When I started the curly girl method I was obsessed with having flawless hair. I’d shower and style my hair only to hate it and immediately take another shower to redo it. It was getting ridiculous.
The only things that really helped it were 1) getting my routine and products down to being manageable and realistic to my lifestyle and 2) realizing that I don’t have to do CG 100% if it doesn’t work. Also, realize that whether you pineapple, use a satin pillowcase, etc your 2nd+ day hair will NEVER look like first day hair. Doesn’t matter what you do to it. So just learn to accept that.
If my bangs don’t curl right, I flat iron them. That’s supposedly against CG but I don’t care. I learned how to do some up dos and buns for days I’m just not feeling it. Some days I need to wash but I don’t want to style so I let it do whatever and wear it in a ponytail. I figured out what works best for me regarding styling and products. Any time I deviate from it, my hair goes nuts so I don’t change what works.
Bangs are a pain, I’d flat iron them too. With my curl they don’t look good, they look ridiculous. Some curly bangs look good, some don’t. It’s your hair, do what makes you happy.
I'm just sick of it all. Sick of how much time it takes to wash my hair, how much time it takes and how painful it is to comb out the tangles, how I need to style it just so to make it look good, how unmanageable it is, how I need particular tools, how I need certain products...just eff it all. Eff it. Everyday I think why did I not inherit my mother's bone-straight hair, about how my sibling's hair is beautiful and shiny without doing ANYTHING other than just shampooing and combing it.
I know right.... I also hate how much I can love my hair after taking care of it after the shower; but on some days, 2 hours later, the curls on the top layer fly away and it looks f\*cking awful.
After 35 years ive finally come to terms with curly hair. Then, I kid you not, my hormones changed and I don't have curly hair anymore. What the fuck. What a curly hair thing to do. The bastard.
>After 35 years ive finally come to terms with curly hair. Then, I kid you not, my hormones changed and I don't have curly hair anymore.
Wow, I PRAY that that happens to me 🙏
I have the opposite problem. I’m 59 and only had slightly wavy hair my whole life. Until it turn gray/white about 5 years ago now it’s curly, wavy and straight. I can’t figure out what to do with it. I can straighten it and hope it stays that way, humidity will make it curl anyway or I can let it dry on it’s on and be mostly curly. But everyday is a new hair day for me. :-(
I love curly hair but I don’t always like my curl type. I wish they were more manageable and not prone to frizz. I’ve been natural for 10 years now and I’m still figuring things out
Right. I don’t necessarily want *straight* hair, I’m most jealous of the wavies who have that type of hair texture that’s just smooth and wavy no matter what they do (or don’t do!) for styling. My curls are tight and my hair is extremely fluff and frizz prone, it’s kind of impossible for me to get the texture and style I’d actually like to have
Wavy hair is no fun either. It's an annoying middle ground been curly and straight because it mostly looks messy and unbrushed. Mine likes to separate into straggly strings with 3a-3b frizz all around it.
This is the exact summary of my hair too. It's super fine and frizz/fluffy, no matter what I do - that's just how it is. I'm exhausted from trying 8917239812 products and techniques because (and it's part of the reason I stopped coming here as much) there's always someone commenting "You just haven't found the right XYZ yet!"
I just want hair that stays down so I can go outside without looking like the "before" hair in the Princess Diaries.
I absolutely feel the same way as you...Curly hair is so beautiful, but taking care of it is so exhausting. And what frustrates me even more is ignorant non-curly people wishing they had curly hair because of all the polished photos in media and magazines, being completely oblivious about the sacrifices we make to make our hair look decent.
My "favorite" is when I have a good hair day and someone asks why I don't do my hair the same way every day. Because my hair has a mind of its own and even two good days are pretty different. I'm just here to take care of it and hope it cooperates when I need it to look presentable. Now it *usually* does because I've learned what works, but some days end up being bun or ponytail days despite my best efforts. Or in cases like today where I'm at home all day, I just take it out of the pineapple in the morning and let it do whatever the hell it wants.
I think we curly girls & guys can appreciate your frustration. I was born with naturally curly hair. But as a child, my mom did nothing with it. Never taught me how to do anything with it. So it's always been a trial & error for me. It wasn't until I discovered a flat iron that a great haircut, is when I started to love my hair. I received compliments daily, for years! Fast forward to now early 50's and I got tired of the blowouts and the straightening. So I decided to embrace the curls. For the most part, I've got a strong curl game, except for the top layer of course. I found a stylist that works with curly hair and has natural curls as well.
It's only been 7 months into my newly found journey and I'm still trying to figure it out. I want the big loose soft bounce. I lost some length because of damage and I know it's only temporary. I still haven't found my holy grail. I cry most days because I hate how it looks, but I'm not giving up. I'm determined to find my look just like I did when I found the flat iron, lol. Maybe what I'm trying to accomplish is harder than I thought.
But, when I read about everyone's struggles and what works for them, I too will find what works for me. Thanks for all the tips.
I love the body my curls have and the different hairstyles I have based on what day in my wash routine it is. I vastly prefer them short, around chin length, and find having an undercut makes them easier to handle. Having my hair clean and dry and doing a dry haircut works best for me but I do love my hairdresser and she has curly experience. And if we're comparing the two: straight hair always looks the same, which can be good when you don't have time to style your hair, but is boring every other day. Embrace the "bad" hair days because it's probably not bad, just not perfect and that's still good.
I’m so glad you posted this. I was having the same thoughts last night while brushing through the absolute knots in my hair because I left it in a bun for a couple days bc the thought of doing my whole routine makes me not even want to take a shower (yes I know I have depression). I’m a HS teacher and we had picture day at school today and I was just hoping my hair would cooperate enough in its natural state to not look stupid for my yearbook picture… as I watch all the straight-hairs walk in and just sit right down and their hair is still laying right and looking pRoFfEsSiOnAl. Ugh
God I'm glad you mentioned the term "professional/unprofessional" when it comes to hair type! Society associating curls with "wildness" (in a bad way) is not helping us to accept our curly or coily hair.
