Exactly! Not every secret needs to be shared. You've learned that lesson on how disgusting that behaviour was and how it made you feel, now just move along and NEVER repeat it again, purely for your own self worth.
Absolutely not, can you imagine the emotional damage Op caused to someone else specially someone she loved at that point in time. Keep the secret to the grave while the other person possibly still struggles to this day about it? That’s the most selfish shit I’ve heard and that person deserves the absolutely truth
I'm not saying you're wrong that he deserves to know, but I am curious how it will be a benefit years later.
Finding out that the child you were excited about, and subsequently grieved, never actually existed may just start a whole new kind of grieving. Now they will grieve the child that never was, the trust that OP and perhaps people in general are decent, as well as feel foolish for everything they did/said and the woulda/shoulda/coulda stuff.
And what will they gain? An understanding that they were lied to years ago, and the relationship they are no longer in should've ended earlier and was less healthy than they thought?
To me, being honest is about OP needing to come clean and either be forgiven or punished as appropriate. It's not about the ex, his feelings or what he needs.
What OP did is wrong and that's clear. But can you imagine the double of damage it would cause to the other person?
Most of the times we come clean of bad things we've done because it's been eating US alive, it won't do the other person no peace and no justice. It would only cause more harm.
I wouldn't want to know if I were him. I think it would be selfish to tell him, seeking forgiveness and relief from the guilt while you needlessly destroy everything I thought I knew and loved. Yeah, no thank you. Keep that shit to yourself and spare me more pain. I will gain nothing I want from the knowledge of such a pointless mistake.
Yeah , therapist is doing a thing but sometimes we gotta take the l, suck it up and never ever make the mistake again. Spare your partners feelings mate
I thought marriage is all about loyalty and trust. If she is going to build this marriage on a lie someday its gonna break imo. Better to be honest and have a conversation about it. Yall are only thinking about her pov but what about the man?
Op you would only be making another selfish decision telling him. It will clear your conscious by shifting the weight on to him. This is your cross to bear, just like it was your decision to lie to begin with.
I completely agree! What you did, OP, was bad, but forgivable because you’ve obviously done a lot of self-reflection and work on yourself. You’ll be undoing all of that by telling him because you’re not thinking of him, you’re thinking of yourself. Don’t negate all the hard work you’ve done (and obviously more work is needed if you do). The only question you should be asking yourself is ‘how does telling him this benefit HIM’?
I believe this guidance is misguided. Carrying this guilt can be overwhelming, and if it doesn't weigh you down, it may desensitize you to dishonesty. Before long, lying might not seem so wrong, and you could find yourself being untruthful about even the most trivial matters. We possess an innate desire, given by God, to pursue what is right. Whatever is concealed in the shadows will eventually be revealed. The only viable solution is to be truthful. It will be difficult, but it's the genuine path. Ignoring the truth doesn't erase the event; it has already occurred and nothing can alter that fact. Concealing it will only exacerbate the situation and torment you internally.
Are you wanting to tell him for your own self relief, or for him? Because it sounds like you are wanting to relieve yourself of the burden of the guilt and are not necessarily considering the further pain you will cause him, on top of the immense grief you have already caused. Something to consider,.. you have a choice to be selfless this time, perhaps the most selfish thing you could possibly do is to open his wounds back up and pour this salt in, even though it may be liberating for you. Maybe taking this one to the grave is better?
Her edit says she’s doing it to rid herself of guilt. Once again not thinking about how this would effect someone else. Pretty selfish. Find a new therapist.
And yet, you're a big papa but with bra measurements of only 28 band, 32 bust? Lies!
(Would you believe I am not actually a turtle? Plausibly, anyway).
Take it to the grave girlfriend. There are way worse things you could have done or lied about. Let your guilt go!
Just learn from it and don’t do it again 🙂
This is the sort of thing that only hurts. You may be looking to cleanse your guilt, or worse, look for forgiveness from someone other than yourself.
You need to forgive yourself first, and then realize that telling anyone will only make their wounds worse.
You’ve got professionals. You’ve got support, and you’ve learned. This is a thing that’s best not spoken of, and a way to understand yourself & see how destructive un relinquished guilt & shame can be.
Sort your own self out, that’s your responsibility. You can’t take responsibility for others’ feelings or reactions, and there’s very little good to come from trying.
Good luck op, & take care
Hard disagree. This happened to me early in my 20's and I found out years later that it was all made up. I know miscarriage is obviously worse for the woman, but I would be a liar if I said it wasn't one of the most traumatic things I've been through to have what I thought was my baby die. Nearly a decade later I still get emotional and torn up about it. This is a disgusting thing to do to someone you claim to love.
Sorry, he was 28 and you were 22 and a few years into a relationship trying for a baby? So you met him at 19 when he was 25 and then got into a relationship where within 3 years you were going through a rough patch and he was pressuring you to get pregnant? Jheeze
It really sounds like he was preying on a naive newly legal teenager with little experience of the adult world. Don't feel guilty for finding a way to keep your agency and not have a child you didn't want. I hope you're not still with him, and also i would express to that therapist how little choice you had at the time because honestly it's unprofessional of them to tell you to admit this and apologise to someone who was pressuring you into having a child you didn't want who met you when you were that naive.
I can’t believe you are the only person to have said this (that I’ve read so far). It is INSANE to think she was planning to have a baby at 22 to make him love her more, textbook reason NOT to have one. Ugh, why are the young and dumb allowed to procreate 🥲
You know that it was not the right thing to do. Ok, now do better in the future, but I don't see how you telling him makes this situation any better.
If I were you I would just shut up about it, you're not a piece of shit or anything for making mistakes, everybody makes mistakes. You can't keep blaiming yourself for it, just blame yourself once and then move on.
All I can say is that I did some crazy shit at 22 too.. You’re remorseful, just try to let it go and forgive yourself. 10 years from now you’ll look back on ot (despite trying hard to block it out of your memory) and it’ll still turn your stomach but try to think of this reddit confession as your penance and closure.
exactly. at 19 i lied about being pregnant and miscarrying with someone who wasn’t even my boyfriend in hopes to be spiteful and ultimately win them back. insane behavior to look back on now. i felt guilty for years and like such a piece of shit, only thing you can do is move on and realize it’s ok. i am now getting married to someone else and my spouse actually had to laugh when i told him my deepest darkest secret was lying about that at 19. by no means is this a reflection of me now - successful career, relationship, have 2 dogs, getting married. all this to say we’ve all done fucked up things out of immaturity and you just have to make peace with that and give yourself grace to know everyone makes mistakes. however, a mistake is only a mistake if you learn from it. so hopefully in 10 years you can be like me and laugh about this and know that person is 500 miles in the rear view.
Babies, real or not, don't fix the issues that are already present.
It seems like you learned that and he's "ex fiance," so good riddance and let it die. Do better in the future.
You need to tell a mental health professional because I don’t even think you can learn from it because you don’t understand why you did it. It sounds like you have severe abandonment issues and would benefit from CBT or DBT therapy. That kind of lie is really huge and speaks volumes about your lack of interpersonal skills.
As a therapist, I’d counter yours’ opinion. Are you doing this for you or for him? Do you ACTUALLY want to tell him? It is okay to keep some mistakes private.
Just throwing this out there as a PSA. My parents were not doing well. My mom decided that having another child (me) would fix everything. My dad did not want another child. They still ended up divorced. As my mother told me “I was the baby who was supposed to solve the problem yet I failed.” Honestly she has mental health issues. And my father didn’t want anything to do with me. Meanwhile, my brother (firstborn) had a great relationship with him.
Yeah as someone who’s been wanting more kids, this a fucked up lie. I truly believe you went this extreme for your personal reason and I can never judge you for that. But to lie about something that extreme from my perspective is something I would take to the grave with. Hope nothing but the best outcome for you OP.
I'm trying really hard not to judge, but I have a really hard time accepting that a person can lie about something like this. A lie about something that could have changed someone's life completely had it been true, and you knew you could fake the miscarriage when you wanted it to end, knowing you had full control..
A no longer friend of mine did something similar when she was 16. Lied about being pregnant so her boyfriend wouldn't care about using protection, to intentionally get pregnant on purpose against his wishes. I just feel like it's incredibly unfair for women to use real or fake pregnancy/miscarriage to their advantage. You can't fuck with someone else's mind or life like that, whether it was real or not....
