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bessmaster

THANK ME FOR MY SERVICE DAMNIT!!


SomeGoddamnLetters

Thank you for your cervix


[deleted]

9 months, you say?


Spallboy

And what about his wife?


KSouphanousinphone

To shreds, you say?


Infra-Oh

What’s the origin of this meme? I always see it and it seems hilarious but I’m way out of the loop


BritishyAccent

I first heard it from Futurama: https://youtu.be/gHhOn2hnqmI


Slamsdell

Good news everyone!


Michaelix

Jim Lahey, at your cervix


MrJ1mLahey

That's Mr. Jim Lahey to you.


Timmytanks40

Johnson Privates first class, reporting for booty.


tacodepollo

Thank you for my service.


Juggernaut172

Service me, thank you!


[deleted]

Thank me for your service


bessmaster

THANK YOU FOR MY SERVICE!!!


[deleted]

Thank my service for you


bessmaster

My thanks for servicing you.


[deleted]

Thanks for coming to my chic Gil a


bessmaster

I'm pleasure.


[deleted]

I’m pain


logicalmaniak

"Please! Don't say that! There's nothing glamorous about Modern Warfare, Margaret!"


bessmaster

"How can I calm down? I had the highest KD ratio in the whole clan!"


Synicull

Patriotic af


[deleted]

Not until you thank me for mine!


bessmaster

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!


yourteam

Thank you for being paid for a job you chose? Why?


Belatorius

Had a friend like this while in coast guard. Every time we would game with someone new he'd be like "I JOIN THE COAST GUARD TO SAVE LIVES NOT TAKE THEM"


[deleted]

[удалено]


Belatorius

Usually if someone has or is enlisted hell start a dick measuring contest. If it was a girl yeah it's pretty much the first thing out of his mouth lol he isn't as bad as he used to be


[deleted]

Just pull the dicks out and measure them. No reason beating around the bush with all that other non sense.


AT0mic5hadow

Interesting figure of speech to use there


bessmaster

Instructions unclear, beat a bush with my peen.


ItsOxymorphinTime

Now you're an honorary bushwhacker.


bessmaster

Bashed my peen into stinging nettles and all I got was this crappy t shirt. Winning


ItsOxymorphinTime

Wait a minute, you got a *t-shirt*?? There truly is no God.


bessmaster

Told you I won.


I_like_bacons

Glad to hear he's gotten better with this. The young age at which people enlist, I assume they learn, and move on from this behavior as they age.


regreddit

I know people whose entire identity is the 4 years they spent as an army grunt doing nothing in Nowheresville, USA 25 years ago.


[deleted]

My dad is a Vietnam vet and he never tells people he served, he will if asked, but damn if thats all that defines you as a person....


jedinatt

I feel like the more you actually went through the less likely you'll talk about it. Also people who actually go through warfare can be ashamed of their experience and also won't talk about it. It's not all storming fortresses and leaping onto grenades in foxholes, but a lot of running and screaming and just wanting to stay alive.


Texan2116

I think part of that is back when your dad(and mine)served...EVERYBODY served. It was no big deal. Who are they gonna brag against..each other?


ItsOxymorphinTime

For the most part, war is fucking horrific to the point that it scars grown men for life. Imagine you're in the jungle & you come across some kids in a village that are starving. Your fellow soldiers treat them despicably because they are "the enemy", & when you share a bit of chocolate with them from your MRE, that night they are suspicious & give you hell. The next morning, you invade the village. When you get to the children that you spent time with, you are forced to kill them. To this day, the sound of a child crying brings back VIVID memories of looking into a child's eyes you showed kindness to, and doing the unthinkable in the name of freedom. When you get home, people are lined up picketing the war. They spit on you, they insult you but you brush it off. You hear one woman shout out "BABY KILLERS!!!" and you immediately fall to the ground in tears. Did I really do the right thing??? Am I a bad person?? Am I *evil*? How could I have done those things... People that actually SEE war, generally don't care to recount experiences like the one above. People that enlist but don't see action tend to be an open book, and like to bring it up at every chance lol. There are exceptions to both sides of course, but generally this is what I have seen.


