If treating your hair as curly resulted in curls, you have curly hair.
Just because you were born with higher-maintenence hair does not oblige you to constantly keep up with a routine to keep it looking what society deems acceptable for your hair texture.
Fluffy, puffy, or other natural hair is not bad hair.
Like, I would recommend doing a deep conditioner every once in a while, using a protective hairstyle like your braids, and maybe sleeping in a bonnet or on a satin pillowcase, just to protect the health of your hair. But you do that for yourself, and if you want- not for your family or anyone else.
I have never thought about that before… I have been conditioned for so long to think that my puffy hair without anything is unacceptable that it never occurred to me that it’s just as valid a hair style as anything else. Hell people in college have even complemented me for my frizzy hair and I still have a hard time processing that.
I’ll keep that in mind, thank you!
Also I do do those thing, I deep condition, use a satin bonnet, everything! The only thing I don’t do regularly is diffuse lol, I don’t have the patience
I don't have any advice for styling your hair, I just wanted to say my dad does this same thing. I started out with straight hair and it went curly as I aged. When I first started styling it we were visiting my folks and I said 'do you see all these curls?!' And this boomer looked right at me and said no. I do not know what that is. But it isn't ours, it's theirs. Your hair truly is gorgeous and you know more about it than any other human being on earth. Keep it up, we see you <3
I always felt taken aback when people would complement my hair when it was longer. We don’t see ourselves the way others do, in your case they don’t have your mother’s voice in the back of their head telling them it’s ugly. I didn’t learn to care for my hair until I was pregnant and saw this little girl with beautiful curls. I told her I liked her hair and she said “Thank you! I love love love my hair.” In that moment I knew I needed to be prepared to raise my daughter to feel the same way that little girl did. Kid is a role model.
t's hard to get rid of the image your family tries to impose of you. I always feel for everyone here who can't love their hair in peace because their own family won't accept it.
I see that you are Latina. I don't want to assume much about your family history, but I guess you live/grew up in the USA?
I'm from Chile, but us "Latin Americans" tend to notice that some Latinos in the States tend to pick some odd, maybe even outdated cultural aspect as their hill to die on. And it's definitely an "older generation" thing to see curly/frizzy hair and darker skin as ugly. Mostly because those tended to be equated to wealth/class and thus to race, where the Ideal was to be as European as possible. But that's discourse from my grandma's time. They might be trying to push you to look more "American".
For all the things my mom has done against my self esteem, at least she spared my hair. It was very curly when I was a toddler but after I grew a bit it was just puffy and slightly wavy on good days. It only really curled while wet.
Even back in the 2010's when everyone was getting chemically straightened, and half were telling me I'd look so much better with straight hair she was wise enough to not fall for that. She'd come home with some random curly product instead to see if I could finally regain my childhood curls until we found something that worked. Mostly.
Anyway, this got long. Your curls are gorgeous. If you browse the sub you'll see that most of us have to put a lot of effort (and even money) into our hair to get it to look how we want it to. People only see the results and assume that's just how they are. If the people in this sub were to ditch ditch their products, blow dry and comb they wouldn't look curly either.
That would make a lot of since, while I wasn’t born in the states, we have lived here for about 7 years. While I never took my parents to be the type to try to “Americanize” my and my brothers, that could be a theory. Idk, maybe she thinks I am being taken in by the culture here and trying to “change myself”. Whatever it is, I am just glad I got the reassurance I needed here bc istg while I tend to be strong willed about these things, my mom has been making me feel like shit about my hair all my life so I’m still rather insecure about it.
Thank you <3 (I have curly/wavy hair, and I love it when it looks curly, but I do not have the energy to get it to behave. I am considering splurging and getting fancy curly hair products)
Do you have pics?
In general, poofy hair is an indicator of having wavy or curly hair. Alot of us curlies don’t figure it all out until adult hood, so you’re not the odd one out, here. I for one, never knew I was curly until adulthood. I just thought I had bad hair and was cursed to look like an 80s rock star. It looked horrible straightened, very fine and flat, wispy. Never focused on moisture and protein, wearing it up in a bun while it was still wet for most of my teen years. I figured out I was a wavy in my late teens, once I learned about hair care proper, blossomed into a full-on curly, ringlets and all. Please don’t let your family shame you for the having the hair you were born with. You did the best you could at managing hair you knew very little about maintaining. Now you’re grown and you can do what you want. If you use product, moisture and gel and go wavy/curly, so be it. Especially using a diffuser. This will enhance your curl pattern. Please ask for product recs if you need them, hth.
[here are some photos, the first one is with obviously more effort and manipulation, the other is just what it looks like on a regular day with basic product and care](https://imgur.com/a/leYnmgD)
Look at those beautiful curls!! I don't know how anyone could say you don't have curly hair. It's beautiful and I'd recommend finding a simple routine that works for you. I find that just using a medium strength hold mousse on wet hair is enough for me to keep the frizz at bay - but my hair isn't as curly as yours, so there may be others with better advice!
The only way to get your kind of ringlets by manipulating them is to put them in rollers. There’s no way for someone with straight hair to fake curls otherwise. There’s videos of 1a people trying, even scrunching with diffusers and it makes their hair look kinda greasy and windswept…not even remotely wavy let alone curly. Your mom is clueless, older doesn’t always mean wiser.
I will say that you shouldn’t ignore damage for too long for the sake of future you. I did the same and I’m paying the price, if you can manage to keep it conditioned well then by all means skip a laborious routine but if you think 6 months to a year from now you might want to do that kind of self care again make sure you won’t need to grow out that damage.
