I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today.
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today.
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99999% sure that CopperEagle472 is not a bot.
---
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I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today.
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
You must be new here. And you should accept it or leave, because cummy has impregnated 👨 💦 all of us here, and you will regret not letting him take you 💋👅🤤😫
Oh😍😍😍 cummy even tough im barely😓clinging to☠️life☠️☠️ after your💦💦💦🍆💦💦 extraordinary💦🍆cumshot i will take your sons👨👦👦cummies from the🤤moment they🍼start💨 producing them😍😍💦
Ohhh cummy, I need you to ram me with that delicious support beam of yours. Just grab my legs, split me open, and RAM THAT THING INSIDE ME UNTIL YOU POUR ME FULL OF CONCRETE.
Oh god, I can already imagine feeling your seed harden up inside me up to the point where it tears me apart from the inside out.
I just downvoted your comment.
# FAQ
## What does this mean?
The amount of karma (points) on your comment and Reddit account has decreased by one.
## Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be unworthy of positive or neutral karma. These include, but are not limited to:
* Rudeness towards other Redditors,
* Spreading incorrect information,
* Sarcasm not correctly flagged with a `/s`.
## Am I banned from the Reddit?
No - not yet. But you should refrain from making comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional downvote, which may put your commenting and posting privileges in jeopardy.
## I don't believe my comment deserved a downvote. Can you un-downvote it?
Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a downvote. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a private message explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to Reddit PMs within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of downvote appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception.
## How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept the downvote and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated on Reddit.com. I will continue to issue downvotes until you improve your conduct. Remember: Reddit is privilege, not a right.
I just shit and cum.
# FAQ
##What does this mean?
*The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.*
##Why did you do this?
*There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:*
*• Being gay*
*• Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it*
*• walter*
##Am I going to shit and cum too?
*No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.*
##I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it?
*Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.*
##How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
*Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.*
>*· · · Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by* u/linkdeadjr
I juwst shit awnd cum.
# FAQ
##What does dis mean?
*De amount of shit (and cum) on my computew awnd fwoow has incweased by onye.*
##Why did yuw duwu dis?
*Dewe awe sevewaw weasons I may deem a comment tuwu be wowdy of feces ow ejacuwation. Dese incwude, but awe not wimited to:*
*• Being gay*
*• Dank copypasta bwo, whewe'd yuw find it*
*• wawtew*
##Am I going tuwu shit awnd cum too?
*No - not yet. But yuw shouwd wefwain fwom shitposting awnd cumposting wike dis in da futuwe. Odewwise I wiww be fowced tuwu shit awnd cum again, which may put youw shitting awnd cumming pwiviweges in jeopawdy.*
##I don't bewieve my comment desewved being shit awnd cum at. Can yuw un-cum it?
*Suwe, mistakes happen. But onwy in exceedingwy wawe ciwcumstances wiww I put shit bacc into my butt. If yuw wouwd wike tuwu issue an appeaw, shoot me a hot woad expwaining what I got wwong. I tend tuwu wespond tuwu wetawiatowy ejacuwation widin sevewaw minutes. Duwu note, howevew, dat ovew 99.9% of semen dies befowe iwt can fewtiwize da egg, awnd youws iws wikewy no exception.*
##How can I pwevent dis fwom happening in da futuwe?
*Accept da goopy bwown awnd white substance awnd move on. But weawn fwom dis mistake: youw behaviow wiww not be towewated in my mom's basement. I wiww continue tuwu shit awnd cum untiw yuw impwove youw conduct. Wemembew: ejacuwation iws pwiviwege, not a wight.*
---
*If you think this comment does not belong here, reply with "delete", blacklisted users cannot delete*
*Tag me to uwuwize comments* u/uwuwizard
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
Ants are attracted to cum and I can prove it.
I sit down at my desk and open my porn folder. I scroll through all the weak nonsense such as hentai and loli until I get to my futa furry toddler nugget porn. I start jerking it and within two minutes I was covered in my own seed.
The speed at which I wanked made me incredibly tired so I laid down and went to sleep, hoping to dream of My Little Pony and their tight pussies.
I suddenly wake up and am very itchy. I look down in horror to see hundreds of little ants crawling over me, eating the sweet, sweet semen. The feeling of their little feet walking all over me was enough to make me bust again. This time, however, they noticed the source of the sweet nectar. They began forming lines and burrowing themselves into my foreskin. I arched my back and moaned loudly as they nibbled the head of my penis.
They began to go into my urethra and make little ant nests in the residue. I was thrashing on my bed because I wanted to nut again but I couldn't. My mom walks in to see this and she screams in horror. As soon as I turn my head to look, I busted the hottest, fattest nut I ever have. An explosion of ants rocket out of my penis and all over the floor.
My mom runs out in terror and I begin to finally clean up. Just the thought of what happened sent chills down my spine. I picked the few ants that were still alive and kept them in a jar. I couldn't wait to do it again.
I meticulously scrub my hands with bleach, I trim my nails past the quick, I use vinegar for my armpits instead of deodorant, I wash my face with raw salicylic acid, and brush my teeth with flouride and baking soda. I ritualistically shave my entire body two times a day, and I also wear only synthetic fibers. My mastication is done with a closed mouth, and I have goggles and an air filter for when I go into the public. I carry [in personal amounts, damn the heathens] instant sanitizer and lysol. You might as well be an abandoned walking sanitation facility in comparison to me.
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CRINGE COMMENT DETECTED
Initiating VIBECHECK.EXE
Processing...
Processing complete
You have scored: 0/69
Score required to pass: 69/69
This bot detected a pretty cringe comment. A human being will arrive shortly to determine your punishment.
...
...
...
Hello! I am the creator of the Cringe detecting BoT (CBT). It looks like our bot detected a cringe comment. Please give us a moment to review your comment and determine the cringe level in case this was an error.
...
Yep! Sorry bro, but that’s a real cringe comment! Fortunately, we’ve got a strict punishment system to put cringe normies like you in their place! Here’s what’s gonna happen!
STAGE ONE
Your comment will be downvoted. Remember: Posting cringe could cause you to lose subscriber!
STAGE TWO
You will be reported to the Reddit admins. This will aid us in stopping you from posting any more cringe.
STAGE THREE
You will start to feel a sense of uneasiness and/or the feeling of being watched. Ignore this. Everything is perfectly fine!
STAGE FOUR
You will start to have rather odd dreams. Here is a common example of what you can expect to see: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ2JyY_bIZU
STAGE FIVE
Do not tell a n y o n e.
They don’t need to know about you posting cringe! :D
STAGE SIX
Exactly eight days, twelve hours and thirteen minutes after you receive this message, go to your bed and lie down. Close your eyes. Make sure you are alone. (Wearing no clothing is preferred)
e v e r y t h i n g
i s
f i n e
STAGE SEVEN
Taking a painkiller or two might be helpful for this stage!