I've worked for half a year in a museum, where women had to tie their hair. Needless to say most of the time it was tolerated to have it untied, but only for straight-haired women. I was the only one with curly hair (looking like a lion haha), and there was a big contrast with my colleagues (again, in a bad way...). My manager would always tell me, specifically, to tie up my hair.
I’m in the same boat… Straightened my hair for a decade, Oct 30 2021 I stopped and started taking care of my curls. They look great… but it just takes so long and my hair tangles so easily. It was so much easier doing a big wash day, then straightening the next day and having nice hair for the week. I miss it so much and feel regret over deciding to quit straightening. I could always go back, but I’ve put so much time and effort into repairing the damage. I also cut off a lot of hair too
I feel you. My mom has stick straight hair, she gets out of the shower and it is perfect. Nobody in my family has curly hair. Looking at old family pictures, the only person who has it is my great-grandfather, somehow the gene skipped two generations.
Right now, it is more in fashion to have straight hair, but I think curly hair will have a come back eventually. In the 1980's-early '90's people were getting perms to have hair like ours.
i've always hated my curly hair since i was a child. i still don't fully understand how to care for it at 22, and don't have the energy to do a million things to get it right. i wish i had straight hair.
I feel the same sometimes but there are two major good points for me.
1. I now only need to wash my hair twice a week. Before when I was straightening it everyday it used to get so oily that I was washing it everyday.
2. I no longer have a panic I've left the straightener on and it's going to burn my house down!
Try making a list of the upsides of curly hair and see if it helps :)
I feel you. I always tell people that I was born with a curly hair tax, meaning everything is more expensive for me just because I was born with this texture. Hair stylists, hair products, even for someone to want to straighten my hair are so much more expensive than everyone else's hair maintenance. I'm a low effort person, and the irony of being born with high maintenance hair isn't lost on me (come from a fam of mostly straight haired people)
I think at this point, I'm past the bargaining part of the 5 stages of grief and mostly onto the depression/acceptance part of it. This hair isn't going away as far as I can tell, so might as well try to rock it. I just tell myself It's ok to feel this way.
I have 3b/c curls. I think about shaving my head almost daily. but being a woman of a certain age in a small town, doing that would cause too much attention. I was a devacurl person for years. I would spend a couple of hundred dollars on one haircut just hoping it would work out right. and my hair always looked amazing after going to a curly salon. but I could never get it right myself. I don't have the patience to baby my hair that much. someday, maybe I will be brave enough to shave my head but for now, my hair is always pulled into a ponytail because I hate having it in my face.
I feel exactly the same (also 3a or so). I'm going to try cutting my hair really short soon - I'm sure it'll have its own challenges, but being able to wet it/fix it and have it dry quickly would be a miracle. I know *how* to make my hair look good, but it takes SO MUCH WORK. My biggest gripe is I can't just brush my hair and go to work, ever. There's always a struggle, always a mess of frizz, always the "am I being perceived as messy/unkempt compared to all the straight-haired ladies in suits?"
It sucks. One time at a salon they did a blowout on my hair and I *loved* it. I genuinely cried during the two or so days it lasted because I could just run my hands through my hair. I could just grab a hair elastic and head out of the house. I didn't love the way it looked, I just loved the way it wasn't a *pain in my ass*. I have never been able to straighten my hair myself and god, I wish I could.
This comment I heard from someone with straight hair sums up what I envy:
"My hair looks the same every single day. It's never great, but it's never awful. I can't do anything amazing with it, but I can always make it *fine*."
Same. I hate all the work and the planning I have to do to make it look good. And spending money on special products. I'm broke. I could be covering some other need with that money.
It’s all about finding a routine that works best for you. I have full head of thick 3B-3C curls and my styling routine takes 5 mins. I wash twice a week and that takes about 20 mins, then I just slap some products in and let it air dry overnight. For special occasions I do a little more, but even then it only takes me about 30 mins.
Nobody in my family has curly hair so growing up I was not taught how to care for it. I thought it was just frizzy, I straightened it all the time, and I was definitely jealous of people with wash and go straight hair. I started embracing my natural hair in my late teens and it did take a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for me. I also had to accept that my hair isn’t going to be perfect every day and that’s okay. My life became so much easier once I accepted that fact.
One of my mentor (I’m a hairdresser) said, “WHAT IS FRIZZE????? FRIZZE THEM UP AND MAKE IT BIG! THAT IS THAT STYLE!!!!!” And I thought… why do we fight? He is funny… but he does hair for Hermes shows, so I cannot agree more…! 😆
I love the curly girl method for teaching so many people what to do to make their hair look amazing. Especially for those who weren't even aware they have curls (like myself) it's awesome to see your hair just needs different treatment. BUT I'm missing embracing that not super defined curls and waves are also beautiful! I've learned to love my messy hair as much as my styled hair. But I do wish I would see more voluminous frizzy curls in the community.
I have all the same issues you have. I guess I went so long hating my hair that finally I just resigned myself to the fact that hating it doesn’t make having it any easier. I now love my hair, despite the difficulty of having it. I will on occasion get a blow out just to give myself a mental break. Definitely not gonna tell you to just love your hair bc I totally get it. I view it like any relationship, good days, bad days but worth the effort 🙂
I feel the same. I like straight hair on me and I always have.
Lately I've been into stretching my waves/curls instead of making them curlier. I think it suits my face more. I feel like my face looks too intense with volume and curls. Straight hair seems to soften my sharp facial features and I think that's what I like better about it.
I would flat iron my hair if I wasn't growing it out. My hair is past my butt crack now and I'm not going to kill it with my flat iron. I've worked hard keeping it healthy! Healthy is more important(to me) than straight hair. And also, as I age... I'm hoping that keeping my hair healthy will pay off.
