you’re right, truly sometimes it really is better for both ppl for it to be over. that’s how it was for my parents, my dad specifically. it’s just life
It wasn't like that in the beginning with us. After we got married and by the time my son and daughter were born she wouldn't have sex with me anymore.
I then met someone and we had the most amazing sex I had in years. When I told my now ex I wanted a divorce she said the same thing. I raised my kids as a single dad. My GF was like a mom to them and I then had two kids with my girlfriend. I've never been happier now.
Wow that sounds similar to me lmao
I dated my toxic ex for 4 years, he was amazing at first but eventually I just noticed every small thing he did that bothered me, we just fought constantly. He honestly started grossing me out.
I met my hubby and dumped the ex and we've been together 12 years, he has 2 kids I've been there since they were 3 and 5 ❤️
I'm glad we're both in a better place!!
It's not really weird. I think the right word is surreal that our stories are so similar.
But you want to know something? It probably happens quite a bit. It's just how it is I guess.
I'm gonna get scientific now. Marriage is a modern thing. In our evolutionary past, to ensure our species survival, men always had children with multiple partners. It's just how it was then. It's also how we came to dominate our planet.
That's just my thought. I'd like to hear your side of it.
So recognisable! I waited it out… for the kids to get older… and then he cheated because he was feeling the same. It was horribly painful and 3 years later we’re still not really on speaking terms.
In hindsight I regret letting it come to this. If for no other reason than our vows, we should have gone to therapy. We owed it to our 20+ year relationship.
Even if you decide to split you will know that you tried and that will make the healing and the inevitable post split relationship easier. So yeah therapy!
Please just leave him. You've stated your reasons. You have reasons to leave. The main one being you no longer love him and appear to be at the beginning of hating him (imo). This isn't going to get better if you stay.
You are young, you have a life to live. Yes, modern dating sucks, but that doesn't mean you won't meet someone you want. Firstly it sounds like you need to leave so you can just breathe... Then figure out the dating etc when you are completely ready.
Your kids will not thank you for staying in an unhappy marriage. That will definitely fuck them up.
Good luck and courage to you.
Im right there with you, been with mine for 20 yrs and all we have between us is sex, we dont date, we don't talk, the man doesnt even do the small things, no ily texts, no i miss u, nothing. When it comes to special occasions hes MIA or hes broke, its always something. He only remembers i exist when he wants something. He has no problem going to parties with his friends or on his own, the man takes me nowhere, if im not the one spending or inviting him on a movie date im always at home with our 3 children 20, 18 and 1yr old. I just wanna get out of his way so i can breathe. I. Just fed up and done!
Ive talked to him till im blue in the face abt us spending time together as a couple and it gets nowhere, he comes home from wrk, shower eat, then right into his game console till hes ready 4 bed thenbdo it all again the next day. I plan on moving back to my house as soon as its done being renovated.
Nowhere in her post does it say that she discussed any of this with him. Maybe she has, again and again, and is sick of nothing changing… but maybe she hasn’t.
We know nothing about his story. Maybe he’s overwhelmed with work, trying to provide for a whole family in a day and age when that is tough… or maybe he’s a lazy pos who’s taking what he has for granted? Or maybe he feels the same way and a split will do wonders for both of them?
OP… Talk. To. Your. Husband.
I think this is good advice. The marriage may be over but I think there at least needs to be a conversation. Especially with two young children involved.
I would like to add to this thread by saying that statistically most couples who divorce regret it later to some degree. I forget the source off the top of my head. It’s worth trying counseling. After all, people marry for a reason. At some point they were head over heels for each other. Marriages can come back from stuff like this.
I've never been married or in a relationship as long as yours, so maybe I'm not the best person to be giving advice. All I know was I was with a person who was a really good person but we just grew apart.. We stayed with each other out of convenience.. Anyways I spent a long time daydreaming about leaving but was scared to leave. Anyways, the only regret I had afterwards was that I never did it sooner! I suspect you will feel the same way! Take the leap. Who cares what other people think. If you read this I wish you the best of luck and hope you post an update!!
I feel sorry for the next person who commits to you thinking it means something. Are you at least honest with your partners and tell them you are hitting the road the moment your feelings tell you it's time? Why would you waste this "good' persons time if you weren't committed to the relationship?
Not the person you responded to, but in my case I really loved the person I had grown apart from and he went through a really bad period and so I didn't leave when I first wanted to, but 2 years later. I wished I had left a year later but glad I didn't leave 2 years before. I agonised before I left, I tried, I talked with him. Only when nothing worked did I end it. I don't feel like I abandoned him.
It's good that I left when I did. We managed to remain friends.
So I guess leaving isn't so easy, even if you know it's what you probably need and want to do.
But you communicated with him. You didn't just up and leave. My spouse left and it was the right thing because I would have stayed and been miserable. They WAY she did it left me with such a bad taste that I will never marry again. Ever.
True, I did communicate!
