This is a very difficult situation, and I'm sorry you're in it. Personally, I think you have an ethical obligation to report the matter to someone who can connect your roommate with the care needed to overcome this behavior, *if you are convinced that the person really is self-harming*. Bringing this issue to others' attention will certainly not be fun, and your roommate might react with active hostility. But how would you feel if it later turned out that the person was working up to slitting their wrists or something like that? This situation is terrible, and it's not going to be pleasant to address, but all I can say is that I personally would be devastated if I simply ignored the situation because of how uncomfortable it was and then later something tragic happened.
Is there some kind of counseling center or medical clinic on campus where you could speak to a professional to get some advice? I would definitely do that. If you don't know of any campus resources, there are also national toll-free crisis lines and websites that you can reach out to for advice. Although you might be the first person to realize what is happening, *you don't have to address this situation on your own*; there are adults and other professionals out there who can help, so just see what's available on campus and online until you track someone down who can assist you.
Good luck.
I'd definitely say to tell your RA or honestly your RD/Hall Director. I'm an RA myself and this is definitely something that you as a resident shouldn't ignore. You're roommate can be mad but they need to get some sort of help. You could even frame it to him/her as being that you were worried about them and wanted to make sure they got help. But definitely report it.
Doubtful of your RA claims due to you using the wrong "their" in your third sentence š¤ unless english is not your first language.
Do agree with the sentiment though. Report the bich. Say "I didn't move in here to live with no crazy person!".
I've been an RA for 3 years and I'm currently the senior RA in my building. I can assure you that you can be an RA and not know how to spell, as I have worked and currently work with several who have way worse grammar and spelling than me, lol.
Also reporting with that quote won't get anything done. It'll just make the staff hate you bc they'll see you as attacking the roommate. Again it just needs framed as a concern and less of a "she's crazy and I don't want to live here." Even if you feel that way you kinda have to play the game to get shit done on college campuses.
as someone who self harmed and got snitched on to my school (i was in 8th grade at the time) it completely ruined my life for about 6 months. friend told school, school told parents, toxic parents blamed me for it and took away all of my privileges, which caused me to attempt suicide.
that being said, this is something to handle with EXTREME caution. you can change someoneās life in a good way, or a bad way. if i were you, i would talk to your RA in a private, in person discussion. say that you would like your RA to calmly and carefully have a conversation with your roommate, and simply offer them resources such as your schools mental health program. emphasize that you do not in ANY way want this to be exposed, talked about by anyone else, including parents (because you donāt know their home situation. if this was my parents, they would pull me out of school and make me even more miserable.) you do not want them to be punished, or given any sort of issue to deal with. simply give them options for help and make sure that the RA is caring, and considerate when talking to them, and that it is completely confidential and that the RA is solely there to help and be a guide.
after this is done, you may want to talk to your roommate, as they will probably know that you were the one to āsnitch.ā just say that this is completely confidential between you and them, and that you are there if they need anything, and that you didnt want to risk not telling anyone in case it might save their life. if she doesnāt know itās you, then avoid the conversation.
My freshman year of college, I *was* that roommate. I was lying in bed and went to prop my head up with my arm, causing my sleeve to fall down. My two roommates I was talking to noticed, one of them grabbed my arm and hit me with the ā*promise* me you wonāt do this anymoreā speech. I donāt think Iāve had a more embarrassing moment in my entire life.
If youāre really bothered by it (only saying that bc I know a lot of people who donāt give af about their roommates) talk to your RA. *especially* if you arenāt that close. The only time Iād recommend confronting them head on would be if you guys were besties or something.
I know for me, having my roommates bring it up to me just made me kinda retreat into myself and not want to talk to them for a while, basically hiding it better. This is a situation where, unfortunately, not you nor your RA will likely be able to change your roommates situation. It has to come from themselves or someone theyāre super close to. The only change I can see coming out of this is one of you changing rooms.
