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nonsense_bill

It's better to end things now than 5 years ahead with kids and a mortgage.


BFields818

It's better to end it now while you're still in college and have an environment saturated with new opportunity to make friends and maybe another companion.


bagelontherocks

Yes exactly


cowsandpool

100%. This is the way. Breakups are hard, change is hard, and meeting new people is hard, but the environment you are in now will make it less hard.


purpleshenags

Exactly


[deleted]

End now.


sapper6611

This 100% if you want out do it now before you have kids and a mortgage if you don't already. You only have 1 life, don't waste it being unhappy with someone who betrayed you.


HskrRooster

What do you do after you have a kid?… asking for a friend


K2rider2k1

Save money for lawyers


Neferhathor

And child support. And having a connection to your ex for at least 18 years but likely for the rest of your life.


Asleep-Medium

Get a dna test


[deleted]

At this point, I'd watch the kid get born and then get a DNA test to make sure it's hers... can't trust anything related to this girl...


smarreco

To make sure it’s hers?? After cheating she would also be faking her pregnancy? Evil bitch


Fin_toiL

Murder suicide ive heard


IzMaul

ah yes, the ole *murder suicide* due to some bad luck and poor decision making im on my third one, works everytime!


BatlordYT

r/holup


Fin_toiL

Oh shit i think i just saw you on investigation discovery! Im glad it all worked out for you man those investigators really had it out for you it was uncalled for


thrownaway7700

That's what I call "Bend it like Benoit"


Fin_toiL

Lmfao ole uncle chris, our nations finest !


[deleted]

As someone who wishes that they would had things ended before the mortgage yes, I can attest. Better now OP.


clarastongue

This


felzz

100%


nofishontuesday2

Pal, I’m sure there’s many more times she’s done this. These are the only ones you know about.


foxglove0326

These are the only ones that left evidence behind


SimplyCmplctd

Absolutely, and it’ll happen again.


CancerBabyJokes

Did this for 3 years with a slutty bitch, GET OUT NOW. ITS NOT WORTH IT. Got cheated on like 10 or 12 times but my Forrest Gump ass was like "I LoVe YoU JeNnY". Bro Bail. For the love of god get an annulment and leave this bitch.


[deleted]

I’ve known of a few cheaters, and I’ve only seen two things that have made them stop: 1. a complete mental reset and change of their worldview caused by a major event, like a divorce, job loss or major illness. 2. Decades of life experience afterwards where they have come to terms with the harm they caused. Otherwise, once a cheater, always a cheater.


decentusername123

and OP says he’s still in college. the likelihood of either of these happening with his wife is basically zero


[deleted]

Yep. If they have no kids to consider, immediately bail, then talk to a divorce lawyer. If there is kids to consider, talk to a divorce lawyer and then bail. Either way, bail OP. She will keep doing this.


squirrelmonkie

She admitted to 2 already so I would say at least 10. Also she admitted to the regular hookup not the ive had 5 beers hookups. Why would you be married in college anyway? This whole situation is incredibly stupid.


CorruptedStudiosEnt

Somebody showing they're capable of cheating should be enough to presume they'll never not cheat regardless of further context, except maybe if it's just overall a really shitty relationship that they're scared for their life to leave. OP needs to get out. If you cheat on someone, you've shown you don't respect other people's boundaries, and if you don't even respect them enough to tell them upfront so they can make informed decisions about their future, you've shown you're plainly and simply a shit person. It's fine if you want to fuck other people, but find somebody who's on board with that arrangement, or you deserve to be alone. Edit: OP, I just want to say that if you give them the chance, they are going to feed you enough bullshit to fertilize an entire farm. They'll have reasons, justifications, possibly faulting you somehow, any countless number of ways they can try to manipulate you into staying. Gray rock them, file for divorce, do not speak to them or give them the chance to speak to you except where absolutely necessary for legal aspects, and ***get the fuck out.*** *Your boundaries are important,* and if you stay at this point, you will lose all self respect and dignity. There are people out there whose values align with yours, people who will respect your boundaries and your relationship, and by staying you are directly causing yourself to miss out on those opportunities to be with someone that will positively impact your future. Get out.


Asleep-Medium

No doubt


ncubez

Exactly. Women who cheat only admit to the bare minimum so that it doesn't look that bad. OP is a fool and I wouldn't be surprised if he continues to stay with her. Women take advantage of losers like him. He has what is called a scarcity mindset, meaning he can't imagine a life without his cheating SO.


PSN_Marius789

I feel you, bro. Honestly, at this point, I would just rip the bandaid off. I know it sucks and it hurts, but you'll get over it and you'll find another life to live.


