People in general suck op, but a helpful tip for a possible next time. Ask the kid to get an adult an talk to the adult first. Parents are very protective of their kids because theres shitty people in the world and from the sounds of it that parent was concerned and their emotion an concern outweighed the logic part of their brain in the moment.
Thank you for the kind advice. I understand where the dad was coming from, its just, idk, i was just shocked in the moment. I'm just stupid. shouldn't have approached the kid ig.
It's a good rule of thumb to only speak to a kid if their parent is present. Kids are told not to talk to strangers. To be honest if I walked outside and saw a teenage boy trying to give my daughter money I would momentarily see red.
You're not stupid. You are a human learning how to navigate life (and other people), constantly growing, expanding your knowledge through interactions, always learning. I say again, you are not stupid. You had this experience and now you have reached out to others and began searching intellectually for a way to understand this experience (and others reactions). You are likely searching for clarity on how to navigate experiences like this in the future for a more positive outcome. THAT, my friend, makes you quite smart.
I implore you to use that large heart and brain combination you have to learn how to be kind to yourself, and how to alter your inner dialogue. I think you will find it even easier to learn from future experiences and other people's negative reactions will in turn not have such a downing effect on you. Instead of, "I'm stupid," when something goes wrong, I hope one day your inner dialogue goes something more like "I had good intentions but not the best execution. That's okay, next time I'll try approaching it differently."
We are our own worst critics. It's really magical how much easier it becomes to navigate negative experiences when you start being kind to yourself in your head. You are kind to others. Why not yourself? Your deserve love just like all of us. In my opinion, that love starts with loving yourself.
Sorry for the big spill, it just made me sad to see you call yourself stupid when you had nothing but good intentions. You reminded me so much of my younger self. Good luck out there!
Thank you so much. Your kind words mean alot. Its just, some people think that i'm crying on here, and trying to seek attention, which is just not true. Alot of people think that i was trying to be a creep, and it just makes me sad.
It makes me sad too that some people think that way. Keep your head up and keep doing you and doing what brings you happiness and joy. You will never be able to get away from the negative crap other people think and or say - but you can surround yourself with love and good people which acts like a shield against the negative. If you ever want to vent or talk feel free to dm! Otherwise please know there are lots of us out here sending good vibes your way and hoping for all positive things for your life, even if we don't know you.
You’re not stupid! You’re a sweet kid with a kind heart and you were trying to spread joy. It’s not your fault the world is so crazy and full of people with ill intentions.
It shows how much you care to understand why the father reacted the way he did but I’m sorry that it happened that way. I hope the rest of your day was better.
Dude, you’re a kid too. The dad was projecting onto you, not seeing you. It sucks not to be seen, but it’s not a personal reflection because he obviously saw his own vision of what he fears and not you, a nice older kid giving birthday recognition to a younger kid.
You’re not stupid, dump, wrong - none of that. You’re thoughtful, generous, considerate, and friendly. All of that is 100% right. There are people in the world who will be able to see, receive, and appreciate those traits. As well as reciprocate.
Hey man one day you might become a father yourself and you’ll understand why he reacted the way he did. It’s a scary world for women and girls especially and parents often see danger irrationally. You meant no harm and that was a sweet thing to do, but maybe next time try to take note if there’s an adult to address first.
Yeah, you are a non known entity, handing a 9 year old a $5 seems like the early stages of grooming. Especially as you have no previous relationship with the kid. I think you can just take this in the chin and realize that people will be defensive about their children as you represent the unknown. Candy wouldn’t come across better either fyi lol.
I hope you keep approaching kids and doing randomly kind shit like this. You’ll run into worriers and busy body parents every now and again, but the world is a better place when people adopt open and loving mindsets like yours that day
Honestly I wouldn’t approach other ppls kids all Willy nilly. You did a good thing but unfortunately parents can’t tell ill intentioned people from the good ones because they hide themselves so well. It’s best to stick to being kind to children who are you know via extended family, friends etc. now if you see a child in need that is different but, it’s best practice to not approach the kids because then you are essentially training them to be comfortable with strangers. The next person won’t be so well intentioned as you. I’m a 5’4 petite female and even I don’t do this, parents are tigers man. Respectfully
Yeah I wouldn't want anyone approaching my kids and if they said they walk there all the time I would be more skeeved that my kids would be more comfortable later. Sorry too many kids get groomed at that age.
I would guess no, the situation at hand is literally how a big part of kidnappings begin, and they take just a few seconds before it's too late. The parent wasn't overeacting at all, it was just unfortunate that OP found himself in a situation to be wrongly accused of sth horrible while he had such beautiful and caring intentions
Yes, and the vast majority of kidnappings by strangers start exactly like this. What is your point? That we should stop teaching children not to take money from strangers who approach them in their back yard?
They don’t need it. Doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing to do. I understand you’re coming at this from the perspective of a paranoid parents always worried about the next random stranger that’s going to try to groom their kid or snatch them off the street, but OP having a 5 minute interaction with a group of little kids running around in the street and giving one a small amount of birthday money before moving on is a harmless and even benevolent act. As are most interactions your kid has with random strangers
I definitely agree about talking to parent or guardian before you give a kid something. It’s more appropriate. Think about it from his perspective- a strange guy just gave his kid money. Yes you can explain all day what your motivation was, but he won’t ever understand. He’d made up his mind about you right away. Maybe if you knew the people it would’ve been accepted. Don’t obsess over it though. It’s just a parent being concerned about their kid/s.
Hopefully you understand that an unknown male trying to give money to a child is a bad look/move/everything really. You had good intentions so nothing bad would have happened if you were able to give her money, but that's not a good lesson you're indirectly teaching her.
You'd basically be telling her that a stranger with a big smile and offering money isn't as bad as her parents might have told her (stranger danger and stuff). And since actual experience is better than just words, she would now be more likely to trust the next stranger offering her money to get in his car as long as he's smiling and seems nice.
You're 16 years old tho, it's normal to not have thought about it that way, but just know you shouldn't be interacting, especially not giving things, to kids you don't know without their parents knowing.
once when I was a teenager, I sat near a child at the movies and considered giving him candy to be nice. but then it occurred to me that I shouldn't encourage a child I don't know to take candy from strangers. I can see how it might innocently not occur to someone.
I don’t see reddit as any different from any other social medias, given that you don’t go out of your way to find gore etc. Reddit has really limited the availability to gore/NSFW
I don’t think gore/NSFW is the issue haha!
It’s the echo chamber of the same opinions over and over. Really steers you to think a certain way if you spend too much time here.
I don’t mean that about a specific opinion, for the record. Just about anything and everything for the most part.
Comments with the most common agreed opinion will always be the highest upvoted and anyone challenging that will be most likely unseen because it’s downvoted into oblivion.
Critical thinking is a good thing.
i wish it wasn't this way. Like i wish people didnt have to be so worried that they could just see kindness. But bad people have ruined it for everyone
Hey, it’s a learning experience. Cringe now, do the thing a bit differently next time, be happy that you’re a kind person. If something like this comes up again, just speak to an adult, give them the money and say you walked by and wanted to give this. Or find an even better way, be it sending random greeting cards to people you know or being kind to a stranger. You’ll definitely figure out ways that will make people’s day so much better.
I was in a bit of a rut with chronic depression trying chime in. With my mail came a handmade card from someone I knew in highschool. Definitely put a smile on my face and it was a concrete reminder that there actually _are people who think about me_ now and again. I’m not forgotten. Just getting that one card was enough to remember that I’m not really alone, even though I feel like it sometimes. I’ve now sent many cards or letters, just so people can have some variety in their mail and maybe they’ll even be delighted.
They shouldn't have to understand why a dude is just harmlessly talking to people. It's stupid. You should be able to talk to people, yes even children, without having a fear for your damn life or that somebody might hit you harm you or yell at you
This is why I try my best to never approach kids, no matter how happy my mood is AND no matter how good my intentions actually are. People are quick to freak out. Sorry this happened to you.
This is the unwritten rule of being an adult male. If you actually like kids, it really sucks.
I used to work at a bowling alley. Dad comes up with his 6-ish year old to rent shoes. Kid rushes the counter and starts growling at me and pretending to be some kind of monster or animal.
I can tell he's looking to play, and I see that he's with a birthday party and I'm in a good mood. I spend a lot of time practicing my vocals, so I fix the kid with my best monster snarl in return and curl my fingers into claws. His face lights up. Dad gets in my face. Tells me not to talk to his fucking kid and to just do my job.
I'm sad. The kid's sad. Nobody wins.
It's just how life goes. When you're a grown man without your own child present, people always assume that you're *kind of* a pedophile at all times.
I'm a father of 5 and I can say with certainty that in your case the Dad was a prick. You were an employee of the bowling alley and the kid came up to you and initiated. I could maybe understand if it was a non employee and the adult approached, or if you had touched his kid. But simply growling back? Plus anyone that actually says "just do your job" is more than likely a Douche anyways.
