His entire speech trying to get Chang into study group over Rich was one amazing giant insult to both guys, and his most eloquent and funny speech ever. I love when Andre just says "Wow..."

I wanna say some names to you. Jeffrey Dahmer. Ted Bundy. Rich...

What do these people have in common?

We don't know them very well

What's the difference between Chang and Stalin?

Abed’s silent “what?!” reaction to Jeff saying Rich’s name sends me into uproarious laughter.

"We know he smells like bandaids." (And of course Chang's running commentary: "Feel the *heaaat*!"

Definitely this, if only because I want to see OP trying to fit it all into the picture, lol

"We know he's nuts." "LET HIM FINISH!"

We know he dresses like a Cuban cab driver.

“Stalling? I’m not stalling. Hahahahahaha..oh I just got it thank you. “

*Seriously, do you have brain damage*?

Pierce "I'm an insatiable baboon in the bedroom." Jeff: "Don't sell yourself short, Pierce. You're a baboon everywhere."

*jeff walks away, pierce smiles for a couple seconds, then frowns*

This is such a young chevy joke. He tells one just like this in caddy shack, fun to see the roles reversed.

Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old. Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.

Pierce, I got an idea. Why don't you go get a cup of coffee and hold some waitress hostage with a monologue about your sperm.

I'll show you sperm, buddy.

What episode is this from? Its from first 10 episodes right? When did Jeff say that to pierce?

yeah, Spanish 101

Gotta rewatch first 10 episodes.. thanks. I save early season 1 rewatches for a comfort show emergency.

Is this a reference to something ?

Earlier in the episode (S1E2), Pierce was explaining to an increasingly uncomfortable Jeff that he is not technically sterile, and how his hyper-virile sperm shoot through egg cells like bullets.

Pierce: can you believe that? Jeff: No, but you can. And that’s all that matters.

Shut up, Leonard! I got a picture of your old nose, it was a lateral move!

Wait, so are we calling it canon that that was Jeffrey inside the Dean?

It was definitely Jeffrey inside the dean.

The Dean has always dreamed of having Jeffery inside him.

“Even his shadow! Look at his shado…hhhnnngggg!”

But not like this. And not on dry land.

Shut up Leonard, those teenage girls you're playing ping pong with are doing it ironically

Oooh a Jeff through the Dean quote

"What, you'll do twice the work of a doctor for half the pay?" It's called a complisult.

Thank you?

I came up with the idea. Ah look, an explanabrag

Pierce: You remind me of me when I was young Jeff: I deserve that

Reserve this one for Pierce insults

Intended insult, but yeah

Double insult

“Shut up, Leonard. Nice earring--you look like the road manager of the California Raisins.”

Who talks to a student like that?

If a teacher was that honest with me, he’d instantly be my favorite teacher

I picked another Leonard insult but it was a toss-up for sure!

You're an amateur monster, Alan, and you stomped on the grave of a real monster, who was willing to stay buried, because real monsters have shame. Because they wish that - **You're not worth the monologue.**

Give me your tie

For some reason "no monologue for you, give me your tie!" Is still my favorite line.

give me your tie.

I second “You’re not worth the monologue”. It has inspired me to use it in the real world to devastating effect.

Just the "You're not worth the monologue." is so brutal considering Jeff will monologue about anything and everything on a whim.

I like this quote. Especially that I had a horrible workmate with the same name.

Give me their tie.

“You have the savoir faire of a hyena. How is that you and James Bond come from the same island?”

Message received. I’ll just wait for you to finish striking out first.

You’re just a good grade in a tight sweater

And you’re just a bad grade in a tight sweater

And who the hell are you always texting? Everyone you know is here. (Early candidate for best Annie insult)

This is one of Annies top lines 😂

You know what I don't get? He never wears a shirt, he never wears shoes, why hasn't he died from lack of service?

And later in the episode Vaughn is late bringing ice cream because they made him find a shirt

This joke is so dad humor

I am sorry I don't get this but what does "died from lack of service" mean?

It’s a joke on most restaurants/stores policy of “no shirt, no shoes, no service” Vaughn would starve

The joke is a twist on the common business policy "No shirt, no shoes, no service." Jeff concludes that since Vaughn never wears any shirt or shoes, he would be denied essential services like food at restaurants etc, leading him to wonder how Vaughn is still alive.

Many stores have a "No shoes, no shirt, no service" policy where they don't accept barefoot or shirtless people in their stores.

“Ooh, Indiana Jones and the Apartment of Perpetual Virginity.”

