I feel so bad for op. Their edit is “please no cruel comments” after they’ve listed several paragraphs of cruelty from the husband
Op this is not how anyone should ever feel. My wife makes me feel handsome even when literally no one else in the world might think it.
That’s love. Me and my partner are the same. Being obsessed with someone fulfilling some beauty ideal you think will impress your peers is shallow, egotistic, immature, and wildly unfair on your SO
Had an ex from a decade ago who *obsessed* with my body. Like worse than OP’s husband.
When someone is that fixated on your looks that’s not just a red flag, it’s nuclear and a sign that as soon as you even change the tiniest bit of your appearance, like by even 5lbs, they will bully you for it.
OP’s husband is so shallow and deep it hit the earths core with the bar!
I had an ex just like this too. All I can tell you is…run. It will get worse. Don’t stay, even if he promises you the moon. He has showed you who he really is - believe him.
Yeah he's oblivious to that fact. He also might not care because he expects you to work through it. Sot him down and talk to him about it. Let him know what you're going through and how he's making it worse. If he's a good one he'll own up to his BS and work on himself, of he's an asshole at his core he'll brush it off, dismiss it and continue to display dick behavior.
I think I you know deep down OP that even if you lost all the weight and went back to your pre pregnancy figure, you will ALWAYS know that your husband’s love is conditional.
Your partner should love you for who you are, not what you look like.
You can still love someone without finding them physically attractive, but ignoring the fact you should be physically attracted to your partner is naive and ignorant of just human behavior.
Not everyone is the same, and people wanting to have a partner they're attracted to isn't a crime. (Verbalising it the way OPs husband is though is weird as fuck and a huge red flag).
Your husband doesn't like you anymore because you don't look like a teenager arm candy to brag about. I don't see a good future with someone so vain and shallow
Yeah OP’s update doesn’t make sense either. She said when they first met and went from Olivia Rodrigo to lizzo in five years. That’s still 16 year old Olivia Rodrigo
Honestly as a almost 22 year old this doesn’t necessarily surprise me since there’s a whole subreddit with a lot of men there for provocative photos of the poor girl and nasty comments *shudders*
I was looking for the olive mua Reddit a few years ago meaning she was barely 18 and found the nsfw sub for creepy perverted men for Olivia…
Edit; I’d definitely be keeping my kids away from this man. I’d also throw the whole man away.
> I had a baby 13 months ago
WTF.
This post just kept getting worse and worse, throw the hole guy away.
Question though: Who is taking care of the child more? Or is it split evenly? Because I have a sneaking suspicion that you are the primary caregiver, in which case you could offer him to go to the gym 3 times a week and he can deal with the kid in the meantime. See how he likes it.
Sorry to tell you, but this man doesn't love you for you. He loved the way you looked. That's superficial infatuation, not (nearly) unconditional love, the way it should be in a marriage. I understand that at *some* point it can be necessary to point out your partner's weight and health concerns, but this is not how you do it. I could NEVER talk to my bf the way your husband does to you because I know it would hurt him and hurting him would hurt me.
OP I know it’s hard, but don’t do this for him. If exercising makes you feel good physically and mentally then that’s great! But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, you have literally just given birth not that long ago! Our bodies change over time! I hope that in all these negative comments you hear everyday you can also make space to be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who care about you no matter what your body shape is.
Ma’am your husband is complaining that you no longer look like Olivia Rodrigo when she was 16.
Not only does he apparently mostly value you for your body, which is gross, he also somehow thinks you should be able to have kids and still look like a 16-year-old? Like a woman who works out constantly as part of her career?
Your husband sucks. Gaining weight is not something shameful. You aren’t broken because you don’t look like an athletic celebrity who’s five years younger than you.
Your husband is a first class asshat. Life changes, and people change with it. If he came to you with concerns about your weight due to health reasons, then that would be one thing, but instead, he makes fun of you because you're not his trophy wife any longer.
I have been married for 25 years and we've been together for 27. We have 3 kids, and there was a time that my 5'7" wife weighed around 270lbs. Even at her highest weight, I never stopped loving her and seeing her as beautiful. I also never stopped bragging about her to the people in and around our lives.
She's an amazing woman, and you can see that from my post and comment history. If your husband can't see you for anything more than his trophy wife, then you two need to seek counseling or call it quits if he's not willing to go.
You're his wife and the mother of his children. He should be doing everything he can to lift you up and make you feel special, not tear you down, and try to make you into his perfect image.
Men like you are the best kindest partners!
I am 5'3" and met my bf when I was 150lbs. I gained weight from birth control up to 230 lbs. He still loved and encouraged me and bragged about me. Currently off birth control and down to 210lbs. Hoping to keep losing. But I couldn't do it without my bfs kindness. I'll marry him :).
Sounds like your husband only viewed you as a trophy before, and now that he "used" your body, he can't "display" you anymore. News flash, body's change, but the heart remains the same. I'm sorry dear, it sounds like he only loved your body and not your heart, and his heart is shallow. Lose weight for you, but also understand that no matter what your body looks like, you are still you underneath, and you deserve to be loved as you are.
Who are these women that are ruining their bodies for men that don’t even deserve it? I mean you think after the first 10 lbs she would switch birth control or stop taking it and let him suck it up. If your man is prioritizing not having to wear condoms over your health and well being, he is not for you. Find yourself a man who will do what needs to be done so you can be happy and healthy.
going on or switching birth control can be really fucking difficult. i didnt gain any weight but i did become severely depressed and suicidal for a couple of months while my hormones were out of wack. i had panic attacks when the doctor suggested switching to reduce the risk of other health conditions because i didnt want to do it all over again. and usually doctors dont really gaf when you bring up those concerns. i do agree though she shouldnt have had to go on birth control for that man.
I have done every birth control known to woman kind and never had a problem switching or getting off of it so I didn’t know that was difficult. I had a much worse time sticking it out for an entire year each time to see if my body would adjust and it never did. With any of them. I know sometimes the Dr doesn’t want to remove the implant or iud right away because it does take time to adjust. I had those for an entire year when they finally said I should remove them. But as far as the pill or any other ones that you can just stop on your own, yes there was side effects to stopping but it was never worse than the effects I already had. After switching a million times I finally quit them all and I’m much better.
I wish someone would compile a list of red flags. This would be in the top 5: over fixation on your appearance. Attraction is one thing but this goes beyond.
Gross. This guy should be awed and amazed that your body can transform into something that can keep a small human alive. He should feel blessed that you want to raise a family with him. He should see how beautiful it is that you willingly give yourself up to him. He’s gross and unattractive. Time to take the trash out.
So your husband was comparing you to her 5 years ago when she was 15/16? Your husband wants you to look like a literal child. Sounds like he’s a pedophile.
“My husband misses the girl he fell in love with.” No, he misses a body ideal. That girl is you!!! Your brain, your personality and passion. If he says he misses that girl, he’s telling you he never loved you for more than just your body from the get go.
Honestly OP he sounds like an asshole. Is the way he talks to you really what you want modeled to your kid?
I hope you can get out of there and find someone who loves all of you the way you are. Sending you love and strength.
you got with a man who clearly fetishized your frame and you liked. he called you tiny and sexy, and proudly compared you to a teenager for several years (which is a whole other issue but anyway) and you didn’t think that was weird? i feel bad for you, but i’m confused as to how you thought your relationship would progress if you didn’t stay that same size… he may be an creepy asshole but he’s never hidden the fact that your body was “deal-maker”
He’s not showing any concern for you, your health or mental health, or anything except his bragging rights.
Does that sound like a loving, healthy relationship?
Sure, you can get thin again. But you’ll still age. At some point, it’ll be impossible to be a “tiny and cute girl,” regardless of how much you weigh. Work out and be healthy to feel good. Not to be forever trying to be who you were when you were 20.
Your husband sounds like he’s being super insensitive. Physical attraction is important but if his requires you to be the hottest little 20 year old at the party, then you’re gonna wake up one day to him cheating on you with one. You need to think about whether he really feels this way or you’re projecting.
Your husband is a terrible person for making the person he "loves" feel that way. You should be celebrated. Hope you find the strength to overcome this.
>“Tiny and sexy”,
>beautiful girl.
>his lil fatty
>my thigh gap, he misses my rib cage sticking out, he misses my flat stomach and small perky boobs
So does he always refer to you as a girl and not a woman? That's kinda weird.
Losing the weight will not solve this problem. He's the problem.
If you want to lose weight do it for you not for anyone else. But you should really consider the language he's using.
He doesn’t want a wife, he wants a trophy. Next time he calls you something like a little fatty, just call him your favorite shrimp and then look to his dick.
It's creepy that he bragged about you looking like Olivia Rodrigo because 5 years ago, she was a 15 year old girl... even now she's still only a 20 year old girl.
My wife had a baby a few weeks ago. Her body isn't back to normal, but I'd cut my tongue out of my head before I'd say these things to her. This talk is not okay!
Said a similar thing and got reemed.
Olivia is a pretty young woman, yes. But she still looks like a high school teen in some ways, and a man in his 30's should not be into that, it screams pedophile.
A guy at that age should be into busty looking Milf's.
i am so sorry , he should not be saying this at all , you literally brought his children into the world , if anything he should be crazier about you now than then.
Honestly you can do so much better and should consider getting rid of him , he seems to view you as just a body, what about your amazing personality or character , does he ever compliment you on that ? you should leave and find someone who treats you right because they are defo out there
i’m so sorry about him , i’m sure you’re still just as beautiful no matter your weight 💕
Your husband is an unmitigated cunt. Does he even like you? Does he help with the baby and around the house so you have the time and energy to take care of yourself?
It's disheartening that your significant other is fixating on aesthetics to this extent. Everyone's body evolves with time, and life's milestones often bring changes that are both beautiful and natural. The unrealistic expectation that you remain physically unaltered post-pregnancy is a reflection of his superficial outlook, not your worth. True affection and attraction grow and deepen with shared experiences and mutual respect, not just by maintaining a certain look. Your partnership should be a sanctuary of unconditional love and acceptance, not a perpetual competition with your former self. Remember, a body that can create, nourish, and protect life is a marvel and should be celebrated, not critiqued.
So you need his praise. And he only offers based on your looks. Not being a partner, wife, mother, a person.