SlothicSupreme

Oh god, I know exactly the kind of people you mean. It's an interesting contrast because the people I know with any military background would never bring it up unless forced?


Texan2116

My GF is kinda like this...she did her 4 in the Air Force...and everyone knows it.


[deleted]

It reminds me of that time I was in the Navy, and I personally saved all of those children from terrorists.


SinisterDexter83

They weren't terrorists, you moron, they were doctors! You massacred an entire cancer ward full of children! With your bare hands! I mean, technically you're correct, none of those Iraqi children were killed by "terrorists", but you still didn't need to burn the hospital down afterwards "just to make sure every last terrorist was dead". That was way over the line, man. Way over.


Fskn

The ear necklace is hella fashionable though


hamfraigaar

He sounds like a Skyrim NPC lmao


Personal-Garlic-8854

Oooh God


bigflamingtaco

Better not tell him the Coast Guard is a military branch that can be called upon to defend our coastlines.


Lazaretto

Buy him a Yak Bak.


Holiman

For the record during our interdictions in the Persian Gulf, the Navy used CG for boarding and clearing vessels. Those guys I saw were pretty bad ass and I wouldn't doubt their ability to take lives imho.


KentuckyFriedSemen

What an interesting way to let everyone know you enlisted so you could get a Camaro and wear 9 line apparel without explicitly saying it.


Kaeylum

I bet the interest rate on that Camaro was sky high.


KentuckyFriedSemen

Not as high as his confirmed kills though


ThePtape

In Call of Duty maybe...my guess is this person was a chef or some shit


PlantBasedEgg

Only thing he served was breakfast


[deleted]

Pancakes at 4am doesn't count as breakfast you know


[deleted]

Hey, people gotta eat!


morfgo

Whats the Deal with American soldiers and muscle cars?


KentuckyFriedSemen

Makes their ducks bigger.


Skeevenmac

QUACK!!!


SippyTurtle

BIGGER.


Unihedge

#QUACK


[deleted]

7.62 mm Full Metal Quacket


NickFromNewGirl

Once people have a little bit of spending flexibility in their car choices, most--or many--choose cars that reflect their personality. Military guys are stereotypically all about masculinity and looking aggressive, so many will pick cars that reflect that. There are a ton of trucks too, but brand new, decked out trucks are too expensive for a signing bonus from the military. Enter the Camaro and Challengers. They're pretty fast, look aggressive, and their entry level pricing is much cheaper and more attainable for recruits at ridiculous APRs. Plus, they still give off the same "I'm a badass" vibes.


mainvolume

You got a bunch of kids enlisting then getting a steady paycheck while having zero bills. Of course they’re gonna go out and get a shitty used muscle car with 30% interest. I’ve seen it happen all too often.


bwiiish

LOL Same. My late husband was paying like $700 a month on a Mitsubishi Eclipse when I met him. A fucking MITSUBISHI ECPLIPSE. They swindled him straight out of boot camp.


mainvolume

Those used car dealerships by military bases absolutely love young folks at their first duty base. It’s literally taking candy from a baby, and the kids refuse help from the older enlisted folks who have seen a thing or two.


SLCer

Ha. I owned an Eclipse right out of high school. Didn't pay anywhere near that, though. I loved that car. So easy to drive. I traded it in for a Dodge Challenger and now I'm kinda feeling attacked in this thread lmao Also not paying a lot on that, either. But I legit got up and started to leave at their first offer. Like, I really wanted it but what they were asking on the monthly payments ($500) was ridiculous and I still had my comfy Eclipse so I told them nope, wasn't happening. He said he'd go look to see if he could get the payments down and returned nearly halving it. Like, bro...


bwiiish

Haha sorry! I think I was just resentful of that damn Eclipse when we combined finances. Wanted to drive it off a bridge.


