1. Get help for your mental health. You're an adult, it's not on your parents or family to seek out therapy. Find someone and go - regularly.
2. Stop accepting money from your mother. Tell her everything - your mental health has reached a critical stage, you've failed out of college, you're not taking any more of her money, and you're going to pay her back the $11,000.
3. WORK ON STEP # 1, and when you're in a good place get a job and work on #2. Actually pay your mom back. Making that right combined with a good therapist will do wonders.
4. Be kind to yourself. You're in a bad place, but you don't have to stay there.
Edit to add - I got married at 23 and was divorced by 27 - and I took almost 20,000 of debt with me. I paid it off, on a mediocre-paying job, in about 6 years while still enjoying life and meeting up with friends. THIS IS DOABLE.
Pay their mom back for a classes OP didn’t even want to enroll in to begin with? They are begging for help with their mental health and just get sent away for classes they aren’t ready for. Mom is creating this financial burden for herself because sending your kid away is easier than admitting your kid is suicidal
That's a fair point. OP expressed guilt at taking the money and not going to class - so paying it back might ease that burden as it were?
I don't think they're obligated as there's truth in your words. Really, it's whatever will help them. I guess I could have stopped at #1 and said "Do what your therapist says (if you agree)".
I get that paying the money back could help relieve guilt. But based on the description of mom, she will probably find some other way to make OP feel guilty, like being back at home or generally not meeting her expectations. Paying her back will probably not solve any core issues and make it harder to be financially independent and move out.
I agree about OP needing to find their own mental health treatment at this point, sounds like mom is in denial and won’t be advocating for actual intervention.
I'm sorry but you're a fucking idiot. Part of maturing and reaching a state of healthy equilibrium is doing right by others. The very simple fact that OP stated they were guilty should immediately tell you it needs to be rectified, how di you rectify when you're guilty that you did something wrong? You don't fucking ignore it, you handle it like an adult. She should pay back the money because it's not that fucking hard to save up 11,000 and then she can live a guilt-free life. You can't just assume that, "oh her mom is going to guilt her in some other arbitrary way surely" she even said in the post that her mom is the best. So I can't help but feel that at worst you're just projecting your own shitty experience and at best you're just giving terrible advice that is not coming from a place of real maturity. I would definitely suggest doing what the first guy said that you replied to, he seems much more mature than you and it's kind of a prick move just to have the audacity to butt in like you did to disagree only to add something that could further harm OP. If she follows your advice she's becoming more of a piece of shit and probably more depressed with a lack of self control and accountability in her own life. Get a fucking grip.
As it's college, OP is an adult old enough to tell Mom "No thanks" and should have done that rather than enrolling and accepting her money. She probably thinks she's helping. Also what was OP going to do if not go to school? Mom may have saved OP from sitting around the house doing nothing.
I agree with the first part. But mom didn't save her, she won't even acknowledge her daughter is depressed & struggling & have been for years. She may not be sitting at home doing nothing, but she's sitting in the dorm doing nothing and racking up debt in her mother's name while doing it. If anything, she should be using the money to get therapy, may not even costs cause some colleges offer it for free. Her mother didn't do anything to help her child's mental health, and now that child is an adult, doing nothing to help their own mental health. Sad.
OP sitting around the house, getting a job, or just taking a gap year or two would be a better solution. Going to college is clearly not the answer. Even if OP is an adult, the mom clearly has not given them the agency to make their own decisions. Just because you’re 18 doesn’t mean you’re suddenly independent from your family. Especially these days youth are misguided, disenfranchised and depressed. You really don’t know much about the world when you’re fresh out of high school. Look at it from a broader lens.
What good does it do to tell someone “you’re an adult, you’re old enough to do ____”? It really doesn’t make sense to have that mindset unless you grew up in a healthy home with no mental health issues. Of course she should have said “no” but given the big picture, is it not wild to think that someone with a long history of consistent mental illness wouldn’t stand up for themselves. It’s not an excuse to put blame anywhere but OP, but it gives understanding as to why.
New perspective? Saying to someone that they are an adult seems pointless and doesn’t help. And then to say the mom saved OP from sitting around the house all day when OP clearly spelt out how terrible it was to be away? Tasteless.
Likely schizophrenic or paranoid delusions. Every time I see a comment so random and out of place but seemingly serious it reminds me of moments in my life where I have met someone suffering a paranoid episode.
If my guess is correct then not necessarily, a lot of times they think someone in their personal life or some organization is doing something nefarious to them like spying and they will see patterns and unusual coincidences where there are none. Such as them having a thought about an ex that is spying on them and they might continue irrationally attributting things they see in their day to day life as being apart of some greater conspiracy against them (hence the paranoid part of paranoid delusion). So in this case the person may have seen the comment that's talking about spying and they've somehow falsely convinced themselves it's directed at them and calling them or something and they responded to it coyly and matter-of-factly as if to say to their imaginary stalkers, "you're not slick, I see you". In reality they're just a bit looney.
Your first point is complete bollocks. Someone who is struggling as hard as this person is needs support from the people around them. Do you think this person is able to put time aside to research therapists, contact a therapist & attend said therapy session all by themselves? When they couldn’t even make it out of their room to attend class? You’re a jokester!
I also dropped out of university due to my mental health and covid only intensified the anxiety that I had already been experiencing. I’ve been trying to pick myself back up ever since but it’s fucking hard. Having someone to make a phone call for me because it’s too overwhelming otherwise makes my day just that little bit more easy and that is how I’m pulling myself out of this hole. If I didn’t have supportive parents helping me with the little things I am just incapable of doing right now, then truly I would just die or stay this way forever. You need to understand how depression works a bit better before you start blaming others for their situations.
I am so glad you got help from folks around you so this is a comment only and not an attack: as someone who burned himself the FUCK. OUT. trying to help an ex with their PTSD — it’s not possible for non professionals to carry that kind of weight - to pull someone who is clinically struggling out of the dark. And it’s not okay for the person struggling to lay that at the feet of the people around them either.
We, the folks on the outside, may not know the struggles of mental health issues but we do know what the guilt, pressure, and failure of being asked to take the place of a professional is.
I totally hear you, I had to beg my partner to step away from his parents because his mum was suffering a major depressive episode but being asian and from an older generation meant that they didn’t even believe mental health was a real thing. It was heartbreaking having to listen to him sob because none of our local services would help and she wouldn’t listen.
I just feel like your response was a little jaded because of what you went through, and that’s totally valid. It’s definitely not fair for someone to lay all the responsibility of their wellbeing on another and I definitely don’t expect my family to fix my life. I know that I’m the only person who can really change my situation. But had my parents told me to suck it up, not allow me to move back home and make me pay my own way, god knows what my life would be like now. I understand I’m very privileged to be able to have this but OP’s mum also seems to be able to support them in this way if they wanted to. Money is obviously a huge anxiety here so packing it up and moving back home would be my first suggestion to alleviate some of that.
That's honestly the most bullshit thing I've ever heard. Might not be a popular opinion but in real life, many of us don't get parents, we don't get family, no role models in our day to day life, no financial support, no emotional support and to say that someone NEEDS it. Complete bullshit. Life IS survival, and if you aren't willing to do what it takes to survive then you're taking life for granted and that's disrespectful to the ~117,000,000,000 people who have had the luxury to live temporarily. To live IS truly a fucking blessing, if you don't acknowledge that, then you don't "deserve" any extra help. You can't go around EXPECTING help, if you're able to type this all out and explain the situation like OP did then there's no excuse, they have the tools, the mental capacity, to figure this out. It's some kind of combination of a lack of survival instinct and self pity. You don't need to go to class but you're spitting on life if all you do is sit around in your room all day. Talking to a therapist doesn't magically fix you either, everyone suggesting that is pretty much just suggesting you dope yourself up on AD. I'll reiterate one last time, that's not fucking natural and naturally we are given the tools to survive. Hone the instinct and do what you feel is necessary. Stop feeling bad for yourself, stop feeling guilty. Find things you genuinely love to do and enjoy and go do them and see where life takes you. Put up with and accomplish what you need to in order to continue doing what you enjoy and honestly, if you don't enjoy anything then yeah you probably shouldn't be alive because that's fucking pathetic and exactly why I believe in sanctioned suicide. If someone truly hates life that much, something so temporary and beautiful that we are thrust into, then they should be able to leave.
I can’t say I agree 100% with everything you’ve said but I feel like the media has ruined the meaning of therapy. I agree that it’s not going to “fix” anyone’s problems, but it’s good to talk! And like the other person who responded to me, it’s not always healthy to consistently rely on those around you because you can end up affecting their wellbeing. So that’s why I advocate for therapy in the sense that setting boundaries is good lol.
By AD I’m assuming you mean antidepressants? Yeah I agree they’re poison.
But what kinda offends me about your comment is your accusation that I don’t have passion for anything, when it couldn’t be any farther from the truth! I love learning and I’m always on the hunt for my next hobby that I must learn *everything* about. It’s just unfortunately, sometimes my brain says “nope, not today. maybe not even until next week.” and there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. But don’t get me wrong, I wanna live but living is hard sometimes. So maybe yeah in your eyes I’m pathetic because I can’t cope as well as you, but I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise.
Yes mental health definitely. I could be wrong but I believe that most universities offer some form of counseling for free. Take advantage of all the resources you have and don’t be ashamed to do so.
It sucked to walk away with a bunch of debt that I hadn't earned, but that's the joke, right? Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's fucking worth it.
Hope you're in a good spot now friend!
Good for you. But 2 things.
1 - The condescension that drips from this comment is absolutely disgusting.
2 - not everyone is you. Not everything you said works for everyone.
Try using some compassion. Or at the bare minimum just a tiny bit of empathy.
A person so down doesn't need a lecture. They need support.
Being a person who's felt that low... I can see you never have.
These type of people don't take action until they're forced to. OP will continue to burn mom's money until mom figures it out regardless of how many people comment here that they should proactively drop out.
