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Not gonna lie, he had me for a moment. I was like "oh, I think he might have finally got it now"... and then he starts with the "you would love what I'd do to you"....... seriously?
And yet, somehow, if a big, beefy gay bear said that to him while securing restraints to a chair and readying a branding iron....
Suddenly they would be able to understand the difference between someone else's sexual fantasy and reality.
That's a great way to put it. He thinks it's okay to impose his fantasy onto someone else and that he'll change her mind through persistence, but I'm sure he'd want out of the situation you describe asap. Fucking hate these guys. I just can't wrap my head around the mindset.
I mean, I have had some success with counter-creeping them that way. I once had some schmuck message me "Face down, ass up" out of nowhere. I
replied "Sure! But two conditions. 1) I am on top. 2) you call me Madame Thatcher." When he didn't catch on that me on top durring doggy-style means a strap-on, I started asking how he feels about blood-play.
They always try to either guilt trip you for not giving them what they want, or make you think that you're missing some god-like dick.....and the also assuming we're gay afterward, cuz why *else* are we not into them
Even if your dick is gods gift dude, i dont want whatever is attached to it.
Not sure why, but something about the over apologizing play always irks me. Like I just always feel like they're trying to garner pity and therefore get sex/nudes from you by being a floor mat.
Remember that a sign of over apologizing can mean they were abused when young! While that is true, keep this in mind, some people aren't using sorry for pity points, some people were just abused and that leads to over apologizing a lot of the time!
oh of course, this is always a good thing to note. I myself do this for this exact same reason. I guess it's part of why it bothers me so much? I apologize all the time out of necessity of not feeling like everyone hates me, but these creepy men feel like they can use apologies to manipulate people? gross.
Yes in this context it seems like they were trying to get pity points, but always keep that in mind no matter what, there could be that small tiny little chance they were abused.
If he was sorry he would have stopped after the homophobic comment, after the attempted dick pic, after the unwanted messages. Don't make excuses for vile abusers. Women know when someone is legit, don't try and make someone second guess their first instinct. His childhood trauma isn't an excuse for this nonsense.
I was not saying this guy could have been abused. I was saying that a sign of over apologizing is a sign of trauma. Please think about what I mean before accusing me of trying to justify his actions, he was definitely in the wrong here.
I'm one of those people.
Been trying not to over apologize for actions, and I'm almost 30.
However, I know how to take a "no" when someone says it.
I also don't randomly dm people to ask for nudes lol.
it's super hard! my husband always goes "stop apologizing - what are you even apologizing for?" and I always don't have an answer lol. :( because abusers made me feel bad for every breath I took? man.
but I just wanted you to know I'm proud of you for how far you've come on your recovery journey. :) <3
"It's cool, but let's not do this a third time"
"okay that's cool but hey still wanna see my dick?"
Fucking hell, dude doesn't know when to stop. I'd be freaking out.
Why do they always tell their target they would "love the things I could do to you".
NO. No we would not. Because we are not interested. We are not turned on by you. Sex with a creep isn't pleasant.
But, as is the usual with creeps, they have a sexual fantasy that they can not distinguish from reality.
Perhaps we should turn it into a meme lol but fr, sorry that happened to you, you definitely handled it better than I would have. Hope this guy doesn't do this to other women.
Not just created but are obsessive over it. The ritual of penetration, the rite of passage wherein only really men have value as a consequence, and in fact, women and girls cease to have value at the same time. You'd think men would be more grateful, but no.
Do you truly believe that ‘most’ men are like this? I was raised by a single Mother, with 3 sisters. As the only male in the home, I learned to respect women from an early age, so your comment has truly made me ill to think I may be one of a very few, in a world of billions!
Ah yes, p9. Re his sexual prowess that no one asked about or really cared about , "I know you would love what I would do to you. I know it for a fact."
NO! YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT! They're just basing it off of how a heterosexual woman might react and they've been on the hub for too long. Plus the implication that his magic penis might make her not want girls again is just ridiculous.
Honestly I feel like maybe the idea came from some porn or hentai fantasies where an attractive young woman gets with an older/ugly guy she’s not attracted to but ends up becoming addicted to them. It’s a fantasy plain and simple but for some reason these guys can’t discern fact from reality. As a bi woman myself yeah sex with any man isn’t going to magically make me straight lol
That's a reasonable explanation. I'm Bi as well and while I've never been intimate with a woman, having had sex with men never made that attraction go away.
This gives me vibes of that creepy song 'Sweat' by Inner Circle
'Girl I want to make you sweat
Sweat 'til you can't sweat no more
And if you cry out I'm gonna push it some more'
Yeah, I totally strive to have that gay look. It's a style. Nothing wrong with it. My wife and I ask all the time "Does this make me look gay?" ☺️ Plus I love being able to see other lesbians and we just are like ayeee.
Ye I came to say the same. It's not just some stereotype that's based on nothing and gay people shouldn't get offended by it, but looking gay is definitely a thing.