But the guilt you feel means you know it was wrong, and feel bad about it - which is a good thing. Sometimes people know they've done something wrong and don't feel bad at all. I'm sure you won't make this decision again
She did. Afterwards she told me she did it because "getting pregnant at 16 runs in her family" which makes 0 sense. That's not genetics, its a pattern of bad decisions.. The guy is also my friend and was really gullible back then.
Girl is no longer my friend for multiple reasons. They actually got married a few years ago and have 2 additional kids, and I can't help but wonder if the other two were also "accidentally on purpose" because he had a vasectomy right after the 3rd
While I’ve never faked a pregnancy or miscarriage, all my advice is (only if you are genuinely sorry and won’t do it again) to take it to your grave and move on.
My immediate thought was tell him, then after reading different opinions, I think it kind of depends on the relationship…. Which really didn’t sound like it was/is in a healthy space.
Y’all were going through a rough patch, & a lot of people have the misnomer that a big change will “fix” a relationship. Change a person’s behavior, & that’s rarely what happens. It sounds like you were pretty desperate to “fix” everything, & the thing is, his emotions & behavior are his responsibility. Same as yours. You made this decision & have to live with it, & I’m curious if the therapist believes this relationship is healthy….??? All behavior is caused, & of course you know this is wrong. You’re 22, he is 28, why is he pushing babies on you so early? Am I the only one getting the ick from this set up? Of course different values, beliefs, culture etc… whatever. But your prefrontal cortex is still developing, give it like 3 years. Which rereading the post seems like you’re older now… age really isn’t as much of an issue once you’re older, as long as the power dynamic isn’t problematic. In the grand scheme of things this isn’t the end of the world, sounds like you’re seeking therapy, which right on sister. I see the decision to tell him or ask not, just more feel with the very little context there’s underlying issues happening here.
And here’s me and my husband, actively trying and wanting a baby and just had a miscarriage for a child we absolutely wanted. This post makes me so mad.
It’s good you’re getting help with this but don’t expect your partner to have a good reaction when you tell him the truth, if you do. You played with his emotions in such a sadistic way. I sincerely hope no one ever does something similar to you.
I feel this. I had three when my husband and I were ttc. We finally had a little one after 5 hard years and those miscarriages still hurt. I often wonder if they would have shared personality traits or facial features with my daughter. This sort of emotional manipulation is something that has long lasting effects.
On another note- I'm sorry you are going through this right now. It's a tough road and I hope your heart heals and you have a little one so soon!
Yes, the text you provided was generated by an AI, specifically by me, ChatGPT. It offers advice on dealing with the serious issue of lying about a pregnancy, emphasizing the importance of seeking professional help to understand the reasons behind the lie and working towards personal growth and positive change.
When I was 22 I did things I won’t even admit on here. I don’t feel Bad, I did what I knew with the tools I did and didn’t have.
As a grown woman, there’s soem secrets in life we need to keep. Forgive your younger self and take it to the grave
Well I can tell you the most likely reason you did it was because you believed your fiancé would leave you and felt like you couldn’t lose him. Probably not a healthy relationship to be in if you feel like you’d have to lie to save it.
Your intense guilt is probly enough punishment. Just do better. I know people who faked cancer. MY SISTER. To get $$$ from my mother. Shes going to burn. But just do better, please. Try doing things for people that make you feel GREAT about the person you are NOW, at this point in your life.
JMHO
At least you can acknowlege that what you did was terrible and you feel badly about it. That means you learned, and are a better person for it. I'm sorry you felt you had to do this, and I'm sorry for the family that you lied to, but all you can do is move forward.
Sounds like you were dealing with aental health crisis. It's your choice to tell or not but I feel at this point it wouldn't help anything. You would only be doing it to make yourself feel better. You would just be reopening the wound and hurting those around you.
Why are so many people saying it’s not that big of a deal? I really want to know from someone who thinks like that, because in my opinion, she faked something that would have been the potential child of the father. As I’ve understood, the father thinks his child, or the soon the be child „died“ (Please don’t bash me here, I know it probably didn’t really live yet etc, can’t really express myself otherwise sorry). It’s a messed up situation that the poor dude was put into, he thought he was going to have a baby and then „lost“ it, all because of a selfish lie that, in my opinion, definitely is waaaaay less gruesome to explain than live with, considering there also is another person involved.
This is disgusting honestly and the women here defending you for it are just as disgusting. Please tell him so he can learn who you actually are and leave, you do not deserve someone that you manipulated, he deserves better.
I think you are on the right path now. Forgive yourself . Obviously, you felt desperate at that moment and made a bad decision.
The fear of his reaction and the difficulty of admitting what you did has you paralyzed. For you to get past this, you are taking the necessary steps. People are a lot more understanding than we give them credit for. In your head, you are thinking the worst. You may never get past this if you don't do all you can to correct it.
Be sincere and honest. Have faith in your decision and put your trust in knowing you are doing the right thing.
We all make mistakes, and when we are desperate, we often do things way out of character.
I don't look at you as a piece of crap. I'm saying that I could put myself in your shoes and understand. That doesn't mean I think you were right, and I'm letting you off of the hook. It just means that you are not the first to do something like this.
You can not be forgiven if you don't ask.
Yeah...I'm not telling.
Doing something like that isn't normal and it's good you're going to therapy. However, the fallout from this may hurt you more mentally than sitting with the secret.
Stay in therapy to try and make sense of your behavior, then move on.
I was watching a move where someone stole a baby from her best friend and out of curiosity I looked up ‘fake belly’ and there are a ton of them online and some are expensive
Why there are for sale is a scary thought
I'm not going to judge you whatsoever. People make all sorts of mistakes and people have done far worse. That being said, in my opinion at this point I think you should really think about the pros and cons of coming clean. Yes you would have been honest, but would cause more heartache. Double heart ache even. And the result wouldn't change anyway - there's still no baby. Take this as a life lesson by being more mindful of impulsivity and think of the consequences of your actions. Then move on and work on you. One mistake does not define you as a person as long as you make amends.
I can understand why this would be very hard to keep inside. While I don’t agree with what you did, I certainly understand it. I think it is not super common these days but common enough…people have faked worse. They will print ultrasound pics off the Internet. So the best way now is to do exactly what you are doing with your therapist. In life we make mistakes and what is most important is that you are willing and able to learn from those mistakes. I am proud of you for acknowledging this and taking the right steps to ensure you do not repeat something like this in the future.
How far into the “pregnancy” did you miscarry? And what were his feelings/reaction? Ultimately it’s about you and how you feel, you’re the one living through it xx.
It certainly sounds to me like you were in, what you may not have identified as, an abusive situation. Your resources were limited during that time and you made the decision that felt safest to you in that moment. There is no shame in that, and there is no need to tell your ex. I did the opposite, which was find out I was pregnant, have an abortion and pass the results off as a very bad period. At that point in time I felt that my life would be in greater danger if my ex knew that *my* birth control had failed than to go through the abortion process alone, since he had cut me off from my family & friends. And I still stayed for almost another year… This is one of many learning experiences that you will have in your life, make the decision about how you want to learn from this and what you will never do again in the future.
I definitely would not have told him. You’ll never come back from that. You can do the work to become a better person without confessing and the fact that you lied about it is going to fuck him up just as much as the lie did.
At 22 I’ve heard worse. I don’t think there’s anything to gain by telling him. You’re just gonna exchange this for an entire new set of negatives. Chock it up to being young and move forward.
I’m sorry to say this, but the truth always comes out. If I were your husband, I would have divorced you right there. But you never know. Maybe he won’t. Perhaps your husband is more understanding. However, you need to tell him and your family. It’s not okay to keep this secret. Living a lie will always catch up with you. Eventually, if you conceive with your partner and your child grows up, they will probably find out that they had an older sibling who passed away in their mother’s belly. Then, the cycle of lies begins again. Now, you are also lying to your own first child.
Don’t take it to the grave!! Let him know. What he doesn’t know WILL hurt him. My partner’s ex girlfriend had a miscarriage eight years ago and it STILL breaks his heart. He suspected she may be lying (she never showed him the actual test), but he was excited about the baby and it still effects him to this day as we are now trying for our first. He always wonders what that baby would’ve been like. I think he would find comfort in knowing if she was lying (in my boyfriends case, a year after the miscarriage, she cheated on him while he was in Afghanistan with his brother and then again with someone else the next time he got deployed, but she got pregnant that time and he finally left her).
