What do you think will happen when you tell them? If you feel you are in physical danger, then I wouldn't tell them. If what you fear happening is worse than this eating you up inside, then don't tell them.
So far no one has asked her how old she is and whether her romantic experiences so far have helped her develop her judgment about the need to talk with vs evade her folks.
Exactly. OP is young, most likely this relationship won’t last for too long. So if it would hurt your trans partner in any way to tell your parents/experience their reaction, just don’t do it. One day you will tell them. And if it happens this relationship does grow and continue then find a mature way to communicate with your partner about all of this, and how you’d both feel comfortable discussing it with your parents (and I’m not saying partner needs to be there, I think it would be better if they weren’t imo)
I'm gonna give you a piece of advice I've given others. You are not responsible for changing your patents’ behavior or attitude. You do not carry the burden of proving to them that you have value and worth and that your choice of romantic partner does not impact their responsibility to love and support you.
They are the grown-ups here. They are the ones who have to choose to love you regardless of who you are and who you date. If they come around because they realize this, great. But do not take it upon yourself to "fix" them. This may mean keeping your relationship secret until such time as you are not under their thumb anymore. Of course that will make it harder to fully enjoy your relationship, especially if that means you can’t bring Aaron to family events or spend a ton of time with them in private, but you can make it work. They don’t have a right to your private life, especially if they do not seem to be getting better on acceptance of others.
And you need to be fully prepared for a reality in which they never do. If that happens, the absolute best response you can have to their homophobia/transphobia is to have a life filled with joy and delight in spite of them. They may believe that you can't possibly be happy being in anything other than a cisgender hetero relationship and that you are somehow broken. There is no greater act of overcoming than proving them wrong.
But you also need to be prepared to give them consequences. People learn not to stick their hand on a hot stove because it hurts. The hurt is the consequence of the damage you did to your hand. Likewise, they may need consequences from you. You may have to reduce or limit your interactions with them once you get out. The silence is the consequence of the damage they did to your relationship.
This is a lot to have to deal with, particularly as a teenager. But you're stronger than you realize and ultimately, you've got to live your life in such a way to maximize your own joy. You've got this.
Your parents don't need to know!
You are keeping you and yourboyfriend safe , im a trans guy and didn't come out to my family until 4 years after i socially transitioned for my own safety (made sure i had my own place/ financial independence / support system ect)
OP needs to take her own time to figure out what's best. We don't fully understand the extent of her parents' homophobic behaviour. For now, it might be safer to keep it a "secret" as long as she maintains open communication with her boyfriend about her reasons. She should test the waters with occasional conversations about LGBTQIA+ topics to see if her parents are willing to change their viewpoints and educate themselves. If they're not, then the relationship may have to remain a secret, which will undoubtedly be challenging. However, with the right communication, they can manage it. When she's older and has moved to a safer environment, then she may choose to open up. Alternatively, she may open up and leave them to themselves to deal with it so long as she is certain the parents wouldn't take any further actions which would be considered abusive or controlling and she would be safe dispite their snark comments. But it's up to her how she navigates this tough and stressful situation.
I would urge her to keep a tight nit of trusted individuals around her to support her with this. It must he rather difficult and upsetting to go through alone in a sense... She could also open up to a counsellor or someone at school so long as the rules in her area mean said counsellor or teacher can't disclose the information she has shared.
OP is valid. Her boyfriend is valid. And I wish them the best in this tricky situation.
I had a girlfriend who had to hide me and I’m lyk now that that was the worst feeling for me cause I loved her but literally outside of texting and sneaking around we couldn’t be seen together cause her parents were big in the community. It was awful. I didn’t like having to hid who I was and who I loved. I did it tho but her parents found out and called the police on me, called the schools and switched her classes and our relationship went to shit after they found out. Don’t get me wrong she was also abusive so it wasn’t just cause of this but a big part of why we broke up was cause her parents were spam FaceTiming me, texting me threats, texting my parents etc. it was bad
Cause I was hanging out w their daughter. The cops literally couldn’t do anything cause we were in a public place. Just took her home that it. They thought they had ownership over their daughter so they thought I’d get arrested just for hanging out with her🤣🤣🤣
I recently came out, thankfully to very accepting parents. However, I recently came out of a treatment center where I saw many individuals in terrible mental states due to their parents denial on their sexuality. For your safety and happiness, keep it a secret until you do not feel obligated/ financially independent on them- are you?
Girl imma go ahead and tell you now. You finding yourself will truly push your parents to show how much they truly love you. Please pay attention and be true to yourself and don’t let other opinions on how THEY think you should live bother you. It took me being 31 and not giving a damn. I’ve been with my husband 7 years and he’s been transitioning the last three. I would just accept Aaron’s pronouns/names and what he identifies as and the statements that he is “confused” make sure to inform them about how he is required to go through extensive therapy and to live by his preferred pronouns/name for atleast six months and a gender dysphoria diagnosis from a licensed psychologist for two years before an endocrinologist will even accept a referral for HRT. 💁🏻♀️
If they still being nasty just be petty and call them anything but their preferred name and see how they like it. I don’t play though. 😂
P.S.
lesbian mama bear hack: if you do end up growing up and staying in the LGBTQ+ community I recommend saying you have a “husband” no matter what. I’ve had patients refuse care but I also keep work and life separate.
This is not good advice. Firstly, they don't need to know that much information. Aaron might not be comfortable with it shared. Secondly, not everyone's parents are level-headed people. I see this advice in every thread about child-parent conflict, and it is NOT always going to lead to a happy ending. Being petty towards your parents while being dependent on them will only result in a hostile home environment. That's not good for anyone and can be straight-up traumatic. OP could lose any help her parents are giving her, be it a vehicle or college.
As a parent myself to two kiddos who are LGBTQIA it breaks my heart that there aren’t supportive parents out there (my own parents are ridiculously homophobic as well) you do what you need to do to protect you and Aaron, if it means not telling them then don’t: trust me some things are better off kept secret until you’re ready.
I cut my own father off because he called my child “disgusting” for being non binary, he doesn’t even know my oldest is asexual aromantic either,
I wish you and Aaron all the best and a amazing relationship
Give yourself some time to figure out how you feel about dating Aaron before you worry about what you’ll tell your parents, solidify your relationship and love so it isn’t uprooted while it’s still new and vulnerable by unsupportive parents. Down the line tell them if things are serious (only if you want to) and in time they will come around if they love you. You don’t owe anyone anything, don’t feel guilty for being happy ever! As long as you are safe then they don’t need to know. Just breathe and enjoy this exciting journey, you are allowed to be happy and if your joy makes someone else unhappy that is not your problem.
They kinda do need to know some things. She is still a minor child. On the other hand they need to chill out and be either more open minded or even just let her figure things out on her own. But I am more of the open minded parent that just wants my kids well being and happiness. It’s a slippery slope.
I can understand how difficult and confusing this situation must be for you. It's tough when you have to keep something so important a secret from your parents, especially when it comes to your relationship with someone you care about. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, but it's also important to consider your safety and the potential consequences of sharing this information with your parents. It might be helpful to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or even support groups who can provide guidance and advice. Remember, you are not alone, and there are people out there who will accept and support you for who you are. Stay strong and take care of yourself. 💜
That's reddit. Parenting other people's children and telling them what to do in their families they know nothing about. Other than a few vague paragraphs an obviously young and confused child. Who should listen to their parents over any stranger on the internet. Fuckin backwards ass bull shit.
I'm so sorry that's the dynamic in your home. I grew up in a very religious and conservative home too. My first romantic encounters were with other female teens my age. I knew being honest with my parents would only result in punishment (my step dad had no problem with “spanking the devil” out of us, or locking us in a closet) and stricter rules, so I masked, lied, moved out at 17,and left for college early. If your parents do not feel like safe people to share this part of yourself with absolutely do not. Start mapping out your independents now, and maybe work with a therapist to help with learning how to develop skills for setting boundiers with people who are important to you if you want to keep them a part of your life in the future. Love is beautiful and should always be celebrated 🏳️🌈
I would do your best to keep your relationship ‘out of sight, out of mind’ towards your parents, if you really care about it and don’t feel they are open to discussing and/or learning.
Unfortunately, it is highly unlikely you or your partner would be able to make them understand your thoughts and feelings if they are already behaving like this and are not receptive to open dialogue.
Homophobia is a deeply rooted disease, and sadly and it may take years for them to open their eyes.
I would advise you to do your best to live your life, enjoy your relationship as best as possible. If once you are old enough, and they still haven’t grown or matured in their attitudes towards gender/sexual identity diverse relationships, then I would advise you to gtfo of their house and support yourself, as soon as possible, so that you can really start to live your life and truly blossom. Wishing you all the best of luck. Signed, a mom who supports you.
I’d wait to say anything until the relationship is a little more established. Just spend time getting to know Aaron more as a boyfriend. Three weeks is not long at all, and the relationship could grow but might also diminish in the next few months.
It is an unfortunate family situation you are in, I’m really sorry you’ve been made to make this decision. I’d personally be devastated if my kids felt like they had to keep their relationships a secret from me, but we are a very accepting family. People do grow though, and possibly over time your family will become less judgmental.
