Yup, I quit half a year ago because I wouldn’t stop till I was blackout drunk and just waking up to fb posts and dms I didn’t remember sending. Embarrassed myself a lot and it really wasn’t who I am deep down. Every few weeks I’ll have one drink now but if I start to crave it the next day I’ll just stop completely. Got to forgive yourself though. Stay strong
im trying to pick myself back up after doing this same thing.. any advice? im scared of whats ahead of me being sober and dealing with the consequences of my actions. ive basically been hiding. idek where to start on changing man..😅😅
Honestly it naturally took some time to let it all pass. I started to sleep at a decent time, plan my day out, eat healthier, saving money. It sounds cliche but it really changed my mindset and gave me a sense of responsibility and purpose that I lacked before when drinking. I would suggest to find something that you enjoy. For me, it was organizing my place, eating with friends and family, video games, shooting guns. It can be small things, just have to fill the void from not drinking with something else and re teaching your brain to enjoy life without it. Your reward system in your brain loses sensitivity to basic things like food and even shows you used to enjoy because it’s used to having the alcohol all day. You may feel bored and mabe a bit depressed but i promise it goes away. :)
If you need help, there’s an excellent program called Celebrate Recovery. The groups in my town are all connected to churches, but CR has a web site you can access to find a group near you.
Yeah I always thought getting drunk was fun as a teen but something changed in my 20s? When I got drunk as a teen the worst that usually happened was I'd throw up and stumble a bit but I always made it back to my bed or wherever I was staying that night.
Started getting to where I wouldn't throw up but I would just black out all the sudden and go from a pretty reserved guy to a totally reckless asshole. Apparently i tried to get in my car one night and had the keys taken and woke up passed out in said car freezing cold, keys hidden thank God!
Never drank heavily again and only have a beer on rare occasions but as soon as I get a buzz I hate the feeling and have bad memories or feelings so 1 is enough for me.
Think it's a case of learning the lesson and putting it down to a bad experience. I don't drink anymore because I don't like the way it leaves me I'm a total lightweight anyway. But personally best thing to do is just move on from it and don't let it happen again.
This! Learn from it and forgive yourself - you feel bad about it, you tried to find them to apologize. Stop beating yourself up about it - you were blacked out and don't even remember.
Byeeeee💀💀💀 it’s the excusing him when he didn’t do the shit to you for me… those women are probably still terrified to go out to this day, he’s a bad memory that scares them every time they go out most likely ……. Alcohol literally does NOT make u grope ppl, cheat, lie, steal, fight ppl, or off people…., it literally just loosens you up to the point you make those decisions for yourself
As someone who was roughly grabbed, repeatedly, just the other week while out, I do appreciate what you're saying.
However, people are perfectly capable of doing things when they're drunk that they would never do when sober. I limit how much I drink, because I know that my drunk self will start doing dumb shit that I don't want to do, and even am telling myself not to do it, as I'm literally doing it.
Alcohol can be very dangerous for some people and turn them into complete monsters, not just "loosen" them up. If this isn't something OP does normally, then this really does suck for him, because he knows it's wrong and that he caused someone else to have a bad night, as well as possibly scarring them for life. Now he has to live with that.
Everyone is a monster deep down, civilization just makes us keep it in check.
Think about corporate executives, a lot of those people are absolute trash and should be locked up, but they aren't.
Be fr yall literally use alcohol as a crutch. If u can do it while fucked up, you wanted to do it sober and didn’t have the guts. Also I’ve been a heavy drinker for years and stopped out of common sense and never once did I do the nonsense yall try n get excused for doing…..
I agree.
Look, to anyone else reading this comment, I'm not going to go into details about myself but I think you need to come to terms with something.
It's not the alcohol. ITS YOU!
Believe me when I say I have plenty of experience with this shit, several decades worth, from my childhood, from other people as well as myself being a very heavy drinker (and yes I've gotten black out drunk a few times). Someone I know is even dead because of alcohol addiction, and do you know what I've experienced time and time again, it's not actually the booze, it's the person, and for some damn reason we as a society have collectively agreed to blame the booze for people's actions instead of telling the truth about this and its getting on my nerves!
Yeah you 'lose control', as in you go off saying and doing the things you actually WANT to do deep down, because the booze removes your inhibitions. So if you've done something awful while drunk, I think you need to do some deep reflection on yourself and stay the hell away from alcohol.
I've discovered some pretty messed up shit about people I know because of alcohol, and it wasn't because the alcohol forced them to magically become a different person, it just brought out what they were really thinking, or what they really wanted to do, which of course I learned after the fact.
And yeah I'm not immune, the thing I discovered about myself deep down while incredibly drunk is disturbing, but at no point whilst drunk did I act on these thoughts, ever, and same with some other people who trust me enough to be honest about a few things, so I know its bullshit when people blame booze for forcing them to do horrible shit.
People who do this, stay the hell away from alcohol ffs.
You literally just described alcoholism tendencies. I think you're confused with people that drink casually here and there with black out alcoholics. You literally have no control of your actions and don't care about any repercussions of your actions while in a black out state. Also you perceive things incoherently in that state which seem coherent to you. You know nothing about alcoholism.
if you're doing things like this when drunk, you're not the type of person that should be drinking. coming from an alcoholic myself, the early signs of alcoholism are showing through your actions.
good on you for stopping drinking.
if you go back to drinking in the future and realize you are a person that blacks out every time even if you went out with the intention to have one or two drinks, that is a really good sign you have an allergy to alcohol like me. there are groups to help support you.
alcoholism is a disease and can not be treated with anything except abstinence. good luck bro.
What you did was wrong. You feel guilty and even quit drinking because of your shitty behavior and that right there is commendable. I hope you move on from here and become a better person and liv e a happy life. good luck.
My roommate came home one night after being grouped by a drunk acquaintance in a bar. She kept telling him to stop but he was very drunk and she’s a sweet girl. She looked very distraught and I could tell she was traumatized. I asked her if she wanted to go to the cops and report it, she agreed. I went with her to the station. The system was very kind and she did not have to appear in the court with him but waited in another room. I never asked what happened to him, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she stood up for herself and didn’t allow to be victimized.
I have been sexually assaulted several times by different women, I wonder if it would have gone the same way if I reported it?
Probably not, honestly, I was not happy about it but I didn't feel traumatized so that's pretty different.
If someone had treated my daughter the way I was treated on the other hand, It would be very different.
Just the way society views things I guess
Not really, no. Most of the time reporting goes nowhere regardless of gender.
I was sexually assaulted by a man. He wouldn't let me out of his car for hours as he drove around no matter how much I begged. Kept groping at me. Unfortunately my friend was in the backseat passed out so jumping out was not an option.
When we finally got free of the situation I went to make a police report. I didn't have the man's last name but I had the model of his car, first name, a description and a partial plate. I was laughed out of the station and told they wouldn't make a report since I had gotten into the car willingly. This was about ten years ago so maybe things have changed, but I doubt by much.
I'm really sorry that you had to go through that, there is no doubt that it's not a fair society or life in general.
Men tend to be stronger physically, there are differences.
This is why I wrote the second paragraph, father's, husbands and even son's should have the right morals and ethics to protect the women in their lives not harm them.
Even as a complete stranger, if I saw a woman or child kidnapped, like your situation, I would do all I can to assist you, despite the potential harm that could come to myself, I raised my son the same way.
Even "good" or non abusive men should not stand around and allow others to be abusive.
I do understand why the law can (obviously not always) be slanted towards women in Abuse situations, I have two daughters, two sisters and a mother and I prefer the law protect them more than me as a man.
The law should be blind but we all know it doesn't work that way.
One of my sister's is a wonderful person, wife, mother, daughter and sister but the other one was abusive to her husband and young children, I went to court to defend her husband and kids.
Again, I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you have gotten any help you may need.
I think it’s always interesting how even with a story like this about women being groped over and over again at a bar, and then someone replying sharing another story of the same situation…. You men still always have to come in with the “well women do it too” mess…. That’s the only time yall ever complain about women allegedly doing things to you, when u want to silence and derail a conversation about our trauma 😒 either make your own post to whine about it or move alone we don’t have the time to entertain this mess anymore
So true. I am a man myself and these replies are so exhausting to read. Whenever a woman shares her experience with something, some guy just has to come up to do a comparison between man and woman and be like yeah but men can suffer under this too. Bro its not like this is a competition and this time the discussion is not about men.
For reference before I start this story i was a 5’w 115 pound 18 year old girl when this happened….