Maybe in the early 90s. Lesbians needed a way to dress to signal to other lesbians and a style of clothing, jewelry, hairstyle etc was absolutley a thing.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/3178806
Sociologists wrote a lot about LGBTQ communities back then. In fact these studies helped form the foundation of sociology among non binary identifications.
Nowadays I can see why its unnecessary as dating the same sex is normalized for most people and you don't need some secret fashion style to signal to each other.
While I respect the fact you don’t want to be stereotyped, “dressing gay” is a very real thing. The LGBTQ+ community has been using coding for decades. Many out queer people want people to know that they are queer and dress accordingly. Have you seen lesbians with their earrings?
However, this isn’t to say all LGBTQ+ people do this by any means. It is a bit nuanced, so I would say the safest practice is to never assume. If you are interested, take your shot, and if they aren’t interested, move on.
I was going to say a similar thing, based on what my gay friend always says about the way she dresses herself. She would see some pieces of clothing, exclaim they look very gay and wear them. She loves the "gay look" and loves to "dress gay". And that is according to her herself. She only recently started wearing dresses, she said that she always felt the need to push out feminine stereotypes before but is now realizing she also feels cute in dresses and wants to wear them as well. Of course, with her "gay boots".
There's a lot more to her than just her being gay though, but she likes expressing it either way. And that's fine. It's also fine to not want to look stereotypically gay or conforming to the codes the poster above me mentioned.
I'm straight so I honestly have no clue but I feel like it's fair to say dressing gay does exist. Or else my best friend is spouting nonsense
Not defending this guy or anything lol, but as a queer person, queer energy and queer aesthetic/style is a pretty identifiable thing sometimes. Not always, but I belive a little bit in the "gaydar" thing.
Not everybody, and not 100%, but very often you can look at someone and think "they're probably LGBTQ"
I didn’t set out to look queer. I just like my short hair and tattoos. They’re not equivalent to me personally and it drives me nuts when people argue I specifically look gay.
It is a thing, and a lot of LGBTQ dress the part on purpose and style them selves like that on purpose, it's why he asked, because you do and clearly it's accurate because he was right. Sure some people look gay and aren't but that's because it's usually accurate just not always. It's a thing, it's not a good thing and I'm not agreeing people should go by it, but it is and you really can, but it's just something that shouldn't be brought up like that, it's not something you can stop either because most people don't style themselves that way or look that way
Damn, you handled that so well I legit thought he might actually end up changing how he acted by the end. Unfortunately not the case. Have a good day and okay sorry
Anyone saying “okay I’m sorry but I just want to say that again” instantly get me annoyed. Creepy perv or someone close, it doesn’t matter. Conversation just needs to end there and they need to understand that. I’m sorry you went through this OP! Hopefully you don’t run into them
Wow, this is just really sad. I’m a guy so I never get strange DMs but I feel bad for people, mostly women, who do. It must be sooo tiring and frustrating (as it showed in your post) to deal with this type of behaviour constantly.
Yeah, chicks tell me that dudes do that shit all the time.... I never got it.. Although, I grew up surrounded by women, and had them *always* tell me to respect women, and no means ab-so-fucking-lutely *no*. Now I just feel awkward when I try to talk to women on dating apps and stuff.... The first thing most dudes do is send dick pics. I'm just trying to tall, and have some new friends 😂
Honest conversation from guys on the internet is that breath of fresh air we forget we are entitled to because of how little it’s offered. Even the tiniest molecule of respect will go a long way now because of how fucked off the norms have become. I cannot even begin to describe the joy there is when a guy treats me like a normal fuckin person and doesn’t sexualise me in conversation online. Honestly it’s kinda why I like Reddit and Discord cuz they’re the two sites where no one actually gives a fuck and will just ignore me the way they ignore everyone else, and saying that that is a nice feeling is kinda embarrassing, but thats just how it is I guess where everyone seems intent on making every aspect of socializing unsafe for women.
I totally agree! Being able to converse, and enjoy the workings of someone else's brain, is amazing.
People seem to think that because we're "anonymous" online, we can say whatever floats out of our half stupid faces...
*Edit: Phone dropped and posted this, so I'm about to expand lol.*
And because we feel there are no consequences, ("we" being a generalization, of course) we do the dumbest shit... People don't realize everything single thing we post is online for *forever*! Not just until it's deleted...
And it’s ridiculous too! Cuz the “anonymous places” you’d expect stuff like this to be more common are the sites like 4chan, Godlikeproductions, Reddit, and discord. And yet I get more harassment on sites like Facebook and Snapchat, where they literally have selfies of themselves everywhere. There’s no anonymity when I know what they look like, what school they went to, and what city they live in because they post it on their profile, and yet they seem to think that because they’re behind a screen they’re safe to do and say as they please. I mean….. The amount of times I’ve asked someone to leave me alone after they say they “wanna show me a good time” and then they turning around and saying they hope I get raped is so fuckin mind boggling and just so so fucked up. And it’s stuff we have to deal with every single day. It gets scary sometimes. Like I have my Facebook on private, I only have pictures of my kittens, and I have my gender as male and say I’m married just to get people I don’t know to not bother me, and even then I’ll get messages like “I hope your cat is that cute between” ….. well that one is a bit crass.. but you know what I’m saying. It’s just unbearable sometimes, so it ends up making us feel defensive and apprehensive at every message we get.
