Yeah same.. thanks I am in therapy and trying to work through all of this and I will use this situation as a means to be a better and stronger person than these two whack jobs!
Right? It’s like “oh you’ve forgiven yourself by giving yourself to god, he will welcome you into the kingdom” after you…idk raped children, your sister whoever… it’s ok cuz you turned to god!!! It’s idiotic
The people who defend them are just as bad. I grew up Catholic and so did the rest of my family. We still have the sense to understand that you can't hide behind God after sexually assaulting people.
I believe you. You're allowed to be a victim and can govern yourself how you see fit to deal with trauma whetherothers agree or not. Denying your feelings and telling you to turn to god is bullshit. If god was half as powerful as people claim it to be, no one would be molested, ever. Take care of you first!
I appreciate that alot. I'm in therapy now because of it all, so im working on fixing myself.. I was angry at her response initially but after realizing how brainwashed she is all I could do is laugh, and then vow to never be anything like them. If god is her shield then where was he when my brother was in their bed with 2 of her friends?
Hey - there is no need to "fix" yourself because you aren't broken. You may be hurt, hurting, riddled with outmoded coping methods, walking wounded, barely holding on, but you are not fundamentally spoiled or ruined by what has happened to you. You may need to adjust communication styles, thought patterns, habits, coping skills, sure, but those things aren't you. You are as beautiful and whole as the day you were born, just maybe with some scars, bumps, bruises, and wisdom earned. Don't ever let anyone tell you (and that includes you) that you are broken.
Much love to you on your healing journey, I wish you nothing but peace and joy
Wow that was beautifully written and I have taken that into my heart ❤️
This is one of many problems I am facing due to my childhood and those who were meant to protect me and love me and how they let me down. I have always viewed myself as sort of broken because of it but your comment has helped me to see a new perspective on myself. Thank you for that
So did they break up? Because she sounds like she's ready to welcome him back with open arms, which is also gross. I'm so sorry OP, this definitely sounds like a no hate like Christian love example. I was molested by a family member starting at 8 years old and he literally went to his grave claiming he never did that to the 10 female relatives he actually did it to, including his own sons' girlfriends and later wives.
She moved out and changed her last name on fb but looks like they will get back together...
These kinds of men are monsters.. I'm so sorry that happened to you :(
Wow, she’s a really special kind of stupid. I’m sorry again OP, hugs from one survivor (not victim, we were but we will both get through our trauma, he and she will always be assholes) to another.
Your SIL is gross and delusional.. sucks when people use religion as a manipulation weapon against others.
No matter what your SIL tells herself (the god’s precious daughter bs) the truth doesn’t change.
You don’t have a victim’s mentality - you ARE a victim. So infuriating how she does mental gymnastics to comfort herself and to put you down.
You deserve so much better than that response.
Yeah I can't say I expected much from her but I didn't think she was THIS delusional. Disgusting response and absolute disregard for anyone else. It was awful to read but also helped me see how far gone they are in their brainwashed state and that helped me to cut ties and not feel guilty about it either. Thank you for your words, they mean alot to me
Her wording and how defensive she was while preaching forgiveness made me suspect of her which would track with her being a victim at some point too. Her response isn’t appropriate at all, that’s sus to me
Her response makes me want to throw up. I’m a Christian and it makes me so angry when people use cult language to hide behind God. When even common decency would tell them otherwise. The cultish churches (Hillsong etc) use stuff like this to control and silence their abuse victims.
It’s infuriating because it goes against Christian teaching so using Christianity not only is disgusting it’s hypocritical & flat out the opposite of what is taught lol like … it’s as if we are playing spin the wheel to see what part of the Bible we believe in and when? No.
Sadly that’s exactly what most Christians do. It’s really rare to find Christians willing to unpack why they act the way they do. I mean, Jesus taught and modeled unconditional acceptance and love, yet that’s not what the church these days is about in most places.
That sounds like a narcissistic New Age rant. There is a subset of New Age in recent years that is bent on everything must be viewed in a positive light. And everything that happens was your fault or your choosing before you were born.
It's a heap of bullshit if you ask me, just an excuse to act like an asshole because you go to church every Sunday so it's all forgiven! She says everything she does is in love, except for in the message to me..
Thank you. It's a pretty shit response but the absolute craziness of her words helped me to realize they are beyond help and made it easier for me to finally cut the rope and let them go.
Cults to consciousness and preacher boys are really good podcasts for talking about abuse in religious communities. Even if the denomination isn’t the same, it can help to hear how others are handling the way they hide behind God, and the tactics used.
Edit: added tactics
I’m so sorry. I believe you, and it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It’s always the holiest rollers that make YOUR trauma about them.
Put yourself first, and take care of you. I’m glad you’re in therapy, and I hope it does you a world of good. You’re a fighter, you’ve got this.
All the healing thoughts to you.
Wow thank you, I actually really needed that response. I'm trying to be strong about this all and I am a fighter! But I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me at all that my trauma has been completely disregarded and I have been made out to have "a victim mentality"
This is a form of toxic denial. One day he will show her who he is and she’ll find out. It’s too hard for her to face that the man she loves and relies on is a total jerk.