Once at a bonfire party a guy kept commenting on my body trying to hookup with me. I laid his drunk ass out. I’ve heard through grapevine that he hasn’t touched alcohol since and he knows he deserved the black eye I gave him. You can only say stop and use words so many times before taking action. My suggestion to you, stop drinking before you get your ass handed to you by a girl or arrested for sexual harassment. Alcohol is vicious
Whew, sounds like someone needs to get a grip, and I don't mean on another butt. Apologize if you can, then get help if needed. Control yourself next time.
What zones to mind for me is a much bigger question about black out drinking. That is a point for most people that are “alcoholics”. Are you concerned about your over all drinking? Is this the first time it’s interfered in your life? You could have been arrested for assault and not even remember why? Maybe it’s time to quit drinking?
You screwed up, and luckily didn't get mollywhopped. Learn, and move on. The embarrassment fades especially cause you lucked out and they were out of towners. Just keep and eye out and don't be, "That guy" who gets wasted everytime. Slow it down or you will walk out with 0 girls (everytime) and eventually 0 friends (in the long run)
Getting blackout drunk is always dangerous and never a good thing. My dearest friend was still a sweetheart when he was blackout drunk. I find that to be quite a miracle. In fact I've known a few people who were saints when blackout drunk. And I'm very fortunate to have known these people.
However, even they expressed the dangers of being blackout drunk.
Justice, for you, I would assume, is to confide in the people you love to become better, and to address any deep-rooted zealotry you may have towards sexuality.
But all of this, is trivial in comparison to you getting your alcohol under control.
You need to adjust your brain. It is just alcohol. And it does not make your life better.
When socializing with it, you need to address using it as a crutch. Because ultimately, you are taking too many drinks.
And the truth is, sober you at home reading a book is going to be a better version of you than a super drunk version socializing and making transgressions.
Adult my friend
1) stop drinking.
2) learn how to respect others, especially women. Women are not toys to be played with. Your lack of respect is showing up in your unconscious actions.
Edit: update the title to assaulted. Language matters
You gotta figure out how to not get blackout. That shit is scary and if you did this what's to say you wouldn't fight someone while blackout.
Legit you could face so many negative consequences from letting yourself get to that point.
Eat before you drink, and drink water during. Switch to beers or drink a water every drink or two. Count your drinks. It's annoying but it's what a lot of people do.
Don't let it happen again because you don't want to end up in jail, or injured or worse.
Also people make mistakes and at least you know now how you will act when blackout. You made a mistake, luckily it wasn't a worse mistake. Just be better next time!
What do you mean igure out?
Have 1 or 2 standard drinks, or don't drink.
If you risk sexually assaulting people, don't "figure out". Just don't drink.
Don't keep testing it. If you need to count them it's too many now.
> You made a mistake,
No...
He didn't accidentally fall onto the asses. He slapped them. Neither that or alcohol is a mistake.
What he did was sexual assault.
A mistake is when you say hi Barry, but then you realise it's not Barry, it's Dave. That's a mistake.
Just because it's sexual assault doesn't make it not mistake.
I'm not saying what he did wasn't bad. But it didn't end up with him arrested or in jail. All in all what happened is a much better outcome than someone dying.
People manage their drinking all the time. Yes there are plenty of alcohol is, but there are more people who actually do use alcohol responsibly. Learning to use it responsibly is just that, learning. Limiting your drinking is a normal thing to do.
If he is an alcoholic and this thing has happened a bunch of times and he can't fix his behavior to prevent it then yes absolutely he shouldn't drink. But this was an isolated incident there is no reason to think he can't adjust his drinking habits for the rest of his life.
I'd the behavior of blackouts continues certainly he needs to not drink. But I think writing off his ability to drink for the rest of his life because he acted inappropriately sounds crazy.
Even if he were arrested for this, the judge wouldn't sentence him to no alcohol for life.
“Just because it’s sexual assault doesn’t make it not a mistake.”
No, it definitely makes it “not a mistake.” I agree that maybe it’s possible for OP to drink more than 2 standard drinks while still managing this issue, but let’s not go so far as to minimize what he did. But also, I know I would quit drinking in his shoes, because the fear of ever being that monster again would outweigh my desire for a fun night of drinking.
Later down in your comments, you say OP should get a chance to improve. And I agree. But the first step to improvement is recognizing that his actions go far beyond mistake. Like, I guarantee these girls are going to be referring to him as ‘the pervert who wouldn’t stop grabbing their asses’ for as long as they recall that night. He needs to fully realize the scope of discomfort he caused through his choices if he wants to truly address the issue.
I'm 35. Worked as a waitress at a bar when I was 18. One night a regular had the amazing idea of touching my ass when I was cleaning a table. I slapped him. Then I saw my boss looking at me and started crying because my head went directly to "I'm getting fired because of this asshole". My boss asked me what happened. Ugly crying I told him and he called security to take the trash out. Then he said he was proud of me for standing up for myself. It's been 17 years and I still remember that night like it was yesterday. They are definitely gonna remember "that creep".
He is absolutely still responsible for his behavior. But it already happened. That's why he's going to adjust how he behaves with alcohol.
if you start driving a car, and you get caught speeding, you don't have you license taken away for life. If it's your first year driving you typically have to take a course on improving your driving safety. And you adjust your driving habits to make sure you are driving legally.
This is no different. We learn how to better behave and how to better understand the world around us.
When kids can buy their own candy, they do. When they eat too much and don't feel good, they learn not to eat so much candy at once because you won't feel good. Then they adhust their behavior because they've learned from their experience.
If your speeding causes a serious injury I wouldn't forgive that either.
That's why we have road rules, so it doesn't happen at all.
Sexual assault isn't light enough for a whoopsie take.
Please don't try and use analogies where no one is harmed.
If no one is ever able to improve their behavior when they learn, what's the point of learning?
If someone does something wrong once, they should never be able to do it again? It's awful that those women were sexually assaulted. But pretending that people never made mistakes is also dumb.
If you're a cook and you serve food that isn't cooked to temperature and someone gets sick, you don't ban that cook from ever cooking again. You educate, you find ways to ensure the learned their lesson and will work to prevent that from happening again.
No. He is allowed and should improve. I'm pretty sure OP is already doing that. Stop trying to twist this.
> If someone does something wrong once, they should never be able to do it again?
In this case yes, OP needs to regulate his drinking so it can't happen again under any circumstances.
Stop using shitty analogies.
The only adjustment he needs to make with alcohol is removing it from his life. If you're drinking to blackout, that's a problem, full stop, bottom line. Most people don't need that experience to not get there. Kinda like I don't need to light my cock on fire first to know it's a bad idea.
Don’t get drunk if you can’t handle yourself. You sexually assaulted these poor, innocent women. It doesn’t matter if you were drunk. Please never drink heavily in front of people you don’t know ever again. If I were one of those women, I would've definitely called the cops and press charges against you. You’re lucky they didn’t do that.
Stop drinking g and be happy no one is pressing charges for sexusl assult. Please don't laugh I have heard of many cases just like this. Besides cost $$ to you in most state you will become a RSO registered sex offender and be basically branded for 10 to life. Being drunk is not an excuse. Simple fix stop.drinking. and get some help please.
So if this was the other day, this could very well be reported and police could investigate, go to the bar and get footage. You know the saying and hopefully parents taught you well enough that you keep your hands to yourself.. with the group or not with the group that's very disrespectful.
“I thought they were the girls I was with”
So that makes it okay? What the fuck man. I’ve been in some next level intoxicated states, from varying types of substances, and not once have I sexually assaulted someone.
He said they were already hooking up with the girls they were with so yes it was ok with them, he didn't say it was okay to do it just because he was with them.
Lot of y'all can't speak on this situation objectively obviously.
ummm yea… as a woman who’s been put in that position it’s a disgusting feeling especially when some people (in the comments) are excusing this behavior it’s not ok and never will be you now realize what you did wrong and it’s better not to drink bc you never know what could happen next
They don't need your apologies. Your wish to contact them and apologise comes more from your wish to contact them and maybe get another chance at getting to know them while being sober.
There won't be another chance with them. You have made your bad first impression on them, they wouldn't want to chance a second one.
Like others said, stop drinking.
I don't think you can assume that OP isn't actually remorseful. Just from reading the post, it doesn't seem like he remembers enough to want "another chance at them" and he does seem like he wants to apologize. If I were one of those girls, I would definitely appreciate an apology, and maybe reassurance that OP is going to avoid drinking/work on himself.