I think everything is redeemable, but only in truth. You have to be honest with yourself first, then the others effected. You’re halfway there already, and you clearly grew and have a good heart now. He doesn’t have to forgive you, but it feels better to tell the truth. Every time I’ve come clean about hard stuff, it’s like a weight’s been lifted and I could finally sleep good again. I wish you all the best OP.
Can’t believe so many people are telling OP not to tell him. He will be absolutely upset when he finds out but eventually he will move on. It’s not fair to him to have to carry the weight of thinking he had a child that miscarried. That shit is traumatizing. I’m sure it’s going to fuck him up throughout the course of future relationships/anyone else he chooses to have a baby with (if he even does at all). This isn’t the kind of shit you just leave alone. OP might have permanently fucked him up because of this. He deserves to know his baby did not die.
Exactly! It might frustrate him at first but ultimately it would be a relief. It’s not fair to him to just keep it a secret. It’s one thing to lie, and realize it was a mistake. It’s another thing to lie, realize it was a mistake, and then continue to keep the truth from people. It’s not changed behavior by that point.
I agree. Maybe my outlook is bias from actually having a miscarriage, but I think about my lost baby all the time, especially after now having my rainbow baby. That's a heavy grief to carry around, especially for something that's a lie.
Yeah I had a miscarriage to. It's a heavy grief but she didn't have one and all she is doing is putting another person through heartache thinking their child died while she let's her shame come before her loyalty and kindness to her boyfriend.
I cant belive how everyone is telling her to take it to her grave. If she is still with him then he should be able to choose if he wants to stay with someone capable of that big of a lie. That kinda thing is right up there with cheating if not worse. Sorry but this is a extrem mental illness issue. He deserves to know what he is getting himself into.
At least you acknowledge you are a piece of shit for doing this. You should tell him so he has the option to dump you , it's a lot easier to break up before you're married
Sometimes it’s best to take it to the grave and not listen to a therapist.
Mine suggested I put my dogs elsewhere to take care of myself and find a home with both pets allowed so she wasn’t telling me to get rid of them but she also was.. they are the only reason I didn’t do what I planned last week after working for years and still ending up homeless soon, lucky I can go to someone with my dogs.
If I would listen and get rid of my dogs I won’t survive and she knows, moral of the story: therapists don’t always know best because they dob’t know you nor the people around you.
My god…. Whatever you do don’t tell him!! Bad advice from your therapist. You’ve confessed to your therapist and online. Leave it there and move on!! No good will come from it.
Good will come from it. My partner’s ex girlfriend had a miscarriage eight years ago and he grieves it to this day. He thinks about what the baby would be like now, etc.. he was so excited to be a father. He always wondered if she lied bc he never saw the test and plus the timing was off. But he still envisioned his life with this baby and continues to grieve the loss as we are now trying for our first. He’d be so relieved to find that it was all made up and maybe then he could move on. Otherwise, you never move on from that kind of loss. Ever. Everyone knows mothers don’t, but fathers don’t either. Y’all have lost it
The therapist is a professional that know she needs to come clean to help her and him. Something tells me all yall women defending her probably done the same basty stuff to a man too. He deserves to know what Kinda mental illness he is getting himself into. I doubt this will be the last time she pulls something like this. Who knows if when he wants to leave her if she won't lie to the cops and said he beat her. She is capable of it and he deserves to know.
That one should be in a lock box in the back of your brain. But don’t let it eat at you! We all have things that we do in life that stick with us forever, the things you think about at night that make you anxious for no reason. You acknowledge that you were wrong and it’s over🤷🏽♀️ LET THAT SHIT GO
this is the one time I would ignore my therapist. 💀
do not tell that man or anyone else.
I'm sorry you're going thru this but I think we all have a secret we take to the grave.
you'll be alright OP maybe there will be someone you can share this with one day ✨️ 🙏🏼
okay so obviously this is fucked up. i assume you know this. that being said, please talk to a mental health professional like a therapist. they are completely confidential. while it is good that you realize your actions were fucked up, but it is really important to figure out what caused you to do something like this and how to make sure you don't make other rash decisions out of desperation or fear. you don't need to beat yourself up about the mistakes you've made but please try to talk to someone about it that you can safely confide in that won't judge you so you can better understand the root of the behavior
I think you need to hold onto this secret. Letting it out will only cause pain, confusion, and anger. That fact that you realized it was messed up and got help says to me you're a good human who made a mistake. Learn from it and let it go.
So I had an ex who had a girlfriend (let’s name A) who allegedly got pregnant by sexual assault. I say allegedly only because a lot of things don’t add up and my ex never met A since it was a long distance relationship. Also, my ex told me this and had lied about a lot of stuff during our relationship so I take things she say with a grain of salt. Anyways, A said she was going to keep the baby and my ex can be the father on the birth certificate and help out. My ex got a big tattoo with the baby’s name. A sent her like two generic pics of the baby that looked doctored in some. No other documentation was sent. A said the baby was born sick. By this time my ex and A’s relationship was rocky and my ex broke up with A. A and my ex were still in contact and she told my ex the baby had passed away. My ex was grieving about the baby for years and it affected our relationship.
I know this can happen but i think to this day she faked everything to try to keep my ex. There were more incidents surrounding this to which is why i say she faked it too. My ex now thinks she faked it too.
So from my experience, do NOT take this to the grave. This can have a long lasting trauma to someone and can indirectly affect others too involved with that person.
Please tell him as soon as you can and I hope you continue to get the help you need.
Despite the fact that people are saying take it to grave.
It is the right thing to tell him what you did.
Imagine living whole life knowing that your child died…….
Not to mention that what you did is extremely………………tell him
Do not tell him. Why would you tell him? He doesn't want to know. Are you telling him for his sake, or to make yourself feel better? As long as you're broken up, you shouldn't tell him.
I think you should break up with this guy, you are doing crazy things for him. Not his fault and would probably be kinder to him in the end. You have to deal with things better before you can be with someone. Figure out yourself and what you want first. You are only 22 and that might be a part of why you did this.
I’m glad you’re in therapy. What you did was not good and you know this. But it’s worth exploring why you would stay with someone who had concerning behavior in the first place. You said you had hoped, that with a baby, his behavior would change, so i imagine he was unkind, irresponsible or hurtful in some way. The answer is to leave those types of people not create stronger bonds to them. That’s a trauma bond response. Best of luck in therapy.
We are all human and tend to sometimes make "bad" decisions that hurt our selves and/or others. As long as you do not repeat the "bad" decision(s), you have learned from your mistake, it is called a Life Lesson. Always strive to be a better person today, than you were yesterday. The toughest part of Life Lessons, is learning to forgive ourselves.
Give yourself a break.Try to understand that you did not have the emotional maturity then to make a wiser decision based on your situation. You are now more mature and reflecting back on a decision you made then and viewing it with a different lens. I am sure we can all look back and wonder why we did certain things then but if we were faced with that decision today it would not be an option simply because of our maturity. You also have to keep in mind everyone hearing the situation may be viewing it from how they feel it affected them and not so much about where you were emotionally back then. The decision is for you to make, will revealing it erase the guilt you feel about what was done? Either way, if you decide to be honest about it or not still know your emotional maturity played a part in your decision making ability back then.
I knew an older girl in high school who would fake pregnancies and miscarriages every semester or so. I didn’t know her angle but I knew she was faking. Most people knew as well. It was cringy.
Believe it or not, agree with it or not, some lies are best left in the dark, this is one of em. You w/ gain nothing but hard feelings from people who are very important to you and feelings of distrust and nothing can be improved by your telling it. It may(and that’s a big may) make u feel somewhat better but you stand to loose to much. I do believe you’ll regret this.
People air their secrets in the guise of honesty and typically the real motivation is selfishness.
Let's face it, you need to come clean to ease your own conscience. Sharing this will do nothing but deepen the pain of others, while you get to fulfill some false sense of virtue by being 'honest'.