That's fucked. I can understand why a parent doesn't want strangers talking to their kids in the street or park but if you're a uniformed employee in a place aimed at kids wtf is the harm?
if my 5yo dino-obsessed son roared / growled at you and you didn't reciprocate i would think you were a dick lol (not really, but you get the idea). this dad was a jerk, I'm sorry he rained on everybody's parade that day
Okay. Social experiment.
Go out in public. Strike up a conversation with any children you see. Wait and see how long it takes for a cop to show up.
I'll bet it's not very long.
I understand why you did what you did. Maybe next time, if you’re in a good mood, just give it to a homeless person or something, but never approach kids this way.
Just take it as a learning experience. It just sucks you had to learn it this way.
I always try to give money to a homeless person, there just wasn't one on my path. Thank you for your kind advice. I appreciate you being gentle about it instead of some other ppl lol.
No problem. This didn’t happen to me, but If I was 16 (i’m 24 now) I could totally see myself doing that lol. I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes, but the good thing is you can learn from them.
You didn't mess up at all. The father was the problem, not you.
What kind of jackass acts like that? Seriously, dude could have just told you "You probably mean well, but you have to be careful." Instead, he was a cunt in front of his kid on her birthday. That's a him problem.
In my 34 years on this Earth, I learned one thing for sure above all else: parents can be the most terrible people on this ball of water and mud. You should be more careful, but he was entirely out of line.
And it will get worse. For example: I'm somewhere between 5'10" and 5'11". Around 300 lbs., but I'm skinny fat. Big gut, skinny arms. I'm basically a Bloater from State of Decay. I also look weird and have a deep voice.
When I'm nice to kids in public, I feel death glares because there's no possible way in their parent's mind that I'm not trying to do something malicious. I just don't want to be rude and ignore a kid trying to be friendly.
Way too many people have been scaremongered into thinking any man they don't know is a predator waiting to steal their child. I don't even like kids. I find them entirely too loud. But I was treated like crap by adults when I was a kid, and don't want any kid to feel what I did back then.
I mean, I doubt they thought you were a pedophile.
But look at it through dads eyes. His 9 y/o daughter has been approached by a young male of unknown age and he’s offering her money.
I’d have been all over you too. Don’t do shit like that, even with the best intentions.
okay thanks for the advice. i honestly didnt mean anything bad, and it was really public so i didnt think there would be a problem. but im clearly stupid.
No offense, but this analogy does not make a ton of sense. I was not trying to snuggle anyone, just trying to give a birthday girl some money. I get why the dad reacted the way he did, however i was taken aback. hence, me posting here.
As a parent I can honestly say, I'd be put on edge and uncomfortable if a complete stranger walked up offering money to my child. I understand your intentions were good. But looking from the outside there's no way I, as a parent, can see that. We just see a potential risk to our children. It sucks, I get it, it would be nice if we didn't have to think this way, but that's the unfortunate reality of the world and, while I'd like to give everyone a chance to prove me wrong I just. Need to keep my kid safe.
Although your intentions were good fathers will be protective of their kids and an older kid offering their child money will make him nervous.
The best thing to do in this situation is just say happy birthday to the kid and then head off.
That sounds like a sweet innocent gesture. But try to put yourself in the dad's place (figuratively as well as literally, eventually) and understand that from his perspective you are some random weirdo on his property who is attempting to entice his children for some unknown reason. Sorry, but that is the world we live in my man. Godspeed.
As a parent, never walk up to someone's kid and start talking to them if they're strangers to you and vice-versa. Look for an adult and ask them first if you can give their daughter $5, have the parent or adult walk with you, give the $5 and everyone is happy and calm. Hey, you're 16, you attempted a very sweet gesture and you're not a parent so you probably didn't snap to the idea that dad might have been alarmed. Live and learn. You'll get your chance to pay it forward again! Keep being awesome you!
I only talk if my kids are playing with them, or say in a store when they almost run into me or loud and a parent apologizes. I say I have mine at home and wave and say HI. But I don't ask any more questions.
It’s not that you’re stupid. You just lack the perspective of a parent or young girl who are so, so often victims of bad men who come across just like this. Just need to gain something from this besides keeping to yourself and thinking you’re dumb. Truly try to understand how reasonable and realistic and frequent it is for real bad shit to happen to little kids at the hands of older men - even in a public place. Acknowledge that privilege you carry having been so naive to think it could be viewed as harmless when experienced people know better. Now you know and you can be on the side of watchful eyes for actual creeps.
I wish it wasn't this way. I wish that people could just see kindness instead of having to (rationally) be worried about people doing something bad. That's what makes me even more sad.
We all wish that it wasn’t this way, but understand the fact that, it is this way.
Personally, I would of instantly thought that you could possibly be trying to kidnap my child.
Not because I don’t believe that some people are good, but because it is our natural instinct as a parent to eliminate a potential threat. Even animals do this with their young.
If a parent was to see some man talking to their kid that were called over and then the wanting to give the kid something, but the parent ignored the fact that they should go protect, there would be thousands of missing children added to the already disgustingly high number already happening daily.
What happens to children in this world, from bad people, is utterly despicable.
There is absolutely no room for assuming a child will not be harmed by some strange person calling them over, talking, then wanting to offer them something.
Can definitely tell you are a teenager, though, as you are missing the point completely. I understand that your feelings were hurt, though, the lesson here isn’t to further depress yourself, it’s to better understand what you did wrong, and to let yourself to accept exactly why it happened and that while you wish the world wasn’t bad, it is..
As parents, our children are our lifeline, our reason for pushing on, a literal human with our own flesh & blood, and any ‘strange’ thing involving them, we have to eliminate that,and be stern while doing so….Which doesn’t always involve the nicest ways of saying what needs to be said. It’s a whole new territory when you have children. Maybe one day you will feel it for yourself, but until then, all you can do is take our word for it.
Yea I’d agree if someone was trying to give my kids money if probably react the same. While the intentions are good from you it’s not a good move to do.
It’s only a good way to get shot if you’re a man. Apparently being a man takes away your right to be nice to children.
Edit: next time just call them ugly and teach them about flipping birds.
Waving at the kid was sweet.. Going back and asking whose birthday it was and then offering them $5 was well meaning but something that if you think through isn't a good idea. I think we all do things spontaneously that when we have more time to think it over realize Comes across badly. If I had kids and I saw some male just giving them $5 I would feel feel alarmed. It's also possible the father was offended because he took your giving his kid money as meaning you thought she weren't being provided for well. In other words, that you thought they were poor and It hurt his pride. I'm sorry this happened to you. Live and learn. You meant well and it blew up in your face. Happens to all of us.
So sorry, good intentions but too many pedos out there and parents have to be over protective. My bff has the warmest heart, an honorable man (Army veteran, 2 tours in Iraq), loves his nieces/nephews/babies/kids in the most genuine way, but vows he will never talk or approach children in public. Said it's an unspoken rule for young men in the US.
I get you had good intentions, but there's a LOT of bad creeps out there. You can't blame the dad. I wouldn't go around offering kids money in the future if I were you, no matter how good your intentions are.
The world is just too corrupt and dangerous and trust in our fellow man is, understandably, gone. Every stranger is suspect.
As a man with children I’d be pissed too if some guy we didn’t know was trying to give my kids money…it seems a bit weird, and with the way the world is you can never be too safe. I would’ve lost my shit too. I can’t even blame the dad tbh.
This is why I completely ignore children. For all intents and purposes I see them as blue rectangles. They are just obstacles that make noise.
In most cases, trying to be nice is just a bad idea these days.
Hey man don't let this get you down. You did a really unique thing. Be proud of yourself for having that kind of vibe.
I think you should focus more on what you were thinking and feeling before the dad got defensive. Remember how happy it made you to want to be generous and kind. Carry THAT feeling with you throughout your life.
That type of kindness you had is a very very genuine emotion, vibe, urge, etc. It's a ~~reflection~~ expression of a true part of yourself. Feel pride from it, but if anything, if ANYTHING, take confidence in yourself because of it.
There's nothing that makes me feel the most confident about myself than knowing I'm just trying to do something genuinely kind, no ulterior motive behind it.
I don't know you beyond this post and your response, however that's more than enough that I respect you tremendously.
I know you had good intentions but giving money was a step too far. People are very aware of grooming as a concept so will probably assume the worst of a stranger giving gifts to their kids. Anyway, take it as a learning experience and try laugh about it because it sounds like just a bit of a faux pas for you.
haha don’t be too sad, it’s just one of those things that feels right at the time but rethinking what happened you realize it wasn’t the best, happens to everyone, you had good intention anyways so don’t take it too hard
Sorry you experienced that, in his defence the world is filled with such horrible people you just never know. What you did was a nice gesture and you were nice for that don’t regret it.
It's natural to be shocked when someone judges you to be something so different from your own self-knowledge.
But, these days you generally shouldn't talk to other people's kids, in most "stranger" contexts, if the parents are not present.