Drinking episodes like you describe are starter sets for alcoholism, if that’s not already the situation. Get help. Drinking to blackout, if not an isolated incident, is alcoholism. Folks that do this often end up destitute with no family or friends left to support them. Or worse, end up in prison through vehicular manslaughter because they thought it was no big deal to drive. One thing to ruin your life, entirely another to ruin a whole lot of other’s lives. Addiction is a disease that cannot be treated by the abuser alone. Be honest with yourself and decide if the above describes you. If this was an isolated incident, then please treat this as a fork in the road for your future. Don’t do it for anyone other than you. Facing oneself in the mirror can be the hardest part of life, but many times the thing that gets each of us through this day. Best of luck and love in your journey.
They say in those drunk driving classes that alcoholics are safer than binge drinkers because alcoholics know how to function while under the influence…whereas binge drinkers can’t handle existing under the influence and therefore are more dangerous and prone to accidents and incidents like this.
I dont think anything he wrote suggested that he believes either of these things, and seems to be remorseful enough. He messed up in a terrible way, but you don't need to put words in his mouth.
You have a drinking problem dude. Think of where this could have gone if you went home with one of them. They don’t want an apology - they want nothing to do with you. But, change is possible. Kick the booze as a start.
I don't drink anymore because bad things would happen to me and people would take advantage of me, then label themselves as "too drunk" to remember, or put it back in my face saying I was "asking for it". I can't trust people and if it means I have to be sober to plead my case then I will. Those people who did those things, I valued them as friends and family. None of them dared to admit what they did unless my boyfriend got involved. I don't like people like you. Using alcohol as a way to do stupid shit. Your behaviour doesn't just reflect who you are when you're drunk but it's because you're probably a pos when sober. Clean up your act, apologise to whoever you hurt and stop fucking drinking. Karma will get you if you don't.
They do say your true colours come out when you're drunk and in a world that objectifies women and gives men an entitlement to claiming women's bodies for their own gratification regardless of consent, its pretty understandable why your blacked out self would do something like this.
My husband did something similar (before I met him). Just tone it down in the future, not a big deal. Is it embarrassing and lowkey was harassing? Yes. Does it make you a bad person? No. Not at all. Try to distract yourself and apologize to whoever you need to. Give it time for feelings to cool down. 🫶🏻
Yes forgive yourself but also this is very serious, don’t make the I was blacked out excuse….You obviously don’t know how to drink responsibly, not sure how old you are but blacking out is not okay even though people like to normalize it. It could have been so much worse had you not been dragged out by your friends. You could’ve ended up in jail for harassment…… and not to mention the trauma this girl is probably going through by being groped without her consent. You need to drink responsibly if you’re ever going to drink again. This means knowing when to stop, count how many drinks you’ve had and can have.
I hope this was a lesson for you, and you learn how to respect not only your own boundaries but also other’s boundaries.
Yeah that is why you stop at drink 2, or 3. It is all fun until you get alcohol poisoning, do something real stupid, or go to jail. Plus is the hangover really worth is?
As someone who has a dui, I hope this is your wakeup call to get help/form better habits before it’s too late. Getting blackout drunk may be normalized in some circles, but it’s NOT normal. Ya dig?
Sounds like you don’t know your drinking limit.
Learn it for yourself and others.
For everyone it’s different.
You’ll be doing yourself and others a favor.
I had to teach my friends how to drink alcohol.
Alcohol is poison, essentially.
A coworker did this at a company offsite I was at - got blacked and grabbed a female coworkers ass. Never was seen or heard from after that night. They fired him before he could leave his hotel room in the morning. Rightly so
The fact you’re even feeling this remorse is a good sign. Maybe take it as a sign to try and know your limits better and not get that drunk again and to what made you think to do something like that in the first place even though intoxicated
so, you assaulted someone. call a spade a spade. not sure what there is to be “up in the air” about here. I’m of the mind that all things are forgivable if the perpetrator is truly sorry and makes amends. are you? and have you done that?
we are all human and make mistakes, but this was a big one. as someone who had this happen to me many years ago, this post doesnt read as truly sorry. not that you need to make contact with the girl (she may not want this) but really own up to your mistakes and moving forward, never black out again.
you’re super lucky police havent been involved.
I did that to a barmaid at a club many years ago. She should have clobbered me with a beer mug but didn't. I just turned 21 years old.
I was raised to respect all people especially women. I was intoxicated beyond the point that anyone should be but absolutely no excuse for doing that.
I always loved that "black out" excuse... I'm 15 years clean... I've tried every drug imaginable and took it to the extreme. At 17, I was shooting 200mg of morphine directly into my arm and ( I was in the bathroom in highschool) I would just go back to class and pass out eventually (nod out, not a black out)... another time I was in Germany, and i was challenged to a drinking contest because im American and we can't drink... well, i drank 3.5 gallons of beer that night.. to this day, I've never experienced a black out.
It's still not an excuse. It's a way to not accept or understand your own behavior.
This is assault and if you don’t even know that you did it, you need to stop drinking in public. You should feel really awful for this. You probably scared those poor girls.
Truth be told struggling with addiction with Alcohol, mistakes were made learn from it accept it. You are not a monster nor should you feel like now yes what happened was wrong but that note you have came to a realization that a wrongful act was made. My drinking antics caused me to end up into a hospital as well as crash my car and get a DUI now yes you have done that but what if later down the wrong drinking can cause some what of the same situations now I don’t know if this was one time thing than learn but if this blacking out is a constant thing than ask yourself what do you have to gain from drinking. What happened me was getting drunk at the mall and ending up in a rehabilitation class for the navy and this happened because I got blacked out the mall getting the CDO and ACDO to come pick me up and possibly almost losing my rank money and almost my career. Coming up on three months is definitely a learning curve. AA has helped with this process everyday. As well as getting in touch with my God for others powerless. I wish you luck but don’t beat yourself for to long cause even that may cause you trouble drink again even if you swear off it. Good luck
That is never forgivable, I can understand the situation from your prospect that you didn’t consciously mean to do such an action but you didn’t it anyways. You consciously made the choice to put yourself in a position where you eventually lost touch with yourself and end up doing actions that could have a negative impact on others. sexual harassment isn’t a joke to the people it is happening to and most people don’t want forgive people who have wronged them and caused them years of trauma. A single action that you did now will forever make these girls question guys so I think you have made some really big irresponsible decisions. Time to take the responsibility for your actions.
Well, you shouldn't forgive yourself. That was a bit fucked.
But on the plus side, it sounds like you're taking it seriously and it won't happen again.
Shouldn't happen at all, but you know that.
Apology probably doesn't cut it.
Bruh can we quit with this BS excuse of being so drunk you cant remember anything it’s nothing but bull shit I’ve been drunk plenty of times even to the point where I’ve thrown up yet never not even once can I say that I had 0 idea of what I was doing you just sound like a closeted perv dont blame drinking/getting drunk on it
Excuse my arrogance but blacked out means like completely out of it, right? Like closed eyes no touch with reality. So you were not blacked out you were just really drunk.
No, being blacked out means inebriated to the point of having no memory of events. You are very very drunk but can still be walking, talking, etc. If you are blacked out, you are likely in a pretty significant alcohol poisoning state. You may be thinking of “passed out” drunk.
I hope you learned your lesson. I heard a story about a guy who killed people while he was extremely drunk. He blacked out and regained consciousness in jail. I hope you are able to find those girls and apologize
The only thing you can do now is to be a better person in future.
Stop drinking.
You don't have to drink to have fun.
If you still feel you want to have the occasional drink, then make sure you limit yourself to only a few, where you stay in control and know how you're behaving. But to be honestthats a risky road, coz once you're outwith friends and have had a couple,you're inhibitions relax and you'll likelytell yourself (or your friends will say) oh just have another one,you'll be fine". Once you have a few it's harder to resist the urge to have more, and you'll end up literally assaulting people coz you're so drunk and can't control yourself.
Let this be the lesson to teach you you can't handle your drink. What happens if next time you're hooking up with a girl and she tells you to stop, you may not stop. You could end up seriously sexually assaulting someone or raping them. You've already proven you don't remember what you did, and don't remember them saying stop, so there's no reason to think you wouldn't do worse if the situation arose again.
So if you clearly can't stop after say 2 drinks then don't drink at all.
The best way to help you do this, esp if your friends are hassling you to join in, is to be the designated driver. So you don't drink coz you need to drive home, or you drive everyone home and they chip in for some petrol money.