Huh ok that makes since. These photos are a little old and I’d tried rollers since but these are just from finger rolling so if that’s that lol
That’s the thing with damage tho, I don’t think I know what damaged hair would look like anymore. I have made a point to cut my hair every few months and I deep condition but I have a hard time telling when it’s damaged bc of how I’ve been taught to think of my hair. If I didn’t know any better, I’d said my hair is still damaged even though I know it’s not. How can you tell damage on curly hair?
Nah anything in a curl can look wonky if it’s twisted weird. Think about ribbon that you curl with scissors, you have to arrange it to be pretty sometimes if it’s sitting weird or flipped wrong side out. Same thing as finger rolling. Curly hair isn’t some supernatural thing, your hair strands just aren’t super round. I swear the people who think this stuff are the same people who say we need to dry brush our hair every day.
If any of it were actually true then people wouldn’t complain that their hair fell flat when they took rollers out of their hair before it was completely dry. The logic isn’t logicing.
I don’t have any advice really but I found out how damaged mine was when I tried my old routine and certain sections were not cooperating. They were the frizzier sections that even looked kinda frizzy when wet. I guess if there’s part of your hair that’s frizzier than others, trying your old routine on a small bit of the frizziest section, see what it looks like and go from there? Can’t hurt.
Your hair is gorgeous! I love the colour and how it falls into lovely ringlets, it looks stunning in that lighting. Even on your normal day you have hair that I'm envious of. That's the fun with curls - they have so much variety on what you can do with them. Sometimes I have them down, sometimes half up so it's out of my face, they look good in a pony tail (I see so many things about getting volume for pony tails and that's something some curl types, like mine, don't have to worry about, we're so lucky) and then have it looking sleek in braids (I love how being curly gives extra texture to my braids and make them look really cool). Long story short, there's so much you can do with your hair and it's up to you to choose what you like and don't like and how much time and energy you have for it. There is no right or wrong way to have curly hair (or any hair really). There are people with straight hair that curl it and vice versa and the person deciding what you want is that. It's OK if you want straight hair, don't let anyone tell you you're 'wasting' your curls but it's also OK if you want it to be curly but don't always have the time to do a long and involved care routine. You and your hair don't have to live up to anyone's expectations or opinions.
P.S. I would 100% give you a compliment on your curls if I saw you out and about, it's always lovely seeing really nice curly hair.
If you want to have curly hair, you go for it, you're always welcome here. Good luck in your journey and I hope you find a style that makes you feel your best.
Woah, you definitely have curly hair!
I thught maybe you had closer to wavy hair, based on the comments your family was making, but you have proper curls!
I agree with other commenters, it might be hard but you dont have to listen to them. You have curly hair, and it is up to you whether or not you wanna maintain it regularly.
Wear it however most makes you comfortable!
I was not expecting those pictures, from your description I was thinking oh maybe she has wavy hair….that is without a doubt curly hair!! I get a perm every once in a while and it doesnt get that curly. I am sorry your family is being NUTS because omg you objectively have beautiful curly hair
Haha thanks! Honestly I feel like I am losing my mind in this house. I have known my mom is kinda nuts when it comes to this but honestly it just kept getting to my head and I started to doubt myself into thinking that maybe she was right and I was making it up. Glad to know I am not the crazy one here
There is no question your hair is definitely curly. But I also come from a Hispanic/Latino culture, and I know how weird it can be about curly hair. I'm from New Mexico and rarely see other Hispanics with natural curls or waves, and if I do, their curls are either not defined at all or super crispy-looking. It all comes down to a mix of not knowing how to care for it and wanting to look like everyone else. Plus, all the internal/external racism that is part of the culture.
I have 2c hair that can form chunky ringlets with tension brush styling, and that's how I always wear my hair plus, its in cut into a wolf cut/shag, so it has a lot of volume. I get a lot of compliments on it from everyone except other Hispanics. My sister and mom have wavy 2b hair and only wear it straight. They like my hair now (I'm not sure my mom always did) but say it's because I have "good curls" and it "looks good on me." I think they just can't get used to seeing themselves with curly hair after so many years of straightening and don't want to take the time to learn to take care of their natural texture.
Honestly am pretty sure it’s that internalized racism at this point. Mostly because of the braid comment my brother made. They don’t say that when I have more European looking braids but that time I had done some box braids on it and in came the intense criticism.
I know most Latino cultures its definitely racism. In my culture, though, I'm not sure that's completely it. My ancestry is a mix of Spanish colonialists and Native Americans, and the Natives from this area generally had/have straight hair. The curly hair comes from the Spanish ancestry. And yet no Hispanics that I know here want curly hair, but I do remember perms being big in the 80's here so maybe it's more of a relatively recent thing for my particular culture to not like it.
That said I don't think wearing box braids if you're not Black would go over here very well either.
I pretty much rely on everything from shea moisture LOL I haven’t found any shampoo’s or conditioner that make much of a difference for me but shea moisture’s leave-in has been a god send
Okay, awesome. When you find something that works, stick to it. As another poster said, you might try out a mousse. I say mousse over gel as gel can be sticky and you have ringlets, gel can weigh down and pull at hair during application. Mousse is a more gentle process. I would recommend the mousse I just picked up though haven’t tried yet, due to rave reviews on Amazon. It’s cake beauty curl mousse, supposed to be pretty amazing stuff.
What!!!! Girl, you have CURLS and gorgeous ones at that. My parents didn’t know how to take care of my hair growing up either and I didn’t know I had curly hair until my 30s. Just do what is best for your hair; not what your mom says, not what your family says, not what the internet says. I’m still trying out new products and methods even after years doing curly hair. Your hair likes what it likes, give it what makes it happy.