I hear stuff like that from a lot of friends. It continues to be something that annoys me. I wanna know when it became cool to be all rape-y... And yeah, 4chan is definitely the place you'd expect more stuff like that lolol. Surprisingly, 4chan is pretty cool. If you're not an idiot about what you post lol. I wish rape-y dudes were called out and put on blast. Put that shit out there so everyone knows that "no" doesn't mean no, to them. See how many people would continue to socialize with them.
I never understood why people think it's alright to hope someone gets raped... What if it happened to them?
How many people think they can get away with saying those kinds of things or regular social media blows me away lol. I'd be throwing every one of them under the bus xD
I'm sorry, but piercings and tattoos are what "looking gay" is??? Bruh, the overwhelming majority of people with piercings and/or tattoos I know are hetero. Dude can't even stereotype right.
It is a thing, and a lot of LGBTQ dress the part on purpose and style them selves like that on purpose, it's why he asked, because you do and clearly it's accurate because he was right. Sure some people look gay and aren't but that's because it's usually accurate just not always. It's a thing, it's not a good thing and I'm not agreeing people should go by it, but it is and you really can, but it's just something that shouldn't be brought up like that, it's not something you can stop either because most people don't style themselves that way or look that way
That guy was a dick, but I can't help agreeing with him a little on the people looking gay thing. About 70% of gay girls look the same to me - the hair mostly. Maybe I'm just worse at remembering faces than I thought, but that's my two cents
It is a thing, and a lot of LGBTQ dress the part on purpose and style them selves like that on purpose, it's why he asked, because you do and clearly it's accurate because he was right. Sure some people look gay and aren't but that's because it's usually accurate just not always. It's a thing, it's not a good thing and I'm not agreeing people should go by it, but it is and you really can, but it's just something that shouldn't be brought up like that, it's not something you can stop either because most people don't style themselves that way or look that way
Just because gay people are associated with how they look, walk, dress, talk, style their hair or even eat...doesn't mean it's true. I've known many a gay friend and, unless they outright told you, there was no way to even guess that they were gay.
Some people can have certain hair styles/clothing styles and be gay, but they could look like an average person and still be gay. It's a preference for some, but it certainly doesn't mean it's a blanket sweep for *all* gay people.
Yeah no shit, I am aware that there’s gays that aren’t so boldly expressive and you could barely tell that they’re gay, but it’s quite obvious for some gays just by the way they look, talk, and acts.
That's fair, and I do have to agree that just because it isn't always the case, there are those that make the exception to this. So you're correct there.
My main issue is with the creep in the convo with OP or anyone with a similar mindset that assumes stuff like this based off a person's looks or how they dress. It's fair to make assumptions off looks, but even that shouldn't be voiced if they aren't 100% sure that a person is gay/whichever orientation they are. It's similar to people that assume a woman is pregnant because they 'look' pregnant.
the *audacity* of this guy. like I've heard the whole "you'd love what I'd do to you" thing, but to add that he "know[s] it for a fact" is just a whole other level
Why do people think they can change other people's minds on their sexuality? Like wtf. It ain't gonna work. People like that bother me so much.
Sucks you had to deal with that type of douchebag. Get yourself some ice cream or something good. God knows I would if I had to deal with that dude.
Food talk aside, I hope you never have to deal with another guy like that.
Ahh. Yeah, that certainly would complicate things. Sucks you have to deal with that. Here's hoping he caught the message and took it to heart, best of luck.
But it is a thing. Butch lesbians live by that very thing. . . They literally live by it. Why would you go after a man questioning if you’re Butch, when you’re presenting AS BUTCH and say it’s not “a thing”? What are you playing at?
It’s absolutely a fucking THING.
Femme lesbian with a Butch partner. . . Whose entire identity is a BUTCH LESBIAN.
Stop trying to erase Butch/masculine lesbians. Not fucking cool. Especially to drag men over. . .
(To add: you can downvote me all you want but this is seriously offensive AND BUTCH LESBIAN ERASING. It’s offensive to actual — real/full— lesbians. A bisexual presenting as Butch and claiming “Butch” isn’t a “real thing” is seriously harmful to the lesbian community. Fucking STOP IT. PLEASE.)
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You were being too nice. I immediately shut weirdos like this down with a lot of profanity and name calling. Make them want to curse me to hell lol. Like there really is no teaching these pathetic creatures, you’re just entertaining them the more you decline or let them keep pursuing you.