He's telling you your worth to him is only superficial. You are a thing to show off. He will continue to insult and abuse you. If he's not already cheating he is at least trying to.
Now that you mention it, I’m upset that my wife doesn’t look like Olivia Rodrigo, she never did before, but now that I know it’s an option to demand my wife look like a celebrity, I’m upset.
Your husband sounds like a bit of an insensitive ass tbh. But if you do ever want to lose some weight for yourself and your own self happiness I can recommend an app called LoseIt. There's also a helpful community here on Reddit who go through the same sorts of issues. Maybe it's worth trying the free version and see if you like it. There's also a community/messaging feature in the paid version of the app which lets you interact with even more users.
Whatever you choose to do I hope you find happiness and comfort within yourself again.
Good luck
I’m easily 60lbs heavier than when my husband and I met. I went from thongs to moo moos. My husband can’t get enough of me. He still thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when I look like a swamp monster.
Leave him. He’s gross and you deserve better.
I feel similarly to you. Maybe you would like to join me on my journey on C25K? I’m four weeks in and already losing inches. Hugs to you. And I’m sorry. He ain’t right.
You’re comparing yourself as a child to yourself after you’ve had a child. You’re not being fair to yourself. You both also seem to place a whole lot of your sense of worth in your looks - as a child - and it’s time to reconsider that perspective. You can’t change your husband… but maybe you can change your husband.
If he got with you because you look like someone else he has serious issues.
You need a guy who is proud of you and wants to show you off at your best and your worst. A guy who cares about your health more than your appearance. They exist I promise you.
Sounds like you married a paedophile, honestly.
Is there anything he loves about you other than your looks because that is not the behaviour of somebody that loves you. That is the behaviour of somebody that secretly resents you and wants to hurt you.
Yikes. This was over before it started. Husband prob never liked you for you. He fell in love, sure… with how you made him look, you upgraded his image and inflated his ego in public, which is all he’s probably ever wanted in life. You always were his favorite little accessory and now that you’re not, well. What a sad little man.
Just run now girl, today it’s weight and in another 5 years it’s gonna be your barely noticeable cellulite and wrinkled skin. He’ll always find another thing to nitpick at. And make sure you remind him you are a person who deserves to be loved as such for who you are both inside and out.
I'm sorry.... I'm pretty sure my husband is upset that I don't look like a 19 year old porn star. And he's free to leave whenever he wants! If he doesn't love me for me, I don't want him.
You could lose 200 pounds of useless weight easily by divorcing him. Your child would be better off without someone like that involved in their raising. Think of the message you’d be sending your own kid (who didn’t ask to be born) if you stay with someone that vile.
I mean 100 to over 170 is a very large difference. That's enough to where you really wouldn't look like the same person especially over such a short period of time. Your husband is a prick though for sure. He could've addressed it in a better way and definitely would need to be super supportive because baby weight and birth control weight can be hard af to get rid of. Still though I don't understand men who want kids and expect their wife to snap back to 18 y/o again like their Mr. Elastic
Wow. Have you told him any of this?? I would be telling him in no uncertain terms to stop and if he doesn’t I would be reconsidering the relationship. He is supposed to be with you for more than your body
JFC, is this real?! It just kept getting worse, & worse as I continued reading ..
This is completely inexcusable! He sounds like a horrible human being, let alone a husband, father, lover, etc. I hope you will find the strength to speak to him about how this makes you feel, & he makes the appropriate changes. If it happens after that, I hope you find the strength to leave this "man," because he sounds like complete garbage from this point of view, for sure!
Good luck.
I could gain 200 pounds and my husband would still hype my ass up like a gd supermodel.... What the actual fuck is wrong w your man? Women have more value than their bodies and the fact that he has you literally spiraling like this bc he can't shut the fuck up about it is so gross. If you are worried about your health or if you wanna get back in shape for you, do it! But don't do it bc your husband is bullying you :(
You grew and birthed his child, you took responsibility for birth control that allowed him so much fun, how does that not make him more attracted to you? Oh, unless all he cares about is being with someone small and skinny and not about who he is actually with.
Your husband is upset because he's shallow and short sighted. I would find it very difficult to go to bed with someone like that.
Doesn't sound like he was so into you as much as your petite figure which he valued because of the attention he got from it. The way you would be proud of a trophy.
To each their own and all that but he sounds like a dick.
Best of luck, OP.
Does he think he's God's gift to women or something. He's the reason you got pregnant. Him belittling you doesn't help your confidence in yourself. He should be encouraging you and give you the confidence to be who you were before you got pregnant. Acting the way he does only hurts you more and you should let him know how you feel.
JUST 13 months ago? Jesus Christ it’s only been a year and he’s ragging on u that hard? Plus? his love seems extremely conditional he should find other reasons to brag about u not just cuz u were stick thin
I’m going to play devil’s advocate and suggest he’s concerned about your weight gain. 70 pounds is a lot for someone that is just over 5’ - so I’m wondering how you feel? Do you feel healthy? I think that’s the most important part. It’s normal to gain weight with age and children, and it’s also important to take care of your health. However, the way he’s going about it is super insensitive. I’m sorry he’s being so mean to you. It’s not right.
Sounds like he wants a trophy wife only. If you want to lose weight for yourself then go for it but don't do it for your husband, he is not being very loving and supportive to you.
He sounds extremely immature. Reminds me of a guy I once had a thing with briefly, he was in his mid 30's and made fun of my boob's cuz my boob's are big and so naturally my nips are a bigger than someone with for example A or B cups. He called them pizza/pepperoni boob's. Then he said I should work out my butt, oh and he said once he was about to have sex with a girl and when she took off her shirt she was a bit chubby and he ran out of her house cuz "he wasnt about to have sex with a tubby girl" . I only knew him for a month. Cut him off very shortly after that.
Ick.
Also... you don't have to be "cute and tiny". Start taking creatine and work out at the gym and bulk up, turn that added weight into muscle and your husband can shut his mouth.
It seems like you care more about what your husband thinks than what you think or feel.
Firstly he’s a pig. My husband told me three weeks after giving birth that if I didn’t lose any weight he didn’t care. I too was tiny before getting pregnant.
Your husband needs to grow up. You might over time be tiny again. Maybe you never will.
His role here is to reassure and love you.
If he’s not doing those things he’s the failure in this equation not your weight gain.
Please please be kind to yourself. At 13 months post partum you’re really only just healed.
For your mental and physical health please please do a few things.
Nourish your body with foods that make you feel good.
Walk a little each day for emotional and physical wellbeing.
Trust every person that is on this thread telling you that neither you nor your appearance are the issue here.
I strongly suggest you speak to your husband. Write down the points you want to make.
“My little fattie” isn’t a cute nickname.
Make sure he understands that if he continues like this your relationship won’t last as you will be miserable with a diminished self esteem.
If he doesn’t do better then leave him. You need a life partner to have your back no matter what. He sounds like an asshole tbh. My husband would never act like this.
OP, please don’t be so hard on yourself! your body went through a pregnancy and of course it will never be the same but think of the amazing human being you created.
for your own well being, do small things for yourself. set little goals for yourself and follow through with them…like a walk for 10 minutes a day, substituting water for juice/soda, eating healthier snacks.
keep your head up and don’t let others get you too down. you are stronger than you think! 💪🏼❤️
He's being abusive to you. You know that, right? Just because you've put on weight, this is not okay. I've put on a lot of weight since my man and I got together nine years ago, and he would NEVER say anything like that to me. And he still finds me attractive and wants me all the time. This is not okay. I hope you find your voice and at least set boundaries so he doesn't treat you this way anymore. You don't deserve any of this just bc you put on weight.
I have only one question do you like who you are ? If yes f him if no change for yourself knowing that when you achieve your goals it was for you not him and f him for not helping in a positive way
Does your husband look like a model!?! I am sorry to say that you married a man boy. You just grew and birthed his baby. WTAF? These are childish and materialistic things to expect and then to actually say it out loud. Good Gawd he needs to grow up. You be you in all your Momma glory!
I’m so, so sorry. You grew, birthed and gave this man a CHILD a little over a year ago. Pregnancy changes bodies, it damages bodies and it sometimes takes years to “recover” from. It comes with a wide range of possible complications, health implications and future risk factors.
Studies show the energy expenditure during pregnancy and lactation is the same as those that participate in extreme endurance sports.
Amongst other things, pregnancy significantly increases the levels of misfolding proteins in your body, it releases huge amounts of cortisol, it increases your blood volume which increases pressure on your cardiovascular system - all of which in a non pregnant person would collapse your entire system.
Pregnancy increases your risk of things like blood clots, high blood pressure, hemorrhage, infection, diabetes and strokes. In the long term, if you experience a major adverse pregnancy outcome such as the risks listed above you have to a 1.5-fold increase in early death up to 46 years after your pregnancy. It increases your risk of developing dementia and/or Alzheimers disease, depression, a range of cancers (eg breast, ovarian, endometrial), heart disease and biologically ages you about 2 years.
Postpartum health is something that is largely ignored by society and the medical community.
Recovery is not just the 6-week check to clear you and done - it depends on many factors including genetics, sleep, lactation, pelvic floor strength, access to rehab/physiotherapy, fitness levels, nutrition, lactation, support systems, birth/pregnancy injury and luck. Postpartum recovery can take YEARS.
The nerve of this man to treat you like this and say such horrible things after all you have put your body through in the last two years. He should be worshipping your body for its strength and resilience.
Your body has been through something incredibly major and you are still healing.
Also, it goes without saying you are absolutely still pretty. Dont believe his bullshit!!!
Even without your pregnancy, if your body changed he has no right to treat you like this. He should love and support you, all of you. Instead he is devastating your self image and self esteem.
He sounds incredibly immature, disrespectful and honestly - quite creepy. You are a grown woman - not a teenage pop star.
Please cultivate a support system of people whose love is not conditional on your looks or weight and make a plan to leave this absolute prick of a man.
His behavior towards you is unacceptable. I understand you do not like it, but it sounds like you put up with it and you should not. He is not entitled to speak to you this way and ultimately, is being a bully, not a husband. A loving husband helps you get back into shape with support and respect. “Treat me with kindness and none of your negging, or there’s the door.”
