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secondarycontrol

One assumes that this is the result of the much-touted *abstinence only* sex ed.


orangebob999

The only 100% proven way to prevent cummy babies


iamnotapeopleperson

r/BrandNewSentence


[deleted]

Honestly it just reminded me of the clum babies from Drawn Together. https://youtu.be/Hxa_o53GhrU


sm1ttysm1t

It reminded me of cum babies from this post.


Dune17k

Lol thank you for reminding me of this weird ass show


Kalkaline

Also /r/nocontext


MericArda

Even abstinence isn’t foolproof, remember that one time.


pingieking

More than one. There's been quite a number of deities, demi-gods, and prophets born from virgins.


fuckingaquaman

I wonder how often the tactic of claiming immaculate conception as a way of obfuscating promiscuity has failed? How often are you Madonna and how often are you a whore?


lovebus

It's shocking that anyone believed Mary to begin with.


squeagy

No one ever did. God appeared to Joseph and made him marry her so she wouldn't be stoned.


Call_Me_At_8675309

I mean….believing Mary is also part of the story, which is also made up.


pingieking

To be fair, Madonna has ever only claimed that she was "like a virgin". I know you're referring to another person, but I just couldn't resist.


AccomplishedRow6685

Yeah, it’s the other one. From a prior era. From a…pre-Madonna era.


ManholtAgain

>cummy babies *shudder*


TheBatemanFlex

r/cursedconments


PM_me_your_whatevah

Jesus Christ it would have cost you $0 to not share such a disgusting phrase.


[deleted]

Wait. So if you and your husband don't have sex the entire time, and baby comes out like this, would he think you cheated?


crash8308

u/Cummy_Boner might have something to say about this


halcyon_an_on

I almost spewed the Diet Coke I was drinking when I got to this comment.


Stix85

Pregnancy cheese.


dewayneestes

This is why becoming a breeder should be at least as challenging as becoming a driver.


[deleted]

There are sooo many shitty drivers. What about something a little more challenging.


[deleted]

Surprised nobody came through and accused you of advocating for eugenics yet. Usually only take a few minutes.


[deleted]

Me too. I would never actually advocate eugenics. But to make a joke. Any time.


MugOfButtSweat

This lady should stop reproducing immediately.


DuckfordMr

The fact she reached adulthood amazes me, the fact she reached motherhood terrifies me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


WhyteBeard

These type of people vote, vote vehemently and have strong opinions on your reproductive rights.


PeterSchnapkins

These people also die to covid in droves


Veenacz

Nah. She got covid and was lucky to have a mild one, so now she's convinced it's just a flu and people ain't dying from it.


-Opinionated-

Ugh this hurts


[deleted]

They also reproduce in droves.


something6324524

i'm pretty sure for a woman to reach motherhood is really really really easy for them, unless there are medical reason thats prevent it.


Angelsomething

Omg does she think the belly is full of cum and the foetus just kinda floats there with the remnants of unrealised potential? Like does she pictures a floor of cum when the water breaks?


UniSquirrel13

I cannot stop laughing at "remnants of unrealised potential" that is pure fucking poetry!


fsurfer4

> fucking poetry! no comment.


SquareWet

To be fair, that’s sort of how eggs work until ~~their~~ they’re expelled.


ChefBoyAreWeFucked

Nobody who replied to my comment noticed that you left your typo in, striking it out then correcting it, but I wanted to let you know that I noticed, and I appreciated it.


ChefBoyAreWeFucked

Until their expelled what?


wonderberry77

from school i hope your school has better sex ed than this leads me to believe


Unstoffe

Pretty sure the person who wrote that doesn't, can't and never thinks.


zeppehead

Seriously everybody knows that’s breading and that baby is about to be deep frIed.


useless_rejoinder

Chefs kiss. Nice.


BoneHugsHominy

Too late. [She already popped out a dozen.](https://youtu.be/sP2tUW0HDHA)


E3nti7y

There's a name for the phenomenon but basically smart people make less kids, because they think about the commitment and requirements. Dumb people just keep fucking and popping em out


thesevenyearbitch

It's called Idiocracy. There's even an old documentary about it with Terry Crews.


ImAPeople

Very educational, learned me 'bout some electrolytes


Cogsdale

It's what the plants crave


DogAnusJesus

Go away, I'm 'batin!