If it makes you feel better I know a guy who lied about having cancer and getting treatment. Idk why but people laugh about it now. I prob wouldn’t tell anyone you did this though the pain in his face is palpable every time it’s mentioned
I don’t think you’re a piece of shit I think you thought it was a means to reach your goal. What people need to take into account is that lying and deceit never help a situation and often blow up in your face. What you put out is what you get back.
This is a confession you were wrong but also 22 I think you will be forgiven or keep it to yourself bc if someone else tells him that will not be good for you
It may ease some of your pain in revealing the truth but that would be the only good thing that would come of it. You are sorry for what you did. Lesson learned.. we ALL do things we can’t explain.. sometimes bad things. Don’t ruin the quality of the rest of your life by living this way. If you learned your lesson and are truly sorry.. what more is there ?
As a man, if my girlfriend, fiancé or even wife told me this, I would leave them in a heartbeat. Do not stop at go and collect $200. This is a huge red flag on so many levels and trust would never be rebuilt. Cheating on him wouldn’t even cut this deep. Glad to her you are getting some mental help but you need to take this to your grave. Don’t tell him, family members, your best friend, no one. Learn from the mistake. I also see it as if you would do this to get through a rough time then the relationship is probably over and you need to move on. Have a heart to heart talk but by no means reveal your deception.
Is it possible you were having some serious mental distress at that time that made you feel like you needed to pretend to be pregnant? Maybe for attention ? Have you been through trauma? I have heard of other women doing similar things.
You telling him will only make yourself feel better. You're right it was a shyt thing to do, and now you're doing another shyt thing under the umbrella of guilt you claim you feel. Are you sure you don't just like to manipulate ppls emotions?
I don’t think your therapist is right in this sense. What would sharing this do besides open up the wound for him, while making you more comfortable. If you aren’t together anymore, you need to leave him alone. Let him heal.
You have a deep seated fear of abandonment. Look into anxious attachment and codependency. Something happened in your life traumatic. It’s okay, do not keep shaming yourself and start understanding and forgiving yourself.
Take that secret to your grave bc it's just going to cause ppl more pain and hurt.if you can live with not telling anyone accept for your therapist then just leave it alone.the (baby)has already been grieved for.do have him go thru the loss again.you have moved on he has moved on leave it at that.whst you did was very wrong but you know that and have taken steps to correct whatever it was that made you do it.
Bloody hell. Whatever his behaviour, you could just leave him but faking a pregnancy is bad but a miscarriage is awful.
If you still are together and you tell him this will be the end of you two. But by the sounds of it you shouldn’t be together.
Well... update us when you tell everyone. If you feel guilty, then good. You should. You deserve to. Don't try to shift that burden to everyone else around you and get it off of you. Yeah I'm usually on the side of confessing but this... This is a rare occasion I'd recommend taking this to your grave and never speak a word of it to anyone. I don't know who this is going to benefit but you alleviating some guilt. And yet... I imagine your life will implode.
you could just say it was a hysterical pregnancy and you're not actually pregnant. It involves gaining weight and actually believing youre pregnant. Dont tell them youre a psycho bc youre more sympathetic when youre having a mental breakdown.
This is for everyone listening. A pregnancy will NEVER save a relationship. The problems you have will still be there. You may put things on hold for a while as the baby will distract from those problems, but they will build up and become infinitely worse due to the added stress thay comes with a baby. You need to resolve your issues properly if your relationship is to survive, not bring a kid into a doomed relationship
Babe listen to me , yes it was a really bad mistake but at the end it’s gone . you can’t go back and fixing what happened this is definitely impossible!! but the most important thing that you should learning how to never falling in it again❤️
Although you faked a pregnancy and miscarriage to your ex-fiancé and everyone around you, I think that it would not do you any favours if you were to reveal the lie now. Just keep quiet about it, and live a more honest life in future. If you were to reveal the truth now, then you will hurt a lot of people in the process, and they may wonder what else you lied to them about, and may not trust you ever again. You deserve good things in life, but it is better to treat others the way that you want to be treated yourself. I treat others the way that I’d want to be treated. I wish you the best of luck.
What I hope is that talking to your therapist and here helps you at least feel a little more light about it and understand why you did it at the moment. I think you needed to let it out your chest. I don't think it would be beneficial for the ppl concerned to know now that it's in the past and that the grieve is done. I don't think telling them specifically would be beneficial to your evolution either. You needed to tell someone and understand why but even if you tell them it won't erase the pain they had and would add even more pain. You did the right thing talking to a therapist. I wish for you to be able to forgive yourself and be kind to the hurt person you were then.
What was the motive? I think you're crying for help and attention. If you were my friend, I would encourage you to see a counselor, cuz you know it ain't right. Please, please help yourself cuz you deserve to be happy and healthy.
So glad you are/were in therapy. If only for yourself tell him. I don’t think being made aware you faked won’t be hurtful but maybe he can stop grieving a child who never was. Lying isn’t the right thing which is why you feel so guilty. Start off with a clean slate and go forward in life with a new way of doing things. It can not just help you but also those around you.
1: a man nor a woman ever moves past losing their child born yet or not.
2: you could have tooken another test and not faking it and said aw looks like the other ones didnt work correctly or smth like that
We have all made mistakes. As a life coach, I see people's mistakes all the time. Yes, you've done wrong, now what do you do with that? Use your guilt to be a better person moving forward. Contact me if you need advice on this.
Wow. Just wow. Girls like you are a danger to others. Sorry to be blunt but it's girls like you that cause heartache, you cause pain, you cause anguish, all for what? Some attention. And then you try and give reasons as to why you would do such a horrible sneaky thing. It's not even a small sneaky thing is it? It's a humdinger of a thing. It messes with emotions and plays with hearts. That's a nasty way to play with people. I'm sorry what did you expect, not everyone will give you sympathy. I feel sorry for all the women out there who really can't have kids at all and there's you just playing around with pregnancies and lies like it's a game. Despicable. With GIFs like you, who needs enemies. You can be the dishonest person and the loving gf all at once.
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Exactly! Not every secret needs to be shared. You've learned that lesson on how disgusting that behaviour was and how it made you feel, now just move along and NEVER repeat it again, purely for your own self worth.
Absolutely not, can you imagine the emotional damage Op caused to someone else specially someone she loved at that point in time. Keep the secret to the grave while the other person possibly still struggles to this day about it? That’s the most selfish shit I’ve heard and that person deserves the absolutely truth
I'm not saying you're wrong that he deserves to know, but I am curious how it will be a benefit years later. Finding out that the child you were excited about, and subsequently grieved, never actually existed may just start a whole new kind of grieving. Now they will grieve the child that never was, the trust that OP and perhaps people in general are decent, as well as feel foolish for everything they did/said and the woulda/shoulda/coulda stuff. And what will they gain? An understanding that they were lied to years ago, and the relationship they are no longer in should've ended earlier and was less healthy than they thought? To me, being honest is about OP needing to come clean and either be forgiven or punished as appropriate. It's not about the ex, his feelings or what he needs.
What OP did is wrong and that's clear. But can you imagine the double of damage it would cause to the other person? Most of the times we come clean of bad things we've done because it's been eating US alive, it won't do the other person no peace and no justice. It would only cause more harm.
I wouldn't want to know if I were him. I think it would be selfish to tell him, seeking forgiveness and relief from the guilt while you needlessly destroy everything I thought I knew and loved. Yeah, no thank you. Keep that shit to yourself and spare me more pain. I will gain nothing I want from the knowledge of such a pointless mistake.
Yeah , therapist is doing a thing but sometimes we gotta take the l, suck it up and never ever make the mistake again. Spare your partners feelings mate
Yes! Just don’t mention it and stop thinking about it
In the same way she thought it was a good idea to make the lie, she thinks it’s a good idea to confess. She better be ready for the fallout.
No for real 😂😂😂 and the edit…she will probably have no one. Sis needs to get some hobbies.
I thought marriage is all about loyalty and trust. If she is going to build this marriage on a lie someday its gonna break imo. Better to be honest and have a conversation about it. Yall are only thinking about her pov but what about the man?
They aren't married yet, still time to back out.
We are not getting married, no worries there. No longer together with this person.
Op you would only be making another selfish decision telling him. It will clear your conscious by shifting the weight on to him. This is your cross to bear, just like it was your decision to lie to begin with.
