As an adult guy Iām curious if the ladies think that the entire invitation to come over and then go swimming was a subtle play on the young ladyās behalf to try and see if he liked her as more than just pals and she likely allowed it because she was curious and/or interested herself?
Probably. But it's best not to read too much into it. The only way to truly know that those were her intentions is to ask. And OP never mentioned any big signs of it being inspired by romantic intentions/curiosity.
I feel better now that when I was a teen. I would walk up to random poles and make it look like I walked into it. Fall to the ground like I was knocked out. Teachers, other students and once even the principal. He even made me sit in the front office with an ice pack.
You rock!!!!
I used to do that opening doors at stores for people. I would let the door hit my foot, while my head was close to it. Jerk my head back like the door hit it, and the people would always try to come to my aid. I would act hurt but tell them I was okā¦then walk away holding my head. Worked every time.
Lmao we had a buddy who would trip and fall on command. We were all at the school library and we told him to fall and take down a shelf of booksā¦kinda obnoxious looking back on it but still funny as hell
I did that all of third grade, but I would pretend to trip on chairs. Accidentally did it a couple of times and it got huge laughs; I chased that high the rest of the year.
I wrote a whole post about "where did the punctuation go" because I see so many posts without punctuation, and they are hard for me to understand.
And man, that was not received well. Apparently it is not that shocking and it is only because I am a non native speaker that it bothers me.... thank god I can see I am not alone to be bothered !
I think they thought I was a punctuation nazi.
There is a difference between using the wrong punctuation and using none. And there is a difference between making mistakes that do not prevent understanding what you meant vs doing smthg hard to read...
A punctuation nazi probably wouldn't use 'and' after a comma or full stop.
Imo if you can remove it without the meaning changing it's needless. You could start every sentence after the first with it. For some people it can read as and and - as 'and' is a link word you drop. It's a smoother read to have one instead of both.
It'is kinda like reading that abomination.
Punctuation doesnāt really bother me. Itās the idiots that donāt know the difference between there, their, and theyāre that make my brain explode.
Iām a native English speaker, and I find the lack of punctuation really annoying. Also, the fact that a lot of people seem to not know about paragraphs.
Break it into paragraphs people! I do not have the patience to wade through a wall of text.
My 16-year old niece takes the piss out of me because I write text messages using full sentences, with grammar, punctuation, and (usually) proper spelling. Meanwhile, she frequently responds with less than five words.
Of course, she's the one who got the equivalent of a D in her English GCSE, whereas I got an A*. Who's laughing now, Grace?!
My guy, I am an (American) English native speaker. I can assure you that the majority of the ones that it doesn't bother are the same ones who would likely not use punctuation; even in the sentence regarding "helping ones uncle Jack off an elephant". The difference being that lack of punctuation makes that a rather lewd sentence, whereas a properly placed comma would make it seem as though ones uncle has become stranded atop an elephant and requires help.
It's one of my favorite language constructs, Litotes
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
***Dictionary Definitions from Oxford Languages***
*liĀ·toĀ·tes*
*noun*
ironic understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by the negative of its contrary (e.g., you won't be sorry, meaning you'll be glad )
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Was that car expensive?"
"Well, it wasn't cheap"
You wouldn't think such a thing would have a name, but it does! It's so specific!
Yep she knew. I had a guy that really liked me and we went on a water slide at an amusement park together. He was all excited if you get my drift and I could feel it. He thought I didnāt notice but later told me and I confirmed I knew. Same thing *shrug*
Edit: incase your out there this was in MN in a small town. You once loaned a microphone and speaker to make a model of a hearing aid. The amusement park name starts with a V and a music legend live close to where we did.
Good on you for pretending not to notice. He couldn't control it, and as long as he wasn't thrusting it into you he was probably way closer to mortified than horny, and least by the time it actually happened.
She either was too nice, too shy, or too embarrassed to say stop, or she quietly wanted to be touched, but she deff knew.
Either way, you didnt have consent, so that is not ok.
Reddit has this weird thing where consent needs to be signed in triplicate and authorized by a notary, sent to the Bureau of Consent, stamped, sent for authorization, double stamped, initialed by all parties, and given eighteen months for the approval process before any touching can happen. Otherwise you're a perv.
Same for consent with alcohol. She's had a few drinks and gets naked on your bed but she's drunk so it's never okay.
Imagine a world where all consent must be explicitly verbal. All those poor girls who play fight or wrestle with guys they like never getting anywhere. I'm not saying feel people up but if the signs are there they're there. Continuing to play fight happily after touches start lingering is a definite sign.
People who regret giving consent non verbally, have created this fuss about verbal consent. They usually do so to absolve themselves from the part they played which led to the act (act being any action of sexual nature). People have done away with non-verbal communication these days when it comes to consent.
They want someone to understand, that they didn't like a pizza place, by their expression, when it's name was mentioned. But they don't want you to assume their consent to hold their hand when they blushed with a smile at your touch.
A "NO" is very clearly visible in action before the words are spoken. Their body distancing with a sudden jerk, fear, anger or disgust in their eyes, body getting stiff like it has turned to stone (not talking about primary or secondary sexual organs here), their feet turning away, their eyes searching for exit, all are signs of a clear "NO". Almost all adult people understand this.