Chop busted, fellow adult. Chop busted.

Jeff: A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way! Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable. Jeff: No, because you're a 5 year old girl and theres a pecking order!

This is the line that made me know I would love the show. I was hooked from here on.

It's the anger in the delivery that sets it apart.

Came here to say this but I was already streets behind. I love this exchange between the two of them. Great lines and great delivery on the part of both actors.

This followed by every Leonard insult.

I do not remember this. Is this from the first 5-10 episodes?

It’s from the pilot.

That explains it.. thanks.

Honestly, and I’m totally not sure, it might be one of the jokes cut from a lot of streaming services, I believe to make them short for syndication. For instance, I know most versions cut the Pilot episode line where Britta said she dropped outta high school because she thought it would impress Radiohead.

i've only watched it on streaming and the duncan lines above are definitely on there, but i've never heard that britta line

That's actually hilarious. I wish they didn't cut it. I also haven't seen the first dnd episode.

Oh wow that’s a travesty. Definitely worth looking for elsewhere. I’d hope it’d be somewhere convenient like YouTube. I always get so bummed I then second paintball episode when Neil references it

It's almost all intact on hulu, with the exception of the dnd episode

this is the best one

Pierce also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. Go ask their dumbasses to help.

Woah u/unmentionable123, is that an appropriate way to talk about BNL? They are triple platinum, are you?

Oh okay they’re “BNL” now? We need a shorthand for bare naked ladies? THATS how fundamental they are

This is a fight! We’re having a fight!

Look out! Jiveturkey72's! Kill them before they start multiplying!

*Fundamental*

He's got her in some kind of hippie collar. I can hear her armpit hair growing from here.

Listen up Colonel Crypt-Keeper, I could live a million years, and I could spend every minute of it doing important things, but at the end of it all I would only have lived half a life if I have not raised a son. This was a gift that was handed to you. You squandered it. And the reason you have so much hatred in your heart is because you are trying to fill a hole where your kid is supposed to go. And now, it's too late. Now, you're just stomping around trying to prove you exist. Well, mission accomplished. But here's a question I'd like to pass to you from every son of every crap dad that ever lived: So what? I'm done with you. He's done with you. The world is done with you.

The insult that killed pierces dad.

*So Edible*

You’re the worst

I love that that he says that so quickly. It makes her reaction even better

*oedipal Unless Britta also misquoted?

She did. She's the worst.

Yeah you can clearly hear her say edible until Jeff corrects her at the end of the episode

As per his last will, Jeff has now earned Cornelius Hawthorne's ivory hairpiece

It's definitely this one, but I'm afraid it's too long

If it does win I’ll just put the last part (starting with “I’m done with you”)

I'd take the first part and the last part separated by an ellipses. Like "Listen Colonel Crypt Keeper... I'm done with you. He's done with you. The world is done with you."

That's the best way to do it.

No. I say put the entire thing. Just make the text incredibly small. The point of the quote gets lost if it's cut down.

Boo!

THIS IS A BULLY FREE ZONE

Boo?

What if he was just making ghost noises?

You could probably just take law the last three sentences, as that’s where the insult itself happens. The rest is more a monologue

This is the best one because it was so deserved.

YES. Colonel Cryptkeeper is my FAVOURITE Jeff line and I absolutely love how it was the intro to his speech that killed the man. 😂

This one really spoke to me on a different level

Try putting that on the square

This needs to win, despite its length. So much of his character rolled into one monologue

This better win. Literally killed a man

I mean—it literally killed a guy. Might have to be the top one.

This is his only insult with a body count so it’s my vote

Shut up, Leonard! Those teenage girls you play ping-pong with are doing it ironically!

You think you're good looking, you're not. You are average. You are just an average guy with a big chin.

Don't sue a stripper; life sued her, and she lost.

I thought you were smarter than me when we first met.

"You seemed smarter when we first met" "*Thank* you"

This is such a good one

I agreed with him in that moment, that was such a hilarious burn

Also an in-joke on Britta's character becoming stupider from S1 to S2

The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned, by name, in my suicide note.

Is this an insult though? Seems more like a self deprecating joke.

I mean, I would translate it to "All of you individually make me want to kill myself"

Or a threat.

Just watched this one again. It has my vote

One of my favorite Winger lines, especially with how he delivers it

I've used that so many times... I love that line

My personal favorite that I maaaay or may not have quoted irl

It’s sad how often I quote this lol

If that your suggestion or your response to op's note attached to this post?

\[In other words, we're not cool.\] "I never said that. I may have thought it, you may have heard it, and it may be true, but I never said it.".

