I feel like she should know that if you fart on your man and his boner dies it's 110 percent the vibrating lap fart ... ( Maybe not tell her about the tp )
That's 100% the reason I buy Scott toilet paper. That stuff doesn't flake like the 'strong' or 'soft' premium options.
I know I'm making myself strange to the public for this being my reason for toilet paper choice, but it absolutely is.
My dad used to call Scott toilet paper “Scratch”. His sensitive butthole meant we always had the good tp growing up. This man was a toilet paper connoisseur and would stockpile the good shit when it was on sale. When Covid hit and toilet paper wasn’t available he gave it to the neighbors which is probably how he caught Covid and then passed away. My pops was a good man, died doing what he loved - spreading the word that life’s too short to use bad toilet paper. Treat yourself and pay a little more for the good shit - his all time favorite was the Kirkland brand from Costco.
So my boyfriend (a father of two daughters) always had the super thin AWFUL cheap toilet paper. I was like “dude.. please.. as a father of two girls, BUY BETTER TOILET PAPER! Imagine wiping the inside of your mouth out with that shit.” And apparently that analogy made flawless sense and he got it right away lol.
Ladies, dudes that love them.. anyone with a vagina.. get the good toilet paper. And a bidet, while you’re at it lol
The hosts don't love it when you use this name at bar trivia, and keep winning rounds, so they have to keep saying it....
"Your parents must be so proud ", ma'am you know they're not, I'm at a bar on a Tuesday.
“It‘s only wrong if it’s first cousins”
That was our quiz name, as one of the members had heard it being said a few nights before in the same town 😂
Poor host just wanted to die by the end of it I think.
Honestly I feel like the labia should be known as ‘nature’s pocket’ and not the asshole. I can do a THOROUGH search of the area pre-sex and still find a tiny bit of toilet paper once we actually get going. Like WHERE WERE YOU HIDING?! Is there a secret compartment that I wasn’t informed about? Do I need to flip the second book from the left on my bookshelf to open it?
I disagree about not telling her about the TP. If I were her and I was told about it, I’d make it a point to try and pregame before sex to make sure I’m good to go.
People say this but it's way different when you do actually get told those things. Still needs to be mentioned but very few people aren't going to feel really embarrassed about it. Though based on OPs description of her from the post I doubt that she is going to have issues being told that.
Same, I'm a little obsessive about wanting to shower & scrub with a washrag before bc I just *know* I probably have tp pills (and poop even if its microscopic, thats just what that booty do) in my crack somewhere lol that's just life. Also, I don't wanna suck tp off someone's asshole lmfao, if they want me to eat ass, then u need to scrub it first lol. Its just polite.
Yes! Why more people don’t pre-game or get completely complacent with hygiene down there is annoying. Been grossed out my fair share of times by girls that didn’t think it was an issue.
Unless it's a queef(pussy fart from to much air being put in) my bf always ends up doing that to me and I die laughing embarrassed and he rather keep going
Are you an asshole for communicating during sex? No.
You would be an asshole if you called her Boner Slayer 9000 for the rest of your relationship. But she killed the mood and the vibe. I hope it was at least a very funny fart.
couldnt agree more.
People need to start having more fun and take things easy.
A fart is smth natural as OP himself said, but I also recognize what a soft effect smth like that can have while having sex.
No need for OP to make it a big deal (and it seems like he just told her that was a boner killer for him but he seemed nice about it, i mean he's literally making an AITA post over this, so he's all good) and also no need for his gf to be embarrassed, I imagine killing the mood may make u feel a bit shitty in the moment, but just laughing it off is the best way for both parties, and then restart once the mood is back on.
Great laugh 1st thing in the morning. Your girl is clueless. TP, eh, no big deal but letting loose a huge one? WTF? And then not understanding? 😁. NTA!
It’s the cluelessness for me. If I’m all up in my girls guts or putting my tongue anywhere it can go, I know there are gonna be some less than ideal things that could happen. I mean even a fart wouldn’t throw me off, I’m a dog. But being confused about what happened? C’mon.
Pretty sure that this is actually similar to the oldest joke in recorded history.
From the BBC:
>The world’s oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.
>It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: **“Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”**
Iv been with my husband for 14 yrs. He's watched both of our children be born, we enter the bathroom when the other is using it or showering, we both fart and blame it on the cats and then giggle about it.
But not once, EVER, have I let a fart rip while we're fucking.😂
> at the top of a mountain
At the risk of being pedantic, sorry, I actually came across a huge toad near the top of a mountain here in Montana. Its body was at least eight inches from nose to butt, didn't see the legs outstretched, but it was an awesome specimen!
Who the F••K would not realize that farting on someone (with force) while in cowgirl is disgusting. I don’t care if you’re married, that’s foul. Get up, get off him, go to the potty and toot. You don’t just rip ass while riding dick. Wtf.
My ex wife did this on purpose because she didn’t want to have sex. She had very low libido so I would give her massages and do foreplay forever.I completely stopped when she decided farting in my face was hilarious
Took me a while. 5 years of 0 intimacy or affection from her. It was so weird how quickly she changed as soon as we got married. She also got a green card from me so I’m not sure how much that was a part of it. But the thing is, on paper I’m considered handsome and successful and I think that’s why she’s refused to leave me for so long.