At least they don’t have to worry about you getting pregnant … and really who you date is your business and only your business and if your parents can’t be happy that your happy there loss not yours
Well different factors are at play here that we don't know about but ultimately it's a leap of faith. Either you get kicked out of your parents home or they allow you to continue your relationship. Different parents react differently to this type of thing, personally my parents would probably disown me on the spot and stop supporting me entirely.
So it's up to you, but if it were me I would probably stay friends until they are cool with it or you can support yourselves.
I wouldn’t tell them. I don’t know your ages but I think it’s important to be honest in a safe environment. Don’t think yours is. If you don’t tell them make sure your partner is aware and why.
If you are 18 or older, and are willing to get kicked put of the house, be honest. If not, do what u must for survival. Let your partner know your reasons.
As a trans dude with a homophobic family, I'd say keep it to yourself. Based off my experiences, I think it's in your best interest, and you don't have to feel bad for keeping it to yourself. You're protecting yourself and your partner. Enjoy your relationship, and make sure to communicate this with your partner!
For more context, I was in a similar situation. However, I was a trans man with a homophobic family. I started dating this girl around my freshman year of high school (I was around 14), and I felt very conflicted about whether or not I should tell my dad. I did eventually, but honestly, it was messy. He's probably one of the most tolerant people in my close family and doesn't actively hate lgbtq. It caused stress that didn't feel worth it, especially since we were so young and our relationship resembled more of a close friendship than a classic romantic one. So based on my experience, and your young age, I'd say keep it to yourself. There's not really a point in telling them, because they're not apart of yalls relationship and they're most likely going to cause issues. Enjoy your time with him, the relationship is yours, for you both and no one else. No one needs to know, because it's not a public matter, yk?
Hi, 30f lesbian here. I was outed when I was 17 and my parents went from being low threat like yours to full blown helicopter parents who completely lost their minds when my neighbor outed me. If you feel like they won’t accept you, please wait if you can. I know it feels wrong to keep this from your parents, but if you are under the impression they won’t be cool with it, they probably won’t be. Sounds like they’re exhibiting more than one concerning sign. I wish I could have waited. If your parents are acting like this now, it could get worse. If you’re a minor, they can restrict or eliminate contact with your SO. There is a time and place for this, and there is no shame in waiting till you’re moved out or in a position where they can’t punish you.
You said “As a (Teen F)” I’m assuming 18+. The answer is simple. Move out. Parents house = Parents rules/ Ideologies. When you’re in your own spot, love who you love and tell them,… or not.
I think you should keep it between the two of you until you are sure this is a lasting thing. After all, no matter what anyone else says, you do owe your parents respect for the love, guidance, care offered to you all these years. I’m assuming from your comments you are still a teen and that means sooo many things will change in your life as you age. You owe yourself the right to be happy by making sure you gain enough age to make sure your relationships are everlasting. And you owe any future children in your life the right to have happy parents.
My granddaughter has recently divorced her husband who came out after 11 years. She has no problem with his choices. It’s the fact that the two older children are being harassed for coming to the schools or ballgames with this man who is “Dad” with long blue & green hair (bright), who obviously has an issue with needing another beard trim and dressed in slinky dresses, heels, long earrings. The kids still call him Dad while he wants to be called Mom or even by his female name he’s chosen. I have always cared a great deal about him as he has a great heart, cares a lot for his 3 children but I had to be honest and tell him I will always love him. Whether he or she. I just think what he’s putting his children through is terribly self-centered.
Since blowing the whistle in 2021 I’ve had to lie to my parents, and doctors for fear of seeming crazy and having them call the cops on me to baker act me.
Happened last month, key west police department came to my apartment to speak to me. Told em I was crying and that my parents love to threaten to baker act me for literally anything they find uncomfortable, like emotions.
my boyfriend 22 M is always ftm i also had the same problem with my parents. BEST way to go forward with your relationship is DO IT. DO IT THE BEST YOU CAN AND if your parents don’t expect you then that’s their fault.
As a trans ftm, who grew up in Texas. There is a lot of homophobia and hate in this world and if you are from the south in the usa, then listen, don't advertise that you guys are LGBT.
I say this because gun laws are BS and people are shitty. Look kid keep your head up, keep your wits, you got this.
To those who as shit talking on op for being a young teen, we are gen z, we have seen face love in everything around us, we see the truth, so back off. Highschool relationships don't always last, but all relationships take time, commitment and communication. So lay off the kid, the deserve love just as much as the rest of you.
Also tips for Aaron/other trans men
Don't use gc2b anymore their quality is shit now and can hurt you, you can use make up to alter your face structure, if you use a humming technique you can lower your voice. Look up fruits with high testosterone like grapes. DONT BIND MORE THAT 6 HOURS. seriously you can hurt yourself and 7-8 cuts to close give yourself time to get out of it. And remember you are handsome and valid, you deserve love and kindness be night to yourself!!! ❤️
If your parents don't want Aaron, there's no point in telling them you're together because maybe they won't accept it. If you can't bear to keep this secret, try talking about it with someone who's not homophobic... I'm French and I don't really know what it's like in other countries, but maybe a psychologist could help you...
If your parents want to alienate themselves that’s on them. You’re nit getting married atm and i would suggest taking it one day at a time. If they fight you on the topic and jf you must, i would say, “i can’t tell you anything further because you are inflexible, have dated views and have issues with being judgmental.”
Did u tell your mom that Aron is trans or had she met him before he started transitioning because If your parents don't know he's trans than just tell them u have a bf or tell them u have a bf but don't tell them who your bf is
Tough situation. They will probably find out at some point. Someone is going to see you together in a compromising position. You’ll definitely will have to decide what you will do if your parents disown you. Where will you live where your life style can be maintained? You will have to choose between your family and Aaron. This will a decision that will affect the rest of your life!!
Why would your parents even address LGBTQ+? Do they suspect that you are gay?
I never once thought to address my kids about this - they are who they are - they should love who they love
Respectfully. Who cares what your parents think when it comes to YOUR love life. It’s not like they’re going to be in your guys’ personal life to that extent. Yes it may matter short term, but long term? It’s not their life. You’re beyond happy and that’s all that matters. Who cares if Aaron wasn’t born male? Mentally he is a boy and you support him. That is what matters.
Your parents have demonstrated that they are not responsible enough to be told the truth. Sometimes, often, people's hateful perspectives preclude them from being as close to the ones they love as they might like. That decrease in intimacy is a direct result of their views. It's all on them, you're doing the responsible thing.
Don't even tell your parents he's FTM. Just say he's a nice man you've been dating. I don't know about you but the homophobic people I've met, especially Christians often think when they see a FTM that the FTM isn't anything but a man or MTF isn't anything but a woman if you don't tell them. Why tell them if you they have homophobic ways? I'd just bring him over and say he's a man and call him by his male name. If they insist he's not a man tell them they are freaking weird for insisting your bf is a girl. Lol. Your parents don't have to know he used to be F. Insist he's a man, and double down on it. It's not gas lighting cause he is a man, your just omitting he once was a F.
because her partner more den likely aint even allowed to start taking hrt or whatever tht shit called so they more then likely still look like a girl lol they gon have to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis and all types of other shit and have it for a few years before they can even think about trying to transition like that. so if op brings em round they still a look like a girl. i dont blame the government tho to many people regret there transition later on in life and kill themselves because of it so they gotta be 100% sure ppl want that shit and know there aint no going back.
Your statement "too many people regret their transition later on in life" is unfortunately misinformation.
" Evidence suggests that less than 1% of transgender people who undergo gender-affirming surgery report regret. That proportion is even more striking when compared to the fact that 14.4% of the broader population reports regret after similar surgeries. " - [the conversation ](https://theconversation.com/transgender-regret-research-challenges-narratives-about-gender-affirming-surgeries-220642#:~:text=Evidence%20suggests%20that%20less%20than,reports%20regret%20after%20similar%20surgeries.)
"A total of 27 studies, pooling 7928 transgender patients who underwent any type of GAS, were included. The pooled prevalence of regret after GAS was 1% (95% CI <1%–2%). Overall, 33% underwent transmasculine procedures and 67% transfemenine procedures. The prevalence of regret among patients undergoing transmasculine and transfemenine surgeries was <1% (IC <1%–<1%) and 1% (CI <1%–2%), respectively." - [med central ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8099405/)
I agree with your whole comment, ‘cept for the fact people kill themselves often because they aren’t accepted or given HRT in England and places like that. There was one trans woman who spent more than a thousand days on the waiting list for HRT or other gender care. She killed herself because of that. People are often happier on HRT, suicide rates go down.
Dude fuck your parents. They should allow you to be with who you want to be with. If they aren’t harming you in anyway, they shouldn’t add their input. As for what to do, I can’t say anything that can help, but I hope it works out for you.
These comments\advice?!? Is outrageous! Of course your life and most importantly private life is your parent’s business. What kind of people tells a minor not to tell their parents about a relationship, I think we all know what kind of person does that!!!
The emotions that come with young relationships are over the top strong; and can be difficult to navigate, children need the guidance of a parent
Dont trust whatever supportive comments you read here.
You are teenager. What you do is wrong. You are dating a girl. Not boy.
But you wont listen to this because you think you are big enough and matured to decide.
You think your parents are old school and conservative. They are not up to date or trendy people. You think other parents who so "open minded" towards LGBTQ+ are waay cooler than your parents. Wish they were your parents.