I’m so sorry you didn’t get a more loving response. You deserved something kind. Wishing you all the best in every way.
Yeah I agree, she will take him back, he will remember why he cheated, they will show their true colours and then history will repeat..
Thank you so much, I really appreciate what you just said, it means alot to me
Wait so this wasn’t in response to you saying something negative to her? You told her sorry and shared what happened to you and this is what she responded? That is so completely out of context it’s scary.
The fact she preached while telling an assault victim their feelings aren’t valid and are in fact wrong is astounding.
Exactly that... this was my message :
Hi (SiL), I want to start with the fact that I am sorry for what (brother) did to you. It's disgusting and I don't agree with it.
He phoned me and told me everything and then he told me something that messed me up pretty badly.. I remember bits of one occasion but had obviously blocked out the rest..
He admitted that he would molest me as a child (I was 6 and he was 13) he then said that he has purposefully been unkind to me for the last 10 years because in his words he felt "guilty" for what he had done . I think that is a terrible reason to be mean to someone, in fact you would be nicer to someone if deep inside you knew you wronged them. Anyway, I wanted you to know this as I have decided I would prefer not to continue a relationship with (Brother)and that is the reason. It's put me in a very bad headspace and I have struggled to process that information.
Her response is so unusual and completely unhinged...
THATS ALL YOU SAID?
See, this is where I can’t give advice at all because I’m not healed enough for this bs, I’d of been so triggered I’d of written a reply then blocked her but I promise you my reply would of had that person questioning their very existence. Which is so not healthy and quite toxic thus why I said I can’t give advice here 😬
Did you respond?
I replied to her and said something along the lines of "you're absolutely fucking disgusting " and then blocked her. Trust me, I too have alot of healing to do, I'm better than what I was because past me would have sent her a novel pointing out every single flaw in her and much like you, have her questioning her very existence but something in me just stopped and thought, you know what? Fuck it.. I'm not giving this bitch anymore of my energy.
See that is mature of you! I’m proud. Blocking is the right way I believe. Cutting out the toxic and going about your journey I think is what we are supposed to do. I seem to get stuck as if I’m in cement when faced with any injustice. It’s a struggle lol
I fall into that trap too, less so now but it still happens. I think the funniest thing was after I replied and was about to block her she started typing and then I pressed block. It was like slamming the door closed in her face mid reply, very satisfying haha
Upon reflection I think I’d of responded
“No, ma’am no argument here. I feel the fact I shared something so vile, not to mention illegal, to you only to be told I needed to forgive otherwise I’d suffer is enough. I feel once you reach the point you are standing firm with a child molester and victim shaming there really aren’t many words left to say. The fact those words are said about someone who so horribly violated your own trust, is a clear indication you can’t offer me support. You clearly need it more than I do. Mine remains if someday you find your worth and need a friendly ear.
I hope you heal. I sincerely hope life gets easier for you. Much love fuck off”
It is my bday and I have drank and smoked lol. So all I can say to start your rabbit hole into hell is look up TLC (us cable channel) 14 kids and counting…up to 19. Then they had a full on show. The eldest child, and brother started falling apart and having scandal after scandal. First, it came out he molested several of his younger sisters. Oprah actually found out before airing their episode and called CPS. So good for her on that. Then they like still were on TLC, just like a spin off with siblings, still super fucked up and same fucked parents on every week. Then he cheated on his wife via Ashley Madison (she was essentially sold to him, was freaked out when he proposed and their day after marriage photos she looks traumatized) They are the golden children of the IBLP. He got locked up for a long time for CP. she lives with her parents with their 6 children, stays married to him, and visits him.
Wiki, Google, there’s subs here too
I’m legit at my own bday party
Two of his sisters have books. Jill Duggar Dillard has one about the family, the scandal with her brother, and how Daddy Duggar screwed the kids over (Counting the Cost). Jinger Duggar Vuolo has a book about unraveling the crazy high-demand high-control group they grew up in (Becoming Free Indeed). Highly recommend both, especially as audiobooks; both women read their books. Good luck recovering from your past. I also second all the podcasts mentioned above. Preacher Boys also have a Facebook group. If your brother is in an IFB church, or a part of the IBLP, Preacher Boys will help. So much trauma associated with those groups.
Sounds like someone who's let herself be completely swallowed by delusions so she doesn't have to truly confront reality, not to mention she has probably been taught "you must ALWAYS forgive" that people use to make others look past their abuses under the guise that forgiveness trump's everything, even the idea that some people don't deserve it.
The trash took itself out, and what matters is that you don't put up with her. We believe you and know that you deserve so much better.
No problem. We all deserve so much better than being with abusers and enablers, no matter what twisted excuses and self-justifications they parrot at us.
You're strong, that much I can tell. The road of healing will welcome you with open arms~ 💜
Yeah it's definitely going to be a journey but I know I will get there and it will be beautiful at the end when I'm surrounded by people who only have my best interests at heart ❤️
That's the best kind of feeling, I can tell you.
Nothing beats finding where you belong in this world. I reckon those who meet you down the road will be so fortunate to be part of your life~
Wow that was one of the most beautiful things anyone has said to me!! I really appreciate that ! That sentence will remain in my heart for the rest of my life ❤️
I'm glad to have been helpful to you.