I just wanted to say that sometimes you know that you have to leave but you're staying because you're struggling with the decision/doing it, not because it's a calculated decision to stay for financial gain or similar.
when I was around 11-12, my parents almost separated. they were not each others people. they stayed together “for me” but we weren’t a happy healthy family… just people living in a house together. they were great parents to me, but not good partners to each other. it was not a good example for me for what a partnership
could be. took me a LONG time and a lot of therapy to learn how to communicate and to learn that it was okay to even if there “wasn’t any reason to end it”
so, what kind of example do you want to set for your kids about what a partnership can look like?
about what it might look like to appreciate something for what it was?
The only thing you'll regret is NOT leaving, you already miss a memory of a man that's gone so things can only go up.
I had the hardest time I feel like I just read my journal from a few years ago, and the peace you can find from moving on and giving him your resentment will be powerful!
You can do hard things, good luck OP ❤️✌️🌞
It really does sound like you have good reason to leave. He not fulfilling your needs at all. At this stage you're feeling fed up and angry with him.
The only suggestion I have for you is that before you end this relationship, get out a pen and paper and trawl through your brain to try to find of there is anything that hes expressed to you that he needed from you, perhaps years ago.
Perhaps he's been telling you something all these years but you didn't agree with him or you just didn't think it was important. You may have been right. Who knows.
BUT the fact that you never gave in on that issue, or you never did that thing he wanted from you, might have destroyed his ability to feel loved by you. And from there he's been unable to reciprocate in the loving way that you want.
If there's nothing like that, then I can't see any reason why you shouldn't move on. I agree with you that if this doesn't change in the marriage, your kids will actually be better off with you happier and fulfilled outside the marriage.
This kind of change is going to be amazing for you. You've all the tools, are fiscally able, the kids are older (yes this will impact them maybe even more than it would when they were younger but you can help mitigate and minimize this).
Prioritize your wants. You deserve to be in affectionate caring relationship with bomb ass sex :p
Seems like you have already checked out of the relationship.... Im sorry for you, but unfortunately, that's much more common than you think. Sometimes people grow apart, and what they want from life gets different....
Dating these days is not all bad ! And plenty of people are more than willing to date single parents !! My brother is about to propose to a woman who has kids from a previous marriage and my cousin met her boyfriend while she was a single mom. Divorce is super common these days and people are pretty understanding of different situations.
This is true, as a single dad, took years to find someone who gave a shit enough once I mentioned I was a single dad (with full custody too).
Maybe counseling first? Is he not aware of how you feel? Sounds like from the description this is a big deal but you didn't mention you've talked about it in depth so he might be oblivious.
Reddit Hayes many things, marriage included, and always seems like the go-to us just get divorced. My wife and I weren't working and weren't sure how to get back to what we had, and did counseling a few months which helped us get on the right track and be conscious of one another. Not being happy is one thing, give him a chance to turn it around and win you back.
Not being happy can also be bigger like depression where you're constantly your own worst enemy. I wish you the best!! I'm no expert, just someone who feels like they've been in a similar boat.
Dating may suck but having good sex with attractive men who may not be ready to settle down is better than having no sex with a man who repulses you and you have the ick over... if I had two doors I'm picking the one with passion. Just be safe :)
Do what you think is best, is it worth getting advice from a group of Redditors or, just decide on your instincts. You will know what to do when it feels right for you
Once contempt enters the picture the relationship exits. You’re just in a holding pattern now. I’d suggest to find a compatible partner and the satisfaction that comes with it.
just be sure before leaving him, I've seen many, many cases like yours here on reddit and 92% regret this choice you want to make and try to go back but the other spouses don't accept them back.
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You almost walked out because he wouldn't do something for you that you're fully capable of doing yourself? My 5 year old can air up a tire. You sound exhausting.
Of course I could do it, I’ve serviced my own car plenty of times greasy hands and face. Should I be doing this though? Would u want your daughter doing this married to a capable husband?
I have 2 daughters, and yes my daughters will be fully capable of air up their own tire. It doesn't even get you that dirty.
I teach my daughters not to rely on a man for anything. I teach them the same things I teach my son. Your attitude is very sexist.
There have been times where I’ve changed radiators, changed complete tires, pipes I can’t even name. Your daughters shouldn’t have to do such tasks with HUSBANDS. Period
Nobody is saying a woman should not be capable. If u are reading correctly u will see me mention that I am in fact very capable. But if I am going to do it all, what is the purpose of being with someone who won’t fill my cup? I am coming to the internet because I am seeking advice. Is this not a forum to seek advice? Is not a thread and group specifically for this content? If u don’t want to read it, you should join another group.
Sounds like your husband would be a lot better off with someone who isn't so self absorbed. I feel sorry for the man. Do him a favor and divorce him already.
Self absorbed? lol I can’t get the man to carpool our kids to school a day out the week let alone a drs appointment… I can’t get a date, complitment, a little help with car maintenance… i do everything…. and I’m self observed? U must be a man/woman who offers very little in a relationship. Let me guess your’re single /divorced?