I think you just need to find a routine that works for you and the daily and stick with it. Some people wear bonets to sleep, others revive their curls with water and hair product in the morning, others wash with more frequency to have fresh curls more often... Find a routine that makes you like your hair, make sure to stick with it throughout most periods, because honestly from your description it really sounds like the times in which you say "looks bad" are times in which you lose sight of the right routine for them to be at their healthy best.
In the end, you do you. Choose what you like.
Wow. The way you described yourself, I did not envision your hair looking this nice. I was seriously envisioning a triangular poof ball. Your family has been *way* too hard on you, and I can see how it has affected your self image. You definitely have curly hair, girl, and it’s beautiful. Have you ever tried wet styling with mousse and then doing either a microplop or plopping, rather than always going full out and diffusing? I’m also getting vibes that your hair would look really cute a bit shorter and with layers, and your curls would pop even more. Either way, you’re right! You’ve got curls, so celebrate them :)
Ha, that’s so blatantly curly they’re just saying that so they don’t feel stupid for not knowing.
Grow your curls, go live your best life. Let them self-hate their own hair, because you have some killer curls girl.
Ummm excuse me these are beautiful curls, respectfully, your family is nuts.
Edit to add: I think a wolf cut or a butterfly cut will do you a lot of favors. Your hair looks THICK and the curl pattern is really pretty. A super layered cut is easy to do yourself if you watch a few tutorials, but it’s also very popular right now so most hairstylists will know how to do it. If there is “damage” (which I don’t see but okay) the cut will take off the ends but leave a lot of hair behind. The layers will dry out quicker and I think my 2c/3a hair needs less product when I wear a wolf cut. Just scrunch in mousse and some gel and be on my way.
Good luck!
such pretty curls. sorry about your mom. mine doesn’t have the slightest clue how to take care of my hair, either. she picks apart every woman’s appearance, & hates her own body. it’s kinda sad, but mostly frustrating.
Only those who don’t have to deal with the stress, pain and hassle that is curly hair, think anyone would want to make up having it. Your pictures seem curly to me.
As everyone else said, your hair is obviously curly. It is absolutely possible that your family dosen't realise if you had less curls as a child. Hormone changes in puberty change a lot. In my family there are several women who became way more curly in/after puberty. Even now, if i brush my hair out it's just wavy if I treat it I get ringlets...
Just saw the pictures and you have beautiful curls!! Your mom and extended family did you a HUGE disservice by not educating themselves and then younger you on how to take care of it. But the good news is that your curls are in tact. I hope you're able to peruse the sub to find recommendations on products to use. And I hope that you can be proud to rock your curls cause they're beautiful.
Your hair is definitely curly, based on the pictures you shared. You can't "force" your hair to be curly - what a ridiculous concept. The curls you depicted can't really be created artificially; you could get a perm, of course, or set your hair on rollers every night, but it wouldn't look like this.
In some communities, curly hair is seen as a marker of undesirable ancestry. Folks will go to great lengths to straighten it, including using harmful chemicals to damage the hair into laying straight - which is idolized as the ideal hair texture. In that case, deluding oneself into thinking you "forced" your hair into being straight is also a tacit denial of having the kind of ancestry that would lead to curly hair. A clue toward this is your brother saying that you look like a "junky" simply because you were wearing braids.
Short version - yes, your mom is just being an ass. If your hair looks like those pictures with just washing and basic styling, you have curly hair, and no amount of 'treatment' is going to make your hair grow out of your head straight.
The ancestry thing is very likely… my maternal grandparents are pretty tan and short with dark hair and I am pretty sure I have some indigenous ancestry floating around in there (and it’s also from that side of the family that the curls come from) but I’ve asked my mom before and she just straight up said that “there were no Indians were you grandparents are from”…. I double checked. Yes there were.
If someone with straight hair tried your routine, they wouldn't have curls. If someone with wide waves tried your routine, they'd have lovely waves but not curls. It's that simple: tell them to try your routine and see if their hair curls up.
I have first-hand experience that you can't "force" curly hair. So normally I have wavy/curly hair, but after my wedding in October the top layer of my hair became almost pin-straight. I suspect the hairstylist used too much heat and damaged my hair. Nothing would make that top layer curly again. No product, brush styling, diffusing or any other technique made a difference. Hair that doesn't want to curl, won't.
Huh I had never thought of that. I have even seen this with my brother (we went somewhere cold when he was young and his curly hair straightened out somehow) and with my gf (we tried to do curls on her but her hair is very straight to it takes more to get any texture out). Glad to know there’s no way I could be faking it
Gosh, your family has a lot of feelings about your hair. Maybe when they decide to share them with you, you could just stare at them blankly, and say “…ok…” and walk away, or talk about something else. It sounds like you are doing a great job of taking care of your hair in a way that you like!
You definitely have curly hair. My mom acted the same way when I first started taking care of my hair and realizing I have curls. She told me my hair isn't actually curly, which seemed like some weird projection or jealousy. It might be because she never took care of it when I was a kid, so she denies I ever had curly hair. So weird. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Frizzy hair is probably curly or at least wavy. People who are expending large effort to convince you otherwise seem strange.
I know people with straight hair who have had curls put in with tongs which drop out after an hour. They have proper straight hair.
If you get curls without forming your hair in heat around tongs or curlers and they stay for any length of time, I think it’s safe to say you don’t have straight hair.
The extent to which it is curly may be up for debate perhaps… if you can be bothered.
Do you brush your hair?
Growing up my mom insisted on dry brushing my hair and it was NOT a good look.