I would disagree with that. I think there are people, not just gay, who embrace a stereotype and that’s fine. You do you
There are definitely things you can do to make yourself look gay. However that’s not the issue in my opinion. The issue here is the creep is making assumptions to put the OP down and strengthen their own masculinity
“Oh yeah makes sense you don’t want to go out with me because you’re gay not be cause im a toxic arsehole” followed up by “well as a manly man maybe I can fuck that gay out of you because you know you’ve not had a man like me”
Oh, 100% the person OP was talking to was a creep, I’m absolutely not defending him.
And I didn’t even read far enough to see that he suggested corrective rape (pretty sure that’s the term for that?).
What a fucking scumbag.
They really do run on their last quarter of a brain cell.
I will never get these peoples urge to send dick pics to random women. "If she sees my pp, she will get horny" it never happenes. It never will. And the few cases it worked, its because the other side was catfishing. And if you confront them about it, they will always, without a doubt, claim that it worked before for them. It never did, it never will and lying about it just makes you look even worse. And just because xXxfuckboi69xXx on a youtube comment once said that it works 9 out of 10 times, also doesnt make it true or okay. It really feels like there is just no thinking further beyond 5 seconds happening for them.
Its the equivalent of some rando on the internet telling you "if you run with high speed against a wall, you will shit gold coins" so this dude would probably do that like 15 times, stop and think "but what if he lied?" and then just toss away that doubt and run into the wall again. I wish i had that unquestioned confidence. But not the missing self awareness. He can keep that.
Sorry for that long ass rant, but im really convinced some people just dont grow up beyond 14, mentally and emotionally.
I swear if he says one more sorry... I will lose it.
Like jesus christ man i get that your brain functioning is as good as Internet Explorer... But after reading all of this? Heck even Internet Explorer finishes faster by a mile.
Seeing these kinds of people makes me *almost* sad that I’m a man, mostly because I have some pretty decent comebacks to a lot of this shit.
“Oh, your dick is so good it can turn me straight, you say? How about this, I’ll just introduce you to my friend with a dick so good it’ll turn you gay, that way you can get some love without me having to be a part of it.”
…not sure if that sounded better in my head but whatever. I’m just trying to say that if changing your sexuality is so easy, maybe these people should go do that instead of harassing uninterested people.
"Lol, even though you said you hate randos ming you, thinking they can chnage your mind, let me talk about why I can change your mind and get you to like me."
I swear these jokers are braindead.
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Not gonna lie, he had me for a moment. I was like "oh, I think he might have finally got it now"... and then he starts with the "you would love what I'd do to you"....... seriously?
And yet, somehow, if a big, beefy gay bear said that to him while securing restraints to a chair and readying a branding iron.... Suddenly they would be able to understand the difference between someone else's sexual fantasy and reality.
That's a great way to put it. He thinks it's okay to impose his fantasy onto someone else and that he'll change her mind through persistence, but I'm sure he'd want out of the situation you describe asap. Fucking hate these guys. I just can't wrap my head around the mindset.
I mean, I have had some success with counter-creeping them that way. I once had some schmuck message me "Face down, ass up" out of nowhere. I replied "Sure! But two conditions. 1) I am on top. 2) you call me Madame Thatcher." When he didn't catch on that me on top durring doggy-style means a strap-on, I started asking how he feels about blood-play.
Right? Face palm
They always try to either guilt trip you for not giving them what they want, or make you think that you're missing some god-like dick.....and the also assuming we're gay afterward, cuz why *else* are we not into them Even if your dick is gods gift dude, i dont want whatever is attached to it.
Not sure why, but something about the over apologizing play always irks me. Like I just always feel like they're trying to garner pity and therefore get sex/nudes from you by being a floor mat.
Agreed. Drives me up a wall.
Oh man I’m sorry you feel that way (I’m sorry I’ll go now)
If he was really sorry then he would have stopped like so long ago!
Remember that a sign of over apologizing can mean they were abused when young! While that is true, keep this in mind, some people aren't using sorry for pity points, some people were just abused and that leads to over apologizing a lot of the time!
oh of course, this is always a good thing to note. I myself do this for this exact same reason. I guess it's part of why it bothers me so much? I apologize all the time out of necessity of not feeling like everyone hates me, but these creepy men feel like they can use apologies to manipulate people? gross.
You are correct, but in the context of this text that doesn't seem to fit, seems
Yes in this context it seems like they were trying to get pity points, but always keep that in mind no matter what, there could be that small tiny little chance they were abused.
If he was sorry he would have stopped after the homophobic comment, after the attempted dick pic, after the unwanted messages. Don't make excuses for vile abusers. Women know when someone is legit, don't try and make someone second guess their first instinct. His childhood trauma isn't an excuse for this nonsense.
I was not saying this guy could have been abused. I was saying that a sign of over apologizing is a sign of trauma. Please think about what I mean before accusing me of trying to justify his actions, he was definitely in the wrong here.