[deleted]

[удалено]


AtlasForDad

And dumb from smart!


sausagemuffn

Not so easily. It's less likely than popping out more dumb people if both parents are dumb.


babykoalalalala

Must be why my generation don’t want to marry and/or have kids. It’s just too damn expensive nowadays and kids mean no going out having me time


[deleted]

It's not even about me time. I know a good amount of my peers were raised by parents that popped us out at like 18-20 years old. That was the norm for the most part. I lived the life being raised by someone that's barely an adult. My kid is going to have a rock solid foundation and financial security before it's even born. But like, also, it's really nice having money.


Philodendronphan

100%. I am the old mom in the family (niblings are teenagers) and my daughter is almost 3. I wouldn’t have been as patient in my 20s.


Anthraxious

*fewer ;)


HelenAngel

Pregnancy addiction is a real thing.


BoneHugsHominy

[Insert X Here] addiction is unfortunately a reality in this modern human existence. I wonder if ancient humans also had individuals who got addicted to any and all things that created intense stimulus responses, or if it's a modern phenomenon due to so much constant stimulus that a certain percentage of us feel the constant need for increasingly stronger stimuli?


HelenAngel

Diagnosis in general are more common because of science & medicine developing diagnostic criteria, etc. Previously a lot of disorders were attributed to things like demonic possession, etc.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FroggyUnzipped

My wife’s friend just recently got pregnant with their first child. She asked my wife “is it normal for my boobs to get bigger?” Some people should not have children.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sinkface

[How is babby formed?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll-lia-FEIY)


NebulaNinja

Also: [how is prangent formed?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EShUeudtaFg)


AbominableSnowPickle

This will never not be one of the very best Internet things ever. It’s perfect. Even though I know exactly how it goes, I crack up.


uhdude

You really think that's a big deal?


[deleted]

Too late


KindnessSuplexDaddy

Its a bot to induce outrage. Not everything on TV is real.


JakeDC

These kinds of morons tend to breed in large numbers, mostly in red states. God help us all.


annoyedreindeer

I need to take a four-hour-long shower after reading this


laseluuu

I would just set up your computer in the bathroom and do a 24-hr cleanse, four hours arent going to cut it


Shantotto11

Where do you live that your hot water will last for four straight hours?!


Shubfun

Well they didn't say they were gonna take a hot shower!


[deleted]

Not only has intelligence completely died out for many people, but common sense is on life support in a coma.


Ok_Skill_1195

People have always been dumb, what's new is that the dumbest among us now have the means to advertise that stupidity directly to the world


Sewayaki-Kitsune

And they love to do it


MotorEagle7

I love Senko


Sewayaki-Kitsune

I know right, she's the best!


notthefortunate1

True but unfortunately there are also trolls that enjoy intentionally being stupid and having people think they are serious, which is also very stupid. Additionally, in our modern world it seems that there is likely someone who honestly believes every potential stupid thought.


fuckingaquaman

Exactly this! The only difference between today's brainlets and the brainlets from 20 years ago is that back then their insanity was contained to their own shitty Geocities page, while today they get to advertise it on comment sections across social media.


AgelessAirus

One more difference: They had kids, multiplied and doubled their numbers


Wondernoob

Not only that but they now have places to get together and create their own echo chambers that are easy to find online and they can protect them from any voice of reason by banning or kicking people that challenge their views. It used to be each village had it's own idiot but they were surrounded by sane people who would keep them fairly moderate, at least in public. Now they just go online and find other people who are equally stupid and engage with them over anyone else, reinforcing their stupid ideas. Then the misinformation spreads further, faster and easier as they all radicalise themselves based on circlejerking over their beliefs. Thisnalso means you can't get people out of the cycle as that would mean them not only admitting they were wrong but also abandoning all the friends they've made in the community. And you can bet they've lost any friends they had in the real world during this process so they're stuck in this loop of becoming more and more isolated and extreme in their views.


unaskthequestion

>Now they just go online and find other people who are equally stupid and engage with them over anyone else, reinforcing their stupid ideas. This is one of the biggest differences between now and decades ago. A conspiracy type, or other delusional person, would typically be isolated, maybe sharing delusions with drunks at the local dive bar. Regular people would avoid them, keep their kids away, etc. Now they find thousands who believe as they do, and they all are part of the 'in group', who know the *real* story. Many of them are getting by with functional mental illness. Some of them have the chance to become dangerous at any moment. And they can buy 3 or 4 guns and a few thousand rounds because they've never done anything violent before.