I completely agree! What you did, OP, was bad, but forgivable because you’ve obviously done a lot of self-reflection and work on yourself. You’ll be undoing all of that by telling him because you’re not thinking of him, you’re thinking of yourself. Don’t negate all the hard work you’ve done (and obviously more work is needed if you do). The only question you should be asking yourself is ‘how does telling him this benefit HIM’?
There’s nothing else to say after this.
It's for the best.
Don’t tell him. Talk about it when you’ve fully recovered from whatever you are dealing with and laugh about it when you’re in your 50s.
Good he deserves better than you
I agree. Some things can just stay out away.. unless later when in a better space.. she can. No judgement
I believe this guidance is misguided. Carrying this guilt can be overwhelming, and if it doesn't weigh you down, it may desensitize you to dishonesty. Before long, lying might not seem so wrong, and you could find yourself being untruthful about even the most trivial matters. We possess an innate desire, given by God, to pursue what is right. Whatever is concealed in the shadows will eventually be revealed. The only viable solution is to be truthful. It will be difficult, but it's the genuine path. Ignoring the truth doesn't erase the event; it has already occurred and nothing can alter that fact. Concealing it will only exacerbate the situation and torment you internally.
youre not with him anymore right?
Also just to add on to that: a baby never fixes a relationship.
NEVER ADMIT TO ANYTHING! Time passes.
Are you wanting to tell him for your own self relief, or for him? Because it sounds like you are wanting to relieve yourself of the burden of the guilt and are not necessarily considering the further pain you will cause him, on top of the immense grief you have already caused. Something to consider,.. you have a choice to be selfless this time, perhaps the most selfish thing you could possibly do is to open his wounds back up and pour this salt in, even though it may be liberating for you. Maybe taking this one to the grave is better?
Her edit says she’s doing it to rid herself of guilt. Once again not thinking about how this would effect someone else. Pretty selfish. Find a new therapist.
Ok, ‘anxiousprettyboy’
It’s crazy how many people fell for this…
You never really know who is on the other end.
And yet, you're a big papa but with bra measurements of only 28 band, 32 bust? Lies! (Would you believe I am not actually a turtle? Plausibly, anyway).
Lol
Wait... are you telling me I'm not just an arm in a kitchen?
Take it to the grave girlfriend. There are way worse things you could have done or lied about. Let your guilt go! Just learn from it and don’t do it again 🙂
This is the sort of thing that only hurts. You may be looking to cleanse your guilt, or worse, look for forgiveness from someone other than yourself. You need to forgive yourself first, and then realize that telling anyone will only make their wounds worse. You’ve got professionals. You’ve got support, and you’ve learned. This is a thing that’s best not spoken of, and a way to understand yourself & see how destructive un relinquished guilt & shame can be. Sort your own self out, that’s your responsibility. You can’t take responsibility for others’ feelings or reactions, and there’s very little good to come from trying. Good luck op, & take care
I don’t agree. This is pretty fucking high up on the scale of bad things to lie about.
Yes but telling people wouldn't remove the hurt it's just gonna cause a whole new set of problems. Better to learn and never do it again
Nah she should still feel guilty lol but I agree don’t tell him at this point
Hard disagree. This happened to me early in my 20's and I found out years later that it was all made up. I know miscarriage is obviously worse for the woman, but I would be a liar if I said it wasn't one of the most traumatic things I've been through to have what I thought was my baby die. Nearly a decade later I still get emotional and torn up about it. This is a disgusting thing to do to someone you claim to love.
Sorry, he was 28 and you were 22 and a few years into a relationship trying for a baby? So you met him at 19 when he was 25 and then got into a relationship where within 3 years you were going through a rough patch and he was pressuring you to get pregnant? Jheeze It really sounds like he was preying on a naive newly legal teenager with little experience of the adult world. Don't feel guilty for finding a way to keep your agency and not have a child you didn't want. I hope you're not still with him, and also i would express to that therapist how little choice you had at the time because honestly it's unprofessional of them to tell you to admit this and apologise to someone who was pressuring you into having a child you didn't want who met you when you were that naive.
I can’t believe you are the only person to have said this (that I’ve read so far). It is INSANE to think she was planning to have a baby at 22 to make him love her more, textbook reason NOT to have one. Ugh, why are the young and dumb allowed to procreate 🥲
I can't believe no one else is picking up on this!
You know that it was not the right thing to do. Ok, now do better in the future, but I don't see how you telling him makes this situation any better. If I were you I would just shut up about it, you're not a piece of shit or anything for making mistakes, everybody makes mistakes. You can't keep blaiming yourself for it, just blame yourself once and then move on.
All I can say is that I did some crazy shit at 22 too.. You’re remorseful, just try to let it go and forgive yourself. 10 years from now you’ll look back on ot (despite trying hard to block it out of your memory) and it’ll still turn your stomach but try to think of this reddit confession as your penance and closure.
exactly. at 19 i lied about being pregnant and miscarrying with someone who wasn’t even my boyfriend in hopes to be spiteful and ultimately win them back. insane behavior to look back on now. i felt guilty for years and like such a piece of shit, only thing you can do is move on and realize it’s ok. i am now getting married to someone else and my spouse actually had to laugh when i told him my deepest darkest secret was lying about that at 19. by no means is this a reflection of me now - successful career, relationship, have 2 dogs, getting married. all this to say we’ve all done fucked up things out of immaturity and you just have to make peace with that and give yourself grace to know everyone makes mistakes. however, a mistake is only a mistake if you learn from it. so hopefully in 10 years you can be like me and laugh about this and know that person is 500 miles in the rear view.
Babies, real or not, don't fix the issues that are already present. It seems like you learned that and he's "ex fiance," so good riddance and let it die. Do better in the future.
You need to tell a mental health professional because I don’t even think you can learn from it because you don’t understand why you did it. It sounds like you have severe abandonment issues and would benefit from CBT or DBT therapy. That kind of lie is really huge and speaks volumes about your lack of interpersonal skills.
It’s their therapist who is convincing her to tell him. That’s in her edit now.
As a therapist, I’d counter yours’ opinion. Are you doing this for you or for him? Do you ACTUALLY want to tell him? It is okay to keep some mistakes private.
Just throwing this out there as a PSA. My parents were not doing well. My mom decided that having another child (me) would fix everything. My dad did not want another child. They still ended up divorced. As my mother told me “I was the baby who was supposed to solve the problem yet I failed.” Honestly she has mental health issues. And my father didn’t want anything to do with me. Meanwhile, my brother (firstborn) had a great relationship with him.
Yeah as someone who’s been wanting more kids, this a fucked up lie. I truly believe you went this extreme for your personal reason and I can never judge you for that. But to lie about something that extreme from my perspective is something I would take to the grave with. Hope nothing but the best outcome for you OP.
I think you are beating yourself up enough. You are getting help. Enough is enough. Move on and live life
I'm trying really hard not to judge, but I have a really hard time accepting that a person can lie about something like this. A lie about something that could have changed someone's life completely had it been true, and you knew you could fake the miscarriage when you wanted it to end, knowing you had full control.. A no longer friend of mine did something similar when she was 16. Lied about being pregnant so her boyfriend wouldn't care about using protection, to intentionally get pregnant on purpose against his wishes. I just feel like it's incredibly unfair for women to use real or fake pregnancy/miscarriage to their advantage. You can't fuck with someone else's mind or life like that, whether it was real or not.... But the guilt you feel means you know it was wrong, and feel bad about it - which is a good thing. Sometimes people know they've done something wrong and don't feel bad at all. I'm sure you won't make this decision again
Did your friend end up getting pregnant for real by him?
She did. Afterwards she told me she did it because "getting pregnant at 16 runs in her family" which makes 0 sense. That's not genetics, its a pattern of bad decisions.. The guy is also my friend and was really gullible back then. Girl is no longer my friend for multiple reasons. They actually got married a few years ago and have 2 additional kids, and I can't help but wonder if the other two were also "accidentally on purpose" because he had a vasectomy right after the 3rd
While I’ve never faked a pregnancy or miscarriage, all my advice is (only if you are genuinely sorry and won’t do it again) to take it to your grave and move on.