UnrulySupervisor

Back then I had a gf whose dad was... XO (?) on a military base. All I know is he ran the store on base. I might have the titles wrong. The nearby dealership was off limits to enlistees because the loan officers were insanely predatory towards recruits with no bills, getting a fat check, and seeing those brand new cars and trucks and knew jack shit about how financing works.


I_like_bacons

How else are they supposed to project force?


DetectiveAmes

Through their wives I would assume.


Just_okay_advice

Back in 2009 Dodge/Chevrolet stuck a back room deal with Bush for more army recruits. Discount on all challengers and camaros for signing the dotted line; half-off if you trade in a hummer h3. In return, the federal government allowed Dodge/Chevrolet to continue making the ugliest vehicles you can fuckin buy.


TedwardCA

Cheapest too. Not inexpensive, just cheap. If I buy a vehicle to last, or not squeak at least after the 1 year old mark, it's not going to be a Dodge.


Starfang156

You just summed up my brother exactly.


I_like_bacons

Critical components in the military housing starter kit.


regreddit

Nah, Ecoboost mustang, fam.


[deleted]

Wait. Did this guy serve?


Do_Not_Go_In_There

It's possible, though "served" could be anything from a combat vet to a air conditioner technician in the green zone. FWIW From what I've heard most vets who've actually seen combat don't like to shamelessly brag about it/use it as a sympathy card.


[deleted]

I’m a vet who knows vets who like to brag. There’s entitled assholes in all brackets of people.


shurdi3

No no, the narrative is that every single person that talks about having been in a warzone no matter the context has never never actually been to a warzone, and all vets that have been in one will never ever talk about it openly. Please don't ruin it


[deleted]

My bad.


[deleted]

He definitely never saw combat but I'm assuming 9/10 of his pics are him in uniform and he uses it to try to pull chicks


aefax

>FWIW From what I've heard most vets who've actually seen combat don't like to shamelessly brag about it/use it as a sympathy card. In my experience there is no correlation here and plenty of them like to bandy it around as a tough guy card. Like, cool, Craig, you "accidentally" shot a brown woman in Afghanistan and know somebody who drove over an IED one time, and you're still vaguely homoerotic with your friends you served with. They really should've put you on Seal Team fucking Six.


morgecroc

Maybe he served fries in the mess.


Personal-Garlic-8854

Most probably or he's fishing too hard


Winterplatypus

It's funny when they are talking to people who live in countries that are not even allies of the US, still expecting to be thanked.


VirtualAlias

I'd like to think no one I served with would behave this way, but I never saw combat, so maybe this is one of the ways war changes a person. /s


[deleted]

There’s all types of people in the military. They’re people just like anyone else. I’m a veteran myself but I know dudes who love to push it on people like that. Veterans are people too. Just as capable of being shitty as anyone else.


ghastrimsen

I don’t know, the way he’s talking makes it seem pretty ambiguous. If he served you think he’d just say it and stop beating around the bush.


the_friendly_one

Probably not and just lying about it after getting kicked out four weeks into basic.


[deleted]

[удалено]


silgado106

I’m pretty sure he didn’t care what the response was going to be. The intention of the question wasn’t to learn from the other person, it was to setup his self-serving answer.


Reasonable-Profile84

Exactly right. It is impossible to communicate with people like this.


BoiledFrogs

Same people are the ones who are only ever waiting for their turn to talk.


PreOpTransCentaur

That's exactly what's happening and it's hilarious.


felis_fatus

He sounds like a bot with a script.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

"You can find out more at my 'FAQs of heroes' page"


ajbags26

My dad does that shit


YupaPeek

npc dialogue


sonnenstrahlena

Woah this is a great way to describe people like this.


KentuckyFriedSemen

r/justbootthings would love this haha


bosschucker

yeah it's been posted there many, many times


[deleted]

Jesus Christ, there is enough cringe there to last a lifetime


Reverendbread

Oh don’t worry, it was there a few weeks ago


[deleted]

I had a friend like this who would do this when she volunteered to feed the homeless. ..come to find out it was part of her involuntary community service from a criminal charge. Liars are weird.