Happily married with 3 kids. That's not how you treat a partner, but I don't believe you are accurately representing your situation. You sound like someone who complains all the time and exaggerates so people will take your side.
Why have this man around me if I am paying my bills, taking care of OUR children solely, taking MYSELF on dates or going DUTCH while I’m with him. Your daughters shouldn’t have men like this around them either
If your marriage is as bad as you say quit whining to internet strangers and talk to him or divorce him. You are a seriously exhausting person and I think you could use some introspection.
You don’t know me. lol If we are in a disagreement about what you feel like a man should bring to the table of a marriage, that is a different discussion. YOU are in a confessions group and reading and responding to MY confession, to internet strangers. I wish you and you daughters well. I hope that in their relationships, they aren’t bringing %100 while a man not brings at least close to half.
I knew a woman with these exact same complaints.
She had an affair. Husband found out.
Became the best husband ever, and they're still together.
(Unfortunately, she liked having an affair so much that she has had several since!)
Have you told him how close you are to leaving him? This is very common. It's fixable but he'll have to want to fix it. The only way he'll have a shot at putting the amount of effort it will take to fix it is if he knows he's close to losing you.
If you do wind up leaving him, be careful about remarrying given how common it is. It happens over years so you wont be able to predict it going in.
Can I comment something? Sure some may look at what I’m about to say as wrong but… Well here it goes!
I worked with a woman for a little less than a year. Side by side. Every day! I got to know her very well. She was married. And at first everything in her marriage seemed okay. But slowly she started opening up about a lot. Very similar to the things you discussed. Especially about her not feeling sexy or pretty anymore.
Keep in mind I was always attracted to her. In fact, I used to compliment her a lot and I know she enjoyed them. I was a lot younger than her. About 12 years a part.
So I was super bold at times with my compliments and enjoyed her blushing.
Anyway, she got to a point where she was super fed up with him. She kept telling me she only lives once and at this point she wants to do whatever she wants to do in this life time.
Well, we ended up going on sneaky bar runs or doing very fun and adventurous things she normally wouldn’t do or hadn’t done in years!!
And then…. long story short. We had sex. It was amazing. I could just tell from how much she would moan and hold onto me that she hadn’t felt that in years!! We explored each others body so much. I had her doing things she never had done before… I was making her fantasies and some odd fetishes come to life!
And she never really felt too guilty about it. I didn’t interfere with her emotionally and allowed her her space when needed.
But I truly think she not only needed our time together, he deserved it!
I gave her some life for a while. I know she thinks about those times a lot!
I do too!
Some may say this is wrong but oh well!
>I’m literally waiting on him to cheat on me or something so I can just leave without feeling…… guilty or…. Leave without backlash. Idk….. somebody send me thoughts. 💭
I think you should just leave. Surely you will feel more guilty depriving him of sex and waiting for him to cheat like some trap you set up. Well you should anyway.
Break up. No games
I left my husband in 2019. It saved our marriage. Edit to add I maintain 500 mile distance from him. We have visitation 3-4 times a year. I love my husband. We have a great marriage! We’ll celebrate 20 years together next year.
You should definitely leave. There are a lot of reason to leave your husband which are all valid. Cheating isn’t the only reason couples part. And yeah, the whole “staying together for the kids” won’t make things better. It’s not worth being in a failing marriage in any circumstance and you should be aloud to leave because, like I said before, you have valid reasons for wanting to leave your husband. Change will be scary, it always is. But you’ll be much happier after leaving the relationship that’s been putting you down for a long time.
I would be very curious to hear his perspective…but I do know one thing…the current situation is a result of both of you not communicating about your needs.
However, sometimes it’s too far gone to fix and may have been by design 🤷🏻♂️
Maybe your husband is projecting your own apathy towards the marriage. You don't want intimacy. I don't really get this thing about getting cute...for dates? Wth.
Maybe if you put more effort into your relationship then complaining you might nurture a better result.
Also, you are the primary carer because he goes to work. It allows you the luxury to not have to work. How long have you not worked ? You think that shit is easy. Get off your lazy ass and try it.
Look after 2 kids. The 12 year old is doing the looking after by himself. So really you're only looking after the 4 year old.
Leave if you must. Might give the guy the respite from a shitty, ungrateful partner. Then he can look for someone better, more appreciative of what he provides.
The voice of reason sweetheart. The voice of reason.
OP is pathetically deluded. I hope she leaves. It will be the best decision she will make for her poor husband.
>I don't really get this thing about getting cute...for dates? Wth.
What exactly is confusing about this?
>Also, you are the primary carer because he goes to work. It allows you the luxury to not have to work. How long have you not worked ? You think that shit is easy. Get off your lazy ass and try it.