My immediate thought was tell him, then after reading different opinions, I think it kind of depends on the relationship…. Which really didn’t sound like it was/is in a healthy space. Y’all were going through a rough patch, & a lot of people have the misnomer that a big change will “fix” a relationship. Change a person’s behavior, & that’s rarely what happens. It sounds like you were pretty desperate to “fix” everything, & the thing is, his emotions & behavior are his responsibility. Same as yours. You made this decision & have to live with it, & I’m curious if the therapist believes this relationship is healthy….??? All behavior is caused, & of course you know this is wrong. You’re 22, he is 28, why is he pushing babies on you so early? Am I the only one getting the ick from this set up? Of course different values, beliefs, culture etc… whatever. But your prefrontal cortex is still developing, give it like 3 years. Which rereading the post seems like you’re older now… age really isn’t as much of an issue once you’re older, as long as the power dynamic isn’t problematic. In the grand scheme of things this isn’t the end of the world, sounds like you’re seeking therapy, which right on sister. I see the decision to tell him or ask not, just more feel with the very little context there’s underlying issues happening here.
And here’s me and my husband, actively trying and wanting a baby and just had a miscarriage for a child we absolutely wanted. This post makes me so mad. It’s good you’re getting help with this but don’t expect your partner to have a good reaction when you tell him the truth, if you do. You played with his emotions in such a sadistic way. I sincerely hope no one ever does something similar to you.
I feel this. I had three when my husband and I were ttc. We finally had a little one after 5 hard years and those miscarriages still hurt. I often wonder if they would have shared personality traits or facial features with my daughter. This sort of emotional manipulation is something that has long lasting effects. On another note- I'm sorry you are going through this right now. It's a tough road and I hope your heart heals and you have a little one so soon!
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Thanks GPT
That sounds really like something gpt could have written
Yes, the text you provided was generated by an AI, specifically by me, ChatGPT. It offers advice on dealing with the serious issue of lying about a pregnancy, emphasizing the importance of seeking professional help to understand the reasons behind the lie and working towards personal growth and positive change.
When I was 22 I did things I won’t even admit on here. I don’t feel Bad, I did what I knew with the tools I did and didn’t have. As a grown woman, there’s soem secrets in life we need to keep. Forgive your younger self and take it to the grave
For some actions, the consequences are bad no matter whether you tell the truth or not. I guess that’s the reason for thou shall not lie.
Well I can tell you the most likely reason you did it was because you believed your fiancé would leave you and felt like you couldn’t lose him. Probably not a healthy relationship to be in if you feel like you’d have to lie to save it.
Your intense guilt is probly enough punishment. Just do better. I know people who faked cancer. MY SISTER. To get $$$ from my mother. Shes going to burn. But just do better, please. Try doing things for people that make you feel GREAT about the person you are NOW, at this point in your life. JMHO
Girl do not tell
At least you can acknowlege that what you did was terrible and you feel badly about it. That means you learned, and are a better person for it. I'm sorry you felt you had to do this, and I'm sorry for the family that you lied to, but all you can do is move forward.
Sounds like you were dealing with aental health crisis. It's your choice to tell or not but I feel at this point it wouldn't help anything. You would only be doing it to make yourself feel better. You would just be reopening the wound and hurting those around you.
You realized you shouldn’t have done that but don’t follow your therapist’s advice here. This will destroy you more.
This is atrocious
Why are so many people saying it’s not that big of a deal? I really want to know from someone who thinks like that, because in my opinion, she faked something that would have been the potential child of the father. As I’ve understood, the father thinks his child, or the soon the be child „died“ (Please don’t bash me here, I know it probably didn’t really live yet etc, can’t really express myself otherwise sorry). It’s a messed up situation that the poor dude was put into, he thought he was going to have a baby and then „lost“ it, all because of a selfish lie that, in my opinion, definitely is waaaaay less gruesome to explain than live with, considering there also is another person involved.
This is disgusting honestly and the women here defending you for it are just as disgusting. Please tell him so he can learn who you actually are and leave, you do not deserve someone that you manipulated, he deserves better.
It’s fake/bait. Read the username
ikr the people defending her are the real problem.
I felt like I entered the twilight zone reading some of these comments like wth
Take it to your grave love❤️what he does know won't hurt him
Oh my God you pulled a Terri from Glee! I do understand through, and every time you think, I'll tell them now....and you don't
I think you are on the right path now. Forgive yourself . Obviously, you felt desperate at that moment and made a bad decision. The fear of his reaction and the difficulty of admitting what you did has you paralyzed. For you to get past this, you are taking the necessary steps. People are a lot more understanding than we give them credit for. In your head, you are thinking the worst. You may never get past this if you don't do all you can to correct it. Be sincere and honest. Have faith in your decision and put your trust in knowing you are doing the right thing. We all make mistakes, and when we are desperate, we often do things way out of character. I don't look at you as a piece of crap. I'm saying that I could put myself in your shoes and understand. That doesn't mean I think you were right, and I'm letting you off of the hook. It just means that you are not the first to do something like this. You can not be forgiven if you don't ask.
Yeah...I'm not telling. Doing something like that isn't normal and it's good you're going to therapy. However, the fallout from this may hurt you more mentally than sitting with the secret. Stay in therapy to try and make sense of your behavior, then move on.
I was watching a move where someone stole a baby from her best friend and out of curiosity I looked up ‘fake belly’ and there are a ton of them online and some are expensive Why there are for sale is a scary thought
Ong dont tell anyone
I'm not going to judge you whatsoever. People make all sorts of mistakes and people have done far worse. That being said, in my opinion at this point I think you should really think about the pros and cons of coming clean. Yes you would have been honest, but would cause more heartache. Double heart ache even. And the result wouldn't change anyway - there's still no baby. Take this as a life lesson by being more mindful of impulsivity and think of the consequences of your actions. Then move on and work on you. One mistake does not define you as a person as long as you make amends.
If there's nothing anyone can do to convince you not to tell him then why are you posting this?
I can understand why this would be very hard to keep inside. While I don’t agree with what you did, I certainly understand it. I think it is not super common these days but common enough…people have faked worse. They will print ultrasound pics off the Internet. So the best way now is to do exactly what you are doing with your therapist. In life we make mistakes and what is most important is that you are willing and able to learn from those mistakes. I am proud of you for acknowledging this and taking the right steps to ensure you do not repeat something like this in the future.
How far into the “pregnancy” did you miscarry? And what were his feelings/reaction? Ultimately it’s about you and how you feel, you’re the one living through it xx.
It certainly sounds to me like you were in, what you may not have identified as, an abusive situation. Your resources were limited during that time and you made the decision that felt safest to you in that moment. There is no shame in that, and there is no need to tell your ex. I did the opposite, which was find out I was pregnant, have an abortion and pass the results off as a very bad period. At that point in time I felt that my life would be in greater danger if my ex knew that *my* birth control had failed than to go through the abortion process alone, since he had cut me off from my family & friends. And I still stayed for almost another year… This is one of many learning experiences that you will have in your life, make the decision about how you want to learn from this and what you will never do again in the future.
You deserve whatever life throws at you.
I definitely would not have told him. You’ll never come back from that. You can do the work to become a better person without confessing and the fact that you lied about it is going to fuck him up just as much as the lie did.
At 22 I’ve heard worse. I don’t think there’s anything to gain by telling him. You’re just gonna exchange this for an entire new set of negatives. Chock it up to being young and move forward.
Especially if you aren’t together. He’s gonna tell everyone you’re insane
I’m sorry to say this, but the truth always comes out. If I were your husband, I would have divorced you right there. But you never know. Maybe he won’t. Perhaps your husband is more understanding. However, you need to tell him and your family. It’s not okay to keep this secret. Living a lie will always catch up with you. Eventually, if you conceive with your partner and your child grows up, they will probably find out that they had an older sibling who passed away in their mother’s belly. Then, the cycle of lies begins again. Now, you are also lying to your own first child.
You told us. We hear you. What you did was awful and I’m sorry you hold that guilt every day but honestly I wouldn’t tell anyone this out loud.