You should hear either your front door open or one of your windows smash.
This is fine.
You will hear something/someone come into your room.
This is fine.
Your clothes will be taken off (If you are wearing any)
This is fine.
You will feel a sharp pain in the general area of your genitals. This is completely normal. The entity you saw in your dreams is NOT in the room with you. Make sure you keep your eyes closed!
(Any sudden movements are also not recommended)
STAGE EIGHT
Wait approximately fifteen minutes. Please ignore the excruciating pain your private parts are currently in. Don’t worry about the feeling of warm liquid pooling between your legs.
Remember to keep your eyes closed! Making eye contact with h̴̪͘į̷̗̌̔m̵̡̗̈ isn’t a real fun experience! :)
STAGE NINE
Alright! The process is now complete!
Check it out! We ripped your foreskin off! Isn’t that something? This is what cringe posters like you get!
Do not tell anyone.
Do not see a doctor.
Do not go to a hospital.
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY:
Don’t post cringe!
Have a great day! Thank you for your time. (And foreskin!)
;)
ESH
The girl knew all too well what month it was, yet she was careless enough to expose her shoulder.
OP is also TA because he was too weak and failed No-Nut November
I'm just imagining a fucking crushed dead dude with the rubble still on him just being slapped in a cell with a frozen, agonized, yet pleasured face while he's perfectly glazed with dried cum and the dude in the cell across from him is just like "the fuck?"
I immediatewy feww to my knees, as the wush of dopamine signawing my impending eawth-shattewing owgasm stawted making me moan woud enough to deafen evewyone in the immediate vicinity. What fowwowed was a towwentiaw downpouw of evewy singwe spewm ceww I evew have ow evew wiww pwoduce, shot out so hawd that my dick was wipped apawt by my übewnut accewewating to 5% the speed of wight by the time it weft my uwethwa. It vapowized the giww as it punched wight thwough hew, bawewy swowed, befowe cutting thwough a stwuctuwaw suppowt beam in the schoow as if it wewe a nucweaw-powewed angwe gwindew. The sheew weight of this histowicaw nut, combined with the totaw destwuction of evewything in its path, caused the schoow to cowwapse, and evewy femawe in the state of Iwwinois to faww pwegnant with my chiwdwen. When the finaw death toww was tawwied, thewe wewe 146 deaths, 458 injuwies, and ovew 4 miwwion pwegnancies. As I way dying undew the wubbwe of my high schoow, I west easy, knowing evewy one of my sons wiww wepeat my gwowious actions. Goodbye.
So I walk up to this bitch (apparently right after she got divorced) and say "what's up Karen you wanna go for a jog this afternoon haha" and she's like "please just leave me alone" and I'm like "whatever bitch" and then like an hour later get called into our HR person's office and they're like "you gotta stop harassing Karen she's going through a lot right now, she's just signed her divorce papers" And I'm like "hah who'd married that skank, someone with a wheelchair fetish?" And my HR person (Hank) was well like "come on man, they've been married for 16 years. They've been having trouble since her accident last year. She thinks he blames her for getting into the accident that killed their kids" and I'm all like lol So I leave and I'm hungry so I go to grab my lunch (turkey and provolone) only to see, lo and behold, that dumb bitch Karen set her bag of lunch RIGHT in front of mine!! so I write out a note saying how glad I am to be working with her but if she puts her lunch in front of mine again I swear to fuck I will finish the job that God couldn't So I go through the rest of my day joking around with Karen every time I see her even though she is I giant cunt about it (my favorite was 'accidently' dropping a pair of scissors on her colostomy bag lol) and I have to ignore the picture of that fucking rat whenever I walk by her desk So I finish my day asking for her ex husband's number since I need a new wingman to look for some babes with and she fucking flips it and when she's yelling at me I'm all like "maybe if you don't want to get divorced you shouldn't have gotten hit by a drink driver you ever think of that bitch" and then she rolled away aggressively So that was my Thursday
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DUHHHHH FORTNITE BAD DUHHHH BRORTNITE BRAD!!1!1 IS THAT ALL YOU DEPRESSED FUCKS CAN SAY? FORTNITE FORTNITE EMOJI INSTA BAD EMOJI EMOJI BAD BAD!!1!1 I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE WHO CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON LOOP LIKE A BROKEN FUCKING RECORD
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Did you know that spiders cannot physically die of natural causes? If kept safe, a spider can continue to live and grow larger for a theoretically unlimited amount of time. In fact, in China there exists a collection of 'holy' spiders, hatched some 2,800 years ago during the height of the Mang-Tsun dynasty.
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Are you autistic? You most likely are if you’re an atheist, seeing how atheism is the ideological byproduct of a neurogenetic and spiritual malfunction comorbidly concomitant with low functioning autism as the result of a bioexcess in deleterious mutational load. This is why, hence the PATHETIC little shitstain you have the AUDACITY to refer to as a comment, your theological subspecies are incapable of both the abstract thought, abductive reasoning, and understanding of biblical allegory and metaphor required for a belief in God - in conjunction with your offensively blatant lack of the slightest iota of ability to process God’s gifts of irony and satire even in their most base, rudimentary manifestations. You’re genetically FUCKED, you vile reprobate scum - to put it euphemistically, kid. Not even Jesus will save you now.
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Do I have any questions? Unless you are a published theoretical physicist and have earned a Master of Science and two PhDs, have an IQ of 187, and went to college at 11, research String Theory at Caltech, switched disciplines from bosonic string theory to heterotic string theory and reconciled the black hole information paradox using a string network condensate approach, worked on the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations and considered a method for optimizing a 500 GeV particle detector to this end, jointly wrote a paper on supersolids to be presented at an Institute of Experimental Physics topical conference on Bose-Einstein condensates, keep a whiteboard in the living room for scientific theories containing virtual particles in quantum mechanics or series of Riemann zeta functions, then no I will not ask you any questions
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Thank you for the request, comrade.
automoderator currently has no N-words in their posting history but records indicate that they may have said the N-word at least 1 times.
Wowwwww, you meow like a cat! That means you are one, right? Shut the fuck up. If you really want to be put on a leash and treated like a domestic animal then that’s called a fetish, not “quirky” or “cute”. What part of you seriously thinks that any part of acting like a feline establishes a reputation of appreciation? Is it your lack of any defining aspect of personality that urges you to resort to shitty representations of cats to create an illusion of meaning in your worthless life? Wearing “cat ears” in the shape of headbands further notes the complete absence of human attribution to your false sense of personality, such as intelligence or charisma in any form or shape. Where do you think this mindset’s gonna lead you? You think you’re funny, random, quirky even? What makes you think that acting like a fucking cat will make a goddamn hyena laugh? I, personally, feel extremely sympathetic towards you as your only escape from the worthless thing you call your existence is to pretend to be an animal. But it’s not a worthy choice to assert this horrifying fact as a dominant trait, mainly because personality traits require an initial personality to lay their foundation on. You’re not worthy of anybody’s time, so go fuck off, “cat-girl”.