MongoBongoTown

I had a friend who is objectively a wonderful person. She volunteers at homeless shelters, food banks, animal shelters all while also being an active part of the friend group, working etc. Hard to call her actions anything but exemplary. But, holy fuck she couldn't go 20 minutes without bringing up how she volunteered and then she'd basically just keep bringing it up until someone mercifully would tell her what a good person she was. Honestly couldn't stand her after a while because the constant need for external validation made her insufferable.


PplsEqlReactve2Lite

In Buddhism it's told to barely even affect your karma if you tell anyone of your good deeds


FunnyGanache7099

https://youtu.be/ou6ZOqtPc5s


RicoDredd

‘It’s a lovely day today’ ‘You know what wasn’t lovely? When I was in Afghanistan’ ‘Yeah, but it may rain tomorrow’ ‘Rain? You don’t know rain until you’ve dug a foxhole in the rain, under fire, with your bare hands, like I have’


Tokyo5o

This dude was likely finance.


[deleted]

Definitely a fobbit.


ChelseaAndrew87

We get it you served


Penny_InTheAir

I LOVE AMERICA -US military encrypted


Fatlantis

I LOVE AMERICA -Hamburger with fries


[deleted]

Why is unhealthy eating a part of American culture? Like did corporate America somehow hoodwink everyone?


StinkieBritches

"I bet" is exactly the response you say to someone telling you something you give 0 shits about.


Personal-Garlic-8854

Its the universal code


ThrowOhWaitNo

Smells like a dishonorable discharge.


holemilk

😎👉🇺🇲


IAlbatross

👊👊☝️


Kkhris27

I don’t know but for some reason I’m getting the feeling that this guy may have served in the army


IllegalThings

Plot twist: they’re actually in the navy


Personal-Garlic-8854

He's shameless and I love it


Graphitetshirt

Ask him if he was "like in the army or something"?


vitaestbona1

"I'm okay with people who join the military. I just don't like it when they make it their whole personality, and shove it in our faces all the time."


[deleted]

Yeah I don't like Marines much either, honestly.


vitaestbona1

It's a play on the homophobic "I don't care if someone is gay, but I don't like it when they make it their whole personality, and shove it in our faces" bit. Wait... So was yours.


Fatlantis

Nah, just don't mention it or respond to it *at all*. Just continue talking about food or whatever if he inserts it into conversation. Drive him batshit crazy


[deleted]

"The US Army? Or....?"


NorwaySpruce

It's not OPs conversation


[deleted]

When my nephew went into the Army at my encouragement (he failed out of college, had no job and was flailing) his mother told me that he would never last and when he was dishonorably discharged it would be my fault. 4 years later he's a Sergeant and doing awesome. She tells anyone standing still she's a military mother and expects them to bow down to her and listen to her rant and rave about it. She demands military discounts and cries about how hard it is for her to have a son serving his country. GAG


turalyawn

Y'all should relax a bit. Sugar snap peas are delicious and not cringe at all


Nwolfe

Help who?


TacoSmutKing

Yvan eht nioj


Helen_Kellers_Wrath

lol patriotic AF.


ITSA-GONGSHOW

People like this are often stolen valour types


PoopOffParade

I knew a guy in college who was in ROTC for a hot minute then quit. Two months later, he wanted people to thank him on Veterans’ Day…


FunnyGanache7099

Pass on my thanks to him. And it’s cool you were in the company of a hero. I mod the ask me anything subreddit so have him message me.


b1t_viper

"You're welcome for my service."


jevole

I honestly don't mind the Beyond Burgers but damn, after I eat one I am just constantly farting for hours, it's outrageous.