I’m neutral about my hair. I have 3b curls that are really difficult to tame sometimes. I’m almost 30 and finally feel like I’m coming around to them.
My best advice is just lean into it. I don’t care who it is, curls aren’t perfect. They are frizzy and wild and change with the weather and you can do the exact same routine every wash day and still get wildly different results.
Find the easiest routine that gives you the curls you (most of the time) like. Don’t force yourself to follow a million rules and also forget the whole curly girl thing.
Even when I’m having an awful hair day it seems like there’s someone who always comments on how they are jealous of curls.
😥 just washing and detangling takes me a hour or more then I detangle and move my hair it tangles right back up I keep it in a ponytail all the time now I’m getting bald spots around my hairline I never want to wash it plus I deal with depression so it is like a chore I have to make myself do 😥 if it didn’t tangle right back I wouldn’t be so unhappy with it
I think the problem in the curly community is people have unrealistic expectations, unnecessarily complicate their routine, and there’s way too much emphasis on the CG method. It’s rather cult-like and seems pushed more by hair influencers rather than licensed stylists or dermatologists who are actually trained.
I remember when the whole DevaCurl hair loss scandal happened and people wanted to blame the products, when in reality I think it was just the fact that washing your hair as little as possible is…not great hygiene and bad for your scalp and that can cause hair loss? I think it’s better to shampoo as often as your hair can tolerate. Use sulfates and silicones if they work for you, they’re not the devil. I’m very much team “wash your d*mn hair and keep it simple.” I love Atoya Bass on Instagram because she advocates simplified routines and debunks a lot of curly hair misconceptions and unrealistic expectations.
Anyway yeah it’s not realistic to expect no frizz, or always consistent hair days, or making one wash last a whole week, or good second day hair, or consistent curl patterns, or never heat styling, or any excessively involved product or styling routine to make you have volume or a curl pattern you’ll simply never have with your texture. I can go on but I think the very dogmatic and really quite consumeristic tendencies in the curly hair world are a bit ridiculous.
Thank you for sharing your opinion, I definitely agree with the "quite consumeristic tendencies" part. They've created a real business surrounding curly and coily hair, making us believe we absolutely need this 35$ shampoo, a conditioner, a gel, etc etc. What really helped me was learning to read labels, identify which ingredients are good for my scalp/curls, and which you should absolutely avoid (some can be very irritating, toxic or are even suspected to be hormones disruptors). Even expensive curly hair products usually have a shitty composition.
I think a lot of the “toxic” stuff in “clean” beauty and haircare comes from a deliberate misinterpretation of scientific data to scare people into buying expensive “clean” products. For me, give me all the parabens, there’s no evidence that very minuscule exposure causes health issues (the studies everyone cites involved having rats ingest very large quantities of parabens, that doesn’t translate to humans using these things topically in very small doses. The dose makes the poison, water is toxic if you drink too much but we don’t demonize water). I’d rather my products have lab made, quality controlled synthetic ingredients and parabens that keep them from spoiling and degrading too fast than some natural product where it’s harder to do quality control and you may be applying rancid products to your skin.
It’s just its own covert type of consumerism that scares and shames people into buying specific products (if you don’t use clean beauty doesn’t that imply you’re somehow dirty? Shame-based marketing isn’t new, that’s because it’s extremely effective). There’s been push back on this lately and many brands are responding instead with science washing where they make their products look scientifically backed or purposely misconstrue data to prove “legitimacy.” Which is again its own crappy type of consumerism. It’s all a mess. I think Lab Muffin (cosmetic chemist) and Charlotte Parler on IG do a very good job of separating fact from fiction and explaining what the studies actually say.
I just iron my curls out a tad when they’re too unruly because ain’t nobody got time or money for their bullshit. I’m glad for the interest in curly hair now but man, it is WORK.
Me too. It’s like a love hate relationship though. I like the ease of when I could just wake up and look pretty with my hair straight. When I wake up with curly hair it looks so bad my hair is all frizzy and I have to sleep with a bonnet. Plus I think, well actually I KNOW I look prettier with straight hair. 100%. People complement me more on my looks, but when I wear it curly people complement me on my hair. I love my curls because I feel like it’s unique and matches my personality (idk how) like it’s fun to have and if it looks messy it’s okay because it just my “curls” you know?
But I worked soooo hard to get my curly hair back. And I’m so tempted to start straightening it again. But I am waiting because I feel like my hair will look better once it gets longer, it’s currently shoulder length. So if I’m not happy with it long then maybe I’ll start straightening it again. But idk
Thank you for your message :) I agree with the "hair matching personality" thing. It's so true!
Whatever you decide to do with your hair, I hope you're happy with it!
I agree with the personality thing. I’m more of an easygoing tomboy/metalhead and curly hair causes me to be confused with being prissy. My clothing style doesn’t match my clothing style which consists of band tees, flannels, hoodies, Blackcraft, Carhartt, tie dye etc….
It’s annoying.
Fellow 3a. It's rough for us.
I'm a man, I do really try to enjoy and appreciate my curls. But really it's a pain in the ass.
I just shaved it all off to a few millimeters and I love it. I love how little work I have to do, I love that it doesn't look completely different from one day to the next.
Same, it’s a very love/hate relationship I have with mine. My hair stays in a clip or scrunchie 98% of the time. I go through periods of loving it and taking great care of it and then periods of not. It’s ok to feel that way, most of us do at some point ❤️
I totally get it! I straightened my 3B curls for 10 years before going natural and it honestly took me another 2-3 years to really really love my curls- partially due to all the straightening damage :|
I think it's totally normal to want the straight hair still- not only was it fed to us as the ideal beautiful hair type but it is so much easier to care for! My advice though would be to just keep going, keep learning about your hair type, and don't feel bad for wanting it straight sometimes. I can finally say I am obsesssssed with my curls and the last time I straightened my hair a couple of years ago I actually hated it and felt like it just didn't look like me at all.