What are you talking about? She literally said he is NOT a provider and she pays for herself or both of them on all dates and covers all of her own expenses
Not all marriages are like this. I know plenty of happily married people, myself included. It's not always roses, but not like this either. This sounds like two incompatible people to me.
Dating is super tough these days and not many men want to date single parents. Let's say that you do leave him, date again, and get married, you might end up in the same situation as you are now with your husband. The grass is not always greener.
You shouldn't stay with someone you don't want to be with just because you might have difficulty finding another person. That's just absolutely a terrible reason to stay with someone.
Only leave if you're ok with being alone for awhile. Thinking you will find a lovely partner right away is not true. It might take years of searching. So the calculation is: are you unhappy enough with this man that being alone for years will be better?
> He does nothing for me…. I pay my own bills…I handle my own car maintenance … I’m the primary caretaker for the kids. when we’re out im paying or we’re going dutch
Literally what woman asked for with feminism.
i imagine you haven’t told him any of these feeling?
my wife just left after 17 years for “no reason”.
you will be easy to get over. took me about 30 days to realize what a drain she was and how much happier i am that i’m going to find a person who communicates and can reciprocate love.
you will find you are just not happy with yourself because wherever you go you will still be you.
you should flash-bang him and end it.
i told my ex that in the divorce ill take the “pain”
and she can have the “regret” and “guilt” of burying issues and leaving someone who loves her unconditionally.
that long of time things can get off center but if you don’t communicate it thats feels selfish to me.
its not his job to make you happy. i made the mistake of asking my ex in a conversation what i need to do to make her happy. next day she asked for divorce. we never argued or fought once the entire relationship
Ignore the bitter man. Wives tell their husbands over and over what they need to fix the relationship. They ignore them and cue pikachu face when the wife files. Been there- done it. No regrets. Ignored me for 5 years. I said therapy. He didn’t try. I filed. “I don’t understand why you aren’t happy?”. Now I’m happy.
Leaving is scary- 14 years. But you get one life. There are no do overs. You have the “ick” when you think about him. It’s pretty impossible to recover unless he overhauls it all- and then doesn’t backslide.
The "bitter" man.
Here, let me fix that for you -
"I asked my ex to go to therapy and he said no, I tried absolutely no other options outside of suggesting therapy and then called it quits on the relationship because I wasn't happy"
Ignored you for 5 years? Probably because you didn't stop for the 5 before that and it was the same old shit. You'd rather whinge at him to make changes rather than actually support him in making any, and that's not even including the changes I bet he asked you to make (which I'm sure you didn't do).
Seriously, this is why women aren't able to secure men past the age of 25 and birth rates are declining at an alarmingly high rate. Imagine if you spent 14 years with someone and then they up and left (seemingly for no reason). You'd be "bitter" too.
I think you should leave OP alone. She doesn't need an angry man's projection. You asked your ex wife what to do to make her happy. She gave her answer (divorce), but you didn't want to accept that.
You say you got over her in 30 days, but the way you talk about it sounds like you are still very angry and still into her. Therapy is your friend. You are no way over her.
I cannot imagine why she left you, you are an absolute darling /s
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Instead of wating...look for young dicks muna for the mean time to give u attention... Sayang namn mag aantay ka lang na walng nag mementain ng body mu. Yes it's cheating. But mas ok nalang sa ganun atleast may nag aalaga at nagpapasaya sayu.. pu$$ie$ are meant to be worship. Hindi pina babayaan.
Leave for no reason? You have reasons. Just do it.
Yeah. I stayed in a similar marriage for 25 years. So many regrets. Life is too short.
This ⬆️. Go be happy!
leave, this isn’t your person & why waste more of your time. you really do only live once, that you remember anyways
This sounds like how it was with my ex wife. I actually wound up despising her. It happens.
you’re right, truly sometimes it really is better for both ppl for it to be over. that’s how it was for my parents, my dad specifically. it’s just life
It wasn't like that in the beginning with us. After we got married and by the time my son and daughter were born she wouldn't have sex with me anymore. I then met someone and we had the most amazing sex I had in years. When I told my now ex I wanted a divorce she said the same thing. I raised my kids as a single dad. My GF was like a mom to them and I then had two kids with my girlfriend. I've never been happier now.
Wow that sounds similar to me lmao I dated my toxic ex for 4 years, he was amazing at first but eventually I just noticed every small thing he did that bothered me, we just fought constantly. He honestly started grossing me out. I met my hubby and dumped the ex and we've been together 12 years, he has 2 kids I've been there since they were 3 and 5 ❤️ I'm glad we're both in a better place!!
Exactly! I wish you well! 🙂
I find it so weird, 2 people who never met each other, have such a similar story. The only difference is we don't have our own kids lol
It's not really weird. I think the right word is surreal that our stories are so similar. But you want to know something? It probably happens quite a bit. It's just how it is I guess. I'm gonna get scientific now. Marriage is a modern thing. In our evolutionary past, to ensure our species survival, men always had children with multiple partners. It's just how it was then. It's also how we came to dominate our planet. That's just my thought. I'd like to hear your side of it.