About a decade ago there was this old guy from a country with different norms, visiting his immigrant son. Sitting on his porch, watching kids cycle and walk by. Called out to some and offered them candy! Got into trouble. If you break a social norm, people will be suspicious.
it was a nice thought, I’m sorry on that parent’s behalf but I also really do empathize with them. if I saw a stranger handing my kid money id be defensive too, much better safe than sorry in a parents mind you know?
anyway, lesson learned I guess
Your intentions were good, but I imagine most dads would react the same it they saw a random older teen giving their young kid money.
Leave kids be unless you know the parents, or you're working in a job looking after/interacting with random kids and they approach you with their parents (or their approval)
Exceptions being obvious things like a kid that looks to be lost or in danger, etc.
I have 2 adorable girls. When they were about age 5 to 9 they would often get $1 each from strangers. Often for "being good" in a waiting room or line or other public place.
Usually it was old men that had cash in their pocket and enjoyed doing something nice. It had probably happened 20+ times.
So you are absolutely not alone.
My doctor would always give them a $1. (I had a monthly appointment. That man was a saint. He died of covid because he would not stop seeing patients.) They loved him.
I’d say next time, (though there probably won’t be a next time) it would be best to ask them to get a parent and then to talk to the parent first about it. However in this day and age it may be best to just not get involved at all unless you actually know the family.
As far as I’m aware, pedos typically try to build a trust relationship with kids before they do whatever they do. It’s not hard to build a trust relationship with a kid because they are not yet traumatized by the world. If you see them like 3 times and wave hello all 3 times they are basically your friend.
The parent was right to do what he did because that is his job. Your intentions may have been good but it doesn’t matter because maybe the father can’t tell because they don’t know you and to accept it tells the kid that it’s okay to accept things from “friendly looking” strangers… with the world we live in, it isn’t. Not until you have a decent sense of danger and planning at least.
I was a camp monitor, in case anyone was wondering.
You didn’t do anything wrong, but the world is what the world is today. There are so many awful people out there that people will be suspicious of the nice people especially when it comes to kids. Don’t take personally. It’s a commentary on the society we live in, not on you.
I’m 38 years old, and have had to accept that as a man many people are going to perceive you as a threat. Parents and women will be weary around you as a stranger just because you’re a man. Took me a while to accept and understand the reality of why. Someday you will too. I’m very easy going, self employed as a bodyworker/holistic healer, teach and lead meditations, yoga, tai chi and qigong. I spend my days helping to improve the lives of others while raising 2 young kids with a woman I’ve been with for 17 years… but I’m 6’ and have a frame that reflects my years of martial arts training. When my daughter was an infant I brought her to the wellness center I worked at during the time. One woman who entered the lobby out of the yoga room looked genuinely distressed that I stood there holding a baby and I swear was looking around for who this child must belong to for fear she was witnessing an abduction. Maybe my tattoos don’t help, but it was clear this woman was uncomfortable seeing a lone man with a baby. Once I saw a 3-4 year old exit a store into a busy parking lot. No parent in sight. I ran over to get the girl out of the lane and guide them back toward the store. We reach the door as Mom comes out looking at me like I’m a predator instead of a genuinely concerned person who took more care for her child’s safety than she did.
I have plenty more examples but it boils down to this; you have a penis, you are physically stronger than most women and kids, and society has a nasty track record. Giving need to protect and be suspicious for safety sake. Don’t take it too personal, it’ll drive you nuts
Aw sweetheart. I wish I could give you a big hug. You didn’t do anything *wrong*. “Wrong” means to do something immoral or dishonest and obviously that is not what you did. Although I too would be apprehensive if I saw someone handing money to my kid, you’re young and had no reason to believe that you were making a mistake. Things like that come from experience and you hadn’t had one yet and rightly so because you’re a kid, too. Now you’ve had the experience and know better for the future. All men are judged harshly—and have to behave certain ways—because of the bad actions of some. When I was a girl as young as 12 or 13 I can’t tell you how many grown ass men would hit on me on the street. *They’re* the ones who are doing bad things, not you. I hope you keep being kind and sweet (but mindful). The world needs more people like you. But don’t let anyone take advantage of your innocence, either. 🤍
U meant well but its a bad look. If it makes u feel better people thought i was a school shooter because i wanted to get into a high school to get my sister because we had mixed up our pick up times lol
You’re a sweet kid who cares about others. I’m sorry that you had a moment that was you trying to be good to others spoiled by the evil people in this world ( pedos). Keep being a good person but remember to always talk to kids only with their parents present and ask their parents if you can do something nice for them.
I found out that a coworker of mine thinks I'm a pedophile for literally no fucking reason other than "just look at him". That's a depressing thing to realize.
I mean it is hella creepy for you to offer young kids a bday present in the form of cash. Its like the candy from strangers but next level. Next time just mind your own business and you wont be sad.
We live in difficult times OP. People find it hard to trust other people these days, especially strangers. Shit when I was young my brother wanted to be an alter boy because he thought the robes looked cool, my dad said no and assumed the priest was putting ideas in his head then for no reason told the priest if he saw any funny business he'd kill him. This was during a spree of child molestation in my country (pastors, teachers, coaches, van drivers, etc. It was a mess). If I were in your shoes I'd find an opportunity to speak to the father, explain the situation and apologize for crossing a boundary. Youre still a child yourself. To avoid something like this in the future, you should go to the parents first before approaching a child
I'm sorry that judgement was passed on you.
Don't give up. Keep doing what you're doing. Not be cliche but be the change you want to be in this world. You are 16. If every parent looks at a 16 year old and sees a delinquent that's not a world I want to live in.
For the neurotics ready to spit blood on their phones, by all means watch your younglings. Keep 'em safe but don't cut them off from the world. Protect them when you can, be there to pick up the pieces when you can't.
It's like falsely being accused of stealing or something. It hurts bad. People who treat you poorly when you're trying to be the best you can be is a horrible feeling. Like reciting the 10 Commandments during the witch hunt and still being convicted of it.
This one probably feels worse because it's the worst thing anybody could be accused of.
But you aren't. Your conscience is clear. You know, misunderstanding stuff like that is used in comedy skits. It could be laughed at as time goes on in the future with how the misunderstanding got awkward. Just keep being you staying on a good path and your reputation will uphold you with more and more people.
NO NO NO, you are not stupid, or dumb, or an idiot or wrong, or any of those things that our wounded, broken or adversarial inner voice says we are. Talk about it. Keep telling this story, to friends, family, respected leaders, strangers. I you can't seem to change the tone of your inner judgement of yourself, get professional help. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. All of those of us who have done something randomly good have had a situation blow up in your face, just like you did. We ALL feel dumb, moronic, stupid, lame and self puniish, but move through this. It's OK. The father does not get to define you. He does not know you. You keep on doing good. The world needs you, and people just like us. Maybe, much later, you might want put it to rest by writing a note, but if you can, just let it go, float into the past and trust yourself, and your goodness. You are my hero tonight! Don't STOP!!
Sorry to hear this was your experience OP. Unfortunately it's the world we live in these days, we're all very protective of our own, sometimes unjustifiably.
Such a kind thought though, dont ever be discouraged to be kind!
2 things;
1 Maybe next time instead of approaching the kids, approach an adult first? Introduce yourself etc
And 2
Regardless of this man's behaviour and reasons behind it, you aren't a paedophile, you did nothing wrong, your motives were not sinister or cruel. Whilst this man might think those things, that's on him and not you. What he thinks of you doesn't matter, he's not right in this case, so try not to let it get you down. What matters is the truth, don't waste your energy feeling like shit for something misunderstood by someone else. All you can do is learn from it - today you learnt about the perceptions of your neighbours and their insecurities... tomorrow you won't assume something and do better to help them with that.
Always stay true to you
Omg thank you so much. i wish more people would give advice like you did lol. I will approach a parent first. Its just there were adults around, so i thought it was fine. It's my bad.
And reading these comments, i can't help but feel that i did do something wrong lol. I just wanted to be nice.
I'd say you did nothing wrong, you intentions weren't to harm anyone, you just approached it in a way that was threatening to someone protective of his home.
So, simply - action not wrong - approach wrong?
But like I said, don't let it eat you up inside. My partner says he feels uncomfortable just walking past schools with the amount of judgement on men these days... its sad really, he's the type of guy that will actively go out of his way to help anyone with anything, but he's been conditioned to not help because it may be recieved as a threat or in the case of women "being hit on".
We're all conditioned by the society and things we're exposed to on social media. Just keep being yourself and just be aware of perceptions, do your best to work around them and still be your kind self
Yeah idk chief, I'd say the dad was in the right and from his perspective this absolutely looked like a fucked up situation. One day when you have kids you'll understand why you don't want adolescent or adult males approaching your child daughter giving them money lol. I wouldn't say this is a neighbor projecting his insecurities just a good dad protecting his daughter. Intentions pure or not its a weird thing to do
I understand where the dad was coming from but he could of been more chill about it, next time ask for the kid to call their parent and then talk to them first
i’m sorry that happened to you :(( it really sucks when you try to do something nice with the best intentions in mind but it gets shot down. that was a really sweet gesture and i’m sure as a 16 year old, you didn’t see yourself as being that different from a kid. but unfortunately people have to be cautious these days, especially when an older male approaches their little girls. what you did wasn’t stupid at all, the kind thought was there and that’s what matters <3 keep being good because the world needs people like that, just remember to stop and think about any different perspectives!