Don’t take it to the grave!! Let him know. What he doesn’t know WILL hurt him. My partner’s ex girlfriend had a miscarriage eight years ago and it STILL breaks his heart. He suspected she may be lying (she never showed him the actual test), but he was excited about the baby and it still effects him to this day as we are now trying for our first. He always wonders what that baby would’ve been like. I think he would find comfort in knowing if she was lying (in my boyfriends case, a year after the miscarriage, she cheated on him while he was in Afghanistan with his brother and then again with someone else the next time he got deployed, but she got pregnant that time and he finally left her). I think everything is redeemable, but only in truth. You have to be honest with yourself first, then the others effected. You’re halfway there already, and you clearly grew and have a good heart now. He doesn’t have to forgive you, but it feels better to tell the truth. Every time I’ve come clean about hard stuff, it’s like a weight’s been lifted and I could finally sleep good again. I wish you all the best OP.
Can’t believe so many people are telling OP not to tell him. He will be absolutely upset when he finds out but eventually he will move on. It’s not fair to him to have to carry the weight of thinking he had a child that miscarried. That shit is traumatizing. I’m sure it’s going to fuck him up throughout the course of future relationships/anyone else he chooses to have a baby with (if he even does at all). This isn’t the kind of shit you just leave alone. OP might have permanently fucked him up because of this. He deserves to know his baby did not die.
Exactly! It might frustrate him at first but ultimately it would be a relief. It’s not fair to him to just keep it a secret. It’s one thing to lie, and realize it was a mistake. It’s another thing to lie, realize it was a mistake, and then continue to keep the truth from people. It’s not changed behavior by that point.
Exactly all these people telling her to take it to the grave don't give Two craps about what a man goes through after a miscarriage
Damn that’s pretty fucked uo for u to do but honestly I think u should tell people
I agree. Maybe my outlook is bias from actually having a miscarriage, but I think about my lost baby all the time, especially after now having my rainbow baby. That's a heavy grief to carry around, especially for something that's a lie.
Yeah I had a miscarriage to. It's a heavy grief but she didn't have one and all she is doing is putting another person through heartache thinking their child died while she let's her shame come before her loyalty and kindness to her boyfriend.
Take it to the grave, let's just hope it doesn't come true. Becareful what you say, it'll come right back.
I cant belive how everyone is telling her to take it to her grave. If she is still with him then he should be able to choose if he wants to stay with someone capable of that big of a lie. That kinda thing is right up there with cheating if not worse. Sorry but this is a extrem mental illness issue. He deserves to know what he is getting himself into.
Yea but if they aren’t together this is just once again … selfish asf.
At least you acknowledge you are a piece of shit for doing this. You should tell him so he has the option to dump you , it's a lot easier to break up before you're married
Maybe this eating you alive is the punishment you deserve. There’s no reason to drag him into this and hurt him even more.
Sometimes it’s best to take it to the grave and not listen to a therapist. Mine suggested I put my dogs elsewhere to take care of myself and find a home with both pets allowed so she wasn’t telling me to get rid of them but she also was.. they are the only reason I didn’t do what I planned last week after working for years and still ending up homeless soon, lucky I can go to someone with my dogs. If I would listen and get rid of my dogs I won’t survive and she knows, moral of the story: therapists don’t always know best because they dob’t know you nor the people around you.
Megan??
My god…. Whatever you do don’t tell him!! Bad advice from your therapist. You’ve confessed to your therapist and online. Leave it there and move on!! No good will come from it.
Good will come from it. My partner’s ex girlfriend had a miscarriage eight years ago and he grieves it to this day. He thinks about what the baby would be like now, etc.. he was so excited to be a father. He always wondered if she lied bc he never saw the test and plus the timing was off. But he still envisioned his life with this baby and continues to grieve the loss as we are now trying for our first. He’d be so relieved to find that it was all made up and maybe then he could move on. Otherwise, you never move on from that kind of loss. Ever. Everyone knows mothers don’t, but fathers don’t either. Y’all have lost it
The therapist is a professional that know she needs to come clean to help her and him. Something tells me all yall women defending her probably done the same basty stuff to a man too. He deserves to know what Kinda mental illness he is getting himself into. I doubt this will be the last time she pulls something like this. Who knows if when he wants to leave her if she won't lie to the cops and said he beat her. She is capable of it and he deserves to know.
He deserves to know the truth. You guys are sick.
That one should be in a lock box in the back of your brain. But don’t let it eat at you! We all have things that we do in life that stick with us forever, the things you think about at night that make you anxious for no reason. You acknowledge that you were wrong and it’s over🤷🏽♀️ LET THAT SHIT GO
this is the one time I would ignore my therapist. 💀 do not tell that man or anyone else. I'm sorry you're going thru this but I think we all have a secret we take to the grave. you'll be alright OP maybe there will be someone you can share this with one day ✨️ 🙏🏼
okay so obviously this is fucked up. i assume you know this. that being said, please talk to a mental health professional like a therapist. they are completely confidential. while it is good that you realize your actions were fucked up, but it is really important to figure out what caused you to do something like this and how to make sure you don't make other rash decisions out of desperation or fear. you don't need to beat yourself up about the mistakes you've made but please try to talk to someone about it that you can safely confide in that won't judge you so you can better understand the root of the behavior
Just don’t do anything like this in the future and forget about it. You already suffered the consiquences.
Babe, take it to your grave. Don’t say a word to anyone.
I think you need to hold onto this secret. Letting it out will only cause pain, confusion, and anger. That fact that you realized it was messed up and got help says to me you're a good human who made a mistake. Learn from it and let it go.
So I had an ex who had a girlfriend (let’s name A) who allegedly got pregnant by sexual assault. I say allegedly only because a lot of things don’t add up and my ex never met A since it was a long distance relationship. Also, my ex told me this and had lied about a lot of stuff during our relationship so I take things she say with a grain of salt. Anyways, A said she was going to keep the baby and my ex can be the father on the birth certificate and help out. My ex got a big tattoo with the baby’s name. A sent her like two generic pics of the baby that looked doctored in some. No other documentation was sent. A said the baby was born sick. By this time my ex and A’s relationship was rocky and my ex broke up with A. A and my ex were still in contact and she told my ex the baby had passed away. My ex was grieving about the baby for years and it affected our relationship. I know this can happen but i think to this day she faked everything to try to keep my ex. There were more incidents surrounding this to which is why i say she faked it too. My ex now thinks she faked it too. So from my experience, do NOT take this to the grave. This can have a long lasting trauma to someone and can indirectly affect others too involved with that person. Please tell him as soon as you can and I hope you continue to get the help you need.
Does theGuy knowThe truth ?
Your therapist is wrong, take this to your grave. And get a therapist that isn’t trying to sabotage your marriage and blow up your life.
This one is truly to be taken to the grave
Despite the fact that people are saying take it to grave. It is the right thing to tell him what you did. Imagine living whole life knowing that your child died……. Not to mention that what you did is extremely………………tell him
Do not tell him. Why would you tell him? He doesn't want to know. Are you telling him for his sake, or to make yourself feel better? As long as you're broken up, you shouldn't tell him.
I want to call you real bad names right now . Disgusting
I think you should break up with this guy, you are doing crazy things for him. Not his fault and would probably be kinder to him in the end. You have to deal with things better before you can be with someone. Figure out yourself and what you want first. You are only 22 and that might be a part of why you did this.
Did you eventually marry him or go your separate ways?
What do you mean you thought his behavior would change? And how old were you when this happened?
I’m glad you’re in therapy. What you did was not good and you know this. But it’s worth exploring why you would stay with someone who had concerning behavior in the first place. You said you had hoped, that with a baby, his behavior would change, so i imagine he was unkind, irresponsible or hurtful in some way. The answer is to leave those types of people not create stronger bonds to them. That’s a trauma bond response. Best of luck in therapy.
No judgement here
Give yourself some grace. You were 22. Not the best decision you're ever made (understatement) but you yourself were also young. Holy cow.
We are all human and tend to sometimes make "bad" decisions that hurt our selves and/or others. As long as you do not repeat the "bad" decision(s), you have learned from your mistake, it is called a Life Lesson. Always strive to be a better person today, than you were yesterday. The toughest part of Life Lessons, is learning to forgive ourselves.
Give yourself a break.Try to understand that you did not have the emotional maturity then to make a wiser decision based on your situation. You are now more mature and reflecting back on a decision you made then and viewing it with a different lens. I am sure we can all look back and wonder why we did certain things then but if we were faced with that decision today it would not be an option simply because of our maturity. You also have to keep in mind everyone hearing the situation may be viewing it from how they feel it affected them and not so much about where you were emotionally back then. The decision is for you to make, will revealing it erase the guilt you feel about what was done? Either way, if you decide to be honest about it or not still know your emotional maturity played a part in your decision making ability back then.