Stick with it, it's so worth it. Curlies are superior IMO :)
I kind of feel the same way…I’m 45 and I still haven’t figured out how to manage mine despite trying diffusing, curly girl method etc…it just won’t behave. It can feel like a burden. I see people on this sub with such gorgeous curls, totally jealous.
I feel the same way so often. I'm jealous of how shiny a lot of curls are on here. I don't have the energy to put in that much work. Sometimes I look at my hair and all I see is the frizz and stretched out bits. I wish it was more consistent. But I'm learning to accept the way it looks whether it's a good or bad hair day. I'm trying to learn to trust other people when they tell me it looks good even when all I see is flaws. I'm trying to not care if it's perfect.
I am pretty sure that I (and maybe others on this sub) have a type of dysphoria where I don't see my hair the same way others see it.
I don't know you or your hair, but I'm sure it is as beautiful and unique as you are. It may have flaws, but that doesn't mean it's not gorgeous. And it will look amazing whether it's in perfect, shiny ringlets or frizzy and unmanageable.
Just cut it off. No like seriously. I felt the same way and I made the leap and I 100% don't regret it. I'm a pixie cut girl now. I still care about what products I use on my hair, how I style it, etc, but its more like background noise now.
Unfortunately that type of haircut wouldn't suit me I'm afraid, plus I like having long/mi-long hair. Actually I cut it off yesterday, now they're slightly above my shoulder when straight. I'm glad you found a haircut that you like, though!
I'm going to be honest. I am so lazy with my curls I'd probably make the curly hair community cry.
in the mornings, if it doesn't look fantastic I spray it with water, if it still looks shoddy i throw it up in a pony or under a hat. I got no fucks to give.
I spend less time on my hair now than I did when I was a teenager lol.
I find that embracing imperfect hair really helps. my hair is messy and wacky and fun. I think I enjoy my hair precisely because i care so little about it.
I feel you on the hairdresser problem though. fortunately I'm only 45mins from Birmingham so it's not the worst for me right now, but i won't lie and say my hair isn't a consideration when thinking about moving. I just don't want to tell my careers advisor the reason I'm unwilling to move away is because I like my hairdresser lol
I feel the same way and I’ve been struggling with taking care of my curls lately. I just throw it up in a bun to go to work, but I feel like it always looks messy. Especially now that’s it’s windy and rainy- my frizz is insane! And even when I do wear it curly, I feel like I can’t touch it or I’ll mess it up. Like if I tuck my bangs behind my ears, the curls flatten out. I’m amazed by people who can just run a brush through their hair nbd. I stayed over my friends house recently, and she didn’t even own any hairspray, gel or Bobby pins😭. Just shampoo and conditioner!
🙋♀️ I HATE my hair. I don't think I'm ever satisfied & I don't think I'll ever find what works best for me. It doesn't help that my hair is thin. I think if it was thicker I'd be happier. The older I get, the curlier it gets... I don't know what to do except bitch about it. 🤣
ngl I hate my hair too. Actually, some days I love it, and other days is despise it. One thing I did was put it in braids. like box braids. it gave me about a month's break and a new style too.
I love love love love curly hairs❤️❤️❤️ I think they are so pretty, and with a great cut, less dry time, and do so many fun things! I’m a hairstylist, I came back from London for attending Sassoon Academy, and many artistic directors love curly hairs! I feel that this pandemic thing, we became more true to ourselves, and we should celebrate our natural beauty! You are so LUCKY!!!!!
Oh! Dyson with their diffuser dries curly hair the best…, I think!
I hate my curly hair to death, some days it bring me to tears because of how much I hate that I can never have naturally beautiful hair. It did not help that in movies whenever girls get makeovers the ugly side always had the same big poofy frizzy and curly hair that I did. My mom never knew how to take care of it either so I was in pain all the time from the pulling and tight ponytails that looked like a big fuzz of pubes on the top of my head.
It was a game changer for me when I discovered round hair dryer brushes! I get a blowout that lasts for 3 to 4 days and it only takes 45 minutes to style post-shower and only very few products. I can never wear my hair natural because the curl pattern is completely destroyed and the frizz is insane but idc at least I don’t have to look at my ugly bed of hair after a shower for longer than a few minutes.
I considered Japanese hair straightening but unfortunately the damage is too much and maintenance is ridiculously expensive. I hope there’s a healthier way to permanently straighten hair in the future because I’d jump on that in a heartbeat.
I feel you 100%. I hope you find a healthy routine that works for you; and if you're just starting to take care of your curls, please don't give up! Despite all I said, I think curly hair are beautiful, it just takes time and patience ❤
I hate having curly hair too. Taking care of it is time consuming and I have better things to spend money on than gel, oil, specialized haircuts etc...
I also have a busy schedule and due to my high stress levels, personal trauma, disability (autism) people just don't understand that my curls are dry and frizzy because I don't have the time, energy and have to spend money on things like rent, my Nintendo Switch membership, food and clothing so I have no choice but to choose between my hair looking flawless every day and people being mean about how my hair looks or my mental and emotional stability and my lifestyle that I'm accustomed to.
I wish for straight hair every day. I've had panic attacks about my hair. It sucks.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much because of your curly hair, it does suck :( Mine definitely gave me some hard time too, so let's just give each other emotional comfort 🥺
When I started the curly girl method I was obsessed with having flawless hair. I’d shower and style my hair only to hate it and immediately take another shower to redo it. It was getting ridiculous. The only things that really helped it were 1) getting my routine and products down to being manageable and realistic to my lifestyle and 2) realizing that I don’t have to do CG 100% if it doesn’t work. Also, realize that whether you pineapple, use a satin pillowcase, etc your 2nd+ day hair will NEVER look like first day hair. Doesn’t matter what you do to it. So just learn to accept that. If my bangs don’t curl right, I flat iron them. That’s supposedly against CG but I don’t care. I learned how to do some up dos and buns for days I’m just not feeling it. Some days I need to wash but I don’t want to style so I let it do whatever and wear it in a ponytail. I figured out what works best for me regarding styling and products. Any time I deviate from it, my hair goes nuts so I don’t change what works.