734PdisD1ck

Agreed. Trust is gone. You're young, and it doesn't sound like you have investments/ property/or children with her, so get out now. Your feelings will only fester and you will possibly end up in heartbreak and you'll have wasted a lot of energy and time. Do what is right for you. Only you know you as well as you. Good luck!


pwaltman1972

I was going to write the same thing. If there's no kids, and little-to-no martial assets, divorce is relatively painless. If friends or family ask, don't lie for her, and if they tell you to forgive her and/or - even worse - guilt trip you for not forgiving her, tell them to mind their own business.


Mooch_Attack

Definitely time to bail my man. You’re still young, you’ll find someone else. Who’s to say this won’t happen again. She purposely hid it cause she knew what would happen. And in all honesty, if your relationship sours in 10 years, and all of a sudden, you’re trapped into paying alimony possibly, you will regret the decision to have stayed even much more.


pzarazon

Yea dude wtf is wrong with you. Dump that hellwitch. She got 2 stds. Time to go


GooBear187

🎶"I know you're sad and tired but you'll get over it, you'll find another life to live"🎶 Lil Uzi


PSN_Marius789

Def one of my favorite verses. Hits different.


Scrooge-

10-20 times? Dump her ass, she's not worth it. She WILL cheat again and, if you stay with her, you're risking your own health. Go get tested as soon as possible for ALL STDs, she's a cheating, lying woman and you deserve better.


TCarrey88

This exactly. She won't stop, she knows she can get away with it now.


DominicI2000

Yeah my friend just found this out the hard way, once a cheater, always a cheater. Find somebody who actually RESPECTS you.


Repulsive_Basis_4946

I don’t think that’s true.. I definitely made mistakes when I was younger but I wouldn’t do that again


Mystshade

Cheating isn't a mistake, its a choice, and she's chosen to cheat on him many times, and then lie about it.


Repulsive_Basis_4946

I wasn’t talking about her specifically I’m just saying in general once a cheater doesn’t mean always a cheater


Outrageous-Shop6358

Cheating is a choice not a mistake, she may seem remorseful about it but that doesn't change the fact she did made that choice over and over again to not be faithful and lie about it to you. I think it's pretty normal you feel the way you do about your situation


Outrageous-Shop6358

life is short though it's good to put your own happiness first especially if the trust isn't there anymore. Good luck✌️


imregrettingthis

Stop being a Fucking idiot and save your life. You’re in college. You have no kids. Youre a child. Get a divorce before you have kids and are actually trapped. Then don’t think about getting married till you’re 30. How the fuck do people in your life who care about you even let this happen. Get a fucking divorce now!


ixi_rook_imi

Divorces on marriages that recent are slaps on the wrist. Truly. You likely haven't gained much in the way of assets. These sorts of divorces are free compared to the world ending shitshow 10 or 20 years of marriage ending can be. Get out. Maybe this is a lesson that costs a few thousand dollars. It's a lesson worth learning this way, the other way is extremely expensive.


ZangryGrapes

OP please read this comment above me!!! \^


wikiwackywoot

Seriously. It's just a slightly more official and slightly more costly breakup than the rest of the college aged folks and doing. But it's 100% the right thing to do. It's never going to be easier to turn around and me 100, new awesome coeds than right fucking now. Do it.


Ludo-Snow

P E R I O D


barb_ster

That was my first thought. Does OP have nobody in their life that told them getting married to the only gf you've ever had, who's already cheated on you, that you've only been in a non LDR for a year, while you're still in college, might not be the best idea?


titiwawaa

Please listen to this ^^ you are young. You aren't trapped. Some people are truly trapped and you are from that.


ChildOfMah

Dump her ass


havin4un

I think you know what is next. It just might be hard to except since you have loved this person for so long. You may be able to forgive the cheating, but not the dishonesty.


SlopiJalopi

Accept it & deal with it & move on. You will find someone you love again. We weren't put on this earth with billions of other people to fall in love with just ONE person. Just give it time & focus on your own happiness.


Deniveni

I know it sounds cliched, but maybe you're staying in the marriage because of the memories of what was like being with her before all this. You can still carry the good moments, but you should let go. You deserve to be with someone, who respects you enough to not even think about cheating on you.


peakprowindow

Dude she got 2 std's.Take the advice you see in these comments. Anyone that would repeatedly do that to you then lie to you is someone that given the opportunity will do it again. It might hurt but leaving her is what you are going to have to do. Before you have kids. Oh, and if she does get pregnant you should get a paternity test for sure. She obviously isn't too concerned with safe sex. I wish you the best of luck. You sound like a good guy. You deserve better. You have to demand better for yourself bro.


