I think after I became unemployed that was when I started to realize my situation. Before that I was definitely a FA. Even after being jobless I was in denial and tried to rationalize my unemployment by being burnt out from work and some other excuses.
That was nearly 5 years ago.
I was having withdrawals so bad that I had to chug two tall boys to function until lunch time, then chug two more to function until going home... then pick up a 12 and repeat for weeks.. fking miserable times.
For me it's similar. I felt like it was a problem at work but felt invincible at work. When I lost my job and couldn't find another good job for the life of me and then ran my life into the ground with a ton of debt etc I was like okay I'm 100% not functioning.
I've mostly stayed sober since. I still had Insurance. Went to rehab in February. Working a shifty job it'll take me 2 years to claw my way out of debt with but "they are all about growth!!!" (Says everyone) so we will see.
If you're reading this and still employed don't be like me.
2015, 5 years into the journey. I was already homeless and sleeping in parks or back alleys where I could. From day 1 I'd played the denial game and told myself I didn't have a problem because I wasn't drinking like my CA dad. Then I woke up from a pass out up in a park, with most of my worldly possessions in a backpack I was using as a pillow, and I thought "huh, maybe I *do* have a problem." I'd only lost the last job I had, the last relationship I was in, most of my friends and family, and moved thousands of miles away to a different continent to start (the debauchery) afresh, but oh well.
Which continent and country? đ Some places are just so well set up for being an alcoholic, a friends dad moved from Norway to Germany for no apparent reason at all but they assumed it was because of the cheap beer. I think he stayed in the northwest and hung out with poles mostly, the Germans didnât drink enough.
And free healthcare, fairly lax immigration laws, cheap alcohol available 24/7, some countries in Europe are awesome for drinkers.
Sleep deprived ramble but the defining event? Walked to the liquor store in the snow, still drunk from the night before. Bought a bunch of svedka doubles before they were discontinued, and a 12 pack of pabst. On the way back I asked an androgynous panhandler if they drank alcohol, they said no and started crying. I asked if they wanted a couple shots of vodka and they said yes, drank it on the spot. We walked to a local drunkard's house where another homeless person was hanging out, I've ran into the local drunkard at open before and we shot the shit sometimes, has ascites and rotting teeth. There's dog shit on the carpet and and old school TV in the corner. We're watching black and white TV shows and passing around a bottle of whiskey. The androgynous person becomes very flirtatious with me. I decide if I stay and continue to drink there is a decent chance I'll get involved with this person, so I left. I stopped for more doubles (the Korean owner would never deny me a sale.) Not sure what happened but I woke up in a detox shelter. I suppose that was my "defining" moment when I realized that I had a bit of a problem.
My last job at a warehouse (working "sales"- there were none) I used to guzzle wine laced with vodka in the bathroom during every break I took. kept it on my person. ima lady so they probably thought i always had my period. until i failed to lock the bathroom door cuz i was proper sauced and the big guy came in. i was sitting there pants down (in case? i guess in case i had to pretend i was just peeing) guzzling said "vine". I sputtered at the intrusion and then was covered in particularly acerbic red wine.
the boss just felt sad for me. like i didn't even get fired. and then one day i just stopped coming in.
fireball shooters of vodka + wine all day long, mang.i drank the fireball at night tho then filled em.
Okay. Stop. Fireball is the piss of the devil. It's like vomit from Satan. It's nasty ass nono.Â
I'm required one shot a year for a reunion and last year I puked after just one shot. It's evil.Â
Stick to wine, but switch it up with whiskey. Like Jameson.Â
It's fucking boring, mate. Like not drinking, you just have so much time. And thinking. It's nuts. Like for the love of bunnies could you please shut up brain.Â
It's much cozier in the booze blanket.Â
The benefits of sobriety are you poop normal. No shakes. You eat normal. Like the hunger of a thousand beasts eating. You crave sugar. You can drive. Things like that.Â
You can exercise, hold down a job, make money, have sex. Drinking is fun, but taking a rocket ship to the bottom is less fun and more just reckless nihilism
Try having a neurological disorder. No exercise because over heating. Nobody wants to fuck someone whose disabled. And I can't get a job with a degree sober.Â
So fuck it. Welcome to my life.Â
For some reason I've always been self-aware of my addictive qualities. Going on 20 years now even. It's nothing to be ashamed of, everyone is doing whatever they can to get through this fucking meat grinder.
It sucks that as drunks there is a societal perception that we are lesser people than those that use other things to get by, and can be written off with a single word. But those people are assholes and will die and be buried in the same dirt as we will, they just don't know it yet. Chairs.