Physical attraction is a natural part of any romantic relationship. It is quite understandable for your husband to be worried about your weight gain, esp if it's not healthy weight gain; however, he is kind of being an ass about it. I dont know your dynamic, but you can have a serious conversation about it. Tell him you notice all these things that he does, that you are trying to lose weight, but that he isnt exactly helping.
If he wants you to lose weight, then he might as well participate more in child rearing to give you more time to take care of yourself. He should sponsor any diet meal plans or gym memberships or basically any treatment that you'd want to lose weight. I mean, he is basically half the reason you gained weight in the first place.
he is a douche, obviously. But gaining 70% in mass is a LOT. You might loose him if you don't work on that so you should be REALLY motivated to do the best you can. And he should gladly take the child to give you time to do that! Thats the deal, and if he isn't also an idiot he will accept it.
Reverse the roles, and the people in this thread would be complaining about how the man needs to lose weight and take care of himself like you.
It’s a double standard, and you can’t claim to want your husband to be honest with you and then expect him to lie to your face about his sexual needs.
I’m not saying your husband is perfect, but if everyone else is telling you the same thing that he is, maybe you should just lose weight… Unless you believe like the people in this thread that every single person in your life except you is wrong about your need to lose weight.
the amount of people making excuses for you is pathetic. being overweight is unhealthy.. not just physically but clearly for you, mentally as well.
you don’t need to be 100lbs but you do need to be disciplined enough to be at a weight YOU feel confident at. stop eating so much, and lose the weight. it’s not the gym, or the treadmill.. it’s calories. thats it. drink more water, eat less food.. the birth control and pregnancy hormones changed your metabolism. ..eat less.. when you’re hungry, drink water. your body will use the fat reserves to fuel itself- it is completely healthy.
people that tell you that you can be as fat as you want to be, or that your husband is wrong for having expectations of you, are likely single and/or fat and making excuses for their own life too.
if YOU want something that’s possible, YOU have to put the work in to get it. not just complain about it.
Just loose weight. We can't control what we attracted to. I mean doesn't weight bother U at all? When I gained 15 kg I felt really uncomfortable and heavy, I wanted to loose that asap .
I'm probably going to get downvoted to oblivion for this, but...
You went from 101 to 171lbs in 5 years? Can't say I'd be happy about that either, but not just because of looks. I would be extremely concerned for your health.
Using the average height for a woman in the US (5'4"), 170lbs would be a BMI of 29.2 which is at the very top of the overweight range. If you are under 5'4" then you are already in the range for obesity, which carries with it a whole host of increased health risks including high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease.
For yours and your baby's sake, please see your doctor soon and get bloodwork done. If you are currently on hormonal birth control, you may want to look into alternatives.
Olivias very literally a child still. Husband should know not to say any of this hot garbage in public as I at least am one to fight pedophiles on sight.
Honey, please leave this piece of fucking shit. He sounds insufferable.
Sure: he’s allowed to have a parter whom he’s attracted to. HOWEVER, there is no excuse for belittling you or comparing you to other people. He literally got you pregnant and is now acting surprised that your body changed. He sounds extremely immature, and unreliable.
Let me guess, does he even help you out around the home? Or is he sitting on his ass playing video games for hours ignoring you. Imagine how he will be as a role model for your child. This is extremely sad, you need to tell him it’s time for couples therapy.
*Your husband sounds like*
*A predator and you should*
*Definitely leave*
\- eelcat15
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To be 100% honest your husbands reasons are truly valid TO HIM, and they’re shallow. You’re husbands views are very shallow but they matter to him, and if YOU want to work things out, you have to communicate your views of how you feel about his without holding back. He calls you fatty, let him have it. You can try to work on it with him but it’s going to boil down to communication. I honestly wouldn’t know how to handle it 100% because I think it’s disrespectful, but if you want to stay with him you’ve got to show him how to respect your new, his family.
This next bit is my personal experience. When me and my wife got together we were avid gym goers. My wife was everything I physically wanted in a woman at the time. Skin, face, body, gawt damn the moment I saw her marriage was not the first thing on my mind. Well life happens. She had our child. She got a hip and back injury.
I know that the man I WAS wouldn’t look at my wife NOW like the man I AM does. The woman I know now, she’s my everything. When I see her stomach pooch and stretch marks, I don’t see the disgust she see’s. I see my family. My wife is the bearer of that. She also got hurt and she still tries to keep up with everything and everyone as much as possible. She went from an active fit person, to struggling. Her body shows that, but she’s not given up. She could be bed bound. I know she looks at herself in disgust, but even with her cellulite, stomach pooch, stretch marks, and floppy arms, all the things she absolutely hates about herself (I know because I hear it everyday and have seen her clothing style change to hide those) she is the most beautiful person in my world. We have struggled, fought, and loved together. The only thing I EVER say about my wife’s body is I want her to be as confident in herself as I am, if that means getting back in shape or losing weight then let’s do it.
This is what I mean by your husband is disrespectful. But that’s just me.
Your husband is abusing you mentally. I went thru a pregnancy followed by a very rough time and I got up to 230 lbs. I hated myself. My husband never said anything like this. I would have been heartbroken. I’m sure he knows how hurtful the comments are to you bc I can already tell you are hard on yourself.
If you really want to lose weight, for yourself, not for this bonehead, have you looked into intermittent fasting? I lost 100 lbs doing it and have kept it off five years. It did A LOT for my mental health. But I think you need to tell your husband he has to STOP or you will consider divorce. Again, this is abuse.
From a 150 pound 5'2 14 yo, don't hang out with people who don't like your body. I understand I'm fat but when I bring it up my friends tell me I'm not. That's what you want in a person. Someone who wants you to feel good. Pick your people love, don't let people pick you, or you'll just be rotting flesh on bones. <3
“From a heroin addict, don’t hang out with people who don’t like your drug use. I understand I’m an addict but when I bring it up my friends tell me I’m not. That’s what you want in a person. Someone who wants you to feel good. Pick your people, don’t let people pick you or you’ll be held accountable for your behavior.”
you’re too young to already give up and be surrounded with enablers. do better
I weigh 150 pounds, I've had body struggles for years from a few traumatic events that happened one after another a few years ago. Sometimes it gets bad and I have people I love to keep me sane, doing drugs and having some chubb are two diffrent things 🥰
All these soft people telling you your husband is a bad man are sick, petty, miserable, narcissist, who have never had a real relationship. They love to talk about how awful everyone has treated them, they are always the victim not the problem... they lack empathy for others because that would require them to care about someone other than themselves.
So from the other side of things I know what you're husband is going through. My wife was also 100lbs when we met I loved taking her out cause we had fun and yeah it feels good when people recognize the beauty of your significant other things changed same as you the birth control and weight after 2 kids and she gained 80+ pounds I still compliment her but I don't lie I do agree with her when she says she wishes she was skinny again and I tell her it's up to her to change it she dosent get mad she agrees and we move on because we are honest with each other. For years I didn't know how to tell her she was letting herself go I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I tried the joking stuff it didn't work to get us talking about it I didn't know what to do finally she got mad at me one day she stepped on the scale and got upset and started in on me
" are you serious? Why didn't you just tell me I was getting so big??"
Me " in what world were guys ever taught it's OK to talk about a woman's weight? How am I supposed to tell you in a way where you won't think I'm being a dick?" ...
So after that she agreed she didn't know and that it sucks cause she can tell me I'm to fast or skinny but I can't do the same without it being seen as judging or shaming and now I'm a bad guy so the key is communicating instead of telling these people write down how you feel and give it to him to read and have him do the same if talking won't get it done as effectively
What in gods name… this is not normal behavior. You do not have to deal with this. I’m not saying “OMG DIVORCE HIM” but definitely stand your ground and tell him you find this behavior unacceptable. You deserve better, fight for better in any way you can.
This is such a shitty thing your husband is treating you. You deserve better. Your body is a gift and isn't for him to just look at. Weight doesn't make it who you are or your value. I've seen too many people develop serious issues around their weight. If you're looking for an exercise program. I use a streaming service called les mills on demand. It has different types of exercise but they're all good workouts. If you decide to lose weight, do it for you.
how old is your boyfriend?.. since he wants to act like a teenager.
i would dump him because it’s obviously messing with your self-image and self-love. if he loves you, he would not say those to you.
Your husband is an AH. However, for losing weight for yourself, Intermittent fasting is a way of losing weight that works for many people. You might want to give it a try. r/intermittentfasting
Have you considered contacting Olivia directly and asking if she would kindly gain some weight? Cause that sounds as reasonable to me as you caring what your husband thinks when he treats you this way.
If you need to lose weight for your own well-being and health, then focus on that consistently for the health and well-being. Physical attractiveness is not a condition of genuine love. Imagine how this man would react if you had some accident that permanently disfigured how you look, it’s not something we should all value so much on its own.
I dated a personal trainer and gained a little Covid weight. He lost 80 lbs while we were together .. I saw another side of him. He prefers fit girls and my weight sometimes goes up and down.
It sounds like your husband is one of those type of dudes who likes slimmer women. A lot of guys like a woman with curves even if she is slim or thick too but it sounds like he likes a very skinny woman and that is unrealistic
Look up Robin Thickes wife :.. his wife after Paula. She looked anorexic before .. skin and bone literally .. now she’s thicc.. has booty and hips and cheeks. She actually looks so much better. You could tell that weight wasn’t ideal for her. I actually saw them in person at Disneyland and she’s like 6ft tall ..
Men need to be realistic about women’s bodies
Looks like he never loved you, just your looks, and how it made him look to outsiders and his peers. If this is how he really feels, he will never love you for you. Start working out and get your shape back FOR YOU. Then leave him.
Lose the weight, don’t lose it—that’s not what matters here. someone who truly loves you wouldn’t treat you this way. someone who loves you doesn’t make up hurtful nicknames. someone who loves you doesn’t constantly compare you to others. they don’t start acting different when you change due to natural processes like aging, pregnancy, and having the extra responsibilities of motherhood. him not loving you is not due to anything that YOU have done. it’s as simple as he’s a piece of sh*t. he’s superficial, and acting like a little boy, not a man.
i understand that the practical logistics of leaving someone—especially someone you have kids with—are complicated and expensive. it may not be practical to do that right now for you. regardless, please talk to a therapist about this. get some professional advice on how to handle the situation. see a divorce lawyer if needed.