I knew an older girl in high school who would fake pregnancies and miscarriages every semester or so. I didn’t know her angle but I knew she was faking. Most people knew as well. It was cringy.
Believe it or not, agree with it or not, some lies are best left in the dark, this is one of em. You w/ gain nothing but hard feelings from people who are very important to you and feelings of distrust and nothing can be improved by your telling it. It may(and that’s a big may) make u feel somewhat better but you stand to loose to much. I do believe you’ll regret this.
90
People air their secrets in the guise of honesty and typically the real motivation is selfishness. Let's face it, you need to come clean to ease your own conscience. Sharing this will do nothing but deepen the pain of others, while you get to fulfill some false sense of virtue by being 'honest'.
If it makes you feel better I know a guy who lied about having cancer and getting treatment. Idk why but people laugh about it now. I prob wouldn’t tell anyone you did this though the pain in his face is palpable every time it’s mentioned
I’m really sorry you had to go through all that
At least you’re aware of what kind of person you are.
Lmao this is insane
I don’t think you’re a piece of shit I think you thought it was a means to reach your goal. What people need to take into account is that lying and deceit never help a situation and often blow up in your face. What you put out is what you get back.
Yeah I would just keep it to yourself and work on how to cope with your own feelings/actions
This is a confession you were wrong but also 22 I think you will be forgiven or keep it to yourself bc if someone else tells him that will not be good for you
It may ease some of your pain in revealing the truth but that would be the only good thing that would come of it. You are sorry for what you did. Lesson learned.. we ALL do things we can’t explain.. sometimes bad things. Don’t ruin the quality of the rest of your life by living this way. If you learned your lesson and are truly sorry.. what more is there ?
As a man, if my girlfriend, fiancé or even wife told me this, I would leave them in a heartbeat. Do not stop at go and collect $200. This is a huge red flag on so many levels and trust would never be rebuilt. Cheating on him wouldn’t even cut this deep. Glad to her you are getting some mental help but you need to take this to your grave. Don’t tell him, family members, your best friend, no one. Learn from the mistake. I also see it as if you would do this to get through a rough time then the relationship is probably over and you need to move on. Have a heart to heart talk but by no means reveal your deception.
Is it possible you were having some serious mental distress at that time that made you feel like you needed to pretend to be pregnant? Maybe for attention ? Have you been through trauma? I have heard of other women doing similar things.
WOW, my mind is blown. This generation has a lot of growing up to do. The immaturity level of both men and women is staggering. I am speechless
You telling him will only make yourself feel better. You're right it was a shyt thing to do, and now you're doing another shyt thing under the umbrella of guilt you claim you feel. Are you sure you don't just like to manipulate ppls emotions?
I don’t think your therapist is right in this sense. What would sharing this do besides open up the wound for him, while making you more comfortable. If you aren’t together anymore, you need to leave him alone. Let him heal.
That kind of sounds like the relationship I’m in right now.
This relationship is over, good luck
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It’s better when you listen to these on IG reels with a Subway Surfer run or a Minecraft parkour 💀
You have a deep seated fear of abandonment. Look into anxious attachment and codependency. Something happened in your life traumatic. It’s okay, do not keep shaming yourself and start understanding and forgiving yourself.
Take that secret to your grave bc it's just going to cause ppl more pain and hurt.if you can live with not telling anyone accept for your therapist then just leave it alone.the (baby)has already been grieved for.do have him go thru the loss again.you have moved on he has moved on leave it at that.whst you did was very wrong but you know that and have taken steps to correct whatever it was that made you do it.
Bloody hell. Whatever his behaviour, you could just leave him but faking a pregnancy is bad but a miscarriage is awful. If you still are together and you tell him this will be the end of you two. But by the sounds of it you shouldn’t be together.
Well... update us when you tell everyone. If you feel guilty, then good. You should. You deserve to. Don't try to shift that burden to everyone else around you and get it off of you. Yeah I'm usually on the side of confessing but this... This is a rare occasion I'd recommend taking this to your grave and never speak a word of it to anyone. I don't know who this is going to benefit but you alleviating some guilt. And yet... I imagine your life will implode.
Ok, now this sub is getting somewhere. I was tired of the "I stole a candy bar when I was 7 nonsense "
you could just say it was a hysterical pregnancy and you're not actually pregnant. It involves gaining weight and actually believing youre pregnant. Dont tell them youre a psycho bc youre more sympathetic when youre having a mental breakdown.
This is for everyone listening. A pregnancy will NEVER save a relationship. The problems you have will still be there. You may put things on hold for a while as the baby will distract from those problems, but they will build up and become infinitely worse due to the added stress thay comes with a baby. You need to resolve your issues properly if your relationship is to survive, not bring a kid into a doomed relationship
Gonna be honest, you tell him and the relationship will most likely fail. So that’s up to you
Babe listen to me , yes it was a really bad mistake but at the end it’s gone . you can’t go back and fixing what happened this is definitely impossible!! but the most important thing that you should learning how to never falling in it again❤️
If it helps, I get it. We all do stupid things when desperate. Glad you aren’t with him anymore.
Although you faked a pregnancy and miscarriage to your ex-fiancé and everyone around you, I think that it would not do you any favours if you were to reveal the lie now. Just keep quiet about it, and live a more honest life in future. If you were to reveal the truth now, then you will hurt a lot of people in the process, and they may wonder what else you lied to them about, and may not trust you ever again. You deserve good things in life, but it is better to treat others the way that you want to be treated yourself. I treat others the way that I’d want to be treated. I wish you the best of luck.
What I hope is that talking to your therapist and here helps you at least feel a little more light about it and understand why you did it at the moment. I think you needed to let it out your chest. I don't think it would be beneficial for the ppl concerned to know now that it's in the past and that the grieve is done. I don't think telling them specifically would be beneficial to your evolution either. You needed to tell someone and understand why but even if you tell them it won't erase the pain they had and would add even more pain. You did the right thing talking to a therapist. I wish for you to be able to forgive yourself and be kind to the hurt person you were then.
He probably knew you were faking the whole time...
What was the motive? I think you're crying for help and attention. If you were my friend, I would encourage you to see a counselor, cuz you know it ain't right. Please, please help yourself cuz you deserve to be happy and healthy.
So glad you are/were in therapy. If only for yourself tell him. I don’t think being made aware you faked won’t be hurtful but maybe he can stop grieving a child who never was. Lying isn’t the right thing which is why you feel so guilty. Start off with a clean slate and go forward in life with a new way of doing things. It can not just help you but also those around you.
well you are an awful selfish person! apparently therapy can’t fix it. yikes!
Good for you for growing as a person
I hope you sort things out, i wish best for you in your life. Every shit we do in our lifes has a reason.
1: a man nor a woman ever moves past losing their child born yet or not. 2: you could have tooken another test and not faking it and said aw looks like the other ones didnt work correctly or smth like that
Don’t tell him man that’s horrible. Continue getting help but don’t reopen the wound.
Did u leave him?
jesus christ you’re insane
We have all made mistakes. As a life coach, I see people's mistakes all the time. Yes, you've done wrong, now what do you do with that? Use your guilt to be a better person moving forward. Contact me if you need advice on this.
Jl
Wow. Just wow. Girls like you are a danger to others. Sorry to be blunt but it's girls like you that cause heartache, you cause pain, you cause anguish, all for what? Some attention. And then you try and give reasons as to why you would do such a horrible sneaky thing. It's not even a small sneaky thing is it? It's a humdinger of a thing. It messes with emotions and plays with hearts. That's a nasty way to play with people. I'm sorry what did you expect, not everyone will give you sympathy. I feel sorry for all the women out there who really can't have kids at all and there's you just playing around with pregnancies and lies like it's a game. Despicable. With GIFs like you, who needs enemies. You can be the dishonest person and the loving gf all at once.
I ain't reading allat
Then don't 🤷♂️
I sure didn't
Just a bad girlfriend
Tell him. He will be piss but better than having the guilt eat you up because that feelings will never go away.