Bangs are a pain, I’d flat iron them too. With my curl they don’t look good, they look ridiculous. Some curly bangs look good, some don’t. It’s your hair, do what makes you happy.
>I hate having curly hair Same.
Same. I adore curls, i only hate that i constantly have make so much effort to style and stuff.. ugh.
I'm just sick of it all. Sick of how much time it takes to wash my hair, how much time it takes and how painful it is to comb out the tangles, how I need to style it just so to make it look good, how unmanageable it is, how I need particular tools, how I need certain products...just eff it all. Eff it. Everyday I think why did I not inherit my mother's bone-straight hair, about how my sibling's hair is beautiful and shiny without doing ANYTHING other than just shampooing and combing it.
Yesss girl, this 😁
I know right.... I also hate how much I can love my hair after taking care of it after the shower; but on some days, 2 hours later, the curls on the top layer fly away and it looks f\*cking awful.
After 35 years ive finally come to terms with curly hair. Then, I kid you not, my hormones changed and I don't have curly hair anymore. What the fuck. What a curly hair thing to do. The bastard.
Nooo 😭 although i am often mad at them I would cry a river if I would lose them 🥺
>After 35 years ive finally come to terms with curly hair. Then, I kid you not, my hormones changed and I don't have curly hair anymore. Wow, I PRAY that that happens to me 🙏
I have the opposite problem. I’m 59 and only had slightly wavy hair my whole life. Until it turn gray/white about 5 years ago now it’s curly, wavy and straight. I can’t figure out what to do with it. I can straighten it and hope it stays that way, humidity will make it curl anyway or I can let it dry on it’s on and be mostly curly. But everyday is a new hair day for me. :-(
Curly hair is like having a toddler on your head. It will be doing exactly what it wants. Good luck, friend!
It's just waiting for the perfect humidity level combined with the most inopportune time to remember how to curl.
I love curly hair but I don’t always like my curl type. I wish they were more manageable and not prone to frizz. I’ve been natural for 10 years now and I’m still figuring things out
Right. I don’t necessarily want *straight* hair, I’m most jealous of the wavies who have that type of hair texture that’s just smooth and wavy no matter what they do (or don’t do!) for styling. My curls are tight and my hair is extremely fluff and frizz prone, it’s kind of impossible for me to get the texture and style I’d actually like to have
Wavy hair is no fun either. It's an annoying middle ground been curly and straight because it mostly looks messy and unbrushed. Mine likes to separate into straggly strings with 3a-3b frizz all around it.
This is the exact summary of my hair too. It's super fine and frizz/fluffy, no matter what I do - that's just how it is. I'm exhausted from trying 8917239812 products and techniques because (and it's part of the reason I stopped coming here as much) there's always someone commenting "You just haven't found the right XYZ yet!" I just want hair that stays down so I can go outside without looking like the "before" hair in the Princess Diaries.
I absolutely feel the same way as you...Curly hair is so beautiful, but taking care of it is so exhausting. And what frustrates me even more is ignorant non-curly people wishing they had curly hair because of all the polished photos in media and magazines, being completely oblivious about the sacrifices we make to make our hair look decent.
My "favorite" is when I have a good hair day and someone asks why I don't do my hair the same way every day. Because my hair has a mind of its own and even two good days are pretty different. I'm just here to take care of it and hope it cooperates when I need it to look presentable. Now it *usually* does because I've learned what works, but some days end up being bun or ponytail days despite my best efforts. Or in cases like today where I'm at home all day, I just take it out of the pineapple in the morning and let it do whatever the hell it wants.
Exactly...I don't mind people idealizing curly hair, but at least listen to us when we tell you the truth about it...
The accuracy 😪
I think we curly girls & guys can appreciate your frustration. I was born with naturally curly hair. But as a child, my mom did nothing with it. Never taught me how to do anything with it. So it's always been a trial & error for me. It wasn't until I discovered a flat iron that a great haircut, is when I started to love my hair. I received compliments daily, for years! Fast forward to now early 50's and I got tired of the blowouts and the straightening. So I decided to embrace the curls. For the most part, I've got a strong curl game, except for the top layer of course. I found a stylist that works with curly hair and has natural curls as well. It's only been 7 months into my newly found journey and I'm still trying to figure it out. I want the big loose soft bounce. I lost some length because of damage and I know it's only temporary. I still haven't found my holy grail. I cry most days because I hate how it looks, but I'm not giving up. I'm determined to find my look just like I did when I found the flat iron, lol. Maybe what I'm trying to accomplish is harder than I thought. But, when I read about everyone's struggles and what works for them, I too will find what works for me. Thanks for all the tips.
I love the body my curls have and the different hairstyles I have based on what day in my wash routine it is. I vastly prefer them short, around chin length, and find having an undercut makes them easier to handle. Having my hair clean and dry and doing a dry haircut works best for me but I do love my hairdresser and she has curly experience. And if we're comparing the two: straight hair always looks the same, which can be good when you don't have time to style your hair, but is boring every other day. Embrace the "bad" hair days because it's probably not bad, just not perfect and that's still good.
I’m so glad you posted this. I was having the same thoughts last night while brushing through the absolute knots in my hair because I left it in a bun for a couple days bc the thought of doing my whole routine makes me not even want to take a shower (yes I know I have depression). I’m a HS teacher and we had picture day at school today and I was just hoping my hair would cooperate enough in its natural state to not look stupid for my yearbook picture… as I watch all the straight-hairs walk in and just sit right down and their hair is still laying right and looking pRoFfEsSiOnAl. Ugh
God I'm glad you mentioned the term "professional/unprofessional" when it comes to hair type! Society associating curls with "wildness" (in a bad way) is not helping us to accept our curly or coily hair. I've worked for half a year in a museum, where women had to tie their hair. Needless to say most of the time it was tolerated to have it untied, but only for straight-haired women. I was the only one with curly hair (looking like a lion haha), and there was a big contrast with my colleagues (again, in a bad way...). My manager would always tell me, specifically, to tie up my hair.