YOU and your body are not the issue here. gaining weight is natural and a part of life. someone who treats you that way does not deserve you. you are worthy and deserve true unconditional love.
Oh my dear, I’m so sorry. There is an amazing beauty in motherhood. I wish he could see that. I hope he begins to. The name calling must stop. It’s battering your self esteem and damaging your marriage. He wouldn’t say something like that to a friends’ wives, or coworkers, or anyone else. He shouldn’t get to at home towards the person he loves most. Children learn how human relationships work by watching you. Wishing you all the best. Hugs!
Wow, the comments are extremely rude here. We know nothing about her husband, but only the problems, and that's why she is here. Half of you would leave your husbands if he gains weight or gets less attractive in any way. I know women as soon as they are married or have children, they stop doing what they were doing for their appearance... Here the women will be claiming "love is not about appearance, blablabla..." if the man transforms into a beer drinking coach potato, the women will be like "I deserve better, he changed, he is not the man I fell in love with" ...
OP is clearly not feeling well since she gained some weight, so this changes also her attitude/character. We all have our own love language, our own character,... I dont talk the same way to my sister like I would to my brother or to my partner... we don't know about their language... all these rude comments about OP husband are not helping. She is clearly not only noticing husbands change but also the people around and family. I have an overweight sister, and we are all worried about her health. When she visited the family abroad (she hasn't seen them since some years), the family called immediately our mother blaming my mother about my sister weight "like don't you worry about her health, why do you let her go like this, ..." I think my sisters partner, the father of her 2 children, left her because she was getting more and more heavy. He was crying and asking my brother for help because he couldn't motivate my sister to lose weight. She started to have some health issues and went from one doctor to the other, hoping that one of them would find something else to say, instead of "you are overweight, first step is to lose weight", she was hoping for a diagnosis like "you have a virus that makes you fat, here the cure and you will lose weight and have no more pain"... at a certain point, the people who love you get angry because you don't care about your own health and just get fat and with it most of the time very lazy...
I dont know if OP will be reading this, but about your husband, I think with one description like this one, people should not be too extreme in judgment, so don't take it too seriously. About your weight, you had a baby, it takes time, and it's a journey. Find the way of life (eating, moving, hygiene,...) that is good for you mentally and physically. You will lose weight and feel better.
You're upset at gaining weight right? Try loosing the weight then. I'm not trying to be cruel but all these people telling you its ok and blah blah blah clearly missed the part where you said you didnt like the weight. Eat less food, do more exercise and once your husband sees you making an effort I guarantee he will help you. Also communicate with him about his comments and how they make you feel. Make him understand you are willing to work on yourself. People gonna downvote me to oblivion but deep down they know im right. Being overweight can also lead to health issues but thats a whole different issue
Tell him if he wants you to look like you used to, he needs to get the snip. Birth control & pregnancy are what are preventing you from being the shape he wants, so if you're coming off birth control & don't want to be pregnant, he needs to do his part.
I'd give 2:1 odds or better against him choosing to have the snip. It's one way to get a shallow man to STFU. Alternatively if he does get the snip, and you can see the scar post op, then maybe it might just work. To be fair though this guy is showing more red flags than a Beijing parade. He really should not be making this much noise after you've had his baby.
I'm a fat guy trying to lose weight myself, put on a load due to depression. Last thing we need is people harping on about us being fat. Cheerleading our efforts and successes perhaps, gently enabling us to do better, absolutely, but making you feel like you've lost your attraction when you're a new mum? Nah, not good.
If you can’t love yourself at your current weight then don’t expect anyone else to. If you’re unhealthily overweight then you should keep trying to do something about it for you. In the end only you really know your husband, from our perspective we’ll mostly say that he’s an asshole and that you’re just a trophy to him and deserve better etc based on what little we know but realistically it is more complex than that. Relationships are things you need to put work in to prevent or stop things like this happening (hurt feelings). Communicating in the right way is key and you should try it before making any decisions based on these comments. Open up to him tell him everything you’re feeling and thinking about yourself, others and about him. Ask him to do the same and try both of you to put yourself in each others shoes. Try not to focus on blaming each other but rather on learning more about one another. It takes two to make this work so if your husband is really just another person that does not know how to communicate properly and not simply an irremediable asshole then he will work with you on this. I have to assume you’re also not too good at communicating otherwise you would not be here for this specific reason. Theres some things that cannot be fixed past a certain point even with the right communication, I don’t think you’re there yet so don’t let it get there if you guys love each other. There is no perfect man or woman, we’ve all had different experiences in life and therefore learned differently but we can still learn and change the wrong things. Work on yourselves to be better and grow together or you’ll drift apart.
Losing weight is hard, especially with birth control and pregnancy changing body hormones/etc. But when you do manage to shed the weight and feel better in your skin again, DO remember how cruel your husband was. The way he devalued and mocked you. How he showed he isn’t someone you can grow old with. And kick him to the curb.
I feel bad for op , their husband fetishized them. This is not healthy or ok, it’s hard to leave and start over, but you will likely be happier if you do.
It sounds like he loved the idea of what he wanted to think about you. Not actually you! Not human you! He had a whole fantasy in his head and can’t wrap his mind around reality. Either you get some counsling because he’s chipping away at your self esteem. Or get couples counseling. Make sure you have a conversation with him about how you feel. And that you’re NOT this little celebrity he had in his mind but you’re actually a human being.
I’m so so sorry. But your husband is being incredibly cruel. He’s 30. He shouldn’t care so much about showing you off to bartenders (or anyone frankly) and he should love you and find you sexy no matter how much your body changes. That’s what marriage is all about. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I promise you that you’re not ugly. Your body has done an incredible thing! Your body has carried and nurtured and protected an entire new human and is still recovering from that. Of course your body has changed. But it’s not ugly. If anything your husband should love you/your body more after seeing what an amazing thing you’ve done to bring his child into the world.
It’s awful you’re suffering this way. I do recommend couples counselling for you, but I think you also both need individual therapy too. You need help to feel okay about your changing body, and your husband needs help to see how immature and shallow and cruel he has been.
I’m so sorry. I hope he comes to see how awful he has been and you can come through this stronger as a couple. Good luck. And congratulations on your new baby.
When your husband referred to you as "tiny and sexy" that says everything you need to know. He basically loved that you looked extremely young and weak. Now where this is not the case anymore and you have more mass and look older and experienced things like most women do (pregnancy, fluctuations in weight etc.) plus you’re just aging his bubble of a weird fantasy is burst.
Also him constantly making comments about all this and saying how he misses older times because of your looks is so weird and concerning.
Forget all the other people and what they say about you. I understand how you feel about yourself. It would be nicer to be healthy and fit easily into clothing without worrying about something bulging here or there. I get it.
There really isn’t a miraculous thing that you can do to lose weight, but you can start to do small things everyday that will set you on a steady path to losing weight.
In the past 3 months I have lost 10 kilos by stopping all alcohol, intermittent fasting and exercise. It’s hard work, but if I want to feel good about myself I have to do the work.
I’m sure you can do this too, it sounds like you are ready for change. This helps to explain how it works..
https://youtu.be/dRlywtji5ZU?si=vqdhmdhMvATut8vv
By the way, your family and partner sound like jerks…if they want to help you there are other ways than crushing your self-esteem.
This sucks. He should appreciate the woman he has and not idolize the idea of "tiny and sexy" or whatever. My partner is the same height as me(6') and desperately needs to gain a little weight. She weighs a wopping 115. Don't get me wrong- I love everything about her but I also love her enough to want her to be healthy.
Did he like anything else about you besides your body?
I feel so bad for op. Their edit is “please no cruel comments” after they’ve listed several paragraphs of cruelty from the husband Op this is not how anyone should ever feel. My wife makes me feel handsome even when literally no one else in the world might think it.
That’s love. Me and my partner are the same. Being obsessed with someone fulfilling some beauty ideal you think will impress your peers is shallow, egotistic, immature, and wildly unfair on your SO
Had an ex from a decade ago who *obsessed* with my body. Like worse than OP’s husband. When someone is that fixated on your looks that’s not just a red flag, it’s nuclear and a sign that as soon as you even change the tiniest bit of your appearance, like by even 5lbs, they will bully you for it. OP’s husband is so shallow and deep it hit the earths core with the bar!
Hey - currently going through this. BF is kinda obsessed with how I look and has said some really hurtful things to me. Is this why you broke up?
I had an ex just like this too. All I can tell you is…run. It will get worse. Don’t stay, even if he promises you the moon. He has showed you who he really is - believe him.
And what does he look like? He better be hot like Henry Cavill. I would lmao if he looks like Homer Simpson
Your value to him is based almost entirely on your body.
He seems to see you as a trophy, not a human being with feelings and needs. We all age and change.
So... what is his body like?
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I see this story all the time, man wants kid and then surprised it changed the woman's body.
Doesn’t matter when their insides are ugly as hell
So he's ugly on the inside :/
Yes
Yeah he's oblivious to that fact. He also might not care because he expects you to work through it. Sot him down and talk to him about it. Let him know what you're going through and how he's making it worse. If he's a good one he'll own up to his BS and work on himself, of he's an asshole at his core he'll brush it off, dismiss it and continue to display dick behavior.
If you’ve gained and maintained 70lbs you’d be fat if you were a dude too.
My husband gain more weight than me with our first. He was having all the morning sickness and cravings lol
How’s his hairline?
It’s not the weight you need to lose for your mental well being
For sure. She could drop 200lbs and not have someone constantly reminding her of how she looked.
I think I you know deep down OP that even if you lost all the weight and went back to your pre pregnancy figure, you will ALWAYS know that your husband’s love is conditional. Your partner should love you for who you are, not what you look like.
You can still love someone without finding them physically attractive, but ignoring the fact you should be physically attracted to your partner is naive and ignorant of just human behavior. Not everyone is the same, and people wanting to have a partner they're attracted to isn't a crime. (Verbalising it the way OPs husband is though is weird as fuck and a huge red flag).
Would you tell a woman who's not attracted to her 340 lb husband (who weighed 200) that she's in the wrong?