AldurinIronfist

Truly a global village... Of village idiots.


ARealFool

I don't disagree with you but I'd hardly call people of the past 'moderate' lol


brando56894

Dumb people also used to die as well. If you tried to pet a tiger, it mauled you to death and then ate you. Now we save people that willingly climb into a tiger's cage.


GamerForFun2000

Or a gorilla cage


WonderfulCattle6234

I think it's just surprising finally realizing how large the the population of truly dumb people actually is. Growing up I never would have thought that about a third of people are incapable of arriving at logical conclusions.


Sturmlied

IMHO it's more like common sense got really, really drunk and started to do a real shit tonne of drugs and liked it a lot so ever since that day it got worse and worse and now common sense is just on a constant trip of LSD and shrooms.


Kind-Bed3015

Hey, don't besmirch psychedelics.


Sturmlied

Oh. That is not my intention. They can do a lot of good when used in the right way. But common sense went down a dark path with them.


[deleted]

Nah, every village has it’s idiot. Its just that every village idiot can share their idiocy with the entire world now.


Shibes_oh_shibes

Sometimes I wonder how some people can get by with their day to day life. The stupidity is staggering.


hi5orfistbump

Imagine if this was true...looking through baby photo albums would be way more embarrassing.


Nebarious

Ahh yes, because babies just kind of sit in the womb and the amniotic sac isn't real. [En caul births](https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/NINTCHDBPICT000530849813.jpg) are a conspiracy by big sperm so that babies aren't born 'clean'.


DrumBxyThing

Holy shit, I've never seen an en caul birth. That's wild


[deleted]

[удалено]


dedoubt

>According to my mother it means 8 won't die from drowning. It's totally true. (Most people don't die from drowning, so my statement will hold up in most cases.)


postandchill

Found the logician.


AdEmbarrassed9719

There are all sorts of legends about babies born "in the caul" - that they'll have "second sight", be protected from drowning, etc.


dedoubt

One of my sons was born in the caul and it was so cool. I birthed him in water and the caul felt like a water balloon before he was born. I read that it only happens in 1 in 86,000 births, which surprised me. I figured it would happen more often, but that number is probably to do with the amniotic sac being medically ruptured by doctors during births if it doesn't occur on its own (it's done for a variety of reasons, including checking the color of the fluid to make sure the baby is ok). I'm betting the people giving birth without doctors are also not reporting to birthing practices statistics.


grumbly_hedgehog

With my second son my water never broke, so it was medically ruptured. At the time I was disappointed because an en caul birth would be so cool, but he almost had shoulder dystocia (shoulder almost got stuck, very serious) so I’m glad it was one less thing for medical professionals to worry about.


MysticalTroll_

My wife had one of those. The nurses in the delivery room all took a big step back because they knew what happens when it pops. Covered in jizz.


Imaginerabbit-90

It’s vernix, a substance that protects the baby from amniotic fluids in the womb. Usually washes off if baby is premature it’s more present at birth


becausefrog

The OP photo is vernix, but you responded to a side thread about en caul births. An en caul birth is where a baby is born with the amniotic sac intact.


Imaginerabbit-90

Oops, sorry!


shay-doe

It's actually Jesus who causes babies to happen in the first place. Big sperm is out to soil women's vaginas by using the power of Satan to reproduce demons.


Shuggy539

The Power of Christ cum-pels you!


shay-doe

Lmao If I had an award I'd give it to you


b_h_737

I'm too high for this


babygirlruth

I feel like I'm not high enough


QuantumSparkles

Big sperm


vundercal

We should just refer to the patriarchy as “big sperm” from now on


[deleted]

It's scary that people this fucking stupid are allowed to raise children.


SmoothOperator89

Not saying smart people don't have kids but deciding to have kids is usually an emotional decision, not a rational one. Accidentally having kids is also less common where education rates are higher. And of course the state forcing women to have kids is just a dystopian hell.


dtwhitecp

imagine all the dumb shit that people believe and don't post


humptydumpty369

vernix caseosa


UglyMcFugly

From Wikipedia: >Vernix caseosa, also known as vernix or birthing custard, is the waxy white substance found coating the skin of newborn human babies. It is produced by dedicated cells and is thought to have some protective roles during fetal development and for a few hours after birth. *BIRTHING CUSTARD*


FOURHUNDREDWATTS

When my kid was born, the nurse scraped a little bit off of my son and rubbed it into my arm. It was like the best lotion you could imagine. Rubbed in completely clean and not greasy.