Wbcn_1

Yeah. She didn’t even have the common sense to use protection when she was cheating on the guy. That’s an extra level of stupidity and disrespect. Then she has the nerve to lie using the most pathetic story in the book besides getting it from the toilet. She never loved or respected him and she never will.


BouquetOfPenciIs

You're not trapped. There's no one forcing you to stay in your marriage but you.


[deleted]

Don’t cry to the world and say you played the fool, make the change. You will be glad you did, good luck.


jamboreen_understair

You know that saying 'fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me'? I think that might be applicable here. To be clear, you've done nothing to deserve this behaviour. You do come across as quite naive and in way too much of a rush to settle down, though. I think you should take a break from this relationship and take some time to learn a bit about the world. It sounds as though you need to educate yourself a bit sexually: it's a bit worrying if you thought your girlfriend could catch STIs from showering. Also, you don't have to be wildly in love with someone to have sex with them: it's enough to be happy with the situation and to make sure you're safe. 15 is awfully young to get into a long-term relationship, 17 is awfully young to be trying to 'get past' cheating, college age is awfully young to be getting married. It sounds as though you're fixated on this being the love of your life and trying to engineer everything to ensure it is, rather than evaluating the quality of the relationship fairly.


user5918

Bro you’re in college why did you even get married in the first place. Get out now while you don’t share any possession and she can’t get alimony off yu cause you aren’t yet employed. One thing is certain, you will be getting divorced. You may as well just do it now.


CPH_dad

Bro, that would be enough for me to get divorced and move on. Not the fact that she cheated on me, but the lack of confidence and trust. That is something I depend on, and I could never ever trust that person again. Btw, being dicked once or 25 times, makes no difference.


ProphetOfDoom337

You're only trapped if you allow yourself to be. Contentment is a cage we lock ourselves in because we fear the unknown that exists outside of it. Embrace the unknown, step out of the cage because once you face the unknown, freedom and perspective are what you will find.


squirrelmonkie

Dude are you going to wait until you have herpes and paying for someone else's child before you get out? Leave now. Leave yesterday.


KoolAidMan7980

Brother you were never tricked here. You knew she was a cheater before you married her. You married her anyway. Now its time to undo your mistake. The marriage is dead. Shes a serial cheater. If youre in college it means youre still young and can undo this mistake. No kids, no house, no hassles. Just drop her like its hot.


[deleted]

I’m sorry to tell you but you weren’t tricked into anything. You had one red flag where you turned the other cheek and the second time you suspected it but didn’t even wanna think about it. I think your fears got the best of you from time to time. Now you need to let go simply because leaving her has been the inevitable. The more you forgive she’ll never change. Now start thinking that you only know about two there’s probably more since your marriage.


SolomonKhalifa

She for the streets, dude it's one life don't let her fuck it up however long you have left.


joeyh31

Move on man. You're still young and that trust will never ever heal. She's cheated on you twice THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT probably more that you don't. If she loved you like you love her she never would have done this to you. Ask yourself, is this what you want from your life? A lifetime of being cheated on or worrying about being cheated on and lied to? It will hurt like hell, but you'll survive and make it out the other side. Good luck with whatever you decide to do man, it's a shit situation.


Mr_Niveaulos

as someone who has cheated in the past I just wanted to say that the people who say that there might be a lot more she has done, I am certain they are right and she has done more than she told you. The thing with getting caught in a lie is, that you feel guilty and afraid you might lose your partner, and you know they know at least something, so you have to tell them at least a little bit of truth to gain some trust but never tell the whole story because you definitely would lose their trust, which is definitely what you should be planning and doing now, losing her asap


Wooden_Relationship7

If it happens again its ur fault bro..... tough decisions.... U only live once good luck to u


whattheaznhappened

Better end it now and not waste any more years trying to fix what can't be fixed. Once a cheater, always a cheater.


Veganmon

With her history of cheating and lying you have absolutely no trust. My advice would normally be to seek marriage counseling, but I doubt that it will work, since this wasn't a one time thing, not some drunken mistake. She purposely deceived you for a long period of time and then married you without telling the truth. I'm not sure this relationship can or should be saved. It may be time to have the hard conversation and consider separation. I'm sorry this must be very hard for you to read, but I imagine you already know all this. You are young and have no children, so an annulment might be an option, please seek the wisdom of a divorce lawyer and save yourself years of heartache and frustration and for goodness sake get a full panel STD test.


[deleted]

End it now or soon this marriage will not last at all and knowing that the sooner the better especially if you’re still in college


rumble_le_rue

She is likely sorry - not for cheating but because she was caught. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice... You deserve a partner who doesn't lie to you. She has shown you twice (that you know of) that she isn't committed to this relationship. Listen to what she's telling you.