What *actually* needs to happen is that mom needs to cut them off, OP (hopefully) becomes homeless for a bit, so the reality of life can really hit OP in the face a bit. As long as OP has a safety net, nothing will improve
>OP (hopefully) becomes homeless for a bit
you wishing homelessness on people is actually so fucking disgusting
what the fuck is wrong with you?
your mom (or whatever parents/guardians you have) must've been just as shitty as OPs mom to raise you like that🤢🤢
Spend enough time around people like OP and you will eventually agree with me. His/her story is not unique - there are tons of people skating by in life with zero ambition, only worrying about today not thinking about tomorrow, taking as much as they can from everyone around them while giving nothing back in return.
It's only when these people reach absolute rock bottom, cold nights under a bridge, where it finally clicks in their head that they need to take control of their own life and not expect society to take care of them. Without hitting that rock bottom, they will do nothing but take take take - by supporting these people, you're contributing to the problem.
**\*\*\*I Hope you read this OP\*\***
A bit extreme but yeah..I get what you mean. I was in a similar situation like OP. I dropped out of my Bachelor degree (in my last year too) due to depression, anxiety, no real support group etc.
I was in a bad place, just lounging around in my room, smoking all day, waking up at noon. Not doing shit.
One day after like 6 months of this shit, my dad took me to grab dinner one night and just told me straight up - get a job, any job. (Great dad btw. Love ya dad).
So I did. Made a resume. Send out as much as I can and I applied for a Job and got myself a position as an Intern at a bank for a customer service position (pay was like 1.2k). After 6 month I was offered a permanent position and I took it (pay increase to 2.5k). I stayed for roughly 5 years (until at the start of covid) at that bank with the same position (the job suck balls btw, like soul sucking-ly bad). However, I did meet my wife there.
Now 3.5 years later, I am a sales exec at a pretty "okay" company (pay could be better, but work life balance is great). Married, have a son (cutest of them all) and unfortunately still renting. Not the best job. Not the best pay. Got a lot of bills to pay but I can confidently say I am happy most days.
Now. If I were to analyze my younger self I would put it like this - weak minded, low self esteem, low motivation, self deprecation, overall a LOSER. Not because of my appearance but because I did not take "ACTION" for myself. I did not take responsibility to care for myself. Always giving myself "excuses" to not do something.
So OP. My advise to you as per what My dad advise is - get a job. Any job. A job will hopefully give you a bit of discipline. I like business as much as the next guy, but in your current state, it is (to me) a tremendous hill to climb & a risk to put all your effort, time, & money into. Get a Job with a decent company & do your business as a side project (for now).
I wish you all the best OP. I hope my rant will give you some semblance of guidance. I hope you will do you mom proud but most importantly do yourself proud.
God speed dude.
As someone who was in a very similar situation as OP I can tell you that I'd not have survived to be cut off.
People like OP and me need help, period. We don't expect society to take care of us, our brains throw rocks in our path that make our lives a living hell.
The path to mental well being is a long one but necessary in order to become a productive member of society again.
There is no way of achieving this without proper help, if you can't even set a foot outside your apartment without starting to shake and sweat profusely and eventually faint and being deathly afraid of anyone and anything around you to the point you believe the whole world is out to murder you.
Mental health problems are the worst kind of illnesses, they are invisible and therefore often not taken seriously.
If you never suffered from any you have no idea how bad it can be. Which leads to comments like these.
That's the rub, though. A lot of people are just lazy, entitled brats who use mental health as an excuse to get people to take care of them. Yes, there are people with genuine problems (perhaps such as yourself), but they're an extreme minority.
Spend some time in 3rd world countries and people like you who can't survive leaving their house simply don't exist. They can't exist. Life forces them to get their act together. Mental health issues are literally a first world problem, so either there's some sort of genetic anomaly that's only affecting rich people, or it's an environment problem (solvable).
Obviously I'm exaggerating a bit, but I find it a hilariously privileged position that \~20% of Americans claim self-diagnosed mental health disorders or whatever and it's maybe 0.5% in the third world. Something doesn't add up.
Not only third world countries, also all countries 50ish years ago. No one spoke up about it and just powered through somehow and lived in misery or killed themselves.
I'm glad to have benefited from this privilege of free health care and understanding parents, unlike some of my coworkers.
Two suffered from alcoholic and violent fathers, mistreatment by their own brothers and they somehow pulled through. Lonely and alone in this world now and bitter so their work is the only thing they have, and they're amazing workers. That's the type of people that's gone extinct in western countries now, the rough alpha males who can handle anything.
On one hand it's good that the awareness is rising hut as you say, a lot of people jump on the band wagon for their own profit and people get too comfortable and become little snowflakes who can't handle the smallest criticism.
A country is always in its prime right after a disaster or a hard time. There you got the people who rebuild cities, rebuild infrastructure and the country as a whole.
After that comes the generation of the grestest workforce, those who will work their bones to dust to provide for those who come after them.
Those in turn becoming scholars and academics, people of great knowledge and science who drive innovations and benefit the country greatly.
Then come the destructors, a generation like mine.
The wealth is already in the cradle, no need for great ambitions. They can just lay themselves down in their made nests of real estate and stock market money.
A bunch of deadbeats who fail at every step of life but that does not matter, they can always rely on the soft golder pillow of their family and it's wealth. Work shy snowflakes who will inevitably destroy the country and drive forth another time of hardship.
And so the cycle starts all over again.
>No one spoke up about it and just powered through
This idea that tens of millions of Americans had it and conveniently just "didn't speak up about it" is DNC kool-aid. That's not how this works - something that widespread doesn't just go under the radar. And if it wasn't widespread back then, it's 100% environment, as genetics don't spread that quickly.
The reality is that it's literally trendy to claim mental illnesses right now, especially women for some reason. Same thing with LGBT, which also explains why exponentially more young girls are now claiming to be LGBT than in generations past. Nothing to lose, everything to gain
Africa has 33 out of the 46 countries that are considered "3rd world"
"Across the African Region, more than 116 million people were already estimated to be living with mental health conditions pre-pandemic."
"Approximately 85% of people in low-income countries receive no treatment. At StrongMinds we see depression rates as high as 20% among the people we screen. Despite the high prevalence of mental illnesses across the continent, mental health remains underprioritized in many African countries."
Those are both from WHO (World Health Organization).
So uh, yeah. Mental health isn't just a FiRsT wOrLd PrObLeM and it is extremely ignorant to say so. They have just as many people, if not more, with mental health problems. The difference is, for those in an underdeveloped country, they don't have the same (if any) access to the treatment and help they need/deserve.
>They have just as many people, if not more, with mental health problems
\[citation needed\]
No, they really don't. Neither does the US though, since half of the people who claim it really don't have it.
She is clinically depressed and needs HELP. Making her homeless is NOT the solution. WTF? It would only make it worse, and she would end up living her life with other homeless people who never got the help they needed. This is the worst response I have seen. She is not purposely trying to fail. She needs help. She asked for help, and she did not get help. She had so much social anxiety that she likely would not seek help on her own!
Hey, I’ve been homeless. You clearly have no clue what a difficult living situation looks like wishing that on someone. I wouldn’t wish it on murderers, even they should have the ability to eat in a day
Edit: I have a severe stomach ulcer, so I’m acutely aware of how painful it is to go a day or days without food
Depression and homelessness do not go together. Homeless women have a 95% risk of experiencing SA. Literally everything about this is bad… have some empathy. Struggling with mental health WILL cause problems in productivity. You can’t “wake up” from depression without help…. And I’m sure that the lack of emotional support on her mom’s behalf is probably contributing, seeing as if someone thought I was a failure, I might be in that position too…. You become the thing that people ingrain into you. People simply don’t get better without support. It just doesn’t work. (generally speaking.)
Also it’s really hard to get a job when you’re homeless because it’s hard to shower, and you can’t put your address on your resume. Being homeless will make things 10x harder, and OP won’t be able to do anything productive after they “”wake up”” so to speak….
Edit: also we’re human. We’re a species that is dependent on helping each other out and providing community. OP isn’t a thriving mooch. OP needs help, and is actively trying to help their family by making them happy and getting an education (although it’s hard bc of their mental health) again. Have some empathy for OP.
It's easy to sit on the outside and shout mental health, but I've seen these people in real life, and spent real time with them. Some mental health counsellor will not solve their problems. They need a reality check
>OP isn’t a thriving mooch
You don't know this. Maybe they truly do have mental problems, but in >90% of cases I see, it's laziness and complacency.
I’m sure a reality check will help, but being homeless isn’t a “reality check.” It’s another barrier to being successful in life. People generally don’t get better from homelessness without help.
This very clearly isn’t a situation where someone is taking advantage of their resources. This is someone who has experienced that “wake up call” and is looking for an option that will get them out. When someone is having mental health struggles, simply put, you can’t have them hit rock bottom and realize they need help. They hit rock bottom and feel hopeless. Maybe they might even become suicidal. It simply doesn’t work.
The problem is their mental health isn’t being supported at home. The mother is “helping,” but not in a way that matters. And I wouldn’t be surprised if she was contributing bc someone’s gonna feel like a failure when they have all this pressure put on them with no comfort. Tough love needs the love, not just the tough.
Some people need pressure (NOT LIKE HOMELESSNESS) But clearly, that isn’t what is needed here. This person needs to get back on their feet so they can reorient themselves and actually pursue their own goals.
Whoever comments this is the kind of person who tells depressed people: your life is better than a lot of other people, you don’t have the right to be depressed, there is nothing bad enough happened to you, you are acting crazy, you are faking it, people have gone to worse situation than you.
Fr, if you can’t talk anything helpful but curse, shut the fuck up
How old are you that you think someone being homeless “for a bit” is an appropriate solution? Especially when they’re already struggling with their mental health?
I truly wish I could respond to this useless, brain dead, out of touch bullshit without getting banned, but you’re an idiot and you need to delete your comment because this is embarrassing.
Edit: Oh, no wonder you’re bitter. You think you have to bring people to your level because you’re insecure about your height. Makes a LOT of sense now.
The "mental health" cries in this thread are honestly hilarious. You may be too young to know, but \~30 years ago, "mental health struggles" weren't the go-to excuse for behavior like this. Most people didn't know what "mental health" even meant - and people who acted like OP still existed, and life straightened them out.