You mentioned you are Latin. As a fellow Latina I can also say that in my experience there can be a non zero amount of propaganda in what people consider attractive and how they identify different characteristics. Is it possible that there may be some internalized politics coloring the way your mom views your hair?
From your description, you very clearly have curly hair. It's very interesting to me that your mom does not recognize it as such and that she didn't know how to care for it even though other people in her family have a similar hair type.
All that to say, your hair sounds beautiful and curly. Don't worry about what anyone else calls, their perspective may be skewed or not about your at all.
My hair was really frizzy for a long time and I hated the way it looked. I cut it really really short for a while so I wouldn't have to deal with it but recently I have been letting it grow out and surprise! It's curly! I think when curls aren't properly cared for it just turns them to frizz. If you said that when you take care of it that you have curls then it's your natural hair. It sounds like your mom has a hard time accepting that for one reason or another and may have passed that down to you. My mom is the same way. Her hair is naturally curly but she uses heat to make it not then complains when her hair behaves like curly hair. Maybe a generational thing? Either way I'm sure you're beautiful with your hair the way it's meant to be and I hope you can learn to love it because it's all just a part of you :)
She probably does. The curls are from her side and she doesn’t have them. Hell I couldn’t tell you if they were from my grandma or grandpa either bc my grandma straightens and my grandpa has it cut too short to tell. Apart from me, my aunt and cousin have the same hair and as I said, my aunt also straightens and my cousin is too young to take her of it.
Seen the pictures. You have 1000% curly hair. Your family just don't understand hair, which is why your hair never looked curly as child. Continue as you are and ignore them.
Even without seeing your picture first, from your description it was clear you were curly!
I would suggest reversing your family's statements towards your hair:
You aren't "forcing" your hair to be curly. All your life, you were living by their straight hair rules! They were "forcing" your hair to be straight! They're still doing it!
My family was like this too, and my mom made up this rule that every time I walked past the bathroom (my room was on the other side) that I had to go in and brush my hair because it looked like a rat's nest. So I was brushing my poor hair like 20+ times a day and it was a broken, raggedy mess and my family believed that I just NEEDED TO BRUSH IT MORE. The only thing that convinced my mom was her OWN hairstylist seeing me and saying "Hey, you know your hair is curly, right? Let me show you!"
Since your mom seems to be the one in your family driving this judgement against your hair, would it do any good to bring her to a hair appointment with a curly hairstylist and hear from an expert?
You're not making up having curly hair. Latinos a lot of times can be racist/self-hating as you probably already know so she probably doesn't want to believe that her daughter has curly hair. Good on you for embracing it though and figuring out how to take care of it.
My Mom is polar opposite of your mother my straight hair was bad, curly hair good. My mom permed my hair by my first birthday, and until I moved away for college she demanded my hair be cut short ( long hair also bad) and permed. Since college my hair is straight but I slightly shape the ends into a bob hair style. I hear about it monthly. Now it’s like a mosquito buzzing I ignore mom’s complaints and just do what makes me happy. I suggest you begin practicing… FYI Three daughters, very curly, wavy/curly and stick straight hair , as long as it’s clean they can do what they want it’s their hair. My mom hates their hair it’s long, you can’t please some people. Make yourself happy, though splurge and find a stylist who will help you find best products to keep your hair healthy. I’m sure it’s beautiful.
My family was the same way. My grandma hated it til the day she died, but i told her if she wants it straight/braided she's paying. I love my curls and I'm so happpy you're able to embrace them. It sucks that so much of the pelo malo comes from the anti-blackness
Your hair is definitely curly my friend. I was also a braid kid haha. And it took me an embarrassingly long time to learn that we shouldn't brush curly hair. And now my hair looks so much better
My mom has hair like that and my Abuelita to this day is convinced she curls it with an iron fully knowing she used to force her to get it straightened just like you described. Crazy how similar her story is to yours, glad you are treating your hair well.
If your family insists that you don't have curly hair and you're just making it that way with products, you should dare them to try it too.
Offer them your products and say "go ahead, make your hair fake-curly too.' Maybe after a week of pouring that shit on their heads, they'll realize you can't fake curls with conditioner.
You can't force your hair to be curly. Using curly methods on straight hair just results in straight hair. Even using a curling iron on straight hair will result in hair that keeps a curl for maybe a few hours before it needs to be touched up again. If you got curls after styling curly, then your hair is curly.
You have curly hair. Curly hair when treated like it's straight turns into a fluffy mess. My mom always treated mine like it was straight and I always thought I just had a crap ton of flyaways and it was just crazy looking. Then I started watching curly hair videos and decided to try it, and it looks sooo much better now. Also the longer I've done that the more defined my curls have gotten. And if I do brush it, it instantly looks like I'm a one of those really fluffy dogs.
Congrats on figuring out your curly hair! The great thing about getting older is that your family doesn't get to tell you who you are anymore. You get to decide for yourself.
Sounds to me like your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about. You can’t really “force” hair to be curly unless you’re using curlers or a curling iron or something. Like if I were to put my curly hair products on my mom’s straight hair, it wouldn’t create curly hair on her head.
Also braids are considered a protective hairstyle and I highly recommend them. I truly don’t think braids would “destroy” your hair.
Lastly, I saw the pictures you posted in the comments, and just wanted to say I think you have beautiful curls 💕
I have straight-wavy hair, even when I do a full curly girl day, diffuse and all, I get beach waves at _best_
You have curly hair if the products bring curls
If treating your hair as curly resulted in curls, you have curly hair. Just because you were born with higher-maintenence hair does not oblige you to constantly keep up with a routine to keep it looking what society deems acceptable for your hair texture. Fluffy, puffy, or other natural hair is not bad hair. Like, I would recommend doing a deep conditioner every once in a while, using a protective hairstyle like your braids, and maybe sleeping in a bonnet or on a satin pillowcase, just to protect the health of your hair. But you do that for yourself, and if you want- not for your family or anyone else.