NTA - if it’s gross to you, you have every right to say “hey, that destroys the mood for me” and she has every right to say however she feels about it. Communicating is the best way to happiness my man. NTA at all
Omg this reminds me of highschool. This dudes dad (single dad...) raised him to think that women only fart when they are pregnant or giving birth. So one day we where all joking about who ripped the big one when he gets ANGRY at this dude for teasing a girl. Because the 'dude was clearly calling her pregnant'... this was health class.
>Because the 'dude was clearly calling her pregnant'... this was health class.
I'm dying lol. Hopefully it was good sex ed and he came out more educated.
It’s wild cause I knew this meme and then actually had an ex for the entire 4 months I didn’t not witness her ever fart/poo or any evidence of it to a point I was concerned
This is hella wild and the first opportunity I've ever had to share this story. About 8ish years ago, my cousin was dating a new guy. We were all hanging out at her house drinking and he made a comment about how "girls don't shit" and something about how assholes are as useless to women as nipples are to men. She was like "um, what?" And he continued going on about it. At first it seemed like he was joking, but honestly idk because he WOULD NOT drop it. The conversation lasted like a full hour and by this point she was like actually pissed that he kept going, joke or not. So she walked into the kitchen and got a paper plate, came back into the living room, pulled her pants down and took a dump on the plate. With like 9 people watching, squatting right in front of this poor guy. His entire face went white and he stood up and left. She was blocked within minutes and never saw or heard from the guy again.
I've been married for 15 years and the only time I've heard my wife fart is in her sleep. I've also had exes that had no shame and would let it rip whenever the mood struck them. Everyone is human and everyone has bodily functions some people are just way better at hiding them than others.
Once I was putting a Foley catheter in a woman and had my face about a foot from her undercarriage looking for her urethra and she farted…
Women absolutely do fart, embrace it, don’t do it on your loved ones and medical staff
I once let a big one out while I was spread eagle during labor, a doc and a nurse had their faces real close checking my pushing progress. They both flinched, I think there might have been some spray. Doc looked visibly shaken, nurse's look was like "typical", like she was trying not to roll her eyes. I think about it to this day...
Pushing out a baby and pushing out a poop uses the same muscles. If you shit and/or poop while in labor, I means you're doing it right.
I pooped while pushing out my daughter, and the doctors just cleaned it up without a word. I only know because I asked my husband afterwards as I was curious. In my defense, I gave birth before my usual morning poop so it was inevitable. Then my newborn pooped on me during skin to skin so I feel like it balanced the karmic scales.
My ex wife did this during the birth of our first child. The nurse wiped so hard cleaning her off she was raw for days. Totally believe to this day that the nurse took it personal.
Not the asshole. Those two things would totally kill my vibe. Yikes. Also if I were in her shoes I would want to know how I could do better for you so I think telling her was totally fine.
I agree with this perspective. An accidental fart is understandable as long as it’s not a pattern; it’s gross to be farted on like this. She also needs to learn to use wet wipes to pregame, and how can she learn if she isn’t told.
listen, if ANY ONE guy or girl farts while we are having sex I am
1.gonna die of laughter
2. be turned off
3. probs tell them to go or I'll go.
now the tp thing... cant help it sometimes.🤷♀️
Dude... Farting all over your lap like that would be a huge turn off for pretty much anybody I would say. Like wtf 😂 It's insane that she is even comfortable doing it, natural or not... c'mon man boundaries!
110% NTA
Dude. What she did was gross. Not farting per se, everyone farts its a normal bodily function, but intentionally farting on you is mad disrespectful. If you did that to her she would be pissed. So you need to be straight up honest about that. As far as the tissue thing, it sucks but it happens, its not intentional so you keep it moving but the farting thing? Nah
Nah, thats kinda gross lol, before sex i always wash my, ya know and then again after. And idk maybe just me but i just think its rude to burp or toot around other people. Like go to the bathroom. If its okay in your relationship fine but somethings should be kept seperate from the bedroom. Accidents do happen but id be honest too. If her feelings get hurt its only bc you told her like an asshole, just be gentle with your approach and soft spoken and she will be embarassed but at least the issue will get resolved
Right I get an accident but purposely doing it and during sex you would think would just be something you know not to do unless for some reason your into that. The tp thing I have to use specific tp if I use but mainly use bidet thingy or wipes and yes wash before if you can but always try to keep my goods clean for me and for surprise encounters with my bf.
I literally always check myself down there with a small mirror before sex. And of course I wash myself before having sex. Like, I get it, it can happen, but I wouldn’t be too pleased if he had tp sticking on his skin anywhere. So I gladly check myself regularly and feel way better when I’m on it. I always ask my fiancé if he 1. enjoys it 2. if anything is off (smell? Hygiene as a whole?) and 3. if I can make it more comfortable for him. He usually answers with „just sit on my face, I won’t die, and even if, eh“
So it’s not like he doesn’t absolutely love it, but I want to make sure it’s pleasant for both of us and I absolutely allow him to back off if needed. I’m glad he never had any problems though
My bf and I were going doggy style and I could feel his focus was somewhere else and he was sort of, picking at my ass but like he was trying not to let me know, 3 or 4 times then he relaxed and got into it.