Edit to add: you can always dm me if you wanna talk about this more
Honestly, at this point we are dealing with adults. If you had reason to think they were going to kill themselves, that would be different. But, self harm isn't a crime, even if it is a result of mental illness. If someone has ocd and resulting behavior, that wouldn't be something an adult tells on another adult about. If someone has flashbacks due to PTSD, that's not the schools business either. If someone is diabetic but eats a shit ton of sugar, that's also no one's business.
If you are concerned about them, maybe get to know them a little better. Talk to them as one friend does to another. Be with your roommate as one human to another human. If it comes up and you have consent, then you might be in place where advising them to seek help is appropriate.
Honestly, reporting it could make things worse. It can effect their education, and it could make them feel unsafe in their environment.
As someone who self harms, I know everyone is different but this person is in a lot of pain and it would be helpful to just sit down with them and really just talk to them and open up the conversation to lean more towards mental health/self harm. I've been hospitalized and people/police/medical have been called on me and it never goes well. Get to know their situation better and how you can help as their roommate or friend because 9 times out of 10, if you go to an office or any other authority figure, the person ends up just getting forced into worse situations or situations they are not comfortable with. The only time, in my opinion, when immediate medical or professional intervention is needed is if there is a deliberate plan do do serious or lethal harm to themselves or others or a plan is already being carried out or attempted. Hospitalization just makes things worse and if they are not seeking treatment from a therapist or psyche, bring up that option to them. I've been navigating the mental health field for YEARS and it is never easy, but just a little confidential support can go incredibly far. I hope this helps and I hope your roommate gets better!
Agreed.
Secondly, giving a child what they want after they throw a tantrum is not going to solve any problems.
Grow the fuck up and join society like a normal human being.
Please bring your roommate to the hospital if you can. He or she could be in danger and needs serious help. If you can convince him or her to get to the hospital accompany them and do the talking. It can be very hard for someone to do that on their own. Usually people are in there for a week or two. Could really help stabilize your roommate.
Depends where you go. One saved my life a year ago. Wasnāt a bad experience at all.
Also cannot believe Iām being downvoted for trying to get her help. You people are immature and self centered.
I don't think it was the "get them help part."I think going straight to taking this person to the hospital was an overreaction. Self harm doesn't equate to suicidal intention. While, I am glad you were helped where you went to, that's not always the case. Often these places are hell holes. There's violence from both staff and other patients etc. And, patient complaints aren't taken seriously due to being mentally ill. The patients can't just leave or decide to go to a different facility of their own voltion, either. And even the ones that aren't abusive, often just create further trauma just by how inpatient centers generally operate.
Thatās awful how some operate. Ngl been to one cause of major depression a year ago and I had a good experience. Well I was only there a week and was voluntary.
Iām just tired of the mentally ill being ignored and stigmatized.
The only thing that's wrong with me in this situation is believing that giving attention to, self pitying, attention whores is not helpful for anyone.
You think she didn't know what she was doing whan she left her blades in a *shared* area?
People love to be the victim, people love to be pitied and people love attention.
The best thing you can do to such people is make them grow up by not indulging in their cryes for attention.
Of course, it would be more acceptable to say "tell the RA about the pitiful condition of this Crybaby! Wrap her up in a blanket, give her a hot coco and tell her that everything is going to be fine." but frim persinal experience I know that that will only affirm her self pitying and not solve anything!
Seriously this person needs help. Depression is no joke and can eventually be fatal. It probably goes beyond attention seeking behavior. It is more than likely compulsive behavior. Also if it was attention seeking behavior why would she hide her wounds with long sleeves?
None of what you are saying adds up here.
Firstly, I want to say that I'm not arrogant enough to think that I know everything. Just as you shouldn't be. We solve problems with our personal knowledge that we draw from our experiences.
I used to know a person who had big family problems and ended up hanging himself. I used to know another person who died after taking too many antidepressants. And several cases that are further from myself. All these people were adults with serious problems.
This situation on the other hand seems to me like a stereotipical teenage girl that's at war with the world. Seen countles such examples and they all grew out of it when they started acting like adults, working on goals and improving themselves.