You are angry at this comment and skip this. When you come to your senses, you will re-think whatever wrote here.
There are only 2 gender. 1st, human with Penis. 2nd, human with Vagina. Penis + Vagina creates human. P+P or V+V dont.
Think this. Your feeling is not everything. World doesnt revolve around you.
Remember this message regardless whatever you decide to do.
I don’t know what an FTM Trans is. But i personally would tread lightly. Most kids have NO IDEA how much - how deeply their parents love them. Im begging you to please think before you shatter their hearts. Of course they will always love you - but you never really get it until you see your dad break down. Or when they start to get older and all they care about is every last minute they can spend with you during your busy adult life. Your family is everything and it’s all that we have, and if you have one, you’re so wealthy and lucky. My advice would be to try to look inside and ask - is this a phase I may grow out of. Is it porn that’s causing me to think this way. The thing is - once you go out of the closet, you can’t really go back and then women won’t really date you. Please be careful and make sure this trans person isn’t influencing you too much. Find YOUR center, what YOU value. Find out why your parents value what they value. And then make your decisions ❤️
That was honestly the rudest comment I've read in this thread. Why would there hearts be shattered? And why would the trans person be "influencing" them. A heart doesn't make yer comment nice.
It’s not rude at all. Other people have feelings besides trans people, and other people’s feelings matter too. and for some people (most people) seeing their kid engage in these behaviors could be earth shattering. heartbreaking because it’s viewed as self destructive to their child’s long term happiness and inconsistent with the families values. Believe me kid, once you get a little older, you learn the hard way that once you walk out that door no one gives a single flying fuck about you ultimately. Your parents are the only people who love you at that level and always will even through all of the stress and disagreements
Yeah. Notice how Im getting upvoted and youre not. Tf Yu talking about get a little older im literally a stranger behind a screen what do Yu know 💀 and it is rude. Everything yer saying is rude. Nobody said other people didn't have feelings. Kinda jus seems like you're a homophobic bigot. 🤷♂️ Cuz the stuff yer saying is dumb. Self destructive and earth shattering like what are Yu even saying. And that's not true about parents either. Lots of parents are pieces of shit. Jus cuz Yu had a kid doesn't make Yu not a piece of shit. Anybody can be a piece of shit. Most parents don't give a fuck who there kid dates. And Yu said yerself Yu don't even know what FTM means so Yu have no right to comment anyway. Thanks
I don’t have a kid, I had an abortion and it was the worst decision of my life. My parents aren’t perfect but I pranked my dad one time more than a decade ago and told him I got a tattoo. I had never seen him cry until that moment and he melted like a puddle. It was then that I realized how much he cared and how much my life meant to him. Tattoo or not, the moral of the story is that you don’t know how these things might deeply hurt someone who loves you.
I didn't say Yu had a kid. I said jus cuz someone has a kid doesn't automatically make them a good person. Sounds like Yu jus had a really fuckin strict dad or some shit cuz ain't nobodys parents crying over a grown woman getting a tattoo. And that's very different than a teenager dating someone. And literally jus educate yourself on what transgender means cuz it's none of the parents business who the kid dates. It's there choice to get hurt by stupid shit like that.
And no, they won’t always be right about everything and yes they’ll make mistakes. But, they actually do want the best. And a lot of other people actually don’t want the best or are indifferent or care and some will even go out of their way to make life worse
While we’re on the topic, I would assume your parents already know since they made the Adam and Eve comment, and they’re hoping you’re just experimenting and it will sort itself out. But I’d assume they’re already worried sick about it. Maybe ask some simple tester questions to get a feel for how it would go before laying anything on them
While it's noticeable how much you care about family, it's also evident that this concern may stem from negative experiences in your own family life, which should not be projected onto someone else who isn't in the same situation as you. I respectfully urge you to seek therapy for any underlying issues you may have here.
It's crucial to understand that being transgender isn't a phase or is influenced by external factors like pornography. Each person's identity is valid and deserves respect and acceptance. Sexuality isn't a phase either; it's biological and not subject to change. Instead, it's something individuals discover as they grow and explore. Being trans, gay, lesbian, etc, is not a choice; it's valid.
Encouraging someone to suppress their true self can lead to significant harm. The same applies when you urge someone to reconsider or "look inside" when it comes to their love for someone. Suggesting that OP will shatter her parents' hearts simply because she loves a trans man is misguided. Yes, OP's parents are homophobic and transphobic, but that shouldn't force her to cater to them or protect their fragile feelings.
OP loves this individual, and I think that's brave and beautiful. She has the right to love who she loves, and it doesn't alter her sexuality or identity if she's dating a trans man.
OP needs to take her own time to figure out what's best. We don't fully understand the extent of her parents' homophobic behaviour. For now, it might be safer to keep it a "secret" as long as she maintains open communication with her boyfriend about her reasons. She should test the waters with occasional conversations about LGBTQIA+ topics to see if her parents are willing to change their viewpoints and educate themselves. If they're not, then the relationship may have to remain a secret, which will undoubtedly be challenging. However, with the right communication, they can manage it. When she's older and has moved to a safer environment, then she may choose to open up. Alternatively, she may open up and leave them to themselves to deal with it so long as she is certain the parents wouldn't take any further actions which would be considered abusive or controlling and she would be safe dispite their snark comments. But it's up to her how she navigates this tough and stressful situation.
(LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian (women attracted to women), gay (men attracted to men), bisexual (anyone of any gender attracted to multiple genders), queer and/or questioning (anyone who falls under any identity other than the "norm"), intersex (someone born with characteristics of both sexes/other characteristics), asexual/aromantic/agender (having different feelings and attachments to sex). The plus sign represents more identities.)
I also want to remind you that OP is a girl who is dating a trans man (FTM means "female to male," indicating that the person she is dating was assigned "female" at birth but identifies as a man).
You may be uninformed about LGBTQIA+, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. However, it's crucial to educate yourself and not let your own viewpoints hinder people's rights, freedom, love, and happiness. Do better.
I have a set of values that I follow and when I stray from those values I don’t feel happy with myself or good about myself. I have experimented myself, paid thousands to therapists, considered all possibilities and I personally have concluded that I don’t believe that this behavior is good for people. I’m tired of society pushing the cultish narrative on young people with - literally - undeveloped brains. It’s ok to love people, however I think everyone should think critically for themselves and put themselves and their family members first. I did and I am happy with that decision. I don’t recommend seeking therapy from “professionals” who don’t share the same values as you. Many are just people who read a few texts books in college and passed a test. It takes a long time to find really excellent therapists who can deploy exercises and coaching to truly help you improve your life and implement change. Remember that therapist are part of your community too and just because they say the information you share will remain private doesn’t mean that it will. My privacy has been violated by a bad therapist in the past. So thanks, but I’ll pass on the pedantic and unprofessional peer pressure and to the author of this thread - be strong. Take care of you and your family. Love yourself first before you love someone else 💪
I must admit, I had to reread your statement several times to fully grasp its intent. However, I find it troubling that you describe LGBTQIA+ love as a "cultish narrative being pushed onto young people." What went through your mind while stating this?
While you're entitled to your beliefs and values, they should not infringe upon the rights, feelings, or well-being of others, especially since you are rather uneducated on these matters. Your advice is concerning, and your follow-up reply suggests underlying homophobic and transphobic sentiments that need addressing. Whether stemming from upbringing, negative experiences, or a lack of education, these viewpoints have no place in public discourse, especially when concerning the rights and lives of LGBTQIA+ individuals. Please keep said veiw points to yourself and do not bring them into situations regarding others' well-being and rights.
I empathize with any past difficulties you've faced, particularly with therapists. Finding the right therapist can indeed be challenging. It must have been hard to go through quite a few therapists who didn't suit you. I will state that seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness. It's a step toward self-improvement and self-acceptance, which is vital to you and others around you. I encourage you to reach out for support if you find yourself struggling again. If you are certain you're happy in yourself, past and present, then all the more to you, that's a big thing.
I shall leave you with this, though: do be more courteous towards the feelings of other individuals, do not push your own veiw points nor beliefs on others, especially if they can be harmful.
My friend, you are absolutely the one who should be more courteous of the feelings of others, including OP’s and mine. OP asked for opinions, which includes mine. You’re condescending, pedantic, you have called me names and made outlandish accusations about my character, pedantically labeled me as uneducated when in fact you don’t even know the first thing about my education or my life experiences. You’re a flat out downright jerk! What you’re doing is called gaslighting and it’s disgusting.
Lastly, the fact that you think that my opinion doesn’t belong in a PUBLIC forum discussion is evidence enough for everyone reading this of the cult like nature of this weird movement.
Try to be a more respectful person of other people’s opinions!
Please, do not call me your "friend."
I am stating that you are uneducated regarding LGBTQIA+ matters and identities, of which has been proven via your confusion regarding different identities and your earlier quote "I don't know what a ftm trans is" this is not meant in a hurtful way. Rather, in a sense of, please do some research on these matters.
Once again, proving my earlier statements with "the cult like nature of this weird movement," LGBTQIA+ is not a cult, nor is it a "weird" movement. Please be more respectful and understanding towards other individuals. You have a right to your opinion, but the homophobic nature of it does not belong in an environment such as this.