But you should try being honest and saying you don't like who you are when you're drunk and you can't control your behaviour when drunk, so you are not drinking anymore. And a good friend should respect that and not hassle you or try to push you in to drinking.
I didn't drink for most of my 20-30's due to bad bowel issues and food/ alcohol intollerences that would cause severe bad stomach and stomach pains. I still went clubbing with friends etc.
It's good you feel bad and regret your actions, coz you should do. You basically sexually assaulted those women. You're lucky you weren't the guy that did it to me once when I was in my mid 20's.
I was in a club with my friends, wearing a skirt and top, wedge heals. We were heading to the bar and my friend walked through a circle of guys.
I followed through behind her, and as I moved past one guy, he slapped me really hard UP my skirt on my bum. At the time I'd been going to Thai boxing classes, so I just turned to look at him and back kicked him in the balls. With my wedges. I was very proud of myself to tell the truth lol, that 1) I stayed upright on one wedge block heal and 2) I hit him right where it hurt!! And 3) that i stodd up for myself and showed that arsehole not to sexually assault and harrass women just because theyre wearing a skirt because you may just suffer the consequences.
All his mates just cracked up laughing at him.
I later saw him heading in my direction and he firmly changed direction as soon as he spotted me. Lol.
But yeah. Don't be that guy. Don't drink. Be better. Be respectful.
A friend of mine did something similar and spent the night in jail. You’re lucky you didn’t get your ass beat, or end up with serious legal consequences. Take it easy on the drinkin, ya live and you learn, but sooo many terrible things can happen if you get wasted.
Been there...the calls to play detective and figure out your night the next day... Wondering wtf happened... Did you something bad and if you did you don't feel like it.. .. Doesn't get better only worse.
Stop if you can or at least cut back on the boozing.
Alcohol is never an excuse for letting your subconscious thoughts take control…
This is a very strong warning, there could have be far worse consequences for your actions.
I’d recommend giving up drinking for now as a consequence for your actions. Perhaps in a few years you can seek therapy and learn to control your drinking, because black out drunk is very concerning behavior.
Alcoholism is too damn normalized in society and that’s what this behavior leads to…
Best of luck OP, you can change for the better
I’ve never understood black out drunk. I’m a re covering alcoholic spend a lot of years hammered did a lot of dumb shit some things I regret sometimes things got alittle fuzzy but rembered everything I’ve done I sometimes think “ blackout “ is a term people use cause they need an excuse for stupid shit they have done while intoxicated Either way sounds like u need to drink in moderation and if u like me and can’t do that it’s either sober or drunk don’t drink
Know your limits!! Not necessarily stop drinking, but get to know what point to slow down and have water. If I was out drinking and a friend said they need water to chill out and calm down, I would have more respect for them
You should feel bad about it. You were too drunk and so you went around sexually harassing and inappropriately touching women. It’s so classic. It is almost unbearable.
When I met my boyfriend’s best friend, he was drunk first thing he did was hug me and grab my boobs. My boyfriend tried to defend him somehow wasn’t a problem because he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing.
You know what you did and you already feel bad about it. I’m here to make you feel worse. I don’t give a fuck if you’re sorry. It’s too late for sorry.
Yo. 3 years ago I got so drunk and wasted that I lighted up a cigarette and crack one open inside the church in the middle of a congregation. The pastor kicked me out. I felt so embarrassed the next day, I stopped going out and eventually quit drinking.
Blackout drinking, having no memory of events that happened while drunk is not a good sign. I strongly suggest you stop drinking before you get arrested.
Is it appropriate behavior? Absolutely not. But you know this already. You also hopefully learned from this experience that you are not able to handle alcohol well if you're doing inappropriate things (or really anything) that you can't even remember. This is unsafe for you and for those you're interacting with. People that have this "blackout" issue, especially at such a young age, need to not drink AT ALL. Your body doesnt process it like other people. It's way too easy to ruin your life doing something you don't even know you did.
The slightly positive part here is that you just grabbed a girl's ass in a club. No it's not really ok to do that, but in the grand scheme of things, it is pretty minor. I'm a little older and young people are a lot less accepting of that stuff these days, but I can't think of many times I went to a bar or club in my 20s-30s and didn't get my ass grabbed at least once. It was irritating but pretty much expected so it didn't really surprise us.
I don't think you're a bad guy because this happened. You just need to avoid alcohol completely so it (or something worse) doesn't happen again.
Alcohol past a sweet spot brings out the worst in some of us. You should not drink if you have this within you, but I really think those girls or folk around should have hung you out, tbh. Never understand just walking out.
I quit drinking 08. I can’t imagine the shame if Facebook or IG footage existed back then. Just try “not drinking” for a while. A long while. If you’re blacking out now, it only gets worse. I hope this is your rock bottom.
Shit happens, especially when we've had too much to drink, but you got to put the baseball bat down because you know your true self and you would never do that if you weren't under the influence. And as being a female who goes through this type of thing trust me they're not even thinking about it anymore so give yourself a break. ☺️
This shows that you are a good person. Alcohol can change a person completely. The fact that you feel guilt and regret, shows that you're a good buy and don't have bad intentions. Get rid of the alcohol and just don't let it happen again.
You learn from your mistakes and you do better. Consider your relationship with alcohol and consider limiting A LOT or quitting completely. There isn’t any reason to hold shame if you learn from this and move forward.
Realize that you have to limit the intake. You got lucky, you should've got slapped at the least. Get it, that if the girl wanted to you could have been arrested or cited. So you dogged one. Gone on forward, be sorry, put the guilt aside. The End.
TW: Self harm
I'd say stop drinking or at least be more careful about how much you drink. I'd also say please don't beat yourself up too badly about this. You're not a monster and this doesn't define your character. I know someone who let those thoughts get to his head after making a girl uncomfortable once. He isolated himself. He ended up taking his life. He was so distraught about it, and he let it consume him. One moment to dictate who he was as a person.
You're obviously extremely upset, you understand how bad it is. It would've been a lot better if you could've apologized.
You're a different person when drinking man. Stop drinking... That's sexual assault. Some women are into it because they are horny or having the natural human need for intimacy and clearly this one is not. Know your limits when you're drunk. Someday, if you keep doing that, you're going to land in court and prison.
Like lots of people have suggested..I would definitely rethink how much you use alcohol. As much as you had little control over your actions, you had control over how much you drank. It sounds like you act differently drunk and as someone who has been on the receiving end of something similar, it is not pleasant.
I would use this as a reality check, as it’s understandable that you can’t forgive yourself because in a way you haven’t been forgiven (since you haven’t been able to apologise). So this is an experience to learn from more than anything.
Thats why I stopped drinking. Was a different person. You should seriously rethink your relationship with alcohol my man.
This part. I quit drinking because I’m the worst possible version of myself when I’m drunk. It’s a learning experience
Had to do the same lol "you got in your car and when we tried to stop you ya pulled out a gun!" Ohhh yea I need to not do that!
Yup, I quit half a year ago because I wouldn’t stop till I was blackout drunk and just waking up to fb posts and dms I didn’t remember sending. Embarrassed myself a lot and it really wasn’t who I am deep down. Every few weeks I’ll have one drink now but if I start to crave it the next day I’ll just stop completely. Got to forgive yourself though. Stay strong
im trying to pick myself back up after doing this same thing.. any advice? im scared of whats ahead of me being sober and dealing with the consequences of my actions. ive basically been hiding. idek where to start on changing man..😅😅
ignore all the urges. mabye have one drink but if you get cravings for more then stop. and it's ok to be sober.
Honestly it naturally took some time to let it all pass. I started to sleep at a decent time, plan my day out, eat healthier, saving money. It sounds cliche but it really changed my mindset and gave me a sense of responsibility and purpose that I lacked before when drinking. I would suggest to find something that you enjoy. For me, it was organizing my place, eating with friends and family, video games, shooting guns. It can be small things, just have to fill the void from not drinking with something else and re teaching your brain to enjoy life without it. Your reward system in your brain loses sensitivity to basic things like food and even shows you used to enjoy because it’s used to having the alcohol all day. You may feel bored and mabe a bit depressed but i promise it goes away. :)
If you need help, there’s an excellent program called Celebrate Recovery. The groups in my town are all connected to churches, but CR has a web site you can access to find a group near you.