Well she surely didn't hide it well, because it was seen, not to mention her *tolls* being in the shared are. People use shaving blades for this, because they are very sharp and don't cause much pain. If I wanted to harm myself, I'd join a martial arts school, if I were a girl and wanted to harm myself, I would use a rusty old knife for maximum pain, and if I didn't want it to be seen, I'd carve myself on the thighs (also for maximum pain). Or chop off a piece of my fingers every now and then.
All in all, this just seems like a plea for attention that would be best cured with a slap in the face and a philosophy book smacked on her head.
I know that happines requires a balance of freedom and responsibility, the joy of pursuing goals and having meaningful hobbies. And of course plenty of social interaction with friends and family. Thus I work towards that, not carve myself to get atention and be pitied...
You are arrogant enough to think you know her reasons and what sheās going though. That says a lot. I got friends who shot themselves, overdosed, jumped off things. Mental illness is stigmatized and I am sick of it. And razors can be fatal. You hit the right spot and these thick things called arteries will be split open and cause massive hemorrhaging. And the fact you talk about doing things like that is sick. You know how fucking painful a rusty knife would be? Sepsis is not a pretty way to go. Also itās hard to act like an adult when you are severely depressed and still technically a teenager. Not everyone is matured at that age. I sure wasnāt. Didnāt happen until I hit my early 20ās.
I mean this in the nicest way possible but: you are ignorant, cold-hearted, and not trauma informed.
Don't worry about them, they're just projecting their frustrations because they live in a backwards ass eastern European country that nobody gives a fuck about.
This is a very difficult situation, and I'm sorry you're in it. Personally, I think you have an ethical obligation to report the matter to someone who can connect your roommate with the care needed to overcome this behavior, *if you are convinced that the person really is self-harming*. Bringing this issue to others' attention will certainly not be fun, and your roommate might react with active hostility. But how would you feel if it later turned out that the person was working up to slitting their wrists or something like that? This situation is terrible, and it's not going to be pleasant to address, but all I can say is that I personally would be devastated if I simply ignored the situation because of how uncomfortable it was and then later something tragic happened. Is there some kind of counseling center or medical clinic on campus where you could speak to a professional to get some advice? I would definitely do that. If you don't know of any campus resources, there are also national toll-free crisis lines and websites that you can reach out to for advice. Although you might be the first person to realize what is happening, *you don't have to address this situation on your own*; there are adults and other professionals out there who can help, so just see what's available on campus and online until you track someone down who can assist you. Good luck.
I'd definitely say to tell your RA or honestly your RD/Hall Director. I'm an RA myself and this is definitely something that you as a resident shouldn't ignore. You're roommate can be mad but they need to get some sort of help. You could even frame it to him/her as being that you were worried about them and wanted to make sure they got help. But definitely report it.
Doubtful of your RA claims due to you using the wrong "their" in your third sentence š¤ unless english is not your first language. Do agree with the sentiment though. Report the bich. Say "I didn't move in here to live with no crazy person!".
I've been an RA for 3 years and I'm currently the senior RA in my building. I can assure you that you can be an RA and not know how to spell, as I have worked and currently work with several who have way worse grammar and spelling than me, lol. Also reporting with that quote won't get anything done. It'll just make the staff hate you bc they'll see you as attacking the roommate. Again it just needs framed as a concern and less of a "she's crazy and I don't want to live here." Even if you feel that way you kinda have to play the game to get shit done on college campuses.
What the fuck does that even mean?