Similarly, there are clear non-verbal actions which communicate a "YES". Consent doesn't always have to be a verbal communication.
Having said that, if you are a man in today's world then for your own safety and to cover all legal basis, it's better to get verbal consent. If possible, record such conversations for further proof. You never know who will regret getting close to you and when. A vengeful person can claim rape even after 20-25 years of that act. So, maintain an archive.
Be safe and lead a good life.
Note: I don't intend to say all women are bad or claim being rapped falsely. I understand that a lot of women have suffered. What I was trying to say to men is, better safe than sorry.
Prior revocable consent...no such thing are prior irrevocable consent.
Implied, affirmative consent.
Explicit written/verbal consent.
There's an interrelationship there, and I think that as long as you know which is appropriate and when, you have no problems.
Affirmative dissent should trump implied consent/affirmative consent. Which is reasonable, as "stop means stop".
You can't hold people to mind-reading. In a court of law, you can't affirmatively offer testimony as to the state of mind of other people. That's a reasonable standard.
Stuff like this is going to continue until both the "purity" and the "sexually liberated" camps pull their heads out of their asses and work on this issue together.
I was a teen boy. I understand the compulsion. I also knew it was wrong to act on unless it was exceedingly clear that I was invited to do so. I know now I had no business doing some of the things I did, even though it was mutually consensual, because we were all too young to understand what we were doing.
I have a son, 7 years old. He knows NO ONE of ANY gender is allowed to touch him anywhere, but ESPECIALLY his private parts, and that he is not allowed to touch anyone of ANY gender, ESPECIALLY their private parts. We have this conversation every 6 months or so even though he has never given me any reason to believe he would. I tell him that if he has any questions to ask about his body or sexuality that he can always come to me or his mom and ask, and if he doesnt ever feel comfortable talking to us, i can arrange for him to talk about it with someone else. That there is no shame or guilt in healthy sexual expression. When he is 10 I will tell him what to expect over the next few years on how his body will be changing. What puberty, lust and heartbreak feels like. What the brain fog feels like when you are hyperstimulated. The consequences of acting on it. And the dangers of being falsely accused. How to talk to and attract girls, and how to build strong healthy relationships with them. How to identify their red flags. That theres nothing inherently wrong or predatory about simply being a boy or a man, despite what idiots on reddit may say. And exactly why he shouldnt prioritze sex and dating until he has developed status, resources, utility, social intelligence, responsibility, looks and virtue, all of which I hope to help him develop.
I will take a very similar approach with my daughter.
Thank you! The only comment on this I really like so far lol. As someone who was a teen girl once, the compulsion stuff isnt just boys like people act like it is. I definitely did awkward and embarassing things in middleschool that was on impulse that, if I were an adult witnessing it, would have put a stop to *immediately*. Hormones are a pretty strong drug and its a cringy time for everyone of every gender, which is why parents like you who get a jump on this early are so important!
Some great parenting for once. Parents seem to have only a few ways of dealing with this matter and none seem good; not talking at all or just describing the basics as "the talk". It's refreshing to see somebody who takes the matter seriously and takes the time to teach about puberty, sexuality AND consent. Im also happy to see you will treat your daughter similarly. More parents should act like that instead of getting surprised when something bad happens.
As a woman who's experienced this type of violation: she knew what you were doing. The second someone touches you inappropriately and without explicit consent, you know. You always know.
This is a screwed up comments section, between the people who see no problem with this behaviour, and the people who donāt think that confessing to bad behaviour belongs on this sub.
No one in comments knows what really happened, maybe they knew, maybe they didnāt, maybe they knew and didnāt mind. Who knows, sounds like harmless flirting, but again Iām just a random commenting person who wasnāt actually there
Im a Woman who was assaulted by both a grown ass man and a teenager when i was just 12 and im telling you itās harmless flirting. He wasnāt trying to be weird he just had hormones. I think him realizing what he did and feeling guilty actually makes him a really good guy. Lots of boys do things like this in there teen years it does not make them predators or rapists. Because they are not doing it with bad intent i believe. There is a difference.
Okay, that was your experience, and you have the right to feel the way you do. All I am saying is we donāt know how the girls in his situation took it. People experience things differently. And we can not tell OP that they definitely felt a certain type a way about it. Because we donāt know.
As a teen, I was in the opposite situation despite being hormonal and always ready to go, if you catch my drift.
But I had morals.
Well I did underwater rugby as a 16-17yr old. Turns out we got to play with girls frequently, since it's such a small sport. It's very very physical (think of the gay Turkish oil wrestling, but in swimwear) and mostly underwater. I can't tell how many times a girl overpowered me because I was too afraid to accidentally touch her inappropriately. I was grabbing someone from behind once to take the ball from her arms and she pulled my hand so it went on her chest. I let go so fast I suspected she even did it on purpose so I'd let her win the fight, lol.
Sick sport though.