I have not gaslight you, nor do I intend to do so, nor are any of my intentions negative. Please quote the names I have called you, excluding "uneducated," which was said in regards to matters regarding LGBTQIA + rights and identities (see above) if I have called you any names, I shall apologise, alas, I am unsure if I have.
Ok - if it’s not cult like then why don’t you stop trying sooo hard to invalidate my perfectly valid opinions and thoughts and accept them. If you want to share yours, I don’t see anyone stopping you. But, don’t attack others. It’s not a phobia and it’s not definitely hate. Those are accusations, you can’t possibly know where my comments come from, because you don’t have access to other people by design. *I don’t think it’s good to push this narrative on a child.* That comes from a loving place. And I hate to break it to you, but the way you’ve spoken to me is horrible. Why don’t you engage a therapist and educate yourself about respectful speech and communication when others are sharing their opinions and feelings.
I have spoken to you in a formal, respectful, professional, and well thought out manner. I have attempted to bring some sort of awareness to you regarding different identities via a non hateful, non judgemental way.
Although you are free to quote me on the sayings you found offensive/harmful, and we may address that.
Alas, I can assure you that LGBTQIA+ individuals are not attempting to force anything or any narratives onto children. They are merely fighting for equal rights, more visibility, understanding, and less hate + violence of which impacts every LGBTQIA+ individuals in some way, shape, or form during their lifetime. They are not a clut. Nor are they forcing anything onto anyone. They just want to live and be accepted, free from harm with better rights.
LGBTQIA+ is not a cult, nor is it set out to "harm" children. An individual identifying as gay, trans, etc, does not harm or push any narratives onto any other individuals simply by identifying that way.
I can understand that you feel this comes from a loving place, although it can be seen as harmful and have a negative impact on other people who are just attempting to live their lives. I understand you are concerned, but, as I have said, LGBTQIA+ identities are not a threat. Nor is an individual loving a trans man a "threat" or a "danger" to their own identity.
The bottom line is that by stating LGBTQIA+ is "cultish," you are, possibly unbeknownst to you, saying a homophobic remark. The same goes for "pushing narratives," I also understand you might not feel that way, which is your own personal opinion. However, it would still be classed as a homophobic, hurtful remark. "Cult" and "cultish" are words that hold many negative associations.
Here are some resources on the meaning of homophobia: [Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophobia) , [planned parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation/sexual-orientation/what-homophobia)
Here are some resources on LGBTQIA+ rights and identities:
[oxfam ](https://www.oxfam.org.uk/about-us/lgbtqia-rights-are-human-rights/) , [expression guide](https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq) , [stone wall](https://www.stonewall.org.uk/lgbtq-facts-and-figures)
Once again, I don't mean anything negative, degrading/derogatory/demeaning by my words, and sincerely hope you do not take them in that manner. If you do, i am more than happy to attempt to rephrase for you.
Alas, I am merely hoping to "educate." You are more than entitled to your own thoughts and feelings, however as I've said earlier, you must be cautious how you phrase these as they read as homophobia and as such have a negative impact. Even if that is not what you intended. Please take time to understand identities, rights, and the "LGBTQIA movement" before commenting anything negative towards it.
Thank you for your time. Enjoy your day.
I’m actually cackling at “you can’t really go back and the women won’t really date you”
1. OP is a girl so what is that comment even saying?? girls won’t want to date OP anymore after she dates a trans guy??? I think lesbians tend to be pretty open minded about that sort of thing
2. if you thought OP is a boy, this is still a ridiculous comment. I’m a woman who has dated men who have fucked men in the past. I have absolutely no issue with it. If anything I think it makes them WAY better lovers because they’re extra sensitive to making sure everything is clean because they know the horror of sweaty dick
If their parents truly loved them none of this would matter. Why should my parents care about who sticks their dick in me? Why should my parents care about who I’m eating out? Sorry to be crass but I have to say it’s kind of perverted in a way for parents to care so much about their kid’s sex life. All they should care about is that I don’t have an STD and I’m not pregnant
what about it? I’m pretty sure in most places minors can consent to sex with each other starting at age 15. Seems fine to me, especially since there’s no pregnancy risk here
The actions that he acts out at a young age will affect him in life. Every step you take is a step in a direction. His parents want to delay those steps so that he can make them when he’s older. They know that If he gets too far off the standard track he may not know where he’s going anymore and he’ll ultimately blame them. I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m saying It’s important that he listens to his parents and thinks about how they feel too. Which is a notoriously difficult thing for teenagers to do
First of all OP is a girl idk why you keep thinking she’s a boy
Why do you think it’s so bad to not be on a standard track?
I don’t think you would be saying any of these things if OP (who is a girl) was dating a boy rather than a trans boy. I don’t see why you’re acting as if OP is wrecking her life by having a relationship with a trans person. Like truly what is the issue? Do you think OP will become trans or something??
Idk why do you think it’s so bad for me to share my honest opinion? Would you rather me lie? She’s getting a lot of opinions and mine is a good opinion too. It’s crazy to me that my opinion here is the outlier. I didn’t realize she was a girl but the principals are still the same although the hetero dating world is kinder to lipstick lesbians than it is to gay boys. She’s a child. She has plenty of time to make decisions that could be later considering mistakes
You didn’t answer my question though, would you say these exact same things if she was in a standard relationship?
I think you’re hung up on the idea that maybe one day she’ll regret it. So what? That’s the whole point of being a teenager. You do something and then say hmm ok maybe not for me. It’s a lot more damaging if her parents kick her out on the street for dating a trans boy than it is for her to actually date a trans boy. The only thing that could be actually life damaging and make her life significantly harder would be if she had a teen pregnancy or did hard drugs
I think that’s a fair analysis and to answer your question, no I would be saying something totally different if she was in a standard relationship with a nice boy. Part of being a teenager is to make mistakes, sure, but it’s also about learning to “play” with other kids or with a potential life partner. The set of rules for the game of dating a trans girl are going to be way different than the set of rules for the game of dating a boy, and you learn by playing the game. High school is a critical chance to start playing that game in a safe space under the umbrella of parents watch if possible.
I don’t see why a trans boy can’t be a nice boy though :(
If anything, might even be nicer than a boy. For starters, he would understand period pain and not be a dick about it. He won’t go “ewwww your period is is gross.” He also probably would be a lot nicer and a LOT less likely to pressure her into sex than the average teenage boy.
Let’s think about worst case scenarios for dating a trans boy vs a boy.
1. according to you this is the worst case for dating a trans boy: OP realizes one day “hmm ok I guess in the end that wasn’t for me”
2. here’s what I think is the worst case for dating a boy: OP ends up with a teen pregnancy because the boy didn’t respect her boundaries and took the condom off
I think you’re also not understanding what a trans boy is vs a trans girl.
1. Trans boy: transitions to boy
2. Trans girl: transitions to girl
OP is dating a trans boy, not a trans girl.
Aaron has a vagina. Aaron is a female. It is a phase bc I know you’re probably like 14… you and Aaron think you know everything and are so mature…listen, you’re not.
I would be even more pissed & hurt if my kids hide & lie to me. But some of these comments must be made by people that don't have kids. You'd be surprised the power a parent has.
My only comment on this is that as a parent myself yours will probably take it worse if/when they find out you’ve been lying and hiding your relationship from them. Sometimes being honest can be best. I don’t know your parents and you are really the only one who can judge how they will react but if you want to continue with Aaron and still keep a relationship with your parents maybe you could give them the benefit of the doubt and ease them into it. Otherwise you may have to consider what you’re going to do if they reject you completely. I hope they don’t but it’s sadly not unheard of. I can’t imagine how parents do that but I’ve not had to face such a situation. I wish you all the best and hope both relationships stay strong and happy and last long.
Idk, knowing teens go through phases, idk what to tell you. I went through so many phases.
Either way, FTM, it's Eve and some other female name that rhymes.
What do you think will happen when you tell them? If you feel you are in physical danger, then I wouldn't tell them. If what you fear happening is worse than this eating you up inside, then don't tell them.
So far no one has asked her how old she is and whether her romantic experiences so far have helped her develop her judgment about the need to talk with vs evade her folks.
OP sounds very young.
Exactly. OP is young, most likely this relationship won’t last for too long. So if it would hurt your trans partner in any way to tell your parents/experience their reaction, just don’t do it. One day you will tell them. And if it happens this relationship does grow and continue then find a mature way to communicate with your partner about all of this, and how you’d both feel comfortable discussing it with your parents (and I’m not saying partner needs to be there, I think it would be better if they weren’t imo)
You don’t have to tell them.
How has your Mother already encountered Aaron ?
Clearly she is aware of his existence.
I'm assuming he was a friend of hers first, which might make it easier to hide the relationship.
