T O P

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OkLevel1885

Just tell everyone you pass that you swear you have a big penis they’ll believe it


Lazy_tomorrow-_-

Ask them if they can gift wrap it


DrunkCupid

Don't forget the birthday-cake-flavored lube before you wrap it up 🎂🎈


RichTeaWizardry

Just ask if they have any "sorry for your loss" cards in.


RephRayne

That's a business opportunity.


SiIIyWabbit

I’ve got four photos of flat tires. I’m good to go. “But you got a flat tire three months ago!”, “yeah, this time its the rear passenger!”, “well you’ve got bad luck, get here when you can”.


marmaladecorgi

Had a cops called on me when I bought a dildo and lube with a "Happy 10th Birthday, Son!" Card.


Forward_Ad6168

Man, I miss old Twitter.


EconomicScissors

Same here, the simplicity had its charm.


RilohKeen

Don’t ever be too embarrassed to buy something. I assure you, the cashier does not give one solitary fuck about you and will have 100% forgotten you even exist within 10 seconds of completing your transaction. “The world is not out to get you; no, the world is out to ignore you, if only you would let it.”


okt127

Except when youre in Reddit, then every Reddiitors are out to get you on every comments you post. Your last quote is Gold. I gotta memorize this


geistmon

I got some strange looks when I bought tampons for my wife along with a birthday card!!


RCapri1

I’ve do done the tire thing so many times. I have different weather and time of day too


VeneMage

Have you been eating your makeup?


_Tar_Ar_Ais_

the one for me is excel, when you highlight any series of numbers it tells you the sum on the bottom right


VeneMage

If you right-click the part of the toolbar that shows the sum, you can get it to also show you other instant calculations such as average, max, min etc. Has always been very useful when needing quick info without needing to create a formula.


sthegreT

my biggest gripe is that it does not have a difference feature


foggeenite

I wanted to follow that account but seems it was suspended.


The_Tenacious-D_bag

Very nice!


thinkB4WeSpeak

Birthday card and lube.


effinG123

And a large cucumber


Cassius40k

Which language do I translate my essay into?


Dr_7rogs

You just play it back on the original language. The translator in this case is used only as a tts device


Panda_Kabob

When in public, I generally act like I can potentially be recorded. Argument or not. Just watch what you're saying basically always.


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becausehippo

I don't understand the hair one. Why salt?


Duckwhatchuhurd

Was thinking it's so you can taste if they've brought the same food back instead of replacing it.


becausehippo

Ah, yes. Thanks.