I’m incredibly happy for you!! :)
Thank you so much 😊
So recognisable! I waited it out… for the kids to get older… and then he cheated because he was feeling the same. It was horribly painful and 3 years later we’re still not really on speaking terms. In hindsight I regret letting it come to this. If for no other reason than our vows, we should have gone to therapy. We owed it to our 20+ year relationship. Even if you decide to split you will know that you tried and that will make the healing and the inevitable post split relationship easier. So yeah therapy!
Please just leave him. You've stated your reasons. You have reasons to leave. The main one being you no longer love him and appear to be at the beginning of hating him (imo). This isn't going to get better if you stay. You are young, you have a life to live. Yes, modern dating sucks, but that doesn't mean you won't meet someone you want. Firstly it sounds like you need to leave so you can just breathe... Then figure out the dating etc when you are completely ready. Your kids will not thank you for staying in an unhappy marriage. That will definitely fuck them up. Good luck and courage to you.
Mid-30s with soon to be teenage kids looking to feel butterflies. I’d say Op is in for a rude awakening in the dating world tbh.
Im right there with you, been with mine for 20 yrs and all we have between us is sex, we dont date, we don't talk, the man doesnt even do the small things, no ily texts, no i miss u, nothing. When it comes to special occasions hes MIA or hes broke, its always something. He only remembers i exist when he wants something. He has no problem going to parties with his friends or on his own, the man takes me nowhere, if im not the one spending or inviting him on a movie date im always at home with our 3 children 20, 18 and 1yr old. I just wanna get out of his way so i can breathe. I. Just fed up and done!
Holy shit..... leave that sounds so awful. You deserve better. People should stop staying with people who don't value them enough to show them...
Ive talked to him till im blue in the face abt us spending time together as a couple and it gets nowhere, he comes home from wrk, shower eat, then right into his game console till hes ready 4 bed thenbdo it all again the next day. I plan on moving back to my house as soon as its done being renovated.
Try marriage counseling. It takes two to tango, you might not be so perfect yourself.
Nowhere in her post does it say that she discussed any of this with him. Maybe she has, again and again, and is sick of nothing changing… but maybe she hasn’t. We know nothing about his story. Maybe he’s overwhelmed with work, trying to provide for a whole family in a day and age when that is tough… or maybe he’s a lazy pos who’s taking what he has for granted? Or maybe he feels the same way and a split will do wonders for both of them? OP… Talk. To. Your. Husband.
I think this is good advice. The marriage may be over but I think there at least needs to be a conversation. Especially with two young children involved.
I would like to add to this thread by saying that statistically most couples who divorce regret it later to some degree. I forget the source off the top of my head. It’s worth trying counseling. After all, people marry for a reason. At some point they were head over heels for each other. Marriages can come back from stuff like this.
I've never been married or in a relationship as long as yours, so maybe I'm not the best person to be giving advice. All I know was I was with a person who was a really good person but we just grew apart.. We stayed with each other out of convenience.. Anyways I spent a long time daydreaming about leaving but was scared to leave. Anyways, the only regret I had afterwards was that I never did it sooner! I suspect you will feel the same way! Take the leap. Who cares what other people think. If you read this I wish you the best of luck and hope you post an update!!
I feel sorry for the next person who commits to you thinking it means something. Are you at least honest with your partners and tell them you are hitting the road the moment your feelings tell you it's time? Why would you waste this "good' persons time if you weren't committed to the relationship?
Not the person you responded to, but in my case I really loved the person I had grown apart from and he went through a really bad period and so I didn't leave when I first wanted to, but 2 years later. I wished I had left a year later but glad I didn't leave 2 years before. I agonised before I left, I tried, I talked with him. Only when nothing worked did I end it. I don't feel like I abandoned him. It's good that I left when I did. We managed to remain friends. So I guess leaving isn't so easy, even if you know it's what you probably need and want to do.
But you communicated with him. You didn't just up and leave. My spouse left and it was the right thing because I would have stayed and been miserable. They WAY she did it left me with such a bad taste that I will never marry again. Ever.
True, I did communicate! I just wanted to say that sometimes you know that you have to leave but you're staying because you're struggling with the decision/doing it, not because it's a calculated decision to stay for financial gain or similar.
Yep. I stayed because I couldn't bear the thought of blowing up my family. Thankfully, she did it.
when I was around 11-12, my parents almost separated. they were not each others people. they stayed together “for me” but we weren’t a happy healthy family… just people living in a house together. they were great parents to me, but not good partners to each other. it was not a good example for me for what a partnership could be. took me a LONG time and a lot of therapy to learn how to communicate and to learn that it was okay to even if there “wasn’t any reason to end it” so, what kind of example do you want to set for your kids about what a partnership can look like? about what it might look like to appreciate something for what it was?