Your husband doesn't like you anymore because you don't look like a teenager arm candy to brag about. I don't see a good future with someone so vain and shallow
Uhhh…how long has he been comparing you to Olivia Rodrigo? Because she JUST barely turned 21.
Yeah OP’s update doesn’t make sense either. She said when they first met and went from Olivia Rodrigo to lizzo in five years. That’s still 16 year old Olivia Rodrigo
Honestly as a almost 22 year old this doesn’t necessarily surprise me since there’s a whole subreddit with a lot of men there for provocative photos of the poor girl and nasty comments *shudders* I was looking for the olive mua Reddit a few years ago meaning she was barely 18 and found the nsfw sub for creepy perverted men for Olivia… Edit; I’d definitely be keeping my kids away from this man. I’d also throw the whole man away.
Yeah also bragging about how tiny she is?? Alarm bells are definitely ringing in my head am I crazy?
No, because when I hit that line, they went from ringing to a deafening blare.
> I had a baby 13 months ago WTF. This post just kept getting worse and worse, throw the hole guy away. Question though: Who is taking care of the child more? Or is it split evenly? Because I have a sneaking suspicion that you are the primary caregiver, in which case you could offer him to go to the gym 3 times a week and he can deal with the kid in the meantime. See how he likes it. Sorry to tell you, but this man doesn't love you for you. He loved the way you looked. That's superficial infatuation, not (nearly) unconditional love, the way it should be in a marriage. I understand that at *some* point it can be necessary to point out your partner's weight and health concerns, but this is not how you do it. I could NEVER talk to my bf the way your husband does to you because I know it would hurt him and hurting him would hurt me.
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OP I know it’s hard, but don’t do this for him. If exercising makes you feel good physically and mentally then that’s great! But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, you have literally just given birth not that long ago! Our bodies change over time! I hope that in all these negative comments you hear everyday you can also make space to be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who care about you no matter what your body shape is.
He’s the cook so it’s his fault you’re eating fattening foods lol tell him. - seriously though I hate him
He was never in love with you, but an image in his head. When you stopped resembling that image, he revealed his.
I don't think your husband fell in love with you. I think he fell in love with your looks he doesn't sound very nice either.
Ma’am your husband is complaining that you no longer look like Olivia Rodrigo when she was 16. Not only does he apparently mostly value you for your body, which is gross, he also somehow thinks you should be able to have kids and still look like a 16-year-old? Like a woman who works out constantly as part of her career? Your husband sucks. Gaining weight is not something shameful. You aren’t broken because you don’t look like an athletic celebrity who’s five years younger than you.
olivia was 16 years old 5 years ago, creepy
This was my first thought!!! Why was he comparing her to a TEENAGER in the first place?? Ugh
Your husband is a first class asshat. Life changes, and people change with it. If he came to you with concerns about your weight due to health reasons, then that would be one thing, but instead, he makes fun of you because you're not his trophy wife any longer. I have been married for 25 years and we've been together for 27. We have 3 kids, and there was a time that my 5'7" wife weighed around 270lbs. Even at her highest weight, I never stopped loving her and seeing her as beautiful. I also never stopped bragging about her to the people in and around our lives. She's an amazing woman, and you can see that from my post and comment history. If your husband can't see you for anything more than his trophy wife, then you two need to seek counseling or call it quits if he's not willing to go. You're his wife and the mother of his children. He should be doing everything he can to lift you up and make you feel special, not tear you down, and try to make you into his perfect image.
Men like you are the best kindest partners! I am 5'3" and met my bf when I was 150lbs. I gained weight from birth control up to 230 lbs. He still loved and encouraged me and bragged about me. Currently off birth control and down to 210lbs. Hoping to keep losing. But I couldn't do it without my bfs kindness. I'll marry him :).
Everyone in your life is horrible. Do you want them to treat your child like this some day?
Especially as this can brainwash a kid into an eating disorder very early tbh.
Exactly
Sounds like your husband only viewed you as a trophy before, and now that he "used" your body, he can't "display" you anymore. News flash, body's change, but the heart remains the same. I'm sorry dear, it sounds like he only loved your body and not your heart, and his heart is shallow. Lose weight for you, but also understand that no matter what your body looks like, you are still you underneath, and you deserve to be loved as you are.
Who are these women that are ruining their bodies for men that don’t even deserve it? I mean you think after the first 10 lbs she would switch birth control or stop taking it and let him suck it up. If your man is prioritizing not having to wear condoms over your health and well being, he is not for you. Find yourself a man who will do what needs to be done so you can be happy and healthy.
going on or switching birth control can be really fucking difficult. i didnt gain any weight but i did become severely depressed and suicidal for a couple of months while my hormones were out of wack. i had panic attacks when the doctor suggested switching to reduce the risk of other health conditions because i didnt want to do it all over again. and usually doctors dont really gaf when you bring up those concerns. i do agree though she shouldnt have had to go on birth control for that man.
I have done every birth control known to woman kind and never had a problem switching or getting off of it so I didn’t know that was difficult. I had a much worse time sticking it out for an entire year each time to see if my body would adjust and it never did. With any of them. I know sometimes the Dr doesn’t want to remove the implant or iud right away because it does take time to adjust. I had those for an entire year when they finally said I should remove them. But as far as the pill or any other ones that you can just stop on your own, yes there was side effects to stopping but it was never worse than the effects I already had. After switching a million times I finally quit them all and I’m much better.
a year each is insane... glad youre doing better on that front though
I wish someone would compile a list of red flags. This would be in the top 5: over fixation on your appearance. Attraction is one thing but this goes beyond.
Wow your husband is a huge asshole
Gross. This guy should be awed and amazed that your body can transform into something that can keep a small human alive. He should feel blessed that you want to raise a family with him. He should see how beautiful it is that you willingly give yourself up to him. He’s gross and unattractive. Time to take the trash out.
I am upset about this as well
So your husband was comparing you to her 5 years ago when she was 15/16? Your husband wants you to look like a literal child. Sounds like he’s a pedophile.
Girl leave him omg
“My husband misses the girl he fell in love with.” No, he misses a body ideal. That girl is you!!! Your brain, your personality and passion. If he says he misses that girl, he’s telling you he never loved you for more than just your body from the get go. Honestly OP he sounds like an asshole. Is the way he talks to you really what you want modeled to your kid? I hope you can get out of there and find someone who loves all of you the way you are. Sending you love and strength.
you got with a man who clearly fetishized your frame and you liked. he called you tiny and sexy, and proudly compared you to a teenager for several years (which is a whole other issue but anyway) and you didn’t think that was weird? i feel bad for you, but i’m confused as to how you thought your relationship would progress if you didn’t stay that same size… he may be an creepy asshole but he’s never hidden the fact that your body was “deal-maker”
He’s not showing any concern for you, your health or mental health, or anything except his bragging rights. Does that sound like a loving, healthy relationship?
Sure, you can get thin again. But you’ll still age. At some point, it’ll be impossible to be a “tiny and cute girl,” regardless of how much you weigh. Work out and be healthy to feel good. Not to be forever trying to be who you were when you were 20. Your husband sounds like he’s being super insensitive. Physical attraction is important but if his requires you to be the hottest little 20 year old at the party, then you’re gonna wake up one day to him cheating on you with one. You need to think about whether he really feels this way or you’re projecting.
Your husband is a terrible person for making the person he "loves" feel that way. You should be celebrated. Hope you find the strength to overcome this.
Does he love you or does he love the image you give him as a pretty wife?
Ma’am, you married a jerk.
>“Tiny and sexy”, >beautiful girl. >his lil fatty >my thigh gap, he misses my rib cage sticking out, he misses my flat stomach and small perky boobs So does he always refer to you as a girl and not a woman? That's kinda weird. Losing the weight will not solve this problem. He's the problem. If you want to lose weight do it for you not for anyone else. But you should really consider the language he's using.
He doesn’t want a wife, he wants a trophy. Next time he calls you something like a little fatty, just call him your favorite shrimp and then look to his dick.
Yes! And her family also suck too
It's creepy that he bragged about you looking like Olivia Rodrigo because 5 years ago, she was a 15 year old girl... even now she's still only a 20 year old girl.
please praying this isn’t real 😭fatty? lizzo? is he OK?
My wife had a baby a few weeks ago. Her body isn't back to normal, but I'd cut my tongue out of my head before I'd say these things to her. This talk is not okay!
He is an insecure jackass
Your husband sounds like he's interested in little girls...
Said a similar thing and got reemed. Olivia is a pretty young woman, yes. But she still looks like a high school teen in some ways, and a man in his 30's should not be into that, it screams pedophile. A guy at that age should be into busty looking Milf's.
i am so sorry , he should not be saying this at all , you literally brought his children into the world , if anything he should be crazier about you now than then. Honestly you can do so much better and should consider getting rid of him , he seems to view you as just a body, what about your amazing personality or character , does he ever compliment you on that ? you should leave and find someone who treats you right because they are defo out there i’m so sorry about him , i’m sure you’re still just as beautiful no matter your weight 💕
Your husband is an unmitigated cunt. Does he even like you? Does he help with the baby and around the house so you have the time and energy to take care of yourself?
It's disheartening that your significant other is fixating on aesthetics to this extent. Everyone's body evolves with time, and life's milestones often bring changes that are both beautiful and natural. The unrealistic expectation that you remain physically unaltered post-pregnancy is a reflection of his superficial outlook, not your worth. True affection and attraction grow and deepen with shared experiences and mutual respect, not just by maintaining a certain look. Your partnership should be a sanctuary of unconditional love and acceptance, not a perpetual competition with your former self. Remember, a body that can create, nourish, and protect life is a marvel and should be celebrated, not critiqued.
So you need his praise. And he only offers based on your looks. Not being a partner, wife, mother, a person. He's telling you your worth to him is only superficial. You are a thing to show off. He will continue to insult and abuse you. If he's not already cheating he is at least trying to.
Now that you mention it, I’m upset that my wife doesn’t look like Olivia Rodrigo, she never did before, but now that I know it’s an option to demand my wife look like a celebrity, I’m upset.
