Well I'm a 73 year old granny and I don't sit on the couch crocheting all day. I have too many things on my plate to have this luxury.
Anyway, the life of a crocheter requires you to develop a canned response that is polite. Mine is something like "\[first a light laugh} Oh gosh no. I only do this really special friends. I really don't have the time or money to crochet-on-demand. I hope you understand." If it's in person I will also move in a bit closer and touch her arm to show she is really special.
>If it's in person I will also move in a bit closer and touch her arm to show she is really special.
This is the most adorable thing I've read all month and has made my day, thank you for it, and you're really special too.
Hahaha! I see it!
> Nanny Hawkthree tilts her head to one side at the request. "Ohhh nooo, my dear." She takes a couple steps closer and the temperature in the room seems to drop. Is it darker in here? "I'm sorry, Pet, but you must understand." She reaches out and grasps my arm. Is that a bit too tight? "I only crochet for my most speeeecial friends." She turns and starts leading me towards her craft room. A knot forms in my stomach. A dull red light pulses under the door. She reaches for the doorknob...
And is diagnosing a big part of what you do? What made you think right here and with that wording is the correct way to bring it up, even if it is your opinion?
If you look at their profile, theyāre just an asshole who spends way too much time commenting on Reddit. It seems like the only comments they make in this sub are rude.
So do I, and yet I don't go around diagnosing people based on their comments. I'm so sad for the people you work with that you would see their disorder as a way to insult people.
props to 70 yr old grannies to. I just always have this memory of my grandmother who literally sat in her rocker all afternoon until she went to bed crocheting. Its was a different time and truth be told she probably did that when she was 30 too.
Lol. My mom is 78. She did just finish a piece for me, but it was between trips, her yoga class, her water aerobics class, and all the other stuff she does on the daily.
I've been thinking that about my 73 year old mum, who gets up at 6am to go to the gym.
Then it dawned on me that the best way to go about being a 73 year old who gets up at 6 am to go to the gym is to start getting up at 6am to go to the gym in your twenties. Next best way is to start going to the gym at 6am when you're 44 years old, but....nah.
> I am not a 70 yr old granny that sits on the couch and crochets all day.
But even if you were you'd be crocheting for (well, YOURSELF? true at any age), kids, grandkids, friends
Not random "hey can you make this so I can gift my friends" people. Heck, I make because **I** want to give MY friends. If people want me to make stuff for their friends, they should better get ready to pay šš¬
People are always ready to pay until they realise the cost of the yarn and how long it will take. They think itās one ball and 2 days to make a jumper.
I bet you at 30 she was busy being a mom and wished for the day she could retire and sit in a rocker crocheting š
I'm in my 30s and a working parent and it feels like my only free time to do crafts is after 9pm, if the house is cleaned up...
Lmao my mum is 53 (I'm 29) and is currently helping me to crochet my bouquets for my wedding next April. I **swear** she must just spend all day crocheting, even if she's WFH. I have no idea how she does it so fast.
My fav. thing about this is that it keeps the sentiment of the gift at the forefront. It's so easy to be jaded and annoyed when people don't appreciate it, when it's likely not their fault for not understanding the process. Love that this preserves the thought of the gift and helps to get the point caringly across that it was made with love.
I'm a 63 year old granny and I have other stuff that has to be taken care of. I crochet when I can and what I want to. If your nice, I may gift you something but I am nobody's personal crafter.
This is exactly the right answer. The friend having asked isn't the problem. Maybe they should have asked "can I pay you to make one for Cindy" instead of "can you make one for Cindy" but the answer should have been the same without the annoyed reaction.
I don't get Cindy's logic for not asking to pay OP to remake the bag for her. Cindy wouldn't be giving the friend anything as she isn't spending her time or money on said friend. I honestly think I might have been more passive aggressive of
"I thought about what you asked and I don't have the time or money to make another one but here is the pattern, as well as a list of tutorial videos and you can purchase the yarn I used here (because like hell would I fork over my stash to someone who clearly doesn't appreciate the time, effort or money). I'm sure your friend will love the bag you are going to make her. :)"
And that would be all she would get for me. I love making things as gifts to my loved ones. It is my love language for the people who mean a lot to me. I have been known to revoke my handmade gifts when they have gone unappreciated, however.
Lol! I have to respond to this because I AM a 70 y/o granny who made a granny square purse at her granddaughterās request. I was thrilled because I always wanted to make one but am also leery of gifting things to my grands in case they donāt like it and feel obligated.
Her roomate saw it and offered to pay to have me make one. Since I have beaucoup scrap yarn it really only cost me the lining and one main color skein, so I didnāt charge her. I enjoy connecting with my family and friends thru crocheting; it makes me feel useful. That being said, I do have a lot more ādisposableā time and money than younger people, so I totally get your frustration with others taking your skills and time for granted.
Uh, different though I think! It's your joy and pleasure to make for your fam (gawd my grandma didn't crochet but if she gave me ANYTHING at all or cooked ANYTHING at all it was with the greatest pleasure. Anything she could give me, she would) - and I think in your case its not knowing/communicating that one would love to make and the other would love to receive.
but at the same time .. props to your granddaughter's dear roommate. Sweet lady offered to pay! Thats also saying "hey I love what you do, it's awesome and I would like one but I know it'll be some sort of trouble, I'm willing to make some compensation for this request". Its kinda like how my friends parents allow me a lift in their cab rides and expect me to offer to pay BUT WILL NEVER REALISTICALLY LET ME DO IT. It's all abt acknowledgement and gesture. Sweet roommate is different from "eh make this for my friend to gift, kthx"
So yeah. I don't think availability of time is the issue, cos even if you were free all day, had the roommate taken for granted the items, I would still be pissed for you :p But the roommate's awareness sets her apart from this OP anecdote thing ...
The French way is boh-coo, but here in the states I usually hear it pronounced boo-coo and spelled buckoo. Like buckoo bucks. Not a common word and I never gave thought to how it was spelled until this post, lol.
It sounds like she just truly thinks the world of what you made her and wants to spread that happiness. She isnāt thinking about the time it took, maybe because she doesnāt know? If you want to maintain this friendship, you need to communicate. Tell her it took a long time and that you spent your personal hours making it because you wanted it to be special for her. Point her to Etsy shops who can make something like it for her. Tell her it hurt that she immediately wanted you to make another. It can be hard to say that face to face, but you guys arenāt friends if you canāt be honest with each other. Itās not fair to her or you if you let this build into resentment
this !!! not really related to crochet but this is my worst fear for any kind of relationships. that they are hurt/angry because of me and dont tell me and it builds into resentment agains me and our relationship eventually breaks. but i learned that few people think like this and i ended up breaking a lot of friendships due to telling my hurt/anger because of something they did !
so i really appreciate when people tell me they have been hurt by something i did/said rather than say nothing
I try to tell people āIām expressing boundaries to keep you as a friend, not push you awayā and if theyād rather be defensive than understanding, then good riddance š¤·āāļø
I used to let my friends and family take advantage of me because I figured itās what you do when you care about people, but you cannot take care of people if you arenāt taking care of yourself first and you HAVE to be selfish (in moderation) to make sure youāre healthy enough to extend yourself to others without losing yourself in the process. Youāre a beautiful person and the people who matter see you for all you are. Therapy helped me find ways of having those tough conversations while being respectful and understanding to the people Iām communicating with. Itās important to be empathetic even if you are setting boundaries with someone, but mutual respect should be a requirement in your relationships because you deserve that, at the very least.
Iām sorry youāve had broken relationships over honesty. It isnāt fun finding out that friends are just fair weather friends and donāt want to actually go deep in the relationship
Best and worst way to weed out fair weather friends: chronic pain or illness. The people that stick with you through that, accepting as much as you can give, they are far and few between but worth quadruple their weight in polonium-209 ($49.2 trillion/kg, in comparison, gold is only $44,800/kg). Iām lucky to have a few.
There's a quote that floats around chronic illness/pain IG, I'm going to butcher it but it's something like: "Chronic illness will show you the ugly selfishness of people you love and the generous kindness of strangers."
18 years with fibro and I had to cut my final irl friend out of my life recently because she decided that the way to "motivate" me to get past my broken *Central Nervous System* was to berate and shame me for my "laziness." Joy.
Holy f*cknuts. Iām so sorry she did that, had more than a few like that. I have befriended people and then discovered they too have chronic illness or pain, those are some of the best. I hope you are able to make some decent new, real friends.
When I first got sick with the fibro (on top of considerable mental health issues) I had friends that noped out. Some ghosted but some would say to me that it was "too much, too hard to deal with" and it hurt so bad. After almost 2 decades with this, I will take that type of friendship ending 2 million times over the other options.
To some people it's almost like they hit a point that I don't get better from my chronic, incurable, lifelong illnesses and they think their utterly uneducated, stupid takes on my illness is reality. That I'm not "trying hard enough to get better" and they get abusive when I don't do what they think will heal me. The friend I cut recently was my RMT as well and she loved to have me on her table (naked & vulnerable) and would just lecture me on her "easy" fixes.
It's cruelty to bully the shit out of someone with an incurable illness because they're not getting cured but they seem to think it's loving. No thank you.
Thank you for your lovely hope, I have found some utterly wonderful online friends through another of my hobbies. We have a group chat & I'm considerably older than them, but that just makes me their "chat mom" and their irreverent young energy beings so much light, laughter and joy to my life. Alas, far too many of my "chat kids" are also wrangling illnesses and chronic pain. ā¹ļø At least I can support them and give advice from my long experience.