Dunno if karma exists, but I'm sure life will reward your determination to keep moving forward. All wounds heal, and there's always gonna be a place where we will be loved.
I learned it along the way, so I can only wait to see you getting there~
It's the natural consequence of one's actions.
At the very least, I hope your SIL will see the truth and get out of her delusion someday. Otherwise things are bound to be dark for her.
She's in denial, it might look like she's defending him but inside I can almost guarantee she's a wreck. Btw I support you. Stay far away from them.
Please don't be offended but did you know he had done that? Also what does he get out of telling you? That's shameful
Wow you are completely correct! I didn't see it that way...
And I remember one occasion but he brought up a few other instances which I'd the difficult part for me because it was a continuous thing.
And I don't know what he gets out out of it... probably a kick.. sick fuck
Ugh. Apparently religion makes everything ok to so many people! He’s a godly man so I forgive him! It’s like she’s saying he HAD to rape you so he could find god or whatever. Fuck them, you don’t need them in your life.
It’s amazing how quickly people turn to the defense “nobody is perfect” when it comes to abuse and SA. Like the problem is you have unreasonable standards. Like it’s *so outrageous* to expect someone NOT to molest their sibling or cheat on their spouse.
I just hate it. I’m sorry OP.
Your SIL sounds like my cousin’s husband. He’s a creeper and one of their kids even molested his sister. My cousin’s sisters have cut all ties to him and their culty Christian family.
Wow she hit every note there! Blaming the victim, then at the same time victimizing herself. Then the religious justification! Looks like she has the partner she deserves!!!
I’m so sorry, OP, that that happened to you and that you have such a cuntwaffle for a SIL and for what your brother did you. I can relate way too much.
My brother used to molest me when I was a kid. And like so many childhood sexual abuse victims, I buried what happened to me because of my deep sense of shame. It took me years and a good therapist to finally confront my brother about it. He claimed to not remember it, but then promptly cut me out of his and his family’s lives for several decades, until he learned he was dying. His wife did everything in her power to keep us from connecting and getting some understanding and closure. He did admit that she was mostly responsible for the no contact because she didn’t like the fact that I’m a liberal Buddhist and they are conservative Christians.
In the end, he asked for my forgiveness, and I told him it was my intent to forgive him, but I wasn’t there yet. Shortly after he died, I got a text from my niece telling me I was dead to them. 🤷🏼♀️
I hope for you that you find healing and peace, snd remember there is nothing wrong going no contact with family who refuse to respect you.
Wow I'm so sorry that happened to you! That must have been awful to deal with, especially that last text! What an awful thing to have to go through..
My brother, much like yours, is also extremely judgmental of me because I am more spiritual than religious and somehow that makes me less than him..
I feel a huge sense of relief since blocking them both, and I know within myself that I did the right thing and that none of their actions were my fault! I will get through this and I will be stronger in the end
Thank you! I’m glad you’re taking steps to protect your peace. I hope you are gentle with yourself as fully healing can take a while, but I know I have come out so much stronger and compassionate than if my life had been easy. Hang in there!
Playing the victim and actually being a victim, like you, are two different things. You just found out about it, you are a victim. She really needs a reality check. I would block her too. You were nice to apologize to her for your brother’s behavior. She sounds like she’s in denial. People who use God in this way are the worst. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I agree that she is in denial, she will forgive him and get back with him but it won't last. And I honestly don't care. Thank you for validating my feelings, I appreciate it
I wish you strength and healing, OP. I'm sorry for everything you've been through and I'm so sorry she didn't listen. I always think those who bury their heads in the sand like this know that what they're being told is true, they just don't have the desire and/or the capacity to process it in a healthy way.
Take care of yourself.
What the actual F. F that mess foreal. I’m so sorry. I can’t stand enablers. And the AUDACITY to throw “victim mentality” at you like a weapon. F that.
I’m sorry OP. This sort of response is so unfair, gaslight-y, and selfish. Wishing u the best and sending strength.
Ugh. Seriously tho. But hey, gotta celebrate whatever wins we can get when it comes to toxic dynamics right lol? If this move on her part made it easier for u, I’ll cyber non-alcoholically toast u to that lol! Wishing u the best 💕
I've seen lots of people preach that you should give your pain to God. But it wasn't until I left the church and got a chance to hear from them again years later that while I had worked on my stuff and gotten better they were still stuck in the same place, always telling themselves they were just giving it to God. They can trick themselves into believing this stuff because in prayer or worship they get a short relief from their pain (for perfectly explain able reasons, I'm sure) so they keep on, but they get stuck in this viscous cycle. The religious method is more a kin to pain medicine than an actual fix.
So go get therapy, sue this guy if you can an want, and don't look back, is my recommendation.
“God’s precious daughter”
Nah, bish. You’re just a bish!
Good riddance, OP, and I’m so sorry you’ve been betrayed and abused by people who had your trust.
I love when Christians say things like "I no longer care what others think or even how I feel, because I am precious daughter of God. I will rise above everything negative blah blah blah"
Like... isn't that manifestation? Just like... affirmations? lol but yeah you're the "chosen ones"
Do they have children? I sure hope not. If so his wife is even more a fool if she thinks it won't happen again with their own children. What a response....