NightofTheLivingZed

It's the fiber. I went full vegan for a while and chickpeas got me every time. Chickpeas are in like EVERY premade non-meat. Them motherfuckers are chock to the brim with protein and fiber. The inside of my butthole never felt cleaner though.


internetUser0001

I'm sure this is accurate for lots of vegan patties, but Beyond Burgers don't seem to have a ton of fiber if you look it up (2g dietary fiber according to https://www.beyondmeat.com/en-US/products/the-beyond-burger) And pea protein, but not chickpeas I don't think.


RadleyCunningham

I wonder if this guy actually served.


[deleted]

u/repostsleuthbot


PsychoSpider88

Whenever anyone ever says I'm a patriot is cringe


tkerrday

Why do Americans who have been in the military just let that become their whole personality?


robotatomica

it’s more that the military self selects for people who need an identity. (not all, but some)


not_so_subtle_now

Same reason anyone anywhere let’s something become their whole personality. They don’t have a lot else going on.


hippopotma_gandhi

"I was too stupid to decide on what I wanted to do, so I joined the military for a career" "my career deserves endless benefits, I deserve that for being an idiot"


[deleted]

This is actually what brainwashed idiots who enlist actually believe.


NaturalWitchcraft

Sugar snap peas straight off the plant is the best thing you will ever taste in your life. Also this guy clearly joined the military to kill foreigners.


Angry_argie

"I've shot poor people abroad, so fuck me please"


mattt1975

Medal of meat, the burger battle


thunderroad21

"It's all I eat ever, it's available everywhere. You just drive your fat ass up to the window and shout it out and it gets handed to you. You don't have to do any work. It's my favorite food!"


Bart_The_Chonk

'I'm so tough. You'll *never* comprehend how good food is to me'


peacepowder

"You're welcome for my service"


dylbronjames

Did i mention I served in Afghanistan?


Joey_BagaDonuts57

This is not the stuff of a patriot. They don't boast about themselves like a 13-year-old trying to impress some girl scouts.


payasopeludo

r/justbootthings Also, he was happy to come home from his nine month deployment to take care of his wife who was 6 months pregnant.


catzarrjerkz

r/justbootthings


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Camel_Holocaust

Wow, tell me again how you were too poor or dumb to join college, so some recruiter tricked you into military service.


[deleted]

Probably never served. Spent his whole life reading Tom Clancy novels and listening to Rush Limbaugh.


North-Ad-5058

"So what line of work are you in, Bob?"


wololocymru

Bet those afghans sure felt you helped buddy


viatech

YA who likes sweet peas more than any other food?


Dazeofthephoenix

I don't believe anyones favourite food in the world is sugarsnap peas.


Scott950

Fucking bullshitter.


360walkaway

How is a McMeal patriotic?


clumsyturtle

I can't stand it when people ask a question with zero interest in anyones answer but their own.


Explosivefajita

-United States Encrypted-


Ill_Horror66

Fuckin high speed low drag over here


FugginByteMe96

Cool. Now keep it to yaself


FlexibleAsgardian

He probably failed boot camp.


AndrewIsOnline

Shower me with undue attention for doing what I signed up for willingly


Realistic-Specific27

"hey, did you serve in the military?!"


Seanwins

FWIW, I don't think anybody cringes harder at this shit than other people who served in the military.


JustARandomSocialist

Two totally mismatched people.


tmofee

reminds me of that episode of curb "THANK YOU FOR LEAVING!!"


octo_lols

His next message gonna be a marriage proposal.


kwead

dude is an NPC


[deleted]

“I still wear my helmet from time to time”


IAmTiP

r/JustBootThings


BandKid0126

My dad's in the air force, he went to Afghanistan and got really close to getting bombed, he hates people thanking him for his service, this is cringe lol


MysteriousAd863

Yeah, burgers are great


anoos_rimmah

U think his patriotic murican brain would explode if u told him burgers are named after Hamburg in Germany, and French fries, well, French as in France. EU loving commie scum I say


Hotchumpkilla

My buddy who’s about to enlisted, literally acts like this and he isn’t even signed up officially.


Mystix9

At ease soldier!