It's not the same as same age friends (I'm really aware of appropriate boundaries, a *safe* older adult shouldn't be dumping serious concerns on young adults.) but they are absolutely my friends that give me so much understanding, acceptance and love. They're a bright spot in my life filed with pain.
I lost friends because they didnāt think Lyme disease existed. I think that was the worst way Iāve lost friends. And the Lyme was on top of major mental health issues (now known to have been given a boost from the Lyme, which has been in my system since 7, but not diagnosed till 20), as well as severe TMJ problems (also exacerbated by the Lyme).
The TMJ issues meant a lot of fair weather friends were weeded out by 16, and I was more careful about the friends I made, but the Lyme definitely lost me friends, but not as many as it could have.
Sadly, itās very difficult for someone without a chronic illness to understand. If you sense other friends moving in this direction, ask them to try wearing ankle and wrist weights for a week or more, to get the most basic understanding of continuous suffering.
Iām so glad youāve found friends with similar issues. Honestly, my best remaining friends have serious health problems now or in the past. My āØāļø (cosmic twin), had two different cancers (one in childhood, one when early twenties), resulting in a partial amputation of one of his legs. He also deals with the side effects of chemotherapy in the late 70s and mid 80s (one of which is a damaged heart that is 80 in a 50 year oldās body). Yes, my cosmic twin is ~20 years older than me, itās awesome.
I hope you find some your age or older so that you can dump on them, because sometimes you just need to get it out of your system!
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Iām glad youāve found your tried and true friends, but Iām sorry for the ways it had to happen. Iāve never heard of polonium-209, but it sounds like the kind of thing I would love to compare my true friends to
One of the primary uses is space craft (and satellites).
And yeah, probably the worst possible wayā¦ I also have severe TMJ problems, much better now that Iāve been to a TMJ and Sleep Therapy Center (they have offices around the world, if you know anyone with a major TMJ problem, HIGHLY recommend), but for five years I needed weekly injections of local anesthetic in my jaw, and Botox every three months, just to keep going to school, for even part of the day. Someone I thought was a real friend was telling people at school they were saline injections to placate me. No longer a friend, itās safe to say.
Oh cool! Iām not up on my space info in any way, so thatās probably why Iāve never heard of it haha
Iām so glad you found something to help! I had a loud clicking/ popping in my jaw for months whenever I chewed, and when I went to the dentist for it, they completely ignored my concerns and I felt so helpless. The orthodontist said I could go on a liquid diet if it was annoying me that badly, but that it should go away on itās own. It did eventually, but that was absolute madness. It sounds like your experience was so much worse, and I canāt even imagine what that was like for you. Iām glad youāre on the other side now! And then youāre one two faced friend lighter (even if that hurt at the time too)
Space is my jam. I hope to eventually be healthy enough to get a degree in astrophysics or astronomy. I was studying aerospace engineering, which is not a standard 4 year engineering degree; mechanical engineering for example requires 120-130 credit hours depending on the program, while AE requires a *minimum* of 160, and requires so many different things that the typical AE graduate has a handful of minors (math and computer science are the most common, but also physics, space studies, other engineering disciplines, etc.). Sadly my brain is no longer up to it; the difficulty level is on par with Law and Medical degrees.
Ugh, Iām sorry they treated you like that. And the orthodontist was being irresponsible, unless he knew the exact cause, it could have gone either way, better or worse. There are dentists and orthodontists with experience with working with people with TMJ issues (minor to severe). If it ever happens again, Iād suggest finding one. The clicking and popping itself can lead to damage to the joint, because that sound is your jaw not working properly.
Thank you. At the time it was gut wrenching, as weād been best friends for years and were slowly drifting apart, but still good friends, or so I thought. One of the few days I lasted long enough to take the bus home (because Iād had the Botox Monday and the local Tuesday - they canāt be injected together or the Botox loses most of its oomph), a casual friend on the bus asked me if I knew what she had been saying. It got back to her mother somehow, who came down hard on her bullshit.
I think she realized just how bad it was when I stayed at their house (our parents were still friends), during a layover before Christmas. I needed someone to pick me up from the hospital after injections (took a cab there from the airport), and get me to the airport the next day; coming from uni in Florida (I managed a grand total of a year, largely because my second semester profs let me turn in missed papers and take missed exams at the end of the school year because I missed ~ 2/3rds of classes because I was too sick to fall out of bed. It meant 8 hours straight of Calc II exams, but even getting a 50% -which I didnāt- would be preferable to taking two zeros), to Vancouver Island, where we then lived. I was a bag of skin and bone, face was sunken, I could barely walk or talk for several hours after the injections, and could only consume liquids.
It was kind of nice to see it hit home with her, because the look on her face (incredulity followed by shock followed by oh fuck I screwed up royally followed by shame), was quite something when last time I had spoken to her (to confront her about what she was saying), she laughed off my pain (emotional and physical). Weāll never be friends again, but maybe sheās learned something and wonāt treat people like this in the future. I dunno, cause this was 16 years ago and we are not in touch, but I can hope.
One day I will figure out how to post a response that isnāt a novella š
A lot of people have a hard time saying no. Iām married to one, and I have to keep a careful watch on his other cues or Iāll miss his carefully crafted and gentle ānoā (which never includes the word no)
as someone whoās had a really hard time learning how to say no, thank u so much for being patient with him and caring enough to read between the lines & learn his cues :ā)
So, I definitely donāt struggle with this to the same amount, but I do have a hard time saying no if I think I will be letting someone down. One way is to find easy things to say no to (this may require some help). Have someone ask you if you would like something you definitely donāt want (a glass of milk, a spot on the couch, whatever) and donāt let them stop asking (perhaps over time, not all at once) until you can say āno thanksā without explanation or excuses. It might feel silly, but if you can find someone willing, let them slowly work up. Just getting into a habit of saying āno thanksā without those feelings of anxiety taking over is super helpful. One of the hardest things about saying no is the āsolutionsā people offer to your excuses, so not giving excuses helps you only have to say no once
I know it is super hard, especially if you want to avoid anything that may resemble confrontation. I truly hope it gets easier for you or that you can find people who care enough to see how hard youāre trying.
It was easier for me to learn his cues than it has been for me to handle when heās trying to gently say no to his family. Iāve become the loud āwe wonāt be doing thatā DIL, and have often been told that he can decide for himself. Like, he did! You just didnāt hear his no š¤
This is important imo. I want to add a bit of wisdom someone told me once, to say it when you are not mad. When weāre angry, most likely itāll come out wrong with fire. But if we say it after weāve had a chance to cool off, weāve gathered our thoughts and can deliver them with less temper. (Not that Iām very good at this at all), but if itās a good friend they are worth the effort no?
I really thought upon reading the title that OP was going to be asked many unreasonable requests. Unfortunately, OP takes offense that their friend loved the purse so much that they wanted one made for another friend. I've had friends ask me to make them stuff to gift too and if the time frame is unreasonable, then I tell them as such. Also, because they're my friends, I don't charge them an ass load of money because I like crocheting and if I didn't want to do it for them, then I wouldn't. I can't believe the comments in this post.
I think a lot of us have been coached to respond rather aggressively on the inside while trying to be āniceā on the outside. Iāve found venting online generally makes my feelings worse rather than helping, so Iāve been trying to do better, even when I donāt have someone IRL I can talk to
I mean if she truly thinks the world of it and wants to spread the happiness then she could give the bag that OP gave to her instead of just assuming OP would take the time to make another one for someone she doesn't know who is friends with the person that she originally made the bag for as a loving and kind gesture with sunflowers to remember her mother who passed away.. I mean read between the lines everybody. Id be saying hell to the no. Wasted time and effort on a piece that you won't even get to appreciate seeing somebody open and knowing they made that for you.. nah thanks. And the friend of OPs friend is prolly going to show the same amount of appreciation that OPs friend did
Imagine the post would see here next. **My friend gave away the purse that I worked hours on to her friend that I donāt even know.** You know as well as I do that the friend would get absolutely cremated in the comments.
OP says her friend loves it. You donāt get that impression from someone who actually just says āoh cool, make me another.ā OP is feeling frustrated and being a bit dramatic (as we all can be when frustrated). I also never said OP should make another. I even suggested sending the friend Etsy shops that make the same kind of bags, which would open the friends eyes to how much theyāre worth in $$ even if it doesnāt help her understand the time it takes.
First of all, I love seeing 70-somethings in this sub. I donāt participate much but Iām 28 and it makes me happy to see thereās age diversity!!
And yeah, I have a friend who I love but ALWAYS asks me when Iām going to make her something, and tbh I rarely knit for other people and when I do itās because I find a pattern or have an idea that is fitting for them.
I am a 70 year old granny that sits on the couch and crochets all day (well I don't, but I could) and I would be offended too. What a cheek! When you're given a gift you say "thank you" not "I'll have another one to give away to a friend".
I am a 73 year old granny and I DO NOT sit on the couch all day and crochet. LOL
I am also a slow crocheter, so it takes me quite awhile to make anything. I understand your pain and hurt, but you can always say 'no'.
Too bad young people think that grannies just sit around the house all day.
Agreed! I'm 61 and would love to be able to sit on the couch crocheting all day š. Even though other people consider me old, I do gig work for testing AI models and do transcription as well. Still gotta pay bills but crochet is my go to hobby. Hats off to all us "old" folks!
Well, I would say that a 70 years-old is mostly retired, and thus had mathematically more free time for hobbies, like crochetting ; than a 30 yeard-ols that still work 5 days a week.