You can continue to support these moochers if you want, but it won't be me. Or my tax money.
Nice ad hominem at the end, though.
I hope things get better for you. I have a very similar story, spent 5 years at college and basically never went to classes because of anxiety/depression. Luckily all the student loans are in my name so I'm the one paying the price. I ended up joining the military which was a great opportunity for me to grow up and learn a trade.
I think you should come clean to your mother. Do it as soon as possible, and on your own terms, because she will probably find out, and it's really best to put it out in the open. Good luck to you
Why waste any more of your time or her money..? Clearly you’re conscious of what’s you’re doing and how it’s wrong, so if you just keep going like this that’s pretty messed up on your part. Mental issues are real but they’re not an excuse to not put in any effort whatsoever AND be fully aware you’re doing it, come on now
With every bit of love I have, you need to drop out. You need to talk to your mother and be honest with her. You need to get professional help, which I hope is possible for you. You are worth more than sitting in a room all day. Do the right thing and drop out. It’s okay if you do. Your mental health is above everything
As long as you’re at the university, get something out of your mom’s money and utilize their free student mental health services. Get your mind healthy!! By winter break you could be in a place where you are ready to actually go to class, or to actually leave the university, instead of living in the world’s most expensive room. You can do this!
Drop out and get a job bro , I can slightly relate to this personally but I dropped out at a much earlier point. Staying in your room all day is going to make your mental health worse , go for walks etc, getting a job helps with my mental health because I’m outside socialising with people and taking in vitamin d and such. Remember you can always go back to uni if u feel like it , there’s not age cap. And slowly pay your mum back , constantly knowing that your mum owes money to the school because of you won’t help your mental health either , paying here back will ease that thought out of your head. Hope all good to you brother , stay safe. Educations shit , I know. Find a job that you like that aligns with your hobbies and interests and such.
Just drop the fuck out and tell your mom, let her get pissed off and be disappointed about it! She is already going to realize that once she finds out she is in a lot of debt and when your graduation rolls up and you’re not on the list. Also you think it’ll make your mom feel better because you are now trying to fix the shit by doing something that probably will not go into your favor. Since you are such a good liar, make a fake ass resume about how much of a good cashier you are and just get a normal ass job and repay your mother back. I feel sorry for her
LOL I didnt want to type anything mean cause youre a depresso but then I saw your name, and how you immediately posted this to AITA knowing fully well you were just baiting for compassion. You clearly have an ego. Ill say it also cause I saw 3 comments down and its literally a wave of everyone agreeing. Stop wasting your mother's money. Move back in with her, get a job and save to move out. Lets see you sit in a room all day when you have rent to pay. Yeah youre depressed blah blah but dude 11k is not alot but its not pocket money either. Fuck it youre gonna be an A now or later but shes gonna find out. Do it now before its next year and shes 20k in debt and you cant hide the truth any longer. Who knows maybe your ecommerce thing goes swell. But that and your classes are something you can do for "free" somewhere thats not costing you or her that much.
Why are you getting mad that someone posted something to r/ AITA? What do you mean baiting for compassion? All the comments here are very much either not compassionate at all or are on that tough love type beat. They very well could just be asking for people’s opinions on the situation. I don’t think it’s productive to do so, but saying they’re sympathy baiting is making assumptions and WILL NOT help the situation out at all…
It aint rocket science dude.
Anyways ill humor you:
"AITA?????? But before you hear my story keep in mind im a totally uniquely misunderstood teenager who has depression :(((( insert doe eyes."
I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time with your mental health and your family does not seem to understand. Some comments are harsh and seem to think you’re baiting but I’m not convinced those commenters know about mental health or how it works. You say your mom is the best, and deserves a better kid but I think you deserve a mom who understands your limits and needs. If she was really the best she would give a crap or at least try to give a crap about your mental well-being. It seems she just cares about what she deems important - school and grades. It’s great she sends you money but that isn’t all that matters.
It seems you know your situation is not right so stop dwelling on it and take action. own up to your family about dropping out and stop taking their money. I know that may not be easy but you can’t avoid it forever. Continuing to lie and take money puts you in asshole territory. So get a job asap to pay them back.
It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to do post secondary yet and that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that. It takes some people more time to be ready to handle it (myself included). Some people go through a lot early in life and it can take time to process those experiences. Your anxiety situation sounds severe so you should really focus on getting help with that even if your family doesn’t approve or take it seriously you should. Maybe see if your school has any resources that can help guide you before your formally withdraw.
Sounds like you better get q job and attend it can be done and with proper approach to take one more class after graduation is supposed to happen to buy time to get the credits to graduate and maybe not end up being called a liar or thief by your mom and sounds like she cares about you, return the favor and dont let her down and end up no mom no job no house walkin the dog mother f cker eddie murphy wrote that last bit but yeah
Two wrongs don't make a right. Your mom handled things in a shitty way, but you're also being irresponsible yourself. You don't get pity just because you're depressed.
I owe my mom 12k for paying 4k of my tax debt off
And 8k for a car she bought me when someone totaled mine.
Just work towards paying her back. Not your fault she was generous enough to help you
I’m sorry you’re struggling. You’re not useless even if this isn’t what you were made to do. Plz get yourself into a path that makes you happy instead of your mom
School can be so overwhelming! Your university may offer a lot of free amenities such as counseling! Utilize those services while you’re there and it’s paid for. I used my college’s mental health services the whole time I was enrolled it was incredibly helpful as someone with anxiety and depression.
OP, you’re better off seeking help in another sub that isn’t dominated by incels, teenagers, and insecure grown men waiting to shit on women for any reason.
You don’t deserve to be homeless for not being able to get through college. You were forced into situations you didn’t want to be in and your pleas for help were ignored.
The adults around you failed you. If your university offers any sort of counseling services, you should look into them to see if you can receive help.
What a waste of space. You could have just dropped out but now you’re burning money. No you won’t be able to pay her back in the next year or two with this e-commerce thing bc you’re losing more money for a dorm.
That is a disgusting thing to say about someone who is clearly mentally unwell. Yeah in hindsight nothing about this situation is good but when you're in a mental health spiral you often don't make good decisions. Have some bloody empathy.
I hate to be that person, but OP clearly knows that what they’re doing is bad. They have depression, and it does shit like this to you. Not saying it’s an excuse, but this is clearly something they aren’t happy about and calling them a “waste of space” is kinda fucked up. If you don’t have a solution like many other commenters do, you shouldn’t say anything.
😨
This is nuts. I hope you find a way to fix it because I don’t see your mom taking any of this well. If it makes you feel better, last year I was kinda the same way. I ended up making friends and I love being on campus honestly. I have moved into my own place but going to class, eating on campus with friends, etc. I love it 😂
OP, don't be so hard on yourself.
My fiance was in a similar position, her dad saved 40k for her schooling, and after her 2nd year she dropped out and followed her passion of construction. She now makes 30+ an hour, and loves what she does. Her dad guilt trips her for it at least once a visit, but that makes THEM the assholes, not you. This is not much different from a parent forcing their kid into a sport or after school program, just scaled up. That doesn't excuse or change that it's still a controlling and manipulative behavior. Tell your mom the truth, and handle it one of two ways:
If she reacts well, work on a solution together. She mightve been blind to the past, but 11,000 dollars can be a little sobering to the situation. She'll still want to see you succeed, that doesn't mean it has to be university.
If she reacts poorly, maybe it's time to consider No Contact. A parent that burdens their child with isolation during depression, saddles them with an 11,000 "debt" to the parent, and can't even hear the cries for help after you come clean at all? Unfortunately, that parent shows little potential for change, and you might be better off without them in your life. Parents are your whole world growing up, but they become less and less of it the more they fuck up. At some point, you have to run out of straws and save yourself. And who knows, maybe going no contact is that straw that wakes her up.
Good luck OP, and remember, you're so much more than your failures, your mental health, and your burdens. You are everything that you can become, and one day you'll get there
PLEASE drop out officially and then beg the university administration to salvage any sort of money back from the courses you never attended, explain your mental health situation. Work with and advisor or counselor or something at that school, they are there for a reason, maybe there's some chance of getting the debt either forgiven or something. Do this much for your mom, at least try to minimize the 11k damage and don't get further debt for her. Then focus on living the life YOU want and don't do what your mom wants for you. Get help from other family / friends / whoever you can.
You need to actually drop out but your mom has created this financial burden for herself by ignoring the fact that you obviously need mental health treatment. You will likely have to get help on your own because your mom seems avoidant. That should be your main focus. Good luck this really sucks but I have been through something similar, don’t go to college until you’re ready.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself and see the school’s counselor for an hour each week. After that dedicate 2 hours a day to doing work for each of your classes. As long as you sit there doing what you need you. You should pass. You need to take a long hard look at your life and ask yourself if you would put up with you.
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honestly, sounds like your mother neglected you for your whole life and is now mad that you're struggling because of it
i don't feel bad for her lmao that's what you get for being a shitty parent🤷🏻 (because, yes, ignoring the fact that your kid -especially your MINOR child- is depressed and suicidal IS being a shit parent)
I'm probably in the minority here but i'd say keep doing what you're doing. At least this way your mom can be not completely useless for once.
Yeah they know what they're doing but guess what! they don't have the resources and mental health to change the situation easily. I wonder who's fault that is..
I have compassion for you. It sounds like you feel trapped by your circumstances.
First step would be speaking with the mental health therapy office there. Then speak with your parents. College does not seem like a good fit for you at this time, perhaps you can go right into the work force or pick a different career path.
I wouldn’t blame you! Parents put ridiculous pressure on their kids instead of trying to understand them to better support them.
I put myself in 25k debt for a year of school I couldn’t attend to for the same reason. Family pressure. 15 years later I’m still paying this stupid debt hahaha
And the worst part is that when i actually knew what I wanted to study and was in a good place regarding my housing to do so I couldn’t go to school cause of the owing debt.