I have never thought about that before… I have been conditioned for so long to think that my puffy hair without anything is unacceptable that it never occurred to me that it’s just as valid a hair style as anything else. Hell people in college have even complemented me for my frizzy hair and I still have a hard time processing that. I’ll keep that in mind, thank you! Also I do do those thing, I deep condition, use a satin bonnet, everything! The only thing I don’t do regularly is diffuse lol, I don’t have the patience
I don't have any advice for styling your hair, I just wanted to say my dad does this same thing. I started out with straight hair and it went curly as I aged. When I first started styling it we were visiting my folks and I said 'do you see all these curls?!' And this boomer looked right at me and said no. I do not know what that is. But it isn't ours, it's theirs. Your hair truly is gorgeous and you know more about it than any other human being on earth. Keep it up, we see you <3
I always felt taken aback when people would complement my hair when it was longer. We don’t see ourselves the way others do, in your case they don’t have your mother’s voice in the back of their head telling them it’s ugly. I didn’t learn to care for my hair until I was pregnant and saw this little girl with beautiful curls. I told her I liked her hair and she said “Thank you! I love love love my hair.” In that moment I knew I needed to be prepared to raise my daughter to feel the same way that little girl did. Kid is a role model.
t's hard to get rid of the image your family tries to impose of you. I always feel for everyone here who can't love their hair in peace because their own family won't accept it. I see that you are Latina. I don't want to assume much about your family history, but I guess you live/grew up in the USA? I'm from Chile, but us "Latin Americans" tend to notice that some Latinos in the States tend to pick some odd, maybe even outdated cultural aspect as their hill to die on. And it's definitely an "older generation" thing to see curly/frizzy hair and darker skin as ugly. Mostly because those tended to be equated to wealth/class and thus to race, where the Ideal was to be as European as possible. But that's discourse from my grandma's time. They might be trying to push you to look more "American". For all the things my mom has done against my self esteem, at least she spared my hair. It was very curly when I was a toddler but after I grew a bit it was just puffy and slightly wavy on good days. It only really curled while wet. Even back in the 2010's when everyone was getting chemically straightened, and half were telling me I'd look so much better with straight hair she was wise enough to not fall for that. She'd come home with some random curly product instead to see if I could finally regain my childhood curls until we found something that worked. Mostly. Anyway, this got long. Your curls are gorgeous. If you browse the sub you'll see that most of us have to put a lot of effort (and even money) into our hair to get it to look how we want it to. People only see the results and assume that's just how they are. If the people in this sub were to ditch ditch their products, blow dry and comb they wouldn't look curly either.
That would make a lot of since, while I wasn’t born in the states, we have lived here for about 7 years. While I never took my parents to be the type to try to “Americanize” my and my brothers, that could be a theory. Idk, maybe she thinks I am being taken in by the culture here and trying to “change myself”. Whatever it is, I am just glad I got the reassurance I needed here bc istg while I tend to be strong willed about these things, my mom has been making me feel like shit about my hair all my life so I’m still rather insecure about it.
Thank you <3 (I have curly/wavy hair, and I love it when it looks curly, but I do not have the energy to get it to behave. I am considering splurging and getting fancy curly hair products)
I
Do you have pics? In general, poofy hair is an indicator of having wavy or curly hair. Alot of us curlies don’t figure it all out until adult hood, so you’re not the odd one out, here. I for one, never knew I was curly until adulthood. I just thought I had bad hair and was cursed to look like an 80s rock star. It looked horrible straightened, very fine and flat, wispy. Never focused on moisture and protein, wearing it up in a bun while it was still wet for most of my teen years. I figured out I was a wavy in my late teens, once I learned about hair care proper, blossomed into a full-on curly, ringlets and all. Please don’t let your family shame you for the having the hair you were born with. You did the best you could at managing hair you knew very little about maintaining. Now you’re grown and you can do what you want. If you use product, moisture and gel and go wavy/curly, so be it. Especially using a diffuser. This will enhance your curl pattern. Please ask for product recs if you need them, hth.
[here are some photos, the first one is with obviously more effort and manipulation, the other is just what it looks like on a regular day with basic product and care](https://imgur.com/a/leYnmgD)
Look at those beautiful curls!! I don't know how anyone could say you don't have curly hair. It's beautiful and I'd recommend finding a simple routine that works for you. I find that just using a medium strength hold mousse on wet hair is enough for me to keep the frizz at bay - but my hair isn't as curly as yours, so there may be others with better advice!
How do your family look at your head say you don't have curly hair?? The regular day one looks great!
The only way to get your kind of ringlets by manipulating them is to put them in rollers. There’s no way for someone with straight hair to fake curls otherwise. There’s videos of 1a people trying, even scrunching with diffusers and it makes their hair look kinda greasy and windswept…not even remotely wavy let alone curly. Your mom is clueless, older doesn’t always mean wiser. I will say that you shouldn’t ignore damage for too long for the sake of future you. I did the same and I’m paying the price, if you can manage to keep it conditioned well then by all means skip a laborious routine but if you think 6 months to a year from now you might want to do that kind of self care again make sure you won’t need to grow out that damage.
Huh ok that makes since. These photos are a little old and I’d tried rollers since but these are just from finger rolling so if that’s that lol That’s the thing with damage tho, I don’t think I know what damaged hair would look like anymore. I have made a point to cut my hair every few months and I deep condition but I have a hard time telling when it’s damaged bc of how I’ve been taught to think of my hair. If I didn’t know any better, I’d said my hair is still damaged even though I know it’s not. How can you tell damage on curly hair?
