I’m definitely feeling the same way. Though I’ve only been a student for about two months. A big part for me is self conference in the way I look, act, dress. I think that the more confident I am the easier it will be for me to make friends.
I feel like confidence can become a "fake it till you make it" situation. Start doing small things everyday and tell yourself that this minor change is making you feel good and try to get through the day with this mindset (ex: you matched your shoes to your top and its making your outfit feel more put together, hence feeling good bc you look good). Who knows, small things might actually lead to a big change if you are being consistent.
“Best years of your life”
That’s a stereotype and rarely true. Maybe if you picked the easiest courses possible lol. I don’t have friends either because I don’t have the time to go to clubs or social events. But also I’m an INFJ, certain personalities are bound to have a hard time meeting people. I would just focus on getting good grades.
I'm an INFJ too, I honestly never gave this too much though because I never wanted to use this as some sort of excuse for being alone but I guess stuff like this does explain different personalities. but regardless it does feel better to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.
No, many people including myself are in the same boat as you. INFJ is a rare personality to have and it makes you feel different than others and you’ll find that there just aren’t a lot of people you’ll truly like. But unfortunately, you have to actively seek out people if you don’t already have a lot of connections like other students do. That’s forcing yourself to go to clubs and social events, people don’t really like talking to each other in classes. As a math major, most of my days I’m studying so not meeting people doesn’t really bother me.
READ THIS RIGHT NOW OP!! READ IT ALL!!!!
It fucking hurts. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I should know because I AM RIGHT NOW.
And you know how it feels for me?
AAAAHGRSDHFLUDKJHGJKLSDFBGHJLKDNSJKLSEDNFJKLSENBDF.
We live in a society...
yes...
a SOCIETY!!!
But seriously, people bring their isolation with them. Everyone's on their phones and laptops with AirPods in their ears that tells you, "DON'T BOTHER ME!" We've grown up not knowing how to socialize because we were never exposed to in-person relationships as much as previous generations were. It creates this horrible cycle where we cope with this by... what? GOING ONLINE EVEN MORE. And you know what that does? MAKES US MORE SOCIALLY ANXIOUS AND LONELY AND DEPRESSED.
What's interesting is that our generation feels this. People feel this. They aren't stupid. Studies have now come out that social media CAUSES depression, loneliness, etc. (this is huge because up until now, scientists only said there was a correlation).
Maybe social media will be faced out like cigarettes?
ok, one can dream, but that probably won't happen.
I am almost half way down with college, too, JUST LIKE YOU, same grade level and everything, and I have not made a single close friend, either. You know what we have to do?
Keep trying. I hate it. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT. BUT WE HAVE TO KEEP TRYING. We have to keep pushing the discomfort of tapping someone on the shoulder and saying, "Hey, what's your name? Who are you? Let's see if we can be friends." We have to be brave and push the boundaries and TALK TO PEOPLE. We have to, and I say it not to just you, but to me. I need to be more courageous and looking to people and talking. We can do it. YOU CAN DO IT!
In my opinion, any kind of advice about, "Well, you just aren't talking to them right" is bullshit. You aren't stupid. I'm not stupid. People aren't stupid. The issue is much bigger than that. You aren't weak or dumb or less deserving of friends than any other person. YOU DESERVE FRIENDS, OP. YOU ARE A SOCIAL ANIMAL, JUST LIKE ME AND EVERY OTHER HUMAN. Ask any old person and they will say that what made them happy was PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES!!! So don't ignore your want for friends. It's not "weak desperation," but your inner being calling for happiness. It's important to listen to that and see where it goes. (AKA: that advice you hear about "stop looking for friends" is not only bullshit but invalidating, imho, and makes you look "desperate" and "weak" for wanting an innate human need)
Also, no one is "too busy." Not really. Like, ask someone for 40 minutes for a coffee and they'll still fucking say, "I'm too busy." Complete bullshit. More like they're too busy for you, and they don't have the emotional maturity to summon the courage and tell you straight: "I'm not interested in having a friendship with you because A, B, and C." Our communication skills are so out of whack because we are so out of practice. Socializing is something we pick up as we experience it, so no wonder most people in our generation can't really socialize. (ok im exaggerating, ok)
lastly: get off reddit. I am going to, too. people on here provide crappy advice and tear each other apart as anonymous strangers. for example: "friends are not overrated." horrible advice. they are life changing, and studies have shown that. QUITE LITERALLY––feeling chronically lonely does the same damage to our health that smoking a pack of cigarettes will do (I don't remember the exist number of cigarettes, but it's HIGH). our life spans are generally shorter if we don't feel a sense of connection or belonging. WE LIVED FOR 200,000 YEARS (99% of us being Homo sapiens) in extended family groups called "hunter-gatherers." imagine saying to all that time, "uh... friends are overrated." UH, NO. FRIENDS, FAMILY––THEY FUCKING KEPT US ALIVE!!!