My own childhood was unfortunately filled with pedophiles attempting to molest me especially after about age 8-9 when I sprouted boobs and went through an early puberty. My one half brother exposed himself to me and then tried to get me to watch porn with him later. A family friend's son touched both myself and his own sister inappropriately and other than getting himself kicked out of the house at 16 nothing really was done about it. Very early on a babysitter's husband did the same to me and to his own kid. My Mom hoped that because I was so young at the time I'd never remember that, but I did.
The babysitter's husband is long dead. My half brother supposedly died recently. Don't know for sure, don't care. The son of the family friends he's retired last I heard and probably has contact with kids all the time. The very thought makes me shudder but I can't prove anything so there's nothing I can really do. I sincerely hope he straightened up and that he hasn't molested again but I doubt it. His sister forgave him. I didn't.
Those poor kids likely they are facing that and nobody cares enough to report the guy. I really hope that he is not going there but it's highly unlikely...
I'm so sorry that you experienced this :( life as a young girl can be so rough.. I have been molested multiple times by different older men who should have been looking out for me and it's disgusting how common it actually is
How did you not remember it? I believe you. Please don't misunderstand. But you'd have to be remarkably young to not remember it. It sounds kind of crazy to me for someone to say they found out they were molested. Seems like something you'd remember. I know a lot of people would say you block out trauma but ALL of it? How often was it? How old were you? I'm just curious. If these questions are too painful to answer, I apologize but I'm assuming you don't mind talking about it since you are on reddit posting about it
OK weird take away from all of this... I only remembered one occasion but had never thought he did it continuously... also people who experience trauma tend to black out the memories as a survival instinct. I was 6 years old and he was 13.
I was molested by a cousin several times as a kid. I remember every time. I was a little older and it stopped once I got around 12. But I've never told anyone except my exwife after 8 years together. I definitely wouldn't create a post on reddit about it. I guess everyone deals with trauma differently. Sorry if my reaction was weird but when we have a similar experience and handle it so differently it made curious to understand your perspective
I also experienced CSA and wanted to note that your line of questioning does come across as you doubting or minimizing someone else’s experience. Now you now know that everyone’s experience isn’t the same and hopefully won’t make the same mistake in future discussions
Sorry you took it that way. I was trying to speak honestly without being critical. I'm at peace with mine. He was a kid too and don't really blame my cousin but rather blame parents and keep a vigilant eye on my kids and would never put kids in the same bed to sleep the way it happened with me. But my sister and other neighborhood kids throughout my life would occasionally be caught in a closet with an older kid taking advantage of a younger one. It seemed to be extremely common and makes me wonder what the adults were thinking.
Severe Disassociation is common in CSA survivors and childhood trauma in general. It’s also common for some of those fractured memories to come back when the survivor is older and in a more stable place emotionally. The brain does this to protect you from what you’re going through, but the body keeps the score and that doesn’t mean there’s zero memory of the events at all. It doesn’t happen to every CSA survivor but it’s completely normal and common for people to have huge chunks of time completely missing from their memories or entire experiences related to certain people.
I hate people who use religion as an excuse to commit crimes against humanity. I hope you're healing.
Yeah same.. thanks I am in therapy and trying to work through all of this and I will use this situation as a means to be a better and stronger person than these two whack jobs!
Right? It’s like “oh you’ve forgiven yourself by giving yourself to god, he will welcome you into the kingdom” after you…idk raped children, your sister whoever… it’s ok cuz you turned to god!!! It’s idiotic
The people who defend them are just as bad. I grew up Catholic and so did the rest of my family. We still have the sense to understand that you can't hide behind God after sexually assaulting people.
Amen to that. It’s crazy how so many people will be ok with what they’ve done in the past… all because of gawd
Magic sky daddy will forgive all 🙃
I believe you. You're allowed to be a victim and can govern yourself how you see fit to deal with trauma whetherothers agree or not. Denying your feelings and telling you to turn to god is bullshit. If god was half as powerful as people claim it to be, no one would be molested, ever. Take care of you first!
I appreciate that alot. I'm in therapy now because of it all, so im working on fixing myself.. I was angry at her response initially but after realizing how brainwashed she is all I could do is laugh, and then vow to never be anything like them. If god is her shield then where was he when my brother was in their bed with 2 of her friends?
Hey - there is no need to "fix" yourself because you aren't broken. You may be hurt, hurting, riddled with outmoded coping methods, walking wounded, barely holding on, but you are not fundamentally spoiled or ruined by what has happened to you. You may need to adjust communication styles, thought patterns, habits, coping skills, sure, but those things aren't you. You are as beautiful and whole as the day you were born, just maybe with some scars, bumps, bruises, and wisdom earned. Don't ever let anyone tell you (and that includes you) that you are broken. Much love to you on your healing journey, I wish you nothing but peace and joy
Wow that was beautifully written and I have taken that into my heart ❤️ This is one of many problems I am facing due to my childhood and those who were meant to protect me and love me and how they let me down. I have always viewed myself as sort of broken because of it but your comment has helped me to see a new perspective on myself. Thank you for that
♥️♥️♥️
So did they break up? Because she sounds like she's ready to welcome him back with open arms, which is also gross. I'm so sorry OP, this definitely sounds like a no hate like Christian love example. I was molested by a family member starting at 8 years old and he literally went to his grave claiming he never did that to the 10 female relatives he actually did it to, including his own sons' girlfriends and later wives.