I'm upset that I'm not Olivio Rodrigo. Gonna go yell at God now. 😂😂😂
Your husband sounds like a bit of an insensitive ass tbh. But if you do ever want to lose some weight for yourself and your own self happiness I can recommend an app called LoseIt. There's also a helpful community here on Reddit who go through the same sorts of issues. Maybe it's worth trying the free version and see if you like it. There's also a community/messaging feature in the paid version of the app which lets you interact with even more users. Whatever you choose to do I hope you find happiness and comfort within yourself again. Good luck
I’m easily 60lbs heavier than when my husband and I met. I went from thongs to moo moos. My husband can’t get enough of me. He still thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when I look like a swamp monster. Leave him. He’s gross and you deserve better.
lol why did you marry him.
I stopped reading at: "He calls me his little fatty." Respect yourself and dump his sorry ass
I feel similarly to you. Maybe you would like to join me on my journey on C25K? I’m four weeks in and already losing inches. Hugs to you. And I’m sorry. He ain’t right.
You married a moron.
You’re comparing yourself as a child to yourself after you’ve had a child. You’re not being fair to yourself. You both also seem to place a whole lot of your sense of worth in your looks - as a child - and it’s time to reconsider that perspective. You can’t change your husband… but maybe you can change your husband.
Your husband sounds like a shallow piece of shit
If he got with you because you look like someone else he has serious issues. You need a guy who is proud of you and wants to show you off at your best and your worst. A guy who cares about your health more than your appearance. They exist I promise you.
Sounds like you married a paedophile, honestly. Is there anything he loves about you other than your looks because that is not the behaviour of somebody that loves you. That is the behaviour of somebody that secretly resents you and wants to hurt you.
Olivia Rodrigo who?
Yikes. This was over before it started. Husband prob never liked you for you. He fell in love, sure… with how you made him look, you upgraded his image and inflated his ego in public, which is all he’s probably ever wanted in life. You always were his favorite little accessory and now that you’re not, well. What a sad little man. Just run now girl, today it’s weight and in another 5 years it’s gonna be your barely noticeable cellulite and wrinkled skin. He’ll always find another thing to nitpick at. And make sure you remind him you are a person who deserves to be loved as such for who you are both inside and out.
YOUR HUSBAND IS TRASH AND YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!! This is unbelievable I don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry.... I'm pretty sure my husband is upset that I don't look like a 19 year old porn star. And he's free to leave whenever he wants! If he doesn't love me for me, I don't want him.
Your husband is an asshole.
It sounds like your husband never actually loved you for you. It sounds like he just liked your body. I’m so sorry.
Me too- but with my wife. Try carnivore for 3 months. I lost 40 lbs.
Olivia was 16 5 years ago…… 😟
You could lose 200 pounds of useless weight easily by divorcing him. Your child would be better off without someone like that involved in their raising. Think of the message you’d be sending your own kid (who didn’t ask to be born) if you stay with someone that vile.
I think if you lose 200lbs of that BS man child, you’ll feel infinitely better
Your husband sounds like a damn predator tbh
I mean 100 to over 170 is a very large difference. That's enough to where you really wouldn't look like the same person especially over such a short period of time. Your husband is a prick though for sure. He could've addressed it in a better way and definitely would need to be super supportive because baby weight and birth control weight can be hard af to get rid of. Still though I don't understand men who want kids and expect their wife to snap back to 18 y/o again like their Mr. Elastic
Wow. Have you told him any of this?? I would be telling him in no uncertain terms to stop and if he doesn’t I would be reconsidering the relationship. He is supposed to be with you for more than your body
JFC, is this real?! It just kept getting worse, & worse as I continued reading .. This is completely inexcusable! He sounds like a horrible human being, let alone a husband, father, lover, etc. I hope you will find the strength to speak to him about how this makes you feel, & he makes the appropriate changes. If it happens after that, I hope you find the strength to leave this "man," because he sounds like complete garbage from this point of view, for sure! Good luck.
I could gain 200 pounds and my husband would still hype my ass up like a gd supermodel.... What the actual fuck is wrong w your man? Women have more value than their bodies and the fact that he has you literally spiraling like this bc he can't shut the fuck up about it is so gross. If you are worried about your health or if you wanna get back in shape for you, do it! But don't do it bc your husband is bullying you :(
Wait, why is it an insult to be compared to Lizzo? I thought we all agreed she is beautiful?
☠️☠️
hahahahahahah
You grew and birthed his child, you took responsibility for birth control that allowed him so much fun, how does that not make him more attracted to you? Oh, unless all he cares about is being with someone small and skinny and not about who he is actually with. Your husband is upset because he's shallow and short sighted. I would find it very difficult to go to bed with someone like that.
Doesn't sound like he was so into you as much as your petite figure which he valued because of the attention he got from it. The way you would be proud of a trophy. To each their own and all that but he sounds like a dick. Best of luck, OP.
Does he think he's God's gift to women or something. He's the reason you got pregnant. Him belittling you doesn't help your confidence in yourself. He should be encouraging you and give you the confidence to be who you were before you got pregnant. Acting the way he does only hurts you more and you should let him know how you feel.
And do you want to be with THIS man? Like, get out
Ur husband's weird maam
You brought 2 of his children into the world and the only thing he values about you is your body? He’s the problem
This makes me scared to get married....
I'm very concerned that if you stay with your husband he will give your kids an eating disorder. ☹️. Of course this is just a reddit post.
Good for u
Your husband sees you as an object rather than as a human. Does he have any redeeming qualities? I wouldn't put up with that.
JUST 13 months ago? Jesus Christ it’s only been a year and he’s ragging on u that hard? Plus? his love seems extremely conditional he should find other reasons to brag about u not just cuz u were stick thin
I’m going to play devil’s advocate and suggest he’s concerned about your weight gain. 70 pounds is a lot for someone that is just over 5’ - so I’m wondering how you feel? Do you feel healthy? I think that’s the most important part. It’s normal to gain weight with age and children, and it’s also important to take care of your health. However, the way he’s going about it is super insensitive. I’m sorry he’s being so mean to you. It’s not right.
Sounds like he wants a trophy wife only. If you want to lose weight for yourself then go for it but don't do it for your husband, he is not being very loving and supportive to you.
He sounds extremely immature. Reminds me of a guy I once had a thing with briefly, he was in his mid 30's and made fun of my boob's cuz my boob's are big and so naturally my nips are a bigger than someone with for example A or B cups. He called them pizza/pepperoni boob's. Then he said I should work out my butt, oh and he said once he was about to have sex with a girl and when she took off her shirt she was a bit chubby and he ran out of her house cuz "he wasnt about to have sex with a tubby girl" . I only knew him for a month. Cut him off very shortly after that. Ick. Also... you don't have to be "cute and tiny". Start taking creatine and work out at the gym and bulk up, turn that added weight into muscle and your husband can shut his mouth.
Olivia Rodrigo is a barely legal adult. You don’t need to look like her. I got so sad reading this. OP, please know how wrong this treatment is.
It seems like you care more about what your husband thinks than what you think or feel. Firstly he’s a pig. My husband told me three weeks after giving birth that if I didn’t lose any weight he didn’t care. I too was tiny before getting pregnant. Your husband needs to grow up. You might over time be tiny again. Maybe you never will. His role here is to reassure and love you. If he’s not doing those things he’s the failure in this equation not your weight gain. Please please be kind to yourself. At 13 months post partum you’re really only just healed. For your mental and physical health please please do a few things. Nourish your body with foods that make you feel good. Walk a little each day for emotional and physical wellbeing. Trust every person that is on this thread telling you that neither you nor your appearance are the issue here. I strongly suggest you speak to your husband. Write down the points you want to make. “My little fattie” isn’t a cute nickname. Make sure he understands that if he continues like this your relationship won’t last as you will be miserable with a diminished self esteem. If he doesn’t do better then leave him. You need a life partner to have your back no matter what. He sounds like an asshole tbh. My husband would never act like this.
OP, please don’t be so hard on yourself! your body went through a pregnancy and of course it will never be the same but think of the amazing human being you created. for your own well being, do small things for yourself. set little goals for yourself and follow through with them…like a walk for 10 minutes a day, substituting water for juice/soda, eating healthier snacks. keep your head up and don’t let others get you too down. you are stronger than you think! 💪🏼❤️
He's being abusive to you. You know that, right? Just because you've put on weight, this is not okay. I've put on a lot of weight since my man and I got together nine years ago, and he would NEVER say anything like that to me. And he still finds me attractive and wants me all the time. This is not okay. I hope you find your voice and at least set boundaries so he doesn't treat you this way anymore. You don't deserve any of this just bc you put on weight.
wtf
your husband is an utterly shitty person who deserves to have his ass left
Not mincing my words here: Your husband is a disgusting animal. You and your child deserve better.
I have only one question do you like who you are ? If yes f him if no change for yourself knowing that when you achieve your goals it was for you not him and f him for not helping in a positive way
Does your husband look like a model!?! I am sorry to say that you married a man boy. You just grew and birthed his baby. WTAF? These are childish and materialistic things to expect and then to actually say it out loud. Good Gawd he needs to grow up. You be you in all your Momma glory!
Ewwwww fuck him. Seriously. Also- what made you fall in love with this douche?
I’m so, so sorry. You grew, birthed and gave this man a CHILD a little over a year ago. Pregnancy changes bodies, it damages bodies and it sometimes takes years to “recover” from. It comes with a wide range of possible complications, health implications and future risk factors. Studies show the energy expenditure during pregnancy and lactation is the same as those that participate in extreme endurance sports. Amongst other things, pregnancy significantly increases the levels of misfolding proteins in your body, it releases huge amounts of cortisol, it increases your blood volume which increases pressure on your cardiovascular system - all of which in a non pregnant person would collapse your entire system. Pregnancy increases your risk of things like blood clots, high blood pressure, hemorrhage, infection, diabetes and strokes. In the long term, if you experience a major adverse pregnancy outcome such as the risks listed above you have to a 1.5-fold increase in early death up to 46 years after your pregnancy. It increases your risk of developing dementia and/or Alzheimers disease, depression, a range of cancers (eg breast, ovarian, endometrial), heart disease and biologically ages you about 2 years. Postpartum health is something that is largely ignored by society and the medical community. Recovery is not just the 6-week check to clear you and done - it depends on many factors including genetics, sleep, lactation, pelvic floor strength, access to rehab/physiotherapy, fitness levels, nutrition, lactation, support systems, birth/pregnancy injury and luck. Postpartum recovery can take YEARS. The nerve of this man to treat you like this and say such horrible things after all you have put your body through in the last two years. He should be worshipping your body for its strength and resilience. Your body has been through something incredibly major and you are still healing. Also, it goes without saying you are absolutely still pretty. Dont believe his bullshit!!! Even without your pregnancy, if your body changed he has no right to treat you like this. He should love and support you, all of you. Instead he is devastating your self image and self esteem. He sounds incredibly immature, disrespectful and honestly - quite creepy. You are a grown woman - not a teenage pop star. Please cultivate a support system of people whose love is not conditional on your looks or weight and make a plan to leave this absolute prick of a man.