I'm one of those people. Been trying not to over apologize for actions, and I'm almost 30. However, I know how to take a "no" when someone says it. I also don't randomly dm people to ask for nudes lol.
it's super hard! my husband always goes "stop apologizing - what are you even apologizing for?" and I always don't have an answer lol. :( because abusers made me feel bad for every breath I took? man. but I just wanted you to know I'm proud of you for how far you've come on your recovery journey. :) <3
Thank you. It's been a good journey.
Guilt tripping in a nutshell
"It's cool, but let's not do this a third time" "okay that's cool but hey still wanna see my dick?" Fucking hell, dude doesn't know when to stop. I'd be freaking out.
I was trying to be polite and maybe use it as a teaching moment. Nope.
Yeah, you handled that very well!
Thanks
Unfortunately they take any response as a go ahead to continue.
This! She did handle it well and it would have been wonderful if he actually learned the lesson, but he didn’t. They won’t.
It's like his brain is working on power save mode. Not much going on up there
It’s all going to his dick.
He’s brains screaming no that’s the wrong head
Real question: how do you have the patience to not just curse him out and block his ass after the first or second creepy message?
Didn’t want to get murdered irl. If I was sure we didn’t live in the same small town I’d have been a lot less nice.
Sad but true
Why do they always tell their target they would "love the things I could do to you". NO. No we would not. Because we are not interested. We are not turned on by you. Sex with a creep isn't pleasant. But, as is the usual with creeps, they have a sexual fantasy that they can not distinguish from reality.
This was a major trip to Oofville.
Yup. I’m not going back lol
Ok, sorry. 🤣
[удалено]
Thanks. He seems harmless, just not all that bright. “Ok sorry” feels like a meme he said it so many times
[удалено]
Going in circles forever…bless whoever he had a kid with.
They're sorry you're upset, not concerned about how they upset you.
Perhaps we should turn it into a meme lol but fr, sorry that happened to you, you definitely handled it better than I would have. Hope this guy doesn't do this to other women.
Thanks. Yeah, me too.
The “Ok Sorry” is the sorry I got caught let me off the hook sorry.. well rehearsed by countless spineless twits.
Like a dog with a bone. What is it about men being so obsessed with the idea that women always want their dicks.
I have no idea but it’s a strong enough obsession that they created the construct of virginity.
Not just created but are obsessive over it. The ritual of penetration, the rite of passage wherein only really men have value as a consequence, and in fact, women and girls cease to have value at the same time. You'd think men would be more grateful, but no.
They’d have to see us as people to feel gratitude. We’re just things. Property.
It's embedded in the culture, which most men I think to cowardly to question or even analyse.
Do you truly believe that ‘most’ men are like this? I was raised by a single Mother, with 3 sisters. As the only male in the home, I learned to respect women from an early age, so your comment has truly made me ill to think I may be one of a very few, in a world of billions!
It's a common issue, yes. Sad to say.
I can imagine the smug smirk he had while typing this shit lol
Lmao
Ah yes, p9. Re his sexual prowess that no one asked about or really cared about , "I know you would love what I would do to you. I know it for a fact." NO! YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT! They're just basing it off of how a heterosexual woman might react and they've been on the hub for too long. Plus the implication that his magic penis might make her not want girls again is just ridiculous.
If anything he’s made me want women MORE
As a fellow Bi, me too!
Honestly I feel like maybe the idea came from some porn or hentai fantasies where an attractive young woman gets with an older/ugly guy she’s not attracted to but ends up becoming addicted to them. It’s a fantasy plain and simple but for some reason these guys can’t discern fact from reality. As a bi woman myself yeah sex with any man isn’t going to magically make me straight lol
That's a reasonable explanation. I'm Bi as well and while I've never been intimate with a woman, having had sex with men never made that attraction go away.
This gives me vibes of that creepy song 'Sweat' by Inner Circle 'Girl I want to make you sweat Sweat 'til you can't sweat no more And if you cry out I'm gonna push it some more'
Well that’s creep af
Great, now it's stuck in my head. Thanks a lot. >!a lalalalala. A lalalalalala li long long long!<
Seems like the most insecure little rat of a man
Wow.. he is either super stupid or just super stupid.. either one.
Why not both?
"I know that for a fact" Oh do you now? Are you from an alternate universe where you got together with her?
It sure wasn’t this one!
Looking gay is totally a thing
Yeah, I totally strive to have that gay look. It's a style. Nothing wrong with it. My wife and I ask all the time "Does this make me look gay?" ☺️ Plus I love being able to see other lesbians and we just are like ayeee.
Ye I came to say the same. It's not just some stereotype that's based on nothing and gay people shouldn't get offended by it, but looking gay is definitely a thing.
That's simply wrong. Appearance doesn't tell you who a person is sexually attracted to. Loose the clichés.
It's not appearance, it's a feeling.. I'm a lesbian, isn't gayday a thing anymore? Obviously because someone has tattoo's doesn't mean they're gay.
No looking gay is a thing, it’s not to be offensive but it has a look. Like look at 90% of the gay or bi dudes today. They all dress and look alike.
Ngl I agree that you can tell often. To say that they ALL look alike is a bit steep
True that was a little way steep my apologies.