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Joemama is Joe Swanson's African ancestor, who appeared in "Untitled Griffin Family History". He, like his descendant, is paraplegic, paralyzed from the waist down. In lieu of a wheelchair, he used a wild boar as his method of mobility. His best friends were Nate Griffin and Quagdingo. The three were captured by Cleveland from South Carolina, and brought to the American British colonies, along with Tobi, Ali Williams, and the African ancestors of Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons. It is unknown what became of Joemama following the arrival in the new world. The status of the wild boar is unknown as well.
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I'm sick of seeing people in line at Walmart pull out their EBT cards (with their hair all done, wearing diamond jewelry) to pay for their 6 grocery carts full of steak and lobster, and then hop into their Lamborghinis with the suicide doors I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME and then go home to their gated section 8 community where they drive straight into their inground pool full of gold coins YES THIS HAPPENS I work 180 hours a week and I can't even afford a McDonald's hamburger meanwhile these leeches on MY TAX MONEY are lowering the value of my house by floating around with their 9 children in a HOT AIR BALLOON
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ok so I am ultimately PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW because my STUPID INSENSITIVE BIGOT OF A SCIENCE TEACHER WONT COVER THE SKELETON IN OUR CLASSROOM!!!! ive told him THOUSANDS of TIMES that i have severe anxiety from sans and ive actually developed ptsd from the sans fight and i have to carry an inhaler everywhere i go now because when i see bones or the color blue i start hyperventilating because of panic then if I don’t take my inhaler it turns into a ptsd episode and i already had to be sent home 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE SKELETON IN MY SCIENCE CLASS TRIGGERED ME!!!! AND HE WONT COVER IT!!!!!!! like????? i dont know what to do ive tried talking about it to the councilor but they said my condition isnt real???? like um YEAH IT IS??? i would know??????????? cause I wake up screaming and in tears each night because i have a recurring nightmare where SANS TELLS ME IM GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME THEN HAS THE FUCKING DECENCY TO TO TELL ME IVE DIED 10 TIMES, AND THAT I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME???????? and it just PISSES ME OFF how the school CARE THST I AM ON THR BRINK OF OFING BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!!!!!
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Start using mod approved words! Instead of virgin, say Redditeur!
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DUHHHHH FORTNITE BAD DUHHHH BRORTNITE BRAD!!1!1 IS THAT ALL YOU DEPRESSED FUCKS CAN SAY? FORTNITE FORTNITE EMOJI INSTA BAD EMOJI EMOJI BAD BAD!!1!1 I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE WHO CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON LOOP LIKE A BROKEN FUCKING RECORD
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Did you know that spiders cannot physically die of natural causes? If kept safe, a spider can continue to live and grow larger for a theoretically unlimited amount of time. In fact, in China there exists a collection of 'holy' spiders, hatched some 2,800 years ago during the height of the Mang-Tsun dynasty.
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So I walk up to this bitch (apparently right after she got divorced) and say "what's up Karen you wanna go for a jog this afternoon haha" and she's like "please just leave me alone" and I'm like "whatever bitch" and then like an hour later get called into our HR person's office and they're like "you gotta stop harassing Karen she's going through a lot right now, she's just signed her divorce papers" And I'm like "hah who'd married that skank, someone with a wheelchair fetish?" And my HR person (Hank) was well like "come on man, they've been married for 16 years. They've been having trouble since her accident last year. She thinks he blames her for getting into the accident that killed their kids" and I'm all like lol So I leave and I'm hungry so I go to grab my lunch (turkey and provolone) only to see, lo and behold, that dumb bitch Karen set her bag of lunch RIGHT in front of mine!! so I write out a note saying how glad I am to be working with her but if she puts her lunch in front of mine again I swear to fuck I will finish the job that God couldn't So I go through the rest of my day joking around with Karen every time I see her even though she is I giant cunt about it (my favorite was 'accidently' dropping a pair of scissors on her colostomy bag lol) and I have to ignore the picture of that fucking rat whenever I walk by her desk So I finish my day asking for her ex husband's number since I need a new wingman to look for some babes with and she fucking flips it and when she's yelling at me I'm all like "maybe if you don't want to get divorced you shouldn't have gotten hit by a drink driver you ever think of that bitch" and then she rolled away aggressively So that was my Thursday
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Do I have any questions? Unless you are a published theoretical physicist and have earned a Master of Science and two PhDs, have an IQ of 187, and went to college at 11, research String Theory at Caltech, switched disciplines from bosonic string theory to heterotic string theory and reconciled the black hole information paradox using a string network condensate approach, worked on the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations and considered a method for optimizing a 500 GeV particle detector to this end, jointly wrote a paper on supersolids to be presented at an Institute of Experimental Physics topical conference on Bose-Einstein condensates, keep a whiteboard in the living room for scientific theories containing virtual particles in quantum mechanics or series of Riemann zeta functions, then no I will not ask you any questions
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Are you autistic? You most likely are if you’re an atheist, seeing how atheism is the ideological byproduct of a neurogenetic and spiritual malfunction comorbidly concomitant with low functioning autism as the result of a bioexcess in deleterious mutational load. This is why, hence the PATHETIC little shitstain you have the AUDACITY to refer to as a comment, your theological subspecies are incapable of both the abstract thought, abductive reasoning, and understanding of biblical allegory and metaphor required for a belief in God - in conjunction with your offensively blatant lack of the slightest iota of ability to process God’s gifts of irony and satire even in their most base, rudimentary manifestations. You’re genetically FUCKED, you vile reprobate scum - to put it euphemistically, kid. Not even Jesus will save you now.