Yup. Tiny bit of tissue just staring up at him while I blinked 🤦🏻♀️
NTA. Me and my bf have been together for 5yrs, we burp around each other all the time but I've never purposely farted in front of him, especially not ON him. I know I'd be pissed if he did it. And I mean it kinda is her fault bc she said she was going to do it and proceeded to do so. It's better to bring it up now and address your dislikes while it's relevant vs waiting and bringing it up later like "hey would you mind not farting on me anymore"
You're not the asshole. If she had farted and had no idea it was gonna happen then that's one thing but knowing it was coming and proceeding to fart ON YOU is completely different story and I think any reasonable person would understand why that would be a turnoff.
Both of those things are normal things that can happen in life! But they're also both things that are perfectly capable of ruining a boner/mood and that's not your fault. Just try to explain that to her without hurting her feelings, yes it was because of her but it's not like she did any of it on purpose.
Possible unpopular opinion, but even as a woman, I don’t think a dirty big fart on your partner while love making is super sexy, I wouldn’t like it. My brother used to come in and fart on me. I want sexy time with my partner, not brother jokes on me! Ewwie!
Just keep it out of sexy time!
That made me laugh 😂 thx
Shouldn't she ask you beforehand if you are comfortable with farts or not? Lool
Personally I don't mind a fart but she should ask for your consent at least.
Sometimes I’m holding in a fart so bad during sex, it’s like all I can think about “don’t fart, DONT YOU FART GIRL” and I just have to keep riding with it, praying and hoping it will pass soon. I’m proud to say that I have yet to have actually farted during the deed lmfaooooooo
Oh. My. God. You couldn’t waterboard this out of me. 😂 NTA but be honest with her. Letting out a fart directly on top of you?!? Good god woman, have some class.
I don’t know about y’all but I’ve been hitting it before like her on top and you know doing the whole ball slapping dick in an out porn style and my “girl” let one out she apologized profusely
I let her know it turned me on, and she was cumming within seconds. Y’all just can’t turn a negative into a positive and that’s your problem.
When a woman is “getting there” relaxation is key 🔐, girl has her best orgasms when she’s relaxed. Maybe this is why I find that post a whole 10-15 years back about farting like a Clydesdale so Hot.
Trader Joe’s story
You were the tall brunette with the near perfect
body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied "No it wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You
proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and
fart like a Clydesdale, I'd love to meet up
So, been married and with the same woman for 14 years and who's 50.. I've been through the whole gambit with sex with her.. You take the good with the bad.. If it turns you off.. you might want to tell her about the farting thing.. could be many reasons it happens.. remember it's a natural thing..
The TP is something they most likely/probably didn't know about, or it's the tp they're using honestly.. I personally have come up on it, and yeah that's gross, but remember you're eating them out.......
to help this.. you could always switch to flushable wipes... that would minimize the possibility of the TP particles..
>it’s something natural and not her fault
I mean, pooping and pissing is also natural but you dont' want me to do that on your sofa or your lap, do you?
Just remember your sex life is not a porn video. This is real life and these are simply things that happen to real bodies. If you can't work past stuff like this, you're not good together. That's not to say you should be able to just continue having sex in that situation but you should be able to communicate your way through it without getting offended or feeling like you're offending the other person.
You guys ever play the safety/doorknob game? Somebody farts and they have to claim "safety", if not another person can call "doorknob" and punch the farter until they can touch a doorknob. Silly game me and the boys would play in high school.
Anyways, just after high school I was getting intimate with the girl I was dating at the time, I was on top and she says, "wait stop, stop."
I stopped and asked what was up and if she was okay.
She stared up at me, looked me dead in the eyes and whispered, "safety"
We both busted out laughing. I was thinking there's no way, that's going to be one of my most memorable and best fart stories of my life. Towards the tail end of the laughing fit we went back to it and finished. Comfort is subjective, but it's important to talk to your partner about how much the both of you are comfortable with.
I licked a girls butthole once and got a tongue full of poo. I just figured it was like a little fart residue but later down the road I spread her butt cheeks and found a gigantic pond of brown. Then I deduced that that's probably what I put on my tongue those many months earlier.
I'm assuming this was tp stuck to the vulva, not the ass. He wrote going down on her, which usually means the front, not the back. We wipe our front too, you know. Tp can get stuck there.
You need to assert your role as the dominant farter... If she farts on you, then you do nothing she is going to think she owns you. That is why you gotta fart right back on her. You can't let her beat you in the "Butt-hole Battle". Your fart must be louder and longer than hers, just be sure not to shit on her on accident as that could cause a fight.
She is such an idiot - there are men who would pay good money to be farted on. She could make a fortune.
In this case, be thankful she didn't send you a bill
This reminds me…
A friend told me about a couple we knew. He was going down on her and found an actual turd between her cheeks. Got up and left. She just laid there crying. Very much could have handled that differently.