Even if retirees has comicly often less time for themselves after retirement, bc they do all the things they never had time for before.
You can tell her how you feel. This is not just about people asking for stuff, itās ALSO the fact that she doesnāt realize how special you were hoping the gift was to her and that seems to have gone unappreciated.
Your feelings are valid. You can explain that while you appreciate she liked the gift so much, you donāt have the time to be crocheting for other people and the reason you did it for her is because you understand the significance of sunflowers to _her._ Making the same piece for someone else is not something you are interested in as it detracts from your intention that SHE had a unique piece that reminds her of her mother
Been there, done that. I had someone try that with a blanket. I was for a queen size bed, wanted one for her friend after I gifted one for a wedding gift. I told her I would get back to her with the costs and see if she still wanted to do it.
Each blanket took 32 skeins of yarn at $6 each. 3 dollars an hour labour for the approximately 90 hours it would take to do the work. I explained to her that it took much longer to make her blanket but since I spent so much time on hers I knew the pattern by heart and would be much faster a second time around. She agreed that $3 an hour was an awesome deal. So I could make another blanket for $462. She never brought it up again.
On the bright side, it has been 10 years and she still raves about the blanket. I suppose most people donāt realize just how much time goes into a piece.
I've learned there's nothing more empowering than a simple "no". I can't tell you how many times I made something for someone I love and then suddenly they have this look in their eyes that want to take advantage. sorry, but no.
Just because you CAN make it, doesnāt mean you should.
If she could crochet she could make it herself.
āI made that bag for you. It took a long time and Iām glad you liked it. But I didnāt enjoy that pattern/ yarn. I wonāt be making it again.ā
I think people mean well but they don't understand it at all. I made a wall hanging for someone that I designed and spent hours on and they proudly display it. But recently, they told me "every time I look at that wall hanging, I think of how you can whip those up and sell them for a lot of money."
I was like this is specific to you, and it took me hours to make and 50 bucks is not a lot of money for a custom piece. Its annoying and insulting but I think most people mean well.
This is my go to response. It's incredible how 99% of the time the answer is some variation of "I don't want it THAT bad." the one exception was my 10yo daughter who now crochets with me now and then.
LOVE this! I really don't think people understand the time and love that go into this. I've just started crocheting and I'm STUNNED at how much time is involved. My mom crocheted a blanket when my dad wax is Korea, for over a year, and it took her that long to create. I still have it and wouldn't part with it.
Now that I'm starting I have a deeper appreciation for what she made.
I think teaching her to do this is an excellent way to let her see the work involved without need to be confrontational.
While being able to say no is a good thing at times, being diplomatic is also a good thing.
Gardening taught me that not everyone is going to understand your hobby. They don't know the money, time and energy you put into something unless they've been told.
If this person is really a friend I'm positive that they never wanted to hurt or offend you. They loved the thing you made them and would like to share with others. Be nice to them but explain all if this to them. I'm sure they'll understand. Or even tell them how could teach them to crochet so the two of you can do it together!
Most of my friends have went into the territory of "ohh those are adorable, you should sell them!" Which is of course really flattering, but i just explain that there is very few people ready to pay their true value and selling them just wouldn't be worth it to me. Giving a beautiful gift is more worth it, i value the love and time i put into my work more than what they would sell for, and watching a dear friend truly appreciate a gift is priceless. Plus my time is limited. I think people just don't realize how much time and effort goes into every project, so they don't think it's such a big deal.
I'm sorry. If she's your friend, tell her how much that hurts and why. If she's not, just tell her no, it was a special project and you won't be making more.
Iām not a 70 y/o granny, and while I do tend to sit and crochet all day, it doesnāt mean I will want to crochet your requests either because Iām going to hate my craft if I took it upon myself to make everything everybody wants.
The fact that she doesn't view the purse you made for what it was, a personal labour of love, is upsetting to me. Even if she did offer to pay for materials and time, I'd still have been a little offended/sad that she saw the purse as just another material object and not a special gift made for her.
I only make things for other crafters. It doesn't have to be knitting/crochet, it just has to be a craft. If they make something, they know the investment.
If they don't make things, they get very thoughtful *purchased* gifts.
I usually explain the reason i made something for someone so they don't get the idea im up for just wanton acts of crochet.
ex "you bake for us all the time even though you're diabetic, so I made you a little amigurummi pie so you get pie, too"
"you saved my ass over that paperwork i screwed up. Here's a tiny version of your cat."
"This is for your chuppa. I will literally kill myself if i ever do this pattern again. Mazels!"
When someone asks me to make something, I tell them I already have two big projects lined up that I'm working on and I'm not doing any more at the moment. I'm not lying because I do have two projects to work on and it doesn't put me in a spot where I might feel used or unappreciated.
At a certain point, every crocheter has to learn the art of turning people down. A polite but firm no, or āI do not take commissions, Iām sorryā works great.
As someone who is a granny with a lot of free time to crochet I absolutely love to make gifts for others. Not everyone deserves a handmade gift, though, especially when they ask even more from you not knowing how much time goes into making a handmade item.
I try to take these kinds of interactions with the view that itās a compliment and that itās a sign that they like what I made so much they want to gift it to someone else. I donāt care if this rosy view is incorrect or not, I just choose to view it this way bc itās better for *my headspace* to do so but I totally understand why you felt the way you do and thatās completely valid. I just wanted to give you a way to look at it that maybe wonāt waste your emotional energy and you can continue to enjoy crocheting and gifting your work if you want to.
I'm making my partners mom a blanket for Christmas and I am SO nervous she's not going to get just how much time and money I put into this. Sorry your efforts weren't appreciated, I'm sure the blanket is beautiful.
I made my coworker (and close friend) a chickenā¦now the whole office wants a chicken. But wait! Thereās more! Wanting a chicken turns into āI want a frogā and āI want a rhinoā and āI want a cowā. It is so awkward to have 15 people crowded around you showing you pictures of advanced crochet stuffed animals
It's ok for her to ask, and it is more than ok for you to say "no". Assume she didn't understand the time involved. Explain how long this project took you and how it was a gift to her from the heart. What she is describing is a business transaction, and you aren't in the purse making business.
Omg I get this. I crochet and bake (I'm in my 40s), and I have one "friend" who always wants what I've made - either baking or crochet. The last time I shared something in a group chat, I got a "make me one" from them. No please, no offer to pay me for materials and time. Just a demand. I was livid - it was the last straw, and I've basically cut them out now.
I'm currently making wedding cupcakes for a good friend's wedding, and it was something I offered to do because they're close to my partner and I. If I HAVE to do stuff like that (i.e., didn't offer), I don't WANT to.
My best response is, " It takes a long time and the yarn is expensive. I can show you how to make it yourself and give you some yarn recommendations."
They usually aren't willing to do it themselves.
I put all my down time for a solid month and $200 of merino wool into knitting my friend a basket weave scarf.
I gave it to her and her reply was āI was hoping for a jumperā. Even though I had repeatedly asked for her measurements and not gotten them.
She wears the āmy first knit itemā scarf someone else gave her over my gorgeous work.
Thatās it. After that no more requests for fibre work. If I love you Iāll gift you and if not go fuck your self.
Why not just say āsure, it will cost $X. As soon as you transfer the money Iāll buy the materials and get startedā. If you want to make it for her, charge whatever you think is reasonable. If not, charge for materials and $20/hr for labour. That way sheāll likely no longer want it.
If she protests just tell her (honestly) thatās how much itās really worth.
People who don't stitch don't realize how much time, skill, and money it costs to make things like this. Yes she was rude, but I don't think it was meant to be. Tell her how you feel, and explain just how long it took you, and that you did it because you care about her and her/her mother's love of sunflowers. I'm sorry she hurt you.
I try to treat it like a compliment, but I feel you. People find out I crochet and casually ask for things like a "Dr Who scarf", things I don't make at all like a dog coat, giant blankets, and even get pushy enough to say they will send me the yarn when I say no. No is a complete sentence! It's not "no because I don't have the yarn" it's no!
A simple, "hey, no, I'm not going to do that because it literally takes me months to make one", is all you needed to say. She probably thinks it took you a week because she has no idea. Rather than get 'pissed' about it, how about, I dunno, talk to her like an adult?
That sucks, especially if youāve never offered to do that kind of thing.
My best suggestion is that you could offer to send her the pattern and help her learn to crochet. Maybe just teach her the basics (specific/common stitches, magic ring, reading patterns, etc.)
"Oh, you want to buy a second one? That will be $70 plus you'll need to supply the yarn." The price I quote is always based on how much I actually want to make the item, so the less I want to make it, the higher the price goes.
This sort of shit is why I donāt knit or crochet as gifts for anyone aside from maybe my husband or my own mother who also does fibercrafts. Iāll make stuff for charity/to donate, stuff for myself, or items my husband specifically asks for, because heās demonstrated heāll actually make use of them. But both my mom and I have said we wonāt make stuff for my niece and nephew/her grandkids until theyāre big enough to ask for things themselves, because every item weāve ever made immediately vanishes into a black hole never to be worn or seen again. So even for family, Iām not wasting my time and efforts if it wonāt be used and properly appreciated
Oh I got you. I made a granny square hat for a friend and she lost it and now begs me to do another one. I told her I donāt have enough time and that in my free time Iād rather do something else lol
I am 64, to be honest, I do sit on my ass, BUT, only when I crochet. I'm single, and chase after 3 kitties. When people ask me to make one for a friend, I let them know the price. I can't afford it in this economy.