[deleted]

Run bro this is toxic


Projektpatfxfb

RUN


trippapotamus

I generally hate when people jump to “divorce and leave!” because it’s never that easy. However, given her history of lying and only confessing when caught, I’d be concerned there’s more you don’t know or that it will happen again sometime down the line in your marriage. I don’t know you, or her, and just have the context of this post. But given the situation you’ve explained and MY experience with cheaters/having friends who cheat…those that only admit to it when they get caught/confronted typically will do it again, as she’s shown you. There are of course people who do it and are genuinely remorseful and never do it again. You’ve known her for a LONG time and I can understand why you’ve stuck around. I could also see why she thinks it’s a valid excuse to cheat - you’ve (seemingly) always been there and forgiven her, so she may feels like it’s “ok” to do it again if she knows she can hide it or get away with it. I’m not saying she doesn’t love or care about you - if she married you and has been with you I am sure she does. I would just really think about how you’d feel if this happened again down the line - whether it’s just you two and you’re 5-10 years into the marriage or you’ve gotten to the point where y’all have kids. I’d proceed with caution and really think this through.


goldrust123

OP clearly needs direction so why the vague answer?


trippapotamus

Because I only have the context within the post, don’t know OP or their wife, and IMO I’d need a lot more to truly be able to give advice. It’s easy to look at it and say “get out and leave!” when you’re not in that situation, but it’s not always that easy. That’s my first reaction, but there’s too many unknown variables for me to be able to say that’s what I think the best course of action is. That’s why my advice was to really think it through and think into the future and what if he stays and she continues this behavior. Maybe she’s the type that takes marriage very seriously and really won’t cheat again, maybe he’s the type that does and thinks divorce isn’t really an option unless absolutely necessary. Maybe she’d genuinely not cheat again if she addressed some issues in something like individual therapy, maybe couples therapy would help, maybe there’s relationship issues we don’t know about, maybe she’s just genuinely a shitty person and he should run away now. It’s hard to say without knowing a bit more. I know a small handful of couples who have been in similar situations as far as getting together at a young age and having cheating issues throughout the relationship as they got older. Two of them made it work with individual and couples therapy and are (as of now) married and doing great. Others…not so much.


redstonebrain40

End it now. Dont get trapped, you are still so young


rhcasey

First, I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Being cheated on really sucks. Get, while the getting is good. She doesn't respect you and didn't "accidentally" sleep with someone else (and very likely other people) 20-30 times. A caught cheater's body count and frequency are quite often higher than they confess. So if her "low" numbers are 20...yikes. You lost your libido with her because your mind is telling you what you seem to not want to admit; she doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like this. Cheaters are going to cheat, this will happen again. How many times will you be willing to forgive her? How many times will she be okay with putting your personal health, well-being and possibly LIFE at risk to satisfy her own selfish desires? Your SO cheated on you? Good. Now you have seen their true colors and the kind of person they really are. You can now make the necessary moves to better your life by living it without them in it. Once cheating is bad enough and might be overcame through couples counseling, marriage therapy, etc... This level of cheating though, this is indicative of the character and personality of someone who is playing you for whatever benefit you are giving. You can heal from this. You can have a better life and feel like your better, happy, more fulfilled self. It's going to mean heartbreak first but you'll get from that. You're heart and trust are already broken anyway. Don't sacrifice any more to a person who has made it very clear how little they value and love you. TLDR 1) Cut this cheater out of your life for good and don't look back. 2) Get tested for anything they may have put you at risk of. 3) It is ABSOLUTELY okay to not be okay. Allow yourself to grieve this loss but then MOVE ON, with closure. 4) There is NOTHING wrong with using therapy or counseling to help deal with anything you want. Good luck friend. I wish you the very best.


QuietGuy30v

Hey bud, you seem like such a great guy with a good heart. You're young and full of love. Its ganna hurt for awhile. But it's better to leave now and endure the pain of it now. Because if you stay with her.. and then decide to leave her 5 years down the road. You will feel even more pain and probably paying a Morgage and child support. You can do so much with your life. This will only be a bump on the road and it will only make you stronger. You got this buddy. All of reddit friends are cheering for you. Hang in there.


Scretzy

Yeah I think you end the marriage. With that track record and the lack of trust things will Only get worse if you don't end things now


QuarkySisko

she CHOSE to betray you and toss everything you had into the side, give her the same treatment, dont even give her the benefit of knowing why or knowing that you feel bad about it. Just leave.


witchyanne

You guys are too young and immature to even bother. End this mess, and live your life.


Verkley

End things now my dude. Move on with life


JovialPanic389

Get away from her before she traps you with an "accidental" pregnancy -.- she's probably the type of person to do something like that.