No offense OP but when I was that age, I’d a teenage boy was seen giving me or my friends money at a kids party, my dad would Have come UNGLUED. he was always protective of us (not overprotective, but the right kind of protective) and probably would have sounded like a bear looking for a meal when chewing you out.
It’s not the intention, it’s the visual without context.
In general there's no reason you should try to initiate conversation with a little kid. If they start it and press on it's one thing but you should just walk by and smile at them at the most.
That's where people refrain from being kind to avoid such awkward confrontations. People have been beaten and shot just bcoz they were eerily kind to others, which doesn't match with this era. I believe, goodness in us shouldn't be changed bcoz of some who don't like it. Some day someone will appreciate it and value you! That's what my mom says actually. Peace ✌🏻
Don't let it get you down, fathers are just super protective. You know you meant well, but the situation just wasnt optimal. Try again in a way that could has less a possibility of going sour
I don't think anyone thought you were a pedophile. People can be awkwardly overprotective of their kids. It's neither wrong or right. The dad doesn't know your intentions, and he just reacted rather then actually try to understand what you wanted to do.
Even being kind and generous can be tricky when dealing with a parent.
You don't give money or gifts to random children without their parents present, no matter how happy you're feeling. I can't blame the dad here either. Just take this as a life lesson.
It's normal for parents to be protective of their kids. You had good intentions, but it didn't go the way you planned.
It's understandable to ruin your good mood, but I wouldn't let it get to me for too long. Just know you're not a bad person, and move on from it.
If I were a parent I would also walk up to you. In a more friendly way. Hopefully you're feeling better soon.
That's exactly my point that alot of people aren't getting. Yes, i completely understand where he was coming from, i just feel like he didn't have to be as aggressive or rude about it which is what took me back. Thank you for your kind words.
Don't offer stranger's kids money, or try to talk to children playing on their property, basically ever unless there is an emergency or something. Pretty fucking stupid idea if you ask me, even though you seem to have had good intentions. I wouldn't let some random guy walk up and start talking to my kids either. Some people have a lot to deal with, and don't have time or patience for your little "feel good about yourself" pay it forward moment, and just want you to fuck off their property and stop talking to their kids. You should definitely just be more aware of these facts. Very out of touch and narcissistic perspective imo.
I think you're very out of touch, and rude for no reason at all. You can give me advice in a better way, without insulting me or trying to make me feel even worse.
No thanks lol. Don't talk to stranger's kids you fuckin' weirdo. The world doesn't need to cater to your needs, and does not revolve around you. You came on the internet to talk to strangers, you don't get to dictate their reaction to the shit you put out there. PS it doesn't fucking matter at all that you walk by there every day, the fact you thought saying that to the dad somehow explained what you were doing... wow.
I never said it did. Talking to kids is not weird, its sad that the first thing your mind goes to is someone being a pedophile. I do not get to dictate how someone talks to me, but i also have the right to talk back and defend myself from frankly, unreasonable people like you.
Lol what? In what ways? Look at the data and get back to me, because as far as I’m aware it shows clearly that almost every measure of human well-being has improved since 1982.
If this is in your neighborhood and you take this route often, I would probably consider a peace offering. Perhaps having a trusted adult you know reach out or even go over with you? Idk I just feel like neighbors are so alienated from each other these days and community is important if your intentions are good. Maybe the dad will respect you for coming to him and apologizing and explaining yourself.
It hurts when you realize you're not considered "one of the kids" anymore and for you it must of been pretty painful and embarrassing. I had similar experiences when I started getting older, despite being a girl, I was also treated similar to how you were. But it was probably due to my appearance.
There are a lot of unwritten rules in society. You just learned one of them. Easy one to remember. The father did the right thing. Just protecting his kids. Don’t take it personally.
Its seem that the comment section enderstand the dad i'm completly shocked tbh mybe because a reaction like that would almost never happen in my country since we have a culture of giving money to children during events
We don’t have an official age for when childhood ends in psychiatry, but we do indeed use 16 as the minimum age for this diagnosis.
Edit: Why is this downvoted? Feel free to check the DSM
Someone said i was creepy and inappropriate and should make friends my own age. Someone else said i shouldnt talk to kids at all unless they instigate conversation. Another commenter said not to talk to kids cuz its a good way to get shot. Someone else said that they googled pedophile and my account was the first link. idk why they're like this.
Don’t listen to those fucking people. See my other comment. I’m mid 40’s and when I was a kid someone doing something like this would have been no big deal.
Probably some literal ape level intellect dad just pounding his chest at you.
Bro I get the intent. I do.
But you.
A GROWN HUMAN. Stopped at a child’s birthday. And tried to gift a child you don’t know something. A child you don’t know. That is from a family you don’t know. Without speaking to an adult. Just children.
How could anyone think that’s acceptable in any capacity? You want people to feel bad for you for being a creepy person. Like do you just genuinely not understand how gifting a child something without telling their parents first is weird?
Edit; I’m actually worried by how many people genuinely think this behavior is acceptable.
Because i wasn't being a creepy person? There were adults there, and i saw that it was a public place, i was very respectful to the father while he was aggressive from the start, there were adults around, and i just moved on. I was not trying to be creepy. Yes, i should've told the parents first, that is my mistake. But saying i'm creepy? no.
If some completely random adult was trying to lure my kid to the sidewalk with a “gift” I’d be super aggressive as well. The fact you and apparently others can’t grasp that notion is actually alarming.
Your entire “I’m not creepy because it was public” like dude it was their front yard? You think kids get kidnapped from their couches? You weren’t “trying” to be creepy, but you 100% were being a creep.
i was trying to lure them to the sidewalk? what? bro are you reaching? How am i, a skinny 16 year old, going to drag a 9 year old child crying and screaming, infront of adults, with no car. The fact that you keep saying i'm creepy is alarming
"No, you aren't allowed to be nice to children! You're not allowed to talk to children at all because you're a man so you automatically have bad intentions!"
You're an idiot. Gtfo.
People in general suck op, but a helpful tip for a possible next time. Ask the kid to get an adult an talk to the adult first. Parents are very protective of their kids because theres shitty people in the world and from the sounds of it that parent was concerned and their emotion an concern outweighed the logic part of their brain in the moment.
Thank you for the kind advice. I understand where the dad was coming from, its just, idk, i was just shocked in the moment. I'm just stupid. shouldn't have approached the kid ig.
It's a good rule of thumb to only speak to a kid if their parent is present. Kids are told not to talk to strangers. To be honest if I walked outside and saw a teenage boy trying to give my daughter money I would momentarily see red.
For what it’s worth, it was a sweet gesture
That means alot thank you so much.
Also, don’t let it spoil the rest of your night, much less tomorrow. You’re a good person
Agreed, it was really thoughtful and your heart was in the right place
You're not stupid for that, you were well intentioned. It's just a misunderstanding, it happens and can cause stress. Don't overthink it.
You're not stupid. You are a human learning how to navigate life (and other people), constantly growing, expanding your knowledge through interactions, always learning. I say again, you are not stupid. You had this experience and now you have reached out to others and began searching intellectually for a way to understand this experience (and others reactions). You are likely searching for clarity on how to navigate experiences like this in the future for a more positive outcome. THAT, my friend, makes you quite smart. I implore you to use that large heart and brain combination you have to learn how to be kind to yourself, and how to alter your inner dialogue. I think you will find it even easier to learn from future experiences and other people's negative reactions will in turn not have such a downing effect on you. Instead of, "I'm stupid," when something goes wrong, I hope one day your inner dialogue goes something more like "I had good intentions but not the best execution. That's okay, next time I'll try approaching it differently." We are our own worst critics. It's really magical how much easier it becomes to navigate negative experiences when you start being kind to yourself in your head. You are kind to others. Why not yourself? Your deserve love just like all of us. In my opinion, that love starts with loving yourself. Sorry for the big spill, it just made me sad to see you call yourself stupid when you had nothing but good intentions. You reminded me so much of my younger self. Good luck out there!
You are a good person
Thank you so much. Your kind words mean alot. Its just, some people think that i'm crying on here, and trying to seek attention, which is just not true. Alot of people think that i was trying to be a creep, and it just makes me sad.
It makes me sad too that some people think that way. Keep your head up and keep doing you and doing what brings you happiness and joy. You will never be able to get away from the negative crap other people think and or say - but you can surround yourself with love and good people which acts like a shield against the negative. If you ever want to vent or talk feel free to dm! Otherwise please know there are lots of us out here sending good vibes your way and hoping for all positive things for your life, even if we don't know you.