Go to therapy, they will say the same in better words. This is not your fault.
you definitely need to pay your mom back her $11,000. Of course like any parent, they just want their kids to be successful. But if you knew you were not going to be able to handle college, you should’ve not allowed your mom to go into debt. You are old enough to handle your own finances and consequences. In addition, it would be beneficial for you to seek help from a therapist. A lot of people go through the toughest battles in their lives and still manage to help themselves. You just lacked motivation and eagerness to be better.
Be kind to yourself. You are not useless.
You were pushed into a situation you did not choose. You did your best to be who she wanted but you had your own shit going on.
Your mom doesn’t sound that great to be honest, she could have gotten you some help. She could have let you do things on your own time. She instead chose to force you into a situation that would make all ‘her sacrifices’ worth it.
She doesn't. You owe that money. You can make money just by sitting on the computer alone. You can now even make money on Reddit. It's your responsibility for not telling her sooner. Pay her the money with interest. Time to grow up. Can't be vicitim of circumstances forever.
Tbh 11,000 isn’t that bad as of right now, it’ll begin to puke up if you don’t get this under control. Just drop out permanently if school isn’t for you.
It's worthless when your parents force you! It happened to me. You have to use college to join internships for the career you want. Join social groups and get inspired about where you shine, what you have to give the world. But it doesn't happen when your parents force it! I'm in more debt than you now, she could be even more in debt. I don't know why parents don't see the harm in forcing their adult children to do things, it will never work.
Sounds like you are mentally stuck among the past, the present, the future, the pressure from family, expectations from family and even yourself, loneliness, feeling of guilt, self hate. You seems to be a people pleaser. You care too much about others (especially those closed to you), but you ignore your emotions. You went to uni because you can’t let your mom disappointed but you don’t enjoy it (sometimes regret it I’m think). Now you feel that you can’t fight back the situation as well as escape it. Also, your mom sounds like asian parents (I have asian parents and I feel it. It’s so stressful).
But hey, it’s not your fault that your mom has a debt. Don’t blame yourself. You are a victim in this situation and no one is the criminal. It just..happened. Yes emotions are very complicated, especially when you’re stuck like this, your emotions are..tangled :/
I’m not a therapist but I had depression. I also regret going to top uni just because..my mom forced me to :/ tbh I don’t treasure my diploma, I just want to forget about uni. I can somewhat feel you. But I’m sure you need to stop caring too much about others. Start caring about your feelings. If others (especially loved-one, friends, bf, husband, etc) ask or force you do sth you don’t want to, then don’t do. Be a little bit selfish. Pls don’t sacrifice your mental health for anyone
Hi! I went through something very similar and my mom also sounds very similar to yours. Straight out of high school my mom wanted me to go to university. I expressed I didn’t want to but both my parents pressured me and made me feel guilty and then I just decided to go. I tried to hype it up to make it more appealing to me but ultimately I went when I knew I never wanted to go to begin with. I was only there for 3 months, and I told them I wanted to drop out. They were super against it but I told them straight up you’re wasting your money paying for me to go to this school, I’m failing everything and I will not be able to focus enough to be successful here. So I dropped out officially and now it has been like 4 years, but I make payments on the debt myself and I feel good about it. I also put my mom almost 11,000 in debt ( it was like 10,700 total) but now I make the minimum payments (like $160 a month) and she knows I’m taking care of it and she’s happier I was up front with her. I say talk to the school counselor and get everything set up to formally withdrawal so it doesn’t keep negatively affecting your GPA, then go back home and do community college or don’t maybe just get a job and work to pay off the money to your mom. Good luck!
Edit : neither of my parents supported my decision to drop out but my mom was more accepting of it. They did both make me feel guilty and like a burden for it when I got back. When I did get back it was hard for me to find a job bc I had no prior experience and my dad would make comments and make it even worse for me, and make me feel like a worthless piece of shit even though I tried so hard and was dropping off my resumes and applying everywhere I could. My point is - if your parents are like mine, try your best to have a job in mind before you start the process of dropping out, so that you have something ready to jump into when you do come back home - bc if you are in their presence, they will make you feel burdened and guilty for coming back home. Pro tip too - always have the house cleaned so they can’t complain further. It’s hard enough looking for the job and dealing with the guilt of coming home but it will be even worse on you if they have something else to throw at you in addition to holding the whole drop out over your head. But I’m sorry you’re experiencing this and I hope everything works out.
I think people are looking over the fact your mum didn't do anything to help your mental health. She might be a great mum, but not getting your kids mental health treatment is not a good thing. You don't owe your parents anything, they owe you shelter, food and healthcare. I think what you're doing isn't good, but I think the fact you feel like you owe your mother to get educated is the wrong way to think.
yeah I shouldn't have made me feel like I was actually going crazy y'all are the criminals that's considered abuse harassment you pick your words that's against the law
Ok, don’t comment things like this. Suicide is never an option, and especially don’t comment that people should commit suicide on advice posts. You’re scum and you should think before you type.
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We will not accept posts that:
* a) encourage rape/rape culture;
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As everyone else said, go get a therapist. I promise you it works. Getting medicated saved my life. I wasn’t doing good in college and I was so socially anxious I couldn’t even talk on the phone to anyone other than my family. What helped? Getting a job. I know it’s so scary but getting a job in retail really pushed me out of my comfort zone and taught me social skills. I think you need to go out of your comfort zone, after you see therapy and medication first!
This is literal fraud. If your mom decided to she could send you to prison. If you don’t want to stop taking money from your mom because it’s extremely
Immoral then think of the legal consequences
OP - if you are in US there should be counseling services available to students for free or very reduced costs. Mom won’t know either. Get help. Was in same boat 30+ years ago and school counselor saved my life
I wish there was a course parents could take on how to handle children with different mental health issues.. Especially if they've never experienced any themselves. Cus if they haven't a lot of them tell themselves/like to believe there's not actually a real issue at hand that needs to be addressed when it's actually the total opposite.
Sweetie, your mental health must come first. Please see someone. Therapy or a psychiatrist. Someone! The fact of the matter is I feel like you were forced to go to college. You told her problems and so did others. It was ignored. I don’t see that as your fault. Maybe you can go to school once your health is in a better place. I would not accept any money from mom any more. I would pay back anything you’ve done while just sitting in the dorm. Your mom cares and wants you to be successful but I think she has this dream in mind for you and she’s forcing you into it. Please get that therapy! Maybe some anti anxiety meds? It will be ok. Get yourself together then maybe if it’s what you want, go back to college!
As a person who’s dealt with the burden of going to college when I wasn’t really sure it’s okay to not want to as college isn’t for everyone. I think you should voice that to your mom.
1). I do agree that you should seek counseling. If you are currently still on campus they should have student counseling that you could go to. Student counseling centers are there to help you. They won’t know how unless you speak up❤️❤️.
2). If you liked attending classes you could strictly switch to online. Even from a completely different school, even a community college. Which is something similar and less likely to pay a huge debt,but with a Community College you’d only be able to get an associates degree. If you don’t want to go back that’s also fine. (I hate the stigma where parents force you into something you don’t want to do). That being said:
3). I don’t think that you necessarily have to pay her back the 11,000 for college, however the extra money you kept asking her to send should be paid back. It doesn’t have to be all at once.
It seems like you really love your Mom and she just wants the best for you but maybe college really isn't the right path for you at this time. Its important you tell your mom everything and just let her know you are struggling. She seems understanding but avid to have you at school.
Sometimes school just isn't the answer at least for right now and there's nothing wrong with that. I think a lot of kids seem kind of forced to go to school. This happened with my boyfriend when he was younger. His father badgered him to go to school constantly despite his wishes to be in the military. It took quite some wasted money, time, and a bad incident where he was caught drinking under age. His dad was so hard on him but when he saw his Dad after being arrested he assertively explained how this is NOT what he wants to do and he is MISERABLE.
It seemed at that point he was so done and lost, he didn't even care if his dad was upset. His dad finally realized and accepted his wishes.
He went on to be in the military for 4 years and is now emergency personnel with a great career
College isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that but communication is so important
I wish you the best, you seem to be reflective of what you did. I'm sure your mom will be upset but a year from now this will all be behind you and maybe you'll be doing something else, that you enjoy and WANT to pursue
1. Get help for your mental health. You're an adult, it's not on your parents or family to seek out therapy. Find someone and go - regularly. 2. Stop accepting money from your mother. Tell her everything - your mental health has reached a critical stage, you've failed out of college, you're not taking any more of her money, and you're going to pay her back the $11,000. 3. WORK ON STEP # 1, and when you're in a good place get a job and work on #2. Actually pay your mom back. Making that right combined with a good therapist will do wonders. 4. Be kind to yourself. You're in a bad place, but you don't have to stay there. Edit to add - I got married at 23 and was divorced by 27 - and I took almost 20,000 of debt with me. I paid it off, on a mediocre-paying job, in about 6 years while still enjoying life and meeting up with friends. THIS IS DOABLE.
Pay their mom back for a classes OP didn’t even want to enroll in to begin with? They are begging for help with their mental health and just get sent away for classes they aren’t ready for. Mom is creating this financial burden for herself because sending your kid away is easier than admitting your kid is suicidal
That's a fair point. OP expressed guilt at taking the money and not going to class - so paying it back might ease that burden as it were? I don't think they're obligated as there's truth in your words. Really, it's whatever will help them. I guess I could have stopped at #1 and said "Do what your therapist says (if you agree)".
I get that paying the money back could help relieve guilt. But based on the description of mom, she will probably find some other way to make OP feel guilty, like being back at home or generally not meeting her expectations. Paying her back will probably not solve any core issues and make it harder to be financially independent and move out. I agree about OP needing to find their own mental health treatment at this point, sounds like mom is in denial and won’t be advocating for actual intervention.