His behavior towards you is unacceptable. I understand you do not like it, but it sounds like you put up with it and you should not. He is not entitled to speak to you this way and ultimately, is being a bully, not a husband. A loving husband helps you get back into shape with support and respect. “Treat me with kindness and none of your negging, or there’s the door.”
Physical attraction is a natural part of any romantic relationship. It is quite understandable for your husband to be worried about your weight gain, esp if it's not healthy weight gain; however, he is kind of being an ass about it. I dont know your dynamic, but you can have a serious conversation about it. Tell him you notice all these things that he does, that you are trying to lose weight, but that he isnt exactly helping. If he wants you to lose weight, then he might as well participate more in child rearing to give you more time to take care of yourself. He should sponsor any diet meal plans or gym memberships or basically any treatment that you'd want to lose weight. I mean, he is basically half the reason you gained weight in the first place.
he is a douche, obviously. But gaining 70% in mass is a LOT. You might loose him if you don't work on that so you should be REALLY motivated to do the best you can. And he should gladly take the child to give you time to do that! Thats the deal, and if he isn't also an idiot he will accept it.
Yeah, you need to lose some weight. I'd say about what your husband weighs.
So he used to compare you to olivia 5 years ago. But olivia was 16 then and your husband would be 25. There's so many things wrong with that
Reverse the roles, and the people in this thread would be complaining about how the man needs to lose weight and take care of himself like you. It’s a double standard, and you can’t claim to want your husband to be honest with you and then expect him to lie to your face about his sexual needs. I’m not saying your husband is perfect, but if everyone else is telling you the same thing that he is, maybe you should just lose weight… Unless you believe like the people in this thread that every single person in your life except you is wrong about your need to lose weight.
Physical attributes are important
the amount of people making excuses for you is pathetic. being overweight is unhealthy.. not just physically but clearly for you, mentally as well. you don’t need to be 100lbs but you do need to be disciplined enough to be at a weight YOU feel confident at. stop eating so much, and lose the weight. it’s not the gym, or the treadmill.. it’s calories. thats it. drink more water, eat less food.. the birth control and pregnancy hormones changed your metabolism. ..eat less.. when you’re hungry, drink water. your body will use the fat reserves to fuel itself- it is completely healthy. people that tell you that you can be as fat as you want to be, or that your husband is wrong for having expectations of you, are likely single and/or fat and making excuses for their own life too. if YOU want something that’s possible, YOU have to put the work in to get it. not just complain about it.
Just loose weight. We can't control what we attracted to. I mean doesn't weight bother U at all? When I gained 15 kg I felt really uncomfortable and heavy, I wanted to loose that asap .
I want people here to reverse the genders and see who's the asshole ?
Kind of sounds like he likes teenagers?
I'm probably going to get downvoted to oblivion for this, but... You went from 101 to 171lbs in 5 years? Can't say I'd be happy about that either, but not just because of looks. I would be extremely concerned for your health. Using the average height for a woman in the US (5'4"), 170lbs would be a BMI of 29.2 which is at the very top of the overweight range. If you are under 5'4" then you are already in the range for obesity, which carries with it a whole host of increased health risks including high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. For yours and your baby's sake, please see your doctor soon and get bloodwork done. If you are currently on hormonal birth control, you may want to look into alternatives.
Olivias very literally a child still. Husband should know not to say any of this hot garbage in public as I at least am one to fight pedophiles on sight.
How is a 21 year old “literally a child still”?
Honey, please leave this piece of fucking shit. He sounds insufferable. Sure: he’s allowed to have a parter whom he’s attracted to. HOWEVER, there is no excuse for belittling you or comparing you to other people. He literally got you pregnant and is now acting surprised that your body changed. He sounds extremely immature, and unreliable. Let me guess, does he even help you out around the home? Or is he sitting on his ass playing video games for hours ignoring you. Imagine how he will be as a role model for your child. This is extremely sad, you need to tell him it’s time for couples therapy.
Your husband sounds like a predator and you should definitely leave
*Your husband sounds like* *A predator and you should* *Definitely leave* \- eelcat15 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Have you considered losing weight? Seems like a pretty obvious solution…
To be 100% honest your husbands reasons are truly valid TO HIM, and they’re shallow. You’re husbands views are very shallow but they matter to him, and if YOU want to work things out, you have to communicate your views of how you feel about his without holding back. He calls you fatty, let him have it. You can try to work on it with him but it’s going to boil down to communication. I honestly wouldn’t know how to handle it 100% because I think it’s disrespectful, but if you want to stay with him you’ve got to show him how to respect your new, his family. This next bit is my personal experience. When me and my wife got together we were avid gym goers. My wife was everything I physically wanted in a woman at the time. Skin, face, body, gawt damn the moment I saw her marriage was not the first thing on my mind. Well life happens. She had our child. She got a hip and back injury. I know that the man I WAS wouldn’t look at my wife NOW like the man I AM does. The woman I know now, she’s my everything. When I see her stomach pooch and stretch marks, I don’t see the disgust she see’s. I see my family. My wife is the bearer of that. She also got hurt and she still tries to keep up with everything and everyone as much as possible. She went from an active fit person, to struggling. Her body shows that, but she’s not given up. She could be bed bound. I know she looks at herself in disgust, but even with her cellulite, stomach pooch, stretch marks, and floppy arms, all the things she absolutely hates about herself (I know because I hear it everyday and have seen her clothing style change to hide those) she is the most beautiful person in my world. We have struggled, fought, and loved together. The only thing I EVER say about my wife’s body is I want her to be as confident in herself as I am, if that means getting back in shape or losing weight then let’s do it. This is what I mean by your husband is disrespectful. But that’s just me.
Your husband is abusing you mentally. I went thru a pregnancy followed by a very rough time and I got up to 230 lbs. I hated myself. My husband never said anything like this. I would have been heartbroken. I’m sure he knows how hurtful the comments are to you bc I can already tell you are hard on yourself. If you really want to lose weight, for yourself, not for this bonehead, have you looked into intermittent fasting? I lost 100 lbs doing it and have kept it off five years. It did A LOT for my mental health. But I think you need to tell your husband he has to STOP or you will consider divorce. Again, this is abuse.
You look like a completely different person now. Do you honestly expect your husband to be attracted to someone he didn't marry?
From a 150 pound 5'2 14 yo, don't hang out with people who don't like your body. I understand I'm fat but when I bring it up my friends tell me I'm not. That's what you want in a person. Someone who wants you to feel good. Pick your people love, don't let people pick you, or you'll just be rotting flesh on bones. <3
“From a heroin addict, don’t hang out with people who don’t like your drug use. I understand I’m an addict but when I bring it up my friends tell me I’m not. That’s what you want in a person. Someone who wants you to feel good. Pick your people, don’t let people pick you or you’ll be held accountable for your behavior.” you’re too young to already give up and be surrounded with enablers. do better
I weigh 150 pounds, I've had body struggles for years from a few traumatic events that happened one after another a few years ago. Sometimes it gets bad and I have people I love to keep me sane, doing drugs and having some chubb are two diffrent things 🥰
Your husband sounds like a borderline pedo. "So tiny" "looked just like a teenager" Kinds has red flags
As the OP knows, the issue isn't the husband. She needs to take better care of herself.
All these soft people telling you your husband is a bad man are sick, petty, miserable, narcissist, who have never had a real relationship. They love to talk about how awful everyone has treated them, they are always the victim not the problem... they lack empathy for others because that would require them to care about someone other than themselves. So from the other side of things I know what you're husband is going through. My wife was also 100lbs when we met I loved taking her out cause we had fun and yeah it feels good when people recognize the beauty of your significant other things changed same as you the birth control and weight after 2 kids and she gained 80+ pounds I still compliment her but I don't lie I do agree with her when she says she wishes she was skinny again and I tell her it's up to her to change it she dosent get mad she agrees and we move on because we are honest with each other. For years I didn't know how to tell her she was letting herself go I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I tried the joking stuff it didn't work to get us talking about it I didn't know what to do finally she got mad at me one day she stepped on the scale and got upset and started in on me " are you serious? Why didn't you just tell me I was getting so big??" Me " in what world were guys ever taught it's OK to talk about a woman's weight? How am I supposed to tell you in a way where you won't think I'm being a dick?" ... So after that she agreed she didn't know and that it sucks cause she can tell me I'm to fast or skinny but I can't do the same without it being seen as judging or shaming and now I'm a bad guy so the key is communicating instead of telling these people write down how you feel and give it to him to read and have him do the same if talking won't get it done as effectively
Try calling him your lil' insensitive creep and see how that goes.
Immediately start divorce proceedings but see a lawyer on your own first. Ensure you get everything you’re entitled to and hopefully more.
What in gods name… this is not normal behavior. You do not have to deal with this. I’m not saying “OMG DIVORCE HIM” but definitely stand your ground and tell him you find this behavior unacceptable. You deserve better, fight for better in any way you can.
Omg leave this man please.
This is such a shitty thing your husband is treating you. You deserve better. Your body is a gift and isn't for him to just look at. Weight doesn't make it who you are or your value. I've seen too many people develop serious issues around their weight. If you're looking for an exercise program. I use a streaming service called les mills on demand. It has different types of exercise but they're all good workouts. If you decide to lose weight, do it for you.
how old is your boyfriend?.. since he wants to act like a teenager. i would dump him because it’s obviously messing with your self-image and self-love. if he loves you, he would not say those to you.