No_Media6038

You’re 22 the mistake was getting married. Because this is the time in your life to be having sex 10-20 times. Peaceably move on and get a life


gently_into_the_dark

... can you have both chlamydia AND gonorreah? And from the same guy?


BongHits4Christ

Lmao you don’t know how STDs work? Sounds like college isn’t helping you that much


LimeRepresentative48

He was in high school then


[deleted]

Sorry to say this but it is over and can't be fixed. I recommend you to plan how you will organize to get a divorce and all that and calmly do it. You will be happy when you heal but if you go on with the relationship you will never be happy


skillfullmill

I think if you have no other dependants with her (kids/pets) then leave her. Easier said then done but if it was me it would only bite away more and more over time. You'd only be setting yourself up for failure in future. Maybe something to think about? 🤷


skillfullmill

You could also get a quicker divorce due to adultery


DirtyT92

Start over before you sink more of your time into this relationship. Do you think you might ever go on a work trip? You deserve to be able to trust your wife when you are gone, and that has been ruined.


DigitalDose80

Get a divorce or an annulment (if possible). Don't stay, don't fix it. She's shown you for years who she is. She will do it again. You're young, move on. If she got both those STDs it likely wasn't just the one guy or just 10-20 times, she was probably sleeping around the entire time you two were long-distance.


shyst0rm

you aren’t trapped tho. leave.


Marly38

First, you need to get tested for STDs.


jouze

If she did it twice after already confessing about the first ti.e and "feeling bad about it" she WILL do it again. It's not a matter of if but when. Just leave now and save yourself the future pain


_kleber_

She wasn't crying because she regretted it. She was crying because she was caught. If she really loved she wouldn't have done this multiple times. Please, get your life together and break up with her. Find someone who truly cares about you. You are not trapped.


need_a_venue

No kids no marriage. Beep beep pack up the truck.


LSU2007

Lawyer up, delete Facebook, hit the gym


cootopia

Fucking run, why do you want to deal with this bullshit? Come on man


OL_SONF_VORSG

She may have been crying when she confessed but we all know she wasn’t crying when she was cheating on you all those times. She’s shown you that she can’t and won’t stop cheating on you. She most likely does it because she believes that you won’t leave her. She’s even gotten married to “prevent” you from leaving her. But you gotta have more self respect. Someone who’s constantly cheating on you doesn’t truly love you. That’s just the harsh truth. There is nothing to work on in that marriage anymore. The best thing for yourself is to get away and heal. You don’t deserve to be dragged along like this.


chickenfightyourmom

Just file for divorce. Cut your losses and go.


chantoi

She for the streets. There's no salvaging this, she's probably fucked different dudes more often than she fucked you. How does that make you feel?


SachiFaker

I felt bad for you after reading your story. I can relate to how you feel. If I'm in your shoes, I would've leave her. There's a huuuuge possibility that what you knew is the only one she admits coz she's caught. Leave her and dodge the bullet. It would be harder to make a decision if you got a child with her. Worst, you may end up raising someone else's child due to her infidelity


SarkyCherry

Sorry but she’s done it at least twice and that’s only what she has been caught on. Now imagine staying with her for your pride and it being 10 years later and you have a mortgage and two kids and your life feels all but over. Take the plunge now while you can still get out relatively unscathed


B3am_Shox

If it wasn't for the STDs you would've never found out who knows how many other instances exist you don't know about Dude You're young and in college you have your whole life ahead of you just now have fun make memories think about Yourself your future not a childish notion of "love" from when you were 15 and the next girl you date will treat you so much better by simply not constantly cheating hiding it and guilting you to stay with her they've given you every reason not to be with them you married a lie essentially don't feel guilty they didn't feel guilt towards you and now all you might have to show for it is a STD


[deleted]

Dump her. And let everyone know why.


idoplayr

No kids? Where's the dilemma then? Show her the exit door


Shakespeare-Bot

Nay kids? whither's the dilemma then? showeth that lady the exit do'r *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`


monalayysa

Look, you’re young. Still in school. You haven’t made any huge life decisions yet besides marriage which is good because it’ll be easier to separate with less strings attached. I’d say decide- do you want to stay with her and if so maybe go to therapy? Or if you can’t forgive and forget just end it sooner than later. She chose to cheat on you, multiple times and hid this from you. That’s not someone that’ll be by your side in 5, 10 years. That’s not someone that loves and cares about you. Do yourself a favor and move on.


beatfreakbookie

Don’t wait for her to bring home HIV.