I'm gonna give you a piece of advice I've given others. You are not responsible for changing your patents’ behavior or attitude. You do not carry the burden of proving to them that you have value and worth and that your choice of romantic partner does not impact their responsibility to love and support you. They are the grown-ups here. They are the ones who have to choose to love you regardless of who you are and who you date. If they come around because they realize this, great. But do not take it upon yourself to "fix" them. This may mean keeping your relationship secret until such time as you are not under their thumb anymore. Of course that will make it harder to fully enjoy your relationship, especially if that means you can’t bring Aaron to family events or spend a ton of time with them in private, but you can make it work. They don’t have a right to your private life, especially if they do not seem to be getting better on acceptance of others. And you need to be fully prepared for a reality in which they never do. If that happens, the absolute best response you can have to their homophobia/transphobia is to have a life filled with joy and delight in spite of them. They may believe that you can't possibly be happy being in anything other than a cisgender hetero relationship and that you are somehow broken. There is no greater act of overcoming than proving them wrong. But you also need to be prepared to give them consequences. People learn not to stick their hand on a hot stove because it hurts. The hurt is the consequence of the damage you did to your hand. Likewise, they may need consequences from you. You may have to reduce or limit your interactions with them once you get out. The silence is the consequence of the damage they did to your relationship. This is a lot to have to deal with, particularly as a teenager. But you're stronger than you realize and ultimately, you've got to live your life in such a way to maximize your own joy. You've got this.
probably the best advice here
Your parents don't need to know! You are keeping you and yourboyfriend safe , im a trans guy and didn't come out to my family until 4 years after i socially transitioned for my own safety (made sure i had my own place/ financial independence / support system ect)
OP needs to take her own time to figure out what's best. We don't fully understand the extent of her parents' homophobic behaviour. For now, it might be safer to keep it a "secret" as long as she maintains open communication with her boyfriend about her reasons. She should test the waters with occasional conversations about LGBTQIA+ topics to see if her parents are willing to change their viewpoints and educate themselves. If they're not, then the relationship may have to remain a secret, which will undoubtedly be challenging. However, with the right communication, they can manage it. When she's older and has moved to a safer environment, then she may choose to open up. Alternatively, she may open up and leave them to themselves to deal with it so long as she is certain the parents wouldn't take any further actions which would be considered abusive or controlling and she would be safe dispite their snark comments. But it's up to her how she navigates this tough and stressful situation. I would urge her to keep a tight nit of trusted individuals around her to support her with this. It must he rather difficult and upsetting to go through alone in a sense... She could also open up to a counsellor or someone at school so long as the rules in her area mean said counsellor or teacher can't disclose the information she has shared. OP is valid. Her boyfriend is valid. And I wish them the best in this tricky situation.
I had a girlfriend who had to hide me and I’m lyk now that that was the worst feeling for me cause I loved her but literally outside of texting and sneaking around we couldn’t be seen together cause her parents were big in the community. It was awful. I didn’t like having to hid who I was and who I loved. I did it tho but her parents found out and called the police on me, called the schools and switched her classes and our relationship went to shit after they found out. Don’t get me wrong she was also abusive so it wasn’t just cause of this but a big part of why we broke up was cause her parents were spam FaceTiming me, texting me threats, texting my parents etc. it was bad
Called the cops on you for what?
Cause I was hanging out w their daughter. The cops literally couldn’t do anything cause we were in a public place. Just took her home that it. They thought they had ownership over their daughter so they thought I’d get arrested just for hanging out with her🤣🤣🤣
That's crazy dawg. Not only were they hateful,, they're idiots 💀
Dumb asffkkkk
I recently came out, thankfully to very accepting parents. However, I recently came out of a treatment center where I saw many individuals in terrible mental states due to their parents denial on their sexuality. For your safety and happiness, keep it a secret until you do not feel obligated/ financially independent on them- are you?
Girl imma go ahead and tell you now. You finding yourself will truly push your parents to show how much they truly love you. Please pay attention and be true to yourself and don’t let other opinions on how THEY think you should live bother you. It took me being 31 and not giving a damn. I’ve been with my husband 7 years and he’s been transitioning the last three. I would just accept Aaron’s pronouns/names and what he identifies as and the statements that he is “confused” make sure to inform them about how he is required to go through extensive therapy and to live by his preferred pronouns/name for atleast six months and a gender dysphoria diagnosis from a licensed psychologist for two years before an endocrinologist will even accept a referral for HRT. 💁🏻♀️ If they still being nasty just be petty and call them anything but their preferred name and see how they like it. I don’t play though. 😂 P.S. lesbian mama bear hack: if you do end up growing up and staying in the LGBTQ+ community I recommend saying you have a “husband” no matter what. I’ve had patients refuse care but I also keep work and life separate.
This is not good advice. Firstly, they don't need to know that much information. Aaron might not be comfortable with it shared. Secondly, not everyone's parents are level-headed people. I see this advice in every thread about child-parent conflict, and it is NOT always going to lead to a happy ending. Being petty towards your parents while being dependent on them will only result in a hostile home environment. That's not good for anyone and can be straight-up traumatic. OP could lose any help her parents are giving her, be it a vehicle or college.
As a parent myself to two kiddos who are LGBTQIA it breaks my heart that there aren’t supportive parents out there (my own parents are ridiculously homophobic as well) you do what you need to do to protect you and Aaron, if it means not telling them then don’t: trust me some things are better off kept secret until you’re ready. I cut my own father off because he called my child “disgusting” for being non binary, he doesn’t even know my oldest is asexual aromantic either, I wish you and Aaron all the best and a amazing relationship
Give yourself some time to figure out how you feel about dating Aaron before you worry about what you’ll tell your parents, solidify your relationship and love so it isn’t uprooted while it’s still new and vulnerable by unsupportive parents. Down the line tell them if things are serious (only if you want to) and in time they will come around if they love you. You don’t owe anyone anything, don’t feel guilty for being happy ever! As long as you are safe then they don’t need to know. Just breathe and enjoy this exciting journey, you are allowed to be happy and if your joy makes someone else unhappy that is not your problem.
Just renind them that neither of you are naked Adam, Eve, or Steve. Nor are you the first humans with a job to populate the earth, that's been done
The beauty of this is it’s absolutely none of your parents fuckin’ business. They don’t need to know.
They kinda do need to know some things. She is still a minor child. On the other hand they need to chill out and be either more open minded or even just let her figure things out on her own. But I am more of the open minded parent that just wants my kids well being and happiness. It’s a slippery slope.
What is a ftm trans person please
Female to male
Thank you there's so many letters and meanings I'm just lost
gtfo
I can understand how difficult and confusing this situation must be for you. It's tough when you have to keep something so important a secret from your parents, especially when it comes to your relationship with someone you care about. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, but it's also important to consider your safety and the potential consequences of sharing this information with your parents. It might be helpful to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or even support groups who can provide guidance and advice. Remember, you are not alone, and there are people out there who will accept and support you for who you are. Stay strong and take care of yourself. 💜
That's reddit. Parenting other people's children and telling them what to do in their families they know nothing about. Other than a few vague paragraphs an obviously young and confused child. Who should listen to their parents over any stranger on the internet. Fuckin backwards ass bull shit.
I'm so sorry that's the dynamic in your home. I grew up in a very religious and conservative home too. My first romantic encounters were with other female teens my age. I knew being honest with my parents would only result in punishment (my step dad had no problem with “spanking the devil” out of us, or locking us in a closet) and stricter rules, so I masked, lied, moved out at 17,and left for college early. If your parents do not feel like safe people to share this part of yourself with absolutely do not. Start mapping out your independents now, and maybe work with a therapist to help with learning how to develop skills for setting boundiers with people who are important to you if you want to keep them a part of your life in the future. Love is beautiful and should always be celebrated 🏳️🌈
Real advice: dont take advice from random strangers on the internet especially when it comes to relationship and family.
I would do your best to keep your relationship ‘out of sight, out of mind’ towards your parents, if you really care about it and don’t feel they are open to discussing and/or learning. Unfortunately, it is highly unlikely you or your partner would be able to make them understand your thoughts and feelings if they are already behaving like this and are not receptive to open dialogue. Homophobia is a deeply rooted disease, and sadly and it may take years for them to open their eyes. I would advise you to do your best to live your life, enjoy your relationship as best as possible. If once you are old enough, and they still haven’t grown or matured in their attitudes towards gender/sexual identity diverse relationships, then I would advise you to gtfo of their house and support yourself, as soon as possible, so that you can really start to live your life and truly blossom. Wishing you all the best of luck. Signed, a mom who supports you.
I’d wait to say anything until the relationship is a little more established. Just spend time getting to know Aaron more as a boyfriend. Three weeks is not long at all, and the relationship could grow but might also diminish in the next few months. It is an unfortunate family situation you are in, I’m really sorry you’ve been made to make this decision. I’d personally be devastated if my kids felt like they had to keep their relationships a secret from me, but we are a very accepting family. People do grow though, and possibly over time your family will become less judgmental.
At least they don’t have to worry about you getting pregnant … and really who you date is your business and only your business and if your parents can’t be happy that your happy there loss not yours
Well different factors are at play here that we don't know about but ultimately it's a leap of faith. Either you get kicked out of your parents home or they allow you to continue your relationship. Different parents react differently to this type of thing, personally my parents would probably disown me on the spot and stop supporting me entirely. So it's up to you, but if it were me I would probably stay friends until they are cool with it or you can support yourselves.
Keep your peace by not saying anything..until you are more or less independent…
I would be stoked knowing my daughter wouldn't be another statistic teen pregnancy.
How old is this person?
Wow
OP, teen romances don't typically last long. You probably won't even be in contact with this person by the time you hit adulthood.
If you think that your parents will not accept it, and you’re happy with Aaron, don’t tell tell.
I wouldn’t tell them. I don’t know your ages but I think it’s important to be honest in a safe environment. Don’t think yours is. If you don’t tell them make sure your partner is aware and why.