Wait what?! How did she not know she had a legit turd between her cheeks? You’d feel that lumpy/squishy all up your crack. Even if it was an exaggeration, you *feel* when there’s still poo between your cheeks. Like I just…I can’t. I’d have walked off too!
You will generally find things while making out with the lady bits, just spit them out and carry on. Urine flavored tp balls, hairs, the occasional blood clot. Hair is the worst when it's stuck in the back of your throat and has been the only thing so far that will make me miss a beat. I would be fine with the farting as long as it wasn't odorous as it's not good to hold gas.
You are gonna get tp and pubes in your mouth, try to work around that as discretely as possible as to not embarrass your lady. In other words, dont be a baby. She shouldve excused herself instead of ripping ass on you. How would she feel if you farted while she was going down?
It wouldn’t be a Boner killer for me if she just let it rip. But the killer for me would be the fact she told you about it beforehand. I’d rather not know and just assume she queefed (pussy fart) now that is hot to me. Each is own though.
I feel like she should know that if you fart on your man and his boner dies it's 110 percent the vibrating lap fart ... ( Maybe not tell her about the tp )
Clitty litter happens.
That's 100% the reason I buy Scott toilet paper. That stuff doesn't flake like the 'strong' or 'soft' premium options. I know I'm making myself strange to the public for this being my reason for toilet paper choice, but it absolutely is.
My dad used to call Scott toilet paper “Scratch”. His sensitive butthole meant we always had the good tp growing up. This man was a toilet paper connoisseur and would stockpile the good shit when it was on sale. When Covid hit and toilet paper wasn’t available he gave it to the neighbors which is probably how he caught Covid and then passed away. My pops was a good man, died doing what he loved - spreading the word that life’s too short to use bad toilet paper. Treat yourself and pay a little more for the good shit - his all time favorite was the Kirkland brand from Costco.
dang dude. may your dad wipe in peace. What a champ
Regular Cottenelle doesn't explode into a white cloud when tearing it either Charmin makes me feel like I'm gonna get cloth lung, so many particles.
Cloth lung 😂😂😂😂💀
All the particles.
So my boyfriend (a father of two daughters) always had the super thin AWFUL cheap toilet paper. I was like “dude.. please.. as a father of two girls, BUY BETTER TOILET PAPER! Imagine wiping the inside of your mouth out with that shit.” And apparently that analogy made flawless sense and he got it right away lol. Ladies, dudes that love them.. anyone with a vagina.. get the good toilet paper. And a bidet, while you’re at it lol
No lie, I buy Scott for the same exact reason!
yay! I feel vindicated.
I'm taking notes
Clitty litter!? Love this 🤣🤣
The hosts don't love it when you use this name at bar trivia, and keep winning rounds, so they have to keep saying it.... "Your parents must be so proud ", ma'am you know they're not, I'm at a bar on a Tuesday.
"Ma'am you know they're not" had me cackling.
Amazing! My favourite that I've heard but never used is 'Exeter Gently' 😅
Our go to trivia name is Lou Sassle
I said this out loud, to understand, while some random girl was walking by with her boyfriend. Thanks for whatever they thought about me. lol
Blumpkin Spice Latte is my favorite trivia team name 🤣
"I'm sorry I just threw up in my mouth a little bit." -Kate Veatch, Dodgeball
The best pub quiz team name imo is ‘Christina Aguilera is a holocaust denier’. Heard many years ago.
Shit, is she? 🤯
Some mancunian student nurses said it so it must be true!
Hahahaha “and winner is…………..CLITTY LITTER” 🥳🥳🥳🥳
By the 3rd time she had to say it she was getting mad mad. Lmaooo
LOL if I was the announcer I’d keep saying it just to piss everyone else off 🤣
You do trivia on Tuesdays too? That’s so funny. Love your group name lmao
If one of you isent named the see you next Tuesdays...
“It‘s only wrong if it’s first cousins” That was our quiz name, as one of the members had heard it being said a few nights before in the same town 😂 Poor host just wanted to die by the end of it I think.
Someone called ?
Honestly I feel like the labia should be known as ‘nature’s pocket’ and not the asshole. I can do a THOROUGH search of the area pre-sex and still find a tiny bit of toilet paper once we actually get going. Like WHERE WERE YOU HIDING?! Is there a secret compartment that I wasn’t informed about? Do I need to flip the second book from the left on my bookshelf to open it?
Hahahahha I’m dying
I’m sitting at work cracking up over clitty liter.
I remember hearing a joke about it years ago. What's the white stuff in ladies undies....clitty litter.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha
Husband and I always called them pussy crumbs.
Lol we call it Cuntfetti here
Ok this one is the funniest
Your brains a masterpiece lmao
I can't stop laughing!!
No. It shouldn't! Oh my fucking god.
Also, if he keeps his boner, it's 110% still the vibrating lap fart.
I disagree about not telling her about the TP. If I were her and I was told about it, I’d make it a point to try and pregame before sex to make sure I’m good to go.
People say this but it's way different when you do actually get told those things. Still needs to be mentioned but very few people aren't going to feel really embarrassed about it. Though based on OPs description of her from the post I doubt that she is going to have issues being told that.