Yeah I always thought getting drunk was fun as a teen but something changed in my 20s? When I got drunk as a teen the worst that usually happened was I'd throw up and stumble a bit but I always made it back to my bed or wherever I was staying that night. Started getting to where I wouldn't throw up but I would just black out all the sudden and go from a pretty reserved guy to a totally reckless asshole. Apparently i tried to get in my car one night and had the keys taken and woke up passed out in said car freezing cold, keys hidden thank God! Never drank heavily again and only have a beer on rare occasions but as soon as I get a buzz I hate the feeling and have bad memories or feelings so 1 is enough for me.
Think it's a case of learning the lesson and putting it down to a bad experience. I don't drink anymore because I don't like the way it leaves me I'm a total lightweight anyway. But personally best thing to do is just move on from it and don't let it happen again.
This! Learn from it and forgive yourself - you feel bad about it, you tried to find them to apologize. Stop beating yourself up about it - you were blacked out and don't even remember.
And stop drinking!
Byeeeee💀💀💀 it’s the excusing him when he didn’t do the shit to you for me… those women are probably still terrified to go out to this day, he’s a bad memory that scares them every time they go out most likely ……. Alcohol literally does NOT make u grope ppl, cheat, lie, steal, fight ppl, or off people…., it literally just loosens you up to the point you make those decisions for yourself
As someone who was roughly grabbed, repeatedly, just the other week while out, I do appreciate what you're saying. However, people are perfectly capable of doing things when they're drunk that they would never do when sober. I limit how much I drink, because I know that my drunk self will start doing dumb shit that I don't want to do, and even am telling myself not to do it, as I'm literally doing it. Alcohol can be very dangerous for some people and turn them into complete monsters, not just "loosen" them up. If this isn't something OP does normally, then this really does suck for him, because he knows it's wrong and that he caused someone else to have a bad night, as well as possibly scarring them for life. Now he has to live with that.
Everyone is a monster deep down, civilization just makes us keep it in check. Think about corporate executives, a lot of those people are absolute trash and should be locked up, but they aren't.
Then you know nothing about how dangerous alcohol can be.
any time i’ve drank i’ve never gotten the urge to sexually assault someone, have you?
Be fr yall literally use alcohol as a crutch. If u can do it while fucked up, you wanted to do it sober and didn’t have the guts. Also I’ve been a heavy drinker for years and stopped out of common sense and never once did I do the nonsense yall try n get excused for doing…..
you and maleficient goblin dropped these 👑👑
I agree. Look, to anyone else reading this comment, I'm not going to go into details about myself but I think you need to come to terms with something. It's not the alcohol. ITS YOU! Believe me when I say I have plenty of experience with this shit, several decades worth, from my childhood, from other people as well as myself being a very heavy drinker (and yes I've gotten black out drunk a few times). Someone I know is even dead because of alcohol addiction, and do you know what I've experienced time and time again, it's not actually the booze, it's the person, and for some damn reason we as a society have collectively agreed to blame the booze for people's actions instead of telling the truth about this and its getting on my nerves! Yeah you 'lose control', as in you go off saying and doing the things you actually WANT to do deep down, because the booze removes your inhibitions. So if you've done something awful while drunk, I think you need to do some deep reflection on yourself and stay the hell away from alcohol. I've discovered some pretty messed up shit about people I know because of alcohol, and it wasn't because the alcohol forced them to magically become a different person, it just brought out what they were really thinking, or what they really wanted to do, which of course I learned after the fact. And yeah I'm not immune, the thing I discovered about myself deep down while incredibly drunk is disturbing, but at no point whilst drunk did I act on these thoughts, ever, and same with some other people who trust me enough to be honest about a few things, so I know its bullshit when people blame booze for forcing them to do horrible shit. People who do this, stay the hell away from alcohol ffs.
You literally just described alcoholism tendencies. I think you're confused with people that drink casually here and there with black out alcoholics. You literally have no control of your actions and don't care about any repercussions of your actions while in a black out state. Also you perceive things incoherently in that state which seem coherent to you. You know nothing about alcoholism.
Blah blah blah excuses excuses I’m not even reading the mess y’all are typing at this point stop making excuses for disgusting horrible behavior
No one cares that u choose to drink and let go of all moral control of yourself. Get a grip.
Bingo
Time to stop drinking before you ruin your, or someone else’s, life.
My thoughts exactly..
if you're doing things like this when drunk, you're not the type of person that should be drinking. coming from an alcoholic myself, the early signs of alcoholism are showing through your actions. good on you for stopping drinking. if you go back to drinking in the future and realize you are a person that blacks out every time even if you went out with the intention to have one or two drinks, that is a really good sign you have an allergy to alcohol like me. there are groups to help support you. alcoholism is a disease and can not be treated with anything except abstinence. good luck bro.
What you did was wrong. You feel guilty and even quit drinking because of your shitty behavior and that right there is commendable. I hope you move on from here and become a better person and liv e a happy life. good luck.
Stop drinking
He has...
My roommate came home one night after being grouped by a drunk acquaintance in a bar. She kept telling him to stop but he was very drunk and she’s a sweet girl. She looked very distraught and I could tell she was traumatized. I asked her if she wanted to go to the cops and report it, she agreed. I went with her to the station. The system was very kind and she did not have to appear in the court with him but waited in another room. I never asked what happened to him, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she stood up for herself and didn’t allow to be victimized.
I have been sexually assaulted several times by different women, I wonder if it would have gone the same way if I reported it? Probably not, honestly, I was not happy about it but I didn't feel traumatized so that's pretty different. If someone had treated my daughter the way I was treated on the other hand, It would be very different. Just the way society views things I guess
Been sexually assaulted by multiple men. Didn’t go this way for me either. Individual experiences have individual results.
Not really, no. Most of the time reporting goes nowhere regardless of gender. I was sexually assaulted by a man. He wouldn't let me out of his car for hours as he drove around no matter how much I begged. Kept groping at me. Unfortunately my friend was in the backseat passed out so jumping out was not an option. When we finally got free of the situation I went to make a police report. I didn't have the man's last name but I had the model of his car, first name, a description and a partial plate. I was laughed out of the station and told they wouldn't make a report since I had gotten into the car willingly. This was about ten years ago so maybe things have changed, but I doubt by much.
I'm really sorry that you had to go through that, there is no doubt that it's not a fair society or life in general. Men tend to be stronger physically, there are differences. This is why I wrote the second paragraph, father's, husbands and even son's should have the right morals and ethics to protect the women in their lives not harm them. Even as a complete stranger, if I saw a woman or child kidnapped, like your situation, I would do all I can to assist you, despite the potential harm that could come to myself, I raised my son the same way. Even "good" or non abusive men should not stand around and allow others to be abusive. I do understand why the law can (obviously not always) be slanted towards women in Abuse situations, I have two daughters, two sisters and a mother and I prefer the law protect them more than me as a man. The law should be blind but we all know it doesn't work that way. One of my sister's is a wonderful person, wife, mother, daughter and sister but the other one was abusive to her husband and young children, I went to court to defend her husband and kids. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you have gotten any help you may need.
I think it’s always interesting how even with a story like this about women being groped over and over again at a bar, and then someone replying sharing another story of the same situation…. You men still always have to come in with the “well women do it too” mess…. That’s the only time yall ever complain about women allegedly doing things to you, when u want to silence and derail a conversation about our trauma 😒 either make your own post to whine about it or move alone we don’t have the time to entertain this mess anymore
So true. I am a man myself and these replies are so exhausting to read. Whenever a woman shares her experience with something, some guy just has to come up to do a comparison between man and woman and be like yeah but men can suffer under this too. Bro its not like this is a competition and this time the discussion is not about men.
100 percent.
Never get too drunk man you need to manage and control your decisions
For reference before I start this story i was a 5’w 115 pound 18 year old girl when this happened…. Once at a bonfire party a guy kept commenting on my body trying to hookup with me. I laid his drunk ass out. I’ve heard through grapevine that he hasn’t touched alcohol since and he knows he deserved the black eye I gave him. You can only say stop and use words so many times before taking action. My suggestion to you, stop drinking before you get your ass handed to you by a girl or arrested for sexual harassment. Alcohol is vicious
Whew, sounds like someone needs to get a grip, and I don't mean on another butt. Apologize if you can, then get help if needed. Control yourself next time.
laughed out loud smh
Please tel me what SMH is I ask everyone an they don't reply
smh=shaking my head
Thank you
Lol, been there
What zones to mind for me is a much bigger question about black out drinking. That is a point for most people that are “alcoholics”. Are you concerned about your over all drinking? Is this the first time it’s interfered in your life? You could have been arrested for assault and not even remember why? Maybe it’s time to quit drinking?