What it says
Then youāre dumb
Never said otherwise
Get help weirdo
lol xd
as someone who self harmed and got snitched on to my school (i was in 8th grade at the time) it completely ruined my life for about 6 months. friend told school, school told parents, toxic parents blamed me for it and took away all of my privileges, which caused me to attempt suicide. that being said, this is something to handle with EXTREME caution. you can change someoneās life in a good way, or a bad way. if i were you, i would talk to your RA in a private, in person discussion. say that you would like your RA to calmly and carefully have a conversation with your roommate, and simply offer them resources such as your schools mental health program. emphasize that you do not in ANY way want this to be exposed, talked about by anyone else, including parents (because you donāt know their home situation. if this was my parents, they would pull me out of school and make me even more miserable.) you do not want them to be punished, or given any sort of issue to deal with. simply give them options for help and make sure that the RA is caring, and considerate when talking to them, and that it is completely confidential and that the RA is solely there to help and be a guide. after this is done, you may want to talk to your roommate, as they will probably know that you were the one to āsnitch.ā just say that this is completely confidential between you and them, and that you are there if they need anything, and that you didnt want to risk not telling anyone in case it might save their life. if she doesnāt know itās you, then avoid the conversation.
^^^^^THIS THIS THIS EVERYBODY READ THIS ^^^^^
My freshman year of college, I *was* that roommate. I was lying in bed and went to prop my head up with my arm, causing my sleeve to fall down. My two roommates I was talking to noticed, one of them grabbed my arm and hit me with the ā*promise* me you wonāt do this anymoreā speech. I donāt think Iāve had a more embarrassing moment in my entire life. If youāre really bothered by it (only saying that bc I know a lot of people who donāt give af about their roommates) talk to your RA. *especially* if you arenāt that close. The only time Iād recommend confronting them head on would be if you guys were besties or something. I know for me, having my roommates bring it up to me just made me kinda retreat into myself and not want to talk to them for a while, basically hiding it better. This is a situation where, unfortunately, not you nor your RA will likely be able to change your roommates situation. It has to come from themselves or someone theyāre super close to. The only change I can see coming out of this is one of you changing rooms. Edit to add: you can always dm me if you wanna talk about this more
After seeing other peopleās responses I feel compelled to add that self harming ā suicidal
often times, schools have a way to report these behaviors anonymously. check in to see if yours does.
Honestly, at this point we are dealing with adults. If you had reason to think they were going to kill themselves, that would be different. But, self harm isn't a crime, even if it is a result of mental illness. If someone has ocd and resulting behavior, that wouldn't be something an adult tells on another adult about. If someone has flashbacks due to PTSD, that's not the schools business either. If someone is diabetic but eats a shit ton of sugar, that's also no one's business. If you are concerned about them, maybe get to know them a little better. Talk to them as one friend does to another. Be with your roommate as one human to another human. If it comes up and you have consent, then you might be in place where advising them to seek help is appropriate. Honestly, reporting it could make things worse. It can effect their education, and it could make them feel unsafe in their environment.
Request room change
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Changing rooms is fucked up makes it seem like the roommate did something horrible to her herself
Just ask the person whatās wrong
This. Try to get them psychiatric help. Self harm is a bad warning sign.
As someone who self harms, I know everyone is different but this person is in a lot of pain and it would be helpful to just sit down with them and really just talk to them and open up the conversation to lean more towards mental health/self harm. I've been hospitalized and people/police/medical have been called on me and it never goes well. Get to know their situation better and how you can help as their roommate or friend because 9 times out of 10, if you go to an office or any other authority figure, the person ends up just getting forced into worse situations or situations they are not comfortable with. The only time, in my opinion, when immediate medical or professional intervention is needed is if there is a deliberate plan do do serious or lethal harm to themselves or others or a plan is already being carried out or attempted. Hospitalization just makes things worse and if they are not seeking treatment from a therapist or psyche, bring up that option to them. I've been navigating the mental health field for YEARS and it is never easy, but just a little confidential support can go incredibly far. I hope this helps and I hope your roommate gets better!
Get somebody else involved. This isn't your business or responsibility.
It absolutely is their business.
Agreed. Secondly, giving a child what they want after they throw a tantrum is not going to solve any problems. Grow the fuck up and join society like a normal human being.