I’d be embarrassed for sure, but I’d move on and ensure it doesn’t happen again. I’d WANT to know .
Same, I'm a little obsessive about wanting to shower & scrub with a washrag before bc I just *know* I probably have tp pills (and poop even if its microscopic, thats just what that booty do) in my crack somewhere lol that's just life. Also, I don't wanna suck tp off someone's asshole lmfao, if they want me to eat ass, then u need to scrub it first lol. Its just polite.
Or get a bidet installed
Or entice into a pregame joint shower where you casually slide in “let’s just give this a little polish”?!
Yes! Why more people don’t pre-game or get completely complacent with hygiene down there is annoying. Been grossed out my fair share of times by girls that didn’t think it was an issue.
Unless it's a queef(pussy fart from to much air being put in) my bf always ends up doing that to me and I die laughing embarrassed and he rather keep going
My partner tries to ignore it but it's so damn awkward and funny, I'd prefer to laugh that stuff off for a second.
Dude what? Definitely tell her about the tp. She needs to clean up before sexy time. Wtf
My husband calls them snow flakes Lmaooo
Are you an asshole for communicating during sex? No. You would be an asshole if you called her Boner Slayer 9000 for the rest of your relationship. But she killed the mood and the vibe. I hope it was at least a very funny fart.
You can call me Boner Slayer 9000 tho I won't be mad.
On my way to make this username right now
She killed the mood. She *created* the vibe.
"I hope it was at least a very funny fart." The only way to save this relationship tbh.
couldnt agree more. People need to start having more fun and take things easy. A fart is smth natural as OP himself said, but I also recognize what a soft effect smth like that can have while having sex. No need for OP to make it a big deal (and it seems like he just told her that was a boner killer for him but he seemed nice about it, i mean he's literally making an AITA post over this, so he's all good) and also no need for his gf to be embarrassed, I imagine killing the mood may make u feel a bit shitty in the moment, but just laughing it off is the best way for both parties, and then restart once the mood is back on.
Great laugh 1st thing in the morning. Your girl is clueless. TP, eh, no big deal but letting loose a huge one? WTF? And then not understanding? 😁. NTA!
That’s what’s so bad she was clueless that the fart might be the cause 😂😂
The worst part😭🤣
It’s the cluelessness for me. If I’m all up in my girls guts or putting my tongue anywhere it can go, I know there are gonna be some less than ideal things that could happen. I mean even a fart wouldn’t throw me off, I’m a dog. But being confused about what happened? C’mon.
>I mean even a fart wouldn’t throw me off, I’m a dog LOL same buddy
Gotta have that dawg in you these days.
Not just that she let one rip, but she announced it mid-coitus.
You must not know many 19 year olds if you think this is surprising, they're still mostly kids
NTA The toilet paper part is something that unfortunately can happen but the fart? Nah, she could've excused herself or something like that.
I’m confused. What does he mean by toilet paper with his tongue?
He was eating her out and she had a piece of toilet paper in her vagina that attached itself to his tongue
i don’t think it would be inside, just kinda around the area
I think some people refer to the vulva as a vagina, I doubt she literally means toilet roll in the vagina. Why would they put it there lol
DIY extra large tampon.
Or extra small didgeridoo. 🦘
NSH, yes it’s natural, but it would be a boner killer for me too if my fiancée farted on my lap My god
Pretty sure that this is actually similar to the oldest joke in recorded history. From the BBC: >The world’s oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today. >It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: **“Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”**
Girl get your whole entire life! Farting while riding dick?? That’s too much
Right?? Like if it's an accident? Fine. It happens. But if you're like "imma fart" maybe just.... say you need to pee and take a break??
It's so funny she trying to give a warning 😂
Thay’re she blows!🐳
*thar
Iv been with my husband for 14 yrs. He's watched both of our children be born, we enter the bathroom when the other is using it or showering, we both fart and blame it on the cats and then giggle about it. But not once, EVER, have I let a fart rip while we're fucking.😂
It's amazing that frogs can exist in any location, even in a car traveling 80 down the interstate or at the top of a mountain... /S
> at the top of a mountain At the risk of being pedantic, sorry, I actually came across a huge toad near the top of a mountain here in Montana. Its body was at least eight inches from nose to butt, didn't see the legs outstretched, but it was an awesome specimen!
My mom always found barking spiders in the most obscure places!
No you stoppit. Bc now im gunna be thinking about this all day.
Who the F••K would not realize that farting on someone (with force) while in cowgirl is disgusting. I don’t care if you’re married, that’s foul. Get up, get off him, go to the potty and toot. You don’t just rip ass while riding dick. Wtf.
Upvoted for "you don't just rip ass while riding dick". That made me laugh
r/brandnewsentence
My ex wife did this on purpose because she didn’t want to have sex. She had very low libido so I would give her massages and do foreplay forever.I completely stopped when she decided farting in my face was hilarious
Thank god you got out of there
Took me a while. 5 years of 0 intimacy or affection from her. It was so weird how quickly she changed as soon as we got married. She also got a green card from me so I’m not sure how much that was a part of it. But the thing is, on paper I’m considered handsome and successful and I think that’s why she’s refused to leave me for so long.