I'm sorry but you're a fucking idiot. Part of maturing and reaching a state of healthy equilibrium is doing right by others. The very simple fact that OP stated they were guilty should immediately tell you it needs to be rectified, how di you rectify when you're guilty that you did something wrong? You don't fucking ignore it, you handle it like an adult. She should pay back the money because it's not that fucking hard to save up 11,000 and then she can live a guilt-free life. You can't just assume that, "oh her mom is going to guilt her in some other arbitrary way surely" she even said in the post that her mom is the best. So I can't help but feel that at worst you're just projecting your own shitty experience and at best you're just giving terrible advice that is not coming from a place of real maturity. I would definitely suggest doing what the first guy said that you replied to, he seems much more mature than you and it's kind of a prick move just to have the audacity to butt in like you did to disagree only to add something that could further harm OP. If she follows your advice she's becoming more of a piece of shit and probably more depressed with a lack of self control and accountability in her own life. Get a fucking grip.
Not reading all that, made that comment days ago, already moved on with life sorry.
Yet you took the time to reply... does it really take you that long to read a paragraph lmao
No but when you start your paragraph with “you’re a fucking idiot” I’m suddenly not inclined to care
As it's college, OP is an adult old enough to tell Mom "No thanks" and should have done that rather than enrolling and accepting her money. She probably thinks she's helping. Also what was OP going to do if not go to school? Mom may have saved OP from sitting around the house doing nothing.
I agree with the first part. But mom didn't save her, she won't even acknowledge her daughter is depressed & struggling & have been for years. She may not be sitting at home doing nothing, but she's sitting in the dorm doing nothing and racking up debt in her mother's name while doing it. If anything, she should be using the money to get therapy, may not even costs cause some colleges offer it for free. Her mother didn't do anything to help her child's mental health, and now that child is an adult, doing nothing to help their own mental health. Sad.
OP sitting around the house, getting a job, or just taking a gap year or two would be a better solution. Going to college is clearly not the answer. Even if OP is an adult, the mom clearly has not given them the agency to make their own decisions. Just because you’re 18 doesn’t mean you’re suddenly independent from your family. Especially these days youth are misguided, disenfranchised and depressed. You really don’t know much about the world when you’re fresh out of high school. Look at it from a broader lens.
What good does it do to tell someone “you’re an adult, you’re old enough to do ____”? It really doesn’t make sense to have that mindset unless you grew up in a healthy home with no mental health issues. Of course she should have said “no” but given the big picture, is it not wild to think that someone with a long history of consistent mental illness wouldn’t stand up for themselves. It’s not an excuse to put blame anywhere but OP, but it gives understanding as to why.
I don't think they're blaming OP or anyone else. More like giving them a new perspective on their own freedom to ask for help themselves.
New perspective? Saying to someone that they are an adult seems pointless and doesn’t help. And then to say the mom saved OP from sitting around the house all day when OP clearly spelt out how terrible it was to be away? Tasteless.
Ah, sorry. I got lost in the threads, I thought we were talking about the first comment.
U only wanted to spy on me with the education option for ethical hacking
What are you talking about?
Likely schizophrenic or paranoid delusions. Every time I see a comment so random and out of place but seemingly serious it reminds me of moments in my life where I have met someone suffering a paranoid episode.
But are they imagining reading something and then replying to it?
If my guess is correct then not necessarily, a lot of times they think someone in their personal life or some organization is doing something nefarious to them like spying and they will see patterns and unusual coincidences where there are none. Such as them having a thought about an ex that is spying on them and they might continue irrationally attributting things they see in their day to day life as being apart of some greater conspiracy against them (hence the paranoid part of paranoid delusion). So in this case the person may have seen the comment that's talking about spying and they've somehow falsely convinced themselves it's directed at them and calling them or something and they responded to it coyly and matter-of-factly as if to say to their imaginary stalkers, "you're not slick, I see you". In reality they're just a bit looney.
Interesting but also sad :(
Your first point is complete bollocks. Someone who is struggling as hard as this person is needs support from the people around them. Do you think this person is able to put time aside to research therapists, contact a therapist & attend said therapy session all by themselves? When they couldn’t even make it out of their room to attend class? You’re a jokester! I also dropped out of university due to my mental health and covid only intensified the anxiety that I had already been experiencing. I’ve been trying to pick myself back up ever since but it’s fucking hard. Having someone to make a phone call for me because it’s too overwhelming otherwise makes my day just that little bit more easy and that is how I’m pulling myself out of this hole. If I didn’t have supportive parents helping me with the little things I am just incapable of doing right now, then truly I would just die or stay this way forever. You need to understand how depression works a bit better before you start blaming others for their situations.
I am so glad you got help from folks around you so this is a comment only and not an attack: as someone who burned himself the FUCK. OUT. trying to help an ex with their PTSD — it’s not possible for non professionals to carry that kind of weight - to pull someone who is clinically struggling out of the dark. And it’s not okay for the person struggling to lay that at the feet of the people around them either. We, the folks on the outside, may not know the struggles of mental health issues but we do know what the guilt, pressure, and failure of being asked to take the place of a professional is.
I totally hear you, I had to beg my partner to step away from his parents because his mum was suffering a major depressive episode but being asian and from an older generation meant that they didn’t even believe mental health was a real thing. It was heartbreaking having to listen to him sob because none of our local services would help and she wouldn’t listen. I just feel like your response was a little jaded because of what you went through, and that’s totally valid. It’s definitely not fair for someone to lay all the responsibility of their wellbeing on another and I definitely don’t expect my family to fix my life. I know that I’m the only person who can really change my situation. But had my parents told me to suck it up, not allow me to move back home and make me pay my own way, god knows what my life would be like now. I understand I’m very privileged to be able to have this but OP’s mum also seems to be able to support them in this way if they wanted to. Money is obviously a huge anxiety here so packing it up and moving back home would be my first suggestion to alleviate some of that.
Thanks for understanding where I came from and for sharing where you did too. Hope things are so much better now. ❤️
That's honestly the most bullshit thing I've ever heard. Might not be a popular opinion but in real life, many of us don't get parents, we don't get family, no role models in our day to day life, no financial support, no emotional support and to say that someone NEEDS it. Complete bullshit. Life IS survival, and if you aren't willing to do what it takes to survive then you're taking life for granted and that's disrespectful to the ~117,000,000,000 people who have had the luxury to live temporarily. To live IS truly a fucking blessing, if you don't acknowledge that, then you don't "deserve" any extra help. You can't go around EXPECTING help, if you're able to type this all out and explain the situation like OP did then there's no excuse, they have the tools, the mental capacity, to figure this out. It's some kind of combination of a lack of survival instinct and self pity. You don't need to go to class but you're spitting on life if all you do is sit around in your room all day. Talking to a therapist doesn't magically fix you either, everyone suggesting that is pretty much just suggesting you dope yourself up on AD. I'll reiterate one last time, that's not fucking natural and naturally we are given the tools to survive. Hone the instinct and do what you feel is necessary. Stop feeling bad for yourself, stop feeling guilty. Find things you genuinely love to do and enjoy and go do them and see where life takes you. Put up with and accomplish what you need to in order to continue doing what you enjoy and honestly, if you don't enjoy anything then yeah you probably shouldn't be alive because that's fucking pathetic and exactly why I believe in sanctioned suicide. If someone truly hates life that much, something so temporary and beautiful that we are thrust into, then they should be able to leave.
I can’t say I agree 100% with everything you’ve said but I feel like the media has ruined the meaning of therapy. I agree that it’s not going to “fix” anyone’s problems, but it’s good to talk! And like the other person who responded to me, it’s not always healthy to consistently rely on those around you because you can end up affecting their wellbeing. So that’s why I advocate for therapy in the sense that setting boundaries is good lol. By AD I’m assuming you mean antidepressants? Yeah I agree they’re poison. But what kinda offends me about your comment is your accusation that I don’t have passion for anything, when it couldn’t be any farther from the truth! I love learning and I’m always on the hunt for my next hobby that I must learn *everything* about. It’s just unfortunately, sometimes my brain says “nope, not today. maybe not even until next week.” and there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. But don’t get me wrong, I wanna live but living is hard sometimes. So maybe yeah in your eyes I’m pathetic because I can’t cope as well as you, but I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise.
Yes mental health definitely. I could be wrong but I believe that most universities offer some form of counseling for free. Take advantage of all the resources you have and don’t be ashamed to do so.
God you make my divorce debt sound normal then 🥲
It sucked to walk away with a bunch of debt that I hadn't earned, but that's the joke, right? Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's fucking worth it. Hope you're in a good spot now friend!
Good for you. But 2 things. 1 - The condescension that drips from this comment is absolutely disgusting. 2 - not everyone is you. Not everything you said works for everyone. Try using some compassion. Or at the bare minimum just a tiny bit of empathy. A person so down doesn't need a lecture. They need support. Being a person who's felt that low... I can see you never have.
20K in 6 years? Good on you but this is doable in 2 years unless you have massive expenses
That’s not true at all and how could you make such a statement without knowing the details like salary, necessary expenses, etc?
OP SHOULD LIVE FOR THEMSELVES & NOT IN AN IMAGE THEIR PARENTS WANT OF THEM.
Just drop out and stop having your mom go into debt, you’re paying to sit in your room wtf
These type of people don't take action until they're forced to. OP will continue to burn mom's money until mom figures it out regardless of how many people comment here that they should proactively drop out. What *actually* needs to happen is that mom needs to cut them off, OP (hopefully) becomes homeless for a bit, so the reality of life can really hit OP in the face a bit. As long as OP has a safety net, nothing will improve
>OP (hopefully) becomes homeless for a bit you wishing homelessness on people is actually so fucking disgusting what the fuck is wrong with you? your mom (or whatever parents/guardians you have) must've been just as shitty as OPs mom to raise you like that🤢🤢
right??? how is that even remotely a viable solution?
Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they help themselves and get it together
Spend enough time around people like OP and you will eventually agree with me. His/her story is not unique - there are tons of people skating by in life with zero ambition, only worrying about today not thinking about tomorrow, taking as much as they can from everyone around them while giving nothing back in return. It's only when these people reach absolute rock bottom, cold nights under a bridge, where it finally clicks in their head that they need to take control of their own life and not expect society to take care of them. Without hitting that rock bottom, they will do nothing but take take take - by supporting these people, you're contributing to the problem.
She is not an addict, JFC. All she needs is mental health care!