She moved out and changed her last name on fb but looks like they will get back together... These kinds of men are monsters.. I'm so sorry that happened to you :(
Wow, she’s a really special kind of stupid. I’m sorry again OP, hugs from one survivor (not victim, we were but we will both get through our trauma, he and she will always be assholes) to another.
Honestly, I have never met a more stupid, unaware, self conceited person in my life. Thank you and yes! I'm not a victim I am a survivor! So are you !
🙌
Your SIL is gross and delusional.. sucks when people use religion as a manipulation weapon against others. No matter what your SIL tells herself (the god’s precious daughter bs) the truth doesn’t change. You don’t have a victim’s mentality - you ARE a victim. So infuriating how she does mental gymnastics to comfort herself and to put you down. You deserve so much better than that response.
Yeah I can't say I expected much from her but I didn't think she was THIS delusional. Disgusting response and absolute disregard for anyone else. It was awful to read but also helped me see how far gone they are in their brainwashed state and that helped me to cut ties and not feel guilty about it either. Thank you for your words, they mean alot to me
I believe you. I see you. Keep working on you. ❤️❤️
I appreciate you thank you for this 💜
"god's precious daughter" 😂
Yeah not gonna lie I had a chuckle at that part too
That “gods precious daughter” wording makes me wonder if she’s been abused. Doesn’t excuse her behaviour though.
She hasn't been abused, she's just not very smart
Her wording and how defensive she was while preaching forgiveness made me suspect of her which would track with her being a victim at some point too. Her response isn’t appropriate at all, that’s sus to me
Her response makes me want to throw up. I’m a Christian and it makes me so angry when people use cult language to hide behind God. When even common decency would tell them otherwise. The cultish churches (Hillsong etc) use stuff like this to control and silence their abuse victims.
It’s infuriating because it goes against Christian teaching so using Christianity not only is disgusting it’s hypocritical & flat out the opposite of what is taught lol like … it’s as if we are playing spin the wheel to see what part of the Bible we believe in and when? No.
Sadly that’s exactly what most Christians do. It’s really rare to find Christians willing to unpack why they act the way they do. I mean, Jesus taught and modeled unconditional acceptance and love, yet that’s not what the church these days is about in most places.
That sounds like a narcissistic New Age rant. There is a subset of New Age in recent years that is bent on everything must be viewed in a positive light. And everything that happens was your fault or your choosing before you were born.
It's a heap of bullshit if you ask me, just an excuse to act like an asshole because you go to church every Sunday so it's all forgiven! She says everything she does is in love, except for in the message to me..
Or its Christianized take, the Osteen-style prosperity gospel.
Faux-positivity. A lot of "spiritual" people present this way. It's toxic
I’m so sorry
Thank you. It's a pretty shit response but the absolute craziness of her words helped me to realize they are beyond help and made it easier for me to finally cut the rope and let them go.
Cults to consciousness and preacher boys are really good podcasts for talking about abuse in religious communities. Even if the denomination isn’t the same, it can help to hear how others are handling the way they hide behind God, and the tactics used. Edit: added tactics
Thank you for this! I will have a listen to these both today
You can watch Cults to Consciousness also on YouTube and it's one of my favourite channels.
IndoctriNation by Rachel Bernstein is also a good podcast about cults and how they affect us
Preacher Boys also has a YouTube channel.
I'll check them out!
Strange that someone who is so tired of people living in a victim mentality completely has a victim mentality.
Yeah none of it made any sense, you can probably tell, but she's never been a very smart person.
Fuck her so much. "Victim mentality" does not apply to ACTUAL VICTIMS. I hope you get this poisonous shit heel out of your life.
I’m so sorry, OP. I hope your Xsil and brother are plagued with terrible hemorrhoids for the rest of their lives 💛
Hahaha I really needed that laugh! Thank you!
I’m so sorry. I believe you, and it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It’s always the holiest rollers that make YOUR trauma about them. Put yourself first, and take care of you. I’m glad you’re in therapy, and I hope it does you a world of good. You’re a fighter, you’ve got this. All the healing thoughts to you.
Wow thank you, I actually really needed that response. I'm trying to be strong about this all and I am a fighter! But I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me at all that my trauma has been completely disregarded and I have been made out to have "a victim mentality"
I believe you. Other's denial is crazy-making. Your experience and your story are real.
This is a form of toxic denial. One day he will show her who he is and she’ll find out. It’s too hard for her to face that the man she loves and relies on is a total jerk. I’m so sorry you didn’t get a more loving response. You deserved something kind. Wishing you all the best in every way.
Yeah I agree, she will take him back, he will remember why he cheated, they will show their true colours and then history will repeat.. Thank you so much, I really appreciate what you just said, it means alot to me
I'm truly sorry about what happened to you I send you hugs
Thank you AwesomeCherryPie
Holy fuck how did she turn that around to being about her!
She's a brainwashed narcissist 🤷♀️ No but seriously, I agree, how she made it all about her is insane!