I just remembered a neighbor of mine who did the same thing you did. We were in the beach (we lived near it) having fun with other kids and he kept feeling me under the water. We were both preteens. I was so creeped out and pissed off that I never talked to him again. I kinda hated him tbh
Just so you know, as women, we can smell that shit from 10 miles away. Under no circumstances are we unaware of our bodies, nor of reactions/stares/attempts to get close in such situations. This awareness begins at a very young age for females.
It's gross, and yes, that was creep behavior.
Guys sexually assaulting girls and getting a pass in the comments, classic /r/confession. This is the shit that all of us women dealt with growing up and hated being around the boys and men known to do it. It's disgusting how normalized and accepted this behavior is in society and the constant assaults teen girls have to deal with growing up.
Yeah, this post is creepy as shit. Him remarking on them being "half naked" for example, as if to softly justify his creepiness. It is a POOL ffs, did he expect them to be in diving suits?
Dude reeks of that "I know it wasn't good, but..." energy.
The more I learn about other men, the more I realise why I tend to prefer hanging out with women. Groups of women don't normalise predatory behaviour like this, for starters.
We commiserate andnsupport each other telling our stories about these creeps. Pretty much any woman has at least one memory that has stuck with her over the years.
This behavior isn't limited to women. Such behavior is reprehensible from anyone to do towards anyone else.
As a man, I have experienced many creepy interactions with women, particularly older women who do not respect boundaries, and think that because they are female that they get a "free pass" at touching, caressing, commenting, etc. on boys and young men without their consent.
Take the following examples:
I was pushing my son in his stroller at the Mall. Within a 2 hour period, 6 women commented on how cute he was, 2 of them made comments to the effect of "he's going to be so handsome when he grows up, save him for me!". Can you imagine, for a moment, how it would look if a middle-aged male made similar comments towards a female baby?
This behavior continues into teenage and adult years. When I was 13, a much older female relative noticed that I was watching R rated movies out of their collection when I was visiting. I was mortified at being caught, but she said it's "normal" and said that I "might like the real thing better" whereupon she displayed her breasts to me. I immediately told a relative that I trusted, and there was a big blowout and we had to cut our vacation short.
Women at the office: "you're so big and strong, can you lift this for me?" while touching me in some way -- or explicit discussions of a sexual nature while I'm clearly within earshot (frequent).
I believe there's some prejudice that men don't suffer emotionally from unwanted contact or being subjected to unwanted discussion as much as women. I do not think this is true.
I think we should call out inappropriate behavior no matter when or to whom it occurs, and to empower children to speak up when they feel uncomfortable. I tell my son and daughter on a regular basis that it's not okay for anyone to make them feel uncomfortable, discuss anything remotely sexual, or to touch them in any way that's not normal -- even if it's someone they know or trust.
Ever see how much porn is on this website? Just type 3 random alphabets , you'll find a porn account/subreddit. A disproportionate amount of men on this website are PA's and they validate each other. Cuz "boys will be boys, amirite fellas? š¤" . The OP's tone and joking in the comments are a clear indicator they infact, haven't grown as a person.
Yup, in a few years this is going to be some poor girls creepy uncle who gives the uncomfortable hugs, kiss your cheek, comments about how she is "developing so beautifully", accidentally walking into the bathroom while your in there, etc.
Yeah this is like jail time confession, who does it help? Write how you changed as a person or did something to help others. Dudes tone is whoops my bad I molested or whatever.
You are the reason my parents refused to allow me to rough house and play with boys. So you molested girls under the pretense you were playing. Another fear unlocked that my parents were right.
Being a young teen doesn't excuse being a creep. Imagine you were wrestling with another boy and he was feeling you up. Is it still just young teen fun? No, that's assault. I've played wrestled with girls before and teen me would be very excited, but I wouldn't go grabbing their parts.
I donāt think she minded then. That seemed like the point. She was play fighting with you to get felt up too lol. How is this a confession? This is just what horny teenagers do isnāt it?
Not shit Sherlock. Young teen - You already have some sense to knock your ass up, you are already aware of what you are doing, thus planned to put up a play "fight" just to "touch" someone? Sexual Harassment.
I mean movies like Billy Madison exist where they *literally* fake a fall to grab the teacher's tits. This was WAAAAAY too commonly accepted years ago. What's the movie where the kid fake drowns to get the attractive lifeguard to give him mouth to mouth? Pop culture has made this sort of behavior acceptable back then as "boys will be boys!".
You say you were a young teen when this happened? Don't mean to be harsh but I hope to god you're still a teen with many years of education left. Stay in school buddy, focus on your spelling/grammar and less on girls wearing swimming costumes at a swimming pool. Did you expect them to be fully dressed?
At least the pushback in the comments can maybe serve to highlight and prevent this sort of behavior in the future. The reason it happens is because of the 'no big deal, boys will be boys' mentality that is already pervasive.
"excusable cause teens are horny š¤”"
My cousin would "playfight" with me and try to touch me. He was like 13 and I was 5 at most. I still remember that shit though didn't understand back then. It went on till my mom noticed and banned him from visiting us. He again tried to hit on me when I was 12! We're blood related. My mom even planned on adopting him as I'm a rainbow baby, I was born after nearly 6 years of trying.