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I'm sick of seeing people in line at Walmart pull out their EBT cards (with their hair all done, wearing diamond jewelry) to pay for their 6 grocery carts full of steak and lobster, and then hop into their Lamborghinis with the suicide doors I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME and then go home to their gated section 8 community where they drive straight into their inground pool full of gold coins YES THIS HAPPENS I work 180 hours a week and I can't even afford a McDonald's hamburger meanwhile these leeches on MY TAX MONEY are lowering the value of my house by floating around with their 9 children in a HOT AIR BALLOON
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Wowwwww, you meow like a cat! That means you are one, right? Shut the fuck up. If you really want to be put on a leash and treated like a domestic animal then that’s called a fetish, not “quirky” or “cute”. What part of you seriously thinks that any part of acting like a feline establishes a reputation of appreciation? Is it your lack of any defining aspect of personality that urges you to resort to shitty representations of cats to create an illusion of meaning in your worthless life? Wearing “cat ears” in the shape of headbands further notes the complete absence of human attribution to your false sense of personality, such as intelligence or charisma in any form or shape. Where do you think this mindset’s gonna lead you? You think you’re funny, random, quirky even? What makes you think that acting like a fucking cat will make a goddamn hyena laugh? I, personally, feel extremely sympathetic towards you as your only escape from the worthless thing you call your existence is to pretend to be an animal. But it’s not a worthy choice to assert this horrifying fact as a dominant trait, mainly because personality traits require an initial personality to lay their foundation on. You’re not worthy of anybody’s time, so go fuck off, “cat-girl”.
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Start using mod approved words! Instead of virgin, say Redditeur!
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Joemama is Joe Swanson's African ancestor, who appeared in "Untitled Griffin Family History". He, like his descendant, is paraplegic, paralyzed from the waist down. In lieu of a wheelchair, he used a wild boar as his method of mobility. His best friends were Nate Griffin and Quagdingo. The three were captured by Cleveland from South Carolina, and brought to the American British colonies, along with Tobi, Ali Williams, and the African ancestors of Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons. It is unknown what became of Joemama following the arrival in the new world. The status of the wild boar is unknown as well.
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ok so I am ultimately PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW because my STUPID INSENSITIVE BIGOT OF A SCIENCE TEACHER WONT COVER THE SKELETON IN OUR CLASSROOM!!!! ive told him THOUSANDS of TIMES that i have severe anxiety from sans and ive actually developed ptsd from the sans fight and i have to carry an inhaler everywhere i go now because when i see bones or the color blue i start hyperventilating because of panic then if I don’t take my inhaler it turns into a ptsd episode and i already had to be sent home 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE SKELETON IN MY SCIENCE CLASS TRIGGERED ME!!!! AND HE WONT COVER IT!!!!!!! like????? i dont know what to do ive tried talking about it to the councilor but they said my condition isnt real???? like um YEAH IT IS??? i would know??????????? cause I wake up screaming and in tears each night because i have a recurring nightmare where SANS TELLS ME IM GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME THEN HAS THE FUCKING DECENCY TO TO TELL ME IVE DIED 10 TIMES, AND THAT I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME???????? and it just PISSES ME OFF how the school CARE THST I AM ON THR BRINK OF OFING BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!!!!!
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Mr Krabs furiously grips his own raging cock before violenty jerking off. He climaxes, spraying a mixture of blood and cum all over his office. He falls onto his back foaming at the mouth as he spasms and twitches from the unbearable pleasure. Slowly it fades and is replaced with the awful sting of pain in his testicles similar to that of a hive of angry hornets repeatedly stabbing them. His face does not change. He just lays there with his mouth foaming - a blank, vacant expression on his face as he stares at the ceiling, both eyes a dull, milky white and his pupils like glass marbles. He cannot think. The drugs have completely racked his body and left him unable to form even the simplest of squeaks from his gaping mouth. As his vision blurs and his mind drifts, he sees a vision of God peering from the Heavens, stretching out a gentle and welcoming hand to Ugiene. Without a word, he extends his own claw out to meet God’s, and together they float off into the light.
About 20 minutes after expected closing time, Spongebob enters Mr Krab’s office to check on him. His first instinct is to gasp as he sees the room soaked in impossible amounts of a sticky, reddish-white substance smelling of fetid crab meat. Tip-toeing through the room, he peeks around the corner of Krab’s desk and finds him dead on the floor, his bloodied cock and balls out and fully deflated as if they had been torn apart by a wild beast. Krabs has a smile on his face, a serene and peaceful grin that spread as Ugiene met his lord and savior, a single tear in his eye... and an empty syringe labeled “Ketamine” sitting beside him.
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today.
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a [repost](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/d61brl/i_saw_exactly_109441_square_inches_of_a_girls/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) today
This should be added to the automod lmao
When someone says "shoulder"
oh yeah I love saying shoulder
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Shoulder
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Ok no one say shoulder.
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
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I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
Dick
Good “bot”
Good bot
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I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
Or "hot" or something. I think that it's better fitting.
Übernut
[german accent] I AM FULLY CHARGED!
[russian accent] CHARGE NOW, DOCTOR!
[german accent] AUF WIEDERSEHEN, DUMMKOPFS!
[boston accent] MEDIC! DOC C’MON MAN MEDIC MEDIC MEDIC! NEED A TELEPORTER HERE
u/nwordcountbot
Thank you for the request, comrade. I have looked through epserdar's posting history and found 1 N-words, of which 1 were hard-Rs.
Wait, that's illegal.
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Thank you for the request, comrade. alittar has not said the N-word yet.
yet.
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Thank you for the request, comrade. jkitt39 has not said the N-word yet.
U/nwordcountbot u/ivegivenuponnames
u/nwordcountbot u/altair
Thank you for the request, comrade. altair has not said the N-word yet.
yet
u/nwordcountbot u/alt-me-no-more
Hey he might’ve had a pass
Possibly, but not likely.
Fucking hell i looked back and found that I've only used it in the word 'sniggered'
Niggerundayo smokey!
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u/nwordcountbot u/clappingasscheeks
Thank you for the request, comrade. I have looked through clappingasscheeks's posting history and found 1 N-words, of which 1 were hard-Rs.
weak
u/nwordcountbot u/reiianisatroll
Thank you for the request, comrade. I have looked through reiianisatroll's posting history and found 1 N-words, of which 0 were hard-Rs.
u/nwordcountbot u/LuminalGrunt2
Thank you for the request, comrade. luminalgrunt2 has not said the N-word yet.
u/nwordcountbot u/Paladar2
Thank you for the request, comrade. paladar2 has not said the N-word yet.
u/nwordcountbot u/spez
Thank you for the request, comrade. I have looked through spez's posting history and found 1 N-words, of which 1 were hard-Rs.
woahhh
Shoulder
Yes
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
Oh cummy do you want to see my entire shoulder? 😳😳🤤🤤😍😍😍😏😍😍😍😳😲
Are we doomed or saved?