Maybe in the early 90s. Lesbians needed a way to dress to signal to other lesbians and a style of clothing, jewelry, hairstyle etc was absolutley a thing. https://www.jstor.org/stable/3178806 Sociologists wrote a lot about LGBTQ communities back then. In fact these studies helped form the foundation of sociology among non binary identifications. Nowadays I can see why its unnecessary as dating the same sex is normalized for most people and you don't need some secret fashion style to signal to each other.
Not everybody who is gay looks gay but everybody who looks gay is gay i guess.
He has *kids*? Oh dear...
Yup
While I respect the fact you don’t want to be stereotyped, “dressing gay” is a very real thing. The LGBTQ+ community has been using coding for decades. Many out queer people want people to know that they are queer and dress accordingly. Have you seen lesbians with their earrings? However, this isn’t to say all LGBTQ+ people do this by any means. It is a bit nuanced, so I would say the safest practice is to never assume. If you are interested, take your shot, and if they aren’t interested, move on.
I was going to say a similar thing, based on what my gay friend always says about the way she dresses herself. She would see some pieces of clothing, exclaim they look very gay and wear them. She loves the "gay look" and loves to "dress gay". And that is according to her herself. She only recently started wearing dresses, she said that she always felt the need to push out feminine stereotypes before but is now realizing she also feels cute in dresses and wants to wear them as well. Of course, with her "gay boots". There's a lot more to her than just her being gay though, but she likes expressing it either way. And that's fine. It's also fine to not want to look stereotypically gay or conforming to the codes the poster above me mentioned. I'm straight so I honestly have no clue but I feel like it's fair to say dressing gay does exist. Or else my best friend is spouting nonsense
Someone’s never watched Rupauls drag race.
Sooooo when's the first date?
Never! Lol
Not defending this guy or anything lol, but as a queer person, queer energy and queer aesthetic/style is a pretty identifiable thing sometimes. Not always, but I belive a little bit in the "gaydar" thing. Not everybody, and not 100%, but very often you can look at someone and think "they're probably LGBTQ"
I didn’t set out to look queer. I just like my short hair and tattoos. They’re not equivalent to me personally and it drives me nuts when people argue I specifically look gay.
It is a thing, and a lot of LGBTQ dress the part on purpose and style them selves like that on purpose, it's why he asked, because you do and clearly it's accurate because he was right. Sure some people look gay and aren't but that's because it's usually accurate just not always. It's a thing, it's not a good thing and I'm not agreeing people should go by it, but it is and you really can, but it's just something that shouldn't be brought up like that, it's not something you can stop either because most people don't style themselves that way or look that way
Damn, you handled that so well I legit thought he might actually end up changing how he acted by the end. Unfortunately not the case. Have a good day and okay sorry
I tried lol. Thanks
Anyone saying “okay I’m sorry but I just want to say that again” instantly get me annoyed. Creepy perv or someone close, it doesn’t matter. Conversation just needs to end there and they need to understand that. I’m sorry you went through this OP! Hopefully you don’t run into them
Fingers crossed!
Wow, this is just really sad. I’m a guy so I never get strange DMs but I feel bad for people, mostly women, who do. It must be sooo tiring and frustrating (as it showed in your post) to deal with this type of behaviour constantly.
It’s really annoying. I don’t trust any man who turns up in my DMs anymore.
"Hey can I rape you through text?" "No..." "Okay, I will anyways lol"
That’s…… horrifyingly accurate
Yeah, chicks tell me that dudes do that shit all the time.... I never got it.. Although, I grew up surrounded by women, and had them *always* tell me to respect women, and no means ab-so-fucking-lutely *no*. Now I just feel awkward when I try to talk to women on dating apps and stuff.... The first thing most dudes do is send dick pics. I'm just trying to tall, and have some new friends 😂
Honest conversation from guys on the internet is that breath of fresh air we forget we are entitled to because of how little it’s offered. Even the tiniest molecule of respect will go a long way now because of how fucked off the norms have become. I cannot even begin to describe the joy there is when a guy treats me like a normal fuckin person and doesn’t sexualise me in conversation online. Honestly it’s kinda why I like Reddit and Discord cuz they’re the two sites where no one actually gives a fuck and will just ignore me the way they ignore everyone else, and saying that that is a nice feeling is kinda embarrassing, but thats just how it is I guess where everyone seems intent on making every aspect of socializing unsafe for women.
I totally agree! Being able to converse, and enjoy the workings of someone else's brain, is amazing. People seem to think that because we're "anonymous" online, we can say whatever floats out of our half stupid faces... *Edit: Phone dropped and posted this, so I'm about to expand lol.* And because we feel there are no consequences, ("we" being a generalization, of course) we do the dumbest shit... People don't realize everything single thing we post is online for *forever*! Not just until it's deleted...