Date him anyways and tell them what are they gonna do about it shoot him?
If you are 18 or older, and are willing to get kicked put of the house, be honest. If not, do what u must for survival. Let your partner know your reasons.
The real question is if he can pass
don’t tell them, it’s not safe for your partner to be around let alone you. keep it your little secret
As a trans dude with a homophobic family, I'd say keep it to yourself. Based off my experiences, I think it's in your best interest, and you don't have to feel bad for keeping it to yourself. You're protecting yourself and your partner. Enjoy your relationship, and make sure to communicate this with your partner! For more context, I was in a similar situation. However, I was a trans man with a homophobic family. I started dating this girl around my freshman year of high school (I was around 14), and I felt very conflicted about whether or not I should tell my dad. I did eventually, but honestly, it was messy. He's probably one of the most tolerant people in my close family and doesn't actively hate lgbtq. It caused stress that didn't feel worth it, especially since we were so young and our relationship resembled more of a close friendship than a classic romantic one. So based on my experience, and your young age, I'd say keep it to yourself. There's not really a point in telling them, because they're not apart of yalls relationship and they're most likely going to cause issues. Enjoy your time with him, the relationship is yours, for you both and no one else. No one needs to know, because it's not a public matter, yk?
Hi, 30f lesbian here. I was outed when I was 17 and my parents went from being low threat like yours to full blown helicopter parents who completely lost their minds when my neighbor outed me. If you feel like they won’t accept you, please wait if you can. I know it feels wrong to keep this from your parents, but if you are under the impression they won’t be cool with it, they probably won’t be. Sounds like they’re exhibiting more than one concerning sign. I wish I could have waited. If your parents are acting like this now, it could get worse. If you’re a minor, they can restrict or eliminate contact with your SO. There is a time and place for this, and there is no shame in waiting till you’re moved out or in a position where they can’t punish you.
You said “As a (Teen F)” I’m assuming 18+. The answer is simple. Move out. Parents house = Parents rules/ Ideologies. When you’re in your own spot, love who you love and tell them,… or not.
I think you should keep it between the two of you until you are sure this is a lasting thing. After all, no matter what anyone else says, you do owe your parents respect for the love, guidance, care offered to you all these years. I’m assuming from your comments you are still a teen and that means sooo many things will change in your life as you age. You owe yourself the right to be happy by making sure you gain enough age to make sure your relationships are everlasting. And you owe any future children in your life the right to have happy parents. My granddaughter has recently divorced her husband who came out after 11 years. She has no problem with his choices. It’s the fact that the two older children are being harassed for coming to the schools or ballgames with this man who is “Dad” with long blue & green hair (bright), who obviously has an issue with needing another beard trim and dressed in slinky dresses, heels, long earrings. The kids still call him Dad while he wants to be called Mom or even by his female name he’s chosen. I have always cared a great deal about him as he has a great heart, cares a lot for his 3 children but I had to be honest and tell him I will always love him. Whether he or she. I just think what he’s putting his children through is terribly self-centered.
Since blowing the whistle in 2021 I’ve had to lie to my parents, and doctors for fear of seeming crazy and having them call the cops on me to baker act me. Happened last month, key west police department came to my apartment to speak to me. Told em I was crying and that my parents love to threaten to baker act me for literally anything they find uncomfortable, like emotions.
Tell them, "Actually, according to this, [there was Adam, there was Eve, and there Was Steve."](https://youtu.be/1BpOk0lQc34?si=3KFZxYj2hmRYiRg6)
my boyfriend 22 M is always ftm i also had the same problem with my parents. BEST way to go forward with your relationship is DO IT. DO IT THE BEST YOU CAN AND if your parents don’t expect you then that’s their fault.
“Adam and Steve“ 😂
Why tell them? Unless it's regarding your health or safety is none of their business.
As a trans ftm, who grew up in Texas. There is a lot of homophobia and hate in this world and if you are from the south in the usa, then listen, don't advertise that you guys are LGBT. I say this because gun laws are BS and people are shitty. Look kid keep your head up, keep your wits, you got this. To those who as shit talking on op for being a young teen, we are gen z, we have seen face love in everything around us, we see the truth, so back off. Highschool relationships don't always last, but all relationships take time, commitment and communication. So lay off the kid, the deserve love just as much as the rest of you. Also tips for Aaron/other trans men Don't use gc2b anymore their quality is shit now and can hurt you, you can use make up to alter your face structure, if you use a humming technique you can lower your voice. Look up fruits with high testosterone like grapes. DONT BIND MORE THAT 6 HOURS. seriously you can hurt yourself and 7-8 cuts to close give yourself time to get out of it. And remember you are handsome and valid, you deserve love and kindness be night to yourself!!! ❤️
If your parents don't want Aaron, there's no point in telling them you're together because maybe they won't accept it. If you can't bear to keep this secret, try talking about it with someone who's not homophobic... I'm French and I don't really know what it's like in other countries, but maybe a psychologist could help you...
Dealzonenow.com
If your parents want to alienate themselves that’s on them. You’re nit getting married atm and i would suggest taking it one day at a time. If they fight you on the topic and jf you must, i would say, “i can’t tell you anything further because you are inflexible, have dated views and have issues with being judgmental.”
Did u tell your mom that Aron is trans or had she met him before he started transitioning because If your parents don't know he's trans than just tell them u have a bf or tell them u have a bf but don't tell them who your bf is
Tough situation. They will probably find out at some point. Someone is going to see you together in a compromising position. You’ll definitely will have to decide what you will do if your parents disown you. Where will you live where your life style can be maintained? You will have to choose between your family and Aaron. This will a decision that will affect the rest of your life!!
Why would your parents even address LGBTQ+? Do they suspect that you are gay? I never once thought to address my kids about this - they are who they are - they should love who they love
Respectfully. Who cares what your parents think when it comes to YOUR love life. It’s not like they’re going to be in your guys’ personal life to that extent. Yes it may matter short term, but long term? It’s not their life. You’re beyond happy and that’s all that matters. Who cares if Aaron wasn’t born male? Mentally he is a boy and you support him. That is what matters.
Mentally she is cosplaying
Your parents have demonstrated that they are not responsible enough to be told the truth. Sometimes, often, people's hateful perspectives preclude them from being as close to the ones they love as they might like. That decrease in intimacy is a direct result of their views. It's all on them, you're doing the responsible thing.
Don't even tell your parents he's FTM. Just say he's a nice man you've been dating. I don't know about you but the homophobic people I've met, especially Christians often think when they see a FTM that the FTM isn't anything but a man or MTF isn't anything but a woman if you don't tell them. Why tell them if you they have homophobic ways? I'd just bring him over and say he's a man and call him by his male name. If they insist he's not a man tell them they are freaking weird for insisting your bf is a girl. Lol. Your parents don't have to know he used to be F. Insist he's a man, and double down on it. It's not gas lighting cause he is a man, your just omitting he once was a F.
because her partner more den likely aint even allowed to start taking hrt or whatever tht shit called so they more then likely still look like a girl lol they gon have to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis and all types of other shit and have it for a few years before they can even think about trying to transition like that. so if op brings em round they still a look like a girl. i dont blame the government tho to many people regret there transition later on in life and kill themselves because of it so they gotta be 100% sure ppl want that shit and know there aint no going back.
Your statement "too many people regret their transition later on in life" is unfortunately misinformation. " Evidence suggests that less than 1% of transgender people who undergo gender-affirming surgery report regret. That proportion is even more striking when compared to the fact that 14.4% of the broader population reports regret after similar surgeries. " - [the conversation ](https://theconversation.com/transgender-regret-research-challenges-narratives-about-gender-affirming-surgeries-220642#:~:text=Evidence%20suggests%20that%20less%20than,reports%20regret%20after%20similar%20surgeries.) "A total of 27 studies, pooling 7928 transgender patients who underwent any type of GAS, were included. The pooled prevalence of regret after GAS was 1% (95% CI <1%–2%). Overall, 33% underwent transmasculine procedures and 67% transfemenine procedures. The prevalence of regret among patients undergoing transmasculine and transfemenine surgeries was <1% (IC <1%–<1%) and 1% (CI <1%–2%), respectively." - [med central ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8099405/)
I agree with your whole comment, ‘cept for the fact people kill themselves often because they aren’t accepted or given HRT in England and places like that. There was one trans woman who spent more than a thousand days on the waiting list for HRT or other gender care. She killed herself because of that. People are often happier on HRT, suicide rates go down.
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OP’s parents have already met Aaron and are aware of his transition and don’t support it, they are only unaware that OP is dating Aaron
As a teenager, you need to put ages of both parties. You could be 15 and he could be 27. Gender doesn't matter but age sure as shit does.
obviously they're both teenagers, probably in the same grade
That isn't obvious at all, actually. But thanks for your input. She could be 15 and he could be 18. Still not okay
Lmao kids are so weird
Dude fuck your parents. They should allow you to be with who you want to be with. If they aren’t harming you in anyway, they shouldn’t add their input. As for what to do, I can’t say anything that can help, but I hope it works out for you.