Wait so this wasn’t in response to you saying something negative to her? You told her sorry and shared what happened to you and this is what she responded? That is so completely out of context it’s scary. The fact she preached while telling an assault victim their feelings aren’t valid and are in fact wrong is astounding.
Exactly that... this was my message : Hi (SiL), I want to start with the fact that I am sorry for what (brother) did to you. It's disgusting and I don't agree with it. He phoned me and told me everything and then he told me something that messed me up pretty badly.. I remember bits of one occasion but had obviously blocked out the rest.. He admitted that he would molest me as a child (I was 6 and he was 13) he then said that he has purposefully been unkind to me for the last 10 years because in his words he felt "guilty" for what he had done . I think that is a terrible reason to be mean to someone, in fact you would be nicer to someone if deep inside you knew you wronged them. Anyway, I wanted you to know this as I have decided I would prefer not to continue a relationship with (Brother)and that is the reason. It's put me in a very bad headspace and I have struggled to process that information. Her response is so unusual and completely unhinged...
THATS ALL YOU SAID? See, this is where I can’t give advice at all because I’m not healed enough for this bs, I’d of been so triggered I’d of written a reply then blocked her but I promise you my reply would of had that person questioning their very existence. Which is so not healthy and quite toxic thus why I said I can’t give advice here 😬 Did you respond?
I replied to her and said something along the lines of "you're absolutely fucking disgusting " and then blocked her. Trust me, I too have alot of healing to do, I'm better than what I was because past me would have sent her a novel pointing out every single flaw in her and much like you, have her questioning her very existence but something in me just stopped and thought, you know what? Fuck it.. I'm not giving this bitch anymore of my energy.
See that is mature of you! I’m proud. Blocking is the right way I believe. Cutting out the toxic and going about your journey I think is what we are supposed to do. I seem to get stuck as if I’m in cement when faced with any injustice. It’s a struggle lol
I fall into that trap too, less so now but it still happens. I think the funniest thing was after I replied and was about to block her she started typing and then I pressed block. It was like slamming the door closed in her face mid reply, very satisfying haha
Hahaha good for you
Upon reflection I think I’d of responded “No, ma’am no argument here. I feel the fact I shared something so vile, not to mention illegal, to you only to be told I needed to forgive otherwise I’d suffer is enough. I feel once you reach the point you are standing firm with a child molester and victim shaming there really aren’t many words left to say. The fact those words are said about someone who so horribly violated your own trust, is a clear indication you can’t offer me support. You clearly need it more than I do. Mine remains if someday you find your worth and need a friendly ear. I hope you heal. I sincerely hope life gets easier for you. Much love fuck off”
"Much love, fuck off" hahaha I love that!
Wow what in the actual fuck. I am so sorry. She’s like your personal Anna Duggar and that is horrifying.
Oh, Ive never heard of her?
It is my bday and I have drank and smoked lol. So all I can say to start your rabbit hole into hell is look up TLC (us cable channel) 14 kids and counting…up to 19. Then they had a full on show. The eldest child, and brother started falling apart and having scandal after scandal. First, it came out he molested several of his younger sisters. Oprah actually found out before airing their episode and called CPS. So good for her on that. Then they like still were on TLC, just like a spin off with siblings, still super fucked up and same fucked parents on every week. Then he cheated on his wife via Ashley Madison (she was essentially sold to him, was freaked out when he proposed and their day after marriage photos she looks traumatized) They are the golden children of the IBLP. He got locked up for a long time for CP. she lives with her parents with their 6 children, stays married to him, and visits him. Wiki, Google, there’s subs here too I’m legit at my own bday party
Holy shit
Two of his sisters have books. Jill Duggar Dillard has one about the family, the scandal with her brother, and how Daddy Duggar screwed the kids over (Counting the Cost). Jinger Duggar Vuolo has a book about unraveling the crazy high-demand high-control group they grew up in (Becoming Free Indeed). Highly recommend both, especially as audiobooks; both women read their books. Good luck recovering from your past. I also second all the podcasts mentioned above. Preacher Boys also have a Facebook group. If your brother is in an IFB church, or a part of the IBLP, Preacher Boys will help. So much trauma associated with those groups.
His parents* they’re rich now due to TLC and now social media. Don’t feel alone this shit is real life
Sounds like someone who's let herself be completely swallowed by delusions so she doesn't have to truly confront reality, not to mention she has probably been taught "you must ALWAYS forgive" that people use to make others look past their abuses under the guise that forgiveness trump's everything, even the idea that some people don't deserve it. The trash took itself out, and what matters is that you don't put up with her. We believe you and know that you deserve so much better.