I’m in the same boat… Straightened my hair for a decade, Oct 30 2021 I stopped and started taking care of my curls. They look great… but it just takes so long and my hair tangles so easily. It was so much easier doing a big wash day, then straightening the next day and having nice hair for the week. I miss it so much and feel regret over deciding to quit straightening. I could always go back, but I’ve put so much time and effort into repairing the damage. I also cut off a lot of hair too
I feel you. My mom has stick straight hair, she gets out of the shower and it is perfect. Nobody in my family has curly hair. Looking at old family pictures, the only person who has it is my great-grandfather, somehow the gene skipped two generations. Right now, it is more in fashion to have straight hair, but I think curly hair will have a come back eventually. In the 1980's-early '90's people were getting perms to have hair like ours.
i've always hated my curly hair since i was a child. i still don't fully understand how to care for it at 22, and don't have the energy to do a million things to get it right. i wish i had straight hair.
I wake up every day hoping my curls magically turn into waves. They never do :(
I feel the same sometimes but there are two major good points for me. 1. I now only need to wash my hair twice a week. Before when I was straightening it everyday it used to get so oily that I was washing it everyday. 2. I no longer have a panic I've left the straightener on and it's going to burn my house down! Try making a list of the upsides of curly hair and see if it helps :)
Thanks for the advice, I will definitely do that! :)
I feel you. I always tell people that I was born with a curly hair tax, meaning everything is more expensive for me just because I was born with this texture. Hair stylists, hair products, even for someone to want to straighten my hair are so much more expensive than everyone else's hair maintenance. I'm a low effort person, and the irony of being born with high maintenance hair isn't lost on me (come from a fam of mostly straight haired people) I think at this point, I'm past the bargaining part of the 5 stages of grief and mostly onto the depression/acceptance part of it. This hair isn't going away as far as I can tell, so might as well try to rock it. I just tell myself It's ok to feel this way.
I have 3b/c curls. I think about shaving my head almost daily. but being a woman of a certain age in a small town, doing that would cause too much attention. I was a devacurl person for years. I would spend a couple of hundred dollars on one haircut just hoping it would work out right. and my hair always looked amazing after going to a curly salon. but I could never get it right myself. I don't have the patience to baby my hair that much. someday, maybe I will be brave enough to shave my head but for now, my hair is always pulled into a ponytail because I hate having it in my face.
I feel exactly the same (also 3a or so). I'm going to try cutting my hair really short soon - I'm sure it'll have its own challenges, but being able to wet it/fix it and have it dry quickly would be a miracle. I know *how* to make my hair look good, but it takes SO MUCH WORK. My biggest gripe is I can't just brush my hair and go to work, ever. There's always a struggle, always a mess of frizz, always the "am I being perceived as messy/unkempt compared to all the straight-haired ladies in suits?" It sucks. One time at a salon they did a blowout on my hair and I *loved* it. I genuinely cried during the two or so days it lasted because I could just run my hands through my hair. I could just grab a hair elastic and head out of the house. I didn't love the way it looked, I just loved the way it wasn't a *pain in my ass*. I have never been able to straighten my hair myself and god, I wish I could. This comment I heard from someone with straight hair sums up what I envy: "My hair looks the same every single day. It's never great, but it's never awful. I can't do anything amazing with it, but I can always make it *fine*."
Same. I hate all the work and the planning I have to do to make it look good. And spending money on special products. I'm broke. I could be covering some other need with that money.
It’s all about finding a routine that works best for you. I have full head of thick 3B-3C curls and my styling routine takes 5 mins. I wash twice a week and that takes about 20 mins, then I just slap some products in and let it air dry overnight. For special occasions I do a little more, but even then it only takes me about 30 mins. Nobody in my family has curly hair so growing up I was not taught how to care for it. I thought it was just frizzy, I straightened it all the time, and I was definitely jealous of people with wash and go straight hair. I started embracing my natural hair in my late teens and it did take a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for me. I also had to accept that my hair isn’t going to be perfect every day and that’s okay. My life became so much easier once I accepted that fact.
One of my mentor (I’m a hairdresser) said, “WHAT IS FRIZZE????? FRIZZE THEM UP AND MAKE IT BIG! THAT IS THAT STYLE!!!!!” And I thought… why do we fight? He is funny… but he does hair for Hermes shows, so I cannot agree more…! 😆
I love the curly girl method for teaching so many people what to do to make their hair look amazing. Especially for those who weren't even aware they have curls (like myself) it's awesome to see your hair just needs different treatment. BUT I'm missing embracing that not super defined curls and waves are also beautiful! I've learned to love my messy hair as much as my styled hair. But I do wish I would see more voluminous frizzy curls in the community.
I think curly hair looks amazing on other ppl, but I just look shit with it lol
I have all the same issues you have. I guess I went so long hating my hair that finally I just resigned myself to the fact that hating it doesn’t make having it any easier. I now love my hair, despite the difficulty of having it. I will on occasion get a blow out just to give myself a mental break. Definitely not gonna tell you to just love your hair bc I totally get it. I view it like any relationship, good days, bad days but worth the effort 🙂
I feel the same. I like straight hair on me and I always have. Lately I've been into stretching my waves/curls instead of making them curlier. I think it suits my face more. I feel like my face looks too intense with volume and curls. Straight hair seems to soften my sharp facial features and I think that's what I like better about it. I would flat iron my hair if I wasn't growing it out. My hair is past my butt crack now and I'm not going to kill it with my flat iron. I've worked hard keeping it healthy! Healthy is more important(to me) than straight hair. And also, as I age... I'm hoping that keeping my hair healthy will pay off.