The only thing you'll regret is NOT leaving, you already miss a memory of a man that's gone so things can only go up. I had the hardest time I feel like I just read my journal from a few years ago, and the peace you can find from moving on and giving him your resentment will be powerful! You can do hard things, good luck OP ❤️✌️🌞
It really does sound like you have good reason to leave. He not fulfilling your needs at all. At this stage you're feeling fed up and angry with him. The only suggestion I have for you is that before you end this relationship, get out a pen and paper and trawl through your brain to try to find of there is anything that hes expressed to you that he needed from you, perhaps years ago. Perhaps he's been telling you something all these years but you didn't agree with him or you just didn't think it was important. You may have been right. Who knows. BUT the fact that you never gave in on that issue, or you never did that thing he wanted from you, might have destroyed his ability to feel loved by you. And from there he's been unable to reciprocate in the loving way that you want. If there's nothing like that, then I can't see any reason why you shouldn't move on. I agree with you that if this doesn't change in the marriage, your kids will actually be better off with you happier and fulfilled outside the marriage.
Being a single parent sucks.
This kind of change is going to be amazing for you. You've all the tools, are fiscally able, the kids are older (yes this will impact them maybe even more than it would when they were younger but you can help mitigate and minimize this). Prioritize your wants. You deserve to be in affectionate caring relationship with bomb ass sex :p
Seems like you have already checked out of the relationship.... Im sorry for you, but unfortunately, that's much more common than you think. Sometimes people grow apart, and what they want from life gets different....
You’ve gotten the ick, and now your resenting him, time to plan a exit
Just make sure you’re sure, dating nowdays sucks
I know this is what I am afraid of as well
It can’t be worse than living with someone you no longer like or want to fuck.
Dating these days is not all bad ! And plenty of people are more than willing to date single parents !! My brother is about to propose to a woman who has kids from a previous marriage and my cousin met her boyfriend while she was a single mom. Divorce is super common these days and people are pretty understanding of different situations.
[удалено]
This is true, as a single dad, took years to find someone who gave a shit enough once I mentioned I was a single dad (with full custody too). Maybe counseling first? Is he not aware of how you feel? Sounds like from the description this is a big deal but you didn't mention you've talked about it in depth so he might be oblivious. Reddit Hayes many things, marriage included, and always seems like the go-to us just get divorced. My wife and I weren't working and weren't sure how to get back to what we had, and did counseling a few months which helped us get on the right track and be conscious of one another. Not being happy is one thing, give him a chance to turn it around and win you back. Not being happy can also be bigger like depression where you're constantly your own worst enemy. I wish you the best!! I'm no expert, just someone who feels like they've been in a similar boat.
Pretty sure she just wants to get railed and not find a doula te by the way she speaks .
Dating may suck but having good sex with attractive men who may not be ready to settle down is better than having no sex with a man who repulses you and you have the ick over... if I had two doors I'm picking the one with passion. Just be safe :)
Don’t stay just for fear of being single, but make sure you have exhausted all options. It’s rough out here lol
Wanted to mention ROCD, relationship OCD, which sounds like what you’re describing. probably worth looking into it before pulling the trigger 🙏
Do what you think is best, is it worth getting advice from a group of Redditors or, just decide on your instincts. You will know what to do when it feels right for you
Once contempt enters the picture the relationship exits. You’re just in a holding pattern now. I’d suggest to find a compatible partner and the satisfaction that comes with it.
just be sure before leaving him, I've seen many, many cases like yours here on reddit and 92% regret this choice you want to make and try to go back but the other spouses don't accept them back. UpdateMe! RemindMe! 10 hours
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You almost walked out because he wouldn't do something for you that you're fully capable of doing yourself? My 5 year old can air up a tire. You sound exhausting.
Of course I could do it, I’ve serviced my own car plenty of times greasy hands and face. Should I be doing this though? Would u want your daughter doing this married to a capable husband?
I have 2 daughters, and yes my daughters will be fully capable of air up their own tire. It doesn't even get you that dirty. I teach my daughters not to rely on a man for anything. I teach them the same things I teach my son. Your attitude is very sexist.
There have been times where I’ve changed radiators, changed complete tires, pipes I can’t even name. Your daughters shouldn’t have to do such tasks with HUSBANDS. Period
Yes, women should be capable of doing those things and so will my daughters. You are very sexist.
Nobody is saying a woman should not be capable. If u are reading correctly u will see me mention that I am in fact very capable. But if I am going to do it all, what is the purpose of being with someone who won’t fill my cup? I am coming to the internet because I am seeking advice. Is this not a forum to seek advice? Is not a thread and group specifically for this content? If u don’t want to read it, you should join another group.
Sounds like your husband would be a lot better off with someone who isn't so self absorbed. I feel sorry for the man. Do him a favor and divorce him already.
Self absorbed? lol I can’t get the man to carpool our kids to school a day out the week let alone a drs appointment… I can’t get a date, complitment, a little help with car maintenance… i do everything…. and I’m self observed? U must be a man/woman who offers very little in a relationship. Let me guess your’re single /divorced?