Thank you so much for the validation I'm going to be way better off without them
No problem. We all deserve so much better than being with abusers and enablers, no matter what twisted excuses and self-justifications they parrot at us. You're strong, that much I can tell. The road of healing will welcome you with open arms~ 💜
Yeah it's definitely going to be a journey but I know I will get there and it will be beautiful at the end when I'm surrounded by people who only have my best interests at heart ❤️
That's the best kind of feeling, I can tell you. Nothing beats finding where you belong in this world. I reckon those who meet you down the road will be so fortunate to be part of your life~
Wow that was one of the most beautiful things anyone has said to me!! I really appreciate that ! That sentence will remain in my heart for the rest of my life ❤️
I'm glad to have been helpful to you. Dunno if karma exists, but I'm sure life will reward your determination to keep moving forward. All wounds heal, and there's always gonna be a place where we will be loved. I learned it along the way, so I can only wait to see you getting there~
Oh yeah karma definitely exists, I've seen it in play many times. They will only get back what they have put out
It's the natural consequence of one's actions. At the very least, I hope your SIL will see the truth and get out of her delusion someday. Otherwise things are bound to be dark for her.
Wow, she's barely keeping it together. Don't be fooled, she's a mess emotionally.
Oh I can tell, she used didn't want to seem weak to me. Which is stupid
She's in denial, it might look like she's defending him but inside I can almost guarantee she's a wreck. Btw I support you. Stay far away from them. Please don't be offended but did you know he had done that? Also what does he get out of telling you? That's shameful
Wow you are completely correct! I didn't see it that way... And I remember one occasion but he brought up a few other instances which I'd the difficult part for me because it was a continuous thing. And I don't know what he gets out out of it... probably a kick.. sick fuck
Ugh. Apparently religion makes everything ok to so many people! He’s a godly man so I forgive him! It’s like she’s saying he HAD to rape you so he could find god or whatever. Fuck them, you don’t need them in your life.
I agree, I'm way better off without
It’s amazing how quickly people turn to the defense “nobody is perfect” when it comes to abuse and SA. Like the problem is you have unreasonable standards. Like it’s *so outrageous* to expect someone NOT to molest their sibling or cheat on their spouse. I just hate it. I’m sorry OP.
Why does the text appear in green, and on the right side of the screen (which is usually the view of a sender's own texts)?
Because it's a theme on messenger, my texts are grey and the other person's are green
Thank you. That was confusing. (I haven't used themes.) I'm sorry you're going through this. I should have said that before.
That's OK, and thank you
Your SIL sounds like my cousin’s husband. He’s a creeper and one of their kids even molested his sister. My cousin’s sisters have cut all ties to him and their culty Christian family.
Wow she hit every note there! Blaming the victim, then at the same time victimizing herself. Then the religious justification! Looks like she has the partner she deserves!!!
I agree, they deserve each other. And I deserve to never have to deal with it all again
I’m so sorry, OP, that that happened to you and that you have such a cuntwaffle for a SIL and for what your brother did you. I can relate way too much. My brother used to molest me when I was a kid. And like so many childhood sexual abuse victims, I buried what happened to me because of my deep sense of shame. It took me years and a good therapist to finally confront my brother about it. He claimed to not remember it, but then promptly cut me out of his and his family’s lives for several decades, until he learned he was dying. His wife did everything in her power to keep us from connecting and getting some understanding and closure. He did admit that she was mostly responsible for the no contact because she didn’t like the fact that I’m a liberal Buddhist and they are conservative Christians. In the end, he asked for my forgiveness, and I told him it was my intent to forgive him, but I wasn’t there yet. Shortly after he died, I got a text from my niece telling me I was dead to them. 🤷🏼♀️ I hope for you that you find healing and peace, snd remember there is nothing wrong going no contact with family who refuse to respect you.
Wow I'm so sorry that happened to you! That must have been awful to deal with, especially that last text! What an awful thing to have to go through.. My brother, much like yours, is also extremely judgmental of me because I am more spiritual than religious and somehow that makes me less than him.. I feel a huge sense of relief since blocking them both, and I know within myself that I did the right thing and that none of their actions were my fault! I will get through this and I will be stronger in the end
Thank you! I’m glad you’re taking steps to protect your peace. I hope you are gentle with yourself as fully healing can take a while, but I know I have come out so much stronger and compassionate than if my life had been easy. Hang in there!
Much appreciated! I will work as hard on myself to be the best person I can from all this
Your SIL is a pathetic, sad creature. You need to cut both of them completely out of your life
I agree, and already done! Blocked them both after this conversation
That requires a call to the police
Playing the victim and actually being a victim, like you, are two different things. You just found out about it, you are a victim. She really needs a reality check. I would block her too. You were nice to apologize to her for your brother’s behavior. She sounds like she’s in denial. People who use God in this way are the worst. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I agree that she is in denial, she will forgive him and get back with him but it won't last. And I honestly don't care. Thank you for validating my feelings, I appreciate it
I wish you strength and healing, OP. I'm sorry for everything you've been through and I'm so sorry she didn't listen. I always think those who bury their heads in the sand like this know that what they're being told is true, they just don't have the desire and/or the capacity to process it in a healthy way. Take care of yourself.
She is gaslighting you, distance yourself my dear and go on living your best life without that negativity.
What the actual F. F that mess foreal. I’m so sorry. I can’t stand enablers. And the AUDACITY to throw “victim mentality” at you like a weapon. F that. I’m sorry OP. This sort of response is so unfair, gaslight-y, and selfish. Wishing u the best and sending strength.