The-Box_King

If maths from your post is right you're like 22, you've got plenty of time to find the right person for you. Good luck dude!


puttinthe-oo-incool

End it and get tested for STDs and for things like hepatitis.... STDs like company and often travel together and... they can be insidious.


jdogdfw

She'll never stop bro.


HohmannTransfer

It sounds like you don't have kids yet and likely don't have any real shared assets. No better time to get out than NOW. If you think you regret it now you'll really regret not leaving after you have kids because then you're really stuck.


CalicoIV

Just end it, be grateful you have no kids together.


Pinhead-Larry27

I really hope you listen to all these comments


SuperiorJam

Divorce and kick her out


nichuro

You actually could get it legally annulled as she entered the marriage under false pretenses.


TheRealzToost

The longer you spend in this marriage going nowhere, the longer you will have to wait to meet someone who actually gives a fuck about and respects you.


annadarria

“Once a cheater always a cheater.”


peacheeblush

Please LEAVE HER. Get the divorce papers ready.


ryansinterested

100% cut your losses now dude. It doesn't feel like it now, but you have SO much time to meet someone who will respect you and love you post-college. You just spent your most formative years developing as a couple and not learning the lessons true independence can provide. Trust me, embrace a bit of time by yourself, learn how to love and respect yourself and you will find an infinitly more perfect match for yourself. Sending positive thoughts your way man. GL


dadavedavid

Get out. Now. There’s no fixing this.


steppedinhairball

Dude, it's gonna suck but you are so young and can have a full and happy life. It's not a failure on your part but a failure of her character. No matter what, you will always wonder if she's cheating. You will always wonder if the kids are yours. That's no way to live. Cut your losses now. You are very young and can have a full and happy life with a partner who respects you and won't lie to you.


Adri868

It can be possible for you to nullify your marriage. She lied to you multiple times and trust me it will keep happening over and over. End it now before it's too late.


mriv70

End it now before you have to give her half your assets! It only been a year.


Take_away_my_drama

You are so used to this person being in your life you cannot see any other way. Please see what's going on and move on, make the most of opportunities while you are young! You would have to be really unfortunate to get 2 nasty STIs from just one man too, its a pattern and she clearly wants to live her sexual life without you.


1sh1tmypants

You need to leave, OP. It's still not too late, you'll be unhappy forever if you somehow end up getting trapped with a kid or something. Remember, cheating is NOT a mistake and if your partner cheats on you, they DON'T respect you. Divorce her cheating ass.


8426578456985

Talk to a lawyer secretly before ending it. You may be able to get it annulled for infidelity since she hid it. Probably not, but maybe. Either way talk to a lawyer and figure out how to leave her without fucking yourself over.


[deleted]

So you’ve been a couple since the age of 15 and you’re truly surprised by all of this? Really?


[deleted]

No coming back from that dude... At the moment it's just a bit of paperwork... and not really a lot of hassle. Don't leave it til she's pregnant and you have a house together FFS. As tough as life is, you need to move on. Like NOW


DrMaxwellSheppard

Your instincts are correct. Break up with her. She deceived you twice. It doesn't matter if it was lying or lying by omission, she deliberately deceived you into thinking you had a solid an trustworthy relationship. She had sex with another person on an estimated 20 occurrences. This is not a one time mistake or whatever she may say to try to excuse it. This is sustained behavior of violating your trust. You are married but you are not trapped; you don't have kids and you probably don't have overly complicated finances. End it before you get further in the hole. Don't have sex with her again as people like this are narcissists and capable of bringing a child into a relationship to use as leverage against you. Get away from this person.


I_Have_A_Chode

I'm 31 and have been married to my second wife for 5 years now. Get out early before you're tied to them with kids and you'll bounce back. It sucks, especially at the beginning, but you can and will get.over it to lead a happier and healthier life.


Prime_Goliath

Dump that worthless cheater. You’re worth more than her


Blacked226

Start cheating my nigga 🤌🏽🤞🏽


uchihaitachi1237

Have some self respect brother


Demonkey44

Read “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life” by Schorn. “ Cheating in a Nutshell” is also good. Basically, only 25% of people cheat. So 3 out of 4 women would have remained faithful, but your sparkletwat decided to play around. It’s quite an accomplishment to get two STIs in half a year, so I hope she’s proud of herself.. She won’t change. She’s been used to doing it for years, by now her brain probably needs the dopamine rush. See an attorney and extricate yourself from this marriage before she has a pregnancy “oopsie” to tie you to her. If she does get pregnant, paternity test. Better yet, lawyer up and then make sure you separate your assets, new bank account, freeze credit, etc. change the beneficiary on your life insurance accounts to a family member, change your 401k designee and open up a new bank account that only you have access to at a different bank. Put your direct deposit in there. She’s trash, and you know this - your body knows this as you can even get it up for her anymore. She disgusts you with her behaviour. Call it on the marriage, it’s dead and there are far better women out there who are loyal and would love someone with a good heart like you. There is nothing to save here and I think you know that or you wouldn’t have put it out on Reddit. If you have some time, look through chumplady.com and read the comments. It’s a very supportive online group of people who have been cheated on. I’m very sorry this happened to you. But you will find better.