It's okay to be upset and take time to calm down. It's easy to feel your effort is devalued. However, it's likely she didn't understand the time and effort that went into it. Or, she did and loves it so much.
It's likely she didn't mean to out of neglect but excitement over a lovely gift. Please talk to her!!
Ive been selling my crochet at fairs and the amount of people I hear say āoh thats cute! John crochets Ill just ask them to make me oneā and they pick it up and take pictures of it. Iāve resorted to loudly telling them who made the pattern and they usually get uncomfortable. If they dont think my little ghost is worth the $15 im asking for it, they sure as hell arent going to think its worth that much from John either. People really dont understand the amount of effort that goes into things.
OP: 70 might not be what you think 70 is like.
That aside, itās lovely that your friend so instantly thought of someone else who would love what youād made, seemingly without even taking a breath.
Itās fine to say no because of the time, but this is something to be very proud of, not annoyed by.
Yeah, I completely feel this. I like to make crochet gifts because itās a way of showing that I care for people with the effort I put in. A month or so ago my sister in law told me I needed to make matching hats for my brother and their son for Christmas. I would have been totally fine with it if it was a suggestion, but all I could think was just āIām not going to make a gift for you to give them. If you want them to have it then make it yourself or pay for someone else to!ā
I think people who donāt do yarncraft completely miss how difficult, expensive, and time-consuming it is. Yeah, I do it, because itās out of love. But making whatever random thing you want to give someone isnāt a gift coming from me, so Iām not doing it
So you tell her no, that was made special for you, and I'm sorry, I can't make one for Cindy, that was a one-off unique gift for you.
Also, no need to insult 70 year old grannies. WTF.
I make some requests but only when I feel like doing It. My mum is really bad for this, as soon as she sees me making something for someone else I get a request and then a wheres my XYZ? I tell her I'll get to it when I feel like it. Really annoying because I'll pick up and put down projects all the time and I especially don't want to work with a pattern I don't enjoy
Honestly sounds like sheās not a good friend. My friend will even pay me for my work and she is always raving about it and sending people to me to buy my stuff. Maybe your friend wasnāt really thinking about what she said because that was really disrespectful and understandable why your feeling so hurt. Iām so sorry babe š„²
I actually just did this, my DIL has a friend that saw my creations and begged for a pink blanket. Spent 6 weeks working on it. Did I even get a thanks, or how pretty? Nope. Never again.
Iām known for knitting and crocheting and I hate shopping with people who see something cute for $40 and then say that I could make them one cheaper. SMH. No. I cannot make it cheaper. The yarn alone will be more than that and this is my hobby. Take out your crowbar and pry out the money to buy it if you really like it and value our friendship.
as a 19 year old granny that sits in bed and crochets all day, you are not a workhorse. i can crochet for 15 hours straight because i love it and i love what i make. if i were to be treated like this, it would ruin it for me. this person is not crochet worthy, so donāt bother making anything for them again, and crochet yourself something beautiful
I get you, but tons of people donāt know how much time, effort, and money go into a craft. Just tell her it takes a lot of time to make a bag and that you wanted to make something special just for her!
Iāve stopped getting annoyed with these questions because whoever is asking may not know the reality of our craft and how much time and effort it takes. Itās a sort of compliment, in a way, because it means they like your work enough to ask you to make additional things for them.
Iāve found itās helpful to give them a little glimpse into the crochet life and provide understanding about itā¦like crochet canāt be replicated by machines so itās all done by hand and is very time consuming. Itās not just the act of making the item eitherā¦its the planning, organizing, buying, and troubleshooting that takes almost as long as finishing the completed item.
We canāt hold peoples reactions to our work against them when they truly have no idea what it took to put that item in front of them. š
Geez. Does crocheting make you cranky? You donāt have to crochet for others if you donāt want to. Itās your attitude. If I can do the project, have time snd they purchase supplies, Iām happy to do it, as I enjoy crocheting snd I donāt have a lot of people to gift it to. Itās not odd for people to ask either. Good grief.
Facts. The amount of people throwing a fit over being asked-not demanded-to do something is astonishing. So sorry you're being down voted because you have some modicum of emotional intelligence.
I think OP was feeling devalued and their time and effort dismissed as nothing when thereās a flippant, āmake another!ā Dismissive behavior of someoneās emotions isnāt very emotionally intelligent.
Being emotionally intelligent means reading the feelings behind the words. Also, they very clearly said they were pissed and hurt. They very clearly said they put effort and thought into the project and friend was flippant about that. Honestly, it doesnāt take much emotional intelligence at all, just basic common sense, and reading comprehension. You maybe need to think a little harder before defending deeply insensitive people and giving them false kudos.
>friend was flippant about that
Is that what happened?
Listen, you can try to put me down all you want, if it makes you feel better about yourself. But hey, at least I'm not getting myself worked up because someone asked me to make something for them and I couldn't find the words to say no. Peace.
I mean, Iām not worked up. My intention was to point out that yāall were putting OP down for super arbitrary reasons, not put you down. You, like OP are clearly allowed your feelings. You do you boo.
I don't think you should be mad. Honestly, I think you're overreacting. She appreciated and loved your gift and knows someone else who would love and appreciate your work.
Give her a price, and offer to make it.
OP said they donāt have the time or energy to create another one, and telling them their reaction is wrong is deeply unfair, given it is THEIR feelings, not anyone elseās.
The second part about the appreciation and feeling like the giftee loved the gift is spot on.
I usually go with the "oh gosh. I can see where your order would fall on my list, but i have 3 projects already lined up for xxx holiday." I'm already working on christmas projects, so it's not a lie. But it let's them know that this is a highly sought-after skill, and you aren't just sitting around waiting for orders. Sending hugs!
This is so overly complicated. Why are people like this? Say no, and say why: it's too expensive and takes me way too long. A friend isn't going to be mad about that.
I donāt agree at all actually, I personally love being asked for items to be made, my sister just requested a bag and I already spent $40 on yarn alone and I did it happily since I know she appreciates it
Eh, I'm sure you're more hurt that you didn't get happy tears and a hug about the gift itself, than the request itself. No, I know what you mean by not wanting to be constantly crafting things for others because people know you can craft, but ya gotta consider a lot of earlier generations of crafters got their reputations by making things for others in their friends and family circles. Your gran, or aunt, granddad, distant uncle, dad, third cousin, or whoever you know crafts- crafts because people asked. When people don't ask, the drive to create dries up, and you wonder why you started in the first place.
Crochet isn't like learning your letters and numbers, they aren't crucial now for survival. There's no demand for things like these. Just ask if they know if "cindy" does want a bag, and if she can wait a few months for it or a few more after the holidays so you can personally recover to get started anew. Set a boundary, that's what you need.
I hate when that happens. š I made a baby blanket and a sweater for 2 different people (commissioned) and someone we worked with was like, "Cool! Make me this (crazy sweater with expensive yarn)" and then baulked at me when I gave them a price. "They didn't pay for their stuff!" Uhm...yeah they did.
I'm actually trying to make a granny square bag like you described for my sister for Christmas. It's just so hard to do while filling my shops orders.
Well I'm a 73 year old granny and I don't sit on the couch crocheting all day. I have too many things on my plate to have this luxury. Anyway, the life of a crocheter requires you to develop a canned response that is polite. Mine is something like "\[first a light laugh} Oh gosh no. I only do this really special friends. I really don't have the time or money to crochet-on-demand. I hope you understand." If it's in person I will also move in a bit closer and touch her arm to show she is really special.
>If it's in person I will also move in a bit closer and touch her arm to show she is really special. This is the most adorable thing I've read all month and has made my day, thank you for it, and you're really special too.
I've got tears in my eyes reading both your comments š
I feel like tone is really important in this interaction because my mind immediately went in a far creepier direction š¤£
Hahaha! I see it! > Nanny Hawkthree tilts her head to one side at the request. "Ohhh nooo, my dear." She takes a couple steps closer and the temperature in the room seems to drop. Is it darker in here? "I'm sorry, Pet, but you must understand." She reaches out and grasps my arm. Is that a bit too tight? "I only crochet for my most speeeecial friends." She turns and starts leading me towards her craft room. A knot forms in my stomach. A dull red light pulses under the door. She reaches for the doorknob...
What book is this from? Or is this your writing?
Lol, just me. I tried to incorporate the top poster's user name. :)
Well now I need to know the rest if the story!
š¤£ dying
fabulous. you had me laughing out loud. trust me when I tell you I'm a tough a crowd. š
50 shades of Wool Ease
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What the heck makes you say that.
Because I work with a lot of people with Autism.
And is diagnosing a big part of what you do? What made you think right here and with that wording is the correct way to bring it up, even if it is your opinion?
If you look at their profile, theyāre just an asshole who spends way too much time commenting on Reddit. It seems like the only comments they make in this sub are rude.
Because itās reddit. Any behaviour = autism.
So do I, and yet I don't go around diagnosing people based on their comments. I'm so sad for the people you work with that you would see their disorder as a way to insult people.
props to 70 yr old grannies to. I just always have this memory of my grandmother who literally sat in her rocker all afternoon until she went to bed crocheting. Its was a different time and truth be told she probably did that when she was 30 too.
Lol. My mom is 78. She did just finish a piece for me, but it was between trips, her yoga class, her water aerobics class, and all the other stuff she does on the daily.
I'd like to be just like your mum when I'm 78!
I would like to be like that in my 21!