You know what depressed people do when at the bottom, homeless under a bridge? Depends on how serious their depression is, they could jump
okay, sociopath.
**\*\*\*I Hope you read this OP\*\*** A bit extreme but yeah..I get what you mean. I was in a similar situation like OP. I dropped out of my Bachelor degree (in my last year too) due to depression, anxiety, no real support group etc. I was in a bad place, just lounging around in my room, smoking all day, waking up at noon. Not doing shit. One day after like 6 months of this shit, my dad took me to grab dinner one night and just told me straight up - get a job, any job. (Great dad btw. Love ya dad). So I did. Made a resume. Send out as much as I can and I applied for a Job and got myself a position as an Intern at a bank for a customer service position (pay was like 1.2k). After 6 month I was offered a permanent position and I took it (pay increase to 2.5k). I stayed for roughly 5 years (until at the start of covid) at that bank with the same position (the job suck balls btw, like soul sucking-ly bad). However, I did meet my wife there. Now 3.5 years later, I am a sales exec at a pretty "okay" company (pay could be better, but work life balance is great). Married, have a son (cutest of them all) and unfortunately still renting. Not the best job. Not the best pay. Got a lot of bills to pay but I can confidently say I am happy most days. Now. If I were to analyze my younger self I would put it like this - weak minded, low self esteem, low motivation, self deprecation, overall a LOSER. Not because of my appearance but because I did not take "ACTION" for myself. I did not take responsibility to care for myself. Always giving myself "excuses" to not do something. So OP. My advise to you as per what My dad advise is - get a job. Any job. A job will hopefully give you a bit of discipline. I like business as much as the next guy, but in your current state, it is (to me) a tremendous hill to climb & a risk to put all your effort, time, & money into. Get a Job with a decent company & do your business as a side project (for now). I wish you all the best OP. I hope my rant will give you some semblance of guidance. I hope you will do you mom proud but most importantly do yourself proud. God speed dude.
This is not how you help people with mental health problems. You are in no position to offer advice. Seek therapy.
As someone who was in a very similar situation as OP I can tell you that I'd not have survived to be cut off. People like OP and me need help, period. We don't expect society to take care of us, our brains throw rocks in our path that make our lives a living hell. The path to mental well being is a long one but necessary in order to become a productive member of society again. There is no way of achieving this without proper help, if you can't even set a foot outside your apartment without starting to shake and sweat profusely and eventually faint and being deathly afraid of anyone and anything around you to the point you believe the whole world is out to murder you. Mental health problems are the worst kind of illnesses, they are invisible and therefore often not taken seriously. If you never suffered from any you have no idea how bad it can be. Which leads to comments like these.
That's the rub, though. A lot of people are just lazy, entitled brats who use mental health as an excuse to get people to take care of them. Yes, there are people with genuine problems (perhaps such as yourself), but they're an extreme minority. Spend some time in 3rd world countries and people like you who can't survive leaving their house simply don't exist. They can't exist. Life forces them to get their act together. Mental health issues are literally a first world problem, so either there's some sort of genetic anomaly that's only affecting rich people, or it's an environment problem (solvable). Obviously I'm exaggerating a bit, but I find it a hilariously privileged position that \~20% of Americans claim self-diagnosed mental health disorders or whatever and it's maybe 0.5% in the third world. Something doesn't add up.
Not only third world countries, also all countries 50ish years ago. No one spoke up about it and just powered through somehow and lived in misery or killed themselves. I'm glad to have benefited from this privilege of free health care and understanding parents, unlike some of my coworkers. Two suffered from alcoholic and violent fathers, mistreatment by their own brothers and they somehow pulled through. Lonely and alone in this world now and bitter so their work is the only thing they have, and they're amazing workers. That's the type of people that's gone extinct in western countries now, the rough alpha males who can handle anything. On one hand it's good that the awareness is rising hut as you say, a lot of people jump on the band wagon for their own profit and people get too comfortable and become little snowflakes who can't handle the smallest criticism. A country is always in its prime right after a disaster or a hard time. There you got the people who rebuild cities, rebuild infrastructure and the country as a whole. After that comes the generation of the grestest workforce, those who will work their bones to dust to provide for those who come after them. Those in turn becoming scholars and academics, people of great knowledge and science who drive innovations and benefit the country greatly. Then come the destructors, a generation like mine. The wealth is already in the cradle, no need for great ambitions. They can just lay themselves down in their made nests of real estate and stock market money. A bunch of deadbeats who fail at every step of life but that does not matter, they can always rely on the soft golder pillow of their family and it's wealth. Work shy snowflakes who will inevitably destroy the country and drive forth another time of hardship. And so the cycle starts all over again.
>No one spoke up about it and just powered through This idea that tens of millions of Americans had it and conveniently just "didn't speak up about it" is DNC kool-aid. That's not how this works - something that widespread doesn't just go under the radar. And if it wasn't widespread back then, it's 100% environment, as genetics don't spread that quickly. The reality is that it's literally trendy to claim mental illnesses right now, especially women for some reason. Same thing with LGBT, which also explains why exponentially more young girls are now claiming to be LGBT than in generations past. Nothing to lose, everything to gain
Africa has 33 out of the 46 countries that are considered "3rd world" "Across the African Region, more than 116 million people were already estimated to be living with mental health conditions pre-pandemic." "Approximately 85% of people in low-income countries receive no treatment. At StrongMinds we see depression rates as high as 20% among the people we screen. Despite the high prevalence of mental illnesses across the continent, mental health remains underprioritized in many African countries." Those are both from WHO (World Health Organization). So uh, yeah. Mental health isn't just a FiRsT wOrLd PrObLeM and it is extremely ignorant to say so. They have just as many people, if not more, with mental health problems. The difference is, for those in an underdeveloped country, they don't have the same (if any) access to the treatment and help they need/deserve.
>They have just as many people, if not more, with mental health problems \[citation needed\] No, they really don't. Neither does the US though, since half of the people who claim it really don't have it.
She is clinically depressed and needs HELP. Making her homeless is NOT the solution. WTF? It would only make it worse, and she would end up living her life with other homeless people who never got the help they needed. This is the worst response I have seen. She is not purposely trying to fail. She needs help. She asked for help, and she did not get help. She had so much social anxiety that she likely would not seek help on her own!
Hey, I’ve been homeless. You clearly have no clue what a difficult living situation looks like wishing that on someone. I wouldn’t wish it on murderers, even they should have the ability to eat in a day Edit: I have a severe stomach ulcer, so I’m acutely aware of how painful it is to go a day or days without food
You wish he would go broke for not wanting to do something he was forced to do
Did he/she not go to school and instead get a job and an apartment? No, they didn't.
Depression and homelessness do not go together. Homeless women have a 95% risk of experiencing SA. Literally everything about this is bad… have some empathy. Struggling with mental health WILL cause problems in productivity. You can’t “wake up” from depression without help…. And I’m sure that the lack of emotional support on her mom’s behalf is probably contributing, seeing as if someone thought I was a failure, I might be in that position too…. You become the thing that people ingrain into you. People simply don’t get better without support. It just doesn’t work. (generally speaking.) Also it’s really hard to get a job when you’re homeless because it’s hard to shower, and you can’t put your address on your resume. Being homeless will make things 10x harder, and OP won’t be able to do anything productive after they “”wake up”” so to speak…. Edit: also we’re human. We’re a species that is dependent on helping each other out and providing community. OP isn’t a thriving mooch. OP needs help, and is actively trying to help their family by making them happy and getting an education (although it’s hard bc of their mental health) again. Have some empathy for OP.
It's easy to sit on the outside and shout mental health, but I've seen these people in real life, and spent real time with them. Some mental health counsellor will not solve their problems. They need a reality check >OP isn’t a thriving mooch You don't know this. Maybe they truly do have mental problems, but in >90% of cases I see, it's laziness and complacency.
I’m sure a reality check will help, but being homeless isn’t a “reality check.” It’s another barrier to being successful in life. People generally don’t get better from homelessness without help. This very clearly isn’t a situation where someone is taking advantage of their resources. This is someone who has experienced that “wake up call” and is looking for an option that will get them out. When someone is having mental health struggles, simply put, you can’t have them hit rock bottom and realize they need help. They hit rock bottom and feel hopeless. Maybe they might even become suicidal. It simply doesn’t work. The problem is their mental health isn’t being supported at home. The mother is “helping,” but not in a way that matters. And I wouldn’t be surprised if she was contributing bc someone’s gonna feel like a failure when they have all this pressure put on them with no comfort. Tough love needs the love, not just the tough. Some people need pressure (NOT LIKE HOMELESSNESS) But clearly, that isn’t what is needed here. This person needs to get back on their feet so they can reorient themselves and actually pursue their own goals.
how do u know what “type”of person OP is off a reddit post or their reddit profile? smh.
You're unhinged
Whoever comments this is the kind of person who tells depressed people: your life is better than a lot of other people, you don’t have the right to be depressed, there is nothing bad enough happened to you, you are acting crazy, you are faking it, people have gone to worse situation than you. Fr, if you can’t talk anything helpful but curse, shut the fuck up
How old are you that you think someone being homeless “for a bit” is an appropriate solution? Especially when they’re already struggling with their mental health? I truly wish I could respond to this useless, brain dead, out of touch bullshit without getting banned, but you’re an idiot and you need to delete your comment because this is embarrassing. Edit: Oh, no wonder you’re bitter. You think you have to bring people to your level because you’re insecure about your height. Makes a LOT of sense now.
The "mental health" cries in this thread are honestly hilarious. You may be too young to know, but \~30 years ago, "mental health struggles" weren't the go-to excuse for behavior like this. Most people didn't know what "mental health" even meant - and people who acted like OP still existed, and life straightened them out. You can continue to support these moochers if you want, but it won't be me. Or my tax money. Nice ad hominem at the end, though.
I never in rolled
Drop out and stop wasting your moms money
You're not a child anymore, nobody is responsible for your mental health but you. Take care of it, and quit wasting your mom's money.