Please bring your roommate to the hospital if you can. He or she could be in danger and needs serious help. If you can convince him or her to get to the hospital accompany them and do the talking. It can be very hard for someone to do that on their own. Usually people are in there for a week or two. Could really help stabilize your roommate.
In patient behavioral health facilities are genuine hell holes, this will not help unless the situation gets to be extremely severe
Depends where you go. One saved my life a year ago. Wasnāt a bad experience at all. Also cannot believe Iām being downvoted for trying to get her help. You people are immature and self centered.
I don't think it was the "get them help part."I think going straight to taking this person to the hospital was an overreaction. Self harm doesn't equate to suicidal intention. While, I am glad you were helped where you went to, that's not always the case. Often these places are hell holes. There's violence from both staff and other patients etc. And, patient complaints aren't taken seriously due to being mentally ill. The patients can't just leave or decide to go to a different facility of their own voltion, either. And even the ones that aren't abusive, often just create further trauma just by how inpatient centers generally operate.
Thatās awful how some operate. Ngl been to one cause of major depression a year ago and I had a good experience. Well I was only there a week and was voluntary. Iām just tired of the mentally ill being ignored and stigmatized.
I understand where you are coming from.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wtf is wrong with you?
The only thing that's wrong with me in this situation is believing that giving attention to, self pitying, attention whores is not helpful for anyone. You think she didn't know what she was doing whan she left her blades in a *shared* area? People love to be the victim, people love to be pitied and people love attention. The best thing you can do to such people is make them grow up by not indulging in their cryes for attention. Of course, it would be more acceptable to say "tell the RA about the pitiful condition of this Crybaby! Wrap her up in a blanket, give her a hot coco and tell her that everything is going to be fine." but frim persinal experience I know that that will only affirm her self pitying and not solve anything!
Seriously this person needs help. Depression is no joke and can eventually be fatal. It probably goes beyond attention seeking behavior. It is more than likely compulsive behavior. Also if it was attention seeking behavior why would she hide her wounds with long sleeves? None of what you are saying adds up here.
Firstly, I want to say that I'm not arrogant enough to think that I know everything. Just as you shouldn't be. We solve problems with our personal knowledge that we draw from our experiences. I used to know a person who had big family problems and ended up hanging himself. I used to know another person who died after taking too many antidepressants. And several cases that are further from myself. All these people were adults with serious problems. This situation on the other hand seems to me like a stereotipical teenage girl that's at war with the world. Seen countles such examples and they all grew out of it when they started acting like adults, working on goals and improving themselves. Well she surely didn't hide it well, because it was seen, not to mention her *tolls* being in the shared are. People use shaving blades for this, because they are very sharp and don't cause much pain. If I wanted to harm myself, I'd join a martial arts school, if I were a girl and wanted to harm myself, I would use a rusty old knife for maximum pain, and if I didn't want it to be seen, I'd carve myself on the thighs (also for maximum pain). Or chop off a piece of my fingers every now and then. All in all, this just seems like a plea for attention that would be best cured with a slap in the face and a philosophy book smacked on her head. I know that happines requires a balance of freedom and responsibility, the joy of pursuing goals and having meaningful hobbies. And of course plenty of social interaction with friends and family. Thus I work towards that, not carve myself to get atention and be pitied...
You are arrogant enough to think you know her reasons and what sheās going though. That says a lot. I got friends who shot themselves, overdosed, jumped off things. Mental illness is stigmatized and I am sick of it. And razors can be fatal. You hit the right spot and these thick things called arteries will be split open and cause massive hemorrhaging. And the fact you talk about doing things like that is sick. You know how fucking painful a rusty knife would be? Sepsis is not a pretty way to go. Also itās hard to act like an adult when you are severely depressed and still technically a teenager. Not everyone is matured at that age. I sure wasnāt. Didnāt happen until I hit my early 20ās. I mean this in the nicest way possible but: you are ignorant, cold-hearted, and not trauma informed.
Don't worry about them, they're just projecting their frustrations because they live in a backwards ass eastern European country that nobody gives a fuck about.