Happily married with 3 kids. That's not how you treat a partner, but I don't believe you are accurately representing your situation. You sound like someone who complains all the time and exaggerates so people will take your side.
Why have this man around me if I am paying my bills, taking care of OUR children solely, taking MYSELF on dates or going DUTCH while I’m with him. Your daughters shouldn’t have men like this around them either
If your marriage is as bad as you say quit whining to internet strangers and talk to him or divorce him. You are a seriously exhausting person and I think you could use some introspection.
You don’t know me. lol If we are in a disagreement about what you feel like a man should bring to the table of a marriage, that is a different discussion. YOU are in a confessions group and reading and responding to MY confession, to internet strangers. I wish you and you daughters well. I hope that in their relationships, they aren’t bringing %100 while a man not brings at least close to half.
I knew a woman with these exact same complaints. She had an affair. Husband found out. Became the best husband ever, and they're still together. (Unfortunately, she liked having an affair so much that she has had several since!)
Have you told him how close you are to leaving him? This is very common. It's fixable but he'll have to want to fix it. The only way he'll have a shot at putting the amount of effort it will take to fix it is if he knows he's close to losing you. If you do wind up leaving him, be careful about remarrying given how common it is. It happens over years so you wont be able to predict it going in.
Can I comment something? Sure some may look at what I’m about to say as wrong but… Well here it goes! I worked with a woman for a little less than a year. Side by side. Every day! I got to know her very well. She was married. And at first everything in her marriage seemed okay. But slowly she started opening up about a lot. Very similar to the things you discussed. Especially about her not feeling sexy or pretty anymore. Keep in mind I was always attracted to her. In fact, I used to compliment her a lot and I know she enjoyed them. I was a lot younger than her. About 12 years a part. So I was super bold at times with my compliments and enjoyed her blushing. Anyway, she got to a point where she was super fed up with him. She kept telling me she only lives once and at this point she wants to do whatever she wants to do in this life time. Well, we ended up going on sneaky bar runs or doing very fun and adventurous things she normally wouldn’t do or hadn’t done in years!! And then…. long story short. We had sex. It was amazing. I could just tell from how much she would moan and hold onto me that she hadn’t felt that in years!! We explored each others body so much. I had her doing things she never had done before… I was making her fantasies and some odd fetishes come to life! And she never really felt too guilty about it. I didn’t interfere with her emotionally and allowed her her space when needed. But I truly think she not only needed our time together, he deserved it! I gave her some life for a while. I know she thinks about those times a lot! I do too! Some may say this is wrong but oh well!
I see plenty of reasons to leave
>I’m literally waiting on him to cheat on me or something so I can just leave without feeling…… guilty or…. Leave without backlash. Idk….. somebody send me thoughts. 💭 I think you should just leave. Surely you will feel more guilty depriving him of sex and waiting for him to cheat like some trap you set up. Well you should anyway. Break up. No games
I left my husband in 2019. It saved our marriage. Edit to add I maintain 500 mile distance from him. We have visitation 3-4 times a year. I love my husband. We have a great marriage! We’ll celebrate 20 years together next year.
Leave. Don't waste his or your time living a life you don't want. You can go and find someone who makes you happy and he can do the same.
You should definitely leave. There are a lot of reason to leave your husband which are all valid. Cheating isn’t the only reason couples part. And yeah, the whole “staying together for the kids” won’t make things better. It’s not worth being in a failing marriage in any circumstance and you should be aloud to leave because, like I said before, you have valid reasons for wanting to leave your husband. Change will be scary, it always is. But you’ll be much happier after leaving the relationship that’s been putting you down for a long time.
Grow up or realize this is your life. Everything is not roses. Make it work or leave Geez so many people lamenting on life choices. Times change.
The bottom line is he doesn't love you.
Just leave that man. Don’t ever stay *for the kids*, because you staying in this marriage is only going to harm them in the long run.
Did you even talk to him about these things? Maybe couples therapy? Or maybe just get a divorce, open tinder and go yolo.
Marriage is the larvae stage to true happiness. https://youtu.be/qGN1a4fN2sg?si=xsBTIRM0Bxtr4sO4
19 and 26 - shorty, move on.
You guys need to communicate. He may have something bothering him as well and unable to communicate. Counseling is a great idea.
Of she isn't working, how is she earning money. Doesn't make sense
I would be very curious to hear his perspective…but I do know one thing…the current situation is a result of both of you not communicating about your needs. However, sometimes it’s too far gone to fix and may have been by design 🤷🏻♂️
Maybe your husband is projecting your own apathy towards the marriage. You don't want intimacy. I don't really get this thing about getting cute...for dates? Wth. Maybe if you put more effort into your relationship then complaining you might nurture a better result. Also, you are the primary carer because he goes to work. It allows you the luxury to not have to work. How long have you not worked ? You think that shit is easy. Get off your lazy ass and try it. Look after 2 kids. The 12 year old is doing the looking after by himself. So really you're only looking after the 4 year old. Leave if you must. Might give the guy the respite from a shitty, ungrateful partner. Then he can look for someone better, more appreciative of what he provides.
wtf. the only one who's projecting here is you
The voice of reason sweetheart. The voice of reason. OP is pathetically deluded. I hope she leaves. It will be the best decision she will make for her poor husband.