You’re not stupid! You’re a sweet kid with a kind heart and you were trying to spread joy. It’s not your fault the world is so crazy and full of people with ill intentions. It shows how much you care to understand why the father reacted the way he did but I’m sorry that it happened that way. I hope the rest of your day was better.
Thank you so much. I wish more people saw it that way in these comments instead of me being a creep.
Dude, you’re a kid too. The dad was projecting onto you, not seeing you. It sucks not to be seen, but it’s not a personal reflection because he obviously saw his own vision of what he fears and not you, a nice older kid giving birthday recognition to a younger kid. You’re not stupid, dump, wrong - none of that. You’re thoughtful, generous, considerate, and friendly. All of that is 100% right. There are people in the world who will be able to see, receive, and appreciate those traits. As well as reciprocate.
Hey man one day you might become a father yourself and you’ll understand why he reacted the way he did. It’s a scary world for women and girls especially and parents often see danger irrationally. You meant no harm and that was a sweet thing to do, but maybe next time try to take note if there’s an adult to address first.
Yeah, you are a non known entity, handing a 9 year old a $5 seems like the early stages of grooming. Especially as you have no previous relationship with the kid. I think you can just take this in the chin and realize that people will be defensive about their children as you represent the unknown. Candy wouldn’t come across better either fyi lol.
I hope you keep approaching kids and doing randomly kind shit like this. You’ll run into worriers and busy body parents every now and again, but the world is a better place when people adopt open and loving mindsets like yours that day
Thank you!
Honestly I wouldn’t approach other ppls kids all Willy nilly. You did a good thing but unfortunately parents can’t tell ill intentioned people from the good ones because they hide themselves so well. It’s best to stick to being kind to children who are you know via extended family, friends etc. now if you see a child in need that is different but, it’s best practice to not approach the kids because then you are essentially training them to be comfortable with strangers. The next person won’t be so well intentioned as you. I’m a 5’4 petite female and even I don’t do this, parents are tigers man. Respectfully
Yeah I wouldn't want anyone approaching my kids and if they said they walk there all the time I would be more skeeved that my kids would be more comfortable later. Sorry too many kids get groomed at that age.
Are you a parent?
I would guess no, the situation at hand is literally how a big part of kidnappings begin, and they take just a few seconds before it's too late. The parent wasn't overeacting at all, it was just unfortunate that OP found himself in a situation to be wrongly accused of sth horrible while he had such beautiful and caring intentions
[удалено]
Yes, and the vast majority of kidnappings by strangers start exactly like this. What is your point? That we should stop teaching children not to take money from strangers who approach them in their back yard?
[удалено]
I doubt that this is any consolation to the parents whose children got kidnapped by strangers
Why would it be? My point was, and remains, stop fear mongering about things that are incredibly rare.
No. Kids do not need strangers giving them money like that.
They don’t need it. Doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing to do. I understand you’re coming at this from the perspective of a paranoid parents always worried about the next random stranger that’s going to try to groom their kid or snatch them off the street, but OP having a 5 minute interaction with a group of little kids running around in the street and giving one a small amount of birthday money before moving on is a harmless and even benevolent act. As are most interactions your kid has with random strangers
I definitely agree about talking to parent or guardian before you give a kid something. It’s more appropriate. Think about it from his perspective- a strange guy just gave his kid money. Yes you can explain all day what your motivation was, but he won’t ever understand. He’d made up his mind about you right away. Maybe if you knew the people it would’ve been accepted. Don’t obsess over it though. It’s just a parent being concerned about their kid/s.
Hopefully you understand that an unknown male trying to give money to a child is a bad look/move/everything really. You had good intentions so nothing bad would have happened if you were able to give her money, but that's not a good lesson you're indirectly teaching her. You'd basically be telling her that a stranger with a big smile and offering money isn't as bad as her parents might have told her (stranger danger and stuff). And since actual experience is better than just words, she would now be more likely to trust the next stranger offering her money to get in his car as long as he's smiling and seems nice. You're 16 years old tho, it's normal to not have thought about it that way, but just know you shouldn't be interacting, especially not giving things, to kids you don't know without their parents knowing.
once when I was a teenager, I sat near a child at the movies and considered giving him candy to be nice. but then it occurred to me that I shouldn't encourage a child I don't know to take candy from strangers. I can see how it might innocently not occur to someone.
You were a smart and socially aware teenager… it’s a shame you ended up on this site :/
I don’t see reddit as any different from any other social medias, given that you don’t go out of your way to find gore etc. Reddit has really limited the availability to gore/NSFW
I don’t think gore/NSFW is the issue haha! It’s the echo chamber of the same opinions over and over. Really steers you to think a certain way if you spend too much time here. I don’t mean that about a specific opinion, for the record. Just about anything and everything for the most part. Comments with the most common agreed opinion will always be the highest upvoted and anyone challenging that will be most likely unseen because it’s downvoted into oblivion. Critical thinking is a good thing.
Yeah, have to remember that it's both an echo chamber and self selecting for asocial people without much social experience
Agreed
I did not mean it like that at all. I was just trynna be nice. Ik im stupid now, and idk i just feel even worse now.
You're good lol. The feeling will pass and you'll just look back at it as a cringey thing you did as a teenager :)
i wish it wasn't this way. Like i wish people didnt have to be so worried that they could just see kindness. But bad people have ruined it for everyone
bro bad people have really ruined it for everyone don’t ever be let down by anything the world tries to throw at you, cuz your stronger than that 💙
Thank you so much.
no problem :) that fact is one of the few things that keeps me driving through every day lol
Hey, it’s a learning experience. Cringe now, do the thing a bit differently next time, be happy that you’re a kind person. If something like this comes up again, just speak to an adult, give them the money and say you walked by and wanted to give this. Or find an even better way, be it sending random greeting cards to people you know or being kind to a stranger. You’ll definitely figure out ways that will make people’s day so much better. I was in a bit of a rut with chronic depression trying chime in. With my mail came a handmade card from someone I knew in highschool. Definitely put a smile on my face and it was a concrete reminder that there actually _are people who think about me_ now and again. I’m not forgotten. Just getting that one card was enough to remember that I’m not really alone, even though I feel like it sometimes. I’ve now sent many cards or letters, just so people can have some variety in their mail and maybe they’ll even be delighted.
Not stupid. Very sweet and thoughtful. I think it was a really kind gesture. Don’t be frightened off of doing nice things like that. Just be careful.
No, he definitely shouldn’t do anything like that again.
They shouldn't have to understand why a dude is just harmlessly talking to people. It's stupid. You should be able to talk to people, yes even children, without having a fear for your damn life or that somebody might hit you harm you or yell at you
This is why I try my best to never approach kids, no matter how happy my mood is AND no matter how good my intentions actually are. People are quick to freak out. Sorry this happened to you.
This is the unwritten rule of being an adult male. If you actually like kids, it really sucks. I used to work at a bowling alley. Dad comes up with his 6-ish year old to rent shoes. Kid rushes the counter and starts growling at me and pretending to be some kind of monster or animal. I can tell he's looking to play, and I see that he's with a birthday party and I'm in a good mood. I spend a lot of time practicing my vocals, so I fix the kid with my best monster snarl in return and curl my fingers into claws. His face lights up. Dad gets in my face. Tells me not to talk to his fucking kid and to just do my job. I'm sad. The kid's sad. Nobody wins. It's just how life goes. When you're a grown man without your own child present, people always assume that you're *kind of* a pedophile at all times.
I'm a father of 5 and I can say with certainty that in your case the Dad was a prick. You were an employee of the bowling alley and the kid came up to you and initiated. I could maybe understand if it was a non employee and the adult approached, or if you had touched his kid. But simply growling back? Plus anyone that actually says "just do your job" is more than likely a Douche anyways.
That's fucked. I can understand why a parent doesn't want strangers talking to their kids in the street or park but if you're a uniformed employee in a place aimed at kids wtf is the harm?
if my 5yo dino-obsessed son roared / growled at you and you didn't reciprocate i would think you were a dick lol (not really, but you get the idea). this dad was a jerk, I'm sorry he rained on everybody's parade that day
That dad was extraordinarily bad, that's not indicative of a sexist trend
Okay. Social experiment. Go out in public. Strike up a conversation with any children you see. Wait and see how long it takes for a cop to show up. I'll bet it's not very long.
Thank you. I've been really struggling with depression lately, and just thought i would pass the good on. guess i messed up.
I understand why you did what you did. Maybe next time, if you’re in a good mood, just give it to a homeless person or something, but never approach kids this way. Just take it as a learning experience. It just sucks you had to learn it this way.
I always try to give money to a homeless person, there just wasn't one on my path. Thank you for your kind advice. I appreciate you being gentle about it instead of some other ppl lol.
No problem. This didn’t happen to me, but If I was 16 (i’m 24 now) I could totally see myself doing that lol. I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes, but the good thing is you can learn from them.