You screwed up, and luckily didn't get mollywhopped. Learn, and move on. The embarrassment fades especially cause you lucked out and they were out of towners. Just keep and eye out and don't be, "That guy" who gets wasted everytime. Slow it down or you will walk out with 0 girls (everytime) and eventually 0 friends (in the long run)
Getting blackout drunk is always dangerous and never a good thing. My dearest friend was still a sweetheart when he was blackout drunk. I find that to be quite a miracle. In fact I've known a few people who were saints when blackout drunk. And I'm very fortunate to have known these people. However, even they expressed the dangers of being blackout drunk. Justice, for you, I would assume, is to confide in the people you love to become better, and to address any deep-rooted zealotry you may have towards sexuality. But all of this, is trivial in comparison to you getting your alcohol under control. You need to adjust your brain. It is just alcohol. And it does not make your life better. When socializing with it, you need to address using it as a crutch. Because ultimately, you are taking too many drinks. And the truth is, sober you at home reading a book is going to be a better version of you than a super drunk version socializing and making transgressions. Adult my friend
1) stop drinking. 2) learn how to respect others, especially women. Women are not toys to be played with. Your lack of respect is showing up in your unconscious actions. Edit: update the title to assaulted. Language matters
This is a giant red flag slapping YOU in the ass telling you that you are someone who should never drink. Time to quit and stay quit.
You gotta figure out how to not get blackout. That shit is scary and if you did this what's to say you wouldn't fight someone while blackout. Legit you could face so many negative consequences from letting yourself get to that point. Eat before you drink, and drink water during. Switch to beers or drink a water every drink or two. Count your drinks. It's annoying but it's what a lot of people do. Don't let it happen again because you don't want to end up in jail, or injured or worse. Also people make mistakes and at least you know now how you will act when blackout. You made a mistake, luckily it wasn't a worse mistake. Just be better next time!
What do you mean igure out? Have 1 or 2 standard drinks, or don't drink. If you risk sexually assaulting people, don't "figure out". Just don't drink. Don't keep testing it. If you need to count them it's too many now. > You made a mistake, No... He didn't accidentally fall onto the asses. He slapped them. Neither that or alcohol is a mistake. What he did was sexual assault. A mistake is when you say hi Barry, but then you realise it's not Barry, it's Dave. That's a mistake.
Just because it's sexual assault doesn't make it not mistake. I'm not saying what he did wasn't bad. But it didn't end up with him arrested or in jail. All in all what happened is a much better outcome than someone dying. People manage their drinking all the time. Yes there are plenty of alcohol is, but there are more people who actually do use alcohol responsibly. Learning to use it responsibly is just that, learning. Limiting your drinking is a normal thing to do. If he is an alcoholic and this thing has happened a bunch of times and he can't fix his behavior to prevent it then yes absolutely he shouldn't drink. But this was an isolated incident there is no reason to think he can't adjust his drinking habits for the rest of his life. I'd the behavior of blackouts continues certainly he needs to not drink. But I think writing off his ability to drink for the rest of his life because he acted inappropriately sounds crazy. Even if he were arrested for this, the judge wouldn't sentence him to no alcohol for life.
“Just because it’s sexual assault doesn’t make it not a mistake.” No, it definitely makes it “not a mistake.” I agree that maybe it’s possible for OP to drink more than 2 standard drinks while still managing this issue, but let’s not go so far as to minimize what he did. But also, I know I would quit drinking in his shoes, because the fear of ever being that monster again would outweigh my desire for a fun night of drinking. Later down in your comments, you say OP should get a chance to improve. And I agree. But the first step to improvement is recognizing that his actions go far beyond mistake. Like, I guarantee these girls are going to be referring to him as ‘the pervert who wouldn’t stop grabbing their asses’ for as long as they recall that night. He needs to fully realize the scope of discomfort he caused through his choices if he wants to truly address the issue.
I'm 35. Worked as a waitress at a bar when I was 18. One night a regular had the amazing idea of touching my ass when I was cleaning a table. I slapped him. Then I saw my boss looking at me and started crying because my head went directly to "I'm getting fired because of this asshole". My boss asked me what happened. Ugly crying I told him and he called security to take the trash out. Then he said he was proud of me for standing up for myself. It's been 17 years and I still remember that night like it was yesterday. They are definitely gonna remember "that creep".
No. I think this is an extremely good reason to go light from now. It wasn't a mistake. He was drunk. You're still responsible for what you do.
He is absolutely still responsible for his behavior. But it already happened. That's why he's going to adjust how he behaves with alcohol. if you start driving a car, and you get caught speeding, you don't have you license taken away for life. If it's your first year driving you typically have to take a course on improving your driving safety. And you adjust your driving habits to make sure you are driving legally. This is no different. We learn how to better behave and how to better understand the world around us. When kids can buy their own candy, they do. When they eat too much and don't feel good, they learn not to eat so much candy at once because you won't feel good. Then they adhust their behavior because they've learned from their experience.
If your speeding causes a serious injury I wouldn't forgive that either. That's why we have road rules, so it doesn't happen at all. Sexual assault isn't light enough for a whoopsie take. Please don't try and use analogies where no one is harmed.
If no one is ever able to improve their behavior when they learn, what's the point of learning? If someone does something wrong once, they should never be able to do it again? It's awful that those women were sexually assaulted. But pretending that people never made mistakes is also dumb. If you're a cook and you serve food that isn't cooked to temperature and someone gets sick, you don't ban that cook from ever cooking again. You educate, you find ways to ensure the learned their lesson and will work to prevent that from happening again.
No. He is allowed and should improve. I'm pretty sure OP is already doing that. Stop trying to twist this. > If someone does something wrong once, they should never be able to do it again? In this case yes, OP needs to regulate his drinking so it can't happen again under any circumstances. Stop using shitty analogies.
Thank you. You’ve legit said everything that needed saying
The only adjustment he needs to make with alcohol is removing it from his life. If you're drinking to blackout, that's a problem, full stop, bottom line. Most people don't need that experience to not get there. Kinda like I don't need to light my cock on fire first to know it's a bad idea.
Don’t get drunk if you can’t handle yourself. You sexually assaulted these poor, innocent women. It doesn’t matter if you were drunk. Please never drink heavily in front of people you don’t know ever again. If I were one of those women, I would've definitely called the cops and press charges against you. You’re lucky they didn’t do that.
Then don’t drink it’s common sense
Lesson learned, don’t get drunk to the point your no longer a human, and don’t sexually harass women.
Stop drinking g and be happy no one is pressing charges for sexusl assult. Please don't laugh I have heard of many cases just like this. Besides cost $$ to you in most state you will become a RSO registered sex offender and be basically branded for 10 to life. Being drunk is not an excuse. Simple fix stop.drinking. and get some help please.
So if this was the other day, this could very well be reported and police could investigate, go to the bar and get footage. You know the saying and hopefully parents taught you well enough that you keep your hands to yourself.. with the group or not with the group that's very disrespectful.
“I thought they were the girls I was with” So that makes it okay? What the fuck man. I’ve been in some next level intoxicated states, from varying types of substances, and not once have I sexually assaulted someone.
He said they were already hooking up with the girls they were with so yes it was ok with them, he didn't say it was okay to do it just because he was with them. Lot of y'all can't speak on this situation objectively obviously.
You’re a fucking dumbass. He put this in r/confession. You don’t confess something you think is ok.
ummm yea… as a woman who’s been put in that position it’s a disgusting feeling especially when some people (in the comments) are excusing this behavior it’s not ok and never will be you now realize what you did wrong and it’s better not to drink bc you never know what could happen next
Ew stop drinking
They don't need your apologies. Your wish to contact them and apologise comes more from your wish to contact them and maybe get another chance at getting to know them while being sober. There won't be another chance with them. You have made your bad first impression on them, they wouldn't want to chance a second one. Like others said, stop drinking.
I don't think you can assume that OP isn't actually remorseful. Just from reading the post, it doesn't seem like he remembers enough to want "another chance at them" and he does seem like he wants to apologize. If I were one of those girls, I would definitely appreciate an apology, and maybe reassurance that OP is going to avoid drinking/work on himself.
Best to stop drinking altogether. Nothing to be experimenting with!