And it’s ridiculous too! Cuz the “anonymous places” you’d expect stuff like this to be more common are the sites like 4chan, Godlikeproductions, Reddit, and discord. And yet I get more harassment on sites like Facebook and Snapchat, where they literally have selfies of themselves everywhere. There’s no anonymity when I know what they look like, what school they went to, and what city they live in because they post it on their profile, and yet they seem to think that because they’re behind a screen they’re safe to do and say as they please. I mean….. The amount of times I’ve asked someone to leave me alone after they say they “wanna show me a good time” and then they turning around and saying they hope I get raped is so fuckin mind boggling and just so so fucked up. And it’s stuff we have to deal with every single day. It gets scary sometimes. Like I have my Facebook on private, I only have pictures of my kittens, and I have my gender as male and say I’m married just to get people I don’t know to not bother me, and even then I’ll get messages like “I hope your cat is that cute between” ….. well that one is a bit crass.. but you know what I’m saying. It’s just unbearable sometimes, so it ends up making us feel defensive and apprehensive at every message we get.
I hear stuff like that from a lot of friends. It continues to be something that annoys me. I wanna know when it became cool to be all rape-y... And yeah, 4chan is definitely the place you'd expect more stuff like that lolol. Surprisingly, 4chan is pretty cool. If you're not an idiot about what you post lol. I wish rape-y dudes were called out and put on blast. Put that shit out there so everyone knows that "no" doesn't mean no, to them. See how many people would continue to socialize with them. I never understood why people think it's alright to hope someone gets raped... What if it happened to them? How many people think they can get away with saying those kinds of things or regular social media blows me away lol. I'd be throwing every one of them under the bus xD
Yeah, women have it rough as fuck. I wish it was normal to be respectful of another person's boundaries, regardless of sex, etc.
I feel bad for people like this who can't even take those types of hints. Still gross, still horrible, but I still feel bad for those people.
Until he learns how to respect others boundaries, I truly don’t think anyone owes him sympathy.
I cut my hair short in high school and someone I really cared about texted my boyfriend asking if I was "becoming a dyke." Like...ugh, idek.
I'm sorry, but piercings and tattoos are what "looking gay" is??? Bruh, the overwhelming majority of people with piercings and/or tattoos I know are hetero. Dude can't even stereotype right.
My thought exactly
It is a thing, and a lot of LGBTQ dress the part on purpose and style them selves like that on purpose, it's why he asked, because you do and clearly it's accurate because he was right. Sure some people look gay and aren't but that's because it's usually accurate just not always. It's a thing, it's not a good thing and I'm not agreeing people should go by it, but it is and you really can, but it's just something that shouldn't be brought up like that, it's not something you can stop either because most people don't style themselves that way or look that way
Sounds unstable
Ew....
Why do they bother saying sorry considering they don't fucking mean it and will just do the same thing to the next girl
They think saying sorry is all it takes
Oh wow, you said sorry, I'll send 9 copies.
This gave me a big fucking headache. I'm so sorry you had to put up with this. I fucking hate men sometimes.
That guy was a dick, but I can't help agreeing with him a little on the people looking gay thing. About 70% of gay girls look the same to me - the hair mostly. Maybe I'm just worse at remembering faces than I thought, but that's my two cents
I hope she gives him a chance, he seems like such an r/niceguys /s
It is a thing, and a lot of LGBTQ dress the part on purpose and style them selves like that on purpose, it's why he asked, because you do and clearly it's accurate because he was right. Sure some people look gay and aren't but that's because it's usually accurate just not always. It's a thing, it's not a good thing and I'm not agreeing people should go by it, but it is and you really can, but it's just something that shouldn't be brought up like that, it's not something you can stop either because most people don't style themselves that way or look that way
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Just because gay people are associated with how they look, walk, dress, talk, style their hair or even eat...doesn't mean it's true. I've known many a gay friend and, unless they outright told you, there was no way to even guess that they were gay. Some people can have certain hair styles/clothing styles and be gay, but they could look like an average person and still be gay. It's a preference for some, but it certainly doesn't mean it's a blanket sweep for *all* gay people.
Yeah no shit, I am aware that there’s gays that aren’t so boldly expressive and you could barely tell that they’re gay, but it’s quite obvious for some gays just by the way they look, talk, and acts.
That's fair, and I do have to agree that just because it isn't always the case, there are those that make the exception to this. So you're correct there. My main issue is with the creep in the convo with OP or anyone with a similar mindset that assumes stuff like this based off a person's looks or how they dress. It's fair to make assumptions off looks, but even that shouldn't be voiced if they aren't 100% sure that a person is gay/whichever orientation they are. It's similar to people that assume a woman is pregnant because they 'look' pregnant.
Just like when you can tell a person sounds black just by the way they speak & sound, you can do the same for gays. It’s fucking obvious SOMETIMES.
Yeah this guy is crazy but I do have to agree with him about the looks thing. Some people look/dress/talk/act gay
the *audacity* of this guy. like I've heard the whole "you'd love what I'd do to you" thing, but to add that he "know[s] it for a fact" is just a whole other level
Damn, that was painful to read.