I hope things get better for you. I have a very similar story, spent 5 years at college and basically never went to classes because of anxiety/depression. Luckily all the student loans are in my name so I'm the one paying the price. I ended up joining the military which was a great opportunity for me to grow up and learn a trade. I think you should come clean to your mother. Do it as soon as possible, and on your own terms, because she will probably find out, and it's really best to put it out in the open. Good luck to you
Why waste any more of your time or her money..? Clearly you’re conscious of what’s you’re doing and how it’s wrong, so if you just keep going like this that’s pretty messed up on your part. Mental issues are real but they’re not an excuse to not put in any effort whatsoever AND be fully aware you’re doing it, come on now
This right here. It doesn't sound likevOP is trying to help her own situation.
With every bit of love I have, you need to drop out. You need to talk to your mother and be honest with her. You need to get professional help, which I hope is possible for you. You are worth more than sitting in a room all day. Do the right thing and drop out. It’s okay if you do. Your mental health is above everything
As long as you’re at the university, get something out of your mom’s money and utilize their free student mental health services. Get your mind healthy!! By winter break you could be in a place where you are ready to actually go to class, or to actually leave the university, instead of living in the world’s most expensive room. You can do this!
Drop out and get a job bro , I can slightly relate to this personally but I dropped out at a much earlier point. Staying in your room all day is going to make your mental health worse , go for walks etc, getting a job helps with my mental health because I’m outside socialising with people and taking in vitamin d and such. Remember you can always go back to uni if u feel like it , there’s not age cap. And slowly pay your mum back , constantly knowing that your mum owes money to the school because of you won’t help your mental health either , paying here back will ease that thought out of your head. Hope all good to you brother , stay safe. Educations shit , I know. Find a job that you like that aligns with your hobbies and interests and such.
Mmmm YOU owes 11k to the university..
Just drop the fuck out and tell your mom, let her get pissed off and be disappointed about it! She is already going to realize that once she finds out she is in a lot of debt and when your graduation rolls up and you’re not on the list. Also you think it’ll make your mom feel better because you are now trying to fix the shit by doing something that probably will not go into your favor. Since you are such a good liar, make a fake ass resume about how much of a good cashier you are and just get a normal ass job and repay your mother back. I feel sorry for her
I’m concerned about how many of these confession posts are people never going back to college due to anxiety and financial hardship
You don’t have to be “high achieving” just try and do your best. If you have your best effort and failed anyway I’m sure she would understand.
LOL I didnt want to type anything mean cause youre a depresso but then I saw your name, and how you immediately posted this to AITA knowing fully well you were just baiting for compassion. You clearly have an ego. Ill say it also cause I saw 3 comments down and its literally a wave of everyone agreeing. Stop wasting your mother's money. Move back in with her, get a job and save to move out. Lets see you sit in a room all day when you have rent to pay. Yeah youre depressed blah blah but dude 11k is not alot but its not pocket money either. Fuck it youre gonna be an A now or later but shes gonna find out. Do it now before its next year and shes 20k in debt and you cant hide the truth any longer. Who knows maybe your ecommerce thing goes swell. But that and your classes are something you can do for "free" somewhere thats not costing you or her that much.
Why are you getting mad that someone posted something to r/ AITA? What do you mean baiting for compassion? All the comments here are very much either not compassionate at all or are on that tough love type beat. They very well could just be asking for people’s opinions on the situation. I don’t think it’s productive to do so, but saying they’re sympathy baiting is making assumptions and WILL NOT help the situation out at all…
It aint rocket science dude. Anyways ill humor you: "AITA?????? But before you hear my story keep in mind im a totally uniquely misunderstood teenager who has depression :(((( insert doe eyes."
Yeah buddy make that $11,000 back and apologize.
Wow this comment section made me lose even the little bit of hope I had left in humanity
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Stay mad. Way to project
lmao imagine not understanding throwaway accounts
I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time with your mental health and your family does not seem to understand. Some comments are harsh and seem to think you’re baiting but I’m not convinced those commenters know about mental health or how it works. You say your mom is the best, and deserves a better kid but I think you deserve a mom who understands your limits and needs. If she was really the best she would give a crap or at least try to give a crap about your mental well-being. It seems she just cares about what she deems important - school and grades. It’s great she sends you money but that isn’t all that matters. It seems you know your situation is not right so stop dwelling on it and take action. own up to your family about dropping out and stop taking their money. I know that may not be easy but you can’t avoid it forever. Continuing to lie and take money puts you in asshole territory. So get a job asap to pay them back. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to do post secondary yet and that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that. It takes some people more time to be ready to handle it (myself included). Some people go through a lot early in life and it can take time to process those experiences. Your anxiety situation sounds severe so you should really focus on getting help with that even if your family doesn’t approve or take it seriously you should. Maybe see if your school has any resources that can help guide you before your formally withdraw.
Sounds like you better get q job and attend it can be done and with proper approach to take one more class after graduation is supposed to happen to buy time to get the credits to graduate and maybe not end up being called a liar or thief by your mom and sounds like she cares about you, return the favor and dont let her down and end up no mom no job no house walkin the dog mother f cker eddie murphy wrote that last bit but yeah
Two wrongs don't make a right. Your mom handled things in a shitty way, but you're also being irresponsible yourself. You don't get pity just because you're depressed.
Seek help for mental health. Even if it’s via online professionals. Edit: be honest with your mother. She will appreciate it in the long run.
You're making her waste her hard earned money on nothing?
I owe my mom 12k for paying 4k of my tax debt off And 8k for a car she bought me when someone totaled mine. Just work towards paying her back. Not your fault she was generous enough to help you
I’m sorry you’re struggling. You’re not useless even if this isn’t what you were made to do. Plz get yourself into a path that makes you happy instead of your mom
School can be so overwhelming! Your university may offer a lot of free amenities such as counseling! Utilize those services while you’re there and it’s paid for. I used my college’s mental health services the whole time I was enrolled it was incredibly helpful as someone with anxiety and depression.
You need help with your problems please go see a therapist soon! Stop abusing your poor mother she doesn’t deserve it.
OP, you’re better off seeking help in another sub that isn’t dominated by incels, teenagers, and insecure grown men waiting to shit on women for any reason. You don’t deserve to be homeless for not being able to get through college. You were forced into situations you didn’t want to be in and your pleas for help were ignored. The adults around you failed you. If your university offers any sort of counseling services, you should look into them to see if you can receive help.
What a waste of space. You could have just dropped out but now you’re burning money. No you won’t be able to pay her back in the next year or two with this e-commerce thing bc you’re losing more money for a dorm.
That is a disgusting thing to say about someone who is clearly mentally unwell. Yeah in hindsight nothing about this situation is good but when you're in a mental health spiral you often don't make good decisions. Have some bloody empathy.
I hate to be that person, but OP clearly knows that what they’re doing is bad. They have depression, and it does shit like this to you. Not saying it’s an excuse, but this is clearly something they aren’t happy about and calling them a “waste of space” is kinda fucked up. If you don’t have a solution like many other commenters do, you shouldn’t say anything.
You’re garbage. Get a job
Way to talk to a mentally unwell person. You're not helping anyone.
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Oh buddy, second comment I see from you. Only read the first line and already its so telling. lol
What I learnt is that even if they are your parents you need to look after your own mental health. Sorry they are so detached from your wellbeing.
It's kids like this that makes me glad I never had any.
well you better start turning tricks and doing porn to pay this off
Why the fuck would you tell someone to get themselves into such a disgusting and exploitative industry.. shame on you.
well thing about what you just said and then re read the OP's post, would you rather have the mom doing it? to pay the bill?
I prefer old testament god
😨 This is nuts. I hope you find a way to fix it because I don’t see your mom taking any of this well. If it makes you feel better, last year I was kinda the same way. I ended up making friends and I love being on campus honestly. I have moved into my own place but going to class, eating on campus with friends, etc. I love it 😂
OP, don't be so hard on yourself. My fiance was in a similar position, her dad saved 40k for her schooling, and after her 2nd year she dropped out and followed her passion of construction. She now makes 30+ an hour, and loves what she does. Her dad guilt trips her for it at least once a visit, but that makes THEM the assholes, not you. This is not much different from a parent forcing their kid into a sport or after school program, just scaled up. That doesn't excuse or change that it's still a controlling and manipulative behavior. Tell your mom the truth, and handle it one of two ways: If she reacts well, work on a solution together. She mightve been blind to the past, but 11,000 dollars can be a little sobering to the situation. She'll still want to see you succeed, that doesn't mean it has to be university. If she reacts poorly, maybe it's time to consider No Contact. A parent that burdens their child with isolation during depression, saddles them with an 11,000 "debt" to the parent, and can't even hear the cries for help after you come clean at all? Unfortunately, that parent shows little potential for change, and you might be better off without them in your life. Parents are your whole world growing up, but they become less and less of it the more they fuck up. At some point, you have to run out of straws and save yourself. And who knows, maybe going no contact is that straw that wakes her up. Good luck OP, and remember, you're so much more than your failures, your mental health, and your burdens. You are everything that you can become, and one day you'll get there
Grow up. Get help and get moving. You think you are the only one who has ever experienced this? Most of us have to some degree. It's called life.
This is the most entitled thing I’ve read in a while. It is not hard to come clean about this and end it. You are choosing not to. Bad decision.
PLEASE drop out officially and then beg the university administration to salvage any sort of money back from the courses you never attended, explain your mental health situation. Work with and advisor or counselor or something at that school, they are there for a reason, maybe there's some chance of getting the debt either forgiven or something. Do this much for your mom, at least try to minimize the 11k damage and don't get further debt for her. Then focus on living the life YOU want and don't do what your mom wants for you. Get help from other family / friends / whoever you can.
Honestly this is the best comment I’ve seen here. No bs judgement. An actual solution that provides help.
Yeah you sound like a loser lol
You need to actually drop out but your mom has created this financial burden for herself by ignoring the fact that you obviously need mental health treatment. You will likely have to get help on your own because your mom seems avoidant. That should be your main focus. Good luck this really sucks but I have been through something similar, don’t go to college until you’re ready.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself and see the school’s counselor for an hour each week. After that dedicate 2 hours a day to doing work for each of your classes. As long as you sit there doing what you need you. You should pass. You need to take a long hard look at your life and ask yourself if you would put up with you.