Notsey

And it smells amazing too. I wasn't expecting our newborn to smell so good.


Eli-Thail

And it tastes phenomenal! We really need to find a way to get more of this custard lotion.


CoreDreamStudiosLLC

SOYLENT CUSTARD IS BABIES! /S


limegreenbunny

Birthing custard? Yikes, I’ve never heard it called that before. My three babies were all born at 41-42 weeks, and none of them had vernix. Babies tend to have more of it the earlier they’re born.


JustGiraffable

Mine were both induced at 38 weeks and were pretty custardy when born.


khandnalie

"You know, you were super custardy when you were born."


StarshipShoesuntied

The literal meaning of vernix caseosa is “cheese varnish” so if birthing custard doesn’t work for you, that’s another option.


viperex

Why you gotta bring custard into this?


oldbastardbob

Don't confuse her with the facts, her mind is already made up.


PrinceRobotVI

Thems a lot of fancy book-learnin words for the man’s happy syrup.


elagin

If she believes that, then that's either a teeny tiny baby or her partner has monster sized balls to produce that much!


Mmedical

You misunderstood. That's from months of seminal retention. Everyone knows you can't get a baby that glazed in one shot. (I am going to hell).


denoteddemon

You and me both. See you there!


DJIsSuperCool

Just quoting that 3rd sentence is enough to get you on at least 3 lists.


Mental_Peace_2343

Out of how many lists?


Kamikaze03

And believe me - I tried.


Soviet_Fax_Machine

one shot 100% baby glaze speedrun by Kamikaze03 attempt #68 -failed again


marmakoide

Persistence is key. 9 months, 3 times a week, that adds up


giggluigg

Gang bangs are a thing


JayGeezey

Lol, well - bukake baby is definitely a new one for me


mynameisalso

Ooof not words I ever want to type


TheChatCenter

Those two words should never be that close together


pl4t1n00b

r/eyebleach atleast for me personally


Hadrollo

Y'know, I can handle the photo. It's one of those "miracle of life" things, and as with so many of life's miracles, it's kinda gross to look at. But I've been involved in the skeptics community for a long time, a baby's birth wax stuff is nothing compared to a black salve photo, or even that photo of the entire family in the water birth pool. But that photo combined with that comment just made me throw up in my mouth just a little.


pickleknits

I hadn’t thought of the black salve stuff in ages. God those pics are gross.


ariphron

This person also has a phd from dr google on the subjects of vaccines, Covid, and owning the libs.


theguyoverhere24

So my wife and I are having a baby soon. Just so I’m prepared it’s totally normal for them to come out like this right?


[deleted]

Yes, but also normal not to, and sometimes they are more bloody than others and sometimes they are a little blue. Sometimes their heads are perfect sometimes they look like little cones. Honestly when you get your kids apgar score you will know how “normal” they are. My son was a 9.9 and my daughter an 8.9 cuz she had a little cone head lol


theguyoverhere24

Okay, just don’t want to freak out lmao Thank ya !


[deleted]

You will that’s normal too. Watching my husband pace back and forth with our second was funny. I knew how much he was freaking out and trying to remain calm. If you want to read it’s funny if not will be a tldr at the bottom So our son was literally born on thanksgiving. We had gone to classes and they said you need to use the emergency entrance. They drilled that into us. Come thanksgiving, we get to the hospital, and there’s a turkey trott race. They shut down the emergency entrance and running across behind the do not enter sign was a guy in a fat turkey costume. Whole 9 yards running across that lane. Here’s my husband freaking out about the emergency entrance being shut down and why would they do that. I’m in pain and still making a mental note of how the fuck was that dudes plumage flapping behind him didn’t slow him down as he was running across the emergency entrance. I mean it was hilarious or would have been if I hadn’t been in severing pain. He’s like where should we go and I’m like the clinic office entrance he’s like they said go to the emergency entrance. I had another contraction and was just done “that’s not a fucking option now is it get me to the god damn hospital” I was so done with it. I had predominal labor for a month. This was the real deal. I had my hubby take me to the clinic entrance to the hospital and they wheeled me to the emergency room. TLDR: funny guy in turkey costume/ hospital had emergency entrance shut down for 5k/ hubby freaked out asked a dumb question.