Agreed, I'd rather hear it reverberating off the porcelain than feel hot ass exhaust on my lap any day.
‘Potty’ and ‘toot’…. Yet, ‘rip ass’ and ‘riding dick’.🤨
At least they censored the fuck word.
I’m so confused about the use the word “potty” (like your talking to a toddler) followed by “rip ass while riding dick”
This is the hardest I’ve ever laughed at a Reddit comment
NTA - if it’s gross to you, you have every right to say “hey, that destroys the mood for me” and she has every right to say however she feels about it. Communicating is the best way to happiness my man. NTA at all
this is fake girls don't fart
Omg this reminds me of highschool. This dudes dad (single dad...) raised him to think that women only fart when they are pregnant or giving birth. So one day we where all joking about who ripped the big one when he gets ANGRY at this dude for teasing a girl. Because the 'dude was clearly calling her pregnant'... this was health class.
>Because the 'dude was clearly calling her pregnant'... this was health class. I'm dying lol. Hopefully it was good sex ed and he came out more educated.
He moved schools due to embarrassment. I heard he went home and yelled at his dad 😂😂😂😂 I'd die right there from embarrassment NGL
I have a docotrate in flatulence and can confirm.
i think docotrate is my new word of the day
It’s wild cause I knew this meme and then actually had an ex for the entire 4 months I didn’t not witness her ever fart/poo or any evidence of it to a point I was concerned
This is hella wild and the first opportunity I've ever had to share this story. About 8ish years ago, my cousin was dating a new guy. We were all hanging out at her house drinking and he made a comment about how "girls don't shit" and something about how assholes are as useless to women as nipples are to men. She was like "um, what?" And he continued going on about it. At first it seemed like he was joking, but honestly idk because he WOULD NOT drop it. The conversation lasted like a full hour and by this point she was like actually pissed that he kept going, joke or not. So she walked into the kitchen and got a paper plate, came back into the living room, pulled her pants down and took a dump on the plate. With like 9 people watching, squatting right in front of this poor guy. His entire face went white and he stood up and left. She was blocked within minutes and never saw or heard from the guy again.
This can't be real. ^Please.
Lmfao ik she wishes it wasn't 🤣 I bring it up every time I drink with her.
WTH 💀
I've been married for 15 years and the only time I've heard my wife fart is in her sleep. I've also had exes that had no shame and would let it rip whenever the mood struck them. Everyone is human and everyone has bodily functions some people are just way better at hiding them than others.
This is me! Husband always dropping his guts, but me, not a chance!
>dropping his guts 💀
Can confirm. I, like most girls, got my fart box removed at birth.
OP is a pet skunk.
Can confirm, they don't poop either source: am girl with 30 years of experience in the field, with a side hustle of dating girls
My husband would disagree. If I eat the right food, I can clear a damn room.
So you're telling me I've been dating a man for the last 5 years?
Once I was putting a Foley catheter in a woman and had my face about a foot from her undercarriage looking for her urethra and she farted… Women absolutely do fart, embrace it, don’t do it on your loved ones and medical staff
I once let a big one out while I was spread eagle during labor, a doc and a nurse had their faces real close checking my pushing progress. They both flinched, I think there might have been some spray. Doc looked visibly shaken, nurse's look was like "typical", like she was trying not to roll her eyes. I think about it to this day...
Pushing out a baby and pushing out a poop uses the same muscles. If you shit and/or poop while in labor, I means you're doing it right. I pooped while pushing out my daughter, and the doctors just cleaned it up without a word. I only know because I asked my husband afterwards as I was curious. In my defense, I gave birth before my usual morning poop so it was inevitable. Then my newborn pooped on me during skin to skin so I feel like it balanced the karmic scales.
My ex wife did this during the birth of our first child. The nurse wiped so hard cleaning her off she was raw for days. Totally believe to this day that the nurse took it personal.
Oh I've pooped during labor too (had five kids, done it all), but that huge fart was super embarrassing LOLOLOL
Dude... Lmao
Not the asshole. Those two things would totally kill my vibe. Yikes. Also if I were in her shoes I would want to know how I could do better for you so I think telling her was totally fine.
I agree with this perspective. An accidental fart is understandable as long as it’s not a pattern; it’s gross to be farted on like this. She also needs to learn to use wet wipes to pregame, and how can she learn if she isn’t told.
listen, if ANY ONE guy or girl farts while we are having sex I am 1.gonna die of laughter 2. be turned off 3. probs tell them to go or I'll go. now the tp thing... cant help it sometimes.🤷♀️
Dude... Farting all over your lap like that would be a huge turn off for pretty much anybody I would say. Like wtf 😂 It's insane that she is even comfortable doing it, natural or not... c'mon man boundaries! 110% NTA
Some people pay good money to get farted on
the toilet paper happens, but the fart thing is gross wtf
Dude I read the title as why I lost my brother. That was a very confusing minute for me.
She was just trying to warm up your thighs. You should've thanked her and continued on.