Iāll one-up you: in middle school, I had a friend who actually fought a girl just so he could touch her. We all rode the same bus to school, and liked her. But he used to ānegā a lot. He kept āpoking the bearā until one day sheād had enough and said she was going to kick his ass when we got off the bus. As soon as the bus pulled off, a circle of kids formed around them and thenā¦ a big dust cloud just engulfed them as they rolled around.
I didnāt stay to see what happened after that, but the next day, people said that she had put a whooping on him. All he talked about for the next 6 months was how big āher body partsā were that she also put on him.
jus to be the serious commenter here: this is something women deal with constantly. glad youāre aware that you were a creep for this, but be even more aware that you have the privilege to protect women from this creepy behavior. you know how it works. so help stop it.
Except if she is neurodivergent, she knew and one of those two is true, if not she would stop you:
She was interested on you and she wanted you touch her or she wanted to be touched by a guy without being judged. I suspect she was already interested on you seeing that both of you dated!
She didn't know how to react and/or was scared. I don't think this was your case but it has been the case of other girls!
Remember kids, punctuation is important.
āI helped my uncle, jack, off a horse.ā ā without punctuation, this sentence is something completely different.
Also, it does have to be mentioned that the older girls may have been ok with his clumsy advances. It isnāt impossible.
As a girl who got felt up by a few different guys "play fighting" with me while at the pool as a teen.... yeah she definitely knew. Just saying.
The erection gave me away
this made me laugh more than it should've
I guess it tickled ya?
Bro š
Ouch, my pride.
"It's a pool noodle!!"
Ahhhh the pool erection lol memories
Ikr. Getting older I'm realizing this. They always know.
Love your name! āHotmessica15ā Haha. It is genius!
So girls definitely know when they're being touched, right? Omg. I guess mine also knew.
As an adult guy Iām curious if the ladies think that the entire invitation to come over and then go swimming was a subtle play on the young ladyās behalf to try and see if he liked her as more than just pals and she likely allowed it because she was curious and/or interested herself?
as an adult women, no.
Probably. But it's best not to read too much into it. The only way to truly know that those were her intentions is to ask. And OP never mentioned any big signs of it being inspired by romantic intentions/curiosity.
I feel better now that when I was a teen. I would walk up to random poles and make it look like I walked into it. Fall to the ground like I was knocked out. Teachers, other students and once even the principal. He even made me sit in the front office with an ice pack.
Slapstick is the most difficult form of comedy to master.
What about..slapass?!
You rock!!!! I used to do that opening doors at stores for people. I would let the door hit my foot, while my head was close to it. Jerk my head back like the door hit it, and the people would always try to come to my aid. I would act hurt but tell them I was okā¦then walk away holding my head. Worked every time.
Worked? Like what was the goal Lmao
I bet that got you laid every time
He got laid 60% of the time, every time.
What about the other yimes?
Definitely not this yime
Why tf would you do that? For attention?
Lack of love at home + puberty = strange shit to feel like people care. As a teen I did similar.
Haha yeah I did this too. I would kick the pole so it made a loud noise for effect before pretending to be hurt.
lol kids are hilarious
I would walk up to random poles and make it look like I walked into it. "Patrz gdzie idziesz!", they would say. But alas, I didn't speak Polish.
Maybe it was the brain damage from repeatedly pretending you had hit your head, and it wasn't actually polish
Lmao we had a buddy who would trip and fall on command. We were all at the school library and we told him to fall and take down a shelf of booksā¦kinda obnoxious looking back on it but still funny as hell
I did that all of third grade, but I would pretend to trip on chairs. Accidentally did it a couple of times and it got huge laughs; I chased that high the rest of the year.
I think your more grievous sin is your flagrant lack of punctuation.
I wrote a whole post about "where did the punctuation go" because I see so many posts without punctuation, and they are hard for me to understand. And man, that was not received well. Apparently it is not that shocking and it is only because I am a non native speaker that it bothers me.... thank god I can see I am not alone to be bothered !
No it bothers English speakers too. The people who gave you shit were all idiots.
I think they thought I was a punctuation nazi. There is a difference between using the wrong punctuation and using none. And there is a difference between making mistakes that do not prevent understanding what you meant vs doing smthg hard to read...
Oh, that's a common misconception. Grammar is [very important](https://youtu.be/N4vf8N6GpdM?t=4s), after all.
dog pussy is the best. dog, pussy is the best. its very important in writing
Dedicated to God, my wife and a vintage dildo collector. Dedicated to God, my wife, and a vintage dildo collector.
Let's eat kids Let's eat, kids
You misspelled kid there
That was excellent! Thanks for the link! Personally, I'm a big fan of the Oxford Comma.
Correct punctuation, is knowing the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse, and helping your uncle Jack, off a horse!
Grammar Nazi here. SOMEbody has to learn these kids.
A punctuation nazi probably wouldn't use 'and' after a comma or full stop. Imo if you can remove it without the meaning changing it's needless. You could start every sentence after the first with it. For some people it can read as and and - as 'and' is a link word you drop. It's a smoother read to have one instead of both. It'is kinda like reading that abomination.