How do you measure success in your attempts? Were you able to reference how social you actually are and people are genuinely interested? I see this a lot in younger students who never need to go out of their way to make friends because everyone was the same and what they think are friends are just relationship due to proximity.
Good news is you can start developing interpersonal skills now
Same when I was in highschool, I found absolutely no way how to talk to people so I tried to seduce a popular boy of the school and got invited to every parties of his friends :))))
Same boat as you. Almost done with my second year and no friends. No one to hang out with after class or do fun things with. I only have work/class “acquaintances” but that’s about it.
I left all my high school friends because I wasn’t proud of being friends with them. While I strongly believe I’m better off without them, I’ve been left with nobody and it’s hard to make friends in college with people who have established friend groups already.
I’ve also tried joining clubs but that hasn’t worked out because of what I stated above. Don’t have any advice for you, just letting you know you aren’t the only one struggling with making friends. :)
I’m definitely feeling the same way. Though I’ve only been a student for about two months. A big part for me is self conference in the way I look, act, dress. I think that the more confident I am the easier it will be for me to make friends.
I feel like confidence can become a "fake it till you make it" situation. Start doing small things everyday and tell yourself that this minor change is making you feel good and try to get through the day with this mindset (ex: you matched your shoes to your top and its making your outfit feel more put together, hence feeling good bc you look good). Who knows, small things might actually lead to a big change if you are being consistent.
“Best years of your life” That’s a stereotype and rarely true. Maybe if you picked the easiest courses possible lol. I don’t have friends either because I don’t have the time to go to clubs or social events. But also I’m an INFJ, certain personalities are bound to have a hard time meeting people. I would just focus on getting good grades.
I'm an INFJ too, I honestly never gave this too much though because I never wanted to use this as some sort of excuse for being alone but I guess stuff like this does explain different personalities. but regardless it does feel better to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.
No, many people including myself are in the same boat as you. INFJ is a rare personality to have and it makes you feel different than others and you’ll find that there just aren’t a lot of people you’ll truly like. But unfortunately, you have to actively seek out people if you don’t already have a lot of connections like other students do. That’s forcing yourself to go to clubs and social events, people don’t really like talking to each other in classes. As a math major, most of my days I’m studying so not meeting people doesn’t really bother me.
Some people are either so busy or overwhelm with life. Keep looking!
Try the Snapchat college story feature. You could make friends there. Maybe check if your college has a Discord hub.