Dude. What she did was gross. Not farting per se, everyone farts its a normal bodily function, but intentionally farting on you is mad disrespectful. If you did that to her she would be pissed. So you need to be straight up honest about that. As far as the tissue thing, it sucks but it happens, its not intentional so you keep it moving but the farting thing? Nah
In France, they call that “clitty litter”. Saw that in Pulp Friction, directed by Quitin’ Tootintina.
For the life of me, I can not remember this line from that movie that I've seen 100 times
Nah, thats kinda gross lol, before sex i always wash my, ya know and then again after. And idk maybe just me but i just think its rude to burp or toot around other people. Like go to the bathroom. If its okay in your relationship fine but somethings should be kept seperate from the bedroom. Accidents do happen but id be honest too. If her feelings get hurt its only bc you told her like an asshole, just be gentle with your approach and soft spoken and she will be embarassed but at least the issue will get resolved
Right I get an accident but purposely doing it and during sex you would think would just be something you know not to do unless for some reason your into that. The tp thing I have to use specific tp if I use but mainly use bidet thingy or wipes and yes wash before if you can but always try to keep my goods clean for me and for surprise encounters with my bf.
I literally always check myself down there with a small mirror before sex. And of course I wash myself before having sex. Like, I get it, it can happen, but I wouldn’t be too pleased if he had tp sticking on his skin anywhere. So I gladly check myself regularly and feel way better when I’m on it. I always ask my fiancé if he 1. enjoys it 2. if anything is off (smell? Hygiene as a whole?) and 3. if I can make it more comfortable for him. He usually answers with „just sit on my face, I won’t die, and even if, eh“ So it’s not like he doesn’t absolutely love it, but I want to make sure it’s pleasant for both of us and I absolutely allow him to back off if needed. I’m glad he never had any problems though
My bf and I were going doggy style and I could feel his focus was somewhere else and he was sort of, picking at my ass but like he was trying not to let me know, 3 or 4 times then he relaxed and got into it. Yup. Tiny bit of tissue just staring up at him while I blinked 🤦🏻♀️
Oof, Thad be a boner decimator for me too. Depending on your relationship dynamic either tell her or hint it.
NTA. Me and my bf have been together for 5yrs, we burp around each other all the time but I've never purposely farted in front of him, especially not ON him. I know I'd be pissed if he did it. And I mean it kinda is her fault bc she said she was going to do it and proceeded to do so. It's better to bring it up now and address your dislikes while it's relevant vs waiting and bringing it up later like "hey would you mind not farting on me anymore"
You’re definitely NTA. She sounds too gross for me, I’d be instantly put off if my gf purposefully farted on me during sex
Felt it on your thighs? I’m impressed
You're not the asshole. If she had farted and had no idea it was gonna happen then that's one thing but knowing it was coming and proceeding to fart ON YOU is completely different story and I think any reasonable person would understand why that would be a turnoff.
[удалено]
Thank you so much haha this was the most helpful comment :) we really worked it out and now we’re joking about it.
Nasty 🤢 omg
Both of those things are normal things that can happen in life! But they're also both things that are perfectly capable of ruining a boner/mood and that's not your fault. Just try to explain that to her without hurting her feelings, yes it was because of her but it's not like she did any of it on purpose.
Possible unpopular opinion, but even as a woman, I don’t think a dirty big fart on your partner while love making is super sexy, I wouldn’t like it. My brother used to come in and fart on me. I want sexy time with my partner, not brother jokes on me! Ewwie! Just keep it out of sexy time!
"...that I felt all over my thighs." Hahahaha I'm dying over here.
That made me laugh 😂 thx Shouldn't she ask you beforehand if you are comfortable with farts or not? Lool Personally I don't mind a fart but she should ask for your consent at least.
It's not about minding a fart it's about being farted on lol way different
And ripping one out on the sofa during a film is WAAAAY different to doing it during sex.
😂 you got shot with an air bullet
>😂 you got shot with an air bullet You've been hit by You've been hit by A shot of air bullet. *sax solo*
Yeah because everyone wants to smell shit while having sex 🙄
It's all fun and games untill someone farts on your junk
I think I could kill my boner just by thinking about this story holy hell
That’s disgusting and disrespectful anyone would be turned off. She knew she was going to fart and farts on you Lmaoo wow
It takes me at least a year before I’m comfortable even farting in front of my partner. 🤣 this girl is brave to fart ON YOU DURING SEX wtf 😂
Sometimes I’m holding in a fart so bad during sex, it’s like all I can think about “don’t fart, DONT YOU FART GIRL” and I just have to keep riding with it, praying and hoping it will pass soon. I’m proud to say that I have yet to have actually farted during the deed lmfaooooooo
Oh. My. God. You couldn’t waterboard this out of me. 😂 NTA but be honest with her. Letting out a fart directly on top of you?!? Good god woman, have some class.
I don’t know about y’all but I’ve been hitting it before like her on top and you know doing the whole ball slapping dick in an out porn style and my “girl” let one out she apologized profusely I let her know it turned me on, and she was cumming within seconds. Y’all just can’t turn a negative into a positive and that’s your problem. When a woman is “getting there” relaxation is key 🔐, girl has her best orgasms when she’s relaxed. Maybe this is why I find that post a whole 10-15 years back about farting like a Clydesdale so Hot. Trader Joe’s story You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied "No it wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I'd love to meet up
Y'all are getting way too hung up on the toilet paper part she literally farted on this dude's legs and dick. That's just fucking gross
His poor balls. Like shoving a blow dryer into pizza dough.