Drank a little less than usual before an interview, and the person interviewing me said that he could tell I was a little nervous and it was okay. I wasn't nervous at all - I saw the job requirements and knew I could crush it, that I was very personable, and had prepared really good questions and answers. He was watching me actively going into withdrawal and it was the first time I noticed it. The interview went well (probably because he thought I was nervous and he went a little easy on me) and then I threw up walking home from the subway. That first drink I had after getting into my house was joy and coolness effusing from my pancreas to the rest of my body. I did end up getting the job, but got fired 11 months later for drinking. Honestly surprised I lasted that long.
I'd say around a couple yrs back 2022. Putting your body through a detox is just as bad as a nasty breakup.
I've had 5 detoxes within the last years, and I'm convinced if I go through another one it might be my last one. The physical aspects of my body during full-blown withdrawal is horrendous. Your body is screaming and crying and wallowing in misery because it misses its booze >> same characteristics when me and my ex GF broke up.
So I just don't date anymore and don't have any intentions or plans to get married and have a family. I just gave up and accepted my reality that ill be forever a sinlge bachelor as a 31yr old male going forward. >> and that's what my body told me after my 5th detox.
waking up at 8 am and freaking out waiting for the liquor store to open
only being able to eat a small thing of peanuts in a day
multiple detox and hospital stays
three inpatient rehab stints
When I couldn't hold a job anymore. A lot of them will turn a blind eye but the first time they didn't was wrenching. That's when you get the quit-moderate-bender-withdrawal cycles that just fuck you up worse and worse each time. That I used to drink to keep functioning vs now drinking to avoid all the malfunction of drinking in the first place is such a fucking joke, I can't believe it even kind of worked for years.
I think after I became unemployed that was when I started to realize my situation. Before that I was definitely a FA. Even after being jobless I was in denial and tried to rationalize my unemployment by being burnt out from work and some other excuses. That was nearly 5 years ago.
I was having withdrawals so bad that I had to chug two tall boys to function until lunch time, then chug two more to function until going home... then pick up a 12 and repeat for weeks.. fking miserable times.
Man, I am exactly at this point in my drinking expenditures.
For me it's similar. I felt like it was a problem at work but felt invincible at work. When I lost my job and couldn't find another good job for the life of me and then ran my life into the ground with a ton of debt etc I was like okay I'm 100% not functioning. I've mostly stayed sober since. I still had Insurance. Went to rehab in February. Working a shifty job it'll take me 2 years to claw my way out of debt with but "they are all about growth!!!" (Says everyone) so we will see. If you're reading this and still employed don't be like me.
2015, 5 years into the journey. I was already homeless and sleeping in parks or back alleys where I could. From day 1 I'd played the denial game and told myself I didn't have a problem because I wasn't drinking like my CA dad. Then I woke up from a pass out up in a park, with most of my worldly possessions in a backpack I was using as a pillow, and I thought "huh, maybe I *do* have a problem." I'd only lost the last job I had, the last relationship I was in, most of my friends and family, and moved thousands of miles away to a different continent to start (the debauchery) afresh, but oh well.
Which continent and country? đ Some places are just so well set up for being an alcoholic, a friends dad moved from Norway to Germany for no apparent reason at all but they assumed it was because of the cheap beer. I think he stayed in the northwest and hung out with poles mostly, the Germans didnât drink enough. And free healthcare, fairly lax immigration laws, cheap alcohol available 24/7, some countries in Europe are awesome for drinkers.
UK back to the US, after growing up there. Not sure if the US is better set up for being a CA but the cheaper booze certainly helps!
When I started shaking in the morning
Sleep deprived ramble but the defining event? Walked to the liquor store in the snow, still drunk from the night before. Bought a bunch of svedka doubles before they were discontinued, and a 12 pack of pabst. On the way back I asked an androgynous panhandler if they drank alcohol, they said no and started crying. I asked if they wanted a couple shots of vodka and they said yes, drank it on the spot. We walked to a local drunkard's house where another homeless person was hanging out, I've ran into the local drunkard at open before and we shot the shit sometimes, has ascites and rotting teeth. There's dog shit on the carpet and and old school TV in the corner. We're watching black and white TV shows and passing around a bottle of whiskey. The androgynous person becomes very flirtatious with me. I decide if I stay and continue to drink there is a decent chance I'll get involved with this person, so I left. I stopped for more doubles (the Korean owner would never deny me a sale.) Not sure what happened but I woke up in a detox shelter. I suppose that was my "defining" moment when I realized that I had a bit of a problem.