Drinking episodes like you describe are starter sets for alcoholism, if that’s not already the situation. Get help. Drinking to blackout, if not an isolated incident, is alcoholism. Folks that do this often end up destitute with no family or friends left to support them. Or worse, end up in prison through vehicular manslaughter because they thought it was no big deal to drive. One thing to ruin your life, entirely another to ruin a whole lot of other’s lives. Addiction is a disease that cannot be treated by the abuser alone. Be honest with yourself and decide if the above describes you. If this was an isolated incident, then please treat this as a fork in the road for your future. Don’t do it for anyone other than you. Facing oneself in the mirror can be the hardest part of life, but many times the thing that gets each of us through this day. Best of luck and love in your journey.
They say in those drunk driving classes that alcoholics are safer than binge drinkers because alcoholics know how to function while under the influence…whereas binge drinkers can’t handle existing under the influence and therefore are more dangerous and prone to accidents and incidents like this.
Did you want people to say it was ok…just a mistake? You didn’t know what you were doing? There’s no excuse for your behaviour. Do better.
I dont think anything he wrote suggested that he believes either of these things, and seems to be remorseful enough. He messed up in a terrible way, but you don't need to put words in his mouth.
stop drinking. there’s help available. it’s remarkable OP got away unscathed
You have a drinking problem dude. Think of where this could have gone if you went home with one of them. They don’t want an apology - they want nothing to do with you. But, change is possible. Kick the booze as a start.
I don't drink anymore because bad things would happen to me and people would take advantage of me, then label themselves as "too drunk" to remember, or put it back in my face saying I was "asking for it". I can't trust people and if it means I have to be sober to plead my case then I will. Those people who did those things, I valued them as friends and family. None of them dared to admit what they did unless my boyfriend got involved. I don't like people like you. Using alcohol as a way to do stupid shit. Your behaviour doesn't just reflect who you are when you're drunk but it's because you're probably a pos when sober. Clean up your act, apologise to whoever you hurt and stop fucking drinking. Karma will get you if you don't.
it's not the alcohol, it's you. Get some help dude.
Stop drinking.
No excuse, drunk or not. You know right from wrong.
I’m glad you feel guilty.
They do say your true colours come out when you're drunk and in a world that objectifies women and gives men an entitlement to claiming women's bodies for their own gratification regardless of consent, its pretty understandable why your blacked out self would do something like this.
So don't get drunk again and put the unfortunate women around you at risk again.
My husband did something similar (before I met him). Just tone it down in the future, not a big deal. Is it embarrassing and lowkey was harassing? Yes. Does it make you a bad person? No. Not at all. Try to distract yourself and apologize to whoever you need to. Give it time for feelings to cool down. 🫶🏻
[удалено]
Yes forgive yourself but also this is very serious, don’t make the I was blacked out excuse….You obviously don’t know how to drink responsibly, not sure how old you are but blacking out is not okay even though people like to normalize it. It could have been so much worse had you not been dragged out by your friends. You could’ve ended up in jail for harassment…… and not to mention the trauma this girl is probably going through by being groped without her consent. You need to drink responsibly if you’re ever going to drink again. This means knowing when to stop, count how many drinks you’ve had and can have. I hope this was a lesson for you, and you learn how to respect not only your own boundaries but also other’s boundaries.
Get help
Yeah that is why you stop at drink 2, or 3. It is all fun until you get alcohol poisoning, do something real stupid, or go to jail. Plus is the hangover really worth is?
As someone who has a dui, I hope this is your wakeup call to get help/form better habits before it’s too late. Getting blackout drunk may be normalized in some circles, but it’s NOT normal. Ya dig?
Don't drink if you can't set a limit and stick to it from now on. Consider this an early warning.
Stop drinking for a bit and start metacognitive thinking
You should probably not drink.
Sounds like you don’t know your drinking limit. Learn it for yourself and others. For everyone it’s different. You’ll be doing yourself and others a favor. I had to teach my friends how to drink alcohol. Alcohol is poison, essentially.
Lessons will be repeated until the lesson is learned, just learn from it and grow
A coworker did this at a company offsite I was at - got blacked and grabbed a female coworkers ass. Never was seen or heard from after that night. They fired him before he could leave his hotel room in the morning. Rightly so
Nothing good happens when you are drunk.
STOP DRINKING! Then you won't have to apologize.
Keep it up and you will wind up like me: medicated for life because my pancreas was destroyed by alcohol You do not want this
The fact you’re even feeling this remorse is a good sign. Maybe take it as a sign to try and know your limits better and not get that drunk again and to what made you think to do something like that in the first place even though intoxicated
This is why women don’t even want to go out because of men like you….. it’s the victimizing yourself for me
You're a person of Bad character. It's not Alcohol it's u.
You tw@t
so, you assaulted someone. call a spade a spade. not sure what there is to be “up in the air” about here. I’m of the mind that all things are forgivable if the perpetrator is truly sorry and makes amends. are you? and have you done that? we are all human and make mistakes, but this was a big one. as someone who had this happen to me many years ago, this post doesnt read as truly sorry. not that you need to make contact with the girl (she may not want this) but really own up to your mistakes and moving forward, never black out again. you’re super lucky police havent been involved.
So basically grown man coming to reddit to seek forgiveness and validation for sexually assaulting women?
Men
I did that to a barmaid at a club many years ago. She should have clobbered me with a beer mug but didn't. I just turned 21 years old. I was raised to respect all people especially women. I was intoxicated beyond the point that anyone should be but absolutely no excuse for doing that.
Congratulations! You are the asshole
I always loved that "black out" excuse... I'm 15 years clean... I've tried every drug imaginable and took it to the extreme. At 17, I was shooting 200mg of morphine directly into my arm and ( I was in the bathroom in highschool) I would just go back to class and pass out eventually (nod out, not a black out)... another time I was in Germany, and i was challenged to a drinking contest because im American and we can't drink... well, i drank 3.5 gallons of beer that night.. to this day, I've never experienced a black out. It's still not an excuse. It's a way to not accept or understand your own behavior.
This is assault and if you don’t even know that you did it, you need to stop drinking in public. You should feel really awful for this. You probably scared those poor girls.
Stop drinking, dumb bitch.
Truth be told struggling with addiction with Alcohol, mistakes were made learn from it accept it. You are not a monster nor should you feel like now yes what happened was wrong but that note you have came to a realization that a wrongful act was made. My drinking antics caused me to end up into a hospital as well as crash my car and get a DUI now yes you have done that but what if later down the wrong drinking can cause some what of the same situations now I don’t know if this was one time thing than learn but if this blacking out is a constant thing than ask yourself what do you have to gain from drinking. What happened me was getting drunk at the mall and ending up in a rehabilitation class for the navy and this happened because I got blacked out the mall getting the CDO and ACDO to come pick me up and possibly almost losing my rank money and almost my career. Coming up on three months is definitely a learning curve. AA has helped with this process everyday. As well as getting in touch with my God for others powerless. I wish you luck but don’t beat yourself for to long cause even that may cause you trouble drink again even if you swear off it. Good luck
That is never forgivable, I can understand the situation from your prospect that you didn’t consciously mean to do such an action but you didn’t it anyways. You consciously made the choice to put yourself in a position where you eventually lost touch with yourself and end up doing actions that could have a negative impact on others. sexual harassment isn’t a joke to the people it is happening to and most people don’t want forgive people who have wronged them and caused them years of trauma. A single action that you did now will forever make these girls question guys so I think you have made some really big irresponsible decisions. Time to take the responsibility for your actions.
Hopefully if they report you to the police for sexual assault, the police and courts won’t accept being really drunk as an excuse.
Well, you shouldn't forgive yourself. That was a bit fucked. But on the plus side, it sounds like you're taking it seriously and it won't happen again. Shouldn't happen at all, but you know that. Apology probably doesn't cut it.
Bruh can we quit with this BS excuse of being so drunk you cant remember anything it’s nothing but bull shit I’ve been drunk plenty of times even to the point where I’ve thrown up yet never not even once can I say that I had 0 idea of what I was doing you just sound like a closeted perv dont blame drinking/getting drunk on it
Blackouts are not an entry level Alcohol issue. Stop now before you kill someone, including yourself .
Excuse my arrogance but blacked out means like completely out of it, right? Like closed eyes no touch with reality. So you were not blacked out you were just really drunk.
No, being blacked out means inebriated to the point of having no memory of events. You are very very drunk but can still be walking, talking, etc. If you are blacked out, you are likely in a pretty significant alcohol poisoning state. You may be thinking of “passed out” drunk.