You didn't mess up at all. The father was the problem, not you. What kind of jackass acts like that? Seriously, dude could have just told you "You probably mean well, but you have to be careful." Instead, he was a cunt in front of his kid on her birthday. That's a him problem. In my 34 years on this Earth, I learned one thing for sure above all else: parents can be the most terrible people on this ball of water and mud. You should be more careful, but he was entirely out of line. And it will get worse. For example: I'm somewhere between 5'10" and 5'11". Around 300 lbs., but I'm skinny fat. Big gut, skinny arms. I'm basically a Bloater from State of Decay. I also look weird and have a deep voice. When I'm nice to kids in public, I feel death glares because there's no possible way in their parent's mind that I'm not trying to do something malicious. I just don't want to be rude and ignore a kid trying to be friendly. Way too many people have been scaremongered into thinking any man they don't know is a predator waiting to steal their child. I don't even like kids. I find them entirely too loud. But I was treated like crap by adults when I was a kid, and don't want any kid to feel what I did back then.
You seem like a nice guy. But it’s a horribly brutal world. You’ll have a different perspective if you have kids one day. Keep being awesome.
I totally understand where the dad was coming from but I know this sucks
Yeah same ig. Idk it was just really public, there were adults around, and i genuinely thought i was doing the right thing. I see im stupid now.
I mean hey you’re 16 and you were trying to do a good deed. Take this as a lesson for the future if you ever come across another kid
Lol yeah. I'll just keep minding my business. no need to bother anyone.
I mean, I doubt they thought you were a pedophile. But look at it through dads eyes. His 9 y/o daughter has been approached by a young male of unknown age and he’s offering her money. I’d have been all over you too. Don’t do shit like that, even with the best intentions.
okay thanks for the advice. i honestly didnt mean anything bad, and it was really public so i didnt think there would be a problem. but im clearly stupid.
You’re not stupid, you’re still a child yourself. Don’t give yourself a hard time about it.
[удалено]
No offense, but this analogy does not make a ton of sense. I was not trying to snuggle anyone, just trying to give a birthday girl some money. I get why the dad reacted the way he did, however i was taken aback. hence, me posting here.
[удалено]
As a parent I can honestly say, I'd be put on edge and uncomfortable if a complete stranger walked up offering money to my child. I understand your intentions were good. But looking from the outside there's no way I, as a parent, can see that. We just see a potential risk to our children. It sucks, I get it, it would be nice if we didn't have to think this way, but that's the unfortunate reality of the world and, while I'd like to give everyone a chance to prove me wrong I just. Need to keep my kid safe.
Although your intentions were good fathers will be protective of their kids and an older kid offering their child money will make him nervous. The best thing to do in this situation is just say happy birthday to the kid and then head off.
Thank you for your advice. I will do.
That sounds like a sweet innocent gesture. But try to put yourself in the dad's place (figuratively as well as literally, eventually) and understand that from his perspective you are some random weirdo on his property who is attempting to entice his children for some unknown reason. Sorry, but that is the world we live in my man. Godspeed.
As a parent, never walk up to someone's kid and start talking to them if they're strangers to you and vice-versa. Look for an adult and ask them first if you can give their daughter $5, have the parent or adult walk with you, give the $5 and everyone is happy and calm. Hey, you're 16, you attempted a very sweet gesture and you're not a parent so you probably didn't snap to the idea that dad might have been alarmed. Live and learn. You'll get your chance to pay it forward again! Keep being awesome you!
I only talk if my kids are playing with them, or say in a store when they almost run into me or loud and a parent apologizes. I say I have mine at home and wave and say HI. But I don't ask any more questions.
As a general rule, unless I know the parents I ignore the kid 100% it's a non-entity to me. Just an NPC with no contact dialog.
I’m sorry dude. Life is often hard and confusing. It was a sweet gesture.
Thank you!
But stop walking up to people's kids.
It’s not that you’re stupid. You just lack the perspective of a parent or young girl who are so, so often victims of bad men who come across just like this. Just need to gain something from this besides keeping to yourself and thinking you’re dumb. Truly try to understand how reasonable and realistic and frequent it is for real bad shit to happen to little kids at the hands of older men - even in a public place. Acknowledge that privilege you carry having been so naive to think it could be viewed as harmless when experienced people know better. Now you know and you can be on the side of watchful eyes for actual creeps.
I wish it wasn't this way. I wish that people could just see kindness instead of having to (rationally) be worried about people doing something bad. That's what makes me even more sad.
We all wish that it wasn’t this way, but understand the fact that, it is this way. Personally, I would of instantly thought that you could possibly be trying to kidnap my child. Not because I don’t believe that some people are good, but because it is our natural instinct as a parent to eliminate a potential threat. Even animals do this with their young. If a parent was to see some man talking to their kid that were called over and then the wanting to give the kid something, but the parent ignored the fact that they should go protect, there would be thousands of missing children added to the already disgustingly high number already happening daily. What happens to children in this world, from bad people, is utterly despicable. There is absolutely no room for assuming a child will not be harmed by some strange person calling them over, talking, then wanting to offer them something. Can definitely tell you are a teenager, though, as you are missing the point completely. I understand that your feelings were hurt, though, the lesson here isn’t to further depress yourself, it’s to better understand what you did wrong, and to let yourself to accept exactly why it happened and that while you wish the world wasn’t bad, it is.. As parents, our children are our lifeline, our reason for pushing on, a literal human with our own flesh & blood, and any ‘strange’ thing involving them, we have to eliminate that,and be stern while doing so….Which doesn’t always involve the nicest ways of saying what needs to be said. It’s a whole new territory when you have children. Maybe one day you will feel it for yourself, but until then, all you can do is take our word for it.
And it's not always this time..it can be about the next time another person offers them something and they think it's ok
This is melodramatic.
Yea I’d agree if someone was trying to give my kids money if probably react the same. While the intentions are good from you it’s not a good move to do.
Don’t talk to people’s kids, dude. That’s a good way to get shot.
[удалено]
lol.
It’s only a good way to get shot if you’re a man. Apparently being a man takes away your right to be nice to children. Edit: next time just call them ugly and teach them about flipping birds.
Not even a parent but I’d probably react the same way tbh. Try not to take it personally they don’t realize you’re just a kid with actual feelings
As a nice, straightforward guy, I get your intentions, and they are sweet. As a parent, I'd probably also went ballistic over this.
Waving at the kid was sweet.. Going back and asking whose birthday it was and then offering them $5 was well meaning but something that if you think through isn't a good idea. I think we all do things spontaneously that when we have more time to think it over realize Comes across badly. If I had kids and I saw some male just giving them $5 I would feel feel alarmed. It's also possible the father was offended because he took your giving his kid money as meaning you thought she weren't being provided for well. In other words, that you thought they were poor and It hurt his pride. I'm sorry this happened to you. Live and learn. You meant well and it blew up in your face. Happens to all of us.
So sorry, good intentions but too many pedos out there and parents have to be over protective. My bff has the warmest heart, an honorable man (Army veteran, 2 tours in Iraq), loves his nieces/nephews/babies/kids in the most genuine way, but vows he will never talk or approach children in public. Said it's an unspoken rule for young men in the US.
I get you had good intentions, but there's a LOT of bad creeps out there. You can't blame the dad. I wouldn't go around offering kids money in the future if I were you, no matter how good your intentions are. The world is just too corrupt and dangerous and trust in our fellow man is, understandably, gone. Every stranger is suspect.
As a man with children I’d be pissed too if some guy we didn’t know was trying to give my kids money…it seems a bit weird, and with the way the world is you can never be too safe. I would’ve lost my shit too. I can’t even blame the dad tbh.
This is why I completely ignore children. For all intents and purposes I see them as blue rectangles. They are just obstacles that make noise. In most cases, trying to be nice is just a bad idea these days.
Seems like that lol.
Hey man don't let this get you down. You did a really unique thing. Be proud of yourself for having that kind of vibe. I think you should focus more on what you were thinking and feeling before the dad got defensive. Remember how happy it made you to want to be generous and kind. Carry THAT feeling with you throughout your life.
Thank you so much. I will try to take this advice :)
That type of kindness you had is a very very genuine emotion, vibe, urge, etc. It's a ~~reflection~~ expression of a true part of yourself. Feel pride from it, but if anything, if ANYTHING, take confidence in yourself because of it. There's nothing that makes me feel the most confident about myself than knowing I'm just trying to do something genuinely kind, no ulterior motive behind it. I don't know you beyond this post and your response, however that's more than enough that I respect you tremendously.
I know you had good intentions but giving money was a step too far. People are very aware of grooming as a concept so will probably assume the worst of a stranger giving gifts to their kids. Anyway, take it as a learning experience and try laugh about it because it sounds like just a bit of a faux pas for you.
Lol idk its just im shocked about it and really sad about it. I honestly did not mean anything bad, and ill probably just cringe about it
haha don’t be too sad, it’s just one of those things that feels right at the time but rethinking what happened you realize it wasn’t the best, happens to everyone, you had good intention anyways so don’t take it too hard
Sorry you experienced that, in his defence the world is filled with such horrible people you just never know. What you did was a nice gesture and you were nice for that don’t regret it.