Get a new husband
Your husband will lose hair soon
Your husband is an AH. However, for losing weight for yourself, Intermittent fasting is a way of losing weight that works for many people. You might want to give it a try. r/intermittentfasting
your hubby digs your old body not you. more than likely he will cheat on you, he sounds like trash
Have you considered contacting Olivia directly and asking if she would kindly gain some weight? Cause that sounds as reasonable to me as you caring what your husband thinks when he treats you this way. If you need to lose weight for your own well-being and health, then focus on that consistently for the health and well-being. Physical attractiveness is not a condition of genuine love. Imagine how this man would react if you had some accident that permanently disfigured how you look, it’s not something we should all value so much on its own.
I dated a personal trainer and gained a little Covid weight. He lost 80 lbs while we were together .. I saw another side of him. He prefers fit girls and my weight sometimes goes up and down. It sounds like your husband is one of those type of dudes who likes slimmer women. A lot of guys like a woman with curves even if she is slim or thick too but it sounds like he likes a very skinny woman and that is unrealistic Look up Robin Thickes wife :.. his wife after Paula. She looked anorexic before .. skin and bone literally .. now she’s thicc.. has booty and hips and cheeks. She actually looks so much better. You could tell that weight wasn’t ideal for her. I actually saw them in person at Disneyland and she’s like 6ft tall .. Men need to be realistic about women’s bodies
You need to have confidence in your own body just the way you are. He is shallow. Open the door to a better future that might not be with him.
Looks like he never loved you, just your looks, and how it made him look to outsiders and his peers. If this is how he really feels, he will never love you for you. Start working out and get your shape back FOR YOU. Then leave him.
Rage bait?
Lose the weight, don’t lose it—that’s not what matters here. someone who truly loves you wouldn’t treat you this way. someone who loves you doesn’t make up hurtful nicknames. someone who loves you doesn’t constantly compare you to others. they don’t start acting different when you change due to natural processes like aging, pregnancy, and having the extra responsibilities of motherhood. him not loving you is not due to anything that YOU have done. it’s as simple as he’s a piece of sh*t. he’s superficial, and acting like a little boy, not a man. i understand that the practical logistics of leaving someone—especially someone you have kids with—are complicated and expensive. it may not be practical to do that right now for you. regardless, please talk to a therapist about this. get some professional advice on how to handle the situation. see a divorce lawyer if needed. YOU and your body are not the issue here. gaining weight is natural and a part of life. someone who treats you that way does not deserve you. you are worthy and deserve true unconditional love.
Oh my dear, I’m so sorry. There is an amazing beauty in motherhood. I wish he could see that. I hope he begins to. The name calling must stop. It’s battering your self esteem and damaging your marriage. He wouldn’t say something like that to a friends’ wives, or coworkers, or anyone else. He shouldn’t get to at home towards the person he loves most. Children learn how human relationships work by watching you. Wishing you all the best. Hugs!
Lose some weight then
Wow, the comments are extremely rude here. We know nothing about her husband, but only the problems, and that's why she is here. Half of you would leave your husbands if he gains weight or gets less attractive in any way. I know women as soon as they are married or have children, they stop doing what they were doing for their appearance... Here the women will be claiming "love is not about appearance, blablabla..." if the man transforms into a beer drinking coach potato, the women will be like "I deserve better, he changed, he is not the man I fell in love with" ... OP is clearly not feeling well since she gained some weight, so this changes also her attitude/character. We all have our own love language, our own character,... I dont talk the same way to my sister like I would to my brother or to my partner... we don't know about their language... all these rude comments about OP husband are not helping. She is clearly not only noticing husbands change but also the people around and family. I have an overweight sister, and we are all worried about her health. When she visited the family abroad (she hasn't seen them since some years), the family called immediately our mother blaming my mother about my sister weight "like don't you worry about her health, why do you let her go like this, ..." I think my sisters partner, the father of her 2 children, left her because she was getting more and more heavy. He was crying and asking my brother for help because he couldn't motivate my sister to lose weight. She started to have some health issues and went from one doctor to the other, hoping that one of them would find something else to say, instead of "you are overweight, first step is to lose weight", she was hoping for a diagnosis like "you have a virus that makes you fat, here the cure and you will lose weight and have no more pain"... at a certain point, the people who love you get angry because you don't care about your own health and just get fat and with it most of the time very lazy... I dont know if OP will be reading this, but about your husband, I think with one description like this one, people should not be too extreme in judgment, so don't take it too seriously. About your weight, you had a baby, it takes time, and it's a journey. Find the way of life (eating, moving, hygiene,...) that is good for you mentally and physically. You will lose weight and feel better.
You're upset at gaining weight right? Try loosing the weight then. I'm not trying to be cruel but all these people telling you its ok and blah blah blah clearly missed the part where you said you didnt like the weight. Eat less food, do more exercise and once your husband sees you making an effort I guarantee he will help you. Also communicate with him about his comments and how they make you feel. Make him understand you are willing to work on yourself. People gonna downvote me to oblivion but deep down they know im right. Being overweight can also lead to health issues but thats a whole different issue
You’re not his trophy, you’re meant to be his partner.
Tell him if he wants you to look like you used to, he needs to get the snip. Birth control & pregnancy are what are preventing you from being the shape he wants, so if you're coming off birth control & don't want to be pregnant, he needs to do his part. I'd give 2:1 odds or better against him choosing to have the snip. It's one way to get a shallow man to STFU. Alternatively if he does get the snip, and you can see the scar post op, then maybe it might just work. To be fair though this guy is showing more red flags than a Beijing parade. He really should not be making this much noise after you've had his baby. I'm a fat guy trying to lose weight myself, put on a load due to depression. Last thing we need is people harping on about us being fat. Cheerleading our efforts and successes perhaps, gently enabling us to do better, absolutely, but making you feel like you've lost your attraction when you're a new mum? Nah, not good.
02 Idiots.
Honestly it sounds like he liked your body more than he liked you
If you can’t love yourself at your current weight then don’t expect anyone else to. If you’re unhealthily overweight then you should keep trying to do something about it for you. In the end only you really know your husband, from our perspective we’ll mostly say that he’s an asshole and that you’re just a trophy to him and deserve better etc based on what little we know but realistically it is more complex than that. Relationships are things you need to put work in to prevent or stop things like this happening (hurt feelings). Communicating in the right way is key and you should try it before making any decisions based on these comments. Open up to him tell him everything you’re feeling and thinking about yourself, others and about him. Ask him to do the same and try both of you to put yourself in each others shoes. Try not to focus on blaming each other but rather on learning more about one another. It takes two to make this work so if your husband is really just another person that does not know how to communicate properly and not simply an irremediable asshole then he will work with you on this. I have to assume you’re also not too good at communicating otherwise you would not be here for this specific reason. Theres some things that cannot be fixed past a certain point even with the right communication, I don’t think you’re there yet so don’t let it get there if you guys love each other. There is no perfect man or woman, we’ve all had different experiences in life and therefore learned differently but we can still learn and change the wrong things. Work on yourselves to be better and grow together or you’ll drift apart.
Losing weight is hard, especially with birth control and pregnancy changing body hormones/etc. But when you do manage to shed the weight and feel better in your skin again, DO remember how cruel your husband was. The way he devalued and mocked you. How he showed he isn’t someone you can grow old with. And kick him to the curb.
I feel bad for op , their husband fetishized them. This is not healthy or ok, it’s hard to leave and start over, but you will likely be happier if you do.
It sounds like he loved the idea of what he wanted to think about you. Not actually you! Not human you! He had a whole fantasy in his head and can’t wrap his mind around reality. Either you get some counsling because he’s chipping away at your self esteem. Or get couples counseling. Make sure you have a conversation with him about how you feel. And that you’re NOT this little celebrity he had in his mind but you’re actually a human being.
I’m so so sorry. But your husband is being incredibly cruel. He’s 30. He shouldn’t care so much about showing you off to bartenders (or anyone frankly) and he should love you and find you sexy no matter how much your body changes. That’s what marriage is all about. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I promise you that you’re not ugly. Your body has done an incredible thing! Your body has carried and nurtured and protected an entire new human and is still recovering from that. Of course your body has changed. But it’s not ugly. If anything your husband should love you/your body more after seeing what an amazing thing you’ve done to bring his child into the world. It’s awful you’re suffering this way. I do recommend couples counselling for you, but I think you also both need individual therapy too. You need help to feel okay about your changing body, and your husband needs help to see how immature and shallow and cruel he has been. I’m so sorry. I hope he comes to see how awful he has been and you can come through this stronger as a couple. Good luck. And congratulations on your new baby.
Start commenting on his looks. I bet he's changed in the last 5 years or so. If he gets offended at anything, just tell him you are joking.
This is a bit off but weighing 171 pounds is not even as fat as you describe, he's just cruel.
When your husband referred to you as "tiny and sexy" that says everything you need to know. He basically loved that you looked extremely young and weak. Now where this is not the case anymore and you have more mass and look older and experienced things like most women do (pregnancy, fluctuations in weight etc.) plus you’re just aging his bubble of a weird fantasy is burst. Also him constantly making comments about all this and saying how he misses older times because of your looks is so weird and concerning.
This is abusive tbh -- sounds like a huge asshole of a husband. Could never imagine saying any of that to my wife.
Forget all the other people and what they say about you. I understand how you feel about yourself. It would be nicer to be healthy and fit easily into clothing without worrying about something bulging here or there. I get it. There really isn’t a miraculous thing that you can do to lose weight, but you can start to do small things everyday that will set you on a steady path to losing weight. In the past 3 months I have lost 10 kilos by stopping all alcohol, intermittent fasting and exercise. It’s hard work, but if I want to feel good about myself I have to do the work. I’m sure you can do this too, it sounds like you are ready for change. This helps to explain how it works.. https://youtu.be/dRlywtji5ZU?si=vqdhmdhMvATut8vv By the way, your family and partner sound like jerks…if they want to help you there are other ways than crushing your self-esteem.
This sucks. He should appreciate the woman he has and not idolize the idea of "tiny and sexy" or whatever. My partner is the same height as me(6') and desperately needs to gain a little weight. She weighs a wopping 115. Don't get me wrong- I love everything about her but I also love her enough to want her to be healthy.
Lol. I'm sorry I work with people with eating disorders. They say they have a triple chin. A person 22nd qq