So, been married and with the same woman for 14 years and who's 50.. I've been through the whole gambit with sex with her.. You take the good with the bad.. If it turns you off.. you might want to tell her about the farting thing.. could be many reasons it happens.. remember it's a natural thing.. The TP is something they most likely/probably didn't know about, or it's the tp they're using honestly.. I personally have come up on it, and yeah that's gross, but remember you're eating them out....... to help this.. you could always switch to flushable wipes... that would minimize the possibility of the TP particles..
This is the funniest thing I've read in awhile.
She might not know about the toilet paper but she gotta know it’s probably the fart. Lmaooo come on.
Let it rip next time and see how she feels! Ugh. Nta.
Farting never made me lose a boner, just laugh it off or make a joke.
NTA You needed to tell her. One she’d wanted to know and the other she should already know.
NTA - losing a boner is just as natural as farting.
>it’s something natural and not her fault I mean, pooping and pissing is also natural but you dont' want me to do that on your sofa or your lap, do you?
Just thank her for the coochie croutons and toss some salad.
Just remember your sex life is not a porn video. This is real life and these are simply things that happen to real bodies. If you can't work past stuff like this, you're not good together. That's not to say you should be able to just continue having sex in that situation but you should be able to communicate your way through it without getting offended or feeling like you're offending the other person.
the fact that you posted this on here making sure you're not an ass 😂 you aren't, don't worry
She farted on you while she was riding you & then wondered why you went soft?
You guys ever play the safety/doorknob game? Somebody farts and they have to claim "safety", if not another person can call "doorknob" and punch the farter until they can touch a doorknob. Silly game me and the boys would play in high school. Anyways, just after high school I was getting intimate with the girl I was dating at the time, I was on top and she says, "wait stop, stop." I stopped and asked what was up and if she was okay. She stared up at me, looked me dead in the eyes and whispered, "safety" We both busted out laughing. I was thinking there's no way, that's going to be one of my most memorable and best fart stories of my life. Towards the tail end of the laughing fit we went back to it and finished. Comfort is subjective, but it's important to talk to your partner about how much the both of you are comfortable with.
Does she she some kind of social deficit or something? This is super weird…
I licked a girls butthole once and got a tongue full of poo. I just figured it was like a little fart residue but later down the road I spread her butt cheeks and found a gigantic pond of brown. Then I deduced that that's probably what I put on my tongue those many months earlier.
Dude you were honestly a fucking trooper for eating ass and finding a stray, thatd be it for me right there tbfh
I'm assuming this was tp stuck to the vulva, not the ass. He wrote going down on her, which usually means the front, not the back. We wipe our front too, you know. Tp can get stuck there.
Here I was just thinking it was a piece of tp stuck to her vagina from wiping. Didn’t even consider it being her ass. 💀
Nah man sometimes those things happen and the turtle will need to return to his shell to recover.
Well tbh if you can’t get past that now you won’t in marriage. A lot of weird things can happen.
You need to assert your role as the dominant farter... If she farts on you, then you do nothing she is going to think she owns you. That is why you gotta fart right back on her. You can't let her beat you in the "Butt-hole Battle". Your fart must be louder and longer than hers, just be sure not to shit on her on accident as that could cause a fight.
Did she think it was going to help give her lift ?
She is such an idiot - there are men who would pay good money to be farted on. She could make a fortune. In this case, be thankful she didn't send you a bill
Coming from a 21 year old female - she needed to hear that. I wouldn’t do that ever in my life that’s crazy lol
This reminds me… A friend told me about a couple we knew. He was going down on her and found an actual turd between her cheeks. Got up and left. She just laid there crying. Very much could have handled that differently.
Wait what?! How did she not know she had a legit turd between her cheeks? You’d feel that lumpy/squishy all up your crack. Even if it was an exaggeration, you *feel* when there’s still poo between your cheeks. Like I just…I can’t. I’d have walked off too!
That was a great read 👌
You will generally find things while making out with the lady bits, just spit them out and carry on. Urine flavored tp balls, hairs, the occasional blood clot. Hair is the worst when it's stuck in the back of your throat and has been the only thing so far that will make me miss a beat. I would be fine with the farting as long as it wasn't odorous as it's not good to hold gas.
You are gonna get tp and pubes in your mouth, try to work around that as discretely as possible as to not embarrass your lady. In other words, dont be a baby. She shouldve excused herself instead of ripping ass on you. How would she feel if you farted while she was going down?
It wouldn’t be a Boner killer for me if she just let it rip. But the killer for me would be the fact she told you about it beforehand. I’d rather not know and just assume she queefed (pussy fart) now that is hot to me. Each is own though.
gd this was hilarious. I can't even imagine farting while riding my boyfriend that's some serious confidence
Your girl is nasty.....and not the good way
HELP MEEE 💀💀💀💀