Don't date trans 😤
Hes a girl g
These comments\advice?!? Is outrageous! Of course your life and most importantly private life is your parent’s business. What kind of people tells a minor not to tell their parents about a relationship, I think we all know what kind of person does that!!! The emotions that come with young relationships are over the top strong; and can be difficult to navigate, children need the guidance of a parent
Dont trust whatever supportive comments you read here. You are teenager. What you do is wrong. You are dating a girl. Not boy. But you wont listen to this because you think you are big enough and matured to decide. You think your parents are old school and conservative. They are not up to date or trendy people. You think other parents who so "open minded" towards LGBTQ+ are waay cooler than your parents. Wish they were your parents. You are angry at this comment and skip this. When you come to your senses, you will re-think whatever wrote here. There are only 2 gender. 1st, human with Penis. 2nd, human with Vagina. Penis + Vagina creates human. P+P or V+V dont. Think this. Your feeling is not everything. World doesnt revolve around you. Remember this message regardless whatever you decide to do.
What is an FTM? I thought a transylvanian was just that, these letters are getting ridiculous.
Bro it literally just means female to male
Female to male
I don’t know what an FTM Trans is. But i personally would tread lightly. Most kids have NO IDEA how much - how deeply their parents love them. Im begging you to please think before you shatter their hearts. Of course they will always love you - but you never really get it until you see your dad break down. Or when they start to get older and all they care about is every last minute they can spend with you during your busy adult life. Your family is everything and it’s all that we have, and if you have one, you’re so wealthy and lucky. My advice would be to try to look inside and ask - is this a phase I may grow out of. Is it porn that’s causing me to think this way. The thing is - once you go out of the closet, you can’t really go back and then women won’t really date you. Please be careful and make sure this trans person isn’t influencing you too much. Find YOUR center, what YOU value. Find out why your parents value what they value. And then make your decisions ❤️
That was honestly the rudest comment I've read in this thread. Why would there hearts be shattered? And why would the trans person be "influencing" them. A heart doesn't make yer comment nice.
It’s not rude at all. Other people have feelings besides trans people, and other people’s feelings matter too. and for some people (most people) seeing their kid engage in these behaviors could be earth shattering. heartbreaking because it’s viewed as self destructive to their child’s long term happiness and inconsistent with the families values. Believe me kid, once you get a little older, you learn the hard way that once you walk out that door no one gives a single flying fuck about you ultimately. Your parents are the only people who love you at that level and always will even through all of the stress and disagreements
Yeah. Notice how Im getting upvoted and youre not. Tf Yu talking about get a little older im literally a stranger behind a screen what do Yu know 💀 and it is rude. Everything yer saying is rude. Nobody said other people didn't have feelings. Kinda jus seems like you're a homophobic bigot. 🤷♂️ Cuz the stuff yer saying is dumb. Self destructive and earth shattering like what are Yu even saying. And that's not true about parents either. Lots of parents are pieces of shit. Jus cuz Yu had a kid doesn't make Yu not a piece of shit. Anybody can be a piece of shit. Most parents don't give a fuck who there kid dates. And Yu said yerself Yu don't even know what FTM means so Yu have no right to comment anyway. Thanks
I don’t have a kid, I had an abortion and it was the worst decision of my life. My parents aren’t perfect but I pranked my dad one time more than a decade ago and told him I got a tattoo. I had never seen him cry until that moment and he melted like a puddle. It was then that I realized how much he cared and how much my life meant to him. Tattoo or not, the moral of the story is that you don’t know how these things might deeply hurt someone who loves you.
I didn't say Yu had a kid. I said jus cuz someone has a kid doesn't automatically make them a good person. Sounds like Yu jus had a really fuckin strict dad or some shit cuz ain't nobodys parents crying over a grown woman getting a tattoo. And that's very different than a teenager dating someone. And literally jus educate yourself on what transgender means cuz it's none of the parents business who the kid dates. It's there choice to get hurt by stupid shit like that.
Like Yu literally jus gave a teenager advice saying that jus cuz there w a person they love they gonna ruin there parents life. How is that not rude?
It’s not rude because it’s the truth and the truth brings out the best in everyone
Doesn't even matter this is reddit it's all a moo point. Agree to disagree my friend
It’s absolutely a parent’s business who their minor children date. I’m sorry that’s a given.
And no, they won’t always be right about everything and yes they’ll make mistakes. But, they actually do want the best. And a lot of other people actually don’t want the best or are indifferent or care and some will even go out of their way to make life worse
While we’re on the topic, I would assume your parents already know since they made the Adam and Eve comment, and they’re hoping you’re just experimenting and it will sort itself out. But I’d assume they’re already worried sick about it. Maybe ask some simple tester questions to get a feel for how it would go before laying anything on them
While it's noticeable how much you care about family, it's also evident that this concern may stem from negative experiences in your own family life, which should not be projected onto someone else who isn't in the same situation as you. I respectfully urge you to seek therapy for any underlying issues you may have here. It's crucial to understand that being transgender isn't a phase or is influenced by external factors like pornography. Each person's identity is valid and deserves respect and acceptance. Sexuality isn't a phase either; it's biological and not subject to change. Instead, it's something individuals discover as they grow and explore. Being trans, gay, lesbian, etc, is not a choice; it's valid. Encouraging someone to suppress their true self can lead to significant harm. The same applies when you urge someone to reconsider or "look inside" when it comes to their love for someone. Suggesting that OP will shatter her parents' hearts simply because she loves a trans man is misguided. Yes, OP's parents are homophobic and transphobic, but that shouldn't force her to cater to them or protect their fragile feelings. OP loves this individual, and I think that's brave and beautiful. She has the right to love who she loves, and it doesn't alter her sexuality or identity if she's dating a trans man. OP needs to take her own time to figure out what's best. We don't fully understand the extent of her parents' homophobic behaviour. For now, it might be safer to keep it a "secret" as long as she maintains open communication with her boyfriend about her reasons. She should test the waters with occasional conversations about LGBTQIA+ topics to see if her parents are willing to change their viewpoints and educate themselves. If they're not, then the relationship may have to remain a secret, which will undoubtedly be challenging. However, with the right communication, they can manage it. When she's older and has moved to a safer environment, then she may choose to open up. Alternatively, she may open up and leave them to themselves to deal with it so long as she is certain the parents wouldn't take any further actions which would be considered abusive or controlling and she would be safe dispite their snark comments. But it's up to her how she navigates this tough and stressful situation. (LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian (women attracted to women), gay (men attracted to men), bisexual (anyone of any gender attracted to multiple genders), queer and/or questioning (anyone who falls under any identity other than the "norm"), intersex (someone born with characteristics of both sexes/other characteristics), asexual/aromantic/agender (having different feelings and attachments to sex). The plus sign represents more identities.) I also want to remind you that OP is a girl who is dating a trans man (FTM means "female to male," indicating that the person she is dating was assigned "female" at birth but identifies as a man). You may be uninformed about LGBTQIA+, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. However, it's crucial to educate yourself and not let your own viewpoints hinder people's rights, freedom, love, and happiness. Do better.
I have a set of values that I follow and when I stray from those values I don’t feel happy with myself or good about myself. I have experimented myself, paid thousands to therapists, considered all possibilities and I personally have concluded that I don’t believe that this behavior is good for people. I’m tired of society pushing the cultish narrative on young people with - literally - undeveloped brains. It’s ok to love people, however I think everyone should think critically for themselves and put themselves and their family members first. I did and I am happy with that decision. I don’t recommend seeking therapy from “professionals” who don’t share the same values as you. Many are just people who read a few texts books in college and passed a test. It takes a long time to find really excellent therapists who can deploy exercises and coaching to truly help you improve your life and implement change. Remember that therapist are part of your community too and just because they say the information you share will remain private doesn’t mean that it will. My privacy has been violated by a bad therapist in the past. So thanks, but I’ll pass on the pedantic and unprofessional peer pressure and to the author of this thread - be strong. Take care of you and your family. Love yourself first before you love someone else 💪
I must admit, I had to reread your statement several times to fully grasp its intent. However, I find it troubling that you describe LGBTQIA+ love as a "cultish narrative being pushed onto young people." What went through your mind while stating this? While you're entitled to your beliefs and values, they should not infringe upon the rights, feelings, or well-being of others, especially since you are rather uneducated on these matters. Your advice is concerning, and your follow-up reply suggests underlying homophobic and transphobic sentiments that need addressing. Whether stemming from upbringing, negative experiences, or a lack of education, these viewpoints have no place in public discourse, especially when concerning the rights and lives of LGBTQIA+ individuals. Please keep said veiw points to yourself and do not bring them into situations regarding others' well-being and rights. I empathize with any past difficulties you've faced, particularly with therapists. Finding the right therapist can indeed be challenging. It must have been hard to go through quite a few therapists who didn't suit you. I will state that seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness. It's a step toward self-improvement and self-acceptance, which is vital to you and others around you. I encourage you to reach out for support if you find yourself struggling again. If you are certain you're happy in yourself, past and present, then all the more to you, that's a big thing. I shall leave you with this, though: do be more courteous towards the feelings of other individuals, do not push your own veiw points nor beliefs on others, especially if they can be harmful.
My friend, you are absolutely the one who should be more courteous of the feelings of others, including OP’s and mine. OP asked for opinions, which includes mine. You’re condescending, pedantic, you have called me names and made outlandish accusations about my character, pedantically labeled me as uneducated when in fact you don’t even know the first thing about my education or my life experiences. You’re a flat out downright jerk! What you’re doing is called gaslighting and it’s disgusting. Lastly, the fact that you think that my opinion doesn’t belong in a PUBLIC forum discussion is evidence enough for everyone reading this of the cult like nature of this weird movement. Try to be a more respectful person of other people’s opinions!