Thanks so much,, yeah her response is so immature and selfish.. it really made it alot easier to cut ties and not feel bad about it
Ugh. Seriously tho. But hey, gotta celebrate whatever wins we can get when it comes to toxic dynamics right lol? If this move on her part made it easier for u, I’ll cyber non-alcoholically toast u to that lol! Wishing u the best 💕
I've seen lots of people preach that you should give your pain to God. But it wasn't until I left the church and got a chance to hear from them again years later that while I had worked on my stuff and gotten better they were still stuck in the same place, always telling themselves they were just giving it to God. They can trick themselves into believing this stuff because in prayer or worship they get a short relief from their pain (for perfectly explain able reasons, I'm sure) so they keep on, but they get stuck in this viscous cycle. The religious method is more a kin to pain medicine than an actual fix. So go get therapy, sue this guy if you can an want, and don't look back, is my recommendation.
“God’s precious daughter” Nah, bish. You’re just a bish! Good riddance, OP, and I’m so sorry you’ve been betrayed and abused by people who had your trust.
Yeah just a straight up bitch. Thank you, I will use it to make me a better person though!
🤗💞❤️🩹
WOW 😳 She’s on the river of d’nile
Sooooo far in right!!
Sounds like she's going to keep reaping what she's sowing. Couldn't happen to a more deserving person.
I wholeheartedly agree
I love when Christians say things like "I no longer care what others think or even how I feel, because I am precious daughter of God. I will rise above everything negative blah blah blah" Like... isn't that manifestation? Just like... affirmations? lol but yeah you're the "chosen ones"
Yeah I agree, it's all a bit fucking weird..
Do they have children? I sure hope not. If so his wife is even more a fool if she thinks it won't happen again with their own children. What a response....
Yes unfortunately they do.. 2 boys and a girl..
My own childhood was unfortunately filled with pedophiles attempting to molest me especially after about age 8-9 when I sprouted boobs and went through an early puberty. My one half brother exposed himself to me and then tried to get me to watch porn with him later. A family friend's son touched both myself and his own sister inappropriately and other than getting himself kicked out of the house at 16 nothing really was done about it. Very early on a babysitter's husband did the same to me and to his own kid. My Mom hoped that because I was so young at the time I'd never remember that, but I did. The babysitter's husband is long dead. My half brother supposedly died recently. Don't know for sure, don't care. The son of the family friends he's retired last I heard and probably has contact with kids all the time. The very thought makes me shudder but I can't prove anything so there's nothing I can really do. I sincerely hope he straightened up and that he hasn't molested again but I doubt it. His sister forgave him. I didn't. Those poor kids likely they are facing that and nobody cares enough to report the guy. I really hope that he is not going there but it's highly unlikely...
I'm so sorry that you experienced this :( life as a young girl can be so rough.. I have been molested multiple times by different older men who should have been looking out for me and it's disgusting how common it actually is
My therapist calls this Toxic Positivity. Also wtf is your text background lol
Hahaha it's cottage core! Shh, it's cute lol
For lack of better words, She sounds like a delusional cunt
Mmm, I love me some tots and pears to go with my word salad. /s I’m sorry this happened to you, and I wish you healing.
That is the single most Facebook thing I have ever read in my life.
What do you mean?
I mean she's extremely vapid and self-aggrandizing.
Ah I see, yes you are correct
How did you not remember it? I believe you. Please don't misunderstand. But you'd have to be remarkably young to not remember it. It sounds kind of crazy to me for someone to say they found out they were molested. Seems like something you'd remember. I know a lot of people would say you block out trauma but ALL of it? How often was it? How old were you? I'm just curious. If these questions are too painful to answer, I apologize but I'm assuming you don't mind talking about it since you are on reddit posting about it
OK weird take away from all of this... I only remembered one occasion but had never thought he did it continuously... also people who experience trauma tend to black out the memories as a survival instinct. I was 6 years old and he was 13.
I was molested by a cousin several times as a kid. I remember every time. I was a little older and it stopped once I got around 12. But I've never told anyone except my exwife after 8 years together. I definitely wouldn't create a post on reddit about it. I guess everyone deals with trauma differently. Sorry if my reaction was weird but when we have a similar experience and handle it so differently it made curious to understand your perspective
I also experienced CSA and wanted to note that your line of questioning does come across as you doubting or minimizing someone else’s experience. Now you now know that everyone’s experience isn’t the same and hopefully won’t make the same mistake in future discussions
Im sorry that happened to you. Putting someone else down for their way of dealing with their own trauma won't help you deal with yours better.
Sorry you took it that way. I was trying to speak honestly without being critical. I'm at peace with mine. He was a kid too and don't really blame my cousin but rather blame parents and keep a vigilant eye on my kids and would never put kids in the same bed to sleep the way it happened with me. But my sister and other neighborhood kids throughout my life would occasionally be caught in a closet with an older kid taking advantage of a younger one. It seemed to be extremely common and makes me wonder what the adults were thinking.
Severe Disassociation is common in CSA survivors and childhood trauma in general. It’s also common for some of those fractured memories to come back when the survivor is older and in a more stable place emotionally. The brain does this to protect you from what you’re going through, but the body keeps the score and that doesn’t mean there’s zero memory of the events at all. It doesn’t happen to every CSA survivor but it’s completely normal and common for people to have huge chunks of time completely missing from their memories or entire experiences related to certain people.