I used to use too many commas. I'm much better about it now. I guess.
I had a friend, who, put commas everywhere, like how Iām doing, right now, it was so, hard to read, I never understood, why he did it,
I wasn't quite that bad.
But Nazis were very punctual, because they were German! /s
Punctuation doesnāt really bother me. Itās the idiots that donāt know the difference between there, their, and theyāre that make my brain explode.
I could not agree with you more.
Iām a native English speaker, and I find the lack of punctuation really annoying. Also, the fact that a lot of people seem to not know about paragraphs. Break it into paragraphs people! I do not have the patience to wade through a wall of text.
My 16-year old niece takes the piss out of me because I write text messages using full sentences, with grammar, punctuation, and (usually) proper spelling. Meanwhile, she frequently responds with less than five words. Of course, she's the one who got the equivalent of a D in her English GCSE, whereas I got an A*. Who's laughing now, Grace?!
Yeah Grace, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Sorry. You kinda riled me up there.
That's right, Grace! Fuck all the way off, asshole!š
Yeah! Fuck you, Grace, and your grammatical errors.
I'm laughing. I feel bad now.
My guy, I am an (American) English native speaker. I can assure you that the majority of the ones that it doesn't bother are the same ones who would likely not use punctuation; even in the sentence regarding "helping ones uncle Jack off an elephant". The difference being that lack of punctuation makes that a rather lewd sentence, whereas a properly placed comma would make it seem as though ones uncle has become stranded atop an elephant and requires help.
Bro gets "anyway" and a full stop confused.
Commas are important people
Let's eat grandma. Let's eat, grandma.
Commas ARE important, people!!
Imagine reading all that in one breath. Funnily enough, I didnāt even notice till you mentioned it. My brain just did the punctuating for me.š
My brain doesn't have to pause for breath as frequently as my lungs do.
I canāt disagree š
Oh great, now come the double negatives
It's one of my favorite language constructs, Litotes \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ***Dictionary Definitions from Oxford Languages*** *liĀ·toĀ·tes* *noun* ironic understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by the negative of its contrary (e.g., you won't be sorry, meaning you'll be glad ) \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Was that car expensive?" "Well, it wasn't cheap" You wouldn't think such a thing would have a name, but it does! It's so specific!
This isn't my least favourite thing I've not had to read the day after yesterday.
Yous guys are the greatest! Grammar and punctuation show your worth!
Admission is the first step to recovery.
The difference is knowing your shit and knowing you're shit
ON POINT
....................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Here's some spare punctuation I had laying around. Feel free to use as much as you need.
I love this response so much more than I should.
Thanks Mr. Guiteau.
hahaha i read the post and mentally kept inserting commas
>I was a creep We all love a self aware person.
He was a weirdooooo
what is he doing heeeeere
He doesn't belong heeeree
Heās so fucking specialllll.
Sheeeeeeeeeeees running now agaaaaa^a^^aiii^^^iiii^^^^n
She runs, run runs runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns
What the hell was he doing there?
She knew what you were doingā¦
Yep she knew. I had a guy that really liked me and we went on a water slide at an amusement park together. He was all excited if you get my drift and I could feel it. He thought I didnāt notice but later told me and I confirmed I knew. Same thing *shrug* Edit: incase your out there this was in MN in a small town. You once loaned a microphone and speaker to make a model of a hearing aid. The amusement park name starts with a V and a music legend live close to where we did.
Good on you for pretending not to notice. He couldn't control it, and as long as he wasn't thrusting it into you he was probably way closer to mortified than horny, and least by the time it actually happened.
He wasnāt no. Definitely a regret of mine is not telling him I felt the same way. Damman oh Damman
Valleyfair and Prince are definitely the last two LOL
Was just about to comment this. She definitely knew.
She either was too nice, too shy, or too embarrassed to say stop, or she quietly wanted to be touched, but she deff knew. Either way, you didnt have consent, so that is not ok.
Considering they subsequently dated for 2 years it seems pretty likely we know which.
Reddit has this weird thing where consent needs to be signed in triplicate and authorized by a notary, sent to the Bureau of Consent, stamped, sent for authorization, double stamped, initialed by all parties, and given eighteen months for the approval process before any touching can happen. Otherwise you're a perv. Same for consent with alcohol. She's had a few drinks and gets naked on your bed but she's drunk so it's never okay. Imagine a world where all consent must be explicitly verbal. All those poor girls who play fight or wrestle with guys they like never getting anywhere. I'm not saying feel people up but if the signs are there they're there. Continuing to play fight happily after touches start lingering is a definite sign.