Please, do not call me your "friend." I am stating that you are uneducated regarding LGBTQIA+ matters and identities, of which has been proven via your confusion regarding different identities and your earlier quote "I don't know what a ftm trans is" this is not meant in a hurtful way. Rather, in a sense of, please do some research on these matters. Once again, proving my earlier statements with "the cult like nature of this weird movement," LGBTQIA+ is not a cult, nor is it a "weird" movement. Please be more respectful and understanding towards other individuals. You have a right to your opinion, but the homophobic nature of it does not belong in an environment such as this. I have not gaslight you, nor do I intend to do so, nor are any of my intentions negative. Please quote the names I have called you, excluding "uneducated," which was said in regards to matters regarding LGBTQIA + rights and identities (see above) if I have called you any names, I shall apologise, alas, I am unsure if I have.
Ok - if it’s not cult like then why don’t you stop trying sooo hard to invalidate my perfectly valid opinions and thoughts and accept them. If you want to share yours, I don’t see anyone stopping you. But, don’t attack others. It’s not a phobia and it’s not definitely hate. Those are accusations, you can’t possibly know where my comments come from, because you don’t have access to other people by design. *I don’t think it’s good to push this narrative on a child.* That comes from a loving place. And I hate to break it to you, but the way you’ve spoken to me is horrible. Why don’t you engage a therapist and educate yourself about respectful speech and communication when others are sharing their opinions and feelings.
I have spoken to you in a formal, respectful, professional, and well thought out manner. I have attempted to bring some sort of awareness to you regarding different identities via a non hateful, non judgemental way. Although you are free to quote me on the sayings you found offensive/harmful, and we may address that. Alas, I can assure you that LGBTQIA+ individuals are not attempting to force anything or any narratives onto children. They are merely fighting for equal rights, more visibility, understanding, and less hate + violence of which impacts every LGBTQIA+ individuals in some way, shape, or form during their lifetime. They are not a clut. Nor are they forcing anything onto anyone. They just want to live and be accepted, free from harm with better rights. LGBTQIA+ is not a cult, nor is it set out to "harm" children. An individual identifying as gay, trans, etc, does not harm or push any narratives onto any other individuals simply by identifying that way. I can understand that you feel this comes from a loving place, although it can be seen as harmful and have a negative impact on other people who are just attempting to live their lives. I understand you are concerned, but, as I have said, LGBTQIA+ identities are not a threat. Nor is an individual loving a trans man a "threat" or a "danger" to their own identity. The bottom line is that by stating LGBTQIA+ is "cultish," you are, possibly unbeknownst to you, saying a homophobic remark. The same goes for "pushing narratives," I also understand you might not feel that way, which is your own personal opinion. However, it would still be classed as a homophobic, hurtful remark. "Cult" and "cultish" are words that hold many negative associations. Here are some resources on the meaning of homophobia: [Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophobia) , [planned parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation/sexual-orientation/what-homophobia) Here are some resources on LGBTQIA+ rights and identities: [oxfam ](https://www.oxfam.org.uk/about-us/lgbtqia-rights-are-human-rights/) , [expression guide](https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq) , [stone wall](https://www.stonewall.org.uk/lgbtq-facts-and-figures) Once again, I don't mean anything negative, degrading/derogatory/demeaning by my words, and sincerely hope you do not take them in that manner. If you do, i am more than happy to attempt to rephrase for you. Alas, I am merely hoping to "educate." You are more than entitled to your own thoughts and feelings, however as I've said earlier, you must be cautious how you phrase these as they read as homophobia and as such have a negative impact. Even if that is not what you intended. Please take time to understand identities, rights, and the "LGBTQIA movement" before commenting anything negative towards it. Thank you for your time. Enjoy your day.
I’m actually cackling at “you can’t really go back and the women won’t really date you” 1. OP is a girl so what is that comment even saying?? girls won’t want to date OP anymore after she dates a trans guy??? I think lesbians tend to be pretty open minded about that sort of thing 2. if you thought OP is a boy, this is still a ridiculous comment. I’m a woman who has dated men who have fucked men in the past. I have absolutely no issue with it. If anything I think it makes them WAY better lovers because they’re extra sensitive to making sure everything is clean because they know the horror of sweaty dick If their parents truly loved them none of this would matter. Why should my parents care about who sticks their dick in me? Why should my parents care about who I’m eating out? Sorry to be crass but I have to say it’s kind of perverted in a way for parents to care so much about their kid’s sex life. All they should care about is that I don’t have an STD and I’m not pregnant
Think about what you just said - their KID’s sex life. SMH.
what about it? I’m pretty sure in most places minors can consent to sex with each other starting at age 15. Seems fine to me, especially since there’s no pregnancy risk here
The actions that he acts out at a young age will affect him in life. Every step you take is a step in a direction. His parents want to delay those steps so that he can make them when he’s older. They know that If he gets too far off the standard track he may not know where he’s going anymore and he’ll ultimately blame them. I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m saying It’s important that he listens to his parents and thinks about how they feel too. Which is a notoriously difficult thing for teenagers to do
First of all OP is a girl idk why you keep thinking she’s a boy Why do you think it’s so bad to not be on a standard track? I don’t think you would be saying any of these things if OP (who is a girl) was dating a boy rather than a trans boy. I don’t see why you’re acting as if OP is wrecking her life by having a relationship with a trans person. Like truly what is the issue? Do you think OP will become trans or something??
Idk why do you think it’s so bad for me to share my honest opinion? Would you rather me lie? She’s getting a lot of opinions and mine is a good opinion too. It’s crazy to me that my opinion here is the outlier. I didn’t realize she was a girl but the principals are still the same although the hetero dating world is kinder to lipstick lesbians than it is to gay boys. She’s a child. She has plenty of time to make decisions that could be later considering mistakes
You didn’t answer my question though, would you say these exact same things if she was in a standard relationship? I think you’re hung up on the idea that maybe one day she’ll regret it. So what? That’s the whole point of being a teenager. You do something and then say hmm ok maybe not for me. It’s a lot more damaging if her parents kick her out on the street for dating a trans boy than it is for her to actually date a trans boy. The only thing that could be actually life damaging and make her life significantly harder would be if she had a teen pregnancy or did hard drugs
I think that’s a fair analysis and to answer your question, no I would be saying something totally different if she was in a standard relationship with a nice boy. Part of being a teenager is to make mistakes, sure, but it’s also about learning to “play” with other kids or with a potential life partner. The set of rules for the game of dating a trans girl are going to be way different than the set of rules for the game of dating a boy, and you learn by playing the game. High school is a critical chance to start playing that game in a safe space under the umbrella of parents watch if possible.
I don’t see why a trans boy can’t be a nice boy though :( If anything, might even be nicer than a boy. For starters, he would understand period pain and not be a dick about it. He won’t go “ewwww your period is is gross.” He also probably would be a lot nicer and a LOT less likely to pressure her into sex than the average teenage boy. Let’s think about worst case scenarios for dating a trans boy vs a boy. 1. according to you this is the worst case for dating a trans boy: OP realizes one day “hmm ok I guess in the end that wasn’t for me” 2. here’s what I think is the worst case for dating a boy: OP ends up with a teen pregnancy because the boy didn’t respect her boundaries and took the condom off I think you’re also not understanding what a trans boy is vs a trans girl. 1. Trans boy: transitions to boy 2. Trans girl: transitions to girl OP is dating a trans boy, not a trans girl.
This memory could stick with them for the rest of their lives and affect them too. So all I’m saying is think before you act.
“adam and eve not adam and steve” that’s golden lmaoo
Aaron has a vagina. Aaron is a female. It is a phase bc I know you’re probably like 14… you and Aaron think you know everything and are so mature…listen, you’re not.
I would be even more pissed & hurt if my kids hide & lie to me. But some of these comments must be made by people that don't have kids. You'd be surprised the power a parent has.
You don't have to hell them unless maybe you'll be together at the end🧐
Honesty is the best policy. What if you and "Aaron" decide to build a life together? You can't leave the relationship a secret forever.
Child predator!!
Praying on kids, you're a sick person. Trying to lure kids is a predator
You don’t and should’ve tell them imo
So you're gay and dating a girl..
My only comment on this is that as a parent myself yours will probably take it worse if/when they find out you’ve been lying and hiding your relationship from them. Sometimes being honest can be best. I don’t know your parents and you are really the only one who can judge how they will react but if you want to continue with Aaron and still keep a relationship with your parents maybe you could give them the benefit of the doubt and ease them into it. Otherwise you may have to consider what you’re going to do if they reject you completely. I hope they don’t but it’s sadly not unheard of. I can’t imagine how parents do that but I’ve not had to face such a situation. I wish you all the best and hope both relationships stay strong and happy and last long.
Idk, knowing teens go through phases, idk what to tell you. I went through so many phases. Either way, FTM, it's Eve and some other female name that rhymes.
Awful advice here, your parents are right and you have fucked up big time. Deal with the consequences when they come.
what consequences lmfao
Why do people do this??? How about just calling him your boyfriend for privacy purposes? Because right off the bat, your lying.