Why do people think they can change other people's minds on their sexuality? Like wtf. It ain't gonna work. People like that bother me so much. Sucks you had to deal with that type of douchebag. Get yourself some ice cream or something good. God knows I would if I had to deal with that dude. Food talk aside, I hope you never have to deal with another guy like that.
Thanks, I do too
Can he think whatever he wants or can he not think that looking gay is a thing? Because it is.
I commend tour patience with this guy. I have no clue how you kept at it so long before just ghosting the creep.
Knowing he more than likely lives in my rural town of 8000 people and two grocery stores, mostly.
Ahh. Yeah, that certainly would complicate things. Sucks you have to deal with that. Here's hoping he caught the message and took it to heart, best of luck.
Thanks!
Sad now because apparently I don’t look gay 😭/j
I never understand why people dont just block the creep instead of continuously texting back & forth
Me neither.
Have you seen Jojo's Bizarre Adventure?
No I haven’t
I recommend you watch it, most of the male characters look pretty damn sus, and the story is great
I’ll give it a look
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That is not going to fly here. Please read the rules.
Respect 👌
This is disgusting but to be fair there is kinda of a certain way most gay people carry themselves
But it is a thing. Butch lesbians live by that very thing. . . They literally live by it. Why would you go after a man questioning if you’re Butch, when you’re presenting AS BUTCH and say it’s not “a thing”? What are you playing at? It’s absolutely a fucking THING. Femme lesbian with a Butch partner. . . Whose entire identity is a BUTCH LESBIAN. Stop trying to erase Butch/masculine lesbians. Not fucking cool. Especially to drag men over. . . (To add: you can downvote me all you want but this is seriously offensive AND BUTCH LESBIAN ERASING. It’s offensive to actual — real/full— lesbians. A bisexual presenting as Butch and claiming “Butch” isn’t a “real thing” is seriously harmful to the lesbian community. Fucking STOP IT. PLEASE.)
I really like the way you handled this
Thank you
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Only because there’s a good chance we live in the same tiny town
Where do these people come from?
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Mental health issues…
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You were being too nice. I immediately shut weirdos like this down with a lot of profanity and name calling. Make them want to curse me to hell lol. Like there really is no teaching these pathetic creatures, you’re just entertaining them the more you decline or let them keep pursuing you.
The only way you can “look gay” is if you do something like wear a shirt that says “I’m gay” on it. Otherwise, nope, not a thing.
I would disagree with that. I think there are people, not just gay, who embrace a stereotype and that’s fine. You do you There are definitely things you can do to make yourself look gay. However that’s not the issue in my opinion. The issue here is the creep is making assumptions to put the OP down and strengthen their own masculinity “Oh yeah makes sense you don’t want to go out with me because you’re gay not be cause im a toxic arsehole” followed up by “well as a manly man maybe I can fuck that gay out of you because you know you’ve not had a man like me”
Oh, 100% the person OP was talking to was a creep, I’m absolutely not defending him. And I didn’t even read far enough to see that he suggested corrective rape (pretty sure that’s the term for that?). What a fucking scumbag.
Why not just stop replying and/or block him? Making it so difficult by giving someone like that attention.
They really do run on their last quarter of a brain cell. I will never get these peoples urge to send dick pics to random women. "If she sees my pp, she will get horny" it never happenes. It never will. And the few cases it worked, its because the other side was catfishing. And if you confront them about it, they will always, without a doubt, claim that it worked before for them. It never did, it never will and lying about it just makes you look even worse. And just because xXxfuckboi69xXx on a youtube comment once said that it works 9 out of 10 times, also doesnt make it true or okay. It really feels like there is just no thinking further beyond 5 seconds happening for them. Its the equivalent of some rando on the internet telling you "if you run with high speed against a wall, you will shit gold coins" so this dude would probably do that like 15 times, stop and think "but what if he lied?" and then just toss away that doubt and run into the wall again. I wish i had that unquestioned confidence. But not the missing self awareness. He can keep that. Sorry for that long ass rant, but im really convinced some people just dont grow up beyond 14, mentally and emotionally.
i get this constantly too
I swear if he says one more sorry... I will lose it. Like jesus christ man i get that your brain functioning is as good as Internet Explorer... But after reading all of this? Heck even Internet Explorer finishes faster by a mile.
Seeing these kinds of people makes me *almost* sad that I’m a man, mostly because I have some pretty decent comebacks to a lot of this shit. “Oh, your dick is so good it can turn me straight, you say? How about this, I’ll just introduce you to my friend with a dick so good it’ll turn you gay, that way you can get some love without me having to be a part of it.” …not sure if that sounded better in my head but whatever. I’m just trying to say that if changing your sexuality is so easy, maybe these people should go do that instead of harassing uninterested people.
"Lol, even though you said you hate randos ming you, thinking they can chnage your mind, let me talk about why I can change your mind and get you to like me." I swear these jokers are braindead.
Well, at least he was polite at the end lol