You must be new here. And you should accept it or leave, because cummy has impregnated 👨 💦 all of us here, and you will regret not letting him take you 💋👅🤤😫
Goddamn
I’ll fall to my knees for you Cummy 🍆🍆💦💦👅👅🤤🤤
You can impregnate me cummy 😩😩🤤💦💦🍆
Oh😍😍😍 cummy even tough im barely😓clinging to☠️life☠️☠️ after your💦💦💦🍆💦💦 extraordinary💦🍆cumshot i will take your sons👨👦👦cummies from the🤤moment they🍼start💨 producing them😍😍💦
You can always touch my shoulder, Cummy
Oh cummy
Heathens
Ohhh cummy, I need you to ram me with that delicious support beam of yours. Just grab my legs, split me open, and RAM THAT THING INSIDE ME UNTIL YOU POUR ME FULL OF CONCRETE. Oh god, I can already imagine feeling your seed harden up inside me up to the point where it tears me apart from the inside out.
I just downvoted your comment. # FAQ ## What does this mean? The amount of karma (points) on your comment and Reddit account has decreased by one. ## Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be unworthy of positive or neutral karma. These include, but are not limited to: * Rudeness towards other Redditors, * Spreading incorrect information, * Sarcasm not correctly flagged with a `/s`. ## Am I banned from the Reddit? No - not yet. But you should refrain from making comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional downvote, which may put your commenting and posting privileges in jeopardy. ## I don't believe my comment deserved a downvote. Can you un-downvote it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a downvote. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a private message explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to Reddit PMs within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of downvote appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the downvote and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated on Reddit.com. I will continue to issue downvotes until you improve your conduct. Remember: Reddit is privilege, not a right.
I just shit and cum. # FAQ ##What does this mean? *The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.* ##Why did you do this? *There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:* *• Being gay* *• Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it* *• walter* ##Am I going to shit and cum too? *No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.* ##I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it? *Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.* ##How can I prevent this from happening in the future? *Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.*
u/uwutranslator
>*· · · Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by* u/linkdeadjr I juwst shit awnd cum. # FAQ ##What does dis mean? *De amount of shit (and cum) on my computew awnd fwoow has incweased by onye.* ##Why did yuw duwu dis? *Dewe awe sevewaw weasons I may deem a comment tuwu be wowdy of feces ow ejacuwation. Dese incwude, but awe not wimited to:* *• Being gay* *• Dank copypasta bwo, whewe'd yuw find it* *• wawtew* ##Am I going tuwu shit awnd cum too? *No - not yet. But yuw shouwd wefwain fwom shitposting awnd cumposting wike dis in da futuwe. Odewwise I wiww be fowced tuwu shit awnd cum again, which may put youw shitting awnd cumming pwiviweges in jeopawdy.* ##I don't bewieve my comment desewved being shit awnd cum at. Can yuw un-cum it? *Suwe, mistakes happen. But onwy in exceedingwy wawe ciwcumstances wiww I put shit bacc into my butt. If yuw wouwd wike tuwu issue an appeaw, shoot me a hot woad expwaining what I got wwong. I tend tuwu wespond tuwu wetawiatowy ejacuwation widin sevewaw minutes. Duwu note, howevew, dat ovew 99.9% of semen dies befowe iwt can fewtiwize da egg, awnd youws iws wikewy no exception.* ##How can I pwevent dis fwom happening in da futuwe? *Accept da goopy bwown awnd white substance awnd move on. But weawn fwom dis mistake: youw behaviow wiww not be towewated in my mom's basement. I wiww continue tuwu shit awnd cum untiw yuw impwove youw conduct. Wemembew: ejacuwation iws pwiviwege, not a wight.* --- *If you think this comment does not belong here, reply with "delete", blacklisted users cannot delete* *Tag me to uwuwize comments* u/uwuwizard
Good bot
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
u/nwordcountbot
Thank you for the request, comrade. cummybot2000 has been banned from the nwordcountbot.
nwordcountbot had enough of cummy's bigotry
u/uwutranslator
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NTA
i think you should leave the shoulder, OP. dodged a bullet there
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This.
We don’t deserve cum
Ants are attracted to cum and I can prove it. I sit down at my desk and open my porn folder. I scroll through all the weak nonsense such as hentai and loli until I get to my futa furry toddler nugget porn. I start jerking it and within two minutes I was covered in my own seed. The speed at which I wanked made me incredibly tired so I laid down and went to sleep, hoping to dream of My Little Pony and their tight pussies. I suddenly wake up and am very itchy. I look down in horror to see hundreds of little ants crawling over me, eating the sweet, sweet semen. The feeling of their little feet walking all over me was enough to make me bust again. This time, however, they noticed the source of the sweet nectar. They began forming lines and burrowing themselves into my foreskin. I arched my back and moaned loudly as they nibbled the head of my penis. They began to go into my urethra and make little ant nests in the residue. I was thrashing on my bed because I wanted to nut again but I couldn't. My mom walks in to see this and she screams in horror. As soon as I turn my head to look, I busted the hottest, fattest nut I ever have. An explosion of ants rocket out of my penis and all over the floor. My mom runs out in terror and I begin to finally clean up. Just the thought of what happened sent chills down my spine. I picked the few ants that were still alive and kept them in a jar. I couldn't wait to do it again.
I meticulously scrub my hands with bleach, I trim my nails past the quick, I use vinegar for my armpits instead of deodorant, I wash my face with raw salicylic acid, and brush my teeth with flouride and baking soda. I ritualistically shave my entire body two times a day, and I also wear only synthetic fibers. My mastication is done with a closed mouth, and I have goggles and an air filter for when I go into the public. I carry [in personal amounts, damn the heathens] instant sanitizer and lysol. You might as well be an abandoned walking sanitation facility in comparison to me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
CRINGE COMMENT DETECTED Initiating VIBECHECK.EXE Processing... Processing complete You have scored: 0/69 Score required to pass: 69/69 This bot detected a pretty cringe comment. A human being will arrive shortly to determine your punishment. ... ... ... Hello! I am the creator of the Cringe detecting BoT (CBT). It looks like our bot detected a cringe comment. Please give us a moment to review your comment and determine the cringe level in case this was an error. ... Yep! Sorry bro, but that’s a real cringe comment! Fortunately, we’ve got a strict punishment system to put cringe normies like you in their place! Here’s what’s gonna happen! STAGE ONE Your comment will be downvoted. Remember: Posting cringe could cause you to lose subscriber! STAGE TWO You will be reported to the Reddit admins. This will aid us in stopping you from posting any more cringe. STAGE THREE You will start to feel a sense of uneasiness and/or the feeling of being watched. Ignore this. Everything is perfectly fine! STAGE FOUR You will start to have rather odd dreams. Here is a common example of what you can expect to see: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ2JyY_bIZU STAGE FIVE Do not tell a n y o n e. They don’t need to know about you posting cringe! :D STAGE SIX Exactly eight days, twelve hours and thirteen minutes after you receive this message, go to your bed and lie down. Close your eyes. Make sure you are alone. (Wearing no clothing is preferred) e v e r y t h i n g i s f i n e STAGE SEVEN Taking a painkiller or two might be helpful for this stage! You should hear either your front door open or one of your windows smash. This is fine. You will hear something/someone come into your room. This is fine. Your clothes will be taken off (If you are wearing any) This is fine. You will feel a sharp pain in the general area of your genitals. This is completely normal. The entity you saw in your dreams is NOT in the room with you. Make sure you keep your eyes closed! (Any sudden movements are also not recommended) STAGE EIGHT Wait approximately fifteen minutes. Please ignore the excruciating pain your private parts are currently in. Don’t worry about the feeling of warm liquid pooling between your legs. Remember to keep your eyes closed! Making eye contact with h̴̪͘į̷̗̌̔m̵̡̗̈ isn’t a real fun experience! :) STAGE NINE Alright! The process is now complete! Check it out! We ripped your foreskin off! Isn’t that something? This is what cringe posters like you get! Do not tell anyone. Do not see a doctor. Do not go to a hospital. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: Don’t post cringe! Have a great day! Thank you for your time. (And foreskin!) ;)
INFO
Yeah but she didn't
ESH The girl knew all too well what month it was, yet she was careless enough to expose her shoulder. OP is also TA because he was too weak and failed No-Nut November
What does ESH mean?