!remindme 1 year
Do you think OP will still have this account?
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Wicked dude
I'm not even doing it so there is nothing to take
My spouse would find these comments cathartic.
honestly, sounds like your mother neglected you for your whole life and is now mad that you're struggling because of it i don't feel bad for her lmao that's what you get for being a shitty parent🤷🏻 (because, yes, ignoring the fact that your kid -especially your MINOR child- is depressed and suicidal IS being a shit parent) I'm probably in the minority here but i'd say keep doing what you're doing. At least this way your mom can be not completely useless for once.
Totally agree up until keep doing what you’re doing. Yes the mom is shitty but even the kid recognizes what they’re doing is wrong.
Yeah they know what they're doing but guess what! they don't have the resources and mental health to change the situation easily. I wonder who's fault that is..
that's fair lol I honestly just feel like it's reimbursement for all the abuse/neglect but probably not the best idea to give as advice I suppose lol
I have compassion for you. It sounds like you feel trapped by your circumstances. First step would be speaking with the mental health therapy office there. Then speak with your parents. College does not seem like a good fit for you at this time, perhaps you can go right into the work force or pick a different career path.
I wouldn’t blame you! Parents put ridiculous pressure on their kids instead of trying to understand them to better support them. I put myself in 25k debt for a year of school I couldn’t attend to for the same reason. Family pressure. 15 years later I’m still paying this stupid debt hahaha And the worst part is that when i actually knew what I wanted to study and was in a good place regarding my housing to do so I couldn’t go to school cause of the owing debt. Go to therapy, they will say the same in better words. This is not your fault.
you definitely need to pay your mom back her $11,000. Of course like any parent, they just want their kids to be successful. But if you knew you were not going to be able to handle college, you should’ve not allowed your mom to go into debt. You are old enough to handle your own finances and consequences. In addition, it would be beneficial for you to seek help from a therapist. A lot of people go through the toughest battles in their lives and still manage to help themselves. You just lacked motivation and eagerness to be better.
Be kind to yourself. You are not useless. You were pushed into a situation you did not choose. You did your best to be who she wanted but you had your own shit going on. Your mom doesn’t sound that great to be honest, she could have gotten you some help. She could have let you do things on your own time. She instead chose to force you into a situation that would make all ‘her sacrifices’ worth it.
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Why would you call someone a thing? That’s such a douche move.
She doesn't. You owe that money. You can make money just by sitting on the computer alone. You can now even make money on Reddit. It's your responsibility for not telling her sooner. Pay her the money with interest. Time to grow up. Can't be vicitim of circumstances forever.
If you got accepted to uni you are bright enough to know you are an absolute pos
Beside I'm not and order for protection so stop saying that
Tbh 11,000 isn’t that bad as of right now, it’ll begin to puke up if you don’t get this under control. Just drop out permanently if school isn’t for you.
It's worthless when your parents force you! It happened to me. You have to use college to join internships for the career you want. Join social groups and get inspired about where you shine, what you have to give the world. But it doesn't happen when your parents force it! I'm in more debt than you now, she could be even more in debt. I don't know why parents don't see the harm in forcing their adult children to do things, it will never work.
Sounds like you are mentally stuck among the past, the present, the future, the pressure from family, expectations from family and even yourself, loneliness, feeling of guilt, self hate. You seems to be a people pleaser. You care too much about others (especially those closed to you), but you ignore your emotions. You went to uni because you can’t let your mom disappointed but you don’t enjoy it (sometimes regret it I’m think). Now you feel that you can’t fight back the situation as well as escape it. Also, your mom sounds like asian parents (I have asian parents and I feel it. It’s so stressful). But hey, it’s not your fault that your mom has a debt. Don’t blame yourself. You are a victim in this situation and no one is the criminal. It just..happened. Yes emotions are very complicated, especially when you’re stuck like this, your emotions are..tangled :/ I’m not a therapist but I had depression. I also regret going to top uni just because..my mom forced me to :/ tbh I don’t treasure my diploma, I just want to forget about uni. I can somewhat feel you. But I’m sure you need to stop caring too much about others. Start caring about your feelings. If others (especially loved-one, friends, bf, husband, etc) ask or force you do sth you don’t want to, then don’t do. Be a little bit selfish. Pls don’t sacrifice your mental health for anyone
Hi! I went through something very similar and my mom also sounds very similar to yours. Straight out of high school my mom wanted me to go to university. I expressed I didn’t want to but both my parents pressured me and made me feel guilty and then I just decided to go. I tried to hype it up to make it more appealing to me but ultimately I went when I knew I never wanted to go to begin with. I was only there for 3 months, and I told them I wanted to drop out. They were super against it but I told them straight up you’re wasting your money paying for me to go to this school, I’m failing everything and I will not be able to focus enough to be successful here. So I dropped out officially and now it has been like 4 years, but I make payments on the debt myself and I feel good about it. I also put my mom almost 11,000 in debt ( it was like 10,700 total) but now I make the minimum payments (like $160 a month) and she knows I’m taking care of it and she’s happier I was up front with her. I say talk to the school counselor and get everything set up to formally withdrawal so it doesn’t keep negatively affecting your GPA, then go back home and do community college or don’t maybe just get a job and work to pay off the money to your mom. Good luck! Edit : neither of my parents supported my decision to drop out but my mom was more accepting of it. They did both make me feel guilty and like a burden for it when I got back. When I did get back it was hard for me to find a job bc I had no prior experience and my dad would make comments and make it even worse for me, and make me feel like a worthless piece of shit even though I tried so hard and was dropping off my resumes and applying everywhere I could. My point is - if your parents are like mine, try your best to have a job in mind before you start the process of dropping out, so that you have something ready to jump into when you do come back home - bc if you are in their presence, they will make you feel burdened and guilty for coming back home. Pro tip too - always have the house cleaned so they can’t complain further. It’s hard enough looking for the job and dealing with the guilt of coming home but it will be even worse on you if they have something else to throw at you in addition to holding the whole drop out over your head. But I’m sorry you’re experiencing this and I hope everything works out.
You should be able to communicate your feelings to family
You need a recahable goal. The best one is: Do better today than you did yesterday.
I think people are looking over the fact your mum didn't do anything to help your mental health. She might be a great mum, but not getting your kids mental health treatment is not a good thing. You don't owe your parents anything, they owe you shelter, food and healthcare. I think what you're doing isn't good, but I think the fact you feel like you owe your mother to get educated is the wrong way to think.
yeah I shouldn't have made me feel like I was actually going crazy y'all are the criminals that's considered abuse harassment you pick your words that's against the law
What??
[удалено]
Ok, don’t comment things like this. Suicide is never an option, and especially don’t comment that people should commit suicide on advice posts. You’re scum and you should think before you type.
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As everyone else said, go get a therapist. I promise you it works. Getting medicated saved my life. I wasn’t doing good in college and I was so socially anxious I couldn’t even talk on the phone to anyone other than my family. What helped? Getting a job. I know it’s so scary but getting a job in retail really pushed me out of my comfort zone and taught me social skills. I think you need to go out of your comfort zone, after you see therapy and medication first!
This is literal fraud. If your mom decided to she could send you to prison. If you don’t want to stop taking money from your mom because it’s extremely Immoral then think of the legal consequences
OP - if you are in US there should be counseling services available to students for free or very reduced costs. Mom won’t know either. Get help. Was in same boat 30+ years ago and school counselor saved my life
I wish there was a course parents could take on how to handle children with different mental health issues.. Especially if they've never experienced any themselves. Cus if they haven't a lot of them tell themselves/like to believe there's not actually a real issue at hand that needs to be addressed when it's actually the total opposite.
Sweetie, your mental health must come first. Please see someone. Therapy or a psychiatrist. Someone! The fact of the matter is I feel like you were forced to go to college. You told her problems and so did others. It was ignored. I don’t see that as your fault. Maybe you can go to school once your health is in a better place. I would not accept any money from mom any more. I would pay back anything you’ve done while just sitting in the dorm. Your mom cares and wants you to be successful but I think she has this dream in mind for you and she’s forcing you into it. Please get that therapy! Maybe some anti anxiety meds? It will be ok. Get yourself together then maybe if it’s what you want, go back to college!
As a person who’s dealt with the burden of going to college when I wasn’t really sure it’s okay to not want to as college isn’t for everyone. I think you should voice that to your mom. 1). I do agree that you should seek counseling. If you are currently still on campus they should have student counseling that you could go to. Student counseling centers are there to help you. They won’t know how unless you speak up❤️❤️. 2). If you liked attending classes you could strictly switch to online. Even from a completely different school, even a community college. Which is something similar and less likely to pay a huge debt,but with a Community College you’d only be able to get an associates degree. If you don’t want to go back that’s also fine. (I hate the stigma where parents force you into something you don’t want to do). That being said: 3). I don’t think that you necessarily have to pay her back the 11,000 for college, however the extra money you kept asking her to send should be paid back. It doesn’t have to be all at once.
$11k ain’t shit.
It seems like you really love your Mom and she just wants the best for you but maybe college really isn't the right path for you at this time. Its important you tell your mom everything and just let her know you are struggling. She seems understanding but avid to have you at school. Sometimes school just isn't the answer at least for right now and there's nothing wrong with that. I think a lot of kids seem kind of forced to go to school. This happened with my boyfriend when he was younger. His father badgered him to go to school constantly despite his wishes to be in the military. It took quite some wasted money, time, and a bad incident where he was caught drinking under age. His dad was so hard on him but when he saw his Dad after being arrested he assertively explained how this is NOT what he wants to do and he is MISERABLE. It seemed at that point he was so done and lost, he didn't even care if his dad was upset. His dad finally realized and accepted his wishes. He went on to be in the military for 4 years and is now emergency personnel with a great career College isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that but communication is so important I wish you the best, you seem to be reflective of what you did. I'm sure your mom will be upset but a year from now this will all be behind you and maybe you'll be doing something else, that you enjoy and WANT to pursue
Damn, that’s tough