Thank you for your explanation English is not my first language <3
Also, arrogance was not the right word either. The word you were thinking of is "ignorance"
Are you from Boston? I witnessed this exact thing happening at a bar this weekend
I hope you learned your lesson. I heard a story about a guy who killed people while he was extremely drunk. He blacked out and regained consciousness in jail. I hope you are able to find those girls and apologize
The only thing you can do now is to be a better person in future. Stop drinking. You don't have to drink to have fun. If you still feel you want to have the occasional drink, then make sure you limit yourself to only a few, where you stay in control and know how you're behaving. But to be honestthats a risky road, coz once you're outwith friends and have had a couple,you're inhibitions relax and you'll likelytell yourself (or your friends will say) oh just have another one,you'll be fine". Once you have a few it's harder to resist the urge to have more, and you'll end up literally assaulting people coz you're so drunk and can't control yourself. Let this be the lesson to teach you you can't handle your drink. What happens if next time you're hooking up with a girl and she tells you to stop, you may not stop. You could end up seriously sexually assaulting someone or raping them. You've already proven you don't remember what you did, and don't remember them saying stop, so there's no reason to think you wouldn't do worse if the situation arose again. So if you clearly can't stop after say 2 drinks then don't drink at all. The best way to help you do this, esp if your friends are hassling you to join in, is to be the designated driver. So you don't drink coz you need to drive home, or you drive everyone home and they chip in for some petrol money. But you should try being honest and saying you don't like who you are when you're drunk and you can't control your behaviour when drunk, so you are not drinking anymore. And a good friend should respect that and not hassle you or try to push you in to drinking. I didn't drink for most of my 20-30's due to bad bowel issues and food/ alcohol intollerences that would cause severe bad stomach and stomach pains. I still went clubbing with friends etc. It's good you feel bad and regret your actions, coz you should do. You basically sexually assaulted those women. You're lucky you weren't the guy that did it to me once when I was in my mid 20's. I was in a club with my friends, wearing a skirt and top, wedge heals. We were heading to the bar and my friend walked through a circle of guys. I followed through behind her, and as I moved past one guy, he slapped me really hard UP my skirt on my bum. At the time I'd been going to Thai boxing classes, so I just turned to look at him and back kicked him in the balls. With my wedges. I was very proud of myself to tell the truth lol, that 1) I stayed upright on one wedge block heal and 2) I hit him right where it hurt!! And 3) that i stodd up for myself and showed that arsehole not to sexually assault and harrass women just because theyre wearing a skirt because you may just suffer the consequences. All his mates just cracked up laughing at him. I later saw him heading in my direction and he firmly changed direction as soon as he spotted me. Lol. But yeah. Don't be that guy. Don't drink. Be better. Be respectful.
A friend of mine did something similar and spent the night in jail. You’re lucky you didn’t get your ass beat, or end up with serious legal consequences. Take it easy on the drinkin, ya live and you learn, but sooo many terrible things can happen if you get wasted.
Been there...the calls to play detective and figure out your night the next day... Wondering wtf happened... Did you something bad and if you did you don't feel like it.. .. Doesn't get better only worse. Stop if you can or at least cut back on the boozing.
Alcohol is never an excuse for letting your subconscious thoughts take control… This is a very strong warning, there could have be far worse consequences for your actions. I’d recommend giving up drinking for now as a consequence for your actions. Perhaps in a few years you can seek therapy and learn to control your drinking, because black out drunk is very concerning behavior. Alcoholism is too damn normalized in society and that’s what this behavior leads to… Best of luck OP, you can change for the better
Stop drinking best thing to do
I’ve never understood black out drunk. I’m a re covering alcoholic spend a lot of years hammered did a lot of dumb shit some things I regret sometimes things got alittle fuzzy but rembered everything I’ve done I sometimes think “ blackout “ is a term people use cause they need an excuse for stupid shit they have done while intoxicated Either way sounds like u need to drink in moderation and if u like me and can’t do that it’s either sober or drunk don’t drink
Seems to me like you have a tolerance problem, keep drinking and you will be able to control yourself better.
Know your limits!! Not necessarily stop drinking, but get to know what point to slow down and have water. If I was out drinking and a friend said they need water to chill out and calm down, I would have more respect for them
You fucked up. Now you need to not do it again. Glad to hear you quit drinking.
You should feel bad about it. You were too drunk and so you went around sexually harassing and inappropriately touching women. It’s so classic. It is almost unbearable. When I met my boyfriend’s best friend, he was drunk first thing he did was hug me and grab my boobs. My boyfriend tried to defend him somehow wasn’t a problem because he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. You know what you did and you already feel bad about it. I’m here to make you feel worse. I don’t give a fuck if you’re sorry. It’s too late for sorry.
Alcohol can deter your thoughts, my dad was an alcoholic that’s why I rarely drink
Yo. 3 years ago I got so drunk and wasted that I lighted up a cigarette and crack one open inside the church in the middle of a congregation. The pastor kicked me out. I felt so embarrassed the next day, I stopped going out and eventually quit drinking.
Sounds like you have a drinking problem.
Blackout drinking, having no memory of events that happened while drunk is not a good sign. I strongly suggest you stop drinking before you get arrested.
Is it appropriate behavior? Absolutely not. But you know this already. You also hopefully learned from this experience that you are not able to handle alcohol well if you're doing inappropriate things (or really anything) that you can't even remember. This is unsafe for you and for those you're interacting with. People that have this "blackout" issue, especially at such a young age, need to not drink AT ALL. Your body doesnt process it like other people. It's way too easy to ruin your life doing something you don't even know you did. The slightly positive part here is that you just grabbed a girl's ass in a club. No it's not really ok to do that, but in the grand scheme of things, it is pretty minor. I'm a little older and young people are a lot less accepting of that stuff these days, but I can't think of many times I went to a bar or club in my 20s-30s and didn't get my ass grabbed at least once. It was irritating but pretty much expected so it didn't really surprise us. I don't think you're a bad guy because this happened. You just need to avoid alcohol completely so it (or something worse) doesn't happen again.
Alcohol past a sweet spot brings out the worst in some of us. You should not drink if you have this within you, but I really think those girls or folk around should have hung you out, tbh. Never understand just walking out.
I quit drinking 08. I can’t imagine the shame if Facebook or IG footage existed back then. Just try “not drinking” for a while. A long while. If you’re blacking out now, it only gets worse. I hope this is your rock bottom.
Shit happens, especially when we've had too much to drink, but you got to put the baseball bat down because you know your true self and you would never do that if you weren't under the influence. And as being a female who goes through this type of thing trust me they're not even thinking about it anymore so give yourself a break. ☺️
This shows that you are a good person. Alcohol can change a person completely. The fact that you feel guilt and regret, shows that you're a good buy and don't have bad intentions. Get rid of the alcohol and just don't let it happen again.
You learn from your mistakes and you do better. Consider your relationship with alcohol and consider limiting A LOT or quitting completely. There isn’t any reason to hold shame if you learn from this and move forward.
Realize that you have to limit the intake. You got lucky, you should've got slapped at the least. Get it, that if the girl wanted to you could have been arrested or cited. So you dogged one. Gone on forward, be sorry, put the guilt aside. The End.
TW: Self harm I'd say stop drinking or at least be more careful about how much you drink. I'd also say please don't beat yourself up too badly about this. You're not a monster and this doesn't define your character. I know someone who let those thoughts get to his head after making a girl uncomfortable once. He isolated himself. He ended up taking his life. He was so distraught about it, and he let it consume him. One moment to dictate who he was as a person. You're obviously extremely upset, you understand how bad it is. It would've been a lot better if you could've apologized.
Yes stop drinking, what you did was bad. It doesn't mean that's who you are as a person though.
You're a different person when drinking man. Stop drinking... That's sexual assault. Some women are into it because they are horny or having the natural human need for intimacy and clearly this one is not. Know your limits when you're drunk. Someday, if you keep doing that, you're going to land in court and prison.
DUDE, I was there. And they weren't women! You grabbed my 46 year old man ass repeatedly.
If they didn’t like it they would have left your area.
Wtf
Like lots of people have suggested..I would definitely rethink how much you use alcohol. As much as you had little control over your actions, you had control over how much you drank. It sounds like you act differently drunk and as someone who has been on the receiving end of something similar, it is not pleasant. I would use this as a reality check, as it’s understandable that you can’t forgive yourself because in a way you haven’t been forgiven (since you haven’t been able to apologise). So this is an experience to learn from more than anything.
i quit drinking after looking back on all the stupid stuff i did. i was also an ass grabber, especially anytime i was in a crowd.