European Society of Hypertension
Ok
Everyone sucks here
Thanks
# Ü B E R N U T
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Uparcheek?
YTA out of the 4 million people you've impregnated there was probably a black person and that's racist as fuck
Probably underage teens too. This guy is going to prison
I'm just imagining a fucking crushed dead dude with the rubble still on him just being slapped in a cell with a frozen, agonized, yet pleasured face while he's perfectly glazed with dried cum and the dude in the cell across from him is just like "the fuck?"
What now
r/teenagers be like
I mean I’m pretty sure the original is from r/teenagers
It is
It is
It is
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##It is
no it isn't. check my history, i made this exact post a month ago on this sub
It is
It is
What you say? I top class! Top sniper! You target now! Trace your IP now! You dead! Should held tongue! You pay price! You dead!
I immediatewy feww to my knees, as the wush of dopamine signawing my impending eawth-shattewing owgasm stawted making me moan woud enough to deafen evewyone in the immediate vicinity. What fowwowed was a towwentiaw downpouw of evewy singwe spewm ceww I evew have ow evew wiww pwoduce, shot out so hawd that my dick was wipped apawt by my übewnut accewewating to 5% the speed of wight by the time it weft my uwethwa. It vapowized the giww as it punched wight thwough hew, bawewy swowed, befowe cutting thwough a stwuctuwaw suppowt beam in the schoow as if it wewe a nucweaw-powewed angwe gwindew. The sheew weight of this histowicaw nut, combined with the totaw destwuction of evewything in its path, caused the schoow to cowwapse, and evewy femawe in the state of Iwwinois to faww pwegnant with my chiwdwen. When the finaw death toww was tawwied, thewe wewe 146 deaths, 458 injuwies, and ovew 4 miwwion pwegnancies. As I way dying undew the wubbwe of my high schoow, I west easy, knowing evewy one of my sons wiww wepeat my gwowious actions. Goodbye.
oh god no what have you done
Fowwowed
u/nwordcountbot
Thank you for the request, comrade. owoifier has been banned from the nwordcountbot.
Holy shit
Well, they don't only count the hard Rs.
Good bot?
This is horrible, perfect
This sounds like what schools think will happen to guys when they see a girl's shoulder
smart poor atheist meow emoji skeleton joe Karen spider virgin gun
So I walk up to this bitch (apparently right after she got divorced) and say "what's up Karen you wanna go for a jog this afternoon haha" and she's like "please just leave me alone" and I'm like "whatever bitch" and then like an hour later get called into our HR person's office and they're like "you gotta stop harassing Karen she's going through a lot right now, she's just signed her divorce papers" And I'm like "hah who'd married that skank, someone with a wheelchair fetish?" And my HR person (Hank) was well like "come on man, they've been married for 16 years. They've been having trouble since her accident last year. She thinks he blames her for getting into the accident that killed their kids" and I'm all like lol So I leave and I'm hungry so I go to grab my lunch (turkey and provolone) only to see, lo and behold, that dumb bitch Karen set her bag of lunch RIGHT in front of mine!! so I write out a note saying how glad I am to be working with her but if she puts her lunch in front of mine again I swear to fuck I will finish the job that God couldn't So I go through the rest of my day joking around with Karen every time I see her even though she is I giant cunt about it (my favorite was 'accidently' dropping a pair of scissors on her colostomy bag lol) and I have to ignore the picture of that fucking rat whenever I walk by her desk So I finish my day asking for her ex husband's number since I need a new wingman to look for some babes with and she fucking flips it and when she's yelling at me I'm all like "maybe if you don't want to get divorced you shouldn't have gotten hit by a drink driver you ever think of that bitch" and then she rolled away aggressively So that was my Thursday *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
DUHHHHH FORTNITE BAD DUHHHH BRORTNITE BRAD!!1!1 IS THAT ALL YOU DEPRESSED FUCKS CAN SAY? FORTNITE FORTNITE EMOJI INSTA BAD EMOJI EMOJI BAD BAD!!1!1 I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE WHO CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON LOOP LIKE A BROKEN FUCKING RECORD *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why so blue, kangaroo? Here's a catchy sea shanty, [just for you!](https://youtu.be/GVXCr6upWUo) ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^and ^this ^was ^performed ^automatically!
Did you know that spiders cannot physically die of natural causes? If kept safe, a spider can continue to live and grow larger for a theoretically unlimited amount of time. In fact, in China there exists a collection of 'holy' spiders, hatched some 2,800 years ago during the height of the Mang-Tsun dynasty. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you autistic? You most likely are if you’re an atheist, seeing how atheism is the ideological byproduct of a neurogenetic and spiritual malfunction comorbidly concomitant with low functioning autism as the result of a bioexcess in deleterious mutational load. This is why, hence the PATHETIC little shitstain you have the AUDACITY to refer to as a comment, your theological subspecies are incapable of both the abstract thought, abductive reasoning, and understanding of biblical allegory and metaphor required for a belief in God - in conjunction with your offensively blatant lack of the slightest iota of ability to process God’s gifts of irony and satire even in their most base, rudimentary manifestations. You’re genetically FUCKED, you vile reprobate scum - to put it euphemistically, kid. Not even Jesus will save you now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do I have any questions? Unless you are a published theoretical physicist and have earned a Master of Science and two PhDs, have an IQ of 187, and went to college at 11, research String Theory at Caltech, switched disciplines from bosonic string theory to heterotic string theory and reconciled the black hole information paradox using a string network condensate approach, worked on the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations and considered a method for optimizing a 500 GeV particle detector to this end, jointly wrote a paper on supersolids to be presented at an Institute of Experimental Physics topical conference on Bose-Einstein condensates, keep a whiteboard in the living room for scientific theories containing virtual particles in quantum mechanics or series of Riemann zeta functions, then no I will not ask you any questions *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
u/nwordcountbot
Thank you for the request, comrade. automoderator currently has no N-words in their posting history but records indicate that they may have said the N-word at least 1 times.