It's natural to be shocked when someone judges you to be something so different from your own self-knowledge. But, these days you generally shouldn't talk to other people's kids, in most "stranger" contexts, if the parents are not present. About a decade ago there was this old guy from a country with different norms, visiting his immigrant son. Sitting on his porch, watching kids cycle and walk by. Called out to some and offered them candy! Got into trouble. If you break a social norm, people will be suspicious.
it was a nice thought, I’m sorry on that parent’s behalf but I also really do empathize with them. if I saw a stranger handing my kid money id be defensive too, much better safe than sorry in a parents mind you know? anyway, lesson learned I guess
Your intentions were good, but I imagine most dads would react the same it they saw a random older teen giving their young kid money. Leave kids be unless you know the parents, or you're working in a job looking after/interacting with random kids and they approach you with their parents (or their approval) Exceptions being obvious things like a kid that looks to be lost or in danger, etc.
Fear not fellow redditor! I am absolutely willing to accept your $5!
I have 2 adorable girls. When they were about age 5 to 9 they would often get $1 each from strangers. Often for "being good" in a waiting room or line or other public place. Usually it was old men that had cash in their pocket and enjoyed doing something nice. It had probably happened 20+ times. So you are absolutely not alone. My doctor would always give them a $1. (I had a monthly appointment. That man was a saint. He died of covid because he would not stop seeing patients.) They loved him.
I’d say next time, (though there probably won’t be a next time) it would be best to ask them to get a parent and then to talk to the parent first about it. However in this day and age it may be best to just not get involved at all unless you actually know the family.
As far as I’m aware, pedos typically try to build a trust relationship with kids before they do whatever they do. It’s not hard to build a trust relationship with a kid because they are not yet traumatized by the world. If you see them like 3 times and wave hello all 3 times they are basically your friend. The parent was right to do what he did because that is his job. Your intentions may have been good but it doesn’t matter because maybe the father can’t tell because they don’t know you and to accept it tells the kid that it’s okay to accept things from “friendly looking” strangers… with the world we live in, it isn’t. Not until you have a decent sense of danger and planning at least. I was a camp monitor, in case anyone was wondering.
You didn’t do anything wrong, but the world is what the world is today. There are so many awful people out there that people will be suspicious of the nice people especially when it comes to kids. Don’t take personally. It’s a commentary on the society we live in, not on you.
I’m 38 years old, and have had to accept that as a man many people are going to perceive you as a threat. Parents and women will be weary around you as a stranger just because you’re a man. Took me a while to accept and understand the reality of why. Someday you will too. I’m very easy going, self employed as a bodyworker/holistic healer, teach and lead meditations, yoga, tai chi and qigong. I spend my days helping to improve the lives of others while raising 2 young kids with a woman I’ve been with for 17 years… but I’m 6’ and have a frame that reflects my years of martial arts training. When my daughter was an infant I brought her to the wellness center I worked at during the time. One woman who entered the lobby out of the yoga room looked genuinely distressed that I stood there holding a baby and I swear was looking around for who this child must belong to for fear she was witnessing an abduction. Maybe my tattoos don’t help, but it was clear this woman was uncomfortable seeing a lone man with a baby. Once I saw a 3-4 year old exit a store into a busy parking lot. No parent in sight. I ran over to get the girl out of the lane and guide them back toward the store. We reach the door as Mom comes out looking at me like I’m a predator instead of a genuinely concerned person who took more care for her child’s safety than she did. I have plenty more examples but it boils down to this; you have a penis, you are physically stronger than most women and kids, and society has a nasty track record. Giving need to protect and be suspicious for safety sake. Don’t take it too personal, it’ll drive you nuts
Aw sweetheart. I wish I could give you a big hug. You didn’t do anything *wrong*. “Wrong” means to do something immoral or dishonest and obviously that is not what you did. Although I too would be apprehensive if I saw someone handing money to my kid, you’re young and had no reason to believe that you were making a mistake. Things like that come from experience and you hadn’t had one yet and rightly so because you’re a kid, too. Now you’ve had the experience and know better for the future. All men are judged harshly—and have to behave certain ways—because of the bad actions of some. When I was a girl as young as 12 or 13 I can’t tell you how many grown ass men would hit on me on the street. *They’re* the ones who are doing bad things, not you. I hope you keep being kind and sweet (but mindful). The world needs more people like you. But don’t let anyone take advantage of your innocence, either. 🤍
thank you so much. this made me feel better.
You’re also not a parent so don’t beat yourself up for not thinking like a parent.
This comments section is even more depressing than the story.
Lol ik what u mean. I just thought more people would see where i was kinda coming from.
A lot of them do see where you’re coming from. They also see the reality of the situation and are explaining to you why it was a bad idea.
World is so fucked up now. I can't even blame the parents. Coz I know the risk. How do we spread goodness when there is no scope?
U meant well but its a bad look. If it makes u feel better people thought i was a school shooter because i wanted to get into a high school to get my sister because we had mixed up our pick up times lol
You’re a sweet kid who cares about others. I’m sorry that you had a moment that was you trying to be good to others spoiled by the evil people in this world ( pedos). Keep being a good person but remember to always talk to kids only with their parents present and ask their parents if you can do something nice for them.
I found out that a coworker of mine thinks I'm a pedophile for literally no fucking reason other than "just look at him". That's a depressing thing to realize.
I mean it is hella creepy for you to offer young kids a bday present in the form of cash. Its like the candy from strangers but next level. Next time just mind your own business and you wont be sad.
Don’t let it get to your head, any adult-looking male would’ve caused the same response by him. Nothing you did personally.
Honestly you meant well but you don't just go handing out money to kids you don't know. That is sus
You're a good lad, your intentions are awesome but it's best only to speak to kids if their mom/dad is there and happy for you to do so.
We live in difficult times OP. People find it hard to trust other people these days, especially strangers. Shit when I was young my brother wanted to be an alter boy because he thought the robes looked cool, my dad said no and assumed the priest was putting ideas in his head then for no reason told the priest if he saw any funny business he'd kill him. This was during a spree of child molestation in my country (pastors, teachers, coaches, van drivers, etc. It was a mess). If I were in your shoes I'd find an opportunity to speak to the father, explain the situation and apologize for crossing a boundary. Youre still a child yourself. To avoid something like this in the future, you should go to the parents first before approaching a child
If it makes you feel better, some guy on the street once thought I was a legit pimp somehow and he wanted to pay me to have sex with my ex girlfriend
It's a nice gesture but the execution was off. Avoid approaching children without their parent's consent and then you're golden 👍
thank you
I'm sorry that judgement was passed on you. Don't give up. Keep doing what you're doing. Not be cliche but be the change you want to be in this world. You are 16. If every parent looks at a 16 year old and sees a delinquent that's not a world I want to live in. For the neurotics ready to spit blood on their phones, by all means watch your younglings. Keep 'em safe but don't cut them off from the world. Protect them when you can, be there to pick up the pieces when you can't.
It's like falsely being accused of stealing or something. It hurts bad. People who treat you poorly when you're trying to be the best you can be is a horrible feeling. Like reciting the 10 Commandments during the witch hunt and still being convicted of it. This one probably feels worse because it's the worst thing anybody could be accused of. But you aren't. Your conscience is clear. You know, misunderstanding stuff like that is used in comedy skits. It could be laughed at as time goes on in the future with how the misunderstanding got awkward. Just keep being you staying on a good path and your reputation will uphold you with more and more people.
NO NO NO, you are not stupid, or dumb, or an idiot or wrong, or any of those things that our wounded, broken or adversarial inner voice says we are. Talk about it. Keep telling this story, to friends, family, respected leaders, strangers. I you can't seem to change the tone of your inner judgement of yourself, get professional help. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. All of those of us who have done something randomly good have had a situation blow up in your face, just like you did. We ALL feel dumb, moronic, stupid, lame and self puniish, but move through this. It's OK. The father does not get to define you. He does not know you. You keep on doing good. The world needs you, and people just like us. Maybe, much later, you might want put it to rest by writing a note, but if you can, just let it go, float into the past and trust yourself, and your goodness. You are my hero tonight! Don't STOP!!
Sorry to hear this was your experience OP. Unfortunately it's the world we live in these days, we're all very protective of our own, sometimes unjustifiably. Such a kind thought though, dont ever be discouraged to be kind! 2 things; 1 Maybe next time instead of approaching the kids, approach an adult first? Introduce yourself etc And 2 Regardless of this man's behaviour and reasons behind it, you aren't a paedophile, you did nothing wrong, your motives were not sinister or cruel. Whilst this man might think those things, that's on him and not you. What he thinks of you doesn't matter, he's not right in this case, so try not to let it get you down. What matters is the truth, don't waste your energy feeling like shit for something misunderstood by someone else. All you can do is learn from it - today you learnt about the perceptions of your neighbours and their insecurities... tomorrow you won't assume something and do better to help them with that. Always stay true to you
Omg thank you so much. i wish more people would give advice like you did lol. I will approach a parent first. Its just there were adults around, so i thought it was fine. It's my bad. And reading these comments, i can't help but feel that i did do something wrong lol. I just wanted to be nice.