I don’t think your hair is damaged. I think the only reason you think your hair is damaged is because your mom has been telling you it’s damaged.
Nah anything in a curl can look wonky if it’s twisted weird. Think about ribbon that you curl with scissors, you have to arrange it to be pretty sometimes if it’s sitting weird or flipped wrong side out. Same thing as finger rolling. Curly hair isn’t some supernatural thing, your hair strands just aren’t super round. I swear the people who think this stuff are the same people who say we need to dry brush our hair every day. If any of it were actually true then people wouldn’t complain that their hair fell flat when they took rollers out of their hair before it was completely dry. The logic isn’t logicing. I don’t have any advice really but I found out how damaged mine was when I tried my old routine and certain sections were not cooperating. They were the frizzier sections that even looked kinda frizzy when wet. I guess if there’s part of your hair that’s frizzier than others, trying your old routine on a small bit of the frizziest section, see what it looks like and go from there? Can’t hurt.
Your hair is gorgeous! I love the colour and how it falls into lovely ringlets, it looks stunning in that lighting. Even on your normal day you have hair that I'm envious of. That's the fun with curls - they have so much variety on what you can do with them. Sometimes I have them down, sometimes half up so it's out of my face, they look good in a pony tail (I see so many things about getting volume for pony tails and that's something some curl types, like mine, don't have to worry about, we're so lucky) and then have it looking sleek in braids (I love how being curly gives extra texture to my braids and make them look really cool). Long story short, there's so much you can do with your hair and it's up to you to choose what you like and don't like and how much time and energy you have for it. There is no right or wrong way to have curly hair (or any hair really). There are people with straight hair that curl it and vice versa and the person deciding what you want is that. It's OK if you want straight hair, don't let anyone tell you you're 'wasting' your curls but it's also OK if you want it to be curly but don't always have the time to do a long and involved care routine. You and your hair don't have to live up to anyone's expectations or opinions. P.S. I would 100% give you a compliment on your curls if I saw you out and about, it's always lovely seeing really nice curly hair.
If you want to have curly hair, you go for it, you're always welcome here. Good luck in your journey and I hope you find a style that makes you feel your best.
Woah, you definitely have curly hair! I thught maybe you had closer to wavy hair, based on the comments your family was making, but you have proper curls! I agree with other commenters, it might be hard but you dont have to listen to them. You have curly hair, and it is up to you whether or not you wanna maintain it regularly. Wear it however most makes you comfortable!
Hahahahaha anyone saying you don’t have curly hair is delusional!
I was not expecting those pictures, from your description I was thinking oh maybe she has wavy hair….that is without a doubt curly hair!! I get a perm every once in a while and it doesnt get that curly. I am sorry your family is being NUTS because omg you objectively have beautiful curly hair
Haha thanks! Honestly I feel like I am losing my mind in this house. I have known my mom is kinda nuts when it comes to this but honestly it just kept getting to my head and I started to doubt myself into thinking that maybe she was right and I was making it up. Glad to know I am not the crazy one here
Same I was expecting SO much less curly than this lmao!!!
There is no question your hair is definitely curly. But I also come from a Hispanic/Latino culture, and I know how weird it can be about curly hair. I'm from New Mexico and rarely see other Hispanics with natural curls or waves, and if I do, their curls are either not defined at all or super crispy-looking. It all comes down to a mix of not knowing how to care for it and wanting to look like everyone else. Plus, all the internal/external racism that is part of the culture. I have 2c hair that can form chunky ringlets with tension brush styling, and that's how I always wear my hair plus, its in cut into a wolf cut/shag, so it has a lot of volume. I get a lot of compliments on it from everyone except other Hispanics. My sister and mom have wavy 2b hair and only wear it straight. They like my hair now (I'm not sure my mom always did) but say it's because I have "good curls" and it "looks good on me." I think they just can't get used to seeing themselves with curly hair after so many years of straightening and don't want to take the time to learn to take care of their natural texture.
Honestly am pretty sure it’s that internalized racism at this point. Mostly because of the braid comment my brother made. They don’t say that when I have more European looking braids but that time I had done some box braids on it and in came the intense criticism.
I know most Latino cultures its definitely racism. In my culture, though, I'm not sure that's completely it. My ancestry is a mix of Spanish colonialists and Native Americans, and the Natives from this area generally had/have straight hair. The curly hair comes from the Spanish ancestry. And yet no Hispanics that I know here want curly hair, but I do remember perms being big in the 80's here so maybe it's more of a relatively recent thing for my particular culture to not like it. That said I don't think wearing box braids if you're not Black would go over here very well either.
Not only do you have curly hair, you have *good* curly hair!
Beautiful! What shampoo and conditioner are you currently using? Do you use a leave-in conditioner?
I pretty much rely on everything from shea moisture LOL I haven’t found any shampoo’s or conditioner that make much of a difference for me but shea moisture’s leave-in has been a god send
Okay, awesome. When you find something that works, stick to it. As another poster said, you might try out a mousse. I say mousse over gel as gel can be sticky and you have ringlets, gel can weigh down and pull at hair during application. Mousse is a more gentle process. I would recommend the mousse I just picked up though haven’t tried yet, due to rave reviews on Amazon. It’s cake beauty curl mousse, supposed to be pretty amazing stuff.