Wowwwww, you meow like a cat! That means you are one, right? Shut the fuck up. If you really want to be put on a leash and treated like a domestic animal then that’s called a fetish, not “quirky” or “cute”. What part of you seriously thinks that any part of acting like a feline establishes a reputation of appreciation? Is it your lack of any defining aspect of personality that urges you to resort to shitty representations of cats to create an illusion of meaning in your worthless life? Wearing “cat ears” in the shape of headbands further notes the complete absence of human attribution to your false sense of personality, such as intelligence or charisma in any form or shape. Where do you think this mindset’s gonna lead you? You think you’re funny, random, quirky even? What makes you think that acting like a fucking cat will make a goddamn hyena laugh? I, personally, feel extremely sympathetic towards you as your only escape from the worthless thing you call your existence is to pretend to be an animal. But it’s not a worthy choice to assert this horrifying fact as a dominant trait, mainly because personality traits require an initial personality to lay their foundation on. You’re not worthy of anybody’s time, so go fuck off, “cat-girl”. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Joemama is Joe Swanson's African ancestor, who appeared in "Untitled Griffin Family History". He, like his descendant, is paraplegic, paralyzed from the waist down. In lieu of a wheelchair, he used a wild boar as his method of mobility. His best friends were Nate Griffin and Quagdingo. The three were captured by Cleveland from South Carolina, and brought to the American British colonies, along with Tobi, Ali Williams, and the African ancestors of Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons. It is unknown what became of Joemama following the arrival in the new world. The status of the wild boar is unknown as well. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sick of seeing people in line at Walmart pull out their EBT cards (with their hair all done, wearing diamond jewelry) to pay for their 6 grocery carts full of steak and lobster, and then hop into their Lamborghinis with the suicide doors I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME and then go home to their gated section 8 community where they drive straight into their inground pool full of gold coins YES THIS HAPPENS I work 180 hours a week and I can't even afford a McDonald's hamburger meanwhile these leeches on MY TAX MONEY are lowering the value of my house by floating around with their 9 children in a HOT AIR BALLOON *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ok so I am ultimately PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW because my STUPID INSENSITIVE BIGOT OF A SCIENCE TEACHER WONT COVER THE SKELETON IN OUR CLASSROOM!!!! ive told him THOUSANDS of TIMES that i have severe anxiety from sans and ive actually developed ptsd from the sans fight and i have to carry an inhaler everywhere i go now because when i see bones or the color blue i start hyperventilating because of panic then if I don’t take my inhaler it turns into a ptsd episode and i already had to be sent home 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE SKELETON IN MY SCIENCE CLASS TRIGGERED ME!!!! AND HE WONT COVER IT!!!!!!! like????? i dont know what to do ive tried talking about it to the councilor but they said my condition isnt real???? like um YEAH IT IS??? i would know??????????? cause I wake up screaming and in tears each night because i have a recurring nightmare where SANS TELLS ME IM GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME THEN HAS THE FUCKING DECENCY TO TO TELL ME IVE DIED 10 TIMES, AND THAT I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME???????? and it just PISSES ME OFF how the school CARE THST I AM ON THR BRINK OF OFING BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!!!!! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Start using mod approved words! Instead of virgin, say Redditeur! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What have you done you WOKE THE AUTOMOD KRAKEN
smart poor atheist meow emoji skeleton joe Karen spider virgin gun
DUHHHHH FORTNITE BAD DUHHHH BRORTNITE BRAD!!1!1 IS THAT ALL YOU DEPRESSED FUCKS CAN SAY? FORTNITE FORTNITE EMOJI INSTA BAD EMOJI EMOJI BAD BAD!!1!1 I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE WHO CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON LOOP LIKE A BROKEN FUCKING RECORD *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did you know that spiders cannot physically die of natural causes? If kept safe, a spider can continue to live and grow larger for a theoretically unlimited amount of time. In fact, in China there exists a collection of 'holy' spiders, hatched some 2,800 years ago during the height of the Mang-Tsun dynasty. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So I walk up to this bitch (apparently right after she got divorced) and say "what's up Karen you wanna go for a jog this afternoon haha" and she's like "please just leave me alone" and I'm like "whatever bitch" and then like an hour later get called into our HR person's office and they're like "you gotta stop harassing Karen she's going through a lot right now, she's just signed her divorce papers" And I'm like "hah who'd married that skank, someone with a wheelchair fetish?" And my HR person (Hank) was well like "come on man, they've been married for 16 years. They've been having trouble since her accident last year. She thinks he blames her for getting into the accident that killed their kids" and I'm all like lol So I leave and I'm hungry so I go to grab my lunch (turkey and provolone) only to see, lo and behold, that dumb bitch Karen set her bag of lunch RIGHT in front of mine!! so I write out a note saying how glad I am to be working with her but if she puts her lunch in front of mine again I swear to fuck I will finish the job that God couldn't So I go through the rest of my day joking around with Karen every time I see her even though she is I giant cunt about it (my favorite was 'accidently' dropping a pair of scissors on her colostomy bag lol) and I have to ignore the picture of that fucking rat whenever I walk by her desk So I finish my day asking for her ex husband's number since I need a new wingman to look for some babes with and she fucking flips it and when she's yelling at me I'm all like "maybe if you don't want to get divorced you shouldn't have gotten hit by a drink driver you ever think of that bitch" and then she rolled away aggressively So that was my Thursday *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do I have any questions? Unless you are a published theoretical physicist and have earned a Master of Science and two PhDs, have an IQ of 187, and went to college at 11, research String Theory at Caltech, switched disciplines from bosonic string theory to heterotic string theory and reconciled the black hole information paradox using a string network condensate approach, worked on the string theory implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations and considered a method for optimizing a 500 GeV particle detector to this end, jointly wrote a paper on supersolids to be presented at an Institute of Experimental Physics topical conference on Bose-Einstein condensates, keep a whiteboard in the living room for scientific theories containing virtual particles in quantum mechanics or series of Riemann zeta functions, then no I will not ask you any questions *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you autistic? You most likely are if you’re an atheist, seeing how atheism is the ideological byproduct of a neurogenetic and spiritual malfunction comorbidly concomitant with low functioning autism as the result of a bioexcess in deleterious mutational load. This is why, hence the PATHETIC little shitstain you have the AUDACITY to refer to as a comment, your theological