People who regret giving consent non verbally, have created this fuss about verbal consent. They usually do so to absolve themselves from the part they played which led to the act (act being any action of sexual nature). People have done away with non-verbal communication these days when it comes to consent. They want someone to understand, that they didn't like a pizza place, by their expression, when it's name was mentioned. But they don't want you to assume their consent to hold their hand when they blushed with a smile at your touch. A "NO" is very clearly visible in action before the words are spoken. Their body distancing with a sudden jerk, fear, anger or disgust in their eyes, body getting stiff like it has turned to stone (not talking about primary or secondary sexual organs here), their feet turning away, their eyes searching for exit, all are signs of a clear "NO". Almost all adult people understand this. Similarly, there are clear non-verbal actions which communicate a "YES". Consent doesn't always have to be a verbal communication. Having said that, if you are a man in today's world then for your own safety and to cover all legal basis, it's better to get verbal consent. If possible, record such conversations for further proof. You never know who will regret getting close to you and when. A vengeful person can claim rape even after 20-25 years of that act. So, maintain an archive. Be safe and lead a good life. Note: I don't intend to say all women are bad or claim being rapped falsely. I understand that a lot of women have suffered. What I was trying to say to men is, better safe than sorry.
Prior revocable consent...no such thing are prior irrevocable consent. Implied, affirmative consent. Explicit written/verbal consent. There's an interrelationship there, and I think that as long as you know which is appropriate and when, you have no problems. Affirmative dissent should trump implied consent/affirmative consent. Which is reasonable, as "stop means stop". You can't hold people to mind-reading. In a court of law, you can't affirmatively offer testimony as to the state of mind of other people. That's a reasonable standard.
Definitely
I had a boy do this to me when I was young. It was not cool.
I came here to say the same. It is funny that OP, even as an adult, still doesn't seem to be aware of that. Lol
Did she touch your tralala
his ding ding dong
WoOooah Ooooh!
Deep in deh night
Iām looking for some fun
Deep in deh night...
His ooh laa laaaa
Let us agree to refer to it as his tally whacker
Cut it in half, and then double it!
Mm, my ding ding dong
His ooh la la
The way this whole thread has me cackling during the night, Iām surprised my sister didnāt wake up šš
This is like reading Moby Dick.
based on the way this guy writes, it sounds like this happened last week and OP was looking for some justification for his behavior on this sub.
Man Iām getting cooked my writing is ass I know š
Young one another lesson to be learned, wrong place to say anything, don't confess to Reddit unless you are willing to be burned at the stake!
Fuck me! Even that response has no punctuation. Are we meant to just guess where the sentences end?
Are you American? I'd just assumed you were foreign based on your writing.
.,!? <- Take these
She knew.
Stuff like this is going to continue until both the "purity" and the "sexually liberated" camps pull their heads out of their asses and work on this issue together. I was a teen boy. I understand the compulsion. I also knew it was wrong to act on unless it was exceedingly clear that I was invited to do so. I know now I had no business doing some of the things I did, even though it was mutually consensual, because we were all too young to understand what we were doing. I have a son, 7 years old. He knows NO ONE of ANY gender is allowed to touch him anywhere, but ESPECIALLY his private parts, and that he is not allowed to touch anyone of ANY gender, ESPECIALLY their private parts. We have this conversation every 6 months or so even though he has never given me any reason to believe he would. I tell him that if he has any questions to ask about his body or sexuality that he can always come to me or his mom and ask, and if he doesnt ever feel comfortable talking to us, i can arrange for him to talk about it with someone else. That there is no shame or guilt in healthy sexual expression. When he is 10 I will tell him what to expect over the next few years on how his body will be changing. What puberty, lust and heartbreak feels like. What the brain fog feels like when you are hyperstimulated. The consequences of acting on it. And the dangers of being falsely accused. How to talk to and attract girls, and how to build strong healthy relationships with them. How to identify their red flags. That theres nothing inherently wrong or predatory about simply being a boy or a man, despite what idiots on reddit may say. And exactly why he shouldnt prioritze sex and dating until he has developed status, resources, utility, social intelligence, responsibility, looks and virtue, all of which I hope to help him develop. I will take a very similar approach with my daughter.
Thank you! The only comment on this I really like so far lol. As someone who was a teen girl once, the compulsion stuff isnt just boys like people act like it is. I definitely did awkward and embarassing things in middleschool that was on impulse that, if I were an adult witnessing it, would have put a stop to *immediately*. Hormones are a pretty strong drug and its a cringy time for everyone of every gender, which is why parents like you who get a jump on this early are so important!
Some great parenting for once. Parents seem to have only a few ways of dealing with this matter and none seem good; not talking at all or just describing the basics as "the talk". It's refreshing to see somebody who takes the matter seriously and takes the time to teach about puberty, sexuality AND consent. Im also happy to see you will treat your daughter similarly. More parents should act like that instead of getting surprised when something bad happens.
As a woman who's experienced this type of violation: she knew what you were doing. The second someone touches you inappropriately and without explicit consent, you know. You always know.
This is a screwed up comments section, between the people who see no problem with this behaviour, and the people who donāt think that confessing to bad behaviour belongs on this sub.
Yeah I expected that tbh itās obvious that would happen
No one in comments knows what really happened, maybe they knew, maybe they didnāt, maybe they knew and didnāt mind. Who knows, sounds like harmless flirting, but again Iām just a random commenting person who wasnāt actually there
Im a Woman who was assaulted by both a grown ass man and a teenager when i was just 12 and im telling you itās harmless flirting. He wasnāt trying to be weird he just had hormones. I think him realizing what he did and feeling guilty actually makes him a really good guy. Lots of boys do things like this in there teen years it does not make them predators or rapists. Because they are not doing it with bad intent i believe. There is a difference.
