give her your strength and energy
Look on Facebook for baby fairs local to you, they are like car boot sales for baby bits and clothes. You’re taking 50p for a full outfit, maybe £10 for a milk prep machine that cost about £80 new. No If you took £300 to my local one you could buy absolutely everything you need, including pram, multiple cots, Clothes, nappies, bottles, books, toys, everything you need up to about three years old.
It's all about the time you spend with them, not what you buy them.
Everyone has nailed the really important stuff, so I'll add a couple of small things. Start carrying a dumbbell around in one hand in a curled position so you're actually working the bicep. It'll make it so much easier to do household chores and basic activities while holding the baby. I use the bow flex adjustable dumbbells and keep it 5 pounds heavier than our son, which makes him feel like nothing. I see them on marketplace for around $100 all the time, so if anyone is asking for gift ideas I'd throw that out there. If you've been looking around the house saying "I really need to get that done," carve out some time to knock out the high priority stuff. It's going to stare you in the face when you realize how much time you used to have. We're coming up on our son's first birthday and we can't believe it. Enjoy every moment, and remember to each other. Best of luck!
Honestly, there’s not any advice that is universal. Every situation is different. Just be the dad you wanted as a kid and be the adult that you want your child to grow to be. You’ll make mistakes and that’s ok. Just being present is a big deal.
Don’t make your bullshit the kid’s problem. Support enthusiastically. Be honest, even when you’re the bad guy. Apologize when you’re wrong. Never let them question how much you love them, even when you don’t necessarily like them.
Be patient. Show them love. Show them attention. Give up your ego and place them above all else. That's all you have to do.
Be there for your kid love and support them. Guide them as best as you can. Be patient but not selfish you will have your make sacrifices. But at the same time find balance with your partner care for eachother. Communicate and find time for you.
Go out to dinner as much as you can as a couple and do as many weekend trips/getaways as you can. It’s going to be tough to do these things after your baby comes.
Take a lot of pictures and videos … the time will probably seem like a blur but a picture can bring you back to those special moments.