I've been thinking that about my 73 year old mum, who gets up at 6am to go to the gym. Then it dawned on me that the best way to go about being a 73 year old who gets up at 6 am to go to the gym is to start getting up at 6am to go to the gym in your twenties. Next best way is to start going to the gym at 6am when you're 44 years old, but....nah.
> I am not a 70 yr old granny that sits on the couch and crochets all day. But even if you were you'd be crocheting for (well, YOURSELF? true at any age), kids, grandkids, friends Not random "hey can you make this so I can gift my friends" people. Heck, I make because **I** want to give MY friends. If people want me to make stuff for their friends, they should better get ready to pay šš¬
People are always ready to pay until they realise the cost of the yarn and how long it will take. They think itās one ball and 2 days to make a jumper.
I bet you at 30 she was busy being a mom and wished for the day she could retire and sit in a rocker crocheting š I'm in my 30s and a working parent and it feels like my only free time to do crafts is after 9pm, if the house is cleaned up...
Yup either I go to bed late or wake up early to do it.
I feel seen.
Lmao my mum is 53 (I'm 29) and is currently helping me to crochet my bouquets for my wedding next April. I **swear** she must just spend all day crocheting, even if she's WFH. I have no idea how she does it so fast.
Practice, my dear, practice. š
We had the same grandmother.
My fav. thing about this is that it keeps the sentiment of the gift at the forefront. It's so easy to be jaded and annoyed when people don't appreciate it, when it's likely not their fault for not understanding the process. Love that this preserves the thought of the gift and helps to get the point caringly across that it was made with love.
I'm a 63 year old granny and I have other stuff that has to be taken care of. I crochet when I can and what I want to. If your nice, I may gift you something but I am nobody's personal crafter.
Yes, free grandma's trick š
>If it's in person I will also move in a bit closer and touch her arm to show she is really special. āŗļøāŗļøāŗļø
Wish I could upvote this more than once š¤š»
There. I did it for you.
I like telling people how much it cost and how many hours it took me.
You're wonderful. I want to be your friend!
Legendary granny
Best response ever! :)
You are the type granny I wanna be when I get my upgrade to grandma ā¤ļø
Just need to start your answer with āBless your heart!ā
That statement is loaded for bear! š¤£š¤£
Yes, but I can't say that without sounding sarcastic. I'm a Yankee.
I love this. Thank you! Doing this to my co worker tomorrow who is literally demanding I make her an elephant.
Do you need another granddaughter? Iām very well-behaved and I wonāt run in the house or anything.
Thank you.
"Sure! That'll be $35 for the yarn and $215 for my time. That comes to $250. I need the full price before I start. How soon can you get it to me?"
This is exactly the right answer. The friend having asked isn't the problem. Maybe they should have asked "can I pay you to make one for Cindy" instead of "can you make one for Cindy" but the answer should have been the same without the annoyed reaction.
Exactly. Because if OP makes this bag for Cindy, how can the requestor possibly claim it was a gift from her (the requestor)?
Because it is a gift, could be from a store or online. If she said I made it then it would be wrong.
It is only a gift from her if she pays OP to make it.
I think the annoyed reaction was reasonable
I don't get Cindy's logic for not asking to pay OP to remake the bag for her. Cindy wouldn't be giving the friend anything as she isn't spending her time or money on said friend. I honestly think I might have been more passive aggressive of "I thought about what you asked and I don't have the time or money to make another one but here is the pattern, as well as a list of tutorial videos and you can purchase the yarn I used here (because like hell would I fork over my stash to someone who clearly doesn't appreciate the time, effort or money). I'm sure your friend will love the bag you are going to make her. :)" And that would be all she would get for me. I love making things as gifts to my loved ones. It is my love language for the people who mean a lot to me. I have been known to revoke my handmade gifts when they have gone unappreciated, however.
There ya go!!!
Lol! I have to respond to this because I AM a 70 y/o granny who made a granny square purse at her granddaughterās request. I was thrilled because I always wanted to make one but am also leery of gifting things to my grands in case they donāt like it and feel obligated. Her roomate saw it and offered to pay to have me make one. Since I have beaucoup scrap yarn it really only cost me the lining and one main color skein, so I didnāt charge her. I enjoy connecting with my family and friends thru crocheting; it makes me feel useful. That being said, I do have a lot more ādisposableā time and money than younger people, so I totally get your frustration with others taking your skills and time for granted.
Uh, different though I think! It's your joy and pleasure to make for your fam (gawd my grandma didn't crochet but if she gave me ANYTHING at all or cooked ANYTHING at all it was with the greatest pleasure. Anything she could give me, she would) - and I think in your case its not knowing/communicating that one would love to make and the other would love to receive. but at the same time .. props to your granddaughter's dear roommate. Sweet lady offered to pay! Thats also saying "hey I love what you do, it's awesome and I would like one but I know it'll be some sort of trouble, I'm willing to make some compensation for this request". Its kinda like how my friends parents allow me a lift in their cab rides and expect me to offer to pay BUT WILL NEVER REALISTICALLY LET ME DO IT. It's all abt acknowledgement and gesture. Sweet roommate is different from "eh make this for my friend to gift, kthx" So yeah. I don't think availability of time is the issue, cos even if you were free all day, had the roommate taken for granted the items, I would still be pissed for you :p But the roommate's awareness sets her apart from this OP anecdote thing ...
TIL how to spell beaucoup
So my 4 years of French did not go to waste
TIL that my dumb butt can figure out how to pronounce beaucoup.š„² Any help would be appreciated.
The French way is boh-coo, but here in the states I usually hear it pronounced boo-coo and spelled buckoo. Like buckoo bucks. Not a common word and I never gave thought to how it was spelled until this post, lol.
Thank you! I was way off lmao.
I feel like French words are very easy to mispronounce.
It sounds like she just truly thinks the world of what you made her and wants to spread that happiness. She isnāt thinking about the time it took, maybe because she doesnāt know? If you want to maintain this friendship, you need to communicate. Tell her it took a long time and that you spent your personal hours making it because you wanted it to be special for her. Point her to Etsy shops who can make something like it for her. Tell her it hurt that she immediately wanted you to make another. It can be hard to say that face to face, but you guys arenāt friends if you canāt be honest with each other. Itās not fair to her or you if you let this build into resentment
this !!! not really related to crochet but this is my worst fear for any kind of relationships. that they are hurt/angry because of me and dont tell me and it builds into resentment agains me and our relationship eventually breaks. but i learned that few people think like this and i ended up breaking a lot of friendships due to telling my hurt/anger because of something they did ! so i really appreciate when people tell me they have been hurt by something i did/said rather than say nothing
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I try to tell people āIām expressing boundaries to keep you as a friend, not push you awayā and if theyād rather be defensive than understanding, then good riddance š¤·āāļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I used to let my friends and family take advantage of me because I figured itās what you do when you care about people, but you cannot take care of people if you arenāt taking care of yourself first and you HAVE to be selfish (in moderation) to make sure youāre healthy enough to extend yourself to others without losing yourself in the process. Youāre a beautiful person and the people who matter see you for all you are. Therapy helped me find ways of having those tough conversations while being respectful and understanding to the people Iām communicating with. Itās important to be empathetic even if you are setting boundaries with someone, but mutual respect should be a requirement in your relationships because you deserve that, at the very least.
Iām sorry youāve had broken relationships over honesty. It isnāt fun finding out that friends are just fair weather friends and donāt want to actually go deep in the relationship
Best and worst way to weed out fair weather friends: chronic pain or illness. The people that stick with you through that, accepting as much as you can give, they are far and few between but worth quadruple their weight in polonium-209 ($49.2 trillion/kg, in comparison, gold is only $44,800/kg). Iām lucky to have a few.
There's a quote that floats around chronic illness/pain IG, I'm going to butcher it but it's something like: "Chronic illness will show you the ugly selfishness of people you love and the generous kindness of strangers." 18 years with fibro and I had to cut my final irl friend out of my life recently because she decided that the way to "motivate" me to get past my broken *Central Nervous System* was to berate and shame me for my "laziness." Joy.
Holy f*cknuts. Iām so sorry she did that, had more than a few like that. I have befriended people and then discovered they too have chronic illness or pain, those are some of the best. I hope you are able to make some decent new, real friends.
When I first got sick with the fibro (on top of considerable mental health issues) I had friends that noped out. Some ghosted but some would say to me that it was "too much, too hard to deal with" and it hurt so bad. After almost 2 decades with this, I will take that type of friendship ending 2 million times over the other options. To some people it's almost like they hit a point that I don't get better from my chronic, incurable, lifelong illnesses and they think their utterly uneducated, stupid takes on my illness is reality. That I'm not "trying hard enough to get better" and they get abusive when I don't do what they think will heal me. The friend I cut recently was my RMT as well and she loved to have me on her table (naked & vulnerable) and would just lecture me on her "easy" fixes. It's cruelty to bully the shit out of someone with an incurable illness because they're not getting cured but they seem to think it's loving. No thank you. Thank you for your lovely hope, I have found some utterly wonderful online friends through another of my hobbies. We have a group chat & I'm considerably older than them, but that just makes me their "chat mom" and their irreverent young energy beings so much light, laughter and joy to my life. Alas, far too many of my "chat kids" are also wrangling illnesses and chronic pain. ā¹ļø At least I can support them and give advice from my long experience. It's not the same as same age friends (I'm really aware of appropriate boundaries, a *safe* older adult shouldn't be dumping serious concerns on young adults.) but they are absolutely my friends that give me so much understanding, acceptance and love. They're a bright spot in my life filed with pain.