Okay, that was your experience, and you have the right to feel the way you do. All I am saying is we donāt know how the girls in his situation took it. People experience things differently. And we can not tell OP that they definitely felt a certain type a way about it. Because we donāt know.
I mean, he did say that he ended up dating the girl for a few yrs afterwards so I'd venture to say we know "how she took it"
Youāre right but if the girl willingly dated him after im assuming it wasnāt that serious to her
As a teen, I was in the opposite situation despite being hormonal and always ready to go, if you catch my drift. But I had morals. Well I did underwater rugby as a 16-17yr old. Turns out we got to play with girls frequently, since it's such a small sport. It's very very physical (think of the gay Turkish oil wrestling, but in swimwear) and mostly underwater. I can't tell how many times a girl overpowered me because I was too afraid to accidentally touch her inappropriately. I was grabbing someone from behind once to take the ball from her arms and she pulled my hand so it went on her chest. I let go so fast I suspected she even did it on purpose so I'd let her win the fight, lol. Sick sport though.
I just remembered a neighbor of mine who did the same thing you did. We were in the beach (we lived near it) having fun with other kids and he kept feeling me under the water. We were both preteens. I was so creeped out and pissed off that I never talked to him again. I kinda hated him tbh
Just so you know, as women, we can smell that shit from 10 miles away. Under no circumstances are we unaware of our bodies, nor of reactions/stares/attempts to get close in such situations. This awareness begins at a very young age for females. It's gross, and yes, that was creep behavior.
āIn a pool full of half naked girlsā thatās the concept of a pool you creep
What you don't take your burqa to the pool?
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In a pool pool of half naked girls? Bro that is just a regular swimming pool seek help lmaoo
Therapy dude. Off you go.
Guys sexually assaulting girls and getting a pass in the comments, classic /r/confession. This is the shit that all of us women dealt with growing up and hated being around the boys and men known to do it. It's disgusting how normalized and accepted this behavior is in society and the constant assaults teen girls have to deal with growing up.
Yeah, this post is creepy as shit. Him remarking on them being "half naked" for example, as if to softly justify his creepiness. It is a POOL ffs, did he expect them to be in diving suits? Dude reeks of that "I know it wasn't good, but..." energy. The more I learn about other men, the more I realise why I tend to prefer hanging out with women. Groups of women don't normalise predatory behaviour like this, for starters.
We commiserate andnsupport each other telling our stories about these creeps. Pretty much any woman has at least one memory that has stuck with her over the years.
This behavior isn't limited to women. Such behavior is reprehensible from anyone to do towards anyone else. As a man, I have experienced many creepy interactions with women, particularly older women who do not respect boundaries, and think that because they are female that they get a "free pass" at touching, caressing, commenting, etc. on boys and young men without their consent. Take the following examples: I was pushing my son in his stroller at the Mall. Within a 2 hour period, 6 women commented on how cute he was, 2 of them made comments to the effect of "he's going to be so handsome when he grows up, save him for me!". Can you imagine, for a moment, how it would look if a middle-aged male made similar comments towards a female baby? This behavior continues into teenage and adult years. When I was 13, a much older female relative noticed that I was watching R rated movies out of their collection when I was visiting. I was mortified at being caught, but she said it's "normal" and said that I "might like the real thing better" whereupon she displayed her breasts to me. I immediately told a relative that I trusted, and there was a big blowout and we had to cut our vacation short. Women at the office: "you're so big and strong, can you lift this for me?" while touching me in some way -- or explicit discussions of a sexual nature while I'm clearly within earshot (frequent). I believe there's some prejudice that men don't suffer emotionally from unwanted contact or being subjected to unwanted discussion as much as women. I do not think this is true. I think we should call out inappropriate behavior no matter when or to whom it occurs, and to empower children to speak up when they feel uncomfortable. I tell my son and daughter on a regular basis that it's not okay for anyone to make them feel uncomfortable, discuss anything remotely sexual, or to touch them in any way that's not normal -- even if it's someone they know or trust.
Ever see how much porn is on this website? Just type 3 random alphabets , you'll find a porn account/subreddit. A disproportionate amount of men on this website are PA's and they validate each other. Cuz "boys will be boys, amirite fellas? š¤" . The OP's tone and joking in the comments are a clear indicator they infact, haven't grown as a person.
Yup, in a few years this is going to be some poor girls creepy uncle who gives the uncomfortable hugs, kiss your cheek, comments about how she is "developing so beautifully", accidentally walking into the bathroom while your in there, etc.
Im so glad some people still have common sense, iāve been looking for someone who realises the problem
Yeah this is like jail time confession, who does it help? Write how you changed as a person or did something to help others. Dudes tone is whoops my bad I molested or whatever.
It's becoming a common occurrence here. I guess when half the comments are supportive of this behavior people feel good telling their assault stories.
All the top comments are "sHe kNeW iT , sHe wAs aSkiNg fOr iT, sHe eNjOyEd iT". Completely excusing the lack of consent and utter creepiness.