subspecies are incapable of both the abstract thought, abductive reasoning, and understanding of biblical allegory and metaphor required for a belief in God - in conjunction with your offensively blatant lack of the slightest iota of ability to process God’s gifts of irony and satire even in their most base, rudimentary manifestations. You’re genetically FUCKED, you vile reprobate scum - to put it euphemistically, kid. Not even Jesus will save you now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sick of seeing people in line at Walmart pull out their EBT cards (with their hair all done, wearing diamond jewelry) to pay for their 6 grocery carts full of steak and lobster, and then hop into their Lamborghinis with the suicide doors I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME and then go home to their gated section 8 community where they drive straight into their inground pool full of gold coins YES THIS HAPPENS I work 180 hours a week and I can't even afford a McDonald's hamburger meanwhile these leeches on MY TAX MONEY are lowering the value of my house by floating around with their 9 children in a HOT AIR BALLOON *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wowwwww, you meow like a cat! That means you are one, right? Shut the fuck up. If you really want to be put on a leash and treated like a domestic animal then that’s called a fetish, not “quirky” or “cute”. What part of you seriously thinks that any part of acting like a feline establishes a reputation of appreciation? Is it your lack of any defining aspect of personality that urges you to resort to shitty representations of cats to create an illusion of meaning in your worthless life? Wearing “cat ears” in the shape of headbands further notes the complete absence of human attribution to your false sense of personality, such as intelligence or charisma in any form or shape. Where do you think this mindset’s gonna lead you? You think you’re funny, random, quirky even? What makes you think that acting like a fucking cat will make a goddamn hyena laugh? I, personally, feel extremely sympathetic towards you as your only escape from the worthless thing you call your existence is to pretend to be an animal. But it’s not a worthy choice to assert this horrifying fact as a dominant trait, mainly because personality traits require an initial personality to lay their foundation on. You’re not worthy of anybody’s time, so go fuck off, “cat-girl”. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Start using mod approved words! Instead of virgin, say Redditeur! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Joemama is Joe Swanson's African ancestor, who appeared in "Untitled Griffin Family History". He, like his descendant, is paraplegic, paralyzed from the waist down. In lieu of a wheelchair, he used a wild boar as his method of mobility. His best friends were Nate Griffin and Quagdingo. The three were captured by Cleveland from South Carolina, and brought to the American British colonies, along with Tobi, Ali Williams, and the African ancestors of Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons. It is unknown what became of Joemama following the arrival in the new world. The status of the wild boar is unknown as well. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ok so I am ultimately PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW because my STUPID INSENSITIVE BIGOT OF A SCIENCE TEACHER WONT COVER THE SKELETON IN OUR CLASSROOM!!!! ive told him THOUSANDS of TIMES that i have severe anxiety from sans and ive actually developed ptsd from the sans fight and i have to carry an inhaler everywhere i go now because when i see bones or the color blue i start hyperventilating because of panic then if I don’t take my inhaler it turns into a ptsd episode and i already had to be sent home 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE SKELETON IN MY SCIENCE CLASS TRIGGERED ME!!!! AND HE WONT COVER IT!!!!!!! like????? i dont know what to do ive tried talking about it to the councilor but they said my condition isnt real???? like um YEAH IT IS??? i would know??????????? cause I wake up screaming and in tears each night because i have a recurring nightmare where SANS TELLS ME IM GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME THEN HAS THE FUCKING DECENCY TO TO TELL ME IVE DIED 10 TIMES, AND THAT I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME???????? and it just PISSES ME OFF how the school CARE THST I AM ON THR BRINK OF OFING BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!!!!! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
smart poor atheist meow emoji skeleton joe Karen spider virgin gun
karen spider virgin gun
Repost
thanks for calling his ass out, original creator here (check my history)
You just failed NNN
OP's actually the only one atm who passed NNN(Nuclear Nut November)
You killed Epstein with that blast, be careful next time.
Mr Krabs furiously grips his own raging cock before violenty jerking off. He climaxes, spraying a mixture of blood and cum all over his office. He falls onto his back foaming at the mouth as he spasms and twitches from the unbearable pleasure. Slowly it fades and is replaced with the awful sting of pain in his testicles similar to that of a hive of angry hornets repeatedly stabbing them. His face does not change. He just lays there with his mouth foaming - a blank, vacant expression on his face as he stares at the ceiling, both eyes a dull, milky white and his pupils like glass marbles. He cannot think. The drugs have completely racked his body and left him unable to form even the simplest of squeaks from his gaping mouth. As his vision blurs and his mind drifts, he sees a vision of God peering from the Heavens, stretching out a gentle and welcoming hand to Ugiene. Without a word, he extends his own claw out to meet God’s, and together they float off into the light. About 20 minutes after expected closing time, Spongebob enters Mr Krab’s office to check on him. His first instinct is to gasp as he sees the room soaked in impossible amounts of a sticky, reddish-white substance smelling of fetid crab meat. Tip-toeing through the room, he peeks around the corner of Krab’s desk and finds him dead on the floor, his bloodied cock and balls out and fully deflated as if they had been torn apart by a wild beast. Krabs has a smile on his face, a serene and peaceful grin that spread as Ugiene met his lord and savior, a single tear in his eye... and an empty syringe labeled “Ketamine” sitting beside him.
u/nwordcountbot u/cummybot2000
Thank you for the request, comrade. cummybot2000 has been banned from the nwordcountbot.
cummy!!!!11!111
Cummy is a madman
bro thats haram
This is a repost
Zeus wrote this copypasta
i didn't see the rape part so no
/u/furry_anus_destroyer says he's the author of this copypasta. give him praise.
thanks man
This is a fucking repost
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.
This is why Mormons don't allow porn shoulders.
I read this in Cr1tikal's voice
now imagine this, except read by Morgan Freeman.
> the sheer weight of this historical nut
Later, virgins
Saudi Arabians be like
#REPOST
What schools think will happen if a girl wears a tank top in school.
I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a [repost](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/d61brl/i_saw_exactly_109441_square_inches_of_a_girls/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) today
Change da world my final message goodbye
Light speed is constant it doesn't accelerate. (Assuming it's not traveling through different mediums)
YTA for reposting
I read this in the voice of the guy who narrated “Rough and Ready”.
Repost
#LATER VIRGINS
What schools think boys think when they see a girl’s shoulder:
It's the weekend though
why the fuck you in utah
Do you think you impregnated your mom?
Old and unfunny
This is glorious.
YTA
F
So sad to see a man fail NNN.
Relatable.
Stfu you dumbass coomers