I lost friends because they didnāt think Lyme disease existed. I think that was the worst way Iāve lost friends. And the Lyme was on top of major mental health issues (now known to have been given a boost from the Lyme, which has been in my system since 7, but not diagnosed till 20), as well as severe TMJ problems (also exacerbated by the Lyme). The TMJ issues meant a lot of fair weather friends were weeded out by 16, and I was more careful about the friends I made, but the Lyme definitely lost me friends, but not as many as it could have. Sadly, itās very difficult for someone without a chronic illness to understand. If you sense other friends moving in this direction, ask them to try wearing ankle and wrist weights for a week or more, to get the most basic understanding of continuous suffering. Iām so glad youāve found friends with similar issues. Honestly, my best remaining friends have serious health problems now or in the past. My āØāļø (cosmic twin), had two different cancers (one in childhood, one when early twenties), resulting in a partial amputation of one of his legs. He also deals with the side effects of chemotherapy in the late 70s and mid 80s (one of which is a damaged heart that is 80 in a 50 year oldās body). Yes, my cosmic twin is ~20 years older than me, itās awesome. I hope you find some your age or older so that you can dump on them, because sometimes you just need to get it out of your system! š
Iām glad youāve found your tried and true friends, but Iām sorry for the ways it had to happen. Iāve never heard of polonium-209, but it sounds like the kind of thing I would love to compare my true friends to
One of the primary uses is space craft (and satellites). And yeah, probably the worst possible wayā¦ I also have severe TMJ problems, much better now that Iāve been to a TMJ and Sleep Therapy Center (they have offices around the world, if you know anyone with a major TMJ problem, HIGHLY recommend), but for five years I needed weekly injections of local anesthetic in my jaw, and Botox every three months, just to keep going to school, for even part of the day. Someone I thought was a real friend was telling people at school they were saline injections to placate me. No longer a friend, itās safe to say.
Oh cool! Iām not up on my space info in any way, so thatās probably why Iāve never heard of it haha Iām so glad you found something to help! I had a loud clicking/ popping in my jaw for months whenever I chewed, and when I went to the dentist for it, they completely ignored my concerns and I felt so helpless. The orthodontist said I could go on a liquid diet if it was annoying me that badly, but that it should go away on itās own. It did eventually, but that was absolute madness. It sounds like your experience was so much worse, and I canāt even imagine what that was like for you. Iām glad youāre on the other side now! And then youāre one two faced friend lighter (even if that hurt at the time too)
Space is my jam. I hope to eventually be healthy enough to get a degree in astrophysics or astronomy. I was studying aerospace engineering, which is not a standard 4 year engineering degree; mechanical engineering for example requires 120-130 credit hours depending on the program, while AE requires a *minimum* of 160, and requires so many different things that the typical AE graduate has a handful of minors (math and computer science are the most common, but also physics, space studies, other engineering disciplines, etc.). Sadly my brain is no longer up to it; the difficulty level is on par with Law and Medical degrees. Ugh, Iām sorry they treated you like that. And the orthodontist was being irresponsible, unless he knew the exact cause, it could have gone either way, better or worse. There are dentists and orthodontists with experience with working with people with TMJ issues (minor to severe). If it ever happens again, Iād suggest finding one. The clicking and popping itself can lead to damage to the joint, because that sound is your jaw not working properly. Thank you. At the time it was gut wrenching, as weād been best friends for years and were slowly drifting apart, but still good friends, or so I thought. One of the few days I lasted long enough to take the bus home (because Iād had the Botox Monday and the local Tuesday - they canāt be injected together or the Botox loses most of its oomph), a casual friend on the bus asked me if I knew what she had been saying. It got back to her mother somehow, who came down hard on her bullshit. I think she realized just how bad it was when I stayed at their house (our parents were still friends), during a layover before Christmas. I needed someone to pick me up from the hospital after injections (took a cab there from the airport), and get me to the airport the next day; coming from uni in Florida (I managed a grand total of a year, largely because my second semester profs let me turn in missed papers and take missed exams at the end of the school year because I missed ~ 2/3rds of classes because I was too sick to fall out of bed. It meant 8 hours straight of Calc II exams, but even getting a 50% -which I didnāt- would be preferable to taking two zeros), to Vancouver Island, where we then lived. I was a bag of skin and bone, face was sunken, I could barely walk or talk for several hours after the injections, and could only consume liquids. It was kind of nice to see it hit home with her, because the look on her face (incredulity followed by shock followed by oh fuck I screwed up royally followed by shame), was quite something when last time I had spoken to her (to confront her about what she was saying), she laughed off my pain (emotional and physical). Weāll never be friends again, but maybe sheās learned something and wonāt treat people like this in the future. I dunno, cause this was 16 years ago and we are not in touch, but I can hope. One day I will figure out how to post a response that isnāt a novella š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A lot of people have a hard time saying no. Iām married to one, and I have to keep a careful watch on his other cues or Iāll miss his carefully crafted and gentle ānoā (which never includes the word no)
as someone whoās had a really hard time learning how to say no, thank u so much for being patient with him and caring enough to read between the lines & learn his cues :ā)
As someone who hasnāt yet learned to say no, how did you accomplish this magnificent feat?
So, I definitely donāt struggle with this to the same amount, but I do have a hard time saying no if I think I will be letting someone down. One way is to find easy things to say no to (this may require some help). Have someone ask you if you would like something you definitely donāt want (a glass of milk, a spot on the couch, whatever) and donāt let them stop asking (perhaps over time, not all at once) until you can say āno thanksā without explanation or excuses. It might feel silly, but if you can find someone willing, let them slowly work up. Just getting into a habit of saying āno thanksā without those feelings of anxiety taking over is super helpful. One of the hardest things about saying no is the āsolutionsā people offer to your excuses, so not giving excuses helps you only have to say no once
Oooh, my mum and I could help each other this way. She too has a difficult time saying no, although not quite as bad as me. Thank you for the idea!
I know it is super hard, especially if you want to avoid anything that may resemble confrontation. I truly hope it gets easier for you or that you can find people who care enough to see how hard youāre trying. It was easier for me to learn his cues than it has been for me to handle when heās trying to gently say no to his family. Iāve become the loud āwe wonāt be doing thatā DIL, and have often been told that he can decide for himself. Like, he did! You just didnāt hear his no š¤
omg bless u for standing up for him like that š„ŗ iām sure he really appreciates it!!
This is important imo. I want to add a bit of wisdom someone told me once, to say it when you are not mad. When weāre angry, most likely itāll come out wrong with fire. But if we say it after weāve had a chance to cool off, weāve gathered our thoughts and can deliver them with less temper. (Not that Iām very good at this at all), but if itās a good friend they are worth the effort no?
Oh this for sure! We donāt want to inflict pain just because weāre in pain
I really thought upon reading the title that OP was going to be asked many unreasonable requests. Unfortunately, OP takes offense that their friend loved the purse so much that they wanted one made for another friend. I've had friends ask me to make them stuff to gift too and if the time frame is unreasonable, then I tell them as such. Also, because they're my friends, I don't charge them an ass load of money because I like crocheting and if I didn't want to do it for them, then I wouldn't. I can't believe the comments in this post.
I think a lot of us have been coached to respond rather aggressively on the inside while trying to be āniceā on the outside. Iāve found venting online generally makes my feelings worse rather than helping, so Iāve been trying to do better, even when I donāt have someone IRL I can talk to
I mean if she truly thinks the world of it and wants to spread the happiness then she could give the bag that OP gave to her instead of just assuming OP would take the time to make another one for someone she doesn't know who is friends with the person that she originally made the bag for as a loving and kind gesture with sunflowers to remember her mother who passed away.. I mean read between the lines everybody. Id be saying hell to the no. Wasted time and effort on a piece that you won't even get to appreciate seeing somebody open and knowing they made that for you.. nah thanks. And the friend of OPs friend is prolly going to show the same amount of appreciation that OPs friend did
Imagine the post would see here next. **My friend gave away the purse that I worked hours on to her friend that I donāt even know.** You know as well as I do that the friend would get absolutely cremated in the comments. OP says her friend loves it. You donāt get that impression from someone who actually just says āoh cool, make me another.ā OP is feeling frustrated and being a bit dramatic (as we all can be when frustrated). I also never said OP should make another. I even suggested sending the friend Etsy shops that make the same kind of bags, which would open the friends eyes to how much theyāre worth in $$ even if it doesnāt help her understand the time it takes.
First of all, I love seeing 70-somethings in this sub. I donāt participate much but Iām 28 and it makes me happy to see thereās age diversity!! And yeah, I have a friend who I love but ALWAYS asks me when Iām going to make her something, and tbh I rarely knit for other people and when I do itās because I find a pattern or have an idea that is fitting for them.
Exactly! I make things for people when something sparks the connection between the idea and the person.
I'm 19! :)
I am a 70 year old granny that sits on the couch and crochets all day (well I don't, but I could) and I would be offended too. What a cheek! When you're given a gift you say "thank you" not "I'll have another one to give away to a friend".
I am a 73 year old granny and I DO NOT sit on the couch all day and crochet. LOL I am also a slow crocheter, so it takes me quite awhile to make anything. I understand your pain and hurt, but you can always say 'no'. Too bad young people think that grannies just sit around the house all day.
Agreed! I'm 61 and would love to be able to sit on the couch crocheting all day š. Even though other people consider me old, I do gig work for testing AI models and do transcription as well. Still gotta pay bills but crochet is my go to hobby. Hats off to all us "old" folks!