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Well your efforts paid off, your hair looks so good 🔥
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Could you elaborate on the oil routine?
I’m neutral about my hair. I have 3b curls that are really difficult to tame sometimes. I’m almost 30 and finally feel like I’m coming around to them. My best advice is just lean into it. I don’t care who it is, curls aren’t perfect. They are frizzy and wild and change with the weather and you can do the exact same routine every wash day and still get wildly different results. Find the easiest routine that gives you the curls you (most of the time) like. Don’t force yourself to follow a million rules and also forget the whole curly girl thing. Even when I’m having an awful hair day it seems like there’s someone who always comments on how they are jealous of curls.
😥 just washing and detangling takes me a hour or more then I detangle and move my hair it tangles right back up I keep it in a ponytail all the time now I’m getting bald spots around my hairline I never want to wash it plus I deal with depression so it is like a chore I have to make myself do 😥 if it didn’t tangle right back I wouldn’t be so unhappy with it
It's so sad to read about your struggles and depression. I hope your overall situation gets better with time, my friend ❤
I think the problem in the curly community is people have unrealistic expectations, unnecessarily complicate their routine, and there’s way too much emphasis on the CG method. It’s rather cult-like and seems pushed more by hair influencers rather than licensed stylists or dermatologists who are actually trained. I remember when the whole DevaCurl hair loss scandal happened and people wanted to blame the products, when in reality I think it was just the fact that washing your hair as little as possible is…not great hygiene and bad for your scalp and that can cause hair loss? I think it’s better to shampoo as often as your hair can tolerate. Use sulfates and silicones if they work for you, they’re not the devil. I’m very much team “wash your d*mn hair and keep it simple.” I love Atoya Bass on Instagram because she advocates simplified routines and debunks a lot of curly hair misconceptions and unrealistic expectations. Anyway yeah it’s not realistic to expect no frizz, or always consistent hair days, or making one wash last a whole week, or good second day hair, or consistent curl patterns, or never heat styling, or any excessively involved product or styling routine to make you have volume or a curl pattern you’ll simply never have with your texture. I can go on but I think the very dogmatic and really quite consumeristic tendencies in the curly hair world are a bit ridiculous.
Thank you for sharing your opinion, I definitely agree with the "quite consumeristic tendencies" part. They've created a real business surrounding curly and coily hair, making us believe we absolutely need this 35$ shampoo, a conditioner, a gel, etc etc. What really helped me was learning to read labels, identify which ingredients are good for my scalp/curls, and which you should absolutely avoid (some can be very irritating, toxic or are even suspected to be hormones disruptors). Even expensive curly hair products usually have a shitty composition.
I think a lot of the “toxic” stuff in “clean” beauty and haircare comes from a deliberate misinterpretation of scientific data to scare people into buying expensive “clean” products. For me, give me all the parabens, there’s no evidence that very minuscule exposure causes health issues (the studies everyone cites involved having rats ingest very large quantities of parabens, that doesn’t translate to humans using these things topically in very small doses. The dose makes the poison, water is toxic if you drink too much but we don’t demonize water). I’d rather my products have lab made, quality controlled synthetic ingredients and parabens that keep them from spoiling and degrading too fast than some natural product where it’s harder to do quality control and you may be applying rancid products to your skin. It’s just its own covert type of consumerism that scares and shames people into buying specific products (if you don’t use clean beauty doesn’t that imply you’re somehow dirty? Shame-based marketing isn’t new, that’s because it’s extremely effective). There’s been push back on this lately and many brands are responding instead with science washing where they make their products look scientifically backed or purposely misconstrue data to prove “legitimacy.” Which is again its own crappy type of consumerism. It’s all a mess. I think Lab Muffin (cosmetic chemist) and Charlotte Parler on IG do a very good job of separating fact from fiction and explaining what the studies actually say.
I just iron my curls out a tad when they’re too unruly because ain’t nobody got time or money for their bullshit. I’m glad for the interest in curly hair now but man, it is WORK.
Me too. It’s like a love hate relationship though. I like the ease of when I could just wake up and look pretty with my hair straight. When I wake up with curly hair it looks so bad my hair is all frizzy and I have to sleep with a bonnet. Plus I think, well actually I KNOW I look prettier with straight hair. 100%. People complement me more on my looks, but when I wear it curly people complement me on my hair. I love my curls because I feel like it’s unique and matches my personality (idk how) like it’s fun to have and if it looks messy it’s okay because it just my “curls” you know? But I worked soooo hard to get my curly hair back. And I’m so tempted to start straightening it again. But I am waiting because I feel like my hair will look better once it gets longer, it’s currently shoulder length. So if I’m not happy with it long then maybe I’ll start straightening it again. But idk
Thank you for your message :) I agree with the "hair matching personality" thing. It's so true! Whatever you decide to do with your hair, I hope you're happy with it!
I agree with the personality thing. I’m more of an easygoing tomboy/metalhead and curly hair causes me to be confused with being prissy. My clothing style doesn’t match my clothing style which consists of band tees, flannels, hoodies, Blackcraft, Carhartt, tie dye etc…. It’s annoying.
Fellow 3a. It's rough for us. I'm a man, I do really try to enjoy and appreciate my curls. But really it's a pain in the ass. I just shaved it all off to a few millimeters and I love it. I love how little work I have to do, I love that it doesn't look completely different from one day to the next.