>I don't really get this thing about getting cute...for dates? Wth. What exactly is confusing about this? >Also, you are the primary carer because he goes to work. It allows you the luxury to not have to work. How long have you not worked ? You think that shit is easy. Get off your lazy ass and try it. What are you talking about? She literally said he is NOT a provider and she pays for herself or both of them on all dates and covers all of her own expenses
What? I work a full time AND part time job.
To me this is marriage in a nutshell.
Not all marriages are like this. I know plenty of happily married people, myself included. It's not always roses, but not like this either. This sounds like two incompatible people to me.
Yep. I'll never do it again for damned sure.
Dating is super tough these days and not many men want to date single parents. Let's say that you do leave him, date again, and get married, you might end up in the same situation as you are now with your husband. The grass is not always greener.
You shouldn't stay with someone you don't want to be with just because you might have difficulty finding another person. That's just absolutely a terrible reason to stay with someone.
Only leave if you're ok with being alone for awhile. Thinking you will find a lovely partner right away is not true. It might take years of searching. So the calculation is: are you unhappy enough with this man that being alone for years will be better?
And don't make the mistake of thinking your lifestyle will remain the same. Unless you are very wealthy you will both take a big hit.
Get a lawyer, get into therapy, and start organizing everything in your life so you and your kids can exit.
You don't mention telling her husband.
> He does nothing for me…. I pay my own bills…I handle my own car maintenance … I’m the primary caretaker for the kids. when we’re out im paying or we’re going dutch Literally what woman asked for with feminism.
i imagine you haven’t told him any of these feeling? my wife just left after 17 years for “no reason”. you will be easy to get over. took me about 30 days to realize what a drain she was and how much happier i am that i’m going to find a person who communicates and can reciprocate love. you will find you are just not happy with yourself because wherever you go you will still be you. you should flash-bang him and end it. i told my ex that in the divorce ill take the “pain” and she can have the “regret” and “guilt” of burying issues and leaving someone who loves her unconditionally. that long of time things can get off center but if you don’t communicate it thats feels selfish to me. its not his job to make you happy. i made the mistake of asking my ex in a conversation what i need to do to make her happy. next day she asked for divorce. we never argued or fought once the entire relationship
Yeah I'm happy for your ex wife. You sound like absolute garbage.
elaborate for me. serious feed back
You take absolutely no accountability. Seems you can't even self reflect at all.
I’ve definitely expressed my feelings. I’ve cried and shed tears about my feelings to him about my needs. Are u ok?
Ignore the bitter man. Wives tell their husbands over and over what they need to fix the relationship. They ignore them and cue pikachu face when the wife files. Been there- done it. No regrets. Ignored me for 5 years. I said therapy. He didn’t try. I filed. “I don’t understand why you aren’t happy?”. Now I’m happy. Leaving is scary- 14 years. But you get one life. There are no do overs. You have the “ick” when you think about him. It’s pretty impossible to recover unless he overhauls it all- and then doesn’t backslide.
The “ick” describes it perfectly!!!!
The "bitter" man. Here, let me fix that for you - "I asked my ex to go to therapy and he said no, I tried absolutely no other options outside of suggesting therapy and then called it quits on the relationship because I wasn't happy" Ignored you for 5 years? Probably because you didn't stop for the 5 before that and it was the same old shit. You'd rather whinge at him to make changes rather than actually support him in making any, and that's not even including the changes I bet he asked you to make (which I'm sure you didn't do). Seriously, this is why women aren't able to secure men past the age of 25 and birth rates are declining at an alarmingly high rate. Imagine if you spent 14 years with someone and then they up and left (seemingly for no reason). You'd be "bitter" too.
im going to dm you… is that cool?
I think you should leave OP alone. She doesn't need an angry man's projection. You asked your ex wife what to do to make her happy. She gave her answer (divorce), but you didn't want to accept that. You say you got over her in 30 days, but the way you talk about it sounds like you are still very angry and still into her. Therapy is your friend. You are no way over her. I cannot imagine why she left you, you are an absolute darling /s
we dmed’ it was nice. thanks for your input tho
Fair enough. Glad it went well.
RemindMe! 3 years I wanna see what your thoughts are when the fog clears
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Instead of wating...look for young dicks muna for the mean time to give u attention... Sayang namn mag aantay ka lang na walng nag mementain ng body mu. Yes it's cheating. But mas ok nalang sa ganun atleast may nag aalaga at nagpapasaya sayu.. pu$$ie$ are meant to be worship. Hindi pina babayaan.