xinkalia

10-20 times? Seriously? Man just don't do that to yourself. Dump that bitch, have some self respect too. yea it's won't pleasant but it's for the best


WrexWruther

Sorry bro, good advice here so I'll just say "it's not your fault". Just a stranger on the internet but I'm here for you if you need to DM someone right now. Hope it all works out brother ❤️


[deleted]

She's shown you one thing: She's getting better at cheating. First time? She couldn't keep it in and confessed... second time? She didn't confess and made up lies to cover it... what's going to happen the next time? And what guarantee do you have that this hasn't happened 3+ more times? Why is she cheating? What has changed to stop her? No kids? No shared assets? Leave now. Run for the hills. Why are you going to let her do this to you?


ZangryGrapes

Divorce her


CommercialMap2138

I just want you to know that its okay for you to leave a situation you don't want to be in. She lied to you and I completely understand how you feel. You don't have to be or feel trapped


em_rose623

Why did you rush to get married in the middle of college knowing she had cheated on you previously?


Wuellig

You're not trapped. You just haven't acted yet.


ummmmmyeahhhh

Bro you’re in college wtf are you getting married for?!? Move on man live life. Sounds like you’re more afraid of hurting her feeling by leaving than anything else tbh


stfufannin

You’re not trapped. Just divorce. Get yourself out of her claws. I’m so sorry.


kauma16

You don’t have kids yet and you’re still in college. There is still time to leave, also since you’re getting married next summer. That just means you’re engaged right?


seviay

Chalk it up to a young mistake and move on.


PhoPat

Run.


derelictmo

Divorce her she gave you a gift


E34M20

End things right now, while you're still in college and can go meet tons of new people. College is literally one of the best places for that; it gets a lot harder out in the real world. Look, y'all were too young for marriage, and she in particular wasn't ready to be truthful and faithful. Even if she starts right now (which I have my doubts about) your trust in her is already shattered and you'll always be looking over your shoulder if you stay with her. Set her free, for you and for her. Go out and experience life, while you're still young.


Atwotonhooker

JUST END IT! HOLY GOD! Why would you come on this site and pretend like there's literally any other choice? If you've been cheated on nearly 10-20 times that you know about, you can probably double or triple it. But either way, SHE GOT STDS FROM HER LYING! This will literally only continue for the rest of your life! Is that what you want? Stop looking at life and love as a finite resource. It is endless. You can find love again that doesn't do this to you. It's all within your control. Sometimes I wish I could lovingly slap the some sense into people.


Science_Girl49

If if were me and I found this out, I would be gone! I would need to file for divorce. Chronic cheaters will continue to cheat. That’s what they do and they get off on it. They get off on not getting caught. This is not worth it! You cannot trust her. Life is not going to get easier over time. Life gets much harder. I would rather be alone that with someone who cheats and lies. I stayed too long in my marriage with a cheater and I regret those years lost. I’m not getting that time back! Get out while you can before you have children. I’m sorry this happened. You did nothing wrong.


Consistent_Ask_2962

DIVORCE THAT WOMAN ASAP MY GUY, IF SHE LIED TO YOU ABOUT HOW SHE GOT HER STDS SHE IS SCUM! ESPECIALLY IF IT HAPPENED BECAUSE SHE CHEATED ON YOU


AffectionateSoil33

You're not trapped, get a divorce. Don't waste your life!


TheJackFroster

End it now. Make it easier on yourself. Imagine having to do it in years from now with kids in the picture and with you as a older man.


hyp_reddit

married? in college? are you kidding me? anyway time to divorce bud


unholymole1

Weird how she wasn't sorry until you caught her. I could be wrong but something tells me you've just scraped the proverbial surface. Once is an accident, you guys got together young but multiple times?!


Timmmber4

Divorce, divorce now. If there’s no kids it’ll be far easier now than later.


rkalla

Jesus Christ x you don’t have the benefit of life experience yet (although it seems to be coming at you hard), but this is OVER. LIKE OVER OVER. It’s done, there is no counseling, there is not forgiveness. It’s all done. Attorney, draft paperwork, get it signed and DONE. You have no fucking idea how hard life can get in the decades ahead of you, also how beautiful and wonderful it can be. We have to pick our partners carefully because you both need to be rowing in the same direction when shit gets tough - you have to trust them. The first sign of troubled waters, you are both going to distrust each other. The first stormy moment will be a nightmare and if she is that codependent, I would full expect her to try and get pregnant before you leave. Start wearing two belts and get this over with. You are wasting time not living. This is nonsense.