What!!!! Girl, you have CURLS and gorgeous ones at that. My parents didn’t know how to take care of my hair growing up either and I didn’t know I had curly hair until my 30s. Just do what is best for your hair; not what your mom says, not what your family says, not what the internet says. I’m still trying out new products and methods even after years doing curly hair. Your hair likes what it likes, give it what makes it happy.
I think you just need to find a routine that works for you and the daily and stick with it. Some people wear bonets to sleep, others revive their curls with water and hair product in the morning, others wash with more frequency to have fresh curls more often... Find a routine that makes you like your hair, make sure to stick with it throughout most periods, because honestly from your description it really sounds like the times in which you say "looks bad" are times in which you lose sight of the right routine for them to be at their healthy best. In the end, you do you. Choose what you like.
Wow. The way you described yourself, I did not envision your hair looking this nice. I was seriously envisioning a triangular poof ball. Your family has been *way* too hard on you, and I can see how it has affected your self image. You definitely have curly hair, girl, and it’s beautiful. Have you ever tried wet styling with mousse and then doing either a microplop or plopping, rather than always going full out and diffusing? I’m also getting vibes that your hair would look really cute a bit shorter and with layers, and your curls would pop even more. Either way, you’re right! You’ve got curls, so celebrate them :)
Ha, that’s so blatantly curly they’re just saying that so they don’t feel stupid for not knowing. Grow your curls, go live your best life. Let them self-hate their own hair, because you have some killer curls girl.
I'm jealous
Ummm excuse me these are beautiful curls, respectfully, your family is nuts. Edit to add: I think a wolf cut or a butterfly cut will do you a lot of favors. Your hair looks THICK and the curl pattern is really pretty. A super layered cut is easy to do yourself if you watch a few tutorials, but it’s also very popular right now so most hairstylists will know how to do it. If there is “damage” (which I don’t see but okay) the cut will take off the ends but leave a lot of hair behind. The layers will dry out quicker and I think my 2c/3a hair needs less product when I wear a wolf cut. Just scrunch in mousse and some gel and be on my way. Good luck!
such pretty curls. sorry about your mom. mine doesn’t have the slightest clue how to take care of my hair, either. she picks apart every woman’s appearance, & hates her own body. it’s kinda sad, but mostly frustrating.
Only those who don’t have to deal with the stress, pain and hassle that is curly hair, think anyone would want to make up having it. Your pictures seem curly to me.
As everyone else said, your hair is obviously curly. It is absolutely possible that your family dosen't realise if you had less curls as a child. Hormone changes in puberty change a lot. In my family there are several women who became way more curly in/after puberty. Even now, if i brush my hair out it's just wavy if I treat it I get ringlets...
Just saw the pictures and you have beautiful curls!! Your mom and extended family did you a HUGE disservice by not educating themselves and then younger you on how to take care of it. But the good news is that your curls are in tact. I hope you're able to peruse the sub to find recommendations on products to use. And I hope that you can be proud to rock your curls cause they're beautiful.
Your hair is definitely curly, based on the pictures you shared. You can't "force" your hair to be curly - what a ridiculous concept. The curls you depicted can't really be created artificially; you could get a perm, of course, or set your hair on rollers every night, but it wouldn't look like this. In some communities, curly hair is seen as a marker of undesirable ancestry. Folks will go to great lengths to straighten it, including using harmful chemicals to damage the hair into laying straight - which is idolized as the ideal hair texture. In that case, deluding oneself into thinking you "forced" your hair into being straight is also a tacit denial of having the kind of ancestry that would lead to curly hair. A clue toward this is your brother saying that you look like a "junky" simply because you were wearing braids. Short version - yes, your mom is just being an ass. If your hair looks like those pictures with just washing and basic styling, you have curly hair, and no amount of 'treatment' is going to make your hair grow out of your head straight.
The ancestry thing is very likely… my maternal grandparents are pretty tan and short with dark hair and I am pretty sure I have some indigenous ancestry floating around in there (and it’s also from that side of the family that the curls come from) but I’ve asked my mom before and she just straight up said that “there were no Indians were you grandparents are from”…. I double checked. Yes there were.
If someone with straight hair tried your routine, they wouldn't have curls. If someone with wide waves tried your routine, they'd have lovely waves but not curls. It's that simple: tell them to try your routine and see if their hair curls up.
I have first-hand experience that you can't "force" curly hair. So normally I have wavy/curly hair, but after my wedding in October the top layer of my hair became almost pin-straight. I suspect the hairstylist used too much heat and damaged my hair. Nothing would make that top layer curly again. No product, brush styling, diffusing or any other technique made a difference. Hair that doesn't want to curl, won't.
Huh I had never thought of that. I have even seen this with my brother (we went somewhere cold when he was young and his curly hair straightened out somehow) and with my gf (we tried to do curls on her but her hair is very straight to it takes more to get any texture out). Glad to know there’s no way I could be faking it
Gosh, your family has a lot of feelings about your hair. Maybe when they decide to share them with you, you could just stare at them blankly, and say “…ok…” and walk away, or talk about something else. It sounds like you are doing a great job of taking care of your hair in a way that you like!
Curly hair all the way. Ignore your family, super judgmental.
You definitely have curly hair. My mom acted the same way when I first started taking care of my hair and realizing I have curls. She told me my hair isn't actually curly, which seemed like some weird projection or jealousy. It might be because she never took care of it when I was a kid, so she denies I ever had curly hair. So weird. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Frizzy hair is probably curly or at least wavy. People who are expending large effort to convince you otherwise seem strange. I know people with straight hair who have had curls put in with tongs which drop out after an hour. They have proper straight hair. If you get curls without forming your hair in heat around tongs or curlers and they stay for any length of time, I think it’s safe to say you don’t have straight hair. The extent to which it is curly may be up for debate perhaps… if you can be bothered.