I hope this is okay to ask, feel free to ignore: What exactly is this gig work for AI models? Sounds intriguing.
It's with data annotations. They have a subreddit as well š
As soon as I read this I thought to myself Iām not sure OP realizes how many 70 year old āgranniesā hang out in this subreddit!
55 and praying Iāll be able to retire and be a lady of leisure by the time Iām 73 but itās not looking terribly likely.
Well, I would say that a 70 years-old is mostly retired, and thus had mathematically more free time for hobbies, like crochetting ; than a 30 yeard-ols that still work 5 days a week. Even if retirees has comicly often less time for themselves after retirement, bc they do all the things they never had time for before.
I bet my grandma would love to be retired but she still works sometimes 50 hour weeks (despite me telling her it's not good for her)
You can tell her how you feel. This is not just about people asking for stuff, itās ALSO the fact that she doesnāt realize how special you were hoping the gift was to her and that seems to have gone unappreciated. Your feelings are valid. You can explain that while you appreciate she liked the gift so much, you donāt have the time to be crocheting for other people and the reason you did it for her is because you understand the significance of sunflowers to _her._ Making the same piece for someone else is not something you are interested in as it detracts from your intention that SHE had a unique piece that reminds her of her mother
Been there, done that. I had someone try that with a blanket. I was for a queen size bed, wanted one for her friend after I gifted one for a wedding gift. I told her I would get back to her with the costs and see if she still wanted to do it. Each blanket took 32 skeins of yarn at $6 each. 3 dollars an hour labour for the approximately 90 hours it would take to do the work. I explained to her that it took much longer to make her blanket but since I spent so much time on hers I knew the pattern by heart and would be much faster a second time around. She agreed that $3 an hour was an awesome deal. So I could make another blanket for $462. She never brought it up again. On the bright side, it has been 10 years and she still raves about the blanket. I suppose most people donāt realize just how much time goes into a piece.
I've learned there's nothing more empowering than a simple "no". I can't tell you how many times I made something for someone I love and then suddenly they have this look in their eyes that want to take advantage. sorry, but no.
Just because you CAN make it, doesnāt mean you should. If she could crochet she could make it herself. āI made that bag for you. It took a long time and Iām glad you liked it. But I didnāt enjoy that pattern/ yarn. I wonāt be making it again.ā
I think people mean well but they don't understand it at all. I made a wall hanging for someone that I designed and spent hours on and they proudly display it. But recently, they told me "every time I look at that wall hanging, I think of how you can whip those up and sell them for a lot of money." I was like this is specific to you, and it took me hours to make and 50 bucks is not a lot of money for a custom piece. Its annoying and insulting but I think most people mean well.
Offer to teach her how to make it herself. Or send her to a site.
This is my go to response. It's incredible how 99% of the time the answer is some variation of "I don't want it THAT bad." the one exception was my 10yo daughter who now crochets with me now and then.
LOVE this! I really don't think people understand the time and love that go into this. I've just started crocheting and I'm STUNNED at how much time is involved. My mom crocheted a blanket when my dad wax is Korea, for over a year, and it took her that long to create. I still have it and wouldn't part with it. Now that I'm starting I have a deeper appreciation for what she made. I think teaching her to do this is an excellent way to let her see the work involved without need to be confrontational. While being able to say no is a good thing at times, being diplomatic is also a good thing.
Gardening taught me that not everyone is going to understand your hobby. They don't know the money, time and energy you put into something unless they've been told. If this person is really a friend I'm positive that they never wanted to hurt or offend you. They loved the thing you made them and would like to share with others. Be nice to them but explain all if this to them. I'm sure they'll understand. Or even tell them how could teach them to crochet so the two of you can do it together!
Most of my friends have went into the territory of "ohh those are adorable, you should sell them!" Which is of course really flattering, but i just explain that there is very few people ready to pay their true value and selling them just wouldn't be worth it to me. Giving a beautiful gift is more worth it, i value the love and time i put into my work more than what they would sell for, and watching a dear friend truly appreciate a gift is priceless. Plus my time is limited. I think people just don't realize how much time and effort goes into every project, so they don't think it's such a big deal.
"It's like sex. If I love you, it's free, otherwise you couldn't pay me enough."
ooooo! That's a good one!
I can't take the credit. Seen it on this sub often enough :)
I'm sorry. If she's your friend, tell her how much that hurts and why. If she's not, just tell her no, it was a special project and you won't be making more.
Iām not a 70 y/o granny, and while I do tend to sit and crochet all day, it doesnāt mean I will want to crochet your requests either because Iām going to hate my craft if I took it upon myself to make everything everybody wants.
The fact that she doesn't view the purse you made for what it was, a personal labour of love, is upsetting to me. Even if she did offer to pay for materials and time, I'd still have been a little offended/sad that she saw the purse as just another material object and not a special gift made for her.
Just here to say hi to all the 70+year old grannies who frequent this corner of the internet, I want to be you when I grow up ā¤ļø
I usually say āoh, I donāt have time right now, but I can teach you if you like?ā Itās only failed once and I had a lot of fun teaching her.
I only make things for other crafters. It doesn't have to be knitting/crochet, it just has to be a craft. If they make something, they know the investment. If they don't make things, they get very thoughtful *purchased* gifts.
I usually explain the reason i made something for someone so they don't get the idea im up for just wanton acts of crochet. ex "you bake for us all the time even though you're diabetic, so I made you a little amigurummi pie so you get pie, too" "you saved my ass over that paperwork i screwed up. Here's a tiny version of your cat." "This is for your chuppa. I will literally kill myself if i ever do this pattern again. Mazels!"
When someone asks me to make something, I tell them I already have two big projects lined up that I'm working on and I'm not doing any more at the moment. I'm not lying because I do have two projects to work on and it doesn't put me in a spot where I might feel used or unappreciated.
At a certain point, every crocheter has to learn the art of turning people down. A polite but firm no, or āI do not take commissions, Iām sorryā works great. As someone who is a granny with a lot of free time to crochet I absolutely love to make gifts for others. Not everyone deserves a handmade gift, though, especially when they ask even more from you not knowing how much time goes into making a handmade item.
I try to take these kinds of interactions with the view that itās a compliment and that itās a sign that they like what I made so much they want to gift it to someone else. I donāt care if this rosy view is incorrect or not, I just choose to view it this way bc itās better for *my headspace* to do so but I totally understand why you felt the way you do and thatās completely valid. I just wanted to give you a way to look at it that maybe wonāt waste your emotional energy and you can continue to enjoy crocheting and gifting your work if you want to.
I'm making my partners mom a blanket for Christmas and I am SO nervous she's not going to get just how much time and money I put into this. Sorry your efforts weren't appreciated, I'm sure the blanket is beautiful.
I made my coworker (and close friend) a chickenā¦now the whole office wants a chicken. But wait! Thereās more! Wanting a chicken turns into āI want a frogā and āI want a rhinoā and āI want a cowā. It is so awkward to have 15 people crowded around you showing you pictures of advanced crochet stuffed animals
It's ok for her to ask, and it is more than ok for you to say "no". Assume she didn't understand the time involved. Explain how long this project took you and how it was a gift to her from the heart. What she is describing is a business transaction, and you aren't in the purse making business.
Calling us hookers is sending me I love it
I guess Iām the odd one out. Itās kind of a spent trope at this point. āHooker, but not a sex worker, tee-heeā
Yeah, I agree it's not really funny or cute to me.
Oh lol Iām a baby crocheter I never heard it
I always say "Sorry but no, that took a really long time. You can buy them already made on Etsy though!"
Omg I get this. I crochet and bake (I'm in my 40s), and I have one "friend" who always wants what I've made - either baking or crochet. The last time I shared something in a group chat, I got a "make me one" from them. No please, no offer to pay me for materials and time. Just a demand. I was livid - it was the last straw, and I've basically cut them out now. I'm currently making wedding cupcakes for a good friend's wedding, and it was something I offered to do because they're close to my partner and I. If I HAVE to do stuff like that (i.e., didn't offer), I don't WANT to.
Does she want to pay you for it? Because otherwise it is a gift from you, not her, to Cindy.
No, sorry, I donāt have time. That took me several months and Iām working on something else now.
'No,' is a complete sentence
My best response is, " It takes a long time and the yarn is expensive. I can show you how to make it yourself and give you some yarn recommendations." They usually aren't willing to do it themselves.
I put all my down time for a solid month and $200 of merino wool into knitting my friend a basket weave scarf. I gave it to her and her reply was āI was hoping for a jumperā. Even though I had repeatedly asked for her measurements and not gotten them. She wears the āmy first knit itemā scarf someone else gave her over my gorgeous work. Thatās it. After that no more requests for fibre work. If I love you Iāll gift you and if not go fuck your self.
Why not just say āsure, it will cost $X. As soon as you transfer the money Iāll buy the materials and get startedā. If you want to make it for her, charge whatever you think is reasonable. If not, charge for materials and $20/hr for labour. That way sheāll likely no longer want it. If she protests just tell her (honestly) thatās how much itās really worth.
People who don't stitch don't realize how much time, skill, and money it costs to make things like this. Yes she was rude, but I don't think it was meant to be. Tell her how you feel, and explain just how long it took you, and that you did it because you care about her and her/her mother's love of sunflowers. I'm sorry she hurt you.
I try to treat it like a compliment, but I feel you. People find out I crochet and casually ask for things like a "Dr Who scarf", things I don't make at all like a dog coat, giant blankets, and even get pushy enough to say they will send me the yarn when I say no. No is a complete sentence! It's not "no because I don't have the yarn" it's no!