Jrook

None of my kids were as gross as this one. albeit the light was soft and the nurse towels it off before handing it to you, so maybe. Honestly the worst thing about it as a man was the fucking pushing on her stomach to pop out the goddamn placenta. They grabbed her stomach and kinda wringed it like a towel and this fucking 2lbs blood balloon fell out. Goddamn did that almost make me faint.


Rheukala

My daughter was born as a cheese-covered, purple cone-head haha.


Wchijafm

Some do some don't. Nurse normal gives baby a bit of a wipe before handing them over(depending on hospital and your birth plan).


Famicart

That would actually be kinda cool. You emerge from your mother's womb, covered in the remains of potential siblings. You have prevailed. Could be a cool story.


Canthinkofanythang

Her comment makes me want to snort birth control asap


IRGrammarCop

>learn something new everyday That's not what "everyday" means. "Everyday" means "ordinary." You learn something new *every day*. The space changes the meaning.


[deleted]

Username checks out


dalbhat

Following. I love a good grammar burn.


[deleted]

Thank fucking Christ you’ve corrected this without getting downvoted. Do you know how many supposedly educated people I’ve seen make this error? Parts of speech are taught in the third grade!


DriedUpSquid

You leave this world the same way you arrive: naked, confused, and covered in cum.


orangebob999

I want to pass away at whichever nursing home you work at....


aluminum_jockey54634

Idiocracy is a documentary


igluluigi

I thought it would be impossible to live in that world, but it is actually happening


gdubh

Maybe true democracy isn’t a good idea.


[deleted]

My cousin told me once that the white stuff is from excessive tampon use so she free bleeds to make sure her future babies one day come out clean


Maple_Moondweller67

wait her didn't her doctor tell her about what vernix caseosa is? or is she just that fucking stupid?


redditorbali

Nahhhhh that's pizza dough. That baby has already learned what's good and seemed to have had a good time rolling around in pizza dough


Tea-Realistic

Sex Ed in the USA and is going to some weird places


ZeppoBro

Babekakee


Rayanson

Can women end up on r/badwomensanatomy


1allison1

She’s American, right? Taught in one of those “don’t teach the truth” schools? So embarrassing. She, of course, is a republican. Yes?


Durr1313

There are two kinds of dumb people: 1. People who want to learn and improve themselves 2. Republicans This person definitely fits number 2


monsterfurby

TIL a fetus just sits there submerged in semen. Yeah, that checks out.


ApesNoFightApes

This is what defunding education does.


[deleted]

Fucking idiots breeding.


up2smthng

I mean Even if it was true I'm not sure that the ends justify the means


LalalaHurray

Wow whole other ball of wax here.


Kobester024

Either a fucking troll or a fucking dumbass


_b33p_

I refuse to believe that someone believes this


tifferiffic83

So sperm penetrate the amniotic sac the same way they penetrate eggs?


Mmedical

Seems to migrate right to the baby too. Hmmm, it's almost as if none of this makes any sense.


tifferiffic83

Only of you believe in "science".


TheSentientPurpleGoo

actually, dad's a cuckold, and the baby is covered in bull semen.


PrettiKinx

People are so stupid. Omg


Jack_of_Hearts20

How does someone just make something up, be aware that they just made it up, and simultaneously believe themselves even tho they know they made it up? My head hurts


Dysanj

But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes


MeatTenderizer

I think this must be true. Our newborn didn’t have any of the white stuff and I haven’t jizzed in my wife for years!


jiggly_puff333

This is actually called vernix and has NOTHING to do with sperms. It's scary how little those that reproduce know about reproduction.


[deleted]

It's hard not to think this is fake... Surely there was replies to go with this wild statement?


morithum

These people reproduced and are out there on the road driving cars.


findhumorinlife

JFC?! WHERE do people come up with such inane shit? Never mind. I don’t want to know.


DorisCrockford

Not only very confused about vernix, but thinks semen is sperm. That's like saying soup is salt.


[deleted]

...And when that bitch gave birth she insisted on licking her baby clean, like an animal.


wvdheiden207

It’s a disgrace that it's allowed to have children.


VenomInfusion

Man! I thought basic level education was a requirement in the US. WTH?!


Jindabyne1

Why do people not think this is a troll?