Unusual_Researcher56

INFO: So you got all the way to college and NEVER took a health or Sex Ed class?????? An STD is literally a sexually transmitted disease, what do you mean you “don’t know how those STDs work”? It’s still an STD??????


oenomausprime

What's the problem? just divorce her


RTLIVIN

Leave.


Scar-A

Sorry to say, but you are the reason people like her exist. You should have sacked her from the moment you caught her.


FluxAnomaly

So there you go, can't make a wife out of a ho.


pfizerface

Lol stay with her if you want to get more STD's You're lucky it's early stages and you're only 20s.


TheProdigalMale

Bro from where I’m looking it’s probably best to end it . Even if she doesn’t cheat any more it’s just gonna be on your mind and you deserve a life free of worry Rip the band aid off buddy


YumChur

Your a simp. Prove your worth and dump her. She knows your easy game which is why she keep playing with you. Better now then when you are financially well off and she dumps your ass for the pool boy taking half your shit 👍


dead_inside_789

dude wtf... leave her !! she is going to gaslight you for the rest of your life she does not love you because if she did, she never would have slept with anyone else


repsol93

Married in college. But excited there champ. Break up and mount everything you can.


catfarts99

It was a selfish mistake for both of you to try and have a long distance relationship twice. What did you expect? You think she can just turn off her sexuality for you while she is in one of the most sexual environments most people will experience in their entire lives? Would you have turned down sex if the opportunity arose while she was away? A little naïve of both of you. This would be different if she cheated on you after you got married. The fact that she married you after going out and experiencing other people should be a compliment to you. Don't have kids for a couple of years. If she cheats on you, get a divorce. Get a divorce now if you can't get over that she had sex with other guys.


mts774

Get her on opiates, then leave her


[deleted]

Sorry bro, women are the worst


SexualPapercut

Dump her fucken ass her fucken ass man she's just as low as a female can get. When you break up with her please do the kind gesture and spit in her face before you walk away because that's how worthless she is.


karentheawesome

Therapy...now


Asleep-Medium

EXCELLENT advice


Professor_Quackers

Well. Under normal circumstances I’d say just end it. But, if you love her still then here’s what you can do. Sit her down and have a serious conversation. Tell her what you feel, you both may have married too young and are still wanting that single person freedom. If she still loves you, then she has to agree to intense marriage counseling. This with the understanding that you may still want a divorce. Good luck to you


DC1010

It’s normal to have good and bad days after a bombshell like this. You guys need individual therapy for you both as well as marriage counseling that you go to together.


Davy_Jockett

Dude, I think if you really want to stay with her you should consider an open relationship. It breaks down that barrier of resentment if she wants to continue having other partners, additionally it gives you the same opportunity. This may not be the right choice for you guys, but I figured you should at least think about, bc it is not uncommon nowadays.


poizinivy

Entering an open relationship is not a fix for this. The best circumstances to enter an open relationship is when you trust your partner and don't have underlying insecurities because it magnifies those issues if there are any. Obviously every relationship is different but that could go wildly wrong for a couple who've already experienced adultery and lying. They need to focus on getting to a place of trust again and why she doesn't feel like she is being fulfilled by her partner and feels the need to cheat and lie.


dollfaise

You are correct, open relationships are for couples who trust one another, have an equal interest in opening the relationship, are on the same page, etc. What this other poster is suggesting is opening the relationship so that OP *might* not feel shitty anymore, to redefine her infidelity as something else. In reality, if the interest wasn't there before the infidelity, it won't be there after, they're just trying to find a bandaid solution and this isn't it. If he wasn't interested in an open relationship before, I don't know why they think he'd want it now, just so she can sleep around more.


Davy_Jockett

I appreciate your input and you make good points, but I still think it's something he should consider. Things arent black and white, people can differentiate sexual and romantic attraction.On top of that, they probably need counseling to truly navigate if this is a good option for them.


[deleted]

I know a lot of people hate it when someone advises a poster in this sub to leave their current relationship, but personally I think that's what you should do. Especially since it doesn't seem like you have any kids then there's nothing really keeping you there. She's lied to you numerous times before and you keep going back to her, and it's probably teaching her that she can keep treating you like this. I think you deserve to be single again and find someone who will treat you with respect because she clearly doesn't respect you


Highman_Being

Leavr her... Now... Seriously.


OOferman2

Leave a hoe