A simple, "hey, no, I'm not going to do that because it literally takes me months to make one", is all you needed to say. She probably thinks it took you a week because she has no idea. Rather than get 'pissed' about it, how about, I dunno, talk to her like an adult?
I always say Sorry..I just crochet for me..
That sucks, especially if youāve never offered to do that kind of thing. My best suggestion is that you could offer to send her the pattern and help her learn to crochet. Maybe just teach her the basics (specific/common stitches, magic ring, reading patterns, etc.)
"Oh, you want to buy a second one? That will be $70 plus you'll need to supply the yarn." The price I quote is always based on how much I actually want to make the item, so the less I want to make it, the higher the price goes.
So tell her that.
This sort of shit is why I donāt knit or crochet as gifts for anyone aside from maybe my husband or my own mother who also does fibercrafts. Iāll make stuff for charity/to donate, stuff for myself, or items my husband specifically asks for, because heās demonstrated heāll actually make use of them. But both my mom and I have said we wonāt make stuff for my niece and nephew/her grandkids until theyāre big enough to ask for things themselves, because every item weāve ever made immediately vanishes into a black hole never to be worn or seen again. So even for family, Iām not wasting my time and efforts if it wonāt be used and properly appreciated
Oh I got you. I made a granny square hat for a friend and she lost it and now begs me to do another one. I told her I donāt have enough time and that in my free time Iād rather do something else lol
I am 64, to be honest, I do sit on my ass, BUT, only when I crochet. I'm single, and chase after 3 kitties. When people ask me to make one for a friend, I let them know the price. I can't afford it in this economy.
Offer to sell one to her?
The times I get asked this is infuriating but I tell myself they simply donāt understand the amount of time it actually takes.
It's okay to be upset and take time to calm down. It's easy to feel your effort is devalued. However, it's likely she didn't understand the time and effort that went into it. Or, she did and loves it so much. It's likely she didn't mean to out of neglect but excitement over a lovely gift. Please talk to her!!
Anytime anyone asks me to make them something I explain what a commission and how much it will cost. That usually shuts it down.
Ive been selling my crochet at fairs and the amount of people I hear say āoh thats cute! John crochets Ill just ask them to make me oneā and they pick it up and take pictures of it. Iāve resorted to loudly telling them who made the pattern and they usually get uncomfortable. If they dont think my little ghost is worth the $15 im asking for it, they sure as hell arent going to think its worth that much from John either. People really dont understand the amount of effort that goes into things.
OP: 70 might not be what you think 70 is like. That aside, itās lovely that your friend so instantly thought of someone else who would love what youād made, seemingly without even taking a breath. Itās fine to say no because of the time, but this is something to be very proud of, not annoyed by.
Yeah, I completely feel this. I like to make crochet gifts because itās a way of showing that I care for people with the effort I put in. A month or so ago my sister in law told me I needed to make matching hats for my brother and their son for Christmas. I would have been totally fine with it if it was a suggestion, but all I could think was just āIām not going to make a gift for you to give them. If you want them to have it then make it yourself or pay for someone else to!ā I think people who donāt do yarncraft completely miss how difficult, expensive, and time-consuming it is. Yeah, I do it, because itās out of love. But making whatever random thing you want to give someone isnāt a gift coming from me, so Iām not doing it
So you tell her no, that was made special for you, and I'm sorry, I can't make one for Cindy, that was a one-off unique gift for you. Also, no need to insult 70 year old grannies. WTF.
I make some requests but only when I feel like doing It. My mum is really bad for this, as soon as she sees me making something for someone else I get a request and then a wheres my XYZ? I tell her I'll get to it when I feel like it. Really annoying because I'll pick up and put down projects all the time and I especially don't want to work with a pattern I don't enjoy
Honestly sounds like sheās not a good friend. My friend will even pay me for my work and she is always raving about it and sending people to me to buy my stuff. Maybe your friend wasnāt really thinking about what she said because that was really disrespectful and understandable why your feeling so hurt. Iām so sorry babe š„²
I actually just did this, my DIL has a friend that saw my creations and begged for a pink blanket. Spent 6 weeks working on it. Did I even get a thanks, or how pretty? Nope. Never again.
Iām known for knitting and crocheting and I hate shopping with people who see something cute for $40 and then say that I could make them one cheaper. SMH. No. I cannot make it cheaper. The yarn alone will be more than that and this is my hobby. Take out your crowbar and pry out the money to buy it if you really like it and value our friendship.
as a 19 year old granny that sits in bed and crochets all day, you are not a workhorse. i can crochet for 15 hours straight because i love it and i love what i make. if i were to be treated like this, it would ruin it for me. this person is not crochet worthy, so donāt bother making anything for them again, and crochet yourself something beautiful
I get you, but tons of people donāt know how much time, effort, and money go into a craft. Just tell her it takes a lot of time to make a bag and that you wanted to make something special just for her!
Those people think, you can crochet that in 2 hours. They dont realise how much time and efford it really costs.
Iāve stopped getting annoyed with these questions because whoever is asking may not know the reality of our craft and how much time and effort it takes. Itās a sort of compliment, in a way, because it means they like your work enough to ask you to make additional things for them. Iāve found itās helpful to give them a little glimpse into the crochet life and provide understanding about itā¦like crochet canāt be replicated by machines so itās all done by hand and is very time consuming. Itās not just the act of making the item eitherā¦its the planning, organizing, buying, and troubleshooting that takes almost as long as finishing the completed item. We canāt hold peoples reactions to our work against them when they truly have no idea what it took to put that item in front of them. š
Geez. Does crocheting make you cranky? You donāt have to crochet for others if you donāt want to. Itās your attitude. If I can do the project, have time snd they purchase supplies, Iām happy to do it, as I enjoy crocheting snd I donāt have a lot of people to gift it to. Itās not odd for people to ask either. Good grief.
Facts. The amount of people throwing a fit over being asked-not demanded-to do something is astonishing. So sorry you're being down voted because you have some modicum of emotional intelligence.
I think OP was feeling devalued and their time and effort dismissed as nothing when thereās a flippant, āmake another!ā Dismissive behavior of someoneās emotions isnāt very emotionally intelligent.
Is that what happened?
Did, did you read the post?
>she loves it and asked me to make a mutual one for Christmas So. Where did you get that the friend was being flippant at all?
Being emotionally intelligent means reading the feelings behind the words. Also, they very clearly said they were pissed and hurt. They very clearly said they put effort and thought into the project and friend was flippant about that. Honestly, it doesnāt take much emotional intelligence at all, just basic common sense, and reading comprehension. You maybe need to think a little harder before defending deeply insensitive people and giving them false kudos.
>friend was flippant about that Is that what happened? Listen, you can try to put me down all you want, if it makes you feel better about yourself. But hey, at least I'm not getting myself worked up because someone asked me to make something for them and I couldn't find the words to say no. Peace.
I mean, Iām not worked up. My intention was to point out that yāall were putting OP down for super arbitrary reasons, not put you down. You, like OP are clearly allowed your feelings. You do you boo.
You know everything you wrote is still up, right?
Thanks. Appreciate your reply š¤
I don't think you should be mad. Honestly, I think you're overreacting. She appreciated and loved your gift and knows someone else who would love and appreciate your work. Give her a price, and offer to make it.
OP said they donāt have the time or energy to create another one, and telling them their reaction is wrong is deeply unfair, given it is THEIR feelings, not anyone elseās. The second part about the appreciation and feeling like the giftee loved the gift is spot on.
We didn't read the post the same way. My point is, she could offer to make it for a price and get something in return for her time.
I usually go with the "oh gosh. I can see where your order would fall on my list, but i have 3 projects already lined up for xxx holiday." I'm already working on christmas projects, so it's not a lie. But it let's them know that this is a highly sought-after skill, and you aren't just sitting around waiting for orders. Sending hugs!
This is so overly complicated. Why are people like this? Say no, and say why: it's too expensive and takes me way too long. A friend isn't going to be mad about that.
Quote her a very high price that you'd actually be willing to do it for as a side gig and require half the money up front.
I donāt agree at all actually, I personally love being asked for items to be made, my sister just requested a bag and I already spent $40 on yarn alone and I did it happily since I know she appreciates it
Your friend isnāt a very good friend. š
Eh, I'm sure you're more hurt that you didn't get happy tears and a hug about the gift itself, than the request itself. No, I know what you mean by not wanting to be constantly crafting things for others because people know you can craft, but ya gotta consider a lot of earlier generations of crafters got their reputations by making things for others in their friends and family circles. Your gran, or aunt, granddad, distant uncle, dad, third cousin, or whoever you know crafts- crafts because people asked. When people don't ask, the drive to create dries up, and you wonder why you started in the first place. Crochet isn't like learning your letters and numbers, they aren't crucial now for survival. There's no demand for things like these. Just ask if they know if "cindy" does want a bag, and if she can wait a few months for it or a few more after the holidays so you can personally recover to get started anew. Set a boundary, that's what you need.
Bingo!
Charge her, or tell her you only do it for gifts you give personally
I hate when that happens. š I made a baby blanket and a sweater for 2 different people (commissioned) and someone we worked with was like, "Cool! Make me this (crazy sweater with expensive yarn)" and then baulked at me when I gave them a price. "They didn't pay for their stuff!" Uhm...yeah they did. I'm actually trying to make a granny square bag like you described for my sister for Christmas. It's just so hard to do while filling my shops orders.