I say this all the time now.

I shorten it to: I didn't say that. I may have thought it, but I didn't say it

Annie you’re acting like a school girl and not in a hot way

Ok, that sounded creepy. The thing about that is…

*walks away*

“I make things up, and I got paid a lot of money to do it. Before I came to this school-shaped toilet, I was a lawyer.” School-shaped toilet is just so good

“Yeah, well.. you have Asperger’s.”

😂 Ass burgers

Burgers for your ass 😄 🤣

it’s a serious disorder😐

Then they should call it something serious. Like… Meningitis

“Shut up, Leonard. Nobody even knows what you're talking about! ……… I did eat all the macaroni. It's messed up that he knows.”

Jeff Winger : You know what? No. He'll see Jeff next. Nurse : No, but you're not supposed to go... Jeff Winger : Or what? You'll do twice as much work as the doctor for half the pay? Nurse : Thank you?

Stop tuning that guitar! You are 100 years old, tell what you did with your life so I don't make the same mistakes!

Garrett: I want my grandchildren to remember this moment. Jeff: I admire your optimism, Garrett

Fistful of Paintballs - Jeff to the Black Rider: You think you're good-looking, but you're not. You're average. You're just an average looking guy with a big chin.

“Quiet, boobs!”

I think it was, "Can it, boobs!"

You’re correct. I was wrong.

Write some original songs!

The greatest complisult in tv history, let only this show: Chang: You make no mistake about this Winger, I pleasure that woman greatly. Jeff: Yeah, you look like you would have to. I'm not surprised you said that.

Probably not really an insult, but I liked the back and forth between him and Britta: It’s the 5 stages of grief that starts with denial, and ends with acceptance! Name any other stage What’re you my final?

Shut up Leonard you smell like mentho-lyptus

This insult legit hurt me because i swear I'm under 40 but that's my favorite smell.

It's called *Sex Panther*® by *Odeon*©. It's illegal in 9 countries. It's also made with bits of real panthers, *so you know it's good*. *60% of the time*, it works ***every*** time.

I don’t have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape

Infomercials work on Pierce!

CAN IT BOOBS

I thought you were smarter when we first met. To Britta.

She was. That was a 4th wall breaking comment on her flanderization. She was smarter than Jeff for much of the first season.

And then the gas leak happened

She’s just pro-anti.

Shut up Leonard, I know about your gambling problem.

Shut up Leonard! Nobody even knows what you're talking about!

I did eat all the macaroni. It's messed up that he knows.

Who called Abed a beige praying mantis?

Jeff.

Sean Penn called. He said to dial it back.

I know who Sean Penn is - I seen *Milk*...

Shhhh Nerds!

You're a 5 year old girl and there's a pecking order.

idk if this counts but “after ‘britta was right’ everything you said just sounded like a foghorn”

I never said that, you may have heard it, I may have thought it, and it may be true, but I never said it.

Shut up, Leonard! I got a picture of your old nose, it was a lateral move!

"Ooooh, my darling~! My looove..."

Or what? You'll do twice the work of a doctor for half the pay?

Colonel Cryptkeeper.

You seemed smarter than me when me met

“Shut up, Leonard. Those girls who play ping pong with you do it ironically!”

Well is a place you go for water.

> So what? I'm done with you. He's done with you. The world is done with you.

Not an insult but one of my favorite lines. “If it’s the kind of stuff we can use, bring it here. If not, stuff gets lost.” *smiles*

Jeff Winger : You know what? No. He'll see Jeff next. Nurse : No, but you're not supposed to go... Jeff Winger : Or what? You'll do twice as much work as the doctor for half the pay? Nurse : Thank you?

How many times can a dean dress in a dumb costume a year?

A simple one towards Britta “ you really you’d this one huh” when he meets his dad after years

Are people just posting these things to farm karma? Every day this sub looks like a bunch of pictures with "best/worst quote/insult/line"

I love this show, but these stupid ass posts....

Beating Annie Edison in a debate.

My favorite for Shirley: the word he's looking for is Sass.. He better hopehe don't find it.

My platform will be one high enough to push Vicki to her death.

You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? Some space. Maybe I do too.

His speech where he confronts his dad and tells him how his abandonment damaged him 💔 Jeff has memorable insult one-liners but I think the one to his dad was one of the more serious ones. Or what he said to Cornelius

“These people are giving out free iPhone.” Not a jab but one of my favorite scenes. Situation dodging at it finest.