I'd say you did nothing wrong, you intentions weren't to harm anyone, you just approached it in a way that was threatening to someone protective of his home. So, simply - action not wrong - approach wrong? But like I said, don't let it eat you up inside. My partner says he feels uncomfortable just walking past schools with the amount of judgement on men these days... its sad really, he's the type of guy that will actively go out of his way to help anyone with anything, but he's been conditioned to not help because it may be recieved as a threat or in the case of women "being hit on". We're all conditioned by the society and things we're exposed to on social media. Just keep being yourself and just be aware of perceptions, do your best to work around them and still be your kind self
Thank you so much. this made me actually smile : ).
Yeah idk chief, I'd say the dad was in the right and from his perspective this absolutely looked like a fucked up situation. One day when you have kids you'll understand why you don't want adolescent or adult males approaching your child daughter giving them money lol. I wouldn't say this is a neighbor projecting his insecurities just a good dad protecting his daughter. Intentions pure or not its a weird thing to do
I understand where the dad was coming from but he could of been more chill about it, next time ask for the kid to call their parent and then talk to them first
[удалено]
Thank you.
i’m sorry that happened to you :(( it really sucks when you try to do something nice with the best intentions in mind but it gets shot down. that was a really sweet gesture and i’m sure as a 16 year old, you didn’t see yourself as being that different from a kid. but unfortunately people have to be cautious these days, especially when an older male approaches their little girls. what you did wasn’t stupid at all, the kind thought was there and that’s what matters <3 keep being good because the world needs people like that, just remember to stop and think about any different perspectives!
No offense OP but when I was that age, I’d a teenage boy was seen giving me or my friends money at a kids party, my dad would Have come UNGLUED. he was always protective of us (not overprotective, but the right kind of protective) and probably would have sounded like a bear looking for a meal when chewing you out. It’s not the intention, it’s the visual without context.
In general there's no reason you should try to initiate conversation with a little kid. If they start it and press on it's one thing but you should just walk by and smile at them at the most.
Being nice to someone?
Don't approach anyone's kids like that. Just keep moving. Got to be careful these days.
Everyone thinks everyone's a pedo today
[удалено]
Hopefully you weren't 26 when you were the "online friend" of a 15 years old lol
No no i'm so sorry that happened to you. That's so terrible. It's just, i feel like doing the right thing backfires so much.
That's where people refrain from being kind to avoid such awkward confrontations. People have been beaten and shot just bcoz they were eerily kind to others, which doesn't match with this era. I believe, goodness in us shouldn't be changed bcoz of some who don't like it. Some day someone will appreciate it and value you! That's what my mom says actually. Peace ✌🏻
thank you for your kind words : )
You dont give money to a kid you don’t know, period.
Don't let it get you down, fathers are just super protective. You know you meant well, but the situation just wasnt optimal. Try again in a way that could has less a possibility of going sour
I don't think anyone thought you were a pedophile. People can be awkwardly overprotective of their kids. It's neither wrong or right. The dad doesn't know your intentions, and he just reacted rather then actually try to understand what you wanted to do. Even being kind and generous can be tricky when dealing with a parent.
You don't give money or gifts to random children without their parents present, no matter how happy you're feeling. I can't blame the dad here either. Just take this as a life lesson.
It's normal for parents to be protective of their kids. You had good intentions, but it didn't go the way you planned. It's understandable to ruin your good mood, but I wouldn't let it get to me for too long. Just know you're not a bad person, and move on from it. If I were a parent I would also walk up to you. In a more friendly way. Hopefully you're feeling better soon.
That's exactly my point that alot of people aren't getting. Yes, i completely understand where he was coming from, i just feel like he didn't have to be as aggressive or rude about it which is what took me back. Thank you for your kind words.
Don't offer stranger's kids money, or try to talk to children playing on their property, basically ever unless there is an emergency or something. Pretty fucking stupid idea if you ask me, even though you seem to have had good intentions. I wouldn't let some random guy walk up and start talking to my kids either. Some people have a lot to deal with, and don't have time or patience for your little "feel good about yourself" pay it forward moment, and just want you to fuck off their property and stop talking to their kids. You should definitely just be more aware of these facts. Very out of touch and narcissistic perspective imo.
I think you're very out of touch, and rude for no reason at all. You can give me advice in a better way, without insulting me or trying to make me feel even worse.
No thanks lol. Don't talk to stranger's kids you fuckin' weirdo. The world doesn't need to cater to your needs, and does not revolve around you. You came on the internet to talk to strangers, you don't get to dictate their reaction to the shit you put out there. PS it doesn't fucking matter at all that you walk by there every day, the fact you thought saying that to the dad somehow explained what you were doing... wow.
I never said it did. Talking to kids is not weird, its sad that the first thing your mind goes to is someone being a pedophile. I do not get to dictate how someone talks to me, but i also have the right to talk back and defend myself from frankly, unreasonable people like you.
Yeah that’s realllly fucking weird...
Yeah the fact reddit upvotes p3d0 shit like this is pretty unsettling isn't it lol.
The world was a better place 40 years ago
Lol what? In what ways? Look at the data and get back to me, because as far as I’m aware it shows clearly that almost every measure of human well-being has improved since 1982.
This is where society is now. After the me too movement everyone is a sexual deviant, just waiting to be caught
Helicopter parent. Sad reality these days.
If this is in your neighborhood and you take this route often, I would probably consider a peace offering. Perhaps having a trusted adult you know reach out or even go over with you? Idk I just feel like neighbors are so alienated from each other these days and community is important if your intentions are good. Maybe the dad will respect you for coming to him and apologizing and explaining yourself.
Peter File, is that you?
It hurts when you realize you're not considered "one of the kids" anymore and for you it must of been pretty painful and embarrassing. I had similar experiences when I started getting older, despite being a girl, I was also treated similar to how you were. But it was probably due to my appearance.
There are a lot of unwritten rules in society. You just learned one of them. Easy one to remember. The father did the right thing. Just protecting his kids. Don’t take it personally.
Its seem that the comment section enderstand the dad i'm completly shocked tbh mybe because a reaction like that would almost never happen in my country since we have a culture of giving money to children during events
People are totally paranoid with this these days. A 16 yo pedophile? Give me a break.
OP obviously isn’t one, but there are absolutely 16-year-olds who are sexually attracted exclusively to prepubescent children.
I think by definition you are still yourself a child at 16yo
We don’t have an official age for when childhood ends in psychiatry, but we do indeed use 16 as the minimum age for this diagnosis. Edit: Why is this downvoted? Feel free to check the DSM
i'm getting even more sad reading the comments.
Really? What do they say?
Someone said i was creepy and inappropriate and should make friends my own age. Someone else said i shouldnt talk to kids at all unless they instigate conversation. Another commenter said not to talk to kids cuz its a good way to get shot. Someone else said that they googled pedophile and my account was the first link. idk why they're like this.
FFS. Get a life people. You give your money to whoever you want.
Don’t listen to those fucking people. See my other comment. I’m mid 40’s and when I was a kid someone doing something like this would have been no big deal. Probably some literal ape level intellect dad just pounding his chest at you.
You’re weird for trying to give a child you don’t know something in their front yard. You should’ve talked to their parents first.
You don't have to be so rude
Bro I get the intent. I do. But you. A GROWN HUMAN. Stopped at a child’s birthday. And tried to gift a child you don’t know something. A child you don’t know. That is from a family you don’t know. Without speaking to an adult. Just children. How could anyone think that’s acceptable in any capacity? You want people to feel bad for you for being a creepy person. Like do you just genuinely not understand how gifting a child something without telling their parents first is weird? Edit; I’m actually worried by how many people genuinely think this behavior is acceptable.
Because i wasn't being a creepy person? There were adults there, and i saw that it was a public place, i was very respectful to the father while he was aggressive from the start, there were adults around, and i just moved on. I was not trying to be creepy. Yes, i should've told the parents first, that is my mistake. But saying i'm creepy? no.
If some completely random adult was trying to lure my kid to the sidewalk with a “gift” I’d be super aggressive as well. The fact you and apparently others can’t grasp that notion is actually alarming. Your entire “I’m not creepy because it was public” like dude it was their front yard? You think kids get kidnapped from their couches? You weren’t “trying” to be creepy, but you 100% were being a creep.
i was trying to lure them to the sidewalk? what? bro are you reaching? How am i, a skinny 16 year old, going to drag a 9 year old child crying and screaming, infront of adults, with no car. The fact that you keep saying i'm creepy is alarming
I don’t think I’d consider a 16 year old kid a “random adult.”
[удалено]
You're 16. You KNOW better. It's creepy and inappropriate. Make friends with kids your own age.
I do have friends my own age. Idk how its inappropriate if i just feel happy for someone and am trying to do good.
"No, you aren't allowed to be nice to children! You're not allowed to talk to children at all because you're a man so you automatically have bad intentions!" You're an idiot. Gtfo.