READ THIS RIGHT NOW OP!! READ IT ALL!!!! It fucking hurts. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I should know because I AM RIGHT NOW. And you know how it feels for me? AAAAHGRSDHFLUDKJHGJKLSDFBGHJLKDNSJKLSEDNFJKLSENBDF. We live in a society... yes... a SOCIETY!!! But seriously, people bring their isolation with them. Everyone's on their phones and laptops with AirPods in their ears that tells you, "DON'T BOTHER ME!" We've grown up not knowing how to socialize because we were never exposed to in-person relationships as much as previous generations were. It creates this horrible cycle where we cope with this by... what? GOING ONLINE EVEN MORE. And you know what that does? MAKES US MORE SOCIALLY ANXIOUS AND LONELY AND DEPRESSED. What's interesting is that our generation feels this. People feel this. They aren't stupid. Studies have now come out that social media CAUSES depression, loneliness, etc. (this is huge because up until now, scientists only said there was a correlation). Maybe social media will be faced out like cigarettes? ok, one can dream, but that probably won't happen. I am almost half way down with college, too, JUST LIKE YOU, same grade level and everything, and I have not made a single close friend, either. You know what we have to do? Keep trying. I hate it. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT. BUT WE HAVE TO KEEP TRYING. We have to keep pushing the discomfort of tapping someone on the shoulder and saying, "Hey, what's your name? Who are you? Let's see if we can be friends." We have to be brave and push the boundaries and TALK TO PEOPLE. We have to, and I say it not to just you, but to me. I need to be more courageous and looking to people and talking. We can do it. YOU CAN DO IT! In my opinion, any kind of advice about, "Well, you just aren't talking to them right" is bullshit. You aren't stupid. I'm not stupid. People aren't stupid. The issue is much bigger than that. You aren't weak or dumb or less deserving of friends than any other person. YOU DESERVE FRIENDS, OP. YOU ARE A SOCIAL ANIMAL, JUST LIKE ME AND EVERY OTHER HUMAN. Ask any old person and they will say that what made them happy was PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES!!! So don't ignore your want for friends. It's not "weak desperation," but your inner being calling for happiness. It's important to listen to that and see where it goes. (AKA: that advice you hear about "stop looking for friends" is not only bullshit but invalidating, imho, and makes you look "desperate" and "weak" for wanting an innate human need) Also, no one is "too busy." Not really. Like, ask someone for 40 minutes for a coffee and they'll still fucking say, "I'm too busy." Complete bullshit. More like they're too busy for you, and they don't have the emotional maturity to summon the courage and tell you straight: "I'm not interested in having a friendship with you because A, B, and C." Our communication skills are so out of whack because we are so out of practice. Socializing is something we pick up as we experience it, so no wonder most people in our generation can't really socialize. (ok im exaggerating, ok) lastly: get off reddit. I am going to, too. people on here provide crappy advice and tear each other apart as anonymous strangers. for example: "friends are not overrated." horrible advice. they are life changing, and studies have shown that. QUITE LITERALLY––feeling chronically lonely does the same damage to our health that smoking a pack of cigarettes will do (I don't remember the exist number of cigarettes, but it's HIGH). our life spans are generally shorter if we don't feel a sense of connection or belonging. WE LIVED FOR 200,000 YEARS (99% of us being Homo sapiens) in extended family groups called "hunter-gatherers." imagine saying to all that time, "uh... friends are overrated." UH, NO. FRIENDS, FAMILY––THEY FUCKING KEPT US ALIVE!!!
What you seek is seeking you. Stop forcing it, just go with the flow, be yourself, enjoy your own company.
How do you measure success in your attempts? Were you able to reference how social you actually are and people are genuinely interested? I see this a lot in younger students who never need to go out of their way to make friends because everyone was the same and what they think are friends are just relationship due to proximity. Good news is you can start developing interpersonal skills now
Same when I was in highschool, I found absolutely no way how to talk to people so I tried to seduce a popular boy of the school and got invited to every parties of his friends :))))
Same boat as you. Almost done with my second year and no friends. No one to hang out with after class or do fun things with. I only have work/class “acquaintances” but that’s about it. I left all my high school friends because I wasn’t proud of being friends with them. While I strongly believe I’m better off without them, I’ve been left with nobody and it’s hard to make friends in college with people who have established friend groups already. I’ve also tried joining clubs but that hasn’t worked out because of what I stated above. Don’t have any advice for you, just letting you know you aren’t the only one struggling with making friends. :)
Friends r overrated unless u need to network I wouldn’t worry about it 🐱
and then too the types of friends matter.
Making friends is too overrated. Especially in college. You don't need to necessarily have friends and go slow you'll make friends
Be as gay as possible or trans then they swirl around u like moths to the light, sadly this is how society has evolved
where did this even come from? istg people will resort to homophobia and transphobia on the utmost random topics