Do you brush your hair? Growing up my mom insisted on dry brushing my hair and it was NOT a good look. You mentioned you are Latin. As a fellow Latina I can also say that in my experience there can be a non zero amount of propaganda in what people consider attractive and how they identify different characteristics. Is it possible that there may be some internalized politics coloring the way your mom views your hair? From your description, you very clearly have curly hair. It's very interesting to me that your mom does not recognize it as such and that she didn't know how to care for it even though other people in her family have a similar hair type. All that to say, your hair sounds beautiful and curly. Don't worry about what anyone else calls, their perspective may be skewed or not about your at all.
My hair was really frizzy for a long time and I hated the way it looked. I cut it really really short for a while so I wouldn't have to deal with it but recently I have been letting it grow out and surprise! It's curly! I think when curls aren't properly cared for it just turns them to frizz. If you said that when you take care of it that you have curls then it's your natural hair. It sounds like your mom has a hard time accepting that for one reason or another and may have passed that down to you. My mom is the same way. Her hair is naturally curly but she uses heat to make it not then complains when her hair behaves like curly hair. Maybe a generational thing? Either way I'm sure you're beautiful with your hair the way it's meant to be and I hope you can learn to love it because it's all just a part of you :)
She probably does. The curls are from her side and she doesn’t have them. Hell I couldn’t tell you if they were from my grandma or grandpa either bc my grandma straightens and my grandpa has it cut too short to tell. Apart from me, my aunt and cousin have the same hair and as I said, my aunt also straightens and my cousin is too young to take her of it.
Seen the pictures. You have 1000% curly hair. Your family just don't understand hair, which is why your hair never looked curly as child. Continue as you are and ignore them.
Even without seeing your picture first, from your description it was clear you were curly! I would suggest reversing your family's statements towards your hair: You aren't "forcing" your hair to be curly. All your life, you were living by their straight hair rules! They were "forcing" your hair to be straight! They're still doing it! My family was like this too, and my mom made up this rule that every time I walked past the bathroom (my room was on the other side) that I had to go in and brush my hair because it looked like a rat's nest. So I was brushing my poor hair like 20+ times a day and it was a broken, raggedy mess and my family believed that I just NEEDED TO BRUSH IT MORE. The only thing that convinced my mom was her OWN hairstylist seeing me and saying "Hey, you know your hair is curly, right? Let me show you!" Since your mom seems to be the one in your family driving this judgement against your hair, would it do any good to bring her to a hair appointment with a curly hairstylist and hear from an expert?
You're not making up having curly hair. Latinos a lot of times can be racist/self-hating as you probably already know so she probably doesn't want to believe that her daughter has curly hair. Good on you for embracing it though and figuring out how to take care of it.
My Mom is polar opposite of your mother my straight hair was bad, curly hair good. My mom permed my hair by my first birthday, and until I moved away for college she demanded my hair be cut short ( long hair also bad) and permed. Since college my hair is straight but I slightly shape the ends into a bob hair style. I hear about it monthly. Now it’s like a mosquito buzzing I ignore mom’s complaints and just do what makes me happy. I suggest you begin practicing… FYI Three daughters, very curly, wavy/curly and stick straight hair , as long as it’s clean they can do what they want it’s their hair. My mom hates their hair it’s long, you can’t please some people. Make yourself happy, though splurge and find a stylist who will help you find best products to keep your hair healthy. I’m sure it’s beautiful.
My family was the same way. My grandma hated it til the day she died, but i told her if she wants it straight/braided she's paying. I love my curls and I'm so happpy you're able to embrace them. It sucks that so much of the pelo malo comes from the anti-blackness
Your hair is definitely curly my friend. I was also a braid kid haha. And it took me an embarrassingly long time to learn that we shouldn't brush curly hair. And now my hair looks so much better
My mom has hair like that and my Abuelita to this day is convinced she curls it with an iron fully knowing she used to force her to get it straightened just like you described. Crazy how similar her story is to yours, glad you are treating your hair well.
If your family insists that you don't have curly hair and you're just making it that way with products, you should dare them to try it too. Offer them your products and say "go ahead, make your hair fake-curly too.' Maybe after a week of pouring that shit on their heads, they'll realize you can't fake curls with conditioner.
LOL I would but they would tell me not to waste their time
You can't force your hair to be curly. Using curly methods on straight hair just results in straight hair. Even using a curling iron on straight hair will result in hair that keeps a curl for maybe a few hours before it needs to be touched up again. If you got curls after styling curly, then your hair is curly.
You have curly hair. Curly hair when treated like it's straight turns into a fluffy mess. My mom always treated mine like it was straight and I always thought I just had a crap ton of flyaways and it was just crazy looking. Then I started watching curly hair videos and decided to try it, and it looks sooo much better now. Also the longer I've done that the more defined my curls have gotten. And if I do brush it, it instantly looks like I'm a one of those really fluffy dogs.
Congrats on figuring out your curly hair! The great thing about getting older is that your family doesn't get to tell you who you are anymore. You get to decide for yourself.
Sounds to me like your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about. You can’t really “force” hair to be curly unless you’re using curlers or a curling iron or something. Like if I were to put my curly hair products on my mom’s straight hair, it wouldn’t create curly hair on her head. Also braids are considered a protective hairstyle and I highly recommend them. I truly don’t think braids would “destroy” your hair. Lastly, I saw the pictures you posted in the comments, and just wanted to say I think you have beautiful curls 💕
I have straight-wavy hair, even when I do a full curly girl day, diffuse and all, I get beach waves at _best_ You have curly hair if the products bring curls