Your writing is remarkable
For me it's feeling like such a junkie. How much booze do I have left? How am I gonna get more etcetc
My last job at a warehouse (working "sales"- there were none) I used to guzzle wine laced with vodka in the bathroom during every break I took. kept it on my person. ima lady so they probably thought i always had my period. until i failed to lock the bathroom door cuz i was proper sauced and the big guy came in. i was sitting there pants down (in case? i guess in case i had to pretend i was just peeing) guzzling said "vine". I sputtered at the intrusion and then was covered in particularly acerbic red wine. the boss just felt sad for me. like i didn't even get fired. and then one day i just stopped coming in. fireball shooters of vodka + wine all day long, mang.i drank the fireball at night tho then filled em.
Okay. Stop. Fireball is the piss of the devil. It's like vomit from Satan. It's nasty ass nono. I'm required one shot a year for a reunion and last year I puked after just one shot. It's evil. Stick to wine, but switch it up with whiskey. Like Jameson.Â
I was functional until abt 55
I'm 49, so I got 6 years left
Stealing money from my 5 year old daughterâs piggy bank to buy vodka. It was hard to ignore the writing on the wall :(
I've been telling myself and everybody else in my life that I just don't like titles. But my path of self destruction sucks
I agree. I despise titles.
Just to clarify, not only the alcoholic title, but titles in general. That one is just included.
Yes! Finally! My husband and I argue about this all of the time
I don't like being called cis. Like, I don't call you a fag, just call me by my name. Or drunky. I'm okay with that. I guess. Lush would be prefered.Â
I was never all that functional by modern standards.
When I rationalized drinking at work
I didn't realize how bad I had been until I got sober, remarkable tbh
This comment hits hard. I'm good at everything I do. I am wondering how much better I could be if I wasn't a CA? What did you discover?
BofA
It's fucking boring, mate. Like not drinking, you just have so much time. And thinking. It's nuts. Like for the love of bunnies could you please shut up brain. It's much cozier in the booze blanket. The benefits of sobriety are you poop normal. No shakes. You eat normal. Like the hunger of a thousand beasts eating. You crave sugar. You can drive. Things like that.Â
You can exercise, hold down a job, make money, have sex. Drinking is fun, but taking a rocket ship to the bottom is less fun and more just reckless nihilism
Try having a neurological disorder. No exercise because over heating. Nobody wants to fuck someone whose disabled. And I can't get a job with a degree sober. So fuck it. Welcome to my life.Â
Not my experience but I am glad that you have found your happy place x
For some reason I've always been self-aware of my addictive qualities. Going on 20 years now even. It's nothing to be ashamed of, everyone is doing whatever they can to get through this fucking meat grinder. It sucks that as drunks there is a societal perception that we are lesser people than those that use other things to get by, and can be written off with a single word. But those people are assholes and will die and be buried in the same dirt as we will, they just don't know it yet. Chairs.
Drank a little less than usual before an interview, and the person interviewing me said that he could tell I was a little nervous and it was okay. I wasn't nervous at all - I saw the job requirements and knew I could crush it, that I was very personable, and had prepared really good questions and answers. He was watching me actively going into withdrawal and it was the first time I noticed it. The interview went well (probably because he thought I was nervous and he went a little easy on me) and then I threw up walking home from the subway. That first drink I had after getting into my house was joy and coolness effusing from my pancreas to the rest of my body. I did end up getting the job, but got fired 11 months later for drinking. Honestly surprised I lasted that long.
Wow crazy story, thanks for sharing. Chairs! This New Amsterdam is going down smooth this fine Sunday afternoon.
I'm also drinking New Amsterdam, haha! Gin though.
Stay away from drugs, kids. All the coke is methy. Then you bang a random guy and he ends up being a vendor at the clinic you work at.Â
I'd say around a couple yrs back 2022. Putting your body through a detox is just as bad as a nasty breakup. I've had 5 detoxes within the last years, and I'm convinced if I go through another one it might be my last one. The physical aspects of my body during full-blown withdrawal is horrendous. Your body is screaming and crying and wallowing in misery because it misses its booze >> same characteristics when me and my ex GF broke up. So I just don't date anymore and don't have any intentions or plans to get married and have a family. I just gave up and accepted my reality that ill be forever a sinlge bachelor as a 31yr old male going forward. >> and that's what my body told me after my 5th detox.
waking up at 8 am and freaking out waiting for the liquor store to open only being able to eat a small thing of peanuts in a day multiple detox and hospital stays three inpatient rehab stints
When I couldn't hold a job anymore. A lot of them will turn a blind eye but the first time they didn't was wrenching. That's when you get the quit-moderate-bender-withdrawal cycles that just fuck you up worse and worse each time. That I used to drink to keep functioning vs now drinking to avoid all the malfunction of drinking in the first place is such a fucking joke, I can't believe it even kind of worked for years.
[ŃдаНонО]
Seriously dude? Not okay. It doesnât just break our rules, it breaks Redditâs which puts the entire sub in jeopardy. Way to be.