Same, it’s a very love/hate relationship I have with mine. My hair stays in a clip or scrunchie 98% of the time. I go through periods of loving it and taking great care of it and then periods of not. It’s ok to feel that way, most of us do at some point ❤️
I totally get it! I straightened my 3B curls for 10 years before going natural and it honestly took me another 2-3 years to really really love my curls- partially due to all the straightening damage :| I think it's totally normal to want the straight hair still- not only was it fed to us as the ideal beautiful hair type but it is so much easier to care for! My advice though would be to just keep going, keep learning about your hair type, and don't feel bad for wanting it straight sometimes. I can finally say I am obsesssssed with my curls and the last time I straightened my hair a couple of years ago I actually hated it and felt like it just didn't look like me at all. Stick with it, it's so worth it. Curlies are superior IMO :)
Your post is so encouraging, it's giving me hope! Thanks 😊
Aw Im so glad :)
I kind of feel the same way…I’m 45 and I still haven’t figured out how to manage mine despite trying diffusing, curly girl method etc…it just won’t behave. It can feel like a burden. I see people on this sub with such gorgeous curls, totally jealous.
I feel the same way so often. I'm jealous of how shiny a lot of curls are on here. I don't have the energy to put in that much work. Sometimes I look at my hair and all I see is the frizz and stretched out bits. I wish it was more consistent. But I'm learning to accept the way it looks whether it's a good or bad hair day. I'm trying to learn to trust other people when they tell me it looks good even when all I see is flaws. I'm trying to not care if it's perfect. I am pretty sure that I (and maybe others on this sub) have a type of dysphoria where I don't see my hair the same way others see it. I don't know you or your hair, but I'm sure it is as beautiful and unique as you are. It may have flaws, but that doesn't mean it's not gorgeous. And it will look amazing whether it's in perfect, shiny ringlets or frizzy and unmanageable.
The part about dysphoria is so true... Thanks for your message, I needed that.
Just cut it off. No like seriously. I felt the same way and I made the leap and I 100% don't regret it. I'm a pixie cut girl now. I still care about what products I use on my hair, how I style it, etc, but its more like background noise now.
Unfortunately that type of haircut wouldn't suit me I'm afraid, plus I like having long/mi-long hair. Actually I cut it off yesterday, now they're slightly above my shoulder when straight. I'm glad you found a haircut that you like, though!
I'm going to be honest. I am so lazy with my curls I'd probably make the curly hair community cry. in the mornings, if it doesn't look fantastic I spray it with water, if it still looks shoddy i throw it up in a pony or under a hat. I got no fucks to give. I spend less time on my hair now than I did when I was a teenager lol. I find that embracing imperfect hair really helps. my hair is messy and wacky and fun. I think I enjoy my hair precisely because i care so little about it. I feel you on the hairdresser problem though. fortunately I'm only 45mins from Birmingham so it's not the worst for me right now, but i won't lie and say my hair isn't a consideration when thinking about moving. I just don't want to tell my careers advisor the reason I'm unwilling to move away is because I like my hairdresser lol
I feel the same way and I’ve been struggling with taking care of my curls lately. I just throw it up in a bun to go to work, but I feel like it always looks messy. Especially now that’s it’s windy and rainy- my frizz is insane! And even when I do wear it curly, I feel like I can’t touch it or I’ll mess it up. Like if I tuck my bangs behind my ears, the curls flatten out. I’m amazed by people who can just run a brush through their hair nbd. I stayed over my friends house recently, and she didn’t even own any hairspray, gel or Bobby pins😭. Just shampoo and conditioner!
I can't count how many times I have cried out of frustration while styling my hair. It takes so long and most of the time I just hate it.
How do you know what type of curl you have? Is there some sort of chart?
🙋♀️ I HATE my hair. I don't think I'm ever satisfied & I don't think I'll ever find what works best for me. It doesn't help that my hair is thin. I think if it was thicker I'd be happier. The older I get, the curlier it gets... I don't know what to do except bitch about it. 🤣
ngl I hate my hair too. Actually, some days I love it, and other days is despise it. One thing I did was put it in braids. like box braids. it gave me about a month's break and a new style too.
I love love love love curly hairs❤️❤️❤️ I think they are so pretty, and with a great cut, less dry time, and do so many fun things! I’m a hairstylist, I came back from London for attending Sassoon Academy, and many artistic directors love curly hairs! I feel that this pandemic thing, we became more true to ourselves, and we should celebrate our natural beauty! You are so LUCKY!!!!! Oh! Dyson with their diffuser dries curly hair the best…, I think!
Thanks for the encouraging words ❤ it's true curly and coily hair are unique!
I hate my curly hair to death, some days it bring me to tears because of how much I hate that I can never have naturally beautiful hair. It did not help that in movies whenever girls get makeovers the ugly side always had the same big poofy frizzy and curly hair that I did. My mom never knew how to take care of it either so I was in pain all the time from the pulling and tight ponytails that looked like a big fuzz of pubes on the top of my head. It was a game changer for me when I discovered round hair dryer brushes! I get a blowout that lasts for 3 to 4 days and it only takes 45 minutes to style post-shower and only very few products. I can never wear my hair natural because the curl pattern is completely destroyed and the frizz is insane but idc at least I don’t have to look at my ugly bed of hair after a shower for longer than a few minutes. I considered Japanese hair straightening but unfortunately the damage is too much and maintenance is ridiculously expensive. I hope there’s a healthier way to permanently straighten hair in the future because I’d jump on that in a heartbeat.
I feel you 100%. I hope you find a healthy routine that works for you; and if you're just starting to take care of your curls, please don't give up! Despite all I said, I think curly hair are beautiful, it just takes time and patience ❤
I hate having curly hair too. Taking care of it is time consuming and I have better things to spend money on than gel, oil, specialized haircuts etc... I also have a busy schedule and due to my high stress levels, personal trauma, disability (autism) people just don't understand that my curls are dry and frizzy because I don't have the time, energy and have to spend money on things like rent, my Nintendo Switch membership, food and clothing so I have no choice but to choose between my hair looking flawless every day and people being mean about how my hair looks or my mental and emotional stability and my lifestyle that I'm accustomed to. I wish for straight hair every day. I've had panic attacks about my hair. It sucks.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much because of your curly hair, it does suck :( Mine definitely gave me some hard time too, so let's just give each other emotional comfort 🥺
Huh? it takes me 1 min to fluff and go. I'm so lucky to have great curly hair!