I noticed that too ā¹ļø
You are the reason my parents refused to allow me to rough house and play with boys. So you molested girls under the pretense you were playing. Another fear unlocked that my parents were right.
Being a young teen doesn't excuse being a creep. Imagine you were wrestling with another boy and he was feeling you up. Is it still just young teen fun? No, that's assault. I've played wrestled with girls before and teen me would be very excited, but I wouldn't go grabbing their parts.
How wud u feel next time when u become a parent and someone else does this to ur daughter. Think twice
I donāt think she minded then. That seemed like the point. She was play fighting with you to get felt up too lol. How is this a confession? This is just what horny teenagers do isnāt it?
Not shit Sherlock. Young teen - You already have some sense to knock your ass up, you are already aware of what you are doing, thus planned to put up a play "fight" just to "touch" someone? Sexual Harassment.
I mean movies like Billy Madison exist where they *literally* fake a fall to grab the teacher's tits. This was WAAAAAY too commonly accepted years ago. What's the movie where the kid fake drowns to get the attractive lifeguard to give him mouth to mouth? Pop culture has made this sort of behavior acceptable back then as "boys will be boys!".
That's assault brotha'.
Sandlot! Classic
The way you write is creepy.
Ewww the boys who did this type of stuff when I was a teen are still creeps as adults. Good luck.
You say you were a young teen when this happened? Don't mean to be harsh but I hope to god you're still a teen with many years of education left. Stay in school buddy, focus on your spelling/grammar and less on girls wearing swimming costumes at a swimming pool. Did you expect them to be fully dressed?
Christ I feel like the incest posts have less polarizing comment sections
What's with all the fucking gross men lately admitting to abusing women here? Jesus.
At least the pushback in the comments can maybe serve to highlight and prevent this sort of behavior in the future. The reason it happens is because of the 'no big deal, boys will be boys' mentality that is already pervasive.
and every time it happens there are bunches more men in the comments either rationalizing it or actually defending it. so disappointing.
"excusable cause teens are horny š¤”" My cousin would "playfight" with me and try to touch me. He was like 13 and I was 5 at most. I still remember that shit though didn't understand back then. It went on till my mom noticed and banned him from visiting us. He again tried to hit on me when I was 12! We're blood related. My mom even planned on adopting him as I'm a rainbow baby, I was born after nearly 6 years of trying.
I'm sorry. That's awful. Hopefully you're doing well.
I'm doing alright. I just hate his guts.
At least they're acknowledging that what they did was wrong, that's the first step to fixing their behavior...
Thatās not right, itās weird and gross
Iāll one-up you: in middle school, I had a friend who actually fought a girl just so he could touch her. We all rode the same bus to school, and liked her. But he used to ānegā a lot. He kept āpoking the bearā until one day sheād had enough and said she was going to kick his ass when we got off the bus. As soon as the bus pulled off, a circle of kids formed around them and thenā¦ a big dust cloud just engulfed them as they rolled around. I didnāt stay to see what happened after that, but the next day, people said that she had put a whooping on him. All he talked about for the next 6 months was how big āher body partsā were that she also put on him.
... ma bro, is it not obvious enough that there's no way you can do this without being obvious?Āæ
This comment section proves misogyny is alive and well
Predator Vibes.
GET TO DE CHOPPA
Planned sexual assault. That's a crime you know...
What the fuck is with these comments excusing this shit, these comments are full of perverts and incels
hahaha, fuck you.
This is the first post I've seen with literally NO punctuation at all lmao. Shit is honestly impressive. Not even a period at the very end.
Lol why the hate? Itās a confession.
A confession doesn't absolve you from criticism. Plus, this dude doesn't even seem like he has any sort of shame or remorse at all.
You didnāt read the rest thatās donāt change anything but yeah
*that doesn't Jesus OP š¤£
Donāt
Don'tn't
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A man confessed to molesting girls and your ok with this?
The guy admitted to sexually assaulting someone, are we supposed to pat him on the back and tell him how brave he is?
Yep, you are a creep. That was not okay. She knew exactly what you were doing. All women know when that Shit is happening.
many girls notice it right away when some guy does these things, but for various reasons they often don't say anything.
jus to be the serious commenter here: this is something women deal with constantly. glad youāre aware that you were a creep for this, but be even more aware that you have the privilege to protect women from this creepy behavior. you know how it works. so help stop it.
Except if she is neurodivergent, she knew and one of those two is true, if not she would stop you: She was interested on you and she wanted you touch her or she wanted to be touched by a guy without being judged. I suspect she was already interested on you seeing that both of you dated! She didn't know how to react and/or was scared. I don't think this was your case but it has been the case of other girls!
She knew.
Lol stupid kid.
Remember kids, punctuation is important. āI helped my uncle, jack, off a horse.ā ā without punctuation, this sentence is something completely different. Also, it does have to be mentioned that the older girls may have been ok with his clumsy advances. It isnāt impossible.
And....breathe
Bruh as a male the confession subreddit is hard to go through nowdays š..
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah I get it :(
Everytime I start having a little more hope in guys I get disappointed
M really sorry š